321 Penguins Practical Hoax (Asia Star International) (without intro)
I removed the intro for copyright reasons
Transcript
00:00Whoa!
00:07Michelle, hurry! You gotta see this!
00:10What?
00:11Just get in here! Pronto!
00:16Ahh!
00:18Ha ha ha ha!
00:20I'm soaked!
00:22Yeah! You look like a drowned rat!
00:25What's all the commotion, children?
00:28Oh dear, Michelle! You're as wet as the London fog!
00:32My sister! The London frog! Ha ha ha ha!
00:35That's fog!
00:36Jason did it!
00:38Playin' up, Michelle! It was just a joke!
00:41Oh, Jason! That's not funny!
00:44And it's no joke! It's not funny if it's mean!
00:48Your granddad used to say, a joke is a funny story, a prank is a trick on somebody,
00:53and when that somebody gets humiliated, it's not funny!
00:57Oh, wise man, your granddad!
01:00Yeah! How do you like a bucket of water dumped on your head?
01:04Think about that, Jason!
01:06And Michelle, go get into some dry clothes!
01:11No sense of humour. None. Zero. Zip-o. Nada.
01:18Big mission, cadet!
01:20Porter Collie Federation and Tennis Ball people of Planet Fetch are going at it!
01:24Tooth and... um... Tooth and Tennis Ball, I guess.
01:35Okay, one down, one to go.
01:38What's up, guys?
01:41We'll explain on the way.
01:43You're getting the seat wet, Michelle.
01:45You can thank Jason.
01:47Oh, thank you, Jason.
01:59You suck, you! You suck, you! You have a butt to nose to boot!
02:05You suck, you! You suck, you! You have a butt to nose to boot!
02:09We wish we had a sailor suit! You suck, you!
02:14Oh, Master's so adorable dancing around!
02:18Yes, him is! Yes, him is!
02:22Heads up, little bitty boy! Little bitty...
02:26Little bitty boy!
02:27Put me down, you monster separation!
02:30Doctor!
02:33To think that simple-minded pumpkin heads like you are given the honor of serving the galaxy's greatest criminal mind!
02:42But, Master, weren't we the only ones to answer your ad in the paper?
02:46That's right! Bad guy mastermind in need of subordinate minions.
02:50Health benefits and 401k available.
02:52That's enough!
02:53I joined for the 401k. There's a limit on how much you can invest, but still...
02:58I said enough!
03:03You're a disgrace to minions everywhere.
03:07Yes, and I think it's about time you took a refresher course in military discipline.
03:20Log on? Yes, yes...
03:25Come on, come on!
03:29Hmm...
03:35Ah, here we are! The Federation Academy!
03:39That's what you need! Back to school for all of you!
03:43Those academy teachers will make you the very models of modern major grovelers!
03:48But, Master, we can't go there! You're a bad boy wanted in 12 Sectors!
03:53They would arrest you as soon as you docked ship!
03:56True...
03:58But they would have to recognize me first!
04:10Captain's log, stardate 3-9-9-point-yada-yada.
04:14Mission accomplished!
04:16Ah, how the words melt in my mouth.
04:19The USPF Rockhopper has just successfully established a peace treaty
04:24between the inhabitants of Planet Fetch and the Border Collie Federation.
04:28And it wasn't easy, either.
04:30No, cadet, it wasn't. But such is the lot of interplanetary peacekeepers.
04:35I'd just like to see Gandhi make peace between dogs and tennis ball people.
04:42Whoa! Hey, is this somebody's idea of a joke?
04:49Great idea, Jason! A space-aged whoopee cushion!
04:52Come on! I've got a great joke we can play on Kevin!
05:16Help!
05:22Hmm... Hmm... Hmm...
05:28Hey, is this...
05:30This is guacamole! Who did this?
05:35I said who...
05:37Kevin! Get... Ke... Kevin! Get out of my way!
05:45Is something wrong, my dear?
05:47I... I don't know. I... I...
05:51Hmm... Off balance, I notice. Caused by a lack of sleep, I should think.
05:55If I were you...
06:00Who did this?
06:02Kevin! I said get out of my way!
06:17Oh, my!
06:18Who am I?
06:20I told you to get out of the way!
06:27Oh, that was priceless!
06:29One for the books, I'd say!
06:31Jason! Midgell! Did you guys do this?
06:34We're a couple of comic geniuses, right, Midgell?
06:38You got that right, Jace. And the bed's nailed to the ceiling?
06:41Oh, man! I thought I'd hurt myself laughing!
06:45Well, some of us weren't laughing.
06:47Oh, lighten up, will you, Doc?
06:49Lighten up!
06:51Jason, don't you remember what Grandmum said about pranks?
06:55Come on, Michelle! It was just a joke!
06:58A joke? This isn't a joke. It's a prank. And not everyone is laughing, so it's not funny.
07:05Uh, you don't think anything's funny.
07:09What wasn't funny? Did I miss something?
07:11Yeah, I think all of you missed something, like a sense of humor.
07:15Midgell, it's not like that. We...
07:19Penguins! Come in, penguins!
07:21Commander Straps, sir. Mission accomplished, sir.
07:24Tennis balls and dogs getting along now, sir.
07:27Kevin! Get out of the way!
07:31Excellent work as usual, penguins.
07:33You have no new assignment, but I do have a favor to ask of you.
07:37Move, will you?
07:39Yes, sir. A favor for the old commander. It will be a pleasure, sir.
07:44Yes. Well, then.
07:46It seems that some of the faculty at Federation Academy have come down with a serious case of the penguin pox.
07:52Oh, my! Penguin pox? I hope everyone is drinking herbal tea.
07:57Herbal tea. Roger, doctor. I'll pass that along.
08:01Anywho, I was wondering if I could call on the stalwart crew of the Rockhopper to fill in for the day.
08:06You know, be substitute teachers.
08:09Teachers? Us?
08:11Sure. Your alumni. The voice of experience.
08:15The voice of experience. Yeah, I like the sound of that.
08:19You can count on us, commander.
08:21It'll be an honor to show young cadets how we roll in the big leagues.
08:25Minds of mush, they are.
08:27Waiting for a master sculptor to come in and...
08:30Yeah, yeah. Eight o'clock sharp tomorrow morning, penguins. Over and out.
08:35Over and out.
08:37Kevin, you seem to have acquired the amazing ability to have things pass through you.
08:44Maybe tomorrow you could show your students how you...
08:48How you disappear in an instant. Holy cow!
08:53How do you do it?
08:58Oh, um, did I miss something?
09:02School days, school days, wonderful golden rule days.
09:07Ha! Just take a look at that kid there, will ya?
09:11I was young and fearless, tawny and robust.
09:15And look, look!
09:17What? What are we supposed to be looking at?
09:19You don't see it?
09:21Hmm, I see you sort of halfway blinking.
09:24No, no. All right, I'll give you a hint.
09:27You're looking for something that's not there.
09:30Oh, this is silly. I give up.
09:32My chins! Look! There's only one. One chin.
09:36Ha ha! Isn't that great?
09:38Ah, for the days before the gobbler.
09:41All right, are we through with the tour down memory lane? I have a class to teach.
09:46Here are your schedules.
09:48Midgell, you'll be teaching Introduction to Federation Piloting Technique.
09:52Stella.
09:53Jason, you willing to give me a hand?
09:55Absolutely.
09:57Zidule, you'll be handling Leadership Principles 101.
10:02Yes, of course I will.
10:07Ah, yes. I remember it well, young people.
10:10Walking these hallowed halls.
10:13Reuniting with fraternity brothers after a long summer.
10:17Getting ready for fall term.
10:19Autumn is a particularly beautiful season in space.
10:22There is a certain, hmm, what do you call it?
10:25Christmas to the void.
10:27Ah, can you smell it?
10:30I can smell something.
10:33Oh, man. I remember this one time when Charlie Stolfitz put breakfast cereal in his socks
10:40and then went to the dean's office.
10:43What is it, Fidgel?
10:44Come with me, dear. I don't have a class to teach,
10:47so I thought we could use this time to do a little detective work.
10:50Detective work?
10:52Yes. Remember you asked me a while back what happened to the inventor of the Gleasel?
10:57Oh, yeah. Bert something.
10:59Bert Bertman. He graduated from here 15 years ago.
11:03I thought we could check the alumni records and see if they give us any indication where he set off to.
11:08If we find him...
11:09We can tell us how Cavitus wound up with a spare part for the Gleasel.
11:13Right. We have to make sure Cavitus doesn't have a Gleasel of his own.
11:18That wouldn't be good news, huh?
11:20I guess. He'd use it to shrink the entire universe to the size of a golf ball.
11:25Yeah, that'd be bad.
11:27Unless you play golf.
11:29So, landing gear, as it turns out, is pretty necessary.
11:33Now, I know what some of you are thinking.
11:35What if we never land?
11:37Believe me, mate, eventually you'll want to land.
11:40Am I right, Jason?
11:41Absolutely.
11:43It's just one of those design issues we keep coming back to.
11:46You see...
11:48Uh, Tardy, aren't we, mate?
11:51Tardy? Oh, well, yes. Cadet Tardy, reporting for class, sir.
11:58Huh? Your name is Tardy?
12:00Aye, that's right. Tardy. Tardy McYumYum.
12:05And these are my pals, belated and unfunctual.
12:10Okay, all right. I got it.
12:12Very cute.
12:13Now, would you please just sit down so we can continue with class?
12:18Oh, oh, this is just so rich.
12:21We shall forgo your education and have some fun with this witless waterfowl.
12:26Yes, master.
12:31Ah, here we are. Burt Bertman, class of 2222.
12:35Captain of the lip-sync team?
12:38Member of Gamma-Hammering-Ding?
12:40Well, I didn't know that.
12:42Burt was first in his class. Good for you, Burt.
12:45According to this, Burt studied engineering,
12:48but opted for a career as an inter-dimensional travel agent.
12:52And look.
12:53Well, what do you know?
12:55And here are some partial documents.
12:58Blueprints for the galeezle.
13:00It's a common misconception that you should downshift every time you take the ship up.
13:05I've seen more clutches burned out that way.
13:11Ashes, ashes, ashes.
13:16My experience tells me that you should apply the brake firmly and...
13:20Aargh!
13:22All right. Which one of you did this?
13:25Ninja! Ninja!
13:26I said, who did this?
13:32Oh, Mr. Tardy, I see.
13:34Is this your idea of a joke, Mr. Tardy? Is it?
13:37A joke? Oh, no, Mr. Midgell, perish the thought.
13:41Perish the thought, huh? I'll show you perish the...
13:51What? Hey!
13:53Now that, that's my idea of a joke, Mr. Midgley-Midgell, sir.
14:08No more penguins, no more looks.
14:11No more Midgell-Tardy looks.
14:15Come on, everyone. I am filled with mercy gaiety.
14:19Laugh with me. Laugh with me.
14:32Oh, yes, these are birth blueprints for the galeezle, all right.
14:35See? They match.
14:38And here's a drawing of the combobdulator.
14:40It's the part of the galeezle that shrinks and or blows up the victim.
14:44Ahem, I mean the dimensional traveller, of course.
14:48But there's no indication of what happened to Bert.
14:52But if Cavitus had a combobdulator, he must have run into Bert and stole it from him.
14:58Oh, my, I hope he didn't hurt the furry little guy.
15:01Oh, my, I hope he didn't hurt the furry little guy.
15:04Wow, Dr. Fidgell, it says here that in the end, Bert the hamster went bad.
15:10Went bad? How do you mean?
15:12I mean that he went off the deep end.
15:15As far as hamsters go.
15:17At one point, he attempted to take over the academy and make himself honorary dean of evil.
15:24Dean of evil? Oh, that sounds more like a liberal arts position to me.
15:29And besides, I knew Bert. He wasn't evil, he was cute and cuddly.
15:38Well, Jason, I think I'm beginning to catch on why everyone was so mad about our little prank.
15:43Yeah, a prank isn't funny when someone is humiliated.
15:47I guess I didn't realize it till that someone was mean.
15:53Stop this, I say! Stop this right now!
15:57You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Look at you. Look at them.
16:03Do you really think this is funny? Do you really enjoy seeing other people humiliated?
16:10Is this your idea of entertainment? Making other people feel awful? Is it?
16:17What do you mean?
16:23Thanks.
16:24Now, does the class have anything they want to say to our substitute teachers,
16:28who were kind enough to take time from their busy schedules to come here and speak with us today?
16:37We're sorry.
16:39Sorry? Sorry? Come on, people! We were all having such a great time!
16:45A joke is only funny when everyone can laugh. And I can think of at least two people who weren't laughing.
16:51I didn't think it was funny either. I guess I laughed because I was scared of not being with the group.
16:56Yeah, following the group isn't always the best idea.
17:00Especially if they're doing something that hurts someone else.
17:06No worries, mates. Actually, Jason and I did the same thing to our friends just yesterday.
17:11We learned a valuable lesson today.
17:13We learned a valuable lesson today!
17:15Oh, good night, Moon! You people really disgust me!
17:19And to think I sent my minions here to get an education! Never again!
17:25Cower before me, sycophants! For I am the great and terrible Cavitus!
17:31Cavitus!
17:32That's what I was trying to tell you earlier.
17:34Amazing what a pair of glasses can do. And a mustache. And a big nose.
17:40And those Andy Rooney eyebrows.
17:42And now I shall fulfill my long-held desire to undermine this derivative institution and make myself honorary Dean of Evil!
17:57Or not.
17:58Minions! Escape!
18:01Right then, lads! Get him! Come on this way!
18:10Come on, let's go!
18:15Ah, for those wondrous days of yore.
18:18The bonfires, haircare marathons, Charlie Stolfitz and his sock full of breakfast cereal.
18:30Aha! Looks like a water balloon war!
18:32Come on, chums! Let's go make some memories! Follow me!
18:41Dr. Fidgel! Look! It's Cavitus!
18:43Oh, don't be silly, dear. Cavitus didn't have high enough test scores to get in here.
18:48Then maybe he broke in. Look!
18:51Stop right there, Cavitus! Reach for the sky! It's detention for you, pal!
18:57Time to break out the galizel!
19:04Curses! Curses! Angry writing and more curses!
19:10I've never hit a moving target before. I should try skeet shooting.
19:13Get us out of here, you chucklehead! To the ship!
19:20I was going to see if you could come out and play today, but we ended up being kind of busy.
19:24Minions!
19:25Whoops! Gotta run! See you later, Kevin!
19:29Oh, boy.
19:35Whoo! That was fun!
19:38Um, who are we chasing?
19:43Hey, Michelle, I'm sorry I played those pranks on you earlier.
19:47You mean those jokes?
19:49No, I mean pranks. Like Grandmum said, pranks aren't funny when they humiliate people.
19:54A joke is funny only when everyone laughs.
19:58Is it safe to come up?
20:00Sure. Come in, Grandmum.
20:02I wasn't sure if I'd get a bucket of water on my head.
20:05No, I learned my lesson, Grandmum.
20:07Good. I have something for you, too.
20:13Best joke of the year. Best joke? I thought you said...
20:17Read the inscription.
20:19Like a madman who throws firebrands and arrows is the man who deceives his neighbor and says I was only joking.
20:27Firebrands and arrows are things that are hurtful.
20:30And just plain mean.
20:32I see the connection.
20:34What might be funny to us might feel like firebrands and arrows to someone else.
20:40I'd say you're on your way to making people laugh yourself.
20:44Good night, pumpkins.
20:49Oh, did I forget something up there?
21:02Thanks for watching!