Fred's Head - The Benji Method
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FunTranscript
00:00Time to take the bull by the horns. We are finally going to have that talk about mother-son communication.
00:12Boonmee's crying.
00:14He's what? Precious!
00:26Fred! Fred, my little demon!
00:29Fred!
00:31Fred!
00:40Can't move to match lips and eyebrows.
00:48Communicating can sometimes feel painful when coupled with facial reaction.
01:05No signs of aging. Faces without wrinkles express something on their own.
01:18Can't move to match lips and eyebrows.
01:26Can't move to match lips and eyebrows.
01:33Me too. I want to go to the movies.
01:35But it's the first time we're going out as two couples.
01:38There's me, Benji, Fred and Tamara. You wouldn't want to ruin it, would you, hon?
01:48Oh, now I feel so sad. So awfully, terribly sad.
01:51Wasn't it you who decided she couldn't tag along?
01:54Yeah, well, it still makes me sad.
01:56Well, you want to go see a romantic comedy? Want to come?
01:59No, thanks. I don't possess the moronic neurons needed to appreciate those.
02:02It's the only film genre where it doesn't bother you if a complete idiot ruins the ending for you.
02:06Because it always ends the exact same way.
02:08And the middle and the beginning you already know.
02:10You coming?
02:12So you think I have moronic neurons?
02:14I never said that.
02:16No? Did you ever think that maybe I like romantic comedies?
02:19I didn't know.
02:21There's some that aren't too bad, like...
02:25Shoot, I forgot the title.
02:27You want to go for a walk?
02:29No.
02:35I don't see this relationship lasting a very long time.
02:38Stop being so nasty.
02:40Tamara is perfectly capable of figuring out by herself that her relationship is not making sense.
02:47But you don't understand.
02:49I've called eight kennels and thirteen veterinarians.
02:52Nobody wants to board my little treasure.
02:55Does everyone know about him?
02:58He's been blacklisted.
03:05I'm starting to wonder if Tamara and I are right for each other.
03:10When you start asking yourself that, you already know the answer, right?
03:14Silence, voice of doom!
03:16I have already knitted thirty pairs of baby booties and I've got a massive amount of wool left over.
03:34How to get a boyfriend in only half a day?
03:37I read it for the photos.
03:39I'm going to help you get a boyfriend.
03:41There's got to be somebody in the world who finds you attractive.
03:45Oh, wow! Have you seen the new revolutionary mascara?
03:48Apparently it makes your lashes so long you can put them in rollers.
03:54Benji-poo, you going to come buy some makeup after school?
03:58Oh, I don't really feel like going.
04:00Huh? You would rather I got mad and started pouting?
04:06You love me, don't you, honey-poo?
04:08Yes.
04:09You don't want to hurt my feelings?
04:11No.
04:12Wouldn't you rather be alone with me in my bedroom with the door closed?
04:16Yes.
04:17My love!
04:22Not even an argument.
04:24Could you please tell me what just happened?
04:26I used the yes-no method.
04:28It was invented by a great Austrian psychologist.
04:31It's used all over the world.
04:33As soon as you see any danger, you answer yes-no, yes-no.
04:37And it works.
04:38You mean to say as long as I have as few opinions as a vegetable, I'll have no problem?
04:42I'm telling you, Chico, life is pretty darn good when you think less and never argue.
04:47You should try it with Tamara.
04:52You also have the option of the small dribble of saliva at the side of the mouth to really look vegetative.
05:04Hmm. Are you satisfied with your new head?
05:07Yes.
05:08It doesn't hurt at all?
05:10No.
05:11You know how to operate it?
05:12Yes.
05:13Not too complicated, eh?
05:15No.
05:17That method is good for imbeciles with no personality.
05:20Yeah, but fab.
05:22Yes.
05:23You don't need to think about it.
05:24No.
05:25It's crazy.
05:26Yes.
05:27Well, will you look at that? This thing really works.
05:30It seems to be an excellent method if you aspire to having a long, happy life as a couple.
05:34I strongly recommend you adopt this method, bosom buddy.
05:48What the heck?
05:51There, got you now. Are you ready for our mother-son communication talk?
05:57Yes.
05:58You said yes? Is it a dream?
06:01No.
06:02Oh my goodness. I never thought this day would come.
06:06Hmm. Don't you have research on nonverbal language to do for drama class?
06:10Yes.
06:11Are you finished?
06:12No.
06:13It's very important to put education above personal matters, my pet.
06:17I'll let you finish your research before our talk, okay?
06:20Yes.
06:21You are such a sweetie. I can't remember the last time we communicated so well. You?
06:27No.
06:28It's nice, huh?
06:30Oh, yeah.
06:33Huh? Huh? Huh?
06:36And guess what else? Your method worked on my mother.
06:39What'd I tell you, Chico?
06:41What's the use in thinking and discussing when the yes-no method gets you out of any jam?
06:46Oh, I'm so bored, my perfectly sculpted bunny.
06:51We are so good together.
06:53I really hope our double date won't be canceled.
06:56It's been my biggest dream, well, apart from being crowned Miss Universe.
07:00Even though I can never answer those questions.
07:03Hello.
07:04Hello. You okay?
07:07Yes.
07:08Oh, yeah? That's funny, because I'm not.
07:11You don't remember that little discussion we had this afternoon?
07:14No.
07:15Are you serious?
07:16Yes.
07:17You don't remember our dispute?
07:19No.
07:23You're cute.
07:24You're right. Let's forget about it.
07:26It's so silly to argue over a film.
07:31Mmm.
07:36I'm so happy.
07:38Me too.
07:46Look at this, Chico. It's really cool to be a samurai.
07:49You think that'll impress me?
07:52I've made a list of all the available candidates for you, and I've given them stars.
07:57Candidate number one.
07:59Tony Lachey. Four and a half stars.
08:02He's been available since 11.15 last night, but according to my statistics, he'll be snatched up within three days.
08:08A nice-looking model.
08:10What's more, he's a real hero.
08:13He's been sponsored to do a bungee jump.
08:15Thanks to him, the entire basketball team will get new super-viz uniforms.
08:19Uh, bungee? It was out of fashion before I was born.
08:23Did you ever bungee jump?
08:25Are you mental?
08:26You see, it takes a lot of courage to do outdated stunts.
08:30Go on, do something before another girl jumps him and he asks her to go out with him and she rips his clothes off.
08:36Rumor has it that he's as naked as a Greek god under those clothes.
08:44Hello.
08:46Ow.
08:54Tony, half a star. Next we have...
08:59We're better now, right?
09:01Yes.
09:02And we'll never disagree again?
09:04Nope.
09:05Do you promise?
09:06Yes.
09:08I'm looking for a responsible person to look after my adorable dog, Poki.
09:13Would the interested parties please present themselves to my office?
09:17Him and his water rat.
09:19I looked after him once and he licked off all my gloss.
09:22Oh, feast on that.
09:24Yo-Anne and Manny are three and a half stars.
09:26They're cute and buff, but they lost points in the romance department and deodorant efficiency.
09:32Ugh, do they even use it?
09:34I should warn you, we are now down to two stars.
09:37I gave two and a half stars to Panook if he's a guy, but only one star if she's a girl, seeing as she never wears spaghetti straps.
09:44If we go out with Panook, then we'll finally know if it's a...
09:47Shut up, because when I tear your hair out, no one's going to know if you're a guy or a girl either.
09:53I haven't reached the point of dating a goldfish bowl. I am not that desperate.
09:57You're being way too difficult.
09:59It doesn't matter if your boyfriend isn't as good looking as Benji.
10:02Benji, it's really dark in the movie theater.
10:11Friends, I don't want to toot my own horn, but I find my serious demeanor and my flair for the dramatic is called for.
10:19I am absolutely devastated that I am the mouthpiece that has to relate to you this horrific news that I know...
10:26Spit it out, Gigi.
10:29All right, I'll give birth to this bad news in absolute pain.
10:36Tony has a cervical condition.
10:40He won't be able to bungee jump tomorrow as planned.
10:44What? You're kidding.
10:45There'll be no sponsorship, so the team will not get new uniforms.
10:51Unless one brave soul among us offers to take the leap instead of Tony.
10:56Well, it won't be me. Vertigo.
11:00Hey, Fred just volunteered.
11:02Whoa, I never said that.
11:04What's wrong, Freddy-poo? You scared?
11:10No.
11:11You sure?
11:12Yes.
11:13So you don't have a problem jumping instead of Tony?
11:16No.
11:18So we can count on you?
11:19Yes.
11:21Good.
11:24Wow, you impressed me.
11:25Personally, I would never have the stomach to throw myself off a cliff.
11:33Your method didn't work this time.
11:35Now I'm stuck doing the big jump.
11:37Well, yeah, but Chico, the method goes yes-no, not no-yes.
11:42You started with no.
11:43Moldy.
11:44I better remember that when I'm with Tamara.
11:46If I don't, it could be bad.
11:51Dear students, I'm still looking for a responsible person to look after my dog.
11:57I'm waiting in my office.
11:59I should inform you that even someone slightly irresponsible will be considered.
12:10Too late.
12:13The first one that I see will have to do the deed.
12:17And here we are.
12:19Fred, I'd like to have a word with you.
12:23Ciao, buddy boy.
12:25I was intending on asking Anemone Worry Not to put you under observation for a couple of months.
12:30What for?
12:31I can't help but notice how disinclined you are in volunteering your services.
12:36This is a grave psychological flaw that needs the immediate attention of our ardent psychologist.
12:41I am perfectly capable of volunteering my services.
12:44Perfect. Look after this until Monday.
12:54You're so sweet to watch the principal's dog.
12:58Is it true that you're the one doing the jump for Tony?
13:01I'm worried you'll get hurt.
13:03I'll be okay. The worst that can happen is...
13:06Tamara, I need to speak to you. It's urgent.
13:08I'll call you after dinner.
13:18Hey, do you know you have a hairball with teeth stuck to your T-shirt?
13:22Come on. Tell me that thanks to this fabulous method,
13:26your love life with Tamara feels like a sky without clouds,
13:29a herring without bones, a poutine sauce without lumps.
13:33Fabulous method. Tell him it is also thanks to this method
13:37that Fred is going to attempt his first bungee.
13:39Bravo, you who gets vertigo when you step up on the sidewalk. Go ahead.
13:43Fabiana.
13:44As for Tamara, congratulations.
13:46What harmony. What compatibility. It's incredible.
13:50Fab.
13:51I don't understand why you're so against this method.
13:53And if it helps Fred marry his princess and have lots of children.
13:57And to live like an idiot till the end of the world.
14:00Lots of children.
14:01And to live like an idiot till the end of time.
14:04Attack.
14:05Fabian, please be more amiable with my bosom buddy.
14:08Tamara might end up as a pile of blood and guts.
14:21Get off.
14:26What is that?
14:27I checked the internet and they say it's called a dog.
14:30Oh, I thought it was a pearl necklace.
14:32What are you doing with it?
14:33I'm watching him for the principal.
14:35Just so you know, I already have a baby, a cat, a husband, a blasé teen,
14:38a Japanese neighbor who's confused, and a devouring passion for Sudoku.
14:42So don't count on me to look after a dog as well.
14:45Just keep it in your room, okay?
14:47Yeah, I got it. Him, I don't know.
14:53Hello.
14:54Hey, I heard about your little yes-no method.
14:56Huh?
14:57Is that why we're getting along so well?
15:00Yes.
15:01It's not because you try to make me happy?
15:03Or because we're compatible?
15:05Uh, no.
15:06It's thanks to some stupid little method?
15:09Yes.
15:10Well, you know what? I don't like this one bit.
15:14Moldy. And it doesn't always work.
15:20So, what are you up to today?
15:22I don't know. Why, dear?
15:24Oh, you know, just like that.
15:25Are you saying that you want to communicate?
15:29Well, yeah. I'm good in that department.
15:32It's going really well with Tamara.
15:34You're telling me about your girlfriend?
15:37Oh, you've made me so happy, Sunshine!
15:39So, your love life is going strong, that's it?
15:42Mm-hmm. I have a method for avoiding arguments.
15:45When I sense some tension, I alternately respond with a yes and a no to all questions.
15:49Huh?
15:50It works. As long as you always start with yes.
15:52So, what you're saying is, if I was to use this method,
15:55harmony would reign between me, your mother, and you, my tight-lipped rebel son?
16:00You could always try it.
16:01Let's do it!
16:03Would you look after Poki for me?
16:05Yes.
16:06It wouldn't bother you?
16:07No.
16:09You sure?
16:10Yes.
16:13You see? We're in total harmony.
16:15Bye, Mom!
16:16Isn't communicating marvelous?
16:19Now I get to spend quality time with the dog!
16:23It doesn't bother you, this method of Benji's for avoiding fights?
16:27It's so stupid!
16:28It's not that bad, Tamara. It works!
16:32Ugh. I think I'd rather go back to being single than have a boyfriend who can't be himself with me.
16:37I didn't understand, but I'm sure what you said didn't make sense.
16:41Hey, where's Fred doing that jump?
16:43It's at the jump of your life.
16:45They talk about it in this magazine. Listen!
16:48Look out! The jump of your life is a non-secure site.
16:52It's run by the same people who used to own the jump of death,
16:56notorious for their negligence, and closed after numerous accidents.
17:00They have now reopened under a new name.
17:03Don't you see?
17:05It means this place is super fizz! They actually got an article in Estrogen!
17:09If I'd known, we could've gone to see Fred jump!
17:13You're gonna break your crew, Chico!
17:19Hope you brought your superhero cape.
17:26Ahem. Boysome buddy, I present to you this sausage
17:30to commemorate the indescribable courage it takes to put your life into the hands,
17:35in a figurative sense, of a recycled elastic.
17:38That was very nice, Gigi. A souvenir of the day that Fred was really stupid.
17:58Don't cry, girls. My heart is weeping, but the optimist in me says we're not too late.
18:03I'm not crying! The wind's in my eyes! Could you please close the window?
18:09The view's beautiful up here, huh?
18:14It was my idea to put the flowers down to remember the victims.
18:18You ready?
18:19To die? I think not.
18:21Hey, guys!
18:23Fred! Fred! Fred! Fred!
18:32Listen to me!
18:39Shootie!
18:43Wait, my sunshine! Mommy's coming!
18:46Let me speak!
18:48Fred! Fred! Fred!
18:50No! Don't jump! Don't go!
18:54Of course I'm not gonna jump!
18:56Fred!
19:06My sunshine!
19:23Fred!
19:26Fred!
19:45You're lucky, man. Usually it's not just the elastics that break into pieces.
19:50Gigi!
19:55I took a poll to find out why you can't get a boyfriend.
19:58Nine out of ten guys found you pretty, but not very nice.
20:01One guy out of ten found you pretty, but would much rather spend time with other guys.
20:05And one guy out of ten refused to respond.
20:08That isn't ten. That makes eleven.
20:10Well, no, you don't count the last one. He refused to respond.
20:13Anyway, thanks to my little poll, I now know who's your type.
20:17I found you a guy! It's the boy of your dreams.
20:20Wanna know why? Because he's imaginary!
20:23I had an imaginary friend when I was little.
20:26He was a hairdresser. He never messed up the cut.
20:29So, your imaginary boyfriend could be an Italian with eyes that sparkle,
20:34a red convertible, and he can remove armpit hair with a laser.
20:38What do you think?
20:40If I have a boyfriend, does that mean that I would be able to go to the movies with you guys
20:45for a triple-couple date?
20:47Now, don't push it! Do you think I'm stupid?
20:50I know your boyfriend is imaginary!
21:01Mom?
21:02Yes, Sunshine?
21:03Would you mind watching the dog while we go to the movies?
21:05Oh, why not? He's been such a good dog. He's been quiet for hours now.
21:16You could have been killed.
21:18Promise me you won't use any more of Benji's methods?
21:20Yes.
21:21But that doesn't mean we have to start arguing again.
21:24No.
21:25You'll still love me even if we don't always agree?
21:27Yes.
21:28Wait a minute! You're using the method right now!
21:30No.
21:37I think, therefore I am.
21:39But I'm not always what I think.
21:46I'm not always what I think.
21:48I'm not always what I think.
21:50I'm not always what I think.
21:52I'm not always what I think.
21:54I'm not always what I think.
21:56I'm not always what I think.
21:58I'm not always what I think.
22:00I'm not always what I think.
22:02I'm not always what I think.
22:04I'm not always what I think.
22:06I'm not always what I think.
22:08I'm not always what I think.
22:10I'm not always what I think.
22:12I'm not always what I think.
22:14I'm not always what I think.
22:16I'm not always what I think.
22:18I'm not always what I think.
22:20I'm not always what I think.
22:22I'm not always what I think.
22:24I'm not always what I think.
22:26I'm not always what I think.