S12 E16 Angharad Rees, Suzanne Roquette, Christopher Cazenove, Donny MacLeod
S12 E17 Diana Rigg, Helen Ryan, Donald Sinden, Miles Kington.
S12 E18 Diana Rigg, Helen Ryan, Donald Sinden, Miles Kington.
S13 E1 Barbara Kellerman, Claire Faulconbridge, Christopher Timothy, Richard Ingrams.
Host/Team captains: Robert Robinson, Frank Muir, Patrick Campbell.
S12 E17 Diana Rigg, Helen Ryan, Donald Sinden, Miles Kington.
S12 E18 Diana Rigg, Helen Ryan, Donald Sinden, Miles Kington.
S13 E1 Barbara Kellerman, Claire Faulconbridge, Christopher Timothy, Richard Ingrams.
Host/Team captains: Robert Robinson, Frank Muir, Patrick Campbell.
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00:00APPLAUSE
00:00:07Good evening again. Call my bluff where the old marked card is.
00:00:11Patrick Campbell.
00:00:13APPLAUSE
00:00:15Good evening.
00:00:18And after last week's victory, both my guests are so well-known,
00:00:22I don't even have to introduce them.
00:00:24Well, certainly by name, my first dear, beautiful little guest is
00:00:28Angela Rees.
00:00:30APPLAUSE
00:00:35And the other one, equally well-known, thanks to last week's victory,
00:00:38is Christopher Preston-Hughes.
00:00:40APPLAUSE
00:00:45And the Webster Booth of the panel game, Frank Muir.
00:00:49APPLAUSE
00:00:51APPLAUSE
00:00:55I'm bringing back my team, the almost-winning team of last week.
00:00:59From Berlin and television drama department,
00:01:03Suzanne Roquet.
00:01:05APPLAUSE
00:01:09And from the Outer Hebrides and Hebel Mill,
00:01:13Donny MacLeod.
00:01:15APPLAUSE
00:01:18We produce a word thus.
00:01:21And it's a very good one.
00:01:24Wadmilltilt, I suppose.
00:01:26Anyway, Patrick and his team will define this three different ways.
00:01:31Two of these definitions are false, one's true.
00:01:34That's the one that Frank and co. try and pick out.
00:01:37So, Patrick, you start with wadmilltilt.
00:01:42A wadmilltilt...
00:01:45..is a kind of Baltic leprechaun.
00:01:48LAUGHTER
00:01:51It's a little...
00:01:53A kind of almost little pixie, or leprechaun,
00:01:57which, according to Scandinavian folklore,
00:02:01it kind of skips over the water.
00:02:04Das Wasser.
00:02:07You know the ducks and drakes, where you skim a stone?
00:02:11That's how a wadmilltilt goes over the water.
00:02:15How fascinating.
00:02:21So, now, we have Christopher Cazeneau.
00:02:24In medieval times, when it looked like coming on to rain,
00:02:28the artillerymen of that era used to take out their wadmilltilts...
00:02:33LAUGHTER
00:02:35..and put them over their guns and ammunition to keep them dry.
00:02:41It was a sort of medieval tarpaulin,
00:02:43made out of a coarse woolen woven material,
00:02:46which retained the natural oils of the sheep
00:02:49in order to be water-repellent.
00:02:51Right. Anne Harad, your turn.
00:02:54A wadmilltilt was a peasant's recreation ground.
00:03:00It's a field... It was a field or a meadow,
00:03:04kindly lent by the Lord of the Manor,
00:03:06where his serfs and violets used to hold games.
00:03:10Games like Trials of Strength and Endurance,
00:03:14those sort of things. Medieval sort of games.
00:03:17Medieval sort of games.
00:03:19It's a place where they were played, a recreation ground.
00:03:22It's a tarpaulin sort of thing, put over guns,
00:03:25and it's a Baltic leprechaun.
00:03:28Frank.
00:03:31What do you think?
00:03:33I honestly cannot believe that there is, in the Balkans,
00:03:38this homunculus, this pixie with great spatula-flat feet
00:03:44that can skim over the water.
00:03:47I do not accept it, Paddy.
00:03:50You didn't understand.
00:03:52LAUGHTER
00:03:54That, too.
00:03:56So, right, that's off.
00:03:58A wadmilltilt.
00:04:00A game... It's very good.
00:04:03Very... Tarpaulin.
00:04:06It's Chris. Christopher.
00:04:08You like the tarpaulin, you choose the dub, right.
00:04:11Christopher Cassidy.
00:04:13APPLAUSE
00:04:20A wadmilltilt is a tarpaulin.
00:04:22Can we finish the game?
00:04:24One nil, yes, yes.
00:04:26It's a game. They could all read books, couldn't they?
00:04:29Stota is the next one. Frank, it's your turn.
00:04:33There are many ways in which your countryman traps and catches his rabbit.
00:04:40Who's countryman?
00:04:42Well, not your countryman, our countryman.
00:04:45The normal country way is to stuff an aggressive animal down the hole
00:04:53and it shoves out the rabbits.
00:04:55If your countryman uses a stote to chase out the rabbits,
00:05:02he would be called a stoter.
00:05:07You may take notes.
00:05:09LAUGHTER
00:05:11Let's have the next one.
00:05:13Now, Donny MacLeod tells you a thing.
00:05:16When a gambler is on a race course
00:05:18and he hears literally straight from the horse's mouth
00:05:21that there is no way in which this horse is going to lose the race,
00:05:25he immediately hides him off to find a bookie
00:05:28and he puts on the heaviest stake that he can afford,
00:05:31and usually a bit more.
00:05:33That is a stoter.
00:05:35So if you put on a stoter,
00:05:37you're literally putting your shirt on a horse in hope.
00:05:40A stoter.
00:05:42Right. Suzanne Rockett.
00:05:44A stoter was a men's waistcoat in Victorian times.
00:05:49You could buy it from a street trader.
00:05:53It was made out of cheap flannel
00:05:57and buttoned up right to the Adam's apple,
00:06:00just for the space for the muffler.
00:06:03Splendid.
00:06:05It's a certain sort of rabbit killer who uses a stoter as a bait.
00:06:09Kind of a rougher waistcoat and it's a very large bet.
00:06:13Patrick, your choice.
00:06:15Yes, very easy.
00:06:17Come along, Patrick. Come along, lad.
00:06:21Making a very large bet on the course,
00:06:25the first thing to do is to make absolutely certain
00:06:28that the bookmaker is going to be there
00:06:30after the event has been concluded.
00:06:33Experienced voice there.
00:06:36It had to be re-stoted.
00:06:41We had re-hammering, didn't we?
00:06:43Sir, sir, sorry.
00:06:45We had re-hammering reasoning which meant
00:06:48to re-hammer an ale into the wall, didn't we?
00:06:51Yes, sir, yes. I have a colleague, so I do that.
00:06:54It was your fault. It was a bluff, wasn't it? Or was it?
00:07:01All that stuff that you're on about...
00:07:05I believe it's a very large bet.
00:07:08You think it's a large bet, Donny?
00:07:10Own up. True or bluff?
00:07:12You're quite right, sir.
00:07:14Well done.
00:07:21Very large bet. You spoke so knowledgably,
00:07:23you didn't know the word, did you?
00:07:25No, no.
00:07:27Nothing unclean like that, like knowing the word.
00:07:30Rappock. Rappock is the next one.
00:07:33Just for countenance.
00:07:35Well, a rappock is a ball of twine
00:07:37which weighs three-quarters of a pound.
00:07:40And in days gone by, your friendly neighbourhood grocer
00:07:44would have his rappock above his counter in a net,
00:07:49so that when you'd bought your groceries,
00:07:51he would get his brown paper from under the counter,
00:07:53lay your groceries in them,
00:07:55pull down a bit of twine from his rappock
00:07:57and wrap up your parcel.
00:08:02That is shameless.
00:08:04Angharad Rhys is eterta.
00:08:07Never the twine shall meet.
00:08:10Well, I must warn you, not having a Cumberland accent,
00:08:13I might not pronounce this word properly.
00:08:16But a rappock is, in Cumberland,
00:08:21the word used for a very ill-mannered person,
00:08:25in particular children.
00:08:27It's for an unruly, unkempt, badly behaved child.
00:08:33OK. That's that.
00:08:35Now, Patrick, your turn.
00:08:37A rappock is a small but fat species of chub.
00:08:43Would you care to explain to us what a chub is?
00:08:46Yes, I just want to ask.
00:08:48It's a fish. I'm fish.
00:08:49One of those.
00:08:51It's a big little fish.
00:08:53A hecht, I suppose.
00:08:58You might care to explain to your little partner there
00:09:00that furthermore, a chub can also be called a whistlefish.
00:09:04Because...
00:09:06Not because it whistles, but because it's...
00:09:08It's got a little fat mouth, which it holds like that.
00:09:14Can we have a close-up of that one?
00:09:18Not for the purpose of whistling,
00:09:20but for sucking in past little insects.
00:09:26A whistlefish.
00:09:28Well, so, it's a ball of twine of a certain weight.
00:09:32It's an ill-behaved person, and it is a chavender or chub.
00:09:36Donny, your choice.
00:09:38Well, the ball of twine, I simply cannot believe.
00:09:41I mean, that pun about wrapping up...
00:09:44No, I'm rejecting that out of hand.
00:09:46The unruly child sounds as if this is the sort of word
00:09:50that you would invent to describe an unruly child.
00:09:53Working backwards, I'm rejecting that.
00:09:56And I'm going for Patrick's chubby chub.
00:10:00Goes for the chub or chavender.
00:10:02You said that, didn't you, Patrick?
00:10:04Whistle.
00:10:06Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:10:08APPLAUSE
00:10:14Guess what it was, really.
00:10:16Here it comes. You've got it, you've got it, it's there.
00:10:20Yes!
00:10:22APPLAUSE
00:10:24The word unruly...
00:10:30..does mean an ill-behaved person,
00:10:32particularly pertaining to a child.
00:10:34Travail is the next round.
00:10:36Donny MacLeod defines it.
00:10:38Travail, a word coined by a French-Canadian judge
00:10:42called Judge Proudhon, who lived near Winnipeg in Canada.
00:10:47He invented this word, or rather coined it
00:10:50because he had heard Cree Indians use it
00:10:52to describe the kind of wickerwork,
00:10:55basketry sledge that the Cree Indians used,
00:10:58drawn by their ponies,
00:11:00to carry pretty well all their worldly possessions
00:11:03across the North Canadian plains.
00:11:05Travail.
00:11:07Righty. Now, who comes next? Yes, it's Suzanne.
00:11:10Travail is a sound effect
00:11:13that can be produced on the...
00:11:16..is produced on a tambourine,
00:11:19which Salvation Army ladies have, or play on, or so.
00:11:24It sort of makes a funny humming, droning, squeaking noise,
00:11:29but first you have to wet your thumb
00:11:32and then go slowly, slowly over the parchment.
00:11:36What a filthy trick!
00:11:41It disperses crowds like lightning, I suppose.
00:11:45Frank, it's now your turn.
00:11:47Hang on to this one. This is absolutely fascinating.
00:11:53It's a very difficult... It's a sort of complicated platform.
00:11:57On wheels, the object of it
00:12:01is to transfer a railway truck or carriage
00:12:07from one set of lines...
00:12:13..onto the other.
00:12:15How?
00:12:22It's a Belgian invention.
00:12:25Belgian railway. British railways haven't got one.
00:12:28Can't afford it.
00:12:30Only one gauge. No, it's very well made.
00:12:32It's a truck for moving railway carriages
00:12:36in a curious way.
00:12:38It's a sledge, basket-weave sledge, or thereabouts,
00:12:41and it's a curious noise from a tambourine.
00:12:44You have to wet your thumb to make it.
00:12:46Now, Christopher.
00:12:50Full agreement.
00:12:52Yes, we thought... Well, I thought.
00:12:57Donny, you're... The word picked up by Mr Proudhon.
00:13:01It doesn't sound like Cree-Indian stuff at all.
00:13:04Proudhon. Proudhon.
00:13:07No, that doesn't... Not Cree words.
00:13:10Suzanne's humming droning sound on the tambourine.
00:13:16It could be. It sounds like hard work.
00:13:18But the travail...
00:13:21We think Frank, really.
00:13:23The lifting of trucks onto another line.
00:13:26Frank did say that, that it was to lift things sideways and so on.
00:13:30True or bluff, Frank?
00:13:33A little bit smug there, aren't you? Yes.
00:13:35He's pleased, I think.
00:13:37I think.
00:13:39LAUGHTER
00:13:41APPLAUSE
00:13:48Absolutely all made up.
00:13:50Now we need to know what the word really means.
00:13:53She's done it.
00:13:55She has indeed.
00:13:57APPLAUSE
00:14:01It means a funny noise from a tambourine.
00:14:03Nun-attack is the next one.
00:14:05And it's anger at your go.
00:14:07Right.
00:14:09A nun-attack is a family group of Caucasian carpet-makers.
00:14:13A consortium of grandparents, mothers, fathers, children.
00:14:18And they all work together to hand-weave those famous Caucasian carpets.
00:14:26These Caucasian carpets come off the assembly line at the factory
00:14:31at the rate of about one every two years.
00:14:35Very special.
00:14:37Yeah, very good.
00:14:39Patrick's go now.
00:14:42A nun-attack is a thing that appears at the thin end of a telescope.
00:14:50If it has somebody at the thick end of the telescope who is looking at it...
00:14:56He's gone about with a telescope.
00:14:58At one end, a nun-day, you ought to be aboard a boat.
00:15:02Yep.
00:15:04Approaching the shores of Greenland, and there's a nun-attack.
00:15:08LAUGHTER
00:15:12There's a large hill that sticks up like a...
00:15:15A very cold, sore thumb...
00:15:19..in the chilly wastes of Greenland.
00:15:22In the chilly wastes of Greenland.
00:15:24The green wastes of chilly.
00:15:26No, the chilly wastes of Greenland.
00:15:28What is it?
00:15:30It's this sore thumb, I mean, peak, isn't it? Yes.
00:15:33It's like talking to idiots.
00:15:35LAUGHTER
00:15:37It's a bit of a telescope, isn't it?
00:15:39No, I was just wondering why he put the thick end to his eye and the thin end outwards.
00:15:44It's a point of a hill in Greenland, more or less.
00:15:47That's what I said.
00:15:49A great length, explicit.
00:15:51A great length, yes.
00:15:53I think we'll have now to pass to Christopher Cazanove.
00:15:56Well, a nun-attack goes up in smoke
00:15:59every time your red Indian smokes his...pipe of peace.
00:16:04It's an early, um, bash at producing a tobacco substitute
00:16:09made from the lees of the sumach bush,
00:16:13which is a sort of wired relation of, um...
00:16:16I've forgotten. Herb. Sage.
00:16:18LAUGHTER
00:16:20Sage. And the tobacco is then, having been made,
00:16:23the tobacco substitute is made and then it's kept moist
00:16:26by being kept mixed up with the marrow of buffalo bones.
00:16:30The only relation I know of sage is onion.
00:16:33LAUGHTER
00:16:35No, it's stuff for smoking.
00:16:37It's carpet makers, close-knit bunch of carpet makers,
00:16:40and it's a peak seen from a distance, sometimes through a telescope.
00:16:45Susanna, your go.
00:16:48Um, first of all, the...
00:16:50It sounds quite right,
00:16:52the sort of hand-woven Caucasian carpet nun-attack,
00:16:57but, uh...
00:16:59I don't believe you.
00:17:01LAUGHTER
00:17:03And, um...
00:17:05Tobacco things.
00:17:07They have other words for it, which I've heard before.
00:17:10So I go...
00:17:12petrol...
00:17:15LAUGHTER
00:17:19It's so funny to me.
00:17:21Patrick has ways of making me believe.
00:17:25Yes, all right.
00:17:27But you mean the peak that Petrel Campbell spoke about?
00:17:30Yes.
00:17:33If you believe my name to be Petrel Campbell,
00:17:36you will believe anything, including nun-attack!
00:17:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:17:43You have my name.
00:17:45That's what we call insult to injury, isn't it, Patrick?
00:17:49Petrel Campbell from now on!
00:17:51Anyway, that's what it is.
00:17:53It's a peak, or a hill.
00:17:55You don't have to look at it through a telescope, but anyway, there.
00:17:59Whoop-it, or whoop-it.
00:18:01Susanne, to define it.
00:18:03Oh, it's a whoop-it.
00:18:05It's a dialect, a Lincolnshire dialect,
00:18:10for leaving a note for the tradesman on the doorstep.
00:18:16For instance, for the baker,
00:18:18you leave one loaf, please, today.
00:18:20For the milkman, you say,
00:18:22oh, no thanks, not today, my husband's home.
00:18:25LAUGHTER
00:18:27Well, that's a whoop-it. Yes.
00:18:30Saucy stuff, saucy stuff.
00:18:32Frank, your go.
00:18:34It's a doggy.
00:18:36It's an onomatopoeic word, actually.
00:18:38It's not a whip-it, it's an onomatopoeic word.
00:18:41Whoop-it, whoop-it, whoop-it, whoop-it.
00:18:43And it's the sort of dog that can only be enjoyed
00:18:46by somebody in ear muffs, or who's stone deaf.
00:18:49It's a yapper.
00:18:51It's a Cairn or a Jack Russell.
00:18:53It must be a small, must absolutely be a small dog.
00:18:58One of those.
00:19:00Not a, ooh, ooh.
00:19:02Yes, your point is taken.
00:19:04LAUGHTER
00:19:08Donny McCloud's go.
00:19:10A whap-it is one of these very nice, neat, masculine words
00:19:14from our maritime past, a nautical word,
00:19:17and it means a burgee or pennant
00:19:20which you put on your anchorage, on your own moorings.
00:19:23It's passed out of use almost exclusively now,
00:19:27except in crowded marinas and very busy waterways,
00:19:31and you put your own personal whap-it on your mooring
00:19:34so that no-one then ties up to it and it will remain yours.
00:19:37Whap-it.
00:19:39So, it's a little, it's a tiny little dog that makes that yapping noise.
00:19:42It's a pennant or flag you put where you will,
00:19:45and it's a note, a written note.
00:19:47Angharad, your choice.
00:19:49Where was the note from? What part of the country?
00:19:52Lincolnshire.
00:19:54Lincolnshire.
00:19:56That doesn't help very much.
00:19:58It doesn't help her either.
00:20:01Yes.
00:20:07Well...
00:20:09It's an agreement here, all right.
00:20:11I liked the description of the note.
00:20:14It was jolly convincing,
00:20:16but I don't believe they'd make a word for that sort of thing,
00:20:20apart from chit or note.
00:20:25Donnie's is jolly convincing,
00:20:27but actually I've never seen something on those bollards to reserve them.
00:20:32Do they exist, those things? I've never...
00:20:34Yep. Yep, they do, do they?
00:20:36Up the stick.
00:20:38Oh, but not on the key.
00:20:40Ah, ah, ah, right.
00:20:43It's sort of slightly obvious, but I'm going for the dog.
00:20:47The small dog, yes, of which Frank spoke.
00:20:50True or bluff, is that?
00:20:52Do you want another go?
00:20:54No, no.
00:20:56Do you want to change your mind?
00:21:01Very clever!
00:21:03APPLAUSE
00:21:05Thank you.
00:21:09The small dog makes yapping noises, is a woppet or a wappet.
00:21:14The next one is gonnel, and Patrick defines it.
00:21:19The Oxford Dictionary defines gonnel as a hoop
00:21:25to keep two watering cans apart.
00:21:31Why? One would think...
00:21:33To stop them mating.
00:21:35What's wrong with a man in the middle carrying a watering can in each hand?
00:21:39What indeed? He's putting the gonnel out of work, isn't he?
00:21:42A gonnel is a hoop in order to keep two watering cans apart.
00:21:49Are you too puzzled by that, Frank? I could do it again for you.
00:21:52He's gone balmy tonight, hasn't he?
00:21:55Is it a metal hoop or wood?
00:21:59A metal hoop to keep two watering cans apart.
00:22:03Simple matter.
00:22:05Or to join them together, I suddenly realise. Or do I?
00:22:09Or both.
00:22:14Or neither.
00:22:16In the 12-year history of this programme, has a team captain ever resigned?
00:22:22They've stamped their pretty little feet once or twice,
00:22:25but they've never actually gone.
00:22:27Christopher Cazanove, his turn now.
00:22:29Quite simply, a gonnel is that kind of ankle-length garment
00:22:33that knights of old and crusaders used to wear over their armour
00:22:37when they went into battle.
00:22:39It's got something else.
00:22:41Ah. Nice, neat, hungry dogo.
00:22:44Well, a gonnel is something rather nasty, actually.
00:22:48It's a species of Mediterranean ant
00:22:51that made life very irritating for miners in the Sardinian silver mines.
00:22:57It's an ant that, like, thrives underground in caves and things
00:23:02and has a great appetite
00:23:04for the tenderer, more inaccessible parts of human anatomy.
00:23:12Very nasty.
00:23:14So you say, Angharad says it's an ant,
00:23:16then others say this.
00:23:18It's a knight's gown,
00:23:20or it's a yoke or hoop or the...
00:23:22to keep...watering...
00:23:25watering cans apart,
00:23:27or keep them at that distance.
00:23:30Even you can't explain it.
00:23:33No, no, no. I'm foxed.
00:23:36That knighty that goes over knight's armour is called something else.
00:23:40Erm, the...
00:23:42Corsica is solid granite
00:23:45and Sardinia is about 40 yards to the south of it
00:23:48and I think it's also solid granite
00:23:50and the chances of having a silver mine aboard are a bit thin.
00:23:53I meant granite mine.
00:23:57Granite mine, I'll allow you,
00:23:59but I don't think ants would like it.
00:24:01So we are forced to this load of Irish rubbish about...
00:24:05about mating watering cans.
00:24:08You're going to choose that one, are you?
00:24:10Yes. Yes. Patrick, now you own up.
00:24:13It's pitiful.
00:24:21Very close to sharp practice, that was, I thought, yes.
00:24:24But who gave the true definition? Let us have it now.
00:24:27It was you, was it?
00:24:29Yes, yes.
00:24:35It is a knight's gown,
00:24:37although there are other words for that gown, as Frank was saying.
00:24:40Laurel is the next one. Frank Muir defines.
00:24:46I'm a scribe in a scribulatorium, or whatever they're called,
00:24:50the places where monks did illuminated manuscripts.
00:24:5441 years I've been working on this page one
00:24:58with all the illuminations and the miniatures
00:25:01and suddenly there's...
00:25:04And I've put St Fred instead of St Anselm.
00:25:09If I knew a swear word, I'd swear.
00:25:14A mistake in the manuscript, a blot,
00:25:17something wrong is a no-ill.
00:25:21Was, is, is, is a no-ill.
00:25:24Still.
00:25:28Donny MacLeod's go.
00:25:30If you go to a boxing match,
00:25:32this sound is usually masked by the roar of the crowd,
00:25:35but if you go to boxing training, you'll hear a boxer,
00:25:38and he goes like that, snorts through his nostril.
00:25:41Now, if we move from that sport of pugilism
00:25:44to the now banned sport of cockfighting,
00:25:47it is most essential that a game cock mustn't run out of puff.
00:25:51So he has a handler who looks after his norel,
00:25:55makes sure that it's open so he can breathe through it.
00:25:58A norel is a game cock's nostril.
00:26:02LAUGHTER
00:26:05Sudan.
00:26:07No, no, norel is a small peephole
00:26:11or a small hatch in the door of a monk's cell.
00:26:17And through a norel,
00:26:20the abbot or the other brother on duty
00:26:25looks...
00:26:28..looks at the abbot to watch the brother...
00:26:33Don't make that funny, Fishmuth!
00:26:35LAUGHTER
00:26:37..if he's sort of carrying out his duty
00:26:41and spraying and so on.
00:26:47That's a no, a peephole.
00:26:49He's spraying a peephole.
00:26:51It's a peephole to keep an eye on a monk.
00:26:53It's a scribal error and it's a game cock's nostril.
00:26:57Patrick.
00:26:59People who need peepholes
00:27:01are the happiest peephole in the world.
00:27:04LAUGHTER
00:27:09Well, I cannot see...
00:27:11..who are squeaking monks.
00:27:15What is...
00:27:17..the thing about illuminating?
00:27:20Illuminate?
00:27:22No.
00:27:23If that little squeak is called a norel...
00:27:25Well acted, though. ..so am I.
00:27:28I've got a little bit of partiality for...
00:27:31Of course, my team here hasn't been able to speak,
00:27:34but she's...
00:27:35She can probably bum steer.
00:27:37LAUGHTER
00:27:39I'm sure that it's a nostril of a fighting cock in a way,
00:27:43but it's probably...
00:27:45..a nostril of a fighting cock.
00:27:47You're boldly deciding on that.
00:27:50You've got any tools up, because you did say it, didn't you?
00:27:54You've got it!
00:27:56APPLAUSE
00:28:03It is indeed the nostril.
00:28:05Was it Angharad's choice, that, really, or your own, Patrick?
00:28:09Well, I have to admit it wasn't.
00:28:11It wasn't? All on your own?
00:28:13We have our secrets here, you see.
00:28:15We have our methods.
00:28:17We wouldn't be rabbiting on like this if we'd got time for a couple of words.
00:28:21You'd probably shrewdly guess.
00:28:23But anyway, the score, the final score, standing at 5-3,
00:28:26Patrick Campbell's team has won!
00:28:28APPLAUSE
00:28:40Well, there wasn't a great deal in it.
00:28:42We'll be stirring up more comatose words
00:28:44from the Oxford English Dictionary next time.
00:28:46Until then, goodbye from Christopher Cazeneau...
00:28:48APPLAUSE
00:28:50..Donny McLeod...
00:28:52..Angharad Rees...
00:28:56..Suzanne Rockett...
00:28:58..Patrick Campbell...
00:29:02Thank you.
00:29:05And goodbye.
00:29:16APPLAUSE
00:29:40Good evening. Call my bluff where the loveliest legs belong to Frank Muir.
00:29:45APPLAUSE
00:29:48Good evening.
00:29:51My first guest is new to the programme, which is nice.
00:29:55She's an actress, national theatre player,
00:29:58but I think of her with great fondness as Queen Alexandra
00:30:03in Edward VII's Helen Ryan.
00:30:06APPLAUSE
00:30:08No, it is.
00:30:11And my second is a lad that we always have
00:30:15every series of Call My Bluff.
00:30:17And here he is again, the literary editor of Punch,
00:30:21the jazz correspondent of The Times
00:30:23and 25% of Instant Sunshine, Miles Kington!
00:30:27APPLAUSE
00:30:33And the Todd Slaughter of the panel game, Patrick Campbell.
00:30:37Good evening.
00:30:41My two guests are so glamorous, so famous, so beautiful,
00:30:47it's as though I'd had a double-decker bus to destroy three mice.
00:30:53The first one is Daphne Rigg.
00:30:56APPLAUSE
00:31:02And the other mouse destroyer is Donald Sinden.
00:31:05APPLAUSE
00:31:11Well, the civilities, interesting as they are,
00:31:14really can't be allowed to get in the way of the game.
00:31:17And so we have the first word by ringing that bell.
00:31:20The first word is whiffmagig.
00:31:22And you probably remember, what happens is,
00:31:24Frank Muir and his team define whiffmagig three different ways.
00:31:27Two of the definitions are false, one's a true one,
00:31:30and that's the one that Patrick and his team tried to pick out.
00:31:33What about this word, then, Frank?
00:31:35What about this word?
00:31:37It's not, as you might think, an official of the Ottoman Empire...
00:31:44I do. ..or disease of a horse.
00:31:47A whiffmagig is actually a sailing skiff, a racing sailing skiff,
00:31:53mostly on Lake Michigan, and it's got a very tall mast,
00:31:57no keel whatsoever, but an outrigger to keep it upright.
00:32:04So, that's what he says a whiffmagig is.
00:32:06Now, Miles Kington tells you.
00:32:08A whiffmagig is, briefly, a whippersnapper.
00:32:10It's a person of no consequence.
00:32:12It's a human non-event,
00:32:14a person who is not positive enough to be a yes-man, even.
00:32:21It might be of some help to you to know that it was used,
00:32:24this word, once, in George Meredith's The Adventures of Harry Richmond,
00:32:29which is one of the few great Victorian novels
00:32:31which has not been serialised on BBC but shortly will be, I'm sure.
00:32:35If it's of no help, I'll tell you about some of the other words.
00:32:38It might help. It might help. You never know.
00:32:42Anyway, now, Helen Ryan, what do you say?
00:32:44A whiffmagig isn't a reverent word
00:32:48for what's more reverently known as a tobacco circle.
00:32:53What? A tobacco circle.
00:32:56A lot of old men smoking pipes and airing pompous views
00:33:01hence also whiffmagig wisdom,
00:33:04a product of such pompous or pretentious oratory.
00:33:09Good Lord!
00:33:13Well, there you have it. It's a racing skiff.
00:33:16It's a sort of a nobody, someone of no account,
00:33:19and it's group smoking, if I got it right.
00:33:22Patrick, choose a way.
00:33:26We believe, I think we believe,
00:33:29I don't believe...
00:33:31LAUGHTER
00:33:33..that a human non-event would not be called a whiffmagig.
00:33:41Why call anybody who's a non-event any...?
00:33:45Don't answer supplementary questions.
00:33:47No, yes, ma'am. It's not in the contract.
00:33:49I dismiss that out of hand,
00:33:51but prepare to come back to it in a minute or an hour or so.
00:33:55This tobacco circle...
00:33:57Anything in luck for you?
00:34:01You give him our vibes.
00:34:03We believe it to be...
00:34:06It isn't a catamaran.
00:34:09It's a tobacco circle.
00:34:11The circle of the old chap sitting around smoking.
00:34:14So you said that, Helen Ryan.
00:34:16Show of love.
00:34:18Nothing.
00:34:20APPLAUSE
00:34:23Nothing to do with that.
00:34:25She made it all up. Who gave the true definition?
00:34:28Here he comes.
00:34:30Miles did.
00:34:36It's a sort of creature of no account, a whiffmagig.
00:34:40So, one-nil, and we have a rhino.
00:34:44Patrick's going to define it for us.
00:34:47A rhino is a he or a she.
00:34:52That's everybody.
00:34:54A little danger here. Almost.
00:34:56Who's doing this?
00:34:58I was helping, sir.
00:35:00If you are in the, or were in the bow industry...
00:35:05You know, bow and arrow.
00:35:07They were made of yew trees, yew branches, rather.
00:35:12A rhino, be it a he or a she,
00:35:16is the one that begins the process of making a bow
00:35:19by stripping the bark off the yew branch,
00:35:22i.e. rhining away like mad.
00:35:28Right. Donald Sender.
00:35:31Yes, well, a rhino is a master through.
00:35:36At a game of quites, it's the master attack.
00:35:40When a quite is thrown at a mark or a peg,
00:35:43it is the quite that actually does precisely that.
00:35:46Precisely that, it lands touching the mark or peg.
00:35:53Could easily be.
00:35:55It's a very good throw at quites, is what he's saying, yes.
00:35:58So, now, Diana Wiggins.
00:36:00Now, a rhino is a Tyneside expression,
00:36:03it is peculiar to Tyneside,
00:36:05for somebody who has a tip-tilted nose.
00:36:08Frank Muir is a semi-rhino.
00:36:12My friend and compatriot Donald is a semi-rhino,
00:36:16but a right rhino is somebody like Susan Hampshire,
00:36:19who has a tip-tilted nose.
00:36:21They think it comes from...
00:36:23Well, it has associations with the rhinoceros,
00:36:26but, I mean, the Oxford Dictionary denies this, absolutely.
00:36:30That is a rhino.
00:36:32OK, so it's someone who strips the bark off the particular bit
00:36:36that's going to be made into a bow,
00:36:38it's a turned-up nose on Tyneside,
00:36:40and it's a pretty good, a very good throw at quites.
00:36:43So, choose, Frank.
00:36:45I...
00:36:47I don't sort of think of Newcastle people
00:36:50as having turned-up noses, do you?
00:36:53You know what I mean?
00:36:55It's not really of sound basis, really, to choose.
00:36:58This...
00:37:00Is it you or non-you,
00:37:02the person who strips the bark off...
00:37:05Rubbish. Utter, appalling rubbish.
00:37:08I never reply to bad jokes.
00:37:11A good throw at quites.
00:37:13Laughable.
00:37:15Oh.
00:37:17It's a tip-tilted nose, it's Daphne's.
00:37:20You think?
00:37:25That was a very cruel thrust.
00:37:28But it was Diana, indeed, was it not?
00:37:31Diana stroked Daphne?
00:37:33Yes, Diana of the Daphne.
00:37:35To give you your answer.
00:37:37Well, now, ladies and gentlemen...
00:37:42Oh!
00:37:44APPLAUSE
00:37:50She was just teasing, didn't mean it at all.
00:37:52Who gave the true definition?
00:37:54Here he comes.
00:37:56Oh.
00:37:58Yes, it was you.
00:38:00Inadvertently.
00:38:02APPLAUSE
00:38:07Very good chuck at quites.
00:38:09Close to the peg, touching the peg.
00:38:12Bayram is the way I pronounce it.
00:38:14I don't know, though. Miles Kington.
00:38:16Bayram is actually a Scottish word,
00:38:18a Scottish device used at milking time
00:38:21to secure a cow.
00:38:23In fact, it's two sliding doors which come together
00:38:26and they have a semi-circular slot on either side
00:38:29and the cow's neck goes into these two doors,
00:38:32if you get it in the right place.
00:38:34You slide the doors together and the cow is secure
00:38:37and you go round the back and you can milk it.
00:38:39Of course, if you go round the front,
00:38:41it looks like a rather cheap hunting trophy.
00:38:43Round the back and milk it, that's the idea.
00:38:46That's just silly, with due respect.
00:38:49Wait and see, we have two more to go.
00:38:51Scottish devices are often silly.
00:38:53Helen, your turn.
00:38:55A barram.
00:38:57Well, if any of you happen to be Mohammedans,
00:38:59this is a dead giveaway.
00:39:01There are two Mohammedan festivals.
00:39:04There's the lesser barram, which follows, of course,
00:39:07the feast of Ramadan,
00:39:09and the greater barram, which follows 70 days later.
00:39:13Bigger.
00:39:15Bigger, greater.
00:39:17It's about a year later.
00:39:19Right, Frank, your turn.
00:39:21This must be it, mustn't it?
00:39:24As indeed it is.
00:39:27Barram is 18th-century herbal tea.
00:39:31Tea was terribly expensive in the 18th century
00:39:34and it upset the balance of payments to such an extent
00:39:38that Jonas Hanway, an eccentric philanthropist,
00:39:42wrote an essay against tea,
00:39:44which infuriated Dr Johnson, who was very fond of tea,
00:39:4740 cups a day,
00:39:49and Jonas Hanway suggested that instead of drinking tea,
00:39:53the nation should drink either ground ivy or barram.
00:39:58Huh.
00:40:01That got you silent.
00:40:03You were gripped then, weren't you?
00:40:05Absolutely.
00:40:09Well, now...
00:40:12So it's still a kind of tea, even though it isn't ground up ivy.
00:40:15It's a kind of herbal tea.
00:40:17It's a headlock that you put on a cow before you milk him.
00:40:21Oh, yes.
00:40:23And it's a Mohammedan festival,
00:40:25so I don't know much about cows or country or that.
00:40:28Anyway, Donald, your turn.
00:40:32It's all up to you, then.
00:40:36Let's think of...
00:40:38I mean, this cowcatcher thing.
00:40:41Barram, barram.
00:40:43To hold it still while you're milking it,
00:40:46I don't know about that one at all,
00:40:49but the...
00:40:51I see that.
00:40:53Helen's Mohammedan festival, do you call it?
00:40:57Well, I don't think much of that either, as a matter of fact.
00:41:00And the gentleman in the middle, whose name, um...
00:41:05Nixon.
00:41:07Diana.
00:41:09The barram meal you're talking about, yes.
00:41:12Good.
00:41:14Yes, well, I don't go for any of them, as a matter of fact.
00:41:19I think of them, I'm going to choose Helen's Mohammedan festival.
00:41:23Are you?
00:41:25She did say, didn't she? Yes.
00:41:27Helen, now, were you telling the truth, or was it not?
00:41:30She's too smart.
00:41:32APPLAUSE
00:41:41Way down first.
00:41:43Quick, quick!
00:41:45He got up, actually kissed her,
00:41:47but of course, you know, this programme runs on tramwheels,
00:41:50and we missed that over here. We'll have to do it again.
00:41:53We're trying to stamp out that sort of thing.
00:41:56Anyway, that's what it means.
00:41:58It certainly means that it's a Mohammedan festival, 2-1.
00:42:01Have another look at a word.
00:42:03Gyps, or gips, possibly.
00:42:05Donald Sinclair.
00:42:07Oh, for me, they are gyps.
00:42:10Gyps. Gyps are subterranean springs,
00:42:14which at unpredictable...
00:42:16I can't say it, unpredictable intervals,
00:42:19gush forth water,
00:42:21specifically in Yorkshire,
00:42:23and mainly around the town of Bridlington.
00:42:28The time was when these gyps,
00:42:31the gushing forth,
00:42:33it was taken as an evil omen,
00:42:35foretelling outbreaks of famine, plague,
00:42:38or some such, like, actual disaster.
00:42:41Drought. Drought.
00:42:43Drought. Yes.
00:42:46Now, Diana, it's your turn.
00:42:48A gyp.
00:42:51Commonplace in New England,
00:42:53where round about Thanksgiving Day,
00:42:56they have this al fresco meal in the open air,
00:43:00where they barbecue whole oxen,
00:43:03and they eat other such goodies as pumpkin pie,
00:43:07and they all get smashed on Applejack.
00:43:10That is a gyp.
00:43:13Oh, gyps.
00:43:15Yeah, if there are a lot of them, you'll find so.
00:43:17A lot of them all about, they break out, they will.
00:43:20They must. Patrick.
00:43:23Gyps are now outmoded.
00:43:28In late Victorian times,
00:43:31they were thieves' tools.
00:43:34Ah, bon.
00:43:36A long kind of bamboo cane with, on the end of it,
00:43:40two hooks that work like a grapnel.
00:43:44If you pull a piece of string,
00:43:47it closes.
00:43:49Now, many people, thieves,
00:43:52wandering round and finding open windows,
00:43:55this is pre-burglar days,
00:43:58slot in the gyp,
00:44:00pull the string, and remove the whole contents of the room,
00:44:03not the whole thing.
00:44:05Leave him behind a sofa or two,
00:44:08or three small shiftable goodies.
00:44:12A good idea, I think we should revive it.
00:44:16We used to have machines like that at seaside places in 1938,
00:44:19and it picked up nothing.
00:44:21Anyway, but that proves not a thing.
00:44:25It's a New England picnic.
00:44:27It's a spring, particularly adjacent to Bridlington,
00:44:31and it's a thieves' hook with a bit of string
00:44:33and clear a room like lightning.
00:44:35Miles, your turn.
00:44:37All right, I run the risk of Donald Syndon running round and embracing me.
00:44:42Very careful.
00:44:44I should be prepared to run.
00:44:47Donald Syndon gushes unpredictably.
00:44:50Well...
00:44:52No, I don't like...
00:44:54Bridlington was too authentic.
00:44:57Diana.
00:45:00New England parties.
00:45:02I always got the impression that New England was the one state in America that remained sober.
00:45:05No. I'd like to preserve this fiction.
00:45:07No, it all happens in the countryside.
00:45:14Well, I think we could talk about this afterwards.
00:45:19I'm going for Patrick Campbell's unlikely, implausible, ridiculous notion.
00:45:25The thieves' hook of which he spoke.
00:45:28Let's see if he picks up anything for him. Draw and bluff.
00:45:31Neither implausible or ridiculous.
00:45:33I'm a winner.
00:45:39It certainly worked that time.
00:45:41Who gave the true definition of the word?
00:45:43Gyps or gibops?
00:45:45It's there somewhere. Surely? Yes.
00:45:47Yes, indeed.
00:45:49APPLAUSE
00:45:54Unpredictable springs near Bridlington.
00:45:57Or not too far from Bridlington.
00:45:59So, the next word.
00:46:02Tell us, your turn.
00:46:04Kittisol.
00:46:06It is beneath this kittisol
00:46:08that your average Chinese mandarin
00:46:11perambulates in the bright sunshine.
00:46:15That it? Mm.
00:46:17Kittisol is, of course, a variety of oriental parasol
00:46:21being a simply constructed non-folding sunshade
00:46:25made of bamboo and oiled paper.
00:46:29A stiff umbrella. A stiff umbrella.
00:46:32Yes, probably looks rather pretty.
00:46:34Frank Muir.
00:46:36Kittisol is a Portuguese word.
00:46:42Do you want some more? Yes.
00:46:44Plenty. It's one of those colonial words
00:46:47which comes from the Portuguese colonies.
00:46:49It was quitae or quitaesol.
00:46:51And it's a porch lantern.
00:46:53Just as simple as that.
00:46:55You hung a light in the porch behind the transom or something
00:46:58to show that you were at home and visitors were welcome.
00:47:00Kittisol. Yes.
00:47:02Nice word.
00:47:04That's all I've got to say on that matter.
00:47:06Right, so now it's Miles Kington to tell you.
00:47:10Well, although kittisol does sound like a sort of anti-cat spray...
00:47:16..and I wish there was one,
00:47:18in fact, the definition was rather dull,
00:47:20so I'll get through it pretty quickly.
00:47:22It's a sort of resin which is squeezed out of certain kind of poplar trees
00:47:26and this resin is processed into a kind of wood dye,
00:47:29wood varnish, wood polish,
00:47:31the sort of thing which was applied to wood in the 19th century in America.
00:47:34And it's now, like most things in 19th century America,
00:47:37been replaced by synthetic production,
00:47:40which means there are still some poplar trees left around in America.
00:47:43I told you it was dull.
00:47:45Well, yes, you were right, but it was all full of pith,
00:47:48it was full of protein.
00:47:50It's poplar resin.
00:47:52It's a sort of lantern you hang in your porch
00:47:54and it's a kind of a parasol.
00:47:56So, Diana Rigg makes a choice.
00:47:58Well, now...
00:48:00Um...
00:48:05Kittisol.
00:48:07I would so like to believe you, but I really can't.
00:48:09I think it's too sort of...
00:48:11I don't know. It's beautiful.
00:48:13Chintzy.
00:48:15Naff. It's not what you think, it's naff.
00:48:18As for you, Miles, pointing to yourself, yes, yes, yes.
00:48:22Um, resin.
00:48:24Look deep into his eyes and say,
00:48:27no.
00:48:29Frank, I'm inclined for the Portuguese lantern.
00:48:34You're choosing that one? Inviting people in.
00:48:36Yes, absolutely. You're going to choose that one?
00:48:38Frank, true or bluff?
00:48:41Now, why is he acting? Is it true or is it a bluff?
00:48:44Oh, please, please.
00:48:46APPLAUSE
00:48:49Oh, no, no, no, I'm very sorry.
00:48:53Yes. So, um, who gave the true definition
00:48:57of that particular delicious word?
00:48:59Yes, yes, yes.
00:49:01Yes, indeed!
00:49:03APPLAUSE
00:49:07Special sort of umbrella.
00:49:09I think you said it was oiled and all of that sort of thing,
00:49:12but it works. Worrell is the next one.
00:49:14Diana, your turn.
00:49:16Worrell.
00:49:18A shed or a covered building in Jamaica
00:49:22where they have a lot of...
00:49:24create a lot of humidity through boiling water,
00:49:27steaming kettles and that,
00:49:29to keep the leaves, tobacco leaves,
00:49:31pliant in order to make those very famous cigars.
00:49:34Worrell.
00:49:36Right. So she says that now.
00:49:38What does Patrick Campbell say?
00:49:40A worrell is a large Australian lizard
00:49:44with a forked tongue and a musical ear.
00:49:47LAUGHTER
00:49:49It has been noted...
00:49:53..when Australian aborigines, if there be any left,
00:49:57will break into tribal dance,
00:50:01that the worrell has been observed beating time
00:50:04with its scaly feet and its tail in sympathy with the dancers.
00:50:10LAUGHTER
00:50:12Nothing better to do, I suppose.
00:50:14Donald...
00:50:16A worrell is a steel ring
00:50:18that is bolted to the hull of a ship prior to its launching,
00:50:23and to these rings are attached the drag chains.
00:50:28The drag chain is the object of the drag chain
00:50:30to slow a ship down as it enters the water,
00:50:32indeed to stop it hitting the bank on the opposite side.
00:50:35And that is a worrell.
00:50:37And that is a worrell. A steel ring.
00:50:40Right, so it's that.
00:50:42It's a very useful steel ring on a ship
00:50:45to do what Donald said it was going to do.
00:50:47It's a shed in which they roll cigars,
00:50:49and it's a musical lizard.
00:50:51Hello to choose.
00:50:53No problem on this, no.
00:50:55We've all spotted the bluff.
00:50:57Next word, perhaps?
00:50:59The shed for tobacco.
00:51:02I think it sounds too much like the Jamaican equivalent
00:51:05of the Wirral, and I don't believe that there is such a thing.
00:51:09Donald, steel ring.
00:51:13It's a wonderful alliterative name for...
00:51:17No, I don't think it is.
00:51:19On the other hand, the...
00:51:21A worrell.
00:51:23The large Australian lizard with the musical ear.
00:51:27John Travolta of the...
00:51:29Oh.
00:51:31Yes, I'll go for the lizard.
00:51:33Go for the lizard of which Patrick spoke to or bluff.
00:51:37Well done.
00:51:39APPLAUSE
00:51:48Musical lizard with a tinny ear or four-toed what's-her-name.
00:51:51You know, that's what it is. Three all, how interesting.
00:51:54Quader is the next one. Frank.
00:51:56A quader is performed by...
00:52:01..a very experienced or a very nervous dualist
00:52:08or swordsman or fencer.
00:52:11It's that one where you do that
00:52:15and the end of the blade sort of whirs into a blur
00:52:20and you can't see what's happening.
00:52:22I don't know where it is.
00:52:24It's a movement of swordsmanship.
00:52:27Well, but you must have been taught at Radar.
00:52:32They have it at Radar.
00:52:34Quader at Radar, yes.
00:52:36So, that's what he says, but now Miles Kington has a turn.
00:52:40Well, with quader, we enter the realms of higher mathematics,
00:52:43which is a place I've never ventured alone.
00:52:46Everyone else is here to help me.
00:52:49Any ten-year-old schoolboy will tell you that quader
00:52:52is another word for squaring a number,
00:52:56so that the square or the number quader of nine is 81.
00:53:01In fact, I was fortunate enough to meet a ten-year-old schoolboy
00:53:04before the programme and he told me this,
00:53:06otherwise I wouldn't have known what the hell it was.
00:53:08Quader is to square a number.
00:53:11OK, Helen.
00:53:14Quader was an ancient Scottish tax.
00:53:18It was introduced by King Robert II,
00:53:21I must get this absolutely right,
00:53:23King Robert II in 1373.
00:53:27Just a moment.
00:53:2973, and it was abandoned soon afterwards.
00:53:33This was because most of the tax collectors
00:53:35returned in a rather mutilated condition and empty-handed,
00:53:39if at all.
00:53:42That's the old-style calendar, isn't it?
00:53:44Yes. Yes, of course.
00:53:46Without the photographs.
00:53:49I usually have a bit of burns with the Scots ones,
00:53:51but for obvious reasons, not there.
00:53:53So it's a trembly but skilled wrist,
00:53:57a sort of twist on the end of the foil.
00:53:59It's a kind of a tax, Scots tax,
00:54:02and it is to square a number.
00:54:04Patrick's choice.
00:54:09Leave all this to me, lads.
00:54:12It isn't a Scottish tax, but there's no Scottish tax...
00:54:16No Scottish word, even, ever began with Q-U-A.
00:54:22Quasimodo?
00:54:23Quaestor and factor.
00:54:26Quaestor and factor.
00:54:28All this...
00:54:32I squared nine.
00:54:34I get a factor. You can't get...
00:54:36You can't get a factor.
00:54:39You can't get 81 of doing anything to nine.
00:54:44Nine nines are 81, are they? Yes.
00:54:46Are they?
00:54:47LAUGHTER
00:54:50You'll think that before the war.
00:54:52It's rather upset me, now.
00:54:56Because I don't want to believe that nine nines are 82.
00:55:00And dismissed is miles out of hand.
00:55:05This left me trapped with this trembling sword,
00:55:07which I still believe it to be.
00:55:09That's what you think. You're going to choose that one.
00:55:11That was Frank, true or bluff, Frank,
00:55:13that trembling sword? No, no.
00:55:15Oh, yes, yes. No, no.
00:55:17APPLAUSE
00:55:20It's all my fault.
00:55:22No, no, he didn't mean that.
00:55:24Who gave the true definition of...
00:55:26Oh, you knew it!
00:55:28APPLAUSE
00:55:32Thank you.
00:55:33Quaedar is certainly to square...
00:55:35How else would we know that nine nines are 82?
00:55:37Let us go on.
00:55:39Nimfadaro.
00:55:40Oh, I've been waiting for a word like this.
00:55:42Patrick.
00:55:44Nimfadaro. Ah.
00:55:46If you know...
00:55:48Do I have a little bit of your attention, please?
00:55:51If you know your Venice...
00:55:55If you know your Venice...
00:55:56You've fallen silent there a moment.
00:55:58Good, good.
00:56:00Up till some time...
00:56:01Fairly recently, really.
00:56:03Vaporetto and all the launches,
00:56:05all these...
00:56:08...revalaunches, leaving a huge wake behind.
00:56:11The Gondoliers used to have rather a good time on the Grand Canal,
00:56:15but they were kind of thrown off the Grand Canal
00:56:18by these wretched Vaporettos and all the storms.
00:56:21Not storms, but huge motorboats.
00:56:24They found all over Venice, they explored Venice, the Gondoliers,
00:56:28and they found little kind of watery cul-de-sac.
00:56:32They called them Nimfadaro.
00:56:35A little kind of Venetian lay-by.
00:56:39You see, the Grand Canal is so stuffed with motorboats,
00:56:42there's no room for Gondoliers.
00:56:44A little quick fag on there, you see?
00:56:46Up the...
00:56:50All it lacked was music, in my view.
00:56:53Donald.
00:56:54A Nimfadaro was a gold coin struck in Geneva in 1532.
00:57:01It celebrated the Swiss victory over the Italians
00:57:04at the Battle of Malignano,
00:57:06when Swiss gunfire precipitated an avalanche
00:57:10which covered most of the Italian army.
00:57:14Diana.
00:57:15Good, strong stories, aren't they?
00:57:17Nimfadaro, like my captain here, is a ladies' man.
00:57:24Unlike my captain here, he is long-haired.
00:57:28He is a lobstadio,
00:57:30and he lingers in the heavily scented boudoirs of ladies.
00:57:35Frank has to choose without even thought.
00:57:39I have to say, with thought.
00:57:41Very, very quick.
00:57:42It's the coin.
00:57:43The coin, the coin, the coin.
00:57:45Donald, you say that.
00:57:47Suddenly, everything's speeded up.
00:57:49Speeded up?
00:57:50Yes.
00:57:51We have to do this all carefully.
00:57:53APPLAUSE
00:57:56Just nice time, I think, to get the true definition.
00:58:00Here it comes.
00:58:01Wait for it.
00:58:03Oh, yes, yes, yes.
00:58:05APPLAUSE
00:58:09A lobstadio is what a nimfadaro is,
00:58:13a lover, you know, a lounge lizard.
00:58:16For all, the tear starts unbidden to the eye,
00:58:19the perfect amity that prevails.
00:58:21There are no winners.
00:58:23There are no winners.
00:58:24You must clap them both.
00:58:26APPLAUSE
00:58:36Well, we shall be playing some more 78s from the OED next week.
00:58:40Until then, goodbye from Miles Kington...
00:58:43APPLAUSE
00:58:45..Donald Simdon...
00:58:47..Ellen Ryan...
00:58:49APPLAUSE
00:58:52..Gwen Keogh...
00:58:53APPLAUSE
00:58:55..Patrick Campbell...
00:58:56APPLAUSE
00:58:58..and goodbye.
00:58:59APPLAUSE
00:59:02APPLAUSE
00:59:28APPLAUSE
00:59:31APPLAUSE
00:59:36Good evening.
00:59:37This is the last programme in the present series of Call My Bluff,
00:59:40and straining in trap one, we have Mickler Miller,
00:59:43alias Patrick Campbell.
00:59:45APPLAUSE
00:59:47Good evening.
00:59:51Last week, the penultimate game, I'm lucky enough to have Daphne,
00:59:55who is the twin sister of Diana Rigg.
00:59:58APPLAUSE
01:00:02And, mercifully, my other partner helped...
01:00:06He left his twin at home.
01:00:09He's... Donald Simdon, not...
01:00:11APPLAUSE
01:00:17Very good, very good.
01:00:18And the beau brummel of the small screen, Frank Muir.
01:00:21APPLAUSE
01:00:27And, of course, my semi-winning team is unchanged,
01:00:31with national theatre and television actress Helen Ryan...
01:00:34APPLAUSE
01:00:37..and...
01:00:39..punch assist?
01:00:41Punch assistant.
01:00:43Anyway, it's Miles Kington.
01:00:45APPLAUSE
01:00:51Ding-a-ling.
01:00:52For the last time in this series, we get a word.
01:00:54Well, it's only just a word, really, isn't it?
01:00:57EO.
01:00:58EO.
01:00:59Patrick and his team will define EO three different ways.
01:01:02Two are false, one is true.
01:01:04That's the one that Frank and his team tried to pick out.
01:01:07EO, then, Patrick.
01:01:09EO?
01:01:11EO, Patrick?
01:01:12It's a style of writing...
01:01:16..common to many languages, but Nepal and Tibet.
01:01:21Oh, wow.
01:01:23The words in this...
01:01:26..in the various languages, they take a box-like shape.
01:01:31Kind of...
01:01:33..kind of calligraphy, you see.
01:01:35Ideographs.
01:01:36But the strange thing is about EO...
01:01:38LAUGHTER
01:01:42..it could be Tibetan dialect or Nepalese dialect,
01:01:45but they've roughly got the same box-like shape
01:01:48but entirely different meanings.
01:01:51That's helpful, isn't it?
01:01:53Yeah.
01:01:54It's a sort of puns.
01:01:56Permanent puns.
01:01:58Get on, get on.
01:02:00LAUGHTER
01:02:01I think I'll now invite Donald Syndon to speak.
01:02:04This word, EO, belongs to the private language
01:02:08of our Winchester schoolboy.
01:02:10It is a Wycombeist's word for a cold supper,
01:02:14in particular the supper served after a Sunday evening service.
01:02:18It is an abbreviation...
01:02:20..is an abbreviation of the Greek word Eonithicon,
01:02:24which is, as you're aware, the word means amongst repast.
01:02:29Well done, well done.
01:02:31Now, Diana Rigg.
01:02:33EO is a game of chance, a much resembling roulette,
01:02:38and it works thusly.
01:02:40You have a board and there are Es and Os all over the board
01:02:44and you drop a ball onto the board
01:02:46and if the ball falls into the E or the O,
01:02:49accordingly you win, whichever the marker is up against.
01:02:52In other words, it is a case of, if you'll pardon the expression,
01:02:55fait vos yeux, ladies and gentlemen.
01:02:58LAUGHTER
01:03:01I thought Frank had a monopoly on that sort of thing.
01:03:04Evidently not.
01:03:05So it's a kind of calligraphy.
01:03:07It's a game of chance and it's a cold supper at Winchester School,
01:03:11is it, or College, I don't know.
01:03:13Well, you know where it is anyway.
01:03:15Frank, choose.
01:03:17Wickermists.
01:03:21They'd call it sup, wouldn't they?
01:03:25Style of writing, little boxes, ticky-tacky.
01:03:31Ticky-tacky bluff, Paddy.
01:03:34LAUGHTER
01:03:36EO roulette could be, actually.
01:03:41But we think, as one man, or as one person,
01:03:46that it's the Winchester supper.
01:03:49The cold supper served at Winchester,
01:03:51which Donald Syndon spoke, true or bluff?
01:03:54Flashing it a bit.
01:03:56Till he runs.
01:03:58Oh!
01:04:00APPLAUSE
01:04:05If not that hot, here he comes.
01:04:10Yes, oh, what agitation.
01:04:13Thespians to a man and woman.
01:04:16Very exciting.
01:04:17It is. I'm on the edge of...
01:04:19My captain is putting me very right.
01:04:22Double shuffle.
01:04:24APPLAUSE
01:04:29It is indeed what Diana, alias Daphne, said.
01:04:32It is a game of chance.
01:04:34Let's have another word. Why not?
01:04:38Proschola, proschola, I don't know. Frank?
01:04:41Proschola, I think, Robert.
01:04:44There's only one of these.
01:04:46Only one proschola anywhere that I know of.
01:04:50In the University of Oxford, there's a school of divinity
01:04:55which you approach by first going through a small court.
01:05:00And that is the proschola.
01:05:04As it's the school of divinity,
01:05:07and most of the lads leaning up against the wall there
01:05:10are divines to be,
01:05:13it's normal...
01:05:15The normal word used to describe it is the holy hole.
01:05:21Right, so now...
01:05:23Yes.
01:05:25It is Miles Kington's turn. Here he goes.
01:05:28Well, about 2,000 years ago, in Roman days,
01:05:31they had games, very important, very big games,
01:05:34a bit like today's Olympic games, but much more corrupt.
01:05:37And there was one man in charge of the games,
01:05:40and it was his job, as they were corrupt games,
01:05:42to make sure that everyone was taking drugs
01:05:44and that no amateurs could get in and that sort of thing.
01:05:47And to distinguish this very important man
01:05:49from everyone else who was less important,
01:05:51he had a rather sort of grand, brass, even gold breastplate on,
01:05:55which was called the proschola,
01:05:57and he knew they had to take their bribes direct to him, or whatever.
01:06:02Right. Helen, your turn.
01:06:04A proschola.
01:06:06It's part of the anatomy, of course, of an orchid.
01:06:10It's a gland on the upper side of the orchid stigma
01:06:14that secretes a natural glue to which a pollen sticks
01:06:19until the wind dislodges it,
01:06:22or some peripatetic bird or bee.
01:06:28LAUGHTER
01:06:30Or not, as the case may be.
01:06:32Anyway, she says it's part of an orchid,
01:06:36it's a court at the entrance to the divinity schools in Oxford,
01:06:40and it's a ceremonial breastplate worn by the chap
01:06:43who administered the anabolic steroids
01:06:45to the people who were going to take part in the Olympic...
01:06:48No, not the Olympic, the Roman games, or thereabouts. Patrick.
01:06:51There's some trouble here, really.
01:06:53But be overcome.
01:06:57I've never heard of orchids having glue.
01:07:02And what's a peripatetic bird, anyway?
01:07:04It walks everywhere, it never flies.
01:07:09I don't know what you're talking about, Helen.
01:07:12And not for the first time, either.
01:07:14LAUGHTER
01:07:16It's briber's badge. This is holy hole nonsense.
01:07:19Well, I do my best.
01:07:21I think it's a briber's badge.
01:07:24I'm not quite too sure yet.
01:07:27I am, though. You're choosing it, Patrick.
01:07:29Yes, at last. Right.
01:07:31APPLAUSE
01:07:37My old cousin was telling a fib when he told all that.
01:07:40Now we hear the true definition of the word.
01:07:43You can't wait.
01:07:47APPLAUSE
01:07:51Yes, yes.
01:07:53I'm very sorry, Helen, I was rather rude to you there inadvertently.
01:07:57LAUGHTER
01:07:59She knew exactly of what she was talking.
01:08:01Yeah, not half. One all.
01:08:03Spudder's the next one.
01:08:05And Donald Sinden tells you about it.
01:08:07A spudder is a dialect word.
01:08:11It means a fussy state of affairs or a mental confusion.
01:08:15It's a spudder.
01:08:17In rustic parts of England, particularly in Cornwall,
01:08:22one is never in a flap or in all of a doodah.
01:08:27One is in a great spudder.
01:08:32Right, so now Diana Rigg.
01:08:35Now, a spudder is a large wooden table
01:08:38which was kept in manor houses or outside in the kitchen yard.
01:08:44And on this, they would in fact chop up the carcasses of...
01:08:49Of a potato.
01:08:51No, that is the point.
01:08:53It sounds as if you peeled potatoes on it, but you don't.
01:08:56You chop up the carcasses of whatever you're eating.
01:09:01Venison, deer, as they did in those days.
01:09:04A spudder.
01:09:06Right, Patrick's turn.
01:09:08A spudder is a canvas windscreen.
01:09:12You might believe there's no point in having a windscreen made of canvas.
01:09:17But, on the other hand, you're not...
01:09:20It's not in order to let light through it, but to keep out the mud.
01:09:25Because little pony traps used to be called governor's carts.
01:09:30Little windscreen up to there.
01:09:33When you're sitting in the cart, it goes up to there.
01:09:36In order to prevent the horse in front of the governor's cart
01:09:40throwing mud and...
01:09:42..into your face.
01:09:44And also to conceal the horse's rear quarters from the...
01:09:48..people in the governor's cart, like a governess.
01:09:53In the cart? In the cart.
01:09:57Serious stuff, really.
01:09:59It's a sort of table on which you've chopped up the things you're going to eat, not potatoes.
01:10:04It's a sort of windscreen made of canvas, and it's a bit of bother.
01:10:09Miles, too.
01:10:11It's not a word.
01:10:15Well, I've conferred with my colleagues and...
01:10:18We're all one man, brother.
01:10:24That's not what he told me before, but...
01:10:27I've got written down here, Donald Syndon Doodah.
01:10:30Sounds like a line from a lost American folk song.
01:10:33Doodah, doodah...
01:10:37Don't like anything from Cornwall. Don't trust it.
01:10:41Patrick Campbell, canvas windscreen.
01:10:43How it can keep off the mud and prurient eyes at the same time, I don't know.
01:10:48Perhaps it's an Irish canvas windscreen?
01:10:51An Irish canvas windscreen!
01:10:53That would explain everything.
01:10:55So it must be the chopper, the table, the meat, the carcass.
01:10:59The table, yeah. Diana Rigg said that.
01:11:01True or bluff? She's going to tell you now.
01:11:03Ladies and gentlemen...
01:11:06She looks a bit... Well, please, please dish.
01:11:09APPLAUSE
01:11:15No table for spuds or otherwise.
01:11:17Who gave the two-definition here?
01:11:19You have it.
01:11:25Bit of bother, bit of a dust-up, bit of all that kind of thing.
01:11:282-1, we get to tourney.
01:11:30And Miles Kington's going to define it.
01:11:33Tourney is an adjective applied to sheep if they have a certain disease.
01:11:37Or a certain kind of disease.
01:11:39I'm sorry to laugh, we just have them all the time.
01:11:42I'm delighted.
01:11:44This is a different disease from the last one you had on the programme.
01:11:48This is the sort of disease which turns sheep all unsteady-legged,
01:11:53gives them the sort of staggers.
01:11:55If you see one sheep staggering, almost unable to stand, it is tourney.
01:11:59If you see a whole field of sheep gone tourney,
01:12:03rather like a sort of outdoor disco...
01:12:07..they're all tourney.
01:12:10Pitiful, really.
01:12:12I'm sorry. It's all right.
01:12:14You'd like to do this job as well, I mean, why not?
01:12:17Helen.
01:12:19I'll give this one to Diana, as Patrick never believes me.
01:12:22Tourney is also an adjective.
01:12:24It describes a very unattractive appearance in hand-churned butter.
01:12:30It means of butter marred by streaks or stripes
01:12:35of a paler hue.
01:12:37I mean, I would cause butter to go tourney
01:12:40because it's caused by hands being too hot in the summer.
01:12:44By hand.
01:12:46Tourney butter.
01:12:48Right-o, Frank, your turn.
01:12:52Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding through the glen.
01:12:56Sheriff Nottingham, there, with his lads on the horseback,
01:13:02bags and flyers and things.
01:13:04Where's he been, the Sheriff Nottingham?
01:13:07He's been on a tourney.
01:13:11Again?
01:13:13He's been on a tourney.
01:13:15No, he's been again on a tourney.
01:13:18About once a month, there's a tour of the administrative area
01:13:22of the sheriff by the sheriff or his officers.
01:13:25Having one of his little tourneys.
01:13:28Watching the sheep go tourney.
01:13:30It warms you.
01:13:32Come back next week.
01:13:34Of course.
01:13:36Well, it's blotchy butter brought about by bad handling.
01:13:39It's a tour of duty or was a tour of duty
01:13:41and I can hardly bring myself to say it's the disease of sheep.
01:13:45Probably in Norfolk.
01:13:47Donald?
01:13:49Well, no, Miles is disease of sheep.
01:13:52Sheep's disease, yes.
01:13:54Well, you may smile.
01:13:56I don't really trust any editor of Punch.
01:13:59Oh, no.
01:14:01He isn't the editor.
01:14:03He's very nearly, but not quite.
01:14:05No.
01:14:07Helen's...
01:14:09unattractive butter, did you call it, darling?
01:14:12Yes.
01:14:14Spotty butter.
01:14:16Like one you had last week, isn't it?
01:14:18Spotty.
01:14:20Frank, there was a sheriff's tour,
01:14:23but I mean to return or tourney, but not tourney.
01:14:27I think they're all lousy.
01:14:29I think they're all lousy, but of the three,
01:14:31the least of the three evils,
01:14:33I'm going to choose Helen's butter.
01:14:36The blotchy butter which Helen spoke.
01:14:39Draw a bluff.
01:14:41Nothing.
01:14:43No, it's not your fault.
01:14:48Who gave the true definition, I wonder?
01:14:51Oh, no.
01:14:54Very sorry.
01:14:56I'm sorry about that.
01:14:58That I should live to see it.
01:15:00A true disease of sheep.
01:15:02God help them all.
01:15:04To all.
01:15:06Bolson or Bolson is next one.
01:15:08Diana, your turn.
01:15:10Bolson.
01:15:12If I could do an Australian accent,
01:15:14I mean, I can't.
01:15:16It's a Mickey Finn.
01:15:18And if you happen to turn up late at a party
01:15:20and you're obviously way behind those Australians
01:15:22and you're coming back like crazy,
01:15:24a Bolson is something that's a bit of everything.
01:15:26A bit of beer and a bit of rum and a bit of whiskey
01:15:29and that's a Bolson.
01:15:31Why?
01:15:33Because it bowls you over, son.
01:15:35LAUGHTER
01:15:37APPLAUSE
01:15:43Nice bit of straightmanship there, man.
01:15:46And so, Patrick.
01:15:48There are quite a lot of Bolsons.
01:15:51All over southern California
01:15:54and northern Mexico.
01:15:56What are they doing there?
01:15:58They aren't people.
01:16:00They are geological oddities.
01:16:02Some people are.
01:16:04They're small...
01:16:06LAUGHTER
01:16:08There are shallow depressions in the ground.
01:16:12And they're usually surrounded by mountains.
01:16:14Nobody knows how they got there or where they're going to
01:16:17or whether they've arrived from anywhere else
01:16:19except, well, perhaps just natural,
01:16:21you know, the earthquake area.
01:16:23That's a Bolson.
01:16:25Could be.
01:16:27Now, Donald, your turn.
01:16:29It's on the cards. Yep.
01:16:31Bolson was a nickname given to a government issue glue
01:16:35during the First World War.
01:16:37LAUGHTER
01:16:38It was used for bonding together the frames
01:16:41and the canvas material on very early aeroplanes.
01:16:44In time, the word Bolson became a verb
01:16:48and so to Bolson, or to Bolsonise,
01:16:51became the word for punching up the holes
01:16:54caused by enemy gunfire.
01:16:57OK, well, everything has the ring of truth, yes.
01:17:00It's a kind of a very potent cocktail in Australia.
01:17:03It's that sort of glue
01:17:05and it's a shallow dent or depression in the ground.
01:17:09Helen Ryan.
01:17:12Am I allowed to confer with my team?
01:17:14Yes.
01:17:15Yes.
01:17:17Under a quarter of an hour, if possible.
01:17:19LAUGHTER
01:17:23Oh, Donald. She's beat.
01:17:25I think...
01:17:27..Bolson were an enemy during the war.
01:17:30I'm not sure that women get that much detail about glue
01:17:34and how to fight the enemies.
01:17:37Patrick, geological oddities.
01:17:39I was hopeless at geography at school.
01:17:42I didn't ever take it in my exams, so it very well could be.
01:17:46I certainly didn't come across it.
01:17:48I'd love to think it was a Mickey Finn.
01:17:53No, I shall go for Patrick's geological oddities
01:17:57and the depressions.
01:17:58The little dent...
01:17:59Oh, cheer up, Patrick.
01:18:01It's a little dent in the ground, you said.
01:18:03True or bluff?
01:18:05If you make up your mind and then change it...
01:18:08APPLAUSE
01:18:11Ah! Well done.
01:18:18Everything he said was true.
01:18:20Kind of a hole in the ground.
01:18:22Not much of a hole, but it's there.
01:18:24Poupeton is the next one.
01:18:26And, Helen, it's your turn.
01:18:28This is my favourite word, poupeton.
01:18:31It is a very complicated casserole.
01:18:35And if you would like to take down the details,
01:18:38because you might like to try it,
01:18:40there are three layers.
01:18:42There's a layer of slices of bacon at the bottom
01:18:46and then a second layer of quails or pigeon
01:18:51and a top layer of, very important, force meat.
01:18:56Oh, and peas can be added as an optional extra, if you want.
01:19:00If you want to make it.
01:19:02If you want to make it in a hurry.
01:19:04But leave out the peas.
01:19:07At last, something that sounds edible on this programme.
01:19:10Frank, your turn.
01:19:13Poupeton.
01:19:16Poupeton... Yeah.
01:19:18..is a very old and elementary French children's dance
01:19:23wherein they link hands in a circle
01:19:27and gallop round.
01:19:31The English equivalent is a ring of roses.
01:19:36Poupeton.
01:19:37OK.
01:19:38Now, Myles, your turn.
01:19:40Not a sheep disease.
01:19:43A poupeton, actually, I think from the French,
01:19:45is a love letter, especially the kind of love letter
01:19:48which is romantically folded into the shape of a wing.
01:19:51Now, what is romantic about the shape of a wing, you may ask?
01:19:54I think it is probably because it symbolises the lover
01:19:59sending his letter flying towards the loved one,
01:20:03not as letters nowadays do,
01:20:05and jog in a rather half-hearted manner towards...
01:20:10Poupeton. Please listen.
01:20:12Anyway, so it's a casserole, it's a love letter
01:20:16and it's a primitive children's dance from France.
01:20:19So, Diana tells us which she chooses.
01:20:23Not yet, children. I'm conferring.
01:20:25I'm sure I have. You'll have to give it down to him.
01:20:28Yes, please.
01:20:30BLUE HEAVEN AND BLUE SHINING...
01:20:33I'm worried about the military's letter.
01:20:35You may sing, Myles.
01:20:39I don't think it's a casserole. I don't think it's a casserole.
01:20:42It doesn't sound so edible, somehow.
01:20:44Poupeton.
01:20:46No.
01:20:48It's a toss-up between the love letter and the dance.
01:20:52RING A RING OF ROSES is a dance, originally.
01:20:54It was a rather macabre thing about the play, as I recollect.
01:20:59I think I'm going to go for...
01:21:02You're about to plump. Plump.
01:21:04Oh, good!
01:21:06For the love letter, the flying love letter.
01:21:09Straight from the heart. Airmail.
01:21:11You will, will you? I'm sorry to shout out a plump, but I always do.
01:21:14It's the second game I play, but...
01:21:16Word to Plump!
01:21:22You plumped, but you didn't plump right.
01:21:24Who gave the true definition?
01:21:26I should have listened to Paddy when he said it was me.
01:21:31Oh, no!
01:21:37Sadly, of course, it was that casserole which Helen spoke.
01:21:41At 4-2, we get to Yedda, and Patrick defines it.
01:21:47The Yedda. It's difficult to describe because it's abstract.
01:21:51Oh, fine.
01:21:54It's the kind of condition that an Indian guru can get into
01:21:58after years and years and years of self-examination...
01:22:02No, not self-examination.
01:22:04In contemplation, rather, more than that.
01:22:10After he's done all that hard work,
01:22:13one morning at dawn, he finds he can...
01:22:18..cast away all the 11...
01:22:22Come along, tongue.
01:22:24..veils of ignorance and get into a state of Yedda.
01:22:28Oh, dear.
01:22:31Well, now, Donald Syndon tells you.
01:22:34Yedda is a rapier-like grass
01:22:39which is cultivated in the east,
01:22:42especially in Japan and the Philippines.
01:22:46This Yedda, when it's cut and dried,
01:22:49is woven into large, brimmed hats,
01:22:53which are a great danger to cigarette smokers
01:22:56because they're highly inflammable.
01:23:01Diana, your go. Yedda.
01:23:03It's an artificially soured milk and it's used in Bulgaria.
01:23:08I mean, it sounds... Yedda.
01:23:10And in fact, it's preserved by the juice of rock sugar
01:23:15and the juice of rotten grapes,
01:23:18and if you drink it, you live to a very ripe old age.
01:23:23I mean, Barbara Cartland should know about Yedda.
01:23:25Yedda.
01:23:27Terrifically good for you.
01:23:29So, it's a state of mind in the Far East, in a guru.
01:23:34It's kind of milk, kind of grass.
01:23:36Frank, go on.
01:23:38I was in one of Patrick's Yeddas,
01:23:41spent five years contemplating my novel.
01:23:44Oh-ho-ho-ho!
01:23:48Are the orders as bad as that? Yeah.
01:23:50That's a good one. It can't... It cannot...
01:23:53It cannot be a Bulgarian drink in the English dictionary, could it?
01:23:58Bulgarian drink, you live to be 190.
01:24:01Grass in the East is rubbish.
01:24:04You know that... No, no.
01:24:09Come on. Vibes.
01:24:11It is grass from the East, Donald.
01:24:16Donald, speak now.
01:24:19Is it grass from the East, or were you teasing?
01:24:22Any old cow will do. Yes.
01:24:25Absolutely true.
01:24:33The vibes worked there, Frank. Absolutely perfect.
01:24:36Actually, Helen told me. Oh, did she?
01:24:39Did you know? No, you just said it so beautifully.
01:24:43Let's have another one.
01:24:45Patal is the next one, and Frank has to define it.
01:24:49When the ploughman homeward plods his weary way,
01:24:54if he's a jolly good conscientious ploughman,
01:24:58he's already used his patal.
01:25:00Because a patal is a small spade affair
01:25:05with a long handle,
01:25:07and it's used for scraping all the mud away from the ploughshare,
01:25:11that very heavy mud,
01:25:13so that the plough is left all beautifully fresh and clean
01:25:17for the following day's ploughing.
01:25:20OK, right, so it might be.
01:25:22Miles Kington this time.
01:25:24Well, you know when you go to a church for a wedding
01:25:27and the man says, are you with the bride or with the groom?
01:25:30And you say, no, I'm with the Woolwich.
01:25:33Here he is.
01:25:35That's Frank Mill country, you know.
01:25:38Perhaps I'll start again. You know when you go to a wedding,
01:25:41and you go into the pew,
01:25:43and there's one of two people behind you.
01:25:45One is a man, if you're unlucky,
01:25:47who sings hymns louder than you've ever heard hymns sung before,
01:25:50and spits a bit.
01:25:52If you're lucky, you get the man who hasn't been to church
01:25:55for about 20 or 30 years and can only half remember the prayers,
01:25:58and he goes...
01:26:00He doesn't want to be seen not to be saying anything,
01:26:02but he half remembers them, half speaks them.
01:26:04That's paddling.
01:26:06I know a lot of actors who do that, don't you?
01:26:08All of them.
01:26:10No, it's got to be prayers.
01:26:12Prayers for prayer. We do that as well, yes.
01:26:15So, right, Helen.
01:26:17A paddle is the choicest, smoothest, roundest marble
01:26:22in a boy's marble collection.
01:26:25It's one that is made actually of marble or alabaster,
01:26:29not terracotta or frosted glass.
01:26:32It's the prized possession, the one that you really do try to go for.
01:26:37That's where... That's what a paddle is.
01:26:40Good enough.
01:26:42So, it's mumbled prayers.
01:26:44It's a spade used on a ploughshare to clean it of the mud,
01:26:49and a very special marble of the sort you bowl or flick.
01:26:55Patrick to choose.
01:26:57Yes.
01:27:00All that paddling...
01:27:03No, I don't agree.
01:27:05Open your mouth. You don't have to go to all the trouble of paddling
01:27:09if you don't know the words.
01:27:11Just... silently... out.
01:27:14Right, right.
01:27:19It isn't a spade for cleaning a plough,
01:27:21but I happen to know this word. It's marble.
01:27:24Oh. Well, well. Honest you were to own up that you knew it.
01:27:28It was Helen, yes. You said it. He knows it. True or bluff?
01:27:32I didn't.
01:27:34APPLAUSE
01:27:40What made you think you knew it, Patrick?
01:27:42I didn't, really.
01:27:44All a double bluff. Oh, goodness me.
01:27:47Let's have the true one, shall we?
01:27:49Well, you take your paddle... Quick enough.
01:27:52APPLAUSE
01:27:57A paddle is indeed that sort of spade which Frank spoke.
01:28:01The final score, the final final score in this series, of course,
01:28:05coming to its end, 6-2.
01:28:07Frank's team has won.
01:28:09APPLAUSE
01:28:16And so...
01:28:18..we relieve the Oxford English Dictionary of its cap and bells
01:28:22and we take an affecting farewell.
01:28:25Beginning with Donald Syndon...
01:28:27APPLAUSE
01:28:29..Miles Kinton...
01:28:32..Diana Wiggs...
01:28:35..Helen Ryan...
01:28:37..Patrick Campbell...
01:28:41..Frank Gill...
01:28:43..and goodbye.
01:28:48APPLAUSE
01:29:13APPLAUSE
01:29:18Hello.
01:29:20Let me welcome you to another session of Call My Bluff,
01:29:23featuring the Larry Grayson of the panel game, Frank Muir.
01:29:28APPLAUSE
01:29:36Both my guests are new to the game, which is nice.
01:29:39My first is a lovely actress, what could be nicer.
01:29:43She's been in, what's it called, one-upmanship on television
01:29:48and she's been in Laugh-In for a year in the States and all sorts of things.
01:29:52And it is lovely, Claire Falkenbridge.
01:29:55APPLAUSE
01:30:01My next guest is a man of letters.
01:30:04I was going to say he was a part-time postman, but that was a little joke.
01:30:09But actually, he's a biographer and a journalist
01:30:13and he's also editor of Private Eye, Richard Ingrams.
01:30:16APPLAUSE
01:30:23And that well-known Turkish customs official, Patrick Campbell.
01:30:27APPLAUSE
01:30:31Good evening.
01:30:33And my first guest came onto my team by sheer chance,
01:30:36it feels like about 15 years ago, because only a child, really.
01:30:39But she was fresh from glittering prizes,
01:30:42but now she's making what we call a equator mouse,
01:30:45but it ought to be equator mouse.
01:30:47Anyway... Equator mouse!
01:30:50..she's Barbara Kellerman.
01:30:52APPLAUSE
01:30:58And my other guest sounds like a small boy
01:31:01with a double-barrelled Christian name.
01:31:04He's a kind of veterinary surgeon, I suppose, really.
01:31:07He's Christopher Timothy.
01:31:09APPLAUSE
01:31:16Does the old magic still hold good?
01:31:18BELL RINGS
01:31:20Yes, it does. When you ring that bell, what you get is a word,
01:31:23and the word is wally drag.
01:31:25If I remember it well, Frank and his team
01:31:27will define wally drag three different ways.
01:31:29Two of the definitions are false, one is true.
01:31:32The other one that Patrick and co. try and pick out.
01:31:34So what about this one, Frank?
01:31:37Wally drag is one of the many American folk names
01:31:42for the convolvulus soldenilla,
01:31:46which is a creeping bindweed
01:31:51which works its way upwards
01:31:54and has violet flowers which are bell-shaped.
01:31:58Other folk names for this
01:32:01are catchpenny, hateweed and bellweed.
01:32:06And Americans do not like it in their gardens.
01:32:09They do not like it.
01:32:11Fascinating. Not at all.
01:32:14It's convolvulus, really.
01:32:16So, that's what it is, according to Frank.
01:32:19Richard Ingram, please go.
01:32:21Wally drag is a term of Australian slang
01:32:24used by soldiers during the First World War
01:32:28to describe a hand-rolled cigarette.
01:32:32And it was called after
01:32:34a firm of Australian tobacco manufacturers
01:32:38called Walters, now alas, extinct.
01:32:45Well, it all fits together.
01:32:47It all fits together. Now, Claire Falkenbridge.
01:32:49A wally drag is the youngest
01:32:52and therefore the weakest and most vulnerable
01:32:54of the animal kingdom.
01:32:56A cuckoo will oust the wally drag of the brood
01:32:58to make more nestrum.
01:33:02Oh, that's very brief.
01:33:04Brief but full of colour and taste and zest.
01:33:06It's bindweed, they say.
01:33:08Kind of a hand-rolled cigarette.
01:33:10And it's the feeblest, I think you were getting at there, Claire,
01:33:13the sort of most vulnerable member of a family of animals.
01:33:17Patrick.
01:33:18Well, just a minute.
01:33:23We've got him baffled, I think.
01:33:26Yes.
01:33:27Yeah, we're all in full agreement here.
01:33:29One mind's enough, I hope.
01:33:32I don't believe there was any firm that made cigarettes
01:33:36called Walters, least of all in Australia.
01:33:40I might return to you, though, later on, so watch it.
01:33:42All this convolvulous nonsense.
01:33:46The feeblest of little animals.
01:33:50Oh, dear, oh, dear.
01:33:51The first game, 14th year,
01:33:54it must be an Australian cigarette.
01:33:57No, it isn't.
01:34:00This is fun.
01:34:03It's American convolvulous.
01:34:06That's what you think it is, is it, Patrick?
01:34:08Well, now, I think it was Frank who said that, wasn't it?
01:34:11True or bluff?
01:34:14It's a bluff, isn't it?
01:34:16Oh!
01:34:22No, no.
01:34:24It was not that.
01:34:25It was something else.
01:34:26The true definition now is declared.
01:34:28Oh, no!
01:34:30Yes, indeed.
01:34:37A wally drag is the feeblest in a litter or bunch of animals.
01:34:41It should have been a cigarette.
01:34:43A wally drag cigarette, jolly nice.
01:34:45Pilgit or pilgit, I don't know.
01:34:47Patrick, how do you pronounce it?
01:34:49It turned out that Barbara knew that word.
01:34:51I call it pilgit.
01:34:55You find pilgits only in houses that used to be lit by gas.
01:35:00But how to affix the gas mantle to the wall,
01:35:03you want a little block of wood which is called a pilgit.
01:35:06Now, in poor houses, you take a little square block of wood
01:35:10and gas mantle nail onto the block of wood.
01:35:12But in a superior house, you get the edges of the wood bevelled.
01:35:17Even gilt around the pilgits.
01:35:21Golly, that was exciting.
01:35:24You've got all your notes there?
01:35:26And I think we now ask Christopher Timothy.
01:35:28He has a whack at it.
01:35:31A pilgit is a very rude nickname
01:35:34for a partly bald or tonsured monk.
01:35:38That's a monk who's either bald because he chooses to be
01:35:41or because he can't help it.
01:35:43And it's particularly rude,
01:35:45and the word is derived from a Kent word
01:35:49describing an overripe, hence, peeling onion.
01:35:54Morning, vicar, you look like a peeling onion.
01:35:59Hence, you're being rude to a monk.
01:36:01Well, Barbara Kellerman, what do you say?
01:36:03Well, a pilgit is the easiest way to describe a monk.
01:36:06A pilgit is the easiest way for a woman to ride pillion on a horse.
01:36:17It's a soft cushion that they put behind the saddle, you see,
01:36:21so that, in fact, she can grab hold of the man who's riding in front
01:36:25and then her bottom doesn't hurt.
01:36:31It's sort of a soft bit on a saddle, really.
01:36:33That's what it comes to.
01:36:34It's a bald monk, but it's a nasty term for one.
01:36:37And it's a sort of batten, I think,
01:36:39against which you fasten a gas lamp or mantle.
01:36:43Frank.
01:36:45May I deal with Patrick Campbell to begin with?
01:36:49I heard your evidence very carefully,
01:36:52and a load of old codswallop.
01:36:57You're sure?
01:36:58Yes, those little wooden things are called roses,
01:37:01and a rose by any other name wouldn't be pilgit.
01:37:05Now, would it?
01:37:06Yes.
01:37:07If we exchange positions, you wouldn't accept that, would you?
01:37:10Yes.
01:37:11Well, you'd be a fool.
01:37:13Passing on to the vet, I think...
01:37:16What would he say?
01:37:17Oh, a bald monk.
01:37:18Yes, no, he was a peeled onion head.
01:37:21The word is pill garlic, isn't it?
01:37:25So I think we've got the definition of pill garlic applied to monk.
01:37:29Which leads us, my lords, ladies and gentlemen,
01:37:32to madam, the cushion under the lady pillion rider's bottom.
01:37:39You choose it, Frank.
01:37:40Well, I'm sort of left with it.
01:37:42You are, you are.
01:37:43I've manoeuvred myself into a position.
01:37:45Two from three leaves one, that's right.
01:37:47Barbara, you said that. She said it.
01:37:52You're right!
01:37:54We shall now leave you in silence.
01:37:57I'll put yours down ahead.
01:38:00It's a sort of soft little back to a saddle or pillion on,
01:38:04I suppose, motorbikes or horses or the like.
01:38:07Now, what's the next one?
01:38:09Stroke-als is the next one.
01:38:12Richard Ingrams.
01:38:13Stroke-als is a name for a kind of shovel
01:38:17which is used for the making of glass.
01:38:20And it has a sort of funny little turned-up edge on the spade,
01:38:25as it were, of the shovel, rather like a tray.
01:38:28And they use it to take the glass,
01:38:31the molten glass in its liquid form,
01:38:34out of what they call the crucible and put it into the mould,
01:38:38as it's known.
01:38:40It's a fairly trembling hand.
01:38:42Yes, it was a trembling hand.
01:38:44He'd had a few too many.
01:38:46Not just Norfolk, I hope.
01:38:47Well, Norfolk will turn up, I'm sure, very shortly.
01:38:50Clare, your turn.
01:38:51A stroke-als is a small portable harp
01:38:54that was used by the Plantagenet minstrels
01:38:57to strum their top 20 on.
01:38:59And it normally has about 12 strings
01:39:02and it's plucked with the fingers.
01:39:04Not the toes?
01:39:06No.
01:39:09Frank, your go.
01:39:10May I mention Derbyshire, without being...
01:39:13That's a new county for us, isn't it?
01:39:15..subjected to mockery.
01:39:17Because stroke-als is a softish Derbyshire limestone,
01:39:23which is so full of alkalis
01:39:26that it can be used for washing grease off hands,
01:39:31which is the reason why...
01:39:33I hope I'm not coming on too strong by mentioning this.
01:39:37In some parts of Derbyshire,
01:39:40it's known as the lavatory stone.
01:39:45Whatever next?
01:39:49So, they say that it's limestone of a sort,
01:39:53it's a glassblower's shovel
01:39:55and it's a mobile harp.
01:39:58Christopher Timothy.
01:40:00Um...
01:40:03The glassmaking shovel,
01:40:05ala stoke, stoking, shoveling.
01:40:09And the small harp, stroking, stoke.
01:40:13The strings.
01:40:15Yes.
01:40:16You're doing very well.
01:40:17Clever, isn't this clever?
01:40:19I think it's the Derbyshire lavatory soap.
01:40:24Lavatory soap? Well, stone.
01:40:26Stone, yes.
01:40:27It's the limestone which Frank spoke.
01:40:30Is that true or was it teasing, Frank?
01:40:32We're going to lose all of you.
01:40:34Was it a kind of lava toy?
01:40:36It's another bluff, isn't it?
01:40:39APPLAUSE
01:40:43Nothing to do with that.
01:40:46That was all made up.
01:40:47Here comes the true one.
01:40:48Someone's got it.
01:40:50Oh.
01:40:51Yes, indeed. There it is.
01:40:53APPLAUSE
01:40:58Stroke towels is a glassblower's shovel.
01:41:02Here's another word.
01:41:03Halo kit, I suppose.
01:41:06Christopher.
01:41:08Saint.
01:41:10Halo kit is a hymn of praise sung at important Jewish feasts,
01:41:14particularly the Feast of the Tabernacles.
01:41:17And it consists of Psalms 108 to 113,
01:41:22sung consecutively,
01:41:24which I've no need to tell anybody, as I'm sure you all know,
01:41:27amounts to the grand total of...
01:41:31..162 verses.
01:41:33It's a hymn of praise, Jewish.
01:41:37And now, Barbara, your turn.
01:41:40A halakut is how you pronounce it,
01:41:44and it's a Scottish word,
01:41:46and it means somebody, a woman, who is giddy, thoughtless,
01:41:50a bit scatty.
01:41:52And, in fact, if Robert Burns had ever used it in one of his poems,
01:41:55which he never did,
01:41:57it would have sounded something like a wee halakut lassie.
01:42:01Yes.
01:42:03And now Patrick tells you a thing.
01:42:07A halakut is a rural variety of sprite or hobgoblin.
01:42:14Was it not Samuel Fester...
01:42:17I hope not.
01:42:19..a well-known Victorian nature writer,
01:42:23what said of the halakut,
01:42:26it's a little goblin that...
01:42:31..not lorks, but lurks in Hawthorn Hedge.
01:42:34Difficult to lurk in Hawthorn Hedge.
01:42:36Anyway, lorks in Hawthorn Hedge, in the spring,
01:42:40and steals eggs and hides them,
01:42:43naughtily, as Samuel Fester says, from their mothers.
01:42:48Oh, well, it's a busy little thing, isn't it, Patrick?
01:42:51It's a busy little hobgoblin of that sort.
01:42:54It's a giddy woman, I think you said,
01:42:57a Scottish giddy woman,
01:42:59and it's a sort of hymn of praise. Richard, your turn.
01:43:02Well, it sounds to me like something that angels have
01:43:05to make their halos with, sort of.
01:43:08You can say that, however.
01:43:13Oh, dear, it's terribly difficult.
01:43:15The great leprechaun himself gave us this little Irish creature.
01:43:25And then there were the Jewish psalms,
01:43:28sung consecutively for a very long time.
01:43:31I...think I'll plump for the...
01:43:36You plumped?
01:43:38Did I plump?
01:43:40Oh, it's a personal pleasure when a person plumps to me.
01:43:43I don't know why, I just like it, you know, it has to happen.
01:43:46All right, well, I'll go for, if you like,
01:43:49the giddy, thoughtless Scottish lady.
01:43:53That was Barbara.
01:43:55Barbara, you've been plumped for, my dear.
01:43:58True or bluff?
01:44:00Yes.
01:44:04Was I!
01:44:06Losing is fun!
01:44:11We'll get this later on.
01:44:14Just shows you where plumping will get you.
01:44:17It's a giddy woman, is a halo kit, or a halo kit,
01:44:20or pronounce it as you will, but that's how it's spelt, certainly.
01:44:23Next one, Anne-Claire, your turn.
01:44:26A yorga is a floating grocery shop for the Scottish fishing fleet,
01:44:32and it was a small sailing boat that went around trading,
01:44:35and in payment they received haddock or herring.
01:44:39That's all it was.
01:44:41You're full of information.
01:44:43Frank, your turn.
01:44:45Yorga was not a pretty sight.
01:44:50Imagine the early settlers in America,
01:44:53far away from chain chemist shops,
01:44:57and on their skin grew these sort of leathery patches,
01:45:03sort of dry and scaly.
01:45:08And that was the yorga, the yorgas.
01:45:11It was a kind of vitamin deficiency,
01:45:14probably due to eating maize, Indian maize.
01:45:18I can't not say that.