Women leave their parental home after marriage. Why? || Acharya Prashant, at IIT-Guwahati (2023)

Acharya Prashant

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Transcript

00:00Good evening sir, I have had this question for really long and that is after being born

00:11and brought up in their parents home for nearly two and a half decades, one very fine day

00:19Indian women or women in general have to leave their parents home and are married off to

00:26start a new life from the scratch. They are expected to make a new home with their in-laws

00:33leaving their parents home where the former being absolute strangers to her just before.

00:42So what are your opinions on this? Why do only women have to do this and can there be

00:49any alternative to this practice which can be suitable to both men and women as well?

00:56Incidentally a question, you may clap, yes. It's the question actually that deserves

01:10a clap. So just very recently I suppose two, three, four months back I have answered this

01:17question and every time I am posed this question, my response is immediately the same. Why must

01:29you as a woman ask this question to anybody? It's your life, is it not? So I would rather

01:43bounce the question back to you. Why do you choose to leave your parental home? What is

01:54the need? Because I mean nobody is tying your limbs and forcibly carrying you away to the

02:04other family or the other house. Women in some way walk out on their own, right? Even

02:11if they are weeping their hearts and their eyes out, still it's on their own feet that

02:19they walk out and go to the other place. Why do you choose to do that? What is the need?

02:26Is there a need? I mean you tell me please. If I were a woman, I would never, never see

02:37the point in that and obviously never agree to that. How is it possible that my parent's

02:47house becomes a stranger's place to me and I start calling the other family as my family

02:58and some random fellow as papa. I mean obviously a random fellow, you can come up with cultural

03:10arguments and say, no the father of the husband is my own father, I don't see that, I don't

03:16feel that, just don't. Mummy is a sacred word, is it not? Mother. Having called somebody

03:27mother, ma, once in life, how can you start calling somebody else suddenly as ma? Just

03:34because she incidentally happens to be the mother of the one your hormones have fallen

03:40in love with, so she becomes your mother, how? All this is quite a lot of crap, I just

03:52don't see the point in this and if you want to go into the reasons, the reasons are all

04:00very evolutionary and very material based on economics, nothing else. When you look

04:11at the woman as a factor of production, manpower is a resource in the economy and the woman

04:20produces manpower in the form of babies, so the woman is like a factor of production in

04:26the eyes of economics, that's how she is. The factor of production is controlled by

04:35its master. Factory is owned, a factory is something that produces, it is owned by somebody.

04:45The ones who owns a productive resource wants to keep it in its own premises, so the husband

04:53carries her away, he says now she will produce kids for me, so I must possess her, own her

04:59and keep her at my place and for exactly the same reason the girl is made to now wear and

05:07carry the name of the husband. If you go to villages, even today, you will find old utensils

05:18and the name of the owner is etched on them, seen that, old utensils and they are carrying

05:27the name of the owner and that is what is also done to women, otherwise what is the

05:32point, your mother changes, new mummy, new papa and new name also, new house, new mummy,

05:41new papa, new name, new family, new bed, new, why? Are you getting a rebirth or what?

05:50So all this is just quite loveless economics, there is no life in it, there is no love in

05:55it and no self-respecting woman should agree to this, no self-aware woman can agree to

06:04this, in fact forget about the woman, if even the man has any degree of self-awareness

06:12and self-respect, he will never want a woman to quit his family and start coming here and

06:19do all kinds of things, let the man stay where he has to stay, let the woman stay where she

06:24wants to stay and if they want to meet, it's good to meet once in a while, right?

06:34I mean frequent dating is far better than cohabitation, take it from me, meeting someone

06:42once in a week is pleasurable but when you have to look at that person's face 24 hours,

06:49then you come to see the real face and that is quite intolerable, once in a week is just

06:55okay, once in a month is still better.

07:02So all that is quite nonsensical and I don't know why girls even today accept all that,

07:15that just tells me that the times have changed, the minds have not changed, we are not really

07:25progressing in the inner sense, even though there is a lot of material abundance outside,

07:32internally we are still quite poor and I really sometimes feel very angry at what women have

07:43done to themselves and all the things that they needlessly accept, I just don't know

07:50why a woman should simply allow herself to be a hostage to the past, blind traditions

08:01and forces of economics, why she should allow herself to be, especially today, when she

08:10herself is educated, when she earns, she knows, she has knowledge, awareness, power, legal

08:18protection, all kinds of things are there, why does she need to act subservient, why

08:25does she need to allow her life to be destroyed, all that is quite unfathomable, it's just

08:40that we don't think over these things, it's taken as some kind of divine rule, the woman

08:45has to leave her house and go to some other place, there is nothing divine in this, this

08:52is just social custom and economics and you have no obligation to follow any customs whatsoever,

09:02your only obligation is your own liberation, you might have the body of a woman but your

09:10consciousness is of a human being, you are fundamentally just consciousness and therefore

09:16your sole purpose in life is your liberation, you do not exist to appease a man or to produce

09:22kids or to carry the mantle of social custom, no?

09:35Any follow-ups on this one?

09:39Namaste Sir, Sir I have a question related to what you have explained just now, I completely

09:52agree with the theory, I completely agree, but can you also suggest a way to explain

09:59the same concept to our parents, because my parents are asking me to get married because

10:09they wanted to get me free from some kind of burden, so the same concept which you explained

10:15to us, we as a girl, I think every girl in this hall, even in this college will accept

10:21this phenomena and want to stand for their own, but don't you think that every parents

10:25will curse you after learning this, that we learnt this, I will tell them that I learnt

10:34from you that I will not leave your place, I will stick here even after marriage, what

10:40do you suggest on this?

10:47See certain things I can only force myself to imagine, so I cannot see how a father or

10:59a mother can do that, but I can kind of just by way of fiction imagine, my father he never

11:12imposed himself on me or my sister, my sister lived absolutely the way she wanted to, she

11:21is a very very strong person, very independent minded and people call her the man of the

11:31house, so I can only imagine that there can be parents of the kind who can push daughters

11:44out of the house and that's a very scary imagination, how can a father or a mother curse the daughter

11:54and tell her to marry and get lost, in that case take a place on rent, what else, I mean

12:10if your parents don't want to keep you, try renting a place, what else can I say?

12:21What I am saying is there should be no obligation to go to the husband's place and necessarily

12:31stay there and do all those things.

12:35As you told that we are bound with some society norms, so is there any, like there should

12:45be some way that we can explain them because they believe in spirituality and although

12:51they are…

12:52No, you can ask them these basic questions, why do you want to push me out of your house,

12:58please tell me why must I go and if they have a tangible argument, counter that, if they

13:08have no argument and they simply say because that's the social custom, then they don't

13:12love you, then they anyway don't love you, so then no need to go to the husband's place

13:21and also no need to necessarily stay in your father's place where you are unloved and unwanted,

13:29quit both the places, the world is a huge opportunity, live anywhere, stay anywhere,

13:35do whatever is the right work and fly free, simple.

13:44Do I just hear people getting excited at the back?

13:47Is it because we are talking of marriage and girls?

14:22Good evening Acharya, my name is Saurabh Prasad, as we were talking about marriage,

14:30I got one question in my mind, is Kundali matching really needed, what's the science

14:35behind it?

14:36In India, most parents and society reject girl or boy solely on the basis of Kundali

14:41matching and guna, is it right or is it just another fear mongering?

14:46If two person get married without Kundali matching or if guna does not match, are they

14:51going to live sadly or any mishappening will occur because people say astrology is a science

14:56and we believe on the science, what is your take on this?

15:01You know what is a science right, you know when to call something scientific, if you

15:05think all this horoscope and astrology is scientific, go by it, do you think there is

15:11any science in it, you know the principles of science, are those principles used when

15:18you make a horoscope, are you using Newton's laws, Kepler's laws, black body radiation,

15:26laws of thermodynamics, quantum physics, what is it that you are using to make or draw that

15:34horoscope, how is it scientific at all, right, so what science is there, ask yourself, also

15:44it's a thing about your marriage, right, as a young man I would suppose that you care

15:55for love, do you care for love or the horoscope, they say that one mark of love is that it

16:07does not care for the future, right, love does not care for the future and the horoscope

16:14talks only of the future, so where there is this kundali matching and all that, how can

16:21there be any love, what's the point in getting into a loveless relationship even if the kundalis

16:32are there, all that is quite nonsensical, very loveless, very dry, very sad, even in

16:43my time, there were a lot of couples in college, a lot of affairs would bloom, most of them

16:53were caste compatible, the boy and the girl would first of all ascertain that the match

17:06belongs to an acceptable caste and only then propose and get into a relationship, this

17:15degree of lovelessness, it's all quite sad and then the result of all that is a very

17:27wasted kind of life, you have to spend so many years, decades with someone and your

17:39association with that person itself is based on very dry, very flawed grounds, how will

17:48you live with that fellow all your life, avoid.

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