Get Smart S01E18 (The Dead Spy Scrawls)
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00:00I wonder what's keeping Agent 46.
00:16I don't know.
00:17He's long overdue.
00:18The message in the drop said to bring $2,000 to this bus station at 11 o'clock sharp.
00:23Max, there's 46.
00:33He's using the silent signal system.
00:35Right.
00:36I've got my book right here.
00:39Good.
00:40Now, let's see.
00:42Touched his brim, rubbed his left arm, and hitched up his pants.
00:45What did he say?
00:48He wants me to steal second base.
00:49That's the spy baseball handbook.
00:53Oh, right.
00:54I've got the other book right here.
01:06Ah, here it is.
01:07The signal says, I think I'm being followed.
01:10Blue alert.
01:12Act casual and do not try to contact me until my next signal.
01:22Max, was his next signal supposed to be a groan?
01:45No.
01:46Max, look!
01:48Max, is he...
01:53Yes.
01:54Look, 99, he tried to scroll a message in the wet cement.
02:02You'd better call the chief and get some men down here right away.
02:06We're gonna need some help.
02:07This isn't gonna be easy.
02:08Finding the killer?
02:09No, getting this block of cement back to control.
03:17Stryker, how many times have I told you?
03:25Never bother me when I'm in a big money game.
03:28That's it, Pittsburgh.
03:39Let that be a lesson to you.
03:42Never try to hustle the shark.
03:45Okay, folks, closing time.
03:48See you tomorrow.
03:50Remember, the family that plays together stays together.
04:06I took care of that control agent.
04:08Good.
04:09But he was meeting another agent who I recognize.
04:12Maxwell Smart.
04:13No, I never came across him.
04:14You never will.
04:16I'm going back to that bus station.
04:18Pick up his trail.
04:19And when the time is right, I'll kill him.
04:24There's the signal.
04:26We've intercepted another message from control.
04:29I'll get it out of the machine.
04:30Get the drapes.
04:36Ten left, one right, five left, ten, eight.
04:59I gotta hand it to you, Shark.
05:01Nobody would ever figure the machine was in there.
05:05Wouldn't do them any good if they did.
05:07If anybody tried to open it without the proper combination, they'd be blasted sky high.
05:14I wonder what Agent 46 wanted with this $2,000.
05:17I don't know.
05:18Maybe this message in the cement will tell us.
05:20He was working undercover looking for a new electronic brain that Chaos had set up.
05:24An electronic brain?
05:26Yes, a machine that they've been using to intercept and decode our secret messages.
05:31Do you have any idea where it's located?
05:33According to our experts, it must be somewhere near control headquarters.
05:37And because of its mechanical complexity, it's got to be large and heavy.
05:41Then it can't be moved.
05:42Right.
05:44Oh, there you are, Chief.
05:46If you're ready, let's analyze that message Agent 46 was trying to write.
05:50Go ahead, Parker.
05:51We're familiar with the shorthand writing learned in training school and its purpose.
05:56It's a secret scroll to be used by wounded spies who want to leave us a message or a clue before they die.
06:02The translation's here on this chart.
06:05The dead spy scrolls.
06:08All we have to do is match the symbols on the cement with the symbols on the chart.
06:13Now, let's see.
06:16Uh, let's see.
06:17This matches the sixth box in the third row.
06:21That's the letter P.
06:22And the next symbol matches the one in the fourth box in the second row.
06:26That's the letter I.
06:27P-I.
06:29P-I.
06:31I think I've got it, Chief.
06:33It's really quite simple, Parker.
06:35You see, the electronic brain is located somewhere in the Philippine Islands.
06:39Wrong.
06:40Wrong.
06:42Paid informer.
06:44Right.
06:45Right.
06:46The other symbol stands for Washington telephone number 393-1686.
06:53That's why Agent 46 wanted the money.
06:56This informer must have information about Chaos' electronic brain.
07:00Follow this up, Max.
07:02Right, Chief.
07:23Yeah?
07:24This is Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 of Control.
07:27Did you try to contact one of our agents tonight and sell him some information about a decoding machine?
07:32Could be.
07:33You interested?
07:34Yes.
07:35Well, be at the same bus station tomorrow night at 10 o'clock.
07:38Have the 2,000 bucks with you.
07:40Well, how will I know you?
07:41You won't.
07:43The other agent was knocked off, and I'm not taking any chances.
07:46You wear a red carnation, and I'll contact you.
07:49Near the newsstand.
07:50Right.
07:54Right.
07:55Right.
07:56You gonna stand there all night, or you gonna buy something?
08:27That's what I'm here for.
08:28I was waiting for you to notice the carnation.
08:31It's beautiful.
08:33Thank you.
08:35How do we handle this?
08:36Just like it's always been handled.
08:38I hand you the merchandise, you give me the money.
08:43Yes, this is a perfect front.
08:46What'll I buy?
08:48What do you want?
08:49Newspaper?
08:50Keychain?
08:53How about gum?
08:57Very clever.
08:59Where is it?
09:00Where would it be?
09:02In the wrapper.
09:03Now, listen.
09:05I can't afford to take any chances.
09:07I give you 500 now, and the rest when I see if the gum is there.
09:15Oh, the gum is there, all right.
09:23There's nothing but gum in here.
09:27That man's made a terrible mistake.
09:29He's not the informer.
09:35Okay, ready to sell.
09:39Make it snappy.
09:40Where's the money?
09:41Just a minute.
09:42I'll get it.
09:43I'll get it.
09:44I'll get it.
09:45I'll get it.
09:46I'll get it.
09:47I'll get it.
09:48I'll get it.
09:49I'll get it.
09:50I'll get it.
09:51Where's the money?
09:52Now, just a minute.
09:53One mistake has been made already.
09:55I'm not paying another red cent until I have definite proof that you're the real informer.
10:00Now, wait a minute.
10:09The brain.
10:10Where is the brain?
10:12Shark.
10:14Pool.
10:16Mother.
10:30Hello, this is 86 calling Control.
10:32This is 86 calling Control.
10:33Come in, Control.
10:35Hello, Chief.
10:36Max.
10:37The informer has just been killed, but he left us a clue.
10:40And I didn't have to pay a cent for it.
10:43No, I don't have the entire $2,000.
10:46I have $1,500 of it.
10:48Well, of course I didn't lose it, Chief.
10:50What do you think I am, stupid?
10:52I spent the other $500 for a package of gum.
11:02Shark.
11:03Pool.
11:04Mother.
11:05Shark.
11:06Pool.
11:07Mother.
11:08Wait a minute, Chief.
11:09I think I've got a lead.
11:10Well, I hope so, Max.
11:11We've been at it for hours.
11:12Come on, look.
11:13Shark is a fish.
11:15And pool is a body of water.
11:18And mother is a lady parent.
11:21Fish, water, parent.
11:25Now, if we can just figure out what that means, we've got it.
11:31I think we'd better go back to shark, pool, mother.
11:34Wait a minute.
11:36My hobby is playing pool, and I just remembered something.
11:39Look, Chief, this is no time to play pool.
11:41We're working on a case.
11:43One of the best pool players in town is a man known as the Shark.
11:48And he runs a place called Mother's Family Pool Parlor.
11:53Just what are you saying, Chief?
11:55Well, if the Shark is a chaos man, it's just possible that the decoding machine could be hidden in Mother's Family Pool Parlor.
12:02Then what you're saying is that if the Shark is a chaos man, then the decoding machine...
12:07Max!
12:08There's only one way to find out.
12:10We'll need someone to keep the Shark occupied long enough for another agent to search for it.
12:15A man like the Shark could never resist the challenge of a game with a good pool player.
12:21Well, I'm your man, Chief. This is my assignment.
12:24Max, this is extremely dangerous. You'd be on the spot walking a tightrope, possibly facing a violent death.
12:32And loving it.
12:37All right, Max, if you insist. 99 can look around for the decoding machine.
12:41By the way, how's your pool?
12:43Don't worry about me, Chief. I know the game inside and out.
12:48I was afraid you'd say that.
12:52Everything is organized and ready to go, Max.
12:55Parker is working on some special equipment for you, and we've sent for the architect's blueprints of the pool room...
12:59so that we might be able to see where the machine might be hidden.
13:02Well, don't worry about me, Chief. I'll take care of my end.
13:05This is Willie Marconi, one of the best pool experts in the country.
13:09How do you do? Nice to meet you.
13:11I want you to make sure that you can teach him how to play a good game, Willie.
13:14I can teach anyone.
13:19The Chief has got it a little wrong, Willie.
13:21You see, I happen to be an expert at this game.
13:23As a matter of fact, I happen to be the pool champion of the entire East Coast.
13:27Would you believe it? The entire East Coast.
13:29I find that hard to believe.
13:32Would you believe the West Coast?
13:35I don't think so.
13:37How about Steubensville, Ohio?
13:41Do you use powder?
13:43No, I've always found it a little effeminate.
13:47Use your hands to cut down on the friction.
13:50Let the pool cue slide easily through your fingers, like this.
13:53Oh, that kind of powder. Of course I use it.
14:03Oh!
14:07Well, Willie, how's it going?
14:13I'll keep trying.
14:16All right, let's get a game started.
14:18Right. I have a couple of shots that'll knock your eye out.
14:22I'll bet you have.
14:24That is the cue ball.
14:27Now, you knock that ball into the balls in this rack.
14:33After I remove the rack.
14:37Sorry about that, Willie.
14:51Chief, I think Willie is a little accident prone.
14:55Now, wait till you see this shot, Chief.
14:57This is really a beauty.
14:59See, I'm going to hit down on the cue ball,
15:02make it curve around the 12 ball,
15:04go into the 8 ball and knock the 8 ball right in the side pocket.
15:07Max, you might break the cue stick.
15:09Don't be silly, Chief.
15:11I'm not going to break the cue stick.
15:19You see, Chief?
15:21I told you I wasn't going to break the cue stick.
15:23This has gone far enough.
15:25Max, you told me you were a good pool player,
15:27but you're a fake and a fraud.
15:29You haven't the vaguest notion of how to play pool.
15:33Just what are you getting at, Chief?
15:37Chief, I think Willie has one of your headaches.
15:42Thanks anyway, Willie.
15:43Send me a bill for the damages.
15:47So long, Willie.
15:51I told you he was accident prone.
15:55Here's the special equipment for smart,
15:57and I really have some goodies this time.
15:59He won't need it.
16:01I'm taking Max off of this assignment.
16:03He doesn't know a thing about shooting pool.
16:05Oh, he doesn't have to.
16:07No, Parker's devised a remote control cue ball,
16:10so Max can make any shot on the table.
16:12Good work, Parker. That may be our answer.
16:15Max must win that first game
16:17so that the shark will challenge him to a second game.
16:19Right. That way I can...
16:21Why?
16:23So 99 will have time to look for the decoding machine.
16:26Oh, now, wait a minute, Chief.
16:28That's dirty pool.
16:30I mean, it's not whether you win or lose that counts.
16:32It's how you play the game.
16:34Max!
16:36Here's the cue ball.
16:39And in my lipstick is a transistor remote control.
16:42Now, remember, once you've hit the cue ball
16:44and it's in motion, I can maneuver it anywhere.
16:47Good luck, Max.
17:05Perfect.
17:06Thank you.
17:08With your potential, Smart, I've made a cue stick
17:10that is actually a shotgun.
17:12A cue stick that's a shotgun?
17:14That's fantastic, Parker.
17:16How does it work?
17:17Well, to load it, you break it open in the middle.
17:25Oh, I hope I don't have to load it in a hurry.
17:28That's a regular cue stick, Smart.
17:30Here's the shotgun.
17:32You open it like this,
17:34place the shell in like this,
17:37and you close it like this, and you're ready to go.
17:40Well, that certainly is ingenious, Parker.
17:43But how do you fire it?
17:45You simply hit the rubber tip on the back end.
17:47Oh, gotcha.
17:49You're all set, Max.
17:50I certainly am, Chief.
17:51And before you know it,
17:53that chaos decoding machine will be right here in control.
18:15Well, I guess I'll just warm up a little bit.
18:46Hey, I like the way you handle yourself, kid.
18:49I do all right.
18:51Tell that to the shark when you see him.
18:54Why the shark?
18:56Well, I'm looking for a game.
18:59A thousand dollars a ball.
19:03I'm the shark.
19:06Oh, I'm sorry I can't play right now.
19:09Sorry, folks, closing time.
19:11Did you hear that, folks?
19:13I challenged him to a game, and he refused.
19:16Looks to me like the shark is chicken.
19:19What's the matter, shark?
19:21You afraid of me?
19:23The shark isn't afraid of anyone.
19:26I accept.
19:29You want to flip for break?
19:32All right, shark, you can break them.
19:35I'm not afraid of you.
19:39I accept.
19:41You want to flip for break?
19:43All right, shark, you can break them.
19:46Back them up, Pittsburgh.
19:50Not bad, shark.
20:01There won't be a ball left on the table.
20:09I accept.
20:12You want to flip for break?
20:15All right, shark, you can break them.
20:18I accept.
20:30Nice try, shark, but you forgot to allow for the win.
20:42I'm making a shot.
20:49I accept.
21:02Hey, the only man I ever saw make that kind of a shot
21:06was the great pool champion, Three Fingers Yarmy.
21:09Yes, as a matter of fact, I just stole it off him last week.
21:15He's been dead for six years.
21:18Oh, good.
21:20What he doesn't know won't hurt him.
21:37It's Maxwell Smart, the control agent I told you about.
21:40Now watch this.
21:42I'll get him.
21:44Not in front of all these witnesses.
21:46I'll finish the game fast, get rid of the people, then you take care of him.
21:53Beautiful, just beautiful.
22:13Those are the combination numbers for the decoding machine.
22:16That's a million to one.
22:24I'm shooting again.
22:36Whoa, that's a good shot.
22:40Max, the brain.
22:43Max, look out, he's got a gun in his briefcase.
22:53Stick is empty, Smart.
22:55Try anything, she goes first.
22:58Max, my lipstick.
23:00Ninety-nine, this is no time to be thinking about your appearance.
23:05He's out cold, Max.
23:07I know, I hope he hasn't suffered a loss of memory.
23:11He owes me $13,000 from the pool game.
23:35Oh, hi, Chief.
23:37Max, the assignment is over.
23:39We've got the shark, we've got the decoding machine.
23:41There's no need to play pool any longer.
23:43I know, Chief, but I've been doing a lot of practicing and I want to show you something.
23:46You remember that shot I tried to make once,
23:49where I make the cue ball go around one ball and knock the other ball into the pocket?
23:52I'll never forget it.
23:54Max, please, we've just put a new cloth on the table.
23:57Don't be silly, Chief.
23:59I'm not going to rip the cloth.
24:04Max!
25:04Max!