Duck Quacks Don't Echo. S02 E05.

deaddogsmoking
deaddogsmoking
  • 2 months ago
First broadcast 29th September 2014.

Lee Mack

Simon Foster
Emily Grossman
David Wharton
John Sergeant

Jimmy Carr
Chris Packham
Kimberley Walsh

Johnjoe McFadden
Glen Jeffery

Category

📺
TV
Transcript
00:00This is a show where we reveal some of the most incredible facts that you've never heard
00:26of.
00:27In this show, each one of our guests will unveil an astonishing and surprising fact.
00:30We'll test each fact to the limit and decide which one we think is the most amazing.
00:35So let's see who's joining me tonight.
00:37Here's an interesting fact about my first guest.
00:39As an experiment, he once had two people have sex on live TV to measure their heart rate.
00:45I don't know what the results were, but it certainly killed my granddad who was watching.
00:49And my gran who was taking part.
00:51Please welcome Richard Madeley.
00:54And an interesting fact about my second guest is that he's recently taken up kickboxing.
01:00So please welcome tonight's winner, Jason Manford.
01:05And the fact about my final guest is that she's an Essex girl who shot to fame on The
01:10Big Breakfast.
01:11Over the years, literally thousands of people have woken up with her in the morning.
01:15Just like most Essex girls, really.
01:18Please welcome Denise Van Outen.
01:21So, this is a show all about extraordinary but slightly odd facts.
01:26For example, despite popular belief, it is possible to tickle yourself.
01:32No.
01:33Anybody know how?
01:34No, it's not true.
01:35Oh, it is true.
01:36If you know that the tickle's coming, you're not ticklish.
01:38That is true.
01:39You're not supposed to know where you're going to be tickled.
01:41Well, then just get drunk.
01:42You'd have to be pretty drunk to not know who your own arms belong to.
01:47Oh, Sandra, is it?
01:51There is a part of your body that is ticklish.
01:53I've tried it.
01:54Inside your ear.
01:55Not inside your ear, no.
01:56Inside your nostril.
01:57Oh, you're close.
01:58Roof of your mouth.
01:59Oh.
02:00It is the roof of your mouth.
02:01Really?
02:02If you get your finger in there and have a little tickle on the roof of your mouth...
02:03Shall we all do it?
02:04Let's have a little tickle.
02:05Oh, yeah.
02:06I've felt that sensation before.
02:07I don't know, you don't...
02:13How about this one?
02:14You always have the upper hand.
02:16Now...
02:17Oh, in what sense?
02:18In what sense? I'll show you what sense.
02:19Richard and Denise, could you just stand up for a second?
02:21Mm-hm.
02:22Now...
02:23Could you just, uh...
02:24Could you just hold hands for a second?
02:26Yeah.
02:27Hold hands.
02:28Now, actually, everyone in the audience, stand up.
02:29Actually, if you're in a couple, man and woman, stand up
02:31and hold hands with the person you're in a relationship with.
02:33Right.
02:34Now...
02:35Yeah, I know where this is going.
02:36Without thinking, Richard has instinctively put his hand on top of Denise
02:40and Denise has gone underneath, you see.
02:42Now, if you're the male partner in the relationship
02:45and your hand is on top, can you sit down?
02:50There's literally three couples where the woman has her hands on top,
02:53which means you're the dominant one in the relationship.
02:56How does that make you feel, mate?
02:59Would you say that's a fair assessment?
03:01Are you the dominant one in the relationship? Yeah?
03:03I'll show you how dominant you are.
03:05I wasn't even talking to you, I was talking to your husband.
03:12Thank you, guys.
03:15OK, let's go on with the game. The fourth round is really easy.
03:17All the guests have brought in a fact that they really love,
03:20but whose is best?
03:21It's time for round one. Fact off.
03:29OK, Denise, you're up first. What have you got?
03:31I've got Northerners are dirtier than Southerners.
03:38I don't mean like that.
03:40Yeah, when you say dirty, what do you mean?
03:42Is that a compliment or an insult?
03:44Less hygienic.
03:46Oh, that's all right, then we just stink.
03:50So we're cleaner than those two?
03:51All right, leave it out.
03:53We take care of ourselves, but you're a little bit dirtier.
03:56OK. Well, obviously me and Jason are going to argue with this quite vigorously.
04:00I think you're right.
04:03You're on my side, yeah? You're on my side.
04:05I'm sorry.
04:06I think I've heard this as well, and I spent 20 years up north.
04:09Oh, you filthy git.
04:11I hate to say this, but is it something to do with faeces?
04:15Yes.
04:16What's wrong with our faces?
04:19And I think it's true, actually, because I've been clubbing up north.
04:22Have you been? Yeah.
04:23Did you get any seals?
04:26What does your family like clubbing up north?
04:27Most of the guys' fingers smell.
04:32Sorry, sorry.
04:33We're the dirty ones.
04:34Sorry. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
04:36You have to look at yourself when you're going to a nightclub and thinking...
04:38Come on.
04:41Bring me another.
04:43Are you... Did you actually...?
04:44No, you can tell, can't you?
04:45I'm from the north.
04:46They look a bit grubby.
04:47Do my hands look grubby?
04:48Look, let's have a look.
04:49Your hands look really grubby.
04:50They're not grubby!
04:51Your hands look quite grey.
04:53Grey?!
04:54Like, they look... They almost look a little bit...
04:56They've got a tinge of green about them as well.
04:58Green?!
04:59Like, seriously.
05:00That's a delight, isn't it?
05:01Shrek hands?
05:02They're a right bloody charm, aren't you?
05:05So, that's what Denise says.
05:08Let's take a look at the experiment.
05:15There's been a rivalry between the north and south for decades,
05:19but this must be the greatest dispute of them all.
05:22Are northerners dirtier than southerners?
05:25What did the expert think the reasons were?
05:27So there's a few theories about why people in the north
05:32might have dirtier hands than people in the south.
05:35It could be something to do with the jobs people do.
05:38It could be something to do with public transport.
05:40Maybe the things that they've touched haven't been cleaned as often.
05:43It could even be a cultural difference.
05:46So, for example, you could imagine that a guy who lives in the north
05:50might not want to be seen as being girly,
05:52so he might not want to wash his hands all the time.
05:55So, in the south...
05:57Oh, hello.
05:59..people had a lower percentage of bacteria on their hands.
06:02All right, mate.
06:03In the north, they had a higher percentage.
06:05Fair enough.
06:06But how on earth do you test something like this?
06:09One of the best ways to do it is to test for bacteria.
06:12So what we do is we take a cotton wool swab,
06:15dip it in a special solution, rub it over hands.
06:18Those go back to the lab,
06:20they're cultured over 24 hours at 44 degrees,
06:23and then we can isolate E. coli from the sample.
06:26How lovely.
06:28Well, there was only one thing for it.
06:30We needed to get down and dirty with the British public.
06:37Our team of bacteria analysts
06:39hit the road to randomly swab some people in the south
06:42and some people in the north.
06:44First, the south,
06:46starting in Brighton and travelling up to Luton.
06:50Each southerner had to undergo our clean test
06:53in our specially fitted forensic tent.
06:56As well as taking a bacteria sample of their hand,
06:59our volunteers had some interesting theories of their own
07:02for why the south might be cleaner.
07:04The weather's worse up there
07:06and they probably stay in their clothes for longer.
07:08I've known a few northerners
07:10and they don't wash for several days.
07:15I think southern people
07:17are perhaps a little more OCD about the cleanliness.
07:21I found you up north, sir. You're going to kill me!
07:25So, clearly no prejudice there.
07:28Back to the swabbing.
07:30In the north, the first stop was Preston
07:33and then on to Newcastle.
07:40The northerners underwent the same test.
07:42Do you want a bit of help?
07:44But how clean did they think they were?
07:47How clean am I?
07:49Was that an average?
07:53We were, as kids, told that if you lick your dishcloth,
07:57you build up antibodies and you don't get sick.
08:00I don't get sick.
08:04When I'm in London, I feel like I have to wash my hands loads,
08:07whereas in Newcastle, I don't feel like I get as much muck.
08:10You feel like you have to wash the muck off yourself when you're in London.
08:13After all that swabbing,
08:15it was time to send our samples off to the lab
08:18to get some results.
08:22In the Great North-South Divide, the results are in.
08:2511% of our southerners had bacteria on their hands.
08:30But will the north be any higher?
08:33Yes, actually.
08:3526% of those from the north had bacteria on their hands.
08:39So our test proved that northerners were, in fact, dirtier.
08:43But with a test as important as this,
08:45we wanted to be completely sure,
08:47so we used a bigger sample
08:49from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine.
08:52To ensure that we had a proper and representative sample,
08:56we went to five cities across the UK and took 400 swabs.
09:00The results really surprised us.
09:03Their results showed the further north they went,
09:06the more bacteria they found,
09:08with Newcastle topping the list.
09:10Well, there you go. You can't argue with that.
09:13I don't know, I'd question whether it was southern scientists
09:16making that particular statement.
09:18Well, you can't please everyone.
09:20APPLAUSE
09:23Southern propaganda.
09:25I reckon that northerners get ill less,
09:27because like that bloke said, if you lick a dishcloth,
09:30he wasn't the best representation of it.
09:32I mean, it's a good sort of fact,
09:34but you don't want to hear it from your doctor, do you?
09:37Have you tried licking your dishcloth?
09:39LAUGHTER
09:42I've been on the Tube in London,
09:44and after a day on the Tube, you feel a bit grimy,
09:47you blow your nose, and it is black.
09:50Like there's black in there.
09:51Why would you stay the whole day on the Tube?
09:53Just cos I love it.
09:54He's from the north, he thinks he's Alton Towers,
09:56he's going round and round and round.
09:58It's great.
09:59When's he going to go up and down?
10:02So that was Denise's fact.
10:03Now, we're going to score it, Jason and Richard,
10:05based on what you've seen.
10:06On a scale of one to ten, how amazing is that fact, Richard?
10:11It had a kind of inner logic, it sort of worked.
10:13You were up there for quite a while, weren't you?
10:15I was up there for half my adult life, yeah.
10:17Have you come back dirtier?
10:18I've probably come back less finicky, yeah.
10:20I'm less southernised, definitely.
10:22Tony is in Manchester.
10:23But Judy's from Manchester, right?
10:24She's born there, yeah, born and bred here.
10:25So does this apply to women?
10:26Are we saying that...?
10:27Judy's fragrant.
10:28LAUGHTER
10:30I love the idea of that.
10:32It's lovely, the way Judy wakes up every morning,
10:34she opens her eyes and Richard's going,
10:37LAUGHTER
10:40I'll give it six, Denise.
10:42Thank you.
10:43And Jason?
10:44Whatever you do, don't give me one.
10:46LAUGHTER
10:49Seven? I'll give it seven.
10:51Because, you know, it's against what I believe,
10:53but, I mean, facts are facts, aren't they, Lee?
10:55Well, it's true, but because I'm more true to my heritage than you,
10:58I'm giving it minus 12.
10:59LAUGHTER
11:01I shall give it... I'll give it a six.
11:03Thank you.
11:04So let's add that up and see what you've got, Denise.
11:07Denise van Outen is in the lead with 19 points.
11:09APPLAUSE
11:14So, we've had our first guest back,
11:16but there's still two more belters to come.
11:18See you after the break,
11:19when Jason Manford will be offering up his favourite fact.
11:21APPLAUSE
11:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
11:34Welcome back to DuckTalks.
11:35Don't echo the show that gives you the answers
11:37to the questions you didn't even ask.
11:39With me are bacterially infested northerner, Jason Manford.
11:42He said it, not me.
11:44Faeces-free southerner, Denise van Outen.
11:47And equally, the disease-free and sanitised,
11:49but he did live up north,
11:50so he can't guarantee the freshness of his fingers today.
11:53APPLAUSE
11:56I'll tell you what, I hope to God you're not just tuning in,
11:59otherwise you won't have a clue I haven't been going on about.
12:01Before the break, you saw Denise pick up 19 points
12:04for her fact that northerners are dirtier than southerners.
12:06Next up, hoping to outdo Denise's fact, is Jason.
12:09Give us your fact.
12:10People in swimsuits and swimwear are more stupid with them on.
12:17LAUGHTER
12:20LAUGHTER
12:23To be fair, when my wife caught me wearing her bikini,
12:26I felt pretty stupid.
12:28What do you mean?
12:29That when you're in a swimsuit, in your trunks or in your bikini,
12:32you are thinking about what people think about you,
12:35so you're actually using mental energy
12:37on what people are doing to judge you.
12:40So if you're doing a task in your clothes, your everyday clothes,
12:43then you'll do that task and you'll just be thinking about that task,
12:46but if you're in a swimsuit or your trunks or whatnot
12:48and you're doing that task, you won't 100% be on task,
12:50because partly you'll be thinking,
12:52oh, my belly's over-hanging or I've got some muffin tops or...
12:55What if you're a bloke or a woman with a fantastic bod?
12:57If you're a bloke or a woman, you need to work that out first, I think,
13:00before...
13:02I'm always self-conscious when I get to the swimming bath and I put me...
13:05What do you wear? Do you wear trunks or shorts?
13:07I mean, often I go naked, which is probably why I'm more self-conscious.
13:10I wear shorts, because I would definitely not wear trunks,
13:13cos that would be... I'd be proper thick.
13:16Do you wear shorts with the little net bit in the bottom?
13:18Yeah, like just a sort of... Oh, you've got to have the net bit.
13:20You've got to have the net.
13:21Oh, yeah, that's like buying loose oranges at Sainsbury's,
13:23because they're just all over the back.
13:25You need a little bit of...
13:26Otherwise they're just knocking everything over, aren't they?
13:29You get home... If you buy loose oranges and don't get them in the net,
13:31you get home, your cucumber's splitting off, isn't it?
13:33Smashing around out in the traffic, smashing around.
13:36OK, well, you've heard what this lot think.
13:38Let's find out what happens when we force people
13:40to get into their swimsuits, all in the name of science.
13:46A whole host of factors help determine our intelligence,
13:50from nature to nurture to nutrition.
13:53But swimsuits, what would an expert say to that?
13:57In today's image-obsessed society,
14:00women, and increasingly men, are defined by their bodies.
14:03Both men and women learn to internalise this objectification,
14:07and as a result of this, they worry about being judged by others,
14:13and in turn, this leads to them judging themselves.
14:15This is called self-objectification.
14:18So, even if a person is in a swimsuit on their own,
14:21they spend their mental resources thinking about being judged by others
14:25or being judged by themselves,
14:27rather than focusing on the task at hand all the time.
14:30Surely your clothing can't affect your intelligence that much, can it?
14:35Well, there's only one way to find out.
14:38To start with, we obviously needed some women.
14:42And also some men.
14:46This formidable group faced two tests wearing two very different outfits.
14:52For our first test, we needed to know how intelligent our group was,
14:56so we set them a maths test dressed in their own clothes.
15:00And, as maths tests aren't particularly glamorous,
15:03we invited a rather special lady to invigilate.
15:07Countdown's Rachel Riley,
15:09which is officially as glamorous as maths gets.
15:15Right, if you're all feeling comfortable,
15:17you can turn your papers over and begin.
15:19The time starts now.
15:23Our participants had ten minutes to answer 20 maths questions.
15:29So, wearing their own clothes, how did they fare?
15:33OK, that's time. Pens down, please.
15:37As a group, they scored an average of 65.5%.
15:43For our final test, we put every man and every woman in swimwear.
15:48But this time, we screened each of the participants from each other
15:52to ensure they couldn't see anyone else.
15:55If any objectifying was going on,
15:58this time it would only be themselves that were doing it.
16:02And as an extra measure,
16:04even our non-essential crew had to leave.
16:07As did the lovely Rachel. Sorry, Rachel.
16:11So, despite the fact that no-one else could see them,
16:14how did the swimsuits make them feel?
16:17I feel naked, cold. I feel like a pearl.
16:21A bit exposed, really.
16:23It doesn't put me in the mind to be thinking intellectually.
16:28Well, it's time to find out.
16:31Surely wearing swimwear wouldn't make them more stupid, would it?
16:37They faced a final 20 questions of equal complexity.
16:42But would their one-pieces be the one thing on their minds?
16:49After their first test in normal clothes,
16:52the group had registered an average mark of 65.5%.
16:56But with swimsuits on, they scored a miserable 33%.
17:02Just over half their original score.
17:08Proof, therefore, that swimwear really can make you more stupid.
17:12And that's the lesson learnt.
17:14If you want to perform at the top of your mental abilities,
17:17definitely don't wear your swimmers.
17:27So, we've tested Joseph's fact, but how impressed were you?
17:30Well, that was incredible. Brilliant.
17:32I would have thought there'd be a maybe 5% difference if you were right.
17:35Yeah, no, I'm surprised to see the difference.
17:3761, 66 to 33, isn't it?
17:39Twice as clever in your own clothes.
17:41And you were only able to work that out because you got your shirt on.
17:44Exactly, yeah.
17:45Richard, marks out of ten? I'd give it nine.
17:47That's a healthy nine. A healthy nine.
17:49It's out of 100, you know, don't you? No.
17:52Nine out of ten, Denise?
17:54I'd say, cos I'm very impressed with your fact,
17:57even though you've got smelly hands, I'm going to give you a...
18:00I'm going to give you a nine.
18:02You're going to give a nine? Two nines.
18:04I'm quite impressed with your fact,
18:06but I'm still only going to give it an eight.
18:08Oh, I'll take that.
18:09OK, so let's add all that up and see where it puts you on the leaderboard.
18:12Jason Manford's gone in the lead with 26 points.
18:19And that's what not means, Richard, please reveal your fact.
18:22It's impossible to walk or swim or drive in a straight line
18:25if you have a blindfold on, but we'll keep to walking.
18:28You can't do it.
18:29If you're blindfolded, you will go into a complete mess in about ten seconds.
18:33I had an eye patch once.
18:35I'm, er...
18:37Gar.
18:38Yeah. You remember when he used to be Gabrielle?
18:42She's let it go, she's let it go.
18:48And, anyway, a thing went wrong with my eye,
18:51and I had an eye patch only for a couple of weeks.
18:53And the doctor said, oh, you know, don't drive.
18:55And I was like, I've still got the other eye.
18:57And he says, yeah, well, of course, you've got no...
18:59Perspective.
19:00Perception, so you don't know how far things are away.
19:02And I thought, that is...
19:04Properly, I mean, I had about three crashes.
19:07If you blindfolded now, how far would I be able to walk?
19:09I mean, would it be, are we talking a few steps, or are we all over the place?
19:12As far as I'm aware, it's a match of yards.
19:14I tried it on the back lawn, I closed my eyes,
19:16and I thought, I'll head for the apple tree in the corner,
19:18and when I opened my eyes, I was miles away.
19:20Back lawn, showing off he's got a front lawn as well.
19:23So you tried it, and you didn't...
19:24It doesn't work, you can't walk in a straight line.
19:26It's not, it's just impossible.
19:27OK.
19:28I'm not, I was swimming though, you know, I'm not a brilliant swimmer.
19:30Quite often, I'll end up swimming out,
19:33and then just turn round, end up back to where I started three seconds earlier.
19:37Well, you've got your eyes open.
19:38No, I'm not, no, I've got my eyes open.
19:39And that's with them open.
19:41I can't do it, I don't know what...
19:42Well, you just look at the roof of the pool and just...
19:43Oh, no, this is my outdoor pool.
19:51So, you've heard what the other guests have had to say about Richard's facts.
19:54Join us after the break, as we put it to the test.
20:08Welcome back to DuckQuest.com,
20:09the TV show that goes to ridiculous lengths to prove equally ridiculous facts.
20:13Before the break, Richard told us that it's impossible
20:15for a blindfolded person to walk, swim or drive in a straight line.
20:19We've all said what we think, so now we need to put this fact to the test.
20:30Sight is one of our key human senses,
20:33and being in a blindfold isn't much good to anyone.
20:36But surely your sense of direction can't be that bad
20:39if you're just going in a straight line.
20:41Let's ask an expert.
20:43As soon as you blindfold yourself,
20:44your brain only has the internal information to rely on.
20:47So, for example, it has to rely on your sense of balance,
20:50so information that's coming from your muscles and your tendons into your brain.
20:54And that means that with each step, a little bit of random error creeps in,
20:59which is why people, when they're blindfolded,
21:01often end up walking around in circles or going in random directions
21:04rather than in the straight line that they want to go in.
21:09So we conducted three exercises to put this theory to the test.
21:14First, we needed blindfolded volunteers.
21:17Out of thousands of candidates,
21:19we chose only the best men and women who could meet our very strict criteria.
21:25We cast the net far and wide
21:27and found a group of people with one special skill,
21:30walking in a straight line.
21:35We put them through three different tests
21:37that required external directional reference.
21:40For each test, they wore our specially designed blackout goggles.
21:44Let's see how they did.
21:51For this test, our volunteers had to walk 50 metres in a straight line blindfolded.
21:56If at any point they walked out of their lines, it was an instant fail.
22:02Almost immediately, all of our volunteers wandered straight off course,
22:06with number two leaving the test area in time.
22:21Looking at their tracks, it's obvious that none of them managed to walk in a straight line.
22:26So how did they do on the next test?
22:29All our volunteers had to do was swim from one side of the pool to the other,
22:33keeping within the black lines
22:35and once again wearing special blackout goggles.
22:41Once again, it didn't take long for our volunteers to swim completely off course.
22:52So, looking at their tracks, we can see that none of them managed to walk in a straight line.
22:57Looking at their tracks, we can see that none of the volunteers managed to swim in a straight line.
23:09For the most dangerous test, our volunteers had to drive these cars in a straight line blindfolded.
23:15What could possibly go wrong?
23:20Plenty, actually, which is why we gave them a driving instructor in a dual-controlled car.
23:26Thank goodness for that, because these cars can do 0-60 in 15.8 seconds
23:32and can reach speeds of almost 100 miles an hour.
23:39Of course, for safety reasons, our testers can only go at 5 miles per hour.
23:48Cars 1 and 5 didn't cross their lines too much.
23:51However, cars 2, 3 and 4 headed directly for one another.
23:56Fortunately, our driving instructors were on hand to avert a catastrophe.
24:04Looking at their tracks, you can see none of the volunteers were able to drive in a straight line.
24:09After all three tests, it's blindingly obvious.
24:12It's impossible for a blindfolded person to walk, swim or drive in a straight line.
24:17Who knew?
24:22So, there you go.
24:25It looks pretty irrefutable.
24:27Do you feel more confident in your argument now?
24:30I was confident from the start, mate. You knew, didn't you? You knew.
24:33I thought a couple of them did pretty well, though, actually.
24:35Number three was pretty good.
24:37The one guy that kept doing this, yeah? He was good, wasn't he?
24:40I think he's ruined your argument, to be honest, number three.
24:43No, because if he'd done it for a bit longer, he really would have...
24:46You can all say that. I could have done the experiment for a bit longer.
24:49You sound like you're doubting Richard's facts still.
24:52Well, there's an easy way of finding out, Jason. Come on, follow me.
25:01Here we go, Jason.
25:03Now, just stand there.
25:05As you can see, there's a big, long white line going all the way across the floor.
25:09OK, yeah.
25:11So, put that over your eye like that.
25:13Now, if we can get the seven soldiers and the gun...
25:17Right, can you see anything at all?
25:19Yeah, no.
25:20Do you promise?
25:21Yeah, I promise, yeah.
25:23OK.
25:24Put them safe. You don't want to be losing them, do you?
25:30Right, here we go.
25:31So, see if you can walk in straight line with your blindfold.
25:33Here we go. You feeling confident?
25:38Can I do this?
25:39It's going well. It's going well. It's going well.
25:42Oh!
25:45Keep going, you're not there yet. Keep going, keep going.
25:48Right, everybody, just leave, just leave.
25:52Keep going. Keep going.
25:54Keep going.
25:55How did I do?
25:56You did very well, actually.
25:58Let's have his shoes back.
26:06There you go.
26:09You were feeling for the line with your feet.
26:11I think you're giving me too much credit there.
26:13Why did you remove your shoes?
26:15Do you want to know the actual story?
26:17I've got a bad ankle on my right one,
26:19and so I wear down my shoe on the right side,
26:21and I thought it would actually make me go like that,
26:23and actually it worked.
26:25I obviously thought for a minute then you were being so
26:27stereotypically northern, you were going,
26:29it's just that I find if I wear them when I'm walking,
26:31it wears out the sole.
26:33I'd rather just carry them, they last a lot longer.
26:36Same reason I don't wear my jumper outside,
26:38I like to keep it in a box in the attic.
26:40OK, so we've tested Richard's facts.
26:42Jason, marks out of ten, please.
26:44You're getting none off me, mate.
26:47Can I vote on his again?
26:48No, it's too late.
26:50All right, I'll give you one.
26:51Oh, thanks.
26:52No, I just...
26:53Cheers.
26:54I'll give you two because I like Judy.
26:56How about that?
26:57Hang on.
26:58And he's got kids.
26:59Keep the marks going.
27:00All right, yeah, Chloe.
27:01Three, I'll take three then.
27:02Do you like one of his kids?
27:03Yeah, I just don't want to know.
27:07Denise, marks out of ten, please.
27:09I'm going to give you a mark of six.
27:11That's generous.
27:12Six, OK.
27:13That's generous.
27:14I think you're being harsh,
27:15I actually think that was a good experiment,
27:17and I particularly thought that you were wavering
27:19towards the end of the white line.
27:20If we'd have gone a bit further...
27:21Yeah.
27:22..you'd have been off.
27:23Maybe.
27:24I'm going to give you a nine.
27:25Oh!
27:26Nine?!
27:27Yeah, you heard it right, kids.
27:29A brick in your face.
27:32So let's have that all up and see where that puts you
27:34on the leaderboard, Richard.
27:36Richard Madeley on 18 points.
27:40Jason was in the lead,
27:41but there's still plenty of time for Richard and Denise
27:43to catch up in the next round.
27:44It's time for Fact Finder.
27:50Not only do we ask our guests to bring a fact to the show,
27:53we also ask our audience.
27:54Jason, Richard and Denise have each picked out
27:56the audience fact that they think is the best one.
27:59Right, Denise, you're up first.
28:00Which audience member did you choose for their fact?
28:03I've chosen lovely Helen Parker.
28:05So, Helen, would you like... Could you stand up?
28:08Yeah, sure.
28:09So, Helen. Yes.
28:11Would you tell us your fact?
28:13If identical female twins marry identical male twins
28:19and they both have children, the children will look the same.
28:24You're talking about identical twins, not fraternal twins?
28:27Identical twins.
28:28So identical twin sisters marry identical twin brothers.
28:32So we're talking about the weird kind?
28:34What do you mean weird?
28:36Excuse me, I've got twins, mate.
28:38Have you got identical twins?
28:40Yeah, they are, yeah.
28:41I've got twins as well.
28:42Are yours identical?
28:43Yeah, but mine are like the less freaky ones.
28:45You've got the freaky kind.
28:47So you've got...
28:48We've got twins, that's interesting.
28:50You've got twins.
28:51Well, we think they're identical.
28:52We've never had the test.
28:53You think they're identical?
28:54They're identical.
28:55Because they look the same?
28:56They look exactly the same.
28:57They're identical?
28:58Yeah.
28:59Are they not at all?
29:00No, sometimes twins look identical, but actually they're not.
29:03You normally know if there's any one placenta when the baby's born.
29:06It's a funny line, isn't it?
29:08No, you ought to get a gag on placenta.
29:10And if you try, you're just trying to be the placenta of attention,
29:12so what's the problem?
29:14We have all weekend.
29:20What kind of person who's an identical twin
29:24is deciding to marry...
29:26Because the first identical twin has got married to the woman
29:29and he's...
29:30I like the look of your one.
29:31Has she got one for me?
29:33I think there's too many variables when making a child.
29:37You don't know which sperm is going to get there, you know what I mean?
29:40I just think there's too much going on, so how can that...
29:43Because the genetic material...
29:45But not all the sperms are identical.
29:46No, they're not, but the genetic material in your sperm...
29:48I don't want to know about your sperm.
29:52So that's Denise's chosen fact.
29:54Now, because we haven't heard these facts before,
29:55we haven't had time to test them out.
29:57Instead, we have a panel of super-smart boffins
29:59to tell us if there's any substance to the facts.
30:02So, please welcome rocket scientist Dr Simon Foster,
30:05expert in cell biology and genetics Dr Emily Grossman,
30:07and chemical engineer David Walton.
30:09Otherwise known as the Verifier.
30:14Nice to see you all again.
30:15You're looking very nice tonight, Emily.
30:17Thank you.
30:18Tell me, when you are looking for a person of the opposite sex,
30:20is brains important to you?
30:22Yes.
30:23Oh, well, I won't waste my time.
30:24Right, let's go.
30:25So, is there any truth in what Helen is saying?
30:28Well, the thing is, it does sound like a really sensible thing to assume,
30:31because, obviously, identical twins look identical,
30:34and, as you say, they contain identical genes.
30:37But the fact is, it's totally untrue.
30:40They would not be identical.
30:42And the reason is this,
30:43it's because every woman's egg contains a random combination
30:46of half of her genes.
30:48And there's so many different ways of combining just half of her genes
30:52that every single egg cell would be different.
30:54And it's exactly the same for the man,
30:56so every man's sperm is also different.
30:58So, when the egg and sperm come together and make a baby,
31:01there's, like, an infinite combination
31:03of different children that you could make,
31:05which is why your brothers and sisters look similar,
31:07but they're never going to be identical.
31:09So, if you have hundreds or even millions of children
31:11with the same partner, you'd never get the same child twice.
31:14So, you were right.
31:15I'll be honest with you, I thought it was going to be a correct fact.
31:18We all did, actually.
31:19It was only those three stuck-up people.
31:21We were all on your side.
31:23OK, your turn, Jason. Which audience member did you pick?
31:26Oh, I picked Tony Amder.
31:29That's me.
31:31Oh, so you stood up.
31:33That would have been odd if you'd have gone...
31:35No, that's not me, that.
31:38No, no, I'm Brian Smith. No, you weren't Tony Amder.
31:41What do you do, Tony?
31:42Oh, I've got a garage, MOT station, near Romford.
31:45Romford?
31:46Yeah.
31:47OK.
31:48MOT!
31:54You work in a garage, so tell us your facts,
31:56even if it's just an estimate.
32:00Right, the fact is...
32:02Oh, the fact is, your big end's gone, and...
32:05I mean, we can't get anything until Tuesday, and...
32:10The fact is, most toilets flush in the note of E-flat.
32:16No, that's not true. That can't be true.
32:18Surely all toilets are different sizes?
32:20No, they're not different sizes, are they?
32:22If you sit on a big toilet, you'll fall in.
32:24No, no, no, no. I'm not having that.
32:27Well, no, you're a borrower. You can't fall in.
32:31You need to stop crapping in the bath.
32:34God, my wife says that to me all the time.
32:37He says they're all different sizes, but they're not.
32:39It's a standard seat, isn't it? It's a standard width.
32:41No, you do get different sized toilet seats.
32:44Maybe the porcelain bit is a standard size,
32:47and then the seats have different widths.
32:50I suppose that's what's making the noise, isn't it?
32:52The porcelain bit and the flush.
32:54And you've got the U-bend underneath, which is the same size.
32:56It's a standard fitting, isn't it?
32:58And if you think of a toilet seat...
32:59He did say most toilets, to be fair.
33:01Where did you hear it, Tony?
33:02It's quite weird, actually. I've got a friend that's got a band.
33:05The lead guitarist, his tuner had broken, and it wouldn't work,
33:09and so he happened to know that if you flushed a toilet...
33:12Oh, get stuffed! Are you telling me?
33:15He went...
33:16Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
33:18Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
33:20There were six cubicles, he flushed them all
33:22and found the one that he felt was right, and that was it.
33:24He tuned it into that, and that is a fact.
33:26So he's got six cubicles,
33:28and he knows which ones he flat by the sound,
33:30and then tunes his guitar to the toilet.
33:32If he knows what he flat is,
33:34he doesn't need to go to the toilet.
33:37He can just go ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
33:42OK, well, shall we ask the verifiers?
33:44They know everything. Verifiers, please tell me this is true.
33:47We want this to be so true.
33:49Whilst it might be true for Tony's toilet,
33:51it's not true for most or all toilets,
33:53because they all come in different makes and models,
33:55and therefore different shapes and sizes,
33:57and just like a musical instrument,
33:59you've got to get different shapes and sizes,
34:01and that's got to give you different notes.
34:03The same is going to be true of a toilet.
34:05So it's not true? Sadly not.
34:07But more exciting, if you think about it,
34:09is that if you had loads of toilets, all with different notes...
34:12Yeah, barbershop quartet in the bathroom.
34:15Ah, ah, ah...
34:18I did, actually, before the show, I had A major crap.
34:21Was that OK?
34:26It's OK. It's your turn, Richard.
34:28Oh, right, I'm back to be chosen.
34:30This is Yolanda Barker. Yolanda Barker.
34:32Hello, Yolanda. Hiya.
34:34Like the name Yolanda. Thank you.
34:36Where's that from? A book.
34:38A book? I meant which country.
34:42It was a book. What was it called? The Children's Book of Names.
34:47Yolanda, tell us your fact.
34:49If you have wetter earwax,
34:51then you're more likely to have stronger body odour.
34:55Yolanda, what kind of earwax do you have?
34:57I think mine's a bit wetter than...
34:59So you're a little bit smelly? Yeah.
35:02I have investigated a little bit.
35:04You do know this is on national television, don't you?
35:06It's OK. I did go round and sort of try a few different people
35:09to have a look in their ears and see what kind of earwax it was.
35:12Is this your husband? Yeah.
35:14How would you describe his earwax?
35:16Soaking.
35:18Just pouring out.
35:20In between, yeah. His is a bit more wetter, yeah.
35:23OK, well, verifiers, please tell us if there's any truth in this.
35:27Well, your body secretes sweat under the arms,
35:32pushes it out there and that attracts bacteria
35:35and actually it's the bacteria that smell.
35:37Now, most British people have the gene
35:40to actually transplant the sweat out of the arms.
35:43And here's the interesting thing,
35:45that that's the same gene that makes your earwax wet.
35:492% of the population... You've counted? ..don't have that gene.
35:53OK. So they don't actually produce that sweat under the arms
35:58and because they don't have that gene, also their earwax is dry.
36:03So test your earwax. If it rolls, it's wet
36:07and if it's sort of flaky and probably a bit darker, then it's dry
36:12and you might not need your deodorant.
36:14Wow. Do you know what? You lot know everything. I'm really impressed.
36:18What I want to know is why do I cry when I watch Big Mama's House?
36:24Why do we have earwax? What's the point of earwax?
36:27It's to stop bacteria getting into the ear.
36:30And is that the point of snot as well? Yes, much the same.
36:33Snot's to stop things getting in? Yeah.
36:35Well, there's other orifices in our body. Why isn't that full of wax?
36:38I mean, why don't we have bumwax?
36:40I mean, that's a valid question, isn't it?
36:42If you've got earwax and snot, why haven't we got bumwax?
36:45Well, you've never had a bumwax. No, not a bumwax.
36:51So we've heard whether the facts are true,
36:53but what points will our verifiers give them?
36:55Find out after the break.
37:01APPLAUSE
37:08So, before the break, each of our guests
37:10chose their favourite fact from the audience.
37:12We've found out whether each fact is true,
37:14but who will get the most points from our verifiers
37:16and who will win tonight's show?
37:18Let's find out. Jason, remind us of your fact.
37:21Toilets flush in the key of E-flat.
37:26Verifiers?
37:28Tony, since this is completely untrue...
37:30That's not a great start for a fact, is it?
37:32No. We've got to give him one.
37:34You're going to give him one measly point?
37:36Thank you, Tony!
37:39OK, Richard, remind us of your fact.
37:41The wetter your earwax, the more body odour you have.
37:44Verifiers, what are we giving them?
37:46Well, we thought that's true. Yeah.
37:48It's verifiable, it's accurate,
37:50so we thought a good nine points for that one.
37:52Nine points, Richard. Good, good.
37:54APPLAUSE
37:56Verifiers, what was your audience fact?
37:58If a twin female marries a twin male and they both have a child,
38:02both children will look the same.
38:04OK, verifiers?
38:06Well, that's actually not true,
38:08but we thought because they would be siblings
38:10and so they might end up looking really, really like each other
38:13just by chance, as some siblings sometimes do,
38:16then it's not entirely nonsense, so we gave three points.
38:19Three points.
38:22So let's put all that up onto the leaderboard
38:24and see how it's affected the final score.
38:28Denise van Outen with 22 points, but it's a draw this week.
38:30Jason Manford and Richard Madeley both have 27 points.
38:33APPLAUSE
38:35We're in new territory here.
38:37It's not happened on this show before, a draw,
38:39and the winner of the show gets to take part in my Mac fact at the end.
38:42So Richard wins. No, I'm sure he'd be great at it.
38:45Well, I think I'm going to go with...
38:48I think I'll go with Richard.
38:50Thank you.
38:52Here's my fact.
38:53You can stretch a swimming cap so far that an adult can fit inside it.
38:58You want me to step inside a swimming cap?
39:01A swimming cap.
39:02The choice is yours. I say choice, you have to do it.
39:05Yes, your prize is the chance to prove my fact in Mac's fact.
39:09Are you intrigued? I couldn't be more intrigued.
39:11Take a walk over to the experiment area with me
39:13and I will show you more.
39:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:26Yes, here we have a huge tank of water
39:29and inside, helping us out with the test,
39:31are the ladies of the Seymour Synchro Swim School.
39:34Now, Richard, if you're going to help us prove this fact,
39:37we're going to need you to go backstage and get changed.
39:40And whilst Richard is doing that, David Wharton,
39:42tell us how this fact is possible.
39:44Well, latex is a polymer.
39:46That means all the molecules of latex are long rows
39:50and they get tangled up,
39:52but all the molecules can pull out, they can spread out,
39:56they're still held together by forces,
39:59but they can slide over each other
40:01and so our bundle of natural latex,
40:04which you've got in your swimming hat,
40:06spreads out to cover this large, large area
40:09and the water applies that force generally
40:12across the whole swimming hat
40:14and so we can make our swimming hat get so large.
40:19OK, thank you, David.
40:21Please welcome back Richard Madeley.
40:26Well, look at that!
40:28Look at that!
40:32You look fantastic. You look absolutely amazing.
40:35So, first of all, let's get you in that swimming pool.
40:38Let's get you right in there with the ladies. In you go.
40:41Right, so, here we go. Richard's going to go in.
40:43Is it cold, ladies?
40:46You're f***ing right!
40:55This is why Richard Madeley's not allowed in council swimming pools.
41:00Right, the first thing, this is the cap we're going to use,
41:03but here we go, here's another little experiment we found out.
41:05Watch this. Good way to put your cap on.
41:07Let's fill that cap up.
41:09OK, come and stand a bit closer to me.
41:11Right, if you just stand there,
41:13can you just face towards the cameras?
41:15Yeah, here we go.
41:20Yes. What about that?
41:23Right.
41:25OK, ladies, there's the cap.
41:28If you could start stretching that out.
41:32Looks like you're drowning a puppy.
41:36This looks like a sex education class has gone really wrong.
41:41Right, we're getting close now, we're getting very close.
41:44Now, get ready, get ready.
41:46Right, here we go, Richard, get inside the cap
41:48and get your feet in as well.
41:54He's in! He's in, Richard Madeley's in there!
42:03Richard Madeley in a swimming cap.
42:06It's really happening.
42:08So, there you have it.
42:10You can fit a fully grown adult into a swimming cap,
42:12so that's just about all we have time for.
42:14A big thanks to my guest, Denise Van Outen,
42:16Jason Lampert and, of course, Richard Madeley.
42:20I'll see you all next time. Goodnight!
42:28Solid again.
42:32Touch me.
42:34Look, if I do that...
42:38Look, if I do that...
43:08APPLAUSE