Taskmaster NZ S05E03

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Taskmaster NZ S05E03

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00:00Hello.
00:01And...
00:02Two!
00:03Come on!
00:04Woo-hoo!
00:05That's for the haters.
00:06Come here.
00:07Come here.
00:08Jiggle a little.
00:09See?
00:10Oh!
00:11Yeah!
00:12Yeah!
00:13He-he-he!
00:14Nomai Pikimai and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38Thanks for joining us tonight, unless you're somehow watching this illegally, in which
00:42case I'd like to say you're very naughty and I hope you like jail because that's exactly
00:48where you're going.
00:49For the rest of you though, my name is Jeremy Wells and I am the Taskmaster.
00:59Joining me on the stage tonight are four of Aotearoa's top thousand comedians.
01:05They are Abbey Howells, Ben Hurley, Hayley Sproul, and Tom Sainsbury.
01:16And as you may know, Tofinga Whipuli'a'i cannot be with us in the studio this season, so in
01:23his place, we're being haunted by ghosts from Taskmaster's past.
01:30Standing in tonight, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Matt Heath.
01:33It's an honour.
01:34It's an honour to be back.
01:36Next to me, as always, keeping track of the scores and adding them all up like a big calculator
01:41made of human meat, it's my trusty assistant, Paul Williams!
01:49I'm not wearing a wire.
01:54It makes me think that you are wearing a wire.
01:55Why would you say that?
01:56Well, I say it because I'm not wearing a wire.
01:59That's why I'd say it.
02:00Paul, we can literally see it.
02:01It's like it's right there.
02:02In fact, we're all wearing them.
02:05It's how we're being heard right now.
02:07OK, but this one's wireless.
02:12All right.
02:15What's this week's prize task?
02:17Tonight, we have asked our contestants to bring in the best thing that you are confident
02:23that Jeremy has never owned in his life.
02:26Potentially very risky for our contestants, this one.
02:30Hayley?
02:31What have you brought in?
02:32I've taken a stab in the dark here because I don't know you that well, Jeremy.
02:36So I have brought in something I assume you haven't owned, which is a My First Period
02:40kit.
02:41You've got Women's Day, Woman's Day, Women's Weekly and Woman Magazine, because you are
02:48now a woman.
02:49There's pads, there's tampons, there's some fresh period undies in there.
02:51There's just everything you would need for your first period.
02:54I'm assuming you haven't owned one of these before?
02:56No, but I do have a 14-year-old daughter.
02:59Wow, you could share it with her.
03:02Matt, you are representing Tofinga tonight.
03:07What have you brought in?
03:08Well, I also don't know you that well, Jeremy, but you strike me as a sort of pampered kind
03:13of individual.
03:14So what I've brought in is something that you will never have experienced, and it's
03:19normal, cheap, low thread count bed linen.
03:26That's not linen, that's polyester.
03:27I can smell it from here.
03:28Get it off the screen.
03:29I don't even want to see it.
03:30I don't want to see it.
03:31Let's move on.
03:32Tom.
03:33Okay, having broken into your house, I know that you've already got the Wellington Beehive
03:41version and you've already got the Uluru version, but have you got the Sydney Opera House Puzzle?
03:48What?
03:49Do you like puzzles?
03:50I hate puzzles.
03:51Don't you like having fun?
03:56There's nothing fun about doing a puzzle.
03:58I mean, there's the picture.
03:59There it is there.
04:01It's been done before.
04:02We know it exists.
04:03I can honestly say I have never once done a puzzle.
04:07I've never picked up a piece to even do a puzzle.
04:10Have you ever got your staff to do it?
04:13I do a lot of puzzles.
04:15Abbey.
04:16Yes?
04:17What did you bring in?
04:18I made you a bullet journal.
04:20I made it Jeremy's journal, top secret, and I've decorated it.
04:25On the next page, just gratitude, you know, today I'm grateful for.
04:30And then on the next page, nice moments, you know, for example, being given this journal
04:35by my new friend, Abbey.
04:38So.
04:39That's beautiful.
04:40That is beautiful.
04:41It's very thoughtful.
04:42Thank you, Jeremy.
04:43I put it together.
04:44I sat at my coffee table and I said, I think he's going to like this, Abbey, and my mum
04:47thinks so too.
04:48I think if she sees it, it's lovely, Abbey.
04:53Ben.
04:55People might think of you as being a sort of button down, you know, clean cut high achiever.
05:00But I know for a fact, you were kicked out of a number of high schools, isn't that correct?
05:05One high school.
05:06That's good.
05:07Well, I was head boy of my high school.
05:09Were you?
05:10I was, of Harwara High School, just calm down, it just meant I didn't impregnate anybody.
05:16They give you a badge?
05:17They give you, they give you a plaque, Jeremy.
05:20And there it is there.
05:21I was head boy of Harwara High School 1997.
05:24I guarantee you don't have a head boy plaque.
05:28They give you a plaque?
05:29Yeah.
05:30Like you might forget that you were head boy or something?
05:32I will never forget that.
05:35Is head boy still in your CV?
05:37I mean, Tom, I don't have a CV.
05:42People just sort of know.
05:44All right, how am I going to score this?
05:48Have you had any of these items before?
05:49I have had terrible linen.
05:52So, I kind of feel like, Matt, you may come in for one point there.
05:57No.
05:58Tough moment.
05:59I have also had gratitude journals in the past, Abbey, which means two for you.
06:03Ben, I don't like a gloater, so three for you.
06:07That's more than I was expecting, I'll be honest.
06:10Four for you, Hayley, and there's no way I've ever had a puzzle anywhere near me.
06:15Five points for Tom.
06:16Well done, Tom.
06:17Well done.
06:18Okay, Paul, should we get down to business?
06:24If you like marshmallows, just buy some at the shop, they're not expensive, and just
06:29eat them.
06:30Anyway, enjoy this task.
06:31Can't see him.
06:32Oh, he's there.
06:33Oh, it's a tiny little one.
06:48So cute.
06:49Fun little task you got there.
06:50So I put these on him, I guess.
06:51Oh, yeah, because this is tiny.
06:52I've actually got really good vision, I don't even really need these.
06:56I still can't see it.
06:58If you can read it, that'll help.
06:59Throw a marshmallow over the wall.
07:03And catch it in your mouth.
07:04You must wear Zoom goggles, that's these, right?
07:08Mm-hmm.
07:09The whole time.
07:10Fewest attempts wins.
07:11You have until you catch a marshmallow in your mouth.
07:15Your time starts now.
07:18Oh, my gosh.
07:19How do I do that?
07:20How do I throw it over the wall and catch it in my own mouth?
07:24Well, that's the task.
07:25That's what you've got to figure out.
07:28All right, let's see some hilariously inaccurate marshmallow tossing.
07:35This time, it's women and children last.
07:38First up, it's the fellas Ben Tefinga and Tom.
07:41Okay, here we go.
07:44Too far.
07:48Leave it.
07:53Oh, too far again.
07:55Don't even think about it.
08:03I reckon I can just run it down the wall.
08:06Oh, oh, oh, it hit my mouth!
08:09Oy yoy yoy!
08:12Oh, no, that was so close.
08:15Come on, Paul, gotta hype me up better.
08:18Okay, sorry, you can do this.
08:21Oh, man, it's too hype.
08:24Come on, you might be able to do this.
08:29Oy yoy!
08:34It's in.
08:38Oh!
08:39Five.
08:40Is it five?
08:42Five.
08:43One, two, three, four, five.
08:46Thank you, Tom.
08:48Peace.
08:49Thank you, Tefinga.
08:50Want a marshmallow?
08:51Yes, please.
08:52Go on.
08:53Hey, bubby!
09:00Ben and Tom, how did that wall taste?
09:03Bricky?
09:05Definitely wasn't bricky.
09:07I think it tasted like crayons.
09:10You managed to get the marshmallows in your mouth,
09:13but Tefinga was the only person who managed to do it
09:16without looking like a complete numpty.
09:18Yeah, well, he didn't raise his head or open his mouth
09:21for the first five, so he looked cool for a while.
09:24The first time he actually opened his mouth and looked up,
09:27went straight in.
09:28Yeah, I thought his method was way off,
09:30but it looked really good when it happened.
09:32It looked so cool.
09:33So much better than us, Tom.
09:34Yeah.
09:35We're just a couple of wall lickers.
09:39Tefinga, 19 attempts.
09:41Ben, only seven attempts.
09:43Oh, my God.
09:44That's good, right?
09:45It's like golf.
09:46Yes.
09:47Yeah, OK.
09:48If you'd like to try this one at home,
09:50why not punch a big hole through a wall in your house
09:53and give it a go?
09:54You have the length of one ad break.
09:56Back soon with more Taskmaster.
09:58Ka kite aku e nei.
10:09APPLAUSE
10:12Ka mai, hoki mai.
10:14Welcome back to Taskmaster.
10:16Paul, I believe we were mid-task
10:18before we were so rudely interrupted.
10:20That's right, our contestants were tasked
10:22with throwing a marshmallow over a wall
10:24and catching it in their mouth,
10:26all while wearing a pair of Zoom goggles.
10:28Up next, her hair is the same colour
10:31as 50% of marshmallows.
10:33It's Hayley Sproul.
10:36Oh, for God's sake, Paul.
10:38My arm's just too short.
10:40I want, like, a little pincer.
10:42There might be tongs in the kitchen.
10:44Can you take me? Could you?
10:46OK.
10:47Don't you fall, cos it'll be a real mess.
10:49OK.
10:50Have you ever looked after an old woman?
10:53No.
10:54You'll be quite good, Paul.
10:56You've got a gentle way.
10:59Jeebus creepus.
11:01Ah!
11:02Ah!
11:03Ah!
11:04Oh, no!
11:05That was my worst one yet.
11:07Yeah.
11:08I need to create some sort of funnel system, I think.
11:11Yeah, great.
11:12OK, I think this is good.
11:17Oh.
11:21CHEERING
11:22Oh, no.
11:23LAUGHTER
11:26Yay!
11:27CHEERING
11:28There you go.
11:29Great.
11:30Yeah.
11:31I think there was some real Kiwi ingenuity
11:34on display there, but you probably say
11:36pushing the boundaries of what you would say
11:38the word catch.
11:40I caught it.
11:42We saw me catch it.
11:44You caught it with a funnel.
11:46It just felt a bit droppy to me.
11:48It was not droppy.
11:50It was throwy catchy.
11:52Also, my agent is going to be talking to production
11:54about that shot.
11:55You've done me dirty there.
11:57Go crazy, internet.
11:58Make the memes.
11:59All that.
12:00LAUGHTER
12:01I would say Ben and Tom's staying quite quiet
12:03in this discussion.
12:04Aren't they?
12:05There was quite a vertical drop
12:07from their throws as well.
12:09We've got to go to ads, I think.
12:11No, we just came back from an ad.
12:13Whereas my team was quite clearly...
12:15Yeah.
12:16No-one's debating that Dwarflinga did a great job.
12:18Let's just come back to this in a second
12:20cos I can't help but notice that we've left
12:22one person to last.
12:24She's a queen and she's generating
12:26a lot of buzz.
12:28It's Abby.
12:31I reckon I'm going to do it right away.
12:35OK, I'm going to look at the task again.
12:37OK.
12:38There's going to be another way.
12:40Throw a marshmallow over the wall
12:42and catch it in your mouth.
12:44It doesn't necessarily say
12:46at the same time.
12:48If I throw a marshmallow over the wall
12:50and then catch it in my mouth,
12:52I'm still kind of doing it.
12:54Incoming!
12:58Nice.
13:00Part one done.
13:01Now catch it in my mouth.
13:03OK.
13:07Right, there was a bus pull.
13:09We're coming back for another one.
13:11Throw it over the wall.
13:13Catch it in my mouth.
13:17OK, there was a bus as well pull.
13:19Throw it over the wall.
13:21Catch it in my mouth.
13:25OK, there was a bus too.
13:27Throw it over the wall.
13:29Catch it in my mouth.
13:33Good.
13:34Damn it.
13:38Mustn't get stressed, Abby.
13:40No one's dying.
13:42OK.
13:48Wow, cool.
13:52I think this is the first time
13:54on Taskmaster that someone's ever found
13:56a loophole that's actually made it harder
13:59It truly did not occur to me
14:01to put my hand through the hole.
14:03Paul passed you the task
14:05through the hole.
14:07My whole life it's like,
14:09don't put your hand in a hole.
14:11So how many times did it take
14:13Abby to actually get it?
14:15So nine times.
14:17You see, I feel like the task
14:19was really to throw it over
14:21and catch it in the same kind of action.
14:23And so I'm going to disqualify Abby.
14:25But these guys were dropping as well, were they?
14:27They were all dropping.
14:29So unfortunately, you all get no points.
14:33And Tofinga gets five points.
14:35Team Tofinga.
14:39Unbelievable.
14:41OK, Paul, so how's the scoreboard looking?
14:43On six points in the lead,
14:45it's Tofinga.
14:49All right.
14:51Let's barrel on to another task, I reckon.
14:54It's time for the old switcheroo.
15:03Hi.
15:05Hello, Ben.
15:07Hi.
15:09Hello, Tom.
15:11Hey, mate.
15:13Lamps.
15:15Let there be light.
15:17You like lamps?
15:19I love lamp.
15:21Turn on a lamp in the lab.
15:24You must be seated at the desk
15:26in the study when the lamp turns on.
15:28Fastest one.
15:30You have one hour maximum.
15:32Your time starts now.
15:34Oh, yeah, there we go.
15:36Salt lamp. Positive ions.
15:38Oh, that's lovely, isn't it?
15:44Auto.
15:46Auto.
15:50Woof. Woof.
15:52Can I turn on the lamp sexually?
15:54Yeah.
16:00Abby, how do you arouse a lamp?
16:02They're already pretty hard.
16:04That's right.
16:08OK, should we see how everyone went?
16:10The starting initials of these comedians
16:12are T, B, A.
16:14OK, I'll announce them now.
16:16They're T, B and A.
16:18It's Tom, Ben and Abby.
16:21I'm going to try to turn on this one.
16:23Just based on vibe.
16:25Boo! OK, that's my guy.
16:27Right.
16:29I need a pulley system.
16:31I need to make a sound in there while sitting here.
16:33Like if I got some string?
16:35I could pull something and I could make a noise.
16:39Nice.
16:41This looks pretty loud.
16:43So what's the plan?
16:45I'm just going to sit up there and pull the string
16:47and it's going to pull this over and make a loud noise
16:49Come on.
16:55There goes nothing.
16:57Come on.
17:03Oh no, it broke!
17:07OK, I need the rope.
17:09Turns out the yarn's no good.
17:11How are we doing over there?
17:14Yeah, I feel like
17:16this should work.
17:18We'll give this one a go.
17:20OK.
17:22What's happening?
17:32Come on!
17:34I'm going to glue it
17:36to the table.
17:38Oh my god!
17:44I'm just going to go and give it a go.
17:48It's giving me rope burn!
18:06Yes!
18:09Yes!
18:13Stop the clock.
18:17Well done!
18:19What was quite interesting
18:21was watching the difference between
18:23Tom pulling his piece of yarn
18:25like a young school boy pulling on a piece of wool
18:27and then you pulling it
18:29and you look like you're reeling in a marlin.
18:31His yarn was actually digging into
18:33a bit of wall quite hard
18:35and has damaged the house.
18:37I don't think people appreciate
18:39there's multiple stairwells
18:41so you have to hook it around
18:43a whole lot of stuff to get the pulley system going
18:45but I don't know
18:47I guess I was just lucky.
18:49It only required a gentle touch, Ben.
18:51It's not my way, Jeremy.
18:53Bullet a gate is how they call me.
18:55He can't help but be an alpha.
18:57Yeah.
18:59I hated that.
19:01Abby,
19:03you went with the glue.
19:06I'm also thankful that I spent
19:08a really significant amount of time
19:10trying to turn on the lamp sexually
19:12and I'm glad they didn't show it.
19:16She did write a letter
19:18quite a saucy letter
19:20to one of the lamps.
19:22Yeah, the lamp left me on read
19:24unfortunately.
19:26Overall, 28 minutes and 57 seconds
19:28for Abby.
19:30Ben, 25 minutes and 1 second
19:32and Tom a mere
19:3420 minutes and 45 seconds.
19:38Have we got time for one more?
19:40We sure do, Jeremy.
19:42And if a lightbulb went off above his head
19:44every time he had a good idea
19:46this guy's power bill would be through the roof.
19:48It's Tofinga.
19:50I must be seated at the desk
19:52in the study.
19:54Press the desk down here, mate.
19:56So you want us to bring the desk down?
19:58Yep, in the seat.
20:00You'll be seated at the desk
20:03and the desk will be here?
20:05Yeah.
20:07Okay.
20:15This one's cool, eh?
20:27Need a hand, Poop?
20:29It's okay.
20:33It's okay.
20:39Tell me when.
20:41Ready.
20:43Easy.
20:47Thank you, Poop.
20:51Shall I take the desk back up then?
20:53Yeah, if you can do that, please, mate.
20:55Okay.
20:57Oh my god.
20:59Matt?
21:02You gotta say that I think you found quite a good loophole.
21:04Yeah, work smarter, not harder.
21:06I mean, where did it say
21:08that you had to be in the study?
21:10The wording was at the desk in the study.
21:12I think I can say that we will
21:14accept Tofinga's efforts
21:16and I think he'll be judged
21:18on his time.
21:20And I'm sure his time was incredibly fast.
21:22Well, the desk was quite heavy.
21:26So 28 minutes and 28 seconds.
21:28Well, that's on you.
21:30I can't blame him for the laziness of his staff.
21:32Honestly, 28,
21:34if you knew how hard it was to move that desk.
21:36Well, Team Tofinga, we appreciate that.
21:38We appreciate your service.
21:40We've just seen four comedians
21:42approach to turning on a lamp.
21:44So what on earth has the other one done?
21:46We'll find out after the break.
21:48See you soon.
22:00Nau mai, hoi te mai. Welcome back to Taskmaster,
22:02New Zealand's most cutting edge TV show.
22:04Tonight, we're watching people turn on lamps.
22:06Yes, but this isn't
22:08your grandmother's lamp turning on TV show.
22:10Alright, Paul, let's see
22:12how our last contestant went.
22:14Like I'm greeting a friend whose first name is Lee
22:16and surname is Sproul.
22:18Hey, Lee Sproul.
22:20I'm going to go
22:22for this guy, I think.
22:24OK, I need to time
22:26something loud.
22:29You're going to have to be
22:31so quiet, Paul.
22:33OK.
22:35OK.
22:37How will I know?
22:41Did it happen, Paul?
22:43You told me
22:45not to make noise.
22:49Did it not turn on?
22:51No.
22:53Did the jug boil?
22:55Yeah.
22:57OK, I'm going to try again.
22:59It's not a candle, eh, Lee?
23:01Oh, bastard.
23:03It's not a candle.
23:17Did it work?
23:19Yes. When I was upstairs?
23:21No. When?
23:23You were on the stairs.
23:26I think the jug boiled too quickly
23:28because it was hot.
23:30If I call out your name, call back to me.
23:32I'm just scared that my voice
23:34might activate the light.
23:36That's the point. That's not a rule, though.
23:38That can't happen.
23:42Paul!
23:46Is it on?
23:48I thought you called me.
23:50No! Just say yes.
23:52Paul, if you can hear me, say
23:55Yes, I can hear you.
23:57OK. So what is it that you're not understanding?
23:59What do you mean?
24:01So did you hear me call Paul?
24:03Not well.
24:05Right, but you heard it?
24:07Yeah.
24:09I'll say, Paul!
24:11But wait till I'm upstairs
24:13and then you're going to go,
24:15Yes!
24:17The jug only just ended.
24:19Are you going to boil the jug?
24:21OK, Paul, I'm abandoning the jug.
24:23You didn't give the jug a chance.
24:25I gave it three chances.
24:27I don't think so.
24:29You came down before.
24:35Paul!
24:37Yes!
24:41How loud did you?
24:43Loud.
24:45Shot example for me.
24:47Yes!
24:49I think the jug is a good idea.
24:53OK. Are you ready?
24:55Yeah.
24:57I require nothing of you anymore, Paul.
24:59OK.
25:09Did it work?
25:11Yeah.
25:13OK. Do you want a cup of tea?
25:15Um...
25:18That just about killed me.
25:20Just about killed you?
25:22Yeah, how many times did Hayley yell at you?
25:24Uh, 19.
25:26But then basically Paul was telling you,
25:28Use the jug.
25:30I know.
25:32The jug was working well for you.
25:34It wasn't, but I thought,
25:36I was like, it's taking too long
25:38and you may see me going like this the whole time.
25:40The room was getting so hot with the jug steam
25:42and I was running up and down the stairs
25:44then making that room hot.
25:46I was like, let's just use a human.
25:48Should we talk timings?
25:50Yes, so Hayley, 19 minutes and 56 seconds.
25:52So one point for Abbey,
25:54two points for Tofinga,
25:56three points for Ben,
25:58four points for Hayley
26:00and the winner with five points,
26:02Tom Sainsbury.
26:04I never win anything!
26:06Would you do me the honour
26:08of bringing me another task please, Paul?
26:10If you hate spoilers
26:12and you'd like to run to the bathroom
26:15this next task is the time to do it.
26:23Hello Paul.
26:25Hello Abbey.
26:27You alright Paul?
26:29Hello Tofinga.
26:31What have we got here?
26:33We've got genres here.
26:35Give it a nice firm spin.
26:45Courtroom drama.
26:47Fantasy.
26:49Martial arts.
26:53Sci-fi.
26:55I would kind of hope for war.
27:00Do I have to make a 15 minute short film
27:02that's a sword and sand?
27:04Film a trailer for a movie
27:06about this trailer.
27:08This trailer?
27:10In the style of your given genre.
27:12Best trailer
27:15wins.
27:17You have 45 minutes,
27:19your time starts now.
27:21It has to be about the trailer.
27:23Yeah the trailer has to feature prominently I think.
27:25Does it have to be a trailer?
27:27You can use this any way you want.
27:29I could turn it into a spaceship.
27:31It's sort of military grey isn't it?
27:33This is like a military courtroom drama.
27:35I don't know what kind of fantasy to go about.
27:37Fantasy as in like elves
27:39or fantasy as in
27:41the stuff that I think about.
27:45Abby, your mind has gone
27:47straight to war.
27:49Yes, I'd be lying if I said
27:51I didn't enjoy military strategy.
27:53What?
27:55It makes sense, it's like a puzzle except people die.
27:59Whose trailer are we going to see first?
28:01Up first with his martial arts trailer trailer
28:03it's Tofinga.
28:05What are you doing here?
28:07I live here.
28:09In this trailer?
28:11Uh huh.
28:13Why don't your family love you?
28:15I'm nobody.
28:17And I'll always be nobody.
28:19Well I'm going to make you into somebody.
28:21Inhale.
28:23Exhale.
28:29Nobody.
28:31It's all in the balance.
28:35You can do it.
28:38And now
28:40your final challenge
28:42to defeat the trailer.
28:48Amazing.
28:52Speed.
28:58Nobody.
29:00Are you ready?
29:02I'm ready.
29:04Nobody.
29:06Now somebody.
29:16I love a training montage
29:18when the main piece of advice is
29:20inhale, outhale.
29:22It's a beautiful mantra.
29:24Sometimes you've just got to remember to breathe.
29:26Why did you choose to kick the trailer so weakly?
29:28Well monthly didn't seem
29:30like enough kick.
29:33Okay well that's enough
29:35terrible short films made by
29:37amateurs for now. It's time to watch some
29:39terrible short films made by professionals.
29:41The ads. We'll see you after these.
29:55Tēnā koutou katoa
29:57Hello and welcome back to Taskmaster
29:59the show where comedians go head
30:02to head in the hopes of winning a souvenir from Ben Hurley's
30:04Glory Days. Paul
30:06what are we doing here?
30:08Our contestants have been tasked with making a trailer
30:10featuring a trailer in their randomly
30:12selected genre.
30:14Who's up next Paul?
30:16It's Ben and his trailer for a courtroom drama.
30:18In a world of
30:20war. Direct your fire it's a
30:22trailer. It's that Yankee trailer.
30:26There are leaders
30:28and trailers.
30:30I'm going in alone.
30:32You stay where you are soldier.
30:34Sometimes a trailer
30:40doesn't want to trail.
30:48No!
30:50Retreat! Retreat!
30:52Trailer that charge you pulled
30:54might have killed all of the enemy
30:56but you put everybody in a platoon at risk.
30:59You're under arrest.
31:01What?
31:03Order! Order!
31:05I'm a trailer
31:07not a traitor.
31:09Sometimes the strongest
31:11come from behind.
31:13Oh sure
31:15sometimes those indicators ain't working
31:17but you'll see that the only thing
31:19that my client is guilty of
31:21is being the bravest damn trailer
31:23this man's army has ever seen.
31:25Surely a trailer is supposed to be behind a car.
31:27In a way aren't we all
31:29trailers? Bailiff
31:31what is your verdict?
31:33The jury finds the defendant
31:39a few good trailers.
31:45Maybe it says something about me
31:47but I really want to see that.
31:49There's a little bit of that trailer
31:51in all of us. Can you
31:53tell us? What was the verdict?
31:56Was it guilty or not guilty? Spoiler it's fine.
31:58You'll find out this spring.
32:00I thought the CG
32:02on the trailer was pretty amazing
32:04I mean you could only see the hand about half the time.
32:06Also in terms
32:08of strategy I think just rushing
32:10the enemy
32:12never really works very well.
32:14What about the charge of the light
32:16brigade? Checkmate.
32:18OK
32:20Paul give me another trailer trailer
32:22please. Up next with her
32:25science fiction trailer trailer
32:27Lights, Camera, Abby
32:31Video log 4573
32:33Day 56
32:35Year 27
32:37Month 9
32:41Time to cool off your bits Houston
32:43I think I've finally found us
32:45a planet
32:47Initiating landing sequence
32:55This
32:57is a small step for man
32:59but a giant leap
33:01for me
33:03cause I got short legs
33:09Atmosphere seems pretty clear to me
33:11vegetation is
33:13sparse but the soil is dead
33:19What's this?
33:21There shouldn't be
33:23a broom here
33:27I gotta get back on the ship
33:29Captains log
33:31Captains log I've just been outside
33:33into the planet
33:35There's someone there
33:37Get me out of here
33:39If I don't come back please pass on a message
33:41to my son
33:43I'm sorry
33:45Not responding
33:47What do you mean you're not responding
33:49I gotta get off this planet
33:53I'm sorry
34:03I did not see that
34:05creep coming at the end
34:07Jean-Pierre
34:09Jean-Pierre from Abby's goal celebration
34:11episode 1
34:13I also realised I used
34:15I really relied on my
34:17acting to sell that
34:19and I shouldn't have
34:22Well the interesting part
34:24was you said it in the future
34:26in 2027
34:28which for someone of my age is only
34:30about 3 provisional tax payments away
34:32Oh you know our boy
34:34Elon Musk he'll get us up there
34:36Ok who's next Paul
34:38It's time for a sword and sandals
34:40epic. Here's Tom Sainsbury
34:42In a world of
34:44swords and Birkenstock sandals
34:46there was Lactatious
34:48and his chariot trailer
34:50Quick Lactatious
34:52the Williams and Knights are taking the citadel
34:54Well I'm not
34:56going anywhere without my chariot trailer
35:02Jesus Zeus
35:04made me a gladiator
35:06Lactatious
35:08you must fight the wild beasts
35:10for the entertainment of the people
35:16Yes
35:20Yes
35:26As a reward for killing
35:28that rhino right and proper
35:30we're sending you across the Mediterranean
35:36Here I am on the shores of Breastedonious
35:38Will I ever be
35:40reunited with my chariot trailer
35:42ever again
35:44Anguish
35:46Will Lactatious
35:49ever be reunited
35:51with his chariot trailer
35:53coming to cinemas 2025
35:59Really good
36:01Ok Tom so any reason why you decided
36:03that Paul would suit the name Lactatious
36:05I don't look I don't know where that came from
36:07I think you know there were lots of nude mannequins
36:09floating about and I think it was just playing on
36:11I think the female form
36:13was just playing on my mind
36:15Some boys just look like they like milk
36:18You do like milk
36:20I like milk a lot
36:22There we go
36:24There should be one last trailer is there
36:26That's right and it's a fantasy trailer
36:28from the twisted mind of Hayley Sproul
36:30Once upon a time
36:32in Faydale
36:34where a myriad of creatures once roamed free
36:36a weary fairy
36:38and a travelling beast
36:40form one of the deepest relationships
36:42of all time
36:44Hello fairy
36:46Hello travelling beast
36:48What sell you in that trailer of yours
36:50If you want to see the wares of my trailer
36:52you have to come inside it
36:54I have little in the way of money
36:56Perhaps you could pay me travelling beast
36:58in other ways
37:00I have literally no money
37:02Perhaps you could instead
37:04F**k me
37:06F**k me shove it in
37:08F**k
37:10F**k
37:12F**k up the F**k
37:15F**k
37:17and I have one of those
37:19Woah
37:21What say you beast
37:23Okay
37:25Grab on
37:27The lost of the fairies
37:29A tale of love betrayal
37:31Why
37:33And an unexpected pregnancy
37:35Ah
37:37Will I ever see you again
37:39I dont know
37:41If my father finds out
37:43out of a traveling beast, he'll never forgive me.
37:46You are no daughter of mine.
37:49Run, Beast. You must go.
37:51Now! Go, Beast!
37:53Leave!
37:55A wary fairy and a traveling beast
37:58face a father's wrath for love.
38:02Pregnant.
38:04Blech!
38:06APPLAUSE
38:10Wow.
38:12I wasn't actually aware they were going to bleep that.
38:14I'm sort of disappointed.
38:16It's a great story, I've got to say.
38:18I got a bit hot under the...
38:20Well, that's what it's supposed to do, you know.
38:22It's really leaning into that sort of smut era.
38:24It makes me feel physically sick. Yeah, right.
38:26The look on your face when the fairy explained
38:28what she was going to do to you,
38:30you'd never heard those words before.
38:32No, and I haven't heard them since.
38:34Mm. Yet you still went,
38:36OK.
38:38LAUGHTER
38:40All right, this is going to be quite hard to score,
38:42cos I really enjoyed all of those.
38:44But I'm going to give Abbie a point.
38:46I'm going to give Tom two points,
38:48cos I think as a published director and actor,
38:50I was expecting a lot.
38:52Oh, dear. Fair call, fair call.
38:54I think Tofinga should get three points.
38:57Four points for Hayley,
38:59and I thought five points for Ben Hurley.
39:01Oh, yeah, really good. I thought that was very good.
39:03APPLAUSE
39:05OK, we're about to cut to some ads,
39:07but if you make it through them,
39:09I've got a real treat for you.
39:11A special live task.
39:13We'll be back right after this.
39:15APPLAUSE
39:27Nau mai, hoki mai. Welcome back to Taskmaster,
39:29where our five brave comedians
39:31are about to take to the stage for a live task.
39:34But first, let's see who's in
39:36with a chance of winning this episode.
39:38Paul, what are the scores?
39:40It's very close. In joint second on 11,
39:42it's Ben and Tofinga,
39:44and in first equal on 12, it's Hayley and Tom.
39:46APPLAUSE
39:48Oh, Hayley. Nice and close. Here we go.
39:50About time.
39:52And Abbie's on four.
39:54LAUGHTER
39:56Humbling, yeah.
39:58Right, let's get on with our live task,
40:00and contestants, please head up to the stage.
40:02APPLAUSE
40:06OK, Paul, what sick, twisted game
40:08have you thought up for us tonight?
40:10Hayley, could you please do us the honours
40:12of explaining it? It would be my honour.
40:14In your teams,
40:16take turns to each roll
40:18an office chair towards the edge of the stage.
40:20You must roll your chair
40:22from behind the line.
40:24The closest team chair to the edge
40:26of the stage wins one point.
40:28Any chairs that go over the edge
40:30will lose
40:32their team one point.
40:34Best score over three rounds
40:36wins.
40:38Oh!
40:40Wow!
40:42I'm happy with that. Black team.
40:46Oh!
40:48APPLAUSE
40:52Oh! Amazing!
40:54APPLAUSE
40:58Oh, it's a nice shot, though.
41:00Slightly curly.
41:02APPLAUSE
41:04Beautiful.
41:06That's perfect.
41:08Oh, my God!
41:1240.5.
41:1432. Yes!
41:16APPLAUSE
41:18Yeah, nice. Nice.
41:20Go, go, go, go, go.
41:22Oh.
41:24Oh, that's so good. That is so good.
41:28Good.
41:30Oh, no. Too much.
41:32No, you're all right. It's OK.
41:34It's OK.
41:36You got us
41:38a couple of centimetres there. Yeah, yeah.
41:40Oh!
41:42No!
41:44APPLAUSE
41:46No!
41:4830. One point
41:50for Team Red.
41:52We need to get all of these off,
41:54and we need to win one.
41:58Oh, smart.
42:02Oh, that's a beautiful roll.
42:06Oh, you dirty... Dirty dog!
42:08Oh!
42:14Oh!
42:16Minus one for black.
42:18I don't want to play it too safe.
42:20LAUGHTER
42:22Please is there.
42:24I think if she crosses the line
42:26and touches the ground, it's void.
42:28Old fun sponge over here, eh?
42:32OK.
42:34Hang on!
42:36APPLAUSE
42:38Minus one.
42:40Yeah!
42:42Minus two. One to go.
42:44CHEERING
42:46APPLAUSE
42:48CHEERING
42:50Minus four.
42:52Plus one for black.
42:54CHEERING
42:56We're going into sudden death.
42:58One roller from each team
43:00closest to the edge of the stage
43:02wins. Three,
43:04two, one.
43:06WHISTLE BLOWS
43:08Oh, shit.
43:10APPLAUSE
43:12CHEERING
43:14That's one of the best things I've ever seen in my life.
43:16Come on down and we'll score it.
43:18APPLAUSE
43:20MUSIC
43:22APPLAUSE
43:24I really enjoyed that, Paul.
43:26Yes. Team black won.
43:28How do you want to score it?
43:30How about team of two get two points,
43:32team of three get three points.
43:34OK.
43:36APPLAUSE
43:38So how's everything looking
43:40for the overall series results so far?
43:42So far, we've got three points.
43:44There's only five points in it.
43:46But with a one-point lead in first,
43:48it's Hayley Sproul.
43:50CHEERING
43:52But what about tonight's winner?
43:54With 15 points,
43:56the winner of episode three
43:58is Tom Sainsbury.
44:00CHEERING
44:02Congratulations, Tom.
44:04You are now the proud owner of some things
44:06that I have never owned myself.
44:08Head up to the stage and enjoy your haul.
44:10All right.
44:12As we wrap up another successful episode,
44:14it's time to look back and reflect
44:16on what we've learned.
44:18We've learned that sometimes a wall
44:20has a hole in it for a reason.
44:22We've learned it's a lot easier to turn on a lamp
44:24when you're in the same room as it.
44:26We've learned that there is life on other planets
44:28and it looks a lot like
44:30Paul Williams.
44:32But most importantly of all,
44:34we've learned that Tom Sainsbury
44:36is the winner of episode three.
44:38Ka kite anō!
44:40CHEERING
44:56Tell me more.
44:58It's season five
45:00and we're running out of ideas.
45:02That's hard.
45:04Oh no! My man!
45:06This all makes me think maybe I need to get tested.
45:08You know what? I don't want any points.
45:10That task was dumb.
45:12It's probably my favourite task of all time.