We Are Zombies
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Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:30♪♪
00:00:40♪♪
00:00:50♪♪
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00:01:10♪♪
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00:01:25Great, thank you very much.
00:01:28What the hell, dude?
00:01:30Spare change.
00:01:32Hey, you saw what happened.
00:01:34Can I get another milkshake?
00:01:36Fuck you.
00:01:38♪♪
00:01:48Skeleton army has betrayed you.
00:01:51They now dance to your agony as you burn to ashes.
00:01:54You are dead.
00:01:56What the?
00:01:57That's harsh.
00:01:58You want to know what's harsh?
00:02:00Okay, this dead meat asking me for money
00:02:02with gold teeth in his mouth.
00:02:04Unbelievable.
00:02:07Wait, take this, take this.
00:02:09Watch it, Freddy.
00:02:11This is a limited floral cover edition.
00:02:16He doesn't care.
00:02:18♪♪
00:02:23Oh.
00:02:24Oh.
00:02:25Oh.
00:02:26Oh.
00:02:31Don't put that in your mouth, Freddy.
00:02:33Why not?
00:02:34What are you, a zomophobe now?
00:02:35Stop doing this, okay?
00:02:37You're going to get us in trouble.
00:02:38Survival of the strongest.
00:02:40Survival of the fittest.
00:02:41Whatever, dude, okay?
00:02:42He doesn't need it.
00:02:43I do.
00:02:44You need nasty gold teeth.
00:02:45No, I need cash, okay?
00:02:48Besides, what do zombies need money for anyway?
00:02:50I guess earning money is all they ever did
00:02:52when they were alive.
00:02:55What a bunch of losers.
00:02:57Oh, time to work.
00:03:04Hey, Maggie.
00:03:06Hey, shit face.
00:03:08I got another pickup for you,
00:03:09and don't fuck it up this time.
00:03:11Don't fuck up this, no,
00:03:12we're not going to fuck up this time.
00:03:14Here's the info, Maggie.
00:03:15♪♪
00:03:30Ladies and gentlemen, the dead are back.
00:03:36There's no flesh-eating behavior,
00:03:38nor hunger for brain.
00:03:40They're just here.
00:03:43And that's the real disaster, isn't it?
00:03:46So you're saying we have to relearn our behaviors
00:03:49towards the living dead?
00:03:50The less offensive term would be living impaired.
00:03:55What do you think, folks?
00:03:58I lost my job.
00:04:00They don't sleep.
00:04:01How the fuck can we compete with these damn zombies?
00:04:06Population has dramatically grown by 175%
00:04:09within the last six months.
00:04:10It is now illegal for people to dig up their loved ones.
00:04:13Zombies you like to fuck.
00:04:16Protests are rising all over the world
00:04:18as the undead claim equal rights.
00:04:22I'm Brad Thompson for Colman News.
00:04:24Good night, and God bless America.
00:04:27♪♪
00:04:36We're invincible!
00:04:38♪♪
00:04:42-♪♪
00:04:48Mr. McKenna, hi.
00:04:49Colman's Retirement Services for the living impaired.
00:04:52Can you call us?
00:04:53Uh, thank you for coming so promptly.
00:04:55You guys are fast.
00:04:56Yeah.
00:04:57Um, no, I want you to know that we do love him dearly,
00:05:01and it was a hard decision for us to make.
00:05:04We totally understand, sir.
00:05:05You see, it's my father-in-law,
00:05:07and it's important for my wife that he be treated
00:05:10with dignity.
00:05:11That is our policy.
00:05:13Okay.
00:05:14My wife is very fragile emotionally,
00:05:16so if you...
00:05:18Oh, Pop-Pop!
00:05:20What did you do?
00:05:22I swear, if you shot him in the brain, I...
00:05:25-♪♪
00:05:29That was close.
00:05:31-♪♪
00:05:36How many times do I need to tell you?
00:05:38No more shooting at Pop-Pop!
00:05:40You say it yourself.
00:05:41Pop-Pop's just a fucking zombie.
00:05:43Kids.
00:05:44Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:05:46No, Pop-Pop is living impaired.
00:05:50And living impaired have rights,
00:05:52so you can't shoot them.
00:05:54Okay?
00:05:55He's just like a...
00:05:57like a retard, hmm?
00:05:59Uh, we don't shoot retards, do we?
00:06:02No, we don't.
00:06:04Listen, uh, sir,
00:06:05I don't want to be mean and put pressure on you,
00:06:07but, uh, you know,
00:06:09No, we don't.
00:06:10Listen, uh, sir,
00:06:11I don't want to be mean and put pressure on you,
00:06:13but we're on the clock.
00:06:14Yes, uh, I'm sorry.
00:06:15Please proceed with the extraction.
00:06:18Um...
00:06:23Okay.
00:06:24-♪♪
00:06:28Are you sure this is necessary?
00:06:30They're professionals, honey.
00:06:32I think we got him.
00:06:34Yep.
00:06:35Careful, guys.
00:06:36That chair's priceless.
00:06:37Yeah, yeah.
00:06:38Oh, this ugly bastard is stronger than he looks.
00:06:41Oh, yeah.
00:06:42Oh!
00:06:43Ah!
00:06:44Oh!
00:06:45Oh!
00:06:49Totally normal.
00:06:57Hey.
00:06:59Like new.
00:07:00See what we had to deal with every day?
00:07:02Mm-hmm.
00:07:03Okay, I'm just gonna need a signature right here.
00:07:07Let's just proceed to payment.
00:07:09Uh...
00:07:11Jeez.
00:07:12Ah!
00:07:13The car reader.
00:07:14It's messed up again, man.
00:07:16Oh, what the heck is that?
00:07:17That's really weird.
00:07:18I'm so sorry about this, sir.
00:07:19Um...
00:07:20Mind paying cash?
00:07:22Here you go.
00:07:26You did the right choice.
00:07:27Okay, come on.
00:07:29Hey, pleasure doing business with you, dude.
00:07:31I mean, sir.
00:07:33Bye-bye now.
00:07:35Okay, come on.
00:07:36All right.
00:07:58Hello.
00:07:59Hi.
00:08:00Mr. McKenna, Coleman Retirement Services
00:08:02for the living impaired.
00:08:04I-I believe your colleagues have already taken...
00:08:07Honey?
00:08:09Adam Hart is murdered!
00:08:12Adam Hart is murdered!
00:08:15Adam Hart is murdered!
00:08:18Adam Hart is murdered!
00:08:20Adam Hart is murdered!
00:08:32Carl!
00:08:34My man.
00:08:36Freddy.
00:08:38You're getting depressingly uninspiring.
00:08:41What do you mean?
00:08:42Don't worry about it.
00:08:45Mmm.
00:08:48What am I supposed to do with this?
00:08:50Oh, come on, Don.
00:08:51It's not that bad.
00:08:52His head is holding on a pogo stick.
00:08:54Exactly!
00:08:55Which makes him, uh...
00:08:57Inspiring.
00:08:59Yeah, like the, uh, the magnificent
00:09:01head-spinning zombie dude!
00:09:03Whoa!
00:09:04Hey!
00:09:05Wow!
00:09:06Oh, see?
00:09:07Art.
00:09:08You wouldn't know art if it bit you on the ass.
00:09:10I'm not going to take this one.
00:09:12Don.
00:09:13Or at least not at full price.
00:09:16You have the certificate of termination and everything.
00:09:18He's legit.
00:09:19I mean, you can do whatever you want with him.
00:09:21You know, uh, no one cares.
00:09:24I'll give you half.
00:09:25What?
00:09:26Take it or leave it.
00:09:27That is an insult.
00:09:28There's no deal.
00:09:29Come on, Carl Williams.
00:09:30Fine.
00:09:31You win.
00:09:32Half price.
00:09:33What are you doing?
00:09:34Her broke, remember?
00:09:36Oh, my.
00:09:38You have the softest hands.
00:09:42I moisturize.
00:09:47Oh, hi.
00:09:54I'm Bob Coleman.
00:09:56And for years, we've been studying
00:09:58the most complex structure of the universe.
00:10:02The human brain.
00:10:05Each second, 100 billion neurons
00:10:08are sending 10,000 electrochemical signals,
00:10:12making us behave the way we do.
00:10:16That's why this cute little creature
00:10:20makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside.
00:10:24At Coleman, we're dedicated to unlocking
00:10:27the secrets of the mind.
00:10:29Help the research.
00:10:30Donate your loved ones
00:10:32through our retirement services
00:10:34for the living impaired.
00:10:39Great.
00:10:43Bye.
00:10:47Your vampire hero stands before Shiva,
00:10:51the last god of evil.
00:10:53And...
00:10:54And?
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00:14:30This is one of Coleman's biggest processing plants worldwide.
00:14:36In order for operations to run smoothly
00:14:39and for the company to profit,
00:14:41every employee must follow the chain of command
00:14:43with integrity, excellence, dedication, and initiative.
00:14:48We expect no less from our workers,
00:14:51and we won't hesitate to cut off dead weed
00:14:55in order to allow for stronger growth.
00:14:59That being said, do you know why you're here?
00:15:03We, um, we got our pickup stolen.
00:15:06Not just one pickup, Dave.
00:15:10Oh, uh, actually, it's, uh, it's Stanley.
00:15:12Oh, Stanley.
00:15:15Over the last month,
00:15:16there have been a lot of missing pickups
00:15:20and repeated errors,
00:15:22all coming from your sector.
00:15:30Cracker?
00:15:32Mm-hmm.
00:15:33It's not our fault.
00:15:35We think some jackasses are posing as us,
00:15:37and, uh, they're, um, stealing our pickups
00:15:41right before we get there.
00:15:42Coleman's pickups.
00:15:43Gentlemen, you are currently owing the company $25,000,
00:15:46and we're withholding your last pay
00:15:49until the situation is resolved.
00:15:53Understood?
00:15:55Understood, sir.
00:16:00Damn.
00:16:02♪♪
00:16:07♪♪
00:16:12♪♪
00:16:15-♪♪
00:16:16-♪♪
00:16:18Coming, Neird!
00:16:21Good morning, Mrs. Neird.
00:16:22Is, uh, is Carl up?
00:16:23They're going to take me.
00:16:26What? Who?
00:16:27The doctors.
00:16:28They told me I was impaired.
00:16:30Nobody's gonna take you, Mrs. Neird.
00:16:32I'm pretty sure you're not dead yet.
00:16:34Just tell them I won't be leaving my home.
00:16:36Oh, don't worry.
00:16:37I'll tell them.
00:16:38Good.
00:16:40Now, don't just stand there, darling.
00:16:42Come in.
00:16:43Okay, great.
00:16:45♪♪
00:16:51Hey, big boy.
00:16:52Hey, you.
00:16:53Wanna have boobs for breakfast?
00:16:55Affirmative.
00:16:58That'll be 200 credits, honey.
00:17:00-♪♪
00:17:03I'm coming, baby.
00:17:06Love the sound of that.
00:17:08-♪♪
00:17:09-♪♪
00:17:10-♪♪
00:17:11-♪♪
00:17:12-♪♪
00:17:13-♪♪
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00:17:22Whoo!
00:17:23And the crowd goes wild
00:17:24for wild Ringo.
00:17:26Whoo!
00:17:28Benny!
00:17:31What?
00:17:32What do you mean, what?
00:17:33I was busy.
00:17:35Don't look.
00:17:39You were masturbating.
00:17:40Yes, okay?
00:17:41Get out.
00:17:42Okay.
00:17:43Get out!
00:17:44I'll give you a couple minutes.
00:17:45That's...
00:17:46Oh, fuck.
00:17:48Ugh.
00:17:49♪♪
00:17:59♪♪
00:18:01-♪ Knock on door ♪
00:18:02Oh.
00:18:05Are you busy, too?
00:18:08Yeah.
00:18:11So, had a fun night?
00:18:14Yeah.
00:18:15It was the best fucking night of my life.
00:18:18Cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
00:18:20♪♪
00:18:22Ah.
00:18:23So, um, yeah, uh, Maggie,
00:18:26I've been thinking a lot.
00:18:31I just wanted to say that you are so...
00:18:36Oh, hey, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
00:18:38♪♪
00:18:42You guys ready for a pickup?
00:18:43Pickup? Yes.
00:18:45Heck yeah.
00:18:47Uh, Carl's gonna need, like, five minutes.
00:18:51Why?
00:18:53Jeez.
00:18:58Is this really the place?
00:19:00Hey, you're my best friend, Carl.
00:19:03Can I get your honest opinion on something?
00:19:05Sure.
00:19:08Okay, so you want my honest opinion on a rotten finger.
00:19:13No, dude, the-the ring.
00:19:17It's ugly. Happy?
00:19:20Hey, uh, I'm thinking about proposing to your sister.
00:19:23Half-sister.
00:19:24Wait, wait, wait.
00:19:25Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
00:19:27I-I feel ready, and I'm pretty sure she is, too.
00:19:30Don't you think you're skipping crucial steps here?
00:19:33You're not even dating.
00:19:35Oh, my God.
00:19:36And that whore thing stinks, man.
00:19:37Well, yeah, that's just the finger.
00:19:39If the ring's stuck to it,
00:19:40if I can get the ring off of the finger...
00:19:42Freddy, it says OG on it.
00:19:43Yeah, because she's my original girl.
00:19:45It's a gangster ring.
00:19:47And you know what, man?
00:19:48Dating a co-worker is unethical.
00:19:51Yeah.
00:19:52Especially my sister.
00:19:54Half-sister.
00:19:55Whatever, man.
00:19:56This conversation grosses me out.
00:19:58Maggie doesn't even like you.
00:20:02Freddy, I'm...
00:20:04I'm sorry, man.
00:20:05No, no.
00:20:06No, no, I'm sorry.
00:20:07You're probably right,
00:20:08because masturbating to zilfs on the Internet
00:20:09makes you a relationship expert.
00:20:11Okay.
00:20:12You want to go there?
00:20:13Yeah, I want to go there.
00:20:14Let's go there.
00:20:15Okay.
00:20:16Yeah, let's go there.
00:20:17I want to go there.
00:20:18No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:20:21Ow!
00:20:29Rise and shine, ladies.
00:20:31What do we have here?
00:20:33Carl Neard.
00:20:37And, uh, Freddy Merckx.
00:20:40Crocodile Hunter's little brother
00:20:42and his, uh, hippo friend.
00:20:44Well, I'll have you know that hippos
00:20:45are actually one of the deadliest animals.
00:20:47Oh, shut up!
00:20:50And by the way, we're no longer friends.
00:20:52Really? You really want to do this now?
00:20:54I'm sorry.
00:20:55Do you guys hear something?
00:20:56Oh, come on.
00:20:57Because I don't hear anything.
00:20:58Freddy, they have guns!
00:20:59Yes, we have guns.
00:21:00Listen to your friend.
00:21:01He's not my friend.
00:21:04Shut up.
00:21:05Shut the hell up!
00:21:08Don't you two idiots want to know why you're here?
00:21:12Well, we're here for a pickup.
00:21:14Yes, I know.
00:21:16I called it in.
00:21:17It was a trap.
00:21:19Jesus.
00:21:20We know you two idiots stole from us the ring.
00:21:23Right, the gangster ring.
00:21:24That's Maggie's ring.
00:21:26She doesn't like you.
00:21:32This isn't working.
00:21:34Rocco, I don't think these guys understand
00:21:36what's going on here.
00:21:37Why don't you show them what we're capable of?
00:21:39No, no, no, no, we understand.
00:21:40It's fine.
00:21:41Rocco, this is not necessary.
00:21:42Please, please, no, no, please.
00:21:44Ah!
00:21:48Oh.
00:21:54I'm just not quite sure
00:21:56we're supposed to understand from that.
00:21:58Yeah, no, me neither.
00:21:59Then he should die.
00:22:00Shut up!
00:22:01You don't disrespect the wild gringo.
00:22:04Carl's grandma hits harder than that.
00:22:06Grandma, you say?
00:22:07She sweet?
00:22:08She's the sweetest.
00:22:09Change of plans.
00:22:13Now, tell us again what happened.
00:22:16Listen, I have nothing against the living impaired,
00:22:19but one of those got naked in front of my six-year-old.
00:22:23Oh, come on.
00:22:24He doesn't even have a penis anymore.
00:22:26Well, I'm pretty sure I did see at least one testicle.
00:22:29Ladies, now, what do you think?
00:22:33We'll be back after these messages.
00:22:43Fucking slackers.
00:23:00Really, guys?
00:23:01No.
00:23:02You're pissed drunk, aren't you?
00:23:04It was a trap.
00:23:05What?
00:23:06The pickup, the pickup was a trap!
00:23:08Yeah, there's blood.
00:23:09Is this blood?
00:23:10Is this my blood?
00:23:11I don't know.
00:23:12What the hell is that?
00:23:13I don't know.
00:23:14Oh, my God.
00:23:16What if it's a bomb?
00:23:17Okay, what are you guys on?
00:23:19Go on, press play.
00:23:20Are you insane?
00:23:21Look, I'm gonna fall for that.
00:23:22Okay, I'll do it.
00:23:23No, Freddy, no.
00:23:24Come on, guys, it's not funny anymore, so meh.
00:23:27No, meh!
00:23:28No, meh!
00:23:34Freddy, no!
00:23:36Save me, throw us behind us to survive this!
00:23:38Freddy, you know it!
00:23:39Please, please!
00:23:44We work for Coleman, and we've uncovered your shitty little scheme.
00:23:48Grandma?
00:23:49You've stolen $25,000 worth of living impaired pickups.
00:23:54You know what?
00:23:56Make that 50 for our troubles.
00:23:59We want the money back, or sweet old Greg over here goes bye-bye.
00:24:03I told you I will not be leaving my home.
00:24:06You have 24 hours.
00:24:08I'll call you.
00:24:12What kind of cheap, shot, fart knuckle asshole goes for your grandma?
00:24:18Okay, guys, we need a quick job that pays.
00:24:22A lot.
00:24:23Like what?
00:24:24Robbing a bank?
00:24:25Oh, why don't you ask Stan to help us?
00:24:27No, I'm not interested in that.
00:24:28Yes.
00:24:29Yeah.
00:24:30No, no, no, I'm not sure how I feel about it.
00:24:33Why not?
00:24:34Super connected, and he really likes you, man.
00:24:37Yeah, exactly.
00:24:38I mean, he's very, you know, touchy-touchy-feely kind of guy, and it makes me uncomfortable.
00:24:42I don't like it.
00:24:44That's it?
00:24:45Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound?
00:24:47Yeah, you're being super selfish.
00:24:49Oh.
00:24:50Carl, you gotta take one.
00:24:53For Granny.
00:24:55Okay.
00:25:11Jeez.
00:25:14Jeez or jizz?
00:25:16What?
00:25:20Again?
00:25:21It's too paced.
00:25:22Don't be so immature.
00:25:23Uh-huh.
00:25:24Carl.
00:25:25I'm glad you called.
00:25:28From what I understood, you're in deep.
00:25:31And it stinks.
00:25:34Ha-ha.
00:25:35Now that is an accurate metamorph, my good sir.
00:25:39Uh, Carl said you might have a job for us?
00:25:42I don't.
00:25:43But the boss does.
00:25:45A high-profile picker.
00:25:48So when do we meet him?
00:25:49You're about to.
00:25:50You're about to.
00:25:54Ladies and gents, the mad arch-lumacabra, the one and only Otto Maddox!
00:26:21Hello.
00:26:39Ah, so it is art.
00:26:51This is a nice place.
00:26:53Bit dusty, but cozy.
00:26:55Listen up, Granny.
00:26:57Let me make this crystal clear for you.
00:26:59You do what I say.
00:27:00You don't run.
00:27:01You don't scream.
00:27:03It'll all be over in no time.
00:27:04Hmm?
00:27:05But you try anything funny,
00:27:07and my friend Rock over here is gonna impair you.
00:27:10Oh, I'm already impaired, dear.
00:27:12But thank you.
00:27:14I think I'm impaired, too.
00:27:16No shit, Sherlock.
00:27:18The Darwin Awards called.
00:27:19They say I have a trophy for you.
00:27:21Really?
00:27:22No, not really, Rocko.
00:27:23Jesus Christ.
00:27:25Look, I have shit to do.
00:27:26You keep an eye out for me, okay, while I'm gone.
00:27:28And stop playing with your gun.
00:27:33God.
00:27:35My doctor said it's important to keep your brain stimulated.
00:27:39So I suppose they have activities scheduled here.
00:27:43Bingo Mondays, social dance Fridays.
00:27:49All right.
00:27:50Make yourselves comfortable.
00:27:51I'll be right with you.
00:27:55We'll talk about my findings for you later.
00:28:08For the record, I hate you guys.
00:28:10You're so stuck up.
00:28:12Relax.
00:28:14Whoa.
00:28:15Whoa, dude.
00:28:17Isn't that the girl that you were masturbating to?
00:28:19Shut up.
00:28:21No.
00:28:23That's the real one.
00:28:32Oh, my God.
00:28:33The jewels of rock.
00:28:36The blade of death.
00:28:37We even got Rupert.
00:28:40Isn't she marvelous?
00:28:42Yeah.
00:28:43Yeah.
00:28:44No, you got a 35 millimeter print of the band film Zalvarela?
00:28:49Sir, there's like only five copies in the whole world.
00:28:51Yes, and I own all five of them.
00:28:57Welcome.
00:28:59Welcome to my private exhibition.
00:29:03Oh, fuck me.
00:29:07Doc told me you are the best in the hunting business.
00:29:11Really?
00:29:12Yes.
00:29:13Yes, we are.
00:29:15Yes.
00:29:16You know, I really dig your style.
00:29:20Throughout my life, I gathered quite a collection.
00:29:23Though I feel my existence will remain incomplete until I possess this last, but not least, precious piece.
00:29:31I want her at my arm tomorrow night for my big performance.
00:29:37Zalvarela.
00:29:38Yes.
00:29:39The queen of the dead, the exquisite Debbie Jones.
00:29:43She's been located in her family plot at the Country Hill Cemetery.
00:29:47You'll find all the boring info in there.
00:29:51So, just another pickup then?
00:29:53Actually, it's a bit more complicated.
00:29:55This cemetery is Coleman's property.
00:29:59You want us to steal from Coleman?
00:30:02Exactly.
00:30:04I do not want my name mixed in some shady business.
00:30:07That's why I'll pay you 25,000 to bring her to me.
00:30:17You know, we were really looking at the Express VIP service here and it's double.
00:30:23Oh, I'm not here to bargain.
00:30:24This is the job.
00:30:25This is the payment.
00:30:27Well, all true collectors know that Zalvarela is worth beyond the Express VIP service.
00:30:33Isn't she?
00:30:38He's very smart.
00:30:39All right, 50,000 it is.
00:30:42Bring me my queen!
00:30:44So, let me get this straight.
00:30:46We want to steal from Coleman to repay Coleman for stealing from Coleman?
00:30:51Yep.
00:30:52That is exactly what we're going to do.
00:31:07What?
00:31:08Nothing.
00:31:10No, it's just, you're all glittery.
00:31:15You're pretty.
00:31:18Oh, thanks, I guess.
00:31:21Yeah, it's super cool having you, you know, with us in the van.
00:31:24Watch out!
00:31:25Have you got a diswish, buddy?
00:31:27You're going to get us killed, asshole.
00:31:29Just pay attention to the road instead of staring at me.
00:31:34That's really mean, Maggie.
00:31:36Like, have you ever seen an asshole?
00:31:39It's not pretty.
00:31:43I looked at my asshole once.
00:31:46I mean, with a mirror, you know.
00:31:49What?
00:31:50You guys were never curious?
00:31:53Overpopulation, diseases, epidemic.
00:31:59The smell alone makes my stomach turn.
00:32:02Sixty million people die each year on a global scale,
00:32:05adding to the living impaired population count.
00:32:08Now, in military terms, we call that an invasion.
00:32:13What do you think is going to happen when they outnumber us?
00:32:17When they turn against us?
00:32:19We need to restore balance,
00:32:21and the only way for that change to occur
00:32:23is to engineer society's perception of the undead.
00:32:27All eyes will be on this event,
00:32:29including pro-living impaired activists,
00:32:31making the automatics art show a perfect target.
00:32:36Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to present Project Zoltan.
00:32:50Dr. West, the floor is yours.
00:32:59Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
00:33:18Mr. Hannity, may I have a word with you?
00:33:29Sit.
00:33:34Sir, I understand the situation a bit. Unstable.
00:33:38But I assure you, the formula's working.
00:33:41And as people say, shit happens.
00:33:44I'll stop you there.
00:33:46This little project of yours is costing me a shitload of money.
00:33:50With all due respect, sir, you can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs.
00:33:54And you can't make chicken soup out of chicken shit, can you?
00:33:57This is it.
00:33:59I'm shutting your ass down.
00:34:01You've got great qualities.
00:34:03I'm sure they'll appreciate you at Coleman, Malaysia.
00:34:23Go, go, go, go, go! Guys, come on!
00:34:27Come on!
00:34:49We're invisible.
00:34:51Hey, you guys can speak fast. I don't have much time we've got before the next patrol.
00:34:54Maybe you can come out and help us.
00:34:56You have two shovels, genius.
00:34:58Yeah, no thanks. I'm just gonna keep the engine running.
00:35:00Keep an eye on Coleman's security systems.
00:35:02Freddy, for fuck's sakes, tie your goddamn shoelaces!
00:35:04Nope, I don't tie my shoes.
00:35:06What are you, five?
00:35:07Maggie, it's a way of life.
00:35:08The only time Freddy got knocked out, he was tying his shoe.
00:35:11He sneezed and smashed his face on his own knee.
00:35:13Dude, dude! That was a secret.
00:35:16Four stitches.
00:35:17Guys, I don't care. Just go!
00:35:19Yeah.
00:35:27We're in.
00:35:29Heavy Jones. Here we come, baby.
00:35:41No way.
00:35:46Coleman, you shady motherfucker.
00:35:57Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:36:01No way.
00:36:03Oh, shit.
00:36:06Guys! Guys, guys, guys, we gotta go!
00:36:08Okay, I present to you the queen of the dead.
00:36:11Self-proclaimed...
00:36:13Oh, my God!
00:36:15Oh, fuck me.
00:36:17Oh, no, no, no, no, no. She's all dried up.
00:36:19Yeah, super dry. Like, extra crispy dry.
00:36:22She's a freaking skeleton.
00:36:23No way Maddox is gonna pay us for this.
00:36:25Let's give her a chance.
00:36:26Maybe she's still somewhere in there.
00:36:28She just needs our help waking up, right?
00:36:30Hear my voice.
00:36:33Arise.
00:36:35Arise.
00:36:37Rise up!
00:36:40You broke into pieces!
00:36:42Fucking voices down.
00:36:44Oh, what? Maggie.
00:36:46I mean, look at this. We're screwed anyway.
00:36:48What could be worse?
00:36:50Oh, what the fuck?
00:36:52You shot me! You shot me!
00:36:54It's not time for pretty dirty fucking shot at us!
00:36:57I got him, I got him, I got him!
00:36:59Get in the back!
00:37:01Freddy, I don't want to die!
00:37:10I don't understand.
00:37:12We use it all the time.
00:37:14Mr. Hannity!
00:37:16Please, I don't want to die.
00:37:19Please, I swear it's not my fault.
00:37:22He got strangled in the sex swing.
00:37:29Well, well.
00:37:32Welcome back, Mr. Coleman.
00:37:35Is he able to speak?
00:37:37Short answer is no.
00:37:39Oxygen shortage and intracranial hemorrhage
00:37:41will leave your brain damaged.
00:37:43I need a word with him.
00:37:45In private.
00:37:47Mm-hmm.
00:37:49Shh.
00:37:51Shh.
00:37:53Shh.
00:37:55Shh.
00:37:57Shh.
00:37:59Shh.
00:38:01Shh.
00:38:04Bob, Bob, Bob.
00:38:06May I call you Bob?
00:38:08Mm-hmm.
00:38:10You've always been a source of inspiration,
00:38:13seizing all opportunities as they present themselves,
00:38:16never taking bullshit from anyone, hmm?
00:38:19Well, now, I'm seizing mine.
00:38:24I'm taking over.
00:38:26I got big plans for the Coleman Corporation.
00:38:30Ugh!
00:38:36One, two, one.
00:38:40And one, two.
00:38:43And one, two.
00:38:45One, two.
00:38:47And step, step.
00:38:49And one, two, back.
00:38:51One, two.
00:38:53What the hell is going on here?
00:38:55Social dance Friday.
00:38:57He's making great progress.
00:38:59He's a natural. Thank you.
00:39:01And what have you guys done with my place?
00:39:04We tied it up a bit.
00:39:06You did what? It was dusty.
00:39:09She is our hostage, numbnuts, not our maid.
00:39:12No, no. Settle down.
00:39:14I got the perfect remedy for grumpy boys.
00:39:19Freshly baked sweet rolls.
00:39:21Sweet rolls, man!
00:39:23Ha-ha-ha!
00:39:28You're so fucked.
00:39:30Oh, I'm so fucking cold.
00:39:32You're not dying, Carl.
00:39:34I think I'm losing too much weight.
00:39:36It's a scratch. You're fine.
00:39:38Oh, shit, you actually got shot.
00:39:40Yeah, I told you.
00:39:42Dude, chicks dig scars.
00:39:46Cheeseburgers? Really?
00:39:48Thank you for all the extra lactose, Freddy.
00:39:51Since when is there lactose in cheeseburgers?
00:39:54Oh.
00:39:56Jeez.
00:39:58What's up, losers?
00:40:00It's them.
00:40:02Um, I'm gonna put you on speakerphone, okay?
00:40:08I think I hung up on them.
00:40:10Freddy! I didn't do it on purpose.
00:40:12Oh, here, here.
00:40:14Did you just hang up on me?
00:40:16Stan?
00:40:18Maggie.
00:40:20Wait, you two know each other?
00:40:22So after all this time,
00:40:24you're still Coleman's little bitch, huh?
00:40:26Screw Coleman, okay?
00:40:28If you don't bring my 50K in 12 hours
00:40:30to the sweet old granny over here, goes bye-bye.
00:40:32Hey, hey, hey, how do we even know she's alive, huh?
00:40:34Good point.
00:40:36She is fine.
00:40:38Well, then put her on the phone!
00:40:43What the hell was that?
00:40:45Uh, nothing.
00:40:47What the fuck, Rocco? Put the gun down!
00:40:49What gun?
00:40:51Put Grandma on the phone right now, or the deal is done.
00:40:53Yeah.
00:40:55Uh, yes, um, she's coming.
00:41:05Come on, wake up, please, wake up.
00:41:09Shh, shh, shh.
00:41:11Speak.
00:41:13Hello, Grandma.
00:41:15Oh, hello, sweetie.
00:41:17Isn't it a beautiful day?
00:41:19Isn't it a beautiful day?
00:41:21Are you okay?
00:41:23Is that bastard treating you well enough?
00:41:25Language, young lady.
00:41:27All right, that's enough. You got 12 hours, got that?
00:41:31So how do you know this prick?
00:41:33He's my...ex.
00:41:35You slept with the enemy?
00:41:37Oh, thank you, Freddy, for the reminder.
00:41:41Shit.
00:41:43Okay, we need another Zelverella.
00:41:45You mean like the one that Carl masturbates to?
00:41:47Can't you just say jerk off
00:41:49like normal people do?
00:41:51Show us.
00:41:53I'm not gonna jerk off in front of you guys.
00:41:55Show us the girl, you sick fuck.
00:42:01Hey, would you quit crying? You're overgrown.
00:42:03Cry, baby.
00:42:05I never shot a granny before.
00:42:07Oh, there, there.
00:42:09Oh, there, there.
00:42:11Oh.
00:42:15Oh, she's alive.
00:42:19Wait, I wanna see.
00:42:21That totally looks like her.
00:42:23Oh, my God.
00:42:25This could actually work.
00:42:27So how do we find her?
00:42:29Well, they also have a massage parlor
00:42:31and you can go and book private sessions.
00:42:33Not that I ever tried.
00:42:35Just saying.
00:42:37This is a first time for everything.
00:43:07Use her name.
00:43:13Masterbater69.
00:43:15Come again?
00:43:17Masterbater69.
00:43:19Just give me a second.
00:43:21How original.
00:43:23It's a play on words, Maggie.
00:43:25So you do use that word.
00:43:27Double standard much?
00:43:29Platinum member. Wow.
00:43:31Which one of our delightful Zelve girls
00:43:33have you come to see today?
00:43:35We're here for Zelverella.
00:43:37Of course. Your favorite.
00:43:39Oh.
00:43:41It says right here,
00:43:43you never claimed your membership rewards.
00:43:45Well, it says it right here.
00:43:47And boy, did you accumulate some point.
00:43:49So here's your free platinum membership pin.
00:43:53Gel for your penis.
00:43:57A lovely Zelve T-shirt.
00:44:01Some coupons.
00:44:03And of course,
00:44:05our famous
00:44:07pocket penis laser pointer.
00:44:09Look, we don't have time for free swag, okay?
00:44:11God!
00:44:13God!
00:44:15That laser is brutal.
00:44:17You can proceed to booth 23.
00:44:19She'll be right there with you.
00:44:25Oh, and platinum member's friends
00:44:29do get a special discount.
00:44:31Care for a trial?
00:44:33No.
00:44:35We're just laid outside.
00:44:37Don't touch anything, Freddie.
00:44:55Huh?
00:44:57Happy to finally put a face on my best tipper.
00:44:59Hello.
00:45:01Hi.
00:45:05Oh, you're kind of cute.
00:45:07You too.
00:45:09You smell nice.
00:45:11Thanks.
00:45:13So, first time here, huh?
00:45:15Yeah.
00:45:23Have a good time, baby.
00:45:25Just open it.
00:45:27You're having fun, Carl?
00:45:29It's not what you think, Maggie.
00:45:31Get away.
00:45:33Maybe we can give him like five minutes.
00:45:35What?
00:45:37Oh, come on. He needs this.
00:45:39I'm hanging out of a window.
00:45:41Are your friends going to be watching because it's creepy?
00:45:43No, no, it's my sister.
00:45:45Oh, well, we can invite her if you want.
00:45:47No, no, no.
00:45:49Extra players need to register first.
00:45:51Oops.
00:45:53Look, we don't have much time, okay?
00:45:55Is that him?
00:45:57Yeah, yeah, sure.
00:45:59Wait, why? Is he mistreating you?
00:46:01No, he's just so overprotective.
00:46:03You know, it's suffocating, like...
00:46:05Oh, shit.
00:46:07Everybody out, now!
00:46:09Nobody tells me what to do, girl.
00:46:11Oh, shit.
00:46:13Oh, come on.
00:46:19Back, back, back.
00:46:25Hey, your membership
00:46:27is terminated!
00:46:33Sadly, we are also expecting
00:46:35a big protest against living impaired abuse.
00:46:37That's a real shame for freedom of speech.
00:46:39Well, if you're traveling by car
00:46:41and don't want to be late for dinner,
00:46:43you should definitely avoid the art district.
00:46:45Love.
00:46:47It's the best feeling, right?
00:46:51I'd rather be in a car crash.
00:46:55Freddy, pull over!
00:46:57Okay, okay, okay.
00:47:01Perfect.
00:47:07I'm stuck.
00:47:09Thank you, we can see that.
00:47:11I can't fucking believe it.
00:47:13You just drove right into him.
00:47:15He hit us!
00:47:17Shut up!
00:47:19You okay there? Poor thing.
00:47:21I've been worse.
00:47:23Again.
00:47:25I was paying attention to you being negative.
00:47:27Again!
00:47:29Could you two just cut it for like a second, please?
00:47:31In other news, Country Hill Cemetery
00:47:33has been the theater of yet another hate crime.
00:47:35The police are looking for three suspects
00:47:37driving a green delivery van.
00:47:39They are deemed armed and dangerous.
00:47:41You know, the police is looking for us now.
00:47:43Wait, what did we do this time?
00:47:45Oh, nothing serious. Just, you know, a hate crime.
00:47:47That is a load of bullcrap.
00:47:49Oh, right.
00:47:51You know, we're clearing up the operation, Maggie,
00:47:53so you got any great plan to get us out of this?
00:47:55Yeah, I got a plan. I got a plan.
00:47:57I got it, uh, right, uh, right here.
00:47:59That's very mature, Maggie.
00:48:01Mm-hmm. Says the guy who looked at his own asshole.
00:48:03Asshole.
00:48:05You, shut up.
00:48:07Asshole.
00:48:09Mm-hmm.
00:48:11Ah!
00:48:13Captain!
00:48:15There, dickless, go fetch.
00:48:17Guys, guys, guys, come on!
00:48:19Our assholes are gonna matter
00:48:21if we don't get back on the road,
00:48:23like, right now!
00:48:25Okay.
00:48:27Oh!
00:48:29Oh!
00:48:31Ah!
00:48:33Oh!
00:48:37Hey, hey, hey, come on, big guy.
00:48:41Don't mind me.
00:48:43Shut up.
00:48:45How about I call us
00:48:47an Uber?
00:48:49Hey, losers,
00:48:51clock is ticking.
00:48:53All right, now look, shitstick, we're on.
00:48:55Meet us at the Maddox Gallery
00:48:57with Grandma, take it or leave it.
00:48:59Ha, that shitty attitude. I missed you, Maggie.
00:49:03What a twat.
00:49:05Yep.
00:49:07All right, let's hope that old glittery
00:49:09fart likes bootlegs.
00:49:11Silvarella?
00:49:13Silvarella?
00:49:15Silvarella?
00:49:17Oh, shit. She's gone?
00:49:19Well, of course she's gone. I mean, we kidnapped her.
00:49:21Go get your girl.
00:49:23Go!
00:49:29No, no, no.
00:49:31Oh!
00:49:33Bad, bad.
00:49:35Is Mr. Coleman
00:49:37appreciating his new scenery?
00:49:39Mr. Hannity,
00:49:41we've made great progress. However,
00:49:43we need more time.
00:49:45Why? I've seen the tests.
00:49:47They're fine. They looked...
00:49:49scary.
00:49:51Focus on scary and stay away from the party
00:49:53bumper heads. Yes, this is
00:49:55the formula we have here,
00:49:57but it is extremely unstable
00:49:59and infectious. We don't know...
00:50:01Do you believe Coleman's special forces
00:50:03can't contain this?
00:50:05The protocol suggests
00:50:07that we perform additional testing.
00:50:09Maybe you're right.
00:50:13What are we doing?
00:50:15Following protocol.
00:50:17Oh, no!
00:50:19Oh, no! No, no, no!
00:50:21No, no, no!
00:50:23Let me out!
00:50:25Let me out of here!
00:50:27Let me out!
00:50:29Let me out!
00:50:31Let me out!
00:50:33Let me out!
00:50:35Let me out!
00:50:37Let me out!
00:50:39Let me out!
00:50:41Let me out!
00:50:52Silverella?
00:51:04Hello?
00:51:06♪♪
00:51:10Baby! No! No!
00:51:12Cut the crap.
00:51:13Where are you taking me?
00:51:14We're on a job,
00:51:15and we're taking you to automatics at the gallery.
00:51:17Automatics?
00:51:18Artist and...billionaire?
00:51:20Yeah, yeah.
00:51:21He wants you to be his date for tonight's event.
00:51:23Oh.
00:51:24Oh?
00:51:25Oh.
00:51:26Oh, that's so romantic.
00:51:27Oh, watch out, watch out, watch out.
00:51:28That's a...
00:51:29It's a...
00:51:30It's a bullet wound.
00:51:31Oh.
00:51:33It'll probably leave a scar.
00:51:35♪♪♪
00:51:38Oh.
00:51:39Oh.
00:51:40Oh.
00:51:41Oh.
00:51:42Oh.
00:51:43Oh, yeah.
00:51:44Oh!
00:51:46Oh, that's so gross.
00:51:48You want to know what's gross?
00:51:49Is that you ever dated that jerk.
00:51:51Oh, get over it.
00:51:52I told you, it only ever happened like once,
00:51:54or, you know...
00:51:56twice.
00:51:57Why am I trying to justify myself to you?
00:51:59It's none of your fucking business anyway.
00:52:00I was just kidding.
00:52:01Very funny.
00:52:04Thanks.
00:52:05Sarcasm, Freddy.
00:52:07Yeah, duh.
00:52:09Yeah, I knew that.
00:52:13Oh!
00:52:18Looks like you folks got a problem.
00:52:25Uh-huh.
00:52:27Let me give you a hand with that.
00:52:29I got just the right tools in my car.
00:52:31Oh, you don't have to do that, sir.
00:52:33Pleasure, ma'am.
00:52:35He just mammed me.
00:52:37Did he? I didn't.
00:52:38I blacked out.
00:52:39You're so royally fucked.
00:52:41No, I think if we just play it cool,
00:52:43we'll be fine.
00:52:44Shh.
00:52:45Yeah, I tried to swerve out of the way,
00:52:47but he just, like, jumped right in front of me.
00:52:49Don't worry about it.
00:52:50It happens all the time.
00:52:52These sons of bitches,
00:52:53they're worse than possums.
00:52:54Yeah.
00:52:55Hold that for me, sir.
00:52:56Yes, I can do that.
00:52:57All righty.
00:52:58Let's start with the head.
00:53:01Wow.
00:53:03That was...
00:53:05quick.
00:53:06Majestical.
00:53:16Oh, jeez.
00:53:23Well,
00:53:25there you go, folks.
00:53:27Might want to stop at a car wash.
00:53:29Get rid of that smell.
00:53:30Yeah.
00:53:31Well, you're a real lifesaver.
00:53:33Yeah, no, that was really, really nice of you.
00:53:36Now drive safe.
00:53:38What the hell did you do that for?
00:53:42To save your asses.
00:53:43That is assault on an officer of the law.
00:53:46Yeah, a really nice officer
00:53:48that had no idea that we were wanted.
00:53:50And how was I supposed to know that?
00:53:52I thought that it was super brave.
00:53:54Are you mad?
00:53:55How was that?
00:53:56I thought that it was super brave.
00:53:57I am so done.
00:53:58I will be in the van.
00:53:59Fuck all of you.
00:54:04Well, we can't just leave him there.
00:54:18I'm Chelsea Lee,
00:54:19your favorite red carpet correspondent
00:54:21here at the Maddox Art Gallery,
00:54:23where the glitterati of Metropolis is here.
00:54:25And Mother Teresa is here.
00:54:28Mother Teresa.
00:54:29Oh, my goodness.
00:54:30Isn't she looking lovely in her designer robe?
00:54:33Nobody pulls off white and blue like Mother Teresa.
00:54:36Mother Teresa, you rock the white and blue.
00:54:39Martinis later.
00:54:41You should see her on the dance floor.
00:54:43She is a maniac.
00:54:45Here at Colvin News,
00:54:46we don't let protesters ruin our night,
00:54:48and we just look forward to the art.
00:54:50I look forward to seeing
00:54:51what Otto Maddox is going to release today.
00:54:54Who knows?
00:54:55Last time it was very controversial.
00:54:57Tonight it's probably going to be even more racy,
00:55:00but Colvin News will show you everything.
00:55:22Yeah!
00:55:41Let the show begin.
00:55:51electronic music plays
00:56:21gunshots
00:56:47Oh, my God.
00:56:48Have you guys seen this place?
00:56:50There she is!
00:56:51My queen!
00:56:54I was getting impatient.
00:56:57She's as magnificent as a thousand suns
00:57:00rising over the ocean.
00:57:03All of this is yours?
00:57:06Oh, yes, darling, yes.
00:57:08All of this and you.
00:57:12You sure know what you want.
00:57:15Wow.
00:57:16She's in pristine condition.
00:57:19Botox and fillers.
00:57:22You know how it is.
00:57:24I've had some work done myself.
00:57:26Oh.
00:57:27music plays
00:57:42No!
00:57:43Oh!
00:57:44Oh!
00:57:45Oh!
00:57:46Oh!
00:57:47Oh!
00:57:48Oh!
00:57:49Oh!
00:57:52Okay.
00:57:53Let's get her clean and dressed.
00:57:55Stop right there, dude.
00:57:58You got our money?
00:58:01What I wouldn't give for the golden star
00:58:05of my celestial realm.
00:58:07Oh.
00:58:12Stop!
00:58:14Stop, okay?
00:58:15Stop!
00:58:16Shut the fuck up, Carl.
00:58:18♪♪♪
00:58:26-♪♪♪
00:58:36-♪♪♪
00:58:46-♪♪♪
00:58:49You're trying to ruin my mood.
00:58:51No, no, no, no. He's just, you know, jealous.
00:58:54No. No, we like each other.
00:58:56It's real sweet, honey, but this is a huge opportunity for me, so...
00:58:59Mmm.
00:59:01Mmm-mmm.
00:59:02Mmm-mmm.
00:59:04I'm so sorry, Grandma.
00:59:06She's not the real Zelverella.
00:59:08She's a Zelve girl.
00:59:11And she's the love of my life.
00:59:15Okay, listen, he is just being emotional.
00:59:17What did you just say?
00:59:19I said that he's just being emo...
00:59:21Not you!
00:59:23Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
00:59:26I got fooled by a cosplayer.
00:59:30Oh! She's a worthless fake!
00:59:33Do I look like a man you can play games with?
00:59:41What now?
00:59:58Yeah, come at me.
01:00:03Articles!
01:00:05Adios, guys.
01:00:07Who the hell, Don?
01:00:09Grrr!
01:00:11Grrr!
01:00:13Grrr!
01:00:15Grrr!
01:00:17Grrr!
01:00:19Grrr!
01:00:21Grrr!
01:00:23Grrr!
01:00:25Grrr!
01:00:27Grrr!
01:00:29Grrr!
01:00:31Grrr!
01:00:33Grrr!
01:00:35Grrr!
01:00:37Grrr!
01:00:39Grrr!
01:00:41Grrr!
01:00:43Grrr!
01:00:49I'm sorry.
01:00:55Dude, you just killed Mother Teresa!
01:00:57She was so mean!
01:00:59Way out of character!
01:01:01Grrr!
01:01:03Grrr!
01:01:05Grrr!
01:01:07Hit that glittery fucker!
01:01:09Grrr!
01:01:11Grrr!
01:01:15Not bad for a worthless fake, huh?
01:01:17Pfft!
01:01:29Grrr!
01:01:33Play nice!
01:01:35Grrr!
01:01:37Grrr!
01:01:39Grrr!
01:01:41Grrr!
01:01:43Grrr!
01:01:45Grrr!
01:01:47Why are they so hostile
01:01:49all of a sudden?
01:01:51There has to be a logical explanation.
01:01:53Maybe there's bath salts
01:01:55in the hors d'oeuvres.
01:01:57That's actually plausible.
01:02:01Hey.
01:02:03You really meant what you said up there,
01:02:05master underscore baiter?
01:02:07You can actually call me Carl.
01:02:11I'm Jane.
01:02:19Go, go, go!
01:02:21Grrr!
01:02:23Grrr!
01:02:25Grrr!
01:02:27Grrr!
01:02:29Grrr!
01:02:31Move, move, move, move! Come on!
01:02:33Guys, we gotta go! Go, go, go!
01:02:35Holy fuck, have you guys seen this?
01:02:37Yeah, it's like, uh...
01:02:39Like in the movies.
01:02:41What the hell are we supposed to do now?
01:02:43Okay, we charge at them, and we hit them in the brain real hard.
01:02:45Yeah, and don't let them bite you.
01:02:47Great plan. Genius.
01:02:49Thanks. Oh, that was sarcasm.
01:02:51Oh, for fuck's sakes.
01:02:53Where's my money? Look, we have it.
01:02:55Almost. What do you mean, almost?
01:02:57Do you know what freaking time it is?
01:02:59It's freaking time's up!
01:03:05The terrorists have been identified
01:03:07as being Carl Neird, Freddie Merckx,
01:03:09Maggie Neird, and Jane Doe.
01:03:11Feminist, activist, terrorist.
01:03:13All very dangerous to our freedom.
01:03:15Oh, then we're terrorists.
01:03:17No, no, no, no, we're bioterrorists.
01:03:19Okay? It's far worse.
01:03:21Well, that really helps a lot.
01:03:23Wait.
01:03:25Where's Jane?
01:03:29Oh, she's right there.
01:03:33They're not attacking her.
01:03:35I know, it's weird. It's like they're only attracted to us.
01:03:37Warm-blooded.
01:03:39Look, she's getting her money.
01:03:45That backstabbing bitch.
01:03:47Heart-stabbing, Maggie.
01:03:49Heart-stabbing.
01:03:51Oh.
01:04:18So we hit him in the brain.
01:04:20Real hard.
01:04:22Here.
01:04:24Oh, because I'm the girl?
01:04:26No, because you're badass.
01:04:30Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
01:04:32Before we do this and, you know,
01:04:34most probably die,
01:04:36I just thought it would be really cool
01:04:38to have you as a brother-in-law.
01:04:40Hey, don't I get a say in that?
01:04:42Okay, listen, Maggie, I'm really sorry
01:04:44being jealous of your ex-boyfriend,
01:04:46who is an asshole.
01:04:48I'm sorry, too, okay?
01:04:50I know I made the plan fail, and that was selfish.
01:04:52I get it, so...
01:04:54I'm sorry.
01:04:56You guys are so lame, but adorable.
01:05:00All right, fine.
01:05:02Okay, uh,
01:05:04I swear to God, if we ever get out of this thing alive,
01:05:06I will...
01:05:08play D&D with you.
01:05:12Good enough.
01:05:14Dude, that's huge.
01:05:16So...
01:05:18we're gonna show these rotten bastards
01:05:20what happens...
01:05:22Hey! Hold on.
01:05:24Maggie.
01:05:26You can't go into battle with your shoes untied.
01:05:28Okay.
01:05:30All right.
01:05:32We're gonna show these rotten bastards
01:05:34what happens when
01:05:36Wild Gringo gets
01:05:38wild!
01:05:40Yeah!
01:05:46We're invincible.
01:05:58Oh, yeah!
01:06:00Ow!
01:06:02Motherfucker!
01:06:04Maggie!
01:06:06That's why we drink our milk!
01:06:08Life doesn't tolerate assholes!
01:06:16Yeah!
01:06:20Okay.
01:06:22All right, I'm gonna pick you up.
01:06:24I'm strong enough to do that.
01:06:26Ah-choo!
01:06:30Freddy!
01:06:40Freddy, come on, wake up!
01:06:42Freddy, come on, please!
01:06:44Oh, shit!
01:06:46Oh, shit!
01:06:48Oh, shit!
01:06:50Oh, shit!
01:06:52Oh, shit!
01:06:54Oh, shit!
01:06:56Oh, shit!
01:07:10Sheila, this is stronger.
01:07:14Oh, shit!
01:07:16Oh, shit!
01:07:22Fucker!
01:07:30Welcome to Pain City!
01:07:32Population, you!
01:07:36Freddy!
01:07:40Yes!
01:07:44Mmm!
01:07:46Whoa, come here!
01:07:50Did you just kick his ass, Marty?
01:07:54Whoa!
01:07:56That's what I'm talking about!
01:07:58Whoa!
01:08:02Hey, don't make me feel so
01:08:04savvy, man!
01:08:06Oh, my God!
01:08:08Oh, my God!
01:08:10Oh!
01:08:12No!
01:08:28Whoa!
01:08:30Yeah!
01:08:40Whoa!
01:08:42Guys!
01:08:44Kringle! Kringle!
01:08:46Kringle! Whoa!
01:08:50That was crazy!
01:08:52Freddy, no!
01:09:06Oh, my God!
01:09:10Oh, my God!
01:09:20James?
01:09:22Everybody, get on your knees!
01:09:26Now!
01:09:32I'm surprised
01:09:34you're all still alive,
01:09:36but glad
01:09:38Oh, that's Dracula's hound.
01:09:40Shh! Up, Carl!
01:09:41Same.
01:09:42This massacre just exposed your true nature to the world,
01:09:47you filthy zombies.
01:09:49Hey, she's living impaired.
01:09:53Down on the ground, now!
01:10:09Oh, Hannity, man.
01:10:11I bet you didn't see this one coming, huh?
01:10:13Tell me, how does it feel to be on your knees?
01:10:15Now is not the time, Dave.
01:10:17My name is Stanley.
01:10:19How many fucking times do I have to tell you that?
01:10:21Who the hell is Dave, anyway?
01:10:22Calm down. Everything is fine.
01:10:24We have the money.
01:10:25My money!
01:10:26Hey, time out.
01:10:27Finders keepers.
01:10:28Sneaky bitch.
01:10:31Baby, I'm so sorry. I was... I was really scared.
01:10:34She was scared, Maggie.
01:10:35She's lying, Carl!
01:10:37I don't know that.
01:10:38I agree with both of you.
01:10:39Shut up!
01:10:41Enough with the fucking bickering!
01:10:43Do you hear yourself?
01:10:44I'm scared.
01:10:45I agree with you both.
01:10:46I should shoot all of you in the fucking face!
01:10:49Give me that.
01:10:51Nice.
01:10:52Now...
01:10:55Where was I?
01:10:56Ah, yes.
01:10:58Your days of roaming our streets
01:11:01and infecting us with diseases
01:11:04are over.
01:11:05The last disease I caught wasn't from a dead guy.
01:11:07You know, you got some nasty shit going on inside your lab yourself.
01:11:11I've seen it.
01:11:13I bet you orchestrated this whole fucking thing.
01:11:16So it wasn't bath salts.
01:11:18You made them look bad so you could cash in on some
01:11:21big-ass Coleman cleanup contract
01:11:23and be the goddamn hero, didn't you?
01:11:25And you all are the perfect scapegoats, aren't you?
01:11:32You got me.
01:11:33You got me, clever girl.
01:11:35Too bad.
01:11:36No one's ever gonna find out.
01:11:40Carl! Laser penis!
01:11:50Yes!
01:11:51No, Max!
01:11:52Yeah, I know!
01:11:53Oh, great!
01:12:03You ruined everything!
01:12:04You wretched scum!
01:12:06What have you done?!
01:12:08The world out of fucking favor!
01:12:15You look better dead, baby.
01:12:23Nice shot.
01:12:24Good pass.
01:12:34Oh!
01:12:36It's a miracle!
01:12:37You fucking fucker!
01:12:44I love you too, Maggie.
01:12:46Yeah, nice try, shit face.
01:12:53Uh, guys?
01:12:54I hate to interrupt, but...
01:12:56where's the money?
01:12:59And where's Stan?
01:13:16Paul, we can't.
01:13:18What would my father say?
01:13:21Why can't we be together?
01:13:23I love you.
01:13:25I love you.
01:13:27Come on, pick up.
01:13:30Shit.
01:13:34Go ahead, I've got the money.
01:13:56Any moment now.
01:13:57Here they are, Brad.
01:13:58Our terrorists are exiting the building by the front door as we speak.
01:14:01Anything to say for your defense?
01:14:03No!
01:14:04We're innocent!
01:14:05I've recorded everything and I have proof!
01:14:07I've recorded everything and I have proof!
01:14:12I do!
01:14:13I do!
01:14:14I do!
01:14:15I do!
01:14:16I do!
01:14:17I do!
01:14:18I do!
01:14:24Yeah, so I skipped to the end.
01:14:29Oh, I know, I'm cheating.
01:14:33Well, the good news is, we got Granny back!
01:14:37She's living in Pair now,
01:14:39but she always thought she was,
01:14:41I guess she's finally happy.
01:14:46And we didn't get arrested.
01:14:48Turns out that Captain Galactica's keychain plan didn't work out as I'd hoped.
01:14:52It didn't prove anything.
01:14:54But...
01:14:56All hell broke loose.
01:14:58The infection got out and spread like crazy.
01:15:02Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:32No!
01:16:02I'm sorry.
01:16:04I'm sorry.
01:16:06I'm sorry.
01:16:08I'm sorry.
01:16:10I'm sorry.
01:16:12I'm sorry.
01:16:14I'm sorry.
01:16:16I'm sorry.
01:16:18I'm sorry.
01:16:20I'm sorry.
01:16:22I'm sorry.
01:16:24I'm sorry.
01:16:26I'm sorry.
01:16:28I'm sorry.
01:16:30I'm sorry.
01:16:32I'm sorry.
01:16:34I'm sorry.
01:16:36I'm sorry.
01:16:38I'm sorry.
01:16:40I'm sorry.
01:16:42I'm sorry.
01:16:44I'm sorry.
01:16:46I'm sorry.
01:16:48I'm sorry.
01:16:50I'm sorry.
01:16:52I'm sorry.
01:16:54I'm sorry.
01:16:56I'm sorry.
01:16:58I'm sorry.
01:17:00I'm sorry.
01:17:02I'm sorry.
01:17:04I'm sorry.
01:17:06I'm sorry.
01:17:08I'm sorry.
01:17:10I'm sorry.
01:17:12I'm sorry.
01:17:14I'm sorry.
01:17:16I'm sorry.
01:17:18I'm sorry.
01:17:20I'm sorry.
01:17:22I'm sorry.
01:17:24I'm sorry.
01:17:26I'm sorry.
01:17:28I'm sorry.
01:17:30I'm sorry.
01:17:32I'm sorry.
01:17:34I'm sorry.
01:17:36I'm sorry.
01:17:38I'm sorry.
01:17:40I'm sorry.
01:17:42I'm sorry.
01:17:44I'm sorry.
01:17:46I'm sorry.
01:17:48I'm sorry.
01:17:50I'm sorry.
01:17:52I'm sorry.
01:17:54I'm sorry.
01:17:56I'm sorry.
01:17:58I'm sorry.
01:18:00I'm sorry.
01:18:02I'm sorry.
01:18:04I'm sorry.
01:18:06I'm sorry.
01:18:08I'm sorry.
01:18:10I'm sorry.
01:18:12I'm sorry.
01:18:14I'm sorry.
01:18:16I'm sorry.
01:18:18I'm sorry.
01:18:20I'm sorry.
01:18:22I'm sorry.
01:18:24I'm sorry.
01:18:26I'm sorry.
01:18:28I'm sorry.
01:18:30I'm sorry.
01:18:32I'm sorry.
01:18:34I'm sorry.
01:18:36I'm sorry.
01:18:38I'm sorry.
01:18:40I'm sorry.
01:18:42I'm sorry.
01:18:44I'm sorry.
01:18:46I'm sorry.
01:18:48I'm sorry.
01:18:50I'm sorry.
01:18:52I'm sorry.
01:18:54I'm sorry.
01:18:56I'm sorry.
01:18:58I'm sorry.
01:19:00I'm sorry.
01:19:02I'm sorry.
01:19:04I'm sorry.
01:19:06I'm sorry.
01:19:08I'm sorry.
01:19:10I'm sorry.
01:19:12I'm sorry.
01:19:14I'm sorry.
01:19:16I'm sorry.
01:19:18I'm sorry.
01:19:20I'm sorry.
01:19:22I'm sorry.
01:19:24I'm sorry.
01:19:26I'm sorry.
01:19:28I'm sorry.
01:19:30I'm sorry.
01:19:32I'm sorry.
01:19:34I'm sorry.
01:19:36I'm sorry.
01:19:38I'm sorry.
01:19:40I'm sorry.
01:19:42I'm sorry.
01:19:44I'm sorry.
01:19:46I'm sorry.
01:19:48I'm sorry.
01:19:50I'm sorry.
01:19:52I'm sorry.
01:19:54I'm sorry.
01:19:56I'm sorry.
01:19:58I'm sorry.
01:20:00I'm sorry.
01:20:02I'm sorry.
01:20:04I'm sorry.
01:20:06I'm sorry.
01:20:08I'm sorry.
01:20:10I'm sorry.
01:20:12I'm sorry.