How to STOP Being Nagged!

Stefan Molyneux

In this episode, I delve into the complexities of romantic relationships, focusing on how men and women differ in expressing their needs and frustrations. I highlight common sources of conflict, like household chores, and explore cognitive differences that lead to misunderstandings. By celebrating these distinctions rather than judging them, partners can foster better communication. I also touch on societal expectations and the broader implications of unresolved relationship issues. Ultimately, I emphasize the power of honest dialogue to deepen connections and improve overall well-being.  Join the PREMIUM philosophy community on the web for free!  NOW AVAILABLE FOR SUBSCRIBERS: MY NEW BOOK 'PEACEFUL PARENTING' - AND THE INTERACTIVE PEACEFUL PARENTING AI AND AUDIOBOOK!  Also get the Truth About the French Revolution, the interactive multi-lingual philosophy AI trained on thousands of hours of my material, private livestreams, premium call in shows, the 22 Part History of Philosophers series and much more!  See you soon!  https://freedomain.locals.com/support/promo/UPB2022

Transcript

00:00:00Good evening, everybody.

00:00:02Stephen Molyneux, 16th of August, 2024.

00:00:052024.

00:00:08And we got some questions and comments.

00:00:10Looking forward to your donations tonight.

00:00:12We're going to have a crackerjack of a show.

00:00:15Because I'm going to solve all your problems in your relationships.

00:00:20I'm going to solve all of your problems in your relationships,

00:00:24your romantic relationships, which are really the only ones that matter.

00:00:27Foundationally, no disrespect to my friends, but you ain't so bangable.

00:00:31So, all right, where can I get an FDR hat?

00:00:34Fine question.

00:00:36This evening, I will post the logo and the place you can go to order an FDR hat.

00:00:44I'm not going to make a penny from it.

00:00:46It's all entirely up to you.

00:00:48But I'm going to post the logo.

00:00:50Basically, it's a place online.

00:00:51You upload the logo.

00:00:52They'll send you a hat.

00:00:53So I'll give you the logo.

00:00:54I'll put it out for donors.

00:00:56Because you all are so special to me, I barely have words for it.

00:01:00Although I do have a lot of words.

00:01:01All right.

00:01:03Steph, why do you ask other people to post on Twitter for you?

00:01:05Why don't you use your own account?

00:01:10Because I don't want to engage with the people on Twitter.

00:01:12Now, if other people want to post on my behalf, that's fine.

00:01:19It can be helpful to push back on a couple of lies here and there.

00:01:22But I'm not using Twitter because aforementioned reasons.

00:01:25All right.

00:01:26Let's freaking go.

00:01:27That's right.

00:01:28Hello from Gulag, UK.

00:01:30Yes.

00:01:34Yes.

00:01:35Where the criminals are protected for decades.

00:01:38And those who point out the criminality are persecuted immediately.

00:01:42Well, this is where statism always leads.

00:01:45One day, people will listen to me.

00:01:47And you and others who've told this.

00:01:51That day is not today and may not be tomorrow.

00:01:56They're not riots.

00:01:57They're protests, aren't they?

00:01:58Why did you drop radio from Free Domain Radio?

00:02:03Really?

00:02:05Really?

00:02:10Thank you for the tip.

00:02:11I appreciate that.

00:02:13Why did I drop radio from Free Domain Radio?

00:02:16Because radio is now an archaic technology.

00:02:21And because nobody really listens to radio anymore.

00:02:24So, when I was a kid, there was a great store for computers and stuff called Radio Shack.

00:02:30Unlike Future Shop, which became history empty, Radio Shack ended up rebranding itself as The Source.

00:02:41I think The Source by Circuit City or something like that.

00:02:44It's sort of like there was a place in Canada for TVs and speakers, Audio Centre 2000 or something like that.

00:02:54And of course, when they first founded the company 2000, the year 2000 seemed really futuristic.

00:03:00And now, it ain't so futuristic.

00:03:02So, you just have to keep rebranding.

00:03:06All right.

00:03:08Let's see here.

00:03:10As it's past the first round of my first ever job interview.

00:03:13Thanks, Steph. You're welcome. Congratulations. Keep going.

00:03:16I'm not sure.

00:03:17I don't watch UK news. Too depressing. We better stop whispering class.

00:03:20Yeah.

00:03:23UK news is depressing.

00:03:27Ready for graduate level philosophy.

00:03:29Oh, we're going to get that.

00:03:30How do I avoid seeming needy around women when I absolutely am?

00:03:38How do I avoid seeming needy around women when I absolutely am?

00:03:45Well, you stop with the fucking fraud.

00:03:54You stop with the fraud.

00:03:57You stop with the fraud.

00:04:00You stop with the fraud to yourself and you stop with the fraud for a woman, for others.

00:04:08See, let's say there's a woman and she's just smart, fantastic, wonderful, intelligent, brilliant, fit, healthy.

00:04:16And you are an insecure, overweight, neck-bearded, face-basement-dwelling guy.

00:04:23Well, then you stop aiming for something that's above your station.

00:04:30You feel nervous because you're aiming above your station.

00:04:36And there's nothing wrong with that.

00:04:38What do men do? We start at the top and work our way down until a woman says yes.

00:04:45When I asked my first girl out, it was the absolute queen of my junior high school, the most popular girl in school.

00:04:52I asked her out. She said, maybe we can go with other people, which is a nice way.

00:04:56And she was a very nice young lady of saying no.

00:04:59And then I went to the second tier and the second tier would go out with me.

00:05:04And I'd keep going down, as all men do. So stop frauding.

00:05:08Why do I feel nervous when I apply for the job as a surgeon when I am, in fact, a gardener?

00:05:17Because you're frauding. You're aiming beyond your station.

00:05:23If you're terrified, it's because the woman is too high-status for you.

00:05:27She may be too attractive. She may be, and with this crew, I wouldn't imagine, too intelligent.

00:05:32She's too high-status for you. So you're aiming too high.

00:05:35So your nerves are telling you that you're aiming too high.

00:05:39And if you aim too high, the relationship is unsustainable.

00:05:47So aim lower until, like don't aim so low that it's boring.

00:05:52You want to aim as a man. You want to aim just below terror and just above complacency.

00:06:02Until you're a little nervous, but not terrified.

00:06:05Terrified means you're aiming above your station. So don't do that. Don't be fraudulent.

00:06:12Why don't I think about my girlfriend when I'm away from her for more than a few days?

00:06:15Because you're a man.

00:06:19Started some Nathaniel Brandon books. Which ones did you find most helpful?

00:06:23Well, the most helpful for me was The Psychology of Self-Esteem, and then probably The Disowned Self.

00:06:34Nothing better on a Friday afternoon than cutting the grass and listening to Steph.

00:06:38Hopefully you mean the lawn, not the weed.

00:06:42The way people often talk to each other on Twitter is so dysfunctional. I'm not on social media at all.

00:06:47Well, it's funny because I'll still browse Twitter. It's good for news, and it's good for funny stuff to share with my daughter.

00:06:54But when I came up again, you know, sort of that 8.5 million views on a couple of tweets.

00:06:59When I came up again, I just realized how absolutely retarded 90% of the people are on Twitter.

00:07:05Stupid, idiot, mouth breathers, propaganda swallowers, regurgitators of all things stupid and slanderous.

00:07:12They're just absolute idiots.

00:07:14And I was reminded of like, oh yeah, that is a toxic sludge fest of lies, falsehood, manipulation, and bullying.

00:07:24Because I remember seeing a quote there was like, oh yeah, Steph.

00:07:27He was the guy who said that only white males support free speech.

00:07:31You know, no nuance, no quotes, no charts, no data, no facts, no questions, no quotes.

00:07:37Oh yeah, he's the guy who told Taylor Swift she had to have a baby right now.

00:07:42He's the guy, like just completely stupid, retarded.

00:07:47And I apologize. It's actually an insult to retarded people.

00:07:50But yeah, just completely stupid, spewing the most insane bigotry.

00:07:54And absolutely uncorrectable because it's all emotional reaction and the cover up of crimes.

00:08:00So, it did help me realize.

00:08:05And there were some nice people there too and some people who had very interesting and good and useful things to say.

00:08:11Thank you, Tony.

00:08:12And that was fine.

00:08:14But for the most part, I'm like, because I haven't been on mainstream social media in over four years.

00:08:21It was over four years ago that I was deplatformed.

00:08:24And I was like, oh yeah.

00:08:26Oh, that's right.

00:08:30There are people who are not kept out of social discourse because they're stupid, ignorant, and vocal.

00:08:45I mean, it's one thing to go from this Mormon tabernacle choir to drunken, brutal karaoke in a small town on a Sunday afternoon.

00:08:55I just can't go out there and have my ears bleed from the a-harmony of the endless drunk women screaming out the Grease Megamix.

00:09:04So, it was just a reminder of how much you have to lower yourself to the knee-high to a grasshopper intellect of your average fat-fingered, idiot-brained typist on the Twitter platform.

00:09:18And not to pick on the Twitter platform. It happens on other platforms as well.

00:09:22But I have been in the Refined Jazz Club with expert musicians for long enough now that going back to the screaming karaoke thud of people learning their first six-string till their fingers bleed on Twitter, that's quite a shock.

00:09:38It's a little bit of a shock.

00:09:42I've seen how women's dating profiles will bully you for fun or something along the like.

00:09:46I've seen those bullying thing multiple times now.

00:09:51Sorry, you're not checking your typing. I'm not reading your crap.

00:09:58Good morning, good morning, good afternoon, good evening.

00:10:01Just a tad update. Now that I'm fully in the marketing mode for my new accounting firm consulting business, I'm starting to get offers for fully remote COO, CEO jobs, Chief Operating Officer, Chief Executive Officer jobs.

00:10:16Unexpected turn of events. Well, congratulations. It's always good to get choice.

00:10:22All right. The problem is that if a woman rejects you and other women in the social circle know it, they will reject you as well because they don't want to seem low status.

00:10:31God almighty, man, what are you, on Twitter? How is that a problem?

00:10:35A woman doesn't know what she wants, so she's just an idiot shadow cast by the preferences of other idiot women.

00:10:42What do you care? Oh, no, the idiot woman who doesn't know what she wants doesn't like me because other idiot women have rejected me.

00:10:50Oh, no, I'm losing my access to idiot women. Oh, no. What a tragedy.

00:10:57How is that a problem? To be rejected by idiots is a hallmark of intelligence.

00:11:05Oh, my God. That's funny. Oh, no.

00:11:12The women who can't choose for themselves and have no free will or intellect of their own might reject me.

00:11:18Oh, no. That's a big problem.

00:11:25Oh, you guys, it's starting me off absolutely beautifully tonight.

00:11:32Oh, no. The customers with no money who were shoplifters might not come into my store.

00:11:37The blind pilots might not fly me to my destination.

00:11:42The nauseous stewardesses poisoned by a gas station sushi might lean over me during the flight.

00:11:49Oh, no. The woman with monkey pox might not sleep with me. Oh, no.

00:11:56Come on, man. You're trolling me. You're trolling me.

00:12:00Oh, my gosh. That's hilarious.

00:12:04I saw a guy who took a passage from your Art of the Argument book and said that your take was dumb,

00:12:10but no explanation of why or any supporting evidence that backups his claims.

00:12:14If you're going to critique someone's argument,

00:12:16maybe you have something to provide on your side instead of just calling it stupid.

00:12:21Well, what's wrong with that guy?

00:12:25What's wrong with that guy getting other idiots to avoid my book?

00:12:38I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

00:12:43I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

00:12:50No, it wasn't just one typo, Lee.

00:12:52You said I've seen on women's dating profiles will bully you for fun or something along the like.

00:12:57Okay, along those lines, something like that.

00:12:59So that's one that's something along the like is not proper English.

00:13:03I've seen thus bullying thing multiple times.

00:13:07So I don't know what thus this thoughts.

00:13:09I don't know what you're is a thoughts missing a T or this with a O substituted for an I.

00:13:15I've I've seen thus bullying thing multiple times now, probably.

00:13:19And I just gave up.

00:13:23So if you've got three errors in the first two lines, I'm not going to read the rest of it.

00:13:28So don't.

00:13:30I spelt one word wrong.

00:13:32No, that's not correct.

00:13:33And I didn't call you a shit.

00:13:34I said, I'm not reading that shit, not the shit that you write, not calling you.

00:13:38So you're absolutely wrong.

00:13:40You're wrong on your evaluation of how wrong you were.

00:13:42And you're wrong that I didn't call you a shit.

00:13:44I just said I'm not reading that shit because it is shit.

00:13:46If you're going to type in a public forum and not even remotely proofread what it is that you're going to type to me,

00:13:51that's rude.

00:13:52It wastes my time.

00:13:53It wastes other people's time and it's negative.

00:13:55So it's shit what you wrote.

00:13:59What is the physiognomy behind women with crazy eyes?

00:14:02Well, crazy eyes are eyes that are widened because of a heightened fight or flight response, right?

00:14:08So when you have a fight or flight response, extra blood goes to your eyes.

00:14:12They widen so you can perceive threats and so on, right?

00:14:15So those AOC, your white cue ball starers come about because the pupils are dilated, the eyes are wide because they're in a fight or flight response.

00:14:24So I assume that's the case.

00:14:31All right.

00:14:35Hey Steph, I've been feeling rather depressed lately.

00:14:38I think it has to do with the lack of hope I can see in the future.

00:14:41I can see the upcoming collapse accompanied with a massive loss of purchasing power and ignorant people as a whole.

00:14:46When I talk to people about this, they don't care and reject the ideas completely.

00:14:49How can I find something to hope for in the future?

00:14:57Steph, sometimes I think you are too patient.

00:15:00Well, I mean, Lee, and you know, I'm glad you're here, Lee.

00:15:03I really am.

00:15:04And I'm happy to get your questions.

00:15:06But you've been here a whole bunch of times when I've talked about, please proofread.

00:15:10When you're typing in a live show, proofread so I can understand what you're saying.

00:15:14Because if I can't figure out what you're saying, you're wasting time for me, you're wasting time for the audience, and then for the hundreds of thousands or millions of people who are going to listen in the future, right?

00:15:25I never said you called me shit.

00:15:30You said, I spelled one word wrong.

00:15:32Don't appreciate it being called shit.

00:15:35Oh, yeah, sorry, sorry.

00:15:36No, you're right about that.

00:15:39I misspelled this.

00:15:40And I suppose, I suppose I had some grammatical errors I didn't realize.

00:15:43It's fine, though.

00:15:45You suppose you had some grammatical errors you didn't realize?

00:15:47Or you did?

00:15:49See, here's the thing, right?

00:15:52You want to have the confidence to own up when you make a mistake.

00:15:59So you're right.

00:16:00You're right about that.

00:16:01I missed, I missed a word.

00:16:02So that's my error.

00:16:03So you see, I'm not making excuses.

00:16:04Well, I read it fast, or you annoyed me.

00:16:07You said, I spelled one word wrong.

00:16:09Don't appreciate it being called a shit.

00:16:11I read it, don't appreciate being called a shit.

00:16:13So that's my mistake, and I apologize for that.

00:16:15But I'm just saying, I made a mistake, I apologize for it, and I'm not making excuses.

00:16:21So, I misspelled this, but I don't know that, because it could be thoughts, right?

00:16:26And I suppose I had some grammatical errors I didn't realize, right?

00:16:31So, I apologize for misreading what you read, what you wrote.

00:16:35So, what do you owe me?

00:16:37If you use my time without even checking what you write, honestly, it takes about 10, 15 seconds to read over before you type.

00:16:47And make sure it makes sense.

00:16:48That's all.

00:16:49That's all.

00:16:50And I've asked for that a million times, and I think it's a fair thing to ask for.

00:16:52I try to be precise in my answers, although I was wrong about something here.

00:16:55So, I was wrong about something, and I apologize.

00:16:58So, if you're wrong about something, don't do this passive-aggressive stuff.

00:17:01Just say, you know what?

00:17:02You're right.

00:17:03I was over-eager, I was over-hasty, I didn't prove my thing.

00:17:06So, sorry about that.

00:17:07And then, that's fine.

00:17:10All right.

00:17:11So, we get to the depressed guy.

00:17:13Would you be interested in attending the Bitcoin Film Festival in Warsaw?

00:17:17It's happening every year, and your documentaries could be shown to the attendees on the silver screen.

00:17:21Well, that's very nice.

00:17:22I certainly do love Poland.

00:17:25Poland got me in a lot of trouble by being very friendly to free speech.

00:17:30Well, no.

00:17:31Poland didn't get me in any trouble.

00:17:32I voluntarily chose that, right?

00:17:37So, Bitcoin Film Festival.

00:17:40Interesting.

00:17:43Interesting.

00:17:44Travel.

00:17:45You know, I used to do travel all the time for speeches and documentaries and so on.

00:17:49I used to do travel all the time.

00:17:52Got to tell you, it's a little tricky now because travel is just a crab and a half.

00:17:57You know, we got non-meritocracy-gathered mechanics and refuelers and de-icers and pilots.

00:18:05And I'm like, I don't know, man.

00:18:07Am I going to roll the non-meritocratic flight crew?

00:18:10Oh, I don't know.

00:18:11But send me an email if you can.

00:18:14You can send it to host, H-O-S-T, at freedomain.com.

00:18:21New documentary topic.

00:18:22It's going to be in another country and about a different culture.

00:18:26But yeah, send me something.

00:18:28I love Warsaw.

00:18:29I absolutely completely and I have some of the best memories of any travel I've ever done in Poland.

00:18:34I absolutely completely and totally loved it.

00:18:39That I appreciate.

00:18:42All right.

00:18:43A couple of items of business.

00:18:44We'll get to the depressed guy and then I'll solve all your personal relationships.

00:18:47freedomain.com slash call in.

00:18:49You can request private call ins.

00:18:51Private call ins are available now.

00:18:53Price is going to go up shortly.

00:18:55The price of subscriptions is going to go up.

00:18:58I just haven't raised the price of subscriptions in years and years and years.

00:19:01And I'm going to raise them.

00:19:03So if you want to get that in now, it's going to go from five bucks a month to, I don't know, seven or something like that.

00:19:08And so if you're going to subscribe, please try and do it sooner rather than later because I'd hate for you to get caught in a price rise.

00:19:15Well, it's not really a price rise.

00:19:17It's just a recognition of the fall of the value of the dollar rise.

00:19:19But Trump, you're going to end up at the same income.

00:19:22But as you know, the dollar gets eroded.

00:19:25All donations get, freedomain.com slash donate.

00:19:29All donations get my almost 12 hour deep dive into the history of the French Revolution, which is really the history of the current present world.

00:19:39So that's just some housekeeping and business to take care of.

00:19:46So let's get your question about feeling rather depressed.

00:19:52Okay.

00:19:55I hear what you're saying.

00:19:56I hear what you're saying.

00:19:58I wrestle with it too.

00:20:00I'll be straight up with you.

00:20:01I wrestle with it too.

00:20:03It is not always the very easiest thing in the known universe to retain optimism in the face of general herd quasi-suicidality.

00:20:15Also, tiktok.com forward slash at freedomain.com.

00:20:18Tiktok.com forward slash at freedomain.com.

00:20:21If you could sign up there, I would find it most agreeable.

00:20:25Must agreeable.

00:20:27So, how do we do it?

00:20:36How do we keep our optimism in the face of people's lemming-like greed to run off the cliff of fiat currency into the abyss of increasing statism?

00:20:51Well, all the illnesses that slaughtered society in the past are now an inoculation for the eternal future.

00:21:04Let me say that again.

00:21:05It's really, really important.

00:21:06All the illnesses that slaughtered society in the past will now serve as an indoctrination to the eternal future.

00:21:13What I mean by that is everything that is killing freedom is being relentlessly documented in great detail and spread around the world forever and evermore.

00:21:28Amen.

00:21:30The ignorance and the greed and the immorality and the blindness that is crushing our freedoms is documented in vivid detail in 4K 60 frames a second video to the point where it will not seem like old faded photographs from the steamer trunk of the Titanic in another century,

00:21:58but it will be as vivid as the day it was shot forever and ever.

00:22:02Amen.

00:22:03There will be no degradation in quality.

00:22:04There will be only improvements.

00:22:06It will be turned 3D, VR, last forever, be enhanced, be perfect, and people will be able to visit the fall of a civilization as if they were there.

00:22:18And it will never happen again.

00:22:26One and done.

00:22:27One and done.

00:22:28This one is the last one.

00:22:32This one is the last one.

00:22:36Everything's documented.

00:22:37See, in the past, civilizations and freedoms fell, and all that arose from the fall was a giant cloud of eye-gritting, nasal passage-coating, lung-destroying, particulate falsehoods.

00:23:02The dust cloud of lies obscured the impact of ignorance on the prior cities of civilization.

00:23:13The analysis of what is happening has been talked about for decades.

00:23:23And those who correctly predicted the disasters that are unfolding will gain credibility in the future, and thus, being proven right, the spread of virtue and reason will be permanent in the future.

00:23:39And people will no more want to revisit the factors that are driving us off a cliff now than we want to voluntarily lick rodents infected with the bubonic plague.

00:23:54Or attend a Taylor Swift concert and listen to the screeching, cattle-wailing, pterodactyl sound of her dying eggs.

00:24:00Still thinking about them, apparently.

00:24:06Well, I am sorry for wasting time on your show.

00:24:08Wasn't my intention, and I will try harder next time to not make mistakes.

00:24:11Still passive-aggressive, I appreciate that, but still passive-aggressive.

00:24:15Wasn't my intention.

00:24:17So you're retreating to the feminine, magical world of intention rather than the manly world of, I fucked up.

00:24:22Look, it happens.

00:24:23I fucked up reading your comment.

00:24:26It happens.

00:24:27So, wasn't my intention?

00:24:29Nope, I don't believe that.

00:24:31I mean, I'll be strict.

00:24:33I'll be strict with you, man, because I don't want you making excuses that are obvious to everyone else.

00:24:37It just makes you look weak and self-attacky.

00:24:40You made a mistake.

00:24:41Not a terrible one, but an annoying one.

00:24:44And one that I've talked about repeatedly with you being here many times before.

00:24:47You made a mistake.

00:24:49I've asked you please proofread what you write to me so that when I read it I know what you're talking about.

00:24:54And you didn't do that.

00:24:56When you know I've asked for that repeatedly.

00:25:02Right?

00:25:05If you've got a girl who's been your long-term girlfriend and she says, I really hate it when you do this in bed.

00:25:13And then you do that in bed.

00:25:15And she's told you for months she really hates it when you do this in bed and you do whatever it is in bed, some swirly thing.

00:25:20And then she's like, that's annoying.

00:25:22Why are you doing that?

00:25:23I keep telling you how.

00:25:24I'm telling you nicely.

00:25:25Please don't do that.

00:25:26And you're like, oh, it wasn't my intention to upset you.

00:25:29It's like, what does intention mean about anything?

00:25:32Right?

00:25:33You're competent and capable enough.

00:25:34And this isn't about a little, understand, this isn't about a little text.

00:25:38This is a larger life issue for everyone as a whole.

00:25:44Life as a whole.

00:25:46Wasn't my intention.

00:25:47So that's kind of an insult, right?

00:25:49Because I didn't say what your intention was.

00:25:53I can't verify your intention.

00:25:55You may or may not know your intention.

00:25:57I imagine that what you did was you typed this unconsciously in order for me to call you out.

00:26:04Right?

00:26:05In order for me to call you out so you lose this habit because it's a bad habit.

00:26:08Look, you made a little mistake that was mildly annoying.

00:26:11Not a big deal.

00:26:12Not a big deal.

00:26:13Right?

00:26:14But then it becomes a bigger problem because you get butthurt about it.

00:26:19And then you get passive aggressive about it.

00:26:25And you don't apologize.

00:26:26And then when you do apologize, you apologize in a vaguely insulting way.

00:26:29Saying, well, that wasn't my intention.

00:26:31Like, I'm just completely misreading your intention.

00:26:33What did I say about your intention?

00:26:35Other than it was careless.

00:26:36It's careless to type up a message without checking it in a live show for somebody to read on air.

00:26:41That's all.

00:26:42Because I've got to try and figure out what you're saying.

00:26:44And I might get it wrong.

00:26:46And it's just kind of annoying.

00:26:47That's all.

00:26:48Right?

00:26:49You understand?

00:26:51Look, everybody makes little mistakes from time to time.

00:26:53Right?

00:26:58Yeah, FDR 5148.

00:27:00FDR podcast slash 5148.

00:27:03I never meant to hurt you.

00:27:08So, I don't know what your intention is.

00:27:12I don't know if you know what your intention is.

00:27:15But what happened was you were careless.

00:27:18You were careless.

00:27:20Right?

00:27:21As men, we can't afford to be careless.

00:27:27Right?

00:27:32So then when you say, well, I am sorry for wasting time on your show.

00:27:36It wasn't my intention.

00:27:38And I will try harder next time to not make mistakes.

00:27:41It's not a try harder.

00:27:42Because that's saying, oh, I tried really hard.

00:27:45I guess I was just 3% short.

00:27:47And now Steph's raking me over the coals.

00:27:48Right?

00:27:49No.

00:27:51You didn't try at all.

00:27:54You didn't try at all.

00:27:55You typed and hit send without checking your work.

00:27:58That's not, well, I got to try harder.

00:28:01You didn't proofread it.

00:28:02And then you didn't even go back and proofread before apologizing.

00:28:06Because you said, well, I just made one typo.

00:28:08And it's like you made three errors in the first two lines.

00:28:11I'm not going to read the rest of it.

00:28:13And that's annoying to me.

00:28:14But what's more annoying is all of this Weasley stuff.

00:28:16You know, like, oh, man, I got overexcited.

00:28:18I hit send.

00:28:19You already told me.

00:28:20Please double check.

00:28:21I didn't double check.

00:28:22I'm sorry.

00:28:23It's like, then we're good.

00:28:24There's no problem.

00:28:26Right?

00:28:30Have some respect for this conversation that's going to last for 10,000 years.

00:28:33That's all.

00:28:34That's all.

00:28:36So, it's not so much that you made a lot of typos and grammatical errors

00:28:44in the first two lines of a five or six line sentence,

00:28:48and I just stopped reading because it's annoying.

00:28:50That's fine.

00:28:52It happens.

00:28:53You say, oh, I should have checked.

00:28:55I'm so sorry.

00:28:56Right?

00:28:57Then we got no problem.

00:28:58Everything's fine.

00:28:59Everything's good.

00:29:00But then when it's like, well, I'm offended, and you did this,

00:29:02and I just made one tiny error, and that wasn't my intention,

00:29:04and, right?

00:29:05Oh, my God.

00:29:06Right?

00:29:09Hi, Steph.

00:29:10So good to be back in touch with your content and insights.

00:29:12Question.

00:29:13Where can I purchase slash gain access to Gentle Parenting, please?

00:29:16It's called Peaceful Parenting, and you don't have to purchase it.

00:29:18It's PeacefulParenting.com.

00:29:21PeacefulParenting.com.

00:29:26Steph, you said that you started therapy because you were having difficulty sleeping.

00:29:30Was there a particular realization that you can recall from your time in therapy

00:29:33that resolved that issue?

00:29:34Oh, yeah.

00:29:35Now I know exactly what it was.

00:29:36That I was not living philosophy.

00:29:43I was defining things as good and evil.

00:29:46I was defining things as good and evil, and I was not living those values in my life.

00:29:55Without wanting to interrupt, I just wanted to say hello from South Australia.

00:29:58Well, you are not interrupting.

00:29:59Your interruptions are entirely up to me.

00:30:01All typing.

00:30:02No typing is an interruption in general.

00:30:05So I'm not giving tough love.

00:30:06I'm just saying that if you make a mistake, own up to it, as I have done,

00:30:11and as I will continue to do for the most part.

00:30:13If you make a mistake, own up to it.

00:30:15Apologize, and everything's fine.

00:30:20But if you start making excuses and blaming the other person

00:30:23and claiming this magical refuge called intentionality,

00:30:26and you don't apologize, and you just start weaseling, it just makes it worse.

00:30:33Just don't do that stuff.

00:30:36Because it's completely obvious to everyone, right?

00:30:44And it just makes you look weak.

00:30:47I'm telling you, there's nothing stronger than just saying,

00:30:49yeah, screwed up, made a mistake, sorry.

00:30:51Like I misread a word, and I misread, and I read too hastily, and I made a mistake.

00:30:55So I just said sorry.

00:30:56I just said sorry.

00:30:57Whoops.

00:30:58You know, you're right.

00:30:59I made a mistake.

00:31:00Sorry.

00:31:01As opposed to, well, I guess I can try harder, and it wasn't my intention,

00:31:06and it's just like, ugh.

00:31:07God.

00:31:10That's all.

00:31:12So as far as, yeah, you know what?

00:31:14Society's in for a rough ride, man.

00:31:16Society's in for a rough ride.

00:31:19People have chosen not to listen to reason, evidence, facts, and reality.

00:31:24They have just chosen not to listen.

00:31:27They have chosen not to listen.

00:31:28They have chosen to retreat into sophistry rather than face facts.

00:31:34Rather than face facts.

00:31:37And Lee, by the way, I'm so glad you're here, and I'm glad we had this conversation.

00:31:40I really do appreciate that.

00:31:41It's very helpful.

00:31:42Very helpful.

00:31:44I learned this the hard way in the military.

00:31:46They would really rake you over the coals if you made excuses over Weasley,

00:31:49but you could fuck up quite badly if you just owned it 100%.

00:31:52Yeah.

00:31:53Yep.

00:31:54Yep.

00:31:55Yep.

00:31:56See, here's the thing.

00:31:59The bad guys only win when you start treating everyone like the bad guys.

00:32:06The bad guys only win when you start treating everyone like the bad guys.

00:32:10So you made a mistake, and you did something that was a minor annoyance, right?

00:32:17So if you say, you know what?

00:32:19You're right.

00:32:20I'm sorry.

00:32:21We're fine.

00:32:22We're good, right?

00:32:23Because I'm a reasonable guy.

00:32:24But if you start weaseling, you're doing that because you're treating me like I'm an abuser.

00:32:29Like if you admit fault, I'm going to just grind your balls, and I'm going to put you down,

00:32:34and I'm going to hold it over you forever, so you're going to kind of dodge and weasel

00:32:37because I'm an irrational, mean, nasty, whatever, right?

00:32:42Don't treat me like your prior abusers.

00:32:44That's not right.

00:32:46That's what's annoying about it.

00:32:48So you got hasty, and you typed something without checking it, and you sent it,

00:32:51which is mildly annoying, especially if you knew one thing, right?

00:32:55But you've been here for months, and again, I'm very happy that you're here,

00:32:58and I'm very happy that you're typing, right?

00:33:01You can annoy me.

00:33:02We can still be friends, right?

00:33:05I mean, I hope I can annoy you, and we can still be friends, right?

00:33:10You can annoy me, and we're fine, right?

00:33:14I annoy myself.

00:33:15I still have a good relationship with myself.

00:33:17My daughter, from time to time, we still have a great relationship.

00:33:24So don't treat me like I'm some abuser.

00:33:28Make a mistake.

00:33:29Just say, you know, you're right.

00:33:30I'm sorry.

00:33:31You mentioned that.

00:33:32I didn't do it.

00:33:33So sorry, right?

00:33:34I'm like, yeah, we're fine.

00:33:36We're fine.

00:33:39But you start weaseling, then you're treating me like I'm a dangerous,

00:33:42irrational, abusive guy.

00:33:46Then we have a problem because I'm not.

00:33:49I'm a reasonable guy.

00:33:51I can get annoyed.

00:33:52I can accept an apology.

00:33:54No problem.

00:33:56But if you start treating people as if they're abusive,

00:34:05then the bad guys have won because you're not present in the conversation

00:34:08and you're not evaluating the true nature of the people you're in communication with.

00:34:12I'm not an abusive guy.

00:34:14I can be mildly annoyed.

00:34:15We can apologize.

00:34:17You can apologize.

00:34:18We can move on.

00:34:19That's fine.

00:34:20And the apology is important so that you remember it and you recognize it as

00:34:23something.

00:34:24But if you give yourself excuses and you're passive-aggressive and you

00:34:27counter-blame and, you know, it's like then you're treating me like I'm an

00:34:32abusive guy.

00:34:33That's even more annoying.

00:34:37And you typed badly so that I would tell you this.

00:34:40I'm aware of that.

00:34:41You typed badly so that I would tell you this.

00:34:48If my mother convinced me that her nature was female nature,

00:34:55I would have had to treat every woman as dangerous and abusive,

00:34:59which means that the bad woman would have won because I would be treating all

00:35:06women as bad women.

00:35:09You follow?

00:35:12Now, we continue to have this show even though I was treated very badly by

00:35:17millions of people around the world.

00:35:22I was treated very badly.

00:35:26But I don't believe that bad people are all people.

00:35:31Right?

00:35:32So I continue doing the show just in a rarefied and more refined atmosphere.

00:35:37Right?

00:35:42If I had thought my father is all men, my mother is all women,

00:35:48then I'd go through my whole life treating reasonable people as if they

00:35:51were my abusive parents, which would be insulting, unjust,

00:35:55and annoying to them.

00:35:57Don't treat me like I'm some abuser who, if you make a mistake,

00:36:01I'm just going to grind you from here to eternity and put you down and ban

00:36:04you and get mad at you and yell at you.

00:36:06Come on, man.

00:36:07I mean, I've earned better treatment than that, haven't I?

00:36:10I've earned an honest apology.

00:36:13I mean, I've been out here in the public square 18 years being reasonable

00:36:16as all get up.

00:36:18Right?

00:36:19I've earned that positive behavior, a manful of apology and taking of

00:36:22responsibility.

00:36:24Sorry, Steph.

00:36:25Messed up, man.

00:36:26You're totally right.

00:36:27My apologies.

00:36:28Great.

00:36:29We move on.

00:36:30It wasn't my intention, and I didn't apologize, and I'm offended,

00:36:33and you shouldn't have said this, and it's like, oh, my gosh.

00:36:35Don't treat me like that.

00:36:39Lee says, damn, I understand what you're saying.

00:36:41It rings true.

00:36:42I am was feeling defensive.

00:36:43Thanks for teaching me.

00:36:44I feel grateful to listen to what you're saying.

00:36:46I wish more people told me their true thoughts like that.

00:36:50I definitely treat people like I'm an abuser sometimes, and I don't deserve

00:36:54to be treated like that, and that's what I'm trying to free you of as best

00:36:58I can.

00:36:59Really, I'm not trying to put you down.

00:37:01I'm literally trying to have you stop putting other people down by treating

00:37:04them as abusive when they're not.

00:37:06I guarantee you, Lee, and with great sympathy I say this, with great sympathy

00:37:10and affection and appreciation for your part in the conversation, always,

00:37:15that when you made mistakes when you were a kid, people bullied the shit

00:37:21out of you, and that was terrifying, and I completely and totally sympathize

00:37:27with that.

00:37:28It happens to all of us.

00:37:29Well, it probably happened to you a little bit more.

00:37:31I absolutely understand and sympathize.

00:37:33It happens at church.

00:37:34It happens in our immediate family.

00:37:36It happens with siblings, with extended family.

00:37:38It happens in school a lot, right?

00:37:41Make a mistake, you get made fun of, everybody laughs.

00:37:44I mean, it used to be not that long ago you had to stand in the corner with

00:37:47a dunce cap on your head.

00:37:51But if you treat everyone like they're abusers, quality people won't want

00:37:54to spend time with you because you're being unfair and unjust.

00:38:00And again, we all do it.

00:38:02I'm right down.

00:38:05This is no superior thing, no superior thing for me.

00:38:09I still work on it.

00:38:10I'm still working on it.

00:38:12But can you imagine if I thought women were like my mom and dealt with every

00:38:19woman like she was my mother?

00:38:21Or I thought that men were like my father or my brother?

00:38:26No, thank you.

00:38:28That would guarantee that quality people wouldn't want to spend time with me.

00:38:35I got that as well growing up, Lee.

00:38:37It's hard to break the conditioning, right?

00:38:39See, when you make a mistake, you are vulnerable and people have power over you.

00:38:48Do you see what I mean?

00:38:49Like you follow this, right?

00:38:51When you make a mistake, you are vulnerable.

00:38:54Oops, right?

00:38:56Somebody has power over you.

00:39:00And how do people handle having power over you?

00:39:08How do people handle having power over you?

00:39:11Well, most people handle it very badly.

00:39:15And we'll get to why this happens so much in romantic relationships.

00:39:19When you make a mistake, people have power over you.

00:39:25How do they handle that power over you?

00:39:27Well, for the most part, people handle it very, very, very badly indeed.

00:39:35And so we say to ourselves, well, I can't be vulnerable.

00:39:38I can't admit fault because people will grind me down.

00:39:43They'll make me pay for a simple error,

00:39:48a lack of attention, a lack of care, a lack of concern.

00:39:55Someone says,

00:39:58I used to be so afraid of women because of what my mother did to me.

00:40:01I thought that almost all of them wanted to hurt me.

00:40:03Right, right.

00:40:07Don't make good people pay for what bad people did.

00:40:13That is to lose forever and ever, amen.

00:40:17The bad guys win when you end up treating everyone like a bad guy.

00:40:24I would not be married, or certainly not to my wife,

00:40:29if I thought women as a whole were like my Mutter, my mother.

00:40:38I would not be married.

00:40:44I would not be in this wonderful marriage.

00:40:49Don't treat good guys like bad guys.

00:40:54That just gives the eternal victory to the bad guys.

00:40:57You beat the bad guys when you stop seeing them everywhere.

00:41:03You beat the bad guys when you stop projecting them into the good guys.

00:41:13You ever see, it's a cinematic trick, or not exactly a trick, it's kind of like a style.

00:41:22Someone gets up, there's a movie playing, and someone gets up and talks about the movie.

00:41:27I remember this on Battlestar Galactica.

00:41:29They were reviewing the film footage from some Viper attack.

00:41:35Someone gets up and stands in front of the movie, still running, and it's shining in their face,

00:41:39and the movie is projecting over their face.

00:41:43Well, that's what projection is.

00:41:45You're taking an old movie and projecting it on a current scene.

00:41:48You're taking something usually fictional, perhaps documentary from the past,

00:41:53and you're projecting it onto the living present.

00:41:56Projection, like a movie projector.

00:41:58You're painting over the blank canvas of people's unknown personalities

00:42:04with the black paint of yesteryear, and they win.

00:42:12If they make you permanently frightened of everyone, they win.

00:42:19They win.

00:42:21Don't give them that victory.

00:42:23You had to give them that victory in the past in order to survive.

00:42:26You absolutely do not have to give them that victory in the present.

00:42:32What kept you alive in the past keeps you isolated in the present.

00:42:38Right?

00:42:40What kept you alive in the past keeps you isolated in the present.

00:42:48Don't treat good people like bad people, or you will never, ever keep good people in your life.

00:42:56And, again, I say this with great humility right down there in the trenches with you.

00:43:08So, with regards to your depression, we were going to go through crap as a society anyway,

00:43:20but now it's documented.

00:43:22Now these thoughts and the thoughts of many others are out there.

00:43:33Forever.

00:43:36And, of course, there'll be efforts made to suppress it, but it will survive somewhere, somehow,

00:43:42or at least it has the greatest chance of surviving.

00:43:46Because of our technology, the library at Alexandria could be burned down.

00:43:50Not every hard drive can be beat, can be bleach-bitted.

00:43:59It is the greatest chance of philosophy and wisdom and virtue and accuracy and analysis

00:44:08becoming a permanent inoculation against this ever happening again.

00:44:18A part of me does the projection on autopilot. It's a challenge to catch it.

00:44:23So you understand that the projector is run by the bad guys.

00:44:27Let's say it was your parents. The projector is run by your parents.

00:44:31The parents want to keep good people away from you, and the best way they do that

00:44:34is to have you project their personality onto the blank canvas of everyone new that you meet.

00:44:39They're just like them. Everyone's just like them.

00:44:42Oh, God, I'm jumpy, right?

00:44:44That's how they keep you isolated. That's how they keep you around as a useful child slave

00:44:50to take care of them when they get old and wipe their ass when they get decrepit

00:44:54and take them in when they're homeless.

00:45:00They run the projector. They keep you isolated.

00:45:05So you serve them, not virtue, and never yourself. Never.

00:45:13Never ever.

00:45:19Steph, I really don't want to piss on your optimism, but how do you know?

00:45:23The documenting current events will help in the future, since even today

00:45:26we have video evidence of many events, and people still believe in lies.

00:45:38Well, my friend, that is what is called a total bullshit false dichotomy.

00:45:47Thank you, Durbins.

00:45:49A total bullshit false dichotomy.

00:45:54We have the greatest technology for telling the truth

00:46:02that has ever existed in the history of the human universe.

00:46:07We have the greatest technology for retaining, transmitting, and telling the truth

00:46:14that has ever existed in the history of humanity and of the universe as far as we know.

00:46:23So if you look at something like, what was it, six years ago?

00:46:27The fine people hoax was generated out of Charlottesville.

00:46:34And now, that would have become, like in the past, that would have become an absolute truth.

00:46:40Like the sociopathic lies about Marie Antoinette.

00:46:44Oh, let them eat brioche. Let them eat cake.

00:46:47She had incestuous sex with her son.

00:46:50Like, all of those lies would have been ground into the history books

00:46:58and carved into the granite of the human mind with no overturn.

00:47:03McCarthy finally is recognized as being more right than even he knew.

00:47:10The Rosenbergs were, in fact, Soviet spies.

00:47:13That was acknowledged.

00:47:15And now, you have all these people spewing this bullshit on social media

00:47:20and at least on Twitter there's community notes saying,

00:47:22Nuh-uh. No thank you. Not true. Not factual. Not real. Not honest. Lies!

00:47:30Never existed before.

00:47:32Before, the historians, with their pious pocket knives of bullshit,

00:47:40could carve their words into the forehead of humanity

00:47:43to be set as scars and tattoos from here to eternity.

00:47:50And now, let's say, somebody who believes any one of the,

00:47:54even the Russian collusion conspiracy theory,

00:47:56or the fine people hoax, or any of the nonsense, right?

00:48:00If somebody says, well, Trump just dumped a bunch of fish food in a koi pond,

00:48:05because you see a little slipper to that,

00:48:07somebody can send them something which says,

00:48:09no, no, the Japanese prime minister just did the same thing.

00:48:11He's just doing it, because the prime minister did it,

00:48:15and they had to move on.

00:48:17Well, Trump called white supremacists and neo-Nazis very fine people.

00:48:23Nope. He made it very clear he was not talking to those

00:48:25they should be condemned utterly.

00:48:27It's right here.

00:48:30And your argument is,

00:48:35a lot of people still believe lies.

00:48:47You know, we finally figured out that washing your hands helps with disease.

00:48:51It's new. It's only been around for 10 or 15 years,

00:48:55and it's slowly spreading the idea

00:48:59that washing your hands can help keep you healthy.

00:49:04And your answer is,

00:49:06some people still don't wash their hands.

00:49:10I know, nasal voice is not an argument, but it's annoying.

00:49:13It's a false dichotomy.

00:49:15We have this incredible technology for spreading the truth.

00:49:18But some people still believe lies.

00:49:20Yes, they do.

00:49:23But fewer than before.

00:49:27And with no excuse, you see.

00:49:31The great thing about this technology is people who believe lies,

00:49:36when the truth is available like this,

00:49:41we don't have to care what happens to them.

00:49:48There used to be big debates about whether smoking was good or bad for you.

00:49:54Nicotine raises testosterone.

00:50:05And people could say, for a long time, I had no idea.

00:50:08I had no idea.

00:50:13Now, the dangers of smoking are printed on every cigarette packet.

00:50:20But people still smoke.

00:50:22Yes, but fewer than before.

00:50:24Because of free will, brother.

00:50:27Why would you let your optimism be clouded by fools who reject reality?

00:50:36Steph, I don't want to piss on your optimism,

00:50:39but it turns out some people

00:50:41don't really care about facts, reason, and evidence, really.

00:50:44Are you really telling me?

00:50:46Are you really telling me this like it adds something to my human knowledge?

00:50:51Are you really telling me,

00:50:53the guy who has spent 40 years wrestling to bring reality to the public

00:50:56and got deplatformed and attacked at every turn,

00:50:59are you really telling me that it's going to add to my store of knowledge,

00:51:02or, you know, Steph, some people still don't listen to reason.

00:51:05Have you ever thought of that?

00:51:06No, never.

00:51:07Why would I ever think that people haven't listened to reason

00:51:09after trying to reason with friends, family, the planet,

00:51:13the church,

00:51:16the university,

00:51:18the world,

00:51:20for 40 years,

00:51:22and you're saying,

00:51:23well, Steph, uh, Steph,

00:51:25did it ever occur to you that some people do reject reason and evidence?

00:51:29Oh, my God.

00:51:34I don't know what everyone thinks when they type these things.

00:51:39I literally was just talking about deplatformed,

00:51:43and I've never been deplatformed for anything I said that was false.

00:51:46Is it true that 90% of a woman's eggs are gone by the time she's 30?

00:51:49Yes, it is.

00:51:51Is it true that a woman's sexual market value is going to decline in her 40s and beyond?

00:51:55Yes, it is true.

00:51:57Is it true that there are IQ disparities?

00:51:59It is true.

00:52:03What have I said that is false?

00:52:05Is it true that the political power is based on coercion?

00:52:15Yes.

00:52:16What was I deplatformed for that was false?

00:52:24I had half my life's work scrubbed for telling the truth,

00:52:28and you're saying,

00:52:29Steph, you know, some people,

00:52:31they don't like the truth.

00:52:35Ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:52:39Go to a surgeon with 40 years' experience and say,

00:52:42you know, some people don't really take care of their health after the surgery,

00:52:46so what's the point?

00:52:48Did you know, did you know, Mr. Surgeon of 40 years' experience,

00:52:51did you know that some people, they just don't take care of their health?

00:52:57Did you know that?

00:52:59Really?

00:53:01Half my patients are repeat patients

00:53:04because they don't take care of their health.

00:53:06I've known this for 39 of my 40 years,

00:53:08and you're coming in to tell me,

00:53:10you know, some people, some people,

00:53:14they don't, they don't really appreciate the truth.

00:53:17They will still believe lies.

00:53:20Ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:53:22Come on, man.

00:53:24Ah, Lee says,

00:53:26next time I'll tip on freedomman.com.

00:53:28I'd hope this helps a bit.

00:53:29Thanks for taking the time to explain what you saw in me.

00:53:31I'm sorry for the confusing comments.

00:53:32I didn't prove free at all before.

00:53:33No, and I appreciate that.

00:53:34And, Lee, that's very kind, and I appreciate that.

00:53:36Thank you.

00:53:38But, maybe you didn't proofread

00:53:41so that I could free you from this history,

00:53:44and maybe the angels were having you type badly

00:53:49so that you could free yourself and others

00:53:52from this habit of projecting skulls on the faces of beautiful people

00:53:58and dead eyes on the faces of people with lively vision.

00:54:04Maybe it's time to stop putting pennies on the eyelids of the living.

00:54:15Thanks, Philip. I appreciate that.

00:54:22Will people choose the truth?

00:54:25Well,

00:54:29let's say

00:54:30that some people, well, we know,

00:54:34that certainly about 25% of the population,

00:54:37I'm stealing straight from Scott Adams here,

00:54:40and by the way, I think Mike Cernovich posted that he was in Toronto,

00:54:44which is a stone's throw from me,

00:54:46and I never heard a thing.

00:54:48Interesting.

00:54:50I'd have had a lunch with the guy.

00:54:52We worked together for years.

00:54:55Anyway,

00:54:56so 25% of the population will get just about anything and everything wrong.

00:55:01Okay.

00:55:03So, there are people who accept the truth,

00:55:06and there are people who don't accept the truth,

00:55:10and the people who don't accept the truth

00:55:12generally steal from those who accept the truth.

00:55:16Right?

00:55:27And who is going to suffer the most

00:55:32for rejecting the truth?

00:55:34Well, the people who reject the truth

00:55:36are going to suffer the most from rejecting the truth,

00:55:39and eventually we're going to end up with more people who accept the truth

00:55:43and fewer people who reject the truth,

00:55:46and that's just the way things work

00:55:49in biology, in human society, in evolution as a whole.

00:55:57But the fact that they've had access to the truth

00:56:00means that we don't in particular

00:56:02have to suffer as much based upon what happens to them.

00:56:06Right?

00:56:11If somebody had never heard that smoking was dangerous

00:56:14and gets sick from smoking, we have sympathy.

00:56:16If somebody literally read it on every pack of cigarettes they ever picked up,

00:56:20we don't have to have as much sympathy,

00:56:22because they chose it.

00:56:23They wanted it, and they chose it.

00:56:27This is what you wanted, this is what you're going to get.

00:56:32This is what you wanted, and this is what you've got.

00:56:37So, if you think that my optimism is somehow founded

00:56:40on the bizarre belief that everyone accepts the truth

00:56:43and you're here to loftily inform me that some people reject the truth,

00:56:47I don't know what you're doing,

00:56:48but you're not having a conversation with me.

00:56:51I will tell you that for sure.

00:56:53For sure.

00:56:55You're not having a conversation with me.

00:57:02All right.

00:57:03Hit me with a Y if you're ready to have all of your

00:57:08romantic relationships

00:57:11solved.

00:57:14Are you ready

00:57:15to truly get along

00:57:17with women if you're a man

00:57:20and a man if you're a woman?

00:57:22I want to make sure

00:57:23we're all on the same page and ready to talk about

00:57:25the same things.

00:57:26Les mêmes choses.

00:57:29The main thing.

00:57:35The main thing.

00:57:38Yes.

00:57:41You're married, but why?

00:57:43But yes, I think it's even more pertinent if you're married.

00:57:54I was talking to a guy

00:57:59who was complaining that his wife

00:58:02nagged him about the dishwasher

00:58:05and leaving

00:58:09clothes on the floor

00:58:11rather than putting them in the hamper.

00:58:14Little, little, little things.

00:58:16The guy wasn't making too much money,

00:58:19but he was making a lot of money.

00:58:21The guy wasn't making too much money.

00:58:23I suggested that maybe he'd want to focus a little bit more on his career

00:58:26and a little bit less

00:58:28on inconsequential

00:58:32detritus and details

00:58:34in the household.

00:58:36So I'm here

00:58:38to tell you why this happens.

00:58:40You know how this works.

00:58:41I'm going to talk from the male perspective.

00:58:43Happens the other way too.

00:58:45Male perspective first.

00:58:48No.

00:58:49Female perspective first.

00:58:50Let's do female.

00:58:51Ladies first.

00:58:54So the man

00:58:59doesn't put his shoes away

00:59:01when he comes home.

00:59:02He just kicks his shoes off,

00:59:03doesn't put them nicely on the shoe tree or the shoe rack,

00:59:06just leaves his shoes in the front hallway,

00:59:08and the woman trips on them coming in,

00:59:09and she gets mad.

00:59:11Well, not initially.

00:59:12She doesn't get that mad,

00:59:13but she says,

00:59:14can you please,

00:59:16can you put your shoes away?

00:59:18I don't want to trip on them.

00:59:19I've got bags.

00:59:20I don't want to fall.

00:59:21He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:59:23And then

00:59:25next time he comes in,

00:59:27he kicks them.

00:59:28Maybe he kicks them to the side.

00:59:29He's like, no, no, no.

00:59:30Come on.

00:59:31Don't put them on the side.

00:59:32Can you please put them away?

00:59:34Putting them on the side,

00:59:36they're dirty, they're dusty, they're gritty,

00:59:38stuff on the floor.

00:59:39We step it into the floor,

00:59:40it grinds into the floor,

00:59:41goes onto the washing machine.

00:59:42Just please put them away.

00:59:43Okay.

00:59:44Yeah.

00:59:45Sorry.

00:59:46Yeah.

00:59:47Got it.

00:59:48Got it.

00:59:49Comes in,

00:59:50kicks them further away.

00:59:51They're half on, half off.

00:59:53Okay.

00:59:55Honey,

00:59:58I don't want to come off as bitchy.

01:00:00I don't want to come off as hostile.

01:00:01I don't want to be a nag.

01:00:03But I keep asking you,

01:00:05will you please take your shoes off

01:00:07and put them nicely

01:00:10on the shoe rack?

01:00:14And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:00:16Comes home

01:00:18and forgets and forgets.

01:00:20And then the woman starts to fashion a narrative.

01:00:23Right?

01:00:25And the narrative

01:00:28goes something like this.

01:00:31Well,

01:00:32I think about this

01:00:34every single time I come home.

01:00:37He must think about this every time he comes home

01:00:39because Lord knows I've told him often enough.

01:00:43So he must be actually quite angry at me

01:00:46because he keeps kicking his shoes off in the hallway

01:00:49and not doing the simple thing that I ask him to do.

01:00:52Simple thing.

01:00:53I'm not asking him to climb Mount Everest

01:00:56using his molars.

01:00:58I'm just asking him,

01:01:00take the shoes off your big stinky feet,

01:01:02put them on a shoe rack.

01:01:04He keeps coming home and he doesn't do it,

01:01:06which must mean that he's angry at me about something.

01:01:08And he's not telling me

01:01:10because it's completely obvious to me

01:01:12I would do it for him.

01:01:13He's not doing it for me.

01:01:15If he cared about me, he would do it

01:01:17because he knows how important this is for me.

01:01:19And now I'm in a really awkward position

01:01:21and he keeps not doing it.

01:01:22I keep getting annoyed.

01:01:23And now what am I supposed to do?

01:01:24I'm in an impossible situation.

01:01:26If he cared about me, he'd just do it.

01:01:31Hit me with a why

01:01:33if this seems at all familiar.

01:01:37If this seems at all familiar to you.

01:01:45I'm pretty sure it is

01:01:48a smidge familiar to you.

01:01:52Now,

01:01:58what is really going on here?

01:02:04Hit me with something

01:02:06that your woman

01:02:09has told you about

01:02:11that you just can't remember.

01:02:14I'll start.

01:02:15My wife has,

01:02:17on, let's just say,

01:02:19statistically more than one occasion

01:02:21over the course of our marriage,

01:02:23tells me the things

01:02:25that can go in the dishwasher

01:02:27and the things that can't go in the dishwasher.

01:02:30Dishwasher safe.

01:02:32Not dishwasher safe.

01:02:35Now,

01:02:36I'm not saying this is a massively confusing category,

01:02:40but she has told me

01:02:41there are these little plastic trays that we have.

01:02:43They don't go in the dishwasher.

01:02:46They just don't.

01:02:52There are other things.

01:02:55Apparently they're handmade,

01:02:57they're glazed,

01:02:58they're something or other,

01:02:59and they just don't go in the dishwasher.

01:03:02Now,

01:03:05when she points this out to me,

01:03:07and she's very, very nice about it,

01:03:09very nice about it,

01:03:10she points this out to me

01:03:12because she sees me

01:03:14putting our ducks in the dishwasher.

01:03:16She sees me

01:03:18putting our little Tupperware things

01:03:21in the dishwasher.

01:03:22Now, apparently,

01:03:24sometimes the lids can go in,

01:03:25but not the base.

01:03:27Sometimes.

01:03:28I think it has something to do with a full moon

01:03:31or whether the moon is in the orbit of Jupiter

01:03:34from an astrology standpoint

01:03:36or something like that.

01:03:41She's very nice about it,

01:03:42and I look at it,

01:03:45and I repeat it to myself three times,

01:03:47you know, like on the subway,

01:03:48walk left, stand right,

01:03:49just repeat it to yourself three times,

01:03:50you know it for life,

01:03:51and I'm like,

01:03:52okay,

01:03:53I'm going to brand this into my brain.

01:03:56I'm going to brand this into my brain,

01:03:59and I'm going to remember.

01:04:01I'm going to remember, like,

01:04:02the Iliad being handed down.

01:04:04My great-grandchildren are going to remember

01:04:06because this is going to be passed down

01:04:08in deep masculine testosterone-laced

01:04:10familial warrior lore.

01:04:12I'm going to remember.

01:04:14I'm going to remember.

01:04:18Sorry, what the hell was I going to remember?

01:04:21It's gone.

01:04:23Yeah, my wife tells me about dinner plans

01:04:25with the neighbors next week.

01:04:26Day comes around, I've completely forgotten.

01:04:27It's gone, isn't it?

01:04:28It's gone.

01:04:30It's gone.

01:04:33It's gone.

01:04:38My wife, as is true, I think, of most wives,

01:04:41has a way of packing the dishwasher

01:04:45that is a massive, valiant Einsteinian attempt

01:04:49to turn it into a literal black hole

01:04:52because it has to be packed so efficiently

01:04:54and so densely

01:04:56that light itself cannot escape its surface.

01:05:00If there's one micro-millimeter

01:05:03that something can be maneuvered into,

01:05:05it's like playing Jenga or Rubik's Cube.

01:05:09If it can be rotated, turned, jammed, twisted

01:05:14into the point where it's shimmering

01:05:16because it's becoming other-dimensional,

01:05:18my wife will find a way

01:05:21to get 4,000 tons of cutlery and dishes

01:05:25into a dishwasher

01:05:28in a way that I'm frightened to touch

01:05:30because I think it's going to unfold

01:05:32like a vomiting beholding bag

01:05:34or a vomiting bag of holding.

01:05:37It's incredible.

01:05:38It's a miracle.

01:05:39I do not understand what happens.

01:05:40It's in the same way

01:05:42that I can flatten something and fold it,

01:05:44and it comes out looking like it's been worn

01:05:50by a rhino doing the Macarena,

01:05:53a sweaty rhino doing the Macarena for about a week,

01:05:55whereas my wife can just fold something randomly,

01:05:57put it in, and when I unfold it,

01:05:59it's a perfect two-dimensional flatland piece

01:06:02of khaki perfection.

01:06:10It's amazing.

01:06:14My wife very rarely has nightmares,

01:06:16but one of the greatest nightmares she has

01:06:18is waking up screaming because I'm doing

01:06:21the laundry.

01:06:24Now,

01:06:27husbands, boyfriends,

01:06:30the equal halves of the long-suffering,

01:06:34how many times has your wife or girlfriend

01:06:38explained to you what happens with laundry?

01:06:44There's hot and cold and medium.

01:06:47There's a certain amount of spin.

01:06:48There's more spin.

01:06:49There's less spin.

01:06:50There's colors.

01:06:51There's various vats,

01:06:52things you pour stuff into.

01:06:54There's dryer sheets.

01:06:56Has it ever been explained to you,

01:06:57and I'm sure that it has,

01:06:59what colors go with which,

01:07:00the brights with the darks,

01:07:01the darks with the brights,

01:07:02the lights with the lights,

01:07:03the darks with the darks,

01:07:04the cotton with the cotton,

01:07:05the asbestos with the asbestos?

01:07:09We are told these things repeatedly.

01:07:15And I look, and I nod,

01:07:17and I absolutely want to remember.

01:07:21I really do.

01:07:23Yeah, no, I'm banned from the laundry machine

01:07:25and have been for a long time.

01:07:27A long time.

01:07:29And it makes perfect sense

01:07:31because it is easier and cheaper

01:07:34for my wife to do the laundry

01:07:35than for us to end up with everything

01:07:37Ken doll-sized, one color,

01:07:39and have to go buy everything again.

01:07:41Dishwasher Tetris.

01:07:48That's right.

01:07:49It's amazing.

01:07:50It's a genius.

01:07:52Talk about men having

01:07:53better spatial reasoning.

01:07:55My wife can rotate in her mind

01:07:57a saucepan weighing 19 pounds

01:07:59and put it right on top

01:08:01of a tiny plate

01:08:02and have it rest

01:08:03one micromillimeter above it.

01:08:05It's absolutely astounding.

01:08:08My wife tells me...

01:08:12I thought it was actually

01:08:13kind of a rumor for a long time,

01:08:15but apparently,

01:08:16there are things in the house

01:08:21that go to regular places

01:08:25in the house.

01:08:29Steph has been banned

01:08:30from the laundry machine

01:08:31longer than from Twitter.

01:08:32Yes.

01:08:33My first deplatforming

01:08:34was from the laundry room.

01:08:35Yes, but I will say

01:08:36it hurt a little bit less.

01:08:39So, apparently,

01:08:40there are things in my house

01:08:42that go to places

01:08:43on a regular basis

01:08:44and often will go back

01:08:45to those same places

01:08:46on a regular basis.

01:08:48Have you heard this?

01:08:50I didn't believe it for a while,

01:08:53but apparently,

01:08:54see, there's a place where,

01:08:55let's say, for instance,

01:08:56I have a little cereal, right,

01:08:57because occasionally

01:08:58I'll have some cereal, right?

01:08:59So, there's a place

01:09:00where I have cereal,

01:09:02and then there's a place

01:09:04completely different

01:09:06where there's backup cereal.

01:09:13There's backup cereal place.

01:09:16So, there's a little pantry

01:09:18where there's a cereal,

01:09:19and then on the ass

01:09:20and other side of the kitchen,

01:09:22up on the very top,

01:09:23sideways,

01:09:25there is the backup cereal.

01:09:28Now, my wife has explained

01:09:29this to me,

01:09:31and I look, and I'm like,

01:09:34got it.

01:09:36And literally three days later,

01:09:37I'm like,

01:09:38I'm out of cereal.

01:09:39Do we have any more?

01:09:44It's like looking for things

01:09:45in the fridge.

01:09:49I give up too easily.

01:09:53I give up too easily.

01:09:55Or, alternatively,

01:09:56my wife actually reaches

01:09:57into another dimension

01:10:00to pull the half-frozen almond butter

01:10:03from the back of the fridge.

01:10:04There's a shimmer.

01:10:05She reaches through a netherworld,

01:10:06a portal, a back room,

01:10:08grabs it,

01:10:09and pulls it into existence.

01:10:10It's an amazing thing to see, really.

01:10:12It is the opposite

01:10:13of a magician's trick.

01:10:14Magicians make things disappear.

01:10:17My wife makes

01:10:19good-tasting things appear

01:10:21by making sorcerer gestures,

01:10:23witch gestures, really.

01:10:24She would have been burned

01:10:25as a witch in the past.

01:10:27Witch gestures are made,

01:10:29gesticulations are made

01:10:30at the back of the fridge,

01:10:31which summon these things

01:10:33that are invisible

01:10:34to the husband's eyes.

01:10:36I mean, look,

01:10:37if I had the ability

01:10:38to reach through a portal

01:10:39into what I can only assume

01:10:40is an infinite grocery store

01:10:41on the other side,

01:10:42I would find things too,

01:10:43but I can't.

01:10:44I don't have that power.

01:10:45It doesn't come.

01:10:47My boobs,

01:10:48my man boobs,

01:10:49are just not big enough.

01:10:52My girlfriend is a pro

01:10:53at chest-freezer Tetris.

01:10:55Yes, also known as

01:10:56cold-hearted and calculating.

01:10:57I'm just kidding.

01:10:58That's chest-freezer.

01:11:02Hit me with a why,

01:11:03if anything that I'm saying

01:11:04resonates with your experience.

01:11:08Hit me with a why,

01:11:12if anything I'm doing

01:11:13resonates with your experience,

01:11:15that as men,

01:11:17we are told things,

01:11:19and with the greatest

01:11:22intentions,

01:11:24we'll allow it for this part,

01:11:26the greatest intentions

01:11:27and positive goals,

01:11:29we nod,

01:11:31we listen,

01:11:32we turn our heads,

01:11:35and it's like Will Smith

01:11:36with a pen.

01:11:37Gone.

01:11:40I don't remember

01:11:41where anything is in my house.

01:11:44I don't.

01:11:46I know I should,

01:11:48and then what happens is

01:11:49I don't want to ask,

01:11:52because while I don't remember

01:11:53where things are,

01:11:55I distinctly remember

01:11:57my wife telling me

01:11:58where things are.

01:12:02It's weird.

01:12:03I would say to my brain,

01:12:05why are you remembering

01:12:07being told where things are,

01:12:10but not actually remembering

01:12:12where things are?

01:12:14Because that seems perverse.

01:12:19What is the point of that?

01:12:21I don't want to remember

01:12:24that I was told.

01:12:27I want to remember

01:12:29what I was told.

01:12:31That would be infinitely more helpful.

01:12:35Now, if a certain amount of time has passed,

01:12:37I can go back to the well.

01:12:38The well has refilled,

01:12:40but if it was

01:12:42she told me yesterday,

01:12:44she told me yesterday,

01:12:51I can't go back.

01:12:52I can't.

01:12:53It's too soon.

01:12:54Not enough time has passed.

01:12:55I can't go back.

01:12:56She just told me yesterday.

01:12:58Because a lot of women will say,

01:12:59I told you, weren't you listening?

01:13:00Don't you care?

01:13:02Don't you care?

01:13:03I don't even have to think

01:13:04about these things.

01:13:05Don't you care?

01:13:10No, I do forget

01:13:11where I put things as well.

01:13:13I enjoy doing work

01:13:14outside of the studio,

01:13:16so sometimes I want to record something

01:13:18or do something,

01:13:19and it's like, well,

01:13:20one computer's here,

01:13:21and the drones are there,

01:13:22and the power cord is there,

01:13:23and the, right?

01:13:26Heaven forbid, right?

01:13:30So I want to remember.

01:13:31I really do.

01:13:32But the only thing I can remember

01:13:34is being told not what I was told.

01:13:42It's like someone saying,

01:13:45the combination to escape the dungeon,

01:13:48there's a lock,

01:13:49and the combination is...

01:13:59And you're like,

01:14:00okay, I remember that they told me,

01:14:01but I don't see that.

01:14:05It's just a bunch of numbers.

01:14:06I remember there were numbers,

01:14:10but they sounded strange.

01:14:16Now, that's on the one side.

01:14:23On the other side,

01:14:25and these are generalities,

01:14:26there can be tons and tons of exceptions,

01:14:28but on the other side,

01:14:29there exists the alternate dimension

01:14:32called women and technology.

01:14:38My wife's battles with the printer

01:14:43are the stuff of Lovecraftian,

01:14:49Cthulhian dimensions of horror.

01:14:53If Franz Kafka was even more insane,

01:14:56he wouldn't write about the story Metamorphosis,

01:14:59which is about a man who wakes up as a cockroach.

01:15:02He would write about women

01:15:04trying to use a wireless printer.

01:15:11Now, I, of course, have said to my wife,

01:15:17oh yes, microphones.

01:15:19James can attest to this.

01:15:21How many times, James, have I said to my wife,

01:15:24would you mind muting

01:15:26if you are going to be performing

01:15:28some unholy, non-haram act with the microphone?

01:15:33Because my wife, apparently,

01:15:35needs to fondle the microphone

01:15:37like she's on her honeymoon with it.

01:15:40And it's crackling and buzzing

01:15:42and burping in my ear,

01:15:44and I say, oh, would you mind muting?

01:15:46And she's like, oh, it'll just be a moment.

01:15:50It'll just be a moment.

01:15:55It bothers me.

01:15:56The sound bothers me.

01:16:02Right.

01:16:07Or, you know, she played Candy Crush for a bit,

01:16:09and she was on an old iPad,

01:16:12and the Candy Crush was just, like, so slow,

01:16:15it was unplayable.

01:16:19And I'm like, we could get you a new iPad.

01:16:22No, I'm fine.

01:16:23Oh, God.

01:16:26We're not broke.

01:16:27We could get you a new iPad.

01:16:28No, no, I'm good.

01:16:31My wife has told me infrastructure,

01:16:32Wi-Fi, power, et cetera,

01:16:33and anything outside the house is my responsibility.

01:16:36Everything else inside is hers.

01:16:39Right.

01:16:42Tell me if you know a woman

01:16:45who knows the difference between Wi-Fi data

01:16:48and cell phone data.

01:16:50Do you know any women?

01:16:51Maybe I'm just unfortunate.

01:16:54Doesn't matter how many times I explain it.

01:17:01I mean, I was out in the woods doing a call,

01:17:04because I have a little computer with cell phone data,

01:17:08and I was saying to my wife, I lost signal.

01:17:10I'm literally, like, a mile from the house.

01:17:13And I said, oh, I lost signal.

01:17:14And she's like, don't we have a Wi-Fi extender?

01:17:19Yes, but not for a mile.

01:17:22Otherwise, it would give us radiation burns.

01:17:32Oh, my gosh.

01:17:35When cell phone data was more expensive,

01:17:40I would continually have to say to the people I love in my life,

01:17:43when you're home, can you please turn the Wi-Fi on

01:17:46so you don't use cell data?

01:17:54Oh.

01:17:57My daughter will be at work and complain that she can't get Wi-Fi.

01:18:04Because Wi-Fi just means things that go from the cell phone somewhere else.

01:18:09There's no difference.

01:18:12Wi-Fi is cell data.

01:18:15I'm just saying the way that it is.

01:18:18And I have explained it,

01:18:20and I'm sure that much like me listening to my wife

01:18:25about where things are in the house,

01:18:27they listen attentively to my explanations

01:18:29of the difference between cell phone data and Wi-Fi,

01:18:32and they say, I really, really want to remember this.

01:18:36And then, basically, the next thing runs at that knowledge,

01:18:43like a little boy sprinting at a group of seagulls in a parking lot,

01:18:46and they just scatter.

01:18:49Put the house in a Faraday cage, maybe.

01:18:53It's a long Ethernet cable, that's right.

01:18:56That's right.

01:18:58Now, would it be reasonable for me to say to the lovely ladies in my life,

01:19:05if you really cared about me,

01:19:07you wouldn't keep misusing these terms

01:19:09to the point where I feel like I'm about to have an aneurysm.

01:19:14Because I'm a bit of a propeller head and a bit of a nerd.

01:19:20And it bothers me when people refer to cell data as Wi-Fi,

01:19:24and Wi-Fi as cell data.

01:19:27It indicates a profound lack of understanding of data and technology.

01:19:33And that bothers me.

01:19:44Whenever the cell phone company calls my house,

01:19:47my wife hands the phone to me

01:19:50as if it were covered with monkeypox and on fire.

01:19:59Now, if I were to say to my wife,

01:20:02well, if you really cared about me,

01:20:04you would learn the difference between these things.

01:20:06If you really cared about me,

01:20:09you wouldn't print a PDF and wonder why it's not going to the wireless printer.

01:20:17If you can't get cell data,

01:20:23it doesn't help me to say perhaps I should reboot the router.

01:20:30So, my point is this, and I know it's been a while,

01:20:39but it says print, it absolutely does say print.

01:20:44The scanner, apparently, because, you know,

01:20:48we have a business, or I have a business,

01:20:51so we need to scan things, obviously, right?

01:20:53But the scanner, apparently,

01:20:55is evil Aztec child sacrifice Satan box

01:21:00that cannot be touched by pure nun-like feminine hands.

01:21:06Just can't be done.

01:21:08You know, open it up, close it,

01:21:11click this button, click scan.

01:21:13Nope.

01:21:15It's evil magic.

01:21:19Now, would I say to my wife,

01:21:21well, you should learn how to scan if you really cared about me.

01:21:26Now, my wife's a great driver, and she actually,

01:21:29I never get lost in the woods, and she never gets lost on streets.

01:21:32I get lost on streets, but never in the woods.

01:21:36She gets lost in the woods, but not on the streets.

01:21:40It's a good combo, right?

01:21:44But she grew up with a family that had a car, and I didn't, so.

01:21:52So, would it be fair for me to say to my wife,

01:21:58if you really cared about me, you'd learn about technology.

01:22:01I mean, it's just one of a bunch of things, right?

01:22:03We just take it the most obvious, right?

01:22:05Home stuff and technology.

01:22:12Have you tried rebooting the lawnmower if you can't start it?

01:22:27How many times, if a woman in your household has said,

01:22:31it's not working, have you gone there, and it genuinely doesn't work?

01:22:43We still had dial-up as a backup when the Wi-Fi was not working.

01:22:47I told my wife not to download any films,

01:22:49because dial-up bandwidth was so expensive.

01:22:51I got a bill for $2,500 one month,

01:22:53and I asked her about what she was downloading.

01:22:55She said, they weren't films, they were music videos.

01:22:59Well, she's not wrong.

01:23:02So, what are you mad about?

01:23:06So, in a marriage, and these are sort of traditional roles,

01:23:10but in a marriage, men and women are different.

01:23:14I don't have to think about technology, I just know it.

01:23:25My wife doesn't have to think about where things are in the house.

01:23:29She just knows them. She just knows.

01:23:34It would take me quite a long time to learn how to do laundry effectively.

01:23:38My wife just knows how to do it.

01:23:42I assume it's some sort of Borg coven,

01:23:46probably semi-satanic mind melt with all of the other women,

01:23:49but that's just the way that it is.

01:24:03So, if we take the male-female division of labor personally,

01:24:08we are making a fundamental error.

01:24:17Men are thinking about a lot of abstractions as a whole,

01:24:23and women do too as well, but men as a whole,

01:24:26it's a little bit more common for a man to come into a room and say,

01:24:30what did I come in here for?

01:24:33It's totally urgent that I go into this room to...

01:24:43Maybe the fed rate should go up a little bit.

01:24:45Like, we're just that way, right? We're just that way.

01:24:52I can be thinking about immigration policy when I'm taking my shoes off.

01:24:56I'm focused on immigration policy. I don't think about my shoes.

01:25:00They're just off my feet. I'm more comfortable.

01:25:02I go into my slippers, and there we go.

01:25:07It's not that I don't care.

01:25:09It's that I'm caring about other things my brain is kind of designed for,

01:25:14and it's not that my wife doesn't care.

01:25:16It's that she is using the natural aspects of her brain

01:25:20that it is better designed for.

01:25:25So, if you compare your weaknesses with a woman's strengths,

01:25:28and you compare your woman's weaknesses with your strengths,

01:25:32you can very easily feel annoyed, resentful, and uncared for.

01:25:43As opposed to saying, we're different.

01:25:48It doesn't matter how many times I explain how technology works.

01:25:53It won't sink in.

01:25:54It doesn't matter how many times my wife explains where things are in the house.

01:25:57It won't sink in.

01:25:59I'm not trying to be obtuse. I'm trying to remember,

01:26:02and all that I remember is that I don't remember, and I was told.

01:26:06All I remember is not what I should remember, but that I should remember.

01:26:12It's kind of annoying, and it's just the way my brain works,

01:26:15and it's the way that male and female brains,

01:26:17in general, tons of exceptions, are different.

01:26:22I do not try to educate my wife on technology.

01:26:27I will be there to help her when she needs it, not if, but when.

01:26:32My wife knows that although when I'm playing a video game,

01:26:37I can spot a sniper that is one pixel wide on a 4K screen.

01:26:42I cannot see a jar of honey right in front of me in the cupboard.

01:26:51It is incomprehensible to her.

01:26:53If it's any consolation, it's also incomprehensible to me,

01:26:57but it is just the way the old brain doth work.

01:27:04So, ladies, he's not being obtuse. He's just being a man.

01:27:09Gentlemen, they're not being obtuse. They're just being women.

01:27:15And we've evolved for different things, and we focus on different things.

01:27:20And if you take your strengths, well,

01:27:24how is it that he can't remember where the cereal is?

01:27:29I've told him a dozen times he just doesn't remember,

01:27:35and that's why when the guy said,

01:27:37how come I don't think of my girlfriend when she's gone for a couple of days?

01:27:40Because you're a guy.

01:27:45I assume straight, because you said girlfriend.

01:27:47Maybe gay guys is different, but for straight guys,

01:27:50it's a little bit out of sight, out of mind.

01:27:52Very happy when they come back?

01:27:55Okay when they're gone. Why?

01:27:56Because we are conditioned and programmed

01:28:01and have within our limbic system and our neurological system

01:28:04the intense capacity to be away from our families.

01:28:08We go to work. We go on long-distance hunting trips.

01:28:10We go to war. Evolutionarily speaking, we're gone a lot.

01:28:16So, out of sight, out of mind.

01:28:25Someone says, I find it endearing that my wife is willfully ignorant to our cars,

01:28:28the acreage of land we own, and infrastructure.

01:28:33I get genuinely mad when I know something's there

01:28:35and have to look for five minutes.

01:28:37Well, my wife does tidy.

01:28:39I know when she's been like the reverse entropy whirlwind through our house

01:28:43because all of my cords are in nice little bows.

01:28:46It's actually very nice. I love it. I love it.

01:28:51The ultimate homemaker. She's just amazing.

01:28:53Beautiful. Beautiful.

01:28:56I still don't know why we need enough pillows that are decorative.

01:29:00Decorative, mind you, in order to build our own personal Mount Everest to climb.

01:29:04But, hey, it's all very pretty and it's all very nice.

01:29:08I love it.

01:29:12Yes, there's a difference in remembering dates, anniversaries, birthdays, etc.

01:29:17Yes, absolutely. My wife today said, oh, it's so-and-so's birthday.

01:29:23My first question is not, oh, really, it is who's so-and-so?

01:29:28Oh, yes, right, birthday? Hang on, didn't she just have one?

01:29:33Oh, yeah, a year ago.

01:29:35She remembers. She knows.

01:29:40Brain like a steel trap for that stuff. It's amazing.

01:29:43It's beautiful. I don't understand it. I don't understand it.

01:29:47I have trouble remembering my own birthday from year to year.

01:29:50That's all right. I have my specialties. We all know that.

01:29:53And my specialty is generating love and hatred in equal measures.

01:29:58Actually, if I could get it to equal measures, that would be a plus.

01:30:02Yeah, they remember dates. They remember slights.

01:30:05I've told you this before.

01:30:07If I have some friend I had some falling out with years ago, I'm like,

01:30:10whatever happened to that guy? My wife's like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

01:30:13Volume 1 through 17 of what happened.

01:30:15I'm like, OK, remind me never to annoy you.

01:30:19She knows. I can't remember these things.

01:30:23I can't. I'm very bad at holding on to being upset.

01:30:27I really am. Really bad at it.

01:30:31Why? Why did that? What happened there?

01:30:34And she's like, well, let me tell you. It's like, boom, right there.

01:30:37I don't recall.

01:30:41Not to forget, there's no dust in the house. My God, the dust is just gone.

01:30:44I love women.

01:30:46Oh, at the end of the day, I go upstairs and I live in a hotel room.

01:30:54I live in a hotel room.

01:30:57Did you know that in order to not end up sleeping in a deep, soft canoe,

01:31:03mattresses need to be both rotated and flipped?

01:31:10Now, I don't spend a lot on a lot of things, but I'll spend on a mattress

01:31:13because that's a third of my life, right?

01:31:20My wife has extended the life of our mattress to the point where it's become

01:31:24functionally immortal, even though I'm a constant battle with its coils

01:31:31and springs or whatever mysterious voodoo cushioning is going on down there.

01:31:36I come up to our room. I come up to our bedroom.

01:31:41The bed is made with a laser. Everything's put away.

01:31:45The cupboards are all closed. Everything's clean and nice and pretty and beautiful.

01:31:49Oh, it's so nice.

01:31:53I haven't experienced service like that since the time I stayed at the U.S. Grant.

01:31:59Four hundred bucks a night many years ago for business. Amazing.

01:32:04And the food is healthy and freshly made, and every time I open the fridge,

01:32:12there are sealed containers full of tantalizing goodies.

01:32:19It's beautiful.

01:32:25Because, yeah, my home is somehow almost always spotless.

01:32:32Even with a two-year-old running around, being married is the best. Yeah.

01:32:37I mean, this morning I got up and went into the spare room, and my wife was ironing.

01:32:49And she had no headphones on, no podcast, no music, and I'm like,

01:32:52oh, look at you. I'm so content with my own thoughts. I'm just fine.

01:32:55And she's like, I am, in fact, very content with my own thoughts.

01:32:58And I'm like, how nice for you. Don't need any distractions at all. Excellent.

01:33:04It's just a difference. Celebrate the difference.

01:33:10See, one of the ways that men and women are set against each other

01:33:13is we're supposed to believe that we are like each other

01:33:16rather than celebrating the ways in which we're different.

01:33:22Rather than celebrating.

01:33:25U.S. Grant, San Diego, that's right. Fantastic hotel.

01:33:33People were always like, when I was in my 20s doing business travel,

01:33:36people were like, you sure you want to do this trip?

01:33:38I'm like, yes, I'm a bachelor. I live in a rundown apartment.

01:33:41I would absolutely love to go to the U.S. Grant in San Diego.

01:33:48I really need to get myself a great woman.

01:33:50Life without one feels so incomplete. That is true. It is.

01:33:57United we stand, divided we fall.

01:34:02So women, your man cares. His brain doesn't work that way.

01:34:12If you want to know what a man is like with home details,

01:34:15imagine someone teaching you a couple of phrases in Japanese

01:34:19and expecting you to remember them a month later.

01:34:23It does not work. We want to remember. We know you care.

01:34:28We care that you care. We want ourselves to care.

01:34:31And our brain's like, but you don't. Sorry.

01:34:34I'm whiteboard erasing that shit.

01:34:38Sorry.

01:34:41I need to make room for the history of interest rates in the 1920s

01:34:47in case you need to argue with someone about whether the great

01:34:51stock market crash of 1929 was caused by capitalism.

01:35:00We're making room for things we need or we think we need.

01:35:07And really, it is not so much up to us.

01:35:10It is not really up to us what we remember and what we retain.

01:35:15You say, but if you cared about me more, you'd remember these things.

01:35:19And it's like, okay, well, if you cared about me more,

01:35:21then you'd remember the difference between a PDF and a wireless printer.

01:35:29And you remember that when you print things,

01:35:34not to make them double-sided and know how to change it

01:35:37from single-sided to double-sided and back. Nope.

01:35:41If you cared, no. She doesn't care. She doesn't remember.

01:35:47It's just the way that it is. We're just different.

01:35:50It is not up to me what I remember.

01:35:54Every now and then, I'll be watching or doing something

01:35:56or thinking about something, and something will just stick like a burr.

01:36:02Attached like a limpet mind, like a remora, like a tick.

01:36:06Stays there, and I can't get rid of it even if I want.

01:36:09Sometimes when I'm watching a show and somebody says a phone number,

01:36:12I'm like, don't remember that. Don't let that get sticky.

01:36:16Or there's a combo to a safe. Oh, oh, look at that license plate

01:36:19in the bad guy's car. Don't remember that.

01:36:21Don't waste your brain space. It's not going to matter. Let it go.

01:36:25Because I'm not in control of what I remember or what I don't.

01:36:29I could do a little bit here and there, but I'm not fundamentally.

01:36:34Because it's like, you know, you had a dream,

01:36:37and then you don't talk about it or think about it that much

01:36:39for the first hour or two, and then it's gone.

01:36:41All you remember is that you had a great dream,

01:36:43but you didn't remember it for long enough,

01:36:45and dreams go into real short-term memory, right?

01:36:47What I'm saying is that women's wishes are a dream, a fever dream.

01:36:53We don't remember. We don't remember.

01:36:56And my wife nods when I talk to her about technical things,

01:37:01but I can tell.

01:37:03Lights are on, nobody home.

01:37:09Talking head style.

01:37:13And she is interested in the moment, and I'm sure she wants to remember.

01:37:18And when I stop yapping, her brain's like,

01:37:20the noise has ceased. Let us return to the hamster wheel of femininity.

01:37:26And it's racing away, doing wonderful, imaginable, unimaginable,

01:37:30incomprehensible, but endlessly beautiful stuff.

01:37:34And the household runs well, and our tech runs well.

01:37:38The volume on her phone is broken, and she won't get a new phone.

01:37:47I'm happy with my phone.

01:37:49Okay.

01:37:52Okay.

01:37:55Incomprehensible to me.

01:37:58I'm not saying an expensive phone.

01:38:00We could even get the same one.

01:38:01No, it's fine.

01:38:03Okay, but it's inefficient,

01:38:06and you have to keep doing things with a pin,

01:38:09and you keep turning your phone volume up,

01:38:11and it won't go down again.

01:38:17It's like my daughter.

01:38:19You know, we got her her first phone because she's working, right?

01:38:21And my daughter is like, no, I need a home button.

01:38:25I need a home button because I take a lot of screenshots.

01:38:28I'm like, but it's just, no, I'm used to the home button.

01:38:32But they haven't made a home button in, well,

01:38:37since people were painting with the blood of their enemies on cave walls.

01:38:43No, it's what I want.

01:38:44No, don't want to upgrade it.

01:38:45Don't want to change.

01:38:46It's what I want.

01:38:47She got some secondhand phone from 1972 because she needs a home button.

01:38:52Fine.

01:38:54But it's...

01:38:59Oh, yeah, I'm jealous of how well-kept your house is.

01:39:01Oh, yeah, no, I mentioned.

01:39:02I mean, in another life, in another universe,

01:39:04I could do a walkthrough of my house, and you all would be like,

01:39:06is this straight from the pages of Architectural Digest?

01:39:08And I'm like, no, she's just amazing at it.

01:39:11And especially because I work from home, and she's home,

01:39:14and her daughter's homeschooled and all of that.

01:39:16So it really matters.

01:39:17Like, it really matters.

01:39:22So celebrate the difference, man.

01:39:24It's fun and funny when you get it.

01:39:29And it can be annoying and enraging when you don't.

01:39:35If your wife is complaining about something you've forgotten,

01:39:41ask her a technical fact that you explained in the past

01:39:44and whether she remembers it, and she'll find it funny.

01:39:49Right?

01:39:50Like, there's this general meme sequence about women who complain

01:39:56that a man has left a mess somewhere, and then the man shows

01:40:03the woman's side of the bathroom sink, and it's, like,

01:40:07full of every piece of voodoo vat known to man.

01:40:12If the men find out we can shapeshift, they're going to call the church.

01:40:16My wife won't replace her phone until it's actually fully broken.

01:40:19Yeah.

01:40:21My daughter's got some hairline cracks on her tablet.

01:40:27Nope.

01:40:29I'm fine.

01:40:30I could literally transfer it to the...

01:40:32It's so old.

01:40:33Nope, I love it.

01:40:36Well, I suppose that retaining things as a whole that are old

01:40:41is something I'm not going to poke around too much with regards to my wife.

01:40:47Enjoy the difference.

01:40:48Our brains are different.

01:40:50Don't take it personally.

01:40:51It's not personal.

01:40:53It's just the difference between men and women.

01:40:57Find it funny because for everything that your husband does

01:41:01that you wish he did differently, you do things that your husband

01:41:04could go down the same path with instead of getting annoyed at differences.

01:41:09Enjoy them.

01:41:12Enjoy them.

01:41:14They're there to be appreciated and enjoyed.

01:41:19It's sort of like saying, well, I want to go and see the Dave Matthews band

01:41:27and I only want to see four bassists up there.

01:41:31It's like, you really don't.

01:41:34No, no, I want to go and see whatever band you like

01:41:43and it's only going to be four drummers.

01:41:45It's like, no, no, you need your bassist, your drummer, your guitarist,

01:41:48and your singer, maybe a keyboardist.

01:41:59The singer for Great White just died today.

01:42:02At 62, I think he was, and I was really into Sharks when I was younger

01:42:06and I just remember they had a good song, The Great White,

01:42:10Once Bitten, Twice Shy, and I finally heard the song today

01:42:12because somebody had posted it because the singer died.

01:42:14I'm like, this is a terrible song.

01:42:20James says, I keep phones for ages, but it recently required some divots

01:42:23on the screen, so it is time to replace it.

01:42:26Well, why don't you, I mean, if you love the phone and it works for you,

01:42:29just get the screen replaced.

01:42:35It's like 70 bucks.

01:42:39I still use an old phone for audiobooks

01:42:42that has basically a three-hour battery life

01:42:45because you know what happens with phone batteries after a while,

01:42:47they just don't recharge that much anymore,

01:42:49or at least that's the way it used to be.

01:42:51But I won't get a new one because I don't need

01:42:53more than three hours of audiobook at a time.

01:42:57Pairing socks is incomprehensible to me,

01:42:59but the first time I had a girl pair socks for me,

01:43:02yeah, we may not all have the confidence of Woodrow Wilson,

01:43:07who, when he got married, presented a big basket of socks

01:43:10that needed to be darned, like to have the holes fixed,

01:43:13to his wife, to his new bride.

01:43:16Yeah, we are absolutely designed to work together in beautiful harmony,

01:43:22and that means not expecting your spouse, your boyfriend,

01:43:25your girlfriend to be like you,

01:43:27and not taking it personally when they're not like you.

01:43:30And I think, men, we maybe understand this a little bit better

01:43:33because we haven't been subjected to as much

01:43:35the genders of the same propaganda,

01:43:37the sexes of the same propaganda stuff.

01:43:40Man, it's bad. It's bad.

01:43:44We recognize that women are different.

01:43:46Delightfully incomprehensible, as I've already said.

01:43:49So sit down and say, okay, tell me the things.

01:43:51Well, it really bothers me when you do this.

01:43:53Like, I don't mean to, my brain just doesn't work that way

01:43:55any more than your brain works on some of the manly stuff that I do.

01:43:58Like, you don't understand my tools,

01:44:00and I don't understand the dishwasher.

01:44:02You don't understand the router,

01:44:04and I don't understand the laundry.

01:44:14So enjoy the difference.

01:44:16Celebrate the difference.

01:44:18Recognize that without the difference,

01:44:20the difference in men and women's brains

01:44:24can be absolutely as pleasurable

01:44:26as the difference between men and women's sex organs,

01:44:29which is a source of great pleasure, as we all know.

01:44:33Learn to love it. Enjoy it.

01:44:35Vive la difference.

01:44:43All right, have I solved problems?

01:44:45Any other last tips?

01:44:47For the StephBot always working hard

01:44:50to bring you as much happiness as humanly possible,

01:44:53we've dealt with weasley apologies,

01:44:56non-apologies, making mistakes,

01:44:58freeing yourself, not projecting bad people onto good people,

01:45:02depression, anxiety, social collapse,

01:45:04how to have a better relationship.

01:45:06We've covered it all, baby,

01:45:08in ways that measurably can improve your happiness and well-being.

01:45:16FreeDemand.com slash donate to help out the show.

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01:45:25PeacefulParenting.com.

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01:45:36go to FreeDemand.locals.com and sign up there.

01:45:39You get 24-part history of philosophy series.

01:45:41You get the French Revolution, which you also get for any donations,

01:45:44at FreeDemand.com slash donate.

01:45:46And you can go to Subscribestar.com slash FreeDemand

01:45:49to join that community.

01:45:51They're both great communities and a lot of fun to be around.

01:45:54Got a FreeDemand wedding coming up next week.

01:45:57And that's pretty cool.

01:45:59I won't give you any details.

01:46:01I'm just saying it's very, very cool.

01:46:04So, FreeDemand.com slash call-in.

01:46:07For either open call-ins or private call-ins,

01:46:09just let me know how I can best serve you.

01:46:12And there are some testimonials there,

01:46:14in case you have any doubt as to how powerful the private call-ins are,

01:46:17because it not being for public consumption,

01:46:19I can go a lot more direct and blunt.

01:46:21Have yourselves an absolutely wonderful, wonderful week.

01:46:24And I will talk to you Sunday, 11 a.m.

01:46:27And have yourself a great Friday night and a great Saturday.

01:46:31We will speak all too soon.

01:46:32Lots of love from up here. Bye.

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