Taskmaster NZ S05E06 (2024)
Transcript
00:00Hello.
00:01That's for the haters.
00:02Come here.
00:03Come here.
00:04Take a little tea.
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01:33Unfortunately topingafipilea he can't be with us in the studio, so back again to defend
01:37his honour, and stand in his place is the winner of Taskmaster season three.
01:41Ladies and gentlemen Josh Thompson!
01:44And by my side, as always, is my trusty sidekick.
01:50He's the Samwise to my Frodo, the Sundance kid to my Butch Cassidy and the donkey to
01:56my shrek.
01:58Please give a huge round of applause to Paul Williams.
02:01Before we got started tonight, my mum asked if I would use my platform to perform a song
02:10about bullying.
02:11So, I'd like to do that if that's okay.
02:13Hey everybody, haven't you heard, there's no better feeling in this world than picking
02:24on nerds.
02:25Bullying is the best, it makes you feel so alive.
02:31Just find someone's insecurities and make them cry.
02:35Hold on, hold on, hold on for a second.
02:39So is this an anti-bullying song or a pro-bullying song?
02:43Pro, I guess, yeah.
02:46You sure your mum would want you to do this?
02:48Actually that's a good point.
02:51I guess maybe she wanted anti-bullying.
02:58We'll edit that out.
02:59Alright, should we start with tonight's prize task?
03:03So tonight we've asked our contestants to bring in the thing that's best from far away.
03:10Whoever has brought in the best thing from far away will receive five points and whoever
03:15wins the episode will get to take home all five great from far away things.
03:21Abbey, what did you bring in?
03:22I brought in a lovely, beautiful, sexy lady.
03:25Oh my god, she's so sexy from far away and lovely, but if you look at her clothes, oh
03:32my god, her tattoos are so problematic.
03:36She's got a slur on her chest, she's got pestilence and look at her legs, I looked into eugenics
03:43and it doesn't seem that bad.
03:47It's just best from far away, I think, even though she's a lovely, beautiful lady printed
03:52with sexy ink.
03:54If she was just wearing more clothes, it'd be fine.
03:56You wouldn't even notice.
03:57No, but she never does, that's the thing.
04:01It's sexy ink, baby, it's the best.
04:03Ben, what did you bring in?
04:04Well Jeremy, have you ever seen the sun from close up?
04:09The sun close up is a massive, fiery ball of gas, but far away it's a beautiful pinprick
04:15of light in the sky.
04:17It is a star, and I've purchased you a star.
04:20Wow.
04:21Oh!
04:22Ben gets five points.
04:23Well, you know, I just thought I'd...
04:24Wait, what did you just say?
04:25Hang on, hang on.
04:26We've got it on camera.
04:27Well done.
04:28Damn it.
04:29And Jeremy, when's your birthday?
04:30January 19th.
04:31That makes you a Gemini and I made it in the Gemini, you know, thing.
04:45Constellation.
04:46Yeah.
04:47So I'm a Capricorn.
04:50Right.
04:51Hayley, what did you bring in?
04:53I know we're having a lot of fun, Jeremy, and I don't want to have to bring down the
04:56mood, but for me, the thing that is best from far away is Paul.
05:01Sorry, Paul, that I have to do this, but you have been issued a restraining order against...
05:05Me?
05:06If I got a dollar for every time I got one of these.
05:16So how far is...
05:18It's roughly between four and five metres.
05:20So if you were to come forward, that's a breach, but if I'm back, you're fine.
05:26I know it's not your first one, but it's the first one from an individual, isn't it?
05:29Because normally it's a school, isn't it?
05:35It's actually not a school.
05:36It's all schools.
05:37Josh.
05:38Hello.
05:39You're representing Tofinga.
05:40What have you brought in?
05:41Yes, I'm here for my boy, Tofinga, and I decided to bring in a beautiful silk pillow.
05:50If you see that in the distance, you'll think, I can't wait to put my head on there.
05:54Don't put your head on there, because if you got that close, you'd realise that I farted
05:58on it.
06:00One thing you can do is you can sit on a pillow and you squash all the fibres and fart as
06:04you rise, and it will suck in the fart.
06:09This really works.
06:11You can keep a fart for six to eight weeks.
06:13So this distance, we're okay?
06:15I mean, that's just a picture of it, but I think you'd be okay.
06:19But you could even enjoy it from even further away.
06:22Tom.
06:23So I went for a walk in our neighbourhood, and we found this beautiful piece of nature,
06:29and a photo was taken, and it's a really beautiful thing that you can appreciate from far away.
06:33So we'll just look at the first one.
06:34There we go.
06:35That's a waterfall.
06:36That's in my neighbourhood.
06:37It's pretty beautiful.
06:38Nice.
06:39But if you get up too close, it's a little bit of a case of where's Wally?
06:40So we'll just go to the next picture.
06:45What are you doing there, Tom?
06:48Are you preparing a pillow?
06:50Oh, yes.
06:52I'm coming out of nature.
06:54I think nature's coming out of you today.
06:57Very hard to judge.
06:59One point for Ben Hurley.
07:01He got the wrong constellation.
07:02Two points for Abby.
07:04You can always get tattoos removed.
07:06Three points for Hayley.
07:07Four points for Josh and the stinking pillow.
07:10And that leaves five points for Tom Sainsbury with the Nature Ablution.
07:15Amazing.
07:16I'd love the first task tonight, please, Paul.
07:20People are often trying to steal my look, and this task is no exception.
07:31Here I come.
07:33Hello, Taufinga.
07:34Hey, Paul.
07:35Hello, Tom.
07:36Wow.
07:37Wowee.
07:38Wow.
07:40Wow.
07:41Got some stumes?
07:42Stumes?
07:43Costumes?
07:44Nice.
07:45I'm excited to see what's in here.
07:48Match accessories with Paul.
07:51Paul will emerge every minute with a new accessory until you match him.
07:56You may only don one accessory at a time.
07:59And you may not don the same accessory twice in a row.
08:04No peeking.
08:05Fewest accessories tried on by Paul wins.
08:08Your time starts now.
08:11Do you understand it?
08:12No.
08:13Oh.
08:14Well, you could really spot the theatre nerds in amongst our comedians, couldn't you?
08:21As Abby, Hayley and Tom's eyes lit up when they looked at the costumes.
08:25What characters will be born today?
08:27All right, shall we get straight into it?
08:31Let's start in the menswear section.
08:33It's Ben, Taufinga and Tom.
08:35OK, let's get on to it.
08:39Ready?
08:43If you squeeze those...
08:45Oh, man.
08:48Lovely.
08:49But it's not a match.
08:50Ready?
08:51Yep.
08:54Why have you got comforts on?
08:56You should have told me you had comforts on.
08:58Oh, sorry.
09:00Ready when you are, Paul.
09:03Hey, ooh.
09:05It's quite hard for me to breathe.
09:06I know, you're not breathing.
09:07Yeah.
09:08Your eyes are bulging.
09:09Sorry.
09:10You don't have to apologise every time.
09:11Sorry for apologising.
09:12I think I got it, but...
09:13Oh, damn it.
09:14We've got similar colour schemes.
09:15Yeah.
09:16Does that help?
09:17No.
09:18No, OK.
09:19Next.
09:20Yep.
09:21Ready?
09:22Yep.
09:23Ready.
09:24Sick.
09:25It's not a match.
09:26It's a good look, though.
09:28I think I got it.
09:29I think I got it.
09:30I think I got it.
09:31I think I got it.
09:32I think I got it.
09:33I think I got it.
09:34I think I got it.
09:35I think I got it.
09:36I think I got it.
09:38That's the one I just had on before.
09:41I feel like there's no method to this.
09:43Quiet.
09:44B.
09:45Take my hand.
09:46Even if you feel it.
09:47Door.
09:48Change.
09:49Change.
09:50Change.
09:51Are you ready?
09:52Ready.
09:53It's a match.
09:54Congratulations.
09:56It's epitical.
09:57OK.
09:58Close.
09:59Close.
10:00Close.
10:01Close.
10:02Close.
10:03Close.
10:04Close.
10:05Close.
10:06Close.
10:07Close.
10:08Not really.
10:10A good effort.
10:13H.
10:17What have you got on?
10:18The book.
10:19Oh, that's not actually one of the accessories.
10:21Sorry.
10:22Why did you put the book here for then?
10:23I think I just left those there.
10:24Sorry about that.
10:25Huh?
10:26Huh?
10:27I'm going to make a complaint to the taskmaster and bail you out.
10:30What's his name?
10:32Jared.
10:34And action.
10:35Oh, damn it.
10:37Connection?
10:38I mean, vaguely.
10:39Vikings used to wear kilts.
10:41Did they?
10:42Yep.
10:43LAUGHTER
10:47Isaaan!
10:49Yeah, Paul, what do you reckon?
10:51It's a match.
10:52Yeah, it's a match.
10:54BUZZER
10:56Oh, we did it!
10:57And he took two, guys.
10:59I took more than two.
11:00Hope you get five.
11:01You suck, Paul.
11:03Love you, Paul.
11:04Love you, Paul.
11:05Thank you, Tofinga.
11:06APPLAUSE
11:10Tom, who would have thought that knowing your ABCs
11:13were going to help you in later life?
11:15Finally.
11:16What was the book for?
11:18The books, I didn't mean to leave the books there,
11:20but they were there for everyone,
11:22and the top book was the A to Z of fashion.
11:25Oh, my goodness.
11:27So, speaking of letters,
11:29Ben got up to the letter N, which was 14 attempts.
11:32Tofinga, the letter L, which was 12 attempts.
11:35And Tom, the letter G, seven attempts.
11:38Yes, Tom!
11:40Broken out in front, yeah.
11:42More Changing Room montages coming up next.
11:45But first, we've got to sell you some clothes
11:48that you probably don't need.
11:49Your clothes are fine.
11:50You look absolutely amazing.
11:52We'll be back after these messages.
11:54APPLAUSE
12:03Thank you, Maiano.
12:05Welcome back to Taskmaster.
12:07The only place you can put a camera in a changing room
12:10without getting a visit from the police.
12:12Paul, jog everyone's memory, please.
12:14Our contestants are trying to match accessories with me,
12:17but little did they know I was dressing up in alphabetical order.
12:21Next up, they've got a passion for fashion,
12:24a desire for attire,
12:26and the opposite of loathing for clothing.
12:29It's Abby and Hayley.
12:31Have fun in there.
12:33I miss you when you're gone.
12:35Ah.
12:37How cool are fedoras, though?
12:39The best hat.
12:43Oh, bugger it.
12:47I used to definitely wear something like that when I was 13.
12:50I was a goth.
12:51But I actually went to Animates and got a proper dog collar.
12:54Were you watching me change? No.
12:57LAUGHTER
12:59What's that bit for?
13:01Oh.
13:03I don't know what that bit's for.
13:05LAUGHTER
13:07Ah, we're getting there, I feel like.
13:09What's your viking name? Craig.
13:11Oh, do you look good in that?
13:13I feel good. Yeah.
13:15Going to the masquerade.
13:17Yes. Yes. Going to...
13:19To Dogtown.
13:21LAUGHTER
13:27Oh, Paul!
13:29I had them and I changed.
13:33Oh.
13:35Beautiful.
13:37And beautiful. No.
13:39LAUGHTER
13:44All right. Back to Dorktown?
13:46Yeah.
13:48You do look like Michael Jackson.
13:50Doreen.
13:52Yeah, it's really good. That's really good.
13:54OK, OK.
13:56Have you got the x-ray glasses on again?
13:58Um...
14:00No.
14:04Oh!
14:06I went and I picked it up.
14:08I can't stop.
14:10I'm compelled by them every time.
14:12What happens if we're here all day?
14:14Then we're here all day. OK.
14:16Are you going to go umbrella hat again?
14:18No, I don't think so.
14:20Oh.
14:24Get back in there.
14:26They drew me in again.
14:28We're well off again.
14:30The watch.
14:32Ready?
14:34I actually already know it's not a match.
14:36Because you could see through the curtain.
14:38Yeah. You ready?
14:40Yeah.
14:42Yeah!
14:44Looking good, Paul.
14:46One more possible item.
14:48That zebra hat.
14:50Are you happy?
14:52Yeah.
14:54You ready?
14:56No.
14:58You said you were.
15:00I'm ready.
15:02You've got to be kidding me, Paul.
15:06We're back to bloody square one, aren't we?
15:08I'm feeling it.
15:10You ready?
15:12Yeah.
15:14Yeah.
15:16Ah!
15:18You did it.
15:20That's for the Hayleys.
15:24Hayley, between the necklace
15:26and the top hat and the zebra hat,
15:28it's like you got a sixth sense for getting it wrong.
15:30I know. Now that I watch yours,
15:32I should have just picked one object
15:34and just put it on the whole time.
15:36It was a great tactic. Sadly, the object she chose
15:38was X.
15:40She chose the X in you.
15:44Yes. She chose the X-ray glasses
15:46nine times
15:48and she went to Dorktown four times.
15:52Where was your autistic superpower
15:54this time, Abby?
15:56I mean, look, Tom did well there.
15:58We now know a lot about Tom.
16:00He ain't diagnosed. I'm legit.
16:02Is this the first time
16:04you've ever been teased for not having autism?
16:06Where's your autistic
16:08powers now, bish?
16:12So how many
16:14letters did we get around to?
16:16So Abby, the letter X,
16:18so 24 attempts.
16:20Hayley, the letter C. Great, but
16:22second time through.
16:24So 29 attempts. That means
16:26one point for Hayley, two points for
16:28Abby, three points for Ben,
16:30four points for Tefinga, and five points
16:32for Tom Sainsbury.
16:36What are
16:38the scores for the episode, Paul?
16:40With a perfect ten points,
16:42out in front, it's Tom Sainsbury.
16:46Alright,
16:48fast show's a good show. What's next?
16:50This task involves
16:52a list-ers.
17:02Hello, Paul. Hello, Abby.
17:04Oh!
17:06Got another one of these
17:08stupid challenges, eh? Uh, they're called tasks.
17:10Tasks. We generally don't
17:12say they're stupid. Oh, yeah.
17:14Write
17:16down the 20 public figures
17:18you know the most about.
17:20You have seven minutes. Your time starts now.
17:22Uh, Di Henwood.
17:24Season four of Taskmaster New Zealand.
17:26Madeline Sami. Season one
17:28of Taskmaster New Zealand.
17:30Stephen Adams.
17:32Elizabeth I.
17:34Henry VIII. How long have I got?
17:36You've got three minutes and 50 seconds. Oh my god, I have to
17:38move quickly. Anthony Bourdain.
17:40And I will go
17:42Paul Ego. Season three of Taskmaster
17:44New Zealand. Alright, it's been good.
17:46Wait.
17:48I knew there was a second part.
17:52Create a short
17:54biopic based on the life
17:56of your 20th public figure.
17:58You may
18:00not do any further
18:02research into your figure.
18:04You have one hour. Your time
18:06starts now.
18:08I'm going to put Beyonce down the bottom.
18:10I'm going to go with
18:12Christine Daae.
18:14From Phantom of the Opera. Yeah.
18:16What's the publicist's name? Current one.
18:18Current one. Chris Luxon.
18:20Christopher Luxon.
18:22And last of all,
18:24public figure I know least about.
18:26Matt
18:28Cameron. Who's Matt Cameron?
18:30He's the drummer for both Pearl Jam
18:32and Soundgarden.
18:34Oh
18:36no.
18:38I'm a jury dentist.
18:42This is going to be quite obscure television.
18:44Is there anyone you would have rather made
18:46a biopic film about?
18:48Everyone knows but Luxon.
18:50Oh.
18:54Great to see you get some
18:56plugs in for some previous seasons of
18:58Taskmaster, Paul. Yeah. And they were popular
19:00as well. Ben had six
19:02Taskmaster New Zealand contestants.
19:04Hayley, 11. Oh wow. I had
19:06many kings and queens of yore.
19:08Yeah.
19:10No one on her list was born after
19:121970.
19:14So
19:16fingers list. Chris Luxon was the only
19:18person.
19:24He didn't even know who the Prime Minister was so
19:26I don't know how he's going to make a biopic
19:28about someone who he doesn't know, Josh.
19:30Toughing out.
19:32Kind of got a similar vibe.
19:36Look at Ebony and Ivory.
19:38Who are we watching
19:40first? We've all been wondering
19:42when Matt Cameron, the drummer
19:44from Soundgarden and also Pearl Jam
19:46would be getting his biopic.
19:48Well
19:50the wait is finally over thanks to
19:52Ben Hurley.
19:58Dad, what are you doing?
20:00Well, I'm cooking
20:02son, because men cook too.
20:04One day you'll find something
20:06you're passionate about.
20:08Yeah.
20:16Yeah.
20:30Man, I'm such a good drummer now.
20:32I just need a cool
20:34band with a cool name.
20:36Wow.
20:38There's so many
20:40sounds in this garden.
20:42Yeah!
20:48What is it, Chris Cornell?
20:50Lead singer of my band Soundgarden?
20:52That's right, Matt. I'm Chris Cornell from our band
20:54Soundgarden and it's time for our band
20:56to break up. I'm going to embark
20:58on a pretty average solo career.
21:00No!
21:08I'll never
21:10come again!
21:14Eddie Vedder from the band
21:16Pearl Jam? Yeah!
21:18Would you
21:20like to be in my band
21:22called Pearl Jam
21:24again? Yes!
21:30That was good.
21:32There's so much to unpack there.
21:34It actually felt like a lot of
21:36TVNZ biopics to be honest. It was using
21:38wigs. Yeah. It's a wig based
21:40production basically.
21:42The Eddie Vedder impersonation was
21:44inspired. Yeah.
21:46If only you could do
21:48the biopic about him.
21:50No, imagine that. Okay, if they were making
21:52a biopic about your life,
21:54this would be the part of the movie where the main character
21:56sits perfectly still and waits
21:58for the ads to be over. We'll see you
22:00in just a moment.
22:08Nau mai anō!
22:10Welcome back to Taskmaster.
22:12We're currently watching comedians make
22:14biopics about famous public figures
22:16they know almost nothing about.
22:18Who have we got next, Paul?
22:20Destiny's child, Beyonce.
22:22Meet Ross and Vicky's
22:24child, Tom.
22:30In Texas
22:32in 1989
22:34Tina Knowles and Papa Knowles
22:36welcomed their little
22:38cherub baby Beyonce.
22:40Early on in her life, little
22:42Beyonce met Kelly Rowland
22:44and they became fast friends.
22:46They loved going to church
22:48together and singing gospel.
22:50In their late teens,
22:52Beyonce, Kelly and two other people
22:54became a band known as
22:56Destiny's Child. Not to be confused
22:58with Destiny's Church,
23:00but due to some disagreements
23:02the band split up.
23:04In the early
23:062000s, Beyonce then met
23:08Jay-Z.
23:10They had three children together
23:12and they all lived happily ever after.
23:16The end.
23:22I gotta say, right off the bat,
23:24Say My Name is a very good
23:26title for a biopic. Yes, guys,
23:28thank you. And I also thought, you know,
23:30I tossed up whether I should play Beyonce
23:32and Jay-Z, et cetera, but I decided not to.
23:34I think that's
23:36a good decision. He also got slightly confused
23:38because the Texas he held up
23:40for her birth, he wrote 1981,
23:42which is correct, but then he said
23:441989. I know.
23:46I was in Taylor Swift mode.
23:48Okay, who's biopic have we got
23:50next, Paul? Christine
23:52Sings, but Abby Howells
23:56made the sitcom.
23:58What if we did The Phantom of the Opera like a sitcom
24:00after The Phantom of the Opera
24:02has happened? That would be great.
24:04Yeah.
24:16Oh, hello, Eric,
24:18The Phantom of the Opera and my husband.
24:20Did you do any murdering?
24:22Maybe a little.
24:24Oh, Eric,
24:26you promised me no
24:28more murdering. Okay.
24:30I'll believe that when I see it.
24:34I've got some news.
24:36What is it? I'm up for a big promotion.
24:38So I invited
24:40the boss of the Paris Opera
24:42House over for dinner.
24:46I hope dinner is ready soon.
24:48I am starving.
24:50Here comes Eric now.
24:52He's prepared dinner.
24:58Bon appétit.
25:00A hand?
25:02I have always wanted
25:04to eat a hand.
25:06Delicious.
25:08I'm going into
25:10labor.
25:14Eric,
25:16I think I'm going to die.
25:18Please
25:20write a musical about me
25:22one day.
25:28Oh!
25:40Yeah, I know what you're going to say.
25:42My characters have died in
25:44childbirth three times
25:46now.
25:48Three times this series?
25:50You don't see many deaths in sitcoms.
25:52My favourite episode
25:54of Friends is the one
25:56where Rachel dies in childbirth.
26:02Alright, I'd like to see another
26:04biopic please, Paul. You've got it, Jeremy.
26:06He's New Zealand's current
26:08Prime Minister and before he started this task
26:10Taufinga didn't know
26:12his name.
26:14This is the Christopher Luxon
26:16story.
26:18Luxon? Sounds like a soap opera.
26:20It does. Do you think he had
26:22little toy planes and stuff
26:24and thought I want to be
26:26CEO of Air New Zealand? Possibly.
26:28And then loved honey
26:30and stuff and thought
26:32I want to own my own
26:34beehive.
26:38Once upon a time in a small town in Christchurch
26:40there was a young boy who loved
26:42to play with aeroplanes and his favourite
26:44food was honey on toast.
26:46Christopher!
26:48Christopher!
26:50How many times have I told you to stop
26:52playing with those stupid planes?
26:54It's not a stupid plane. You're eating up all the
26:56honey as well? Remember you are the future
26:58of our soap business.
27:00Luxon soap. I don't like
27:02soap. One day I'm going to be
27:04CEO of Air New Zealand
27:06and I'm going to own my own beehive.
27:08Well until then
27:10you're going to be looking after our family business.
27:12Luxon soap.
27:14Oh, smells like Luxon.
27:16Feels like Luxon.
27:18Mmm
27:20even tastes like Luxon.
27:22Dad, you've got to stop eating
27:24soap. Mmm
27:26Ah, Luxon!
27:32Kia ora, my name's Christopher Luxon
27:34and I'm the Prime Minister
27:36of Aotearoa New Zealand.
27:38Tena koutou,
27:40tena choukou, minna koutou,
27:42minna moa.
27:44Mmm
27:46Mmm
27:52Gosh, I love the way that Chris Luxon
27:54changed ethnicity just towards
27:56the end of that. It's impressive.
27:58Seamless transition.
28:00Pretty factually correct
28:02as far as I can tell.
28:04He probably does like honey on toast
28:06and his dad probably ate a lot of
28:08soap.
28:10And that's how he says Aotearoa.
28:12That's right.
28:14What have we got next?
28:16It's Taskmaster New Zealand Season 3
28:18alum, Paul Ego.
28:20And who better to direct it than
28:22someone who knows him and his
28:24family intimately,
28:26Hayley Sproul.
28:28Two sons. Abe
28:30Gabe
28:32Abe and Gabe. No, it's not Abe
28:34and Gabe. I've forgotten his wife's name.
28:36I've met her so many times. This is so rude.
28:38Hi, it's me.
28:40You know who I am.
28:42You know the man behind the voice.
28:44It's time to get to know the real
28:46Paul Ego.
28:48Yeah, yeah,
28:50yeah.
28:52Young Paul Jones enjoyed a privileged
28:54and lovely childhood
28:56growing up in New Zealand.
28:58I love the 70s.
29:00Then one day, as a young man,
29:02he met his beautiful
29:04petite wife, Jane.
29:06The only love
29:08of his life.
29:10After some delicious
29:12marital sex, Jane
29:14gave birth to Gabe
29:16and then Gabe's brother
29:18or vice versa.
29:20But after some time, he
29:22began his historic rise
29:24as a comedian.
29:26I've got two children, lovely Gabe and Gabe's brother
29:28and I love them very much as a father, but my question
29:30is when the hell do they shuffle
29:32on out?
29:34Recently
29:36he joined More FM's breakfast
29:38show. It's not as good as ZM
29:40but it's still alright. That was
29:42Robbie Williams' Angels
29:44here on More FM Breakfast and
29:46we're asking you currently at the moment
29:48when did you fart in public?
29:50So what's next
29:52for Paul Ego, a.k.a.
29:54Paul Jones?
29:56Perhaps a starring role
29:58on the celebrity Bake Off.
30:04Considering you didn't
30:06know their names, do you think maybe you focused
30:08on Paul's children just a wee bit too much?
30:10I have to apologise
30:12to Paul's family whom I've met
30:14so many times, in particular his
30:16wife Janine, not Jane.
30:18You got Gabe right.
30:20I got Gabe right and then I forgot
30:22Isaac.
30:26This is going to be quite difficult because I think they were all
30:28very good. They were. But unfortunately
30:30there have to be winners and losers. This is Taskmaster
30:32that's the way it goes. Okay.
30:34Abbie is a loser.
30:36I mean, look, you tackled it by a
30:38pick and then did a
30:40multi-camera, you know, sitcom.
30:42I thought Tom deserves
30:44two for his stick puppets.
30:46Hayley, it's difficult making
30:48something about someone you know, especially when you don't know
30:50the names of their children.
30:52So I'll give you three points. That's fair.
30:54I thought Toffinger's effort with
30:56Christopher Luxon was particularly good.
30:58Four points. And I think
31:00Ben Hurley's I thought was outstanding.
31:02Thank you. Five points.
31:06We've run out of biopics.
31:08Give us a few minutes to come up with another task
31:10and we'll see you in a moment.
31:22Kia ora anō.
31:24Welcome back to Taskmaster.
31:26The only show on television still giving out
31:28sexually attractive women as a prize.
31:30And correct me if I'm wrong, Paul,
31:32but I believe
31:34it's time for another task.
31:36Aye, aye, Captain. If you're watching this
31:38episode illegally, this task
31:40is inspired by you.
31:52Ahoy there. I don't even know what's going on there,
31:54but hi. Um, where's the
31:56task, Paul? The task is on the
31:58cassette tape. Oh.
32:04Cover one eye
32:06and turn you into a pirate.
32:08Cross the
32:10seven seas and circle
32:12where X marks the
32:14spot. Fastest
32:16wins. Your
32:18time starts now.
32:20I wasn't listening.
32:22Okay, Paul.
32:26Cover one eye,
32:28turn you into a pirate, cross the
32:30seven seas and circle the X.
32:32Sounds pretty achievable.
32:34Who are we going to see first?
32:36Up first, it's Sailor Sainsbury
32:38and Captain Hurley.
32:40So cover one eye,
32:42exhibit A.
32:44What was the rest?
32:46And turn you into a pirate. Done.
32:48Tick. Arr. Cross the
32:50seven seas and circle
32:52where X marks the spot.
32:54Come on.
32:56Fastest wins. I hope there's a boat.
32:58You want to come with me, squire?
33:00Tell you what, having one eye
33:02is quite hard. I feel like there's a little
33:04disparity in our weights.
33:06Land ahoy.
33:08Must be an X around here
33:10somewhere.
33:14Oh no, I didn't listen to the instructions.
33:16Must be an X
33:18around here somewhere.
33:20Did it say go to the X and dig it up and find some treasure?
33:22All the information you need is in the task.
33:24Oh, it's on the tape.
33:26Okay, I have to run back.
33:28I feel
33:30it was foolish not to bring the map.
33:32And circle where X
33:34marks the spot.
33:36Let's go.
33:38What have I missed?
33:40I'm starting to get tired of this character.
33:42I circled X.
33:44What do you mean?
33:46Ahoy!
33:48A shovel.
33:50No X though.
33:52Have you seen an X?
33:54On the map.
33:56Right.
33:58Surely that wasn't it.
34:00Back in the boat, squire Paul.
34:02Cross, what am I missing?
34:04Do I need to go back and listen to it again?
34:08Magic, innit?
34:10Come on, Paul!
34:12Please, pirate Paul.
34:14How's ahoy, cap'n?
34:16Aye!
34:18Your time starts now.
34:20I've got to go get the map.
34:22Do you think I'm a bit of a stupid at the moment?
34:24No.
34:26I never could think that, cap'n.
34:28I should have known.
34:30This would be a trick.
34:32Oh my God.
34:34So there are seven C's.
34:36And turn you into a pirate.
34:38No, you've got to turn you into a pirate.
34:40Is there a U on here?
34:42A hat.
34:44Not unlike yours.
34:46I'm going to draw a little parrot here.
34:48Cover one eye, cross the seven C's,
34:50turn you into a pirate.
34:52Circle X.
34:54I'll stop the clock.
34:56Oh my God.
34:58What a journey.
35:00I reckon that's pretty good.
35:02Pretty good.
35:08When you figured out the trick,
35:10did you want to hurt Paul in any way?
35:12I wanted to hurt him throughout.
35:14How many times did you...
35:16He ran from the study to the lake three times.
35:18For clarification,
35:20it was sort of a letter-based task.
35:22So, cover one eye,
35:24turn you into a pirate, the letter U,
35:26cross the seven C's, cross those out,
35:28and then circle the X.
35:30So, it was very simple task.
35:32I don't know why they would go to the lake.
35:36How long did it take them?
35:38Ben, 31 minutes 15.
35:40Oh.
35:42Tom, 41 minutes 24.
35:44Oh.
35:46Who have we got next?
35:48Up next, it's Ahoy Leigh Sproul,
35:50I.I.B. Howells, and Toffing...
35:52Arr, Fepuli Ain.
35:54Cross the seven C's
35:56and circle where X marks the spot.
35:58I have to cross the lake?
36:00Alright, let's go.
36:02I'm going to take this.
36:04Circle where X marks the spot.
36:06And circle where X marks the spot.
36:08I could just do that. I could just circle it now.
36:10I'm just going to double check
36:12that this isn't a trick.
36:14It says circle where X marks the spot.
36:16Just double checking, is that it?
36:18You've completed part of the task.
36:20Okay, let's go, let's go, let's go.
36:22Say love me to the dock we go.
36:24Are we going to the dock?
36:26It's only up to you. Let's go.
36:28I must have completely misunderstood this, Paul.
36:30And all the instructions
36:32were on what he just said?
36:34Was it on the tape?
36:36It's on the tape.
36:44Cover one...
36:46Oh, cover one eye.
36:50Bon voyage, Captain.
36:52Crossing the seven C's.
36:54Crossing the seven C's.
36:56Crossing the seven C's.
37:00Okay.
37:02Circle where X marks the spot.
37:04Where X marks the spot.
37:06Surely this is it.
37:08Are you sure this isn't me completing the task?
37:10Do I dig?
37:12Maybe there's treasure.
37:14If this is just a pile of dirt with nothing in it,
37:16I'll be quite unhappy.
37:18Is there anything under here?
37:20I don't think so.
37:22Yeah, what are you digging for?
37:24Well, there was a hole. I just started digging.
37:26We're going to have to go back and listen to the tape again.
37:28All right. Off we go.
37:30You into a pirate.
37:34Turn you into a pirate.
37:36Oh, I'm a pirate.
37:38Cover one eye and turn you into a pirate.
37:40Done.
37:42You've not done it.
37:44Are you sure?
37:46I reckon that's us, bro.
37:48I've stopped the clock.
37:50Thank you, Toppinger.
37:52Look at me, Paul. I'm losing my mind.
37:54I have completed the task.
37:56You've not completed the task.
37:58I think I have.
38:02Cover one eye.
38:08And turn you into a pirate.
38:10And then I cross the seven C's.
38:12Have you covered one eye?
38:16Stop the clock.
38:21Lord, have mercy.
38:23Thank you, Hayley.
38:25Oh, my God.
38:32Hayley, you were far more focused on acting like a pirate, really, than...
38:36I thought maybe I hadn't nailed the turn you into a pirate,
38:40so I was trying to drop in deeper.
38:42I thought you had to do it the entire time.
38:46I was so sick of talking like that.
38:50Also, what you cut out was that I spent ages on the side
38:53going, I'm terrified of water, I can't swim,
38:56and then Paul going, you don't have to do this.
39:00And then I was like, no, I'm going to get in the boat
39:03and we're going to face my first pull.
39:05Yet again, Josh, it seems like Toppinger's...
39:08Unwillingness to move.
39:10..really helped him out.
39:12It's a good tactic. It's a hell of a good tactic.
39:15So, the current time to beat is 31 minutes 15.
39:19Hayley was 35 minutes 55.
39:22Abbey, 29 minutes and 10 seconds.
39:25Oh, not too bad.
39:27Toppinger, 14 minutes and 40 seconds.
39:30It's not as hard as I thought it would be.
39:3314 minutes.
39:35So, Toppinger, with most of the tasks,
39:38he would sort of read the task
39:40and then he'd have kind of 10 minutes of just relaxation.
39:45OK, so where does that leave the scores for that task then, Paul?
39:48That means one point for Tom, two points for Hayley,
39:51three points for Ben, four points for Abbey
39:54and five points for Toppinger.
39:56OK.
39:58Now it's time for some ads, unless you pirated this episode,
40:02in which case you don't have to watch the ads,
40:04but you do have to spend eternity in hell.
40:07We'll give you a moment to think about which is worse
40:09and we'll see you after this.
40:15APPLAUSE
40:22Welcome back to Taskmaster.
40:24We're about to see our comedians tackle a live task
40:27and find out once and for all
40:29who has won a restraining order against Paul.
40:32But before we do, Paul, a scoreboard update, please.
40:36In first place, with 17 points,
40:38it's Tofinga Fepulia'i.
40:40APPLAUSE
40:43OK, everyone, head up onto the stage for the final task of the show.
40:48APPLAUSE
40:52Oh, this looks interesting. What's going on here, Paul?
40:55Josh Thompson.
40:56An honour. Thank you.
41:00Ahem.
41:02Listen for your note and move forward when you hear it.
41:06When you hear your note, you may move one spot forward.
41:10If you move forward on someone else's note,
41:13you must move two spots back.
41:15Highest score at the end wins.
41:18OK, these are your notes.
41:20Abby.
41:22Ben.
41:25Hayley.
41:27Josh.
41:29Tom.
41:32Could we have it one more time, please?
41:34No, sorry.
41:36Can I give you a note?
41:39Love to have it one more time.
41:48Are you ready?
42:00Two steps back, Ben.
42:08Two steps back, Abby.
42:30Two steps back, Abby.
42:39LAUGHTER
42:49Abby, back two steps, please.
43:05LAUGHTER
43:09LAUGHTER
43:11Two steps back, please, Ben.
43:29APPLAUSE
43:31Those are 15 notes.
43:33Yay!
43:35Come on down, everyone. Let's score it.
43:42I really enjoyed that, Paul.
43:44All right, how are we going to score this?
43:46Because we've got a couple of last places
43:48and a couple of first places.
43:50Yes, so Ben and Abby shared last,
43:52then Tom, and in first equal was Josh and Hayley.
43:55OK, so one point for Abby and Ben,
43:58three points for Tom, and then five points for Hayley.
44:02Ben, three points for Tom,
44:04and then five points for Hayley and Josh,
44:06representing Tofinga.
44:10So, where does that leave the episode, Paul?
44:13That means, with 22 points,
44:15the highest episode score of the season,
44:18and his first episode win,
44:20represented by Josh, it's Tofinga Whipuliahi.
44:25Congratulations, Josh, on behalf of Tofinga.
44:28Please head up to the stage
44:30and get nice and close to things
44:32that are only good from far away.
44:34Away you go, Josh.
44:36And that's it.
44:38Thanks for joining us for another episode of Taskmaster.
44:41Especially our favourite viewers, Gabe,
44:43Gabe's older or younger brother,
44:45and a woman possibly called Jane.
44:48And what did we learn tonight?
44:50We learned that Abby Howells
44:52can't resist a pair of x-ray specs,
44:54and our Prime Minister can't resist
44:56the delicious taste of soap.
44:59But most importantly,
45:01we learned that the winner of Episode 6
45:03of Taskmaster Season 5
45:05is Tofinga Whipuliahi.
45:08We look forward to seeing you next time.
45:10Ko marie. Good night.
45:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:27Stupid boy, you stayed here!
45:29When I put this on, I'm going to completely change.
45:32I'll do whatever you want, any of your bidding.
45:34Vegetarian options, unbelievable.
45:36That's chicken. What?!
45:38What?! What's happening?
45:40It's been quite the show for us.