Baby Snooks (Frank Takes Snooks to the Zoo)
The Baby Snooks Show was an American radio program starring comedian and Ziegfeld Follies alumna Fanny Brice as a mischievous young girl who was 40 years younger than the actress who played her when she first went on the air.
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00:00The Fannie Brice, Frank Morgan Show.
00:04♪♪
00:28For you soldiers, sailors, and Marines of the United Nations,
00:31a special rebroadcast with John Cotty,
00:34Harlow Wilcox, Frank Tours and his orchestra,
00:37Hanley Stafford as Daddy,
00:39Fannie Brice as Baby Snooks,
00:41and Frank Morgan.
00:43♪♪
00:47I dug a ditch, I dug a ditch,
00:52I struck it rich in Wichita.
00:57Yippee-yi-ay, yippee-yi-ay,
01:02I made it pay in Wichita.
01:08Oh, I could keep on dig-dig-diggin'
01:11Like I've been diggin' before,
01:13But now I'm feelin' so hot-diggity
01:16I want somethin' more.
01:18I dug a ditch to leave that ditch,
01:22I want to go back to Marie who stuck to me
01:25Before I dug the ditch and struck it rich in Wichita.
01:34♪♪
01:41Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and good evening, everyone.
01:44Good evening, John.
01:45Isn't that song from Thousands Cheer
01:47the picture in which you make your debut as a screen actor?
01:50It certainly is, Tourzy,
01:51and thanks for calling my acting talents to our listeners' attention.
01:54Oh, I meant it as a warning.
01:57Delete the thanks, but you did see it, didn't you?
02:00Oh, rather, and I must say I found it excellent entertainment.
02:03Well, Frank Morgan was top drawer as always,
02:05and the girls, such beauty and such lavish profusion.
02:09Did you take your wife with you?
02:10Oh, I say, does one take a hamburger to the banquet?
02:15All right, Tourzy, sorry I mentioned it,
02:18but if it's a feast for the eye you hunger for,
02:21you'll be glad to know that we have as our guest tonight
02:24one of the MGM lovelies who adorned Thousands Cheer so very, very ably.
02:28Ladies and gentlemen, Iowa's gift to Cinema Land,
02:32Miss Marilyn Maxwell.
02:41Thank you, John, you're very sweet.
02:43I hope the home executives are listening to all those nice things you're saying about me.
02:47Not half the nice things I could say about you,
02:49only I know I have a home executive listening.
02:54The gentleman with the obviously high blood pressure
02:56is our ersatz Toscanini, Frank Tours, Marilyn.
03:00But now, how about a preview of your acting show in Thousands Cheer?
03:04Well, frankly, I haven't a great deal to do.
03:06I'm lucky to be in the picture at all with so many established stars.
03:10I play in one of the sketches.
03:12Oh, too bad you haven't more opportunity to show what you can do.
03:15Now wait, John, I'm not complaining.
03:17No?
03:18Why, in my first picture they put me right up there with Robert Taylor in standby for action.
03:22And did he?
03:23Tours.
03:27Remember your manners.
03:28I hate to, that's rather awful.
03:31Maybe if we just don't pay any attention he'll go away, Marilyn.
03:35Carry on anyway.
03:36You're at Thousands Cheer alumnus yourself, John.
03:39Why not tell us about it?
03:41Did you do a sketch with Frank Morgan?
03:43Oh, yes, yes, I think I recall a supporting player by that name.
03:48I'm dying to meet him.
03:50Have been ever since I came to MGM.
03:52You mean to say you haven't ever met Frank Morgan?
03:55But you're both in the same picture, old gal.
03:57I know, but that's a common situation in Hollywood.
04:00You see, our respective scenes were shot on different days,
04:03even different sound stages.
04:05And as for the rest, a girl just doesn't run up to a star like Mr. Morgan
04:09and introduce herself.
04:10Not if she's smart, she doesn't.
04:16I don't believe that.
04:18I'm looking forward to meeting this gay boulevardier I've heard so much about.
04:22Oh, you shall.
04:23But I still think it amazing that you haven't met already.
04:26Well, sometimes it happens just as amazingly the other way.
04:29Tell us.
04:30I met Robert Taylor within 30 minutes of landing in Hollywood for the first time.
04:34Now, that's what I call getting action.
04:36You can say that again.
04:37I got off the train, was rushed to the studio, met the gentleman,
04:40and we started shooting.
04:42In the first scene, I flirted with him.
04:44In the second, he responded.
04:46In the third, we were dancing.
04:47And in the fourth, I was in his arms.
04:49You were?
04:50Well, make way for Mr. Pie-Pie-Pie.
05:00Greetings, my repulsive playmates.
05:02And who is this delightful flower with a lovely stem?
05:07Frank, I want you to meet a comparative newcomer to Hollywood,
05:10Miss Marilyn Maxwell.
05:12How do you do, Mr. Morgan?
05:13Well, what can I do to make your stay a pleasant one?
05:16I hope.
05:18You and Miss Maxwell have much in common, Frank.
05:21Yes.
05:22You see, Maxwell, Maxwell, well, of course we have something in common, my dear.
05:27I know your father.
05:29He makes Jack Benny's automobiles.
05:31Never mind that.
05:32Look, what I'm trying to tell you is...
05:34No doubt, very dull, so we'll skip it.
05:36Now, Miss Maxwell...
05:37Oh, now, let's not stand on our dignity.
05:39Won't you call me Marilyn for short?
05:41No, but I'll call you Friday for dinner.
05:45Of course, I don't want you to think I'm just a great, big, handsome flirt.
05:49Oh, I'm not so sure you are, Frank.
05:51There you go.
05:52On my way to the broadcast tonight, I saw you standing on a corner with your hat on.
05:56Oh, well, I just had a shampoo and was trying to get a wave in my hair.
06:01I was also trying to get her in my car.
06:08I thought so.
06:09But you're the apple of my eye at the moment, my little cabbage,
06:12and I have a feeling that together we will travel far.
06:15Uh, are you married?
06:18No.
06:19No?
06:20No.
06:21No.
06:22No?
06:23No.
06:24No.
06:25Are you married?
06:26No.
06:27Oh, well, then we won't have to travel.
06:31Marilyn, I've been thinking, a pretty girl like you should definitely be in pictures.
06:35Frank, don't you understand?
06:36She's a quiet canary.
06:38Why don't you run along and join your low friends in tilting pinball machines?
06:42But, but, but...
06:44All right, then, kicking a butt.
06:46As I was saying before being heckled by this drip-grind Crosby...
06:55With my great influence at MGM, I can get you a screen test for these.
06:59I realize it must seem like a dream,
07:01but before you stand, Aladdin, ready to hand you fame on a silver dish.
07:05She's already in pictures, Frank.
07:07You have but to pluck it from the dish.
07:09What was that talking?
07:11You picked a girl who's already in pictures.
07:13Oh, wrong dish.
07:17She's had several leads in big pictures,
07:19and Metro is grooming her for stardom, too.
07:22Well, now, it's not as rosy as John paints it, Frank.
07:25He's really inflated my stock.
07:27He just gave me a nice bill.
07:29Well, an idea somebody certainly did.
07:34Marilyn, I knew all the time that you were...
07:37Oh, no, you don't, my slippery friend.
07:39What?
07:40For once, I'm going to show you up before a pretty girl.
07:42Oh?
07:43You and your influence.
07:44If you're such a big man, why don't you play a scene alone in our picture?
07:47Why must you be supported by Lucille Ball,
07:49Marcia Hunt, and Ann Southern playing roles in wax?
07:52Uh, supporters, uh, wax roles.
07:55Uh, wax.
07:56Wax?
07:57Jockey, did it ever occur to you that I had a much more important connection
08:00with that picture than as a mere thespian?
08:02Such as?
08:03Official representative of the War Department
08:05in charge of technical accuracy in matters dealing with the wax.
08:08You?
08:09You better than the man responsible for their very existence,
08:12the man whose idea it was to enlist women in the armed services of our country.
08:16You're responsible?
08:17I...
08:18Oh, no.
08:19Cray-o-cassie, but yes.
08:21In the last war.
08:22Do you have the...
08:25Do you have the effrontery to claim that you originated the wax?
08:31He's such a boy.
08:35Now, this will interest you.
08:37Pull up a powder puff and sit down.
08:39For generations, the Balkan women have fought beside their men on land and sea.
08:43Naval history shows that my female ancestors were the forerunners of the waves,
08:47being the first women to go down to the sea and slip.
08:50The ship!
08:55Were any of them soldiers?
08:56By name and by nature.
08:58My great aunt, Batalaxia Morgan, went to war with General Sherman.
09:02Now, you know what he said about that.
09:07Aunt Batalaxia was the first wack in history,
09:09and she certainly looked wacky and her khaki.
09:12However, from my ancestors' time,
09:14the women's auxiliary forces grew and branched out like the sturdy oak.
09:18And what branches?
09:19Yes, and what limbs, too.
09:22The founding of the modern women's army was my own contribution.
09:25It was.
09:26Received in the last war immediately after I was wounded at Belleau Wood.
09:29You were wounded where?
09:30Belleau Wood.
09:31Oh, you got it in the neck, huh?
09:35I ignore you, jockey.
09:36The sport which is rapidly taking the place of the Rose Bowl game.
09:39For my heroic bravery in action,
09:41the War Department hung my picture in the National Gallery.
09:44Was it a flattering picture, Frank?
09:46Well, modesty gives me pause, Marilyn,
09:48but I will say that when they hung it, Whistler's mother went...
09:54It was this, my favorite attraction for women,
09:56that caused the creation of the first women's army corps.
09:59Oh, murder.
10:00The first to join was an adorable bonbon.
10:02I admitted to laundry when I went to take some shirts.
10:05Stiff?
10:06Well, I'd had a couple of snorts.
10:07Oh!
10:10Shirts!
10:11So, they were army regulations,
10:14but so particular was I that I followed the girl
10:16to where she was working on sub 22.
10:20The girl and I became infatuated with one another,
10:23and she later left the laundry for the army
10:25where she took up aviation at Wright Field.
10:28But her laundry experience did her no good,
10:30and she was walked out.
10:31Yes, sir.
10:33But, Frank, I still don't see how your fatal attraction to women
10:37caused the founding of the women's army corps.
10:39Well, it embarrasses me to mention
10:41that when my host of female admirers
10:43read in the papers that I had been wounded in action,
10:45they besieged the army high command,
10:47offering their services in any capacity
10:49that they might revenge themselves upon the enemy
10:52who had laid their idol low.
10:53You mean...
10:54Yes, acting on my suggestion,
10:56the secretary of war enrolled them as the women's auxiliary,
10:59and the rest is history.
11:01Today, the tradition set by me is being kept alive
11:04all over the...
11:05Just a minute, Frank.
11:07Excuse me.
11:08What?
11:09Hello?
11:10Yes, yes, he's here.
11:12Oh, probably the newspaper's calling for a statement.
11:15Though I hate to think that just because I have a drum,
11:18I've got to beat it.
11:19Oh, the war department?
11:20Well, so long. I've got to beat it.
11:22Come back here, Frank.
11:23Go on, face it.
11:25The war department would have words with me.
11:28The war?
11:30Uh, words?
11:31No, words.
11:33What?
11:34Uh, hello?
11:37Yes?
11:39Yes, this is Morgan.
11:42Oh, yes, Captain.
11:45Uh, yes, Major.
11:47Yes, Colonel.
11:50Oh, General Marshall's busy.
11:52I see.
11:53Yes.
11:54Yes, I did.
11:55I said that.
11:57And that.
11:59And that.
12:01Uh-huh.
12:04Misrepresentation, sedition, court martial.
12:07Yes, I'll come. I'll leave tonight.
12:09Yes, sir.
12:10Goodbye.
12:11Good heavens, Frank, what was it?
12:13Oh, nothing at all, my pretty.
12:15I've simply been summoned to Washington on state business.
12:18The war department is evidently going to make me military governor of Italy.
12:22You?
12:24Military governor of Italy?
12:25Yes, Jockey.
12:26They're all set to give me the boot.
12:28Well, so long.
12:31Good night.
12:54John has selected for this evening a medley of My Ideal, Paper Doll, and Home.
13:00Frank Shore is conducting a Carmen Dragon Arrangement.
13:02John?
13:03I'm gonna buy a paper doll that I can call my own
13:10A doll that other fellas cannot see
13:15And then the flirty, flirty guys with their flirty, flirty eyes
13:21Will have to flirt with dollies that are real
13:26When I come home at night, she will be waiting
13:32She'll be the truest doll in all this world
13:38I'd rather have a paper doll to call my own
13:44Than have a fickle-minded, real-life girl
13:51Will I ever find the girl in my mind?
13:56The one with my ideal
14:01Maybe she's a dream and yet she might be
14:06Just around the corner waiting for me
14:10Will I recognize a light in her eyes
14:15That no other eyes reveal?
14:19Or will I pass her by and never even know
14:26That she is my ideal?
14:40When shadows fall and sweet whisper days end
14:50My thoughts are ever-wending
14:58When crickets call, my heart is forever yearning
15:08Wants more to be returning home
15:16When the hills conceal the setting sun
15:22Hearts begin a-beating one by one
15:33Night covers all, and though fortune may forsake me
15:43Sweet dreams will never take me home
16:00Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and thank you, Maestro Tours.
16:04And now I... Oh, excuse me, the phone again.
16:08Hello?
16:09Hello, John.
16:10Daddy, what's the matter with your voice?
16:13I've got the flu.
16:15The flu? Well, you better stay in bed.
16:18That's what I have now, but I called to ask a favor.
16:21Well, anything at all, Daddy.
16:23Well, Snooks has to write a composition for school.
16:25I visit to the zoo.
16:27Yes?
16:28I was wondering...
16:30Well, I know it's a lot to ask, but could one of you boys take...
16:34Why, of course, Daddy, you just forget all about it.
16:37Gosh, thanks a million, John.
16:39Goodbye.
16:40Goodbye, Daddy, and don't worry about Snooks.
16:43What have I said?
16:45Oh, uh, Maestro Tours.
16:46Well, I heard the conversation, John,
16:48and I just remembered an important engagement with my dentist.
16:51It may be Harlow Wilcock.
16:52Oh, sorry, fellows, I've got to meet my wife downtown.
16:55How about Frank Morgan?
16:56Out of the question, gentlemen.
16:57I've got to get a physician immediately.
16:59A sudden attack of vertigo.
17:01Pardon me while I call an ambulance.
17:02Just a moment, Frank.
17:04What?
17:05Gentlemen, we have here a pack of cards.
17:07We're cutting to see who takes Snooks to the zoo.
17:10The low man goes.
17:12All right, Tours, cut.
17:13Queen of Diamonds.
17:14Harlow.
17:15Oh, yeah.
17:16Take a cut.
17:17Uh, the, uh, Eight of Spades.
17:19What'd you cut, John?
17:21Oh, the Six of Clubs.
17:23Yeah.
17:24It's up to you, Morgan.
17:25I pass.
17:28Take a cut.
17:29Oh, fingers get lucky.
17:34Oh, no.
17:35Too bad, Frank.
17:37You've got to do some more.
17:39I wish I'd cut my throat.
17:41Now, Frank, what's so terrible about taking Snooks to the zoo?
17:44Well, since you put it that way, John, nothing.
17:47The trouble with Daddy is he doesn't understand children.
17:50Now, a man with my experience in child psychology
17:58Come on, Uncle Frank.
18:00Yeah?
18:01It was very nice of you to ask me to call you Uncle Frank.
18:05Uncle Frank.
18:06Oh, that's very nice of you, Snooks.
18:09A lot of little girls call me Uncle Frank.
18:12Some of them not as little as you.
18:16There's a zoo over there.
18:18Yeah.
18:19Well, now, wait a minute.
18:23Stop tugging at me, child.
18:25I'm not used to this violent outdoor exercise.
18:29We ain't done any exercise.
18:31Well, what do you think that walk from the taxi cab was?
18:34It was only one walk, and we've done quite the rest.
18:38Yes.
18:39Well, just stop running about me like a spaniel.
18:42I'm not as young as you are, although I may look it.
18:49You want me to carry you, Uncle Frank?
18:51No, we tried that once, and you fell down.
18:57What's that man doing?
18:59Well, he's a tree surgeon.
19:01See his little black bag?
19:02He's doctoring that pussy willow.
19:04Is he going to have kittens?
19:08Oh, don't be silly.
19:09Plants get sick just like human beings.
19:12How do you know?
19:13Because I happen to be a student of horticulture, among other things.
19:18Imagine that.
19:20My only last month, I performed a scientific miracle in my own garden.
19:25My dahlias were withered, and my pansies were drooping.
19:28You know what I did?
19:29Uh-huh.
19:30What?
19:31He got his fingers.
19:38Very amusing.
19:40Are there any more at home like you?
19:43Yeah.
19:44I got a little brother.
19:46What's his name?
19:47I don't know yet.
19:49He can't understand a word he says.
19:53Well, what about your other little brother?
19:55Louis the 14th, or whatever his name is.
19:58Oh, you mean Rob Pierre.
20:00Yes.
20:01Hasn't he learned to talk yet?
20:03Uh-huh.
20:04We're teaching him to keep quiet now.
20:09Well, here's the zoo.
20:10Now just sit here and write your composition.
20:12I'll be back in an hour.
20:14Where are you going?
20:15Well, I'm going around the corner to get an ice cream soda.
20:19I want some ice cream.
20:21No, no.
20:22Unfortunately, they don't serve ice cream in this place.
20:25Can I have some soda?
20:26Well, I wouldn't be surprised if they were out of soda, too.
20:29What are you going to drink?
20:31Oh, I'll probably have a phosphate of some sort.
20:34Now please, Snook, stop pulling at my coat.
20:38I want to go with you.
20:40You can't go with me.
20:41They don't allow children in this place.
20:43I want to go with you.
20:46May I say, my drooling little dove, you're not to drive a man to drink.
20:52Am I driving you to drink?
20:54That's not a drive.
20:55That's a putt.
21:00Why don't you just sit down and write your composition?
21:03I don't know what to write about.
21:06Well, go over there and interview that lion.
21:09Can I go in the cave?
21:10No.
21:11I don't want to go in the cave.
21:13Listen.
21:14I didn't bring you to the zoo to be devoured by a wild beast.
21:18Why?
21:19I'll give $50 in the center of the encyclopedia if anybody can answer that.
21:25Why shouldn't I pay, Uncle Frank?
21:27Well, just read the sign.
21:29D-E-E-R.
21:31What is that?
21:33Frog.
21:35Frog.
21:36Does that thing look like a frog?
21:38D-E-E-R.
21:40What does your mommy call your daddy?
21:42Well, it don't look like skunk either.
21:48It's a deer.
21:50Write that down.
21:51D-E-E-R.
21:52And you might mention something about the deer family.
21:55All deer are members of the cervidae of the suborder artiodactyli,
22:01with antlers supported on a solid pentacle arising from the frontal process of the head.
22:07You got that?
22:08Uh-huh.
22:09How do you spell head?
22:19H-E-D.
22:25You know a lot about animals, don't you, Uncle Frank?
22:28Well, I ought to.
22:29I've hunted them all over the world.
22:31Even deers?
22:33Ah.
22:34Well, I...
22:35You owe deers, yes.
22:38Big deers and little deers.
22:40Why, in Africa, on my last expedition, I captured a species of tiny midget deer.
22:45For want of a better name, we called him Shorty.
22:47Shorty?
22:48Right.
22:49Too bad they haven't got one in this zoo.
22:51Got what?
22:52A short beer.
22:53I mean a deer.
22:56What am I saying?
22:57I don't know, Uncle Frank.
22:59You talk too fast.
23:01Well, while I'm on the subject, I think I'll just run around the corner.
23:04For ten minutes, you just sit here and commune with the animals.
23:08What are you going to commune with?
23:11The spirits.
23:14I want to go with you.
23:16Why do you want to go with me for?
23:18Because you didn't finish your story.
23:20What story?
23:21The story about the small deer.
23:24Deer?
23:25There's nothing really to tell.
23:27I just happen to be in the African belt with a safari of 300 natives traveling down the Ulangi River.
23:33Why?
23:34I was looking for Marina Sullivan.
23:37You know, Johnny Weissmuller's girl?
23:40Yeah.
23:41She's pretty.
23:42Well, Snooks, believe it or not, the third night out, I shot an elephant in my pajamas.
23:48What was he doing in your pajamas?
23:53He wasn't in my pajamas.
23:55I was in my pajamas.
23:56Why?
23:57Because I was preparing for bed.
23:59The elephant tiptoed up behind me and tried to take me unaware.
24:03Unaware?
24:04Yes.
24:05I thought you were wearing pajamas.
24:09I was wearing pajamas.
24:11But you said the elephant took your underwear.
24:14Not underwear, unaware.
24:16What would an elephant want with my underwear?
24:19What would he want with your pajamas?
24:23How did I get into this?
24:25Listen, Snooks, if I give you a nickel,
24:27will you let me go around the corner for five minutes?
24:29Uh-huh.
24:30Okay, here's a nickel.
24:31Thank you, Uncle Frank.
24:33That's very nice.
24:34I like to hear little girls say thank you.
24:37Give me another nickel and you'll hear it again.
24:42A gold digger in a hurry.
24:45Look, my charming cherub, kindly release my coat from your grubby little grasp.
24:50I want a balloon.
24:52I just gave you a nickel.
24:53I want a balloon, too.
24:55Trapped like a rat.
24:57Hey, mister, let me have one of those.
24:59Buy me a green one.
25:01Here's the green one.
25:02Here you are, my gruesome little gammon.
25:05What do you say?
25:08Blow it up.
25:09Blow it up yourself.
25:10No, you blow it.
25:12All right, all right.
25:13Just to keep you quiet.
25:17A bigger.
25:18Well, that's it.
25:19No, you blow it up.
25:21Oh.
25:26Oh, a pleasant afternoon impersonating a bicycle pump.
25:32Well, here goes.
25:34Make it bigger.
25:40I want a balloon.
25:45Snooks, come over here, dear.
25:47What are you going to do?
25:49Nothing, nothing at all.
25:52There.
25:55You pushed me in the cage.
25:57Officer, officer.
25:59There's a lost child in that cage with the monkeys.
26:01Which one?
26:02The ugly one.
26:03Don't worry.
26:04Never mind her.
26:05Take care of the monkeys.
26:49This rebroadcast of the Fanny Bryce-Frank Morgan Show is a presentation of the Armed Forces Radio Service.
27:19© BF-WATCH TV 2021