Porridge S1 E1 New Faces, Old Hands
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00:00Norman Stanley Fletcher, you have pleaded guilty to the charges brought by this court and it is now my duty to pass sentence.
00:08You are an habitual criminal who accepts arrest as an occupational hazard and presumably accepts imprisonment in the same casual manner.
00:17We therefore feel constrained to commit you to the maximum term allowed for these offences.
00:22You will go to prison for five years.
00:30You will go to prison for five years.
01:00You will go to prison for five years.
01:31Three new arrivals, Mr. Leitch.
01:36Heslop Cyril, 41, three years robbery, third stretch. Thick as two short planks, there'd be no ulcers with that one.
01:43Godber, Leonard Arthur, 23, first offender, two years breaking and entering. Seems somewhat naive. Could be corrupted. Possibly by this one.
01:51Fletcher, Norman Stanley, 42, five years. He's the one I brought up from Brixton.
01:58Knows the score, sir. Done a lot above. Water off the duck's back.
02:07I'll be watching that one.
02:11What a beautiful day!
02:15For the time of year, quite astonishing. Beautiful day.
02:20Oh, lovely. Guess we can go out later on for a cycle ride.
02:25You know what to say about New Year's Day? Whatever you do on the first day of the year, you will do all the year round.
02:32In the case of you three gentlemen, that is perfectly true.
02:36You, laddie, you, Mr. Godber. First time, isn't it?
02:41You must be wondering what an average day in prison is like. Tell him, Fletcher.
02:46It's exactly like the day before, Mr. Mackay.
02:48It's the voice of experience. And tell them how the average day begins.
02:55Starts off at 7am. You'll be woken by a persistent and deafening bell. Then all the screws come round.
03:01I beg your pardon?
03:02All the prison officers come round.
03:04Order!
03:05Offering such advice as, wakey, wakey, get your socks on, move, you horrible creatures.
03:09We reply to this bad omen with such remarks as, good gracious, is that the time?
03:13Good morning, sir. And who's been having your old lady while you've been on night duty?
03:20Very comical, Fletcher. Very comical.
03:268 o'clock, slop out. 8.10, breakfast. 8.15, return to cell. 9 o'clock, yes, Fletcher?
03:359 o'clock, slop out again, Mr. Mackay, followed by work till 11.15.
03:39When we exercise. Walking in pairs, five to six yards apart, no conversing with the pairs in front or behind.
03:47This is followed by the highlight of the day. Quiet, Fletcher. I'm asking Heslop.
03:53Who?
03:55Heslop, you've been inside before. What is the highlight of the day?
04:05Visiting hours.
04:09We're in Cumberland, man, Cumberland. A wild windswept fell north of the Pennines.
04:16We are two weeks from Euston. And you see your loved ones? It will be the highlight of the year.
04:27Glad you've come, Orion. Because he's going to be going away.
04:31Fletcher, highlight of the day.
04:33Highlight of the day, dinner, sir.
04:35Which is? Nourishing. Nourishing, is it not? Can't wait, sir.
04:3912 o'clock, midday bang up. Not what you think, lady, not what you think.
04:48Back to your cell. 13.00, slop out, work, tea, evening association.
04:56Which means in principle you can follow a wide range of recreational activities.
05:00Which in practice means television or ping pong.
05:04Telly. Yeah, telly, but only till 7 o'clock, innit? It's only news and kids' stuff, innit?
05:09If you're a fan of Z cars, my son, you better forget it.
05:12You'll have to get your kicks from the Wombles of Bleeding Wimbledon.
05:187.30, slop out, supper, 7.45, lights out. Any questions?
05:23Any point? None whatsoever.
05:27Ladies!
05:31This is Colditz.
05:33Colditz? You're joking, ain't you?
05:35Compared with this place, Colditz was a doddle, mate.
05:37Load of public schoolboys all digging little tunnels and playing leapfrog over each other, combing her hair.
05:42This is a nick. You heard what he said, didn't you? You heard what he said, didn't you?
05:46Slop out, exercise, work, tea, exercise, work, slop out, lights out.
05:51Any questions? Lights go out at 7.45 here, you know. 7.45.
05:56You know how cold it's run about that time? They're all brewing up the cocoa and starting the pillow fights, innit?
06:01Come in. Oh, sorry.
06:07Who said you could smoke, eh?
06:09Did I say you could smoke?
06:11I don't think he wants you to smoke.
06:13I was trying to give him up anyway.
06:15I'll help you.
06:18I'm leaving you now.
06:20Good.
06:21With Mr Batterpot.
06:23Oh, and one more thing.
06:25Nice to have you with us.
06:30My wife was coming next week.
06:33Who said that?
06:35It says once a year.
06:37My wife was coming next week.
06:39Wrote to me.
06:41Staying overnight with her cousin in Barrow-in-Furness.
06:44Not fair.
06:46Not fair to stay there indefinitely.
06:48No. Not fair on anyone having to stay in Barrow-in-Furness, is it?
06:52What's up?
06:54Would you mind stepping up here, please?
06:57Christian names?
06:59Cyril.
07:01Date of birth?
07:02First of April, 1933.
07:09Hey, what's happening now, eh?
07:12Oh, we're about to be dehumanised now.
07:14They're going to take away all our possessions and they're going to give us a number.
07:18They're going to give us a very strict medical.
07:20Oh, and we get a bath in six inches of lukewarm water.
07:24Watch out for them bathhouse cleaners.
07:26Why?
07:27A load of trusty puffs work in the bathhouse.
07:32They're all to fool them, don't you?
07:34You haven't been here before?
07:35No, I've never been here before, but it's all the same.
07:37Porridge is porridge, isn't it?
07:39First time for me.
07:41Don't know how I'll get through.
07:42Oh, cheer up. Could be worse.
07:44State this country's in, you could be free, couldn't you, eh?
07:47You're stuck outside with no work and a crumbling economy.
07:49Well, how horrible that'll be.
07:51Nothing to do but go to bed early and increase the population.
07:56Won't be doing that for a while.
07:58No, that's true.
08:00Yeah, I shouldn't have said that. That's a tasteless joke, that, isn't it?
08:03You're going to feel ever so deprived.
08:05I had this fiancée, Denise.
08:07Very active in that direction.
08:08Was she?
08:10Have to drink a lot of tea, won't you?
08:13What's a cup of tea going to do?
08:18It's what they put in it, isn't it?
08:21What?
08:22Something which will moderate your memories of Denise, shall we say.
08:27Don't drink tea.
08:28Oh, God, you are in trouble, aren't you?
08:31So is a chap you share a cell with, am I not?
08:36I'll have to throw myself into me mailbags.
08:39Shall I do that to you?
08:41Well, it depends, doesn't it, really?
08:43Oh, dear, look at him.
08:47Little red riding socks, look at him.
08:50Here.
08:51I'll tell you what. A word of advice, son.
08:53What you tell him today conditions how tolerable your life's going to be in here.
08:57Know what I mean?
08:58I mean, for instance, if you fancy a nice, cosy job in the kitchen or the library or the governor's office,
09:03you've got to invent yourself a new career.
09:05See what I mean?
09:06Oh, I see.
09:07You see, supposing, for instance...
09:08Well, let's have one of you.
09:09Oh, thank you.
09:15Two choc-ices, please.
09:19Of course, it's Fletcher, isn't it?
09:21That's right, yeah, that's right, Mr Barrowclough.
09:23Christian name?
09:24Norman Stanley.
09:25Date of birth?
09:262232.
09:28Next of kin?
09:29My beloved Isabel, the little woman.
09:31My wife.
09:32Yeah, not that she's so little, mind you.
09:34I said to her the other day, you know, Isabel, I shall never get over you.
09:38I'll have to get up and go round.
09:44Address?
09:47Address?
09:48107 Alexander Park, Crescent, N5.
09:51Occupation?
09:52A librarian.
09:54During the day.
09:56During the day?
09:57Yeah, a night I was a chef.
09:59Just put me down for the library or the kitchen, I don't mind which one.
10:08Good morning, governor.
10:10I'm not sure that it is, Mr Mackay, I'm not sure that it is.
10:12Oh, sir.
10:13What's wrong?
10:14It's my four-eyed butterfly fish.
10:17Four eyes, eh?
10:19Er, would that be the one with four eyes, sir?
10:21Oh, no, no, it's just called that.
10:23Chitodon capistratus.
10:24Look, there's the little fellow there.
10:26Oh.
10:28Poorly, is he, sir?
10:29Oh, you noticed.
10:30Well, I assumed from your demeanour, sir.
10:32Yes, well, I'm very much afraid, Mr Mackay, he may have developed fin rot.
10:37Oh, dear, sir.
10:38Either that or lymphocystis.
10:40Oh, dear, dear.
10:41Contagious, you see.
10:42Have to isolate the little fellow.
10:45Much as I've had to do with Evans, sir.
10:47Evans?
10:48Yes, had to isolate him again, sir.
10:50Oh, what's he done now?
10:51Well, sir, he's been eating electric light bulbs.
10:54Light bulbs?
10:55Yes.
10:56Did he say why he was eating light bulbs?
10:57Yes, sir, he said it was because he couldn't get a hold of any razor blades.
11:01What have you done with him?
11:02Locked him in his cell, sir.
11:03Locked him in his cell, sir.
11:04Having first taken the precaution of removing the light bulb.
11:07Is the yellow free?
11:08Well, er, he's very busy with the new arrivals, sir, but I could hurry them through, yes.
11:13As quickly as possible, Mr Mackay.
11:14This is a very urgent situation.
11:16I'll get Evans to him right away, sir.
11:18I don't mean Evans, I mean here.
11:20Here, sir?
11:21Fin rot can be fatal, Mr Mackay.
11:24Oh, the fin.
11:25Right.
11:26Here, I forgot to tell you.
11:27When you see the doctor, tell him you've got bad feet.
11:30Why?
11:31Well, then you might get your brothel creepers back, see.
11:34Otherwise, you'll be stuck with prison boots, see.
11:37And they're guaranteed to give you bad feet for the rest of your life, now.
11:41Why are you laughing at me?
11:42It's not, it's, that's absolutely true, that.
11:44No, I don't mean that.
11:46I mean, that's funny about your wife being a big woman and you having to get up so bad.
11:55Yeah, thanks very much, yeah.
11:57Is he in for long, is he?
12:01Anyway, remember that about your feet, won't you, eh?
12:03Yeah, what religion are you?
12:04Sea of E, I suppose.
12:05Sea of E, that's no good, is it?
12:07No good being Sea of E, everybody's Sea of E, ain't they?
12:10You get no perks with that, do you?
12:12No, you want to be a, you want to say you're a Sikh or something like that,
12:15and they let you grow your hair long.
12:16Or if you say if you was a Muslim, you see,
12:18if you was a Muslim, you could get special food sent in from outside.
12:21Don't like Chinese food?
12:25Not Chinese, Muslims ain't Chinese.
12:28What's Muslim food, then?
12:29Well, it's a...
12:31It's a...
12:32Well, it's a damn sight betting the rubbish you get in here, ain't it?
12:35It stands to reason otherwise Muslims wouldn't eat it, would they, eh?
12:39Or you could say you was Jewish.
12:40Yeah, that's a good idea.
12:42Jews get special food and all, you know.
12:44Yeah, say you was Jewish, that's a good idea.
12:46Well, no, you can't, can you?
12:48Doctor's going to examine you and spot the evidence.
12:55Mind you, with Jews, the evidence is only circumstantial, ain't it?
13:00They've been circumstantied, right?
13:08Pardon?
13:11I'm the medical officer.
13:14Very reassuring, isn't it, eh?
13:17Well, then, I've got to give you men a stringent medical.
13:20It's important we ascertain your medical history and state of health.
13:24Right, Fletcher.
13:25Have you ever had crabs?
13:27No.
13:30No, I don't eat seafood.
13:34Lice?
13:35No.
13:36VD?
13:38No.
13:42Suffer from any illness?
13:43Bad feet.
13:45Suffer from any illness?
13:46Bad feet.
13:49Made a recent visit to a doctor or hospital?
13:51No.
13:53Made a recent visit to a doctor or hospital?
13:55Only with me bad feet.
13:59Are you now or have you at any time been a practising homosexual?
14:03What, with these feet?
14:13Do dab me.
14:16Right, you're A1.
14:18A1? Hang on, hang on.
14:20I can hardly walk here, Doctor.
14:22Fletcher.
14:25Everyone in this prison is trying to pull something.
14:27Lying about their feet, their eyesight, their teeth or their appendix.
14:32And on top of that, I've got a governor who's got fin rot.
14:38He's got what, Rot?
14:40Fish. Tropical bloody fish.
14:42Oh, interest of his, is it, Fish?
14:44Obsession.
14:45Oh.
14:46Bat and pigs.
14:47Oh, yeah?
14:51Yeah.
14:52He started a...
14:55He started a prison farm to indulge his interest in livestock.
14:58Oh.
14:59And here's the rest of us who had to look after it.
15:01Yeah?
15:02His pigs and his fish and his...
15:06Jersey cow.
15:07I'm a man of medicine, not a vet.
15:09Half the pills in here are for animals.
15:12Prisoner came in yesterday with earache.
15:14I gave him pills to dry up his milk.
15:16Oh, dear.
15:21LAUGHTER
15:23I think you'll run off your feet, ain't you, Doc?
15:25I cannot cope, man.
15:26Good job we're not bad feet like mine, eh?
15:29You're A1, I told you.
15:30You see those flowers over there? I want you to fill one for me.
15:32What, from here?
15:42Behind the screen.
15:43Oh, behind the screen, yeah.
15:45Right, Esloff.
15:47Pulled that one, did you, Fletcher?
15:48What, what?
15:49Prison shoes for you, eh?
15:50All right, Sonny Jim, all right.
15:52Lose a few, lose a few.
15:54I learnt something very important here about the governor, didn't I?
15:57He likes tropical fish, doesn't he?
15:58That's another priority for your first day, that is.
16:01Know your governor.
16:03Hey, Fletcher.
16:04What?
16:05What does he mean by practising homosexual?
16:07Well, I ain't quite got it right yet.
16:11Cheers.
16:13Hey, young.
16:14Will we be eating with everyone else tonight?
16:16Don't be in too much of a hurry to move in with the other lot, mate.
16:19Bunch of criminals, they are.
16:21Yeah.
16:22Don't eat too much of this, either.
16:24Otherwise you'll dull your palate for tonight's Pista Raisy Stones.
16:29What's it likely to be?
16:30It's likely to be grey, grimy, lumpy and lukewarm.
16:33That's what it's likely to be.
16:34I told you to say he was a Muslim.
16:36Sheep's eyes!
16:38Where?
16:40Sheep's eyes!
16:41Where?
16:42What?
16:43Sheep's eyes!
16:44What Muslims eat.
16:45Figs, desert, wadis and things.
16:47Oh, yeah, yeah.
16:48Thank you, Lawrence of Arabia.
16:51Hey, why didn't you put down Muslim?
16:54I don't need to, do I?
16:55I'm going to be working in the kitchen tonight, eh?
16:57Put down to allocate us his jobs yet.
16:59I know, but you see that screw there, that tall one standing up?
17:02The tall one, eh?
17:03Barrowclough.
17:04Looks like Arthur Askey on stilts.
17:07Well, I've got him like that, see.
17:09Partly in me hands, he is.
17:10He'll see me all right.
17:11How come?
17:12Came up from Brixton with him, didn't I?
17:14I was handcuffed to him, wasn't I?
17:15Bound to establish a rapport with a chap when you're handcuffed to him
17:18over a long trip, ain't you?
17:19As a muster.
17:20Especially when you go to the lavatory.
17:23Oh, you've got a sense of humour, have you?
17:25That's good. That'll come in handy, yeah.
17:27During the grim nightmare of your next two years.
17:29Two years.
17:30I'll go out of me mind, I know it.
17:32Look, the important thing is to remember who you once was, right?
17:36Just retain a bit of it intact up here.
17:38That's all you've got to do.
17:39Don't get bitter or militant or try to screw the system
17:42because it'll only screw you.
17:44Just keep your nose clean, bide your time, do your porridge, all right?
17:48I'm only here due to tragic circumstances.
17:50Oh? Which were?
17:51I got caught.
17:54Yeah, we've all suffered a few tragedies like that.
17:57No, it's my fiancée, Denise.
17:59She's got this nice flat in a tower block in Smedwick.
18:01Well, it's a mam's like. Very nice. Overlooks the M6.
18:04Oh, lovely.
18:05So I thought I'd get her some nice things for it, like.
18:07I thought I'd collect them from nearby flats, then I wouldn't have far to cart them.
18:10So I did the flat next door, cos I knew he'd be a waylife.
18:13Because he drives a juggernaut from West Bromwich to Brussels.
18:16Yeah?
18:17And he got a poncho just outside Coventry and come home and kicked me head in.
18:22Ramsgate!
18:24What?
18:25Took the wife!
18:26Took the wife?
18:28Took the wife where, Mr Heslop?
18:30To see Lawrence of Arabia!
18:34Was raining, see. Couldn't go on the beach at Ramsgate.
18:37Took her to the pictures.
18:38Rains a lot in Ramsgate.
18:41Rain the next day!
18:43I told you it would, didn't I?
18:45But she'd seen a film at the other cinema, so we had to come home.
18:49Although we did stop for a cup of tea at a Sister's in Sick Cup.
18:56Why don't you put all that on a picture postcard and send it to Tony Blackburn's Magic Moments?
19:02What?
19:03You know, the thing I'm going to miss about not sharing a cell with you two is the cut and thrust of your intellectual conversation.
19:08Won't we all be in together?
19:10No, I'm going to have a cell on my own, ain't I?
19:12I don't like sharing with people.
19:14I don't like dominoes and cribbage and other people's sweaty feet.
19:18I'd prefer a single cell, cos I want to study.
19:20Study?
19:21Yeah, I've had an education. I've got an O-Level in Geography.
19:24Have you? Oh, that'll come in handy, won't it?
19:26If there's an escape part, you're bound to be on it, cos you all know the way to Carlisle Station, don't you?
19:33It's just in Geography. It's all part of education.
19:35I know, but you can't use it, can you? You can't make a career out of it, can you?
19:39I mean, the only person who learns Geography is the chap who's going to teach the other person Geography, ain't he?
19:44I mean, it doesn't do you any good. What's the good of knowing what the capital of Siam is?
19:47Or what Onesimus is, eh?
19:49I don't have to use Geography. I could learn a trade, they said.
19:52Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, in theory, yes.
19:54Yes, you can come out of here with a diploma in some honourable occupation, like house decorating or shoe repairing.
20:00Yeah, yeah.
20:01Or you could become a welder. There's a rivet in profession.
20:05Get it? Get it?
20:06What?
20:09Never mind. Just keep eating.
20:12Where'd I be able to learn a trade, then?
20:14Well, there's a lot of things you can learn in here, yeah. You can be an expert, yeah.
20:18Like stealing a car or opening a safe, forging a banknote.
20:21Yeah, a chap called Charlie Moss, who I was in Maidstone with, he was a first offender, he was.
20:25By the time he'd come out, he was a brilliant forger.
20:28Brilliant. He only went in for reckless driving.
20:33I said, at this time, I want to go straight.
20:38How old are you, son?
20:39Twenty-three.
20:41Twenty-three, and you want to go straight?
20:43What kind of talk is that, eh?
20:45You've got your whole life before you, mate.
20:47What's an isthmus?
20:51An isthmus is a thing in geography, all right?
20:53It's a geographical thing that they use as a term for geographical.
20:57It's a strip of land joining together two larger pieces of land.
21:00Strip of land, all right.
21:01See? Education.
21:02I'm not saying don't put down for educational classes.
21:05Ah, it's a different matter.
21:07Archaeology, current affairs, pottery.
21:09I'm putting down for all them, yeah.
21:11You get an hour in a nice warm classroom, don't you?
21:14And in luck, you get a lady teacher.
21:16See a bit of thigh when she drops a chalk.
21:18Oh, yeah.
21:20Nothing wrong with education, mate, yeah.
21:23In fact...
21:25Tom.
21:29Here.
21:30We're not being impolite, then.
21:31It's just that me and him, we've been inside before.
21:33You see, inside, he has snouts like gold, innit?
21:35He was mad to give us them, wasn't he, eh?
21:37But you took them.
21:38Of course we took them.
21:39Well, you've got to learn the hard way, haven't you?
21:41I'll be learning not to be so bleeding lavish, haven't you?
21:43Not Paul Getty, you know.
21:45Just light one and share it round between the three of us.
21:48That's the idea.
21:50Right, come on, lads.
21:51Drink up, shall we?
21:52Ah.
21:53What's next on the agenda, Mr Baradwap?
21:55Well, we've got to see the governor, haven't we?
21:56Now, come on, clear all this up and put that bag out.
21:58Oh.
21:59Right.
22:01Waste not, want not.
22:03Here.
22:04I said you've got to learn the hard way, mate, haven't you?
22:06Come on.
22:07Clear up, clear off. Go on.
22:10Erm...
22:11Did you, er...
22:12Did you manage to get what I asked for, Mr Baradwap?
22:14Why, well, they hadn't got very much in the library.
22:16I just got this, er...
22:18This little booklet.
22:19Know your tropical fish.
22:21Oh, that's nice, isn't it?
22:22Yeah, yeah.
22:23Because it's a hobby of mine, see?
22:24Tropical fish.
22:25Oh, really?
22:26Well, by a strange coincidence, it's the governor's hobby too.
22:28No.
22:29Really?
22:30Oh, I'd never have guessed that.
22:31Yes, he likes all animals, you know.
22:33He's on the local committee of the RSPCA.
22:36Between you and me, I think he'd be better off running a zoo than a prison.
22:40Oh, well, caged animals, you see, Mr Baradwap.
22:43We're all the same, aren't we?
22:44Talking of cages, you have tried to get me one face in South, haven't you?
22:47And I must be on my own, because I don't like sharing, you know.
22:50This boy's all right, but he sniffs a lot.
22:52As for Eslop, well, he's not really on my intellectual level.
22:55Know what I mean?
22:56Come to think of it, I don't think he's on anybody's intellectual level, really.
22:59If the governor did start a zoo, he'd be the chief attraction, he would.
23:02What's an Eslop?
23:04Yes, well, you know, Fletcher...
23:05Eh?
23:06Fletcher, you've got to understand, you see, that I'm a prison officer
23:09and you are a prisoner.
23:11You must recognise that relationship.
23:13I mean, I'm not here to be cajoled or coerced into doing what you want,
23:19whenever you want it.
23:20Oh, Mr Baradwap, of course you're not.
23:22I mean, would I ever?
23:24Well, as long as that's clearly understood.
23:40All right, now, get him out, get him out!
23:48Hey, now, it's me lot!
23:50Yeah, it's the Fletcher, Fletcher.
23:52Go to the front.
23:53Goblet.
24:01Wheel him in, Mr Baradwap.
24:03Come on, Fletcher, lean in.
24:05That's it, left, right, left, right.
24:07Now stand straight in front of the gun, now.
24:09Stomach in, chest out.
24:10Stand still.
24:11Fletcher got by Eslop's side.
24:13Thank you, Mr Mackay.
24:14Now, you men have been sent here for varying offences
24:17and for varying terms of imprisonment.
24:19This is not a top-grade security prison.
24:22You are C-class prisoners.
24:24However, if any of you abuse the less stringent security measures
24:29which we enforce here,
24:30you will quickly find that we are on you like a ton of Fletcher.
24:34Are you listening?
24:36Face the front!
24:37Yeah, sorry, Mr Venable, sir,
24:39only I couldn't help noticing your aquarium, sir.
24:41It's a hobby of mine, that indoor fish, tropical fish.
24:43Oh, really?
24:44All right, Fletcher.
24:45Sorry, Mr Mackay, only there's one thing bothering me, sir.
24:48What is bothering you, Fletcher?
24:50Well, it's only a first impression, sir,
24:52but I've got the feeling your four-eyed butterfly fish
24:54is suffering from a touch of fin rot, sir.
25:07Crafty old murky, oh, our Fletcher.
25:09Hang on a minute, I'm just finishing this report
25:11on artificial insemination that the governor lent me.
25:14Felt for it, didn't he?
25:15Really believed you had him interested in fish and livestock.
25:18Yeah, it's been a bad day, has it?
25:20I told you that what you told him today
25:22would condition how terrible your life was going to be in here.
25:25I think he was impressed by me O-level in geography.
25:27All right, lads, on your feet, the exam is up.
25:29It's been a full and exciting day.
25:31Firstly, Godber, your shoes.
25:34Firstly, Godber, your shoes.
25:36By courtesy of the M.O.
25:38Yeah, how did you work that?
25:39Told him about me flat feet.
25:41Which he believed, Fletcher.
25:43Young Godber still has some credibility, unlike yourself.
25:46Now, I'm afraid we're going to have to break up this lovely threesome.
25:50One of you is moving to a single.
25:52Quite right, only right.
25:53Not so fast, Fletcher.
25:54Eh?
25:55Godber, get your things together.
25:57Godber?
25:58What, this Godber here could have a cell on his own, is he?
26:01Governor thought that we'd be more conducive to study.
26:04Well, that'd be nice.
26:05He didn't fancy sharing.
26:06No offence.
26:07What about no offence to me, then?
26:08You're going to leave me here with a brain of Britain, are you?
26:12All right, Fletcher, there'll be three of you.
26:14There'll be three of you.
26:16We're moving Evans in here.
26:18Oh, no, not Evans.
26:19Not that Welsh lunatic who eats electric light bulbs.
26:24Only when he can't get razor blades.
26:26Oh, dear.
26:27Do you wish to grow a beard?
26:30Jobs.
26:32Kitchen.
26:33Godber.
26:34Oh, that'll be nice.
26:35All warm and second helpings.
26:37Library.
26:39Heslop.
26:42Library?
26:45He's illiterate, look here.
26:47I've read the book once.
26:50Green it was.
26:52Green it was, yes.
26:55Listen, why has he got the kitchen?
26:56Why has he got the kitchen?
26:57He should be breaking rocks first go, paying his dues.
26:59This is victimisation, this is.
27:01Look, Mr Mackay, I'm an old hand here, isn't I?
27:04I should have a job befitting my seniority, shouldn't I?
27:10Special duties.
27:12Ah, what?
27:14Special duties.
27:17Who's the governor's blue-eyed boy, eh?
27:19Oh, so them special duties.
27:21Oh, well, yes.
27:22Well, we did establish a certain rapport, yes, yes.
27:25Which was cemented by our mutual interest in all things bright and beautiful.
27:28All creatures, great and small.
27:30Yes, governor said you're just the man he's been waiting for.
27:33Oh, well, that's all right then, that's right then.
27:35Kitchen.
27:36Godber, eat your heart out.
27:38Green it was.
27:40Morning, Fletcher.
27:42Morning, sir.
27:43It always gives me great pleasure to place a man into a job where he gets real fulfilment.
27:48Fulfilment, yes, sir.
27:49Yes, thank you, sir.
27:56That article in the Farmer's Weekly, did you finish it?
28:00Ah, no, no, I'm afraid I didn't, sir, no.
28:03I would have done.
28:05Only Evans ate it.