Martin Lawrence Roast Def Jam Guest
CLASSIC DEF JAM
Transcript
00:00No, no, not me brother like this ain't God damn
00:06Glasses you got on man
00:10It's just do before minutes how many fingers
00:16For you seeing eight motherfuckers outline
00:19No, this is it you cool you cool the motherfuckers are thick though
00:27They don't have no contact
00:30Flavor flame look at
00:34I
00:36Know ain't nobody like flavor play look I nigga sit your ass down. That's my show
00:45You can't play you can't fuck with me on the mic man
00:51Play sit down man. Are you crazy, but I'm crazy too motherfucker
00:56I'm crazy crazy, but I'm crazy to fuck that shit flame
01:11Flames so ugly roaches do like this daddy
01:25Thought I wasn't coming back she
01:29Said they're trying to cool and shit like
01:33I'm getting fuck who you want
01:37You can't put your money in my motherfucking pockets. What's your name, man?
01:44Who
01:46Hobo scratch
01:49You
01:51Got girlfriend man
01:54Man, you better get another name. You don't call nobody house. Can I speak to Tina? Yes. Can I tell her who's calling hobo scratch?
02:01That shit don't mix man
02:04Darren you're daring now. I'm a fucking Darren. That's your thief name Darren
02:10I
02:13Shit getting a little fucked up up in here. I
02:16Know you want dreads to grow but right now something's not and like a chia pet type shit. It's not it's not flowing
02:26I'm fucking with you man
02:29Yeah, give me something man. Cuz see, you know what people don't really know how bad you are
02:33So hook something up for me, you know, I'm a damn can I get a little lady dance with me?
02:37Can't get somebody
02:40All up bring that motherfucking come here come here
02:50I'm saying come in
02:52You my sister. I love you. Come here
02:55I'm saying though
02:57You I'm saying I said, this is my friend and now you're on tape. You're telling now what the fuck up
03:03I know big bird out of business
03:09You
03:18You know your TV now with this
03:26So your son you got no son, it's okay. So what's your name?
03:32Okay to Denise's son. Tell mama don't wear this shit outside no more
03:38Hey
03:40My man Derek Coleman, ladies and gentlemen from New Jersey Nets and T Mills
03:48What's up D D
03:52610 Derek now, I love you man. It's my brother man. Derek Coleman three million
04:00You
04:05Ain't had to wrap the girls though, you just walk up like this. Hey three mil
04:11Where you live at which way you go
04:15Okay, I can ride my own car I meet you there
04:18That's good, man. Love you, though, bro. Oh my man and lover MTV. What's up, man? Give it a round of applause
04:26And Todd one
04:28What's up
04:31Yeah with MTV Todd one
04:34You know, it's our girl is right
04:37MC light
04:38And guess what?
04:40He got a tattoo on his chest got MC light on this shit
04:46And I used to fuck her
04:58I
05:03Believe me. There's a lot of light at the end of that tunnel boy
05:07Oh
05:24Now you want to feel fuck with me now he met with me all night, but you're my man welcome. Thank y'all for coming
05:30We
05:33Also got some other people in the house, I'd like to acknowledge Lawrence Taylor
05:47Now what's up now hold on what's up LT right and I see what man what's up y'all got the same mother what's up, man?
05:55What is your albino linebacker?
06:00Oh
06:07Y'all look good
06:09Y'all ready have a good time tonight. Hey, yeah. Oh, oh you got is like me
06:14my cousin
06:16Hi
06:17Sit your ass down now
06:20Hey, how you doing? Hey what?
06:22But you got jungle fever. You got jungle fever
06:26You
06:28Are you doing?
06:30How did I miss you? How the hell did I miss her? I see no get nervous now be proud of your shit
06:37She's getting red. So you like oh fuck. I
06:41Told you I didn't want to come I didn't know anything about the deaf jam
06:48God
06:50We just fuck with family we're all family and welcome
06:56No, don't be embarrassed I know when you walked in he was bad to you like
07:05Reservations with you
07:13No, I'm just saying don't be nervous now, that's cool we all we family hi look at damn
07:18She why you got your eyes all you do
07:22You're right
07:26I
07:28Pussy just owes me, you know
07:33Look at this motherfucker. Hey
07:36How you doing
07:39It coolin, you know cool hanging in there. Yeah. Hey, whatever, you know
07:45What happened you could talk to me I'm your motherfucker you could talk to me no, no, it looks good though, man
07:51I like y'all get my man. Okay, I noticed him from the back. He said Malcolm's your marijuana a round of applause
07:57What's up, man?
07:59You got a little dog with you
08:02Mother broke a little dog to this show
08:06What are you gonna laugh
08:11What's up, all right take the spotlight off from spotlight man, you're embarrassing them
08:17Good look at the brothers over here. What's up, man? Got gold shit in your mouth, huh? How much that cost a
08:23Lot of motherfucking money knock your goddamn teeth out for some goatee, huh? What's that? You got you got like a baby Jerry curl
08:30That's real nice
08:32That's that's his real hair
08:35That's your grill here I'm fucking amazed
08:38Hey, Sam boy. What's up, man?
08:42Hey, give him a round of applause from the New Jersey nuts
08:48How tall are you
08:517-1
08:53Mookie from the New Jersey. You got that look on your face. Mookie like don't fuck with me, man
08:58No, that's nice. Y'all making millions of dollars. I Sam 7-1. You've been playing ball all your life, right?
09:05So you don't know nothing else
09:10No, I'm saying you ain't never like been at McDonald's I can't take your order you never none of that shit just
09:17Ball that's just hoop. That's cool. I wouldn't want you be no big-ass 7-2 maintenance man. I'm a
09:28I mean, you know, so I'm glad you playing ball, man
09:34Your big boy man your big boy my man look at the ladies
09:41How you
09:44Now the boots
09:48Can we get a shot of these what the fuck were you thinking about
09:57No, see I gotta be real, you know, that's it don't match
10:05Blue jeans my ass
10:07I
10:18Want to work with you, but no
10:23I'm sorry. I
10:27Gotta be real. I'll just play it. I'll just play
10:31She embarrassed now you and show business and get your feet off my goddamn stage
10:42Now I want that boot every time I come on stage I want that motherfucker laid out like this to remind me of what not
10:48to do
10:54Hey
10:57Now you hear me talking about her boots
11:00That motherfucking hat don't go with that goddamn jacket
11:07Damn it, man. What are we gonna learn?
11:16You don't know I don't mess with him I'm just saying brother knew that shit when he left the house
11:21Come on, fuck. Oh, okay. See
11:23I
11:28White people in the back. Hi
11:33Didn't see you guys
11:38You know, you motherfuckers don't match
11:40I
11:52Kick a pretty man. Give him a round of applause even though he fucking up
11:57What's up
11:59We are my man. This is my man Trish from naughty by nature up here. Yeah, what's up my fellas? Give him a round of applause
12:07Where's the bag?
12:08On my man got my man Charles Smith in the house
12:12This is my man him and Lisa Johnson from BT. Give him a round of applause
12:17They got married
12:19Right, you married now, huh? Charles. I the best man in your wedding. He cried to y'all
12:26You don't want me to tell her where you cry. You did tell you was happy. You had a tear in his eye. He's like
12:34We got dr. Dre from MTV give him a round of applause big ass
12:39You big motherfucker to be hosting some shit. And it's outrageous. Don't give fuck either
12:50Dre what's up, man? I heard you were supposed to be at the early show, but you were still eating
12:54What the fuck is going on?
12:58Are you doing baby? What's your name? Do you got Mandy? No, not right down
13:04Oh
13:07Howdy
13:08You're 22
13:11What are they hard to find out there just knuckleheads or something pretty much niggas don't they don't know how to approach you
13:16She accused me miss lady
13:21How you live with little funny
13:27She isn't she fine Brian, you know that right you
13:31Know I'll hook you up on national TV. Fuck that. I'll make a couple up this month. You don't wanna get hooked up
13:37Why you got somebody?
13:43We're single man, where's the single man, huh? Come in man you raising your hand come in bring in here
14:02Oh fucking I'm gonna make a couple
14:07She like why are you doing it cuz you ain't got nobody and y'all want you to settle in? All right now
14:15Ain't no fight. No
14:19Okay
14:21Now you have an opportunity to say something to this nice beautiful sister. What would you say bro?
14:31Oh
14:39Don't be nervous bro express yourself man fuck that do this shit man
14:54Yo, man, these couple might get married y'all know I might started some shit
15:02My name is the furnace and I think you're very attractive lady and I like to get to know you
15:11Shit I like to get to know you too
15:15Now are you gonna say to him no cuz you know, we got to get together I already have a man
15:32Oh
15:37What's your man got to do with me I
15:41Got your back bro. Fuck you. You just told me you didn't add no man. Well, you won't bear
15:50You know, it's our girl is right
15:53MC light
15:54And guess what?
15:56He got a tattoo on his chest got MC light on this shit and I used to fuck