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00:00I speak for the working man, for the common man, the man who strives all his life to provide
00:08for his family.
00:09I've seen this bloke before, he's called Neil Fromage, he's got quite extreme views.
00:14The man wants to get rid of you.
00:16There is supporters, that's the protest, and that's the anti-protest protest.
00:21The common man can't get ahead.
00:25Sounds like run-of-the-mill stuff, what's the issue?
00:27I'll tell you why, immigrants!
00:29Oh dear lord.
00:30What kind of investive shit do they do?
00:32Could be rats, could be fleas, my money's on cancer.
00:35Like a cancer!
00:36Ah, there he goes.
00:37Come here!
00:38You've got to watch these quiet ones, laughing up every word this tit says.
00:42If anyone's going to kick off, it'll be them.
00:44And if they take over, you can be sure of one thing.
00:47Far better restaurants?
00:48Blood!
00:49Blood!
00:50Blood!
00:51Blood!
00:52Blood!
00:53Blood!
00:54Blood!
00:55Blood!
00:56Blood!
00:57Blood!
00:59Blood!
01:01Everyone get down!
01:03Get down!
01:04We've all seen a dead racist!
01:16Ah, rabbit, my report into your alleged brutality.
01:19I thought I must get a statement from you, so you can put your side of things.
01:23All right, well...
01:24But then I thought, fuck that, I know what you did, I know all about you,
01:28we go back a long way, don't we, and I intend to use everything.
01:31Everything?
01:33Everything you know?
01:35Everything?
01:36Most things.
01:37Oh, most things?
01:38Some things, things, anyway.
01:39A big fat juicy file full of things that you've done.
01:42I might bring it out in twelve volumes, like a novel.
01:45Except not boring.
01:47I'll just follow the facts.
01:49Oh, and then things won't look slightly like facts.
01:54But might not be.
01:55Get out of my way!
01:57So, we have ourselves a sniper, and the bugger's good at it.
02:01We thought it were a political lunatic, until we looked at these.
02:04Two other snipings last week.
02:06Lawyer in Farringdon, Churchwarden in Bow.
02:09Same make of bullets?
02:10303 Lakefield Hollow Point.
02:13Oh, God.
02:14Is that our only clue?
02:15It was the only clue, until we got this.
02:21Well, read it, then.
02:23Dear police, I killed three time.
02:26It were nice games.
02:27Is it just me who finds crimes against grammar almost as bad as crimes against Londoners?
02:31Maybe.
02:33I have scar on my left foot, which only I know about.
02:37And that proves it.
02:38Criminal mastermind at work, though.
02:39Who knows what I will do next.
02:41But you can bet it will be B.O.
02:44Bloody arrenders.
02:45Ouch.
02:46Yours, Trigger Tom.
02:48Sounds to me like someone needs to shit or get off the pot.
02:51We'll catch the bastard.
02:53I'm putting Rex and Keith Carnival on this one.
02:55They know ballistics.
02:56I've got another job for you three.
03:00Who's that clown?
03:01Prince Hector of Bulgaria.
03:02He's in town for Balkan peace talks.
03:04I'm nodding like I know what a Balkan is.
03:06He's a big noise.
03:07And while he's here, you're going to be a clown.
03:10I'm not a clown.
03:11I'm a clown.
03:12I'm a clown.
03:13I'm a clown.
03:14I'm a clown.
03:15I'm a clown.
03:16I'm a clown.
03:17I'm a clown.
03:18I'm a clown.
03:19I'm a clown.
03:21You're his protection.
03:22I ain't doing that.
03:23I ain't no babysitter.
03:24You can ask any baby.
03:25Plus, look at this cunt's tash.
03:27You'll do what I bloody tell thee after what you did to Mr. Larkham.
03:30I barely touched him.
03:35All right, I might have touched him a bit.
03:37You just keep that prince safe.
03:39And we're off for the drop.
03:42My bodyguards.
03:43That's right, mate.
03:44Three officers to guard me?
03:45Take the day off, all of you.
03:47There is no danger, for I am very popular.
03:50In my country, there is a word for me, kikbaba.
03:52It means sexy man who gives out carrots at Christmas.
03:55If you step out of this carriage without protection,
03:57you'll be picking your own brains off the cobbles.
03:59There's a sniper about.
04:00A really bloody good one.
04:01Great action.
04:02Gosh, it's Mabel Whizbeach, isn't it?
04:04London's first police lady.
04:06Enchante.
04:07Oh, thank you.
04:08I support women's rights, and those of animals.
04:11I believe you both have a function.
04:13Thanks?
04:14As for that cartoon...
04:16What cartoon?
04:17No cartoon in the Strand magazine.
04:19A radio on an airship from Paris.
04:21Here.
04:22These bank robbers are getting away
04:23because they have released a mouse.
04:25And you are standing on the chair in fright.
04:27It's one cartoon.
04:28Whatever.
04:29Don't care.
04:30Quite right.
04:31Ignore it.
04:32And the many others.
04:33Now, where are we heading?
04:34Oh, straight into your hotel.
04:35You must rest before the big round of peace talks tomorrow.
04:37Sounds boring, boy, am I right?
04:39Tonight, I wish to see the real London.
04:41Not a bloody chance.
04:43I would love to see a real Cockney.
04:45I've only seen them in captivity in Australia.
04:49Come.
04:57This is great.
04:58It stinks like shit, and the people are very ugly.
05:01Your whiskey is piss.
05:02Worst I ever tasted.
05:03Listen, pal, if you don't like it, you can...
05:06I joke.
05:07I love it.
05:08Here, have money.
05:09I don't mind if I do.
05:11Dance for me.
05:12And keep the whiskey coming.
05:15I think you need to pipe down me, old chief.
05:17Now, let us paint the town red like my balls.
05:19We're much safer in here, your Lord High Excellency.
05:21And sure, half of these lot are killers,
05:23but we know them, so they're our killers.
05:25But I wish to climb Big Ben.
05:27Can you see it from here?
05:28I look.
05:29Oh, no.
05:30Oh, those sorry wretches.
05:32You should come away from the window.
05:34I will tell them about screwing duchesses
05:36and how invigorating it can be.
05:38Oh, duchesses.
05:41Get out!
05:43Jesus.
05:44Two men shot with the same bullet.
05:46You're right.
05:47He is bloody good.
05:48Strauss, get a doctor for these two.
05:50You, watch the door.
05:52How dare you kill two of my men without my permission?
05:55You coward!
05:56Oy, Mr. Majestic, I fucking told you.
05:58Now, get out.
05:59Insult me not, or you too shall taste Bulgarian steel.
06:13I'm a what?
06:15Trying to save you, you dickhead.
06:18Yes.
06:28Yes.
06:41You lost the crown, Prince.
06:43Well, it does sound bad when you say it like that.
06:45We dug out the bullet from the equerry.
06:47303 Lakefield Hollow Point.
06:48Trigger Tom got to be.
06:49Well, Trigger Tom could have killed me, but he didn't.
06:51That's not important. Forget that.
06:53If the Prince dies, the Home Office will come at us
06:55like a rhino with a wasp up its arse.
06:57It's rather worse than that, I'm afraid.
07:00The talks are being held because the Balkans are a powder keg.
07:03If the Prince dies, Bulgaria will blame Serbia,
07:06and that means war.
07:07That'll draw in Russia, Austria, Germany, France and Britain.
07:11In this mechanised clash of empires, millions of our young,
07:14our finest, will die by fire with their young, taut skin
07:17burnt to a cinder like a Mother's Sunday roast.
07:21But he's a jolly fuck, isn't he?
07:24What in God's house is that?
07:25Telephone.
07:27I've just had it put in.
07:30Hello?
07:31Put Rabbit on.
07:32They want to talk to you.
07:33Get round here, quick.
07:35What do I do?
07:36Put that Bulgarian speak in there.
07:37Hello, this is Inspector Rabbit, talking on the stick.
07:42Hello, Rabbit, this is Trigger Tom.
07:43I have your Prince.
07:44Ah, I'm listening.
07:47He's alive for now.
07:48I think he's on the other side of the wall.
07:50How do you know?
07:51Because that's where the wire goes.
07:53That's not how it works.
07:55Trigger Tom will call you again with instructions.
07:57Don't try to find me, you filthy pig.
07:59Whoa.
08:00What's he saying?
08:01He's going,
08:03He keeps doing it.
08:04I think he's ill.
08:05He's hung up.
08:09Don't try to find me, indeed.
08:11He doesn't know us, does he?
08:12Better do what he says.
08:13You two stay by the trombone.
08:15Telephone.
08:16Where are you going?
08:17You wouldn't follow a lead without telling me, would you?
08:19I'm going nowhere.
08:20Thank goodness.
08:21But I've got to get there bloody sharpish.
08:22Not like him to shoot off and do business by the way.
08:24I'm not going anywhere.
08:25I'm not going anywhere.
08:26I'm not going anywhere.
08:27I'm not going anywhere.
08:28I'm not going anywhere.
08:29I'm not going anywhere.
08:30I'm not going anywhere.
08:31I'm not going anywhere.
08:33I wasn't doing business behind my back.
08:34Do you think he's going off me?
08:35There'll be an explanation.
08:36I had enough of that at prep school.
08:39Take one of these, please, Max.
08:42Better not be cat meat.
08:50What do you want, Rabbit?
08:52We made a deal, Flora.
08:53You stay out of London.
08:54And I'll stay out of your way.
08:56Not much work for a hitwoman in Luton.
08:59The only commie to me client is working breakfast.
09:00You still using Lakefield 303?
09:01So what if I am? Want some pie?
09:04I ain't in the mood for pie.
09:06You're always in the mood for pie.
09:08Not many snipers as good as you.
09:10Not since I shot them all, no.
09:12Where's the prince you kidnapped?
09:14And who was that bloke on the talkie-talkie stick?
09:16Is that your new fella?
09:18I hate kidnaps. You've got to feed them.
09:20Empty their turd bucket, they fall in love with you.
09:22It's too much work.
09:24What are you really here for, rabbit?
09:26Fancy the knee-trembler, did you?
09:29No. Millions of lions at stake.
09:33There's no time for any of that.
09:47No, no.
09:50I'm letting the dog out.
10:00OK, now.
10:02Let's shift it, won't you?
10:04How can I be useless and a threat to men at the same time?
10:08It makes no sense.
10:10The future lies with us, Mabel.
10:12Not with old men and their dated bluff and bluster.
10:15Now, how does that feel?
10:17Like it's going to slice my tit off, is that a thing?
10:20Your tit is quite safe.
10:22Right, now let go.
10:24I don't know if...
10:26Oh, my God! I'm Robin fucking Hood!
10:29SHE SIGHS
10:32Look, the papers are being ghastly about you.
10:35They're saying you're too emotional.
10:37Yeah, and then I have to not get emotional about that.
10:40Don't worry. I'll mobilise the ladies.
10:43I don't say this lightly, but I foresee a letter-writing campaign.
10:47You would do that? For me?
10:50Oh, you would drink at my local?
10:52It is quite dirty, but I've got a lovely towel you can sit on.
10:55You know what you could do?
10:57Do what you could do for us.
10:59You could let us know a little bit about how your station works.
11:03Police reform is high on our list.
11:05Oh, definitely.
11:09Oh!
11:11Yeah, you were lucky.
11:13That was lucky.
11:19Tell the editors more cartoons and think pieces.
11:22It's working.
11:24The labs say the prototype is nearly ready.
11:27Oh, that is good news.
11:29Well, off you fuck.
11:37That Tanner's been everywhere, asking questions about you.
11:41Tanner? He's just a bellend with a sore head.
11:44What I want to know is, if you witness sniper, who is?
11:47That's consultation. That'll cost you.
11:50Mm-hm.
11:54That geezer shot in front of you, where was that?
11:56It was there. Where would you pick a spot for that?
11:59I'd have my nest... here.
12:01Well, that's a gambling den now. That'd be too busy.
12:04All right. What about here?
12:06Or there?
12:08Oh, God!
12:10Mm!
12:12Ow!
12:17They must be shooting from the rooftops!
12:20No witnesses on ground level!
12:22Makes sense. Gates.
12:24You could pick up all these stars from this warehouse at the wood...
12:27Argh!
12:31Me jam tart stopped!
12:35Ooh.
12:37So that must be the sniper's lair.
12:39You'd better get up there, boy.
12:41Millions of lives. No time to lose.
12:43Or we could go for the hat trick.
12:46I reckon that's optimistic.
12:53Come on, fellas, let's catch a sniper.
12:56This bloke is the donkey's winkle,
12:58so you'll need eyes up your arseholes.
13:00Inspector, I don't like you keeping things from me.
13:02I know.
13:04Look out. Someone ordered some quality street.
13:07Princess Violetta of Bulgaria.
13:10Which one's the rabbit?
13:12This one.
13:17Ooh!
13:19You lost my precious brother.
13:21He did so much for commoners like you,
13:24and yet you didn't even lay down your tiny, untitled life for him.
13:27Jesus! What happened to his eyebrow?
13:30The dog chewed it off last year, Your Highness.
13:33We weren't expecting you just yet.
13:35I caught the early airship from Paris.
13:37Poor Hector. He lets people take the piss out of him.
13:40I do not.
13:42Pleasant journey, I hope?
13:44Awful. I paid extra to have a private bathroom,
13:46only to find the Queen of Belgium sat proudly upon my bidet douche wash.
13:49I hate when that happens.
13:51No shit. How do you know the Queen of Belgium?
13:53I don't. I was... Never mind.
13:55I demand that this haunted bastard meat
14:00has no more involvement in the case.
14:02This is my station, and Rabbit is my man, ma'am.
14:06Do you like me to take it up with Queen Victoria?
14:08I am both her granddaughter and her great-aunt.
14:11Rabbit, stand down.
14:13It's your decision, Gav.
14:15Did you just wink at me?
14:17No. Why would I wink?
14:19I don't know. You might have had a massive stroke.
14:21Time of life. Stress of the job.
14:23I didn't wink at you.
14:25Yeah, you did.
14:27Oh, stay on the case.
14:29Oh.
14:34How dare you wink in my presence?
14:37I didn't wink.
14:39OK. Say no more.
14:42Go away.
14:44OK. Come on.
14:47Come on.
14:59It must be in here.
15:01A hunch for more information I'm not privy to.
15:03Let it go, Strauss.
15:05I can't tell you everything, Sam. Fine.
15:07Then don't expect me to tell you you're about to tread on that tripwire.
15:10Good boy.
15:12Shit.
15:15I think someone's trying to make a point.
15:17Bravo. Over here.
15:21Damn, we're too late.
15:24Nine targets?
15:26Look, and there's a note which says,
15:28I told you not to come, pig.
15:30And, er, underneath it...
15:32Oh, my God, it's the Prince's ear.
15:34Mm, yeah, still warm.
15:36How do we know it's his? I don't know.
15:38What do royal ears usually look like?
15:40Strauss, what do you think? I don't know. I've never seen a royal ear.
15:42Oh, God. That's very good, Inspector.
15:51Twigs in a bun. Treat the kids.
15:53Twigs in a bun.
15:55Map from the warehouse.
15:57All the trick-or-torm shoot-ins, plus another five.
15:59Who's next targets? No, they're old ones.
16:01A year back, someone was pulled up for gangland hits
16:04in these exact locations.
16:06Flora Wilson.
16:08But the evidence mysteriously vanished and she was let off.
16:10No, you're pissing in the wind.
16:12It's definitely not her.
16:14Do you know her?
16:16I know a lot of rungans.
16:18Is that who you went to see?
16:20No.
16:22Oh, my God, you and her did the dick dance.
16:24You need to watch it, girl.
16:26Rabbit, in here.
16:28Trick-or-torm wants you on the blower.
16:30What the fuck is a blower?
16:32It's Cockney for telephone. They've just announced it.
16:36Inspector Rabbit here.
16:38You've been a naughty boy, Rabbit.
16:40Told you not to look for me.
16:42You listen to me. What are your demands? What do you want?
16:44You want me to kill a rabbit? Easy.
16:46I can do it quickly from a high window, slowly,
16:48using a hammer, whatever, man.
16:50I want £100,000.
16:52If that's what it takes, yeah.
16:54Hang on a minute, that's a hell of a lot of money.
16:56I was thinking more like six quid.
16:58£100,000. A tenner?
17:00Oh, shut up, Rabbit, you idiot.
17:02£100,000, no problem of it. My father will authorise it.
17:04Rabbit brings the money alone, midnight,
17:06I don't trust this shitwit.
17:08I will bring the money myself.
17:10Tell her if she does that,
17:12I'll open her brother up like a fucking tin of beans.
17:14He's not keen.
17:16Bring the money alone or the prince dies.
17:18Very well.
17:22Bye.
17:26I don't know how to use this fucking thing.
17:36Come on.
17:50Flora's using the inspector and he can't see it,
17:52but who is the voice on the telephone?
17:54Mabel, I need your mind.
17:56Don't waste my time. They'll never see me as a proper cop.
17:58Of course you're a proper cop.
18:00It's not what they're saying behind my back.
18:02I have to be ten times better than the men
18:04and that's still not enough.
18:06You're as good as all of them. Better.
18:08I say you're the best man we have.
18:10Wait.
18:12The best person.
18:14Thanks. You're a mate.
18:18Oi, hang on, look at this.
18:20Right, I'm removing these for your own good.
18:22No, no, no, no, look.
18:24More airship disruption.
18:26Angry passengers call for re-nationalisation.
18:28All yesterday's airships were cancelled.
18:30So the princess...
18:32Was already in town.
18:34The first time we met her, she had two equiries,
18:36but when Trigger Tom telephoned...
18:38Inspector Rabbit here.
18:42There was only one.
18:46Dad, where's the princess?
18:48Headache. Went back to her hotel.
18:54Turn around, pig.
18:56Drop the bag.
18:58And your weapons.
19:04All of them.
19:10Hands on head.
19:14Where's the prince?
19:18That, you naughty pig,
19:20was for coming to find me when I told you not to.
19:22And this is for you.
19:24That, you naughty pig,
19:26was for coming to find me when I told you not to.
19:28And this is for all the villains
19:30you've banged the door on.
19:32Well, go on then, if you've got the bollocks.
19:34One more moonsky, please.
19:36Ah, your royal highness.
19:40Do you need help?
19:42Would you...
19:44Activate your signaler.
19:46Do you need a whistle?
19:48Forget my words, but I'm excited.
19:50I am not only
19:52exceptionally beautiful,
19:54I am also mistress of the siege.
19:56I have been in London for weeks.
19:58Surprise!
20:00I kidnapped my brother.
20:02Yeah, do you get it?
20:04Trigger Tom, it's two persons.
20:06His voice and my rifle.
20:08Would you mind repeating that word for word
20:10down the nick?
20:12Shut up, Rabbit Man, you're so boring.
20:14You know, he was going to inherit everything
20:16and then waste our wealth on the poor.
20:18He's a kind of idiot.
20:20Yeah.
20:22So I was going to lay a false trail
20:24with all this Trigger Tom bollocks.
20:26I was going to take my father's money
20:28and then let him go.
20:30But then you and your sniper-fuck buddy
20:32got him wild.
20:34And now I can kill Hector
20:36and you and her can take the blame.
20:38Yes, thank you.
20:40I will inherit all of Bulgaria.
20:42And you'll start a blading war.
20:44You know, I have a saying in my country.
20:46Without squeezing the eggs out of the chicken's pussy.
20:48He's made that up.
20:50Yes.
20:52Okay, I am happy now, you can kill him.
20:56Bloody Nora.
21:02I see you, asshole.
21:08You stink of shit.
21:10Run, Flora, run!
21:12I love you!
21:14Run!
21:16Don't touch me, you pig.
21:18It was the princess.
21:20Thanks for telling me now, you donut.
21:22Where's the fucking prince?
21:24Where's the prince?
21:26A cup of tea, your highness.
21:30I put in 20 sugars for health.
21:32Please, tell me you saved my ear.
21:34We did.
21:36And then I tried to freeze it and then the dog found it.
21:38And it's a funny story, actually.
21:40I shall never come to this country again.
21:44Dad, can I interview the princess?
21:46She's been released.
21:48Orders from up high. Nosebleed high.
21:50Don't think I'm happy about it.
21:52But she confessed, for God's sake.
21:54Good news, everyone, I arrested our sniper.
21:56Caught them sneaking off the heath.
21:58One Flora Wilson.
22:00Known wrong-hand.
22:02Stroke luck, eh?
22:06You didn't know her, did you, Rabbit?
22:08You haven't been having a particularly filthy affair
22:10with her for a number of years, have you?
22:12I do hope she's not the love of your life.
22:14That would be an awful shame.
22:16Because I hear they're going to hang her.
22:18Until her neck
22:20goes.
22:28And then my dad said,
22:30you did good, Rabbit.
22:32Upstairs will like you for this.
22:34Thank you, Mabel.
22:36I don't know how useful you'll find all of that.
22:38It all helps to paint a picture.
22:40But thank you for coming.
22:42Do come again.
22:46You bet.
22:56Vodka tonic-o?
22:58I think we deserve one.
23:10Oh
23:12Oh
23:14Oh
23:16Oh
23:18Oh
23:20Oh
23:22Oh
23:24Oh
23:26Oh
23:28Oh