"Brothers, I need advice
"Is there an equivalent of dropping the handkerchief today as an indication of interest? I talked to boomers about approaching and they said that women used to drop thousands of hints on them until they got it. They didn’t need to learn game, the small talk, how to be charming.
"Best I got throughout these years was a few looks my way. I never knew if that was enough of an indication so I never went for it. So I’m wondering what happened to all that? Why should men do all the work of body language reading, taking the risk, learning how to flirt, being the salesman, and selling the product?
"I feel like a bitch for not taking the initiative, being a leader, and approaching despite the fear or uncertainty."
"Stef, If you go on X i'd happily subscribe there too. (or double my donation)
"Is the possible financial incentive that is there not enough?
"People might mostly be looking for entertainment, but ideas are still planted, lives still changed.
"As a philosopher, don't you just go where the people are?
"The live spaces are just another platform"
"How should a young person approach their first romantic relationship? Would it be ideal to search for someone with the goal to build a family in the near future?
"If a young man wants to spend his youth building a business till he's 35yo, what will his romantic life look like? When he's 20, a good 20yo woman will not want to wait for 15 years to start a family with him. Then who can he be in a relationship with?"
"Dear Stef, I feel a little uncomfortable maybe even a little effeminate for lack of a better word, when I say hello to a woman at a bar or a nightclub?..."
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"Is there an equivalent of dropping the handkerchief today as an indication of interest? I talked to boomers about approaching and they said that women used to drop thousands of hints on them until they got it. They didn’t need to learn game, the small talk, how to be charming.
"Best I got throughout these years was a few looks my way. I never knew if that was enough of an indication so I never went for it. So I’m wondering what happened to all that? Why should men do all the work of body language reading, taking the risk, learning how to flirt, being the salesman, and selling the product?
"I feel like a bitch for not taking the initiative, being a leader, and approaching despite the fear or uncertainty."
"Stef, If you go on X i'd happily subscribe there too. (or double my donation)
"Is the possible financial incentive that is there not enough?
"People might mostly be looking for entertainment, but ideas are still planted, lives still changed.
"As a philosopher, don't you just go where the people are?
"The live spaces are just another platform"
"How should a young person approach their first romantic relationship? Would it be ideal to search for someone with the goal to build a family in the near future?
"If a young man wants to spend his youth building a business till he's 35yo, what will his romantic life look like? When he's 20, a good 20yo woman will not want to wait for 15 years to start a family with him. Then who can he be in a relationship with?"
"Dear Stef, I feel a little uncomfortable maybe even a little effeminate for lack of a better word, when I say hello to a woman at a bar or a nightclub?..."
GET MY NEW BOOK 'PEACEFUL PARENTING', THE INTERACTIVE PEACEFUL PARENTING AI, AND AUDIOBOOK!
https://peacefulparenting.com/
Join the PREMIUM philosophy community on the web for free!
Also get the Truth About the French Revolution, the interactive multi-lingual philosophy AI trained on thousands of hours of my material, private livestreams, premium call in shows, the 22 Part History of Philosophers series and much more!
See you soon!
https://freedomain.locals.com/support/promo/UPB2022
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00Good morning everybody, it's Stephen Molyneux from Free Demand.
00:03Great questions from freedemand.locals.com, I hope you would check out the community.
00:07Is there an equivalent of dropping the handkerchief today as an indication of interest?
00:10I talked to boomers about approaching and they said that women used to drop thousands
00:14of hints on them until they got it.
00:15They didn't need to learn game, the small talk had to be charming.
00:20Best I got throughout these years was a few looks my way.
00:22I never knew if that was enough of an indication, so I never went for it.
00:26So I'm wondering what happened to all that.
00:27Why should men do all the work of body language, reading, talking, taking the risk, learning
00:31how to flirt, being the salesman and selling the product?
00:33I feel like a bitch for not taking the initiative, being a leader and approaching despite the
00:37fear of the fear or uncertainty.
00:41Yeah, so women take the massive risk of getting pregnant and having babies and relying on
00:49a man to support them for the rest of their lives.
00:56When they get older, wrinkled and unattractive for the man gains in resources and thus is
01:00more attractive to younger women.
01:01So women are taking their risks.
01:03Oh man, it is so easy to look at what's difficult for you and easy for other people and never
01:08look at what's easy for other people, what's difficult for other people and easy for you.
01:13So women take a massive risk in who they choose to procreate with, right?
01:18The man could be a hound dog, the man could leave them, the man could not pay his bills,
01:22the man could become a drunk, he could become abusive and all of that.
01:25And okay, I understand the woman could be mean and abusive too, but there's a baby involved.
01:29So if the man decides to leave, and remember throughout most of human history, the man
01:33could just leave, right?
01:34You understand?
01:35The man could just leave.
01:36Think of the wild west, right?
01:38The man could just go west, go west, right?
01:41He could just go somewhere else.
01:43In all of human history, throughout almost all countries, a man could go elsewhere, right?
01:48There wasn't all of this tracking, there wasn't all of this ID stuff, there wasn't all of
01:52these bank accounts, right?
01:53You could just go elsewhere and start your life anew.
01:57So women were taking a massive risk.
02:01So a woman needs to know that you really are attracted to her as a person, but she also
02:08needs to attract you with her looks.
02:11So this is a big contradiction and a complexity for women, right?
02:15In the same way that a man wants to be loved for who he is, but he also must be loved for
02:20the resources he can provide because women, when they're constantly having babies and
02:24nursing babies and raising toddlers, can't go out and get their own resources very much.
02:28Otherwise, their babies die.
02:30So we all want to be loved for who we are.
02:32That is for baby, infancy, toddlerhood, and early childhood.
02:37After that time, you're going to have to be loved for what you provide.
02:41Let's be honest, how many of you guys wake up in the morning and say, I wonder how Steph's
02:47doing?
02:48I wonder if he had a good night's sleep.
02:49I wonder if he's feeling happy.
02:52No, you don't.
02:55You don't.
02:56And I understand that.
02:57And I don't fault you for that at all.
02:59Why do you care about me?
03:00You don't care about me.
03:03You care about the value that I can provide to you.
03:06And that's nothing wrong with that.
03:07I don't fault you for that.
03:08I'm not a Kantian in that sense.
03:10So yes, indeed, you should, indeed, you should indeed care about the value that I provide
03:17for you, not for me, qua me.
03:21Me, qua me, that's for my family, that's for my friends, that's for the people in my life
03:26that I love and who love me.
03:28But even then, you will never escape the requirement to provide value.
03:36The only people who don't have to provide value in order to receive affection are babies
03:42and toddlers.
03:43Now, you say, young children, okay, sure.
03:46At some point, you know, in the late single digits, children have to start providing value
03:51because you're preparing them for adulthood and you don't want to give them infinite affection
03:56and not require them to provide any value and then dump them on the harsh, cold marketplace
04:00of human value exchange when they're 18 and they're like, wheeze, like those crows, those
04:05black crows.
04:06Their mothers feed them their whole life, and then what they do when they get out into
04:10the wild, out of the nest, they just open their beaks and wait for the worms to jump
04:14into their mouth and they can't quite figure out that that's not what happens.
04:18So you do have to start expecting your children to provide value.
04:23All adulthood is an exchange of value.
04:25My wife brings me value, I bring my wife value.
04:27You cannot be loved for who you are after the age of nine.
04:31You just shouldn't be.
04:32It's wrong.
04:33It's unhealthy.
04:34You have to be loved for the value that you provide.
04:39And so when you say that, well, you know, women, they don't do much.
04:44It's like, no, no, no.
04:45Women do a lot.
04:47Women do a lot.
04:48What women do is they work on their appearance enormously, right?
04:52They work in there.
04:53They learn the art of makeup.
04:54Do you know how thankful I am almost every day that I never had to learn the art of makeup
04:59outside of my work in the theater world?
05:02I never had to learn the art of makeup.
05:04Beautiful.
05:06Women figure out which outfits are most flattering.
05:08Women exercise.
05:10Women work on their appearance.
05:12They learn which hairstyles are most attractive to their faces, right?
05:15I mean, for God's sakes, go to a drugstore.
05:19When I was a kid, oh, you go to the drugstore, I bet you there'll be lots of stuff for healing.
05:22It's like, no, there's lots of stuff for pulling dick.
05:24That's really all that there is in drugstores.
05:26Like more than half of the drugstore is women striving to be attractive.
05:30So women are doing a huge amount of work in order to be attractive.
05:34The least you can do is go and talk to them.
05:36It's really sad.
05:38It's really sad.
05:39All right, Steph, if you go on X, formerly Twitter, I'd happily subscribe there too or
05:45double my donation.
05:47Is the possible financial incentive that is there?
05:51Not enough.
05:52People might mostly be looking for entertainment, but ideas are still planted.
05:55Lives are still changed.
05:57As a philosopher, don't you just go where the people are?
05:59The live spaces are just another platform.
06:08So the tip about all of this is if you want me to do something, and this is true in life
06:18as a whole, if you want someone to do something that you want that person to do, right?
06:27The first thing you need to do is not tell them something, but listen.
06:36You need to listen.
06:37I mean, come on.
06:39You've heard enough call-in shows.
06:41Like I got a two and a half hour call-in show.
06:43I spend the first hour to an hour and a half, sometimes hour and three quarters, just asking
06:48questions and listening.
06:53I mean, if you've ever been in sales, you know that the first three quarters of any
06:59sales presentation is gathering resources.
07:02You go and say, hey, miss real estate agent, could you do me a favor?
07:09I'd like to buy a place to live.
07:12Does she just say, great.
07:13I'll send you some listings.
07:14No, but the show, what are you looking for?
07:19Oh, do you have any kids?
07:20Oh, are you married?
07:21Oh, do you want to have kids?
07:22Oh, what kind of neighborhood do you want to live in?
07:23What's your budget?
07:24Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
07:27There's your clip.
07:31You ask a question.
07:36As a philosopher, don't you just go to where the people are?
07:38Well, as a doctor, don't you just start giving MRIs to people at the dinner party?
07:42Because that's where the people are.
07:43As a doctor, don't you just grind up antibiotics and put them in people's drinks?
07:48Because that's where people are ingesting things.
07:51As a doctor, you ask people a bunch of questions before you start treating them.
07:55So when you want me to do something like go on X, and you haven't asked me a single question,
08:02and in fact, you're bribing me, you're bribing me, then I've obviously answered this question
08:08a million times before, so I'm not going to do it again.
08:11But this is the big tip in life.
08:14I don't know why people don't do this.
08:16I genuinely have no idea why people don't do this.
08:19If you want me to do something, and you don't ask me any questions, but you just say,
08:25do this, I'll give you money, I'm not your financial surf whore.
08:32Good Lord, that was insane.
08:34All right, how should a young person approach their first romantic relationship?
08:39You mean with their hand.
08:41Would it be ideal to search for someone with the goal to build a family in the near future
08:45If a young man wants to spend his youth building a business till he's like 35, what would his
08:49romantic life look like when he's 20?
08:51A good 20-year-old woman will not want to wait for 15 years to start a family with him.
08:56Then who can he be in a relationship with, right?
08:59Right.
09:00So I'll do a presentation on this, but you know, it's not that hard to not break up.
09:08It's not that hard to not get divorced.
09:10You just need to do the research, and the research fortunately is out there.
09:14So if you get an educated woman with a reasonably high IQ, who knows what her values are, who
09:21doesn't have a super high body count, and you talk about shared values and ways to resolve
09:26conflicts ahead of time, your chances of divorce are virtually nil.
09:31Oh, 50%, 50%.
09:35Yeah, well, that's like saying that there's X number of percentage of people who just
09:41die of lung cancer without dividing them into the smokers and the non-smokers.
09:45Sure, non-smokers get lung cancer, but it's kind of rare.
09:49So this, if you want to enter into a relationship, the best thing, the best way to build a business
09:58is to have a great partner, a great woman, for the male perspective, to have a great
10:03woman.
10:04Go look at Conor McGregor, that he lived in this crappy little flat with his wife, and
10:09he hated training, and she kept encouraging him to go training, reminded him of his goals,
10:13got him motivated, got him pumped.
10:15If you want a great business, the best thing that you can do is marry a great woman, or
10:21be with a great woman if marriage is not to your taste, or whatever marriage is better.
10:27So that's how you build a great business.
10:30Because let's say you get to 35, you've built a great business, and then you start dating.
10:34Okay, so who's left?
10:36Who's left?
10:37Who's left?
10:39Who is left?
10:40Right?
10:41It's the beer goggles, right?
10:42The beer goggles at two o'clock in the morning at the bar.
10:44At two o'clock in the morning at the bar, who are the women who were left?
10:48Who were the men who were left?
10:49Well, the people that nobody chose, the people that left over, the detritus.
10:52I mean, I met my wife in my 30s, so it's not 100%, but I just kind of won the lottery,
10:57so I want to remind people of the fragility of trying to get the 0.1% of the bell curve
11:04and call it the average.
11:05So who's left?
11:08Now, here's the problem, too.
11:09So let's say that you build your business and you're 35 and you're a millionaire, daddy
11:14McWarbucks.
11:16And then what happens?
11:17Well, you're trying to go and get a woman.
11:21And you're a millionaire.
11:22Well, then what happens is you now have to worry about the gold diggers.
11:25That's your challenge, that's your problem now, is what about the gold diggers?
11:29So when you're younger, you're like, well, you know, but the woman, I don't have any
11:34proof of her yet.
11:35I don't have any this.
11:36I don't have any that.
11:37And then you try and get a woman when you're wealthy, when you are concerned about the
11:40gold diggers and how camouflaged they are.
11:43And you won't feel left for who you are.
11:45You'll feel left for the money because the money is going to overshadow to a large degree
11:49who you are.
11:50It's like a woman who has an overtly hypersexual presentation, right?
11:54It's like tits up and forward, but I want to be left for who I am.
11:57Like massive cleavage.
11:58Hey, eyes are up here.
11:59It's like cleavage is like a gravity well for men's eyes.
12:05And we go fight it up, but you know, for men's eyes to hover above cleavage, just like
12:12the Fred Flintstone running off a cliff and then it's going to fall eventually.
12:19So what you want to do is you want to build your business with your wife.
12:26And that way she is rewarded for sticking by you and helping you and being your support
12:31system and so on.
12:32And then you have some kids and that's another good reason to work hard and do all of this
12:37wonderful stuff.
12:38So yeah, I mean, if you, maybe I'll put a show together, the 10 questions to ask, but,
12:50and when I say a woman is educated, I don't necessarily mean in sort of formal brain mashing
12:56indoctrination camps.
12:57I mean, is she curious about the world?
13:00Does she like to learn?
13:01Does she like to read?
13:02Does she like to read fiction?
13:03If she reads fiction, particularly older fiction before it became all propagandized nonsense,
13:08but you know, propaganda is the sore on ring of power that leads artists astray.
13:14And then they want to affect change rather than speak the truth.
13:18And so if the woman is well read, if she's educated, whether it's formal or self, if she
13:24has morals and virtues, if she comes from a stable family, that's a plus, or if she's
13:29dealt with the instability within her family, that's another plus.
13:33If she has the capacity to negotiate, if she empathizes with you, if she's civilized and
13:40reasonable and you have these, we don't yell, we don't call names, we don't intimidate,
13:46we reason things through and so on, and you have all of those agreements and then you
13:50practice it before you get married.
13:53What can I tell you?
13:54That's the best chance you have.
13:56That's the best chance you have.
13:58The chances of divorce when you follow the right steps are negligible.
14:04It's like a couple of percentage points, negligible.
14:07And some of those divorces would be for things outside of not getting along.
14:12All right.
14:13Dear Steph, I feel, and I've been talking about this by the way, having vetting conversations
14:18with women.
14:19I've been talking about this from the very beginning.
14:20All right.
14:21Dear Steph, I feel a little uncomfortable, maybe even a little effeminate, for lack of
14:24a better word, when I say hello to a woman at a bar or a nightclub.
14:29What is the best way to greet a woman I'm trying to ask out on a date?
14:31Is it hello?
14:32G'day?
14:33As is sometimes used here in Australia.
14:35No.
14:36I generally like to use this as it sounds the most masculine.
14:39How's it going?
14:40How's your night?
14:41Whilst these slight variations may seem insignificant, you do know, Steph, that women are particularly
14:46picky about a man's choice of words in the wooing process.
14:49For example, I recently greeted a young woman at the nightclub by saying, are you Anya Tyler
14:54Joy?
14:55This woman responded with a face that wasn't enthusiastic to me.
14:58It was a look of disinterest, and even more than that, it's like her face was saying,
15:02every second you continue to talk to me is causing me immense discomfort, even pain.
15:05I quickly noticed she wasn't making direct eye contact.
15:08She was looking down.
15:09I showed her a photo of Anya Tyler Joy on my phone, and she didn't say anything, and
15:13because she looked so uncomfortable, I just left quickly, but I noticed how pissed off
15:16her facial expression was.
15:18The woman was doing seductive dance moves in the nightclub, at the top of the nightclub
15:21next to me, and downstairs too.
15:23So I thought, because of a proximity interest signaling, that she might be trying to get
15:26my attention.
15:27Anyway, Steph, do you think that it was a good pick-up line to compare a woman to a
15:30famous actress, especially a young and very beautiful actress that seems more unique and
15:34more of a conversation starter than a generic hello?
15:38I don't believe this woman was Anya Tyler Joy, because I live in Australia, and I believe
15:43Anya Tyler Joy has a boyfriend, so I don't think this, oh my god, she would randomly
15:46be in a nightclub.
15:47In Australia, this woman looked very youthful, but there was slight aging under this woman's
15:50eyes, so I believe that this woman must have been in her mid-20s to late-20s, just like
15:53Anya Tyler Joy.
15:54I don't even know who this woman is.
15:56I have not seen aging under the actress Anya Tyler Joy's eyes, but maybe it's because she
16:00gets all make-up on in her movies.
16:02This woman was probably the height of Anya Tyler Joy, too, and skinny, oh my god, what's
16:07the matter with you, and had an identical body like Anya Tyler Joy, and this woman was
16:11about my height, and I'm almost six foot like you, Steph, so it may have been Anya Tyler
16:14Joy, but I think probably not.
16:15She looked striking, oh my god, I've got to skip this session with Anya Tyler Joy, whoever
16:19that is.
16:20Oh, she was from The Northmen, that's a movie I walked out of, all right.
16:27Okay, have you ever complimented a woman you were trying to woo by complimenting her by
16:31saying she looks like a beautiful, famous actress or celebrity?
16:37I don't know.
16:38I mean, why are you trying to meet women in places that are so loud?
16:42Why are you trying to meet women in bars and nightclubs and discos and so on?
16:46That's not going to work.
16:47I mean, because you're just going to get hearing damage and tinnitus later on in life from
16:50screaming in people's ears.
16:52You look like a hot woman.
16:54Okay, so the woman, I don't know what her response was.
16:57So please understand that there are women who are sadists out there, right, and the
17:01women who are sadists very much enjoy dressing to the nines and then scorning men, right,
17:07so because they're dressing to the nines and dressing up and looking fantastic, they're
17:11giving men power over them, and then to level up, they then want power over men by rejecting
17:15men, right?
17:17So just understand this.
17:18I'm not saying it's a lot of women, but there are women out there who are sadists and who
17:21will dress up to attract a man and then scorn every man who approaches her, right?
17:28It is a form of attraction signaling to reject men because if she's that good-looking, and
17:34I suppose Anya Taylor-Joy is very good-looking, so if she's that good-looking, then she's
17:39going to want a man who's very wealthy.
17:41Now how does a man become very wealthy?
17:45In a woman's eyes, right?
17:46In a woman's eyes, because they get all these cliches, right?
17:48So how do men become very wealthy according to women?
17:51Well, they are relentless and insistent, so they don't take no for an answer, right?
17:57I mean, look at, you know, the scene from Glengarry Glen Ross with Shuddy McFick here,
18:06and it's just, you know, you're relentless, coffee is for closers, you're relentless,
18:11you just keep pushing and just keep pushing, right?
18:13So I'm not saying this is right to do with regards to women, but a lot of women say that
18:17the best way to determine if a man is going to be successful is can he overcome objections,
18:21can he overcome obstacles, so they play negative and they see if you back down and run away.
18:27Now this is not healthy behavior, I'm not saying it's healthy behavior, but it is what
18:31a lot of women will do.
18:34They will look for a man who will overcome obstacles.
18:36Now please, please understand, it's not healthy, don't do it.
18:40Do not do it because it's a very dysfunctional personality structure, because she's sifting
18:44for sociopaths, she's sifting and selecting for men who don't have any fear of rejection,
18:51and men who don't have any fear of rejection tend to be cold-hearted sociopaths.
18:56So then she says that she's got a man who just can't show affection and can't share
19:01his feelings, it's like, well, you selected for that, you selected for a man who doesn't
19:04show fear, and because he doesn't show fear, he doesn't experience his own emotions, he's
19:09not emotionally available, he doesn't pair bond, he's not affectionate, he'll use you
19:12for sex and move on, and then you go, oh my god, men are just so terrible, so terrible.
19:16I mean, I remember at a New Year's Eve party many, many years ago, when I was single, I
19:23went up and started chatting with a woman, and she was very standoffish and skittish
19:27and frightened and negative, now of course, I don't know, I sort of say this to my daughter
19:31when we were at brunch yesterday and the waitress was kind of surly, and I said, you don't know,
19:38maybe she just got the worst news of her life, maybe her father just got diagnosed with a
19:44terminal illness, maybe she just broke up, maybe she had a miscarriage, I don't know,
19:49I don't know, I don't know. It's the old thing that every now and then we've all been in
19:54a big rush in traffic for some emergency, and so when somebody's cutting the corners
19:58and weaving in and out, you can get mad at them or you can say, I hope that they get
20:01their wife to the hospital in time for the baby to be born in the hospital or whatever,
20:10right? So, you don't know. I don't know, this woman, her boyfriend might have just broken
20:15up with her, she might have just found out that he was cheating, she might have been
20:18diagnosed with, I don't know, some cyst on her ovaries, she could have just failed some
20:24important exam, she could have found out that her father is not really her father, like,
20:28you don't know, you don't know what's going on with people's lives, and to take it personally
20:31is kind of narcissistic. So, when somebody behaves in a negative manner towards you
20:35and you take it personally, sorry, that's kind of narcissistic, it's solipsistic, it's
20:39I, me, me, I, all that she has, she's a complete blank slate and all she does is evaluate me
20:45and she's coming from a completely neutral space, she has no moods of her own, and she
20:51might have had stinky, like, viscerally smelly guys hitting on her all night and she's out
20:58of patience, she might be completely panicking about getting married and having kids, her
21:05last boyfriend might have only been with her for her looks and then he left her, right?
21:11So, it could be any number of reasons as to why she's, I mean, God, please, please, please
21:18stop making everything about you in the world, it's narcissistic, it's selfish, it's solipsistic,
21:23it's mirror-gazing and it is fundamentally unempathetic, right? It's unempathetic.
21:32Why do some people hate me? Is it because of me? Nope, I'm actually a very nice guy,
21:38I wish the best for the world, I'm kind of funny and engaging and very affectionate and
21:42all of that, so people hate me because of their own situations and issues, that's it,
21:48their own situations and issues, I mean, because if good people love me, and they do, and I love
21:55good people, so if good people love me, all the people who hate me are not doing it because of
21:59their sound moral judgment, and I conform to, I mean, because I discovered and invented the
22:06rational proof of secular ethics and my life conforms to the non-aggression principle and
22:10aesthetically preferable actions, so I know that I'm moral, so the only reason that people would
22:14hate me is because I interfere with some goal or objective of theirs or they've just had a really
22:19bad day and they want to take it out on someone, and in general, people who have really bad days
22:25almost always take out their fear, frustration, anger and rage on the most reasonable person
22:30around, right? This is why people pick on Christians or the most reasonable, it's how
22:34much courage does it take to pick on people whose philosophy tells them to love their enemies, right?
22:39So when you have, when people have frustration in their lives, they generally take out those
22:45frustrations on the most reasonable person around, so it's actually a compliment when
22:49immature people rail at you because it means that they're branding you as rational and reasonable
22:54and so on, right? I mean, the lions choose to pick on the creatures who are least likely to fight
23:02violently or viciously, right? So it's kind of a compliment. So if some woman doesn't
23:10respond to your advances, you can say, look, I'm not appealing to you, I get that, I'm really,
23:19really sorry for interfering, I get that, but to say that, oh my gosh, she's had some massive,
23:25objective judgment of my fundamental level of attractiveness for all women and she's coming
23:30from a completely neutral place and it's all, me, me, me, I, me, me, she doesn't have any
23:34interior life of her own, there could be no possible reason why she might be in a bad mood,
23:39there could be no possible reason why she's being negative towards me that comes from her, not me,
23:43oh my god, oh my god, it's not, oh, it's not all about you, I mean, oh gosh, what can I tell you?
23:52Here's an armpit, what can I tell you? Oh man, so let me, let me tell you a story.
23:58I still remember the woman's name, she wanted it pronounced in the European fashion.
24:03So when I, I went through a transformation, I write about this in the God of Atheists,
24:10I went through a transformation from ugly duckling to fairly youthful man stud, right? I just, I went
24:17through this, doesn't really matter, particularly how or why, but a relative came and was kind of
24:21shocked that my bowl cut and bad clothing got me a cool haircut, got me good clothing, got me skin
24:26cream, and all of that, and I went from a guy that nobody wanted to look at twice from the
24:34female perspective to a guy who could get virtually the top tier of girls, and this all happened in
24:40like a week. I very clearly remember when I got this makeover, I got this makeover,
24:49I went to school and nobody talked to me, my friends didn't talk to me because everyone
24:53thought I was the new kid. It's a wild thing, just how the outside can change the inside,
25:00right? So it was a very interesting look, I was still the same guy, but I looked way better. Well,
25:05no, I wasn't the same guy, I was the guy with male investment, right? Somebody saying, oh my god,
25:10you're a good-looking kid, what are you doing dressed like this, looking like this, blah, blah,
25:14blah, blah, blah, right? So there was this girl, I really liked her, she was one of the prettiest
25:22girls in school, so I asked her out with my newfound brain swell confidence, plus I started
25:27exercising and all of that, right? So I asked her out, and we went for a walk, and I remember we
25:39were in this park, and there was a bridge over a river, and nothing was going on. I'm a pretty
25:48decent conversationalist, nothing was going on conversation-wise, she was just not saying much
25:53of anything, staring, and of course, part of me was like, well, does she not like me, am I saying
25:58something? Because it's eye, me, me, eye, the mirrored glasses of introspective, eternal
26:04fascination with the self, fly disco eyes. And I remember walking over to the edge of the bridge
26:14and saying, wow, that's a really fast-flowing river, at the same time, I'm like, right, oh my
26:18God, this is like the worst conversation known to man. Oh, look, what a fast-flowing river,
26:26I mean, it's really sad, really, I mean, that's no game, like you just blew up your entire
26:31monopoly set, right? So anyway, it doesn't hugely matter, but years later, years later,
26:40I had lunch with her, this was after high school, and she revealed to me, I don't really want to
26:46get into details, let's just say, an unbelievably catastrophic family catastrophe had happened
26:53that week. So, wasn't I the jerk for making it all about me, rather than saying, you seem really
27:02upset, drop the date thing, is there anything that you want to talk about, or anything I can do to
27:06help? Now, of course, I was like, what, 15 at the time, or 16, or whatever it was, so, no, that's 15.
27:13So, I mean, I'm not going back and saying you should have had that level of, you know, whatever,
27:20empathy, or curiosity, or maturity, or whatever, but nonetheless, it was the fact that
27:28she'd had this unbelievably catastrophic family disaster happen that week,
27:33and that's why she wasn't able to talk, because she wanted, and it was actually a compliment to
27:38me, right, you understand? She found me nice and attractive enough to go on a date with me,
27:42even with this family catastrophe, she didn't cancel it, right? So, what I thought of was as
27:47a rejection of me was actually a massive compliment towards me. It's not all about you,
27:54it's not all about you, it's not all about you, it's not all about you, it's not all about you.
27:58Other people have their issues, and their problems, and it's not all about you,
28:06and once you get that, then you can actually have compassion to people,
28:10and recognize that a rejection of you is not about you, and it doesn't matter
28:18whether you say something about what Anna Nicole, whatever her name was, Smith, my generation,
28:24what matters is that you approach the woman because you like her spirit, not just because
28:29she's hot and you want to have sex with her and so on, but there's something about her,
28:32so the laugh, the eyes, the shine, the gestures, the body language, there's something about her
28:37that you find appealing more than just the flesh, and you talk to her because you want to get to
28:41know her, but if you approach a woman only because of the flesh, then you are going to use her like a
28:48butcher to consume for lust, and women sense that, and while that might be sexy to some women,
28:54after a certain amount of time, they have a physical gut level, base of the intestine,
29:01vomit revulsion towards it, women get really tired of being fucked and fucked over,
29:07so if you're not interested in the woman's character, personality, virtues, and intellect,
29:12leave her alone, leave her alone, you are just sowing the seeds of a barren future for you and
29:18for her and for our society as a whole. All right, almost time for my 11 a.m. show, so lots of love
29:25everyone, take care, I'll talk to you soon, freedomain.com slash donate if you find these
29:29old convos helpful, so have yourself a wonderful day, we'll talk to you soon, bye.