• 2 months ago
First broadcast 10th January 2014.

Jimmy Carr

Sean Lock
Jon Richardson
Rachel Riley
Susie Dent
Joe Wilkinson
John Pohlhammer

Miles Jupp
Aisling Bea
Nick Helm

Category

📺
TV
Transcript
00:30Tonight, on 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown,
00:34Jon Richardson, Sean Locke,
00:38Miles Jupp, Aisling B,
00:42Nick Helm, Susie Dent, and Rachel Riley.
00:46Now, welcome your host, Jimmy Carr!
00:52APPLAUSE
00:56Hello, and welcome to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown.
00:59A show all about letters, numbers and conundrums.
01:02Did you know, for example, the average Brit knows about 50,000 words,
01:06but for some reason they can't remember any of them whilst playing along with Countdown.
01:10LAUGHTER
01:12Americans call mathematics math, arguing that mathematics functions as a singular noun,
01:16so math should be singular too.
01:18But then again, they also call bums fanny, so what do they know?
01:21LAUGHTER
01:23And the world record for the most swear words in a television programme
01:26is 201 in a half hour,
01:28and that's the last time Sean's getting invited on Loose Women.
01:31LAUGHTER
01:33Right, let's get started.
01:35APPLAUSE
01:42OK, let's meet tonight's players. First up, it's Jon Richardson.
01:45CHEERING
01:50Jon describes himself as a double-door checker.
01:52As he's paranoid his front door isn't locked.
01:55Don't worry, Jon, pretty sure it's locked.
01:57You definitely locked it, right?
01:59LAUGHTER
02:01Don't start, because I wasn't the last one out today.
02:03LAUGHTER
02:05I'm sure it'll be fine. Can you smell gas?
02:07LAUGHTER
02:09Did you lock the door, though?
02:11Well, no, I didn't, cos she's still in and she's told me to stop locking the door when she's in.
02:15LAUGHTER
02:17Have you genuinely locked people in the house?
02:19If she's asleep, I'll double-lock the door.
02:21LAUGHTER
02:23If Jon's switched off the stairlift, there's no way she can come down anyway.
02:27LAUGHTER
02:29APPLAUSE
02:35And joining Jon tonight, it's Aisling Bea.
02:37CHEERING
02:41Wonderful to have Aisling Bea with us tonight.
02:43Usually when Channel 4 feature a young Irish woman,
02:45she's wearing a dress like a Christmas tree and marrying a scrap metal dealer.
02:49LAUGHTER
02:51Joining Jon this evening, it's Sean Lock.
02:53CHEERING
02:58Sean's the kind of guy you'd want on your side in a fight,
03:00particularly if that fight was with Jon Richardson.
03:02LAUGHTER
03:04And Sean's team-mate this evening, it's Miles Jupp.
03:06CHEERING
03:11Miles studied divinity at Edinburgh University, where he got an A.
03:14Men.
03:16LAUGHTER
03:21Last time you were on, Miles, you were, frankly, appalling.
03:24You were terrible at this game. Have you been practising?
03:26Oh, yeah, yeah. I was very scolded by what happened last time,
03:29and I went away and I thought to myself,
03:31you know, I can either focus on paying the mortgage
03:34and enabling my children to eat,
03:36or I could get really shit-hot at a load of letters and numbers games
03:40that have no practical use in the real world.
03:42There was no... It was not a difficult decision.
03:45LAUGHTER
03:47Are you saying you've got better or not?
03:50Let's not reveal that yet.
03:52OK. And how does it feel to be back? Are you happy to be back?
03:55Oh, I mean, what a buzz already. Yeah.
03:57LAUGHTER
03:59How do you feel about having Miles on your team, Sean?
04:01It's great. I mean, it's great to be back with one of life's winners.
04:05LAUGHTER
04:07Have you got a game plan?
04:09Yeah. My game plan tonight is, you know,
04:12yeah, puzzles, quizzes and all that,
04:14but the most important thing
04:16is to bring a little ray of sunshine
04:18into somebody's miserable, lonely life.
04:21LAUGHTER
04:23Doesn't matter how ill you are, how sad you are, how lonely you feel,
04:26if I can bring a little momentary light,
04:29a flicker of happiness into your dismal,
04:32endless misery...
04:35If you want to cheer someone miserable up, just let John win.
04:38LAUGHTER
04:40APPLAUSE
04:43Ashlyn, did I have Countdown in Ireland?
04:45Yes. I've actually never watched Countdown before.
04:48Because I'm not a nerd! No, but I...
04:50LAUGHTER
04:52I think I might be brilliant at it,
04:54and I think with John, I'm on the same team.
04:56I think we're with a really good chance of winning on this team.
04:59Doesn't sound like we're on the same team with all your nerd chat.
05:02LAUGHTER
05:04I'm very excited to be on John's team. I think it's going to go really well.
05:07There's no I in genius.
05:09LAUGHTER
05:11LAUGHTER
05:15Miles, Sean, have you got mascots?
05:17Oh, yes. What have you got?
05:19Yeah, I've got... This is actually... It's been in the family for years.
05:22This is a, um...
05:24LAUGHTER
05:30This, um...
05:34I've had it since I was very young. My, um...
05:38My... My grandad gave me this.
05:42He was given it himself by a sort of wise woman in a souk in Northern Africa.
05:48And he says this... I don't know who this cheeky chap is,
05:51but it'll always bring you luck.
05:53I put this on my desk when I did my GCSEs.
05:56LAUGHTER
05:58It was there for all of them.
06:00About five general anaesthetics.
06:02Just always. It just means...
06:04Birth of your children.
06:06It looks like the portal they'll put on Sean's coffin when he dies.
06:12Sean, do you have a mascot?
06:14I don't have a mascot. Instead, I've gone for a coping mechanism.
06:17LAUGHTER
06:19I'm fine when I lose, which I will lose.
06:21There's ways of dealing with it. You can get upset.
06:23You can go, oh, no, goodness.
06:25Or you can just blow your troubles away.
06:28LAUGHTER
06:31And a few bubbles can make you put a lot of things into perspective.
06:37LAUGHTER
06:39Bollocking arses!
06:42Oh, there we go.
06:44And that I find quite soothing.
06:47Sean, do you have a mascot?
06:49I've caught two of his bubbles.
06:51You caught two of his bubbles? Oh!
06:53LAUGHTER
06:57It died.
06:59Why does everything I touch die?
07:01LAUGHTER
07:04Oh, it bounced!
07:06OK, that was the real me for a minute there.
07:08LAUGHTER
07:10Sean, what have you got mascot-wise?
07:12I've gone a different way this week.
07:14To incentivise myself to victory,
07:16I've actually been sponsored this week by my local curry house,
07:19Nando's.
07:21LAUGHTER
07:25The sad story of Nando's is that they were there before Nando's,
07:29and Nando's actually set up next door,
07:31and it was Nando's that caught on.
07:33So I feel a bit sorry for the guys at Nando's.
07:36LAUGHTER
07:38Nando's sounds great.
07:40If I get any points from curry-related words,
07:42they'll give me a free curry this evening.
07:44Well, best of luck with that.
07:46Aisling, have you got a mascot?
07:48Yes, I have brought a picture of my mammy.
07:51LAUGHTER
07:53With me as a baby. My mother loves language and English,
07:56and she especially loves punctuation.
07:58She'll kind of throw it in anywhere, like she's mad for an inverted comma.
08:01So as you see here, it's myself and my mother, Irish, both wearing green,
08:04and on the back she has,
08:06Aisling and Helen, we were always proud to be Irish
08:10and loved wearing green.
08:12LAUGHTER
08:14She does it on my birthday card.
08:16She writes things like, happy birthday to my wonderful daughter.
08:19LAUGHTER
08:21What do you mean, Mother?
08:23LAUGHTER
08:25Did your mum used to be a jockey?
08:27She did used to be a jockey, yes.
08:29That's not a euphemism, that's like a real question.
08:31LAUGHTER
08:32Yeah, I was just the result of a ride that went too far.
08:35LAUGHTER
08:37APPLAUSE
08:42OK, over in Dictionary Corner, we've got Nick Helm.
08:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:50Nick is the thinking woman's comedian.
08:52If the woman in question is thinking,
08:55LAUGHTER
09:00How does it feel to be back, sitting next to Susie?
09:03I don't know, Susie.
09:05How does it feel having me back?
09:07It's all cool now, don't worry, it's fine, I'm fine, I'm over it.
09:10Oh, good. Are you? Yeah. Yeah.
09:12Well, if you're all right with it, that's fine then.
09:14LAUGHTER
09:16Have you learned any new words, Nick, since you were last on the show?
09:20Yes, I've learned a new word, it's a lovely word,
09:23repudiation.
09:25Repudiation.
09:26Everyone, repudiation.
09:28It's nice, isn't it? It's nice.
09:30It makes me feel good, I'm sure it makes you feel good.
09:33It's another word for rejection.
09:35LAUGHTER
09:37APPLAUSE
09:44And with Nick, it's a lovely Susie Dent.
09:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
09:54LAUGHTER
09:59Susie, you wrote a book about the origins of some English words,
10:02do you have any favourites?
10:04Oh, I did some great research in Scotland about a man called Andrew Carr.
10:08He was left-handed, and so he built this castle that was designed
10:11for left-handed soldiers, so they would surprise the enemy.
10:14And so there are 150 terms for being left-handed in this small area
10:18in Scotland, and one of them is car-fisted.
10:21LAUGHTER
10:23There are lots of variations.
10:25So, what, a castle just for left-handed soldiers?
10:27Yes.
10:28That surely was a euphemism, wasn't it, back in the day?
10:30This is just for the left-handed boys.
10:32LAUGHTER
10:34OK, and in charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley.
10:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
10:43Rachel was really brainy at school.
10:45She got more As than a scouser trying to break up a fight.
10:48Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
10:51Rachel, you're a big Manchester United fan.
10:53What's more tense and exciting,
10:55watching Man U play or watching these guys play Countdown?
10:58There's just no comparison.
11:00LAUGHTER
11:02This is more like, I used to play Sunday League football,
11:04and sometimes they had a beer at half-time.
11:06This kind of feels more like that.
11:08Sorry.
11:09You used to play Sunday League football... Yeah.
11:11..and used to have a pint at half-time?
11:13We didn't do very well.
11:16I've never really been interested in going to see the football before, but...
11:19Yeah, it wasn't as...
11:21If you're interested in getting into football,
11:23you should go and watch Man United this year.
11:25It's really funny, they're shit.
11:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
11:33OK, tonight, the prize the teams will be competing for is this,
11:37the Countdown commemorative plate.
11:42It's a beautiful, beautiful thing.
11:45Can you put it in the dishwasher?
11:49That is dishwasher safe.
11:53OK, everyone, let's Countdown. Time for our first game.
11:55Sean and Miles, you get the first pick of the letters.
11:57OK. Vowel.
11:59E
12:01Vowel.
12:02O
12:03Vowel.
12:05A
12:08Vowel.
12:10O
12:11Consonant.
12:13H
12:15Consonant.
12:17G
12:18Consonant, please.
12:20D
12:22If you may be so kind,
12:24I would like a consonant.
12:27T
12:29And just for luck,
12:31I'll have a consonant.
12:34P
12:35OK, for the first time today, here's the Countdown clock.
12:44LAUGHTER
13:09APPLAUSE
13:11That's what you get.
13:22What have you got?
13:24I got five.
13:26What have you got, Jon?
13:27I have a six.
13:29OK. Miles?
13:31A seven.
13:33A six and a seven. Sean, what have you got?
13:35I've got a seven.
13:38No, I've got an eight.
13:42Well, the numbers round is not looking good.
13:45It is a seven, it is a seven.
13:48OK, well, it will all be revealed.
13:50OK, I've got a five.
13:52You've got a five. OK.
13:54What's your five, Ashley?
13:55Oh, er, paged.
13:56Jon, your six?
13:58When I go for a curry, Jimmy...
14:03Tell me more, Jon.
14:04Sometimes I pop down,
14:05now and then I have a curry, I don't know if I mentioned it.
14:07Some of the sauces are very thin
14:09and usually I would like to have spooned my curry onto the plate,
14:12but sometimes I come out and I've had to have gooped it.
14:18Gooped. Gooped, Susie.
14:20Appropriately, it's just there as a noun meaning a stupid person.
14:31Sean?
14:32Well, I had a five and then I spotted a six.
14:34Gated is my five, but of course you could have had goated.
14:38You've been goated.
14:40What's goated mean?
14:41To be goated. When you're goated, when you...
14:45In certain satanic rituals,
14:47there's a need to turn you into a goat,
14:49and then you go,
14:51we have goated him, we've turned him into a goat.
14:54Nick, is that true of satanic ritual?
14:57Yeah, that's true.
14:58Thanks, Nick.
15:02You're going to play it by the rules, are you, Susie?
15:04Going to play it by the rules?
15:06Are you?
15:07Going to check if it's right.
15:08It's boring.
15:09Why don't you...
15:11Why don't you just go, let's have a bit of fun, put goated in.
15:15Leave her alone!
15:22You can be a goat, obviously,
15:24you can be a lecherous man if you're a goat,
15:26but also you can be a stupid person.
15:29But you can't goat somebody.
15:31You can't be goated.
15:32No.
15:33What about if you're making love very vigorously,
15:35are you goated?
15:41Miles?
15:42My word, it was photoed.
15:45Ah, very good.
15:47That's brilliant.
15:48Photoed?
15:49Photoed, yeah.
15:50Doesn't sound right.
15:51It's sort of old-fashioned, isn't it?
15:52I was photoed.
15:53It's old-fashioned?
15:54Yeah.
15:55Amazing that Miles got that.
15:56Well done.
15:57So, seven points for Miles there.
16:06Nick, Susie, what could they have done?
16:09They could have had pothead.
16:13They missed it.
16:16Pothead.
16:20Pothead!
16:27On to our first numbers round.
16:29OK, John, Aisling, your turn to pick the numbers.
16:32What do you think?
16:33We pick two big ones, don't we?
16:34Two big ones.
16:35Two big ones.
16:36And four little ones.
16:37Two big ones.
16:38Two mains and four sides.
16:44All of these should be on the takeaway menu,
16:46if you want to count it.
16:47Excellent.
16:48Number ten.
16:49Garlic, no.
16:50Number six.
16:52Pilar rice.
16:53Number five.
16:54Aloo gilby.
16:55Number nine.
16:56Saag aloo.
16:57Number 50.
16:58Chicken korma.
16:59Lange Alfredi!
17:04Seven-twelve the target, your time starts now.
17:35Time's up. John, did you get it?
17:37I got 715.
17:40715, OK.
17:42Aisling, how did you do?
17:43679.
17:47Lovely having you here.
17:50Miles?
17:51711.
17:57Sean?
17:58715.
18:00Miles?
18:01711.
18:02How did you get it?
18:03Oh...
18:0650 plus 25 is 75, am I right?
18:1050 plus 25, yeah, 75.
18:12Yeah.
18:13So what I've done is I've times that by ten.
18:15For 750.
18:16750.
18:17And then I times five by six and that's 30.
18:20Yeah.
18:21I subtract that from 750 and then I take off the nine
18:24and that gives me 711.
18:26Yeah, very good, one away.
18:27So seven points to Miles.
18:33Rachel, could it have been done?
18:34No, this one's impossible, but one away is a good effort.
18:37Wait, no, so it's not always possible to get to the number at the top?
18:40No.
18:41Who's in there behind, just a man swinging them around?
18:44It's just a random number generator and they're just tiles,
18:47so some of them are impossible.
18:48I thought it was done by a computer.
18:50Yeah, that really looks like a computer.
18:52So at the end of that, John and Aisling have no points,
18:54Sean and Miles have 14.
18:59OK, time to get across to Dictionary Corner.
19:01Nick, what have you got for us?
19:03Well, I was going to just pick a poem out of my poetry book
19:06and then just read you a poem.
19:08That sounds good, OK.
19:09Just at random?
19:11Just randomly, just randomly.
19:14Oh, this one will do.
19:16Just randomly...
19:18Oh, this one will do.
19:23Everything was wonderful
19:25Everything was great
19:27Everything was perfect
19:29Then it turned to hate
19:34The clouds, they started forming
19:36Now she doesn't take my calls
19:38She pretends that nothing happened
19:40That she's better than it all
19:42Well, sorry I'm still breathing
19:44Excuse me for sitting here
19:46Didn't realise my presence
19:48Would cause you such a stir
19:50Am I just a piece of used meat
19:53Chewed up and spat out in the cold
19:55Sitting here beside me, judging?
20:07And that is a poem called
20:09Sitting next to the one that broke my heart on Countdown
20:15Very nice.
20:17And here's your teaser.
20:19The words are LIGHT SUCK
20:21and the clue is YOU'LL BE VERY FORTUNATE.
20:23That's LIGHT SUCK, YOU'LL BE VERY FORTUNATE.
20:26See you after the break.
20:30Welcome back.
20:31The answer to the teaser, the words were LIGHT SUCK
20:34and the clue was YOU'LL BE VERY FORTUNATE.
20:36It was, of course, LUCKIEST.
20:39So, Sean and Miles are in the lead.
20:41OK, for this round only, it's Sean against Aisling.
20:43Aisling, your turn to choose.
20:45Could I get a vowel, please?
20:47Of course.
20:48Rachel?
20:49E
20:50Could I get another vowel, please?
20:52A
20:53Can I get a consonant, please?
20:55R
20:56O
20:57O?
20:58Alright, looks like my luck's coming in.
21:02Now, can I get a...
21:04Can you have? You can't say get.
21:06Rachel's getting them.
21:10You can't get it, cos she's got them.
21:13Alright, Professor Riggins, I'm learning me English slowly but surely.
21:18May I please have a vowel, please, Rachel?
21:21You may.
21:22That's better.
21:24I
21:25And another consonant?
21:27If it's an N.
21:28D
21:30Could I get a T?
21:32O
21:39Another vowel, please?
21:41A
21:42And...
21:43A consonant. I can't get any more vowels, can I?
21:45You can have one more, I think.
21:46Can I have one more?
21:47Yeah, you can have one more and go crazy.
21:49No, do you know what? I'm going to stay sane and get two more consonants, please.
21:54S
21:55And...
21:56Z
21:58OK, your time starts now.
22:11BUZZER
22:30BUZZER
22:34OK, what have you got?
22:42Erm, I think I've got seven, you know.
22:45Mmm. Tom?
22:47What have you got?
22:49I've got six.
22:51What are six?
22:53Snared.
22:56Good.
22:58Ashley?
23:00Sandier.
23:01Susie, can she have Sandier?
23:03She definitely can. Brilliant work.
23:05Oh!
23:06Yes!
23:07Seven points to Ashley.
23:11Sometimes, after a really satisfying letters game, I like a small chocolate.
23:15Just a little square chocolate.
23:18Mmm.
23:19Looks delicious, John.
23:20You're welcome. Don't thank me, thank the guys at Nando's.
23:26I'm just going to have one more bit. I've got a really crusty bit. It's delicious.
23:31Oh, oh, oh.
23:33Do you know how I make a good apple pie? My Nando's.
23:41APPLAUSE
23:44Would that be any better?
23:48Sardine?
23:50Same, seven.
23:51OK. So, at the end of that, John and Ashley have seven, Sean and Miles have 14.
23:56APPLAUSE
24:01Right, time now for John and Miles to go head-to-head.
24:03Miles, your turn to pick the numbers.
24:05Would you mind awfully acquiring me a big number?
24:07And five little ones?
24:09Yeah, why not?
24:11Right, five small ones.
24:13Three, seven, ten, five and one, and the large one, 25.
24:20And the target, 190.
24:22OK, let's see if Rachel can do this. Your time starts now.
24:34Pressure's on, Rachel.
24:36Pressure is on.
24:37Pressure is on.
24:39Yes, it is.
24:57No.
25:00What have you got there? Is that a hot towel?
25:02Honestly, I couldn't manage another number.
25:04LAUGHTER
25:08What did you get there, John?
25:09190.
25:13Miles?
25:14I got 188.
25:16John, how did you do it?
25:1825 minus five minus one...
25:21Is 19.
25:22..times by ten.
25:23190.
25:24Ten points to John.
25:25OK, so Sean and Miles have 14, John and Ashley have 17.
25:29APPLAUSE
25:35Time to go across now to what looks like
25:37a slightly frosty dictionary corner.
25:39What have you got for us, Nick?
25:41You just don't get it, Susie.
25:46Let me spell it out to you
25:48Let me add it up
25:50Let me put it in your book
25:52So you can look it up
25:54I just dropped it up with up Susie
25:57We'll make a different word
25:59You can say it any way you like
26:01Any way you heard
26:04Susie, Susie, don't you see
26:06You belong with a man like me
26:08I write you fucking poetry
26:10Every single night
26:13The way your nimble fingers
26:15Skip right from A to Z
26:17You can spell it every way you want
26:19If you spell it in your head
26:21Oh, you can count on me
26:24You can count on me
26:26You can count every way you want
26:29In the dictionary
26:31You can count on me
26:33You can count on me
26:35You can spell it any way you choose
26:38Alphabetically
26:40You sometimes leave me speechless
26:42Can't even say a word
26:44Can't even say a consonant
26:47Can't even say a verb
26:49One and one makes two
26:51I'm in love with you
26:53Two and one makes three
26:56If you're in love with me
26:58You can count on me
27:00You can count on me
27:02You can spell it any way you want
27:05Alphabetically
27:07You can count on me
27:09You can count on me
27:11You can spell it any way you choose
27:14From A to Z
27:16A, I love you girl
27:18B, cause you rock my world
27:20C, cause you rock my world
27:22D, don't you know you rock my world
27:25E, et cetera
27:27X, xylophone
27:29Y, yeah xylophone
27:32Z, zebra
27:34You can count on me
27:36You can count on me
27:38You can spell it any way you choose
27:41In the dictionary
27:43Oh, you can count on me
27:45You can count on me
27:47You can spell it any way you choose
27:50You can count on me
27:57APPLAUSE
28:11Susie, do you think you'd be able to count on Nick?
28:15Consider me thawed.
28:17Aww.
28:23The scores at the moment, Sean and Miles are on 14,
28:25John and Aisling are on 17.
28:27And here is your teaser.
28:29The words are SAD MILES.
28:31And the clue is, I gave him the wrong impression.
28:33That's SAD MILES, I gave him the wrong impression.
28:35See you after the break.
28:37APPLAUSE
28:39Welcome back. The answer to the teaser, the words were SAD MILES.
28:42And the clue was, I gave him the wrong impression.
28:44It was, of course, MISS LEADS.
28:46OK, before we move on, it's time to welcome the man recently promoted
28:50to Countdown's official stuntman.
28:52It's Joe Wilkinson.
28:54APPLAUSE
29:06Yep, yep.
29:08New Countdown stuntman, so pretty, er...
29:10What the...?
29:12What was that?
29:18That wasn't planned, you mental case.
29:22Joe, why do we at Countdown need a stuntman?
29:27I don't have a go, Jimmy, but you've seen the show, not a lot happens.
29:33You just sit around, it's like an old people's home.
29:36So they've asked me to sort of, you know, jazz it up a little bit,
29:39give it a bit of razzmatazz.
29:41Yeah, I'll eat that later.
29:44So I've got some ideas for, you know, a bit of drama.
29:49Like, I thought...
29:51I thought I could, erm...
29:53Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
29:55Whoa, whoa, whoa!
29:56Whoa. Right, we're not doing that, then.
30:02Sword-swallowing.
30:05You just open your mouth, I'll just jam it down.
30:09No, fine, this is... What is the point?
30:12You could bang your head on a breeze box till you black out.
30:16It's like you want this show to fail, mate.
30:20I'm just saying those...
30:21If you're not going to do anything, all right, at the end of the show,
30:24rather than that, like, conundrum bollocks...
30:29..I've agreed to be shot out of a cannon.
30:33That's why.
30:34Have you got a cannon?
30:40I knew there was something.
30:42I knew there was something.
30:45Do it your way, fuck it.
30:49OK, Sean and Miles, your turn to choose the letters.
30:52Erm...
30:56Consonant, please.
31:01R.
31:05M.
31:07I.
31:10And a vowel, please.
31:13I.
31:15Consonant.
31:17T.
31:18Consonant.
31:20G.
31:22And a vowel.
31:24E.
31:29Consonant.
31:31P.
31:32Vowel.
31:34A.
31:35Vowel.
31:37Last one.
31:38I.
31:39Is that all of them?
31:40That's all of them.
31:41I better write them down.
31:42Your time starts now.
32:06APPLAUSE
32:09What have you got?
32:12Jon?
32:13Four.
32:14OK.
32:15Aisling?
32:16I also have a four.
32:18Miles?
32:19A five.
32:21Sean?
32:25Five.
32:26Jon?
32:27A five.
32:28Miles?
32:29A five.
32:31Jon?
32:33A five.
32:34Five.
32:37Five.
32:39OK, what's your four, Jon?
32:41Well, Jimmy, sometimes you go for a curry and a naan bread,
32:44it's just too much.
32:46And you think, I'll just have a roti.
32:50Just have a little roti.
32:51I mean, yes, we may lose the game, but that's another free curry!
32:56Your four, Aisling?
32:57I got a gate, as in G-A-I-T.
33:01Like your gate.
33:03Like your walk, yes.
33:04Sean, your five?
33:05Pager.
33:06OK, Miles?
33:07Er, tiger.
33:08Tiger.
33:10Five points to Sean and Miles.
33:12APPLAUSE
33:18Susie, Nick, could they have done any better?
33:20Erm, yeah, they could, couldn't they?
33:22They could.
33:23Yeah.
33:24Go for it.
33:25You go.
33:26No, you do it.
33:27No, you go.
33:28Honestly, you do it.
33:29Oh, you do it.
33:30You could have a potager, which is...
33:33A potager?
33:34A kitchen garden.
33:35Kitchen garden.
33:37OK, so at the end of that, Sean and Miles are in the lead with 19 points.
33:41APPLAUSE
33:47On to another numbers round.
33:49OK, Jon and Aisling, to pick the numbers.
33:51Erm, can I get you to get me...
33:53LAUGHTER
33:55..two big numbers again?
33:58Two big, Rachel.
33:59Four little ones.
34:00Yes, please.
34:01Are you going to help out with this one?
34:03Er, no, I might learn the harp.
34:05LAUGHTER
34:11Thanks, guys.
34:12I'm sorry if you put clothes on, but, you know,
34:15you do your thing, you live your lives.
34:17LAUGHTER
34:19Do you think you could play while I read out the numbers?
34:22Yeah, well, I'm new to it, so...
34:24All right, well, I'll just... You start and I'll go.
34:27Right, it's actually a piece of piss.
34:29LAUGHTER
34:31I'm just... I don't know about you,
34:33but I'm just remembering a show we did years ago.
34:36LAUGHTER
34:38It's probably hard.
34:39LAUGHTER
34:41Five...
34:45It's like an early Oasis song.
34:50And the target, 342.
34:52Your time starts now.
34:55LAUGHTER
35:05LAUGHTER
35:12LAUGHTER
35:25The target was 342. How did you do, Aisling?
35:28Erm...
35:31I got...
35:34Jon, how did you do?
35:37Oh, bollocks.
35:39I got 340.
35:41OK, Miles?
35:42340.
35:43Me too.
35:44340 as well. Aisling?
35:46339.
35:47339. You definitely got that within the time as well, yeah?
35:50Yes, I actually did, though.
35:51I tried to cheat a bit longer, but it didn't work.
35:53339.
35:55Miles, how did you get 340?
35:57Er, 50 times 6 and 5 times 8.
36:0050 times 6 for 300 and 5 times 8 for 40, for 340.
36:04Jon, how did you do?
36:06Oh, well, I mean, his is better.
36:0975 plus 10 is 85.
36:1285.
36:1350 over 5 is 10.
36:15Minus the 6 is 4.
36:17Minus the 6 is 4.
36:19And then I timesed them.
36:20Yeah, 340.
36:2277 points to both teams.
36:27Rachel, could that be done, 3, 4, 2?
36:30Yeah, 75 minus 10 minus 8 is 57.
36:34Oh, she's back. She's back. This is the Rachel I know and love.
36:3757 times 6?
36:39Yeah, 342.
36:46That could be bullshit, we don't know.
36:52There's no way of checking, that's the shame of it.
36:55So the scores at the moment, Jon and Aisling have 24,
36:57Sean and Miles have 26, pretty close.
36:59And here is your final teaser.
37:01The words are HELMSBIT and the clue is
37:04it's the size of a fingertip.
37:06That's HELMSBIT, it's the size of a fingertip.
37:09See you after the break.
37:14Welcome back. The answer to the teaser, the words were HELMSBIT,
37:17the clue was it's the size of a fingertip.
37:19It was, of course, thimbles.
37:22OK, time for our final letters game. Aisling, your turn to choose.
37:25Can I have a vowel, please?
37:28You can indeed. O.
37:30Another vowel, please.
37:32E.
37:34And then a consonant.
37:36G.
37:38G.
37:40Oh!
37:42That noise means, Aisling, you get a bonus round.
37:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:50Aisling, what will happen now
37:52is you have a chance to win your team six points.
37:56Oh!
37:58What will happen is you will find a bag next to your seat.
38:01In that bag are some knives.
38:08What you have to do is throw the knives at this board.
38:14Every time one of those knives stick in the board,
38:17you win your team a point.
38:20But every time a knife sticks in me...
38:24..you lose a point.
38:28It's as simple as that.
38:30So can we drop the lights a little?
38:33I might take cover.
38:35Pop out of the way, love. This shit's happening.
38:39OK, take the knives out of the bag.
38:44Oh, Joe, there's only plastic forks in here.
38:48Does no-one read their fucking emails?!
39:03I was really excited.
39:05I thought it was going to be brilliant.
39:09LAUGHTER
39:11OK, back to the game. Aisling, pick a letter.
39:13Can I get a vowel, please?
39:16No, you can't.
39:17I
39:18Oh, son!
39:20Can I please have a consonant?
39:22S
39:24Erm...
39:25R
39:26And another R, yeah.
39:27And then...
39:28D
39:29D... Yeah, give it a go.
39:31Erm...
39:32Another consonant.
39:34L
39:35L and then one more vowel.
39:36And the last one.
39:37A
39:38Yeah.
39:39Your time starts now.
40:07MUSIC STOPS
40:12John, how many have you got?
40:13Seven.
40:15Seven. Aisling?
40:17Er, five.
40:19Five. Miles?
40:21Five.
40:22Sean?
40:23Five.
40:24Miles, what's your five?
40:26Rails.
40:27Rails. Sean?
40:28Aegis. A-E-G-I-S.
40:30Aisling, your five?
40:32Large.
40:33John, your seven?
40:34Gliders.
40:35Gliders.
40:36APPLAUSE
40:41Seven points to John and Aisling.
40:44That hurt, that one.
40:46Sean's taking it well.
40:49And Nick, Susie, could they have done any better?
40:52Yeah, they could have. They could have got an eight.
40:54Or they could have got a six. They could have had orgies.
40:58Orgies was up there, of course it was.
41:00Susie?
41:01Susie?
41:02They could have had, er, Daryls for eight, which are cooking pots.
41:06They're kind of flower pot shape, but you might be able to get a curry in.
41:10You might be able to get a curry in a Daryl.
41:12But it's there for eight, anyway.
41:13OK, so Sean and Miles have 26,
41:15John and Aisling are just in the lead with 31
41:17as we go into the final numbers game.
41:19APPLAUSE
41:24OK, Sean, Miles, your turn to pick the numbers.
41:27Er, two big ones and four little ones, please.
41:30Two large, four small.
41:32Right, this round is ten, eight, nine...
41:35Is there a number called 17, or did I make that up?
41:4325, 75...
41:46677.
41:48OK, your time starts now.
42:01You've got 15 seconds, John, get it down yet.
42:06A little bit of chutney wouldn't go out of the mix right about now, I'd say.
42:21Er, well, how was that audition as Cookie Monster?
42:26OK, er, what have you got, John?
42:28677.
42:30You've got 677.
42:32Watch out for those storm clouds, cos here comes Rain Man.
42:35That's amazing, John.
42:39Aisling, what have you got?
42:40Erm, 625.
42:45OK, Sean, what have you got?
42:47I've got 678.
42:49678, OK, Miles?
42:50Er, 675.
42:52675, OK.
42:53John, how did you do it?
42:5575 times nine.
42:5875 times what?
43:00Nine.
43:01It's, er...
43:03675.
43:05Did that in me head, whatever.
43:08I couldn't get the two.
43:11I did six...
43:13Nine times 75 is 675.
43:15I couldn't get the ten minus eight, just didn't see it.
43:18It's the panic.
43:21Ten points to John.
43:34That is possibly the greatest machine that's ever been invented.
43:38I find it, in really tough moments, it really helps.
43:45They're my bubbles.
43:49Actually, I can't turn it off.
43:53OK, no, fine.
43:55There's quite a lot of liquid around electrics now.
43:59OK, fingers on buzzers, it's time for today's Countdown Conundrum.
44:25BELL RINGS
44:34Sean?
44:39Sean?
44:41Sean?
44:44Weest...
44:46Weest...
44:49A weest saw. A weest saw.
44:51You know, a weest saw.
44:53That's not it. Restart the clock.
44:55BUZZER
44:57John, did you just buzz?
44:59I buzz like a man who's just eaten a hot curry
45:01and has got a bit of a cob on
45:03and finds himself the sweatiest man in the room.
45:06Is it sweatiest?
45:08Let's have a look.
45:10Very good.
45:12Sweatiest.
45:17So we've got it. So the final scores are Sean and Miles have 26,
45:20Miles with 51, John and Aisling.
45:28Congratulations, you two.
45:30You're now the proud owners of a Countdown commemorative plate.
45:33Thanks to all our panellists, our wonderful studio audience
45:35and all of you for watching at home.
45:37That's it from us. Good night.
45:45Sunday, the street racers are on for a massive heist.
45:48Vin Diesel, The Rock gets speedy
45:50in the network premiere of Fast Five, Sunday at nine.
45:53But coming up, tricking Katy Perry and Ricky Gervais like a good'un.
45:57It's David Blaine, real or magic.