First broadcast 3rd January 2014.
Jimmy Carr
Sean Lock
Jon Richardson
Rachel Riley
Susie Dent
Joe Wilkinson
John Pohlhammer
Rhod Gilbert
Kevin Bridges
Josie Long
Jimmy Carr
Sean Lock
Jon Richardson
Rachel Riley
Susie Dent
Joe Wilkinson
John Pohlhammer
Rhod Gilbert
Kevin Bridges
Josie Long
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:30Tonight, on 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown,
00:34Sean Lock,
00:36Jon Richardson,
00:38Rod Gilbert,
00:39Kevin Bridges,
00:41Josie Long,
00:42Susie Dent,
00:44and Rachel Riley.
00:46Now, welcome your host,
00:48Jimmy Carr!
00:55Hello, and welcome to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown,
00:58a show about letters, numbers and conundrums.
01:00Did you know, for example,
01:02since 1982, the countdown clock has been started more than 66,000 times?
01:06If you calculate what that equates to in terms of minutes and hours,
01:09you'll find you really need to get out more.
01:13The average IQ in the UK is just 102,
01:16although that does increase when Joey Essex goes away on holiday.
01:21And an arcane term for eyes is winker peeps,
01:25although if you try telling a girl she's got beautiful winker peeps,
01:28it's unlikely your winker peeps will ever see her rubber nubs.
01:32Right, let's get started.
01:41OK, let's meet tonight's players.
01:43First up, it's Sean Lock.
01:51Comedian, writer and TV personality, Sean is one of life's winners,
01:54although not on Countdown, obviously.
01:57Takes a lot of time and effort to get to know the real Sean,
02:00and a degree in criminal psychology wouldn't go amiss.
02:06Keep it coming, I'm loving it, I'm loving it.
02:08It's all about me.
02:10And joining Sean tonight, it's Rod Gilbert.
02:18Rod is from Carmarthen in Wales,
02:20and he's got a slight advantage in the numbers game,
02:22more fingers to count on.
02:27That's one of them.
02:29There's plenty more where that came from.
02:34No, no, no, fair enough.
02:36Up against them this evening, it's Jon Richardson.
02:41It must be difficult for Jon's girlfriend to date someone with OCD.
02:44Every time she gets turned on, Jon turns her off again.
02:50APPLAUSE
02:56That is the best one you've ever done.
02:58Thank you very much.
03:00And Jon's team-mate, Kevin Bridges.
03:07Kevin recently performed a comedy gig at a prison in Scotland.
03:10At least, that's what he told his family.
03:12It lasted four months.
03:15Hi, Kevin, have you seen Countdown before?
03:17Yes, I'm a massive fan.
03:19I'm a massive fan of Eight Out Of Ten Cats as well,
03:21so can you imagine my reaction?
03:25I'm a huge fan.
03:26Anybody who's ever been unemployed in their life is a massive Countdown fan.
03:31Were you good at school?
03:32I used to panic at exams in English.
03:34I remember one time I forgot how to spell the word who.
03:38I don't have dyslexia or anything, I was just writing who,
03:41and I just started to overthink it a wee bit.
03:44LAUGHTER
03:46I'm trying to raise awareness that kids are under extreme pressure
03:49in exams these days and they forget how to spell words like who.
03:52I agree with you, though, I think school goes on way too long.
03:55For me, once I'd learnt all the animal noises,
03:57I was ready to go out there...
04:00..get a job and use this stuff!
04:04How do you get in the zone to play Countdown?
04:06I don't call it a zone, Jimmy, I call it a mood.
04:10I get in a mood.
04:11I won't lie to you, I don't like doing Countdown.
04:16Why lie? What's my lie?
04:18I feel like a polar bear trapped in a tiny cage.
04:22Up and down, up and down.
04:24Why do I have to play Countdown?
04:26Why do I have to play Countdown?
04:30No, but seriously, I hate playing Countdown.
04:35If there are any traditional viewers of Countdown watching,
04:38I'd just like to say, well done making it to January.
04:51Jon, you're up against Rod tonight, he's undefeated.
04:54Yeah.
04:55You think you can take him?
04:57Well, it's tense.
04:58I've won eight out of ten Cats Does Countdowns
05:02and the only people that have beaten me are Sean and Rod.
05:05Unfortunately, because I am unbeaten on this,
05:07they keep pairing me with this fucker.
05:11I never thought that was my nickname.
05:15I thought it was something like Spexy, Locky, Locko,
05:17but no, it's this fucker.
05:21Rod, have you brought a mascot with you?
05:23Yeah, I've got my mascot, I've got my lucky number somewhere.
05:27So I've got this, the old lucky number.
05:31It's always just been lucky for me, this number.
05:33Some people have got seven, some people have got 13,
05:35I've got double, double, seven, double, oh, nine, double, oh, three.
05:39That'll come good tonight.
05:42Isn't that a mobile phone number?
05:44People do say that, yeah.
05:47Sean, have you got a mascot?
05:49Yes, I have.
05:51One of my big problems with this show is the clock.
05:55I don't trust it, I don't think it's accurate,
05:57I don't think it gets close to 30 seconds.
06:00So I got in touch with the guys at CERN,
06:02you know, the Hadron Collider.
06:04I said to them, I need a timepiece that's nuclearly accurate,
06:08that's the most perfect representation of 30 seconds it is capable,
06:12and they went away in the lab,
06:14some of the world's finest physicians and technicians on the planet,
06:17and they came up with this.
06:19And that, when I set this, when it goes off...
06:27..it's 30 seconds.
06:29I'm not working to that mofo.
06:33I'm working to this baby here.
06:37Jon and Kevin, have you brought mascots?
06:39Yeah, I've brought my scut.
06:45I've got a mascot.
06:46You've got a mascot?
06:47That's my mascot.
06:49It's a train ticket.
06:52I never realised it was...
06:53Without this train ticket, I would not be here tonight.
07:00Oh!
07:02That's beautiful.
07:05I was presented with barrels, and that's what got me through.
07:09How did they know you had an STD?
07:20Jon, did you bring a mascot?
07:22No, mascots are to bring luck, and luck is for the weak.
07:26So I've brought brain food.
07:28This is all I eat now.
07:30Sushi.
07:33Do you want some? Makes you clever.
07:35Is that a deg?
07:39It's brain food, anyway.
07:40It's there if ever I need it, if the clock starts and there's five seconds left
07:43and I haven't got a word.
07:45Leave some raw fish under some lights for a while, see what happens.
07:49What could possibly go wrong?
07:52OK, over in Dictionary Corner, it's Josie Long!
08:00As well as being a brilliant comedian, Josie is a massive Doctor Who fan.
08:03So to all the Doctor Who fans watching, look, a girl!
08:07Josie, you've got a degree in English from Oxford.
08:09Does that make you better at Countdown?
08:11No, because that has nothing to do with what you do in the degree.
08:14You don't show up at tutorials and they go,
08:16OK, what's your essay? And you go, I've got a nine-letter essay.
08:20That's good.
08:22So what I'm saying is if I'm bad, it's not my fault, it's nothing to do with me.
08:26I'm playing along because I like the fact that John's so cocky about it
08:30and I feel like we can choose.
08:34There's no way he's going to beat us.
08:36So... cocky.
08:40Cocky.
08:41What I'm saying is you're going to lose and you're going to lose to us.
08:44Fuck them.
08:49Ha-ha-ha!
08:53OK.
08:55That's what happens when you let women sit together.
09:02OK, with Josie, of course, we've got Susie Dent.
09:08Now, here's a fun fact, not a lot of people know this,
09:10but Susie Dent shares her birthday with Liam Gallagher.
09:12They normally start off at Laserquest,
09:14head to Pizza Hut and then go back to Liam's for a pyjama party.
09:18I've got a question for you.
09:19Susie, the word of the year, according to the Oxford English Dictionary,
09:22in 2013 was selfie.
09:24Good choice?
09:25Very good choice.
09:26When a word starts to get lots of spin-offs, you know it's made it,
09:29and there were lots.
09:30There was belfie, which was a bottom selfie.
09:33Elfie, which was a selfie of a small person.
09:35Sorry, John.
09:39Did you just apologise to John?
09:40I did.
09:42Can we expect slams from Dictionary Corner?
09:47I've been called a cocky elf in that.
09:51OK, in charge of the numbers is Rachel Riley.
09:58Rachel joined Countdown in 2009, aged 22, replacing Carol Vorderman.
10:03Yes, Carol Vorderman, we're talking about you.
10:06You used to be on the television, on Countdown.
10:11That's right, with the numbers.
10:14Oh, she's fallen back to sleep.
10:15Well done making it to January.
10:26Rachel, after all the glamour and glitz of Strictly,
10:28how does it feel to be back on Catsdale's Countdown?
10:30Well, it was a really scary experience,
10:32having to dance in front of ten million people,
10:34so it's quite nice being the so-called expert on something.
10:36How do I compare to Brucie out of interest as a host?
10:39Well, you're both very nice, very smartly dressed, funny.
10:42You both do the little hop thing when you come on.
10:45Neither of you's got your own teeth.
10:57OK, that's the way this is going to go.
10:59Both teams are competing for this this evening,
11:02his and hers Countdown dressing gowns.
11:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
11:15OK, time for our first game.
11:16Jon and Kevin, you're to pick the letters.
11:18You pick the letters, I'm going to brain up.
11:22I'll go for a consonant, please, Rachel.
11:24Good choice. Start with L.
11:26L. I know loads of words that have got L.
11:31I think I've got a better start there.
11:36I'll go for a consonant again.
11:38N.
11:39A vowel, please.
11:40You look like you're struggling with that, Jon.
11:42It's quicker, I probably won't pee during this.
11:47I'm not sure what's more understandable, the Scots or that.
11:52I'll take a vowel, please.
11:54A vowel.
11:55I'll tell you what, I'm feeling pretty brainy.
11:57A consonant, please, Rachel.
11:59D.
12:00See, I can change my accent.
12:03All noise swapped.
12:09LAUGHTER
12:12I'll take a consonant as well.
12:14A S.
12:15A consonant again, please, Rachel.
12:17Another S.
12:18I'm going to set my timepiece.
12:20A vowel, please.
12:24A consonant.
12:27G.
12:28We'll get another vowel in there, just in case it looks ridiculous.
12:30And the last one, O.
12:31And for the first time today, here is the Countdown Clock.
12:34CLOCK TICKS
12:35Oh!
12:39LAUGHTER
12:44Oh!
12:45LAUGHTER
12:54LAUGHTER
13:05Right, well, what have you got, Kevin?
13:07A risky four.
13:08A risky four.
13:15OK, Jon?
13:16I've got quite bad stomach cramps.
13:19OK.
13:20Potential diarrhoea.
13:23But a seven.
13:24A seven?
13:25The fish is powerful.
13:28Rod?
13:30I've got six.
13:32Six, OK.
13:33And Sean?
13:34I've got a nine.
13:35But it's an acronym.
13:39OK.
13:40Well, let's hear the four first.
13:42Kevin?
13:43Well, I said it was risky because it's product placement.
13:46It's LEGO.
13:49You should have been out of build on that, really.
13:56Is LEGO in the dictionary?
13:58Trademark capital L, so we can't have it.
14:00But it's a capital L, if you look at the...
14:03LAUGHTER
14:06OK, Rod, what was your six?
14:08Undoes.
14:09Undoes.
14:10Brilliant.
14:11Brilliant.
14:12Well, good.
14:13It's not brilliant.
14:15Jon, your seven?
14:17Glossed.
14:19Glossed? I mean, it can be beaten, of course, by a nine-letter acronym.
14:24Marshall?
14:25Just saw it when the letters were back as they originally were.
14:28If you could put them back how they were originally...
14:30LAUGHTER
14:32Is there a word unglossed?
14:34Cos if there's unglossed, I think I've got a nine.
14:38Er, unglazed, but not unglossed.
14:40Is there de-unglossed?
14:43De-unglossed?
14:44Yeah, it's a de-unglossed.
14:45It's when you ungloss something and think,
14:47fuck it, I quite liked it glossed.
14:57Sean, nine-letter word?
14:58I just saw it there and I thought, of course.
15:01It's the...
15:03..Latvian National Union of Distressed Sheep Shearers...
15:09..exercise and...
15:13..get...
15:17No, it's not a G, it's a J. Sorry.
15:25Seven points for Jon there.
15:28OK, Dictionary Corner, could they have done any better?
15:30Yeah, loads better, because we've got an eight.
15:33I had an eight, but I didn't want to look cocky, actually.
15:36Josie, what is the eight-letter word?
15:38Loudness.
15:39How could you ever use loudness in a sentence
15:41before sounding like an idiot?
15:42I would say, like, there was a certain loudness
15:45to Josie's victory celebrations.
15:48APPLAUSE
15:56On to our first numbers round.
15:57OK, Sean, Rod, your turn to pick the numbers.
15:59Now, what do you normally do? What do you recommend?
16:01What's the house recommendation?
16:03For you guys.
16:04It's a system, isn't it? You pick certain numbers,
16:06you've got a better chance.
16:07The easiest one is one from the top, I think,
16:09and the hardest, four from the top or six little ones.
16:11Let's have a host one from the top, large one,
16:13and then two nice ones.
16:15OK, one big one and five little ones.
16:17You concentrate this. I'm going to try and get this part to work.
16:21This is your last chance, buddy.
16:25You've got four, seven, eight, ten, two and 25.
16:28And the target, 739.
16:31Agnes, time starts now.
16:33Cool.
16:44Carol? Carol?
16:47Yeah, sort them on now.
16:50Oh, it's a total prick, yeah, I know.
16:53So it's 739, it's 25, 2, 10, 8, 7, 4.
16:59Yeah. Yeah.
17:01Yeah.
17:03It's... Yeah.
17:04OK, that's your time's up. Thanks, Carol.
17:10Rob, what have you got?
17:11739.
17:15OK, Sean, what have you got?
17:16740.
17:17740, OK. Jon?
17:19742.
17:22Are you all right with the sushi?
17:24I'm allergic to fish.
17:27Oh!
17:29Kevin?
17:30I think I've somewhere nailed L, pretty much.
17:33Have you got 739?
17:35Borderline, mate. Right, hold on.
17:38Four times seven, that's 28.
17:40Sevens is 28.
17:41Don't think anybody's seen that coming.
17:44Times 25.
17:45I think you're screwed already, but we'll carry on.
17:49How's that supposed to make me feel, Rachel?
17:51Sorry, 700.
17:53725.
17:54I just need to make 14 out of those numbers.
17:56That's got to be done.
17:57Oh, no, you need 39.
17:59I was hoping that would come in at 725.
18:03Right, Rob, 739?
18:05739, yeah.
18:06How did you get it?
18:07Oh, I didn't write it down.
18:11I'll bring it back, I'll bring it back.
18:14You can talk to her later and just confirm it.
18:18739 it was.
18:19We've got 739.
18:20Hang on, we'll come over to Dictionary Corner in a moment.
18:23Sean, let's go through your methodology.
18:25Now, I've realised I've used four twice.
18:28You are basically our only hope, Jon.
18:31Stop eating sushi!
18:33I'm hoping I'll work it out through the power of fish.
18:37And I did.
18:38Ten times four is 40.
18:41Ten times four is 40.
18:42Yep.
18:43Minus...
18:46Minus two.
18:47Minus two is 38.
18:48Times by 25.
18:50What do you think that is?
18:54Rachel, you're not a primary school teacher, just tell us.
19:00Yeah, I need to stop eating fish.
19:04So, no points for any of our teams there, but Josie?
19:06I haven't got 739 because I forgot that seven times ten is not 700.
19:12Wow.
19:16Rachel, could it be done?
19:17Yeah, I think it was quite a hard one, though.
19:19You could have said 25 times four is 100,
19:21take away the seven for 93,
19:23times that by eight for 744,
19:26and then ten over two is five, to take away for 739.
19:36OK, well, I'm going to give it a go.
19:39OK, so at the end of that round, Sean and Rod have no points,
19:42Jon and Kevin have seven points.
19:48And here is your teaser.
19:49The words are FEEL ROD, and the clue is,
19:52HE WANTS YOU TO OWN HIM.
19:55That's FEEL ROD.
19:56HE WANTS YOU TO OWN HIM.
19:59Let's see after the break.
20:04Welcome back.
20:05The answer to the teaser,
20:06the words were FEEL ROD, and the clue was,
20:08HE WANTS YOU TO OWN HIM.
20:09It was, of course, FREEHOLD.
20:11So, Jon and Kevin are in the lead.
20:13OK, time to mix things up a little bit now.
20:15We've been playing in teams so far,
20:16but this game is just for Rod and Jon.
20:18So, Rod, your turn to choose.
20:20How many are there altogether?
20:22Nine.
20:23I was going to say six of each.
20:27I think that might have been what he did in maths.
20:29Three or four of the first ones,
20:30and then four of the other ones were the other ones.
20:33Do this choice.
20:34Do this choice.
20:35OK, we've got E, M, O, T, J, A...
20:38Let's crack on, I've got a game to win.
20:40N.
20:41I'm going to catch Jon on a whiz.
20:43R.
20:44And the last one, I.
20:46And your time starts now.
20:49LAUGHTER
21:20Jon, what have you got?
21:24A six.
21:27Six?
21:29Rod?
21:31Well, I don't know, but it's a lot more than six.
21:34One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
21:40OK, Jon, what is your...?
21:42I literally just put this fish in my mouth and got a seven.
21:45I'll stick with ration,
21:47which is what I should have done with all that fish.
21:50Rod, what have you got?
21:52Well, I've got janitor.
21:54CHEERING
22:03Well, I believe that's seven points to Rod, well done.
22:05Josie, could that have been beaten in Dictionary Corner?
22:08No, we got janitor, but we did get emoji, which is a nice word,
22:12but janitor is the longest word that we got as well.
22:15You need a bigger dictionary than that to beat me.
22:19So at the end of that, Sean and Rod have seven points,
22:21Jon and Kevin also have seven.
22:23CHEERING
22:28Right, now it's time for Sean and Kevin to go head-to-head.
22:32Kevin, your turn to pick the numbers.
22:34Go for one from the top, two from the middle
22:36and three from the lowest of the low.
22:39Right, on it, five little ones and one big one.
22:42That is ten, six, five, another ten, one and 100.
22:49And the target... Oh, 130!
22:54Your time starts now.
23:00Oh, hang on.
23:04I'm not going to look.
23:13CLOCK TICKS
23:27OK, Sean, what have you got?
23:29I've got 130.
23:33If I could blow snot balloons, I would.
23:39Kevin, what have you got?
23:41132.
23:45I sort of panicked and I just added them all up.
23:52I get 113, Jimmy. I'm delighted with that.
23:55OK, Sean, do you want to take us through how you did it?
23:58100.
24:00Ten plus ten is 20, so 120.
24:04One plus six is seven, take it away.
24:08Lovely, 113.
24:11APPLAUSE
24:16I actually went for 100 plus ten and then ten minus six.
24:21100 plus ten, ten minus six is four.
24:25And then I took away a one, I think.
24:27I was just showing those other ways it can be done.
24:31So that's ten points to each team.
24:33APPLAUSE
24:36Time now to go across to Dictionary Corner.
24:38Josie, what have you got for us?
24:40Well, I've got a new word game, right?
24:42Because I love to play Scrabble,
24:44but this is what I think is a better version of Scrabble,
24:47which is you have to make up your own words,
24:51but you have to convince the person you're playing with
24:54of a definition of those words.
24:56So this is a game that me and my housemate
24:58genuinely played at the start of this week.
25:00And it's called Cult Scrabble,
25:02so you can see at the bottom of the board it just says cult there.
25:06But, yes, for example, if you look at the board now,
25:09there's diarrhea bar, and that is explosive stomach illness
25:14at a Mexican street festival.
25:18So you get that.
25:20And the next one is clute, right?
25:22But he's only done that because my housemate uses dental floss
25:25and flicks it at me, so that's what clute is.
25:28In my house, that's called pudding.
25:31And then next is my favourite one, that's a sooj,
25:34which is when you accidentally give yourself a bum massage.
25:39How can that happen accidentally?
25:41Like, say you brush up against the table and you think,
25:43oh...
25:46Clearly.
25:50Sounds a lot like sooj.
25:52It's not really an accident, but I'm enjoying myself.
25:55Ladies and gentlemen, Josie Long!
25:58Ladies and gentlemen, Josie Long!
26:03OK, so Sean and Rod have 17, John and Kevin have 17.
26:13And here's your teaser. The words are PISTOOL,
26:15and the clue is, it'll help it grow.
26:17That's PISTOOL, it'll help it grow.
26:20See you after the break.
26:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:25Welcome back. The answer to the teaser, the words were PISTOOL,
26:28and the clue was, it'll help it grow.
26:30It was, of course, TOPSOILS.
26:32OK, before we move on, it's time to welcome Rachel's assistant,
26:35Jo Wilkinson!
26:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:53What's going on, John?
26:55Why am I wearing a headset?
26:59It's because I've been promoted to head of IT.
27:03And I've got a bit of a pay rise,
27:05so I sort of decided to spend a bit of extra cash
27:08on having four hunky guys carry me about.
27:12And I also bought a new suit,
27:15but, unfortunately, I completely misjudged the length of my legs.
27:22LAUGHTER
27:25All right, boys, off you pop.
27:29LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
27:41I met them down the allotment.
27:47Dressed like that, weirdos.
27:50Jo, you mentioned being promoted to head of IT.
27:53Prove it to you.
27:57Yeah, I got promoted to head of IT.
28:00I don't really know what that means.
28:03But I've been told I've got to add a bit of gadgets and technology
28:07to the show, cos it's, er, shit.
28:12So I've done a few things. I've got, like, an app.
28:14I've got a Countdown app.
28:16That's just a few pictures of Rachel and Susie in the shower.
28:23I've also done the old email.
28:26And, folks, we've already got an email from Nick Hewer,
28:30the proper host.
28:32You know, the good one.
28:35He said he thinks he's left something under the desk.
28:38Can you ask him if he could check?
28:40Um...
28:43Is that...?
28:44Oh, great, yeah, he's got it.
28:47That's a My Little Pony lunchbox, is that...?
28:49I'll tell him you've got it.
28:53It's my Countdown!
29:02OK, on with the game. Jon and Kevin, your turn to choose the letters.
29:05You're on, Oz. Jon.
29:07Oof.
29:08I've run out of fish.
29:10This is the next big thing, mate.
29:12You mark my words.
29:14This is kale, spinach, blueberries and mackerel.
29:22Is the mackerel swimming in it?
29:25It looks like a very unhygienic pond.
29:27It is the future, is what it is.
29:29I will pick nine consonants and I'll still get a 12-letter word.
29:34Right, a consonant, please.
29:36Oh, by the way, if you don't like some of the letters coming out,
29:39you could buy a couple off me.
29:52I'll have a consonant, please.
29:54F
29:55And I'll have a vowel, please.
29:57O
29:58And I'll have another consonant, please.
30:01There's no shitty Wi-Fi.
30:05Another consonant, please.
30:07K
30:10Jon?
30:16Kevin, me and you, we're out now, we're fine.
30:19I've definitely got a back-up one.
30:21Amy?
30:22It might be an S.
30:24What, it's a fork?
30:26Nope.
30:29Can I have another consonant, please?
30:33Yeah!
30:39APPLAUSE
30:44I did a trick, I did a trick.
30:47And another vowel, please.
30:49Why don't you just quit?
30:50E
30:51And a consonant, please.
30:53D
30:57This whole game is forked.
31:01And a vowel, please.
31:03A
31:04And a consonant, please.
31:06And the last one.
31:07C
31:08And your time starts now.
31:10MUSIC PLAYS
31:39Thanks, mate.
31:44I've got a tattoo.
31:46Want to see it, Jon?
31:47It's a good one, isn't it?
31:49What does it say?
31:50It says, Your Mum.
31:52I was going to get one saying Mum, but I thought Your Mum's nicer.
31:55Not mine particularly, just anyone you meet.
31:57No, it's Jon's.
32:00I'm glad you love my mum, she's a lovely lady.
32:03What have you got?
32:06LAUGHTER
32:08You all right, Jon?
32:12It's not actually bad, this.
32:16Yeah, it sounds good.
32:17It's not so good on the way back.
32:21Can I just say, it's very, very difficult sitting here
32:23listening to this shit when you've got an eight.
32:27Have you got an eight?
32:28I'm sitting here listening to you two prattle on,
32:30I'm thinking, I've got an eight.
32:33OK.
32:34It's funny, I was distinctly under the impression
32:36that you got the eight while we were prattling on,
32:38but it's only a game.
32:41Woo-hoo!
32:43I'm drinking shit and all I've got is a fucking seven.
32:47So, Sean?
32:49I got a nine.
32:51You got a nine. And Kevin?
32:53I've got three sixes, five and two sevens.
32:57I've probably stuck one of the sevens on now.
32:59Steve, what's your seven?
33:01Do you ever, you're eating something,
33:03and then maybe you've got something in it,
33:05like maybe mushrooms that you don't like,
33:07and it ends up on your fork, and you need to scrape it off,
33:10you de-fork the mushroom?
33:14And then they see you do it a few times,
33:16and it's plural, and he de-forks,
33:18and people go,
33:19look at that guy, the way he eats,
33:21he always de-forks the mushroom.
33:23De-forks.
33:24Susie?
33:25Not in, but Kevin might kick himself in a minute.
33:28OK, Jon, next, what's your seven?
33:30This is just a shout-out to the guys
33:32who bring in my mackerel and my salmon.
33:34Er, dockers.
33:38OK, Rod, your eight?
33:40Forsaked.
33:42CHEERING
33:47Do not!
33:49You can have either or.
33:51OK, Susie?
33:53Er, forsook?
33:55No, you can have either.
33:56Forsaken.
33:57No, you can have either.
33:58All right, seven, forsake.
34:02It's not...
34:03Forsaked.
34:04Oh, come on.
34:05Here, mate, do you want a drink?
34:07Give me some of this.
34:11Thanks, Bob.
34:13Er, Sean, your nine-letter word?
34:15Er, daceforks.
34:19Not in.
34:20No, it's there, it's there, it's there.
34:22OK, well, that is seven points to Jon.
34:24APPLAUSE
34:29Er, Josie, Susie, what could they have had?
34:32We had an eight, but it's not a big deal for us.
34:37It's defrocks.
34:39Not deforks, but defrocks.
34:41I know, but when's the last time you said,
34:43I'm going to go and defrock?
34:45People have got mushroom all over their dress.
34:49So, at the end of that, Jon and Kevin are in the lead with 24.
34:52APPLAUSE
34:54APPLAUSE
35:00On to another numbers round.
35:01OK, Sean and Rod, you're to make the numbers.
35:03Out of the usual, please.
35:05I'm just in the middle of Googling paving stones.
35:09What are you Googling, Joe?
35:11Pictures of paving stones.
35:14For my spare bedroom.
35:18You're having paving stones in your spare room?
35:20No, pictures, you idiot.
35:25Sorry, Joe.
35:29Right, this numbers game.
35:31We've got seven, four...
35:33That's a good one.
35:35..five, eight...
35:37That's going in a frame.
35:39..25 again.
35:41The target, 588.
35:43OK, your time starts now.
35:45CLOCK CHIMES
35:54CLOCK TICKS
36:08LAUGHTER
36:17Right, what have you got, Jon?
36:19I think I've got 588.
36:21Fabulous. OK, Kevin?
36:23588, 100%, definitely.
36:27Sean?
36:29Moo didn't take me.
36:33I just started and I just went,
36:35no, not today.
36:37OK, Rod?
36:39Well, I had a play around with Rachel's numbers there
36:43and in the end I found it easier to use different ones.
36:49So I've got 588.
36:51But using your own methodology.
36:53Yeah, 587 plus the one.
36:59That's why you're the player you are. Jon, how did you do it?
37:02I'll give it to the big man.
37:04All right.
37:06Pretty no frills, Rachel, but we got there.
37:08It's 4 x 25, basic start.
37:104 x 25 is 100.
37:128 x 2 is 6.
37:14600.
37:16And then 7 x 5 is...
37:19588.
37:21Ten points for Kevin and Jon.
37:27The scores at the moment, Sean and Rod have 17,
37:30Jon and Kevin have 34.
37:35And here is your final teaser.
37:37The words are ARSE RASH
37:39and the clue is GET OFF MY BACK.
37:41That's ARSE RASH, GET OFF MY BACK.
37:43See you after the break.
37:46Welcome back.
37:48The answer to the teaser, the words were ARSE RASH
37:50and the clue was GET OFF MY BACK.
37:52It was, of course, HARASSER.
37:55OK, time for our final letters game.
37:57Rod, your turn to choose.
37:59Vowel, please.
38:01A.
38:03Another vowel.
38:05I.
38:07A.
38:11Congratulations, Rod!
38:14You've won this week's mystery prize.
38:18This week's mystery prize is...
38:21..a fencing panel!
38:28Congratulations, Rod!
38:30That's your fencing panel, you're taking that home, that's safe.
38:35Yes, Rod, you gamble.
38:38If you gamble, I'll ask you a question about fencing panels.
38:44If you get that question right,
38:46you will win another fencing panel.
38:48You will double your fencing panels.
38:51But if you get the question wrong,
38:53you lose all your fencing panels.
38:57So think carefully.
38:58Should he gamble?
39:01What are you going to do, Rod?
39:03I'm going to ignore the no's and I'm going to gamble.
39:05He's going to gamble!
39:08All right, big man!
39:10Big man!
39:12You, Garyldon, your question to double your fencing panels is...
39:18..which of these creosotes...
39:21..is best to use on a north-facing fencing panel
39:25in a garden that is prone to damp?
39:30Is it A, Bartolite's oil-based non-bio creosote...
39:36..or Creosil 500 darkwood preservative?
39:39I know this one.
39:40Don't tell him, he's got to do it on his own show.
39:44This is Rod's question.
39:46I'm going to have to hurry you for no particular reason.
39:53I'm going to say A.
39:55It's not! It's Creosil 500!
39:57Take it away, boys! I'm sorry!
40:00He hasn't won any for us!
40:02Let's play and count down!
40:11Rod, if you care to continue...
40:14Pick yourself up, boy.
40:16Consonant, please.
40:18L
40:19Another consonant, please.
40:21H
40:22Another consonant, please.
40:24M
40:26Another consonant, please.
40:28Y
40:29Just because.
40:35Another consonant, please.
40:37T
40:38No, I'm all right, thanks.
40:45Another...
40:47No, actually another vowel this time, Rachel.
40:50U
40:51OK, your time starts now.
41:08LAUGHTER
41:27What have you got?
41:28Rod.
41:30Rod.
41:33Rod.
41:35Go to somebody else for a minute.
41:37Kevin.
41:38Er, journal, Sean, please.
41:43Sean, nominate Rod.
41:45It's 30 seconds, come on!
41:48I've got a seven.
41:49You've got a seven? OK, Sean.
41:52No.
41:55I've got...
41:56I've got a very cheeky risky four.
42:00You've got a risky four?
42:01You've got a four-letter word, OK.
42:03Kevin.
42:04M
42:05I've got a five.
42:06OK, Rod.
42:07I've got eight, but I'm very unhappy with the spelling.
42:12Well, I can't have that, Rod, I can't have that, I'm sorry.
42:16Kevin, what have you got?
42:17I'm going to go for time, but as in the crisps.
42:21T-H-Y-M-E.
42:23As in the crisps?
42:26As in the crisps?
42:28That is an insight into a Glaswegian's dog.
42:32No, time, as in the crisps.
42:35I think they got the idea for the crisps from a food.
42:39You know, fruit, as in fruit pasta.
42:47Sean, what was yours?
42:48Tool.
42:53T-U-L-E, tool.
42:56Tool, Susie, is that in the dictionary?
42:58Not that kind of tool.
42:59You know, you need a tool like a hammer or a spanner.
43:01I need a tool for this job.
43:03Rod?
43:04I've got humidity, but I've spelt it H-M-T-Y.
43:08Is that a Welsh thing?
43:10It's just missing a D in the middle.
43:12Step back and let a pro step in and save the show.
43:16Somebody who has a lot of money, is wealthy,
43:19someone who eats a lot of dinners, is mealthy.
43:25Seven letters, mealthy, you're welcome, let's move on.
43:29No need to check it, no need to check it.
43:33No mealthy, John, sorry.
43:35So the points there go to Kevin Bridges for time, five letters.
43:45Josie?
43:46We just got a six, which was hamlet, like a little village.
43:50OK, so Sean and Rod have 17 points, John and Kevin have 39.
43:55APPLAUSE
44:01OK, fingers on buzzers, you're playing for dignity.
44:03Give me this woman there not clapping.
44:05Not the little green top, she's not clapping.
44:07That's better.
44:09We've done well, we've been trying hard.
44:13Some better countdown.
44:17This is one of the legendary episodes and this is just not up to scratch.
44:22OK.
44:23Don't wear a green jumper and not clap.
44:27If you're not going to clap, wear a brown jumper like the fella in front.
44:31Yes, green, famously not a good colour for camouflage.
44:37Not in a TV studio, Judy, actually.
44:40Mr I could very so quickly say something which people might laugh at.
44:49OK, fair point.
44:51Fingers on buzzers, time for today's countdown conundrum.
44:58What have you got?
44:59Well, I've pressed quickly cos I've got A words and I don't think it's A words,
45:03but I've got... Oh, no.
45:06OK, start the clock again.
45:22He's done it again, another week he's done it!
45:27Rob, what have you got?
45:28Paintings, boys, paintings.
45:35So, let's have a look.
45:46Rob Gilbert there, losing in style.
45:49So, the final scores are Sean and Rod have 27,
45:51but tonight's winners, with 39, John and Kevin.
45:57Congratulations. Thank you, Kirsten.
46:04Thanks to all our panellists, our wonderful studio audience,
46:07and to all the people working at home, that's it from us.
46:09Goodnight.
46:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:16Cameron Diaz is out to seduce Justin Timberlake.
46:19Quite an education.
46:20Our comedy movie, Bad Teacher, is this Sunday at nine.
46:24Next tonight, from shark cat to real-life line-drawing baby,
46:28Rude Tube compiles 100 of the funniest and downright stupidest things
46:31on the internet, last year.
46:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE