8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown. S01 E02.

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First broadcast 2nd August 2013.

Jimmy Carr

Sean Lock
Jon Richardson
Rachel Riley
Susie Dent
Joe Wilkinson

Rhod Gilbert
Miles Jupp
Nick Helm

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TV
Transcript
00:00I
00:31Tonight on 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown
00:35John Richardson
00:37Sean Locke
00:39Miles Jupp
00:41Rod Gilbert
00:43Nick Helm
00:45Susie Dent
00:46and Rachel Riley
00:48Now, welcome your host, Jimmy Carr!
00:56Hello and welcome to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown,
01:00a show all about letters, numbers and conundrums.
01:02Did you know, for example,
01:04council workers in Glamorgan were left embarrassed
01:07after they spelt Wales, W-H-A-L-E-S, on road signs?
01:10To be fair, it should be pretty obvious
01:12whether you're entering a Welsh town
01:14or driving into the dark, reeking guts of a giant sea creature.
01:17Unless it's Swansea, in which case better signage would help.
01:26And children know at least one obscene word by the age of two,
01:30but that's only if you consider the words poo and willy obscene,
01:33which they are if you do what I do with them.
01:38Right, let's get started.
01:47OK, let's meet tonight's players.
01:49First up, it's John Richardson.
01:56John turned 30 last year.
01:58He celebrated the big day with all his friends,
02:00alone in his kitchen.
02:02And on John's team this evening, it's Miles Jupp.
02:11Miles enjoys tea-tasting, fly-fishing and cricket,
02:14so Countdown for him is the equivalent
02:16of a white-knuckle roller-coaster drug-fuelled orgy
02:19of adventure and adrenaline.
02:21And up against them this evening, it's Sean Lock.
02:26APPLAUSE
02:32Sean's got a smile that will light up any room,
02:34and if that doesn't work, he's got petrol and matches.
02:37And on Sean's team, it's Rod Gilbert.
02:46In September, Rod will be attempting a perilous trek
02:49up Mount Kilimanjaro for charity.
02:51He'll be raising money for the Rod Gilbert Memorial Fund
02:54to avoid any accidents.
02:58So, John, you won the last game of Countdown.
03:00Do you think you can do it again?
03:02I hope so, yeah. I've been, you know, I've been training hard.
03:05No celebrations, just got straight in the ice bath
03:08after the last show and watched the video of the episode
03:11back with my team, and we've made some changes,
03:14and we're pretty happy.
03:16Yeah, you've made a big change, you've got Miles.
03:18Upgrade, that's what it is, Jimmy, an upgrade.
03:21I was on your team last time.
03:23Yes.
03:25John, have you got a mascot? You got anything for good luck?
03:27Yes, this is my mascot today.
03:30It's a dinosaur there, I call him Roger.
03:33That's Roger the saurus.
03:41Miles, are you a Countdown fan?
03:43Oh, absolutely, love Richard...
03:45Whiteley, yeah.
03:48So you haven't seen it in a while.
03:51Thank you, there's no easy way to break this to you,
03:53but Vorderman's gone.
04:04Hasn't she just?
04:13Miles, you're a very well-educated man,
04:15that's going to stand you in good stead, surely.
04:17I'm always being accused of being well-educated,
04:19but just because you've paid for something
04:21doesn't mean it's worked.
04:23I know about six things, none of which are remotely useful.
04:26See, he's got me worried now with his
04:28I know about six things bragging.
04:33We are on the ropes here, mate.
04:35Rod, what do you think you're going to be strongest on this evening,
04:38letters or numbers?
04:40I'm going to be better on letters, I think, I'm a letters man.
04:42Try me on any letter.
04:44L. Yep.
04:47He is good, OK.
04:49Sean, you lost last time, are you out for revenge, what's going on?
04:52I think the area I really struggle is with the letters.
04:55And I've been putting Scrabble letters down my pants,
04:59and just pulling nine out and just going...
05:02Chucking them back and seeing how many words I can come up with.
05:06I'll give you a bit of advice, it's best to do that...
05:09It's best to do that at home.
05:12Have you got a lucky mascot this week?
05:14I've got a lucky mascot, I've got a lucky...
05:17I've got a lucky pen.
05:34I got it from a very unusual bookies.
05:42And I find it very useful.
05:44If they were putting a bet on, I always use...
05:47Claude, this is Claude.
05:51I didn't want him stuffed, he wanted to be stuffed,
05:53he was alive at the time.
05:55I think it's the best thing I've ever seen.
05:57And over in the dictionary corner we've got Nick Helm.
06:07Nick Helm has been described as a sex symbol,
06:10but a sex symbol is a question mark.
06:16Nick, what advice would you give the players?
06:19Don't just pick vowels.
06:23Solid advice.
06:25And with Nick, of course, it's Susie Dent.
06:31Susie, I don't want you to worry about your precious show.
06:33We're not dumbing down Countdown,
06:35think of this as us clevering up 8 Out Of 10 Cats.
06:38You've been around for some of the all-time greats of Countdown.
06:41How do you think our contestants compare this evening?
06:46You're openly laughing in their faces.
06:49I'd say there's no comparison at all.
06:51I'll leave it like that.
06:55No, as long as they go for length, length is important.
07:08And in charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley.
07:17Countdown host Nick Hewer recently described Rachel as sharp as a whip.
07:21He went on to say she's clever as a corset and as gifted as a gimp mask.
07:26It's almost as if he had something else on his mind.
07:29Rachel, who do you think is going to excel today?
07:31Well, I've looked at the stats and what I discovered
07:34is that John and Miles is an anagram of ninja models.
07:38And Rod and Sean together makes hard ones and sore hand.
07:46So I'm not sure if that answers your question,
07:48but if they've been practising, it's not Countdown.
07:51OK, tonight, as ever, the prize for winning is this Countdown teapot.
07:58Correct.
08:00OK, that's Countdown, everyone. Time for their first game.
08:02John and Miles, you get to pick the first of the letters.
08:05Please.
08:06Oh, er, could I have a consonant, please?
08:09Of course, Miles. Thank you. Start with N.
08:13Oh, yeah.
08:14Great start, like.
08:15If we'd been offered that first thing, we'd have taken that, wouldn't we?
08:18Shall we do a vowel?
08:19You do all nine.
08:20A vowel, please.
08:22E
08:23E. Let's have another vowel, please.
08:25E
08:26Oh, you're losing it, mate. You're losing it.
08:28Let's have another vowel, please.
08:30I
08:31I
08:32OK, please feel free to go consonant crazy until the what's-its full.
08:37T. Shall we just carry on?
08:39Yes, please.
08:40M
08:41We might want one more.
08:42Oh, sorry, John's being difficult.
08:45Yeah, you say it, John.
08:46We'll have another consonant and then I think we'll make a decision.
08:49F
08:51Yeah, I think we'd have another consonant, would we?
08:53Oh, yeah, yeah.
08:54Yeah.
08:56Last one. P
08:58Terrible decision.
09:01And your time starts now.
09:32Er...
09:37John, how many letters?
09:39Well, I'll try an eight.
09:43And, Miles, how many?
09:44Er, five. Five.
09:47Sean, how many did you get?
09:48Six.
09:49Rod, what did you get?
09:50Seven.
09:52OK.
09:53Miles, let's hear your five.
09:55PRISM
09:56Or STRIM
09:58I'm going to go with PRISM.
10:00You're going to go with PRISM.
10:01Take it.
10:05Sean, what was your word?
10:06Well, I thought I had a five, which was MR. T.
10:11Then I saw...
10:13MRS. T
10:16Luckily, then I saw MITRES.
10:20MITRES.
10:21OK.
10:22Rod, what was your seven?
10:23RESPITE
10:25Very good.
10:27And, John?
10:29Oh, yeah.
10:30John, you all right?
10:31In the 80s, a lot of players had curly hair, of course,
10:34but Kevin Keegan's was the permiest.
10:41Susie, I've got to go to Dictionary Corner.
10:44Oh, it is...
10:47not there.
10:48That's a real shame.
10:51So, Rod, you win that and you get seven points.
10:53Nice one.
10:54Well done, Sean.
10:58Luke, what could they have had?
11:00They could have had, Jimmy...
11:03and I think there's a few of them around tonight as it is...
11:07TEMPERS.
11:11That's not better than mine, though, is it?
11:13No, it's seven.
11:15Surely the whole point of you with that massive dictionary
11:17is that you come up with something better.
11:19Is it another concept?
11:21I mean, we don't have a lot of time...
11:23It's another team.
11:29OK, so far, John and Miles have no points.
11:31Rod and Sean have seven.
11:38On to our first numbers round.
11:40OK, Sean, Rod, go ahead and pick the numbers.
11:42One from the top, four from everywhere else.
11:44Would you like five from everywhere else?
11:46Yeah, OK, five.
11:48No, I'm going to make it hard.
11:51This one isn't for you, but everyone else can have eight, five,
11:55another five, three, two, and a large one, 75.
12:00And the target, 282.
12:02OK, your time starts now.
12:20BUZZER
12:30Shit.
12:35So the target was 282, what did you get?
12:37John?
12:38282, but I haven't written it down, and my voice has gone weird.
12:43Miles, what did you get?
12:45Er, 255.
12:48Well, God love you for trying.
12:51And what did you get, Sean?
12:53Er, 376.
12:57Again, a fine performance, Rod.
13:00284, I had.
13:02OK, well, let's hear the 282. John, how did you do it?
13:0575 minus five is 70.
13:07Yep, 70.
13:08Eight over two is four.
13:10Four.
13:11Times the two for 280.
13:13280.
13:14And then five minus three.
13:16And the other five. Well done, 282.
13:18APPLAUSE
13:26That's ten points to you, John.
13:28Fantastic work. Time to go over to Dictionary Corner.
13:31Nick, what have you got for us?
13:33I've got a poem.
13:34You've got a poem?
13:35Well, fantastic.
13:36What is that?
13:39I have feelings I can share.
13:42That's from Stalking and Stalker on the back page.
13:46Yeah, that's it.
13:52Here is a poem that is simply called Busy Bee.
13:59Busy bee, busy bee, why are you so busy?
14:06Busy bee, busy bee, always in a tizzy.
14:10Busy bee, busy bee, thank you for the honey.
14:13Busy bee, busy bee, I owe you more than money.
14:19Busy bee, busy bee, I hope it never ends.
14:24Busy bee, busy bee, you are my only friend.
14:30That was about a bee I made friends with on a family holiday in Uruguay.
14:37I called him a race, he was a legend.
14:39A bee just landed on your arm as they said that.
14:42Paul Jammer, there he is.
14:44It's a fly.
14:47You're a race.
14:49Pretender to the throne.
14:54And I've got another poem.
14:56This one's called Butterfly.
14:58I don't fancy your chances, mate.
15:05You wouldn't do that during Shakespeare, would you?
15:08You have got a beard.
15:10Oh, come on, mate.
15:12Just let me do my poem and get through it.
15:15Then you can carry on with the game.
15:18I've got a poem for Susie.
15:24Sorry, Nick.
15:25Shut the fuck up!
15:38Now, where was I?
15:42Swoop, swoop, goes the net,
15:45but the butterfly it flits,
15:47idly avoiding the meshed cage of love.
15:52Swoop, swoop, goes the net,
15:55but the butterfly it flits,
15:57resting and nesting in the flowers of the adjoining field.
16:03Swoop again! Swoop again!
16:06And swoop thrice more!
16:09But the butterfly it flits,
16:11and my love goes unanswered.
16:17Why, butterfly, why?
16:19Why must you flit?
16:23But the butterfly does not answer,
16:27for it has no mouth.
16:37APPLAUSE
16:43I will break your heart.
16:46Carry on.
16:48OK, the scores at the moment are Sean and Rod have seven points,
16:51Jon and Miles have ten.
16:56Here is your first teaser.
16:58The words are BUMHEADS, and the clue is TAKEN BY SURPRISE.
17:02That's BUMHEADS?
17:04Surprise. See you after the break.
17:09Welcome back. The answer to the teaser,
17:11the words were BUMHEADS, and the clue was TAKEN BY SURPRISE.
17:14It was, of course, AMBUSHED.
17:16So Jon and Miles are in the lead with ten points,
17:19Rod and Sean trailing with seven.
17:21OK, in this round, Sean and Miles, you're playing head-to-head.
17:24Sean, it's your turn to choose.
17:26Oh, brilliant, I'm playing you.
17:28If I was playing Jon, I'd be worried.
17:30I'm really quite bad, although...
17:32Oh, God, I want that teapot.
17:36I'm going to do something unprecedented in the history of Countdown.
17:39I'm going to play the letters game blind.
17:43I'm going to tell you the word,
17:45then I'm going to call the consonants out,
17:47and that word's going to be up there.
17:49The word is FEATHERED.
17:51And that's what we're going to get.
17:53This is incredible.
17:55This is an incredible feat. This is an incredible moment.
17:57So, Sean, you pick the letters.
17:59So you're going to pick the word FEATHERED.
18:01I'll have a consonant, please.
18:03B and F, B and F.
18:05So this needs to be...
18:07Do you have to start again, or...?
18:09Well, thanks for that.
18:11Unfeathered.
18:13N.
18:15Do you know, there was always a chance this wouldn't work.
18:18This is a high risk, high challenge.
18:22Consonant, please.
18:24J.
18:26Consonant, please.
18:28W.
18:30Consonant, please.
18:32H.
18:34And a vowel, please.
18:36O.
18:38Another vowel.
18:40A.
18:42Whoa.
18:44Another vowel.
18:46U.
18:48A consonant, please.
18:50R.
18:54And another consonant.
18:56And a last one, G.
18:58And your time starts now.
19:13Oh, Christ.
19:29MUSIC STOPS
19:31Sean, what have you got?
19:35So far away from feathered.
19:40Er, I've got four.
19:42Er, Miles?
19:44Five.
19:46Oh, OK. What's your four, Sean?
19:48Hour.
19:50Miles, what did you get? What was your five?
19:52Er, it was grown.
19:54Oh.
19:56I didn't see the G.
19:58Beautifully illustrated.
20:00Could have had...grown-age.
20:04That's not fair, though, is it?
20:06I'd like to write the G down.
20:08Well, you only can say not fair if we hid it from you.
20:11OK, so five points to Miles.
20:13Could they have done any better?
20:15I did get jargon for six.
20:17So the scores are, Rod and Sean have seven points,
20:19Jon and Miles in the lead with 15.
20:21APPLAUSE
20:26Right, now it's time for Jon and Rod to go head-to-head.
20:29It's the numbers round, just for you guys.
20:31And, Jon, your turn to pick.
20:33Come on.
20:34Sean, do you want to play along for fun,
20:36a sort of personal battle between us?
20:38No, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
20:40You could play for Claude.
20:42Why would I do that? Because I've already got him.
20:45Just check.
20:47Her.
20:49I would have got her.
20:51What's in it for me?
20:53Er, my pen.
20:55I left the lid off this, but it's actually a stuffed grizzly.
21:02I'm all right with it, to be honest, it's impractical,
21:04but as an ornament, it really serves its purpose.
21:07So are you playing along with Miles for fun?
21:09Not for Claude, no.
21:11Oh, right.
21:13Oh, fucking money, a grand.
21:17I won't spit on you when we're having sex tonight.
21:25Good luck trying it without a spit.
21:38I'm wiping the tear out of my eye.
21:41Oh, Sean's just very kindly offered not to spit on one of our guests.
21:51I think that's a nice thing.
21:55What do I do now?
22:01I don't mean to say I'm not a nice guy, but I do...
22:04I do nice things.
22:12Right.
22:14So, Jon, you're to pick the numbers.
22:16I would like two big ones and four little ones.
22:19Thank you, Jon, so two large ones and four little ones for you.
22:24And for this round, the little numbers are 8, 5, 9 and 2.
22:29And the large ones, 125.
22:32And the target, 982.
22:35OK, your time starts now.
22:54LAUGHTER
23:14Oh, I've gone again. Donald, come in.
23:17I've just gone again. Sorry, hang on.
23:19What I've got to do is try and forget what he said.
23:24LAUGHTER
23:26OK, what did you get?
23:28983.
23:30OK, 108. Rod?
23:32Well, it's early days, but I'm on 900.
23:35LAUGHTER
23:40Jon, take us through the ones.
23:425, 2's a 10.
23:44Anyone can do that, Tom.
23:46You are miles off at the moment.
23:48Multiplied by 100 is 1,000.
23:501,000.
23:52975.
23:54And add the 8.
23:55Yeah, 983, one away.
23:57OK, seven points to you, Jon.
23:59APPLAUSE
24:04Yeah, a few ways for this one.
24:06You could have said 100...
24:08Take the piss.
24:10125 times 8 is 1,000.
24:14And then 2 times 9 is 18.
24:16And take it away. 982.
24:18APPLAUSE
24:22Miles, you were playing for Claude. Miles, what did you get?
24:25I'm sorry, I know I suggested that we played privately,
24:29but for whatever reason, my mind wandered.
24:32LAUGHTER
24:34Oh, dear, that's bad for you.
24:36LAUGHTER
24:38I got 982.
24:40Oh, you got 982. What's your working short?
24:42I did...
24:44LAUGHTER
24:46100 plus 25 times 8.
24:49That's 1,000.
24:50And take it off, you got 982.
24:52LAUGHTER
24:54APPLAUSE
25:00OK, time to check in with Dictionary Corner.
25:02What have you got for us, Nick?
25:04I'm slightly concerned that you're going to take this too far.
25:08LAUGHTER
25:10Which bit?
25:11I'm emotionally unavailable.
25:13LAUGHTER
25:15So...
25:16Thanks.
25:17Be strong.
25:18LAUGHTER
25:21You've been sitting over there
25:24You see me sitting in my chair
25:27I'm everything you dreamt of
25:29As a child
25:33It's only natural, I suppose
25:36To picture me without my clovers
25:39I'm the one that really
25:41Drives you wild, you wild, you wild
25:44You wild blood, Susie
25:47Don't fall in love with me
25:49Our love can never be
25:52Don't spoil the fantasy
25:55La-la-la-la-la-la, Susie
25:58You've waited patiently
26:01It must be agony
26:04Well, rest assured
26:06It's your turn tonight
26:09I can see it in your eyes
26:12And from the way your heart pulls and sighs
26:16It's so hard to put things into words
26:22Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah
26:25Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah
26:27Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah
26:30Birds, birds, birds, birds, birds
26:33But Susie
26:35Don't fall in love with me
26:38One night of ecstasy
26:41And I'll be history
26:44La-la-la-la-la-la, Susie
26:47I'll give you all I can
26:50But I am just a man
26:53And I'll be gone by the morning light
26:58Let's try and do this tactfully
27:01I'll sort you out financially
27:04I didn't mean to cause you any harm
27:08I've tried so hard to turn this off
27:11But I guess it wasn't hard enough
27:14Damn my curse and good looks
27:17And my charm, my charm, my charm, my charm
27:20But Susie
27:22You fell in love with me
27:25Please have some dignity
27:28Our love can never be
27:31La-la-la-la-la, Susie
27:34La-la-la-la-la, Susie
27:37I'll give you all I could
27:40But you misunderstood
27:43And I guess we'll always have tonight
27:46La-la-la-la-la, Susie
28:04The score's at the end of that.
28:06Ron and Sean have seven, John and Miles have 22.
28:15And here's your teaser.
28:17The words are Hump Nick
28:19and the clue is a small furry creature.
28:21That's Hump Nick, a small furry creature.
28:24See you after the break.
28:29Welcome back.
28:30The answer to the teaser, the words were Hump Nick
28:33and the clue was a small furry creature.
28:35It was, of course, Chipmunk.
28:37OK, before we move on, it's time once again to welcome Rachel's assistant.
28:41Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Joe Wilkinson.
28:54Joe?
28:55Why are you dressed like that?
28:57Er, I'm a magician, I just don't bang on about it.
29:03I'll be honest with you, that had nothing to do with me.
29:08Are you sure you're a magician?
29:10I knew you wouldn't believe me.
29:12Check under your chair.
29:19There's a yoghurt.
29:20Ta-da!
29:22APPLAUSE
29:31There's a crumpet on the end.
29:33How did I know?
29:36Do you want to see a trick, Rachel?
29:38Yeah, I'd love to see a trick.
29:40Go on, have you got a rabbit?
29:42Not on me.
29:43Well, that's fucked that, then.
29:47You need a rabbit, forget it.
29:49Oh, it's got me tipped.
29:51Joe, you're Rachel's PA, what's a typical working day for you?
29:54Oh, typical, er, get Rachel up about midday.
29:58Get her a few cans.
30:01She spends most of the afternoon in the bookies.
30:05Drag her out of that, and then we play strip poker,
30:08and then I have to lose.
30:14To be honest with you, it's humiliating.
30:18OK, Jon and Miles, your turn to pick the letters.
30:22Let's have a consonant, please.
30:25T
30:26T
30:27And a vowel, please.
30:28L
30:32E
30:33And a consonant, please.
30:36V
30:41And another vowel, please.
30:44H
30:46T
30:49A consonant, please.
30:52Ta-da!
31:04I just realised I should have done the trick,
31:06that would have been your card, I forgot to do that.
31:09Do you want to take the card?
31:11That's all right, it's ruined.
31:16Is that an S end of the card, is it?
31:18It's an S, yeah.
31:21Another consonant, please.
31:23Ta-da!
31:26H
31:27And another consonant.
31:28P
31:29And a vowel, please.
31:31Yes, thank you, Jon.
31:32E
31:34E
31:35And another consonant.
31:39Ta-da!
31:40T
31:41And your time starts now.
31:45E
31:46E
31:47E
31:48E
31:49E
31:50E
31:51E
31:52E
31:53Might be an idea to write all of them down, Sean.
31:56LAUGHTER
32:14So, Jon, how many letters?
32:16Er, no, didn't like that one, not playing.
32:20Fair enough. Miles?
32:22Um, er, six, that I'm a bit all about.
32:25Is it that one?
32:26Yeah.
32:27Not a fucking chance, mate.
32:30Rod, what have you got?
32:31Seven.
32:32OK, and Sean?
32:33Fives.
32:35What was your word, Sean?
32:36Steep.
32:37Steep.
32:38Miles, what did you get?
32:39Um, it was...
32:41Teeths.
32:42Susie?
32:43Um, Miles, you'd need three Es, you've only got two.
32:45You would like three Es, would you?
32:46Yeah, it's in here.
32:49You've only got Countdown's Brian Harvey.
32:52LAUGHTER
32:55Rod?
32:56Peevish.
32:57Wow.
32:58Oh, very good.
32:59APPLAUSE
33:08I just realised Claude's got me a bit thirsty.
33:11Can you do the song as well, Claude?
33:14LAUGHTER
33:35I can't spell!
33:38This is my best chance!
33:41Actually, he's very good to mop himself up, isn't he?
33:45Nick and Susie, could they have done any better?
33:47No.
33:48Nick got peevish.
33:49I got peevish.
33:50Straight away.
33:51That means that...
33:52Did you, Nick, did you?
33:54Well, shortly after you got it.
33:58So that's seven points to Rod and Sean.
34:00Rod and Sean have 14 points, John and Miles have 22 points.
34:03APPLAUSE
34:05APPLAUSE
34:09OK, on to another numbers round.
34:11OK, Sean and Rod, go ahead and pick your numbers.
34:13I'm going to use Claude on this one.
34:15LAUGHTER
34:16So you go two from the big ones and then four little ones.
34:20Yeah, you do it, or we'll have a fondue.
34:22OK.
34:23LAUGHTER
34:27I'll tell you if you do anything wrong.
34:29I'll do something in a minute, please.
34:31Right, the numbers.
34:33Seven, ten, nine, three, 100.
34:37That is lovely.
34:38LAUGHTER
34:40And the target, 530. I can edit it straight away.
34:44OK.
34:45Time starts now.
34:48Ten...
34:5050.
34:52What?
34:53Ten 50s of...
34:55500.
34:59At the 100, you've got 600.
35:04Three tens of... No, three nines of 26.
35:07No, seven and three.
35:11That's ten.
35:14Three sixes of 21. That's a nine.
35:17OK, Claude, what have you got?
35:19I've got 530.
35:20OK, you've got 530. Rod, what did you get?
35:22I think I've got 527.
35:24527. John?
35:26I got 530.
35:27Well done, Miles.
35:28And I drew a picture of Joe.
35:30LAUGHTER
35:31Can we have a good look at the picture?
35:35LAUGHTER
35:40Nice high cheekbones.
35:41Miles, what did you get?
35:44I wrote all those numbers down.
35:48And then I sort of drifted slightly.
35:51And then the thing went off.
35:53So, um...
35:55I'm afraid I've got nothing to offer.
35:57Can I do the workings? Cos I never get it right.
36:00Yeah, go on.
36:01Ten times 50 is 500.
36:03Ten times 50, 500.
36:05Three times seven is 21.
36:07Yep.
36:08And then you add nine.
36:09Well done.
36:10530.
36:11APPLAUSE
36:20Joe, how did you do?
36:21Um, I did 50 plus three is 53...
36:2453.
36:25..times 510.
36:26Well done. Yep.
36:27Straight there. 530.
36:28LAUGHTER
36:31APPLAUSE
36:37You mean... John, you mean the slow way?
36:42I went wrong by multiplying 150 and I got 50,000.
36:51I got it really wrong.
36:54I can see, you know, if you get it out by a couple,
36:57but I'm out by 45,000.
37:01All right, so ten points to both teams there.
37:03The scores at the moment, Sean and Rod have 24,
37:06John and Miles have 32. Pretty close.
37:08APPLAUSE
37:12And here's your final teaser.
37:14The words are MEGADICK and the clue is...
37:17POOF!
37:18No, it's gone.
37:19That's MEGADICK.
37:20POOF!
37:21No, it's gone.
37:22See you after the break.
37:23APPLAUSE
37:27Welcome back.
37:28The answer for the teaser, the words were MEGADICK
37:31and the clue was POOF!
37:32No, it's gone.
37:33It was, of course, MAGIC.
37:35OK, time for our final letters game.
37:37Sean and Rod, your turn to choose.
37:39Vowel, vowel, vowel, constant, vowel, vowel, constant, constant, please.
37:42Got it.
37:44You're all over this one.
37:45Vowel, vowel, constant, constant, vowel, vowel.
37:47All right, I'll sit down.
37:49LAUGHTER
37:51POOF!
37:52POOF!
37:53POOF!
37:54POOF!
37:55POOF!
37:56POOF!
37:57POOF!
37:58APPLAUSE
38:02OK, your time starts now.
38:16LAUGHTER
38:20POOF!
38:21LAUGHTER
38:24POOF!
38:25LAUGHTER
38:28POOF!
38:29LAUGHTER
38:31POOF!
38:32LAUGHTER
38:33POOF!
38:34POOF!
38:35POOF!
38:37LAUGHTER
38:38APPLAUSE
38:43LAUGHTER
38:44APPLAUSE
38:48What have you got?
38:49Unsafe sex.
38:51Unsafe sex.
38:54Miles, what have you got?
38:55A solid five.
38:57OK.
38:59Sean?
39:00I've got a solid five and I thought I had a sex.
39:04I was a dreamer, I was a crazy dreamer for a second there.
39:07OK, Rod?
39:09Chicky seven.
39:11OK, Miles, let's hear your five.
39:14Foo me.
39:15LAUGHTER
39:19I said, oh, look at the wash, it's a bit foamy.
39:23OK, Sean, your five?
39:24Fairy.
39:25OK, Jon, your six?
39:27You know, like the binary number system,
39:29there's binary, kinary, dinary, yinary and finery numbers.
39:34Oh, yeah. Can I have finery?
39:35With an A.
39:36With an A, yes.
39:38Is that for real, Jon? It's not in?
39:40Is there really something called finery?
39:42Yeah, let's say that.
39:43LAUGHTER
39:47So, Rod?
39:49You know when a horse...
39:50LAUGHTER
39:52You know in, like, the Grand National or something,
39:54when a horse is running and then the jockey falls off
39:57and then the horse keeps going and comes in first
40:01and then they all go off and then the stewards say to that horse,
40:04I'm sorry, mate, your jockey fell off, it doesn't count.
40:07That moment when the horse thinks, oh, for fuck's sake.
40:12That is unyimful.
40:14LAUGHTER
40:16APPLAUSE
40:18Ha-ha!
40:22Horse disappointment. Unyimful.
40:24LAUGHTER
40:25It's not this much in the dictionary, but I don't think it's in, I'm afraid.
40:29The good news is, Sean, you get five points for ferry
40:31and, Miles, you get five points for foamy.
40:33APPLAUSE
40:39Nick, Susie, could they have done any better than that?
40:41Yes, they could. They could have had uniform.
40:44Oh, excellent.
40:45Uniform, guys.
40:46I can't believe I made up unyunyimful.
40:48LAUGHTER
40:50How can you make up something that's almost exactly a real word
40:53and not a noun?
40:54LAUGHTER
41:00Unyimful.
41:01I made it up, I'll be honest.
41:03LAUGHTER
41:07OK, Rod and Sean have 29 points,
41:10Jon and Miles have 37 points.
41:12APPLAUSE
41:17Pretty close, though, pretty tense.
41:19OK, Jon and Miles, go ahead and pick your numbers.
41:22Are you going to do some work? Yeah.
41:24I'll just step out.
41:25Can't believe I missed a Zumba class for this.
41:27LAUGHTER
41:33I suggest that one, it's 100.
41:35LAUGHTER
41:37Makes it easier.
41:40Miles?
41:41Yeah, yeah, I'm with you.
41:43LAUGHTER
41:45Two big ones and the rest little.
41:47OK, let's see what you've got.
41:50There you go.
41:51Yeah, that'll do.
41:53That's enough. Go, go, go.
41:55You've been brilliant.
41:57And number nine!
41:59Number four.
42:02Can we bother to say them out loud?
42:05Infinity.
42:06LAUGHTER
42:10APPLAUSE
42:15APPLAUSE
42:18What are they going for?
42:20I've no idea.
42:21Oh!
42:22That.
42:23LAUGHTER
42:24OK, you're going for 155.
42:25Actually, that's a bit easy.
42:27Too easy?
42:28LAUGHTER
42:30That's too easy.
42:31760's too easy.
42:33LAUGHTER
42:40And you're going for 923.
42:42LAUGHTER
42:44Time starts now.
42:46MUSIC PLAYS
43:15OK, the target was 923.
43:17What did you get, John?
43:19923.
43:20Miles, what did you get?
43:22925.
43:24You idiot.
43:25Really, Miles?
43:26Really?
43:28Really? 925 on that one?
43:33Rod, what did you do?
43:34Well, it's early days, I'm on 900.
43:36LAUGHTER
43:40Sean, how did you do?
43:41923.
43:42923, OK.
43:43Hang on, I'll just...
43:44Did he get it, really?
43:45Yeah.
43:46LAUGHTER
43:48I'd really rather he'd never touched...
43:50LAUGHTER
43:52He really wants to continue, doesn't he?
43:54OK.
43:55John, how did you do?
43:579 times 100.
43:59That's where I'm at.
44:00LAUGHTER
44:02900.
44:03And then I did 8 over 4 is 2.
44:05Yep.
44:06And then I took that off the 25.
44:08The 23.
44:09923, well done.
44:10APPLAUSE
44:14John, how did you do?
44:18So, 10 points for those doing fair.
44:27So, Rod and Sean have 39, John and Miles have 47,
44:30so this is a crucial Countdown Conundrum.
44:33Are you saying this is a decided...?
44:35It's all on this.
44:36Let me get a bit of paper, then.
44:37OK, get a piece of paper.
44:38OK, right, fingers on buzzers.
44:40It's time for today's crucial Countdown Conundrum.
44:43Time starts now.
44:56Sensation.
44:57Oh, excellent. Very good.
44:59APPLAUSE
45:11APPLAUSE
45:37If you missed Brand New Phone Shop last night
45:39did you miss the story of the dog and the bone?
45:41Is it just coincidence that dog and bone
45:43is also Cockney rhyming slang for phone?
45:45Yes, it is.
45:46It's on 4OD if you fancy it.
45:48A brand-new pop quiz like no other next tonight,
45:50unless you just happen to have
45:52Charlene Spiteri and Alex James as your mates.
45:54That music show coming up.
45:56APPLAUSE