First broadcast 2nd August 2013.
Jimmy Carr
Sean Lock
Jon Richardson
Rachel Riley
Susie Dent
Joe Wilkinson
Rhod Gilbert
Miles Jupp
Nick Helm
Jimmy Carr
Sean Lock
Jon Richardson
Rachel Riley
Susie Dent
Joe Wilkinson
Rhod Gilbert
Miles Jupp
Nick Helm
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00I
00:31Tonight on 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown
00:35John Richardson
00:37Sean Locke
00:39Miles Jupp
00:41Rod Gilbert
00:43Nick Helm
00:45Susie Dent
00:46and Rachel Riley
00:48Now, welcome your host, Jimmy Carr!
00:56Hello and welcome to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown,
01:00a show all about letters, numbers and conundrums.
01:02Did you know, for example,
01:04council workers in Glamorgan were left embarrassed
01:07after they spelt Wales, W-H-A-L-E-S, on road signs?
01:10To be fair, it should be pretty obvious
01:12whether you're entering a Welsh town
01:14or driving into the dark, reeking guts of a giant sea creature.
01:17Unless it's Swansea, in which case better signage would help.
01:26And children know at least one obscene word by the age of two,
01:30but that's only if you consider the words poo and willy obscene,
01:33which they are if you do what I do with them.
01:38Right, let's get started.
01:47OK, let's meet tonight's players.
01:49First up, it's John Richardson.
01:56John turned 30 last year.
01:58He celebrated the big day with all his friends,
02:00alone in his kitchen.
02:02And on John's team this evening, it's Miles Jupp.
02:11Miles enjoys tea-tasting, fly-fishing and cricket,
02:14so Countdown for him is the equivalent
02:16of a white-knuckle roller-coaster drug-fuelled orgy
02:19of adventure and adrenaline.
02:21And up against them this evening, it's Sean Lock.
02:26APPLAUSE
02:32Sean's got a smile that will light up any room,
02:34and if that doesn't work, he's got petrol and matches.
02:37And on Sean's team, it's Rod Gilbert.
02:46In September, Rod will be attempting a perilous trek
02:49up Mount Kilimanjaro for charity.
02:51He'll be raising money for the Rod Gilbert Memorial Fund
02:54to avoid any accidents.
02:58So, John, you won the last game of Countdown.
03:00Do you think you can do it again?
03:02I hope so, yeah. I've been, you know, I've been training hard.
03:05No celebrations, just got straight in the ice bath
03:08after the last show and watched the video of the episode
03:11back with my team, and we've made some changes,
03:14and we're pretty happy.
03:16Yeah, you've made a big change, you've got Miles.
03:18Upgrade, that's what it is, Jimmy, an upgrade.
03:21I was on your team last time.
03:23Yes.
03:25John, have you got a mascot? You got anything for good luck?
03:27Yes, this is my mascot today.
03:30It's a dinosaur there, I call him Roger.
03:33That's Roger the saurus.
03:41Miles, are you a Countdown fan?
03:43Oh, absolutely, love Richard...
03:45Whiteley, yeah.
03:48So you haven't seen it in a while.
03:51Thank you, there's no easy way to break this to you,
03:53but Vorderman's gone.
04:04Hasn't she just?
04:13Miles, you're a very well-educated man,
04:15that's going to stand you in good stead, surely.
04:17I'm always being accused of being well-educated,
04:19but just because you've paid for something
04:21doesn't mean it's worked.
04:23I know about six things, none of which are remotely useful.
04:26See, he's got me worried now with his
04:28I know about six things bragging.
04:33We are on the ropes here, mate.
04:35Rod, what do you think you're going to be strongest on this evening,
04:38letters or numbers?
04:40I'm going to be better on letters, I think, I'm a letters man.
04:42Try me on any letter.
04:44L. Yep.
04:47He is good, OK.
04:49Sean, you lost last time, are you out for revenge, what's going on?
04:52I think the area I really struggle is with the letters.
04:55And I've been putting Scrabble letters down my pants,
04:59and just pulling nine out and just going...
05:02Chucking them back and seeing how many words I can come up with.
05:06I'll give you a bit of advice, it's best to do that...
05:09It's best to do that at home.
05:12Have you got a lucky mascot this week?
05:14I've got a lucky mascot, I've got a lucky...
05:17I've got a lucky pen.
05:34I got it from a very unusual bookies.
05:42And I find it very useful.
05:44If they were putting a bet on, I always use...
05:47Claude, this is Claude.
05:51I didn't want him stuffed, he wanted to be stuffed,
05:53he was alive at the time.
05:55I think it's the best thing I've ever seen.
05:57And over in the dictionary corner we've got Nick Helm.
06:07Nick Helm has been described as a sex symbol,
06:10but a sex symbol is a question mark.
06:16Nick, what advice would you give the players?
06:19Don't just pick vowels.
06:23Solid advice.
06:25And with Nick, of course, it's Susie Dent.
06:31Susie, I don't want you to worry about your precious show.
06:33We're not dumbing down Countdown,
06:35think of this as us clevering up 8 Out Of 10 Cats.
06:38You've been around for some of the all-time greats of Countdown.
06:41How do you think our contestants compare this evening?
06:46You're openly laughing in their faces.
06:49I'd say there's no comparison at all.
06:51I'll leave it like that.
06:55No, as long as they go for length, length is important.
07:08And in charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley.
07:17Countdown host Nick Hewer recently described Rachel as sharp as a whip.
07:21He went on to say she's clever as a corset and as gifted as a gimp mask.
07:26It's almost as if he had something else on his mind.
07:29Rachel, who do you think is going to excel today?
07:31Well, I've looked at the stats and what I discovered
07:34is that John and Miles is an anagram of ninja models.
07:38And Rod and Sean together makes hard ones and sore hand.
07:46So I'm not sure if that answers your question,
07:48but if they've been practising, it's not Countdown.
07:51OK, tonight, as ever, the prize for winning is this Countdown teapot.
07:58Correct.
08:00OK, that's Countdown, everyone. Time for their first game.
08:02John and Miles, you get to pick the first of the letters.
08:05Please.
08:06Oh, er, could I have a consonant, please?
08:09Of course, Miles. Thank you. Start with N.
08:13Oh, yeah.
08:14Great start, like.
08:15If we'd been offered that first thing, we'd have taken that, wouldn't we?
08:18Shall we do a vowel?
08:19You do all nine.
08:20A vowel, please.
08:22E
08:23E. Let's have another vowel, please.
08:25E
08:26Oh, you're losing it, mate. You're losing it.
08:28Let's have another vowel, please.
08:30I
08:31I
08:32OK, please feel free to go consonant crazy until the what's-its full.
08:37T. Shall we just carry on?
08:39Yes, please.
08:40M
08:41We might want one more.
08:42Oh, sorry, John's being difficult.
08:45Yeah, you say it, John.
08:46We'll have another consonant and then I think we'll make a decision.
08:49F
08:51Yeah, I think we'd have another consonant, would we?
08:53Oh, yeah, yeah.
08:54Yeah.
08:56Last one. P
08:58Terrible decision.
09:01And your time starts now.
09:32Er...
09:37John, how many letters?
09:39Well, I'll try an eight.
09:43And, Miles, how many?
09:44Er, five. Five.
09:47Sean, how many did you get?
09:48Six.
09:49Rod, what did you get?
09:50Seven.
09:52OK.
09:53Miles, let's hear your five.
09:55PRISM
09:56Or STRIM
09:58I'm going to go with PRISM.
10:00You're going to go with PRISM.
10:01Take it.
10:05Sean, what was your word?
10:06Well, I thought I had a five, which was MR. T.
10:11Then I saw...
10:13MRS. T
10:16Luckily, then I saw MITRES.
10:20MITRES.
10:21OK.
10:22Rod, what was your seven?
10:23RESPITE
10:25Very good.
10:27And, John?
10:29Oh, yeah.
10:30John, you all right?
10:31In the 80s, a lot of players had curly hair, of course,
10:34but Kevin Keegan's was the permiest.
10:41Susie, I've got to go to Dictionary Corner.
10:44Oh, it is...
10:47not there.
10:48That's a real shame.
10:51So, Rod, you win that and you get seven points.
10:53Nice one.
10:54Well done, Sean.
10:58Luke, what could they have had?
11:00They could have had, Jimmy...
11:03and I think there's a few of them around tonight as it is...
11:07TEMPERS.
11:11That's not better than mine, though, is it?
11:13No, it's seven.
11:15Surely the whole point of you with that massive dictionary
11:17is that you come up with something better.
11:19Is it another concept?
11:21I mean, we don't have a lot of time...
11:23It's another team.
11:29OK, so far, John and Miles have no points.
11:31Rod and Sean have seven.
11:38On to our first numbers round.
11:40OK, Sean, Rod, go ahead and pick the numbers.
11:42One from the top, four from everywhere else.
11:44Would you like five from everywhere else?
11:46Yeah, OK, five.
11:48No, I'm going to make it hard.
11:51This one isn't for you, but everyone else can have eight, five,
11:55another five, three, two, and a large one, 75.
12:00And the target, 282.
12:02OK, your time starts now.
12:20BUZZER
12:30Shit.
12:35So the target was 282, what did you get?
12:37John?
12:38282, but I haven't written it down, and my voice has gone weird.
12:43Miles, what did you get?
12:45Er, 255.
12:48Well, God love you for trying.
12:51And what did you get, Sean?
12:53Er, 376.
12:57Again, a fine performance, Rod.
13:00284, I had.
13:02OK, well, let's hear the 282. John, how did you do it?
13:0575 minus five is 70.
13:07Yep, 70.
13:08Eight over two is four.
13:10Four.
13:11Times the two for 280.
13:13280.
13:14And then five minus three.
13:16And the other five. Well done, 282.
13:18APPLAUSE
13:26That's ten points to you, John.
13:28Fantastic work. Time to go over to Dictionary Corner.
13:31Nick, what have you got for us?
13:33I've got a poem.
13:34You've got a poem?
13:35Well, fantastic.
13:36What is that?
13:39I have feelings I can share.
13:42That's from Stalking and Stalker on the back page.
13:46Yeah, that's it.
13:52Here is a poem that is simply called Busy Bee.
13:59Busy bee, busy bee, why are you so busy?
14:06Busy bee, busy bee, always in a tizzy.
14:10Busy bee, busy bee, thank you for the honey.
14:13Busy bee, busy bee, I owe you more than money.
14:19Busy bee, busy bee, I hope it never ends.
14:24Busy bee, busy bee, you are my only friend.
14:30That was about a bee I made friends with on a family holiday in Uruguay.
14:37I called him a race, he was a legend.
14:39A bee just landed on your arm as they said that.
14:42Paul Jammer, there he is.
14:44It's a fly.
14:47You're a race.
14:49Pretender to the throne.
14:54And I've got another poem.
14:56This one's called Butterfly.
14:58I don't fancy your chances, mate.
15:05You wouldn't do that during Shakespeare, would you?
15:08You have got a beard.
15:10Oh, come on, mate.
15:12Just let me do my poem and get through it.
15:15Then you can carry on with the game.
15:18I've got a poem for Susie.
15:24Sorry, Nick.
15:25Shut the fuck up!
15:38Now, where was I?
15:42Swoop, swoop, goes the net,
15:45but the butterfly it flits,
15:47idly avoiding the meshed cage of love.
15:52Swoop, swoop, goes the net,
15:55but the butterfly it flits,
15:57resting and nesting in the flowers of the adjoining field.
16:03Swoop again! Swoop again!
16:06And swoop thrice more!
16:09But the butterfly it flits,
16:11and my love goes unanswered.
16:17Why, butterfly, why?
16:19Why must you flit?
16:23But the butterfly does not answer,
16:27for it has no mouth.
16:37APPLAUSE
16:43I will break your heart.
16:46Carry on.
16:48OK, the scores at the moment are Sean and Rod have seven points,
16:51Jon and Miles have ten.
16:56Here is your first teaser.
16:58The words are BUMHEADS, and the clue is TAKEN BY SURPRISE.
17:02That's BUMHEADS?
17:04Surprise. See you after the break.
17:09Welcome back. The answer to the teaser,
17:11the words were BUMHEADS, and the clue was TAKEN BY SURPRISE.
17:14It was, of course, AMBUSHED.
17:16So Jon and Miles are in the lead with ten points,
17:19Rod and Sean trailing with seven.
17:21OK, in this round, Sean and Miles, you're playing head-to-head.
17:24Sean, it's your turn to choose.
17:26Oh, brilliant, I'm playing you.
17:28If I was playing Jon, I'd be worried.
17:30I'm really quite bad, although...
17:32Oh, God, I want that teapot.
17:36I'm going to do something unprecedented in the history of Countdown.
17:39I'm going to play the letters game blind.
17:43I'm going to tell you the word,
17:45then I'm going to call the consonants out,
17:47and that word's going to be up there.
17:49The word is FEATHERED.
17:51And that's what we're going to get.
17:53This is incredible.
17:55This is an incredible feat. This is an incredible moment.
17:57So, Sean, you pick the letters.
17:59So you're going to pick the word FEATHERED.
18:01I'll have a consonant, please.
18:03B and F, B and F.
18:05So this needs to be...
18:07Do you have to start again, or...?
18:09Well, thanks for that.
18:11Unfeathered.
18:13N.
18:15Do you know, there was always a chance this wouldn't work.
18:18This is a high risk, high challenge.
18:22Consonant, please.
18:24J.
18:26Consonant, please.
18:28W.
18:30Consonant, please.
18:32H.
18:34And a vowel, please.
18:36O.
18:38Another vowel.
18:40A.
18:42Whoa.
18:44Another vowel.
18:46U.
18:48A consonant, please.
18:50R.
18:54And another consonant.
18:56And a last one, G.
18:58And your time starts now.
19:13Oh, Christ.
19:29MUSIC STOPS
19:31Sean, what have you got?
19:35So far away from feathered.
19:40Er, I've got four.
19:42Er, Miles?
19:44Five.
19:46Oh, OK. What's your four, Sean?
19:48Hour.
19:50Miles, what did you get? What was your five?
19:52Er, it was grown.
19:54Oh.
19:56I didn't see the G.
19:58Beautifully illustrated.
20:00Could have had...grown-age.
20:04That's not fair, though, is it?
20:06I'd like to write the G down.
20:08Well, you only can say not fair if we hid it from you.
20:11OK, so five points to Miles.
20:13Could they have done any better?
20:15I did get jargon for six.
20:17So the scores are, Rod and Sean have seven points,
20:19Jon and Miles in the lead with 15.
20:21APPLAUSE
20:26Right, now it's time for Jon and Rod to go head-to-head.
20:29It's the numbers round, just for you guys.
20:31And, Jon, your turn to pick.
20:33Come on.
20:34Sean, do you want to play along for fun,
20:36a sort of personal battle between us?
20:38No, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
20:40You could play for Claude.
20:42Why would I do that? Because I've already got him.
20:45Just check.
20:47Her.
20:49I would have got her.
20:51What's in it for me?
20:53Er, my pen.
20:55I left the lid off this, but it's actually a stuffed grizzly.
21:02I'm all right with it, to be honest, it's impractical,
21:04but as an ornament, it really serves its purpose.
21:07So are you playing along with Miles for fun?
21:09Not for Claude, no.
21:11Oh, right.
21:13Oh, fucking money, a grand.
21:17I won't spit on you when we're having sex tonight.
21:25Good luck trying it without a spit.
21:38I'm wiping the tear out of my eye.
21:41Oh, Sean's just very kindly offered not to spit on one of our guests.
21:51I think that's a nice thing.
21:55What do I do now?
22:01I don't mean to say I'm not a nice guy, but I do...
22:04I do nice things.
22:12Right.
22:14So, Jon, you're to pick the numbers.
22:16I would like two big ones and four little ones.
22:19Thank you, Jon, so two large ones and four little ones for you.
22:24And for this round, the little numbers are 8, 5, 9 and 2.
22:29And the large ones, 125.
22:32And the target, 982.
22:35OK, your time starts now.
22:54LAUGHTER
23:14Oh, I've gone again. Donald, come in.
23:17I've just gone again. Sorry, hang on.
23:19What I've got to do is try and forget what he said.
23:24LAUGHTER
23:26OK, what did you get?
23:28983.
23:30OK, 108. Rod?
23:32Well, it's early days, but I'm on 900.
23:35LAUGHTER
23:40Jon, take us through the ones.
23:425, 2's a 10.
23:44Anyone can do that, Tom.
23:46You are miles off at the moment.
23:48Multiplied by 100 is 1,000.
23:501,000.
23:52975.
23:54And add the 8.
23:55Yeah, 983, one away.
23:57OK, seven points to you, Jon.
23:59APPLAUSE
24:04Yeah, a few ways for this one.
24:06You could have said 100...
24:08Take the piss.
24:10125 times 8 is 1,000.
24:14And then 2 times 9 is 18.
24:16And take it away. 982.
24:18APPLAUSE
24:22Miles, you were playing for Claude. Miles, what did you get?
24:25I'm sorry, I know I suggested that we played privately,
24:29but for whatever reason, my mind wandered.
24:32LAUGHTER
24:34Oh, dear, that's bad for you.
24:36LAUGHTER
24:38I got 982.
24:40Oh, you got 982. What's your working short?
24:42I did...
24:44LAUGHTER
24:46100 plus 25 times 8.
24:49That's 1,000.
24:50And take it off, you got 982.
24:52LAUGHTER
24:54APPLAUSE
25:00OK, time to check in with Dictionary Corner.
25:02What have you got for us, Nick?
25:04I'm slightly concerned that you're going to take this too far.
25:08LAUGHTER
25:10Which bit?
25:11I'm emotionally unavailable.
25:13LAUGHTER
25:15So...
25:16Thanks.
25:17Be strong.
25:18LAUGHTER
25:21You've been sitting over there
25:24You see me sitting in my chair
25:27I'm everything you dreamt of
25:29As a child
25:33It's only natural, I suppose
25:36To picture me without my clovers
25:39I'm the one that really
25:41Drives you wild, you wild, you wild
25:44You wild blood, Susie
25:47Don't fall in love with me
25:49Our love can never be
25:52Don't spoil the fantasy
25:55La-la-la-la-la-la, Susie
25:58You've waited patiently
26:01It must be agony
26:04Well, rest assured
26:06It's your turn tonight
26:09I can see it in your eyes
26:12And from the way your heart pulls and sighs
26:16It's so hard to put things into words
26:22Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah
26:25Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah
26:27Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah
26:30Birds, birds, birds, birds, birds
26:33But Susie
26:35Don't fall in love with me
26:38One night of ecstasy
26:41And I'll be history
26:44La-la-la-la-la-la, Susie
26:47I'll give you all I can
26:50But I am just a man
26:53And I'll be gone by the morning light
26:58Let's try and do this tactfully
27:01I'll sort you out financially
27:04I didn't mean to cause you any harm
27:08I've tried so hard to turn this off
27:11But I guess it wasn't hard enough
27:14Damn my curse and good looks
27:17And my charm, my charm, my charm, my charm
27:20But Susie
27:22You fell in love with me
27:25Please have some dignity
27:28Our love can never be
27:31La-la-la-la-la, Susie
27:34La-la-la-la-la, Susie
27:37I'll give you all I could
27:40But you misunderstood
27:43And I guess we'll always have tonight
27:46La-la-la-la-la, Susie
28:04The score's at the end of that.
28:06Ron and Sean have seven, John and Miles have 22.
28:15And here's your teaser.
28:17The words are Hump Nick
28:19and the clue is a small furry creature.
28:21That's Hump Nick, a small furry creature.
28:24See you after the break.
28:29Welcome back.
28:30The answer to the teaser, the words were Hump Nick
28:33and the clue was a small furry creature.
28:35It was, of course, Chipmunk.
28:37OK, before we move on, it's time once again to welcome Rachel's assistant.
28:41Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Joe Wilkinson.
28:54Joe?
28:55Why are you dressed like that?
28:57Er, I'm a magician, I just don't bang on about it.
29:03I'll be honest with you, that had nothing to do with me.
29:08Are you sure you're a magician?
29:10I knew you wouldn't believe me.
29:12Check under your chair.
29:19There's a yoghurt.
29:20Ta-da!
29:22APPLAUSE
29:31There's a crumpet on the end.
29:33How did I know?
29:36Do you want to see a trick, Rachel?
29:38Yeah, I'd love to see a trick.
29:40Go on, have you got a rabbit?
29:42Not on me.
29:43Well, that's fucked that, then.
29:47You need a rabbit, forget it.
29:49Oh, it's got me tipped.
29:51Joe, you're Rachel's PA, what's a typical working day for you?
29:54Oh, typical, er, get Rachel up about midday.
29:58Get her a few cans.
30:01She spends most of the afternoon in the bookies.
30:05Drag her out of that, and then we play strip poker,
30:08and then I have to lose.
30:14To be honest with you, it's humiliating.
30:18OK, Jon and Miles, your turn to pick the letters.
30:22Let's have a consonant, please.
30:25T
30:26T
30:27And a vowel, please.
30:28L
30:32E
30:33And a consonant, please.
30:36V
30:41And another vowel, please.
30:44H
30:46T
30:49A consonant, please.
30:52Ta-da!
31:04I just realised I should have done the trick,
31:06that would have been your card, I forgot to do that.
31:09Do you want to take the card?
31:11That's all right, it's ruined.
31:16Is that an S end of the card, is it?
31:18It's an S, yeah.
31:21Another consonant, please.
31:23Ta-da!
31:26H
31:27And another consonant.
31:28P
31:29And a vowel, please.
31:31Yes, thank you, Jon.
31:32E
31:34E
31:35And another consonant.
31:39Ta-da!
31:40T
31:41And your time starts now.
31:45E
31:46E
31:47E
31:48E
31:49E
31:50E
31:51E
31:52E
31:53Might be an idea to write all of them down, Sean.
31:56LAUGHTER
32:14So, Jon, how many letters?
32:16Er, no, didn't like that one, not playing.
32:20Fair enough. Miles?
32:22Um, er, six, that I'm a bit all about.
32:25Is it that one?
32:26Yeah.
32:27Not a fucking chance, mate.
32:30Rod, what have you got?
32:31Seven.
32:32OK, and Sean?
32:33Fives.
32:35What was your word, Sean?
32:36Steep.
32:37Steep.
32:38Miles, what did you get?
32:39Um, it was...
32:41Teeths.
32:42Susie?
32:43Um, Miles, you'd need three Es, you've only got two.
32:45You would like three Es, would you?
32:46Yeah, it's in here.
32:49You've only got Countdown's Brian Harvey.
32:52LAUGHTER
32:55Rod?
32:56Peevish.
32:57Wow.
32:58Oh, very good.
32:59APPLAUSE
33:08I just realised Claude's got me a bit thirsty.
33:11Can you do the song as well, Claude?
33:14LAUGHTER
33:35I can't spell!
33:38This is my best chance!
33:41Actually, he's very good to mop himself up, isn't he?
33:45Nick and Susie, could they have done any better?
33:47No.
33:48Nick got peevish.
33:49I got peevish.
33:50Straight away.
33:51That means that...
33:52Did you, Nick, did you?
33:54Well, shortly after you got it.
33:58So that's seven points to Rod and Sean.
34:00Rod and Sean have 14 points, John and Miles have 22 points.
34:03APPLAUSE
34:05APPLAUSE
34:09OK, on to another numbers round.
34:11OK, Sean and Rod, go ahead and pick your numbers.
34:13I'm going to use Claude on this one.
34:15LAUGHTER
34:16So you go two from the big ones and then four little ones.
34:20Yeah, you do it, or we'll have a fondue.
34:22OK.
34:23LAUGHTER
34:27I'll tell you if you do anything wrong.
34:29I'll do something in a minute, please.
34:31Right, the numbers.
34:33Seven, ten, nine, three, 100.
34:37That is lovely.
34:38LAUGHTER
34:40And the target, 530. I can edit it straight away.
34:44OK.
34:45Time starts now.
34:48Ten...
34:5050.
34:52What?
34:53Ten 50s of...
34:55500.
34:59At the 100, you've got 600.
35:04Three tens of... No, three nines of 26.
35:07No, seven and three.
35:11That's ten.
35:14Three sixes of 21. That's a nine.
35:17OK, Claude, what have you got?
35:19I've got 530.
35:20OK, you've got 530. Rod, what did you get?
35:22I think I've got 527.
35:24527. John?
35:26I got 530.
35:27Well done, Miles.
35:28And I drew a picture of Joe.
35:30LAUGHTER
35:31Can we have a good look at the picture?
35:35LAUGHTER
35:40Nice high cheekbones.
35:41Miles, what did you get?
35:44I wrote all those numbers down.
35:48And then I sort of drifted slightly.
35:51And then the thing went off.
35:53So, um...
35:55I'm afraid I've got nothing to offer.
35:57Can I do the workings? Cos I never get it right.
36:00Yeah, go on.
36:01Ten times 50 is 500.
36:03Ten times 50, 500.
36:05Three times seven is 21.
36:07Yep.
36:08And then you add nine.
36:09Well done.
36:10530.
36:11APPLAUSE
36:20Joe, how did you do?
36:21Um, I did 50 plus three is 53...
36:2453.
36:25..times 510.
36:26Well done. Yep.
36:27Straight there. 530.
36:28LAUGHTER
36:31APPLAUSE
36:37You mean... John, you mean the slow way?
36:42I went wrong by multiplying 150 and I got 50,000.
36:51I got it really wrong.
36:54I can see, you know, if you get it out by a couple,
36:57but I'm out by 45,000.
37:01All right, so ten points to both teams there.
37:03The scores at the moment, Sean and Rod have 24,
37:06John and Miles have 32. Pretty close.
37:08APPLAUSE
37:12And here's your final teaser.
37:14The words are MEGADICK and the clue is...
37:17POOF!
37:18No, it's gone.
37:19That's MEGADICK.
37:20POOF!
37:21No, it's gone.
37:22See you after the break.
37:23APPLAUSE
37:27Welcome back.
37:28The answer for the teaser, the words were MEGADICK
37:31and the clue was POOF!
37:32No, it's gone.
37:33It was, of course, MAGIC.
37:35OK, time for our final letters game.
37:37Sean and Rod, your turn to choose.
37:39Vowel, vowel, vowel, constant, vowel, vowel, constant, constant, please.
37:42Got it.
37:44You're all over this one.
37:45Vowel, vowel, constant, constant, vowel, vowel.
37:47All right, I'll sit down.
37:49LAUGHTER
37:51POOF!
37:52POOF!
37:53POOF!
37:54POOF!
37:55POOF!
37:56POOF!
37:57POOF!
37:58APPLAUSE
38:02OK, your time starts now.
38:16LAUGHTER
38:20POOF!
38:21LAUGHTER
38:24POOF!
38:25LAUGHTER
38:28POOF!
38:29LAUGHTER
38:31POOF!
38:32LAUGHTER
38:33POOF!
38:34POOF!
38:35POOF!
38:37LAUGHTER
38:38APPLAUSE
38:43LAUGHTER
38:44APPLAUSE
38:48What have you got?
38:49Unsafe sex.
38:51Unsafe sex.
38:54Miles, what have you got?
38:55A solid five.
38:57OK.
38:59Sean?
39:00I've got a solid five and I thought I had a sex.
39:04I was a dreamer, I was a crazy dreamer for a second there.
39:07OK, Rod?
39:09Chicky seven.
39:11OK, Miles, let's hear your five.
39:14Foo me.
39:15LAUGHTER
39:19I said, oh, look at the wash, it's a bit foamy.
39:23OK, Sean, your five?
39:24Fairy.
39:25OK, Jon, your six?
39:27You know, like the binary number system,
39:29there's binary, kinary, dinary, yinary and finery numbers.
39:34Oh, yeah. Can I have finery?
39:35With an A.
39:36With an A, yes.
39:38Is that for real, Jon? It's not in?
39:40Is there really something called finery?
39:42Yeah, let's say that.
39:43LAUGHTER
39:47So, Rod?
39:49You know when a horse...
39:50LAUGHTER
39:52You know in, like, the Grand National or something,
39:54when a horse is running and then the jockey falls off
39:57and then the horse keeps going and comes in first
40:01and then they all go off and then the stewards say to that horse,
40:04I'm sorry, mate, your jockey fell off, it doesn't count.
40:07That moment when the horse thinks, oh, for fuck's sake.
40:12That is unyimful.
40:14LAUGHTER
40:16APPLAUSE
40:18Ha-ha!
40:22Horse disappointment. Unyimful.
40:24LAUGHTER
40:25It's not this much in the dictionary, but I don't think it's in, I'm afraid.
40:29The good news is, Sean, you get five points for ferry
40:31and, Miles, you get five points for foamy.
40:33APPLAUSE
40:39Nick, Susie, could they have done any better than that?
40:41Yes, they could. They could have had uniform.
40:44Oh, excellent.
40:45Uniform, guys.
40:46I can't believe I made up unyunyimful.
40:48LAUGHTER
40:50How can you make up something that's almost exactly a real word
40:53and not a noun?
40:54LAUGHTER
41:00Unyimful.
41:01I made it up, I'll be honest.
41:03LAUGHTER
41:07OK, Rod and Sean have 29 points,
41:10Jon and Miles have 37 points.
41:12APPLAUSE
41:17Pretty close, though, pretty tense.
41:19OK, Jon and Miles, go ahead and pick your numbers.
41:22Are you going to do some work? Yeah.
41:24I'll just step out.
41:25Can't believe I missed a Zumba class for this.
41:27LAUGHTER
41:33I suggest that one, it's 100.
41:35LAUGHTER
41:37Makes it easier.
41:40Miles?
41:41Yeah, yeah, I'm with you.
41:43LAUGHTER
41:45Two big ones and the rest little.
41:47OK, let's see what you've got.
41:50There you go.
41:51Yeah, that'll do.
41:53That's enough. Go, go, go.
41:55You've been brilliant.
41:57And number nine!
41:59Number four.
42:02Can we bother to say them out loud?
42:05Infinity.
42:06LAUGHTER
42:10APPLAUSE
42:15APPLAUSE
42:18What are they going for?
42:20I've no idea.
42:21Oh!
42:22That.
42:23LAUGHTER
42:24OK, you're going for 155.
42:25Actually, that's a bit easy.
42:27Too easy?
42:28LAUGHTER
42:30That's too easy.
42:31760's too easy.
42:33LAUGHTER
42:40And you're going for 923.
42:42LAUGHTER
42:44Time starts now.
42:46MUSIC PLAYS
43:15OK, the target was 923.
43:17What did you get, John?
43:19923.
43:20Miles, what did you get?
43:22925.
43:24You idiot.
43:25Really, Miles?
43:26Really?
43:28Really? 925 on that one?
43:33Rod, what did you do?
43:34Well, it's early days, I'm on 900.
43:36LAUGHTER
43:40Sean, how did you do?
43:41923.
43:42923, OK.
43:43Hang on, I'll just...
43:44Did he get it, really?
43:45Yeah.
43:46LAUGHTER
43:48I'd really rather he'd never touched...
43:50LAUGHTER
43:52He really wants to continue, doesn't he?
43:54OK.
43:55John, how did you do?
43:579 times 100.
43:59That's where I'm at.
44:00LAUGHTER
44:02900.
44:03And then I did 8 over 4 is 2.
44:05Yep.
44:06And then I took that off the 25.
44:08The 23.
44:09923, well done.
44:10APPLAUSE
44:14John, how did you do?
44:18So, 10 points for those doing fair.
44:27So, Rod and Sean have 39, John and Miles have 47,
44:30so this is a crucial Countdown Conundrum.
44:33Are you saying this is a decided...?
44:35It's all on this.
44:36Let me get a bit of paper, then.
44:37OK, get a piece of paper.
44:38OK, right, fingers on buzzers.
44:40It's time for today's crucial Countdown Conundrum.
44:43Time starts now.
44:56Sensation.
44:57Oh, excellent. Very good.
44:59APPLAUSE
45:11APPLAUSE
45:37If you missed Brand New Phone Shop last night
45:39did you miss the story of the dog and the bone?
45:41Is it just coincidence that dog and bone
45:43is also Cockney rhyming slang for phone?
45:45Yes, it is.
45:46It's on 4OD if you fancy it.
45:48A brand-new pop quiz like no other next tonight,
45:50unless you just happen to have
45:52Charlene Spiteri and Alex James as your mates.
45:54That music show coming up.
45:56APPLAUSE