Taskmaster S18 E01
Taskmaster S18 E02 >>> https://dai.ly/x95xh4y
Taskmaster S18 E02 >>> https://dai.ly/x95xh4y
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00:00Did you just say...
00:01That we will have a contest?
00:04That's right!
00:05Do you know what's the prize?
00:08It's...
00:10It's...
00:12$1,000!
00:13$1,000.
00:14$1,000.
00:15$1,000.
00:16$1,000.
00:17$1,000.
00:18$1,000.
00:19$1,000.
00:20$1,000.
00:21$1,000.
00:22$1,000.
00:23$1,000.
00:24$1,000.
00:25$1,000.
00:26$1,000.
00:27$1,000.
00:28$1,000.
00:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:33Hello!
00:35Hello! Thank you, Angkor Davis. Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:39Daddy's back and he's got five naughty children
00:42who need to sit on the naughty step.
00:44Let's hope they behave themselves and do well in the task, because...
00:48Papa has big slippers and a hair-trigger spanking arm.
00:51LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
00:56So...
00:58Here we go. Please welcome our five formidable fighters.
01:02They are Andy Zanzman!
01:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:06Babatunde Lashay!
01:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:10Emma Siddy!
01:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:13Jack D!
01:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:15And Rosie Doll!
01:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:19And sitting next to me, a man who secretly confessed to me
01:23that he finds all women's sport slow, boring and undignified.
01:28LAUGHTER
01:30Lillipop!
01:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:34Hi, Greg. Hi.
01:36Look, I thought we should go mad at the beginning
01:38and have a game of charades. Yeah? Yeah.
01:40You up for that? Yep. OK, here we go.
01:42This is the only one. Ooh, look.
01:44Hmm. OK.
01:46Can of beans, yeah. Ooh, look, there's Jack D.
01:49Ooh, but also, watch this. Huh?
01:52Ooh!
01:54What is it?
01:58They can say anything at all.
02:00Anything?
02:02Do you know what it is? What?
02:04Jack and the beans talk.
02:06LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
02:10Good one.
02:12Right, first prize, task of the series.
02:14What's the category, Alex?
02:16I was shocked when you told me it, Greg,
02:19I know.
02:22Unbelievable. My mum's watching this and I've been inside her.
02:27Greg will give five points for the thing he thinks is best
02:29and at the end of the episode, the overall winner will take home
02:32something that has been inside each of the four people
02:34they've been sitting next to and themselves.
02:36Yummy in my tummy. Your turn.
02:38Andy Saltzman. Yes, yes, Greg.
02:40What have you brought that's been inside you?
02:43Well, the best thing that's been inside me, Greg, is my lung.
02:47Here it is. Andy's lung.
02:49Oh!
02:51The winner's going to take home...
02:53But that's not Andy's lung, is it?
02:55Because otherwise Andy would be dead.
02:57Well, it just gives me a great incentive to win this show
03:00so I get them back at the end.
03:03Have you had those lungs inside you?
03:05Yes, I have. You have not!
03:09You don't like them? I don't like them, no.
03:11They don't work within the limit of the task
03:14and they make me feel sick.
03:16By the way, what thing have you brought in that I might like
03:20that you've had inside you?
03:22I brought something that you will definitely like.
03:24It is Jamaican oxtail. It's beautiful.
03:27I'm Nigerian, but I love Jamaican food, so that's what I brought.
03:30And this is some oxtail stew here.
03:33I'm not going to lie, that looks disgusting.
03:38But I'm telling you, it tastes delicious, you know what I'm saying?
03:40Has that been inside you? Yes.
03:42Same batch? Same batch.
03:44I mean, the idea of this,
03:45that you bring slightly surprising things in, Baba,
03:47you've just brought in the thing that you like to eat.
03:49Yes! Yes!
03:52Baba, it looks delicious,
03:53apart from the sticks that have been thrown on top of it.
03:58Eva, what have you brought in that you might have had
04:00inside yourself, or you have had inside?
04:02So, cos it's the best thing that's been inside you, right?
04:06Yes. I have brought in my ex
04:09as represented by a USB stick.
04:17So I've uploaded a huge amount of material about his life.
04:22It's a bloke.
04:23And he is just a legend.
04:26Is he an actual legend? Yeah. No, he's not an actual...
04:29Well, he's just... He's not King Arthur.
04:31Excuse me!
04:34Well, the winner gets to plug it in and have a good look.
04:37And as a boyfriend, what was his best quality?
04:40Just, like, nice to be around.
04:42He dumped me.
04:45Do you eject you safely?
04:54Hello, Jack. Hello.
04:55You all right? Yes, very well, thank you, Greg.
04:57OK.
05:00What have you had inside you?
05:01I've brought in my...
05:03Well, one of my favourite toothbrushes.
05:06Which I had... I used... I liked it so much,
05:09I used it for several years.
05:11And... Thank you, yeah.
05:14So I bought this one in 2012.
05:16And I used it until 2022 or something.
05:20Here it is.
05:23Yeah, there it is. Jesus Christ, Jack.
05:26It did discolour in the end.
05:29When we told Jack about the competition,
05:31you told him to bring in a good prize, right?
05:34Not to just clear out the shit from his garage.
05:38Rosie Jones, what have you had inside you
05:40that you deemed appropriate to bring on the show?
05:42It is a letter opener.
05:47So I have recently started living on my own.
05:54And I love it.
05:57I am naked the whole time.
06:02That means I get a lot of food on my body.
06:13And I have recently found out
06:18that there's been a smell coming from my belly button.
06:28So the finger won't get it.
06:36That does.
06:41I can get in really deep.
06:46And I swear to God,
06:49last week I got a little bit of umbilical...
06:57No!
07:00How deep's your belly button?
07:02That's my favourite Bee Gees song.
07:10Who has brought in the worst?
07:12It's Baba or Andy, isn't it?
07:14Let's face it.
07:15So we're going to give Zaltzman and his horrible lungs one point.
07:18Baba, two.
07:19Two to Baba.
07:20Incredibly, getting three points
07:22is a man who lazily grabbed an old toothbrush
07:25on his way to the show.
07:26Three to Joe.
07:27You know, it's such an appalling image.
07:29We'll give Rosie Jones five points on this occasion.
07:31There we go.
07:32Four to Emma, five to Rosie.
07:35It's a very strong start.
07:37Right, task one, let's get going.
07:39OK, here we go, bro.
07:40And hush your sweet, sweet mouth.
07:56Oh.
07:59Andy.
08:05I'll sit here, shall I?
08:06Yeah, just in front of Greg.
08:08Look at the state of him!
08:14Am I like Greg?
08:15Very serious?
08:16Just smile more, I'm not going to lie to you, bro.
08:25Do not say any of this out loud.
08:55Oh!
09:08Don't mind.
09:14Do you want to explain this task a little bit?
09:16Not yet.
09:17Ooh.
09:19All right, who are we going to see first?
09:21We're going to start with the guy
09:22that people are already calling Andy Zaltzman.
09:27Are you all right, Andy?
09:30Andy?
09:52Oh.
09:56Oh.
10:08Query?
10:09I've stopped the clock.
10:11I could have gone with Quesadilla.
10:13I thought that was an opportunity missed.
10:16APPLAUSE
10:21At what point during the filming process for this show, Andy,
10:24did you regret wearing full cricket whites?
10:27I've never been in a situation in life
10:29where I haven't thought,
10:30this would be better if I was in cricket whites.
10:33So, no regrets, no regrets.
10:35Ah, all right, good.
10:36That's encouraging.
10:37Do you ever regret sitting in a big throne like that?
10:40No.
10:41Does it not make the rest of your life seem mundane?
10:46I mean, I suppose now you've said it, yeah.
10:49Well, Andy did very well.
10:50He managed to succeed in 7 minutes 54.
10:54Not bad, is it?
10:55Two more attempts now,
10:57and a little bit more explanation from Bubba and Rosie.
11:01Stare at camera number one
11:03for at least 30 seconds without smiling.
11:22No!
11:24Right, let's try again.
11:31Eat an imaginary fly that has just landed on you.
11:53Look under the sixth...
11:56..56th...
11:58..and 91st letters of this task.
12:06What letters have you got so far, Rosie?
12:11The first one's right.
12:12What's the second one?
12:14E.
12:16Is it an N?
12:18Wait, OK.
12:22You haven't quite finished the task.
12:28BUZZER
12:31Oh, not that seal.
12:35No, not that seal.
12:37Not that seal.
12:38Not that seal.
12:51Say a word beginning with Q.
12:54Back six weeks.
12:56Your time started when you stared at the camera.
13:00Quiet.
13:01I've stopped the clock.
13:02That's it.
13:03That's it.
13:07Yeah.
13:08That's my Achilles heel.
13:13I'm so happy.
13:21Bubba, the seal misdirection,
13:23it's the sort of thing this little nerd loves to do.
13:26How does it make you feel as a contestant?
13:28At the time, I was just like,
13:29who's coming up with this nonsense?
13:31You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah.
13:33Yeah, I messed up.
13:34You've come to the right show to mess up.
13:36Rosie, I missed what you said your Achilles heel was.
13:39Is it not laughing like a town crier?
13:42Basically, I've always got to smile,
13:47cos when I don't smile,
13:51people think I'm dead.
13:59Right, that's the end of part one.
14:01See you soon.
14:07APPLAUSE
14:13Welcome back to the first episode of this new series
14:17where we've begun with a silent task.
14:19Shh! Keep it down, Big Mouth.
14:21Yes, some might be more silent than others,
14:24but there's two people left to see, Emma Siddy and Jack D.
14:31Not tempted to smile at all, Jack.
14:36LAUGHTER
14:52S-E-A.
14:56Are you guessing the fourth letter?
15:03LAUGHTER
15:06I've lost my count now.
15:08And I think it's going to matter.
15:10It's going to matter. Yeah.
15:12Quick.
15:13I've stopped the clock.
15:15What have you come up with?
15:16I mean, the first one I thought, I came up with SEAL.
15:19Did you? And I thought, that's got a nautical feel to it.
15:22That does sound relevant. Yeah.
15:24Look under the letters.
15:26Well, yeah, or whatever those four letters...
15:29It's not SEAL.
15:30Well, I think it might be SEAL. You think it might be SEAL?
15:32Yeah. So I look...
15:33OK, so then I find a seal and look underneath.
15:35Well, maybe.
15:37That's the walrus.
15:38There's a shark, there's a seal.
15:40It's a sea lion, really. It's splitting hairs.
15:42Oh, OK.
15:44What about this seal?
15:47OK, there was something written there.
15:49But it's all come off.
15:51Yeah, you ripped it quite hard there.
15:53I didn't rip it quite hard. What are you talking about?
15:55You were very rough with it.
15:57Don't blame me for shoddy props.
15:59I'll just go and see if we've got another one. Thanks.
16:04Oh, I set it on fire.
16:08I mean, that's pretty good.
16:10Faster.
16:12Fastest, good as new.
16:14Is there another one coming, the seal?
16:16Yes, we're just really sticking it down so it doesn't slip.
16:19Well, what's the point of that?
16:21That's what's caused all this.
16:25I've got a task for you.
16:27Best of luck.
16:29Best of luck.
16:33This is me being patient.
16:35Yeah, maybe this is how you should have done the first one, then.
16:38Quick.
16:45Well...
16:47I mean, first things first, let's start with the positives.
16:50Emma. Sure. Pretty efficient.
16:52Well, yeah, I would argue boringly efficient.
16:55You looked under a seat. There was a bit of fun there.
16:57I really appreciate that. And I'll tell you something else.
16:59Yeah? No-one winks any more.
17:01Right. And you did a lovely bawdy wink after it.
17:04I didn't mean it to be bawdy.
17:06I more meant, like, you know, we're all in this together.
17:09I didn't mean sexually bawdy. Fine. I'm sorry.
17:11I just mean fun bawdy. Fine.
17:14What went wrong, Jack?
17:16Well, OK, full disclosure,
17:18within a couple of minutes, I could see what was going on here.
17:21I thought, oh, dear, they've come up with a duff task.
17:25Oh, yeah? And to get some mileage out of it,
17:27I'm going to have to find some stuff here.
17:31I should probably cross out what I wrote then.
17:33What did you write?
17:35Well, I say this as a man of a similar vintage, but I wrote,
17:38this all feels a bit Grandad's not settled into his home yet.
17:45Emma said the word quick after 3 minutes 58.
17:48Jack said the word quick after 41 seconds and 30 minutes.
17:52Just over half an hour.
17:55APPLAUSE
17:57Actually, I want to show you one more little extra bit of Jack.
18:00Yes, do, yeah. This tickled me.
18:02This is Jack earlier on in the task.
18:06It's not my fault, this is probably quite boring to watch.
18:10Oh, it's not boring. OK.
18:12It's the first word beginning with Q that anyone said.
18:15He said it after 3 minutes 32 seconds,
18:17so a bit quicker than Emma in the end.
18:19Oh!
18:21It's cruel. It's cruel.
18:23Even I say that's unfair, but I'll take it.
18:29Sometimes the game can be cruel, Emma.
18:31Yeah.
18:35So, Baba was the slowest in the end.
18:3717 minutes 59, one point.
18:39Baba. Then Rosie gets two points.
18:41Andy was the third slowest, three points.
18:43Emma gets four points, but Jack D wins the task and five points.
18:46APPLAUSE
18:49Wow. I'd love to see a scoreboard, please.
18:52All right, well, there are joint leaders at this stage.
18:55It is Jack and Emma on eight points.
18:57Here they are.
19:02Another one, please.
19:04Yes, and we're off to a theme park.
19:06Oh, God.
19:23Why are you standing like that, bro?
19:25It's quite windy.
19:27I've got a really bad feeling about this.
19:29Have you been on any of the rides?
19:31No, I haven't, erm, because, er...
19:34It's closed.
19:36Yes. Yeah.
19:44You must throw all five balls...
19:49..and pull one rope nice and hard.
19:52You must stay on the spot at all times
19:55and you may not move the spot.
19:58Closest to 100 cans wins.
20:01Your time starts now.
20:08Let's have a look, then.
20:09All right, we're going to begin with one man.
20:11He's dressed as a sportsman, but can he sportsman?
20:14It's Andy Zaltzman.
20:17Exactly 100 cans.
20:19How many cans are there? I reckon there's 200 cans.
20:21200 cans, right.
20:22If I do that... OK.
20:28BANG
20:33I think that's 70 cans down.
20:37This is your sport.
20:39Pressure is on here. OK.
20:45Right, I was hoping to get all them down in one go.
20:53I'd say that was unlucky.
20:57BANG
21:00Oh, damn!
21:02What if I throw a tin?
21:10You've opened it.
21:12Right, I'm running out of balls. I'm running out of tins.
21:17BANG
21:21Oh, God!
21:22BANG
21:28BANG
21:30I was doing very well there.
21:32I very nearly stopped.
21:34That's the most disappointed I've been in a long time.
21:41APPLAUSE
21:46Right, it was all very impressive, initially.
21:48And then, well, what I think is the Zaltzman equivalent
21:51is that anarchy happened. Yeah.
21:53That being, you angrily throw your yoga ball to the left.
21:58You know, what else do you do with yoga balls?
22:00I've never really seen what they're for,
22:02apart from hurling in a fit of rage.
22:0470 cans down.
22:06There's some good news. You miscounted at the beginning.
22:08You thought there were 200 cans there.
22:10There were actually 160 cans there. Oh, right.
22:13You knocked over 104 cans.
22:15Oh!
22:17That brings me no joy,
22:19because I'm supposed to be good with numbers, and that's...
22:22Yeah. Well, there's no pleasing some people.
22:24No, there's not.
22:27Good start. Who's next?
22:28Now it's time for some classic R&B.
22:30Rosie and Baba.
22:36OK.
22:37We might need more balls.
22:41Is she tightly?
22:42Just throw it, innit?
22:47Yeah, baby!
22:52Oh, no!
22:57Going very high on the stacks.
22:59Bro, I didn't do throwing in school, bro.
23:02Man's just a comedian, bro. Like, what do you think, man?
23:05I didn't do javelin.
23:08Oh!
23:11Oh!
23:13Yeah, baby!
23:15Yeah, baby!
23:28Ball!
23:41Keep falling, just keep falling.
23:44Wait.
23:45I'm not done yet.
23:47I've got this, innit?
23:52Yeah, baby!
23:55Oh!
23:56If I keep going higher, let's go low.
24:00Oh, for goodness' sake, man.
24:02All right, big up. Big up. Later.
24:09No!
24:13APPLAUSE
24:17Neither of you thought to count the cans
24:19before you started throwing?
24:21Yeah, I just got to go for it.
24:23You want me to stand there and be like, one, two, three.
24:25I ain't doing all of that.
24:27No, I understand that at school you got out of most subjects
24:30by telling them you were a comedian, it seems.
24:34I'm not doing maths, I'm a comedian.
24:36That's it.
24:37He didn't learn throwing at school, he's a comedian.
24:40Rosie, there's some awful heartbreaking moments for you.
24:42I've never seen the phrase, yeah, baby,
24:44so close to the phrase, oh, no.
25:00Oh, come on!
25:04Oh, Winky's not having that.
25:07You knocked over 47 cans, Rosie.
25:09Ah.
25:10Compared to Bubba's, 32.
25:12APPLAUSE
25:15Right, we'll each have another break.
25:17It's a chance for Alex to count all of his friends.
25:20Welcome back to Taskmaster.
25:33Oh, hello!
25:35You join us for the third part of the show
25:38and some more throwing at the theme park.
25:40Yes, these adults are trying to knock some cans over with some balls.
25:44And finally, uh-oh, it's Jack and Emma grouped together again.
25:49OK, so how many cans are there?
25:5117.
25:5321.
25:54So that's going to be...
25:56Yeah.
25:59I can't be bothered.
26:0140.
26:0340.
26:0540 times 4 is 160 cans.
26:09There's 160 there.
26:15Are you just getting rid of the balls?
26:18So I'm going to try and just get...
26:21OK, I don't... OK.
26:30My dad played rugby for England.
26:35Yeah.
26:38I might actually just...
26:41..come to daddy.
26:47Oh, God, what a shame, what a shame!
26:50This one's pointless, but we'll try anyway.
27:02How do you summon skills that you don't have?
27:04It's actually so difficult.
27:16So...
27:20That's a disappointment.
27:22Yeah.
27:23I might be able to use this.
27:25If I can hook them over and then...
27:29All right.
27:31Oh, no, I knew it, I knew it!
27:37OK.
27:43I know this is going to miss.
27:52Come on.
27:53Come on.
27:57What I've written down is the juxtaposition of the sentence,
28:00my dad played rugby for England,
28:03and the throws that we witnessed following that sentence.
28:07Sounds melodramatic.
28:09I think it might destroy your family.
28:12Is it too early in the series to say,
28:14I don't have cerebral palsy?
28:17Oh, no.
28:22But she did knock over more than Bubba, she knocked over 36.
28:25Which is good.
28:26Jack, you've made a career out of not looking very happy.
28:30I've got a theory, secretly, you were loving that.
28:33I found it cathartic, I suppose.
28:35I would do that again, actually, I wouldn't mind.
28:38How many cans got knocked out? At least they bothered to count.
28:41Yes, well, I can tell you, we know Bubba was 32,
28:44Emma, 36, Rosie, 47, Jack, 68.
28:48So, approaching 100.
28:50Yeah, obviously, only 104, so...
28:55I do want to show you one extra replay, though, do you mind?
28:57Yeah. OK, here we go.
29:09Nice pop of the legs, though.
29:11Lovely pop of the legs.
29:13That means that Andy doesn't get any points.
29:15Oh.
29:16Bubba goes up to two points, three to Emma, four to Rosie,
29:19and Jack wins a task and five points.
29:25OK, little Alex Horne, play me another task.
29:28Just for you, some stunning, soapy spheres.
29:31Ooh.
29:42Oh, hi, Jack.
29:44Hi, all right?
29:45Yes. Pop into the bubble.
29:49HE SIGHS
29:51Yeah, it's in there.
29:54HE GROANS
30:03That didn't work.
30:08Oh!
30:10Oh, man!
30:20Right.
30:21Do the most beautiful thing with bubbles.
30:24You have 20 minutes.
30:26Your time starts when you haven't said a word,
30:28beginning with B, for five seconds.
30:31Right, so if I want to buy time, I've got to keep babbling on,
30:34babbler-sleep.
30:36Your time's started now, Jack.
30:38Your time has now started.
30:40Your time has started.
30:41I've had to say a word like that in the task?
30:43Emma, your time has started.
30:45It's started now?
30:46Yes, because you didn't say a word, beginning with B,
30:48for five seconds.
30:51Not into that.
30:53You managed to get some soap and make some bubbles.
30:56Come on.
30:58Can I get naked?
31:01Oh, that is beautiful.
31:09Bala, you announced that you were going to make bubbles
31:12in this, the bubble task, as if you'd had a great idea.
31:17You even said, come on, afterwards.
31:19Yeah, man, obviously, you've got to get some soap and...
31:22I do it for the children.
31:24Like, if I don't buy, like, bubble solution,
31:26or, like, you know the one that you can just buy,
31:28I'll do it by myself.
31:29And you'll play on your own with bubbles?
31:31No, for my children.
31:32Oh, but you said you do it on your own sometimes.
31:34I make the bubbles.
31:36You've got to make the bubble solution,
31:38and I put it in the machine...
31:39I know how to make bubbles, Baba.
31:41Then listen to what I've listed to you.
31:43You clearly ain't.
31:44I just want to establish whether you play with bubbles on your own.
31:47No, I don't play with bubbles on my own, bro.
31:49What a comedian.
31:55OK, the first two we're going to see are Jack D and Bubble Tunday.
32:00Here we go.
32:02Are you into any particular types of bubbles, Jack?
32:05Champagne, I like.
32:06Would you like a bit of champagne?
32:08We've got champagne.
32:09Where?
32:10Where's the champagne?
32:13Right, I'm going to draw my daughter.
32:15She's two months, and she's so beautiful.
32:18Bring it to me.
32:19Do you want me to bring you champagne?
32:20Yeah, and some glasses.
32:21This is her arms.
32:23We'll do, like, legs.
32:26Oh, she is beautiful.
32:28This is vegan, non-alcoholic.
32:31Yeah.
32:32That's another way you can take fun out of champagne.
32:37We've got real chocolate.
32:39Get yourself some penguin.
32:41Who wants dark chocolate?
32:42Like, come on, man, I'm not a psychopath.
32:44You know what I'm saying?
32:45I'd like you, Alex, to pass this round to the crew
32:47so that they all have some.
32:49What a beautiful thing, Jack.
32:50Yeah, I think, thank you, you've said it.
32:52Let's get some flowers.
32:54You know what I mean?
32:57Should we keep one for Greg?
32:58That's a good idea.
32:59Which one do you think you'd want?
33:00Maybe have a pint with me.
33:02Ready for this, my guy?
33:03I'm ready.
33:07It's mad match.
33:08It's mad match.
33:12To everyone, thank you for having me here
33:15and looking after me so nicely.
33:19Thank you for...
33:20Yeah, enjoy this drink with me,
33:22and I wish you peace and happiness and...
33:28What's wrong with him?
33:30Cheers.
33:38Peace and happiness and I hope all your dreams come true.
33:41What a beautiful toast.
33:48You like that, bro?
33:49Yeah.
33:51Bringing joy to your heart.
34:01Jack, how lovely that you involved a crew.
34:04I mean that.
34:05We don't...
34:06You know, they work very hard on this show.
34:08I know, and they never get anything,
34:10as they were saying to me earlier.
34:12They don't.
34:13You know why?
34:14Why?
34:15Because Alex...
34:16Do you know what he calls them behind their back?
34:18He calls them the faceless facilitators of his duties.
34:23It was nice to see them briefly happy,
34:25and when I left, they just said,
34:27Jack, thank you.
34:31APPLAUSE
34:34Baba, pleased with your attempt?
34:36I'm going to own it.
34:37Yes, I was.
34:38I was pleased with it, cos, you know, honouring my new baby girl.
34:42And that was genuinely sweet, I thought.
34:44That was.
34:45Can we have a look at the painting of his daughter?
34:47His beautiful 11-week-old daughter?
34:49Here she is.
34:52I think I'll rip this up afterwards,
34:54because I'm ashamed.
34:56I can actually draw.
34:57You can actually draw?
34:58I can actually draw. I'm a good drawer.
34:59Well, you didn't.
35:00You didn't do art at school.
35:01All right, well...
35:06Just so you know, he said the word bang every time he drew a thing.
35:09He also said that his sperm and genes and DNA were elite.
35:14You should see my son and daughter.
35:16I'm telling you, man, they're gorgeous.
35:18When my daughter was born, the whole hospital,
35:20they were like, oh, my days!
35:21She's so gorgeous.
35:22Even the really ill people.
35:25Well, it's time for Mr Steps-Off-The-Spots-Himself.
35:28It's Andy's off.
35:30And action!
35:35Beauty and the bubble.
35:39I am bubble.
35:41Am I beautiful?
35:43Tell me, what is beauty?
35:47I have dreams of what a sphere can become.
35:51But I know change, changes, change,
35:54and the world becomes new again.
35:58We create.
35:59We destroy.
36:00We are destroyed.
36:02We were created.
36:04Life isn't the unexpected.
36:08Try the orange.
36:10For I know, as a bubble,
36:12things never stay the same.
36:15Things never change.
36:17We are all bubbles.
36:19Bubbles doomed to die.
36:22But our beauty lives forever.
36:25Work the camera for fuck's sake!
36:28Pour homme, pour femme, pour le tasse-masteur
36:32et son petit ami, Alex Hone.
36:45I mean, it's pretty incredible, actually.
36:47I don't actually have anything negative to say about it.
36:50We are all bubbles waiting to burst.
36:52Well, it's an exploration of the sort of fragility
36:55that this show too often shies away from.
36:57Andy, I thought it was excellent. Thank you.
36:59Time for the final break of the night.
37:01Who will not only win the episode,
37:03but also take home a lung and Jack D's ranted old toothbrush?
37:07What an adrenaline rush!
37:08I feel like I'm tripping in Woodstock, man!
37:11See you soon.
37:22Welcome back.
37:23Welcome back to the final part of this new series.
37:26Who's next in line to do something beautiful with bubbles, Alex?
37:29Ooh, a top-notch question, Greg, and a lovely voice.
37:33It's Rosie and Siddy Jones and Emma.
37:45Rosie.
37:46I'm not Rosie.
37:49I am the bubblegum fairy!
37:57Oh, lights.
38:00Oh, Greg.
38:02Oh, Greg.
38:03I am doing the most beautiful thing with bubbles.
38:07A beautiful babe having a bubble birth.
38:13I am here to grant your three wishes,
38:21but don't tell me them cos I know them already!
38:35Oh, Greg.
38:38What are you doing tonight?
38:40Bubble bath, maybe?
38:43I think that you want more bubbles!
38:51You like bubblegum!
38:56Eat that bubblegum!
39:00Eat it!
39:02I can't really do bubblegum.
39:03Eat it!
39:04How much?
39:05More!
39:06More!
39:08More!
39:09More!
39:11More!
39:20And I know you want the bubblegum dance!
39:27Bubblegum fairy!
39:31Bubble...
39:34Bubblegum fairy!
39:41I can't blow bubbles.
39:42I know it's too much.
39:43Blow.
39:45Blow.
39:47Blow.
39:50Oh!
39:52And now I leave one drop.
40:04OK.
40:06I think what we have to...
40:08The three of us have to talk about is your understanding
40:11of the word beautiful, probably.
40:14No, I think I nailed it.
40:18Do you?
40:21Honestly, there is nothing more beautiful in life than...
40:28Than the bubblegum fairy?
40:30Yeah.
40:31What about the most beautiful woman alive?
40:36Fine.
40:37Well, I'm not going to comment on your personal beauty
40:40cos I'm looking only at the character.
40:42And...
40:44Personally...
40:47I found the bubblegum fairy to be quite irritating.
40:53Anna, let's talk about your beauty.
40:55Yes.
40:56When you started erotically eating the chocolate,
40:59I think you just looked hammered.
41:04And I...
41:06I'm very flattered to be offered a bath with a lady,
41:09but I would prefer it if she hadn't been out for 12 pints.
41:13I think beauty's in the eye of the beholder.
41:15Yes, and I'm the beholder.
41:17Totally fine.
41:18That I do accept.
41:20But I...
41:22Would you rather share a bath with...?
41:26What, Emma or the bubblegum fairy?
41:28Well, Emma.
41:30100 times over.
41:34Sorry, bitch.
41:35Sorry.
41:41Go on, then, Greg.
41:42Well, who do you think's going to get one point?
41:45I'll give you a clue!
41:48One point to Rosie. Well done, Rosie.
41:50Yeah, good.
41:51I mean, if the Chocolate Goblin woman of nondescript nationality
41:55hadn't been so drunk, she might have got more than two points.
41:58Two to Emma. Got it.
42:00I think the sentiment of sharing bubbles with a largely ignored
42:05and often much derided crew of fun with him
42:09is quite beautiful and deserves three points.
42:11Three points to Jack. Got it.
42:13I'm going to give Baba's Beautiful Daughter four points.
42:15Four, got it.
42:16We must recognise artistic genius when we see it,
42:18and Andy gets five points.
42:19OK, well done, Andy.
42:20APPLAUSE
42:22Everyone, please make your way to the stage
42:24for your first final task of the show!
42:35Who's reading the task out?
42:36Emma is going to read the task.
42:38Is she?
42:39I hope you'll include a wink in this read.
42:42Excuse me.
42:47Drink the vinegar.
42:50On your turn, you can either drink from one straw or not drink at all
42:55and get a clue from Alex instead.
42:57You must stand on the spot when choosing your straw
43:00and you must never stray from the spot.
43:02OK.
43:04Only the vinegar drinker wins.
43:07There's five points at stake here.
43:08No-one else will get any points at all, Greg.
43:10Wow.
43:11They can choose to either tell me which number they're going to drink from
43:14and then drink from it... Yep.
43:15..or they can get a clue from me.
43:17The clue refers to the numbers in front of the straws.
43:21Up you come, Rosie.
43:22APPLAUSE
43:26So, Rosie, would you like to drink or get a clue?
43:29So, I'm going to go for it.
43:32OK, which number are you going to drink from?
43:34Ten.
43:35Off you go. Down and...
43:36Whoa!
43:39This is a gift waiting to happen.
43:45Whoa!
43:52Have you drunk vinegar?
43:54No.
43:56I like it.
43:58OK. A bit fishy.
44:01Yes, it is a bit fishy. It's tomato juice.
44:04OK, Jack, would you like a clue or a drink?
44:06Um, let's try a clue.
44:08OK.
44:15You're such a weird man.
44:18You must now return to your spot.
44:20Oh, I see.
44:21Oh, a clue from inside. I get it.
44:23I've got a clue, clue.
44:24Clue as well? Yeah, yeah.
44:33Clue or drink, Robert?
44:34I'm going for a drink. Here we go.
44:36What number are you going to choose?
44:3716.
44:3816? Wow, confident.
44:40I'm not... Do it.
44:41I don't like this, man.
44:44Do you not like a lovely vinegar drink?
44:49Is it vinegar?
44:50No, that ain't vinegar, but...
44:52I don't know, that's all right.
44:53It's iced tea.
44:54It's iced tea.
44:55It's iced tea, OK.
44:56It's iced tea, it's all right.
44:57It's iced tea.
44:59He's not, he's not...
45:03I appreciate that.
45:07Clue or suck?
45:10A clue, please, Alex.
45:12Clue, here it comes.
45:13I'm nearly there, here I am.
45:16It's a lot of this, isn't it?
45:19Let me seductively get it out of the way for you.
45:28OK.
45:40Cool.
45:43It's a prime number.
45:46I do like them.
45:47Ooh!
45:50So I'm going to go for 17.
45:54OK.
45:56Right, Tom.
46:03She drank the vinegar!
46:05Oh, God!
46:11So, we'll have those five points.
46:14Come down here, we'll see how that affects the final score!
46:23Very good.
46:24So you get it, mate, you just guessed it, did you?
46:26I thought the clue was a prime number.
46:30Why?
46:31Cos Alex is so boring.
46:34Yeah.
46:37Do you see the scoreboard?
46:38Yeah.
46:39It's unbelievable.
46:40She was in third place before, but now she's in first place.
46:42Rosie Jones has 17 points!
46:47Rosie Jones wins episode one.
46:50Please go and collect the things that have been inside your rival!
47:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE