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00:00Oh, oh, oh, red balls of fire, I'm bodacious.
00:17Oh, oh, oh, red balls of fire, I'm a fright.
00:21Oh, oh, oh, red balls of fire, goodness gracious.
00:26I'm chop, chop, chop, chop, choppin' with all of my might.
00:30Yay!
00:40Come on, Jughead Smith, you're late again.
00:44Jughead! Oh, Jughead!
00:47Oh, Jughead!
00:56Oh, my stars and little hop-toads.
00:59Oh, to use the three hours of restin', reclinin' and reposin'.
01:05Pa, boy, you just gotta take the strap to that there boy,
01:09for the truant officer comes after him again.
01:14Doin' I'll fill him so full of buckshot, he'll think he was a walkin' piccolo.
01:21Ain't no need for Jug to go to no school anyway.
01:25Only thing a boy gotta know is split and kindlin' and shootin' varmin'.
01:30Oh, now, Pa, you want that boy to grow up a lazy, no-good critter like you.
01:36Louise is right, Jughead.
01:38If you went to school, you could grow up to be president of these whole United States.
01:42Of whootin' Holler, too?
01:44Absolutely. Did you know that Abraham Lincoln was a poor farm boy just like you?
01:49A simple wood-choppin' country boy.
01:52He became president of this whole United States just like me?
01:57A simple wood-choppin' country boy?
02:00Just call me Honest Abe Jughead, the wood-choppin'est president ever.
02:13Snuffy Smith, I challenge you to a wrestle.
02:17Sure, give me a wrestle.
02:21Great balls of fire. This boy is tenched.
02:25This'll teach you to fool with Honest Abe Jughead.
02:29Uncle! Uncle!
02:33We gotta get that boy into school before he kills me.
02:38We gotta get that boy into school before he kills me.
02:43You can fool some of them people a part of the time,
02:46and the whole castle of the people most of the time,
02:50but I tell you, you can't fool me none of the time.
02:57I hope you'll raise that there chick to vote for Honest Abe Jughead.
03:03Four score and seven years ago. That's good.
03:08Hey, Snuffy, how do you spell four?
03:11How do I know?
03:13I'm going to the barn where a man can get some peace from his cuckoo kinfolk.
03:22Now stop your wailing, Louisie, and tell me what happened.
03:26Oh, I don't rightly know, Barney.
03:29Jughead just up and disappeared into the woods last night,
03:33and we ain't seen him hiding there since.
03:37Now, you old hound dog, go find that Jughead what's lost.
03:53Glory, glory, hallelujah.
03:56Teacher hit me with a ruler.
03:59Glory, glory, hallelujah.
04:02Never going to go to school.
04:07Mr. Chairman, because of you and chintz,
04:11friends, the state of the union is terrible.
04:15United we stand, divided we fall.
04:20Uncle Barney, I'm a thinking.
04:23All that chopping and rassling and speeching
04:27ain't never going to make me no president no how.
04:30Well, that's for sure, Jughead.
04:33You got to learn to read and write first.
04:35Why, Abe Lincoln used to walk 20 miles every day just to go to school.
04:39Walk 20 miles a day?
04:43Walk 20 miles a day?
04:57Oh, Barney, you sure is a wonder with that there boy.
05:01Oh, Snuffy will be mighty pleased that Abe Lincoln business is over.
05:06Oh, no.
05:08I think I'll mosey up to the capitol.
05:11I got a few things to say to that state legacy leecher.
05:15My friend!