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TRUE WORD OF YESHUA

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Transcript

00:00:00Let's talk about this, our subject tonight is,

00:00:03I want y'all to get this, why did I get married?

00:00:09Why did I get married?

00:00:14Okay, look at your spouse and ask them,

00:00:15why did we get married?

00:00:16Go ahead and ask them right quick, praise God, amen.

00:00:19Why did I get married?

00:00:21That's our subject tonight.

00:00:22And I wanna spend a little time on that.

00:00:24Why did I get married?

00:00:27That hit me, I preached that sermon a while ago,

00:00:30years ago, some of you were here.

00:00:32And for some reason,

00:00:32the Holy Spirit just wouldn't let that lead me,

00:00:34this idea of knowing why we got married,

00:00:37because until we can answer that question,

00:00:39and then why are we married now?

00:00:41Hallelujah, amen.

00:00:43So we wanna spend some time tonight

00:00:45and let's deal with that.

00:00:46So it's amazing,

00:00:48because I was thinking about the reason

00:00:50why people get married are so multi-layered and varied.

00:00:55I mean, honestly, in terms, baby,

00:00:57the reason why people get married.

00:00:59And we wrote a few of them down,

00:01:01we'll put them on the screen.

00:01:02And if you see yourself somewhere on the screen,

00:01:05that's okay, we're here now,

00:01:07but let's just sort of think through it.

00:01:10Here's some of the reasons, pressure, rejection.

00:01:15Here's another one, great sex.

00:01:17Let's put them on the screen if we have it up there.

00:01:19I want them to see that, stay with me up there.

00:01:21Pressure, rejection, great sex, low self-esteem, et cetera.

00:01:27Those are, I would argue,

00:01:29maybe some unhealthy reasons to get married originally.

00:01:33Amen.

00:01:34Pressure, you talked about some people got married

00:01:39because their friend got married.

00:01:40Yeah, you know, to talk about unhealthy reasons

00:01:44why people have decided to get married,

00:01:46I told my husband that 30% of women

00:01:50have confessed in divorce that they realized

00:01:55maybe a week or two after they got married,

00:01:57like they made the wrong decision, 30%.

00:02:01And then I told him, I said, let's look at this.

00:02:03People have gotten married because of loneliness,

00:02:06societal expectations.

00:02:09I told my husband, I was talking to an individual,

00:02:12and she told me, she said,

00:02:13the reason I got married is because my cousin got married.

00:02:16She said, I really was like going back and forth,

00:02:18like, all right, I just want to get married.

00:02:21And I know for some women, babe,

00:02:22it's because for women, the clock was ticking.

00:02:26The clock was ticking.

00:02:27And so it's because of now family expectations.

00:02:32We allow family and society

00:02:34to give us like this undue pressure.

00:02:37And so therefore, a lot of people,

00:02:39or most people, or some people, 30%, if stats be true,

00:02:44have gotten married because of just making a decision,

00:02:48like in the heat of a moment.

00:02:50That's why I wrote so many books on dating.

00:02:52And I know we're here now, but I really do mean it.

00:02:55I think it is the biggest decision you'll make in your life.

00:02:58Who agrees with that?

00:03:00With the exception of Jesus.

00:03:01I don't think that's an embellishment.

00:03:03The greatest choice you will make in your life

00:03:06is who you say I do to.

00:03:08I can't think of any other choice

00:03:11that has so much to do with my daily kind of flow

00:03:15and happiness and sanity.

00:03:18I say this, I don't know what it would be,

00:03:22and I've been graced here,

00:03:24to be with somebody I couldn't stand.

00:03:29I see people, I be thinking like,

00:03:31I had to look at you all the time.

00:03:36And didn't like you.

00:03:38And I can't leave because of the kids

00:03:41and Jesus gonna whoop me.

00:03:43Yeah, yeah.

00:03:44Or you know, family stuff.

00:03:46I don't want another man to raise my kids.

00:03:49I don't want another woman over my kid's head

00:03:51so we'll just stay together and all of that.

00:03:54I don't want people to stay together just for those reasons.

00:03:57Yeah, when you talk about your spouse

00:04:00being your greatest investment

00:04:01or your spouse being the most important person in your life,

00:04:04I totally agree with that.

00:04:06Because of purpose and mission

00:04:09and where you're headed in life,

00:04:11it's your spouse that's gonna help you reach those goals.

00:04:15Most people, sometimes when you look at them,

00:04:17I look at, say pastors,

00:04:19or I look at somebody who has a thriving business.

00:04:23The reason that they're able to hit markers

00:04:26in their business mind or in their church

00:04:29is because their spouse, they're on the same page.

00:04:32How can the two walk together?

00:04:34How can two walk together unless they agree?

00:04:37I think for you and I, because we picked right

00:04:41is because we're able to do so much for the kingdom

00:04:44with our kids, because we're on one accord.

00:04:47I mean, when you're off, when somebody's not right,

00:04:51it just, it hinders your blessing.

00:04:54It hinders your purpose.

00:04:56It hinders your future.

00:04:58So that's why I would beg any single that's watching,

00:05:01be careful who you say I do to.

00:05:04But for those of you who sitting here have said I do,

00:05:08well, that's why pastor and I are here tonight

00:05:11because we're gonna help you.

00:05:12If that's the case, if you picked wrong,

00:05:14we're gonna help you to fight through those challenges.

00:05:16Who picked wrong?

00:05:18Well, 30% based on your status.

00:05:21I dare you raise your hand.

00:05:22I dare you.

00:05:2330%, one, two, three.

00:05:26One, two, three.

00:05:26No, no, don't count, babe.

00:05:27One, two, three.

00:05:29Pick wrong.

00:05:29Don't count.

00:05:30And watch this.

00:05:32I think people get married for sex instead of assignment.

00:05:37Oh, okay.

00:05:39Yeah, and by the time we figure out

00:05:41how much your spouse has to do with your assignment.

00:05:44Your assignment, yeah.

00:05:45My assignment.

00:05:46And I'm sitting here now and I just can't think

00:05:51of who else could have helped me with my assignment.

00:05:54And I think whatever your assignment is,

00:05:56you're picking for that.

00:05:57I know some of you are thinking,

00:05:58that's almost single advice.

00:06:01We're married now, let's get to it.

00:06:03So here's what I wanna talk about.

00:06:04The Lord just gave us this, write this down.

00:06:06Fruit vis-a-vis root.

00:06:09All right, fruit vis-a-vis root.

00:06:11And the reason I say that is because sometimes

00:06:13we be fighting or disagreeing

00:06:16and all you can see is the fruit.

00:06:19But in order to be healthy, you gotta deal with the root.

00:06:23What is the root of his issues?

00:06:26What are the root of her issues?

00:06:29And because you go to the Word Church,

00:06:31we talk about home of origin issues

00:06:33and mama stuff and daddy stuff way more

00:06:36than they did at the church I grew up in.

00:06:38Most of us in traditional context growing up,

00:06:41it was just love Jesus, have the Holy Spirit,

00:06:44go to six classes and we'll marry you guys.

00:06:47But now we look back like I have a lot underground.

00:06:52And when I deal with the root,

00:06:54the root, we told each other, let's be naked as we can

00:06:59so everybody else can take their clothes off.

00:07:01We don't play superhero pastor.

00:07:03I have rooted rejection and that rejection,

00:07:07watch this, can come out as jealousy.

00:07:12Rejection can come out in overthinking,

00:07:17worried about stuff, are you gonna leave me too?

00:07:21Are y'all with me here?

00:07:22So we wanna make sure as couples, baby,

00:07:27that we discuss the root.

00:07:29I don't care if you've been married 30 years,

00:07:31have you ever talked about the root?

00:07:32And you say, you know what?

00:07:33That's a my daddy issue right there.

00:07:37That's a my mama issue.

00:07:38That goes way down and it comes out sideways

00:07:42in other things.

00:07:43Yeah, when you talked about this fruit versus the root,

00:07:46I thought about communications.

00:07:48You know, communicating with your spouse.

00:07:51One thing that I wrote down, I said happiness,

00:07:53it doesn't just happen in marriage or anywhere else.

00:07:57It has to be developed and nurtured.

00:08:01So when you're not dealing with the root,

00:08:04then you cannot develop.

00:08:06Then therefore, I can't nurture what's wrong.

00:08:09You have to nurture that thing.

00:08:11So I told him, I said, based on just our years

00:08:14of being together, I said, I think we have landed

00:08:18in a healthy place because we talk.

00:08:21It's not that we just, you know,

00:08:23I'm just listening and listening,

00:08:24but I allow him to share.

00:08:27Most men are afraid to share.

00:08:30And I think when you talk about home of origin issues,

00:08:34I think even we have to be careful as moms,

00:08:37not to even tell our sons, our little sons,

00:08:39our teenage sons, or even our grown sons,

00:08:42oh no, stop all that crying.

00:08:44Ain't nobody gonna stop all that crying

00:08:46or they fall and it's like, oh, you all right, just get up.

00:08:49No, it's okay for a man to cry.

00:08:51It's okay for a man to show his heart.

00:08:54It's okay for a man to share.

00:08:56So I believe because we deal with a lot of just stuff

00:09:00in life and we deal, we come from some broken places.

00:09:04And for many of us, we come from some great homes,

00:09:07but communication was not maybe established

00:09:10or shown or learned.

00:09:13So therefore, now that we're at a teaching Bible church

00:09:15and we're not just talking about the Bible,

00:09:17well, we're talking about emotional health,

00:09:21dealing with that stuff.

00:09:22So you talk about fruit versus root.

00:09:23I don't even know, how can I minister to you,

00:09:27man of God or woman of God, if you're not sharing with me

00:09:30that there's something wrong with you?

00:09:32Ephesians five, Ephesians five, verse 32.

00:09:36We talked about the reasons for marriage.

00:09:39We gave you a little bit of this last month,

00:09:41but write that down.

00:09:41Ephesians five, verse 32, the NLT version says,

00:09:44this is a great mystery, but it is an illustration

00:09:49of the way Christ and the church are one.

00:09:52And this provides a good picture of how each husband

00:09:56is to treat his wife, loving himself and loving her,

00:09:59and how each wife is to honor her husband.

00:10:03And there are people who think that's so dated.

00:10:06Got a question, who believed the Bible is true?

00:10:09And I really mean that because today's society,

00:10:13even pastors, preachers, churches, clergy, scholars

00:10:17are starting to have low value of Scripture.

00:10:20I have a high value of Scripture.

00:10:22I think God knew what he was talking about.

00:10:24Who believes that, amen?

00:10:26And I know there are exceptions to this.

00:10:32There are some women that's just more masculine than they man.

00:10:40I've always said if you can slam your husband,

00:10:41I'd divorce him.

00:10:43I think that's grounds for divorce.

00:10:45I can slam him past it.

00:10:46I'm not gonna stay with a Negro, I can slam.

00:10:48He don't lift weights, I'm just joking.

00:10:50Praise God, amen.

00:10:52You may be a professional wrestler, girl,

00:10:53don't do that, amen.

00:10:55Women do everything now.

00:10:56But I say that to say, I think in general,

00:11:00bros still want respect more than they want love.

00:11:05Yeah, we still equate.

00:11:06I know that's old fashioned, you've heard that

00:11:08in every marriage teaching, but I still say,

00:11:11as a man talking to men from fraternal brothers

00:11:14to brothers in the church to persons everywhere

00:11:17that are men masculine, respect and honor matters.

00:11:22Yeah, I don't know anybody who doesn't wanna feel

00:11:24respected and honored, but why did the Bible

00:11:26specifically tell a woman to respect her husband

00:11:30and specifically tell a man to love his wife?

00:11:34There's something going on there.

00:11:35You guys agree?

00:11:37So can we deal with that love?

00:11:39Yes.

00:11:40Yeah, so when you talk about love in 1 Corinthians,

00:11:43love is what?

00:11:44Love is patient, love is kind, does not envy,

00:11:49it does not boast, it is not proud,

00:11:52it does not dishonor, it does not self-seeking,

00:11:58it is not easily rejected.

00:12:01Baby, can you give me my glasses?

00:12:03Help, help, help.

00:12:03Love is blind, praise God, amen, amen.

00:12:09I tried.

00:12:10That was good.

00:12:12Love is, amen.

00:12:13I tried as long as I could, I'm sorry.

00:12:14It's okay, baby.

00:12:15You older than me, and I knew this was gonna happen.

00:12:17I knew you was gonna say it, I knew you was gonna say it.

00:12:20If you get an older woman, it's like,

00:12:23I'm like, she's going away, she's going away.

00:12:25Love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong,

00:12:31it does not delight in evil, but rejoice in truth,

00:12:36it always protects, it always protects,

00:12:41it always trusts, it always hopes, it always persevere,

00:12:46love never fails, so when you talk about a husband,

00:12:49that's a huge resume for me, that's huge.

00:12:54Now, I can honestly sit here and say that you do protect me,

00:12:58that you do honor me, and that you do,

00:13:01you don't keep record of my wrong, but.

00:13:04I have it put up, but I don't.

00:13:06You what, you what?

00:13:09I have it, it's just, it's the case I needed

00:13:11for the attorney with it, but I gotta put it away,

00:13:13praise God, you know we joking.

00:13:16No, no, no, seriously.

00:13:19That mean, there's a question live now.

00:13:21Y'all thought that was a mistake.

00:13:22That's not a mistake.

00:13:23Oh, is that a question?

00:13:24I'm like, what?

00:13:25That's a mistake.

00:13:26Write what we got.

00:13:26Yes, sir, so there's a lot of questions that's coming in.

00:13:29Let's do it, and it's on the screen.

00:13:30Put it up there again.

00:13:31Ask Pastor Vernon a question, ask the Vernons a question.

00:13:34If you wanna just hit your QR code, we wanna help tonight.

00:13:37We wanna help, we here to sell.

00:13:39So, go ahead and do that.

00:13:40What we got, Ray Dawn?

00:13:41Absolutely, so one of the questions is,

00:13:43should there be privacy as far as going

00:13:46through your spouse's phone?

00:13:49Oh, wow.

00:13:50No.

00:13:51No.

00:13:52Yeah, I go through your phone anytime I want to.

00:13:54Yes, yes.

00:13:54Yeah, and I'm not even going through his phone

00:13:57to look for anything.

00:13:58I gotta say this, if you even consider looking

00:14:02through your spouse's phone, you have some problems.

00:14:06Yeah, if it crosses your mind.

00:14:08I'm not angry, I'm just letting you know,

00:14:09if it crosses your mind to kind of look at their phone,

00:14:12there's a danger area there.

00:14:14Yeah, it's never crossed my mind.

00:14:16My code, she knows that it's not deep.

00:14:20I don't even think about it.

00:14:21I pick up her phone, I've never looked once.

00:14:23Matter of fact, the Bible says in Proverbs,

00:14:25be careful about eavesdropping.

00:14:28Yeah.

00:14:29Because you may see something you don't want to.

00:14:31That's Bible.

00:14:32So, you're gonna laugh at this,

00:14:32but whenever she's on the phone,

00:14:34I never stand outside the door and listen.

00:14:37I announce myself.

00:14:38I can't explain it.

00:14:39Not that I think she's gonna say something weird,

00:14:41but I just, listen, I'm here.

00:14:45Because if you're talking to your mom, your sister,

00:14:47whatever, I'm not trying to listen.

00:14:50You don't have a marriage if you don't have trust.

00:14:54So, should we have each other's code?

00:14:55Yes.

00:14:56The only reason for the code is not for us,

00:14:58it's in case somebody steals the phone.

00:15:01It has nothing to do with us.

00:15:02My kids know mine, everybody knows that I got the same

00:15:04number 30 years, I don't care.

00:15:07I'm simply saying, so that's a great question,

00:15:09but absolutely.

00:15:11And husbands, I'll say this, be mindful.

00:15:14If she did, what would she see?

00:15:17Or vice versa, if they were to check the history

00:15:20or Instagram.

00:15:21So, I'm always mindful of that.

00:15:24So, no, no, no, no.

00:15:26I hear people talking about codes.

00:15:28Why you looking at my phone?

00:15:29They're in trouble.

00:15:31They're in trouble.

00:15:33They're in trouble.

00:15:33If there's Lady Vernon, nothing.

00:15:37Every bank account, every code, there's no separate money.

00:15:39The two shall become one.

00:15:41Everything I have, there's nothing in this world I have

00:15:44except I don't like her driving my car.

00:15:46Other than that, if you could just stay out of my car,

00:15:49that's my one little pet peeve.

00:15:50You got two of them.

00:15:52Don't drive mine at all.

00:15:55I feel like God's.

00:15:56I don't get that.

00:15:57Well, get over it.

00:15:58Like, why can't I get her to drive your car?

00:16:00Because you've got two.

00:16:03Bless it, I'm just, okay, okay.

00:16:05See, we're not perfect.

00:16:06We fighting right now.

00:16:07Look at that, amen.

00:16:09So, let's do this.

00:16:10I want to do this.

00:16:11So, so, so, so, you know, hey, cue your questions up

00:16:14because we want to minister.

00:16:15We want to use this time.

00:16:17And you walk out of here saying that was helpful.

00:16:19So, there's something, you've been just sneaking texts

00:16:21on your phone.

00:16:24So, if your spouse gonna jump on you.

00:16:26But if y'all want to, and remember,

00:16:27we don't know what the question's coming from.

00:16:29We're not saying the name, so access the question.

00:16:31I want to do this.

00:16:32I had no idea, and I got some of my pastors

00:16:34watching across the world, I'm sure.

00:16:36We have three categories of pastors.

00:16:39Before we put it up, just wait a moment.

00:16:40But I never knew that it was a nagulous

00:16:44or applicable to marriage too.

00:16:47So, churches, there are three kinds of churches.

00:16:49And when I train pastors, this is what I teach them

00:16:51when they come from across the world.

00:16:53There are three kinds of churches, really.

00:16:55I'll put them up because I think it's the same thing

00:16:56with marriage.

00:16:57Unusual favor, steady as you grow, do or die.

00:17:03So, there are some pastors,

00:17:04they don't know why, the word church being one.

00:17:06We went in John F. Kennedy, I start preaching,

00:17:08and they just start coming,

00:17:09and they've been coming ever since, all right.

00:17:11Not from a preaching family, no preaching pedigree.

00:17:14My wife didn't, you know, we just boom, it just hit.

00:17:17Favor, favor is when God do something for you

00:17:20you didn't see coming.

00:17:22Yep, we're in the 0, 0, 0.1%.

00:17:25I know you think it's a bunch of us.

00:17:26Only a couple of hundred churches in this country,

00:17:28black churches, predominantly black churches,

00:17:30that say it, bang.

00:17:31The rest, probably under 100 finding their way.

00:17:34So, we talk about if you got like 1,000 members,

00:17:372,000, 3,000, you don't preach that good.

00:17:40That's unusual favor.

00:17:43That's God just blessing you.

00:17:45Then there are churches, we call them steady as you grow.

00:17:48They're not mega, but there's two, 300,

00:17:51and somebody's joining all the time,

00:17:54and it's steady as you grow.

00:17:56And then there is, watch this, do or die.

00:17:59Only like 20 people coming, and five of them your kids.

00:18:03Praise God, right, and your mother,

00:18:05and your sister, and your cousin.

00:18:07Nobody's joining, not a lot coming in,

00:18:10and it's like, even you guys gotta shut it down,

00:18:12figure it out, you're spending your own money

00:18:14to stay open just for somebody to call you pastor.

00:18:17It's do or die.

00:18:18You gotta change the name, do something different,

00:18:20preach different.

00:18:21You and your girl gotta talk about it,

00:18:23it's not gonna make it.

00:18:24It didn't hit me until the last few weeks

00:18:27that marriages are the same way.

00:18:30So I wanna help you name yourself tonight,

00:18:33and I had no idea that this was applicable to marriage,

00:18:36so let's do it again.

00:18:37There are some couples here, you have unusual favor.

00:18:43Unusual favor, let's go here.

00:18:45Maybe it's only a small percentage.

00:18:47It just flows.

00:18:49I mean, we talked about it, you can't understand why.

00:18:53But from the bedroom to the bank account, it's just good.

00:18:58I mean, you hate to say it's good,

00:18:59because you're trying not to brag, but it's good.

00:19:02But it's good.

00:19:03You talk to other people like, we're doing all right,

00:19:04like, we're doing real good.

00:19:08I mean, you don't wanna be arrogant,

00:19:09you ain't trying to make your sister feel bad,

00:19:11or your friends feel bad, like y'all, all of that.

00:19:14But it's like, you don't really argue.

00:19:17The bedroom stuff has always clicked.

00:19:20You not broke, the kids actually like both of you.

00:19:24You like, what?

00:19:26Now, you got other problems,

00:19:28because I preached this morning,

00:19:29you don't get off this world with no blood on you.

00:19:31That's good.

00:19:33Most people got a cold marriage, got a crazy mama,

00:19:37or a crazy father, or one of the children won't do right.

00:19:40There's always, say this out loud, your grace place.

00:19:43Your grace place.

00:19:44Paul said, there was given unto me a thorn in the flesh,

00:19:48lest I be uplifted in arrogance.

00:19:52God put a thorn in my flesh, a place to keep me broken.

00:19:56I know I got a bunch of them.

00:19:57I got a bunch of them that makes me know I need Jesus.

00:20:00Amen.

00:20:02So unusual favor is,

00:20:06even before you guys came to church, you got along okay.

00:20:10You can't explain it.

00:20:11And now that you're in Christ,

00:20:13you wanna make up something, but it's like,

00:20:15baby, you happy?

00:20:16I'm happy.

00:20:18Matter of fact, look at your spouse and say,

00:20:19are we all right?

00:20:20Go ahead and ask her right quick, praise God.

00:20:22That's good.

00:20:23Come on, look at your spouse.

00:20:24Don't look at me.

00:20:25I don't know.

00:20:26I can't answer the question.

00:20:28Don't let her use your car though, I dare you.

00:20:32I'm just playing.

00:20:35So here's one category.

00:20:37Let's do it again.

00:20:37That's good.

00:20:39Unusual favor.

00:20:40I do believe in my life that your first lady and I

00:20:44walk in unusual marriage favor.

00:20:47Yeah, there's a favor on my marriage

00:20:50because there's so many other broken places in my life

00:20:53and her life, she'll tell you, kids, imperfect,

00:20:56nothing's, you know, parents, sibling stuff.

00:20:59I could tell you some holes in my life

00:21:00that I wish God would heal and fix.

00:21:03But marriage is easy for us.

00:21:06I know people say you have to really work at it.

00:21:09It's a lot of other things they have to really work at.

00:21:11We flow.

00:21:12I like her.

00:21:13And it's weird because, so pastor, you guys don't argue?

00:21:17No, I feel like we argue 19 times a day.

00:21:20At least.

00:21:20For two minutes, raise your hand, praise God.

00:21:23At least.

00:21:24I don't feel like we agree on nothing half the time.

00:21:27But it's always stupid and over with and we're out of it.

00:21:30Out of it.

00:21:30But there are certain couples, they don't even disagree.

00:21:32We disagree on a lot.

00:21:33Our personalities, we disagree on a lot.

00:21:36A lot.

00:21:36A lot, lot.

00:21:37Now you ain't got to feel crazy.

00:21:39OK, OK.

00:21:39We do.

00:21:40What you want to say?

00:21:42Come on, Cletus.

00:21:43Come on, Cletus.

00:21:45You walk over, you limp back.

00:21:47You're stupid.

00:21:48You're stupid.

00:21:50You're stupid.

00:21:51Come on, Cletus.

00:21:53Come on, Cletus.

00:21:54What you want to say?

00:21:57Go ahead, baby.

00:21:59No, that unusual favor that's on our marriage, I think we do.

00:22:05We get in and out of the arguments.

00:22:07It's like you argue, you say it.

00:22:09Heated fellowship.

00:22:10Christians don't argue.

00:22:11They have what?

00:22:12Heated fellowship.

00:22:13It's an argument.

00:22:14So yeah.

00:22:18But I hurry up and get out of it.

00:22:20I think based on our assignment and based

00:22:22on who's connected to us and based on where I want to head,

00:22:26where I'm going in life, I don't have time to stay mad at him.

00:22:29That's just like life is too short.

00:22:31I'll never forget.

00:22:32I was talking to a wife.

00:22:33And Elder Drita and I was talking

00:22:34about her the other day.

00:22:36She said that she got out the bed with her husband.

00:22:39Her husband got in the car.

00:22:40They kissed each other bye.

00:22:41And it was like, OK, he was going to work.

00:22:43She was going back in house.

00:22:4420 minutes later, 30 minutes later, the phone rung.

00:22:47And it was the police saying her husband

00:22:49had died of a massive heart attack.

00:22:50So I don't have time to stay at odds with him.

00:22:54Because I never know when my goodbye is really

00:22:57see you later, like I'm going to see you on the other side.

00:23:00So for me, it's like, no, baby, we don't have time for that.

00:23:06So I think that unusual favor for us

00:23:08is because we understand the assignment that's on our lives.

00:23:12And I appreciate the blessing that God has given me.

00:23:15I really look at him as a gift.

00:23:18And I treat my gift like I'm honored to have a gift.

00:23:21Amen.

00:23:22Amen.

00:23:23Amen.

00:23:24Amen.

00:23:25I agree.

00:23:27Amen.

00:23:28So let's name yourself tonight.

00:23:31Unusual favor.

00:23:33Here's a second category.

00:23:34Steady as you grow.

00:23:37Pastor, it's not like blissful.

00:23:39We're not like all in the bed all the time.

00:23:43There's some things.

00:23:44But we're cool.

00:23:45I'm not going to wear, she's not going to wear.

00:23:46There's a healthy.

00:23:48We could get better.

00:23:48That's why we're here tonight.

00:23:50I can't say I feel that way.

00:23:52But I'm not going anywhere.

00:23:53I'm not moving around like I shouldn't be moving around.

00:23:56She honors me to a great degree.

00:23:59We're steady as you grow.

00:24:02We've been growing every year since we've been married.

00:24:04We wouldn't turn back.

00:24:06It's not perfect.

00:24:08But there's some major room for improvement.

00:24:12Both of us could improve.

00:24:13And by the way, we could too.

00:24:14Everybody could improve.

00:24:15But I don't know if it's unusual favor.

00:24:18It's been some challenging moments to stay married,

00:24:20or some challenging times that we both thought about maybe

00:24:24not staying married.

00:24:26But now we feel like under your teaching, the word of God,

00:24:29prayer, the work we've been doing, the things we're doing,

00:24:32it's steady as you grow.

00:24:34We're growing gracefully together.

00:24:37And then there may be a third category of persons.

00:24:40And we're here tonight, by the way.

00:24:41This is what we call our 911 people.

00:24:43I told the Corrales to be ready because they may not

00:24:45get to dance.

00:24:46They may have to save somebody.

00:24:48Yeah, yeah, because tonight was like,

00:24:51I'm going to this with you.

00:24:52And if they don't say something that makes sense, we done.

00:24:56Yeah, yeah, I'm going to go to this.

00:24:58Because based on what you did, I don't even want to stay.

00:25:01I've been passionate too long to act like they're not

00:25:03do-or-die couples in the room.

00:25:05You love me enough to tell me your business and trust me.

00:25:07So I even know the do-or-die couples.

00:25:09I know those that I say, give it another six months.

00:25:12You'll love this.

00:25:13You can always get divorced, but you can't always stay married.

00:25:17That's what I tell people.

00:25:18We're going to get divorced.

00:25:19I say, I promise.

00:25:20If you want to get divorced in six months, you still can.

00:25:23You can always get divorced.

00:25:24So I tell people, hold on.

00:25:26So do-or-die is, there's maybe been some infidelity

00:25:30or there's been so much dishonor.

00:25:33Yeah, we don't hardly touch.

00:25:36We don't pray.

00:25:38We just hear.

00:25:39We talked about leaving a bunch of times.

00:25:42And it's been almost toxic to the point of unhealth, right?

00:25:47To the point of mental unhealth, emotional unhealth.

00:25:50So if that's you tonight or watching,

00:25:55you want to connect with us during the week

00:25:57and see some of our wonderful marriage people

00:25:59and our groups of people.

00:26:00And Elder Ratcliffe is here tonight

00:26:02who handles people's emotional health and marriage

00:26:04and all of that.

00:26:05We have groups for that.

00:26:06Just be honest about it.

00:26:08Amen.

00:26:09I tell you what.

00:26:10Can you clap for the do-or-die people

00:26:12who came tonight anyway?

00:26:13Would you clap for them?

00:26:14Because just your coming suggests you trying.

00:26:24Yeah.

00:26:24I tell a sister, I say, if your husband go to the word,

00:26:27shout.

00:26:28Yeah, if your wife goes, because that at least bespeaks the idea

00:26:32they want to be better.

00:26:33Yeah.

00:26:34When you just said that, I was thinking about.

00:26:36Did we lose Lady Vernon?

00:26:37I'm sorry.

00:26:37Go right here.

00:26:39Uh-oh.

00:26:39Try it again, baby.

00:26:40Did you touch it?

00:26:41No, I didn't.

00:26:41OK, let me see it.

00:26:42Just bring another one real quick.

00:26:43Y'all remind me of something.

00:26:44I'm sorry.

00:26:46All right.

00:26:46This ain't never happened.

00:26:49Amen.

00:26:49That's all right.

00:26:49Come on.

00:26:50Thank you so much.

00:26:51Go ahead, baby.

00:26:52Keep right on going.

00:26:53Yeah.

00:26:54Yeah, when you were just talking about the do-or-dies,

00:26:58I was thinking about, you're right,

00:27:00couples who just feel like that it's over.

00:27:03What do you say to those couples that maybe one person is

00:27:08doing the work?

00:27:09How do you balance that out?

00:27:10What does that look like?

00:27:13Yeah, yeah, it takes two people to be married.

00:27:16Yeah.

00:27:16But the Bible says that the unbelieving husband

00:27:20is sanctified by the believing wife.

00:27:22So sometimes there's this one that's stronger,

00:27:25and that one is holding it.

00:27:27Because she feels so committed to her covenant

00:27:29that she'd rather be holy than happy.

00:27:31Oh.

00:27:32Go with that.

00:27:33Go with that.

00:27:34Amen.

00:27:36Yeah, she's not getting much out of this.

00:27:39But she made a decision.

00:27:41Yeah, she made a vow.

00:27:44And that vow to her means more than happy every day,

00:27:48which is where ultimately every person should land,

00:27:50unless you're being abused and cheated on and neglected.

00:27:52Because you didn't pick right does not give you

00:27:54a right to leave.

00:27:56Yeah, I tell people that.

00:27:58No, that's just truth, which is why now you

00:28:00see why I write so many books on dating, why I travel.

00:28:03Because I'm trying to tell people, once you say I do

00:28:06and you're a believer, you've got to do.

00:28:09Yeah, so if you're not sure, this

00:28:11is not how I change my mind, unless you're

00:28:13going to be average and unbiblical and ungodly

00:28:16and just trade in husbands like cars.

00:28:20Wow.

00:28:20Jesus.

00:28:21Come on, sir.

00:28:22Yeah, why y'all leave each other?

00:28:24Because we weren't happy.

00:28:25Show me that in the Bible.

00:28:28Show me how you get to break a covenant, a godly covenant,

00:28:31because you're not happy.

00:28:33Yeah, that's a contract.

00:28:36Not a covenant.

00:28:37A covenant is in blood.

00:28:40The covenant agreement, the Abrahamica covenant,

00:28:42the Noahic covenant, the blood covenant, the marriage

00:28:46covenant, it is a promise.

00:28:48Bless his name.

00:28:50That's good.

00:28:51I said Jesus and got happy.

00:28:54I said Jesus.

00:28:55Don't say his name too long.

00:28:56Even at church, even at a marriage conference,

00:28:59you start saying Jesus, amen.

00:29:01So I want to say this and load up your questions

00:29:06because we're going to answer them.

00:29:08The Bible recommends, baby, and I want to do this,

00:29:12because I don't want you to, listen,

00:29:15I don't want couples who just kind of just meagerly just

00:29:19make it through for 50 years.

00:29:22I want to see couples enjoy each other at the word church.

00:29:25And I don't know when the enjoyment stops.

00:29:27I just know it hasn't stopped for me.

00:29:30And we're going on 30 years.

00:29:32But I don't know everything.

00:29:33The Corleys, clap for them.

00:29:35The Campbells, 50 years, 53 years, I think, 45.

00:29:40The Corleys, I think, 46.

00:29:42There's a bunch of people.

00:29:43The Mackleys back there, 40 years.

00:29:45All my 40-year couples, stand up right quick.

00:29:47If y'all don't clap, you got 40 years under you.

00:29:49Stand up.

00:29:50Let's clap around this.

00:29:51Wow.

00:29:51Oh!

00:29:52Oh, wow.

00:29:53That's what I'm talking about.

00:29:54Yeah.

00:29:55Anybody got 50 years?

00:29:58Any 50-year couples here tonight?

00:30:01They sleep.

00:30:01Praise God.

00:30:02Amen.

00:30:02They got their hands up.

00:30:03Yeah, this was too late for them.

00:30:05They watching, but that was too late.

00:30:08They tired.

00:30:08I said they tired.

00:30:12But I'll say this.

00:30:14Yeah, the Campbells, they're waving at me.

00:30:16But they say they have learned so much being up

00:30:19under this teaching.

00:30:22And they're sitting there.

00:30:23They said to me, we do the work now.

00:30:26We're doing more of the work now.

00:30:28We're in it now.

00:30:29We're processing.

00:30:30We're talking to each other more.

00:30:32So thank you.

00:30:3330 and over and just been married with each other,

00:30:36thank you so much for now doing the work.

00:30:38Just doing the work.

00:30:39So all I can speak to experientially

00:30:42is 27 years, I think, would be for us.

00:30:46Anybody married longer than that is at a place I haven't been,

00:30:51whether I'm their pastor or not.

00:30:52Yeah, I can actually learn some things from them

00:30:54because I have not been there.

00:30:56Anybody under 30 years or so, I can tell you

00:30:59that it gets better and better.

00:31:03I teach this boldly because it's my calling.

00:31:06I said at the 9 o'clock service, and I don't ever

00:31:09want to talk about it without you feeling the passion on me.

00:31:11What civil rights was to Dr. King,

00:31:14marriage and family is to me.

00:31:17Yeah, it's my calling.

00:31:19And when you watch Michael Jordan play or Colby LeBron,

00:31:23you can see the passion when they had the ball.

00:31:25You can tell when LeBron is in his calling,

00:31:27like Venus and Serena with the tennis rack.

00:31:30This is what I do.

00:31:31And marriage, for me, one of my callings before I die

00:31:36is to put the sexy back in Christian marriage.

00:31:38I love that.

00:31:39I love that.

00:31:40To put the sexy back.

00:31:44One of my pastors, I ain't going to say friend

00:31:46because it couldn't be a friend, but some pastor was talking

00:31:48behind my back.

00:31:49It got back to me.

00:31:50And it was, these pastors now, is anybody really that in love?

00:31:56Was a statement they made.

00:31:57And it got back to me.

00:31:59Yeah, Negroes, where you praise, praise, praise, praise,

00:32:01praise, praise, praise, praise.

00:32:03OK.

00:32:06Is anybody really that in love?

00:32:08And I thought to myself, you preach like you are.

00:32:13I am.

00:32:15I'm not faking.

00:32:16I enjoy marriage more than anything else in this world.

00:32:22I really do.

00:32:25My wife is more important to me than my sisters, my brothers,

00:32:28my friends, money, a home, the word church.

00:32:32This is my girl.

00:32:34If I got her, I can do anything, go anywhere.

00:32:38I can accomplish it.

00:32:39She got my back.

00:32:41She's cute to me.

00:32:42I enjoy sleeping with her.

00:32:44She covers me.

00:32:52Yeah, I was blessed.

00:32:54I was blessed on yesterday.

00:32:56Pastor ended up calling me.

00:32:57He just called me and said, he said, are you happily married?

00:33:02I'm happy.

00:33:04And just to hear that passion that I started laughing,

00:33:08I said, yeah, baby, I'm happy.

00:33:10But the check-in for me, it wasn't, I mean, he checked in.

00:33:15When was the last time you checked in and said,

00:33:18are you happy?

00:33:21Well, no, go ahead, go ahead, finish, baby.

00:33:23Are you OK?

00:33:25And then if they say, no, I'm not, or this is,

00:33:29what are you going to do with that?

00:33:31Then that's the next step.

00:33:32Like, what are you going to do with that, I'm not OK,

00:33:35we're not OK?

00:33:36Because you can be in the marriage,

00:33:38but y'all seeing the marriage differently.

00:33:40I got to jump in.

00:33:42Please do.

00:33:42I'm not totally responsible for making you happy.

00:33:46Absolutely right, you're right.

00:33:48I'm not totally responsible for that,

00:33:49because that can guilt trip me, because you're not healthy.

00:33:53That's good.

00:33:53And nobody can make you happy until you get yourself healthy.

00:33:58So you got to be careful with somebody

00:34:02who has such home of origin and rejection stuff,

00:34:06that even when you're doing right, they still feel wrong.

00:34:09That's good, baby.

00:34:10Right?

00:34:11So many demons in their head.

00:34:13So much stuff they mommied and said.

00:34:14So much distrust for men because of their ex.

00:34:17So much stuff because of the brokenhearted stuff

00:34:20they son did or not doing.

00:34:22And here you are trying to be a good husband,

00:34:24but she's weighted by so many other things

00:34:26that you get threw up on.

00:34:30Her sickness throws up on you.

00:34:32So I don't take, you're not responsible for my happiness.

00:34:35What I just said, Jesus is the center of my joy.

00:34:39Jesus is the center of my joy.

00:34:42But if I'm going to be married, thank God

00:34:44to have a woman that don't rob me of my happy.

00:34:48I'm happy now.

00:34:50All you got to do is not get in the way.

00:34:51Just miss that.

00:34:52Praise God.

00:34:52Come on, sir.

00:34:53Oh, I just, I'll sit down.

00:34:55Come on.

00:34:55Praise God.

00:34:56Give me a dollar.

00:34:56Lift the camera up.

00:34:57I'll sit down.

00:34:57I'm going to throw a dollar at you.

00:34:58Lift the camera up.

00:34:59Lift the camera up.

00:34:59See, who is that?

00:35:00My head is cut off.

00:35:01There you go.

00:35:01Praise God.

00:35:01OK, I'm going to sit back down.

00:35:03Praise God.

00:35:03Amen.

00:35:04Ray, it's bad up there.

00:35:05I don't know what's happening with your team.

00:35:07The mic is off.

00:35:07The battery, the camera.

00:35:09Hello?

00:35:09Hello.

00:35:10Hello.

00:35:11I got it now.

00:35:12Hello?

00:35:13What we got?

00:35:15We have another question for you.

00:35:16Here it is.

00:35:17How do you encourage your husband to seek counseling

00:35:20or to address his childhood trauma?

00:35:25I'm going to bless you.

00:35:27So people walk up to me and say, Pastor, my husband's a trip,

00:35:32or he won't come, or he has stuff.

00:35:35And how do I say it to him?

00:35:37And I've been saying this for 20 years.

00:35:39It's not a game.

00:35:41It's just real.

00:35:41You have to placate a man's ego, because we have ego.

00:35:44And we're strong.

00:35:45And we don't want to hear nothing

00:35:47about what your preacher said.

00:35:49Yeah.

00:35:50Everybody trying to hear that.

00:35:51Yeah, he ain't my father.

00:35:52Who is he?

00:35:53So you know, Pastor Vernon, then he been cussed at me,

00:35:56and I ain't done nothing.

00:35:56I'm in home sleep.

00:35:57He talking about blank Pastor Vernon.

00:35:59I've been blank for no reason.

00:36:00Leave me.

00:36:01I took strays for 30 years.

00:36:03Amen.

00:36:05So here's what I tell people to say.

00:36:07You say to your husband, you say, can I say this to you?

00:36:11I feel like, in some ways, I'm letting you down as a wife.

00:36:15And I would like to know how I can do better by you.

00:36:19I feel like, in some ways, I'm letting you down,

00:36:21because it doesn't seem like you're totally happy.

00:36:24So what can we do together?

00:36:26So I was talking to Pastor, and telling him,

00:36:28Pastor, I want to be better for you.

00:36:30And I'm trying to figure out how we can work together so

00:36:32that I can maybe be more.

00:36:34So I was hoping we could sit down,

00:36:35and you could even share with Pastor maybe some of the things

00:36:38you need from me in a way that we can work together to see

00:36:41if we can bring each other more happiness.

00:36:43So you're not just saying, you need help.

00:36:46You with me?

00:36:47He heard, we need help.

00:36:49And I love you so much, I want to be a better wife to you.

00:36:52So it is in that encouraging, right?

00:36:55A soft answer turns away wrath, right?

00:36:57So it's the idea of that.

00:36:58So that's that.

00:37:00I would just ask him, number one, is he willing?

00:37:03And a lot of men, for whatever reason,

00:37:04don't embrace the idea of therapy.

00:37:06And we should, amen, if we need it.

00:37:10I want to, man, time is moving fast.

00:37:12I want to do this.

00:37:15So I was making a point about, if you're

00:37:1840 years married, 50 years married,

00:37:20then you have an advantage, or you have time on me.

00:37:24I don't know how sexual we're going to be in 10 years,

00:37:2920 years.

00:37:29I haven't been there.

00:37:31I haven't been there.

00:37:33I can't say that.

00:37:34All I know is what 27 years feel like,

00:37:38and that I enjoy physical, sexual, mental,

00:37:43and it's getting better, not worse.

00:37:46Now, does a lot of that have to do with keeping myself

00:37:49in physical shape and her doing the same?

00:37:51It has to, I'm sure.

00:37:52I mean, we can't make love if we both sink.

00:37:55Well, I guess we could, praise God, amen.

00:37:57But you know, it may not be acrobatic.

00:38:01May not be acrobatic, but we get some stuff done, amen.

00:38:06But can we talk?

00:38:11So I don't know what age that change is at,

00:38:16or if it has to change.

00:38:19I saw a 70-year-old woman that was lifting weights

00:38:23and lifted better than some 40-year-old women.

00:38:25I said, wow, you know what I mean?

00:38:27So I've seen it.

00:38:28But Proverbs 5, verse 18, I do want to say this to us,

00:38:31because we're just not interested in y'all

00:38:33both going to heaven together and not getting divorced.

00:38:36No, that's an entry level.

00:38:39No, we try to take it to the next level.

00:38:42Proverbs 5, verse 18 through 20 says,

00:38:45let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.

00:38:48Rejoice in the wife of your youth.

00:38:50She is a loving dear, a graceful doe.

00:38:52Let her breast, bless him.

00:39:03Let her breast satisfy you always.

00:39:04May you always be captivated by her love.

00:39:06Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman

00:39:09or fond of the breasts of a promiscuous woman?

00:39:13Bless your fresh-flowing fountain.

00:39:14Enjoy the wife you marry, message version says.

00:39:17As a young man, lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose,

00:39:21don't ever quit taking delight in her body.

00:39:24Never take her love for granted.

00:39:28Why would you trade enduring intimacies

00:39:30for cheap thrills with a whore?

00:39:33That's good.

00:39:35For dalliance with a promiscuous stranger.

00:39:40So, you know, we could do the church version of this.

00:39:44Or as I promised God, no more plastic preaching for me

00:39:50or talking, no.

00:39:51The church version is, I think, number one,

00:39:55I need to be doing everything I can.

00:39:57Women, raise your hand if you agree

00:39:59to look as good as I can for my husband.

00:40:03Yeah. When should I stop being cute?

00:40:11When he don't care.

00:40:13Now, I guess you get to an age where it's

00:40:15like y'all both got a mustache.

00:40:17Praise God, amen.

00:40:18We both got a full beard.

00:40:19We just sleep.

00:40:21Like, baby.

00:40:23Like, baby.

00:40:24Hey, hey, I'm not there.

00:40:32So, I'm doing that for a reason.

00:40:35And I'm not small enough to minimize marriage

00:40:40to physical stuff.

00:40:42You know what?

00:40:43I said, I don't think that we should overthink sex,

00:40:46but I don't think we should underthink it either.

00:40:48Because a lot of men, 50, 60,

00:40:5270 still be looking at stuff they shouldn't.

00:40:54Right? And it's like, you know, I'm not in the mood,

00:40:58but you're in the mood to watch.

00:41:01Yeah, well, you know, I'm older now.

00:41:03That don't matter until it's a stranger.

00:41:05So, I think that one of the things that we try our best

00:41:09to talk about it without over-talking about it,

00:41:11that's why we like this context,

00:41:13because there's no singles here.

00:41:14We can just talk straight.

00:41:15It's real important to me.

00:41:17I watch her get dressed every day.

00:41:19I just sit on the bench while she gets dressed.

00:41:24She'd be like, you pervert.

00:41:25I'd be like, yes, bless his name.

00:41:31She said, you a pervert.

00:41:32I said, yes, I am.

00:41:34Bless his name.

00:41:35For one woman.

00:41:36And I don't ever want that day to come

00:41:42where I don't want to do that.

00:41:43You see my point?

00:41:45You actually told me get worried if you stop,

00:41:48when you stop looking.

00:41:49Yeah, yeah.

00:41:50I'm like, girl, be careful when I stop chasing.

00:41:53Yeah, yeah.

00:41:54Be very worried when I stop sitting here,

00:41:56because it's important to me.

00:41:58And so.

00:41:59But I think intimacy can look different as you get older.

00:42:02So, that's what I want to say.

00:42:04Then you finish it.

00:42:05And that's this.

00:42:07Last time we were together, let's remember this.

00:42:08Write it down.

00:42:09How much lovemaking should be happening in every marriage?

00:42:13Remember that?

00:42:14OK, y'all forgot.

00:42:15Some of you are here for the first time.

00:42:16Remember this.

00:42:18Enough that both are satisfied.

00:42:20That's good.

00:42:21Is that good?

00:42:22That's good.

00:42:23That's once a week and we both satisfied.

00:42:25If we're 60, 70 now, when it happens, it happens.

00:42:29We got grandkids, kids, we got money, we're good.

00:42:32But if your husband's still very much into that,

00:42:34and you know, or she, right?

00:42:37Then no one should ever want more than they're getting.

00:42:42To the best of your ability.

00:42:44If it's like, that's all he want to do.

00:42:46Girl, do it.

00:42:51Do it.

00:42:52Do it till he's satisfied.

00:42:54Come on and do it.

00:42:56Do it.

00:43:01Those watching me across the world, don't comment on me.

00:43:05I am, and I got to say this baby,

00:43:08and then you bail me out here, but I'm going here.

00:43:13It's scarier now than in the 90s.

00:43:18It's scarier now than in the 2000s, early 2000s,

00:43:21the 2010s, because of this phone thing.

00:43:25Because of these women that do nothing for a living,

00:43:29but try to show their behinds and bodies.

00:43:32And I'm going to talk to men about making a covenant

00:43:34with your eyes, according to Job 31.

00:43:38Because if you get into that place, it's hard to get out.

00:43:42There's no man present, company included,

00:43:44that has not maybe looked at something longer

00:43:46than he should have on his phone or on his television.

00:43:50And the enemy uses that to get in your spirit.

00:43:53And then the wife of your youth

00:43:55may not look as attractive to you

00:43:57because you are satisfying yourself to a stranger.

00:44:01So now your wife's ready to make love, let's go here.

00:44:04And you literally have nothing left.

00:44:07Yeah, which is unfair and unbiblical and ungodly.

00:44:12So I'm trying to save all of my sexuality for my wife,

00:44:15not some cheap thrill in the bathroom

00:44:19with someone I don't know.

00:44:21Now she like, why you don't want to touch me?

00:44:23Because you've satisfied yourself.

00:44:25Now that's rough stuff, but I got to go here.

00:44:27And I touch pastors and preachers

00:44:29and persons I cover and train.

00:44:31So I ain't just talking in the sky.

00:44:33I know what the issues are in some of these marriages.

00:44:35So I don't want to park there,

00:44:37but I don't want to minimize.

00:44:40Be as sexy as you can for your wife, watch this,

00:44:45and be the kind of man she want to touch.

00:44:49Amen.

00:44:51Amen.

00:44:52You stink.

00:44:58Right.

00:44:59Wash up.

00:45:00Right, yeah.

00:45:02When we were together last, you guys remember,

00:45:04I parked there for a second and I said,

00:45:07for men, I said, can you, you know, take a shower at night?

00:45:11You know, can you take a shower in the morning?

00:45:13You know, when you guys are going out in the street,

00:45:15you guys put on your best cologne.

00:45:17You look good.

00:45:18You smell good.

00:45:19Well, bring that to bed.

00:45:22All the women, y'all better come on here and say, amen.

00:45:27Amen.

00:45:28Yeah, I think that it's important too for the men.

00:45:30I know for women, for me,

00:45:31it's important for me to look good for my husband.

00:45:34So therefore, when I'm at home,

00:45:36I try to put on things that I know that he likes.

00:45:39I try to make sure that I look good.

00:45:41I try to make sure,

00:45:43and I'm not offended when he asks me

00:45:45to put on certain things,

00:45:47because again, the Bible talks about

00:45:50everyone is not ready for the largeness of marriage,

00:45:53being mature enough for marriage.

00:45:55You gotta have a certain aptitude,

00:45:57a maturity to receive a critique from your husband.

00:46:01Like, baby, don't put that on.

00:46:02That don't look right.

00:46:03That's not flattering on you.

00:46:05Well, see, a silly girl or somebody who's not immature,

00:46:08somebody who's still in a broken place,

00:46:10may hear something else.

00:46:12All he said was, can you put on something else?

00:46:14But all you heard was something from your past,

00:46:16some rejection from your past.

00:46:18So therefore, I try to always make sure that I look,

00:46:22you know, and I'll try to put on something that he likes.

00:46:25Well, for me, it's important for me that he smells good

00:46:29and look good and work out and do,

00:46:32you ain't gotta sit up in your, you know what?

00:46:34Now he clapped, look at this.

00:46:36Now, seriously.

00:46:42You making me choke.

00:46:43I'm choked up.

00:46:46I'm choked up.

00:46:47No, but it's important that.

00:46:48♪ Whatever you want. ♪

00:46:51♪ You don't need anybody. ♪

00:46:54♪ Whatever you need. ♪

00:46:55Baby, you good.

00:46:56You are, you good.

00:46:58You are.

00:46:59Hello.

00:47:01Thank you, thank you, Ray.

00:47:02Jesus is on the main line.

00:47:03What we got, Ray?

00:47:05Absolutely, those push-ups weren't great,

00:47:06but we won't mention that right now.

00:47:08Get up here and let's get it then, little man, little Ray.

00:47:12Little Ray, come on up here and let's see then.

00:47:13Where's your woman?

00:47:14Bring your woman, turn your little woman with you.

00:47:17And let's see what we got.

00:47:19It wouldn't be close.

00:47:20Don't try to play me.

00:47:21Let's get it then.

00:47:23It wouldn't be close.

00:47:24Not in front of your church.

00:47:25Let me ask you this, sir.

00:47:26Let me ask you this.

00:47:27How do you handle blended family issues

00:47:31with grown children that show dislike

00:47:35and disrespect towards your spouse?

00:47:37Oh, that's good.

00:47:41Yeah, we are blended.

00:47:42There's no secret about that.

00:47:44And the biological parent is always the parent

00:47:49that should put their foot down.

00:47:50Absolutely.

00:47:52The biological parent has to take the lead on,

00:47:54you're not going to dishonor my spouse.

00:47:56Absolutely.

00:47:57Unless the spouse is doing something really bad,

00:47:58it's always the biological parent

00:48:02because if it's the other parent,

00:48:02then they're the wicked stepmother witch

00:48:05or the wicked stepdaddy.

00:48:06So it's better for the biological to always say,

00:48:09now, look, I raised you, I love you.

00:48:13I know things didn't work out with your mother and I,

00:48:16your father and I, but this is my spouse.

00:48:19And he loves me, he treats you well,

00:48:21and you're going to honor him.

00:48:23You're going to honor her.

00:48:24So the honor system has always been big in our life.

00:48:29My baby Dominic over there,

00:48:31I remember he was little way, way back.

00:48:33He had one little day and I understand that too.

00:48:36I mean, things shift all of a sudden.

00:48:38Here's this new guy, he's six, seven years old,

00:48:40and he was doing something.

00:48:41All I know, him and his mother went for a ride in the car.

00:48:45I don't know what she's saying.

00:48:48I know when they got back, he's like, I'm sorry.

00:48:50Keep on paying our bills, sir.

00:48:51Praise God.

00:48:54Would you buy me some tennis shoes, daddy?

00:48:58And then the girl got a college tuition out of it too.

00:49:01Praise God.

00:49:01It worked out for him and he got a job.

00:49:02Praise God.

00:49:03I'm the best thing ever happened to you and your mama.

00:49:05Boy, I just thought about that.

00:49:07Come give me a hug, I'll save you.

00:49:09You're stupid.

00:49:12Sit down.

00:49:15No, it was very important for me

00:49:19because I knew again, the gift, my husband,

00:49:22it was important to me that my children honored him

00:49:25and honors him, even my biological,

00:49:28I mean, his biological kids.

00:49:30I just don't play when it comes to my husband.

00:49:35Kids need to be kids.

00:49:37You don't ever get to us just too grown

00:49:39that you think you're gonna say anything to us.

00:49:42So yeah, I just look at them and say,

00:49:44just don't play with us.

00:49:46And I don't side with my kids against my husband.

00:49:50It's me and him against them.

00:49:53And my kids know that.

00:49:54So I think that's important.

00:49:56I think it's important for the person

00:49:58who brought the kids into the family,

00:50:00you set the standard.

00:50:01You say, this is how we, this is what we're gonna do.

00:50:04This is how we're gonna respect everybody.

00:50:06And this is the rules.

00:50:07This is the new rules in the house.

00:50:09I wanna, before we run out of time,

00:50:12can we have 10 minutes?

00:50:13Is this good?

00:50:14Is this good?

00:50:15I mean, because I know we got to dance and all that,

00:50:17but I wanna get to this baby

00:50:18and I want you to help me with this.

00:50:21So I wanna give you what the New Testament says.

00:50:23It points to Jesus and his glory.

00:50:25Ephesians 5, 21, out of respect for Christ,

00:50:29be courteously reverent to one another.

00:50:32Out of respect for Christ.

00:50:34Let's go here.

00:50:35Be courteously reverent to one another

00:50:39or subject to one another or submitted to one another.

00:50:41It's not just a woman submitting to her man.

00:50:44The Bible suggests mutual submission.

00:50:47Lady Vernon, it says Ephesians 5, 22, 24,

00:50:51and we gotta go,

00:50:52for wives, this means submit to your husbands

00:50:54as to the Lord.

00:50:55For a husband is the head of his wife

00:50:57as Christ is the head of the church.

00:50:59He is the savior of his body, the church,

00:51:01as the church submits to Christ.

00:51:02So wives should submit to husbands in every thing.

00:51:06And we know logically, intelligently,

00:51:10I don't submit to you if you wanna go smoke dope.

00:51:12Right.

00:51:13Yeah, I don't submit to you wanting a menage a trois.

00:51:17That's not gonna happen.

00:51:18So it is the kind of submission where I honor my husband

00:51:22and I honor him.

00:51:25Lady Vernon, verse 25 and 26.

00:51:28Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives

00:51:31exactly as Christ did for the church.

00:51:33A love marked by giving, not getting.

00:51:35A love marked by giving, not getting.

00:51:38Marriage is selfless.

00:51:40Everybody say selfless.

00:51:42Selfless.

00:51:43And it's no joke.

00:51:45My whole life is to try my best to really make her happy

00:51:50to the best of my ability to provide for her

00:51:52or to work hard as I can to provide for her.

00:51:55Sometimes we both have to work.

00:51:56That's called life.

00:51:57But God knows if he had a million dollars,

00:52:00he'd give it to you.

00:52:02Yeah, that's the kind of guy you married to.

00:52:04If he had a million, he'd give it to you.

00:52:06Praise God.

00:52:07Look at him and ask him.

00:52:10But what if he doesn't?

00:52:11Praise God.

00:52:12Well, let's get.

00:52:13What if he doesn't?

00:52:14Well, then I'm sorry.

00:52:15Here it is.

00:52:17Christ's love makes the church whole.

00:52:21His words evoke her.

00:52:23Everything he does and says is designed

00:52:27to bring out the best out of her.

00:52:29I think a good husband brings the best out of his wife.

00:52:31Absolutely.

00:52:32Yeah, I do.

00:52:34I do.

00:52:35I watch you flow.

00:52:36I watch you stand on stage.

00:52:37I remember you used to didn't even want to touch your mic

00:52:40and now you just flow.

00:52:41I watched you with the academy and your entrepreneurial stuff

00:52:44and it's like, I love that.

00:52:47Baby, help them and help us.

00:52:50Those who may not be completely happy tonight,

00:52:53while you work toward happy,

00:52:56commit, write this down, to honor and loyalty.

00:53:01Honor and loyalty.

00:53:05That's everything to me.

00:53:07I preached about it a couple of weeks ago,

00:53:09but honor and loyalty.

00:53:10When your love don't work, make sure your honor do.

00:53:14Yeah, make sure your honor do.

00:53:16Honor, honor means I don't just talk

00:53:17any kind of way to her.

00:53:18Honor means I say yes ma'am to my wife.

00:53:21I say yes ma'am to women, to young girls on my staff.

00:53:24I say yes ma'am to her.

00:53:25She's ma'am.

00:53:26I honor Lady Verney.

00:53:28I honor her when she's not looking.

00:53:31Yeah, I honor her.

00:53:32When things pop up on my phone, I think to myself,

00:53:35if she was looking at a bunch of beautifully built men,

00:53:38how would that make me feel if I walked in and saw it?

00:53:40And then that makes me say that's not being loyal.

00:53:43That's not being loyal.

00:53:45That's not showing honor.

00:53:47And if we both work toward honor,

00:53:49and if you talk a certain way to your husband,

00:53:52it takes a lot out of him, right?

00:53:56Yeah, you know, I wrote this down.

00:53:58Marriage is a sacred bond between two individuals.

00:54:02It's meant to be based on love, trust, respect,

00:54:07loyalty, and shared values.

00:54:10It's a sacred bond.

00:54:12When you stood in front of the man of God,

00:54:15or if you stood in front of a judge,

00:54:17you made a vow, a covenant.

00:54:20I love what you said at the beginning.

00:54:21You said, this is not a contract.

00:54:24So when, for me, when his heart is not working,

00:54:28or when his head is not working,

00:54:29because sometimes it look like the heart

00:54:31and head is not working, I honor God.

00:54:34I'm glad that you came back around and you said that,

00:54:38you know, it's not just about me making you happy,

00:54:40but because I'm truly happy in God,

00:54:44because I really want to please God,

00:54:47that encompasses me being a mother.

00:54:49That encompassed me being a first lady, a daughter,

00:54:55but most importantly, it encompassed me

00:54:57being a great wife to him.

00:55:00So then my mind thinks about what would Jesus say

00:55:03when I'm picking something up on the floor

00:55:05that I felt like, okay, he shouldn't have left this

00:55:06on the floor.

00:55:07I really be thinking about the good about him.

00:55:10Like, honestly, I think, you know what, this man,

00:55:12pay my bills, I'll pick it up.

00:55:15I shut the cabinets up.

00:55:16You ain't got to shake your head, I see you.

00:55:19But when I shut the cabinets, it's like,

00:55:22that's minor to argue about.

00:55:24That's a part of the renter's agreement.

00:55:28Underwear.

00:55:29I was trying to be serious.

00:55:30House note.

00:55:31I was trying to be serious, I was trying to be serious.

00:55:37But I really try to focus on God.

00:55:39It's like, we learned this years ago from a past counselor.

00:55:43She said, take his head off.

00:55:44Take his head off and put Jesus's head on there.

00:55:47Wow.

00:55:48And serve, serve, serve God.

00:55:52You're not, I'm not serving my husband.

00:55:54When I make his food, when I'm making love to him,

00:55:57when I bring him some water in the midnight hour,

00:55:59when I'm just like, just got nestled in the bed,

00:56:02and he like, can you go get me some water?

00:56:05No, you do that.

00:56:07All the time.

00:56:09And I get up and go.

00:56:11You were doing good in your little sermon.

00:56:12But that part, no, I enjoyed it.

00:56:16But I don't ask you to go get me nothing.

00:56:19You the one, baby, and I jump up, yes ma'am.

00:56:22Tell the truth.

00:56:23That's what the brother in the back said.

00:56:24That's what I like about the Word Church.

00:56:28You are mad.

00:56:31Here it is.

00:56:32I'm gonna skip some of the verses in Ecclesiastics.

00:56:34You'll read them.

00:56:35But let's take our phones out.

00:56:37Let's end on some things I want you to do, all right?

00:56:41Some things I want you to do.

00:56:43Some things you can take home with you.

00:56:45Just some things, and we'll pick it up

00:56:47next time we get together.

00:56:48And we're gonna make this exciting.

00:56:50We'll have some other couples join us

00:56:52that have had various things.

00:56:53They've survived, and they'll ask you some questions.

00:56:56People who do marriage even better than us

00:56:57or have been married longer.

00:56:59We want Marriage Night Out to be good, all right?

00:57:02We do.

00:57:03So here's a few things.

00:57:04I talked about one this morning.

00:57:06Never discuss separation or divorce.

00:57:09Matthew 19, six says what?

00:57:11Would God has joined together?

00:57:12What?

00:57:13Yeah.

00:57:14Let no man put asunder.

00:57:15Don't discuss divorce.

00:57:17Watch this.

00:57:18If you start discussing it, then go on and do it.

00:57:22Yeah, don't keep threatening me with that.

00:57:25Yeah, let's either, let's do this.

00:57:28No games here.

00:57:30Plus I have rejection issues.

00:57:32So I don't want to hear about you might leave me.

00:57:34Yeah, I have that.

00:57:35So I'm not gonna do things that would cause you.

00:57:38I'm not gonna give you any biblical reason,

00:57:40but I'm not gonna be perfect.

00:57:41But let's don't discuss that.

00:57:43When I know I can't leave,

00:57:46it forces me to have to make things right.

00:57:49Because I don't have a plan B, right?

00:57:51When there's a plan B, it changes your whole mind.

00:57:54And there are women, particularly unchurched women and men,

00:57:57who sit around and contemplate their exit strategy, right?

00:58:02They writing things down, got a little private stash.

00:58:04Okay, I know this gonna happen.

00:58:06So I would hate to be married to that person

00:58:09that has no kind of loyalty and covenant toward me.

00:58:14Number two, invest in your marriage.

00:58:17Invest in your marriage.

00:58:20I need you to make an investment in your marriage.

00:58:21I know many of you do,

00:58:23but let's talk about the first investment,

00:58:26spiritually invest.

00:58:29Worship together.

00:58:30You do that already.

00:58:31Amos 3 and 3, Dr. Vernon said earlier,

00:58:34how can two walk together except they be in agreement?

00:58:37Amos 3, 3.

00:58:39So the fact that you come to church together,

00:58:41and those who husbands or wives came tonight just for this,

00:58:44I would love to meet you, my brother,

00:58:46my beautiful sister, and just thank you for coming.

00:58:48And I would love for you guys to come each week together,

00:58:51not just on marriage night.

00:58:53There's power in worshiping together.

00:58:55One of my favorite things

00:58:58is seeing certain couples sit together every Sunday,

00:59:01my beautiful brother right here and his beautiful wife.

00:59:04I've watched them go through all kinds of stuff,

00:59:05but they love Jesus.

00:59:07When you love Jesus, don't it make it better couples?

00:59:09Yes, it does.

00:59:10Come on, elders, ministers, deacons, raise your hand

00:59:12if you know Jesus is the reason

00:59:15that we're hearing the same sermon.

00:59:18People ask me, can we go to other churches

00:59:20and not worship together?

00:59:22I say, it's not a sin, but I don't think it's wisdom.

00:59:25I'm not trying to have different theologies in our house.

00:59:28When my pastor felt like tongues are over,

00:59:29my pastor believes that you should continue in tongues,

00:59:31and now we debating about what our pastor said.

00:59:34There's some things you should have in common.

00:59:37We're hearing the same word, we believe it,

00:59:39that's our spiritual parents, our pastors,

00:59:42that's what we worship.

00:59:44That's an investment.

00:59:45Number two, weekly devotional.

00:59:46Put it back up, weekly devotional.

00:59:48And I want you to commit to this.

00:59:49Notice I didn't say daily devotional.

00:59:52That was the younger RA.

00:59:54That's just not gonna happen.

00:59:55Yeah, we too busy, I got stuff, you got stuff.

00:59:57I talk to God, you still sleep.

00:59:59You talking to God, I'm asleep.

01:00:00We ain't about to play that game.

01:00:02But commit to a weekly devotional

01:00:06that is substantive and real.

01:00:09If you do it once a week, if you do it more than that, fine,

01:00:11but set it today.

01:00:12Matter of fact, start thinking about it now

01:00:15and talk about this.

01:00:16This is a homework assignment.

01:00:17A weekly devotional, I don't care if you're entrepreneurs,

01:00:20I don't care if you have a boss job,

01:00:22there has to be a time.

01:00:24It's not date night.

01:00:25This ain't me and you be happy night,

01:00:26this is me and you seek Jesus.

01:00:29It could be right before we fall asleep,

01:00:30it could be midday, but I need you

01:00:32to have a weekly devotional,

01:00:34and one of you purchase a couple's devotion.

01:00:38Come on, Amazon, whatever.

01:00:39Use the Bible or a couple's devotion

01:00:41that'll lead you through that devotion,

01:00:43and you talk about the Word of God together.

01:00:46All right?

01:00:50Then I want you to invest practically.

01:00:52Practically, invest practically.

01:00:54Here it is, number one, date night.

01:00:56Who has a date night right now?

01:00:58Who could do better at your date night?

01:01:01Thank you for your honesty.

01:01:02Ours is Thursday.

01:01:04My assistant knows, I try not to take engagements

01:01:06on that day, even if they offer me a handsome honorarium,

01:01:10I try to avoid Thursdays because that's my date night,

01:01:13my date night.

01:01:14Now, the next one y'all gonna laugh is fight night.

01:01:19Now, this is next level health.

01:01:21Yeah, fight night should be once every couple of weeks

01:01:25where we actually talk about what's wrong.

01:01:28Yeah, I don't wanna bring up,

01:01:30and here's something else too for date night

01:01:31that I messed up on.

01:01:33I won't do it again.

01:01:34Don't talk about nothing on date night but happy.

01:01:37Right.

01:01:39If you got a child, neither one of y'all can't stand,

01:01:41don't bring him up.

01:01:44Don't bring his behind up on date night.

01:01:46Yeah, look, Keith ain't call.

01:01:48Did he call you?

01:01:48Now y'all gonna, well, he should've called.

01:01:50Now y'all stressed.

01:01:52On date night, I can't tell you how many date nights,

01:01:55me mostly, we didn't fell out on date night

01:01:56because I brought up a subject

01:01:58that shouldn't have came up on date night.

01:01:59Something we've been stressing over,

01:02:01something we've been tripping on,

01:02:02and since we sitting there, something at the church,

01:02:04something, somebody, something had happened,

01:02:06somebody left, came, and here it is on date night.

01:02:09Stress.

01:02:10And we get home like that wasn't it.

01:02:12Right.

01:02:13You ever got home from date night like that wasn't it,

01:02:15that wasn't it, that wasn't it, that wasn't it.

01:02:17Date night should be romantic.

01:02:19Date night, she's sitting right there.

01:02:20I still get dressed and put on something.

01:02:23Here's the thing.

01:02:24Every other Thursday,

01:02:26I know Elder Gully does this with Monique too.

01:02:28Every other Thursday, one of us pick the place.

01:02:31Who does that now?

01:02:32It's a good thing.

01:02:34Be in charge of date night every other week.

01:02:37So I don't know where we're going.

01:02:39Y'all not, this ain't exciting.

01:02:42They listening.

01:02:45And one time, man, there was like this hotel.

01:02:48I'm thinking we going to a restaurant.

01:02:50So we pull in this hotel way out by my brother's house.

01:02:52And we go in this hotel.

01:02:53She didn't lay the stuff out on the hotel room.

01:02:55I didn't even know this hotel was in Cleveland.

01:02:58I got so excited.

01:02:59You did.

01:03:00I'm like, oh yeah, we're about to go down.

01:03:03It's going down, down, baby.

01:03:07And so, you know, so we pick it.

01:03:10And to this day, I jump out the car.

01:03:13I pull to the front of the house.

01:03:14She comes out.

01:03:15I jump out more around.

01:03:16I open up that door.

01:03:18I close that door.

01:03:19I have jazz music playing, car is nice and clean.

01:03:22Like I just met her.

01:03:23Like I'm trying to get her to keep liking me.

01:03:26Come on, talk to me, somebody.

01:03:27It's date night.

01:03:28She dressed cute.

01:03:30And you know, we only can dress so cute in Cleveland

01:03:33because everybody knows us and all that,

01:03:34but cute as she can without it being the members there.

01:03:36Praise God, amen.

01:03:38And all of that.

01:03:39All right, so that's another one.

01:03:42But then let there be a night once a month or so

01:03:45where we plan these two hours,

01:03:47where we talk about maybe there's some issues.

01:03:49That's health.

01:03:50And we do it with honor.

01:03:52All right, here's another one.

01:03:53Good vacations.

01:03:54Somebody ought to say amen right there.

01:03:58Yeah, that's enough reason to work hard

01:03:59and tithe right there.

01:04:01You know, now that's when I spend a little money.

01:04:03That's when I'll be a little bit boss

01:04:05when we hit that airport,

01:04:06because that's when it's like, I'm going to enjoy my girl.

01:04:09Good vacations.

01:04:10When she gets off that plane,

01:04:11somebody holding the sign, Dr. Vernon.

01:04:13I don't want to rent a car that take too long.

01:04:15I want somebody to pick me up.

01:04:17Take me where I'm going.

01:04:18You know, and that's based on your income,

01:04:20wherever you are,

01:04:20but whatever a good vacation is to you, do that.

01:04:23And then finally, and then baby,

01:04:25I want you to jump in.

01:04:27Ongoing investigation.

01:04:30I said this last month.

01:04:32Ongoing investigation means don't act like you know, amen.

01:04:39Don't act like you know everything about them.

01:04:41They still changing.

01:04:43Ongoing investigations.

01:04:46Dr. Victory Vernon at 50 something

01:04:49is different than 40 something and 30 something.

01:04:51Now she has a grandchild and a granddaughter, grandson.

01:04:55Our life has shifted.

01:04:56What are your needs now?

01:04:58Ask that brother what he need.

01:05:00In the bed, ask that woman of God.

01:05:02Baby, you want to jump in here?

01:05:03No, I think you're doing a great job.

01:05:05I believe in ongoing investigation.

01:05:07You are a master at that.

01:05:10You're always asking me and checking in.

01:05:13That's again, checking in with your spouse

01:05:15and asking them, are they okay?

01:05:17And where are we?

01:05:18Not just physically,

01:05:20but financially checking in with each other.

01:05:23Where are we headed?

01:05:24What's our three, where are we going in three months?

01:05:27Where are we going in six months?

01:05:28What's our long-term goal?

01:05:30I think that's important.

01:05:33Investigation, yeah.

01:05:35Another way I would invest right this down financially,

01:05:38financially, physical appearance,

01:05:42expensive romantic vacations, marriage materials,

01:05:46insurance policy, leave that up for a minute.

01:05:48Physical appearance.

01:05:49Here's a question my girl and I get from you guys every week.

01:05:52This stuff women are doing to make themselves better.

01:05:55If you and your husband okay with whatever,

01:05:58forget everybody.

01:06:02Well, pastor, that's, oh God.

01:06:07Them phony breasts, where your eyelashes phony.

01:06:13All of y'all hair phony.

01:06:1699%.

01:06:21I say that to say, and I'm joking, but I'm not.

01:06:24Cause I get this question, I'm a pastor.

01:06:25Is it a sin?

01:06:26Is it a sin if she improves herself

01:06:29or I improve myself or whatever?

01:06:30If you two are safe and happy

01:06:34and you don't feel like you're in danger

01:06:36and you've weighed the risk of what you want to do,

01:06:38it's nobody's business what you do

01:06:40to keep your marriage hot.

01:06:42Other than add a third person or pornography.

01:06:46That's fornication, that's sinful, that's adultery.

01:06:49You can't add a third person, look at other crazy stuff,

01:06:52look at other people.

01:06:53But anything y'all got to do or want to do

01:06:56to keep your marriage tight, that's nobody's business.

01:06:59Amen everybody.

01:07:01Amen.

01:07:02Expensive romantic vacations,

01:07:04marriage materials, insurance policies.

01:07:07Love them enough to leave them something when you die.

01:07:12Yeah, yeah.

01:07:13Me dying and her not having enough,

01:07:15man that would haunt me and I don't want that to happen.

01:07:18Were you blessed by this word tonight, man?

01:07:20Were you blessed?

01:07:21Yeah.

01:07:27Great, what we got?

01:07:28Before we go, I want you to write this down.

01:07:30Come on, take your phones out

01:07:32and November 17th, it's on the screen, is our next one.

01:07:37I want y'all to put it in your phones.

01:07:38Come on calendar persons,

01:07:39do we have them on the screens up there?

01:07:40November 17th, if they didn't put it, that's okay.

01:07:42November 17th, November 17th, Sunday, November 17th,

01:07:46same time, same place, we want to do this again.

01:07:50So if you could put that down in your phone

01:07:53so that you're not out of town or traveling,

01:07:55it's going to get better and better and better.

01:07:57There it is right there, next marriage night out,

01:07:59November 17th.

01:08:01Text marriage right now, everybody, to RSVP,

01:08:03let us know you're going to do that,

01:08:04let us know you're coming.

01:08:05Ray, what else we got before we go, buddy?

01:08:06Absolutely, can we just do a rapid fire really quick?

01:08:08Let's hit it, let's hit it.

01:08:10First one is, Lady Verna, has it ever been a time

01:08:12that you didn't think you were enough or sexy enough?

01:08:16What did you do?

01:08:18Worked on myself.

01:08:19That's good.

01:08:20How does a newly married woman adjust

01:08:22to allowing her husband to leave?

01:08:26Allowing her to leave?

01:08:27Allowing him to lead.

01:08:29How do I do newly?

01:08:30Oof.

01:08:31How do you adjust to that?

01:08:32You just adjust, that takes time.

01:08:35Especially if I'm 30, 40 years old and I'm used to leading,

01:08:39that's just humbling myself and realizing now

01:08:41that the two has become one.

01:08:44You kind of answered this,

01:08:45but how freaky can we be as a Christian married couple?

01:08:49Well.

01:08:54Okay, that's what, enough said.

01:08:58Completely.

01:09:01Pastor, when you didn't properly take advantage

01:09:03of your single season, now that you're married

01:09:06and still have a lot of work to do, how do I do that?

01:09:10The blood of Jesus, soul ties being rinsed.

01:09:14If we were with a bunch of different people

01:09:16before we got together,

01:09:17that could have some impact on us sexually.

01:09:19We can't run from that.

01:09:20I've been married before, I'm used to certain things.

01:09:22Things happen that shouldn't have happened

01:09:24because whenever I go out of God's will,

01:09:26I pay for it a little bit.

01:09:28Yeah, and I'm glad I pay

01:09:31because it teaches me that his word is true.

01:09:34And it gives me something to tell my kids,

01:09:35like, this gonna hurt a little bit if you go this way.

01:09:39So you should probably go that way and do it God's way.

01:09:42My spouse cheated, stepped out.

01:09:45Is it okay to take them back?

01:09:47Absolutely.

01:09:49Ephesians four, forgiving one another

01:09:51as God has forgiven you.

01:09:52Matter of fact, in most cases,

01:09:54I actually recommend persons not getting divorced.

01:09:58In most cases, if there's a one-time stupid thing,

01:10:01particularly with men,

01:10:02and I know this sounds sexist,

01:10:04but I'm sorry, I've been doing this longer.

01:10:06I've counseled more people than everybody in this room,

01:10:08probably together, combined.

01:10:10So this is what I do.

01:10:11And I have discovered that normally, sadly,

01:10:13when a man does something, he was just being stupid.

01:10:18Yeah, he was just being stupid.

01:10:20And he don't love nobody just stupid.

01:10:23And stupid is stupid, it's just stupid.

01:10:26But he ain't stutting that person

01:10:29and his flesh, his father, his demons,

01:10:32stuff he looked at.

01:10:34A lot of times when women step out, they ready to go.

01:10:40A lot of times.

01:10:41And sometimes it's vice versa, but a lot of times.

01:10:43But in either case, if you can forgive,

01:10:47it's worth investing in.

01:10:49And plus I've stepped out on Jesus a whole lot.

01:10:51Raise your hand if you've stepped out on Jesus, amen.

01:10:54And it's a great book to read, Torn Asunder, right there.

01:10:57Yes, yeah, Torn Asunder is a great book

01:10:59for any couple here.

01:11:01Read the book called Torn Asunder.

01:11:03It's a great reference for any person

01:11:06that's had infidelity.

01:11:07Write that down, Torn Asunder.

01:11:09You ready for this?

01:11:11I think I'm gonna get happy right here.

01:11:12Because I've been the pastor 25 years almost,

01:11:16I know couples who messed up.

01:11:18And me and Lady Bernie forgot they messed up.

01:11:21Because God brought them back.

01:11:22Y'all should clap right there.

01:11:25We'd be laying in the bed, I promise you.

01:11:27And it was like 2005, 2008.

01:11:31And we remind ourself, man, remember that almost?

01:11:34And God done restored that thing so much,

01:11:36it's under the blood.

01:11:37They learned from it, it's over.

01:11:39They more in love now than they've ever been.

01:11:41He's a restoring God.

01:11:42Can I talk to somebody that know he can restore?

01:11:45I'm not making this up.

01:11:47There are couples in this church

01:11:48that I thought it was over.

01:11:50I went over there, she throwing stuff,

01:11:52mad, caught him, I'm standing in between.

01:11:54Lady Bernie been pregnant sometime.

01:11:55Holding the wife, I'm holding the husband.

01:11:58And I look now, you can't even tell.

01:12:00Good God, look at your neighbor and say,

01:12:02we don't look like what we've been through.

01:12:03Tell your spouse, praise God, amen.

01:12:05We don't look like what we've been through.

01:12:06God is a restoring God, amen.

01:12:09Absolutely, so, and what does it look like practically

01:12:12to be accountable after breaking your spouse's trust?

01:12:15When you've broken your spouse's heart,

01:12:17you gotta answer every question they got

01:12:19every time they ask it.

01:12:21Yeah, and you gotta give them time to trust you again.

01:12:25And you gotta let them see your phone.

01:12:27You gotta be over-accountable.

01:12:28You gotta kiss behind.

01:12:32Yeah, and every time they start talking about it,

01:12:34just say, I'm sorry again.

01:12:36That's good.

01:12:37And you don't get to tell them when to stop saying it.

01:12:39And then the other person gotta understand,

01:12:41I'm a Christian, so how long am I gonna

01:12:43throw this in their face?

01:12:44If you wanna leave me at some point, just leave me.

01:12:46But if you're gonna fight to forgive me,

01:12:47then fight to forgive me.

01:12:49But if they have a relapse and bring it up

01:12:51or wake you up and shake you in the middle of the night,

01:12:52just get up and say, oh Jesus, we gonna be up tonight.

01:12:55It's gonna be a long night.

01:12:56Just get up and say, oh yes, baby, I'm sorry again.

01:13:01But yeah, you have to now be over-accountable.

01:13:04You gotta prove, let them see your phone.

01:13:06You gotta call home more and say, baby,

01:13:09I don't want you to worry about where I'm at.

01:13:10Here's where I'm at, because I know you have doubts.

01:13:13So you can't cheat and be arrogant.

01:13:16Yeah, you're the one cheating, and you're arrogant?

01:13:19Yeah, you end up without a wife or without a husband.

01:13:22So you have to be submitted when you mess up.

01:13:25Amen, Ray, come on, let's go.

01:13:28Any advice on operating a family dynamic

01:13:31with a spouse who does not speak up for you

01:13:33when their family blatantly disrespects you?

01:13:37That's a whole nother thing that's gonna take an hour.

01:13:41I wanna deal with married couples tonight,

01:13:42I wanna deal with married couples tonight,

01:13:44but yeah, always, always, yeah,

01:13:46I've changed entire relationships in my family

01:13:50about my wife, and yeah, you ain't got but one time

01:13:53to do that, and she ain't did nothing to you.

01:13:55You don't like her just because?

01:13:57Then you don't like me either,

01:13:58and I don't care if we cousins, sisters.

01:14:01I'm done with it, I love you.

01:14:02I'll see you in heaven, hopefully, amen, all right.

01:14:05Yeah, I done changed entire relationships about my girl,

01:14:09and she'll do the same for me.

01:14:11We gotta stop.

01:14:13Was that a word, everybody, was that good?

01:14:14Come on, come on, y'all, come on, come on, come on, come on.

01:14:21I want you to just hug your spouse and say,

01:14:24I'm still in love, I'm still in love, come on.

01:14:26Kiss him in the mouth.

Dr. R.A. Vernon Marriage Night Out

Category

Transcription

Recommandations