Taskmaster AU S03 E01
Taskmaster AU S03 E02 >>> https://dai.ly/x96lhiq
Taskmaster AU S03 E02 >>> https://dai.ly/x96lhiq
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00:00No!
00:02No!
00:04No!
00:14We slayed it!
00:16Is this good television?
00:29Welcome one and all to the third season of Taskmaster Australia.
00:42The deities that run Channel 10 have blessed us with another opportunity to present a season
00:48of triumphant pratfalls to you, the humble viewer, watching with your family, huddled
00:53around the television, or more likely, on your phone in the toilet at work.
00:57My name is Tom Gleeson and I believe no person should be defined by their job, unless that
01:02job is my job.
01:04And my job is being the Taskmaster.
01:06Over the next ten episodes, five comedians will try to impress me by completing a series
01:15of highly intricate tasks.
01:17These tasks will test various life skills such as intelligence, hand-eye coordination
01:22and not being a dipshit.
01:24At the end, one of them will win a prize which will make them both the envy of their peers
01:29and a target for international art thieves.
01:32And my big old head painted gold.
01:35Now, let us savour this moment while we still think highly of them and give a warm welcome
01:43to our season three contestants.
01:45Aaron Chen, Conchetta Carisco, Mel Buddle, Peter Hellyer and Rhys Nicholson.
01:59And finally, attached to my side like a skin tag that doctors refuse to remove because
02:05they're afraid of what it will smell like, it's my assistant, Tom Cashman.
02:10Welcome back, Lepretaun, you smelly bastard.
02:17How've you been?
02:18Oh, not too bad.
02:19I'm glad to even be here.
02:20I've got a photo of near the elevators at my hotel this morning.
02:23Okay.
02:24I was standing there for hours waiting for three more people to arrive so I could enter
02:32the elevator.
02:33So you take, you know, instructions very seriously, even if they're just on a full-scap page sticky
02:38taped to a wall.
02:39Those were the kinds of thoughts I was having at around hour two.
02:43Alright, Lesser Tom, how are we kicking things off tonight?
02:47Well, our first task is a prize task.
02:50Each contestant has brought in a prize.
02:51You, the taskmaster, will rank them one to five.
02:54Okay.
02:55And the person who wins tonight's episode will walk home with all five prizes.
02:58Tonight our contestants have been asked to bring in what they consider to be the worst
03:01thing to wake up and find at the end of your bed.
03:05Okay.
03:06Aaron, what have you brought in?
03:08I've brought in a 37 litre laundry tub filled to the brim with custard.
03:20That's not convenient.
03:21Like, if you wake up in the morning, that's splashing everywhere and it's custard as well.
03:25Quite viscous.
03:26Yeah.
03:27And even just due to its weight alone, you've already short-sheeted your bed.
03:31Yeah.
03:32So you've had a bad night's sleep and there it is.
03:33I don't know what short-sheeted means.
03:37But I agree.
03:38Okay.
03:39Well, Aaron, maybe we can go on a camp together and I can short-sheet your bed so you can
03:46learn what it means.
03:47Yeah, and I'll short-sheet you as well.
03:50Oh, yeah.
03:54What about you, Conchita?
03:55What did you bring in?
03:56I brought in a spooky doll, but she's got pink eye as well.
04:05She really wants to get into bed with you to short-sheet you as well.
04:09Do you know what short-sheet is?
04:11No.
04:12Is it bad?
04:13You're not supposed to learn things on this show, so I'll move on.
04:17Okay.
04:18So, why would you be worried about the pink eye?
04:20Are you kidding?
04:21Conjunctivitis is a hidden problem of this country.
04:25Alright, so Mel, what would you be worried about waking up to at the end of your bed?
04:31A low-cost douna.
04:33What are you trying to claim here?
04:39That you're better than that?
04:41Yep.
04:42Okay.
04:43I'm so much better than that.
04:44There's no natural fibres in that.
04:45That is a fire hazard, secondly.
04:48And it just communicates to the person in your bed with you that that's what you think
04:52they're worth.
04:53You just reminded me of my fear, and that's waking up with someone pretentious at the
04:57end of my bed.
04:58Peter, what have you brought in?
05:03Tom, the worst thing I could wake up to are two mates recording a podcast at the end of
05:09my bed.
05:15I'm feeling the fear, Pete.
05:17So you wake up, you see them there, what's your first thought?
05:20Well, what are you doing at the foot of my bed?
05:23What's this podcast about?
05:25How are they recording it with nothing plugged in?
05:29Why are your mates 22 years old?
05:32Because, Aaron, they consider me the Fonzie of comedy, you see.
05:39All my friends are very young.
05:40You just said you're the Fonzie of comedy, which is an outdated reference.
05:46Alright, Rhys, what did you bring in?
05:49I thought about it long and hard, and I realised what I think the worst thing at the end of
05:54my bed would be, leprosy.
06:02I feel like now the pink eye's less of an issue.
06:06Well, I'm just thinking that the leprosy, it's inside the container, not outside the
06:10container.
06:11Well, you can open it up.
06:12And I'm a pretty violent sleeper.
06:13You leave that at the bottom, you smash it open, suddenly, bam, leprosy.
06:16Fingernails, right off.
06:18Toenails, right off.
06:19Alright, everyone.
06:20I'm sorry, too soon on leprosy?
06:27I'm going to give one point to Mel, sorry, because a doona at the end of your bed, despite
06:31the quality, it's still a doona, so it can warm you up, so it's not that frightening.
06:36I'm giving two points to Rhys, because they found a prop at the end of their bed.
06:40Peter, I'm going to give you three points, because a doll is quite scary, regardless
06:44of what eye condition it has.
06:46Aaron, you get four points, because you're very polite.
06:49You didn't have to do that.
06:52No worries, Aaron.
06:53But I'm going to give five points to Peter Hellier, because I'm a white middle-aged man,
06:58and I'm frightened of podcasters, too.
07:02Alright, my little pretty poppet, are tasks proper, is it?
07:09Superior poppet.
07:12This next piece of unprovoked seduction will make more sense in approximately 30 seconds.
07:33Should I run?
07:34This feels so slow.
07:35Tom.
07:36Hi, Pete.
07:37Hi, Mel.
07:38Hi, Aaron.
07:39How are you doing, Tom?
07:40Hi, Aaron.
07:41I think I have a message.
07:42Oh.
07:43In a letterbox for me.
07:44Oh!
07:45Posties bean?
07:46I like getting mail.
07:47Oh!
07:51Uh-oh!
07:52Oh, my gosh.
07:53Mmm, the eyes have it.
07:55How did you know both my parents were optometrists?
07:59Do the most epic wink.
08:01Your first wink counts.
08:02You have 20 minutes.
08:04Most epic wink wins.
08:06Your time starts now.
08:09What's epic?
08:10Like a grand entrance.
08:12Like an epic, we think of an epic movie.
08:14You know, Ben-her.
08:15These days, I think we call it Ben-them, just to be politically correct.
08:18Just be quite like the over-the-shoulder thing?
08:21Like, I don't want to wink, though, I want to start.
08:24Yep.
08:25I think winking's brilliant.
08:26You know that about me.
08:27But you're not very good at it?
08:28No.
08:29Maybe I save your life.
08:30Wow.
08:31I don't know if I would.
08:32No, I would.
08:33People are watching.
08:36People love in a movie when someone is well again.
08:38So I'm going to be in The Cratchers and I go, ah, Willy Wonka, where he does the forward
08:42roll.
08:43So faking a disability.
08:44Faking.
08:45Maybe 20 soldiers with rifles.
08:4720 soldiers?
08:48Like, quite a lot of soldiers.
08:49Would you agree that maybe three would also be a large amount of soldiers?
08:53I would say that three is small.
08:55Oh, OK.
08:56It would be epic if I got Paul Rudd to wink you.
08:59Yeah?
09:00Do you have his number?
09:01No.
09:02Oh, my mother!
09:03I'm going to go inside.
09:04How many minutes?
09:05Nine minutes and ten seconds.
09:06So who's quote unquote epic wink are we going to see first?
09:15He's cute, he's cheeky, he smells like custard and we all know why.
09:18It's Aaron Schen.
09:28Paul Hale, the most objectively epic winker.
09:33G'day, guys.
09:36Things are about to look pretty epic.
09:48OK, so task one of episode one and you've blown up the house.
09:58Yeah.
09:59Start big, you know?
10:01Aaron kept insisting that we have 20 extras and I kept insisting that we don't have 20
10:07extras.
10:08So we shot that four different times and then spliced five people to turn them into 20.
10:19All right, which winkers are we seeing next, Cash Boy?
10:24These two should be naturals.
10:25They both sleep with one eye open.
10:27Ever since those allegations, it's Mel Buddle and Conchetta Cristo.
10:31Hi, Mum.
10:34Mum, I'm on Taskmaster right now.
10:39Here's Tom, by the way.
10:41Hello, Marlena.
10:42How many minutes are left, Tom?
10:46One minute and 16 seconds.
10:48Perfect.
10:49So I need your help for this.
10:50Most epic wink wins.
10:51What about the wink one eye after the other?
10:55Why don't we, through the FaceTime, wink at Tom at the same time?
10:58That's probably epic.
11:00That's probably more than he's getting in, like, ages.
11:03One epic wink, artisanal, locally made.
11:07What could be more epic than something made right here in your own backyard by me, an
11:12artist?
11:15I think a mum plus a daughter, powerful.
11:17You've wanted one wink?
11:19Just kidding, I'm going to give you 100.
11:21We're going to do it at the same time.
11:233, 2, 1, go.
11:33Wink!
11:34Oh, that's epic.
11:35Did you see that?
11:36So it's a genuine wink.
11:38That one's not moving.
11:39OK.
11:40Tom, we need a response.
11:41Yep, I can see him.
11:46This is called the mother-daughter tag team.
11:49You're welcome.
11:53Say bye to Tom, Mum.
11:54See you, Marlena.
11:56I'm going to leave that here for Museum Wants It.
12:00Oh, right.
12:01OK.
12:02Whatever.
12:03You just got double-teamed.
12:04Woo!
12:05Hey, thanks, Tom.
12:06Hey, thanks, Mum.
12:07So the mother-daughter tag team, do you regret using that?
12:16No, I stand by it.
12:17I think that's what made it epic, you know?
12:19Like, you could look that up on a porn site.
12:23But Tom didn't have to.
12:24I didn't have to, but...
12:30So, Mel.
12:32Yep.
12:33Just to be clear, who winks by starting with both eyes closed?
12:37Because I feel like with your craft, they were both closed and then one eye open.
12:42That seems like a peek, not a wink.
12:46I think you can start with both eyes closed, if you want.
12:48I mean, isn't every task open to interpretation?
12:51No.
12:52No?
12:53No?
12:54Well, it's open to interpretation.
12:56By us.
12:57By us.
12:58Oh, by you.
12:59Not by you.
13:00By...
13:01If you know what I mean.
13:02After seeing those, I kind of wish Aaron had blown up the house.
13:09Alright, it's time for the first hotly anticipated ad break of our season.
13:15More comedians closing one of their eyes epically after this.
13:29Welcome back to Cars Master, everyone, where we are finding out which Australian comedians
13:34can't make basic facial expressions.
13:37Lesser Tom, bring us up to speed.
13:39Our contestants had 20 minutes to do the most epic wink.
13:43Aaron has used 20 extras to imitate an authoritarian dictator and conceder FaceTime to her mum.
13:50Who's up next?
13:51The eye is the window to the soul.
13:53Does this next guy have one?
13:54It's Peter Hellyer.
13:56What's epic to you?
13:57You know what I would love?
13:58What I've never seen before in the history of cinema, and I'm not sure if we can do this,
14:02I'm not sure if we have access, but like a drone wink shot.
14:07Imagine if the drone comes around the trees and it comes up here and it'll give the wink.
14:15You've just winked.
14:16What?
14:19But I don't get to do my drone shot.
14:21First wink counts.
14:23I mean, it was almost Shakespearean, wasn't it, because my hand was like there,
14:28and to me it was a nod to The Great Bard.
14:31Epic.
14:32Epic.
14:33Thanks, Pete.
14:37Wow.
14:41The joke's on you.
14:42You'll never see it.
14:43You'll never see it.
14:44So what went wrong?
14:46I was so in the moment, mate.
14:47Like, I could see the shot and I was describing it and I was in that zone
14:52and I could feel it and I gave it that one.
14:55And I still think it was actually pretty epic, to be honest.
14:58Nobody else winked with their hand in front of their face.
15:02I thought it was pretty amazing how you pivoted so rapidly to Shakespeare.
15:07Is this a dagger I see before me?
15:13Alright, Mr Tom, who's lucky last tonight?
15:16In a plot twist only to viewers, just tuning in, it's the contestant whose wink we haven't seen yet,
15:20Rhys Nicholson.
15:28Hey!
15:37Checkmate.
15:43Woo-hoo!
15:44Woo-hoo!
15:48Whoa, this is epic.
15:49I'm water skiing and I'm going super fast.
15:53Woo-hoo!
15:55Woo!
16:08For your low-key consideration.
16:11So let me get this right, Rhys.
16:12If you're non-binary, are you allowed to make fun of disabled people?
16:20I'm just asking, does one cancel the other out?
16:23If you're a straight white man, are you allowed to even bring up the fact that I'm non-binary?
16:28Yes, you are.
16:30No, I was empowering people.
16:33And I wouldn't even say I was disabled in that.
16:36I was just someone who bought those two.
16:40You were the ones that had them in your shed, you weirdo.
16:44Well, it's tricky because I think that Aaron and Rhys both got a huge reaction.
16:47Working from the top down, I'm going to give Aaron five, I'm going to give Rhys four.
16:52And then, even though Peter Helyas was very short and he kind of tripped the trigger,
16:56it was still better than Mel's and Conchetta's shit attempts.
17:03So you're on three.
17:04Two points to Conchetta for the blue wink.
17:06And I'm going to give one point to Mel for the reverse wink.
17:13Okay, Lester, Tom, what does that mean for our scores?
17:15Well, in last place we have Mel with two points.
17:17But the winner at the moment is Aaron Chen with nine points.
17:22Give me another task, please.
17:25No need to look at your watch. I'm about to tell you what time it is.
17:41Hello.
17:42Hey, Tom.
17:43Do you know what time it is?
17:44Task time.
17:45No, it's frisbee time.
17:46It's frisbee time.
17:54It's not a good throw.
17:55It's frisbee time.
17:58Frisbee time.
18:01Nice catch.
18:03See, we can get on.
18:04Fun.
18:07Throw a frisbee into the caravan from the furthest distance.
18:11Your first successful throw counts.
18:13Furthest distance wins.
18:15Also, you must celebrate every miss.
18:19It's opposite day.
18:20Opposite day.
18:21I love you.
18:23And commiserate your successful throw.
18:27Least convincing celebrating and commiserating
18:30will have their successful distance halved.
18:32You have 15 minutes.
18:34Your time starts now.
18:39There's a lot of layers to this one.
18:40So it's your first successful attempt.
18:42And you have to have reverse emotions.
18:44OK.
18:45These idiots are going to struggle, aren't they?
18:48We'll see.
18:51All right, who's up first?
18:52Will they throw in the caravan or the towel?
18:54It's Conchita, Aaron and Pete.
18:56You throw a frisbee.
18:58There's no way around that.
19:00All right, we'll give throwing a go.
19:02I'm not sure if the cameras are picking up.
19:03It's pretty windy.
19:04Not really.
19:05You'll be protected by the trees.
19:06It's windy over there?
19:07Yeah, very windy.
19:08Wow.
19:09OK.
19:10Let's just raw dog it.
19:15Yeah!
19:20Yeah!
19:22Oh, so it's harder than I thought, isn't it?
19:26Yeah!
19:30All right, I can make that, so I'm going to go a bit further.
19:35Yes!
19:37Yes!
19:38Yes!
19:39Yes!
19:41Yes!
19:44Yes!
19:48Yeah!
19:52Yes!
19:56That looks vaguely unhinged.
19:58I don't have a lot more screams left.
20:01Oh!
20:03Yeah!
20:09That felt good.
20:10Get some tape.
20:11Tape?
20:12Yeah.
20:13As usual, this is coming off.
20:14OK.
20:16You should wear it.
20:17Do you want to put it on?
20:20Yeah!
20:21OK.
20:22OK.
20:23You're going to get it in now?
20:24OK, go as far as he can.
20:25Hold that string taut.
20:26Taut?
20:27Get this disc into the car.
20:29It's a caravan.
20:32I'm going to do the throw.
20:43OK, I'm going to go like this.
20:49Oh, no!
20:52No!
20:53What's that mean?
20:54You completed the task.
20:55No!
20:56No!
20:58Ah!
20:59Are you joking?
21:00Where did it say that?
21:0217.
21:0316.
21:04Yes!
21:05Yes!
21:06No!
21:07Your first success letter counts.
21:08It's the second line.
21:10Take that off.
21:1115.
21:13Yeah!
21:14Oh!
21:18You don't deserve it.
21:19You're not juicy.
21:20Thanks, Aaron.
21:21That's your fault.
21:22That's it, babe.
21:23Very windy.
21:24Oh, the wind?
21:25Yeah.
21:26The wind's blowing my jacket.
21:27Do you think anyone will do worse than you?
21:29You are a meanie.
21:32Thanks, Cruchetta.
21:33Bye, Tom!
21:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:42It was very localised wind on the day you were out there, Pete.
21:45It was like those cartoon clouds where it's just over.
21:48It must have been the wind version of that.
21:50Now, Conchetta, when you said,
21:52this is harder than I thought, was that a celebration?
21:55Yes, it was, Tom.
21:56It was an old Italian saying.
22:00My nonna would say it every time she won the lottery.
22:05Wait! Wait!
22:10How many times has she won the lottery?
22:14So, at the very end, though, that reaction seemed quite genuine.
22:17It was real.
22:18I can't tell, though, if it was good acting or you were angry
22:21because you realised how close you were when you got it in.
22:23It was the second one.
22:24Oh, so you weren't acting.
22:26You were genuinely annoyed.
22:28Yes. Is that bad?
22:31I'd like some time with my client.
22:35Just shut up!
22:42Now, Aaron, you also had an interesting technique.
22:44You were throwing it like that,
22:46which either means you know exactly what you were doing
22:48or you've got no idea.
22:50In ultimate frisbee, that is called a hammer throw.
22:55That's good to know.
22:57When you finally got it in, you almost celebrated.
22:59Yeah, almost.
23:01Do we have to count that original celebration
23:03or do we accept the flip to the commiseration?
23:06I think you should be judging the overall commiseration
23:08and celebration of each of the contestants
23:10and that should be taken into account.
23:12You're going to get in big trouble, mate.
23:20So, Conchetta was three metres away from the caravan,
23:23Aaron was 8.4 metres away
23:25and Pete was 12.65 metres away.
23:29And in great news, Channel 10 have said
23:32we no longer have to play advertisements.
23:35Happy Opposite Day!
23:37More confused comedians after this.
23:50Welcome back to Cars Pass Day.
23:52Where were we last time?
23:54We were throwing frisbees into a caravan
23:56and we're not happy about it.
23:58Unless we miss, in which case we are.
24:00OK, that makes perfect sense. Who's next?
24:02She's great at acting.
24:04The opposite of how she's feeling ever since those allegations.
24:06It's Mel Buttle.
24:08So, if you threw it, right,
24:10and you got it in, you go,
24:12oh...
24:14All the information you need is in the task.
24:16Yeah, all the information, whatever,
24:18from the furthest distance.
24:22OK, it's harder than it looks.
24:25What happens when I run out of flying discs?
24:28You may reuse.
24:32Oh, bloody hell!
24:34Thank you, Mel.
24:40I apologise, Conchetta.
24:42It turns out saying it's harder than it looks
24:44is a very common celebration.
24:47Mel knew my nonna for many...
24:49Many years.
24:51So, as far as I can tell,
24:53you stood pretty close to the caravan
24:55and then just didn't show any emotion.
24:57Whoa!
24:59Did you understand the task?
25:01I'm from Queensland.
25:03I said, bloody hell, in a slightly grumpy manner,
25:05that's as good as it's going to get.
25:07Mel was standing 5.47 metres
25:09away from the caravan.
25:11Huge.
25:13Which puts her currently in third place.
25:17One left by my count, Lesser Tom.
25:19Who is it?
25:21Everyone keeps telling them to stop.
25:23It's Rhys Nicholson.
25:25My first thought is, I don't want to be on this show anymore.
25:27My second thought is,
25:29I'd like a lot of rope.
25:31OK.
25:35Jesus Christ!
25:37What are you doing in this house that you need this much rope?
25:39Weird.
25:41Do you know much about knots?
25:43No, never was involved in the Scouts.
25:45OK.
25:47Just a reason to hang out with men in their 40s.
25:49A little bit more these days.
25:53I'm fine, thank you.
25:55OK.
25:57So we're going to try it out.
25:59OK.
26:01So here, I'm just
26:03throwing my frisbee.
26:05OK.
26:17Did it go in?
26:19OK.
26:33Why are you upset?
26:35It went in!
26:39Thanks, Rhys.
26:47So Aaron, how do you feel Rhys' rope mechanism
26:49compared to your
26:51rope mechanism?
26:53Don't you reckon
26:55it was notes of cheating?
26:59Do you know what's weird about that?
27:01Tom can back this up.
27:03At no point did I pick up a frisbee and try and throw it in.
27:05Most of my time was spent going,
27:07how can I do this
27:09without any physical fitness involved
27:11because I just know I'm not coordinated.
27:13OK.
27:15So the method was born out of desperation.
27:17Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep.
27:19Mel, how do you feel about your commitment
27:21to acting now that you've seen Rhys' performance?
27:23Rhys' performance was
27:25a little bit not realistic.
27:27But you were saying he had a realistic performance
27:29which would be at home in Queensland.
27:31Where would Rhys' performance land in Queensland?
27:33I think it's still quite illegal
27:35what Rhys does in Queensland.
27:39LAUGHTER
27:41APPLAUSE
27:43Shall we look at the scores?
27:45Well, so Pete is the current
27:47leader with 12.65 metres.
27:49When Rhys threw the frisbee
27:51they were 34.8 metres
27:53away from the caravan.
27:55CHEERING
27:57However,
27:59you need to decide who was the worst
28:01celebrator slash commiserator
28:03because we will be halving
28:05their distance. OK.
28:07It's Mel.
28:09So that means Mel gets one point,
28:11Conchetta two, Aaron three, Pete four
28:13and Rhys wins the task with five points.
28:15CHEERING
28:17APPLAUSE
28:19So what happens now, Tom?
28:21With the turn in the equinox, a newfound task
28:23is upon your constellation.
28:25LAUGHTER
28:27MUSIC
28:37BELL RINGS
28:39LAUGHTER
28:41Hi, Tom. How are you doing?
28:43Hi, Aaron. Oh, this is very pretty.
28:45Oh, thank you. Are you a mystical man?
28:47Very mystical.
28:49This reminds me of everyone's house
28:51that I used to go to in my 20s.
28:53Oh, right.
28:55LAUGHTER
28:57LAUGHTER
28:59It's the other Tom.
29:01LAUGHTER
29:03Make your horoscope for today
29:05come true.
29:07Most realised horoscope wins.
29:09You have 30 minutes. Your time
29:11starts now.
29:13When I was about nine... Here we go.
29:15..I asked my dad what horoscope
29:17I was. Mm-hm. And he said,
29:19I'm pretty sure you're either a bull
29:21or a lion. And then he
29:23looked it up and he went, oh, no, you're a virgin.
29:25LAUGHTER
29:27APPLAUSE
29:29LAUGHTER
29:31Are you going to be telling us stories
29:33from your life in every episode?
29:35Not if you don't like it.
29:37LAUGHTER
29:39Before we continue, we gave each contestant
29:41their horoscope for that day based on their
29:43star sign. OK.
29:45Whose horoscope realisation attempt shall we start with?
29:47Both are Gemini's, but only one
29:49is about to attempt this task. It's Marilyn Monroe
29:51and Peter Hellyer.
29:53LAUGHTER
29:55Tomorrow is a day to focus
29:57on your communication skills
29:59and don't be afraid to speak
30:01your mind. This is also
30:03a good time to connect with friends
30:05and loved ones.
30:07Does any of that resonate with you?
30:09There are times where maybe I wouldn't completely speak
30:11my mind, to spare the people's feelings.
30:13Do you have an example?
30:15I don't like your haircut.
30:17Also a good time to connect with friends.
30:19I haven't spoken with Dave Hughes for a while.
30:21PHONE RINGS
30:23What's up, buddy?
30:25What are you up to?
30:27I'm just playing some f***ing tap, you know?
30:29It's about time.
30:33I'm just calling
30:35I wanted to
30:37really tell you how much you mean to me
30:39and you've always meant a lot to me.
30:45I'm not on the podcast, mate.
30:49I don't have a gun to my head, mate.
30:59It's not about content.
31:01A sincere moment between two mates.
31:03I just want you to accept it.
31:05Whatever objective you set out to achieve,
31:07I think you've achieved it.
31:09Love you, Pete.
31:11Go on, mate.
31:13You still got a taste for
31:15bull's penis or not?
31:17Oh, come on.
31:23I think we've learnt a lot about your relationship.
31:25Do you feel bad that he could see
31:27through your faux sincerity so quickly
31:29to decide that it's probably content?
31:31Yeah, that was disappointing.
31:33I thought he may have read the room
31:35and realised not to go down
31:37that path, you know, but he's not.
31:39For the amount of showbiz that
31:41Hughesy has done, he's still
31:43not that good at it.
31:45Help me out, Hughesy.
31:47I'm obviously doing something.
31:49I'm not going to ring you to tell you I love you.
31:51Just roll with me
31:53for a little bit.
31:55The task was successful. The communication was clear.
31:57It's also going to be very important
31:59into the ATO's investigation into Dave Hughes'
32:01affairs, so I'm glad
32:03we got that on tape.
32:05The phone call went for 7 minutes and 57 seconds,
32:0742% of which was
32:09Hughesy complaining about paying tax.
32:13Your future looks bright,
32:15but you must be patient with others and
32:17willing to accept unashamed consumerism
32:19in the form of these advertisements.
32:21Further revelations of comedians' birthdays
32:23taken from Wikipedia still to come.
32:35Welcome back to
32:37Taskmaster, where five Australian comedians
32:39are competing for a vial of what
32:41Rhys Nicholson claims to be
32:43the biblical disease, leprosy.
32:45Lesser Tom, give us a recap.
32:47Our contestants have got
32:4930 minutes to make their horoscope come
32:51true. I read my horoscope
32:53this morning and it said I need to be more assertive,
32:55but don't worry, I'm going to ignore it.
32:59And whose mystical nonsense do we get
33:01to see come true next?
33:03They're both Leo's, but only one has been counting
33:05their lucky stars recently since she beat those
33:07allegations. It's Aaron and Conchetta.
33:09Today is a day for you to
33:11embrace your natural leadership qualities.
33:13Your natural charisma and
33:15confidence will help you succeed
33:17in any endeavours you pursue.
33:19Use this opportunity to inspire and motivate
33:21those around you. Let me be mindful of
33:23not coming across as too domineering.
33:25Take charge and lead the way.
33:27Tom, rise.
33:31What are some of your fears? My fears?
33:33Yeah. My instinct
33:35says to make a
33:37toasted sandwich. You told me your
33:39fears are heights, confined spaces,
33:41loneliness and death. I want you to
33:43know that you can get through all of them and not be scared
33:45anymore. So I want you to find
33:47me bread. I could be more
33:49easily convinced if you said it with some charisma.
33:51Can you get some
33:53bread?
33:55I'm going to hand you some ways you could die.
33:57Here's the first one. You can die in your
33:59sleep. If someone punches you near
34:01the heart, it could stop. You could
34:03die on the toilet like Elvis did. How do you
34:05beat up? Charismatic. Smile more.
34:07Look people in their beautiful eyes.
34:09Keep your hands in view and use them to help you speak.
34:11Luring
34:13octopus could sting you at the beach.
34:15Do you like the beach, Tom? I love the beach.
34:17So that's a bit of a bummer. I like
34:19a saucy bastard. You call your
34:21toasties bastards? They are the way I make
34:23them. I mean that's a bit
34:25of a bastard. I reckon that's
34:27pretty good. It's a good sandwich that
34:29achieved our goals.
34:31Do you think I should do some more stuff?
34:33It's up to you.
34:35Watch this. No hands.
34:41Tom, I think
34:43that you can face any challenge
34:45that comes your way. Okay, and trapping me in a box
34:47up high and reminding me of diseases isn't
34:49domineering? No. Oh, that's
34:51perfect. Cheers.
34:53Do you like that?
34:55I'm going to put my hand in
34:57and you're welcome to hold my hand.
34:59Oh, thank you. Does that make you feel less alone?
35:01Yeah.
35:03Have that
35:05bastard later.
35:07Cheers.
35:11So Conchetta, your version of inspiration
35:13had a striking resemblance to torture.
35:15Can you
35:17talk us through it? I didn't love it.
35:19I hated to see him in there scared.
35:21That's why I put my hand in. Right. And we
35:23held hands. So it was like exposure
35:25therapy, was it? Yeah, yeah. You made him live through
35:27those terrible times and then you inspired
35:29him after also being his
35:31tormentor. Yeah, yeah.
35:33It came from a good place because I'm Aaliyah.
35:35So Aaron,
35:37your version of taking charge
35:39was making a toasted
35:41sandwich for Lesser Tom. Well,
35:43the way you summed it up just then was
35:45not flattering.
35:47But I think
35:49the process of it, I was being
35:51quite, showing leadership qualities,
35:53I was putting on
35:55some of my best charisma.
35:57Would you like to use some charisma
35:59on the Taskmaster now?
36:01Good on you, mate.
36:05Wow, it's radiating out of you
36:07so naturally.
36:09Okay, let's see another horoscope come true,
36:11shall we? It's the bull my dad wished I was,
36:13his Taurus, Rhys Nicholson.
36:15This is my horoscope.
36:17You may find yourself feeling more
36:19introspective
36:21than usual. Remember
36:23to take care of yourself and
36:25prioritise self-care.
36:27How do you take care of yourself? Well, at the moment, I'm not
36:29really taking care of myself. You know,
36:31I'm very tired at the moment.
36:33I'm quite stressed
36:35about being on Taskmaster.
36:37I'm stressed about what
36:39the Taskmaster thinks of me. Can I bring up
36:41another relevant factor? Yeah.
36:43That it's currently your birthday? Yeah.
36:45You're not wrong.
36:47And I'm here
36:49on my birthday.
36:51It says right here,
36:53trust your instincts and don't be afraid
36:55to make changes that will bring you closer
36:57to your desired outcomes.
36:59I would like to go home.
37:01Okay.
37:09You're off?
37:11I'm gonna go.
37:13Bye. See you Rhys.
37:27So hang on, so you
37:29just left in the middle of a task? I just left.
37:31So you were happy to let the whole production grind to a halt
37:33just because you were feeling a little bit selfish during
37:35that task? I gotta say, when I was
37:37taking my mic off, I said to the sound guy,
37:39is this alright? And he went, mate, no
37:41complaints.
37:45Hang on. I feel like
37:47I need more detail here. I just don't
37:49quite buy that Rhys left
37:51right in the middle of production. Rhys left
37:5345 minutes before the end of the day
37:55which meant Rhys worked 45 minutes less
37:57than the others, which means currently
37:59Rhys is being paid $3 more per
38:01hour than the rest of you.
38:05Which I gotta say, that's self-care
38:07if ever I've seen it.
38:09Alright, up next we've got an ad break.
38:11Time to check if your horoscope
38:13is compatible with your partners.
38:15And when it's not, sit there in silence and
38:17think about why it's probably time
38:19you did something about it. See ya!
38:28Look, I know you're watching it now,
38:30but how about watching more later? Catch every
38:32moment of triumph and utter humiliation
38:34of Taskmaster Australia with full episodes
38:36at tenplay.com.au
38:38or the TenPlay app.
38:44Welcome back to Taskmaster
38:46Australia, the show where our country's
38:48best comedians risk it all for the chance
38:50at a compliment from me.
38:52An unfortunately necessary father
38:54figure in all their lives.
38:56Where are we up to, Lesser Tom?
38:58Our contestants are making their horoscopes
39:00come true. One more is there.
39:02Her birthday is January 25th,
39:04which means she's an Aquarius, and there's a good
39:06chance she was conceived on Anzac Day.
39:08It's Mel Buddle.
39:10Today is a day to focus on
39:12your career and professional goals.
39:14However, be mindful of communication
39:16with colleagues and
39:18superiors, as misunderstandings
39:20may arise. Well, correct.
39:22When is a time where you feel like you've been misunderstood?
39:24When I released my hip-hop album
39:26in Year 9, Misunderstood,
39:28literally, by MC
39:30Malicious. Really?
39:32I do raps.
39:34I could do a rap, and we could have a fight
39:36about it.
39:38I've already got the rap ready to go.
39:40Yo, what's up?
39:42MC Malicious on the track.
39:44Here we go.
39:46I'm about to drop it.
39:48I'm a rapper, I'm an actor,
39:50I'm a rhyme codepractor.
39:52I'll snap me some rhymes and I'll chuck them back at you
39:54cause I'm rhyme supreme. Yes, I'm a rhyme
39:56machine. Let me take you through
39:58this rhyme routine.
40:008% of boys see this, they wanna hit this.
40:02Hieroglyphics, your friends are
40:04misfits. What, every morning
40:06I eat my wee bits. Welcome to
40:08the rhyme olympics. Yeah, you
40:10could try hard, but you just won't beat this.
40:12Sorry, I just had to
40:14interrupt and stop the music. I just heard you say
40:16that you were a rhyme machine. Yes, I did.
40:18You're not a machine, you're a
40:20human. So me, I'm in character at the moment.
40:22I'm MC Malicious,
40:24but I'm not Mel. So MC Malicious
40:26who doesn't exist could therefore be
40:28part machine. I see, it sounds like it
40:30was a misunderstanding. Yes.
40:32I'll leave you to it. Yeah, big miscommunication.
40:34Sorry Tom.
40:36All good. Alright, freestyle.
40:38This one just straight, straight
40:40flowing. Cause you know
40:42what, like a BMW, I'm always
40:44loving you. Cause of your interiors,
40:46they're smooth like this groove.
40:48I'm out bitch.
40:54Alright Mel, how
40:56excited were you that you got to bust out that rap?
40:58I cannot wait for the career opportunities
41:00that are going to be
41:02in my inbox
41:04following this. Wow, that was
41:06quite a special moment. I feel like you've
41:08done it before. Where did you used to perform that
41:10rap? Year 9 maths, back row.
41:12We haven't been
41:14scoring very well in this episode. Do you think you
41:16were misunderstood? Yeah,
41:18I think there's a few things that have
41:20gone wrong this episode in my favour and I've
41:22not chosen to bring them up and I thought wait,
41:24wait, see if they use your rap
41:26and then you'll probably get 39
41:28points for that.
41:30Problem solved.
41:32Alright, so I believe I have to
41:34score. I have to put Rhys at 1 at the
41:36bottom because they left early and kind
41:38of gave up. Aaron I'm putting on 2 because
41:40you asserted yourself by making a bastard
41:42and I'm
41:44going to give Pete 3 for referring Dave Hughes
41:46to the ATO.
41:48Concetta I'm giving 4 points to
41:50because she did a really good job.
41:52Sorry,
41:54you don't say that out loud.
41:56But finally,
41:58due to the rapping talents of
42:00MC Mel Buttle, I've got to give Mel
42:025 points.
42:06So how does that shake up the overall
42:08scores? Well it's tight at the top
42:10but with a 1 point lead it's Peter Hellyer.
42:14Alright,
42:16let's head upstairs for our
42:18very first live task of the season.
42:24So Lesser Tom,
42:26are we about to learn what short sheeting
42:28is? Aaron can you please read the
42:30task? Entirely change
42:32your bed without leaving
42:34the bed, then lie in it.
42:36If you or your linen
42:38touches the floor during the making of your
42:40bed, you must stop making it,
42:42kneel upright and sing an original
42:4410 second lullaby
42:46to the taskmaster.
42:48Fastest
42:50wins. Your time starts
42:52on Tom's whistle.
42:54Alright, please enter the beds.
42:56Are we ready?
43:08These pillows are shit!
43:10This is hard,
43:12right?
43:14I know I am.
43:20Oh my god, we have to change the doona?
43:22What? Psycho.
43:28Mel! Lullaby
43:30time.
43:32Rock-a-bye ginger,
43:34you are so tall.
43:36In your bed you will
43:38sleep till you will fall.
43:40Have a nice dream of money
43:42and bitches.
43:44You may start again, you can start again.
43:48You're very distracting.
43:52Oh my god.
43:58Lullaby
44:00time. Oh my gosh, it's time
44:02to sleep and guess what,
44:04please don't weep and go crazy.
44:06It's bed time, brother.
44:22This has become so weird
44:24now for me.
44:26Come on everyone.
44:32Mel, it's lullaby time.
44:34Have a beautiful
44:36rating season.
44:38I know
44:40that your real name is
44:42Thomas Giggies.
44:44You may resume.
44:46Can I call my wife?
44:48Can I call
44:50his wife?
44:52I've lost the pillow, guys.
44:56Consider
44:58as a made bed.
45:00What's happening?
45:02Aaron touched.
45:04Don't you cry,
45:06cause it's time for goodnight
45:08and everybody knows that
45:10it's Wednesday.
45:16Aaron has a made bed.
45:18Is Pete's a made bed?
45:20Yeah.
45:22It's like a sleeping bag.
45:24It's perfect, it's how I sleep.
45:26I think we have Mel in fourth
45:28guys.
45:32Who has won the task will have to
45:34review what they did frame by frame
45:36as a sneaky ruse to play more ads.
45:38We'll be back soon.
45:50Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia. If you're just
45:52joining us, your timing couldn't have been worse
45:54because we're about to finish.
45:56Before we crown our episode one winner
45:58we're going to need some scores for
46:00that bed making lesser Tom.
46:02Pete was in fifth place with one point, then we had
46:04Mel with two points, Aaron with three, Conchita
46:06had four points and the winner of the first live task was
46:08Rhys with five points.
46:10Now, much
46:12more importantly, who won the
46:14episode? In joint first
46:16place, we have Aaron
46:18and Rhys, which necessitates
46:20a tie break.
46:26What we are about to see is
46:28Rhys and Aaron both had 30 seconds
46:30to get a hundred hundreds and thousands
46:32into a glass. Let's see
46:34how that went. Your time
46:36starts now.
46:38Put them in there,
46:40right? How much time do I
46:42have left? 24 seconds. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
46:4410, 20.
46:46I reckon it's not as much
46:48as you reckon it is.
46:5070.
46:52Oh.
46:54Take
46:56out a bit.
46:58Mate.
47:04So, you needed
47:06to get closest to a hundred.
47:08Aaron had 185.
47:10Rhys had
47:121,112.
47:16Congratulations
47:18Aaron, you are now the proud
47:20owner of a hideous plague
47:22on humanity. But as
47:24well as the podcasters, you get leprosy
47:26too. Get up on that stage
47:28and claim your goods.
47:32So, what did we
47:34learn tonight? We learnt which short
47:36cheating is and is not. We learnt
47:38Channel 10 have finally allowed us
47:40to air mass winking on
47:42national television. And
47:44we learnt if you dare to listen to the
47:46stars that surround the Earth,
47:48they're telling us something special.
47:50Some white people are slightly better at rapping
47:52than you'd think.
47:54But most importantly, we learnt
47:56Aaron is the winner of episode
47:58one.
48:00See you all next week. Goodnight.
48:19G'day Tom, try to relax.
48:21Oh, thanks.
48:25Here we go. Nice whistle
48:27bitch. Five of Australia's
48:29only comedians will be at my mercy
48:31as they attempt to win the official
48:33Taskmaster trophy. Having a
48:35full-blown mental breakdown Tom.
48:37What?
48:39I've never seen a group take so long to do
48:41a task that they had a coffee break in the middle.
48:43F*** you.
48:45You're stupid. Shut the f*** up.
48:47Shut the f*** up.
48:51I don't know what's happening.
48:55You got a good crowd reaction, but don't get
48:57confused.