Married at First Sight UK S9 Episode 9
Married at First Sight UK S9 Episode 9
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Welcome to your very first commitment ceremony.
00:03Previously...
00:04I can just be myself, like, I'm the best mate that I fancy.
00:07..while some couples flourished...
00:09Ross was literally everything I asked for.
00:11I brought stay. Stay!
00:13Stay!
00:15..even Charlie's marriage hung in the balance.
00:18We had a big fight to the extent where I moved out
00:21and we haven't kissed since that day.
00:23I got everything.
00:25..but theirs wasn't the only marriage in turmoil.
00:28If I'm affectionate with her, I don't want to give her the wrong idea.
00:31But you're married and you've had sex.
00:33You want to swim in the pool but you don't want to get wet.
00:36I don't understand how the process got me to Emma.
00:39It's really frustrating. This is my life.
00:41I hate the situation I'm in.
00:44I would never be putting up with this in a normal situation,
00:47so I'm not going to put up with it now.
00:52Tonight...
00:53Envelope!
00:54..a brand-new task in the shape of Experts Week.
00:57Am I too much for you?
00:59..throws up tough questions...
01:01Slightly.
01:02What can I do for you to fully trust me?
01:05Take a lie detector test.
01:07..and the experts get hands-on...
01:10Why do you think you chose her body to focus on?
01:13..with the couples most in crisis.
01:15I didn't want to lie.
01:17You're never going to want to rip my clothes off, are you?
01:20This is what annoys me. They're talking over me.
01:22By the time you finish what you're saying, we're not speaking.
01:25If this marriage isn't working out, then I'm going to close the door.
01:28..but it's Eve's failure to take part...
01:31You couldn't even just write something.
01:33You fight with me every single day.
01:35Don't laugh at the way I think.
01:37..that spells danger for an already troubled marriage.
01:41Get out. Just get out.
01:43I don't think we're healthy for each other.
01:45I'm laying my heart out on the line here,
01:47and I'm getting...
01:49..back.
01:56There you go. Lovely as a cuppie.
01:58Thanks so much.
01:59Always put it in my right hand cos Christina's always right.
02:02She's swaying to the left to die.
02:04It's morning at the apartments.
02:09And the couples reflect on the events
02:11of their first ever commitment ceremony yesterday.
02:14That'll come out my nose to see it.
02:16I didn't enjoy it, to be fair.
02:18I've never been in a situation where I felt belittled.
02:21I felt tiny.
02:22Yeah, I still didn't really expect them to go as hard as they did.
02:26However, I think...
02:28..you're the problem and not me!
02:32How are you feeling about the commitment ceremony?
02:35I feel like we've gone stronger.
02:37I think they matched us really well.
02:39Yeah, definitely. Really well. Thank God for that, no.
02:42I don't think Alex and Holly should have stayed.
02:45No. I don't think there was any point.
02:47There was both of them.
02:49No. I don't think there was any point.
02:51They were both as bad as each other, to be honest.
02:58I don't even give them 24 hours.
03:02Disaster.
03:08Yesterday's commitment ceremony was very hard for me.
03:11I did write leave because there's things I've seen in Holly
03:14that I don't like.
03:15Me and Holly are on different pages
03:17and she needs to take some time to understand who I am.
03:20We've been living in separate apartments
03:22and I feel like right now, that's for the best.
03:26I was shocked that Alex actually said leave,
03:28but there's a reason we've been matched
03:30and I'm interested in exploring that reason.
03:33Right now, it is all up in the air a little bit.
03:35There needs to be a whole 360 for this to get fixed.
03:48Oh, hello, stranger.
03:50Welcome to my home.
03:52This is now our home.
03:54After reuniting at the commitment ceremony,
03:57Rochelle has agreed to move in with Orson.
03:59You've just moved in to my space.
04:01Yeah, we just had a good commitment ceremony, yeah.
04:04How was that for you, though?
04:06It was good. I loved the telling off.
04:08You deserved the telling off.
04:10This relationship is not going to have a chance
04:14if you're not fully committed to the process.
04:16You cannot drop in and out of this experiment.
04:19You're in or you're out.
04:22But, yeah, you know,
04:24there was nothing that Mel said that I could argue with.
04:27I agreed with everything she said.
04:29After hearing Mel, when I returned yesterday,
04:31I knew I was basically surrendering myself to the process.
04:36I did miss you while you was away.
04:38There was a lot of thinking time.
04:40I was questioning myself,
04:42but I feel like all those worries are now behind me,
04:45so I'm happy that Rochelle has decided to continue the experiment.
04:50Now I've got her by my side, I feel even more confident.
04:54I'm happy to have you back.
05:06I've received a text from Eve this morning
05:08explaining that she isn't going to be moving in with me today,
05:11which has come as a bit of a shock, to be honest.
05:14We left the commitment ceremony, you know, feeling really positive.
05:18I want to give this 100%.
05:20Like, I really feel like we have something special,
05:23so I put Spain.
05:27I find it difficult, I do.
05:29But I do feel like we had a fresh start yesterday.
05:32Um...
05:33I'm just going to leave it there, I'm staying.
05:37There was a conversation where she agreed
05:39to move in after the commitment ceremony
05:41and to hear that now she still needs a couple of days,
05:44um, just doesn't make sense to me.
05:50This morning I woke up and I just didn't feel ready to move in.
05:53I did shoot Charlie a text just to let her know.
05:56Hi!
05:57I do think she understands.
05:59Do I think she's still annoyed about it? Yes.
06:02Obviously, yesterday went so well. Yeah.
06:05Um, so I guess in my head I thought that you would
06:08potentially be moving in today.
06:10Maybe the honeymoon affected you different than it affected me,
06:13because what I was exposed to, I could not live with.
06:16It would be unbearable for me.
06:18I don't feel right moving in yet, I don't.
06:23I just want to be with you all the time. I know.
06:25I just really need you to reassure me that you do.
06:28Do you want to move in eventually?
06:30I told you all this. I know, but I just need to hear it again.
06:33Yeah, I do. OK. I do. That's what I need to hear.
06:36I understand.
06:38As long as I understand where you're coming from
06:40and you understand where I'm coming from. Absolutely.
06:43OK?
06:46Is that your door? That is. That is.
06:49Oh, we have an envelope.
06:52What's that? It's going for you now.
06:54Uh-oh! Oh, my!
06:58This is Experts Week.
07:00We've got an envelope. What?
07:02Envelope! Oh, shit.
07:04Fresh off the back of committing themselves to the experiment,
07:07we don't want our couples to lose any momentum.
07:10I'm not looking forward to what's in there.
07:12Why are you scared? Because there's the first one.
07:15So we've come up with a series of tailored tasks
07:18designed to challenge our brides and grooms further.
07:21Today marks the start of Experts Week.
07:24All of you are at different stages and face distinct issues.
07:28So each of us has drawn on our specific area of expertise.
07:33And rather than a one-size-fits-all set of tasks,
07:36we have devised activities tailored to you as a couple
07:39to help you grapple with the challenges that are specific to you.
07:44Even Charlie.
07:46Oh, for God's sake.
07:48What does it say? I don't know yet.
07:52Your task today is letter writing.
07:54Oh, I love writing letters.
07:56You will both write a letter to your partner
07:58sharing something they don't really know about you
08:00or that you've been unable to tell them.
08:02Mel, Paul and Charlene. OK.
08:04OK, nice. I think that's good.
08:06I love writing things down.
08:08It's like, it's good to write things on paper.
08:11Are you nervous? I just, like, I worry about certain things,
08:14like when it comes to our relationship,
08:16because I don't know how you're going to take it or something.
08:19I worry more than I probably should.
08:21I think these things are all there to help us build our relationship.
08:24Sounds good. I feel like it would be good.
08:26Every little helps. Yeah.
08:28I'm excited. I'm looking forward to it.
08:30I'm nervous.
08:32Right, Mel, I'm going to go get letter writing.
08:36Writing a letter, you need a want to open up about something.
08:40I find it hard to tap into my feelings
08:43with people that I don't necessarily trust yet,
08:46that I'm not that way inclined, comfortable with.
09:03I've woken up this morning on my own.
09:06Kasper moved out after the commitment ceremony.
09:09Kasper and I haven't actually spent many nights together
09:12throughout this experience so far, so it's kind of back to normal.
09:17Waking up not next to Emma feels like the right thing to do
09:23if we need to just build a friendship.
09:26I think we need a little bit of space here and there from each other
09:29so we can reflect and be excited to see each other when we do see each other.
09:33At the moment, I can't see the wood from the trees.
09:37Morning. Oh, hello, darling. How are you?
09:39There are still lots of questions to be asked
09:41and there's still a very long way to go for me and Emma
09:44to be able to build a proper relationship.
09:48Did you get out what you wanted from the commitment ceremony?
09:51It was as bad as I thought it was going to be.
09:55The challenges in our relationship at the moment
09:58are more towards Kasper and how he's feeling
10:02and him getting out of this hole.
10:05He hasn't asked me how the commitment ceremony was for me
10:08and he does like to talk about himself and pulling himself out of it,
10:12so I'm not too hopeful.
10:15During Experts Week... Hello!
10:18..Paul, Charlene and Mel will personally visit the couples
10:21they feel are most in need of help.
10:23Amazing! Thank you.
10:26Mel. I'm really excited.
10:29I hope that Mel walking through that door is going to bring positive energy
10:33and hopefully bring us closer together.
10:36This is not a shared home. I'm taking it.
10:39Not at the moment.
10:44Erm...
10:46Yeah, I found the commitment ceremony really tough.
10:50I knew it was going to be bad.
10:52It was as bad as I thought it was going to be
10:54in terms of how it made me feel.
10:56How did it make you feel?
10:58You know, disgust at myself, anger and frustration.
11:02Tell me about the feeling of disgust in yourself.
11:06I didn't set out in this experiment to hurt my wife.
11:09And on the honeymoon, I did that.
11:14Of all the things you could have said to her,
11:17why do you think you chose her body to focus on?
11:27It was my honest truth.
11:30It was my honest truth. I didn't want to lie.
11:35In what I like, generally,
11:39in women,
11:42it's someone who's like,
11:44that has said the truth.
11:46You're never going to want to rip my clothes off, are you?
11:51Tell me, Casper, what do you say to yourself about your own body
11:55when you look in the mirror?
12:00I see all the bad bits.
12:04You know, don't like my nose, don't like my love handles.
12:08Is it interesting to you, then, that you chose that particular issue,
12:12a person's body image, to attack in Emma?
12:18Um...
12:22Yeah, you know, I'm not...
12:24Do you see that it's a double standard?
12:27For fuck's sake.
12:29I thought that the comments I made on the honeymoon
12:32had been a bit too bad and we're moving on.
12:34And if they keep coming up, I'm done.
12:46Is it interesting to you, then,
12:48that you chose a person's body image to attack in Emma?
12:53Um... Yeah.
12:55Do you see that it's a double standard?
12:59Yeah. No, fully aware.
13:01Yeah. I completely see it.
13:05And that's not uncommon.
13:07You know, it's very common, I think,
13:09to lash out at someone for representing something
13:12that we perhaps don't like about ourselves.
13:15Yeah.
13:16And I can see how uncomfortable you are.
13:18We're not going to talk about body image anymore.
13:21We're going to put that to bed.
13:23I really want to start with a clean slate with the two of you.
13:28So maybe it might be helpful to hear about some of the features
13:32that came through in your profiles that are really similar.
13:37Beneath the surface with both of you, there is a real fragility.
13:41Certainly for you, Kasper,
13:42it seems to have come to the surface a little bit more.
13:45Yeah.
13:46Emma, I've observed you a couple of times go into performative mode.
13:51I do wonder if ever there's an element of wearing a mask there for you.
13:58Yeah, I would agree.
14:01With Emma, I feel you're very bullish, definite in how you say things.
14:05I'm not seeing that fragility in that side of her.
14:08Sometimes emotions, something that I would like to see.
14:13What would you say if I told you
14:15I think you have seen a lot of fragility from Emma?
14:18It's just been packaged a bit differently.
14:23Possibly, very possibly.
14:25Sometimes when you're seeing Emma be ultra, ultra Emma,
14:29that actually is her fragility.
14:32OK, right, yeah, that makes sense.
14:35Mel explaining that to me is really helpful.
14:37I hadn't noticed she gets uncomfortable,
14:39she gets Emma-plus almost,
14:42like more humour, more personality, but I need to see below that.
14:47Some of the self-doubts, some of the more open things that I need,
14:51I'm not feeling that from her.
14:54And in many ways, because of this vulnerability,
14:57it's like there's been this blind spot with each other.
15:00So one of the things we're going to do together today
15:03is start focusing in on both of your best.
15:08I just want you to write on here
15:11three things about your partner that are most appealing.
15:17So just take a moment to do that now on your own.
15:19Yeah, of course.
15:24I've never hidden the qualities that I like about Emma,
15:27and she has those qualities in abundance.
15:30So the smile was the first thing I noticed about Emma.
15:35The confidence, well, it's a confidence I can only wish for.
15:41And then supportive.
15:43From the wedding through the honeymoon and everything,
15:45she's been there, and that's something I can recognise in her.
15:48Thanks, hon. No worries.
15:51It's the first time I've heard Caspar go into detail
15:54about my positive attributes that he views,
15:56so it's really nice hearing it in detail.
15:59Let's turn the table, shall we?
16:02Emma, why don't you talk us through those?
16:04Yeah, of course. So, obviously, knowledge.
16:07I really, really like that you take on learning
16:10as something really, really important in life,
16:12cos I find that attractive when someone has a skill that I don't know.
16:16And lovely auburn eyes.
16:18And then passion.
16:20I asked for a husband, I said,
16:21it doesn't matter what job a husband does
16:24as long as they're passionate about what they do.
16:26Paying attention.
16:27Yes, paying attention.
16:30It's very nice to hear from Emma
16:32that there are things that she does like about me.
16:34She hasn't said those comments to me before.
16:38Are you both clear on what you need to do for each other
16:42over the next week?
16:44Cos it's so important that this is a progression,
16:46you know, to the next point, which we'll be living together.
16:49Yeah. Well, not completely.
16:50I mean, if we are feeling it and we're happy,
16:52then I have no worries about coming back.
16:55It's just, I think, for now, we're in a pretty good place.
17:00Yeah.
17:01And we're going to try and build something.
17:03But at the moment, it's looking good.
17:05Yeah. We'll keep them up.
17:07Yeah.
17:09Today feels like a new day.
17:12Mel and the exercise she got us to do,
17:15yeah, was really helpful.
17:17Now I know more about Emma
17:18and also we've had these positive experiences.
17:21It's exactly what we needed.
17:22I think we're going in the right direction.
17:24You know, can't wait for tomorrow
17:25and the day after and the day after
17:26and see how we can keep building.
17:30I'm feeling like there's a fresh start ahead.
17:33Kasper, a completely different character
17:35than the commitment ceremony.
17:37Positive energy, a positive outlook.
17:40I hope that it lasts longer than a few days,
17:42but right now, this is what we need.
17:53Hello, chicken.
17:55Hello, darling.
17:56How you doing?
17:57I'm doing good.
17:58For Experts Week,
17:59Rochelle and Orson and Lacey and Nathan
18:01have been given the Ask Me Anything task.
18:04I'll try and be as honest with my answers as possible.
18:09You'll try and be as honest as possible?
18:11You should just be honest.
18:12Yeah, OK.
18:13OK.
18:17What is your favourite thing about me?
18:19OK.
18:22Yeah, so my favourite thing about you is that...
18:27..it's a lot, really, isn't it?
18:29But, like...
18:33..like...
18:37..you've got a good smile, you're very good-looking.
18:41That's my favourite thing, I like quite a lot, really.
18:44I can't think any more.
18:46There's a lot.
18:50What is your favourite characteristic about me?
18:55You know, your ability to...
18:57..to be so soft, softy.
19:00I'm probably used to, like, hard outside and hard inside,
19:03whereas you're hard...
19:04Well, you're not hard at all, really.
19:06No, I mean, like, you're soft.
19:09You're a big soft boy.
19:11No, no, no!
19:18Do you know what, when I asked this question, right,
19:21I was going to say on it, I like deeper stuff than that.
19:24So, now you know my personality a bit more.
19:26Yeah, it's good, it's good. So, what is your favourite thing?
19:29Yeah, I like your...
19:32..like, your personality.
19:33Yeah, I like your personality.
19:34My favourite thing about you is your personality.
19:36OK. That's the answer. All right.
19:39I wasn't sure if Nathan was going to say his favourite thing
19:42is something to do with my appearance.
19:44I feel like I need more reassurance because, you know,
19:47used to, in the past, guys saying,
19:49like, your bum or your body, you know, and I want deeper than that.
19:58What can I do...
20:01..for you to fully trust me?
20:03Take a lie detector test.
20:07I mean, to fully trust you...
20:11..it's too early to say, really.
20:15It's like, are there gaps in what you say?
20:18OK. You know, is it always going to match with your actions?
20:21People don't always present themselves fully transparently.
20:28That's why I just think it just takes a lot more time.
20:31For Michelle to not fully trust me now, I understand.
20:35You know, we've just started, you know,
20:37to get to know each other properly.
20:39But by the end of this experiment,
20:42if she feels she still can't trust me
20:44to the level of where she needs to trust me as her husband,
20:47then we've got a problem.
20:51Do you see a future with me?
20:54Yeah.
20:55You do? Yeah.
20:57It's going really well so far.
20:59We obviously share a lot of the same qualities,
21:02so I can definitely see a future with you.
21:05Me too.
21:06Yeah.
21:07He definitely gave me the answer I was hoping to hear,
21:10cos I feel exactly the same.
21:13HE GROANS
21:24Married?
21:25Hell are you?
21:26Christina and Kieran have also been given the Ask Me Anything task.
21:31Don't worry, we'll still be married at the end of it.
21:34Till death do us part.
21:36SHE SCREAMS
21:37This task is, like, almost like it came at the exact right time.
21:41This is our opportunity to really open up and really get emotional,
21:44get involved and scratch beneath the surface about who we both are.
21:48Coming in.
21:52What's the reason you get so emotional?
22:03Don't cry, you're all right.
22:05You've got this, Dana.
22:07I do. You're all right.
22:10I'd rather you did get emotional than you didn't get emotional,
22:13cos obviously you're shown who you are
22:15and you're not scared to speak from the heart.
22:18My PMDD symptoms, the senses are so heightened.
22:23When I'm emotional, I'm emotional by 100.
22:27Like, I know it is a lot when I cry.
22:30It's not a lot, it's just you're emotional when you're like that.
22:35Am I too much for you?
22:38Because I am so open with my emotions and I can't hide it,
22:44do you feel like it's taken you away from it and more about me?
22:50Slightly. Yeah.
22:52I would agree with that. Yeah.
22:55Because I know you're such an emotional person,
22:59I kind of just... I put you first.
23:02Don't forget yourself. Yeah.
23:05Don't forget yourself.
23:07And I thank you for that, cos I really do need to remember to...
23:11Yeah. ..to not forget who I am,
23:13cos it's took me a long time to get where I am.
23:21So I used to live with my ex.
23:23If I was home earlier from work than her,
23:26she would make us wait outside in the van
23:28so she could have a few hours' peace in the house before I got in.
23:31And that was hard.
23:33So I had to sit in the van with the dog
23:35or take the dog for a walk before I could even enter the house.
23:38So I felt like a burden.
23:43To hear someone who you love say that, you know, and say,
23:47well, I want the house to myself for a bit cos you're too much,
23:50it's like, well, I don't ever want to feel like that again.
23:53Ever.
23:54It's not a nice feeling.
23:59Thank you for being so vulnerable. That's all right.
24:03I feel like I'm so open with my emotions.
24:07I really appreciate Kieran being able to feel so vulnerable with me.
24:12I feel like this is the first time I've actually seen that side to him.
24:18I care for you a lot. I know you do.
24:21And you're not too much. Like, you do you.
24:24Thank you. You're a beautiful, beautiful person.
24:27So stop self-doubting.
24:29Something I need to work on,
24:31it's just having the right person round me to help me.
24:35And I really hope it is you. I hope it's me as well.
24:38Appreciate you. Appreciate you.
24:43Christina means a lot to me, and I really, really, really hope she knows that.
24:47Really grateful for this opportunity today.
24:49It was emotional at times, but it's just enabled me to dig deep
24:54and really understand a little bit more about each other.
24:57Shall I have a cuddle?
25:10I've received a text from Eve explaining
25:13she needed time away from me to write her letter.
25:16I've spent a lot of time today
25:19putting everything on a piece of paper to open up to her.
25:22So I'm really hoping she's got really stuck in
25:25and she's put down her thoughts in that letter.
25:28Because I just want Eve to just commit to me
25:32and commit to this experiment.
25:34So you see, I didn't feel comfortable writing the letter,
25:38but I did say I want to go home and think about it,
25:41you know, so it's genuine and stuff.
25:43But I still don't really know if I'm there yet.
25:47Talking about your feelings, people that have hurt you,
25:50it's just, it's a lot.
25:52I don't do well with people.
25:54I don't do well with people that I don't trust.
26:00So...
26:02I wanted to read you my letter because this was really difficult for me
26:06and I want you to maybe just see how serious I really am about us
26:12and this whole situation.
26:16Dear Eve, my biggest fears are rejection and abandonment.
26:21Throughout my childhood alone, mentally and physically,
26:25my mum and dad separated when I was ten
26:27and as the years went by, my dad slowly cut all contact.
26:32If my dad could just cut ties and never speak to me again,
26:35why wouldn't anybody else and everybody else in my life at the time
26:39do the same?
26:43Sorry.
26:46All of these unanswered questions that will forever be unanswered,
26:49in a way, leave me expecting these things to happen again and again.
26:52And I just hope to find someone who can reassure me
26:55that I am worthy of love and I don't deserve to be alone
26:59as I've spent most of my life.
27:04So, yes, first of all, I think I was very brave.
27:08If you just share it with me, it did open my eyes a wee bit.
27:11I surely never knew any of that before.
27:14Did you write anything?
27:22For me...
27:25..it's not that I didn't want to do it.
27:30She hasn't done it.
27:35See this? This had a lot to do with that because you trusted me
27:40and I just don't have that in me yet.
27:43I'm not there yet.
27:45I did trust that Eve was going to write her letter.
27:48You know, in my heart, I thought, I really hope she does.
27:52If it's not something that you can do, then why are you here?
27:58You know, it's really sad that you feel like you couldn't even
28:03just write something on a piece of paper,
28:06like something, just even a few lines of something.
28:09Small world.
28:11I really put so much into it.
28:15Clearly, you need more space because you can't move on
28:19from what happened on the honeymoon.
28:21Charlie, we had a long time that was barred.
28:24Every single day, there was a fight.
28:26Please let me speak, please.
28:28You fight with me every single...
28:33It's always me.
28:35Why am I just the problem?
28:36Why am I just the problem?
28:37You don't think you've done anything at all wrong?
28:39Nothing.
28:40Can we try and get to the bottom of this?
28:42Yeah.
28:43Sorry, shite.
28:44That's mean comedy.
28:45For goodness sake, it happened two weeks ago.
28:47Like, I'm sorry.
28:48We agreed to squash it however long ago.
28:50Don't put down the way I feel.
28:51I'm not.
28:52Don't laugh at the way I feel.
28:53But it's because you squashed it
28:54and then you've gone back on your word.
28:56Didn't want to...
28:58You didn't want...
28:59You told me you weren't going to move in.
29:00You then said you weren't going to do the task,
29:02which was meant to be for our relationship,
29:04to build it to go forward.
29:05We're in this experiment.
29:06You're either in it or you're not.
29:08I think spending quality time together...
29:10But you don't.
29:11...works for us.
29:12You haven't.
29:13Oh, Charlie, stop.
29:14No, you stop, cos you're lying.
29:15You were like...
29:16I'm lying.
29:17Oh, my God.
29:20Are you joking me right now, what you've just said?
29:29Charlie.
29:30Get out.
29:31Just get out.
29:32Leave.
29:35Leave.
29:49I don't know.
29:51It's just tough.
29:53I'm finding this relationship very difficult.
29:55I don't mind working on the relationship,
29:57but I don't want to go round in circles.
30:01I don't think we're healthy for each other.
30:06I don't know.
30:13I didn't expect that meet-up to go the way that it did.
30:18I don't think she's serious about it.
30:20And if she was, we wouldn't be here right now.
30:23She would have written her letter,
30:25she would have taken the time that she asked for,
30:27that I gave her, cos I give her everything she asks of me.
30:32And it just gets thrown back in my face.
30:35I just feel like a bit of an idiot.
30:38I really feel like I'm laying my heart out on the line here
30:41and I'm getting fucked up.
31:02Hello.
31:03As Experts Week continues...
31:05Oh, my God, is that Charlene?
31:06..Holly and Adam receive a visit from Charlene.
31:10Hey!
31:11So lovely to see you.
31:12So lovely to see you.
31:14After the commitment ceremony, I'm nervous.
31:16I've got no idea what Charlene wants us to do.
31:19I feel like I might be getting a bit of a grilling.
31:23I understand from the commitment ceremony
31:25that intimacy is an issue in your relationship.
31:30She's a good-looking girl
31:31and we get on like a house on fire,
31:33but if I'm affectionate with her and cuddly and kissy with her
31:36until I know where my head's at,
31:37I don't want to give her the wrong idea
31:38cos I don't want to hurt her.
31:39How does it feel for you, Polly,
31:41knowing that the two of you have been intimate
31:43and now you've gone back to the friend zone?
31:46I mean, it's not ideal,
31:47because I think when I'm in a relationship,
31:49I am very sexually driven towards someone.
31:52That's just natural, isn't it?
31:53Adam, do you want to talk me through a little bit
31:55about what's going on in the relationship?
31:57It's not that I don't find her attractive and stuff,
32:00it's more just, like,
32:01obviously I know we did it on the wedding night,
32:03but then waking up the next day, it was kind of like,
32:05I kind of want to know where my head's at
32:07before we kind of did it again.
32:10For me, there has to be the intimacy side of it there
32:13to differentiate whether you're best friends
32:16or in a relationship.
32:17That should just be naturally what you want from them.
32:19Not all the time, but you should want to know
32:21that when you want it, it's going to be reciprocated.
32:24So I'm hoping that my box of tricks
32:28may help to kind of create some intimacy
32:31in your relationship.
32:33Let's think about sensuality, you know,
32:35what you need to do just to connect with one another.
32:39The idea of doing intimacy exercises
32:41feels a little bit weird because Polly wants to be there
32:45and I'm not quite there yet.
32:46I do feel like some things can be a little bit awkward.
32:50Sasha and Ross, today your task focuses on intimacy.
32:55Easy.
32:57We are actually really touchy-feely,
33:00physically affectionate.
33:02100%.
33:03We've got a really good relationship
33:05and a really good connection.
33:06It's already, like, pretty close.
33:08So I am really looking forward to seeing if Ross
33:11can connect with me in a different way.
33:14So the first activity is called the melting hug.
33:18I want you guys in a moment to stand up,
33:20hug each other quite close, and just to stay in that space.
33:23So that's what we want to feel.
33:26OK? All right, so stand up.
33:30OK.
33:31One, two, three.
33:46Me and Sasha, we've always been close.
33:48It doesn't matter about sex, it's about three people on the team.
33:53Yeah, I feel comfortable now.
34:01Being held by Ross feels very safe and reassuring
34:06and just really lovely.
34:10I do want the physical touch to come from Adam.
34:13He's not really much of a cuddler, and I am.
34:17So to actually come together and embrace each other,
34:23I feel like maybe he does need that push.
34:29It feels strange, but I think it's going to be OK.
34:33I feel like maybe he does need that push.
34:39It feels strange to hug Polly for what felt like a really long time.
34:49I feel like I closed my eyes and kind of just tried to enjoy it,
34:53but it feels a little bit weird.
34:55You can let each other go now.
34:58It's just, we are, like, best friends.
35:01I'm just missing that little oomph.
35:03OK, let's take it up a notch, right?
35:07So the next activity, Adam, what I'd like you to do
35:10is give Polly a hand massage.
35:16All right, so, shall we start this activity?
35:19Yeah, yeah.
35:20Which hand do you want?
35:21This one.
35:22Yeah.
35:23Enjoy the ride.
35:24Yeah.
35:26I haven't done much hand-holding with Adam on, like, a PDA kind of level.
35:35It just kind of makes you realise how much you actually miss
35:38having a bit more physical intimacy.
35:44Me massaging Polly's hand, it was just a little bit weird, like.
35:48Felt a lot of pressure, and I feel like if it was, like,
35:52a back massage or something,
35:54that would probably be more in my comfort zone,
35:56but I don't think hand massages are really for me.
35:59OK.
36:01Polly, how was that experience for you?
36:04It was just nice to get closer and to obviously touch each other
36:07a little more, cos it felt very natural.
36:10And Adam?
36:12Erm...
36:15..definitely different.
36:18So, I suppose now, in terms of moving forward,
36:21what would you say is the area that you probably still need to work on?
36:25More just taking it slow, as much as Polly maybe doesn't want that.
36:31It's more cuddling, kissing. Yeah.
36:34That's where we haven't got to yet.
36:37I do really want a kiss and a cuddle from Adam.
36:40Oh, my God, I feel like I'm... How long have I been bloody waiting?
36:44It's a big thing for me in a relationship.
36:46I was like, right, it's happened, so it should be happening all the time.
36:49I think he's aware of that because we have spoke about that.
36:52But not every man thinks the same about having sex with someone.
36:56He doesn't want to keep doing it if something isn't there for him.
36:59So it is both of us and not just what I want and not just what he wants.
37:04There is a bit of a worry that it might not move forward
37:07as quickly as I'd hoped.
37:08If we're like this now, what are we going to be like in five years?
37:11It's going to be non-existent.
37:13I think it's definitely made Adam again realise
37:16that he does need to pull his finger out of his arse.
37:26Holly. Hello. Good to see you.
37:28After their difficult commitment ceremony...
37:30Where's your wedding ring? I don't know. In my bag, I think.
37:33Cos you're disrespectful.
37:34I'm just saying, if I don't like what I'm seeing,
37:36I'm not going to make time for it.
37:38Cos you are a child, Alex. I'm not.
37:40And I have got two children. I'm not about to have three.
37:44Paul has called a crisis meeting with Holly and Alex.
37:47At this point with Alex, I feel like I'm just in the unknown.
37:52I don't know what he's going to say
37:54and I'm not quite sure how this is going to go.
37:59How's it going, Paul? Good to see you. How you doing? You good?
38:02Me too, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good to see you, mate. Welcome.
38:05I don't see how me and Holly can take another step forward.
38:08I don't think she was trying to betray me. However, she has.
38:11We need some expert advice cos we're not going to get anywhere by ourselves.
38:17Yesterday was a lot.
38:20But I want to applaud both of you.
38:22Despite having challenges in your marriage,
38:25you wanted to stay and fight it out.
38:27So I appreciate you both for being here.
38:29All right, what we're about to do
38:31is something I've done with couples for over a decade.
38:34I believe it's important for both of you
38:37to have boundaries in your communication.
38:39In this exercise, I want you to think about the times
38:42that you've overstepped boundaries from the honeymoon
38:45all the way through to the commitment ceremony.
38:47And then we're going to come up with a safe word
38:50to prevent you from overstepping again.
38:52So, Alex, I'm going to give you some paper there.
38:56I'm definitely prepared to throw myself into these exercises.
38:59At the end of the day, in a marriage, you've got to fight for it
39:02and you've got to make it work.
39:04So at least I can say I've done my part
39:06and hopefully Alex will do his.
39:08All right, Alex, let's go to you.
39:16Betrayal.
39:20OK.
39:21Define that in the context of a boundary.
39:26I don't think a betrayal's a boundary.
39:28I think you just feel betrayed because I spoke
39:31what I felt at the commitment ceremony.
39:34But what you were saying was not the truth.
39:37You wasn't saying the facts.
39:39I think I know where we're going.
39:41You're going, Alex, to feeling misrepresented.
39:45Yeah, she's trying to assassinate my character.
39:47You feel misrepresented?
39:48Yeah, to people who have never met me.
39:50The bride hadn't met me.
39:52She's already bashing who I am.
39:54Can I finish my thing?
39:56And this is what annoys me, the talking over me as well,
39:59which is going to be another boundary,
40:01but we'll get to that.
40:02I just want to finish my thought.
40:04I feel like I can't argue it
40:06because I can't always get my thought out
40:08because by the time you finish what you're saying,
40:10we're not speaking.
40:11You want to just rant about it.
40:15Please.
40:16We've already got one issue at hand.
40:18You interrupted me, now creating two issues,
40:21which we don't need.
40:24Right now, I'm feeling very betrayed by Holly,
40:27and if you're not allowing me to finish my thought,
40:29how are we going to resolve this issue?
40:31There's a lot of pressure on me to stay,
40:33but if this marriage isn't working out,
40:36then I'm going to respectfully close the door.
40:46I just want to finish my thought.
40:48I feel like I can't argue it
40:50because I can't always get my thought out
40:52because by the time you finish what you're saying,
40:54we're not speaking.
40:55You want to just rant about it.
41:00Please.
41:01We've already got one issue at hand.
41:03You interrupted me, now creating two issues,
41:06which we don't need.
41:10I'm just... I have to air what I'm thinking.
41:13So the way we would handle an issue
41:15if there was nobody around,
41:17it's different to how it would be handled
41:20if there's people around.
41:21Behind closed doors, we are vulnerable with each other.
41:24We're transparent with each other.
41:25However, when we get in front of a group,
41:27I feel like she puts on a bit of a show.
41:29It's like she's constantly trying to throw me under the bus,
41:32and I can't deal with that
41:33because it's giving me mixed messages about who you are,
41:36and that's why I feel betrayed.
41:38Okay, I think this is a fair point.
41:40Holly, do you believe that a rule
41:43that we could place on the list
41:45is that whenever there is a disagreement,
41:50that the two of you resolve it only between the two of you,
41:54which means that you do it in a private location?
41:57That's okay, yeah.
41:58I just need you to communicate with me a little bit more.
42:01Communication and time is key.
42:03All right, let's do that. That's a good one, Alex.
42:06Okay, what's another one that you'd like to add?
42:13Name-calling.
42:14That's the time when you called me pathetic
42:18was because you wanted to talk, I wasn't ready to talk.
42:22I was like, we will resolve it before we go to bed.
42:25I'm just not ready right now,
42:26and then she was like, you're pathetic.
42:28Okay, Holly, do you agree with the boundary that Alex just set?
42:32I will admit sometimes I can have a potty mouth.
42:36I agree.
42:38Okay, let's put that down as a boundary.
42:41So, Holly, what's another boundary?
42:49The stare.
42:51The stare's got to stop, Alex.
42:55Holly, what does the stare mean to you?
42:58It's like a deep, nasty face. It's horrible.
43:04Alex, let's get your thoughts on this.
43:06Don't get me wrong,
43:07if somebody says something that I don't like,
43:09sometimes it's not going to come out of my mouth.
43:12So by me looking at you,
43:15I'm letting you know you've done something that I dislike.
43:19To me, it's really intimidating.
43:21My ex-partner used to do it,
43:24and when you give me the stare, I feel like my confidence drops.
43:28Okay.
43:46Seeing Holly upset makes me upset.
43:49Although we're on frosty terms at the moment,
43:51I'm not going to sit and watch her be in tears.
44:02But, Holly, you do understand that Alex is not your past, right?
44:07No, I agree.
44:09Okay, so now, Alex, anything to add on that?
44:13I didn't know what that stare meant to you.
44:16Now that I know, I can work on not doing it.
44:20If I'm doing the stare and it's triggering you, then I'll stop.
44:24I do feel like Alex is listening.
44:26He could see that it upset me,
44:28and he's starting to understand that my trigger points
44:31do flare up when he does certain things.
44:33This could actually be the start of making it right now.
44:37Okay, so here's what I want you to do.
44:40I want you to continue with these exercises.
44:44We know we can do that, though.
44:46The thing is that behind closed doors, a sound...
44:50And guess what, though?
44:52But when there's a group...
44:54But look what we've done. One boundary is what?
44:56You're saying behind closed doors?
44:58Resolve issues in private.
45:00Exactly. Boom!
45:02Okay, so now what we're going to do,
45:04we're going to come up with a safe word
45:06to prevent you from overstepping again.
45:08Mango.
45:10Mango out the room.
45:12Yeah, exactly. I was just about to say.
45:14Mango out the room. Yeah.
45:16Mango. Mango.
45:18Mango. Yeah. I love it, I love it.
45:20Paul's given us some amazing help.
45:22I really like the idea of this boundaries task.
45:25I don't know if Harley was aware
45:27of what her actions were showing to me.
45:30So now that she knows, she can work on that.
45:32And now that I know what my actions were doing to her,
45:35I can work on my flaws also.
45:37So we agree that we're going to leave
45:39everything bad that's happened between the two of you,
45:42we're going to leave it in this room.
45:44Yeah. And when you walk out of here,
45:46you're walking out clean slate.
45:48We're going to spend the rest of this week
45:50building back the trust.
45:52Most definitely.
45:56Okay. I feel happier.
45:58Yeah. Even in myself.
46:00I'm happy for Mangos.
46:02I've got two big Mangos.
46:04Okay, okay.
46:07Give me a knock, you big softball.
46:10I do want to make it work with Alex.
46:12He is a good guy.
46:14So I feel like if we can both deal
46:16with the things affecting the relationship,
46:18then we would actually be really, really good.
46:24Next time...
46:25Hi! Oh, hello!
46:28..an unexpected reconciliation...
46:30If they do come in together, then I'll fucking call it out later.
46:33..sparks an unwanted intervention.
46:35What have you done to her? It's a bit of a bully.
46:37A bully? Ooh!
46:39I don't want to do this anymore.
46:41And the first honesty box of the series...
46:44Here we go.
46:45What is the biggest obstacle in the way of our happiness?
46:48Definitely sex.
46:49What do you think you should do
46:51to prevent us from being stuck in the friend zone?
46:54..prompts Polly to demand answers.
46:56I will fucking leave in a minute. You need to just shut up.
46:59I just want him to be honest. Don't start getting aggy at me.
47:02I didn't try to make you look stupid.
47:04I'm not saying you tried, but it made me look stupid.
47:06If Polly continues to talk to me like a child...
47:08It pissed me off. ..then this marriage isn't going to work.
47:14To apply for future series of Married At First Sight,
47:17go to channel4.com forward slash take part.
47:34Subtitling by SUBS Hamburg