The Three Badasses Who Want Me Full Movie

  • 3 hours ago
The Three Badasses Who Want Me Full Movie
#hot24h
Transcript
00:00:00I found Angela Lockhart.
00:00:02Angela, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:05I don't understand why you do so much for him
00:00:08behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:00:11Now sign the divorce paper.
00:00:14Baby, I'll sign it.
00:00:18You don't regret it.
00:00:23My lovely princess, I've selected three prime young men
00:00:27for you to choose from.
00:00:28I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:00:34You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:00:37I'm going.
00:00:38I need to pick up my bride.
00:00:41No!
00:00:42Don't put her in my warplane!
00:00:43Don't you worry about my fiancée.
00:00:49What's the situation here?
00:00:50I want to marry you.
00:00:59Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list,
00:01:03arrives in Atlanta today.
00:01:05What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia,
00:01:07a forgotten stage no one knows.
00:01:10Angela, my next door neighbor, still
00:01:12selling your hippie junk here?
00:01:14If your mother-in-law sees, she's
00:01:15going to throw a big fit again.
00:01:19Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:01:21What's the point of watching the news all day
00:01:23about your mother-in-law?
00:01:24I'm not going to watch the news.
00:01:26I'm going to get married.
00:01:27What's the point of watching the news all day
00:01:28about these moguls if you can't even
00:01:30apply it to your penniless self?
00:01:31And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:01:36All right, everybody get out.
00:01:39We got an important guest coming.
00:01:43You.
00:01:48You deaf?
00:01:48I said pack up and scram.
00:01:50I paid the staff here already.
00:01:52And if you want me to leave, then fine.
00:01:54But you have to compensate for today's losses.
00:01:58You want to say that again?
00:02:02You know who's visiting today?
00:02:04Ellen freaking Musk, one of the richest people in the world.
00:02:07Ellen Musk?
00:02:09Of course, a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:02:11Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:02:15Really?
00:02:16Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta
00:02:18just to come to some flea market.
00:02:21You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:02:25Coming to see you.
00:02:27All right, you know what?
00:02:28I'll play your game.
00:02:29If she does this so much as give you a glance, I'll eat dirt.
00:02:36Deal.
00:02:45Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within 10 minutes.
00:02:48Or else, you're fired.
00:02:55Hm.
00:03:12Prepare the limo.
00:03:13Miss Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:03:22Ah, your 10 minutes is almost up.
00:03:24Good.
00:03:25Hope you don't wet your pants.
00:03:27Five, four, three, two, one.
00:03:39Ellen, uh, I mean, Miss Musk, uh, Ellen, uh, I mean, uh,
00:03:43I'm sorry that I, uh, sorry to frighten you.
00:03:48How's my boss bitch?
00:03:50Kickin' ass, girlfriend.
00:03:52So how do you, like?
00:03:55She's my boss.
00:03:57Eh, I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:04:02No way.
00:04:06Well?
00:04:11No, no, no, I'm sorry for offending your boss.
00:04:13No, I won't do it again.
00:04:14No, no, no, no, no.
00:04:17All right, that's enough.
00:04:19We're not tyrants here.
00:04:23Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:04:35You mean Angela Lockhart, my honorary bride.
00:04:40You made me lose $1 million in just one game of poker.
00:04:44Who are you?
00:04:45Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:04:48Where is she?
00:04:49Atlanta.
00:04:50And you were right.
00:04:52It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:04:54My clever bride.
00:04:55I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:05:02Max, prep the jet.
00:05:04I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:05:10Dr. Wilson, Benning Sterling's on the move.
00:05:12He's headed to Atlanta.
00:05:14Atlanta?
00:05:15The game is afoot.
00:05:16I'm going.
00:05:17Wait, Dr. Wilson, the Prince of Bhutan
00:05:19needs your medical attention.
00:05:20He can wait.
00:05:21I need to pick up my bride.
00:05:26Dr. Wilson.
00:05:33General Eisenhower reporting, sir.
00:05:36Benning Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta.
00:05:39Atlanta.
00:05:42Where is that?
00:05:43Whatever, prepare my war plate.
00:05:45Those two are going after my fiancee.
00:05:48This is war.
00:05:50Yeah.
00:06:06I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper,
00:06:08to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project,
00:06:10like you asked me to.
00:06:11Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:06:13This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:06:16That project is worth billions.
00:06:18He can finally take his company public.
00:06:20But Angela, my boss, I don't understand
00:06:25why you do so much for him behind the scenes
00:06:27without ever revealing your true identity.
00:06:31Without your backing, no offense,
00:06:33but he's nothing without you.
00:06:35Well, three years ago.
00:06:49You saved me.
00:06:55He saved me, and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:06:59I didn't want to reveal my true identity
00:07:00because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being
00:07:03with a billionaire heiress.
00:07:05But now, with this contract, I feel
00:07:08like we'll be on more equal footing,
00:07:10and I feel like we'll be able to do more things together.
00:07:12I'm so happy for you, and I'm so proud of you.
00:07:15With this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing,
00:07:18and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:07:21So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:07:25I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:07:29But why work at the flea market?
00:07:32Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:07:35Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost
00:07:39a fortune to find.
00:07:41Plus, I get to make the best dishes
00:07:43for my hubby and his mom.
00:07:46You seem happy being a housewife.
00:07:47No.
00:07:48No.
00:07:49No.
00:07:50No.
00:07:51Where the hell are you?
00:07:52Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:07:56Get home, stat.
00:07:57It's a big day today.
00:08:00That was my mother-in-law, Carol.
00:08:04She judges me because she thinks I
00:08:06come from a lower class family.
00:08:07But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally
00:08:10come out and tell her who I really am.
00:08:13You know, she even remembered our 30-year anniversary.
00:08:21Please spend more time with my son.
00:08:25Hi, I'm home.
00:08:27I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:08:30Finally, you're back.
00:08:31Now sign the divorce papers.
00:08:35Divorce papers?
00:08:38Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:08:42God.
00:08:43Don't call me Mom again.
00:08:45We're ending that relationship.
00:08:47Just look at you.
00:08:48Dirt all over.
00:08:50You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:08:52You don't deserve my son.
00:08:54You're way below his league.
00:08:57I'm below his league?
00:08:58That's right.
00:09:00You are.
00:09:02Jared is signing $100 billion contract tomorrow
00:09:05with the Ellen Musk.
00:09:08And then his company's going public.
00:09:10That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:09:13But you, you're still just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:09:19Jared's like the king in the clouds.
00:09:21And you, you will always just be a pawn,
00:09:26like dirt on our shoes.
00:09:31Dirt on your shoes?
00:09:34But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:09:37You're delusional.
00:09:38You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:09:41How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here?
00:09:47Resorting to lies, definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:09:50And who are you to come into my house
00:09:54and meddle with my family matters?
00:09:58You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:10:03Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee,
00:10:06not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:10:08Enough!
00:10:10Jared, I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:10:14But I am.
00:10:16Don't fight it, Angela.
00:10:19Here's $500,000.
00:10:20You'll never make this much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:10:25Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave.
00:10:27Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:10:31I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:10:36Did that not mean anything to you?
00:10:39Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:10:42Fine, here's another $200,000.
00:10:46$500,000 is too much for her already.
00:10:48She's done nothing, hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:10:53She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:10:56Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:11:00I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:11:05You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something
00:11:09and she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench?
00:11:13A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:11:17What a joke.
00:11:18If you actually love my son,
00:11:21you'll sign the damn divorce papers already and leave.
00:11:28You really think that Jared would have gotten
00:11:30that Mabel Plaza bid without me,
00:11:32let alone taking the company public?
00:11:35I did everything for you, Jared.
00:11:38Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:11:42Ah!
00:11:45It's all my work.
00:11:49Baby, we're going to be late for the auction
00:11:52if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:11:57You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara,
00:12:00didn't you?
00:12:02So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:12:07She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:12:10Fine.
00:12:12I'll sign it.
00:12:15But don't regret it.
00:12:17Regret?
00:12:20Do you know who I am?
00:12:21Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way
00:12:23into a married man's bed.
00:12:25I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:12:29Jared winning the bid on Mabel Plaza was because of my dad.
00:12:35Because he's business partners with Ellen Musk.
00:12:38It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:12:43You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:12:47Social stratum matters.
00:12:49Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:12:52And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:12:56And you really think Ellen Musk would come to Atlanta
00:12:59if it weren't for me?
00:13:01Ha!
00:13:02You're delusional.
00:13:03Now sign the papers and scram!
00:13:07Ah!
00:13:10You owe me.
00:13:11You dirty bitch.
00:13:13You sicken me.
00:13:13Ah!
00:13:20You hit me.
00:13:24Now sign the papers, take your check, and get the fuck out!
00:13:29Ah!
00:13:45I don't need your penny money.
00:13:48We're finished.
00:13:50You don't want the money?
00:13:51That's your loss.
00:13:53Your check is just pennies to me.
00:13:56I'll bring it back.
00:14:06Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride
00:14:10on my private helicopter out of here.
00:14:17And I'm way out of your league.
00:14:20Isn't that the Winston blue diamond ring?
00:14:24It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:14:28Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:14:31Something she found at the flea market.
00:14:33You're right.
00:14:35She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:14:40Congrats, Jared Boo Boo, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:14:45Oh!
00:14:45I almost forgot.
00:14:47I'm not a dirt bag.
00:14:49Oh!
00:14:51My dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial
00:14:54tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:14:57Bigger big shot than Elon Musk?
00:14:59Yeah.
00:15:00And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:15:05Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:15:18Uh, Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia,
00:15:21wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:15:23Vanderbilt?
00:15:24Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies.
00:15:27Basically, our employee.
00:15:28Oh, OK, I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow.
00:15:30It's fine.
00:15:31Well, you're still going to the summit tomorrow?
00:15:33But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:15:35That's exactly why I'm going.
00:15:47I'll see you at the summit tomorrow, babe.
00:16:05Angela Lockhart, I finally found you.
00:16:10Who is he?
00:16:11That, that's Devin Sterling.
00:16:14He's number one on Forbes 30 under 30 list
00:16:16CEO of Sterling Enterprises.
00:16:18Rumor has it he's worth trillions.
00:16:21And he's your fiance.
00:16:24What?
00:16:25What?
00:16:26My fiance?
00:16:28The one and only.
00:16:30So after running away and leaving
00:16:33me single for three years, have you figured out how you're
00:16:37going to make it up to me yet, babe?
00:16:47That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:16:53What is she doing here?
00:16:59You skank.
00:17:00My son just divorced you yesterday,
00:17:02and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:17:05Divorced?
00:17:08That's right.
00:17:09So I guess this was never meant to be, Mr.
00:17:13Sterling.
00:17:15Devin Sterling.
00:17:17So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:17:21Guess she's not just a forsaken woman.
00:17:23She's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:17:29How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:17:32Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:17:35Do you know who I am?
00:17:38They don't know who you are.
00:17:41You hide it well.
00:17:43X-Team, teach these fools a lesson.
00:17:48Teach these fools a lesson.
00:17:54Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta
00:17:57and then to New York.
00:17:58You forgot to bring the security team.
00:18:06Mind if I borrow your men?
00:18:09Chelsea's ill-mannered hips out.
00:18:11Oh, you bitch.
00:18:13I'll have my son teach you a real lesson.
00:18:21A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:18:25No.
00:18:31Uh, guess listen.
00:18:34Uh, guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:18:38You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett, old money like me.
00:18:43Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:18:46Pleased to meet you all.
00:18:47Your families all started empires after the Industrial
00:18:50Revolution.
00:18:51What an honor.
00:18:52I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:18:55It's worth billions of dollars.
00:18:57Congrats.
00:18:57You'll be next.
00:19:00But we haven't received the contract yet.
00:19:02We need to get it.
00:19:03We haven't received the contract yet, but we deserve it.
00:19:05Hard work.
00:19:06Oh, that's nothing.
00:19:07I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:19:08Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always
00:19:10had a good relationship.
00:19:11So I thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:19:16Thank you, Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:19:17Now we just have to impress Miss Musk's
00:19:19special guest of honor.
00:19:21Yes, I heard they're a very important and powerful guest,
00:19:26even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:19:29Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot,
00:19:33we can feast for generations.
00:19:35Mm-hmm.
00:19:36Mm-hmm.
00:19:37Mm-hmm.
00:19:38I'll do my best.
00:19:39Mm-hmm.
00:19:40Mm-hmm.
00:19:44Excuse me.
00:19:45Second children.
00:19:47What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:19:51How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:19:54Me?
00:19:55A hobo?
00:19:56How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:19:59You sleep your way in?
00:20:00I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't
00:20:02bother stalking me.
00:20:03Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:20:07Don't flatter yourself.
00:20:11This is your ex-husband?
00:20:15What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:20:17Who the hell is this?
00:20:19You were cheating on me?
00:20:20Oh.
00:20:21Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:20:24That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs
00:20:28and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:20:30They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:20:32Oh.
00:20:33Oh.
00:20:34Oh.
00:20:34Oh.
00:20:35Oh.
00:20:36Oh.
00:20:37Oh.
00:20:38Oh.
00:20:38Oh.
00:20:39Oh.
00:20:40Oh.
00:20:41Oh.
00:20:42Oh.
00:20:42Oh.
00:20:43Oh.
00:20:44Oh.
00:20:45Oh.
00:20:46Oh.
00:20:47Oh.
00:20:47Oh.
00:20:48Oh.
00:20:49Oh.
00:20:49Oh.
00:20:51Oh.
00:20:52Oh.
00:20:52Oh.
00:20:56You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:21:00Get your hands off of her.
00:21:02Ah.
00:21:07My lady.
00:21:20It's... it's him! He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday!
00:21:40Who are these peasants?
00:21:42These seats are reserved for THE Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:21:46Oh, shut up, old man.
00:21:49You're disturbing the peace.
00:21:53Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:21:55That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:21:57You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:22:00His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:22:04This civil war would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:22:07Vanderbilt.
00:22:09The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt,
00:22:14who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:22:19That?
00:22:20The Lee Vanderbilt family?
00:22:27Oh, goddammit, a stomachache now?
00:22:34Whatever. Angela can handle herself. She'll be fine.
00:22:49How dare you call one of us low?
00:22:52I'm Harley Evan Buffett, the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:22:57I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:23:02And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:23:06Not with me around.
00:23:08I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:23:12You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:23:16You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:23:19We've had enough of your games.
00:23:21Security! Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:23:25Looks like the old guard's teaming up against you.
00:23:28But don't worry, you got new money here.
00:23:33I can handle myself, thank you.
00:23:36Yes, my queen.
00:23:38You're all despicable.
00:23:41An insult to your family names.
00:23:44Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:23:48Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:23:51Cut off all business ties.
00:23:53And if you don't,
00:23:56I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:24:01I knew it. You're here to fuck with me.
00:24:04You can't fool anyone here.
00:24:06How much money did you spend on that getup?
00:24:08And to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:24:10You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:24:14You have nothing, and you will always be nothing.
00:24:18She's a gold digger.
00:24:21Gold digger?
00:24:22Gigolo.
00:24:24Want to try me for a night?
00:24:27Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:24:29Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:24:32They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:24:35Angela Lockhart is my spurs.
00:24:38Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:24:40She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:24:43Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef.
00:24:46Security!
00:24:52Security!
00:24:54You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:24:57And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:25:00You!
00:25:02Insolent fools.
00:25:04Let me guess.
00:25:05You're that special guest?
00:25:07I don't know.
00:25:09Throw them out!
00:25:11And not without some broken bones, too.
00:25:20You can back down next.
00:25:25I got this.
00:25:35Hmph.
00:25:44Hey, hey!
00:25:52What the hell are you two doing here?
00:25:55I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:25:57No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:26:00Oh my god, we're so screwed!
00:26:06Oh my god.
00:26:11Angela!
00:26:13Don't hurt her.
00:26:14You bitch.
00:26:15I've always been sick of you.
00:26:16You just threw yourself at me.
00:26:18How dare you insult my boss like that.
00:26:20Boss?
00:26:21Did she say her boss?
00:26:23Miss Musk?
00:26:25That's Ellen Musk?
00:26:26That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:26:29My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:26:32Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:26:35Past the American Revolution?
00:26:37Back to the Renaissance.
00:26:39If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:26:42That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:26:44She's royalty.
00:26:45And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:26:49What the hell did you do?
00:26:51Kneel before me.
00:26:52Oh, your majesty.
00:26:55Welcome to the United States.
00:26:58We've always been your loyal subjects.
00:27:01Yes, your highness.
00:27:03Is it queen or prince?
00:27:05It doesn't matter.
00:27:07My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:27:10We didn't mean to offend.
00:27:13What are you doing, idiot?
00:27:15Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness.
00:27:18Forgiveness!
00:27:28What rightfully belongs to you.
00:27:31She's a badass herself.
00:27:49He missed out on a good wife.
00:27:51You, you, you told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:27:55Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time.
00:27:58No, no, don't believe their lies.
00:28:00I worked hard for everything.
00:28:02You worked for everything?
00:28:08Hi, honey.
00:28:10So, our third year anniversary is coming up
00:28:13and I thought that maybe we can do something special this year.
00:28:16I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:28:18I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Closet project
00:28:21and if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:28:24Look.
00:28:32You were nothing before me.
00:28:35All your achievements, all your glory,
00:28:38that's all mine.
00:28:40Including the Maple Closet contract.
00:28:43I can take all of that away.
00:28:46Just like that.
00:28:48No, you can't take that away from me.
00:28:50That's why Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody.
00:28:54Oh, and this antique wedding ring.
00:28:57Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:28:59It was Queen Victoria's
00:29:01and its worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:29:10No.
00:29:11I gave you back the ring.
00:29:13I divorced a royal heiress.
00:29:16No, no, please, no.
00:29:19No, please take me back, baby.
00:29:21I still love you.
00:29:26Oh man, looks like they've started the party without us.
00:29:29No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower.
00:29:38God, these two again.
00:29:40Did he say, is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:29:43President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:29:45After General Eisenhower won World War II,
00:29:47each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals.
00:29:50The highest rank in the nation's military.
00:29:52Bloody buffoons know your history.
00:29:54Sorry I'm late, babe.
00:29:55I got lost trying to find Atlanta.
00:29:57Then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:30:03And that there is,
00:30:05that is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:30:09He's Dr. House's protege.
00:30:11Dr. House?
00:30:12I thought that was just a TV show.
00:30:14Oh no, that's based on a real figure.
00:30:16Yep, that's me.
00:30:17Son of James House.
00:30:19Dr. House?
00:30:20He's practically my uncle.
00:30:22I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:30:25So he's been off carrying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands
00:30:29for the last 14 months.
00:30:31And I'm late, because I ran out of gum
00:30:33and had to make a pit stop.
00:30:39Hey Ellen,
00:30:40who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:30:43Uh, they're all your fiancées.
00:30:46What?
00:30:48Fiancées.
00:30:50Plural?
00:30:52Fiancées.
00:30:53Plural?
00:30:55Watch it, nerds.
00:30:56I'm her fiancé.
00:30:58No, I'm her fiancé.
00:30:59You can both shut up.
00:31:01I'm her fiancé.
00:31:02It's you.
00:31:03It's me.
00:31:04Who the hell is he?
00:31:05I'm Spider-Man.
00:31:08How are all three of these men my fiancé?
00:31:13Your father had arranged these engagements years ago,
00:31:16but he didn't tell you because he decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:31:20She has three badass fiancées and she marries his dumb ass.
00:31:27Whatever.
00:31:28Since you're all here,
00:31:30help me finish him.
00:31:34Since you're all here,
00:31:36help me finish him.
00:31:39At your service.
00:31:41Me too.
00:31:46One down, two more to go.
00:31:48She's become queen.
00:31:49Bishop to G4.
00:31:54Ow!
00:31:55Ow!
00:31:56What is that?
00:31:58The most germ-infested water in the Nile River.
00:32:04Rook to A8.
00:32:10Hello?
00:32:14I thought I was king.
00:32:15No, you wish.
00:32:16The king doesn't do anything,
00:32:18so,
00:32:19Alan can be my king.
00:32:20Oh, fine.
00:32:25Bankrupt to four.
00:32:26It's right this second.
00:32:32I...
00:32:34I've been bankrupt!
00:32:36No!
00:32:37Who is...
00:32:40I've been bankrupt!
00:32:42No!
00:32:43I told you I would remove all of you
00:32:45from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:32:48Well, guess what?
00:32:49Game over.
00:32:50All right, boys.
00:32:51Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:32:54Oh, that's serious business.
00:32:56I'm right with you.
00:32:59Wait for me.
00:33:00Nobody beats me to the finish line.
00:33:03Angela!
00:33:07You already have three fiancés?
00:33:10You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:33:12I...
00:33:13want compensation.
00:33:17You greedy SOB.
00:33:19Who the fuck is that?
00:33:20My ex-husband.
00:33:21She's my ex-wife.
00:33:22She's my ex-wife.
00:33:23She's my ex-wife.
00:33:24She's my ex-wife.
00:33:25She's my ex-wife.
00:33:26She's my ex-wife.
00:33:27She's my ex-wife.
00:33:28She's my ex-wife.
00:33:29She's my ex-wife.
00:33:30She's my ex-wife.
00:33:31She's my ex-wife.
00:33:32She's my ex-wife.
00:33:33She's my ex-wife.
00:33:34She's my ex-wife.
00:33:35She's my ex-wife.
00:33:36She's my ex-wife.
00:33:37She's my ex-wife.
00:33:38She's my ex-wife.
00:33:39She's my ex-husband.
00:33:40She's my ex-wife.
00:33:41She's my ex-husband.
00:33:42Wait, you were married?
00:33:43She's my ex-wife.
00:33:44She's my ex-wife.
00:33:45Yeah.
00:33:46And if that's a problem for you, then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:33:49More for me.
00:33:50No, no.
00:33:51Of course not.
00:33:52Just...
00:33:53Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:33:55Don't steal my joke.
00:33:56I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:33:58Let's remarry.
00:34:00Let's remarry.
00:34:02You still don't realize.
00:34:04I only fell in love with you because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:34:29Sir, it's an emergency.
00:34:31We need to wreck right away.
00:34:33Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:34:37Okay, I'm on my way.
00:34:41She should be okay now.
00:34:46Hey, you!
00:34:47Watch over here.
00:34:48I'll be right back.
00:34:51Hey, you!
00:34:52Watch over here.
00:34:53I'll be right back.
00:35:03You saved me.
00:35:07Fuck.
00:35:08I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:35:12Fuck.
00:35:13I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:35:15You've cheated on me.
00:35:17You've hit me.
00:35:18You've insulted me.
00:35:20And after all that, I never want to see you again.
00:35:24I fucking hate you.
00:35:27Lady Lockhart.
00:35:29What? What now?
00:35:31Yes, we understand that you are a very busy person,
00:35:36but if you're not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project...
00:35:40How about us three?
00:35:41Yes, unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:35:45Yeah, no.
00:35:46You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:35:48But...
00:35:50This is your fault, you doofus!
00:35:51We never should have believed your bullshit!
00:35:53No.
00:35:55No.
00:35:56We can't lose our position with Ellen Musk and the Lockharts.
00:36:01Our family.
00:36:03I'll get you for this!
00:36:10I never should have listened to you.
00:36:12I'm ruined because of you!
00:36:28So, what's the situation here?
00:36:30I don't want to marry you.
00:36:33I don't want to marry you.
00:36:37Listen.
00:36:39I only met you guys a few hours ago,
00:36:41and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:36:44But...
00:36:45What if I told you
00:36:47that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours?
00:36:51Much longer.
00:36:55Angela?
00:36:57Angela?
00:36:59Angela?
00:37:01Angela?
00:37:02Your parents would like to have a video call with all of you.
00:37:09My lovely princess, how are you?
00:37:12Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:37:14The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:37:17Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:37:19I heard you finally divorced that good-for-nothing,
00:37:24blood-sucking, freeloader husband of yours.
00:37:27Can't call his name, but...
00:37:29Anyway, congratulations!
00:37:31I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from to replace him.
00:37:36Oh, you must pick one of them to marry.
00:37:39Otherwise...
00:37:40Let me do it.
00:37:42You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:37:45Otherwise, we'll kill ourselves.
00:37:49Mom?
00:37:51Alright, honey, that's it.
00:37:53Bye!
00:37:54Bye!
00:37:56So, who are you going to choose?
00:38:01Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:38:06Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:38:12That seems greedy.
00:38:18But I can always remove the other two options.
00:38:22I can always remove the other two options.
00:38:25Hey, I may be a doctor, but I can take lives too.
00:38:29I know and have access to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:38:34Well, okay, no murder, please. I was just kidding.
00:38:40You have seven days to win her over.
00:38:42Ooh, it's like The Bachelorette.
00:38:45I know. We'll start with challenge one.
00:38:49Welcome to the show, The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
00:38:53Today, we have our first challenge.
00:38:58What is all of this, Ellen?
00:39:01You'll see.
00:39:10Oh my God! Oh my God! Cockroaches!
00:39:12All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:39:16And it is every man's job to save their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:39:21What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single but screaming her head off heiress?
00:39:36Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits.
00:39:39It's up to the final two.
00:39:46Ooh.
00:39:54Ooh.
00:40:05Crunchy.
00:40:07That is sick, Cole.
00:40:09Hey, when you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield, you'll be glad to see one of these around.
00:40:16There are two more left. Want to try one?
00:40:18God, no. No.
00:40:21Oh my God, save me.
00:40:23Save you? You're going to save me.
00:40:28I'm a germaphobe doctor. These hands can't get germs on them. They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:40:46Thank God you're here.
00:40:50Are you alright, honey?
00:40:52Angela!
00:40:56Alright, you won the first challenge, so your reward, you get to watch over her for the night.
00:41:02Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean.
00:41:05I'm not her scumbag husband. You have nothing to worry about.
00:41:09Honestly, even if you guys fuck, it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:41:12At least my girl can get some.
00:41:14I bet her husband has a small dick, anyway.
00:41:18The cockroaches!
00:41:19They're gone, they're gone.
00:41:21There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:41:24I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:41:28I need a drink.
00:41:37Whoa, easy! You're on an empty stomach.
00:41:39Oh, what do you care?
00:41:42I'm trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela.
00:41:48I'm sorry.
00:41:49I'm sorry.
00:41:50I'm sorry.
00:41:51I'm sorry.
00:41:52I'm sorry.
00:41:53I'm sorry.
00:41:54I'm sorry.
00:41:55I'm sorry.
00:41:57You guys were right.
00:42:00I was blind for marrying that asshole.
00:42:03You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:42:09He never even loved me.
00:42:11And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:42:17Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list if I was around?
00:42:23You may not be number one on Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:42:29What?
00:42:33You're number one here.
00:42:40You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:42:44Lies.
00:42:47You all just want something from me.
00:42:49You all just want something from me.
00:42:56Angela, I know it's hard to trust again, but I assure you, I don't care what family you're from.
00:43:07I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:43:09I don't need your power, your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:43:16I just need you.
00:43:20I'll prove my love to you within six days. I promise.
00:43:34Screw the contest. I just want love.
00:43:39Angela, you're drunk.
00:43:42I'm an adult. Can't a girl just get what she wants?
00:43:47Okay.
00:43:52But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:43:56Oh, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:44:08This is what you want.
00:44:16No.
00:44:36Nine inch penis.
00:44:38Morning to you too.
00:44:40You sure you were drunk last night? You wouldn't...
00:44:43A girl remembers when she's had a nine inch penis inside of her.
00:44:48Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:44:51But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:44:54Because then they would...
00:44:56Say that you were being unfair?
00:44:58Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:45:01I won the first challenge, and according to Ellen, my prize was to spend a night with you anyway.
00:45:08Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:45:14You sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:45:18Stop.
00:45:21Fine, fine, fine.
00:45:25I won't tell.
00:45:28But only on one condition.
00:45:31I won't tell.
00:45:34But only on one condition.
00:45:36You have to go out on a date with me.
00:45:40Fine.
00:45:44I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:45:48You never noticed me.
00:45:54You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:45:59It's only 7am. She's still sleeping.
00:46:02I'm not sleeping alone.
00:46:03Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone with another man for another second.
00:46:08Morning, gentlemen. Or shall I say ruffmen?
00:46:12Oh, don't mind him.
00:46:15What's up, guys?
00:46:16We're ready for the second challenge. No cockroaches this time.
00:46:20Yes, no more terrifying things. That was my bad, Angela.
00:46:24This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:46:26I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:46:28The second challenge is...
00:46:30The second challenge is...
00:46:32A date.
00:46:33Elaine, I should have asked for something else.
00:46:36A date?
00:46:37That's it.
00:46:38What's the catch?
00:46:40No catch.
00:46:41Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:46:44As simple as that.
00:46:45I know what I want to do. Let's start with me first.
00:46:47Okay. Who's up first?
00:46:48Then...
00:46:49Me.
00:46:50Save the best for last.
00:46:52Ain't that right, Angela?
00:46:54Then it's decided.
00:46:58Please don't take my BMW away!
00:47:01Too bad. You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:47:05I have nothing left!
00:47:15It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:47:21It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:47:31You know, eyes and house!
00:47:33At ease, Lieutenant!
00:47:34This is my Lieutenant.
00:47:35He also manages this boxing gym.
00:47:37Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower!
00:47:39He's so serious.
00:47:41But, hang on.
00:47:43Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet!
00:47:46Baby, I decided to take you here on our first date
00:47:48so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:47:50Guns? Like murder weapons?
00:47:53Yes.
00:47:55Murder weapons.
00:48:05Guns.
00:48:16You like my guns, babe?
00:48:17Pretty rock hard.
00:48:19Yeah.
00:48:20Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:48:22Lieutenant!
00:48:24Come close!
00:48:26Wait! You're just going to hit him like that?
00:48:28He's not even going to fight back?
00:48:29Fighting back would be treason, ma'am!
00:48:31Treason?
00:48:32You guys are way too serious.
00:48:35Look, you rock hard bitch, I caught you!
00:48:37If I'm going down, you're all going down with me!
00:48:41Lieutenant, here's your attack!
00:48:55You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:48:59I will make you pay!
00:49:03If you don't need to keep beating him up, we could just take him to the cops.
00:49:06Not when he tries to hurt you!
00:49:14He's always a bit violent.
00:49:16Some might call it being protective.
00:49:18Poor anger issues.
00:49:20What if we get married and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:49:24Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:49:27Hey, some girls are into that.
00:49:29I don't know if I am.
00:49:32Well, maybe shame will be your type.
00:49:37Your date with Shane starts now.
00:49:42Hey.
00:49:44Hey.
00:49:45Cool ride.
00:49:47A gift from the Chancellor of Germany when I saved his wife.
00:49:50Impressive.
00:49:54Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:49:57Refreshing.
00:49:59I got cool mint too.
00:50:01Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:50:04What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:50:07Fruit flavored gum. I can't stand those.
00:50:10So, where are you taking me tonight?
00:50:12Let me show you.
00:50:20Dr. Wilson!
00:50:22Our VIP of VIPs!
00:50:24Right this way.
00:50:25VIP of VIPs.
00:50:27Ah, just some other guy I saved. I forget who.
00:50:30You saved a lot of people.
00:50:32I'll do what I can.
00:50:34Oh my gosh.
00:50:36It's my gold-digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband.
00:50:41Sandra Miller. What are you doing here?
00:50:44I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:50:47Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce and how you hired some gigolo to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:50:54Hello of you.
00:50:56What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:50:58Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:51:00I sell high fashion jewelry pieces so high end, you couldn't even afford even a few soldier organs.
00:51:07The auction begins.
00:51:09I'll deal with you later.
00:51:12Here, I'll just be one second.
00:51:18Cameron, I have a task for you.
00:51:22Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:51:26Cleopatra's armband.
00:51:28Sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller, for five million dollars.
00:51:35Excuse me, I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:51:39It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:42I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:51:45It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:47What are you doing?
00:51:48Just watch.
00:51:51Come on.
00:51:56That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:51:58Please, I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:52:01She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:52:04You work at a flea market?
00:52:06Not this again.
00:52:07Cut the bullshit, that wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:52:10Oh yeah?
00:52:11Here, you want it? For free.
00:52:13Ew, I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:52:18Well, that's too bad then.
00:52:20Because you are the fraud.
00:52:24What are you talking about?
00:52:25Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:52:27Throw them out!
00:52:29Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine,
00:52:32but we're professionals.
00:52:34Oh yeah?
00:52:35And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:52:39Yeah, mine is the real thing.
00:52:41You two are just upset because you're too poor to afford our luxury items.
00:52:47Why is that so?
00:52:48When a so-called expert failed to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:52:52Dear Lord, this is real.
00:52:56It's authentic.
00:52:58It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:53:03Karen, what have you found?
00:53:06Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me?
00:53:09It's a replica.
00:53:12They had the same one right here at the flea market.
00:53:15So, you're the fraud.
00:53:19You just went to the flea market so you can buy some fakes.
00:53:22And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:53:26150.
00:53:27Wow, not even five dollars.
00:53:30Sandra.
00:53:32You've been duping us the whole time?
00:53:35Arrest her!
00:53:36No, please!
00:53:38This is my time!
00:53:40Please!
00:53:41What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:53:43Uh, investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry for the Emperor of Japan.
00:53:47Bye.
00:53:48A lackluster from the jewelry industry forever.
00:53:59I had a really great time tonight.
00:54:01Me too.
00:54:03May I have a kiss?
00:54:14Something wrong?
00:54:16Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:54:24Yep.
00:54:25You never have to worry about stinky breath from me.
00:54:36Ha!
00:54:38You.
00:54:40Ha!
00:54:42You owe us a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:54:46I don't have any money.
00:54:48How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:54:50I guess you'll only pay up if I break your other leg.
00:54:58Stop!
00:55:02Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:55:06Mr. Buffett.
00:55:11This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:14That's right.
00:55:15Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:55:17I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:55:20I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:55:23No, no.
00:55:24Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:55:26It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:55:29Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:55:32And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart to put in a good word for us?
00:55:38Angela still loves me.
00:55:39She's just throwing a fit.
00:55:40She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:55:42Yeah.
00:55:43Do you need any help winning her back?
00:55:45We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:55:48I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago, and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:55:53It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:55:57Sure.
00:55:58I'll put in a good word for you.
00:56:00I just need...
00:56:01Anything.
00:56:02You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:56:04Once I take everything from these idiots, I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:56:16I'm giving the contract to Jared Cooper, just like you asked me to.
00:56:19Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:56:24Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:56:26I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:56:28That contract has a preliminary clause.
00:56:30It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:56:34And if he can't, then what?
00:56:36He'll be bankrupt.
00:56:37So as long as he's grieving, I have to take it.
00:56:41I'm avenging my best friend.
00:56:43I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart, he's nothing.
00:56:53I signed the Maple Plaza Project.
00:56:56We should celebrate.
00:56:57You did?
00:56:58You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:57:01That skank Angela is nothing next to you.
00:57:04And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:57:07Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:57:12What?
00:57:14You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:57:17Oh, no, no, no, no, he's not.
00:57:19Jared, what are you doing?
00:57:21You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:57:24It's my decision, Mom.
00:57:26I'm the head of the house here.
00:57:29I'm telling my dad.
00:57:30Fine, go right ahead, he has enough problems himself.
00:57:33If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as his side piece.
00:57:36But if not, you can scram.
00:57:39Dad, Jared is being mean to me.
00:57:42Teach him a lesson.
00:57:43Kaylee, be a good girl, okay?
00:57:45Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now.
00:57:49Don't get on his bad side.
00:57:51We can't afford to piss him off.
00:57:53So do as he says.
00:57:55But Dad!
00:58:03I'm sorry.
00:58:05I'll be your side piece.
00:58:07Very good.
00:58:08I'm happy you've come around.
00:58:09Now let's go celebrate.
00:58:14I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:58:19But that tongue action, though.
00:58:21Tongue is important in more than just one spot.
00:58:24Ellen, we aren't in public.
00:58:25It's true.
00:58:27Stomach ache.
00:58:29Again?
00:58:30I have to run to the bathroom.
00:58:31Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:58:33Okay.
00:58:35Devin's late.
00:58:37Not a good sign for a date.
00:58:41This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:58:46It's her.
00:58:47And she's alone.
00:58:48With no one to save her.
00:58:51You whore.
00:58:52You seduced my son so he'd get back with you.
00:58:59Let me tell you.
00:59:00I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:59:08Hey, you guys can fight all you want.
00:59:10But you need to take this somewhere else.
00:59:12Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this.
00:59:15What?
00:59:16Why do I have to leave?
00:59:17She's the one starting shit.
00:59:18Because I have money and you don't.
00:59:20You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:59:23And my son just signed a 100 billion dollar contract.
00:59:27He still got the contract?
00:59:29Hmm.
00:59:30Must be Ellen's doing.
00:59:32Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:59:36Oh, he's just gonna...
00:59:38Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:59:42Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:59:45You take my charity and toss it in my face as if it's your own.
00:59:50My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:59:53$1,000 to take her away.
00:59:56$2,000 to drag her away.
00:59:59$5,000 to beat her away.
01:00:05Oh, oh, hey!
01:00:06Hey!
01:00:07Ow, hey!
01:00:08Stop!
01:00:11You okay?
01:00:12Are you hurt?
01:00:13You okay?
01:00:14Are you hurt?
01:00:19Weakling.
01:00:20You!
01:00:21You!
01:00:22Just a few days ago you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
01:00:25And now you have two more?
01:00:27What a whore.
01:00:29What a whore.
01:00:30Yeah.
01:00:31And Jared wanted to get back with her?
01:00:33What if she has an STD?
01:00:35Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD!
01:00:39Let's go.
01:00:41We'll expose her to Jared!
01:00:43Hang on.
01:00:45What do you want?
01:00:46I'll scream!
01:00:48I don't hit women.
01:00:49But I never said I don't kill women.
01:00:53But I never said I don't kill women.
01:00:57Oh, God.
01:00:58He is a murderer.
01:00:59What if he murders me?
01:01:00Not him.
01:01:01Definitely not him.
01:01:07We're not afraid of you.
01:01:09That's enough.
01:01:10This isn't a war zone.
01:01:11You'll be removed from being a five-star general if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:01:16I was just messing with him.
01:01:18Was he, though?
01:01:19We're not afraid of you.
01:01:22Jared!
01:01:23You have to avenge us.
01:01:24Look at this slut.
01:01:25She's found two more boy toys.
01:01:27She's cheating on you.
01:01:28Don't get back with her.
01:01:29Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:01:31I apologize for this scene.
01:01:33I'll toss out the potty crashes immediately so that you can go to your salvation banquet.
01:01:38Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:01:41Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:01:43The potty crashes.
01:01:47You have any idea who that is?
01:01:49That's my wife.
01:01:50We saved that hangover from the real skank over there.
01:01:53That's right.
01:01:54Know your place.
01:01:55Shut up.
01:01:56She's cheating on you.
01:02:00Know your place.
01:02:01You're just a side piece, if I still want you, that is.
01:02:04Eric, have you gone mad?
01:02:06This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:02:08You slap her for this whore?
01:02:10Mom!
01:02:11They really think they're something, huh?
01:02:13Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:02:17She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:02:20I only got the Maple Plaza project because she gave it to me.
01:02:24What?
01:02:26You apologize right now or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:02:36I'm sorry.
01:02:38No.
01:02:40This can't be.
01:02:41I made you a divorce.
01:02:46Go home.
01:02:48You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:02:56I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:02:59Honey, I know you came here to celebrate my achievements.
01:03:03I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:03:06I didn't come here for you.
01:03:08I'm on a date.
01:03:10A date with two men at the same time?
01:03:14She really is a whore.
01:03:15Angela, please forgive me.
01:03:17I really do love you.
01:03:21Oh-ho! Lady Knockout is here!
01:03:25Oh-ho! Lady Knockout is here!
01:03:30Yeah, we already know you beat Ford to effort.
01:03:33We're too old for that.
01:03:35They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:03:37Please, you gave me the contract.
01:03:39So if anyone should go as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:03:43Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:03:45We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:03:49What the hell are you all doing here?
01:03:51Where were you?
01:03:53Still making shoes.
01:03:55Again?
01:03:56Would you like my diagnosis?
01:03:58No.
01:04:00Let me make myself clear, okay?
01:04:03I would rather die than be with you again.
01:04:07Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:04:11I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:04:13Otherwise, they'll cut me off, too.
01:04:14Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance.
01:04:17I'll prove it to you.
01:04:19You want a chance?
01:04:20Angela, no.
01:04:21You have three great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:04:24Don't take him back.
01:04:27I'll give you two choices.
01:04:31I'll give you two choices.
01:04:32I'll give you two choices.
01:04:35Me or the contract.
01:04:38You're kidding me.
01:04:40No, I'm not kidding you.
01:04:43If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:04:46But you don't get the hundred billion dollar contract.
01:04:50The choice is all yours.
01:04:52That's a tough choice.
01:04:55You think so?
01:04:56He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:04:59Either way, he benefits.
01:05:02Why can't I have both?
01:05:03You really are a greedy bastard.
01:05:06Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember?
01:05:09I deserve the contract.
01:05:11Did you really?
01:05:16Look who's fashionably late now.
01:05:19He didn't save her at the pool.
01:05:21Wait, what are you talking about?
01:05:24I choose the contract.
01:05:27I knew it.
01:05:28You'll get what's coming to you.
01:05:30With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:05:34Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:05:37I will get you one day.
01:05:40Let me show you something.
01:05:53You saved me.
01:06:00You saved me.
01:06:02I'm sorry if his lies led to you wasting three years of your life.
01:06:08But I promise you, I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:06:13No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:06:15I just couldn't, can't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:06:19Hey.
01:06:27Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:06:30What? Me?
01:06:33Dr. Wilson losing at saving people?
01:06:35No way.
01:06:37You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:06:41You're crazy.
01:06:43And actually, they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:06:48What?
01:06:50Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:06:53Turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:06:57Put it simply, they've been stealing from you.
01:07:01I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:07:03Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:07:05I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:07:08No, it's not your fault. They're just too slick.
01:07:11You'd like me to punish them for you.
01:07:13Oh God, no. Not that again. Please.
01:07:16Max, you know what to do.
01:07:32The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:07:34All business ties have been severed.
01:07:36We're bankrupt!
01:07:42How did you do that?
01:07:44Who are you?
01:07:45And don't say Spider-Man.
01:07:49I'll tell you who I am.
01:07:53I'll tell you who I am.
01:07:57I am...
01:07:59Crypto Punk Number Two.
01:08:01What did he say he was?
01:08:02That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:08:05You're Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:08:08Well, I'm Crypto Punk Number One.
01:08:10See? You are number one at something.
01:08:13The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:08:16Forget Forbes' list.
01:08:18It's all about young money now.
01:08:20So, how about our date?
01:08:28I'm not letting them one-up me on this one.
01:08:30Let's buy two.
01:08:44They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:08:47I still have the $100 billion project.
01:08:51Yes! I'm rich!
01:08:54They'll make them okay soon.
01:09:02What?
01:09:03Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:09:04The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:09:08Otherwise, it's a breach of contract
01:09:10and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:09:13No!
01:09:15I'm bankrupt.
01:09:18I need a little lock-on.
01:09:19You tricked me!
01:09:26Allow me.
01:09:30I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:09:32Had to get some very important materials
01:09:36for our special date.
01:09:38Well, cheers.
01:09:40Cheers.
01:09:49This looks good.
01:09:55Did you use my spices?
01:09:58I know your ex-in-law has never appreciated you.
01:10:03You can have all the money and power in the world
01:10:05and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:10:10Couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:10:16Angela.
01:10:18Your future with me...
01:10:23is gonna be different.
01:10:24Come on.
01:10:26Let's dance.
01:10:40Come on.
01:10:45Wow.
01:10:47Devon, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on
01:10:50these past few years
01:10:52just because of some silly mistake.
01:10:55Angela.
01:10:57I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:10:59Actually, I've also loved you for three years.
01:11:04That's right.
01:11:05I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:11:07How is all of this possible?
01:11:10I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:11:13Well, actually, maybe Devon, but...
01:11:18I've had a crush on you since college.
01:11:21You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:11:25Despite who you were,
01:11:26you never judged me for being poor.
01:11:31Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500
01:11:35in a suit like that?
01:11:38All you do is babble on and on
01:11:41about Internet money, Bitcoin, and shit like that.
01:11:47Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:11:51I'll teach you a lesson.
01:11:54Hey! Get away from him!
01:11:56Angela!
01:11:595C girl. I like her.
01:12:08How is he?
01:12:09It's a rare poison
01:12:10made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:12:13Ashtagar saltifu.
01:12:15Can he be cured?
01:12:16I actually think I know that poison.
01:12:18It sounds really scary,
01:12:19but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:12:22Household salt.
01:12:31I like her.
01:12:33I like her.
01:12:36There you go.
01:12:38Time is up.
01:12:41Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:12:50I like her.
01:12:52We have been rivals ever since.
01:12:54So, that's how I...
01:12:57Well, we all met.
01:13:00We all met.
01:13:01I barely remember.
01:13:03I should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:13:06Matthew Richards, the guy who poisoned me,
01:13:09attacked you out of revenge.
01:13:11You wouldn't have known.
01:13:12I did hear you dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:13:14That makes you feel even better.
01:13:16Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:13:19Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:13:22Now that you know they all loved and fought for you for three years,
01:13:26who will you pick?
01:13:31How can that be?
01:13:33Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:13:40Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:13:44Bankrupt?
01:13:46The Vanderbilt's have gone bankrupt?
01:13:49Well, then, get out of here!
01:13:52You can't do this to me!
01:13:56Jared!
01:13:57Mom, it's me.
01:13:58What happened?
01:13:59What happened?
01:14:01Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:14:04Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:14:06You should get back with your wife.
01:14:08We're bankrupt.
01:14:09What?
01:14:14Jared Cooper.
01:14:17We're here to compost your belongings.
01:14:21No one is going to save you now.
01:14:23What?
01:14:26Oh!
01:14:28What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:14:34Who will you pick?
01:14:38I...
01:14:44I brought you fried chicken.
01:14:45Fried chicken?
01:14:46Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:14:49Yeah, he's right. I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:14:52Sucking up last minute!
01:14:54At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:14:57Hey, stop. Stop.
01:15:00Welcome back to The Bachelorette.
01:15:03I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:15:06I mean, Angela Lockhart...
01:15:09You know what I mean.
01:15:11Today, our heiress bachelorette will choose
01:15:14which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:15:18Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:15:22Or Cole, the general?
01:15:26Or Devin, the CEO?
01:15:32Looks like our bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:15:36Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:15:39But when she does, she will take this eternal rose
01:15:42made from glass imported from Venice
01:15:45and give it to our winner.
01:15:47Angela.
01:15:50Angela.
01:15:51Oh, I...
01:15:55I need more time to think.
01:16:01While our bachelorette takes a little time to decide,
01:16:04why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:16:07Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:16:10Let's start with Cole.
01:16:12Cole.
01:16:17There's not much to say.
01:16:19I wouldn't want a five-star general
01:16:21who has huge biceps,
01:16:23a massive chest,
01:16:25who would protect the wife.
01:16:30Okay, thank you.
01:16:32Uh, Shane?
01:16:35Muscles, money,
01:16:38they'll only get you so far.
01:16:40But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:16:42that has more than one way to keep a lady happy,
01:16:44if you know what I mean.
01:16:49Okay, I think we do.
01:16:51And Devin.
01:16:54That was quite disgusting.
01:16:58I just hope Angela's okay.
01:17:00I know she's going under a lot of stress right now,
01:17:03a lot of choices to make.
01:17:05And she's my queen.
01:17:07I just really hope she's okay.
01:17:09And one more thing.
01:17:11What kind of a doctor
01:17:13brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:17:15That's a good point.
01:17:17What?
01:17:19And then you.
01:17:21Well, you know what they say about military men.
01:17:24They beat their wives.
01:17:30Enough!
01:17:33Stand up.
01:17:35Hey, you guys.
01:17:38Whoa, break it up.
01:17:40Hey, break it up.
01:17:42Oh!
01:17:46Cut to commercial.
01:17:48Cut to commercial.
01:18:06This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:18:12Who do I choose?
01:18:20Angela's marrying me.
01:18:22You're not stealing her from me.
01:18:24Oh, yeah?
01:18:26I may be a doctor, but like I said,
01:18:28I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:18:33What don't you have in that cup?
01:18:35Fruit flavored gum.
01:18:37I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:18:39I'll fight you to the death.
01:18:41Don't forget about me.
01:18:43It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:48These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:18:51They do not help.
01:18:53Who made these?
01:19:12It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:19:17I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:19:20And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:19:24Shit.
01:19:39We may have to work together to take him down.
01:19:42No!
01:19:52This battle within our heads is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:19:56I may not be able to take them both down if they decide to team up.
01:20:00Hmm. Wintermate or Coolmate?
01:20:07You know,
01:20:09I've always really liked your hair.
01:20:12I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:20:15So I appreciate that.
01:20:19And you know,
01:20:20Cool, I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:20:24Really?
01:20:25Yeah.
01:20:28What do you got for me?
01:20:30I always really like the way you chew gum.
01:20:33Yeah?
01:20:34Yeah.
01:20:35It's fresh, right?
01:20:37Yo, yo.
01:20:38Yeah, yeah.
01:20:39You know, you're actually a really good doctor.
01:20:42Hey, hey, hey.
01:20:43You need me to look at you?
01:20:44I got you.
01:20:45I'll take care of you.
01:20:47Angela's been kidnapped.
01:20:49Angela's been kidnapped.
01:20:51It was Jerry Cooper.
01:20:53That fucker!
01:20:55We have to find her.
01:20:56What, how?
01:20:57Her ring.
01:20:58Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring just in case.
01:21:01Well, let's go then.
01:21:02Bye, Mom!
01:21:03My fiance!
01:21:04My fiance!
01:21:05My fiance!
01:21:11Jared.
01:21:15What am I doing here?
01:21:18You destroyed me.
01:21:21You took everything.
01:21:24What?
01:21:25I have nothing left.
01:21:27It's not my fault you were too greedy.
01:21:30I was greedy?
01:21:31To have sex with my wife?
01:21:33What?
01:21:35I'm not your wife anymore.
01:21:36Oh, yeah, I know.
01:21:37You wouldn't take me back now.
01:21:38Not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:21:40This is illegal.
01:21:41You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:21:44You won't have me arrested.
01:21:46You will take me back.
01:21:49Ow!
01:21:50You bitch.
01:21:53I'll settle you down a little.
01:21:56Shh.
01:22:03You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:22:08Hey!
01:22:10Angela!
01:22:11Come here!
01:22:15You're too late!
01:22:16I drugged her.
01:22:17She'll be dead soon unless...
01:22:18Oh, yeah?
01:22:19Have you forgotten who I am?
01:22:22He really does have everything in his coat.
01:22:24Everything except for fruit.
01:22:25Yeah, except for fruit-flavored gum.
01:22:26We get it already.
01:22:27Just save my boss!
01:22:31Here you go.
01:22:37You're all good now.
01:22:38Oh, thank God.
01:22:40But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:22:42What?
01:22:43What are you going to do to me?
01:22:45Hey, stop!
01:22:46No, don't!
01:22:48Ow!
01:22:49Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:22:52No!
01:22:55Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:22:57Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:23:05So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:23:07We've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:23:10The Prince of Bhutan.
01:23:12And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:23:22Welcome back to the finale of...
01:23:24The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:23:26We're down to the wire.
01:23:28Literally.
01:23:29The wedding day.
01:23:30But who's the groom?
01:23:44Welcome back to the finale of...
01:23:46The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:23:48But who's the groom?
01:23:52Uh, seems our heiress still hasn't decided.
01:23:57Any input from the parents?
01:23:59Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:24:03This is exciting.
01:24:04Who should my daughter pick?
01:24:07Let me think.
01:24:11I like the doctor.
01:24:13He's cute.
01:24:16But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:24:20And we can't forget about Devon Sterling, the one who's loved her the longest.
01:24:24Isn't that right, Devon?
01:24:26Angela.
01:24:33You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:24:38And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:24:42But this was a really hard decision.
01:24:46And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:24:52And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:25:00I'm just kidding.
01:25:01I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:25:07Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:25:11I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:25:13They've all proven their undying love.
01:25:16So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:25:19Literally.
01:25:22Could it be the sexy and protective, general with a temper, Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:25:33Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird, Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:25:43And last but not least, could it be the richest man of them all,
01:25:48the man Angela would have married a long time ago, Mr. Devon Sterling?
01:25:55Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:25:59It has.
01:26:00May the best man win.
01:26:02May the best man win.
01:26:05Drum roll, please.
01:26:13Never gonna let you down.
01:26:16Never gonna run around and desert you.
01:26:20Seriously, Ricky?
01:26:28I choose...
01:26:31I choose...
01:26:39I need a powerful, strong man, and I really feel like you can protect me.
01:26:45Who could resist those guns?
01:26:49Would I interest you in an NFD, Ellen?
01:26:51Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:26:56I choose...
01:27:01I choose...
01:27:07Shane, it's you. I'm lovesick for you.
01:27:11You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:27:13Yeah.
01:27:16It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:27:19Ellen, be my new queen. I hope we can go together.
01:27:22My guns, baby!
01:27:31I choose...
01:27:35It's always been you.
01:27:45I'll always love you.
01:27:49Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:27:53Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:27:54Have you seen my murdering weapons?
01:27:56I need fruit-flavored gum for you.
01:28:00I choose...
01:28:01I choose...
01:28:31I, Selene Lovett, accept my role as Nightwind's pack Luna, and your wife.
01:28:39I, Alexander Kane, fucking love you.
01:28:44Fucking love you.
01:28:50Yes!
01:28:59Wow. Two alphas together.