The Three Badasses Who Want Me Full Movie
The Three Badasses Who Want Me Full Movie
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list, arrives at Atlanta today.
00:00:11What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten state, one knows.
00:00:16Angela, my next door neighbor, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:20If your mother-in-law sees, she's going to throw a big fit again.
00:00:25Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:00:28What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls, if you can't even apply it to your penniless self?
00:00:33And how do you know that this is none of my...
00:00:37Alright, everybody get out!
00:00:40We got an important guest coming!
00:00:44You!
00:00:49You deaf? I scuff and scram!
00:00:51I paid the staff here already, and if you want me to leave, then fine, but you have to compensate for today's losses.
00:00:59You want to say that again?
00:01:02You know who's visiting today?
00:01:04Ellen freakin' Musk! One of the richest people in the world!
00:01:08Ellen Musk?
00:01:09Of course, a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:01:12Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:01:15Really? Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market?
00:01:22You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:01:28Alright, you know what? I'll play your game.
00:01:31If she does so much as give you a glance, I'll eat dirt.
00:01:37Deal.
00:01:46Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within ten minutes.
00:01:50Or else, you're fired.
00:01:58Prepare the limo. Ms. Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:02:06Ten minutes is no misstep.
00:02:08Good.
00:02:10Five.
00:02:12Four.
00:02:14Three.
00:02:16Two.
00:02:18One.
00:02:21Ten minutes is no misstep.
00:02:23Good.
00:02:25Five.
00:02:27Four.
00:02:29Three.
00:02:31Two.
00:02:33One.
00:02:37Ellen! I mean, Ms. Musk! Ellen!
00:02:41I'm sorry that I...
00:02:43Sorry to frighten you.
00:02:45How's my boss bitch?
00:02:47Kickin' ass, girlfriend!
00:02:50So how do you...
00:02:52She's my boss?
00:02:54I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:02:58No way.
00:03:02Well?
00:03:08No! I'm sorry for offending your boss!
00:03:10I won't do it again!
00:03:14Alright, that's enough.
00:03:16We're not tyrants here.
00:03:20Sir.
00:03:22I found a Lockhart.
00:03:28You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:03:30I honor my pride.
00:03:34You lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:03:38Who are you?
00:03:42Where is she?
00:03:44Atlanta. And you were right.
00:03:46It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:03:49My clever bride.
00:03:51I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:03:57Max.
00:03:59Prep the jet.
00:04:01I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:04:05Dr. Wilson.
00:04:07Benning Sterling's on the move.
00:04:09He's headed to Atlanta.
00:04:11Atlanta? The game is afoot. I'm going.
00:04:13Wait, Dr. Wilson.
00:04:15The Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:04:18I need to pick up my bride.
00:04:22Dr. Wilson!
00:04:30General Eisenhower is here!
00:04:32Benning Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta!
00:04:34Atlanta!
00:04:38Where is that?
00:04:40Whatever! Prepare my war plate!
00:04:42Dosu, bring it up to my fiance.
00:04:44This is war.
00:04:48No!
00:05:00I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper,
00:05:02to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project
00:05:04like you asked me to.
00:05:06Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:05:08This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:05:10That project is worth billions.
00:05:12He can finally take his cutlery.
00:05:14But, Angela.
00:05:16My boss.
00:05:18I don't understand why you do so much for him
00:05:20behind the scenes without ever revealing
00:05:22your true identity.
00:05:24Without your backing.
00:05:26No offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:05:28Well, three years ago...
00:05:46You saved me.
00:05:52He saved me.
00:05:54And I fell in love with him instantly.
00:05:56I didn't want to reveal my true identity
00:05:58because I didn't want him to feel the pressure
00:06:00of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:02But now, with this contract,
00:06:04I feel like we'll be on more equal footing
00:06:06and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:06:08So that's why you have me secretly
00:06:10helping you?
00:06:12Yes.
00:06:15That's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:06:17I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:21But why work at the flea market?
00:06:23Are you...
00:06:25disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:27Well, these exotic spices
00:06:29are incredibly rare
00:06:31and cost a fortune to find.
00:06:33Plus, I get to make the best dishes
00:06:35for my hubby and his mom.
00:06:37You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:40Where the hell are you?
00:06:42Don't tell me you were selling junk
00:06:44at the flea market again.
00:06:46Get home stacked.
00:06:48It's a big day today.
00:06:50That was...
00:06:52My mother-in-law, Carol.
00:06:54She judges me because she thinks
00:06:56I come from a lower-class family.
00:06:58But she's going to be ecstatic tonight
00:07:00when I finally come out and tell her
00:07:02who I really am.
00:07:04You know, she even remembered
00:07:06our third-year anniversary.
00:07:09Please spend more time
00:07:11with my son.
00:07:13Hi, I'm home.
00:07:15I have a big announcement
00:07:17I have to make.
00:07:19Finally, you're back.
00:07:21Now sign the divorce papers.
00:07:23Divorce papers?
00:07:25Is this some sort of
00:07:27misunderstanding, Mom?
00:07:29Oh, God.
00:07:31Don't call me again.
00:07:33We're ending that relationship.
00:07:35I'm sorry.
00:07:38Just look at you.
00:07:40Dirt all over.
00:07:42You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:07:44You don't deserve my son.
00:07:46You're way below his league.
00:07:48I'm below his league?
00:07:50That's right. You are.
00:07:52Jared is signing
00:07:54a hundred billion dollar
00:07:56contract tomorrow with the
00:07:58Elon Musk.
00:08:00And then his company's going public.
00:08:02That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:08:04But you?
00:08:06You're still just a stinky
00:08:08hippie peddler.
00:08:10Jared's like the king in the clouds.
00:08:12And you?
00:08:14You will always
00:08:16just be a pawn.
00:08:18Like dirt
00:08:20on our shoes.
00:08:22Dirt on your shoes?
00:08:24But Elon Musk
00:08:26works for me.
00:08:28You're delusional.
00:08:30You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:08:32How dare you compare yourself
00:08:34to the real deal here?
00:08:38Resorting to lies.
00:08:40Definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:08:42And who are you
00:08:44to my house and meddle with
00:08:46my family matters?
00:08:48You're nothing
00:08:50but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:08:54Jared deserves
00:08:56a queen like Kaylee.
00:08:58Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:09:00Enough!
00:09:02I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:09:04But I am.
00:09:06Don't fight it.
00:09:08Here's 500k.
00:09:10You'll never make this much
00:09:12as a hippie peddler of spices.
00:09:14Now sign the papers,
00:09:16take your check, and leave.
00:09:18Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:20I've done
00:09:22so much for you
00:09:24these past three years.
00:09:26Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:28Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:09:30Fine.
00:09:32Here's another 200k.
00:09:34500k is
00:09:36too much for her already.
00:09:38She's done nothing.
00:09:40Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:09:42She just sells cheap grass
00:09:44all day.
00:09:46Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:09:50I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:09:54You think we can't just hire
00:09:56a maid to cook for us or something?
00:09:58And she wouldn't embarrass us
00:10:00with that permanent stench.
00:10:02A hippie peddler
00:10:04becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:10:06What a joke.
00:10:08If you actually love my son,
00:10:10you'll sign the damn
00:10:12divorce papers already.
00:10:14And leave!
00:10:16You really think that
00:10:18Jared would have gotten that Maple Plaza
00:10:20bid without me?
00:10:22Let alone taking the company public?
00:10:24I did everything
00:10:26for you, Jared.
00:10:28Now you take credit for my son's
00:10:30success?
00:10:34It's all
00:10:36my work.
00:10:38Baby, we're gonna be late
00:10:40for the auction if we keep letting
00:10:42this psycho
00:10:44stall us.
00:10:46You did say you would win me Princess
00:10:48Anna's tiara, didn't you?
00:10:50So,
00:10:52she's the reason for the divorce.
00:10:54She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:10:58Fine.
00:11:00I'll sign it.
00:11:02But don't regret it.
00:11:04Regret?
00:11:06Do I know who I am?
00:11:08Yeah, a cockroach
00:11:10that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed?
00:11:12I'm Eric Vanderbilt's
00:11:14daughter.
00:11:16Jared bid
00:11:18on Maple Plaza was because
00:11:20of my dad.
00:11:22And because he's business partners with Ellen
00:11:24Musk.
00:11:26It's part of the power that I have.
00:11:30You can't do shit
00:11:32because you're poor.
00:11:34Social stratum matters.
00:11:36Yeah, social stratum does
00:11:38matter.
00:11:40And the Coopers are beneath
00:11:42me. And you really think
00:11:44Ellen Musk would come to Atlanta
00:11:46if it weren't for me?
00:11:48Ha! You're delusional.
00:11:50Now sign the papers
00:11:52and scram!
00:11:56You owe me.
00:11:58You dirty bitch.
00:12:00You sicken me.
00:12:06You hit me.
00:12:10Now sign the papers,
00:12:12take your check, and get the fuck out!
00:12:20I
00:12:22don't
00:12:24need
00:12:26your
00:12:28penny money.
00:12:30We're
00:12:32finished.
00:12:34You don't want the money? That's your loss.
00:12:36Your check
00:12:38is just pennies to me.
00:12:40But I would like
00:12:42my ring back.
00:12:50Have fun
00:12:52on your economy flight
00:12:54while I catch a ride on my private
00:12:56helicopter out of here.
00:13:02And I'm way out of your
00:13:04league.
00:13:08Isn't that
00:13:10the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:13:12It's worth
00:13:14tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:16Oh, it's just
00:13:18cheap glass.
00:13:20Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:22You're right. She could never afford
00:13:24anything so expensive.
00:13:28Congrats, Jared
00:13:30Boo-Boo, on getting rid of that dirt
00:13:32bag.
00:13:34Oh! My dad says there's
00:13:36gonna be a secret big-shot financial
00:13:38tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:40Bigger big-shot
00:13:42than Ellen Musk? Yeah.
00:13:44And nobody's met them,
00:13:46but I can introduce you.
00:13:48Everything's thanks to
00:13:50you, babe.
00:14:06Angela, Mr.
00:14:08Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to
00:14:10schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:12Yeah, he's actually CEO
00:14:14of one of our companies. Basically, our
00:14:16employee. Okay, I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow.
00:14:18It's fine. You're still going to
00:14:20the summit tomorrow? But you and Jared Cooper are already
00:14:22divorced. That's exactly
00:14:24why I'm going.
00:14:45Angela Lockhart.
00:14:49I found you.
00:14:51Who is he?
00:14:53That? That's Devin Sterling.
00:14:55He's number one on Forbes'
00:14:5730 under 30 list, an early investor
00:14:59of crypto, CEO of Sterling
00:15:01Enterprises. Rumor has it he's worth
00:15:03trillions. And he's
00:15:05your fiancé.
00:15:07What?
00:15:09My fiancé?
00:15:11The one and only.
00:15:14So, after running away
00:15:16and leaving me single for three years,
00:15:18have you figured out
00:15:20how you're going to make it up to me yet?
00:15:22Babe?
00:15:30That tiara looks
00:15:32perfect on you.
00:15:36What is she
00:15:38doing here?
00:15:41You skank!
00:15:43My son just divorced you
00:15:45yesterday and you're already hooking up with another
00:15:47man? Divorced?
00:15:49That's
00:15:51right. So, I guess
00:15:53this was never meant to be.
00:15:55Sterling.
00:15:57Sterling.
00:15:59So she has to hide her
00:16:01marital status to find another man.
00:16:03Guess she's not just a forsaken woman.
00:16:05She's also a stinky,
00:16:07penniless whore.
00:16:10How dare you
00:16:12insult my boss like that?
00:16:14Who the fuck are you,
00:16:16bitch?
00:16:18Do you know who I...
00:16:20They don't know who you are.
00:16:22You hide it well.
00:16:24X-Team!
00:16:26Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:30Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:35Sir, you were kind of in a rush
00:16:37when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York
00:16:39you forgot to bring the security team.
00:16:46Mind if I
00:16:48borrow your men?
00:16:50Go ahead.
00:16:54Tell these ill-mannered apes out.
00:16:56Oh, you bitch.
00:16:58I'll have my son teach them a lesson.
00:17:00Dad.
00:17:06A kiss as a
00:17:08reward, my lady.
00:17:10No.
00:17:18Guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:17:20You've got
00:17:22Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett,
00:17:24old money like me.
00:17:26Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill,
00:17:28this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:30Pleased to meet you all.
00:17:32Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution.
00:17:34What an honor.
00:17:36I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:17:38It's worth billions of dollars.
00:17:40Congrats. You'll be next.
00:17:44But we haven't received the contract yet.
00:17:46We deserve it.
00:17:48Oh, that's nothing. I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:17:50Vanderbilt, Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:17:52So I thought I'd help the kid out,
00:17:54pull a few strings.
00:17:56Thank you, Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:17:58Now we just have to impress Miss Musk's
00:18:00special guest of honor.
00:18:02Yes, I heard they're a very
00:18:04important, powerful guest.
00:18:06Even wealthier than
00:18:08Ellen Musk.
00:18:10If we can just secure a position with this
00:18:12big shot, we can feast
00:18:14for generations.
00:18:18I'll do my best.
00:18:20Oh.
00:18:24Excuse me.
00:18:26What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:32How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:34A hobo?
00:18:36How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:38You sleep your way in?
00:18:40I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother
00:18:42stalking me. Nothing will come of it
00:18:44and it only sickens me further.
00:18:46Don't flatter yourself.
00:18:50This is your ex-husband?
00:18:54Unfolded when you married him?
00:18:56Who the hell is this?
00:18:58You were cheating on me?
00:19:10Son!
00:19:12You have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:19:14That wicked ex-wife of yours
00:19:16hired some thugs and a gigolo
00:19:18to beat us up.
00:19:20They even took Kaylee's tiara!
00:19:34You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:19:38Get your hands off of her!
00:19:44My lady.
00:19:48My lady.
00:20:00My queen.
00:20:12It's...
00:20:14It's him!
00:20:16He was stalking me in a game of poker yesterday!
00:20:18Who are these peasants?
00:20:20These seats are reserved
00:20:22for thee, Ellen Musk, and her special guest.
00:20:24Oh, shut up, old man.
00:20:28You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:32Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:34That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:36You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:20:38His ancestors built the railway
00:20:40and steamship empire of America.
00:20:42This civil war would not have been won
00:20:44without his family's involvement.
00:20:46Vanderbilt.
00:20:48The father of that skank
00:20:50Kaylee Vanderbilt,
00:20:52who only knows how to crawl her way
00:20:54into a married man's bed.
00:20:56That lonely Vanderbilt family?
00:21:04Oh, goddammit.
00:21:06My stomach aches now.
00:21:08Oh.
00:21:10Whatever.
00:21:12Angela can handle herself.
00:21:14She'll be fine.
00:21:26How dare you
00:21:28call one of us low?
00:21:30I'm Harvey F. N. Buffett,
00:21:32the most important investor
00:21:34in the entire stock market.
00:21:36I can wipe you out
00:21:38with a simple pinky only.
00:21:40And I can wipe you out
00:21:42with just a strand of my hair.
00:21:44Not with me around.
00:21:46I, Bill Ford, and the entire
00:21:48Ford auto empire stand with these.
00:21:50You're all just
00:21:52peasants compared to who I really am.
00:21:56You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:21:58I've had enough of your games.
00:22:00Security, break their limbs
00:22:02and toss them out.
00:22:04Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:22:08You got new money here.
00:22:12I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:14Yes, my queen.
00:22:16You're all despicable.
00:22:18An insult
00:22:20to your family names.
00:22:24Now,
00:22:26it's my turn to rule.
00:22:28Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:22:30Call Business Ties.
00:22:32And if you don't,
00:22:34I will
00:22:36take away all of your family's
00:22:38wealth and power.
00:22:40I knew it.
00:22:42You're here to fuck with me.
00:22:44You can't fool anyone here.
00:22:46How much money did you spend on that get up?
00:22:48To hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:22:50You're an orphan who sells hippie
00:22:52spices at a flea market.
00:22:54You have nothing.
00:22:56And you will always be nothing.
00:22:58She's a gold digger.
00:23:00Gold digger?
00:23:02Gigolo.
00:23:04Wanna try me for a night?
00:23:06Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:08Mr. Vanderbilt, we can keep these bandits
00:23:10here any longer.
00:23:12They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest,
00:23:14Angela Lockhart, her ex-wife.
00:23:16She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:18Oh, I'm gonna kill that
00:23:20sushi chef. Security!
00:23:26Security!
00:23:28You all don't say you actually all
00:23:30work for me. And now you're trying to throw
00:23:32a coup?
00:23:34You!
00:23:36Insolent fools.
00:23:38Let me guess. You're that special guest?
00:23:40I don't know.
00:23:42Throw them out!
00:23:44And not without some broken
00:23:46bones, too.
00:23:52Oh.
00:23:54You can back down now.
00:23:58I got this.
00:24:00What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:28I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:30No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:32Oh my god,
00:24:34we're so screwed!
00:24:42Angela!
00:24:44Don't hurt her!
00:24:46You bitch.
00:24:48You just threw yourself at me.
00:24:50How dare you insult my boss like that.
00:24:52Boss?
00:24:54Did she say her boss?
00:24:56That's Ellen Musk.
00:24:58That woman right there is Angela
00:25:00Lockhart. My boss and sole
00:25:02heiress to Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:04Their lineage is older than this country
00:25:06itself.
00:25:08Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:10If she's your boss,
00:25:12then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:14That's Lady Lockhart to you. She's royalty.
00:25:16And since you're all subsidiaries,
00:25:18she's your boss's boss.
00:25:20What are you going to do?
00:25:22Kneel!
00:25:24Oh, your majesty.
00:25:26Welcome to
00:25:28the United States.
00:25:30We've always been your loyal subjects.
00:25:32Yes, your highness.
00:25:34Is it queen or prince?
00:25:36It doesn't matter.
00:25:38My queen, please
00:25:40forgive our insolence.
00:25:42We didn't mean to offend.
00:25:44What are you doing, you idiot?
00:25:46Let go of the boss lady and beg
00:25:48for forgiveness.
00:25:54What
00:25:58rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:16She's a badass herself.
00:26:18He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:20You! You!
00:26:22You told me your wife was a Hitler.
00:26:24Turns out you were the freeloading
00:26:26scumbag. No, no, don't
00:26:28believe their lies. I worked hard for everything.
00:26:30You worked for everything?
00:26:36Hi, Henry.
00:26:38So,
00:26:40our 30th anniversary is coming up
00:26:42and I thought that maybe we can do something special.
00:26:44I can't focus on anything trivial
00:26:46like that. I have to figure out
00:26:48this bid for the Maple Plaza project.
00:26:50If I get it, I can take the company
00:26:52public.
00:27:00You were nothing
00:27:02before me. All your
00:27:04achievements, all your glory,
00:27:06that's all mine.
00:27:08Including the Maple Plaza
00:27:10contract.
00:27:12I can take all of that away
00:27:14just like that.
00:27:16No, you can't take that away.
00:27:18Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals.
00:27:20Nobody!
00:27:22Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:27:24Yeah, I feel you.
00:27:26It was Queen Victoria's and it's worth
00:27:28is equivalent to more than an entire
00:27:30country's GDP.
00:27:38I gave you back the ring?
00:27:40I divorced a royal heiress?
00:27:42No!
00:27:44Please, no!
00:27:46Take me back, baby! I still love you!
00:27:50Oh, man.
00:27:52Looks like they've started the party without us.
00:27:54No one's allowed to start a fight without
00:27:56Cole Eisenhower!
00:28:02God, these two again.
00:28:04Did he say...
00:28:06Is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:28:08President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:28:10After General Eisenhower won World War II,
00:28:12each of his descendants have all gone on
00:28:14to become five-star generals,
00:28:16the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:18Bloody buffoons know your history.
00:28:20Sorry I'm late, babe.
00:28:22I got lost trying to find Atlanta.
00:28:24Then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:28:28And that there is...
00:28:30That is the legendary
00:28:32boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:28:34He's Dr. House's protege!
00:28:36Dr. House?
00:28:38I thought that was just a TV show.
00:28:40Oh, no, that's based on a real figure.
00:28:42The son of James House.
00:28:44Dr. House? He's practically my uncle.
00:28:46I correctly diagnosed the pope
00:28:48before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:28:50So he's been off crying himself a waterfall
00:28:52somewhere in the Netherlands
00:28:54for the last 15 years.
00:28:56And I'm late because I ran out of gum
00:28:58and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:02Hey, Ellen.
00:29:04Who are these weebs, and why are they here?
00:29:06Uh, they're all
00:29:08your fiancées.
00:29:10What? Fiancées?
00:29:14Plural? Fiancées?
00:29:16Plural?
00:29:18Watch it, nerds. I'm her fiancé.
00:29:20No, I'm her fiancé.
00:29:22You can both shut up. I'm her fiancé.
00:29:24It's you.
00:29:26It's me. Who the hell is he?
00:29:28I'm Spider-Man.
00:29:30How are all three
00:29:32of these men
00:29:34my fiancé?
00:29:36Your father had arranged these engagements years ago,
00:29:38but I didn't tell you because he decided to marry
00:29:40Jared Cooper at the time.
00:29:42She has three
00:29:44badass fiancées, and she marries his dumb ass?
00:29:48Whatever.
00:29:50Since you're all here,
00:29:52help me finish him.
00:29:56Since you're all here,
00:29:58help me finish him.
00:30:00At your service.
00:30:02Me too.
00:30:04Oh!
00:30:06Oh!
00:30:08One down, two more to go.
00:30:10She's become queen.
00:30:12Bishop to G4.
00:30:16Ow! Ow! Ow!
00:30:18What is that?
00:30:20The most germ-infested water in the Nile River.
00:30:22Ah!
00:30:26Rook to A8.
00:30:32Hello?
00:30:34I thought I was king.
00:30:36No, you wish.
00:30:38The king doesn't do anything, so
00:30:40Alan can be my king.
00:30:42Oh, fine.
00:30:46Bankrupt to four. It's right this second.
00:30:52I've...
00:30:54I've been bankrupt!
00:30:56No!
00:30:58Who is...
00:31:04I've been bankrupt!
00:31:06No!
00:31:08I told you I would remove all of you
00:31:10from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:12Well, guess what?
00:31:14Game over.
00:31:16Alright, boys, let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:18Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:20Wait for me!
00:31:22Wait for me!
00:31:24Nobody beats me to the finish line!
00:31:34Angela!
00:31:38You already have three fiancés?
00:31:40You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:31:42I want
00:31:44compensation.
00:31:46You greedy SOB.
00:31:48Who the fuck is that?
00:31:50My ex-husband.
00:31:52You were married?
00:31:54Yeah, and if that's a problem for you,
00:31:56then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:31:58More for me?
00:32:00No, no, of course not.
00:32:02You want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:04Don't steal my joke.
00:32:06I can make him decide my choice.
00:32:08All evidence of your past with him.
00:32:10What? Is there something on my face?
00:32:12Uh, yeah.
00:32:14Murderous intent.
00:32:16Let's remarry.
00:32:18Let's remarry.
00:32:20You still don't realize
00:32:22I only fell in love with you
00:32:24to save me from drowning three years ago.
00:32:32...
00:32:34...
00:32:36...
00:32:38...
00:32:40...
00:32:42...
00:32:44...
00:32:46...
00:32:48...
00:32:50Sir, it's an emergency.
00:32:52We need to wreck right away.
00:32:54Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson
00:32:56are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:32:58Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:02She should be okay now.
00:33:06Hey, you!
00:33:08Watch over here.
00:33:10I'll be right back.
00:33:12...
00:33:14...
00:33:16...
00:33:18You saved me.
00:33:20...
00:33:22Fuck.
00:33:24I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:33:26...
00:33:28Fuck.
00:33:30I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:33:32You've cheated on me,
00:33:34you've hit me, and you've insulted me.
00:33:36And after all,
00:33:38I never want to see you again.
00:33:40I fucking hate you.
00:33:42Lady Lockhart!
00:33:44God, what now?
00:33:46Oh, yes.
00:33:48We understand that you are
00:33:50a very busy person,
00:33:52but if you're not going to give your ex-husband
00:33:54the Maple Plaza project...
00:33:56How about us three?
00:33:58Come back, we won't turn on you.
00:34:00Yeah, no.
00:34:02You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:04But...
00:34:06This is your fault!
00:34:08We never should have believed your bullshit!
00:34:10No!
00:34:12We lose our positions
00:34:14with Ellen Musk and the Lockharts.
00:34:16Oh, family!
00:34:18I'll get you for this!
00:34:20...
00:34:22...
00:34:24I never should have listened to you.
00:34:26I'm ruined because of you!
00:34:42So, what's the situation here?
00:34:44I want to marry you!
00:34:46...
00:34:48...
00:34:50...
00:34:52...
00:34:54I want to marry you!
00:34:56...
00:34:58Listen,
00:35:00I only met you guys a few hours ago,
00:35:02and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:04But what if I told you
00:35:06that we've known each other
00:35:08for much longer than just a few hours?
00:35:10Longer?
00:35:12...
00:35:14Angela?
00:35:16Your parents would like to have a video call
00:35:18with all of you.
00:35:20...
00:35:22My lovely princess,
00:35:24how are you?
00:35:26Look, your mother and I are in Italy!
00:35:28The views here are absolutely stunning!
00:35:30Perfect for a wedding, you say?
00:35:32I heard you
00:35:34finally divorced that
00:35:36good-for-nothing, blood-sucking
00:35:38three-letter husband of yours.
00:35:40I can't call his name, but...
00:35:42Anyway, congratulations!
00:35:44I've selected three
00:35:46prime young men for you to choose from
00:35:48to replace him.
00:35:50You must pick one of them to marry,
00:35:52otherwise...
00:35:54Let me do it.
00:35:56You must choose one of them in seven days,
00:35:58otherwise...
00:36:00we'll kill ourselves.
00:36:02Mom!
00:36:04Alright, honey, that's it.
00:36:06Bye!
00:36:08...
00:36:10So,
00:36:12who are you going to choose?
00:36:14Well,
00:36:16what if I want
00:36:18all three of you?
00:36:20Well,
00:36:22what if I want all three of you?
00:36:24...
00:36:26That seems greedy.
00:36:28...
00:36:30...
00:36:32But...
00:36:34I can always remove the other two options.
00:36:36Hey!
00:36:38I may be dirty, but I can take lives, too.
00:36:40I know and have
00:36:42access to all the deadliest poisons
00:36:44in the world.
00:36:46Okay, no murder, please.
00:36:48I was just kidding.
00:36:50You have seven days to win her over.
00:36:52Ooh!
00:36:54It's like The Bachelorette.
00:36:56I know. We'll start with
00:36:58challenge one.
00:37:00Welcome to the show,
00:37:02The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
00:37:04Today,
00:37:06we have our first challenge.
00:37:08What is
00:37:10all of this, Ellen?
00:37:12You'll see.
00:37:14...
00:37:16...
00:37:18...
00:37:20Oh my god! Oh my god!
00:37:22Cockroaches!
00:37:24All women are afraid of cockroaches,
00:37:26and it is every man's job
00:37:28to remove their beloved woman from this monstrosity
00:37:30of a creature.
00:37:32What will our three candidates do
00:37:34to prove their undying love
00:37:36for our single lady,
00:37:38but screaming her head off, Eris?
00:37:40...
00:37:42...
00:37:44...
00:37:46Looks like one of our contestants
00:37:48has already called.
00:37:50It's up to the final two.
00:37:52...
00:37:54...
00:37:56...
00:37:58...
00:38:00...
00:38:02...
00:38:04...
00:38:06...
00:38:08...
00:38:10...
00:38:12Crunchy.
00:38:14That is sick cold.
00:38:16Hey, when you're stranded
00:38:18in the middle of the battlefield,
00:38:20you'll be glad to see one of these.
00:38:22They're left.
00:38:24Wanna try one?
00:38:26Oh my god, no!
00:38:28Oh my god, save me!
00:38:30Save you? You're gonna save me!
00:38:32...
00:38:34I'm a German folk doctor.
00:38:36These hands can't get germs on them.
00:38:38They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:38:40...
00:38:42...
00:38:44...
00:38:46...
00:38:48...
00:38:50...
00:38:52...
00:38:54Thank god you're here.
00:38:56...
00:38:58Are you alright, honey?
00:39:00Angela!
00:39:02...
00:39:04Alright, you won the first challenge,
00:39:06so you're a reward.
00:39:08You get to watch over her for the night.
00:39:10Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean.
00:39:12I'm not her scumbag husband.
00:39:14You have nothing to worry about.
00:39:16...
00:39:18...
00:39:20Honestly, even if you cook,
00:39:22it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:39:24At least my girl can get some.
00:39:26I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:39:28...
00:39:30The cockroaches!
00:39:32They're gone, they're gone.
00:39:34In this room, except you and me, okay?
00:39:36I'm going to kill
00:39:38Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:39:40...
00:39:42I need a drink.
00:39:44...
00:39:46...
00:39:48...
00:39:50...
00:39:52Whoa, easy! You're on an empty stomach!
00:39:54...
00:39:56Why do you care?
00:39:58I'm trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela.
00:40:00...
00:40:02You guys were right.
00:40:04I was blind for marrying that asshole.
00:40:06...
00:40:08You know, I wasted
00:40:10three whole years of my life
00:40:12with him.
00:40:14He never even loved me.
00:40:16And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:40:18...
00:40:20...
00:40:22Do you really think that you would still be number one
00:40:24on the Forbes 30 under 30 list if I was around?
00:40:26...
00:40:28...
00:40:30You may not be number one on Forbes list,
00:40:32but you know what your number one is?
00:40:34...
00:40:36...
00:40:38Your number one here.
00:40:40...
00:40:42...
00:40:44You know,
00:40:46we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:40:48Lies.
00:40:50...
00:40:52You all just want something from me.
00:40:54...
00:40:56...
00:40:58Angela,
00:41:00I know it's hard to trust again,
00:41:02but I assure you,
00:41:04I don't care
00:41:06what family you're from.
00:41:08...
00:41:10I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:41:12I don't need your power,
00:41:14your status, your wealth,
00:41:16your connections.
00:41:18I just need you.
00:41:20...
00:41:22I'll prove my love to you
00:41:24within six days, I promise.
00:41:26...
00:41:28...
00:41:30...
00:41:32...
00:41:34...
00:41:36Screw the contest.
00:41:38I deserve...
00:41:40Angela!
00:41:42You're drunk.
00:41:44I'm an adult.
00:41:46Can't I go just get what she wants?
00:41:48Okay.
00:41:50...
00:41:52...
00:41:54But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:41:56Oh,
00:41:58they're not mutually exclusive
00:42:00either.
00:42:02...
00:42:04...
00:42:06...
00:42:08This is what you want.
00:42:10...
00:42:12...
00:42:14...
00:42:16...
00:42:18...
00:42:20...
00:42:22...
00:42:24...
00:42:26...
00:42:28...
00:42:30...
00:42:32...
00:42:34...
00:42:36Nine-inch penis.
00:42:38Morning to you, too.
00:42:40You sure you were drunk last night?
00:42:42You wouldn't, uh...
00:42:44A girl remembers when she's had a
00:42:46nine-inch penis inside of her.
00:42:48Well,
00:42:50glad you enjoyed it.
00:42:52But don't tell Shane or Cole,
00:42:54because then
00:42:56they would...
00:42:58Say that you were being unfair?
00:43:00Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:02I won the first challenge,
00:43:04and according to Ellen,
00:43:06my prize was to spend a night with you anyways.
00:43:08Don't make this
00:43:10any harder than it already is.
00:43:12...
00:43:14Are you sure you don't
00:43:16want it pretty hard?
00:43:18...
00:43:20...
00:43:22Fine, fine, fine.
00:43:24...
00:43:26I won't tell.
00:43:28On one condition.
00:43:30...
00:43:32I won't tell.
00:43:34But only on one condition.
00:43:36You have to go out on a date with me.
00:43:38...
00:43:40Fine.
00:43:42...
00:43:44I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:43:46...
00:43:48You never noticed me.
00:43:50...
00:43:52Uh, you should
00:43:54get dressed and get...
00:43:56...
00:43:58It's only 7 a.m.
00:44:00She's still sleeping.
00:44:02I'm not sleeping alone.
00:44:04Another man for another second.
00:44:06...
00:44:08Morning, gentlemen.
00:44:10Or shall I say, ruffmen?
00:44:12Oh, don't mind him.
00:44:14What's up, guys?
00:44:16We're ready for the second challenge.
00:44:18No cockroaches this time.
00:44:20Yes, no more terrifying things.
00:44:22That was my bad, Angela.
00:44:24This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:44:26I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:44:28The second challenge is...
00:44:30The second challenge is...
00:44:32A date.
00:44:34Lame. I should have asked for something else.
00:44:36A date? That's it.
00:44:38What's the catch?
00:44:40No catch. Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:44:42As simple as that.
00:44:44I know what I want to do. Let's start with me first.
00:44:46Okay. Who's up first?
00:44:48Me.
00:44:50Save the best for last.
00:44:52Night, Angela.
00:44:54Then it's decided.
00:44:56Please!
00:44:58Don't take my BMW away!
00:45:00Too bad.
00:45:02You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:45:04I have nothing left!
00:45:14It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:45:18It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:45:20It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:45:28Do you know Eisenhower, sir?
00:45:30At ease, Lieutenant.
00:45:32He also manages this boxing gym.
00:45:34Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower.
00:45:36He's so serious.
00:45:38But hang on.
00:45:40Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet.
00:45:42Baby,
00:45:44I decided to take you here on our first date
00:45:46so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:45:48Guns? Like murder weapons?
00:45:50Yes.
00:45:52Murder weapons.
00:46:12You like my guns, babe?
00:46:14Pretty rock hard.
00:46:16Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:46:18Lieutenant!
00:46:20Come close!
00:46:22Wait! You're just going to hit him like that?
00:46:24He's not even going to fight back?
00:46:26Fighting back would be treason, ma'am!
00:46:28Treason? You guys are way too serious.
00:46:30Look, you rock hard bitch!
00:46:32I caught you!
00:46:34If I'm going down, you're all going down with me!
00:46:36Lieutenant,
00:46:38here's your attack!
00:46:46Ah!
00:46:50You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:46:54I will make you pay!
00:46:58You don't need to keep beating him up.
00:47:00We could just take him to the cops.
00:47:02Not when he tries to hurt you.
00:47:10So he's a bit violent.
00:47:12Some might call it being protective.
00:47:14What if he married and I forget to use a coaster
00:47:16on an antique table or something?
00:47:18Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:47:20Hey, some girls are into that.
00:47:22I don't know if I am.
00:47:26Well, maybe shame will be your type.
00:47:32Your date with Shane starts now.
00:47:36Hey.
00:47:38Hey.
00:47:40Cool ride.
00:47:42A gift from the Chancellor of Germany
00:47:44when I saved his wife.
00:47:46Impressive.
00:47:48Your breath
00:47:50smells like peppermint.
00:47:52Refreshing.
00:47:54Cool mint, too.
00:47:56Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:47:58What do you not have in this
00:48:00coat of yours?
00:48:02Fruit flavored gum.
00:48:04I can't stand those.
00:48:06Let me show you.
00:48:12Dr. Wilson!
00:48:14Our VIP of VIPs!
00:48:16Right this way.
00:48:18VIP of VIPs?
00:48:20Ah, just some other guy I saved.
00:48:22I forget who.
00:48:24You saved a lot of people.
00:48:26I do what I can.
00:48:28Oh, my gosh.
00:48:30It's my gold-digging neighbor who just got dumped
00:48:32by her husband.
00:48:34Sandra Miller.
00:48:36What are you doing here?
00:48:38I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:48:40Grandma told me all about the divorce
00:48:42and how you hired some gigolo to beat her
00:48:44and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:48:46How low of you.
00:48:48What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:48:50Of course your bird brain
00:48:52wouldn't remember.
00:48:54I sell high fashion jewelry pieces so high end
00:48:56you couldn't even afford
00:48:58even a few soldier organs.
00:49:00The auction begins.
00:49:02I'll deal with you later.
00:49:04Here, I'll just be outside.
00:49:10Cameron,
00:49:12I have a task for you.
00:49:14Our next piece
00:49:16is absolutely extraordinary.
00:49:18Cleopatra's armband
00:49:20sold by our vendor
00:49:22Sandra Miller.
00:49:24Five million dollars.
00:49:26Excuse me.
00:49:28I'd like to donate this to auction.
00:49:30It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:49:32I'd like to donate
00:49:34this piece to auction.
00:49:36It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:49:38What are you doing?
00:49:40Just watch.
00:49:46That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:49:48Please.
00:49:50I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:49:52She probably got it at the flea market
00:49:54she works at.
00:49:56You work at a flea market?
00:49:58Cut the bullshit.
00:50:00That wouldn't even be five dollars.
00:50:02Here, you want it? For free.
00:50:04Ew, I don't want that trash
00:50:06you hippie peddler.
00:50:08Well, that's too bad then
00:50:10because you are the fraud.
00:50:14What are you talking about?
00:50:16Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:50:18Throw them out.
00:50:20Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine
00:50:22but we're professionals.
00:50:24Oh yeah?
00:50:26And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:50:28Yeah.
00:50:30Mine is the real thing.
00:50:32You two are just upset because you're too
00:50:34poor to afford our luxury items.
00:50:36Oh, is that so?
00:50:38When a so-called expert failed to recognize
00:50:40Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:50:42Dear Lord.
00:50:44This is real.
00:50:46It's authentic.
00:50:48It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:54Karen, what have you found?
00:50:56Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband
00:50:58you sent me? It's a replica.
00:51:00They had the same one
00:51:02right here at the flea market.
00:51:04So...
00:51:06you're the fraud.
00:51:08So you just went to the flea market
00:51:10so you can buy since?
00:51:12And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:51:14150.
00:51:16Wow.
00:51:18Not even five dollars.
00:51:20Sandra.
00:51:22You've been duping us the whole time?
00:51:24Arrest her!
00:51:26No! Please!
00:51:28Please!
00:51:30What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:51:32Uh, investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry
00:51:34for the Emperor of Japan. Bye.
00:51:36Lock Callista from the jewelry industry
00:51:38forever.
00:51:48I had a really great time tonight.
00:51:50Me too.
00:51:52May I have a kiss?
00:51:58Sure.
00:52:08Something wrong?
00:52:10Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:52:16Yep.
00:52:18You never have to worry about stinky breath from me.
00:52:28You
00:52:30owe us
00:52:32a bunch of money.
00:52:34I don't have any money.
00:52:36How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:52:38I guess
00:52:40you'll only pay up
00:52:42if I break your other leg.
00:52:44Stop!
00:52:52I had a really
00:52:54great time tonight.
00:52:56May I
00:52:58have a kiss?
00:53:12Something wrong?
00:53:14Do you always have gum
00:53:16in your mouth?
00:53:22Yep.
00:53:24You never have to worry about stinky breath from me.
00:53:34You
00:53:36owe us
00:53:38a bunch of money.
00:53:40I don't have any money.
00:53:42How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:44I guess
00:53:46you'll only pay up
00:53:48if I break your other leg.
00:53:50Stop!
00:53:54Mr. Vanderbilt?
00:53:58Mr. Buffett?
00:54:02This is the contract
00:54:04for the Maple Plaza project.
00:54:06That's right. This must be given to you.
00:54:08I knew Angelo
00:54:10was still in love with me.
00:54:12I knew Angelo was still in love with me.
00:54:14No, no. Sorry about those
00:54:16injuries from earlier. It was all just a
00:54:18little misunderstanding.
00:54:20Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:54:22And then
00:54:24maybe you can tell
00:54:26Lady Lockhart to put in a good word for us?
00:54:28Angela still loves
00:54:30me. She's just throwing a fit.
00:54:32She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:54:34Yeah. Do you need any help winning her back?
00:54:36We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:54:38I was jizzing up
00:54:40to these pricks a few days ago, but now
00:54:42they're all begging me to help them out.
00:54:44It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:54:46Sure.
00:54:48I'll put in a good word
00:54:50for you.
00:54:52Anything you tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:54:54Once I take everything
00:54:56from these idiots,
00:54:58I'll go after Angela
00:55:00Lockhart for my revenge.
00:55:06I'm giving the contract
00:55:08to Jared Cooper, just like you asked me to.
00:55:10Well done. He'll be
00:55:12fucked soon.
00:55:14Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:55:16I don't get it, Miss Musk.
00:55:18My contract has a preliminary
00:55:20clause. It requires him to pay 50%
00:55:22of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:55:24If he can't, then what?
00:55:26He'll be bankrupt.
00:55:28So as long as he's greedy, I have to take it.
00:55:30I'm avenging my best
00:55:32friend. I want to show the world
00:55:34that without Angela Lockhart,
00:55:36he's nothing.
00:55:42I signed the Maple
00:55:44Plaza project.
00:55:46We should celebrate.
00:55:48You did? You see, I know my son
00:55:50has it in him. Skank Angela
00:55:52is nothing next to you.
00:55:54And it's all thanks to you,
00:55:56sweetheart.
00:55:58Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:56:02What?
00:56:04You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:56:06Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:56:08He's not. Jared, what are you doing?
00:56:10You have such a beautiful
00:56:12and bright future ahead of you.
00:56:14It's my decision, Mom.
00:56:16I'm the head of the house here.
00:56:18I'm telling my dad.
00:56:20Fine. Go right ahead. He has enough problems
00:56:22himself. If you're obedient, I'll
00:56:24keep you around as his side piece, but if not,
00:56:26you can scram.
00:56:28Dad,
00:56:30Jared is being mean to me.
00:56:32Teach him a lesson. Kaylie, be a good
00:56:34girl, okay? Jared has
00:56:36the backing of some very powerful
00:56:38people now. Don't get on his bad side.
00:56:40We can't afford to
00:56:42piss him off, so do as he says.
00:56:44But Dad!
00:56:52I'm sorry.
00:56:54For your side piece.
00:56:56Good. I'm happy you've come around.
00:56:58Now let's go celebrate.
00:57:02I mean,
00:57:04do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth
00:57:06forever, though?
00:57:08But that tongue action, though.
00:57:10Tongue is important in more than just one spot.
00:57:12We are in public.
00:57:14It's true.
00:57:16Stomach ache. Again?
00:57:18I have to run to the bathroom. Devin should be
00:57:20here to pick you up soon.
00:57:22Devin's late.
00:57:24Not a good sign
00:57:26for a date.
00:57:28This hotel restaurant
00:57:30has five Michelin stars.
00:57:32It's her.
00:57:34She's alone.
00:57:36With no one to save her.
00:57:38You
00:57:40whore. You seduced my son
00:57:42so he'd get back with you.
00:57:46Let me tell
00:57:48you, I would never go back
00:57:50even if your entire family got down
00:57:52on their knees and begged me.
00:57:56Hey, you guys can fight all you want,
00:57:58but you need to take this somewhere else.
00:58:00Whoever gets rid of her for me
00:58:02gets all this.
00:58:04Why do I have to leave? She's the one starting shit.
00:58:06Because I have money
00:58:08and you don't. You're just a stinky
00:58:10hippie peddler and my son
00:58:12just signed a $100,000 contract.
00:58:14He still got the contract?
00:58:16Hmm.
00:58:18Must be Ellen's doing.
00:58:20Even if he does sign it,
00:58:22he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:58:24Oh, he's just gonna...
00:58:26Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:28Bet you've never seen
00:58:30this much cash before.
00:58:32You
00:58:34take my charity into
00:58:36my face as if it's your own.
00:58:38My maid wouldn't even pick
00:58:40up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:42$1,000 to take her away.
00:58:44$2,000 to
00:58:46drag her away.
00:58:48$5,000 to beat
00:58:50her.
00:58:52Oh, oh, hey!
00:58:54Hey! Ow! Hey!
00:58:58You okay?
00:59:00You hurt?
00:59:04You!
00:59:06You, just a few days ago, you found
00:59:08yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
00:59:10And now you have two more?
00:59:12What a whore.
00:59:14What a whore. Yeah.
00:59:16And Jared wanted to get back with her?
00:59:18What if she has an STD?
00:59:20Oh, like sleeping with a married
00:59:22man wouldn't give you an STD.
00:59:24Let's go.
00:59:26We'll expose her to Jared.
00:59:28Hang on.
00:59:30What do you want?
00:59:32I don't hit women.
00:59:34But I never said I don't kill.
00:59:38But I never said I don't kill.
00:59:42Oh, God. He is a murderer.
00:59:44What if he murders me?
00:59:46Not him. Definitely not him.
00:59:52We're not afraid of you.
00:59:54This isn't a war zone.
00:59:56You'll be removed from being a five-star general
00:59:58if you hurt a civilian without adequate care.
01:00:00I was just messing with him.
01:00:02Was he, though?
01:00:04We're not afraid of you.
01:00:06Jared, you have to avenge us.
01:00:08Look at this slut.
01:00:10She's found two more boy toys.
01:00:12She's cheating on you. Don't get back with her.
01:00:14Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:00:16I apologize for this scene.
01:00:18I'll talk to Potty Crash's immediately
01:00:20so that you can go to your celebration banquet.
01:00:22What did you say? You were going to toss out?
01:00:24The Potty Crashers.
01:00:28You have any idea who that is?
01:00:30That's my wife.
01:00:32We saved that title for the real skank over there.
01:00:34That's right.
01:00:36Know your place.
01:00:38Shut up.
01:00:40She's cheating on you.
01:00:42Know your place.
01:00:44You're just a side piece, if I still want you, that is.
01:00:46Eric, have you gone mad?
01:00:48This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:00:50You slap her for this whore?
01:00:52Mom!
01:00:54I really think there's something, huh?
01:00:56Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status
01:00:58goes back to the Victorian age.
01:01:00She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:01:02I only got the Maple Closet project.
01:01:04She gave it to me.
01:01:06What?
01:01:08You apologize right now
01:01:10or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:01:16I'm sorry.
01:01:18No.
01:01:20This can't be.
01:01:22I made you
01:01:24divorce...
01:01:26Go home.
01:01:28You're not suited to come with me
01:01:30to my celebration banquet.
01:01:36I apologize
01:01:38on behalf of my mother.
01:01:40Honey, I know you came here
01:01:42to see my achievements.
01:01:44I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:46I didn't come here for you.
01:01:48I'm on a date.
01:01:50A date with two men
01:01:52at the same time?
01:01:54She really is a whore.
01:01:56Angela, please forgive me.
01:01:58I really do love you.
01:02:00Oh!
01:02:02Lady Knockout is here!
01:02:04Oh!
01:02:06Lady Knockout is here!
01:02:08I...
01:02:10Yeah, we already know
01:02:12you beat Ford's ass.
01:02:14We're too old for that.
01:02:16Welcome to my celebration banquet.
01:02:18Please, you gave me the contract
01:02:20so if anyone should go
01:02:22as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:02:24Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart.
01:02:26Join us. We'll all be one happy
01:02:28business family again.
01:02:30What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:32Where were you?
01:02:34Stomach issues.
01:02:36Again?
01:02:38Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart.
01:02:40Join us. We'll all be one happy
01:02:42business family again.
01:02:44Where were you?
01:02:46Stomach issues.
01:02:48Again? Would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:50No.
01:02:52Let me make my
01:02:54Sarah, okay?
01:02:56I would rather die
01:02:58than be with you again.
01:03:00Seems that they're not actually
01:03:02on good terms.
01:03:04I can't lose face in front of these pricks,
01:03:06otherwise they'll cut me off too.
01:03:08Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance.
01:03:10I'll prove it to you.
01:03:12Give me a chance?
01:03:14Angela, no. You have three great guys here
01:03:16who all want to marry you.
01:03:18Don't take him back.
01:03:20I'll give you two choices.
01:03:22I'll give you two choices.
01:03:26Me
01:03:28or the contract.
01:03:30You're kidding me.
01:03:32No, I'm not kidding you.
01:03:34If you choose me, we can
01:03:36remarry this week,
01:03:38but you don't get the $100 billion contract.
01:03:40The choice is all yours.
01:03:42That's a choice.
01:03:44You think so?
01:03:46He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract
01:03:48that takes his company to the moon.
01:03:50Either way, he benefits.
01:03:52Why can't I have both?
01:03:54You really are a greedy bastard.
01:03:56Angela, I saved you.
01:03:58Remember? I deserve the contract.
01:04:00Did you really?
01:04:04Look who's
01:04:06fashionably late now.
01:04:08He didn't save her at the pool.
01:04:10Wait, what are you talking about?
01:04:12I...
01:04:14I choose the contract.
01:04:16I knew it. You'll get what's coming to you.
01:04:20With this contract,
01:04:22my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:04:24Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me
01:04:26in front of everyone.
01:04:28I will get you one day.
01:04:30Let me show you something.
01:04:38You saved me.
01:04:44You saved me.
01:04:46I'm sorry
01:04:48if his lies led to you in three years of your life,
01:04:52but I promise you
01:04:54I'm going to make it up to you
01:04:56with the rest of our lives.
01:04:58No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:05:00I just couldn't...
01:05:02can't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:05:04Can't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:05:12Does that mean
01:05:14we both each saved her once?
01:05:16What?
01:05:18Me? And Dr. Wilson?
01:05:20Losing at saving people?
01:05:22No way.
01:05:24You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:05:26You're crazy.
01:05:28And actually,
01:05:30maybe I've been doing
01:05:32some horrible shit behind your back.
01:05:34What?
01:05:36Mr. Sterling had me investigate
01:05:38their company's dealings.
01:05:40Turns out they've been fletching the numbers
01:05:42on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:05:44Put it simply,
01:05:46they've been stealing from you.
01:05:48I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:05:50Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:05:52I should have had third-party accountants
01:05:54check thoroughly.
01:05:56No, it's not your fault.
01:05:58They're just too slick.
01:06:00No, not that again.
01:06:02Please.
01:06:04Max, you know what to do.
01:06:18The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:06:20All business ties have been severed.
01:06:22We're bankrupt!
01:06:24No!
01:06:28How did you do that?
01:06:30Who are you?
01:06:32And don't say Spider-Man!
01:06:36I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:38I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:42I am...
01:06:44Crypto Punk Number Two!
01:06:46What did he say he was?
01:06:48That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:06:50You're Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:06:52Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:06:54Well, I'm Crypto Punk Number One.
01:06:56See?
01:06:58You are Number One at something.
01:07:00The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:07:02Forget Forbes' list.
01:07:04It's all about young money now.
01:07:06So, how about our date?
01:07:14I'm not letting him win on this one.
01:07:16I'll spy two.
01:07:22Come on.
01:07:30They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:07:32I still have the $100 billion project.
01:07:36Yes!
01:07:38I'm rich!
01:07:40I can make them all pay soon!
01:07:48What?
01:07:50The Maple Plaza contract requires us
01:07:52to provide 50% of the cost of...
01:07:54Otherwise, it's a breach of contract
01:07:56and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:07:58No!
01:08:00I'm bankrupt!
01:08:04You tricked me!
01:08:12Allow me.
01:08:16I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:18I have some very important materials
01:08:20for our special date.
01:08:24Cheers.
01:08:26Cheers.
01:08:34This looks good.
01:08:40Did you use this?
01:08:42I know your ex-in-laws
01:08:44never appreciated you.
01:08:48You can have all the money and power in the world
01:08:50but you still can't force a man to love you.
01:08:54I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:00Angela,
01:09:02your future
01:09:04with me
01:09:06is going to be different.
01:09:08Come on.
01:09:10Upstairs.
01:09:18Come on.
01:09:28Wow.
01:09:30Devon, I can't believe
01:09:32this is what I've been missing out on
01:09:34these past few years
01:09:36just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:38Angela,
01:09:40I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:09:42Actually,
01:09:44I've also loved you for years.
01:09:46That's right.
01:09:48I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:09:50How is all of this possible?
01:09:52I'd meet any of you
01:09:54until recently.
01:09:56Well, actually, maybe Devon, but...
01:10:00I've had a crush on you since college.
01:10:02You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:06Despite who you were,
01:10:08you never judged me for being poor.
01:10:10Are you trying to get hired
01:10:12at Fortune 500
01:10:14in a suit like that?
01:10:18All you do is babble on and on
01:10:20about Internet money,
01:10:22Bitcoin, and shit like that.
01:10:26Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:30I'll teach you a lesson.
01:10:32Hey!
01:10:34Get away from him!
01:10:36Angela!
01:10:38Fancy.
01:10:40I like her.
01:10:52How is he?
01:10:54It's a rare poison made from a mixture
01:10:56of dried roots found in Africa.
01:10:58Astragal saltifu.
01:11:00Can it be cured?
01:11:02I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:04It sounds really scary, but its cure can actually be found
01:11:06in this country.
01:11:08Household salt.
01:11:16I like her.
01:11:18There you go.
01:11:20Time is up.
01:11:22Oh, shoot.
01:11:24I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:32I like her.
01:11:34We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:36So, that's how
01:11:38I, well,
01:11:40we all met.
01:11:42I barely remember.
01:11:44I should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:46Matthew Richards,
01:11:48the guy who attacked you out of revenge.
01:11:50You wouldn't have known.
01:11:52I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:11:54If that makes you feel any better.
01:11:56Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:11:58Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:12:00Now that you know
01:12:02how much they all loved and fought for you
01:12:04for three years,
01:12:06who will you pick?
01:12:10How can that be?
01:12:12Angela Lockhart
01:12:14is an heiress?
01:12:20Kaylee, we've gone
01:12:22bankrupt.
01:12:24Bankrupt?
01:12:26The Vanderbilt's gone bankrupt?
01:12:28Well, then,
01:12:30get out of here.
01:12:32You can't do this to me!
01:12:36Jared! Mom, it's me.
01:12:38What happened?
01:12:40Jared, I have reconsidered.
01:12:42Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:44You should get back with your wife.
01:12:46We're bankrupt.
01:12:48What?
01:12:52Jared Cooper.
01:12:54We're here
01:12:56to post your belongings.
01:12:58No one is going to save you
01:13:00now.
01:13:02Mom!
01:13:04What kind of an
01:13:06asshole throws his own mother
01:13:08to the dogs?
01:13:12Who will you pick?
01:13:14I...
01:13:20I brought you fried chicken.
01:13:22Fried chicken?
01:13:24Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:26Yeah, he's right. I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:28Sucking up last minute!
01:13:30At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:32Hey, stop.
01:13:34Stop.
01:13:36Welcome back to the Bachelorette.
01:13:38I mean,
01:13:40the three badasses who want me.
01:13:42I mean, Angela Lockhart,
01:13:44you know what I mean.
01:13:46Today, our heiress
01:13:48bachelorette will choose
01:13:50which one of our three badasses
01:13:52will she marry.
01:13:54Will it be Shane,
01:13:56the doctor?
01:13:58Cole, the general?
01:14:02Or Devin, the CEO?
01:14:08Looks like our bachelorette may need
01:14:10a little more time to decide.
01:14:12Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:14:14When she does,
01:14:16she will take this eternal rose
01:14:18made from glass imported from Venice
01:14:20and give it to our winner.
01:14:22Angela.
01:14:24Angela.
01:14:26Oh, I...
01:14:30I need more time to think.
01:14:36While our bachelorette
01:14:38takes a little time to decide,
01:14:40why don't we check in with the candidates?
01:14:42Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:14:44Let's start with Cole.
01:14:46Cole.
01:14:48Cole.
01:14:52There's not much to say.
01:14:54Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:14:56who has huge biceps,
01:14:58a massive chest,
01:15:00who would protect their
01:15:02wife?
01:15:04Okay.
01:15:08Shane?
01:15:10Muscles, money,
01:15:12they won't get you so far.
01:15:14But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:15:16that has more than one way
01:15:18to keep a lady happy,
01:15:20if you know what I mean.
01:15:22Okay.
01:15:24I think we do.
01:15:26And Devin.
01:15:28That was quite disgusting.
01:15:32I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:34I know she's going under
01:15:36a lot of stress right now,
01:15:38a lot of choices to make,
01:15:40and she's my queen.
01:15:42I just really hope she's okay.
01:15:44One more thing.
01:15:46What kind of a doctor
01:15:48brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:15:50That's a good point.
01:15:52It's bad for her heart.
01:15:54And then you.
01:15:56You know what they say about military men.
01:15:58They beat
01:16:00their wives.
01:16:04Enough.
01:16:06Stand up.
01:16:10Hey, you guys.
01:16:12Whoa, break it up.
01:16:14Hey, break it up.
01:16:18Cut to commercial.
01:16:20Cut to commercial.
01:16:38This is the hardest decision
01:16:40I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:16:44Who do I choose?
01:16:52Angela's marrying me.
01:16:54You're not stealing her from me.
01:16:56Oh yeah? I may be a doctor,
01:16:58but like I said,
01:17:00I know and possess the deadliest poisons
01:17:02in the world.
01:17:04What don't you have
01:17:06in that coat?
01:17:08I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:17:10I'll fight you then.
01:17:12Don't forget about me.
01:17:14It's time I reveal my true
01:17:16identity.
01:17:18These stupid
01:17:20profile cards don't make any
01:17:22sense. They do not. They do not help.
01:17:24Who made these?
01:17:38Who?
01:17:44It's time I reveal my true
01:17:46identity.
01:17:48I'm actually a part
01:17:50of the X-Men.
01:17:52I have the power of
01:17:54telekinesis!
01:18:09We may have to work together
01:18:11to take him down.
01:18:22This battle within our heads
01:18:24is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:18:26I may not be able to take them
01:18:28both down if they decide to team up.
01:18:30Hmm. Winter Mint
01:18:32or Cool Mint?
01:18:34You know,
01:18:36I've always really liked your hair.
01:18:38Really?
01:18:40I'm actually pretty self-conscious
01:18:42about it.
01:18:44So I appreciate that.
01:18:46And you know,
01:18:48Cool, I've always
01:18:50really liked the way you talk.
01:18:52Really?
01:18:54Yeah.
01:18:56What do you got for me?
01:18:58I always
01:19:00really like the way you chew gum.
01:19:02Yeah?
01:19:04It's fresh, right?
01:19:08You're actually
01:19:10a really good doctor.
01:19:12You need me to look at you?
01:19:14I'll take care of you.
01:19:16Angela's been kidnapped!
01:19:18Angela's been kidnapped!
01:19:20It was Sharon Cooper!
01:19:22That fucker!
01:19:24We have to find her.
01:19:26Her dad installed a GPS tracking
01:19:28mechanism on her ring just in case.
01:19:30Well, let's go then!
01:19:32My fiancé!
01:19:34My fiancé!
01:19:40Jared.
01:19:44What am I doing here?
01:19:46You destroyed me.
01:19:50I took everything.
01:19:52What?
01:19:54I have nothing left.
01:19:56It's not my fault you were too greedy.
01:19:58Greedy?
01:20:00To have sex with my wife?
01:20:02What?
01:20:04I'm not your wife anymore!
01:20:06Oh yeah, I know. You wouldn't take me back now,
01:20:08not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:10This is illegal!
01:20:12You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father
01:20:14and be arrested.
01:20:16You will take me back.
01:20:18Ow!
01:20:20Bitch.
01:20:22That'll settle you down a little.
01:20:28Bitch.
01:20:32You will be begging me
01:20:34to fuck you soon.
01:20:36Hey!
01:20:38Angela, come here!
01:20:42You're too late!
01:20:44I drugged her.
01:20:46She'll be doing the rest.
01:20:48Have you forgotten who I am?
01:20:50It really does have everything in it.
01:20:52Everything except for fruit-flavored gum.
01:20:54Get it already. Just save my boss!
01:20:58Here you go.
01:21:04You're all good now.
01:21:06Oh, thank God.
01:21:08But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:10What? What are you going to do to me?
01:21:12Hey, stop! No! Don't!
01:21:16Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:20No!
01:21:24Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:26Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:34So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:36We've invited the most important figures of the world
01:21:38to your wedding. The Prince of Bhutan.
01:21:40And remember,
01:21:42we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:21:48Welcome back
01:21:50to the finale of
01:21:52The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:21:54The entire, literally, the wedding day.
01:21:56But who's the groom?
01:22:10Welcome back to the finale of
01:22:12The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:14But who's the groom?
01:22:18Uh...
01:22:20Seems our heiress still hasn't decided.
01:22:22Any input from the parents?
01:22:24Maybe that will help sway
01:22:26our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:28Oh, this is exciting.
01:22:30Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:32Let me think.
01:22:36I like the doctor.
01:22:38He's cute.
01:22:42But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:22:46And we can't forget about Devon Sterling,
01:22:48the one who's loved her the longest.
01:22:50Try Devon.
01:22:52Angela.
01:22:58You are all three
01:23:00very fine gentlemen.
01:23:04And I'm really grateful
01:23:06for all of your love.
01:23:08But this was a really hard decision
01:23:10and
01:23:12I decided to devise
01:23:14one last challenge.
01:23:16And
01:23:18I decided to do one last challenge.
01:23:24I'm just kidding. I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:30Each of our candidates
01:23:32have saved our main character.
01:23:34I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:23:36They've all proven their
01:23:38undying love.
01:23:40Who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:23:42Literally.
01:23:44Could it be
01:23:46the sexy and
01:23:48protective, general with a temper
01:23:50Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:23:56Or
01:23:58the fun, wicked-minded, but
01:24:00kind of weird
01:24:02Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:24:06Last but not least,
01:24:08could it be the richest man of them all?
01:24:10The man Angela would have
01:24:12married a long time ago,
01:24:14Mr. Devin Starling?
01:24:18Gentlemen,
01:24:20it's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:22May the best man win.
01:24:24May the best man win.
01:24:28Drumroll, please.
01:24:30Seriously,
01:24:32Ricky?
01:24:38I choose...
01:25:01I need a powerful, strong man
01:25:03and I really feel like he could protect me.
01:25:07Who could resist those guns?
01:25:11Should I interest you in an
01:25:13NFD, Ellen?
01:25:15Let's go.
01:25:29Shane, it's you.
01:25:31I'm lovesick for you.
01:25:33You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:25:37It's that tongue action,
01:25:39ladies and gents.
01:25:41Ellen, be my new queen.
01:25:44Guns, babe!
01:25:57It's always been you.
01:26:07I'll always love you.
01:26:10Let's give it nine inches, everybody.
01:26:14Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:26:16Have you seen my murder weapons?
01:26:18I need fruit-flavored gum for you.
01:26:39You
01:26:41You
01:26:43You
01:26:45You
01:26:47You
01:26:49You
01:26:51You
01:26:53You
01:26:55You
01:26:57You
01:26:59You
01:27:01You
01:27:03You
01:27:05You