Gogglebox Ireland S10E06 (2024)
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TVTranscript
00:00I like to dance to super things, like the Cadbury chocolate ad.
00:03Yeah, you have to teach me how to, er...
00:05You say you have to do it in her, like, raspy, trope voice, though.
00:09SHE LAUGHS
00:11I'd like a bar of chocolate, please.
00:13It's for my mum.
00:15SHE LAUGHS
00:17MUSIC PLAYS
00:18Oh, be gentle, Delane!
00:20Ooh! Ooh!
00:22Aw!
00:24MUSIC CONTINUES
00:26I'd love that now, the mug of tea.
00:27LAUGHTER
00:29Jesus!
00:30He's seen it on television. It must be true.
00:32Oh, no, leave him alone! Leave him alone!
00:34Adventurous, baby.
00:36Oh, Jesus, me nerves are gone!
00:39It's brilliant. It's savage.
00:48In the week when the people of Cork
00:50bid a fond farewell to their most famous chipper,
00:53we watched loads of great telly.
00:57E4 introduced us to the in-laws on Thursday.
01:00It's a bit frustrating, cos I've never met a vegetarian before.
01:03How has she not met a vegetarian?
01:05The first thing they say is, I'm a vegetarian.
01:07Lucy Kennedy was back on Virgin Media One
01:10with a brand-new series on Monday.
01:12I'm on the way to meet Natasha Bracken, who is a psychic medium.
01:19Pfft! Jazz hands.
01:21HE SINGS
01:24And on Wednesday, Sky Cinema Hits
01:26gave us a heart-warming blast from the past.
01:29WHISTLE BLOWS
01:33That's your mother in the morning, before she gets her coffee.
01:41In Dun Laoghaire...
01:42You wore me down over years, cos I hate phone calls.
01:45And you hate text messages.
01:47So I feel like the voice note is the happy medium.
01:49..friends David and John.
01:52Although I'm better if a phone calls me.
01:54It's easier.
01:56I used to screen them all the time.
01:58Not just specifically you, everyone.
02:00What do you mean, not just specifically me?!
02:04I'll text you back!
02:06Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
02:09This is years ago. Oh, my God!
02:11What do you mean, years ago?!
02:13It was when I first met you, you were very needy.
02:17On Friday night,
02:19RTE One treated us to a very special edition
02:22of a long-running show.
02:30HE SINGS
02:36This must be the country and western night, is it?
02:38Oh! No!
02:40No! No!
02:42How does this roll around so quick every year?
02:45This is my mother's Eurovision.
02:54Sadio! Fuck me!
02:56Ooh!
03:00That is a banging tune for Elvis, not for Donald.
03:08It's John Denver. John Denver's dead, isn't he?
03:16Oh, God, like, look, he's trying to have intercourse with me
03:19through the screen, like, it's...
03:21Yeah, that's just his sexual magnetism.
03:26It's when Irish people put on American accents singing country.
03:29Well, what do you want, a Cork accent doing it? Yeah!
03:32I feel my temperature burning! Yeah!
03:41What's the big obsession with Daniel O'Donnell?
03:43I don't understand, like... He's lovely. He's very nice.
03:47Let's hear it for our late, late show, Country All-Stars!
03:54Oh!
03:55It's like everyone's held hostage, you have to have crack.
03:58The beatings will continue until you have crack.
04:00Yes, this evening, I am your hunk-a-hunk-a burning turf.
04:03Oh, why is this shite?
04:05He's wearing Stetson, eh?
04:07He needs to step up from Tubbity-Tubby,
04:09don't have the balls to do that.
04:11Later, the lively show introduced us to some more lively special guests.
04:17Joining me for a spin tonight, it's Margot!
04:21CHEERING
04:23How is Margot still on the go?
04:25She's Daniel O'Donnell's sister, isn't she?
04:27Oh, she's the skull of him!
04:29Margot, we're going to come to the man beside you now, Garan,
04:32first time on the... Oh, it's Garan Noonan!
04:34Thank you very much for having me on, delighted to be here.
04:37I don't know why I am so proud of Garan.
04:39Yeah, and he just started out on TikTok, and do you know what?
04:42He got there just by being sound and nice.
04:45We need Daniel O'Donnell.
04:46He's the only good-looking man in Ireland
04:48and he's the greatest singer of all time.
04:51He's brilliant, I love him. He is.
04:53I think there's something so cool about seeing him on The Late Late Show.
04:56CHEERING
05:03Oh, I know this song! Yeah.
05:05There's a smile on your face
05:07How it feels when you don't say a thing
05:14There's a smile on your face
05:16Let me know that you'll leave me
05:19Trasm...
05:21Sorry, my ball's dropped.
05:28She's not singing a word!
05:30Maybe her mic's not working.
05:31She's not even singing the lyrics.
05:33Please help me, I'm very old.
05:39You say it best
05:41Can you do your best Ronan Keaton impersonation now?
05:44Go on, go for it.
05:50There we go!
05:53Follow him, he's delicious.
05:55Oh, that was a lovely Late Late Show, wasn't it?
05:59Do you ever think of, like, dusting off your line dancing boots?
06:03Because you won medals, didn't you? You were good.
06:05Trophies.
06:06Trophies? You properly competed.
06:08Eight trophies!
06:09A trophy!
06:12In Cork.
06:14Right.
06:16This needs to be sorted.
06:18Dale and her wife Dawn.
06:20I've got a big booty, right? OK.
06:22Does it look like one sheet will do plenty?
06:24If I go into the toilet one more time, Donny,
06:26and there is either one, two, and if you're feeling generous,
06:29three sheets of toilet paper stuck to the toilet roll
06:32and you thinking to yourself, eh, that'll do her.
06:34If it's the middle of the night,
06:35that means I've gotten up to pee in the middle of the night
06:37because we are old people and that's what happens.
06:39I'm not concentrating on what's left on the roll,
06:41I just want to make sure I have enough.
06:43That is so selfish.
06:46Donny, I've been half dead being like,
06:48I have to get the other toilet roll.
06:50But then at the same time, I'm wiping my arse with cardboard,
06:53like, what in God's name, like?
06:55On Thursday, we tuned in to E4
06:57as they pulled back the curtain on married life.
07:00Oh, yes! Oh, I love it! Yes, yes, yes!
07:04In the show, we followed newlyweds Nathan and Lacey
07:07and the very early days of their marriage.
07:10Nathan's reaction to Lacey's twin sister, Paige...
07:13Oh, wow.
07:15That's not her. No, that's her twin.
07:17Is it?
07:19Fuck. Obviously not, she's wearing a pink dress.
07:22He wants to ride the sister!
07:25I didn't get a wow.
07:27Like, if he said, like, wow to both of us... Yeah.
07:30..I would have felt like, OK, cos she's stunning.
07:32Oh, God. Drama.
07:35Maybe it was a nervous wow. Yeah.
07:37I doubt it.
07:38After the rocky start, we saw the now happy couple
07:41welcome Lacey's mother and twin sister to their home.
07:45How are you feeling? A bit nervous, to be fair. Yeah? Yeah.
07:48Just be yourself. I'm sure they'll love the Nathan-Campbell charm.
07:52Oh, my God, do you see the teeth before you see the rest of the face?
07:55Both of them, look. Do you think they kiss with their teeth?
08:03Oh, I'd say he's sweating for the sister to arrive.
08:07SCREAMING
08:14Jesus, will you quit that? I can't stand that homily.
08:16Oh, my God, imagine how awkward you would feel.
08:19Cos you feel awkward enough when you're, like, in an actual relationship
08:22meeting the parents for the first time.
08:25Yeah, but it's super awkward cos everyone knows
08:27he wants to bang the sister. Mm.
08:29I just want to be crystal clear that it is Lacey
08:31that he's totally and utterly interested in.
08:34Oh, God!
08:36We're cooking. Me and you? Yes. No way, let's do it.
08:39You cook? Yeah, a little bit, yeah. I'm a good cook.
08:42Mother's a good cook, that's a good sign. That's a good sign.
08:45You want your wifey to be a good cook too?
08:47I did eat meat. They're obviously, like, meat eaters and stuff.
08:50I'm hoping it's vegetarian. So you two are cooking?
08:53Yes, we've got chicken fajitas, my favourite.
08:55She brought chicken fajitas and he's vegetarian.
08:57Go and get me a bottle of drink, you know, cos they're coved.
09:00And we'll get cracking with the fajitas.
09:02Oh!
09:04You know, be nice, be good, be yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:07He should be scared, really. Right.
09:10I'd be like, er, I'll go get the drink.
09:13What would be good?
09:15You cut the chicken.
09:17Why would he cut the chicken? He's a vegetarian.
09:19He looked at the camera!
09:21Er, I can't touch meat, only cos I'm vegetarian.
09:23I can touch vegetables, though.
09:25He's not going to touch it, he's a vegetarian.
09:27It's a bit frustrating, cos I've never met a vegetarian before.
09:29How has she not met a vegetarian?
09:31The first thing they say is, I'm a vegetarian.
09:33Obviously, when I saw you at the wedding,
09:35you know what happened. Yeah.
09:37With Paige, it was a bit like, oh... I know, I know.
09:39You don't fancy Paige, then?
09:41She's beautiful, but, obviously, she's a vegetarian.
09:44Oh, no, you didn't!
09:46I need to know when I walk away from here today,
09:48you want to go the whole journey with Lacey?
09:50You don't want no-one else?
09:52He literally has the word loyalty written on his neck.
09:54What more do you want?
09:56Honey, I'm home!
09:58Yeah, look, he looks delighted that they're back.
10:00I feel a little bit awkward.
10:02So, we're all sitting there, you know,
10:04with the fajitas in front of us smelling so good,
10:06and then he's not eating anything.
10:08He's vegetarian!
10:10You cooked a chicken for him!
10:12For me, with Nathan,
10:14I don't find him very convincing.
10:16She's saying that in front of her daughter?
10:18Go fuck yourself.
10:20LAUGHTER
10:22I can't expect him to go,
10:24yes, your daughter's absolutely stunning, I'm a lucky man,
10:26I can't wait to get on the outside,
10:28I can't wait to hear about the future.
10:30He's like, yeah.
10:32Yeah, but maybe he would have done that if you weren't so fucking intense.
10:34Also, I do not want to go to someone's mother and go,
10:36yeah, I want to bang your daughter.
10:38Isn't that what you said to my mum?
10:40How he feels about me, he does it in action.
10:44He makes me a cup of tea, he makes me breakfast in bed.
10:46When I was feeling unwell, he was like,
10:48do you want anything? I was lovely.
10:50He does seem a nice chap, though.
10:52Take it with you if you want, as well, if you want it.
10:54Because that's awful.
10:56LAUGHTER
10:58I'm joking, I'm joking.
11:00Sorry, what did he just say to him?
11:02Nathan, shut up!
11:04Oh, my God.
11:06You've upset me now.
11:08What did he say to you?
11:10That I'm not lacy, I'm a mum.
11:12I hope you're fucking Fahid, you chokeshit.
11:14Are you all right?
11:16I don't feel shit.
11:20Oh, she's crying!
11:22Fuck off, mother!
11:24Imagine they end up together and that's his mother-in-law, then.
11:26Like, they end up forever together.
11:28Oh, God, no.
11:30I do think he spoke before he actually thought,
11:32so I'm not going to hold that against him.
11:34Bye.
11:36I'll let the door hit your arson the way out.
11:38It'll mean that.
11:40Yeah, I've just got to teach you a bit more
11:42to keep that mouth shut.
11:44I love your missus, cos you've only had the one.
11:46I know, yeah.
11:48Yours I don't get to see because they come in and out...
11:50They're gone in the morning!
11:52Gone in the morning.
11:54They're in and out onto a cover of darkness.
11:56All I find is the jeans on the floor...
12:00Stop, stop, stop.
12:02..inside their arse.
12:04MUSIC
12:16In Dundalk...
12:18A great thing happened to me last week, I forgot to tell you.
12:21What? I got ID'd in Tesco.
12:24..David and his wife, Sarah.
12:27I adore you, right, but there's no way someone would go in
12:30and think, wow, that girl looks 17 years old.
12:33And what were you buying?
12:35Champagne and Manchego. Oh, yeah, yeah.
12:37What 17-year-old do you know is going in
12:39buying champagne and Manchego, right?
12:41No, the question is, do they look 25 or not?
12:43I obviously didn't look 25.
12:45Oh, it's not 17. No, it's 25.
12:47It's, like, look 25.
12:49You could play a 25-year-old.
12:51I haven't even had my Botox done in, like, three months,
12:53so it's a massive compliment.
12:55I never get asked anymore. Well, clearly you don't.
12:57You're like an old caveman from, like, the 1920s,
12:59like a paleo man.
13:01I'm actually worried about hurting your feelings there,
13:03but you've just stuck the knife right in.
13:05On Thursday, the news on Virgin Media 1 gave us a timely update
13:09about the government's latest attempt
13:11at loosening the purse strings.
13:16You need to do the dance move at the end.
13:22Now, the government's been accused of living in cloud cuckoo land
13:26over its plans to spend €9 million on magnetic pouches
13:29to stop the use of smartphones in schools.
13:31They wanted to distract from the bike shed as well,
13:33so they're going to spend the money on something more stupid.
13:35Why do they put people who don't understand
13:37how to handle money into government
13:39to handle the country's funds?
13:41Gavin, this is becoming a bit of a lightning rod.
13:43For any anger about the budget...
13:45I need a magnetic pouch in the evening.
13:47Before I go to bed, that's what I need.
13:49A magnetic pouch to stop looking at my phone.
13:51Oh, that's going to be the new thing now.
13:53Hi, John, I didn't get your message, it was in my magnetic pouch.
13:55That's right, there's always a couple of issues
13:57that emerge in a day or two after the budget
13:59that become sort of the popular face of any failings
14:02or any shortcomings that there might be in the budget,
14:04and so the state's allocation of €9 million
14:07to pursue smartphone-free classrooms
14:09is now the thing that's coming into the firing line.
14:11See, kids can leave their phone in the bags or in their lockers.
14:15No, they don't, they don't do that.
14:17Name millions.
14:18They try their best to look at their phone during class.
14:20How often would you look at your phone in class?
14:23When I'm checking the time.
14:26Is there no clock in the class?
14:28They say that children are simply happier and healthier
14:31and perform better in educational environments
14:33if there aren't smartphones present.
14:35I think it's money well spent, personally.
14:38But why didn't we need those when we were in school?
14:41If you were caught on your phone, it was taken off you,
14:43and that was the end of it.
14:44What would you do if you were in school and they were like,
14:46right, put your phone in the pouch now?
14:48Yeah, like, it's your phone as well.
14:49You'd be like, all right, not a bother.
14:50I'll stick a cheap one in that and stick it into there.
14:52And I still have my actual phone in my pocket.
14:54Stop the waste. Fund proper services.
14:57Put the nine million, if you want,
14:59into the services that parents are demanding,
15:01screaming out for in mental health.
15:03This is part of a wider well-being
15:05and mental health policy in schools.
15:07There's kids that can't even go to school
15:09because they don't have special needs schools,
15:11and yet they're fucking focusing on this shit.
15:13Like, no, you need to be actually putting money
15:15towards what people need.
15:17Smartphone bans in schools has an impact
15:19on young people's mental health.
15:21We did without phones, like.
15:23And watch the dinosaurs out the window upstairs.
15:25Yeah, yeah, watch the dinosaurs grazing on the lawn.
15:28Now, Piers Daugherty preceded his contribution
15:30at Leaders' Questions by casting this in the same mould
15:33as what he saw as excessive spending
15:35on the likes of the Leinster House bike shelter.
15:37I think it's a great idea.
15:39No matter what, tell teenagers not to get off their phones.
15:42So you're going to have to make them.
15:44Why are we as, like, a taxpayer paying for it?
15:46Surely that's something...
15:47I didn't go to the school and go,
15:49here, someone's going to have to buy me a bloody ruler here
15:51on the taxpayer's dime,
15:53cos I ain't ruling shit until I get a ruler.
15:55Our political correspondent Gavin Riley at Leinster House,
15:57thank you for all of that.
15:59I feel like...
16:01Gavin Riley, when he's done with this,
16:03he, like, goes off to a playground,
16:05have a little go on the swings.
16:07It's so cute, it's like a little schoolchild.
16:12ANSI.
16:14Bananas. There's one there for everyone.
16:16Don't give me a bruised one now.
16:18There isn't fucking one for me.
16:21He's the one fruit I will not touch, boys, I hate bananas.
16:24I'm surprised he's afraid of fruit.
16:26The smell of them.
16:28Why are you afraid of bananas?
16:30Cos I won't eat a fruit that's bigger than me.
16:34I'll surprise you later if you have a bite of my banana.
16:37Woo!
16:39Come on. I might do it for that, all right.
16:41Go on, have a bite. Go on, take a bite, take a bite.
16:43I fucking hate them.
16:45Do it, do it.
16:47I said a bite, don't maul it.
16:49Don't maul it, that's why I didn't...
16:51My jaw marks in them. I love a banana.
16:53So do I.
16:57Fucking rotten.
16:59This week, we put our feet up
17:01to enjoy a nice, relaxing show on Discovery+.
17:04I'm going to take the whole thing out and kind of create a hole.
17:07Ew, I hate surgeries like this.
17:09I love these programmes.
17:11I have no idea what this thing is.
17:13This is, like, fucked-up PJs, yeah.
17:15I'm fucking dreading to see now what this is going to be.
17:20You have got me feet, actually. I hate your feet.
17:23I've not too gone in yours with your big, massive toenail on it.
17:26Would you stop doing it even that long?
17:28I don't mind feet. I don't mind feet, do you?
17:30Like, I'd hold feet. Yeah, I'd hold feet.
17:32Yeah, you've often rubbed my feet. Yeah, I don't mind feet.
17:34You've often scraped my hard skin. Yeah, I don't mind feet.
17:36Oh, especially when I had the surgeries.
17:38Yes, I was very good.
17:40In the show, we followed a man named Paul
17:43as he dipped a toe into the world of chiropathy.
17:46It could be a growth, it could be a toe,
17:49it could be a strange cyst that just...
17:51What, another toe on his foot?
17:53After ignoring it for so long, it turned into a giant monstrosity.
17:57Give us a look. Come on.
17:59Oh, my God, show us. At least I can gack in peace. Here we go.
18:05Argh!
18:07That's just like her.
18:09Argh!
18:11It showed up when I was in middle school,
18:14and over time, it's blown up into what it is here.
18:17That's pretty gross. That is disgusting.
18:19Oh, that's pretty gross. Oh, my God.
18:23It's a mushroom!
18:25Come on. Every day, I feel that sharp pain.
18:28Oh! She's running.
18:30So I have to walk on the side of my foot.
18:33Jesus, that looks very sore.
18:35You get enjoyment out of this. I love acting like this.
18:38We watched as Paul headed for a diagnosis
18:41from foot surgeon Dr Ebony.
18:43What are feet people called again?
18:45Shroppers. Shropperdust.
18:47A shropperdust? What's wrong with your mouth?
18:50Shropperdust? Shropperdust? Shropperdust.
18:52Shropperdust.
18:59It's squashed down now, like...
19:01But it's when you...
19:03It's got all the cheese on top of it.
19:05For the majority of it, it did feel pretty soft, like skin.
19:11It did have this, like, calcification
19:13or possibly even, like, bone that I could feel
19:16that was very hard.
19:18Mmm. I bet it goes like that.
19:22Like a root.
19:27Basically, I do not know what this is.
19:32Oh, could you imagine snagging it on the bottom of a doorframe?
19:35Oh! Oh!
19:38Flip it out.
19:43Oh, here we go, here we go.
19:45So, right now, I'm just planning my surgical incision.
19:49Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
19:56Tell me when she's done. It's finished.
19:58Is it? It's not!
20:00It's a mirage.
20:05It's not even bleeding.
20:09Jesus Christ, they don't give you any warning.
20:12I don't believe anything is, um,
20:14a stalk or anything going out of it, so...
20:17Eurgh!
20:21Oh, that's so nasty.
20:23It's coming away quite cleanly, I think.
20:26There's no vessels associated with this guy, no...
20:29Eurgh!
20:31...weird stalk.
20:33Interesting.
20:35I actually have no idea what this thing is,
20:37so we've got to send it to pathology.
20:40Your stomach's turning.
20:42Sewing up the bottom of a patient's foot
20:45is always a bit of a challenge.
20:47Put a bit of cement in.
20:49That's it.
20:51Sand it down. Job's ox out.
20:53Eurgh!
20:55Looks like tripe.
20:57Squeeze as much as you can.
20:59There you go.
21:01No, don't do that.
21:03Squish!
21:05They said that if my foot was too swollen,
21:07I wouldn't be able to close it back up after surgery.
21:09Stuff about your own foot, will you?
21:11I am invested in this.
21:13Later, the show brought us back to the clinic
21:16for the post-surgery update we were all waiting for.
21:20Oh, yeah.
21:22Oh, it's healing well. Healing very well.
21:25The pathology report came back.
21:27Everything's benign.
21:29But what was it?
21:31It's just a benign skin tag.
21:33I have a lot of skin tags.
21:35I know you have an awful lot.
21:37No, I picked them off. I'm terrible.
21:39I was messing with them.
21:41You can see one day that you have to move.
21:43Yeah, and they eventually fall off.
21:45Don't do that. That's not nice.
21:47Sometimes they bleed.
21:49I have a lot of them.
21:51Have you not even one?
21:53Thanks. Good luck.
22:07In Tipperary...
22:09Talk about fucking wet.
22:11I was in the shower this evening.
22:13..Anastasia and her dad, Noel.
22:15I was all soaked up, right?
22:17I said I'm going to wash my hair.
22:19Next scene.
22:21Is that where it's all gone?
22:23Fucking purple.
22:25Dad, that's really expensive.
22:27And I looked down and it was all purple.
22:31That's what you get now for using my stuff?
22:33That's what I meant to say to you.
22:35Oh, for God's sake.
22:37That's for my blonde hair because it makes you not go ginger.
22:39It makes you go purple.
22:41That's what it's done to me.
22:43On Monday, we tuned in to Virgin Media One
22:45for this brand new series
22:47with a well-known host.
22:49Ireland is steeped in history
22:51when it comes to our connection to the spirit world.
22:53Ooh, Lucy Kennedy.
22:55I like her. I love her.
22:57Are you guys curious
22:59to see what's on the other side?
23:01Yes. There's no other side.
23:03Oh! Will I get my tarot's out for this?
23:05Are psychics real?
23:07And can we really connect to the spirit world?
23:09No. Yes.
23:11No. They aren't. I hope it's true.
23:15This is up my alley.
23:17This is definitely you.
23:19We watched as Lucy's search for something spiritual
23:21took us on the road to Offaly.
23:23I'm on the way to meet
23:25Natasha Bracken,
23:27who is a psychic medium.
23:29She's supposed to be unbelievably good.
23:31I've been to a psychic before.
23:33Multiple times.
23:35They're full of shit.
23:37They're not full of shit.
23:39She was actually spat on with a load of what she said.
23:41I went to a card reader before.
23:43Did they tell you were gay?
23:45You've had this gift your whole life.
23:47So I've been, for what I can see,
23:49I've been doing it since I'm four, you know?
23:51I used to see my granddad.
23:53I used to call down to my grandmothers.
23:55And I used to stand at the gate
23:57and I'd be talking away.
23:59The thing is, he was gone.
24:01He's gone way before my sister was even born.
24:03And I'm the youngest.
24:05Her nails are freaking me out, though.
24:07How does she wipe her arse with them?
24:09It's different when you're seeing spirit.
24:11Because they don't frighten you.
24:13It's a different feeling.
24:15Is it?
24:17And then if you're something dark,
24:19you can feel the dark shadow coming in on top of you.
24:21So I see dark stuff as well.
24:23I can't understand this at all.
24:25It's like a sick sense that they have.
24:27I didn't realise at the time
24:29it was because I was 50% human and 50% spirit.
24:31LAUGHTER
24:35Natasha has piqued my curiosity,
24:37so I need to get a reading.
24:39Don't make a lot of money at this rate.
24:41150 euro for the hour.
24:43Cash and handbag.
24:45Lucy, these are the rods.
24:47This is how we do fertility healings.
24:49It's a spirit stick.
24:51Sorry, she's holding it.
24:53Surely she can move it.
24:55Show me where Lucy is in the room.
24:59She's moving her thumb.
25:01Look at her fingers.
25:03You can do that with anything.
25:05Show me where I am.
25:07Oh, my God, that's mad.
25:09I'm going to get a set of them.
25:11She can do that with hangers.
25:13So I want you to take a deep breath for me.
25:15I want you to breathe from the right side of your leg up.
25:17What are you doing?
25:21Jazz hands.
25:23LAUGHTER
25:29She's pressing on her, you hear?
25:31No, stop.
25:33What's that?
25:35INHALES
25:37What the fuck is that?
25:43This energy no longer serves you, Lucy,
25:45so take a deep breath.
25:49INHALES
25:51She looks like she's either blowing on her belly button
25:53or doing a line of coke.
25:55That was unbelievable.
25:57I genuinely, for all you cynics out there,
25:59I felt everything she said.
26:01Lucy's fairly honest, always honest, isn't she?
26:03See, I believe her, though.
26:05Lucy, yeah.
26:07She'd be like, that was a load of shit.
26:09True.
26:11She's doing promo for this woman.
26:13Later, we curiously watched
26:15as the programme gave us a front-row seat
26:17to one of Natasha's live events.
26:19Oh, my God.
26:21Are all these people here to see her?
26:23Beat you, Jesus. She's got some crowd.
26:25Like a wedding reception. Yeah.
26:27MUSIC PLAYS
26:29Oh, it is.
26:31She has a right goona on her, doesn't she?
26:33OK, we're rolling.
26:35We're going down here to the back.
26:37Is this, like, where there's someone in the back going,
26:39the woman on table three, her husband just died?
26:41I feel his energies are very, very connected.
26:43He's so... What's she doing now?
26:45What connection is he to you?
26:47My brother. He's your brother?
26:49Yeah, well, I think she should have known that,
26:51if, like, she's that gifted.
26:53INHALES
26:55SHE SOBS
26:59SHE SOBS
27:01She all right?
27:03For some people, it's really healing.
27:05Even if some of it's made up, it'll heal.
27:07Like, the person might be like, I know they're OK.
27:09You know, like, there's kind of, like, closing that chapter.
27:11But then I also think that it preys
27:13on very vulnerable people.
27:15They done the Ouija board
27:17in our secondary school once upon a time.
27:19Did they? Yeah, they had to bring the priest in
27:21to bless the school cos weird things started to happen.
27:23Books were flying off the shelf
27:25and everything, yeah.
27:27Oh, holy fuck, we are on now.
27:29Yeah.
27:31In Donegal...
27:33Come on, did you win anything?
27:35Look, I haven't finished yet. Would you have a bit of patience?
27:37..sisters Barbara and Janet.
27:39There's the V.
27:41Nowhere to see the V. Ah, fuck it.
27:43It'll show up.
27:45Oh, there's an R. Didn't scratch you.
27:47So, did you get any words? Oh, wait a minute!
27:49Oh, I didn't get the S.
27:51Oh, I did! I've got the big word.
27:53Woo-hoo! What have I won?
27:55Three euros. Fuck me.
27:57Give me money back!
27:59Jesus, how did I get that?
28:01I've won six euros.
28:03I didn't scratch the Ss.
28:05There's one word.
28:07There's slap, which you deserve.
28:09Last Tuesday, a BBC Two documentary
28:11gave us an emotional look
28:13at the life of a very brave woman.
28:15You have cancer.
28:17Three words
28:19Three words that changed
28:21my world forever.
28:23God love her.
28:25Oh, pet. Oh, God.
28:27You certainly wouldn't think you'd be getting breast cancer
28:29at 23 years of age.
28:31It's stage four cancer.
28:33There is no stage five.
28:35Oh, my God.
28:37Please welcome Kris Helanger!
28:39CHEERING
28:41Isn't it so cruel, like,
28:43somebody so full of life and that happened?
28:45You don't need to be afraid of dying.
28:47You need to be afraid
28:49that you're not living.
28:53Brilliant. That's profound.
28:55Brilliant. Brilliant.
28:57The documentary gave us a moving insight
28:59into Kris's relationship
29:01with her twin sister, Maren.
29:03She was amazing.
29:05It's almost like she'd already tried
29:07to get her tears out of the way.
29:09Imagine having to watch your sibling go through it.
29:11She wanted me to be strong for her,
29:13but at the same time, she wanted to be strong for me.
29:15Yeah, I always have a feeling when you see a twin
29:17on the television, you go,
29:19that's part of me.
29:21There's something about being a twin.
29:23It's different to everything else.
29:25All I had in my mind was that I was going to lose my sister.
29:27What would you do if I died?
29:29I'd be utterly devastated.
29:31Here she was, a 23-year-old
29:33with breast cancer,
29:35and she'd never in her life been told
29:37to check herself.
29:39Yeah, because, ooh, at 23,
29:41is even thinking about terminal illness,
29:43you know?
29:45When she was diagnosed, she said,
29:47look, I've got this wild idea.
29:49What's happened to me is going to happen to others.
29:51Let's stop that from happening.
29:53Copperfield.
29:55What do you think about that for a name?
29:57I asked sheepishly.
29:59Oh, that's for you to check your breasts, yeah.
30:01If it saves one person, it makes a big difference.
30:03Absolutely.
30:05She was just constantly emailing people
30:07and phoning people and just harassing people,
30:09saying, let me come to this thing
30:11with a group of young people, let me talk to them
30:13about how important it is that they check their boobs.
30:15Would you ever check your bollocks for lumps and all?
30:17Yeah.
30:19Pure paranoid about it.
30:21I did have to go and get one looked at.
30:23Yeah, that was...
30:25Yeah, scary, scary.
30:27A few weeks.
30:29We followed Chris as she prepared
30:31for an important day in her struggle
30:33with breast cancer.
30:35And tomorrow I go in for my mastectomy.
30:37Mastectomy, is that when they remove your breasts?
30:39It doesn't bring you back, does it?
30:41No, it wasn't that bad.
30:43I had my case packed the next morning.
30:45Do you remember? I was coming home.
30:47But I'm older.
30:49This is a lot for a wee girl.
30:51How are you feeling?
30:53All right.
30:55It hurts.
30:57Oh, God.
30:59We've seen Christine like we've never seen her before.
31:03And it's just a complete contrast
31:05to Christine that we are used to.
31:07Our poor sister must really feel it as well.
31:09Later, Chris gave us an update
31:11on how her health was progressing.
31:13It's the 11th of June,
31:152012,
31:17and...
31:19the day
31:21that I find out
31:23that I have a brain tumour.
31:25Oh, Jesus Christ.
31:27She doesn't get it easy,
31:29does she? No luck at all.
31:31The cancer just kept finding a new home
31:33in her.
31:35And she became really unwell.
31:37Oh, bless you.
31:39When is enough enough?
31:41Huh?
31:43But the charity was growing,
31:45and she was just too busy to be ill.
31:47The more people listened, the more people were checking,
31:49and then, you know, that first email
31:51where someone actually said,
31:53thanks to you, I went back to my doctor,
31:55and I've now been diagnosed with breast cancer
31:57at a really early age.
31:59Oh, my God.
32:01Oh, bloody God.
32:03Oh, please, God,
32:05nothing ever happens to me again.
32:07We watched as Chris told us
32:09about the novel way she chose
32:11to celebrate her own life.
32:13I'm having a funeral,
32:15which is a living funeral
32:17and celebration of my life
32:19before I die.
32:21It's a living funeral. I've never had that before.
32:23It's actually dead right.
32:25What's the point in people celebrating your life
32:27when you're not there? You might as well do it when you're alive.
32:29APPLAUSE
32:31Life
32:33can be so good,
32:35but I think
32:37mine is especially good
32:39because I have had Maren by my side
32:41since we met in the womb.
32:43You see, the thing
32:45about death is it's,
32:47well, so terribly final,
32:49whereas life,
32:51ah, life,
32:53is full of opportunities.
32:55So let's seize these opportunities.
32:57Let's live fully, love deeply,
32:59and make today count.
33:01That's a good speech.
33:03Very, very eloquent.
33:05Later, we were heartbroken
33:07as the documentary took us inside
33:09Chris's final days.
33:13She's endured so much
33:15and has been in pain
33:17and mentally and physically
33:19for years.
33:25And I think she's had enough now.
33:27She's...
33:29She's had enough.
33:31It's so hard to listen to, isn't it?
33:37Nothing more
33:39upsetting
33:41and devastating
33:43than someone
33:45dying of cancer.
33:47I know we had ourselves.
33:49God, that's one of the saddest
33:51things I've seen in a long time.
33:53It is very sad.
33:57MUSIC FADES
34:03ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
34:07In the Liberties,
34:09friends, Tracy
34:11and Anita.
34:13Now, I like natural disasters,
34:15if some people didn't get killed or hurt.
34:17I would love to experience
34:19something like that.
34:21Like, I'm a bit of a weirdo like that.
34:23I'd love to see a plane crash,
34:25but I don't want anyone being hurt.
34:27And who's driving it?
34:29Well, I don't...
34:31One of them drone things,
34:33but in an airplane,
34:35just for the roar of the engine or something.
34:37Weirdo!
34:39No, that's strange.
34:41That's something that needs help.
34:43I told you years and years and years ago
34:45that I'm not right in the head.
34:47No, you don't have to say that.
34:49I know that, but that's really not right.
34:51It's the roar.
34:53I don't want to see it again.
34:55I think I have a fetish for it.
34:57On Saturday,
34:59we happily tuned in to Channel 4
35:01as they took us back to the Big White Tent.
35:05This makes me happier than you ever could every week.
35:07Every Tuesday is the happiest day.
35:09It does, though. I love it.
35:11Was that in your wedding pose?
35:13No, but it should have been.
35:15For the first time ever,
35:17we still have a full batch of bakers for Biscuit Week.
35:19Wait, I wonder if Granny's on this one.
35:21Yeah!
35:23There's Granny.
35:25What is your obsession?
35:27She looks so nice.
35:29I don't know. I hope it's not a tease.
35:31She's definitely good at making biscuits.
35:33Paul and Prue would love you to create
35:35an edible puppet theatre.
35:37My God, it's week two.
35:39Calm down.
35:41Helene's date with her husband, Uma,
35:43will be recreated in strawberry shortbread.
35:45Strawberry feels forever.
35:47Aww.
35:49My husband in Spain, he was 11 and I was 10.
35:51Yeah.
35:53And when we were 18 and 19, he told me,
35:55I've known since I was 15 I was going to marry you.
35:57Do you know when, like,
35:59we first dated and you first met me
36:01that we were going to get married?
36:03Did you?
36:05No. Did you?
36:07I knew, yeah. You knew straight away?
36:09I knew, yeah. Aww.
36:11Ideally, I would like to put these in the fridge,
36:13but I can't get this lump of wood in there.
36:15I know what the problem is going to be with the shortbread.
36:17It's going to be too heavy.
36:19Oh, look.
36:21Oh, yeah. This is tense.
36:23So tense.
36:25I'm just so annoyed
36:27I didn't put it in the fridge.
36:29It's collapsing.
36:31Why didn't you take it to the fridge and do it?
36:33You see, this gives me anxiety now.
36:35Bakers, you've got five minutes left.
36:37Aww.
36:39This is ugly.
36:41This is taking me out this week.
36:43I don't think that's what John Lennon had in mind
36:45Bakers,
36:47your time is up.
36:49Oh, my God.
36:51Just look at that.
36:53I just feel a bit dizzy.
36:55Can we get a medic to Eileen, please?
36:57We've got a medic?
36:59Oh, no.
37:01What's wrong with her?
37:03Oh, no.
37:05She's fainted.
37:07Just give yourself a minute, all right?
37:09Do you know what's happening now?
37:11She's just trying to get a week off
37:13because she's on shite.
37:15OK, Bakers, for all intents and purposes,
37:17I'm Eileen.
37:19Noel is going to be the girl that fainted.
37:21I've had nightmares about this.
37:25Looks really good.
37:27It is awful, actually.
37:29I don't even want them to touch it.
37:31There's no puppet element.
37:33They're not professional.
37:35He's a wanker.
37:37She's just holding her picture.
37:39She hasn't died, like.
37:41What the...?
37:43What the fuck?
37:45Don't tell me another one's gone.
37:47I went to grab my water bottle.
37:49He's probably saying,
37:51if it worked for her, it'll work for me,
37:53I'll be back next week.
37:55What the hell is going on?
37:57You all right? No, I'm good, I'm good.
37:59What's up with people collapsing on the shore?
38:01We have schools like that in school.
38:03Really easy to fall off.
38:05Hazel, please bring up your showstopper.
38:07OK, that's shite, come on.
38:09It's a bit wonky.
38:11It's old. So am I.
38:13I told you he's a wanker.
38:15You're old and wonky too.
38:17I'm a little bit wonky.
38:19The only thing with this show is,
38:21it feels like they've laughing gas
38:23being pumped into this tent.
38:25And this other biscuit is...?
38:27Chocolate chip and orange.
38:29Actually, that's a very nice biscuit.
38:31He's so concerned about Granny.
38:33Later, we watch the drama continue.
38:35As we found out who would be the first baker
38:37to leave the show.
38:39Who's going home?
38:41You know who's going, don't you?
38:43So, the baker who's leaving the tent today is...
38:49..Hazel.
38:51Ah!
38:53Granny's gone!
38:55Bye! See you!
38:57See you with your soggy biscuits.
38:59Now, don't tell me Mike's crying.
39:01Mike always cries.
39:03Crying, like, crying.
39:05She hasn't died.
39:07She's literally just made a fucking shit cake.
39:09What are you baking?
39:11Me? Mmm.
39:13I'm baking roast beef tomorrow.
39:17In Dun Laoghaire...
39:19Obviously, when we went to see The Substance during the week...
39:21Which you did incredibly well, Geri.
39:23..even though it was scary.
39:25And you did have to bring a face mask.
39:27..friends David and John.
39:29I brought my sleeping mask, yes, to cover
39:31the gory bits.
39:33And also, I realised I looked insane
39:35because I left my sleeping mask on
39:37going to the toilet on my forehead
39:39when I came back in from the cinema!
39:41So, everyone's like, what's wrong with him?
39:43I knew you were going to do well when it was only 16s.
39:45I thought it was 18s and we were going.
39:47When I saw 16s on the wall, I was like,
39:49you're going to be fine.
39:51I'm 43.
39:53On Wednesday night, Sky Cinema Hits
39:55gave us a large dose of 80s nostalgia
39:57with this heartwarming classic film.
40:02It's a disgrace, but I've never actually watched E.T.
40:05Really? We love movies.
40:07Do you want to know a Mandela effect about this film?
40:09Yeah, go on.
40:11E.T. never says phone home.
40:13Oh, does he now?
40:15In the film, we watched as Elliot
40:17had his very first encounter with the now-famous
40:19extraterrestrial.
40:25Oh, my God!
40:27Oh, God, he looks like me.
40:29Come on home, let's have a drink.
40:33Oh, eww!
40:35Absolute big toad walking around me gap.
40:37It's so slimy.
40:39Yeah, no, that won't be happening with me.
40:41Bang gone!
40:43We watched as Elliot introduced his new friend
40:45to his siblings.
40:47Elliot, look what I made for you!
40:51Oh!
40:53Is that your merry-go-round?
40:55Yeah, stop.
41:01That's your mother in the morning
41:03before she gets her coffee.
41:11As E.T. settled into life on Earth,
41:13we saw him get accustomed
41:15to one of our traditions.
41:19Yes!
41:21Oh, fucking stunner!
41:23He looks like Gail Platt
41:25on Coronation Street.
41:27Can you say E.T.?
41:29E.T.
41:31E.T.
41:33E.T., E.T., E.T.
41:35E.T., E.T., E.T., E.T.
41:37Look at the wall cover.
41:39E.T.
41:41Phone home.
41:45Who does that?
41:47Are you telling lies?
41:49Oh, you actually don't know?
41:51The film had us on edge
41:53as a dramatic turn saw authorities
41:55discover E.T. and quarantine
41:57the now seriously ill best friends.
41:59E.T.
42:01Elliot.
42:03Did Elliot get sick as well?
42:05Oh, yeah, cos they're connected
42:07so Elliot's not well.
42:09And sharp.
42:11They're separating.
42:13What does that mean?
42:15The boy's coming back.
42:17We're losing E.T.
42:19He does actually die, doesn't he?
42:25Look at what they've done to you.
42:27I'm so sorry, man.
42:29Oh, poor E.T.,
42:31that's not good.
42:35What was that?
42:39Flowers are growing back
42:41so does that mean he's alive?
42:43This is the best bit.
42:45It was me with goosebumps, look.
42:49E.T.
42:51Phone home.
42:53He's had a disco nap.
42:55He's ready to go again.
42:57Phone home.
42:59Man, stop saying it.
43:01E.T.
43:03Phone home.
43:09I'm supposed to give you this note
43:11when they're gone.
43:13Give it to me now, girlie.
43:15Oh, my God.
43:17He's breaking him out.
43:23Oh, God, this is giving, like,
43:25stranger things.
43:27Uh-oh.
43:31Hey.
43:33He needs a new route. Reroute.
43:39Oh, my God!
43:41This was, like, the coolest thing as a kid.
43:45Oh!
43:47What the...
43:49Oh, Jesus.
43:51I don't know how many times I cycled the bicycle
43:53convinced it might take off at some point.
43:55If I wished it long enough.
43:59I love the way they have to keep pedalling
44:01to stay in the sky as well.
44:09Oh, give over.
44:11He's just all fingers and neck,
44:13isn't he?
44:23I'll be right here.
44:29It's the saddest happy ending ever.
44:31It is. It's beautiful.
44:33Bye.
44:41MUSIC PLAYS
44:49I've heard this music before.
44:51Yeah, that's...
44:55Bye-bye.
44:57No, no, no.
44:59LAUGHTER
45:03Look, he's an ally.
45:05Oh, ally!
45:11You'd want to be an awful cynical bastard
45:13not to love that.
45:15Oh, it was against me.
45:17I think it's that fucking music.
45:25How dare you put me through that emotional trauma?
45:27I'm so glad
45:29I got to see it with you, though.
45:31Do you believe in aliens?
45:33Yeah, I've just seen one, sure.
45:37If you've been affected
45:39by any of the issues raised in this programme,
45:41please visit our support page,
45:43virginmediatelevision.ie
45:45forward slash helplines.
45:47MUSIC PLAYS
46:09MUSIC ENDS