The_Sex_Trip - Watch Full Movie Online

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After a shallow womanizer refuses a mysterious homeless woman's request for a kiss, he wakes up the next morning to discover he's been changed into a woman.
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Transcript
00:00:00When I was ten, my family moved to America.
00:00:25Shortly thereafter, I learned a valuable lesson about love.
00:00:30Hey new kid, wanna play a card game called 52 pick up?
00:00:37Pick it up, dick for brains.
00:00:49She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
00:00:53I felt instantly a manly love.
00:01:04Then she broke my heart.
00:01:07I vowed never to let love hurt me again.
00:01:10Today, I am a master of love.
00:01:14Your book, 52 Pick Up, is basically a how-to guide for men to pick up women, is it not?
00:01:19It is, yeah.
00:01:21And you claim that your book will help men pick up a different woman every week for a
00:01:28year?
00:01:29Yeah, it's really that simple.
00:01:31All they have to do is follow my three simple rules of engagement, that is trigger her interest,
00:01:36play indifferent, and go for the kill.
00:01:41Are you aware how degrading that is to women?
00:01:44I mean some could say it reduces us to mere objects who could be easily tricked into bed.
00:01:49I mean how would you respond to such allegations?
00:01:51How do I respond?
00:01:55Guilty as charged.
00:02:19Oh, what the hell is that?
00:02:25That's...
00:02:27Oh, no.
00:02:29What the...
00:02:31Oh, no.
00:02:33Oh, no.
00:02:35Oh, no.
00:02:37Oh, no.
00:02:39Oh, no.
00:02:41Oh, no.
00:02:43Oh, no.
00:02:45Oh, no.
00:02:47Oh, no.
00:02:48Oh, no.
00:02:59Hey, what's up, Ruben?
00:03:01Hey, what's...whoa, take it easy, brother.
00:03:03It's alright, dude. We're just men here.
00:03:05Alright.
00:03:06You're early, aren't you?
00:03:07You got it, bro.
00:03:10How's it going?
00:03:11Good?
00:03:12All right, well, there you go.
00:03:13If you like it.
00:03:15Yeah, enjoy it.
00:03:16Next in line.
00:03:17Michael.
00:03:18It's so good to meet you.
00:03:19Well, thank you for coming.
00:03:20Dude, you've changed my life.
00:03:21That's the whole point.
00:03:22Are you ready?
00:03:23I'm ready.
00:03:24I'm ready.
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00:06:57Edison Greening!
00:07:00What?
00:07:02Hello.
00:07:03Hello.
00:07:04Do I know you?
00:07:05How do you know my name?
00:07:06Does it really matter?
00:07:07Of course, in the jackets of my book.
00:07:12Okay.
00:07:13You want an autograph?
00:07:14Look, Eddie.
00:07:15I'm here to ask you something.
00:07:18Yeah, you see, I don't really carry cash.
00:07:22I don't want your money.
00:07:24What do you want?
00:07:25You don't really respect women, do you?
00:07:28I'm sorry.
00:07:30Did Steve Burns put you up to this?
00:07:32Where is he?
00:07:33Women are nothing but notches on your bedposts.
00:07:36Yeah, my bedposts.
00:07:37In fact, I don't even have bedposts on my bed, so...
00:07:41That's a metaphor, Eddie.
00:07:43A metaphor.
00:07:46Oh, I get it.
00:07:47I'm being punked, aren't I?
00:07:49This is brilliant.
00:07:50Where are they?
00:07:51You can come out now.
00:07:52Where's the film crew?
00:07:53There's no film crew, Eddie!
00:07:56Oh, right.
00:07:57I'm tired of this.
00:07:58No more games, okay?
00:07:59You gave me what I'm here for.
00:08:01And what are you here for?
00:08:03Kiss me!
00:08:04Jeez, I don't think that's going to happen.
00:08:06Prove to me that you can see the beauty in all women,
00:08:09the beauty beneath the surface.
00:08:11Kiss me!
00:08:12All right, no offense, you crazy old bat,
00:08:14but right on my dick dropped off, all right?
00:08:17What?
00:08:18Shoot yourself!
00:08:29Yeah, so, uh, Molly, listen.
00:08:31I, uh...
00:08:32Too close.
00:08:33Okay.
00:08:34Are you doing that thing kids do when they like each other?
00:08:37No.
00:08:38Well, okay, then.
00:08:39How about we talk business?
00:08:40Maybe a few strawberry daiquiris, discuss that third contract.
00:08:43What do you say?
00:08:44Maybe...
00:08:45Oh, God!
00:08:46Oh!
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00:12:20Oh, come on, come on.
00:12:23PHONE VIBRATES
00:12:33Yeah, hello?
00:12:34Steve!
00:12:35You need to get to my place right away!
00:12:37Who is this?
00:12:39It's Eddie, dumbass!
00:12:41Really?
00:12:42Who is this?
00:12:43Um, yeah.
00:12:44You just need to get to Eddie's place as soon as you can.
00:12:47Why?
00:12:48Uh...
00:12:50Because he wants you to join us in his threesome.
00:12:53Really?
00:12:55He's never asked me that before.
00:12:57Are you in or what?
00:12:59I'm in! I'm in! I'm in!
00:13:01I'm in.
00:13:02SIGHS
00:13:04MUSIC PLAYS
00:13:19MUSIC CONTINUES
00:13:43About time!
00:13:45KNOCKING
00:13:47What?
00:13:49What?
00:13:50Ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:13:52Wow!
00:13:53Ah, look at you!
00:13:55Well, your stud service has arrived.
00:13:59Huh?
00:14:00I studied Goju-kai karate.
00:14:02Ha!
00:14:03Ki-ai.
00:14:04By the way.
00:14:05Yeah.
00:14:06Uh...
00:14:07So, where is he?
00:14:09Where's Eddie?
00:14:10Funny thing about that...
00:14:12Eddie!
00:14:13You back here?
00:14:15So, where is he?
00:14:16It's me, Steve, Eddie.
00:14:18Oh, ha, ha, ha.
00:14:19OK.
00:14:20Yeah.
00:14:21Eddie!
00:14:22You back here?
00:14:23Uh, he's standing right in front of you.
00:14:26OK.
00:14:27I get it.
00:14:28You're hot.
00:14:29I don't know what's going on here,
00:14:31but if you don't tell me where Eddie is,
00:14:33I'm going to have to call the cops.
00:14:35OK, listen to me, Steve.
00:14:36I really don't know what happened.
00:14:38Last night, I fell asleep, and when I woke up,
00:14:41I was this.
00:14:44Have it your way.
00:14:47Beth Macdonald.
00:14:51What was that?
00:14:52Your crush in middle school.
00:14:54Beth Macdonald, the one that got away.
00:14:56OK, Eddie's the only one who knows that.
00:14:59See?
00:15:00All that proves is that he told you about her.
00:15:02OK, how about Jessica Levine?
00:15:04You lost your virginity to her in 10th grade
00:15:07and cried like a little baby.
00:15:09That's because she bit my dick!
00:15:12Wait a minute.
00:15:13OK, what's going...
00:15:14Did he tell you my whole life story?
00:15:16Steve, it's me, Eddie,
00:15:19stuck inside a chick's body.
00:15:21Oh, come on.
00:15:25OK.
00:15:26Fine, if you're ready, tell me this.
00:15:28Two years ago, we took a trip to Vegas.
00:15:30Yeah.
00:15:31We got really drunk with some strippers,
00:15:33and they dared us to do something really disgusting.
00:15:35The next day, we swore, we swore
00:15:38we would never talk about it again.
00:15:40Really?
00:15:41Yeah.
00:15:42Really, Steve?
00:15:43You want to make me say this out loud?
00:15:45Hey, if you're Eddie,
00:15:48well, you'd know all about it.
00:15:53OK, we gave each other handjobs.
00:15:55Uh, excuse me, what was that?
00:15:59We gave each other handjobs.
00:16:02Are you happy?
00:16:03What?
00:16:04Eddie?
00:16:06I just peed in my mouth.
00:16:08I just peed in my mouth.
00:16:10Wait a minute.
00:16:11Wait a minute, Eddie.
00:16:12This is impossible.
00:16:13I mean, how...
00:16:14How did this happen?
00:16:17Like, I don't know.
00:16:19Like I said, I fell asleep at Alexa's last night
00:16:21after banging her up and down,
00:16:23and when I woke up, I was a chick.
00:16:31Well, at least you're hot.
00:16:34Shut the fuck up.
00:16:36Wait.
00:16:37You think I'm hot?
00:16:38Hell, yeah, I do.
00:16:39So you would have sex with me knowing it's me,
00:16:42Eddie, inside this body?
00:16:44Hey, if the Vegas, what have I got to lose?
00:16:47Good point.
00:16:48Right?
00:16:49So, if you don't mind, can I see the whole package?
00:16:52What?
00:16:53Maybe, you know, minus the clothes.
00:16:55I am not taking my clothes off for you.
00:16:57OK, fine, be that way.
00:16:58I have to say, my breasts are really perky.
00:17:07Steve!
00:17:13Steve!
00:17:16I'm a first man.
00:17:18OK.
00:17:19I said, we need to figure out what happened to me.
00:17:21OK.
00:17:23Jesus.
00:17:29OK, let's figure this out.
00:17:32Let's think about the last 24 hours, yeah?
00:17:34You had the book signing.
00:17:36You had the release party.
00:17:38You had sex with the supermodel.
00:17:40Nothing unusual.
00:17:41OK, then.
00:17:42Wait.
00:17:43What?
00:17:44The homeless woman.
00:17:45You had sex with a homeless woman?
00:17:46No, dumbass.
00:17:48I was outside the building before the party,
00:17:50and this homeless woman came up to me.
00:17:52She knew my name, said I didn't respect women,
00:17:55didn't see their inner beauty, some shit like that.
00:17:58Then she asked me to kiss her.
00:18:00Wow, how was that?
00:18:03That's the thing, I mean, I blew her off.
00:18:05She was fucking hideous.
00:18:09I would have fucked her.
00:18:13Twice.
00:18:15She must have put a spell on me.
00:18:17That's the only thing that makes sense.
00:18:19OK.
00:18:20OK, so we are looking for a homeless woman with magical powers.
00:18:25I mean, I don't know, I guess so.
00:18:28Maybe she was a witch.
00:18:29A witch.
00:18:30Did she have a broom?
00:18:31No.
00:18:32OK.
00:18:33But she did have a really big walking stick.
00:18:36Her magic wand.
00:18:38Yeah, her magic wand, yeah.
00:18:39Right, well, with all these magical powers,
00:18:42why was she still so ugly?
00:18:43What?
00:18:44I mean, the first thing you do is make yourself hot, right?
00:18:46What's that got to do with anything?
00:18:48Wait a minute, no.
00:18:49Because if she was hot, it would have been easy for you to kiss her.
00:18:52My God, this lady is slick.
00:18:54I've got to tell you, if she was here, I'd give her some props.
00:18:56You're an idiot.
00:18:59That's it.
00:19:01We have to find her.
00:19:02I mean, if she turned me into a chick, then she can turn me back again.
00:19:05Wait a minute.
00:19:06Listen to me.
00:19:07You know how hard it's going to be to find a homeless woman in this city?
00:19:09Like trying to find a virgin in a whorehouse.
00:19:11OK, listen to me, Steve.
00:19:12We either find her, or I'm stuck as a chick for I don't know how long.
00:19:16Maybe forever.
00:19:17Doesn't worry me, because you're kind of hot.
00:19:19Dude, me and you, not going to happen.
00:19:25Not until I slip you a few mickeys.
00:19:27I still say if she had magic powers, she'd use them not to be homeless.
00:19:31Or maybe searching for her in homeless shelters is part of the test.
00:19:34Yeah, but not the fun part.
00:19:45Can I help you?
00:19:46Yeah, hi, we're trying to find a homeless woman.
00:19:48This is a homeless shelter.
00:19:50We have about 40 of them.
00:19:51She's really old.
00:19:52There's about 30 of them.
00:19:54She's really ugly.
00:19:55Look, this is really important.
00:19:57You see, I think she took something of mine.
00:20:01So let me get this straight.
00:20:03Some poor, old, homeless woman who's probably struggling to survive took something from you?
00:20:11Yeah.
00:20:12So what do you want me to do?
00:20:14Make our clients line up so you can pick her out?
00:20:16Oh my God, that would be so great.
00:20:19Oh!
00:20:21Have you ever heard of sarcasm skippy?
00:20:24That shit ain't happening.
00:20:26Well, can we at least have a look around?
00:20:28No, you can't be looking around in here.
00:20:30Okay, what do you expect us to do?
00:20:32What I expect you to do is to take your skinny, sorry asses and get up out of here before I...
00:20:37What's going on here?
00:20:42These two claim that a homeless woman stole from them.
00:20:45And they want us to line up our clients like a bunch of criminals so they can pick her out.
00:20:50Well, that's not exactly true.
00:20:52Hi, I'm Jeff White.
00:20:54I'm the manager.
00:20:55Hi, I'm Ed.
00:20:57No, Greenleaf.
00:20:59So, why didn't you tell me what's going on here?
00:21:01Okay, the other night I ran into this homeless woman on the street.
00:21:04Yeah, she was really ugly.
00:21:06Anyway, I think she might have taken something of mine.
00:21:09I see.
00:21:11Yeah.
00:21:12And what would that be, if you don't mind my asking?
00:21:15It was...
00:21:17Her identity.
00:21:19She took your identity?
00:21:21Mm-hmm.
00:21:22Oh, it's kind of hard to explain.
00:21:25You mean your ID?
00:21:27That's right, her ID.
00:21:29Oh, well, I guess I can see why you'd want that back.
00:21:32Yeah, I know, right?
00:21:33So, can you describe her for me?
00:21:35Yeah, she's about 80 years old.
00:21:37She has this wild gray hair and this really big crooked nose.
00:21:41Tell her about the walking stick.
00:21:42Oh, yeah, she had this massive wooden walking stick.
00:21:44Yeah, like a magic wand.
00:21:46Like a magic wand?
00:21:48Mm-hmm.
00:21:49What a plain Jane, huh?
00:21:50I know.
00:21:51You should have asked her out.
00:21:52What?
00:21:53She was a five at best.
00:21:54Yeah, but together you'd make a ten.
00:21:56Oh, you're an asshole.
00:21:58Five shelters and no sign of her.
00:22:00Buddy, I've got to tell you, I'm starving.
00:22:02You know what I'm saying?
00:22:03It's going to be harder than I thought.
00:22:07It's going to be harder than I thought.
00:22:12Look, maybe we should eat something.
00:22:14Maybe get a little Thai food.
00:22:15What?
00:22:16Some Thai food, man.
00:22:17I'm starving.
00:22:18Come on.
00:22:19Sure, whatever.
00:22:22Okay.
00:22:23Okay.
00:22:26Look, listen to me.
00:22:28We will find this homeless woman.
00:22:30This witch.
00:22:31Whatever it is you think she is, we will find her.
00:22:33Yeah, but what do I do until then?
00:22:35I'm a chick, Steve.
00:22:41Well, you know what?
00:22:43Embrace it.
00:22:44Embrace it?
00:22:45Yes, Eddie.
00:22:46Embrace it.
00:22:48I mean, come on, man.
00:22:49Think about it.
00:22:50A chance for you to see what it's like on the other side.
00:22:53Right?
00:22:54Embrace that.
00:22:58And, hey, maybe a good time to do a little research for your third book.
00:23:05Yeah.
00:23:06There you go.
00:23:08I'm starving.
00:23:09I'm going to eat.
00:23:24Good morning.
00:23:26How can I help you?
00:23:27Hey, guys.
00:23:28Ma'am.
00:23:29Look, we're here to get my sister here.
00:23:30Some chick clones.
00:23:31She needs a little of everything.
00:23:34Fabulous.
00:23:35You've come quite late.
00:23:37What's her size?
00:23:38Slightly too regular.
00:23:40Just kidding.
00:23:42I'm a size two.
00:23:45Yeah, sure.
00:23:46Great.
00:23:47Okay.
00:23:55So, you guys are from Russia, right?
00:23:58Yes.
00:23:59Moscow.
00:24:00Yes.
00:24:01Cool.
00:24:02In winter, it's so cold, we pray global warming.
00:24:07Hell no.
00:24:09Well, something's wrong.
00:24:11Yeah, this is messed up.
00:24:13Wrong size?
00:24:15You tell me.
00:24:18Holy shit.
00:24:21This is a good fit.
00:24:23So, it's supposed to feel like someone's cut you in half with a rusty butter knife?
00:24:26Yeah, pretty much.
00:24:28I mean, I have to admit, I do like how this displays the goods.
00:24:33Sparky, like butter chipmunk.
00:24:37Steve, what do you think?
00:24:39Marry me.
00:24:40Oh, shut the fuck up.
00:24:42No, I'm serious.
00:24:43Marry me, because you and I, we make a great couple.
00:24:45What happens when I go through the change?
00:24:47I'm not giving you any more hand jobs.
00:24:49She's really not my sister.
00:24:53I'm mad at him.
00:24:54No, no, no, she's actually a little more like my brother.
00:24:57I'm sorry, honey, but do you mind turning around and give me a look at that rusty butter knife?
00:25:01You're an idiot.
00:25:03Okay.
00:25:23You really got my attention.
00:25:29You made me stop what I was doing.
00:25:34You made me look in your direction, yeah.
00:25:40Hey, Eddie.
00:25:43How you doing, man?
00:25:45Good, good to see you.
00:25:46Nice to see you.
00:25:47Eddie, Edna, Edna, Eddie.
00:25:49Edna, my pleasure.
00:25:51Oh, firm handshake.
00:25:52Buddy, she needs the works.
00:25:54What do you think?
00:25:55I mean, give her the works and put your...
00:25:56We don't have to really do much.
00:25:57Just do her hair.
00:25:58Right, right.
00:25:59Right?
00:26:00Yeah.
00:26:01But I got an amazing hairstylist, my wife.
00:26:02Your wife?
00:26:03She's the best.
00:26:04Yeah, she's amazing.
00:26:05You'll be more than happy.
00:26:06That's wonderful.
00:26:08Thank you so much.
00:26:09Sweetie.
00:26:10Come on out, baby.
00:26:11Come on in.
00:26:12You snapped.
00:26:13Do you know what that means?
00:26:14I know, I know.
00:26:15Excited.
00:26:16Right?
00:26:17Edna, this is James.
00:26:21The best.
00:26:22Welcome to our salon.
00:26:23Only the best.
00:26:24Eddie James, he starts by finish.
00:26:25Always a happy ending.
00:26:26What?
00:26:27Eddie James.
00:26:28Are we doing anything with him?
00:26:30I'm fine.
00:26:31It's all about her.
00:26:32Yeah, it's her today.
00:26:33Yeah.
00:26:34I...
00:26:35No, no, no.
00:26:36Come on.
00:26:37Come on.
00:26:38Not today.
00:26:39Me not today?
00:26:40You snap and look at him the way you just looked at him?
00:26:42No, it's really about her.
00:26:44Yeah.
00:26:45Which is why I'm having a conversation with my husband.
00:26:49You're flirting.
00:26:50Oh, no, I'm not, babe.
00:26:51You know you're the one for me.
00:26:55Anyway.
00:26:56I'm sorry.
00:26:57Yes, that's what I need.
00:26:58And enough of that.
00:26:59Sweetheart, listen.
00:27:00Let's get you started.
00:27:01Don't worry about this.
00:27:02That's between him and I.
00:27:03We'll take care of you just fine.
00:27:04You're in good hands.
00:27:05Magic hands.
00:27:06Come with me.
00:27:07Do your magic.
00:27:08You know I do.
00:27:10So, when the husband snaps, I have magic to perform.
00:27:17So, I'm going to give you a little...
00:27:19Oh, gosh, I don't know.
00:27:20You know what I'm going to do?
00:27:21I'm going to give you more waves than a Hawaiian surf competition.
00:27:24How does that sound?
00:27:29Steve!
00:27:30What do you think?
00:27:34It's hot.
00:27:35Hot.
00:27:36It is hot, Steve.
00:27:37I mean, look at her.
00:27:38But then look at you.
00:27:41How about I do you next, handsome?
00:27:43Okay.
00:27:44I'm good.
00:27:45Come on, Steve.
00:27:46Let James work his magic.
00:27:48I'm good.
00:27:49Steve, I promise I won't hurt you.
00:27:53Unless you want me to.
00:27:55Okay.
00:27:57Is it going to hurt?
00:27:58Oh, don't worry.
00:27:59It's like giving hair to a babushka.
00:28:02Okay.
00:28:03One, two, three.
00:28:16Wow.
00:28:17She deserves it.
00:28:35Okay.
00:28:37Last time, I'm sharper than you.
00:28:39Wow.
00:28:40Here we go.
00:28:41So, look, I've got to get back to the office, but listen to me.
00:28:44I'm meeting Molly at the GC Marketplace.
00:28:47We're going to discuss the contracts of your third book.
00:28:49So, if you care to join us for a drink?
00:28:53I'm not hitting on you.
00:28:54Right.
00:28:55Eddie, look, I get it.
00:28:56You're ready?
00:28:57You're not hitting on me.
00:28:58I get that.
00:28:59I mean, I must have lost my mind.
00:29:01I mean, you think about it.
00:29:03The situation's a little scary, right?
00:29:05Yeah, you can say that again.
00:29:07Okay.
00:29:08So, we talked about this.
00:29:09Embrace it.
00:29:10Mm-hmm.
00:29:11Maybe see what it's like on the other side.
00:29:13Yeah, you're right.
00:29:14You're right.
00:29:15Cool.
00:29:16And maybe wear that slinky black dress with the high heels in the front.
00:29:20Oh, yeah!
00:29:21Oh, yeah!
00:29:22Oh, yeah!
00:29:23Oh, yeah!
00:29:24Oh, yeah!
00:29:25Oh, yeah!
00:29:26Oh, yeah!
00:29:27Oh, yeah!
00:29:28Oh, yeah!
00:29:29Oh, yeah!
00:29:30Oh, yeah!
00:29:31Oh, yeah!
00:29:32Oh, yeah!
00:29:33Oh, yeah!
00:29:34Oh, yeah!
00:29:35Oh, yeah!
00:29:36Oh, yeah!
00:29:37Oh, yeah!
00:29:38Oh, yeah!
00:29:39Oh, yeah!
00:29:40Oh, yeah!
00:29:41Oh, yeah!
00:29:42Oh, yeah!
00:29:43Oh, yeah!
00:29:44Oh, yeah!
00:29:45Oh, yeah!
00:29:46Oh, yeah!
00:29:47Oh, yeah!
00:29:48Oh, yeah!
00:29:49Oh, yeah!
00:29:50Oh, yeah!
00:29:51Oh, yeah!
00:29:52Oh, yeah!
00:29:53Oh, yeah!
00:29:54Oh, yeah!
00:29:55Oh, yeah!
00:29:56Oh, yeah!
00:29:57Oh, yeah!
00:29:58Oh, yeah!
00:29:59Oh, yeah!
00:30:00Oh, yeah!
00:30:01Oh, yeah!
00:30:02Oh, yeah!
00:30:03Oh, yeah!
00:30:04Oh, yeah!
00:30:05Oh, yeah!
00:30:06Oh, yeah!
00:30:07Oh, yeah!
00:30:08Oh, yeah!
00:30:09Oh, yeah!
00:30:10Oh, yeah!
00:30:11Oh, yeah!
00:30:12Oh, yeah!
00:30:13Oh, yeah!
00:30:14Oh, yeah!
00:30:15Oh, yeah!
00:30:16Oh, yeah!
00:30:17Oh, yeah!
00:30:18Oh, yeah!
00:30:19Oh, yeah!
00:30:20Oh, yeah!
00:30:21Oh, yeah!
00:30:22Oh, yeah!
00:30:23Oh, yeah!
00:30:24Oh, yeah!
00:30:25Oh, yeah!
00:30:26Oh, yeah!
00:30:27Oh, yeah!
00:30:28Oh, yeah!
00:30:29Oh, yeah!
00:30:30Oh, yeah!
00:30:31Oh, yeah!
00:30:32Oh, yeah!
00:30:33Oh, yeah!
00:30:34Oh, yeah!
00:30:35Oh, yeah!
00:30:36Oh, yeah!
00:30:37Oh, yeah!
00:30:38Oh, yeah!
00:30:39Oh, yeah!
00:30:40Oh, yeah!
00:30:41Oh, yeah!
00:30:42Oh, yeah!
00:30:43Oh, yeah!
00:30:44Oh, yeah!
00:30:45Oh, yeah!
00:30:46Do you think you could throw some lotion on my back, please?
00:30:48Okay.
00:30:52Rub me really good.
00:30:54Rub me.
00:31:15Problem with the machine?
00:31:16No, problem with these.
00:31:18I'm not used to running with them.
00:31:20You just get them done?
00:31:21Yeah, you could say that.
00:31:23Well, kudos to your doctor. They look totally natural.
00:31:26Oh, you think so?
00:31:27Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'd have to feel them to know for sure.
00:31:29Excuse me?
00:31:30Yeah, what do you say after working out, we go back to my place, huh?
00:31:34Unbelievable.
00:31:36Come on, babe.
00:31:38I have a penis.
00:31:51Well, so, I end my set, I walk off the stage, and I start looking for this young lady.
00:32:03Well, she's sitting at this bar just like you.
00:32:06And then I walk up holding these panties, and I say, I think these belong to you.
00:32:14And she says, well, actually...
00:32:16She starts laughing, though.
00:32:18She says, actually, they're a gift from my grandmother.
00:32:21So, I have to take another look, and then I realize...
00:32:24They're granny panties.
00:32:25Yeah, big ones.
00:32:29Well, anyway, you got my number, huh?
00:32:31All right, so give me a call.
00:32:32All right, see you, gorgeous.
00:32:34Okay.
00:32:35Wait a minute. Aren't you Frank Stallone?
00:32:37Sure, kid.
00:32:40Who's that guy?
00:32:41Frank Stallone?
00:32:42I knew it. He doesn't remember me.
00:32:44We had this night, and he was dark, and he was...
00:32:49I'll tell you about it some other time. Back to business, beautiful.
00:32:51It's not gonna happen.
00:32:54As in not gonna happen?
00:32:55Ever.
00:32:57As in never?
00:32:58Ever. Ever. Ever.
00:33:03So, I guess that's a no.
00:33:04I'd rather die.
00:33:05Okay.
00:33:07Get to the point next time.
00:33:25Hey.
00:33:26Holy shit!
00:33:27Hi, uh, Molly Morrison.
00:33:29Edna Greenleaf.
00:33:30Greenleaf?
00:33:32Yeah, I'm Eddie's sister.
00:33:34Oh.
00:33:36It's nice to meet you.
00:33:37Yeah, really nice to meet you.
00:33:39She's great. Great, great.
00:33:41What the fuck did you do?
00:33:43Well, what happened, sweetheart? You're just a little...
00:33:45I had a little bit of trouble, you know.
00:33:47A little bit?
00:33:48Don't wear makeup much.
00:33:49Nah, it's my first time.
00:33:52I mean, me and Eddie, we're from Amish country.
00:33:55More like clownish country.
00:33:57Again.
00:33:59Interesting.
00:34:00No, hey, look, what is interesting, ladies...
00:34:02Okay, don't care about your own country.
00:34:04No, no, no.
00:34:05Okay, I'm gonna go.
00:34:06What are we doing?
00:34:07What are we doing?
00:34:10You ever heard of Van...
00:34:11Dee...
00:34:12Go...
00:34:14He's got no ears!
00:34:15What do you know?
00:34:17How you guys doing?
00:34:18Hey, dreamboat.
00:34:21No, not you, shipwreck.
00:34:22I was talking to...
00:34:23To be a connection...
00:34:27Emotions overload...
00:34:29Van...
00:34:35What took you guys so long?
00:34:37We're almost about to date.
00:34:38What the fuck does that have to do with anything?
00:34:41Rome, I like that show.
00:34:43Okay.
00:34:44I watch that show.
00:34:45Yeah.
00:34:46Drink? Let me get a drink.
00:34:48Hey!
00:34:49Isn't that that chick from the homeless shelter?
00:34:51Jess, I think.
00:34:53Yeah, I think so.
00:34:57I wonder why she's here alone.
00:34:59Who cares?
00:35:00I think I'm gonna go and say hi.
00:35:02Why?
00:35:04To be polite.
00:35:06You?
00:35:07I mean, yeah.
00:35:09Go ahead.
00:35:10Fine, then I'm out of here, okay?
00:35:11Sounds good.
00:35:12Yeah, me too.
00:35:13Bye.
00:35:14Wait a minute.
00:35:15How would you like a ride?
00:35:16I think I'm going right here.
00:35:17No.
00:35:19Okay.
00:35:20How about you give me a ride home?
00:35:21Because I don't have a car.
00:35:23No.
00:35:27You know, I saw this article today.
00:35:31Hi.
00:35:32Hi.
00:35:33Do you mind if I join you?
00:35:35Do we know each other?
00:35:36Yeah, we met at the homeless shelter.
00:35:38I was looking for you.
00:35:39Oh, hi.
00:35:40Hi.
00:35:41Hi.
00:35:42Hi.
00:35:43So, I was looking for that woman who took my ID.
00:35:46Oh, that's right.
00:35:47Your name was, uh...
00:35:49Edna.
00:35:50Yeah.
00:35:51Edna.
00:35:52Sure.
00:35:53Have a seat.
00:35:54Thanks.
00:35:56It's Jess, right?
00:35:57Yep.
00:35:58So, are you here alone?
00:36:00Oh.
00:36:01No.
00:36:05You want some?
00:36:06Mm-mm.
00:36:07I'm good, thanks.
00:36:09So, did you ever find that woman you were looking for?
00:36:12No, not yet.
00:36:14You've got the...
00:36:17What?
00:36:18You've got something in your...
00:36:23All gone.
00:36:29Can I ask you something?
00:36:30Yeah, sure.
00:36:32Are you hitting on me?
00:36:33I'm sorry?
00:36:35I mean, I'm flattered and all, but, um...
00:36:38I'm straight.
00:36:40Yeah, so am I.
00:36:42Oh.
00:36:43Oh, my gosh.
00:36:44I'm so sorry.
00:36:45It's...
00:36:46It's fine.
00:36:47Don't worry about it.
00:36:48Well, in fact, it's been a while since, um...
00:36:50Since anyone hit on me.
00:36:51Really?
00:36:52That is hard to believe.
00:36:56Okay, it's all about confidence.
00:36:58You have to believe you're the most attractive, desirable person in the room.
00:37:02Yeah, that's, uh...
00:37:03That me.
00:37:05Okay, well...
00:37:06There's always liquid confidence.
00:37:09Liquid confidence?
00:37:10Mm-hmm.
00:37:16Oh.
00:37:32Okay, Jess.
00:37:33You see that guy over there at the bar?
00:37:38I want you to go over there and talk to him.
00:37:41No.
00:37:42No, wait.
00:37:43Come on!
00:37:44What is the worst that's gonna happen?
00:37:46I'll try to flirt, and...
00:37:48And he'll...
00:37:49He'll laugh so hard that he...
00:37:51He falls off his chair and bangs his head, and...
00:37:54And he's in a coma.
00:37:57Wow.
00:37:58You've got quite an imagination.
00:38:01I'm just saying, I...
00:38:02I can't...
00:38:03Come on, Jess.
00:38:04Come on.
00:38:05Oh.
00:38:07I can't.
00:38:08I can't.
00:38:09Oh.
00:38:13You are a smart, confident woman,
00:38:16and that guy, he would be so lucky to date you.
00:38:20I'm a smart, confident woman.
00:38:24Yeah.
00:38:25Okay.
00:38:26Okay, wait.
00:38:27Do you need those glasses?
00:38:30Oh, you don't see.
00:38:32Okay.
00:38:33They're fine.
00:38:34Okay.
00:38:35You look great.
00:38:40Yeah!
00:38:42Woo!
00:38:53Hi.
00:38:54Hey.
00:38:57Watching the game?
00:38:59Yeah, I'm watching the game.
00:39:03I'm Jess.
00:39:04Dylan.
00:39:05Dylan.
00:39:08So, Dylan, do you, um...
00:39:10Come here often?
00:39:12Look.
00:39:13I bet you're a really nice person,
00:39:16but I have a girlfriend,
00:39:18and I'm a little bit busy right now,
00:39:20so I'm sorry.
00:39:21I'm...
00:39:22I'm really sorry.
00:39:24Friggin' Dodgers.
00:39:26Biggest payroll in baseball,
00:39:28and they're playing like minor leaguers.
00:39:30Tell me about it.
00:39:31I know.
00:39:32Bet you could hit better than Bradley.
00:39:34I look better doing it.
00:39:37Dylan.
00:39:38Edna.
00:39:39Edna, can I buy you a drink?
00:39:40Yeah, sure.
00:39:41What would you like to have?
00:39:42Um...
00:39:43Dirty martini.
00:39:45Extra dirty.
00:39:47Uh, Papa,
00:39:48can I get a dirty martini,
00:39:50extra dirty, please?
00:39:53So, Edna, how come I've never seen you before?
00:39:56It's my first time in here.
00:39:57Well, I guess it's my lucky day.
00:39:59I guess it's mine, too.
00:40:00Hey.
00:40:05Can I ask you a question?
00:40:06Sure, shoot.
00:40:09Are you single?
00:40:10Matter of fact, I am.
00:40:12Oh, I see.
00:40:17Oh!
00:40:18What the hell?
00:40:19Come on, Jess, we're going.
00:40:20She's a right wanker, anyway.
00:40:30That was awesome!
00:40:31I really was.
00:40:32You see that guy down.
00:40:35Down to the ground.
00:40:38You just snorted.
00:40:39Oh, I'm sorry.
00:40:41No.
00:40:42It's very cute.
00:40:43Why are hot guys like that?
00:40:46What do you mean?
00:40:47You know, like...
00:40:48Ow!
00:40:50I'm sorry, Jess.
00:40:51Like superficial dirtbags.
00:40:53I know, right?
00:40:55Well, why do you think that is?
00:40:57I...
00:40:58I don't know.
00:40:59I mean, men, right?
00:41:01Men.
00:41:02I mean...
00:41:03Do you want me to give you a ride back to mine?
00:41:07Jess, are you okay?
00:41:11Are you alright?
00:41:16Look, it's cheese fries.
00:41:20I mean, are you alright?
00:41:22I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:31Bye.
00:41:32Bye.
00:41:33Bye.
00:41:34Bye.
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00:49:53Bye.
00:49:56OK, remember.
00:49:57If you and Matt hit it off, just say the code word and I'll make an excuse to leave.
00:50:01Bananas.
00:50:03Alright, later!
00:50:08Hi.
00:50:09Hi.
00:50:10I hope you don't mind, I brought along a friend.
00:50:13Yes, this is Matt.
00:50:15Hi, nice to meet you.
00:50:16Nice to meet you.
00:50:17So, what would you guys like to drink?
00:50:19No, no, no, no, let me get this.
00:50:21No, no, no, you guys, you guys chat, get to know each other, I'll go get the drinks.
00:50:24Okay.
00:50:25A cappuccino, cool.
00:50:36There you go.
00:50:37Pay at the register.
00:50:41What can I get started for you?
00:50:42Two cappuccinos, please.
00:50:46Here you go.
00:50:48That's for you.
00:50:51You got to get those young ladies used to getting flowers, you know.
00:50:55That's true, that's true.
00:50:57It's not going to be the last time, hopefully.
00:51:00Hopefully not.
00:51:01Can I get your name and your number?
00:51:06Huh? What do you need my number for?
00:51:08I'll call you later.
00:51:09Okay, look, I'm a dude.
00:51:13You're a dude?
00:51:14Yeah, that's right.
00:51:16You playing hide and banana?
00:51:17Yeah, something like that.
00:51:19You could have just said no thanks.
00:51:22You're a fine-ass dude, though.
00:51:31Oh, thank you.
00:51:35Did you know that Matt volunteers at a homeless shelter?
00:51:38No.
00:51:39Yeah, it's no big deal.
00:51:40I was raised by a family who believe in giving back.
00:51:43Oh.
00:51:44Actually, he's going to volunteer at my shelter this weekend.
00:51:47Really?
00:51:48Yeah, I figure I'm doing my part no matter which shelter I'm at.
00:51:51Okay.
00:51:52So, what shelter do you normally volunteer at?
00:51:55Uh, you probably wouldn't know.
00:51:58It's on the other side of town.
00:51:59Actually, I know pretty much every shelter in town.
00:52:03Really?
00:52:04Come on, give me a try.
00:52:06Uh, okay.
00:52:08Um, well, it's, uh, it's on, um...
00:52:13Edna, did you happen to see if they, um, if they have any bananas?
00:52:18I'm sorry?
00:52:19You know, bananas.
00:52:21My bananas gone AWOL.
00:52:24What?
00:52:28I mean, they're bananas.
00:52:30They don't have any bananas.
00:52:32Oh.
00:52:34Uh, I'd be happy to split my cupcake with you.
00:52:38Oh, thank you.
00:52:39Oh, please.
00:52:40You know, I'm going to really have to go.
00:52:42I've got something really important to take care of.
00:52:44Oh, really?
00:52:45Yeah, but you guys, you guys have fun.
00:52:47Get to know each other.
00:52:49Is that okay with you, Jess?
00:52:51I like that.
00:52:52Great.
00:52:53Good.
00:52:54See ya.
00:52:58So, tell me a little about yourself.
00:53:01Well, um, as you know, I...
00:53:03You're jealous.
00:53:04No, I'm not.
00:53:05Bullshit.
00:53:06Look, I'm just a little worried about her.
00:53:09Why?
00:53:10You're the one who set them up, right?
00:53:11I thought it'd be different.
00:53:13Different?
00:53:14What do you mean?
00:53:15What, like what?
00:53:16Different than us.
00:53:17What?
00:53:18Look, maybe it's my female hormones talking,
00:53:21but the idea of tricking women to get them into bed,
00:53:24it just seems wrong.
00:53:27Is there any other way?
00:53:28No.
00:53:30Besides, you're the one who wrote the how-to manual.
00:53:32I know.
00:53:33Actually, two manuals.
00:53:34The blog, the article.
00:53:35I said I know.
00:53:37Touchy.
00:53:38Hey, you're the one who told me I should start looking at stuff from a female's perspective.
00:53:42Damn, I did, didn't I?
00:53:44Um, I'm just starting to realize there's more to life than one night stands.
00:53:47Is there?
00:53:49I mean, haven't you ever thought about being in a relationship?
00:53:53You know, like getting married?
00:53:55Dude, that's messed up.
00:53:57Is it?
00:53:58Come on, Eddie.
00:54:00Please, you're starting to sound like an old woman or an old man
00:54:03or whatever it is that you are.
00:54:06Okay, maybe you're right.
00:54:07No, I am right.
00:54:09It's just, you know, Jess, she's different to the other girls I've been with.
00:54:14What is that supposed to mean, Eddie?
00:54:16She's kind, she's smart, she's vulnerable.
00:54:19And when she laughs, she does this, like, nosey snort thing.
00:54:22It's really cute.
00:54:24Oh, shit.
00:54:26You've fallen for her.
00:54:27That's crazy.
00:54:28Is it?
00:54:29Hey, we're up next.
00:54:30You know I'm right, yeah?
00:54:32I know you're an idiot.
00:54:33Yeah, I'm an idiot, but you're in love with Jess.
00:54:35You're in love with Jess.
00:54:37You're in love with...
00:54:43You're an idiot.
00:54:51Hi.
00:54:52I was just actually running a bath.
00:54:54Oh, I can go and come back.
00:54:56Hey, come on in.
00:54:57I can pour you some wine.
00:54:58You can top it while I soak.
00:54:59Oh.
00:55:00Is something wrong?
00:55:01No.
00:55:02Good.
00:55:03So, red or white?
00:55:04Uh, red.
00:55:05Red would be great.
00:55:06It is.
00:55:07Come on in.
00:55:08Is this my kitchen?
00:55:09Oh, very nice.
00:55:10I like it.
00:55:11Sorry, it's a little bit of a mess.
00:55:12No, no.
00:55:13Okay, I'll get all of this.
00:55:19Oh.
00:55:21Thirsty?
00:55:22Yeah.
00:55:24Right then.
00:55:25Follow me.
00:55:31I'll sit right there.
00:55:33I didn't invite you to join me, but...
00:55:39Are you all right, Anna?
00:55:41Well...
00:55:43I'm good.
00:55:45Okay.
00:55:50So, you said you wanted to talk?
00:55:52Yeah, yeah.
00:55:53I'm just kind of curious about how things with you and Matt go.
00:55:56Really well.
00:55:57We've been talking every day on the phone.
00:55:59Oh, so you're going to see him again?
00:56:01Tomorrow, when he volunteers at the shelter.
00:56:03Right.
00:56:04You know, he seems like a great guy.
00:56:07Yeah, I mean, he does seem that way, doesn't he?
00:56:10Plus, he is so dreamy.
00:56:13Okay, Jess.
00:56:14Promise me you'll be careful, okay?
00:56:16What do you mean?
00:56:17I just don't know Matt that well.
00:56:19Well.
00:56:20And sometimes, guys, they can be snakes.
00:56:23You're so sweet.
00:56:24Yeah.
00:56:25I'll know a lot of things.
00:56:27So, how come you didn't go after Matt yourself?
00:56:30He's not really my type.
00:56:32No?
00:56:33Nah.
00:56:34Plus, I can't have him around someone else.
00:56:38Oh, is it that guy you came by the shelter with?
00:56:40Steve!
00:56:41Yeah.
00:56:42No.
00:56:43He wishes.
00:56:44Nah, not him.
00:56:46Someone who doesn't really know how I feel about him.
00:56:49Then why don't you just go for it?
00:56:54Edna.
00:56:55Um.
00:56:56I can't.
00:56:58Come on.
00:56:59You're a smart, confident woman.
00:57:01Any guy would be lucky to date you.
00:57:04Touche.
00:57:16So, I said, how about a little notice?
00:57:19What a concept.
00:57:20I know, right?
00:57:31I noticed you came out for Laura Brown and Anderson.
00:57:33Yeah.
00:57:34Do you know Matt Flannery?
00:57:35I work for him.
00:57:36You do?
00:57:37Yeah, why?
00:57:38I met him the other day and he asked me out.
00:57:42He asked you out?
00:57:43Yeah.
00:57:44I don't think so, honey.
00:57:45What do you mean?
00:57:46Matt's happily married.
00:57:48With three kids.
00:57:58And you know the guy was married.
00:58:00He talked to his secretary.
00:58:02Damn, you're good.
00:58:03Yeah?
00:58:04And Matt's a scumbag.
00:58:06Huh.
00:58:07What?
00:58:08Come on, you gotta give the guy some props, right?
00:58:10That's quite the scanty pull.
00:58:11I'd like to give him something, but it ain't props.
00:58:13Oh, you know what?
00:58:14Old Eddie would have been impressed.
00:58:15Yeah, well, new Eddie would like to kick old Eddie's ass.
00:58:17Yeah, well, I put my money on old Eddie
00:58:19because new Eddie seems a little gay.
00:58:22You're an idiot.
00:58:24I know.
00:58:30This is complicated.
00:58:41Oh, Edna!
00:58:42Hi!
00:58:43Jess, you made it!
00:58:44Thanks for inviting me.
00:58:45The backstage pass?
00:58:46Sure.
00:58:47Did you come alone?
00:58:48Yeah.
00:58:49I invited Matt, but he had to go out of town for work.
00:58:50Really?
00:58:51Yeah.
00:58:52OK, you're all set.
00:58:53You should report to the staging area.
00:58:54OK, thanks.
00:58:55Edna, I have to tell you, Matt is so hot.
00:58:56He's so hot.
00:58:57He's so hot.
00:58:58He's so hot.
00:58:59He's so hot.
00:59:00He's so hot.
00:59:01He's so hot.
00:59:02He's so hot.
00:59:03He's so hot.
00:59:04He's so hot.
00:59:05He's so hot.
00:59:06He's so hot.
00:59:07He's so hot.
00:59:08He's so hot.
00:59:09He's so hot.
00:59:10I have to tell you, Matt is such a great guy.
00:59:11After we got done at the shelter, he took me for a ride on his motorcycle.
00:59:16And then, after dinner, we stopped by a boat for a nightcap.
00:59:19He has a boat?
00:59:20Well, actually, Matt says it's called a sloop because it has three masts.
00:59:24I mean, he's good.
00:59:25Well, I wouldn't know that.
00:59:26I have this rule, no sex until the third date.
00:59:29But I will say he's a very good kisser.
00:59:31OK, listen, I need to tell you something, Jess.
00:59:34What is it?
00:59:35OK, how do I put this?
00:59:37Just say it.
00:59:39Matt is, um, yeah, married.
00:59:44You're wrong.
00:59:45I spoke to his secretary.
00:59:47Why are you doing this?
00:59:48To protect you, Jess.
00:59:50You deserve to be with someone who really cares about you,
00:59:52not someone who's running a scam.
00:59:54I knew it.
00:59:55You're a lesbian.
00:59:56What?
00:59:57No, I'm not a lesbian.
00:59:59I'm just a man trapped in a woman's body.
01:00:01What?
01:00:02Look, I know this is going to sound crazy, but the thing is,
01:00:06I ran into a homeless woman the other day.
01:00:08She asked me to kiss her.
01:00:10Said it would prove that I could see the beauty in all women.
01:00:13I refused.
01:00:14The next day, I wake up.
01:00:15I am no longer Eddie.
01:00:16I am Edna.
01:00:18And so I need to find her because all I can figure is, you know,
01:00:20she's put some kind of spell on me.
01:00:22And so once I find her, she can change me back into being Eddie.
01:00:28Come on, say something.
01:00:31I don't ever want to see you again.
01:00:33What?
01:00:34Don't call me.
01:00:35Don't text me.
01:00:36Don't just stop by and see me.
01:00:38You're a sick, sick person.
01:00:40Just leave me alone.
01:00:42Just come back.
01:00:45The way we look at each other.
01:00:50You got me hanging by a thread.
01:00:58The feeling grows.
01:01:05I've got to go.
01:01:11Doesn't have to stay.
01:01:18We've been through all kinds of weather.
01:01:28The thing is, ever since the show, I haven't been able to control my emotions.
01:01:32Like, someone cuts me off, I bawl my eyes out.
01:01:36Ketchup spills on my shirt, I bawl my eyes out.
01:01:39That's messed up.
01:01:41I'd rather be a little bit emotional than a cold, heartless bastard like you.
01:01:46Ouch.
01:01:47Oh, shit.
01:01:49Look, I'm sorry.
01:01:50That's all right.
01:01:52I was born out of wedlock.
01:01:54I mean, I know I've been hurting over Jess, but this, this feels like more than that.
01:01:59Hey, maybe it's your female hormones.
01:02:02Yeah, maybe.
01:02:03Well, hey, look.
01:02:04It's still early.
01:02:05What do you say we go out and hit in a club or something?
01:02:07Well, I'm an emotional wreck.
01:02:09How self-centered can you be, Steve?
01:02:12I mean, what?
01:02:14What?
01:02:16You're fuckin' already, son.
01:02:31Shit, I did it again.
01:02:34I really have a problem.
01:02:36Yeah?
01:02:37Well, my best friend just turned into a really hot chick,
01:02:41and every night I've been having sex dreams about him.
01:02:44What?
01:02:45Her.
01:02:46See?
01:02:47You're not the only one with problems here, pal.
01:02:49I'm sorry.
01:02:50I didn't know.
01:02:51Yeah, well, I'm not too proud of that one.
01:02:53Fine.
01:02:56Oh, come on, Nadine.
01:02:57Let's just change the subject.
01:02:58Yeah.
01:02:59Let me feel that.
01:03:00Pass me the controls.
01:03:01Maybe there's a game on or something.
01:03:08You know what?
01:03:09What?
01:03:10Let's do it.
01:03:11Do what?
01:03:13Like, let's do it.
01:03:18Are you fuckin' serious?
01:03:19Yes, I'm fuckin' serious.
01:03:20I mean, I should really take my female equipment out on a test drive.
01:03:24And who better to lose my virginity to than my best friend?
01:03:27Because I can drive.
01:03:29I can drive.
01:03:30And you are serious.
01:03:31You're serious.
01:03:32I'm as serious as pink on a pregnancy test.
01:03:35Okay, that's great.
01:03:36That is great.
01:03:37That is so sweet.
01:03:38Don't be fuckin' with me, because you're fuckin' with me.
01:03:40No, I'm being serious.
01:03:42I'm gonna go and freshen up afterwards.
01:03:45Me and you are gonna do the nasty.
01:03:48I love the nasty.
01:03:50I love the nasty.
01:03:52Wait a minute.
01:03:53You do have a vagina, right?
01:03:55Yes.
01:03:56Good.
01:03:57Important.
01:03:58For the old in and out-y.
01:04:00Whistle.
01:04:13Okay, um, you like, make yourself comfortable.
01:04:18I'll be right back.
01:04:29Oh, baby, we can dance tonight like it's Saturday night.
01:04:51What's wrong?
01:04:56Are you okay?
01:05:00Oh, what the fuck?
01:05:02What, what, what did you do?
01:05:04I think I'm dying.
01:05:06There's so much blood.
01:05:07Call 911.
01:05:13Hey, hey, excuse me.
01:05:15Thanks for the tampon.
01:05:26Well, that was embarrassing.
01:05:28Yes.
01:05:29Yes, it was.
01:05:31Um, thanks for the, uh...
01:05:33No problem.
01:05:34No problem.
01:05:36Okay.
01:05:38Okay.
01:05:40So you know that thing that we were gonna do?
01:05:42Don't worry about that.
01:05:43Do not worry about that.
01:05:45I will not be having any more of those kind of dreams.
01:05:49Right.
01:05:50Yeah.
01:05:51I'm, uh, I'm totally cured.
01:05:54I get it.
01:05:57Yeah, I tell you what, I should get going.
01:05:59I've gotta get back to the office.
01:06:00I've gotta...
01:06:01Yeah, okay.
01:06:02Yeah.
01:06:03I'll, uh, I'll, uh, I'll, I'll talk to you later.
01:06:08See you later, Steve.
01:06:09I'm good.
01:06:10I'll see ya.
01:06:15Wait, do I have something on my face?
01:06:17I'll see ya.
01:06:18Ooh, don't stop until we're through
01:06:20And maybe we can dance tonight like it's...
01:06:24Look, how many times do I have to tell you I don't do full frontal?
01:06:28What?
01:06:29How much does it pay?
01:06:30Oh, yeah, I'm in.
01:06:32Call me back.
01:06:33Can I help you?
01:06:34Yeah, I'll have a small latte and, uh, let me get whatever the young lady here would like.
01:06:39No, thanks.
01:06:40I insist.
01:06:41I'm, I'm trying to live my life by paying it forward.
01:06:43Okay, that's great.
01:06:44You know, I'd rather just pay for my own drink.
01:06:46Come on, babe.
01:06:47Really make my day.
01:06:49Okay, look, I know what you're doing.
01:06:51I used to be just like you.
01:06:53So, trust me, when I say scamming women to get them into bed is a shallow, meaningless way to live,
01:06:58at the end of the day, it's love that really matters.
01:07:01Uh-huh.
01:07:02You go, girl.
01:07:04You'll be damned.
01:07:07Dude, you just dodged a bullet.
01:07:10Chick is hiding a banana.
01:07:13She's got balls.
01:07:16She's got balls.
01:07:42Wow.
01:07:43I know, right?
01:07:44It's a little different to your first two books.
01:07:46Oh, I mean, I'm a little different.
01:07:48True.
01:07:50True.
01:07:51So, what do you think?
01:07:52I don't know, Eddie.
01:07:54I don't know.
01:07:55I mean, all this stuff about intimacy, respect, romance, I mean, come on.
01:07:59You really think sex is better between two people who are in love?
01:08:02Yeah, I do.
01:08:05Hmm.
01:08:07Love is the answer, pal.
01:08:10Your ass is the answer, Eddie.
01:08:12Enough.
01:08:13Gotta go.
01:08:14Stop.
01:08:29Hey!
01:08:31You don't respect elders, do you?
01:08:35Fuck off.
01:08:39Damn.
01:09:02Yeah.
01:09:05Oh, shit!
01:09:06Shit!
01:09:07Shit!
01:09:08Shit!
01:09:09Ha ha ha ha!
01:09:10Shit!
01:09:11Shit!
01:09:12Shit!
01:09:13Oh!
01:09:14Oh!
01:09:15Yeah!
01:09:17Fuck yeah!
01:09:19Yes!
01:09:20Phone!
01:09:21Phone!
01:09:22Phone!
01:09:23Come on.
01:09:28Steve!
01:09:29It's Eddie!
01:09:30Listen to me!
01:09:31It's Eddie!
01:09:32I'm back, man!
01:09:33I'm back!
01:09:34Fuck yeah!
01:09:39Fuck yeah!
01:09:41Oh!
01:09:55I think you have a check to 7, I'll take the read.
01:09:57Goodbye.
01:09:58Next!
01:09:59Bye.
01:10:01Hi.
01:10:02Hi.
01:10:04Can I just say you are the perfect man.
01:10:07Well, that's very kind of you, but I am far from perfect.
01:10:11I don't know. You understand and respect women.
01:10:14Plus, you're so damn handsome.
01:10:17That's very kind of you. Thank you very much.
01:10:20I appreciate that. I do.
01:10:24Thank you. Steve Burns. I'm his agent.
01:10:27I always introduce myself.
01:10:29Next.
01:10:30Hi.
01:10:32Hi.
01:10:33How are you?
01:10:36You liked it? That was good.
01:10:38There he is. Hey, pal.
01:10:40Hi, buddy.
01:10:41Hey, listen. We got to get going here.
01:10:43We got a dinner reservation tonight to celebrate our six-month anniversary, actually.
01:10:47Six months already?
01:10:48Yeah.
01:10:49Wow. Congrats.
01:10:51Are you sure you won't let me set you up with my roommate?
01:10:53Yeah. No, no.
01:10:56I really think you did it all.
01:10:58Yeah.
01:10:59I appreciate the offer, but no. Thank you.
01:11:02All right. If you change your mind, let us know.
01:11:04Yeah.
01:11:05Okay?
01:11:06All right.
01:11:07If you change your mind.
01:11:08If I change my mind. Have fun tonight.
01:11:09See you, pal.
01:11:10See you.
01:11:13Take a look at me.
01:11:17Hey.
01:11:19Yes.
01:11:21Hi.
01:11:22Hi.
01:11:24Wow. You look amazing.
01:11:26Oh, thanks.
01:11:30So, um...
01:11:34Read your book?
01:11:35You did?
01:11:36Uh-huh. I really liked it.
01:11:39I'm glad.
01:11:41You dedicated it to me.
01:11:43Yeah. Well, you know, you played a big role in helping me change.
01:11:48Yeah. About that.
01:11:51So, you and Edna...
01:11:54One and the same.
01:11:57Wow.
01:11:58Crazy, huh?
01:12:00Yes.
01:12:02And no.
01:12:05You know, I've got an idea.
01:12:07Why don't we start this thing all over?
01:12:12Hello. I'm Eddie Greenlee.
01:12:14Jess White.
01:12:15Jess White.
01:12:16Wow.
01:12:18So, have you seen anyone?
01:12:20No. Not since I discovered the last guy I was dating was married.
01:12:24I'm sorry to hear that.
01:12:25Yeah. My friend tried to warn me, but I wouldn't listen.
01:12:28In fact, I was really mean to her.
01:12:31You know, I think she forgives you.
01:12:36So, how about you? Are you seeing anyone?
01:12:40Actually, I kind of fell in love for the first time in my life last year.
01:12:47You did?
01:12:48Yeah. The timing, though, just wasn't right, unfortunately.
01:12:53Well, maybe you should give it another shot.
01:12:57I was just thinking exactly the same thing.
01:13:01So, can I buy you a latte?
01:13:03I'd really like that.
01:13:04Yeah?
01:13:05Yeah.
01:13:06Well, let's get out of here, then.
01:13:07Okay.
01:13:23Second six, D. Mark it.
01:13:35Is that the book signing?
01:13:36Mm-hmm.
01:13:37The release party?
01:13:38Sex with a homeless model?
01:13:39Oh, fucking homeless model.
01:13:41That's the girl I want to fuck, right?
01:13:42The homeless girl I want to fuck.
01:13:43All right, Tony, take it all in, bud.
01:13:48I love the homeless kind of look.
01:13:50The book signing?
01:13:51Yeah.
01:13:52I love the homeless one.
01:13:53Ah, for fuck's sake, that homeless woman is in my head.
01:13:55Buddy, let me tell you something.
01:13:57I'm starving, okay?
01:13:58This may be harder than I thought.
01:14:01Okay, we might have to go back to one guy.
01:14:06Knock, knock.
01:14:16This is where you'll find your beaver buzzers, magic wands, pussy plungers, hamburger helpers,
01:14:20and wacky wobblers.
01:14:21Personally, I like the butterfly.
01:14:24Fuck.
01:14:48This stuff is good.
01:14:49Not bad, right?
01:14:50Yeah, what is it?
01:14:51Dos sellos.
01:14:52Mmm.
01:14:53Dos cielos.
01:14:54This stuff's good, what is it?
01:14:55Dos sellos.
01:14:56Mmm.
01:14:57Dos cielos.
01:14:58This stuff is good.
01:14:59And what is it?
01:15:00Want some, Tony?
01:15:10The thing is, this guy is like fuck's sake.
01:15:14Yes, I'm fucking serious.
01:15:16I mean, I really should take my female equipment out with...
01:15:19What am I doing?
01:15:22Hey, hey, excuse me.
01:15:24Thanks for the car.
01:15:25Not the car, no.
01:15:26Fuck.
01:15:35Alright.
01:15:36Come on.
01:15:37Alright, come on.
01:15:38Okay.
01:15:41Eddie!
01:15:43Don't fuck with Eddie.
01:15:44Fuck.
01:15:47Make yourself comfortable and I'll be right back.
01:16:04She must have put a spell on me.
01:16:06That's the only thing that makes sense.
01:16:08Okay.
01:16:10So, we're looking for this magical, mystery kind of homeless woman, right?
01:16:14I mean, I don't know.
01:16:15I guess so.
01:16:17Okay.
01:16:19Maybe she was a witch.
01:16:20A witch?
01:16:21Alright, did you say it yet?
01:16:22Because the gig's up.
01:16:24Can I ask you a question?
01:16:27Sorry.
01:16:38Sorry.
01:16:41Not here.
01:16:49Take a look at me, baby.
01:17:03Don't you think it's time to get this romance started?
01:17:10Ooh, baby, this is our chance.
01:17:19Ooh, are you open-hearted?
01:17:27Take a look at us, darling.
01:17:37Yes, I'd turn away if I may be so brazen.
01:17:45Ooh, call me.
01:17:50This could be love.
01:17:53Ooh, you are so amazing.
01:18:01Kiss me.
01:18:09Love me.
01:18:16In this magic moment.
01:18:22Say you'll never stray.
01:18:26Never go away.
01:18:32Take a look at me, sweetheart.
01:18:44Let me look at you.
01:18:48We're standing in the fire.
01:18:52Ooh, tell me how far we'll go.
01:19:00Ooh, let's take our love higher.
01:19:14Ooh, let's take our love higher.
01:19:24Ooh, let's take our love higher.
01:19:34Ooh, let's take our love higher.
01:19:44Ooh, let's take our love higher.
01:19:54Ooh, let's take our love higher.
01:20:04Ooh, let's take our love higher.
01:20:14Ooh, let's take our love higher.
01:20:24Ooh, let's take our love higher.
01:20:34Take a look at me.