• 2 months ago

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Transcript
00:00Get ready for a Game Changer!
00:14I like my lovers like I like my yard work.
00:17Watching someone else do it.
00:20Two Scots that are so Scottish, we can't understand them.
00:29Upset a producer.
00:30Oh no!
00:31What is this?
00:32This is bad.
00:33I do want to say because of what just happened.
00:36This episode can't air.
00:37There's always a goddamn loop-de-loop.
00:39Introducing now.
00:40Sam, I would have been trying harder if I'd known I was trying to impress someone.
00:44Who did it?
00:45No!
00:46Who did it?
00:47How is this the episode?
00:48I don't know.
00:49I don't know.
00:50I don't know.
00:51I don't know.
00:52I don't know.
00:53I don't know.
00:54I don't know.
00:55I don't know.
00:56I don't know.
00:57I don't know.
00:58I would do anything.
01:00For what?
01:01To win anything.
01:10Get ready for a Game Changer.
01:13Tonight's guests, without a GM, the show would be a-chainer.
01:19It's Brennan Lee Mulligan.
01:20Why hi!
01:21Izzy for short, Ostentatia for long.
01:25It's Isabella Rowland.
01:26Ah!
01:27Mr. on three, Lou on six, Wilson on nine.
01:33It's Mr. Lou Wilson.
01:34Hi-ya!
01:35And your host me.
01:39I've been here the whole time.
01:46This is Game Changer, the only game show where the game changes every show, except for Ellen's
01:53Game of Games, Taskmaster, and a few others that have come to light since I wrote that.
01:59I am your host, Sam Reich.
02:01I'm joined today by these three lovely contestants.
02:05Now, you all understand how the game works?
02:08No, it's not been explained to any of us.
02:10Yeah, the game's just different all the time.
02:12You said that.
02:13So we don't know what's happening today.
02:14That's the longest that bit's ever gone on.
02:17That's right.
02:18Our players have no idea what game it is they're about to play.
02:20The only way to learn is by playing.
02:23The only way to win is by learning, and the only way to begin is by beginning.
02:26So without further ado, let's begin by giving each of you 25 points.
02:31Okay.
02:32So there's just loose points flying around?
02:34Points as far as the eye can see.
02:37Oh, yeah.
02:39Sam says, touch your nose.
02:43Sam says, touch your ear.
02:46Sam says, touch your other ear.
02:48Sam says, touch your other ear.
02:51Easy, right?
02:52Quite literally, child's play.
02:56Now touch your other ear.
02:57You ain't going to get us.
02:58You ain't going to get us.
03:00Like you said, this is child's play.
03:02Sam says, touch your elbow.
03:04Sam says, touch your belly button.
03:06Sam says, touch the top of your head.
03:09Sam says, touch your chin.
03:11Ooh, formidable opponents.
03:15Sam says, pull on your ears.
03:18Sam says, make a little arm wave.
03:20Very good.
03:21Sam says, touch just your pinkies together.
03:23Good.
03:24Keep them just like that.
03:27I didn't say Sam says for that last one.
03:30That's a point away from all three of you.
03:33Because we kept them together?
03:34Because you kept them just like that.
03:36Wow.
03:37Following the commands of the previous instruction is a secondary priority, and the first priority
03:42would be not following a command that is not given in the correct form.
03:46The little computer in Brennan's brain is so excited already.
03:50I didn't understand.
03:51Yeah, me neither.
03:52I'm just, let's go again, because I think I got it.
03:54Sam says, slap your knees.
03:57Sam says, do a thumb war with yourself.
04:01Sam says, lick your philtrum.
04:05Okay, technically, I think all three of you passed that.
04:11Really?
04:12Your philtrum is the little space between your nose and your lips.
04:15Which is what the two of these guys decided to do inside their lips.
04:18If there's any anatomists watching, you can tell me if I should have deducted a point
04:22there anywhere.
04:23Sam says, hands on your hips.
04:25Sam says, hands on your butt.
04:26Sam says, hands on your head.
04:29Sam says, hands on your stomach.
04:32I said hand, not hands.
04:34That's points away from all three of you.
04:35I had ear tubes put in when I was a child, so for you to do that is actually so wrong.
04:42This is on you, sir.
04:4423 points for all three of our players.
04:47No one's winning yet, gang.
04:49No one's losing yet.
04:50All in the spirit of good fun.
04:52Sam says, shake it off.
04:55Sam says, shake out your head.
04:57Sam says, shake out your feet.
05:00Sam says, shake out your hand.
05:02Yes!
05:03Well done!
05:04Players, you've been doing great so far, but Sam says, let's make this a touch more competitive
05:12by taking this one player at a time.
05:15Oh.
05:16Sam says, say something, we'll have to bleep, starting with Brennan.
05:21Fuck!
05:22Okay, Izzy, let's see what you got.
05:24Sam says, say something, we'll have to bleep.
05:27Cunt.
05:28I love the way that was enunciated.
05:31Lou, Sam says, say something, we'll have to bleep.
05:37Pussy asshole?
05:40I am realizing something at the end of this round.
05:43I would like to go again if I could.
05:47I'll give it to you.
05:48Can you repeat the instructions one more time?
05:51Sam says, say something, we'll have to bleep.
05:53Okay.
05:54Oh, I want to go again, too.
05:58I'd also like a second opportunity.
06:00It's only fair.
06:01It's only fair.
06:02Hey.
06:03I know that you can't play the Beatles, Beatles, Beatles, Beatles, Beatles, Beatles.
06:27I don't want to give too much away, Brennan.
06:30But well done.
06:31Izzy, Sam says, say something, we'll have to bleep.
06:33Something, we'll have to bleep.
06:35Holy shit.
06:37Bitch.
06:38Now I'm questioning myself.
06:41Lou, Sam says, say something, we'll have to bleep.
06:45I am paid by College Humor, and I would like to come out as like someone who's paid by
06:51the company and say that is innocent, and that is the expressed opinion of formerly
06:59College Humor, now drop out the show Game Changers.
07:03Is innocent.
07:04Did it.
07:05Knew it.
07:06Whoever killed those people is still out there.
07:10This is the opinion of the company that puts this show on and produces it.
07:15We know that for a fact.
07:16It's in company emails that I will happily pull up on my phone.
07:20My excitement has flipped to fear for this episode.
07:25So what was supposed to happen just now is I was supposed to award one of you.
07:32All three of those were so creative that I'm going to award points to all three of
07:37you.
07:38Wow.
07:39Keeping this even across the board for now.
07:42I do want to say because of what just happened.
07:45That this episode can't air.
07:47That you know for a fact OJ did it.
07:53Sam says greet a neighbor across the street.
07:55Hi Hyperion chiropractic.
07:57Hello Lyric Hyperion.
07:59Sam says realize you don't have your wallet.
08:03Simon says nod at a babbling baby as if you understand.
08:08Sam says nod at a babbling baby as if you understand.
08:13Sam says don't flinch.
08:16I feel like that counts Lou.
08:19Yeah it does.
08:20I feel like that counts.
08:21Of course it counts.
08:22That's a point away from Lou Wilson.
08:23I'm not going to pretend like I didn't.
08:24That was terrifying.
08:25I heard Lou's butthole.
08:27Sam says remember that the virtuous economic cycle is when earnings contribute to taxes,
08:33contribute to government programs, contribute to earnings.
08:36Sam says share some gossip starting with Brennan.
08:40You can either share it out loud or if you don't want to you can share it into my ear.
08:44I'll accept that too.
08:45And is this question going to be posed to everybody?
08:47Yes.
08:48And will only one person be awarded points?
08:50That's the idea.
08:51Okay.
08:53How about.
08:54Oh no, that could end a relationship.
08:58Ours.
09:02There is a community member of a non-college humor place where I do work who we had someone
09:13come in as a new staff member of the community and this person is so promiscuous that a director
09:22at this place had to pull them aside and say you are not allowed to talk to this new person
09:28that is a contractor interfacing with our company.
09:31Little cryptic Brennan.
09:32I'll take it.
09:33Pretty mild.
09:34Pretty mild if you ask me.
09:35That's a salsa everyone at the table will enjoy.
09:37Wow.
09:38Izzy, Sam says what do you got?
09:51Holy fucking shit, Izzy.
09:53Oh, that's really good.
09:54Yeah.
09:55Okay.
09:56Now everybody knows except for me.
09:57I feel left out.
09:58Lou, what do you got for me?
10:02A member of the Dimension 20 cast recently got a new tattoo.
10:06But we're not saying who.
10:07Depends on how many points are in it.
10:09Exactly.
10:10How bad do you and possibly the people at home want to know?
10:13Is it worth?
10:14Three points.
10:15Three points.
10:16Now we're negotiating.
10:17I mean, this is game changers.
10:20We don't know the rules.
10:22I am going to say that particular point goes to Izzy.
10:25But also, since I didn't say Sam says to Lou, that Lou gets a point taken away from him,
10:30bringing him to 22.
10:33Got to keep a watch out guys, because I'll get you.
10:35I was just eager to share.
10:38Rapid fire, Sam says, check a burger to see if it's burnt.
10:45Salman says, look at your partner of 50 years and realize you have a rare and a special
10:50kind of love.
10:53Sam says, look at your partner of 50 years and realize you have a rare and a special
10:58kind of love.
11:02Sam says, worry if those are actually fireworks.
11:16Sam says, don't flinch.
11:17Stop!
11:18That is a point away from Izzy and from Lou.
11:22Do we have that?
11:23Let's see how you feel.
11:24I won't touch it, I promise.
11:25Oh, he's really going to give it to Izzy.
11:26What?
11:27I mean, look, it's only fair, right?
11:28There you go.
11:29Sam says-
11:30Oh my God.
11:31Come on, dude.
11:32Come on.
11:33You thought there was going to be a little break and it would be like a callback.
11:34Immediate second piece.
11:35I'm learning a lot about Izzy in this episode.
11:36I'm crazy.
11:37Yes.
11:38Sam says, make an accurate prediction about the rest of the episode inside your drawers.
12:04Thank you, art team.
12:05The most impressive prediction is the one that I will award the point, ultimately.
12:11There you go.
12:14There you go.
12:17Oh God.
12:19I didn't flinch.
12:22Yeah, that's the best I've ever done and the best I'll ever do.
12:27Sam says, do something jiffable.
12:30We'll start with you, Lou.
12:34Brennan, Sam says, do something jiffable.
12:39Reaction.
12:40I'll take it.
12:43Izzy, let's hear from you.
12:45No.
12:46Thank God.
12:48Good job.
12:49Izzy, Sam says, let's do something jiffable.
12:51Woo!
12:52God damn it.
12:53I was going to write that.
12:55I was going to write that you would either pull up or take off your shirt.
13:00Damn it.
13:02That was my favorite.
13:03I'm going to give you the point.
13:04Sex sells.
13:0625 for Izzy.
13:08Sam says, back that ass up.
13:13Sam says, come on and let me hear you say heyo.
13:15Heyo!
13:17Sam says, put your hand in the air like you just don't care.
13:22That is points away from Lou and Brennan for putting hands up instead of a hand up.
13:30Bravo, Izzy.
13:31Did you ever rip down the Game Changers song?
13:34Let's play.
13:36Sam says.
13:43Oh, God.
13:46Nothing.
13:48Brennan, Sam says, what was the virtuous economic cycle?
13:58Earnings, taxes, government programs, back to earnings.
14:03Very well done, Brennan.
14:05That is a point for you, bringing you to 24.
14:09Just behind Izzy.
14:11Always.
14:13From now on, your trigger phrase is Simon says, not Sam says.
14:21Simon says, harmonize.
14:25Not today, Sam.
14:29That is a point away from Izzy and Lou.
14:31I didn't say Sam says about the whole Simon says thing.
14:35I just thought it would be more fun if we did it.
14:37Sam says, your trigger phrase is now Simon says.
14:41Sam says, harmonize.
14:47Izzy, what are you doing?
14:48Sam said that it's now Simon says and then started the next command with Sam says.
14:54That's a point away from Izzy.
14:56Sam says, your trigger phrase is now back to Sam says.
15:01Sam says, harmonize.
15:03Do you take us for fools, sir?
15:06Apologies.
15:07Simon says, your trigger phrase is now back to Sam says.
15:11Sam says, harmonize.
15:13Keep it going.
15:23That is points away from Lou and points away from Brennan.
15:29I like singing and if you give me an opportunity to do it, I'll take advantage of it.
15:33Sam says, propose a visual effect to go here, starting with Izzy.
15:39Like, explain to me what the visual effect is.
15:43A bunch of buttholes.
15:44The lady said buttholes, Sam.
15:46Sorry, the visual effect is a bunch of buttholes?
15:49Mm-hmm.
15:50Okay.
15:51Sorry.
15:53We're good to actually make these.
15:55I know.
15:56Now I'm thinking about, could you just show me where the buttholes are, where they appear?
15:59Everywhere.
16:01Okay.
16:02So, are they appearing behind you as well as in front of you or like, can you provide me with any more explanation or just a lot of buttholes?
16:09All over the universe.
16:21Copy.
16:22Brennan, Sam says, propose a visual effect to go here.
16:26Buttholes!
16:29More buttholes.
16:32I wanted to find efficiency.
16:34Different.
16:35And when I say different, I mean radically different.
16:38No, no.
16:39And it's up to you, animator.
16:40No, no, no.
16:41It's up to you to figure out.
16:43One crinkly, one smooth.
16:45Now we have to spend more money on more buttholes.
16:47You're welcome.
16:48I shouldn't complain.
16:49I'm the host of the show.
16:50This is all my fault.
16:52Blue.
16:53Sam says, propose a visual effect to go here.
16:55Okay, fantastic.
16:56So, we're cutting into like a Steven Soderbergh, Oceans 11 kind of like.
16:59Things are starting to split up.
17:00So, you've got my box that's slowly drifting over into the left corner.
17:03There's another box of me just snapping, right?
17:06And that's appearing down left here.
17:08That's me snapping.
17:09You can kind of repeat that.
17:10So, there's me talking.
17:11Then we're tight in on my points because that's what the heist is about.
17:14How are we going to get these points back?
17:16Then, appearing in like a new corner in like one of those like panel A's, the three me snapping my points and me talking have all shifted in the left.
17:24Now, you've got a big like the other half of the screen in the Soderbergh, Oceans 11 type thing just becomes a fucking raw butthole, right?
17:31And so, you've got me.
17:32But then, this one becomes a butthole.
17:34Then, the one that was my points becomes a butthole.
17:36Then, the one that's me talking, that's the only one left.
17:40But the rest of the screen and all the different little Steven Soderbergh things are buttholes.
17:44You know what we've done today?
17:45Make art.
17:46Spend thousands of dollars on buttholes.
17:48Yes.
17:49Good job.
17:50Hope you're happy, all of you.
17:51That point goes to Lou Wilson.
17:53What?
17:54The heist is working.
17:56It's all going according to plan.
17:58Sam says, hide behind your mom's legs when she wants to introduce you to someone.
18:08Salmon says, try to break down a complicated cardboard box.
18:11Did you say salmon?
18:14Sam says, try to break down a complicated cardboard box.
18:17Damn it!
18:18So, start at that base, because that tab, we can't break that tab,
18:23because the tab actually needs to fold back in when we're done.
18:26And if you just grab that and lift that, lift that, lift that.
18:31I gave up.
18:32Sam says, realize your hands have telekinetic abilities.
18:37Buttholes.
18:43Sam says, catch.
18:44Motherfucker.
18:45Oh my God, what the fuck?
18:47Shoot another one here.
18:48Oh, God damn it.
18:50No, come on.
18:51Oh shit, I dropped one.
18:53It's okay, it's not over.
19:03How many did we get?
19:04Caught one.
19:05One, two, one.
19:07Very good, but I think that point goes to Brennan Mulligan.
19:10Bringing Brennan to 24.
19:12Why?
19:13Okay.
19:14He caught two.
19:15Sam says, what did Brennan do that was jiffable?
19:20The action.
19:22That is correct.
19:24That is a point for Izzy.
19:29I mean, quite literally a taste of my own medicine.
19:32Given how this has gone so far, I'm legit worried about this next one.
19:37Starting with Lou.
19:38Sam says, upset a producer.
19:42Screw that.
19:44Sam says, please don't ruin any expensive equipment.
19:47Can I move?
19:48Yeah.
19:53That's good.
20:02Oh, you got it, Lou.
20:03It turned off.
20:04Oh no.
20:06Oh no.
20:07Oh God.
20:10Oh God, that's going to take real time.
20:12Yep, I know.
20:15Second AD, you should probably find a PA who can stay late today.
20:26Oh, he's still going.
20:34Well, that wasn't important.
20:36I'm sorry.
20:37I'm sorry.
20:38There's somebody back there.
20:39Izzy.
20:40Sam says, upset a producer.
20:43Sure, yeah, yeah.
20:45What?
20:51Hi, David.
20:53David Kearns.
20:57It's Izzy.
20:58David, partner at College Humor, executive producer.
21:03I wanted to let you know that I recorded a video of Brennan saying he hates his fans.
21:11The more upset they get, the happier he is, and the more money he makes.
21:18That's an odd deal.
21:19I uploaded it and showed his dick.
21:27As an addendum.
21:28Sorry.
21:29Sorry.
21:30Sorry with a bunch of whys?
21:33Did you send it?
21:34It's sent.
21:35We'll see how David responds.
21:37There you go.
21:38Brennan, Sam says, upset a producer.
21:53Now that was an audible gasp.
21:58Oh boy.
22:00I think that, I think that, I think that goes to Brennan.
22:04Would do anything.
22:05For what?
22:06To win anything.
22:07Yeah, that point goes to Brennan.
22:09You know, sometimes less is more.
22:12And in that case, I could actually feel myself getting a little upset.
22:18So, I'm just going to recover from that.
22:23Sam says, let's revisit those predictions from in there, shall we?
22:28From one of you, you'll have to tell me too.
22:30Brennan will physically touch Sam above the waist.
22:33That was my dream.
22:34I don't think that happened.
22:37No.
22:38From Izzy, I'm going to fart without anybody knowing it.
22:45Izzy, I want you to be honest with me.
22:49Did you?
22:50You did.
22:51The air horn is really helpful.
22:53Oh, as far as disguising farts is concerned?
22:55There you go.
22:56Or prompting them.
22:57I wrote, the moment this paper is collected, the air horn will be sounded again.
23:02Oh, God.
23:05Oh, that's so good.
23:08Okay.
23:09I think in terms of creativity, I have to give that to Brennan as well.
23:13Bringing Brennan to 26.
23:17Players, for this next prompt, I am going to require the help of Ash.
23:20Would you come out here, please, with the jack-in-the-boxes?
23:24Sam?
23:25Oh, sorry.
23:26Sam says, please take a jack-in-the-box.
23:31Thank you, Ash.
23:32Thank you, Ash.
23:33Thanks, Ash.
23:34You look great.
23:35Sam says, please open your jack-in-the-boxes.
23:37But Sam also says, don't flinch.
23:56That was the single creepiest segment we've ever done on Game Changer.
24:05None of you flinched.
24:07This finally isn't the monumental thing I wanted it to be.
24:11Sam says, Lou, what's your philtrum?
24:16It's the area right here between my upper lip and my nose.
24:18That is correct.
24:19That is a point for Lou, bringing Lou to 20.
24:23Players, that brings us to the end of our game.
24:25Give yourselves a hand.
24:28That is points away from Izzy and Lou, bringing Izzy to 23 and Lou to 19.
24:34Sam says, give yourselves a hand.
24:39Take another point away.
24:40I don't want it.
24:41I only said hand.
24:43That means apply for yourself.
24:46Give myself a hand.
24:48That one was a joke.
24:50The points at the end of our game.
24:52Izzy with 23.
24:54Lou with 19.
24:55Brennan with 26 points.
24:58You are the winner of this episode.
25:01You win a deluxe smart speaker that you can boss around at your leisure.
25:07That does it for us here at Game Changer.
25:09I am Sam Reich, reminding you that whatever I say goes.
25:13Unless I say Sam says, don't do as I say.
25:17Good night.
25:18Good night.