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00:00And for punch, a pinch of paprika of protection.
00:03If I was a car, I'd be a protectorani.
00:05If a kangaroo me be, tis true protectaroo.
00:09Serve warm over protectaroni.
00:11Oh no!
00:12Sir, don't jump!
00:13You have so much to live for.
00:15Eh, blow it out, you rump!
00:16I'm trying to walk here, freak!
00:18I know things look bleak now.
00:20No disguising, you have the whiff of stench life about you.
00:22I do?
00:23I know it is tempting to escape the misery of your daily grind.
00:27No more pain ever again.
00:29Sure, jumping would be an exhilarating and glorious end.
00:32Sweet, succulent, full release all over the sidewalk.
00:35He's right.
00:36Live with this, Regina!
00:41Why did you suicide it?
00:43Don't be an Indian, giver.
00:44Life is a gift.
00:46The gift of life is its presence.
00:48But in Indian giving presence, truly the giver is the receiver of a re-giveth gift.
00:53I love this!
00:55Redeemer!
00:57I will carry on your life legacy as your Redeemer.
01:01I shall take up your squeegee and squeegee all that you have left unsquoge.
01:05Mr. Mr. Squaw, I shall redeem this on your behalf.
01:10Ensure that your wasted life was not squandered in vain.
01:13Your legacy, Mr. Squaw, shall live on in my belly.
01:17I can feel it in my gut!
01:19What do you want on your sandwich?
01:20I want something that will do due diligence on my body.
01:24That will do due diligence on a man's life.
01:26Do-do? We've got luncheon loaf.
01:28That'll do, Brian.
01:29For a dollar extra, you can get that on our famous chicken bone bread.
01:33Chicken bone bread, the only bread that'll choke you with flavor.
01:36What would Squaw do?
01:37He's choking! Do the Heimlich maneuver!
01:40No!
01:40He's choking! Do the Heimlich maneuver!
01:42No!
01:44Mommy, are you okay?
01:45Yeah, they're just giving me the Heimlich maneuver.
01:48Oh, six of those guys?
01:50It's not a very good maneuver.
01:53Stop this cycle of chokulence!
01:55The Heimlich maneuver is the barbaric product of a backwards and upside-down mind.
01:59We've got to act quick! Time is ticking!
02:00Tick-tock, tick-tock!
02:02A talking dick? What would a talking dick say?
02:05Say it in my ass!
02:07And that is how I developed my own chicken choking maneuver.
02:10As a tribute to my mother, I practice it on myself at night.
02:14Behold.
02:19That was cross-call.
02:22Why you reckon do this favor for me?
02:24A great man, in his final moments, requested.
02:26Blow it out your own.
02:27Me thinking me should sue this place long time.
02:30Who will be your witness?
02:31I'll be my own witness.
02:33Then you're a target.
02:34They're going to try to stop you from testifying.
02:36They've already tried to kill you once.
02:37I'll stay on as your protection.
02:39And I won't rest until you aren't killed by those chicken chokers
02:42who won't rest until you've been whacked off.
02:44Someone wants me dead?
02:46Hell, you may not live to hear the end of this sentence.
02:50Tense, isn't it?
02:51This coke is spooking me.
02:53Am I nuts?
02:54He did save your life, boss.
02:55And he seems sweet like yummy candy.
02:58The case of the detecting clues begins.
03:00First, what do you do?
03:01I guess you could say protection business.
03:04Protection.
03:05We fellow protectorators are comrades conjoined at the coin.
03:08Co-coinals, I'm a saying.
03:10I thrust my trust into you.
03:12Come thick, or thicker than blood, brother.
03:15Now I'm really spooked.
03:17Is there anyone who would like to see you dead?
03:20There's a certain client who's past due on some payments.
03:24You're supposed to pay me 10 G's a month.
03:26I'd hate to have to use this on you, Pavlov.
03:28We both know how it ends up.
03:30I'm not having any monies.
03:31Hero, is there any money in there?
03:34I'm heading up this case.
03:35What do you know about chicken choking?
03:37Where were you on the night in question?
03:39You seem awfully nervous for a guy who's totally freaked out right now.
03:42Do the words mean anything to you?
03:45Are you that slippery throat-bounder I'm itching to snatch?
03:49Oh, who's the new guy?
03:50Without me, he'd be dead.
03:51Imagine a crab without its shell.
03:53Imagine a man without her skin.
03:54Okay, I want to keep my skin. I pay, I pay.
03:56This monkey on my back has got a twist in mind.
03:59But I like it. That's the twist.
04:01Sorry I had to hang you, Upsy Daisy.
04:03Listen, boss, doesn't sound so tough saying Upsy Daisy.
04:06Sounds like some kind of silly song like,
04:08Upsy Daisy, Upsy Do.
04:09Let me have the caveat.
04:10Disgrazio!
04:11Shut up!
04:12Shut up!
04:13You're a good henchman, Disgrazio.
04:15But you should shut your drenching and stick to your henching.
04:19You're the only swinging henchman in the business.
04:21It's a twofer.
04:22I'm your twofer. Got a sweet twofer.
04:23Candy and yummy swing.
04:24Shut up!
04:25Oh, Candy Lou!
04:26Shut up!
04:27Hey, boss, you're getting kind of riled up.
04:29Here, have a hot towel.
04:30Hot towels, hot cocoa and marshmallow.
04:32For the backup I asked for, right?
04:33What are you, CIA? FBI?
04:34I'm investigating for a higher power.
04:36I don't know how much you've been briefed,
04:38but I've been on the inside, tracking Don Ho, undercover, 12 years.
04:41I'm this close to his big secret.
04:42Obviously, I made some bad decisions on my first day,
04:44and I've just had to stick with them.
04:45I was a hot-shot kid just out of the academy,
04:48so I was just free-balling it.
04:49I started to sing a henchman thing out of nervousness.
04:51And then the candy thing just happened.
04:52I see you made some bad choices, too.
04:53You got the fur and the fake snake hand and...
04:55Wait, you're not a cop.
04:56Cop, cop, cop, cop.
04:57Yo, Candy and goo.
04:58Love and choco-moo.
04:59Yummy, yum, yum, Cookie Lou.
05:01You still singing?
05:02No, boss.
05:03I stopped singing some time ago.
05:04Whoa.
05:05I just put the pieces together about what's really going on here.
05:08Don, the protection business, cops.
05:11The cops might have info about the chaos of the chicken choker.
05:14We ought to squeeze the cops and see what...
05:16Squeeze is out.
05:17I think I get it.
05:18We put the squeeze on the cops.
05:20You're so schmart.
05:21I'm getting a schmart on.
05:22Cheshwan beef!
05:23Strap them, and I'll peep-peep through their files.
05:26Good afternoon, officers.
05:27Hey, look.
05:28It's Tayo from that undercover thing.
05:29Candy and goo and don't talk-a-loo.
05:31Don't cut the heads off just yet, Kratzy.
05:33Chicken, chicken.
05:34You guys got yourself some real nice law enforcement facility shit.
05:38It'd be a shame if someone slobbed all over it.
05:40Maybe if you give them my fund,
05:43there won't be any crime or extortion right around here.
05:46I don't know what you're talking about,
05:47but I'll pay you money to stop spitting on me.
05:49Bingo, doodle-doo.
05:50No question, my detective work paid off.
05:53Me likey your style.
05:54Wait.
05:55The file says Chicken Chakowski is dead.
05:57He's trying to kill you from the afterlife.
05:59How do you kill a dead killer?
06:01You can't.
06:02You have to change his mind.
06:03Go talk some sense into him on the other side.
06:05Yeah, talking sense into people from another realm.
06:08That's some real unexplored turf.
06:10Okay, shove the bone in your throat,
06:13and when you say the six code words, I'll blow.
06:18This is a glorious and loving light you got up in here.
06:21It sure would be a shame if this heavenly light
06:23wouldn't be shamed right up your genitalia.
06:25So use your shit tight while I take my cut.
06:28The six code words!
06:30This is just the first chapter in near-death extortionism.
06:33I'm gonna be the guy behind the guy, beyond the grave.
06:36The spot is, the cops can't touch me.
06:38No jurisdiction.
06:39You're a real wise guy.
06:41What are you revealing to me?
06:42He's a rat?
06:43Breaks my heart.
06:44Hey, Discratio, I got you a nice big piece of candy.
06:47Right through there.
06:48Candy is gummy.
06:49All in my tummy is candy.
06:50Oh, fudge.
06:51Discratio!
06:52What the hell did you die to him?
06:55Who is those?
06:56My ancients, I tell you his secret.
06:58I've been raising the ultimate hitman
07:00from the time he was a baby.
07:02I taught him to kill without conscience.
07:04Raged on hate and filth and darkness,
07:06and I fed him only lesions.
07:08Permissium, his starfish liver.
07:11All regenerative animals.
07:12So he could heal himself.
07:14Look, there's only one problem.
07:16He doesn't like his life.
07:18But I don't care.
07:19Seeing as how I'm in the mafia.
07:21You're in the mob?
07:23No wonder I didn't suspect a thing.
07:25Well, your butthole can kiss my lips goodbye.
07:27I can get anyone to take me to the other side.
07:29And with all this afterlife,
07:31I'm gonna be the dawn of death.
07:33If you do not stay away from death,
07:35then I'll make you choke on the whole.
07:38I see the light flashing before my eyes.
07:40All the killing I've done.
07:42All the pain I've caused.
07:44I've disrespected the universal law of love.
07:46To win the game.
07:48I'm gonna give away all my things
07:50and devote my life to spreading joy.
07:52Just blow, hoser.
07:54I've got to rehabilitate this beastlet.
07:56Ashante, I am your mental mentor.
07:58Your sensei of the senses.
08:00Here to teach you the ways of life, love, culture.
08:02Let's start with early Matisse.
08:04Do you find the garmange of his lines
08:06representative of the neoclassicists
08:08in their Pascal and Seussians?
08:10I know what you mean.
08:12You mean, I don't know what you mean.
08:14I shall teach you to speak.
08:16I'm a great English titulator.
08:18You want me to tit you?
08:20One grunt for yes.
08:22You want it double bad, huh?
08:24Okay, two grunts will mean no.
08:26Three grunts means cheese.
08:28Can you say cheese?
08:30Got to prioritize these words right.
08:32Let's see, four grunts will mean prioritize.
08:34One stretch there is.
08:36Say cheese.
08:38So, what do you want to do now?
08:40Why would you want to commit suicide?
08:42I know you crave release from your misery.
08:44But you just doubled your depression.
08:48You've just quadrupled your swagmire.
08:52Your immortality is a cursed cage.
08:54Death is the gift you shan't receive.
08:58What's that? You want to kill the architect
09:00of your inesquappable despair?
09:02I've already apologized.
09:04I vowed to protect that mafioso.
09:06Help me, help is on my way.
09:08And I'll be right behind me.
09:18Oh, I came as soon as I could.
09:20Why am I hitting my shelf?
09:22Why am I hitting my shelf?
09:24Oh no, it's an inside job.
09:28I told you someone was out to kill you.
09:30This is what the tandem cycle
09:32of random violence breeds.
09:34A vengeful black hit sludge with a grudge
09:36has wrought the reaper you've sown
09:38in the goo of your guilt
09:40as the creme de your karma is roosting home
09:42to harm you. It always ends up boning the pony.
09:44He's pulling me back in.
09:46I want to make you an offer.
09:48With your goo power and my crime schmutz
09:50we can muscle all of cosmic consciousness
09:52to make us rich beyond belief.
09:54What do you say, partners?
10:00You got your gift after all, kid.
10:02Happy death day.
10:04I've got your gift, it's mine.
10:06I'll never let go.
10:08I'll never let go.