Nikki Glaser called out beauty standards and joked about having to wake up at the crack of dawn to open The Hollywood Reporter's annual Women in Entertainment gala, presented by Lifetime, on Wednesday at The Beverly Hills Hotel.
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00:00Hello everyone! Hi! Good morning! How's everyone doing this morning?
00:09Awesome! Me too! Good morning and welcome to The Hollywood Reporter's 2024 Women in Entertainment
00:17Power 100 Breakfast Gala, The Search for Curly's Gold Part 1, Folliata.
00:24When I was told I had been chosen as one of the Power 100 women in Hollywood, I was
00:29so incredibly honored. And then I said, which number am I? And they said, it doesn't work that
00:34way. You're all equal. And I said, okay, well if that's the case, then can I sit at Nicole Kidman's
00:38table? And that's when the correspondence ended. But then they asked me to do the opening remarks
00:44for today and I didn't even read the rest of the email before. I was like, oh hell yeah!
00:49But then I should have because I then read 7 a.m. arrival time. What the fuck is this?
00:57A breakfast gala for women in Hollywood? We don't even eat that meal. But truly,
01:07no, what better time to honor women than at 8 a.m., than at 8 a.m. before the industry is even
01:13awake in that coveted post-Thanksgiving, pre-Christmas Hollywood dead zone. We are women
01:19in Hollywood. Hear us roar! But not too loudly because the hotel has a quiet policy enforcement
01:25until 9 a.m. But this is awesome. I love being in full glam at the crack of dawn.
01:34What am I supposed to do the rest of the day looking like this? I have fake eyelashes,
01:39fake hair, over-lined lips. I can't go to Ralph's looking like this. It'd be ridiculous.
01:44And if I want to go to Erewhon, I'm going to need to get touch-ups.
01:48Usually, women who look this done up at 7 a.m. aren't entering the Beverly Hills Hotel. They're
01:53leaving with a lot of cash and a fun story about Charlie Sheen. Being a woman in Hollywood is
02:04really difficult for a multitude of reasons that we're going to get into in a second. But
02:08can we all just acknowledge the toll glam takes on our schedules? Thank you.
02:14Did everyone start getting ready when it was still dark outside? Yes? In fact,
02:19I really think this very speech I'm giving right now probably could have been 20% better had I not
02:24spent most of yesterday getting ready just to feel presentable enough to read this in front
02:28of some of the most stunning and powerful women who have ever walked the planet and they're plus
02:33ones. It's a lot, right? It's hard to write a speech in the same day you have to get a spray tan,
02:46do a fitting, get your nails done, and bleach your asshole. I didn't have to do that last one,
02:51but I don't know what the rest of the day entails. It's a privilege to get all done up and have a
02:58team of pros make me look as glamorous as I can possibly be, but let's just remember that this is
03:04a part of our job that men don't really have to do, right? And when they do, you hear about it
03:10non-stop. Oh, so Colin Farrell is so dedicated to his craft that he spends three hours in the
03:16makeup chair to transform into the penguin? That's how long it takes me every day to make sure I
03:20don't look like a penguin, okay? Or any other flightless bird that some Redditor may compare
03:26me to and ruin my week. And I know I don't have to wear makeup, but yes, I do. I'm not Pam Anderson.
03:36I haven't earned the right to a bare face. I've been famous for five minutes. If I started showing
03:41up places without makeup, my agents would place me under conservatorship, controlled by Jamie Spears.
03:48They wouldn't even give it to my dad, but I digress. Let's get back on track. Let's just take a moment
03:56right now to really appreciate the firepower in this room. I mean, look around. This is the Power
04:03100, the most powerful women in Hollywood assembled here together in the same room.
04:08I mean, we're like the Avengers of people who haven't seen the Avengers.
04:16And I'm so honored to be here. It really is because of bold, badass women like you all
04:22that I even get to stand up here and speak my mind and say insane things like I bleached my
04:27asshole. And I still get to work in this business. And yeah, that now that work is going to be in
04:32Charlie Sheen's hotel room, but that's a job's a job. And today we're here to celebrate, honor,
04:39and encourage each other, which let's be honest, in an industry that relentlessly pits us against
04:45each other, isn't always easy to do. I'm so proud to be in this group of amazing women,
04:51but I know that sometimes I struggle with supporting women. And I bet you do too. I'm a
04:58jealous bitch. I can't help it. I wish I wasn't, but I mean, I would bet there are at least like
05:0530 of you in here today that I have at one point muted on Instagram because you got some job I
05:11wanted, or you had some relationship I envied, or worst of all, your hair air dries straight.
05:16It's like, and you've got to mute and muting is fine when you, when you need to protect yourself
05:23from the comparing and despairing. But the thing I found that has helped me in this business more
05:28than anything is sleeping with powerful men. I'm kidding. It's Adderall. But besides those two
05:36things, it's no, it's the truth is the hard thing to do is to be kind and not Ellen kind. It's
05:47so easy to just judge envy and resent women. You fear will take your place in this business,
06:00but the harder thing to do is to bring them in, to give advice, to give them opportunities.
06:06I really try to challenge myself to do exactly what I really wanted women to do for me when I
06:11was coming up in this business. Cause when I first started in standup over two decades ago,
06:16Jenna Ortega ago, I really, I'll never forget that. Um, there was this, in my tiny St. Louis
06:26standup scene, there was a woman who I really looked up to, uh, in the scene who didn't really
06:32like me. And in fact, she went out of her way to tell everyone who mattered that I slept with
06:37comedians for stage time, which of course wasn't true. I blew them, but it's different. Um, but
06:46it sucked, man. Like we've all had something like that happen. And her actions like actually
06:52impacted my life and it was bad, but then I moved to LA and I got out of there. And then I met
06:58comics like Caroline Ray and Sarah Silverman, Wendy Liebman, Bonnie McFarlane and Natasha Leggero,
07:03who were actually like nice to me. And it wasn't just because I ate a mean puss. I mean, it was
07:08because they, they understood, they understood what I hope we all get from today's event.
07:19That we're better when we support one another. We are, especially when that girl that you supported
07:29could one day cast you as her wacky aunt and her hit TV show after your career career derailed
07:34because of your botched eye job. Okay. Which I just turned 40. So we're years and years away
07:39from that two years. But, but this morning, I really, I'm so proud to be a part of the
07:45Hollywood Reporter Women's Power 100. And I'll close by, um, quoting the great lady Gaga,
07:51who once said at least three dozen times, if there are a hundred people in a room and 99
07:58don't believe in you, you're probably at the Men's Power 100. Thank you very much. Enjoy your breakfast.