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00:00So, the first question comes from Animesh from BHU.
00:17Sir, I have observed that I have been living my life to impress other people.
00:28From school days, we are taught to write in a certain way, speak in a certain way,
00:34and answer in a certain way to leave impression on the teachers, invigilators, etc.
00:42Probably these things are required in businesses and jobs as well.
00:49This thing has subconsciously impacted my mind so much that even in dreams, I keep on
00:55trying to impress others.
00:58Sometimes it completely takes over my expressions and then there is no true expression of myself.
01:08I notice that when I am using social media, instead of expressing my opinions, I am putting
01:14more emphasis on things that can leave wow sparks on my followers' eyes.
01:22From parents, friends, to general members of the society, I think to all I speak words
01:33just to gain attention and admiration.
01:36This might be coming from an inner urge to be recognized and respected in eyes of everyone
01:44and make everyone around me happy, but I fail to see any value of such behavior.
01:54Please guide me how I can eradicate this urge of attention, admiration, and impression and
02:02walk rightly.
02:07Animesh, you want to impact the minds of others, right?
02:15That's what it means to impress others.
02:19To impress others is to leave some kind of an imprint on their mind to impact them, influence
02:35them in some way.
02:42So if you really are so concerned about impacting or influencing others, why not influence them
02:56in a way that would be really beneficial for them rather than seek your own little self-interest?
03:12When you want to create an impression in the other's mind so that your own ego feels pampered
03:24and bloated, then it is a problem.
03:30Only then it is a problem.
03:32Unfortunately, 99% of all attention-seeking behavior is just for the gratification of
03:43one's ego.
03:44That's why it is a problem.
03:48Otherwise, if you look at the great people in so many fields of human life, you'll find
04:00that often they have either consciously or inerrotantly created great impressions on
04:17others' minds.
04:21Sometimes their objective is just to be fully immersed in their own work, and this work
04:30that they are doing when it comes to light publicly is greatly admired and appreciated
04:39by the people at large.
04:45And sometimes it so happens that the work is of a nature that it requires an active
04:57attempt to mold the thoughts, opinions, beliefs of people.
05:05That is obviously a blessing to all concerned.
05:15Such people are remembered in history precisely because they impacted others in a very beneficial
05:28way.
05:29So now your question has taken a certain nuance.
05:36It is not as if impressing others per se is a problem.
05:43The question is, why exactly do you want to reach out to the minds of others?
05:52And here we are finding out two separate reasons that need to be seen very differently.
06:05The usual prevalent reason is, I impress you so that I feel good about myself.
06:17Why do I need to impress you?
06:19Because I am not sure of my own self-worth.
06:25I am not convinced about who I am.
06:30Since I am not convinced of myself, therefore I require your ratification to feel a little
06:40more certain, a bit more secure.
06:45That's the usual reason why we are so attention-hungry.
06:53Needless to say, this kind of attention-seeking behavior is good neither for the one seeking
07:02attention nor for the one giving attention.
07:10So keep your little self aside and see how you can very positively, just to use the common
07:30word, impact the lives of others.
07:37Maybe you will begin with a desire to get value and appreciation from them.
07:46But if you are really doing something that is for others' benefits, then you will realize
07:55something quite extraordinary, which is that by the time you find that you are immersed
08:06in the act of helping others, the desire to gain appreciation from them in return would
08:17have either vanished or reduced greatly.
08:24Such is the nature of selfless work.
08:29Even if it begins motivated by the desire to be respected and noted, yet in the very
08:40process of carrying out the act, you find that your mind has been gradually purified
08:50and that now you do not feel a compelling urge to get appreciation in return.
09:03Some of the best-known names in history to whom humanity remains perpetually grateful
09:14have been people who have impressed others.
09:21I understand that you would not want to call a Krishna or a Buddha an impression maker.
09:30But please do see that they surely occupy a very central and a very indelible place
09:42in the minds of billions.
09:49So if you indeed have to have a place in others' minds, why not have a place like that?
10:01Enter others' lives, not as an exploiter, not with violence, not with the motive to
10:13extract something from them, enter others' lives with a great assurance that there is
10:24nothing much that you want from them except their own welfare.
10:30That is a great way to relate with others.
10:34And you see, in every relationship, there is going to be mutual impression creation.
10:44It is not possible to relate to something or somebody and not have some change in your mind.
10:55Every relationship impacts you in a certain way.
11:00In other words, every relationship impresses you in a certain way.
11:05So if impression making has to inevitably happen, why not make it happen in the most
11:15pious and auspicious way possible for yourself and for others?
11:22The fundamental thing to be remembered is, there is nothing that others can give you
11:37by way of their admiration, nothing.
11:43If you are an admiration seeker, you are already a bit inferior, incompetent, incomplete
11:59in your own eyes.
12:02In such a scenario, how far can others help you?
12:10So drop the hope that a person who is not alright in his own eyes can start feeling
12:20better just because he has tricked others into having a good or grand image of himself.
12:31It won't work.
12:34How better it is to approach others with an inner assurance and completeness, not with
12:43the idea that the other will be able to provide something to you that will bring your richness
12:52or self-respect to your life.
12:55If you do not have self-worth or self-respect or self-esteem, there is no way the other
13:04can give it to you by just admiring your manufactured attempts to get admired.
13:18The other may not know what he is admiring you for, but for sure you do know that what
13:25you are getting from him is just due to your well-thought-out and surely crafted attempt
13:38at gaining his mind space and attention.
13:44You know where his response is coming from.
13:48You know his response has been extracted from him.
13:53So his response will not really be able to satisfy you.
13:57No point trying that method, right?