When to express your emotions? || Acharya Prashant, with NIT-Calicut (2022)

Acharya Prashant

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Transcript

00:00A very good evening to all attendees. Today, we have with us Acharya Prashant, acclaimed

00:10Vedanta executive, author of over 80 books, including the national bestseller Karma,

00:17and a powerful voice of social spiritual awakening in the world today. After graduating from IIT

00:24Delhi, Acharya Prashant went on to qualify both UPSC and CAT in the same year. After two years

00:33at IIM Ahmedabad and a few years at corporate, he found himself a higher calling of spreading the

00:39ancient wisdom of Vedanta among the masses and for that purpose founded his mission with this

00:46at the forefront of creation of a new humanity through intelligent spirituality. Today,

00:54his movement has touched the lives of tens of millions of individuals. Through his direct

01:00contact with people and through various internet-based channels, he continues to bring

01:05clarity to all. Sir, it's an honor to welcome you to address our institute.

01:11On behalf of NIT Calicut, we thank you for accepting our invitation.

01:16Acharya ji, as we know that as a human being, we all are struggling with a lot of emotions.

01:26For example, pain, suffering, aggression, happiness. So, it's like we want to express

01:34ourselves but sometimes we don't. We think that we should express or we should not express.

01:40So, I wanted to ask that whether is there any fine line between expressing and non-expressing

01:46our emotions, our aggression. If we consider an example of two greatest living legends in cricket,

01:54MS Dhoni sir and Virat Kohli sir. Both have a different personality trait as Virat Kohli sir

02:01is very much expressive in case of his pressure and aggression handling.

02:06On the other hand, MS Dhoni sir is very calm and composed. The thing is the opponent's team,

02:13they both are, they are afraid of both of them and both of them are equally loved and respected

02:20by the people of India as well as their opponent team. So, it's like sir, how to differentiate

02:25or how to make sure that what should be our action or how whether we should express or not express

02:32what should be our action or how whether we should express or not express

02:36and how we should compose ourselves in that. That was my question.

02:42See, these emotions that arise within,

02:50hmm, what is their effect on you? And when I say that, it must be obvious

03:03that you and these emotions are separate entities.

03:09Hmm. Therefore, emotions will have an effect on you and thereby it is also implied that

03:20the arousal of emotions is not necessarily something that happens by your consent.

03:30Emotions, even thoughts, just come up on their own. They are

03:39very much a bodily thing and a situational thing. The body by way of evolution is programmed to

03:50react to external conditions, stimuli in a certain way and that's what leads to these emotions.

04:02It's just that when we are not clear about our identity,

04:09when we do not know who we really are, then we start calling these emotions as our emotions.

04:18Whereas the fact is that emotions are quite alien to us.

04:26They do not belong really to the same place you come from.

04:35Just that they have a great impact on who you really are.

04:42Now, what is the quality of that impact? Please tell me. What do these emotions

04:48make you be like? You talked of pain, suffering, aggression.

04:58Are you okay with the feelings of aggression and suffering and jealousy and attachment

05:09and all else that emotions bring with them? Do they make you feel great about yourself?

05:16In your discretion, in your composed intelligence, would you want to stay susceptible to, vulnerable to

05:30emotionality? Sometimes these emotions make you feel nice and then you say, oh, sweet emotions.

05:41But you would agree that sooner than later you realize that you had just been carried away.

05:51Right? So, that's part one. Emotions is not who you really are. Emotions are an alien phenomena

06:06that somehow manages to take control of you, that possesses you without your consent.

06:19That is one thing. The second thing is

06:23what you express is not just your personal matter. That which gets expressed gets amplified.

06:44Anger expressed is anger amplified.

06:47Attachment expressed is attachment multiplied.

06:53This is point two. Now, take the first part, the first point and the second point together.

06:59First thing, you are not done any service or favor by this upsurge of emotions. Second,

07:15if they are expressed, they only become amplified in the environment to which they are expressed.

07:29And when they become amplified there, they return to you. So, you are angry, the other one

07:35gets angry when you express your anger and the other one's anger would mostly serve to further

07:43fuel your own anger. Right? And it's a vicious cycle. Do you see?

07:50Now, this is the trick of emotions. This is the trick of mother nature.

08:00She has very little to do with your consciousness.

08:07She is not particularly interested in you having a great purpose in life.

08:16Emotions are her preferred instruments.

08:21She wants you to do her bidding by feeling emotional.

08:27By feeling emotional.

08:33And when one person feels emotional and in his or her fit of unconsciousness

08:45expresses it aloud to the environment, a feedback loop is created.

08:54The same emotionality returns to this person as a stimulus now and further increases the

09:04emotionality within. The result, an overall decline in the level of consciousness in this person

09:15as well as in his surroundings.

09:22And now that would tell you whether or not to patronize these emotions.

09:32Please remember that we are all very interconnected.

09:36That which one person does has an effect on many others.

09:42And also remember that most people live pretty unconscious lives. So, they won't even realize

09:50what you have done to them or in what way you have provoked their emotions.

09:57So, one has to be careful and conscious.

09:59One has to be careful and conscious.

10:04Are you getting it?

10:06Anger expressed by one person becomes the anger of another person.

10:12Sexuality or lust expressed by one person becomes the lust of another person.

10:18Weakness exhibited by one person contributes to arousal of weakness in another person.

10:29This is the usual and preferred mode of prakriti, mother nature. That's the way she operates and

10:40That's the way she operates and wants to have us remain controlled.

10:51Are you getting it?

10:52So, express that which would lead to your own welfare and the welfare of others.

11:03Be mindful.

11:05Why lead to a further decline of consciousness in a world that is already reeling under the impact

11:23of much that is nonsensical and stupid and violent?

11:28Equally, if you have something that you would know would serve others well,

11:42express it without fear. Express it even if you have to face certain consequences.

11:53Remember, expression is a relationship.

11:59When you express something out to the world, it's a relationship you are establishing with the world.

12:06You do not want to initiate a relationship of exploitation and violence, do you?

12:14Expression in that sense becomes a kind of gift you give to the other.

12:20Do you want to gift poison to the other? Do you want to gift chains and shackles to the other?

12:30You want to gift something that would help and liberate the other, right?

12:36Therefore, express only your best to the other. Be very discreet.

12:45Be very discreet.

12:49Now, there is another related issue here.

12:56Because we consider emotions as internal, even intimate,

13:05therefore, we take expression of all kinds of emotions as a sign of intimacy in relationship.

13:17Do you see the internal flawed equation we operate with?

13:23We say emotions are something very intimate to me internally.

13:27Therefore, the ones who are intimate to me externally must partake these emotions.

13:38So, we vent it out all to them.

13:45We spout lies and toxicity

13:51and all kinds of worthless things, especially to the ones who are close to us.

14:00Now, this is not right. This is exploitation. This is unjust.

14:11In fact, the more valuable and intimate a person is to you,

14:16the more you should be careful about the effect your company is having on that person.

14:22That is love, is that not?

14:26Therefore, you have to be extremely careful about what you say to that person,

14:30what you share with that person.

14:33Not everything that arises in your body due to your inbuilt prakritic chemicals and hormones

14:42and glands is worth sharing with the world.

14:51We have our restrooms, our lavatories.

14:57We keep them closed.

15:01We do not share our excreta with our loved ones.

15:06We do not say, oh, this came from my guts.

15:10This came from right within me, from the core of my body.

15:16Therefore, I'll share it with you. Do we do that?

15:21We know what is it that stinks.

15:26We know what is it that's rubbish.

15:31And we know very well that it must be kept to ourselves

15:36and be duly flushed away.

15:41It is not something you want to share with the world.

15:44In fact, if you share with the world, it is quite interesting.

15:53It would be the limit of bad etiquette.

16:00Of bad etiquette.

16:03So this much we know.

16:08That our night soil, our rubbish is not to be taken to others.

16:20But then why do we take our mental rubbish to others?

16:26Why do we take our emotional rubbish to others?

16:30Is there anything sublime in our emotions?

16:36If there is, please do share it.

16:42But mostly, emotions are just trash.

16:48I know emotional people will not like to hear this and they'll immediately contest.

16:54I would point out that the reaction that arose within you,

16:59the moment you heard me say that emotions are trash,

17:04is another emotional reaction.

17:09It is emotions that do not like emotions being decried.

17:16Being decried.

17:23The fundamental mistake, as we said right when we opened,

17:27is that we identify with our emotions.

17:30We do not see that the body is one thing and we are not really the body

17:38and that all emotions arise from chemical, biological processes

17:44pre-programmed within the body.

17:46They are not to be taken very seriously.

17:50Emotions simply further the agenda of the jungle, the place we all come from.

18:00What's the agenda of the jungle?

18:03Possess, occupy, eat, sleep, be merry, procreate, dominate.

18:11That's what goes on in the jungle.

18:13And all emotions, if you scrutinize them, are towards this goal.

18:21This is the prakritic goal.

18:27So why take the remnants of the jungle past so seriously?

18:40We were monkeys, right?

18:43And the vestiges of those times still exist within us.

18:51They in fact dominate most of us

18:56in the form of emotions, in the form of instincts and tendencies.

19:03Right?

19:03So take that as something that hardly ever has any value.

19:14And when it does not have any value, it does not deserve to be expressed or shared with others.

19:23Right?

19:24We want to be loving people and we want to be loved, don't we?

19:29And in love you do not share your crap with your loved ones.

19:33You do not make life miserable for them

19:36by throwing all your rubbish at them day in and day night in the name of intimacy.

19:46That's the reason why people suffer so much in love.

19:49Because in the name of love, it's not their heights that they share with their partners.

20:00They share their bottoms.

20:02They share their ugliness and they think of it

20:07as closeness, as love.

20:08It is not love.

20:09Love is to handhold the other and pull him up.

20:15Not bury the other under the weight of your infinite nonsense.

20:24What do you think lovers talk about in their daily four-hour phone calls?

20:38Are they sharing scientific discoveries with each other?

20:42Are they sharing sublime literature with each other?

20:46Great poems?

20:47Are they talking of depths of wisdom?

20:53Are they discussing geopolitics?

20:55Are they discussing neuroscience?

20:58Are they discussing anything of any worth?

21:02No.

21:03They are expressing themselves to each other and you know what that's all about.

21:08Let the sound of rubbish being flushed down the commode, reverberate.

21:21That's the telephonic conversation.

21:25Thank you, sir.

21:31Namaste, Acharyaji.

21:33Namaste.

21:34This question which I'm about to ask is related to the first question about the emotions.

21:41So, I have two questions in mind.

21:44The first thing is, whenever some people, particularly family or relatives,

21:54they try to, you know, they have some expectations that

21:59they try to, you know, they have some expectations that,

22:03you know, house has to be taken care like this only or cooking has to be done in certain way.

22:09All these things actually, it's like totally gone out of my mind.

22:14And I'm not able to, you know, be like what they want to be.

22:20And initially, when I try to, you know, understand like, you know,

22:25these are not of that great value, I try to, you know, explain them.

22:30But they're not, you know, in a way to accept all those things.

22:35And I'm just doing whatever I feel like doing.

22:38And I am not much engaged into any of those activities.

22:43But in spite of that, you know, when things come up, I'm,

22:47one thing what I see from myself is, I'm just very harsh.

22:52I'm not able to control it or I'm not able to tolerate all these things anymore.

22:56So, I just like, you know, bluntly shout.

22:59And there's something, you know, very, very fiery, I can say,

23:05within that I don't want to listen to any of such talks.

23:08And that moment, I don't know exactly what I speak out.

23:16But it's, I feel very relaxed after that.

23:19And I'm not able to actually say why I am behaving.

23:25And whatever I told, it does not carry over again in my head.

23:30But yeah, I can see that, you know, to many things, I'm reacting very harshly.

23:35So, how do I validate that emotion?

23:42That is one thing.

23:43I mean, sometimes I just feel like I don't bother about it.

23:48I don't care whatever, however, it goes, it is okay.

23:51So, I go to that extent.

23:54And one other question I have is, whenever I try to talk to you,

24:01ask any question, automatically, there is some tears in my eyes.

24:05I don't know how, what is this?

24:10This is also some kind of emotion.

24:13I try not to cry.

24:14I try not to bring in tears.

24:16But that happens.

24:27See, all that surrounds us,

24:36outside the body, and all that is available to us from within the body,

24:51all that is available to us to be used.

24:59Or all that can use us for its own purposes.

25:07So, when I answered our friend who initiated the discussion on emotions,

25:15I focused on ensuring that your bodily mandate and your emotions and hormones

25:26do not start using you and exploiting you and taking you away.

25:34So, I said, remember that you are not your body.

25:37Remember that you are not obliged to serve your emotions.

25:41Remember that it is not a compulsion to express to others whatever you feel.

25:50So, that's what I highlighted when I was speaking a while back.

26:01Now, there is another part to the same thing.

26:04We said all that is surrounding us within the body and outside the body.

26:10Who are we, first of all?

26:12We are consciousness.

26:15And all these things are available to the consciousness.

26:18Emotions, thoughts, intellect, as well as worldly material resources and time and life.

26:26These are things available to consciousness to achieve its destiny, its end, that is liberation.

26:34Now, if you can be someone who can use these resources towards the proper end,

26:47then it's all right, rather wonderful to engage with emotions.

26:53Then there is no need to even be detached.

26:58Are you getting it?

27:00Are you getting it?

27:00I'll give you two examples, both involving Shri Krishna.

27:08So, there is the Mahabharata battle and we are in Kurukshetra.

27:15And the entire Gita has been narrated to Arjuna.

27:20Still, he is not fully beyond his feelings of attachment and the past he carries, his memories.

27:40So, he's not able to fight Bhishma Pitamah with total rigor.

27:46He's almost just pretending to fight.

27:50He's not attacking the old man with full ferocity.

28:02Now, what does Krishna do at this moment?

28:05He jumps down from the chariot, picks up an abandoned wheel from the ground

28:20and rushes towards Bhishma with that wheel to attack him.

28:29This is a clear and unapologetic display of emotion.

28:35But this is great.

28:40You would have seen this moment captured in many paintings.

28:48Bhishma is standing on his chariot.

28:52He has put down his weapons and he's standing with hands folded

28:58and he's welcoming Krishna to come and attack him.

29:02And Arjuna is behind Krishna and Arjuna is begging Krishna,

29:06please, please do not break your vow.

29:12You had said you would not participate in the fight.

29:15Do not do that now.

29:19I'll do the needful.

29:22I won't be a hesitant warrior anymore.

29:25And Arjuna is holding Krishna by his feet and is almost being dragged towards Bhishma.

29:35It's a very moving scene.

29:40It's a very eloquent picture when you look at it and it's full of nothing but emotion.

29:47Emotion being displayed by Krishna.

29:49And it's full of nothing but emotion.

29:52Emotion being displayed by all three characters in the painting.

29:59Can you visualize the frame?

30:04Of these three, the central one, the middle one is the one who is using emotions.

30:17Emotions come from Prakriti.

30:18Prakriti is also called as Maya and Krishna is called as Mayapati.

30:23So Krishna is the master of Maya, thereby also the master of emotions.

30:30He's not carried away by emotions.

30:32He uses emotions for a higher goal.

30:36What is the higher goal?

30:37The higher goal is that Dharma should win.

30:40And for Dharma to win, Arjuna must wholeheartedly fight.

30:46So to make Arjuna fight, Krishna has expressed his emotions.

30:53Now such expression is auspicious and most welcome.

30:58Do you get this please?

31:00Here your emotions are not possessing you.

31:05Instead you are making very wise use of emotions.

31:11Your emotions are doing your bidding.

31:13Your emotions are aligned with your higher purpose.

31:18And if your emotions can be aligned with your higher purpose, it's all right to be angry

31:23just as Krishna was in that moment and Krishna is very angry in that moment.

31:28Have you seen him?

31:32He is furious.

31:38He is like a tornado rushing towards Bhishma.

31:41Krishna is very angry.

31:43Who says spiritual people must not be angry?

31:46Look at Krishna.

31:52Equally, there is a second example related again to Krishna.

31:57Look at the life of Meera.

32:00You talked of tears and Meera weeps so much.

32:04You talked of tears and Meera weeps so much.

32:10But are these typical human weaknesses, tears arising from a sense of material loss

32:24or hurt or deprivation?

32:27No.

32:31These are special tears.

32:34These are tears dedicated to Krishna and then being teary-eyed is all right.

32:45It is not only all right, it turns you into a Meera.

32:51So it's not as if emotions have to be altogether discarded.

32:57What is to be avoided is not emotions but slavery to emotions and these are two very

33:06different things.

33:07Emotions are a part of Prakriti.

33:09You cannot avoid Prakriti.

33:12As a human being, as an embodied being, you are a part of Prakriti.

33:18How can you avoid Prakriti?

33:19Prakriti is your very mother.

33:21You cannot avoid her.

33:22At the same time, you cannot allow Prakriti to rule you because her demand is very basic

33:32whereas your identity demands the high sky.

33:41Therefore, you cannot kneel to her dictates, Prakriti's dictates that is.

33:47So, that's what we are cautioning against, to not to be a servant to emotions.

33:55We are not saying that you should become unemotional.

33:58That's not the way of wisdom.

34:00That's not at all the way of Vedanta.

34:06Let your emotions follow your purpose.

34:10Let your emotions follow your purpose.

34:13Let your emotions follow your purpose.

34:19Let your emotions serve your wisdom and then all emotions are all right.

34:30Name the emotion, it is all right.

34:37Provided the emotion is aligned with the higher purpose and that's where you have to be very

34:42careful.

34:45Is the emotion serving my ego or is it serving a higher purpose?

34:53It's easy to forget the distinction.

34:57Be careful.

35:01When you know that your tears are for the right cause, it's all right to let them flow.

35:10When you know that your anger and energy are for a great purpose, the anger is auspicious.

35:35But be careful.

35:36This is not a go-ahead to all kinds of unbridled display of hormonal upsurges.

35:48Do not do that.

35:55Anything else?

35:56How do I know this, Acharyaji?

36:01Because sometimes I really feel as you know, am I doing this out of my own ego?

36:06Am I getting carried away by those words or you know, and that I try to validate that

36:14at a level where I know that I am not doing this out of my own ego.

36:22That I try to validate that but I'm still not exactly sure.

36:29So, the caution which you gave right now, I want to have that caution always.

36:36So, when you are in the throes of emotion,

36:41check, pause and ask yourself, who is the master right now?

36:46The emotion or me?

36:50If you are the master, let the emotion flow.

36:52If the emotion has gained control, step back.

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