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Video Information: 14.05.2022, NIT-Calicut, Greater Noida, U.P.
Context:
~ Why one should not share emotions to other?
~ What is emotion?
~ What is feeling?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquir...
Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books?
Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...
~~~~~
Video Information: 14.05.2022, NIT-Calicut, Greater Noida, U.P.
Context:
~ Why one should not share emotions to other?
~ What is emotion?
~ What is feeling?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00A very good evening to all attendees. Today, we have with us Acharya Prashant, acclaimed
00:10Vedanta executive, author of over 80 books, including the national bestseller Karma,
00:17and a powerful voice of social spiritual awakening in the world today. After graduating from IIT
00:24Delhi, Acharya Prashant went on to qualify both UPSC and CAT in the same year. After two years
00:33at IIM Ahmedabad and a few years at corporate, he found himself a higher calling of spreading the
00:39ancient wisdom of Vedanta among the masses and for that purpose founded his mission with this
00:46at the forefront of creation of a new humanity through intelligent spirituality. Today,
00:54his movement has touched the lives of tens of millions of individuals. Through his direct
01:00contact with people and through various internet-based channels, he continues to bring
01:05clarity to all. Sir, it's an honor to welcome you to address our institute.
01:11On behalf of NIT Calicut, we thank you for accepting our invitation.
01:16Acharya ji, as we know that as a human being, we all are struggling with a lot of emotions.
01:26For example, pain, suffering, aggression, happiness. So, it's like we want to express
01:34ourselves but sometimes we don't. We think that we should express or we should not express.
01:40So, I wanted to ask that whether is there any fine line between expressing and non-expressing
01:46our emotions, our aggression. If we consider an example of two greatest living legends in cricket,
01:54MS Dhoni sir and Virat Kohli sir. Both have a different personality trait as Virat Kohli sir
02:01is very much expressive in case of his pressure and aggression handling.
02:06On the other hand, MS Dhoni sir is very calm and composed. The thing is the opponent's team,
02:13they both are, they are afraid of both of them and both of them are equally loved and respected
02:20by the people of India as well as their opponent team. So, it's like sir, how to differentiate
02:25or how to make sure that what should be our action or how whether we should express or not express
02:32what should be our action or how whether we should express or not express
02:36and how we should compose ourselves in that. That was my question.
02:42See, these emotions that arise within,
02:50hmm, what is their effect on you? And when I say that, it must be obvious
03:03that you and these emotions are separate entities.
03:09Hmm. Therefore, emotions will have an effect on you and thereby it is also implied that
03:20the arousal of emotions is not necessarily something that happens by your consent.
03:30Emotions, even thoughts, just come up on their own. They are
03:39very much a bodily thing and a situational thing. The body by way of evolution is programmed to
03:50react to external conditions, stimuli in a certain way and that's what leads to these emotions.
04:02It's just that when we are not clear about our identity,
04:09when we do not know who we really are, then we start calling these emotions as our emotions.
04:18Whereas the fact is that emotions are quite alien to us.
04:26They do not belong really to the same place you come from.
04:35Just that they have a great impact on who you really are.
04:42Now, what is the quality of that impact? Please tell me. What do these emotions
04:48make you be like? You talked of pain, suffering, aggression.
04:58Are you okay with the feelings of aggression and suffering and jealousy and attachment
05:09and all else that emotions bring with them? Do they make you feel great about yourself?
05:16In your discretion, in your composed intelligence, would you want to stay susceptible to, vulnerable to
05:30emotionality? Sometimes these emotions make you feel nice and then you say, oh, sweet emotions.
05:41But you would agree that sooner than later you realize that you had just been carried away.
05:51Right? So, that's part one. Emotions is not who you really are. Emotions are an alien phenomena
06:06that somehow manages to take control of you, that possesses you without your consent.
06:19That is one thing. The second thing is
06:23what you express is not just your personal matter. That which gets expressed gets amplified.
06:44Anger expressed is anger amplified.
06:47Attachment expressed is attachment multiplied.
06:53This is point two. Now, take the first part, the first point and the second point together.
06:59First thing, you are not done any service or favor by this upsurge of emotions. Second,
07:15if they are expressed, they only become amplified in the environment to which they are expressed.
07:29And when they become amplified there, they return to you. So, you are angry, the other one
07:35gets angry when you express your anger and the other one's anger would mostly serve to further
07:43fuel your own anger. Right? And it's a vicious cycle. Do you see?
07:50Now, this is the trick of emotions. This is the trick of mother nature.
08:00She has very little to do with your consciousness.
08:07She is not particularly interested in you having a great purpose in life.
08:16Emotions are her preferred instruments.
08:21She wants you to do her bidding by feeling emotional.
08:27By feeling emotional.
08:33And when one person feels emotional and in his or her fit of unconsciousness
08:45expresses it aloud to the environment, a feedback loop is created.
08:54The same emotionality returns to this person as a stimulus now and further increases the
09:04emotionality within. The result, an overall decline in the level of consciousness in this person
09:15as well as in his surroundings.
09:22And now that would tell you whether or not to patronize these emotions.
09:32Please remember that we are all very interconnected.
09:36That which one person does has an effect on many others.
09:42And also remember that most people live pretty unconscious lives. So, they won't even realize
09:50what you have done to them or in what way you have provoked their emotions.
09:57So, one has to be careful and conscious.
09:59One has to be careful and conscious.
10:04Are you getting it?
10:06Anger expressed by one person becomes the anger of another person.
10:12Sexuality or lust expressed by one person becomes the lust of another person.
10:18Weakness exhibited by one person contributes to arousal of weakness in another person.
10:29This is the usual and preferred mode of prakriti, mother nature. That's the way she operates and
10:40That's the way she operates and wants to have us remain controlled.
10:51Are you getting it?
10:52So, express that which would lead to your own welfare and the welfare of others.
11:03Be mindful.
11:05Why lead to a further decline of consciousness in a world that is already reeling under the impact
11:23of much that is nonsensical and stupid and violent?
11:28Equally, if you have something that you would know would serve others well,
11:42express it without fear. Express it even if you have to face certain consequences.
11:53Remember, expression is a relationship.
11:59When you express something out to the world, it's a relationship you are establishing with the world.
12:06You do not want to initiate a relationship of exploitation and violence, do you?
12:14Expression in that sense becomes a kind of gift you give to the other.
12:20Do you want to gift poison to the other? Do you want to gift chains and shackles to the other?
12:30You want to gift something that would help and liberate the other, right?
12:36Therefore, express only your best to the other. Be very discreet.
12:45Be very discreet.
12:49Now, there is another related issue here.
12:56Because we consider emotions as internal, even intimate,
13:05therefore, we take expression of all kinds of emotions as a sign of intimacy in relationship.
13:17Do you see the internal flawed equation we operate with?
13:23We say emotions are something very intimate to me internally.
13:27Therefore, the ones who are intimate to me externally must partake these emotions.
13:38So, we vent it out all to them.
13:45We spout lies and toxicity
13:51and all kinds of worthless things, especially to the ones who are close to us.
14:00Now, this is not right. This is exploitation. This is unjust.
14:11In fact, the more valuable and intimate a person is to you,
14:16the more you should be careful about the effect your company is having on that person.
14:22That is love, is that not?
14:26Therefore, you have to be extremely careful about what you say to that person,
14:30what you share with that person.
14:33Not everything that arises in your body due to your inbuilt prakritic chemicals and hormones
14:42and glands is worth sharing with the world.
14:51We have our restrooms, our lavatories.
14:57We keep them closed.
15:01We do not share our excreta with our loved ones.
15:06We do not say, oh, this came from my guts.
15:10This came from right within me, from the core of my body.
15:16Therefore, I'll share it with you. Do we do that?
15:21We know what is it that stinks.
15:26We know what is it that's rubbish.
15:31And we know very well that it must be kept to ourselves
15:36and be duly flushed away.
15:41It is not something you want to share with the world.
15:44In fact, if you share with the world, it is quite interesting.
15:53It would be the limit of bad etiquette.
16:00Of bad etiquette.
16:03So this much we know.
16:08That our night soil, our rubbish is not to be taken to others.
16:20But then why do we take our mental rubbish to others?
16:26Why do we take our emotional rubbish to others?
16:30Is there anything sublime in our emotions?
16:36If there is, please do share it.
16:42But mostly, emotions are just trash.
16:48I know emotional people will not like to hear this and they'll immediately contest.
16:54I would point out that the reaction that arose within you,
16:59the moment you heard me say that emotions are trash,
17:04is another emotional reaction.
17:09It is emotions that do not like emotions being decried.
17:16Being decried.
17:23The fundamental mistake, as we said right when we opened,
17:27is that we identify with our emotions.
17:30We do not see that the body is one thing and we are not really the body
17:38and that all emotions arise from chemical, biological processes
17:44pre-programmed within the body.
17:46They are not to be taken very seriously.
17:50Emotions simply further the agenda of the jungle, the place we all come from.
18:00What's the agenda of the jungle?
18:03Possess, occupy, eat, sleep, be merry, procreate, dominate.
18:11That's what goes on in the jungle.
18:13And all emotions, if you scrutinize them, are towards this goal.
18:21This is the prakritic goal.
18:27So why take the remnants of the jungle past so seriously?
18:40We were monkeys, right?
18:43And the vestiges of those times still exist within us.
18:51They in fact dominate most of us
18:56in the form of emotions, in the form of instincts and tendencies.
19:03Right?
19:03So take that as something that hardly ever has any value.
19:14And when it does not have any value, it does not deserve to be expressed or shared with others.
19:23Right?
19:24We want to be loving people and we want to be loved, don't we?
19:29And in love you do not share your crap with your loved ones.
19:33You do not make life miserable for them
19:36by throwing all your rubbish at them day in and day night in the name of intimacy.
19:46That's the reason why people suffer so much in love.
19:49Because in the name of love, it's not their heights that they share with their partners.
20:00They share their bottoms.
20:02They share their ugliness and they think of it
20:07as closeness, as love.
20:08It is not love.
20:09Love is to handhold the other and pull him up.
20:15Not bury the other under the weight of your infinite nonsense.
20:24What do you think lovers talk about in their daily four-hour phone calls?
20:38Are they sharing scientific discoveries with each other?
20:42Are they sharing sublime literature with each other?
20:46Great poems?
20:47Are they talking of depths of wisdom?
20:53Are they discussing geopolitics?
20:55Are they discussing neuroscience?
20:58Are they discussing anything of any worth?
21:02No.
21:03They are expressing themselves to each other and you know what that's all about.
21:08Let the sound of rubbish being flushed down the commode, reverberate.
21:21That's the telephonic conversation.
21:25Thank you, sir.
21:31Namaste, Acharyaji.
21:33Namaste.
21:34This question which I'm about to ask is related to the first question about the emotions.
21:41So, I have two questions in mind.
21:44The first thing is, whenever some people, particularly family or relatives,
21:54they try to, you know, they have some expectations that
21:59they try to, you know, they have some expectations that,
22:03you know, house has to be taken care like this only or cooking has to be done in certain way.
22:09All these things actually, it's like totally gone out of my mind.
22:14And I'm not able to, you know, be like what they want to be.
22:20And initially, when I try to, you know, understand like, you know,
22:25these are not of that great value, I try to, you know, explain them.
22:30But they're not, you know, in a way to accept all those things.
22:35And I'm just doing whatever I feel like doing.
22:38And I am not much engaged into any of those activities.
22:43But in spite of that, you know, when things come up, I'm,
22:47one thing what I see from myself is, I'm just very harsh.
22:52I'm not able to control it or I'm not able to tolerate all these things anymore.
22:56So, I just like, you know, bluntly shout.
22:59And there's something, you know, very, very fiery, I can say,
23:05within that I don't want to listen to any of such talks.
23:08And that moment, I don't know exactly what I speak out.
23:16But it's, I feel very relaxed after that.
23:19And I'm not able to actually say why I am behaving.
23:25And whatever I told, it does not carry over again in my head.
23:30But yeah, I can see that, you know, to many things, I'm reacting very harshly.
23:35So, how do I validate that emotion?
23:42That is one thing.
23:43I mean, sometimes I just feel like I don't bother about it.
23:48I don't care whatever, however, it goes, it is okay.
23:51So, I go to that extent.
23:54And one other question I have is, whenever I try to talk to you,
24:01ask any question, automatically, there is some tears in my eyes.
24:05I don't know how, what is this?
24:10This is also some kind of emotion.
24:13I try not to cry.
24:14I try not to bring in tears.
24:16But that happens.
24:27See, all that surrounds us,
24:36outside the body, and all that is available to us from within the body,
24:51all that is available to us to be used.
24:59Or all that can use us for its own purposes.
25:07So, when I answered our friend who initiated the discussion on emotions,
25:15I focused on ensuring that your bodily mandate and your emotions and hormones
25:26do not start using you and exploiting you and taking you away.
25:34So, I said, remember that you are not your body.
25:37Remember that you are not obliged to serve your emotions.
25:41Remember that it is not a compulsion to express to others whatever you feel.
25:50So, that's what I highlighted when I was speaking a while back.
26:01Now, there is another part to the same thing.
26:04We said all that is surrounding us within the body and outside the body.
26:10Who are we, first of all?
26:12We are consciousness.
26:15And all these things are available to the consciousness.
26:18Emotions, thoughts, intellect, as well as worldly material resources and time and life.
26:26These are things available to consciousness to achieve its destiny, its end, that is liberation.
26:34Now, if you can be someone who can use these resources towards the proper end,
26:47then it's all right, rather wonderful to engage with emotions.
26:53Then there is no need to even be detached.
26:58Are you getting it?
27:00Are you getting it?
27:00I'll give you two examples, both involving Shri Krishna.
27:08So, there is the Mahabharata battle and we are in Kurukshetra.
27:15And the entire Gita has been narrated to Arjuna.
27:20Still, he is not fully beyond his feelings of attachment and the past he carries, his memories.
27:40So, he's not able to fight Bhishma Pitamah with total rigor.
27:46He's almost just pretending to fight.
27:50He's not attacking the old man with full ferocity.
28:02Now, what does Krishna do at this moment?
28:05He jumps down from the chariot, picks up an abandoned wheel from the ground
28:20and rushes towards Bhishma with that wheel to attack him.
28:29This is a clear and unapologetic display of emotion.
28:35But this is great.
28:40You would have seen this moment captured in many paintings.
28:48Bhishma is standing on his chariot.
28:52He has put down his weapons and he's standing with hands folded
28:58and he's welcoming Krishna to come and attack him.
29:02And Arjuna is behind Krishna and Arjuna is begging Krishna,
29:06please, please do not break your vow.
29:12You had said you would not participate in the fight.
29:15Do not do that now.
29:19I'll do the needful.
29:22I won't be a hesitant warrior anymore.
29:25And Arjuna is holding Krishna by his feet and is almost being dragged towards Bhishma.
29:35It's a very moving scene.
29:40It's a very eloquent picture when you look at it and it's full of nothing but emotion.
29:47Emotion being displayed by Krishna.
29:49And it's full of nothing but emotion.
29:52Emotion being displayed by all three characters in the painting.
29:59Can you visualize the frame?
30:04Of these three, the central one, the middle one is the one who is using emotions.
30:17Emotions come from Prakriti.
30:18Prakriti is also called as Maya and Krishna is called as Mayapati.
30:23So Krishna is the master of Maya, thereby also the master of emotions.
30:30He's not carried away by emotions.
30:32He uses emotions for a higher goal.
30:36What is the higher goal?
30:37The higher goal is that Dharma should win.
30:40And for Dharma to win, Arjuna must wholeheartedly fight.
30:46So to make Arjuna fight, Krishna has expressed his emotions.
30:53Now such expression is auspicious and most welcome.
30:58Do you get this please?
31:00Here your emotions are not possessing you.
31:05Instead you are making very wise use of emotions.
31:11Your emotions are doing your bidding.
31:13Your emotions are aligned with your higher purpose.
31:18And if your emotions can be aligned with your higher purpose, it's all right to be angry
31:23just as Krishna was in that moment and Krishna is very angry in that moment.
31:28Have you seen him?
31:32He is furious.
31:38He is like a tornado rushing towards Bhishma.
31:41Krishna is very angry.
31:43Who says spiritual people must not be angry?
31:46Look at Krishna.
31:52Equally, there is a second example related again to Krishna.
31:57Look at the life of Meera.
32:00You talked of tears and Meera weeps so much.
32:04You talked of tears and Meera weeps so much.
32:10But are these typical human weaknesses, tears arising from a sense of material loss
32:24or hurt or deprivation?
32:27No.
32:31These are special tears.
32:34These are tears dedicated to Krishna and then being teary-eyed is all right.
32:45It is not only all right, it turns you into a Meera.
32:51So it's not as if emotions have to be altogether discarded.
32:57What is to be avoided is not emotions but slavery to emotions and these are two very
33:06different things.
33:07Emotions are a part of Prakriti.
33:09You cannot avoid Prakriti.
33:12As a human being, as an embodied being, you are a part of Prakriti.
33:18How can you avoid Prakriti?
33:19Prakriti is your very mother.
33:21You cannot avoid her.
33:22At the same time, you cannot allow Prakriti to rule you because her demand is very basic
33:32whereas your identity demands the high sky.
33:41Therefore, you cannot kneel to her dictates, Prakriti's dictates that is.
33:47So, that's what we are cautioning against, to not to be a servant to emotions.
33:55We are not saying that you should become unemotional.
33:58That's not the way of wisdom.
34:00That's not at all the way of Vedanta.
34:06Let your emotions follow your purpose.
34:10Let your emotions follow your purpose.
34:13Let your emotions follow your purpose.
34:19Let your emotions serve your wisdom and then all emotions are all right.
34:30Name the emotion, it is all right.
34:37Provided the emotion is aligned with the higher purpose and that's where you have to be very
34:42careful.
34:45Is the emotion serving my ego or is it serving a higher purpose?
34:53It's easy to forget the distinction.
34:57Be careful.
35:01When you know that your tears are for the right cause, it's all right to let them flow.
35:10When you know that your anger and energy are for a great purpose, the anger is auspicious.
35:35But be careful.
35:36This is not a go-ahead to all kinds of unbridled display of hormonal upsurges.
35:48Do not do that.
35:55Anything else?
35:56How do I know this, Acharyaji?
36:01Because sometimes I really feel as you know, am I doing this out of my own ego?
36:06Am I getting carried away by those words or you know, and that I try to validate that
36:14at a level where I know that I am not doing this out of my own ego.
36:22That I try to validate that but I'm still not exactly sure.
36:29So, the caution which you gave right now, I want to have that caution always.
36:36So, when you are in the throes of emotion,
36:41check, pause and ask yourself, who is the master right now?
36:46The emotion or me?
36:50If you are the master, let the emotion flow.
36:52If the emotion has gained control, step back.