Which Barstool Employee Is Least Likely To Survive A Zombie Apocalypse? (The Bracket, Vol. 163)

Barstool Sports

KenJac | The Bracket

Transcript

00:00:00I think Nate might be the first zombie.

00:00:03Oh fuck, we have a zombie now?

00:00:07Nate's fucking Nate?

00:00:09We were just doing...

00:00:11You're a fucking zombie.

00:00:13Just my fucking life.

00:00:17Okay, welcome to The Bracket episode 163.

00:00:21Today we are debating a topic that took us a while,

00:00:25or me a while, to get to it anyway.

00:00:27Because we were shooting around a lot of different topic ideas.

00:00:29And the one that I ended up landing on

00:00:31was which one of our co-workers

00:00:33would be the least likely to survive

00:00:35in a zombie apocalypse.

00:00:37Which I think would be an interesting one.

00:00:39Because we never do any inside barstool

00:00:41or whatever type of topics.

00:00:42Usually we stick to things being pretty broad.

00:00:44I feel like it would be kind of fun to do one thing

00:00:46where we kind of do a little bit of inside baseball.

00:00:48Yeah, you sprung this on us.

00:00:50You said you wouldn't tell us the topic.

00:00:52Okay.

00:00:54I got guesses.

00:00:55Least likely?

00:00:56Least likely to survive.

00:00:58And I know you'll have ones where you're thinking

00:01:00maybe it'll be top-seeded, maybe it won't.

00:01:02I think there's going to be some surprises along the way.

00:01:04But I think we'll have some good debates on it anyway.

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00:02:00KB, by the way, the topic today is which one of our

00:02:02co-workers would be least likely to survive

00:02:04a zombie apocalypse.

00:02:05We figured we'd be overdue for eventually trying

00:02:07one inside baseball topic.

00:02:09Love it.

00:02:10So our first match of the day is the number 12 seed

00:02:12versus the 5 seed.

00:02:14The number 12 seed is Dana Beers.

00:02:16Okay.

00:02:17Would Dana Beers have a shot at surviving the zombie

00:02:20apocalypse?

00:02:21And part of my thought process is he's big.

00:02:23He's a strong guy.

00:02:24But he's also pretty dumb, which also I think could play

00:02:27into this in a big way.

00:02:29And he's going up against the number 5 seed.

00:02:31I double-checked with his podcast co-host to make sure

00:02:34my suspicion on it, and it's Clem.

00:02:37Would Clem have a chance of surviving the zombie

00:02:39apocalypse?

00:02:40And that's a reoccurring theme you'll see later on.

00:02:43So let's start with you, Danny Conrad.

00:02:45Who do you think would be least likely to survive

00:02:48in a zombie apocalypse?

00:02:50I love Dana, but he might see a man foaming from the mouth

00:02:53and still ask, is this guy a zombie?

00:02:55I'm going to have to go with Clem.

00:03:00Clem seems like a very smart guy.

00:03:02Least likely, right?

00:03:03Yes, least likely.

00:03:05So then Dana.

00:03:06I'm going to have to go Dana.

00:03:08Clem seems like a very smart guy.

00:03:10I think he can handle his own amongst a flock of zombies.

00:03:12And the zombies might even break character and just start

00:03:15to like Clem.

00:03:17These two is extremely likeable.

00:03:19Extremely likeable.

00:03:20They both are.

00:03:21It's true.

00:03:22When you first said Dana, my answer was going to be

00:03:24Dana would survive because they would start liking him.

00:03:28There would be some weird, I don't know,

00:03:30they'd Flabongo together or something.

00:03:32What's a Flabongo?

00:03:33It was a beer tweet.

00:03:37He just joins their pack and does beer tweets with them

00:03:40as they go around.

00:03:41Dana's eating people without turning into a zombie.

00:03:44He didn't realize that he was a zombie.

00:03:46He's just like, no, I'm just eating people

00:03:48because I'm hungry.

00:03:50He's bringing cans of Miller White to zombie sanctuaries

00:03:54across the country, spreading the virus.

00:03:57Kibbe.

00:03:59Good cut.

00:04:01I'll go Dana.

00:04:02I'm more comfortable criticizing him, I guess,

00:04:06between these two.

00:04:10Yeah.

00:04:11A two for Dana.

00:04:12Nick.

00:04:13Yeah, like Clem is a big snack guy.

00:04:16His palate is for things that are filled with preservatives,

00:04:19gummies and snack cakes.

00:04:22He would be fine.

00:04:24Dana.

00:04:26I don't even know if Dana would realize it's happening.

00:04:29It would definitely take him a while.

00:04:32Three for Dana.

00:04:34Clem.

00:04:35Yeah.

00:04:36Clem does move pretty slow.

00:04:38Not the fastest guy in town.

00:04:40Dana I coached in basketball.

00:04:43Dana, he has this weird mix of anger with strength mixed with

00:04:50maybe not the smartest guy in the room.

00:04:53But then he is also smart about certain things.

00:04:55I think Dana has this weird focus thing where he would survive

00:04:58because of his strength and his ability to focus on my new things.

00:05:02Now, if he focuses on the wrong things, then he's fucked.

00:05:04But if he just focuses on canned food, surviving,

00:05:07he could do quite well.

00:05:08He knows every NBA basketball player who went to college.

00:05:10You're on a trivia team with him.

00:05:12I don't know how that helps in a zombie apocalypse.

00:05:14I think he has the brain power.

00:05:16Dana, we like to say he's dumb, and he's dumb.

00:05:19Dana is also, he can be smart.

00:05:22Yes.

00:05:23My point is if he focuses, he can be smart.

00:05:25I think if he uses that focus for surviving, he'd be fine.

00:05:28Now, if he doesn't use that focus for surviving, he's dead the first day.

00:05:31But if he could somehow generate that mix with his strength and his speed,

00:05:34I think actually Dana could do quite well.

00:05:36I'm going to say Clem is more likely to get killed.

00:05:37He also voluntarily was pissing in bottles.

00:05:39No apocalypse happened.

00:05:41He was just doing it on his own.

00:05:42He's been prepping for this, sleeping outside.

00:05:45I'm switching to Clem.

00:05:47Switching over.

00:05:48So that means we're 2-2 right now, Dana and Clem.

00:05:50I'm kind of with KB where I think we'll have more fun for the rest of this bracket

00:05:54making fun of Dana and the dumb situations he could find himself in with zombies.

00:06:00So I'm going to go with Dana.

00:06:03Three for Dana.

00:06:04Okay.

00:06:05I respect your answer.

00:06:06That kind of sways me a bit as well.

00:06:09I think Dana would be fine.

00:06:11I think Dana would be great in the zombie apocalypse.

00:06:16Despite all that, I'm going to go with Dana.

00:06:20I think it would be hard for him.

00:06:23It would be hard for anybody.

00:06:25Yeah.

00:06:26Anyone who ever talks to Dana, he's hearing like a foreign language.

00:06:31If zombies were growling at him, that's the same sound he hears when I talk to him.

00:06:36Which could hurt him.

00:06:37Yeah.

00:06:40So we all sound like him?

00:06:42Yeah.

00:06:43So Dana's going to move on.

00:06:45And our next matchup, different co-host of one of ours, KFC is our number four seed.

00:06:50There's a lot of lazy people made the higher echelon of the rankings here.

00:06:55So KFC is going up against number 13 seed, NickySmokes.

00:06:59I don't know.

00:07:00He's ripped now.

00:07:01He's ripped, but does that necessarily mean that you're going to be good in the zombie apocalypse?

00:07:05Yeah, I think this is a tough draw for Kevin.

00:07:08NickySmokes, I think, like Dana, where he's probably prepared for it.

00:07:14I know, at least what I gather, is Nicky's been on some pretty apocalyptic benders in his life.

00:07:20And I think Kevin's not very fleet of foot.

00:07:25And I think that would slow him down.

00:07:30Being slow?

00:07:32Because it's the definition of what it is.

00:07:35So you're going to go with KFC.

00:07:36I'll go with Kevin.

00:07:37Yeah, I mean, Kevin has said he's the king of team indoors.

00:07:40I think even if there was a zombie apocalypse, he would want to stay on his couch.

00:07:45I think people don't understand how broken Kevin's body is.

00:07:50I saw him do the combine ostrich, so I get it.

00:07:53I don't know why.

00:07:54Like, what car accident was it?

00:07:57Doesn't he have a back?

00:07:58What happened to him?

00:07:59He had some kind of back surgery, I think twice.

00:08:04And he's got a bad shoulder.

00:08:08I think he's better now.

00:08:10But there was a phase where he couldn't sit for too long.

00:08:13And I was like, that's the thing.

00:08:16The number one thing you want to do.

00:08:17What do you mean you can't sit?

00:08:18We would be on airplanes, and he would have to hang his arm over his head like this.

00:08:23Oh my god.

00:08:24Because it wouldn't...

00:08:25He's not old.

00:08:26He's like six years younger than me.

00:08:27He's not old at all.

00:08:28But his body age, I think, is pretty up there.

00:08:31Good lord.

00:08:33Yeah, that did not help his case.

00:08:35I mean, Nicky Smokes wouldn't last.

00:08:36Nicky Smokes, I actually think, would kill, like, a zombie.

00:08:39Like, Nicky Smokes would see zombies, he'd run right after them.

00:08:42That's exactly the point.

00:08:43He might kill one or two, but he would eventually get eaten.

00:08:46But he at least, if he had to, he could kill a zombie.

00:08:49Kevin, as you said, can't sit on an airplane.

00:08:51But that's not the question, though.

00:08:53And this goes into why I'm taking Kevin here.

00:08:55I'm taking Nicky Smokes here, so he's less likely.

00:08:57I think Nicky Smokes might be the least likely person in the whole office to...

00:09:00Because he's so impulsive.

00:09:01He would try to attack the zombies and then immediately be killed.

00:09:05He's the first guy dead.

00:09:06To your point...

00:09:07He is a front-line guy.

00:09:08Yeah.

00:09:09I think he only knows that one way.

00:09:10When we said we were going to Turkey,

00:09:12we were just talking about the general, really early on stuff,

00:09:16and I was like, yeah, they're on the terror alert.

00:09:18They should be worried about security and stuff.

00:09:20There's a travel advisory, all this shit.

00:09:22And Nicky goes, I hope a terrorist shows up.

00:09:24I want one to try me so bad.

00:09:27Right.

00:09:28This is the first guy dead in this whole pool.

00:09:30So I think Nicky Smokes is absolutely my pick.

00:09:33So two for KFC, one for Nicky Smokes.

00:09:35Nick?

00:09:36I think at this point we have to factor in some location.

00:09:40True.

00:09:41Kevin has a pretty decent amount of property.

00:09:44Is he remote?

00:09:46He's upstate.

00:09:47He's further away from...

00:09:48Yeah, he's in the suburbs.

00:09:50Yeah, I would say he's an hour from the city.

00:09:52Okay.

00:09:53He has more land than most of us.

00:09:54That's helpful, though, for this case.

00:09:55Oh, yeah.

00:09:56No, he's in a better spot than most of us are.

00:09:57He doesn't really need to leave his house.

00:10:00I think he's smart.

00:10:02Yeah, Clemmer convinced me here.

00:10:04Nicky Smokes would want to go on the offensive.

00:10:06He definitely would.

00:10:08He's like Samuel L. Jackson in Deep Blue Sea.

00:10:12Ooh, yeah.

00:10:14We're going to swim out of here, and then he's immediately gone.

00:10:16Just like, oh, damn, I thought this guy was actually going to carry us for a little bit.

00:10:19That's a great reference.

00:10:22So we're two to two.

00:10:23KB?

00:10:24Yeah, definitely.

00:10:25He would try to boost.

00:10:26He would get some kills, maybe, but he would try to boost his stats.

00:10:29He would try to get pussy.

00:10:31He would try to impress women.

00:10:33He'd try to get pussy.

00:10:34Not zombie, babe.

00:10:35Maybe zombie pussy.

00:10:37Nicky Zombie.

00:10:38These chicks keep trying to kiss me, dude.

00:10:40I think he'd look hot for 10 minutes, but, yeah, he'd die first amongst everyone, maybe.

00:10:46Yeah, he'd be, like, making TikToks, like, telling the count of the zombies he had killed.

00:10:51He'd get way too cocky off the bat.

00:10:53He'd be like, I don't want to watch me kill this zombie.

00:10:55He'd be so sick and immediately dead.

00:10:57Yeah, a green screen of himself.

00:11:00But, yeah, I feel like we have to decide, like, what's more important, brain or bronze here?

00:11:06Also location is important.

00:11:07Probably bronze off the get, and then it turns into brain.

00:11:11How extreme is this apocalypse?

00:11:14I think it starts in every city simultaneously for the purposes of this.

00:11:18Can the zombies run?

00:11:19No, that's not really a zombie.

00:11:20I feel like that's not the spirit of zombies, if they can run.

00:11:23But there's just a lot of them.

00:11:24Yeah, there's just a lot of them.

00:11:25I agree with the sentiment.

00:11:28I hate slow zombie movies and shows.

00:11:30What are they in The Last of Us?

00:11:32I know they're not zombies.

00:11:33They're fast.

00:11:34They're fast.

00:11:35World War Z is my favorite in World War Z.

00:11:37They move like liquid.

00:11:39Yeah.

00:11:41I also see KFC doing everything he possibly can do to not have to leave his house so he would be smart in securing it.

00:11:47And so for that reason, I think Nicky Smokes is less likely to survive the apocalypse.

00:11:50I would bet hard money Kevin's never held a drill, which would make the securing of the home thing a little bit more difficult.

00:11:57You could just put furniture into a door, though.

00:11:59Yeah, I guess.

00:12:01So Nicky Smokes is going to move on.

00:12:03Our next matchup is the number 9 seed versus the number 8 seed.

00:12:06The 8 seed, somebody who I think this is kind of like an enigma of an option for us, but Owen wisely suggested him when we were putting this together, Jerry Thornton.

00:12:15I've got no idea.

00:12:17Jerry Thornton, I've got no fucking idea.

00:12:20He'd be raiding the zombie sex scandals.

00:12:23Yeah.

00:12:25And he's going up against Jersey Jerry, our number 9 seed.

00:12:29Oh, I think Jersey Jerry could fare kind of well.

00:12:31I don't know.

00:12:32Well, he lived as a zombie as a crackhead.

00:12:34That's a great point.

00:12:35Comparable.

00:12:36Right?

00:12:37They just parked those C's for him because he's like the immune guy in World War Z.

00:12:41So let's start with you, Danny.

00:12:43Jersey Jerry or Jerry Thornton?

00:12:45You know, I don't know much about Jerry Thornton, but I do peg Jersey Jerry as a guy who could survive an apocalypse right off the bat.

00:12:55I feel like he's someone who already has a bunker, like he's already been waiting for this moment just in case.

00:13:01Blue collar guy, I'm sorry, Jerry Thornton.

00:13:03By default, I have to say that you are less likely to survive the apocalypse.

00:13:07Jerry Thornton, one vote, KB.

00:13:10I think Thornton's getting gobbled up.

00:13:13He's good at what he does, and his brains are there, but...

00:13:19Yeah, there is an element of age.

00:13:20Like, they could just be like, do I really have that much of a will to live anymore?

00:13:24Maybe this is how it ends.

00:13:25How old is Jerry?

00:13:26I don't even know how old Jerry is.

00:13:27Jerry would start arguing with the zombies that they're not as dominant as the 04 Patriots.

00:13:31You know, pretty impressive run here, but...

00:13:34Jerry's got to be what, like mid-late 50s?

00:13:36Something like that, yeah.

00:13:37I was going to say 60s.

00:13:38He could shoot a gun, though.

00:13:39He's a good, like, sniper.

00:13:41Yeah, I can definitely see him having a gun.

00:13:44I mean, Jersey Jerry definitely has guns.

00:13:46100% has a gun.

00:13:48Jersey Jerry has threatened cohorts with that gun.

00:13:51Yeah, he's pointed it at people.

00:13:54So, Jerry Thornton's getting gobbled up, says KB.

00:13:56Nick?

00:13:58Yeah, I could see Jerry Thornton, like...

00:14:01He has the look of a guy that would, like, be a target shooter.

00:14:05Something like that.

00:14:06Something like that.

00:14:07But...

00:14:09Jerry, I think, could survive through anything.

00:14:14So, I'm...

00:14:15Jerry...

00:14:16Thornton...

00:14:17Thornton getting swallowed whole.

00:14:19Like a fucking...

00:14:20Like a pill.

00:14:23Three for Jerry Thornton.

00:14:24Well, I know Jersey Jerry didn't like the comments in Jerry After Dark.

00:14:27But the good news is, zombies don't read the comments.

00:14:29Zombies don't really read or write.

00:14:31So, I think that, therefore, I think Jerry really has nothing...

00:14:34No problems at all.

00:14:35And he has a gun, we seem to think.

00:14:38No?

00:14:39I think Jersey Jerry survives this.

00:14:41I think Jerry Thornton might be...

00:14:43Jerry Thornton's going to lose this with time.

00:14:45Yeah, I think Jersey Jerry would actually be pretty good.

00:14:47He definitely has a bunker.

00:14:49I would bet he has a bunker.

00:14:50Guns.

00:14:52Jerry Thornton is donezo.

00:14:54He's got an army.

00:14:55Yeah, Jerry is an army.

00:14:58Jerry Thornton's only hope is if they're the World War Z zombies.

00:15:03And they think he has, like, cancer or something.

00:15:07Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:15:09This guy is old as shit.

00:15:10He must have something sick.

00:15:12Let's leave him out.

00:15:14They're going to watch World War Z.

00:15:16The book's better than the book.

00:15:17The day has finally come.

00:15:18Alright, maybe I'll read the book.

00:15:19I've never read the book.

00:15:20World War Z book's incredible.

00:15:21Movie rocks.

00:15:22Nothing to do with it.

00:15:23It's like, they just took the name and that was it.

00:15:25I love that movie.

00:15:27I think you'd like the book.

00:15:28The book's really interesting.

00:15:29The book's really interesting.

00:15:30It's like an oral history of, like, a fake zombie attack.

00:15:33It's so interesting.

00:15:34So, Jerry Thornton's going to move on.

00:15:35Now we have the one-seat versus the 16-seat Cheyenne game.

00:15:37The Cheyenne game, we'll start off with some options.

00:15:39Let's do White Sox.

00:15:40Dave made it into the playing game.

00:15:42He's athletic, for sure.

00:15:44He's in the Nicky Smokes camp.

00:15:45Exactly.

00:15:46I was about to say.

00:15:47He's gone.

00:15:48Reegs.

00:15:49I have no idea how Reegs is playing.

00:15:51Reegs, I don't know.

00:15:52Reegs tore his ACL here playing basketball.

00:15:54Oh, that's true.

00:15:55Fuck, that's a good point.

00:15:56It wasn't even, like, a fast break or anything.

00:15:59That's so mean.

00:16:00Reegs also made the cut.

00:16:02How do we think Reegs' affairs in the zombie apocalypse?

00:16:05He has multiple weapons, I guess.

00:16:07I mean, I think Reegs' cottage is pretty armored up.

00:16:10I think he has an arsenal in there.

00:16:14They may think Reegs is a zombie, too, by just looking at him.

00:16:18We got this one already, boys.

00:16:20Reegs at least has one person that would die for him.

00:16:22Zombies eating, like, these tear ducts are so big.

00:16:25What the fuck?

00:16:27Stephen Chae made the cut on the Chae-ing game, as well.

00:16:30No, he's fucked.

00:16:31He's done.

00:16:32Nate, also in the play-ing game.

00:16:34He would be out instantly.

00:16:36I think he's a survivor, though.

00:16:39I think Nate might be the first zombie.

00:16:43Oh, fuck, we have a zombie now?

00:16:46It's fucking Nate?

00:16:47We were just doing...

00:16:48He'd be selling...

00:16:49You're a fucking zombie.

00:16:53Just my fucking luck.

00:16:56Like, 15 minutes ago, we were doing a KFC radio thing for Love is Blind.

00:17:01And we had to...

00:17:02Pavs had taken a bunch of our co-workers in the office

00:17:06and put them in a room and masked their voices,

00:17:08and we had to guess who was who based on three clues,

00:17:12like Love is Blind style.

00:17:13And after clue one, I went, Nate.

00:17:20It was...

00:17:21The voice was crazy distorted, all that stuff.

00:17:23You couldn't hear, you couldn't tell anything.

00:17:25But it was something to the effect of...

00:17:28They were giving fun facts about themselves,

00:17:30and it was something to the effect of...

00:17:32I got a handjob in the movie theater at Harry Potter,

00:17:36but I didn't come.

00:17:39That's Nate.

00:17:40Nate.

00:17:42Blutman also made the cut.

00:17:45Blutman's an interesting case.

00:17:46I don't really know...

00:17:47I feel like he's way...

00:17:49When I first saw a picture of him,

00:17:50I'm like, that's a large man that can't move.

00:17:52And then I saw him in person, I'm like, you're skinny.

00:17:54He's fat presenting.

00:17:55It's crazy.

00:17:56I've never seen it.

00:17:57He looks like the ghost of Christmas presents

00:18:00from the Muppets.

00:18:01Yes.

00:18:02But he's pitching to stay in the office 100 days,

00:18:04and he thinks it'll be very easy.

00:18:06He's a guy that could just hunker down somewhere.

00:18:08If he's pitching to stay in the office 100 days,

00:18:11I mean, that's...

00:18:12He wants to do it during the summer.

00:18:14He does not like the...

00:18:17I'm gonna stay in the office for 62 days,

00:18:19like a very oddly specific number,

00:18:21like just for the amount that your lease was up for.

00:18:24Is he talking about like not going outside,

00:18:25or is he just like...

00:18:26Yeah, yes.

00:18:27No outside.

00:18:28So he's...

00:18:29Not only is he good in the office,

00:18:30he doesn't leave the office.

00:18:31Yeah, and he would prefer that, according to him.

00:18:33He may be translucent.

00:18:35His skin tone wouldn't change at all.

00:18:36Well, he said he's done 100 days straight...

00:18:39He said he's done 100 days straight indoors a few times.

00:18:44Accidentally.

00:18:45What does that mean, dude?

00:18:47He's done it a few times?

00:18:49He had nowhere to go for three months?

00:18:52Was he in an iron hunger?

00:18:53Yeah, he hasn't left besides to get the mail.

00:18:56A full season.

00:18:57The mail!

00:18:59Robbie Fox.

00:19:00So I asked him about it, he said,

00:19:01yeah, I'd be done pretty quickly.

00:19:02He confirmed it himself.

00:19:04And Josh Richards also...

00:19:06Oh, he'd do great.

00:19:08Josh Richards also made the cut.

00:19:10So for our chain game again,

00:19:11White Sox, Dave, Reegs, Riggs, Stephen Shea,

00:19:14Nate, Blutman, Robbie Fox, or Josh Richards,

00:19:17which one of these would be least likely

00:19:19to survive these apocalypse fights?

00:19:21Blutman.

00:19:22Blutman.

00:19:23Blutman willing to stay inside for 100 days.

00:19:25At least likely.

00:19:26At least likely.

00:19:27Oh, yes, yes, I keep fucking that up, I'm sorry.

00:19:30It was White Sox, Dave, Reegs, Riggs, Stephen Shea,

00:19:32Nate, Blutman, Robbie Fox, Josh Richards.

00:19:35I'm gonna go with Dave.

00:19:36White Sox, Dave?

00:19:37I agree.

00:19:38He is, again, that Nicky Smokes camper who does hurt.

00:19:40Tommy?

00:19:41Nate.

00:19:42There's no way this is like Nate's big break.

00:19:44It's like he's...

00:19:45That would be kind of funny, though.

00:19:47Nate's big break is he survives kind of long

00:19:50in the zombie apocalypse.

00:19:53Dave's stealing my glitter.

00:19:56Dave's a zombie, I'm not a zombie.

00:19:58Dave, did you do Nate breaking to us that he got bit?

00:20:04So, I'm a zombie.

00:20:07But, like, I'm not even gonna be a good one.

00:20:10I bet I'm gonna be a slow zombie.

00:20:13You're like one of those, like, you do the bit

00:20:15where he, like, pulled the sleeve, he's like,

00:20:16so I did a thing?

00:20:17Yeah.

00:20:18On his arm.

00:20:19It's just like...

00:20:22One for Nate, one for Dave.

00:20:25It's really between those two for me, too.

00:20:27I mean, Nate...

00:20:28Nate would also...

00:20:29I think Nate would just not want to live in that world, either.

00:20:32So I think Nate would just quit.

00:20:33He'd just throw himself to the zombies very easily.

00:20:35But I just can't get that image out of my mind

00:20:37of White Sox Dave trying to fight them.

00:20:39So, White Sox Dave.

00:20:40Two for White Sox Dave.

00:20:41White Sox Dave challenges one to an arm wrestling match.

00:20:44That's a pitching competition.

00:20:47I think White Sox Dave is built for this.

00:20:49He's better off in that world than this one.

00:20:52This is his worst case scenario.

00:20:55His current reality.

00:20:58There's a billion White Sox Daves in the multiverse.

00:21:02The billions.

00:21:03This is the best dimensional Dave.

00:21:05The best dimensional Dave is a zombie.

00:21:07Like, this is his hell right now.

00:21:10Yeah, he would be...

00:21:13Like...

00:21:15I think he'd be excellent.

00:21:16He'd be my number two to do fine behind Blutman.

00:21:19I've got to give this one to Nate.

00:21:21Two for Nate, two for Dave.

00:21:22She's never going to text me back.

00:21:27I don't know if he's the worst of this crop,

00:21:29but I think Nate will perform the best

00:21:31in the semis or the finals.

00:21:33I want to see him advance.

00:21:35Three for Nate. Danny?

00:21:37I mean, Blutman can hunker down,

00:21:39but once he gets confronted by zombies,

00:21:40I think he's fucked.

00:21:41But they also might be like,

00:21:42wait, did we get this guy yet?

00:21:45Dave, I think, would purposely want to be a zombie

00:21:49just to get back at all the humans who did him wrong.

00:21:51I think he wants to be the leader of the zombies.

00:21:54So I think Dave could survive fine in an apocalypse,

00:21:57but I don't think he would want to.

00:21:58So for that reason, I'm going to choose him.

00:22:00What's the best time for Dave to live?

00:22:02I'm thinking maybe the Middle Ages.

00:22:03Like, what is the best time for Dave,

00:22:05White Sox Dave, to have been alive?

00:22:07Stone Age.

00:22:08He's that far back.

00:22:09He looks like a medieval peasant.

00:22:11Yes, he does.

00:22:13Absolutely.

00:22:14He's got peasant face.

00:22:15Surf.

00:22:16He looks like a surf.

00:22:17Yeah, big time surf face.

00:22:19So it is tied up between Dave and Nate.

00:22:22I'll go with Nate as well.

00:22:23I do think that there is just like that.

00:22:25I want to see him move further on in this,

00:22:28and he's going to have kind of like a battle.

00:22:29Watching him get ripped to shreds.

00:22:32Ow!

00:22:34His facial expression would not change.

00:22:36He'd just be exasperated by it.

00:22:39Yeah.

00:22:40Zombies trying to steal my glitter.

00:22:42Dave didn't invite me to the house.

00:22:47Only invited Gaz.

00:22:49So Nate is going to go up against our number one seed.

00:22:53I think, Moyni, you can guess who it is.

00:22:55Meekville?

00:22:56No.

00:22:57Mincy.

00:22:58It's Mincy.

00:22:59I don't know if he should be there.

00:23:01I don't know.

00:23:02You don't think Mincy should be the one seed?

00:23:04I think Mincy would last longer than you might think.

00:23:07He does have that accidental luck.

00:23:09Yeah.

00:23:10True.

00:23:11That's true.

00:23:12He also can run for a long time.

00:23:13That's true.

00:23:14Yes.

00:23:15Mincy versus Nate.

00:23:16Which one of these would be less likely to survive than a zombie apocalypse?

00:23:21Me?

00:23:22Yeah.

00:23:23Oh.

00:23:25A lot of these is like,

00:23:27if they're right off the bat,

00:23:29in a room with zombies,

00:23:31they'd be fucked, obviously.

00:23:33It's a matter of where they are.

00:23:34I think Mincy could get fooled easily by a zombie.

00:23:39If they're still wearing their street clothes,

00:23:41they'd be like,

00:23:42hey, fella, how you doing?

00:23:43And I'll say,

00:23:44so for that reason alone.

00:23:46Start talking pelicans with a zombie.

00:23:48Yeah.

00:23:49It'd be like five minutes,

00:23:51and this poor zombie is just listening to Mincy go on for 20 minutes.

00:23:54He could kill the zombies.

00:23:55He doesn't even know.

00:23:56By talking about himself.

00:23:57I'm going to go,

00:23:58but I'm going to go with Mincy.

00:24:00One for Mincy.

00:24:02KB.

00:24:03Yeah, I think Mincy is impervious to any form of medical or physical attack.

00:24:08He'd be very, very okay.

00:24:11So I'm going to go Nate.

00:24:13You're going to go with Nate one to one right now.

00:24:15Nick.

00:24:17Yeah, Mince.

00:24:19Mince would be good.

00:24:22I think he can live in any climate.

00:24:24I think he can adapt.

00:24:27He doesn't need much.

00:24:30He would still just be roaming alongside them.

00:24:32Yeah.

00:24:33He would start telling the zombies some story.

00:24:37You have to be self-sufficient, right?

00:24:39You can't just tweet a restaurant and get a free meal.

00:24:44And we've seen him cook.

00:24:46I'd imagine, right?

00:24:47Oh, yes.

00:24:48Grilled cheese.

00:24:49Yes.

00:24:51So I think he'd be fine off the git while there's still supplies.

00:24:56While he still had supplies.

00:24:58After that, I think,

00:25:00he couldn't start a fire.

00:25:02Couldn't cook anything.

00:25:05Would probably not drink fresh water.

00:25:08No.

00:25:11Yeah, I'm going Mince.

00:25:12You're going with Mince two to one in favor of Mince right now.

00:25:17So, I think Mince would last longer than Nate.

00:25:20But what we would do Mince in is that Mince would go up...

00:25:22Mince needs to go up to everybody and talk to them.

00:25:24So he just eventually would go up to a zombie and then just get his neck beaten off.

00:25:27Beaten off?

00:25:32Beaten off my neck.

00:25:33Oh, man.

00:25:34He'd have a hundred zombies on him and be like,

00:25:36the people love me.

00:25:41So I don't think Nate would last very long at all.

00:25:43I think Nate's a first day.

00:25:45You think he's a day one?

00:25:47Day one or day two.

00:25:48Yeah, plus it's hard for us in New York.

00:25:49I think a lot of us are kind of in trouble anyway.

00:25:51But I don't think Nate wants to live in that world.

00:25:53I think Nate would just give up.

00:25:54He'd just run into the zombies eventually.

00:25:56So we are two to two.

00:25:57Yeah, I think Mince has that accidental X factor.

00:26:01And there's also a chance Mince has put so much stuff in his body through the years

00:26:04that he's immune to a zombie bite somehow.

00:26:07I could see him though just getting eaten and just being like,

00:26:09please don't tell Big Cat.

00:26:10Don't tell Big Cat about this.

00:26:14Nate has no chance.

00:26:15So I'll go with Nate.

00:26:16Three for Nate.

00:26:17Two for Mince.

00:26:18I'm going with Mince.

00:26:19I think that Mince is particularly fucked if he saw a concert in the last week.

00:26:25Because then he's just going to be roaming around looking for a conversation.

00:26:29And I think that's going to end poorly for him.

00:26:31So I think Mince would willingly go into a conversation with a zombie

00:26:35if he thought there was even a chance a zombie would listen to him.

00:26:38If he had a Grateful Dead t-shirt on or whatever.

00:26:41You ever heard of hogs for a cough?

00:26:44Fuck, I really don't want to come down to a tie,

00:26:45but we're tied between Mince and Nate.

00:26:48I think I'll go with Mince because of the X factor of him fucking up

00:26:53and dying earlier than Nate.

00:26:55Yeah, we've all watched Mince for three years, four years,

00:26:58however long it's been.

00:27:00Observed, yeah.

00:27:01There's nothing to suggest he won't fuck up.

00:27:05But I see Mince as accidentally surviving,

00:27:09but still being the last one to realize there's a zombie apocalypse.

00:27:15Mince would get so many people killed.

00:27:16Collapsing behind him.

00:27:18But Mince's life is accidentally falling upwards.

00:27:21He could do that in an apocalypse.

00:27:22There's no Dave in this situation.

00:27:23I don't think he could do that.

00:27:24There's such a small margin for error,

00:27:25and he fucks up the most simple of things.

00:27:27True.

00:27:28It's very true.

00:27:29So Mince is going to move on.

00:27:30Now on the other side, we have the 11 seed versus the 6 seed.

00:27:34Very close to not even being eligible for this bracket.

00:27:37Glennie Balls makes it as the 11 seed,

00:27:40going up against the number 6 seed.

00:27:41And I'll say, out of experience from Turkey,

00:27:44I ended up seeding him higher.

00:27:46Eddie.

00:27:47So Glennie versus Eddie, brothers in arms,

00:27:48going up against each other.

00:27:5011 versus the 6 seed.

00:27:51Starting with you.

00:27:52Fights.

00:27:53Glennie.

00:27:54Glennie for sure?

00:27:55Yeah.

00:27:56Glennie, I just, I think Eddie is a pretty smart guy.

00:28:02I think Eddie's a reliable guy, functional guy.

00:28:07I don't really see much of that from Glennie.

00:28:10And I think that Glennie, what we're talking about,

00:28:13could very easily just see a pair of tits.

00:28:18Glennie might give himself the virus.

00:28:20He might start sucking a pair of zombie tits.

00:28:23And just get the poison out of that.

00:28:25Reverse zombie?

00:28:26Glennie shows up, he's like, I'm a zombie.

00:28:27Like, how?

00:28:28He's like, they actually didn't bite me.

00:28:30I bit them.

00:28:32Yeah, I bit them.

00:28:33One for Glennie.

00:28:34Yeah, Glennie's one line of defense would be asking his mom

00:28:37if she could get rid of the zombies.

00:28:40And once that failed, Glennie would be in deep trouble.

00:28:42So I'm going to go with Glennie.

00:28:44See, the reason I put Eddie higher is because in Turkey,

00:28:48he would just be in a big group.

00:28:50Our strength was in numbers.

00:28:51And he would just wander off.

00:28:53Eddie is the biggest wanderer.

00:28:55Just disappear.

00:28:56And I'm like, we can't have that in a zombie.

00:28:58We were in Tampa for Dana's 11th fake bachelor party.

00:29:00And it was like 3 a.m. one night.

00:29:02And we were all off doing some things, having fun.

00:29:06And then we come back and we meet in the living room.

00:29:10And we're like, where the fuck is the car?

00:29:12The car is gone and the gate is broken.

00:29:15And every Uber driver we had was like, you're in a really bad area.

00:29:18Just so you know.

00:29:19You're in a really, really bad area.

00:29:20We're like, oh, my God.

00:29:22Our car was stolen.

00:29:23Our car was stolen.

00:29:24Waking everyone up.

00:29:25And then we go to Eddie's room.

00:29:26He's gone.

00:29:27He's like, oh, yeah, I'm at Waffle House.

00:29:29I took the car to Waffle House.

00:29:31Didn't tell anybody.

00:29:33We would just turn around and he'd be gone.

00:29:35And we're like, we're in fucking the Middle East, basically.

00:29:38You can't do this.

00:29:40So two for Glennie right now.

00:29:42Yeah, Glennie.

00:29:43I think Eddie's a pretty savvy guy.

00:29:44He's a smart guy.

00:29:45I think Eddie would be able to figure some stuff out.

00:29:46He doesn't move particularly fast, but he can figure stuff out.

00:29:49I think Glennie, like Tommy said, you have to ask his mom something.

00:29:55No, Glennie is one of the people that would go the quickest this whole practice.

00:29:59Three for Glennie.

00:30:00You put all Italian men would go pretty quick.

00:30:02Yeah.

00:30:03For the most part.

00:30:06I don't think it's physical strengths.

00:30:10It's self-reliance.

00:30:12And I think Ed is like a cat.

00:30:16He'll divvy out his food.

00:30:18He'll clean himself.

00:30:20He'll shit in a corner.

00:30:21He's great at cleaning himself.

00:30:22Loves lasagna.

00:30:23Loves lasagna.

00:30:24Hates Mondays.

00:30:29Ed would be good.

00:30:30I would want Ed to be my partner in this.

00:30:32So I got to go Glenn.

00:30:34Glenn, KB.

00:30:36Yeah, I don't think Glenn would stoop down this low.

00:30:39I think apocalyptic warfare would be too low grade for him.

00:30:45Is Theo Vaughn going to be there?

00:30:49Now if he gets on a Jimmy John yacht for this, he could survive for a little bit.

00:30:56He didn't have the thumb dexterity to ignite a lighter.

00:31:00That's tough.

00:31:02So we're all Glennie right now.

00:31:03Danny?

00:31:05Yeah, the zombies would be coming, and Eddie would be like,

00:31:07don't worry, I have an apocalypse guy.

00:31:11Then it'd be like his drywall guy, and he would die.

00:31:14But he's like the planner of the group.

00:31:16He's pulling the strings.

00:31:18Now if somehow Nashville was a sanctuary city,

00:31:21then Glennie would do very well.

00:31:24Again, if he could get onto Jimmy John's yacht, he'd be set.

00:31:27Yeah, Glennie would be like Danny McBride at the end of This is the End,

00:31:30where he just overtakes all of them.

00:31:32He's their leader now.

00:31:34Yeah, I was about to say Caleb on a leash.

00:31:36So now we have three versus the 14 seed.

00:31:38The three seed is Big Ev.

00:31:40Big Ev, another one owned, is like, you've got to put him up high.

00:31:43And I was like, yeah, I think he got it.

00:31:45Between the Bell's palsy, and now on top of everything else,

00:31:49there's just not a lot working in his favor.

00:31:51And he's going up against, it's actually a pretty tough matchup,

00:31:54Tommy Smokes, our 14 seed.

00:31:58Tommy, you'd catch it without getting bit.

00:32:01I'd catch the zombie cold.

00:32:05So Big Ev versus Tommy Smokes, start with you, Danny.

00:32:08I got to go Big Ev.

00:32:10Not just because Tommy's in the room.

00:32:12I think he's, I don't know him too well, but I guess I'm stereotyping.

00:32:18You're calling Big Ev big?

00:32:23So one for Big Ev, KB.

00:32:25Oh man, Tommy, pitch me on you.

00:32:29I mean, I wouldn't fare particularly well in a zombie apocalypse.

00:32:33I won't say that.

00:32:34I think you'd do okay, too.

00:32:35Yeah, you know what Tommy does?

00:32:37He fucking wins.

00:32:39So I could find a way to be savvy and tactical.

00:32:43There's a chance I would check out and be like, this ain't for me.

00:32:45But if I wanted to, I'm a good hider.

00:32:47I was always very good at hide and seek.

00:32:49Are you going to convince zombie Brianna Chickenfry you played a better game than me?

00:32:53Even though you called her stupid to her face 30 seconds earlier?

00:32:56That's my one play as a zombie to last.

00:33:00Fake idol for the zombie.

00:33:01Imagine you see zombie D'Amico Rines.

00:33:05Eat me up, baby.

00:33:08But yeah, I mean, well, I guess I'm not voting.

00:33:12Yeah, no, I think you could be good at strategically hiding.

00:33:15You'd be a mess, though.

00:33:17Yeah, I think all of us would be a mess in a zombie apocalypse.

00:33:21Seeing you at the beginning of COVID, you were the first person taking COVID seriously.

00:33:26It was one of my greatest calls ever.

00:33:29You were like prepping.

00:33:31Tommy's wearing a mask.

00:33:32You'd be ready for this.

00:33:35So you're going to go with Big Ev then, KB?

00:33:37Yeah, I'm going to give him the W.

00:33:40Nick?

00:33:41I think Tommy would be fantastic at this.

00:33:49Really?

00:33:50He's so overly cautious about minor things.

00:33:53Imagine a world ending event.

00:33:57That's a really good point.

00:33:58And he's such an egomaniac.

00:34:00Tommy dying is like he.

00:34:03The fans would never allow it.

00:34:05It would happen.

00:34:07They'd be so mad.

00:34:09The zombies would be like, just stick with us.

00:34:11Do some Thursday thoughts for us when we're bored.

00:34:14You would be the best.

00:34:16Yeah, I will.

00:34:17You would be really good.

00:34:19Should I ask Chachi, BT?

00:34:21I do want a zombie apocalypse.

00:34:22No, we don't need to do that.

00:34:24Three for Big Ev.

00:34:26It's the worst thing about him.

00:34:27It's the worst thing about him.

00:34:29By the way, Tommy, we're now at the point where we're talking on your back about how stupid Chachi is.

00:34:32The Chachi, BT thing is?

00:34:33Yes.

00:34:34Clemmer?

00:34:35Tommy, I think, would be...

00:34:37Tommy is like the anti-Nicky Smokes in that he is always afraid of everything.

00:34:43And I think fear is a good thing in a zombie apocalypse.

00:34:46Plus, Tommy's pretty smart.

00:34:47Tommy's pretty savvy.

00:34:48I think Tommy would do pretty well.

00:34:51He's also, like you guys said, incredibly selfish.

00:34:53So he would easily throw many people to the zombies.

00:34:56He would do whatever it took to survive.

00:34:58He'd hide a bite.

00:35:00Oh my goodness.

00:35:02Without a doubt.

00:35:06It's just a fool.

00:35:08I fell down the stairs.

00:35:10He would lead zombies to an orphanage before he would get bit himself.

00:35:14So I think Tommy would do pretty well.

00:35:16That bite mark on your neck.

00:35:17Oh, some hot chick.

00:35:19Tall girl to shore.

00:35:20You know how Tommy does.

00:35:21Whatever stupid thing he says.

00:35:23So yeah, I think Big Ev would be worse off here.

00:35:26Big Ev, Tommy.

00:35:27Yeah, Chachi, BT agrees.

00:35:28I'd do pretty well.

00:35:30Basically what Nick said, where the paranoia could actually work in my favor.

00:35:34So yeah, I'm gonna go with Big Ev is worse.

00:35:37Yeah, I mean, I think we've all hammered it.

00:35:39Tommy's terrified of the world he currently lives in.

00:35:42So the zombie apocalypse, he'd do pretty well.

00:35:45So Big Ev's gonna move on.

00:35:47Now we have the Ten Seed versus the Seven Seed.

00:35:48The Ten Seed is Joey Camasta.

00:35:50Joey Camasta, a man just too used to the comforts of the modern world, I would say.

00:35:55To survive in this sort of world.

00:35:57Going up against the number seven seed.

00:35:59Now this is an interesting one.

00:36:00Dante the Don.

00:36:02Oh, I think he would do quite well.

00:36:05But the thought process, I think he shouldn't have been, but I was convinced otherwise.

00:36:09The zombies really want brains that bad.

00:36:12Dante's the dumbest guy alive.

00:36:14Dante would see one single tweet that's like, the zombies are actually nice.

00:36:16And he'd be like, oh, never mind.

00:36:17These guys are fucking great.

00:36:19He'd be whining about tax dollars.

00:36:22Dante's gonna have a mean tweet about this in about four to five weeks.

00:36:26Getting all those people to look cool.

00:36:29No, Dante would not fare well.

00:36:31He'd like to think he does because he's a prepper and all that stuff.

00:36:35It does not matter.

00:36:36Dante would fail horribly at this.

00:36:39One for Dante.

00:36:41Who's he up against?

00:36:42Joey.

00:36:43I think Joey would do worse.

00:36:45I think Joey would do really bad.

00:36:47I mean, we've seen what a virus does to the gay community.

00:36:51That's a great point.

00:36:52That's a great point.

00:37:00I mean, let's end the show.

00:37:01We're not gonna beat that.

00:37:04That's as good as it gets right there.

00:37:07Yeah, Joey would do worse.

00:37:09Joey would do worse, one to one.

00:37:13Dante would get killed because Dante would never believe this is a zombie virus.

00:37:16Dante would believe that it's actually a conspiracy theory.

00:37:19There's no such thing as zombies.

00:37:21Dante would try to live his regular life, go to his restaurant, he would get bitten.

00:37:24So I think why Joey would do horribly.

00:37:26Dante does have a go bag, though.

00:37:28But Dante wouldn't think it's a real thing.

00:37:30Dante would be like, this is the mainstream media lying to us about zombies.

00:37:34And he would die.

00:37:36So we are two to one in favor of Dante.

00:37:37Nick?

00:37:38It depends on how fast this virus spreads, right?

00:37:42So if Dante gets wind of it before CNN, then he'll do fine.

00:37:48But the second it's on television, he's like, no.

00:37:51No.

00:37:52Right.

00:37:53Yeah, Dante, it depends if he has access to podcasts or social media.

00:37:57Because then he'll, I don't know, it would not be good for Dante.

00:38:02Dante needs to hear about it in an Elon Musk reply from a guy with 87 followers.

00:38:08I would imagine Dante has, I'd imagine he's cautious supply wise.

00:38:13I bet you he has, you know, maybe some canned goods, some water.

00:38:17Joey doesn't.

00:38:20He just Uber Eats.

00:38:21He Uber Eats a zombie over.

00:38:23His driver would be a zombie.

00:38:24He'd be done.

00:38:26Joey.

00:38:27Two to two right now.

00:38:28Joey would die like that.

00:38:29You're right.

00:38:30He would not stop his Uber Eats.

00:38:32No.

00:38:33I get it.

00:38:34But Dante doesn't have information, which I feel like is hugely important.

00:38:40I am not befouling the dead.

00:38:42No, Dante.

00:38:43I disavow.

00:38:44Feidelberg is dead to me.

00:38:46Dante came on our show once.

00:38:48It was so quick.

00:38:49I used to think of Dante as like, all right, maybe he's getting different information.

00:38:54But like, you know, whatever.

00:38:55He's at least reading up on stuff.

00:38:57And he wanted to talk about the Boeing stuff.

00:38:59So he came on our show.

00:39:01And I read one single article.

00:39:04And I listed like three things that helped me believe what I believe.

00:39:08And he was just like, well, I didn't know you were going to do research for this.

00:39:11It's old school.

00:39:14It's old school.

00:39:16I was like, what do you mean?

00:39:17Did you want him to come on and do this?

00:39:19Those are like PDs for him.

00:39:21Dante's trying to publish an apocalypse blog, but he can't because Nate already got bit.

00:39:26Yeah.

00:39:27No, because Nate is fine.

00:39:29He's just not letting it through.

00:39:32Two to two, KB.

00:39:34Yeah, I think Dante would do everything right.

00:39:38Joey's out instantly.

00:39:43Three for Joey.

00:39:44Danny.

00:39:45I almost think Dante would be like so prepared that he'd end up doing bad.

00:39:50Like the kid who was like so focused on studying for the exam,

00:39:52but then he does worse than the kid who didn't even try.

00:39:55I feel like that's what would happen to Dante.

00:39:58So I'm going Dante.

00:39:59Three to three.

00:40:02We're three to three again.

00:40:03I think I'm going to move forward Dante.

00:40:05I think that this is going to be an interesting.

00:40:09It would be difficult for him with the lack of information or the misinformation.

00:40:12He'd read someone say somewhere that if you fucking tap them on the head like a shark,

00:40:17they'll deactivate.

00:40:18And he'd go and try and he'd die.

00:40:20Yeah, he's getting his information from zombies.

00:40:23Yeah, exactly.

00:40:24He'd also get thrown to the zombies by people he was with because he would be whining.

00:40:29This is more like football.

00:40:30You're too close to him.

00:40:31Shut the fuck up, dude.

00:40:34Dante, I disavow.

00:40:36This is going to be a name show.

00:40:37And you know great restaurants, don't you?

00:40:40So Dante's going to move on.

00:40:41Now we have the two seed versus the 15 seed.

00:40:43The two seed is Lil Sass.

00:40:45Ooh, Lil Sass ain't going to make it.

00:40:46Lil Sass is not going to make it.

00:40:49And Lil Sass is going up against the number 15 seed, Frank the Tank.

00:40:53I can't believe Meek Phil wasn't on here.

00:40:55Meek Phil would have been my 1-1.

00:40:57When you said his name, I was like, I probably should have...

00:40:59Meek would have been the least likely to survive?

00:41:01Yeah.

00:41:02I don't know.

00:41:03Meek doesn't leave the house.

00:41:04He's inept.

00:41:05I hope he doesn't leave the house, though.

00:41:06He's in the Blutman tier where it's like he's indoors all the time.

00:41:09Yeah, but that would eventually get to his house.

00:41:12Well, it's saying it would happen in Blutman.

00:41:13But I think it would take a while to get to his house, though.

00:41:16I don't know. He lives in Queens.

00:41:17I know, but I think people would get themselves killed first.

00:41:20Yeah, maybe.

00:41:21I think Meek would just hide away until he got eaten.

00:41:24I think the Sass one is interesting because he's like,

00:41:26Oh, I have to worry about zombies?

00:41:28I'm telling you right now, he would hate it.

00:41:31He wouldn't any of them.

00:41:32He would hate it.

00:41:33I think he would do very well.

00:41:35Really?

00:41:36Yeah.

00:41:37Sass is a bit of an outdoorsman.

00:41:38Really?

00:41:39Yeah, he ought to be catching debones.

00:41:41Sass likes fishing.

00:41:42Sass is a good...

00:41:43Golf doesn't apply, but he's still outdoors at least.

00:41:45Sass, I think, would do significantly better than Frank.

00:41:50I don't think he's the best of what we listed,

00:41:52but I think Sass is towards the top of our options so far.

00:41:55Now, Sass would act like it's more of an inconvenience for him than anybody else.

00:41:59Yes.

00:42:00You guys don't believe what I'm dealing with.

00:42:05So we'll start with you then, Fights,

00:42:06and we'll just do one for Frank the Tank.

00:42:07Yeah, Frank for sure.

00:42:08Tommy.

00:42:09Although Frank does come with four full-time employees that work for him.

00:42:12Right, like Janks, Mikey Betts,

00:42:14they're both throwing themselves in front of zombies.

00:42:16Yes, absolutely.

00:42:17And that is a huge thing to consider.

00:42:18Little Sass, I think his apathy would get the best of him here.

00:42:21I think he would just be too in a Call of Duty Warzone match

00:42:25and be like, I'm not leaving my F4.

00:42:27Well, one thing that is hugely important in a zombie apocalypse

00:42:31is the ability to stay silent.

00:42:33That is true.

00:42:34And that is not something Frank possesses.

00:42:36That's a great point.

00:42:37He's a motherfucking zombie.

00:42:38You know what, you've swung it.

00:42:40I want to see Frank blame Mikey Betts for the apocalypse though.

00:42:43I fucking told you to post it on time!

00:42:47Now look, how many times have you been sitting in his office

00:42:49and just thought, well, that guy shut the fuck up.

00:42:52Now I'll picture it in a zombie apocalypse.

00:42:54Yeah, exactly.

00:42:56So two for Frank the Tank.

00:42:58You would also very clearly be able to tell which zombie is Frank the Tank.

00:43:02I'm pretty sure that zombie is Frank the Tank.

00:43:05That would be so fun.

00:43:07With the glasses to give away.

00:43:08Tattered mesh jacket.

00:43:09He'd be the greatest walker of all time.

00:43:12As far as their Walking Dead goes.

00:43:15Frank is not an outdoorsman at all.

00:43:17Frank is very reliant on the luxuries we have in modern society.

00:43:23I don't think he would do very well at all.

00:43:25You guys said Sass does like to go outdoors, right?

00:43:28I did.

00:43:29Sass loves fishing.

00:43:31He went on a camping trip around Iceland.

00:43:34Yeah, I think Sass would actually do okay.

00:43:36Frank is very reliant on our comforts now.

00:43:41So I think Frank would not do well.

00:43:43Three for Frank.

00:43:44Nick.

00:43:49In this scenario, do they get accessories?

00:43:52Does Frank get jenks?

00:43:54I think he gets jenks and monkey butts.

00:43:56That would help him a lot.

00:43:58I don't know.

00:43:59They're attached to him.

00:44:00They would be with him, probably.

00:44:02But Frank doesn't listen to them.

00:44:04So they would only do it.

00:44:06That's true.

00:44:08They're only going as far as Frank's apart.

00:44:10I need a Frank zombie movie somewhere.

00:44:12The only fair accessory to give Frank is his chew toy.

00:44:15That's great for the zombie.

00:44:18He's shoving it in mouths like Brad Pitt in World War Z,

00:44:22taping his arm up.

00:44:24I think he gets jenks, at least.

00:44:27They're attached at the hip.

00:44:29He could have jenks.

00:44:30I don't even want to make a difference.

00:44:31No one else in this gets a partner.

00:44:32No one else has someone that basically lives with them full time.

00:44:36Yeah, nobody else in this company has a jenk.

00:44:39Some of us do have spouses.

00:44:41That's not the same as having jenks.

00:44:43Yeah, it's like a bedside nurse.

00:44:45I really do think it wouldn't matter,

00:44:47because jenks are just going to have to do what Frank does anyway.

00:44:50So nothing changes.

00:44:52Just now you have two deaths very quickly instead of one.

00:44:54So we're three for Frank the Tank, Nick.

00:44:56Sass would be very good.

00:44:58You've got to go Tank here.

00:45:00Tank, KB?

00:45:01Yeah, I think Sass would be like Tommy.

00:45:03He has a champion's mindset.

00:45:06Frank would go out loud.

00:45:09His demise would be the incontinence.

00:45:12It's fucking Jeff McNeil's fault.

00:45:18So you're going with Frank.

00:45:20Danny?

00:45:21At some point, Frank is going to have to kill Mikey Batts

00:45:25the same way Will Smith does the dog in I Am Legend.

00:45:28He'd be happy to kill Mikey Batts.

00:45:30I also see Frank having zero will to live after 48 hours.

00:45:34He gets very frustrated.

00:45:36The Mets aren't playing.

00:45:37He wants no part of this world.

00:45:39That's a good point.

00:45:40Frank is going to move on, and now we can do our playoffs,

00:45:43the first of which being Nicky Smokes versus Dana Beers.

00:45:46Which one is less likely to survive?

00:45:48Danny?

00:45:49Less likely I'm going to go Smokes for reasons we named before.

00:45:52He'll be too motivated to show off how many zombies he kills,

00:45:56and all it takes is one little bite.

00:45:57I think Dana's a little smarter than that.

00:45:59Sorry in advance, Nicky Smokes.

00:46:01One for Nicky Smokes, KB.

00:46:03Yep, Smokes is out.

00:46:04Smokes is out.

00:46:05Nick?

00:46:06He is out so fast.

00:46:11Yeah, it's Smokes.

00:46:13Three for Nicky Smokes.

00:46:14He also doesn't pay attention to any advice given to him, I think.

00:46:18No, all of them do the opposite.

00:46:20We were told all these rules with the hair transplant, like,

00:46:23don't do this, don't do this, don't do this.

00:46:25He did all of it.

00:46:26Everything they said not to do, he did.

00:46:28Like, don't go, don't do any physical activity.

00:46:30Don't smoke, smoke.

00:46:31Don't drink, drink.

00:46:32Like, every single thing down the line, he did it.

00:46:34It was incredible.

00:46:35No, Nicky Smokes, for sure.

00:46:36Nicky Smokes.

00:46:37Yeah, Nicky Smokes would be in his car doing one of his videos

00:46:40where he's talking about how it's going to be a biblical winter

00:46:42of zombie pussy.

00:46:43And he'd, like, get eaten right away.

00:46:45More pussy for the rest of us boys.

00:46:47Yeah.

00:46:49So Nicky Smokes is going to move on.

00:46:50Now we have Mincy versus Jerry Thornton.

00:46:52Before we move on to Nicky Smokes, I have a question.

00:46:54Do you think Nicky Smokes took your nickname

00:46:57or do you think you aged out of it?

00:47:00Explain.

00:47:01Well, because I don't think anyone really calls you.

00:47:03I don't think people ever really called me Smokes as, like,

00:47:07a replacement of Tommy.

00:47:08But it was Tommy Smokes.

00:47:09Now everyone just calls you Tommy.

00:47:10Tommy, yeah.

00:47:11Tommy, but he's still Tommy Smokes.

00:47:13Yeah, still Tommy Smokes.

00:47:14But people refer to me as Tommy, yeah.

00:47:15Yeah, but maybe it's just a, I feel like that happened

00:47:19once Nicky Smokes came here.

00:47:21But I think, I don't think he actually took it.

00:47:23I think you kind of just became your own thing.

00:47:25Tommy Smokes was, like, part of being, like, Dave's guy.

00:47:28And now you're just Tommy.

00:47:29Interesting.

00:47:30I was just because I was posting hot girls on Instagram.

00:47:33Are you mad he has the same name as you?

00:47:35No.

00:47:36You didn't seem to care, right?

00:47:37It doesn't really affect me in any way, shape, or form.

00:47:41If I was losing sleep over Nicky Smokes also having Smokes

00:47:44in his nickname.

00:47:45Yeah.

00:47:46You never cared.

00:47:47No.

00:47:48So fights, Mincy versus Jerry Thornton, battle of the ages.

00:47:51The only thing I care about is when he started a podcast

00:47:53called The Smoke Show.

00:47:54I said, maybe we could change the name of that.

00:48:00Mincy or Jerry Thornton.

00:48:02I'm going to go Mincy would be worse.

00:48:04Mincy would be worse.

00:48:05Why over Jerry?

00:48:06I don't really know.

00:48:07I just think this doesn't really apply at all.

00:48:10But Jerry's son was in the military.

00:48:12So I assume he's taught him some of those kinds of things.

00:48:14Yes.

00:48:15Yeah.

00:48:16So one for Mincy.

00:48:17That's enough for me.

00:48:19I'm just trying to imagine, like, Mincy seeing a zombie

00:48:21for the first time.

00:48:22If they could make a really funny noise.

00:48:25It'd be an interesting cover.

00:48:27Yeah, like I said earlier, Mincy's going to try to talk

00:48:29to every zombie you can find.

00:48:30And that wouldn't last very long.

00:48:31Mincy.

00:48:32Nick?

00:48:34Mincy can't open a box.

00:48:37That's a great point, too.

00:48:41Mince.

00:48:42Another for Mincy.

00:48:43KB?

00:48:44Yeah, Mince.

00:48:45And I apologize to Thornton.

00:48:46I think he'd be really good at this.

00:48:48Danny?

00:48:49Yeah, Mincy would be so eager to get all the free shit,

00:48:51all the abandoned stores.

00:48:52I think he'd end up getting bit real quick.

00:48:56Mincy's going to move on.

00:48:57So it's Mincy versus Nicky Smokes.

00:48:58Mincy would also countlessly be telling the zombies

00:49:00where he is.

00:49:01I don't know if they have...

00:49:02I know where Mince is at any given moment, basically.

00:49:05He's always tweeting where a restaurant or what town he's in.

00:49:08If the zombies are after him, they'll find him very easily.

00:49:11Pretty quickly.

00:49:12So Mincy versus Nicky Smokes to go into the final.

00:49:14Danny?

00:49:17Nicky Smokes.

00:49:19Nicky Smokes.

00:49:20Again, I think he's just eager to showboat,

00:49:22flaunt his skills for no reason.

00:49:24He's going to cost him.

00:49:26Nicky Smokes, one vote.

00:49:27Nicky Smokes, one vote.

00:49:28KB?

00:49:29Smokes versus who?

00:49:30Mincy.

00:49:31Benjamin.

00:49:35I think Smokes could have a hot streak,

00:49:37but if it's who's more likely to survive the whole thing,

00:49:40it's going to be Mincy.

00:49:42That's another for Nicky Smokes.

00:49:43He's going to love this.

00:49:44It depends, man.

00:49:46If the zombies are all gathered at a branded event,

00:49:50then Mince isn't going to be there.

00:49:52No chance.

00:49:53Yeah.

00:49:56All right, I'm a zombie.

00:49:57Can I say it now?

00:50:00You can't get mad at him.

00:50:03I also see Minicky Smokes would be walking down the street,

00:50:07barely escaping death three different times.

00:50:09The piano just misses him out of the window.

00:50:12Shit like that.

00:50:14He's luckier.

00:50:15Nicky Smokes would do worse.

00:50:17Nicky Smokes would do worse.

00:50:18Three for Nicky.

00:50:19Trying to do it some way.

00:50:20Could Mincy keep himself occupied?

00:50:22If he had a couple friends just playing poker,

00:50:24they could spend days just doing that.

00:50:26Maybe weeks.

00:50:28I don't know.

00:50:29Just make time go.

00:50:30I think Mincy could maybe occupy.

00:50:31As long as he had a couple friends around that liked playing poker,

00:50:34Mincy could survive for months.

00:50:36I think Nicky Smokes needs to be around people

00:50:39more than Mincy in a bizarre way.

00:50:42Be like, we need to fix this.

00:50:43We need to go above ground.

00:50:44Yeah, and I think Nicky Smokes,

00:50:46like fight or fight, is always thinking fight.

00:50:48So I got to go.

00:50:49Nicky Smokes is going to die before Mincy.

00:50:52Yeah, the Mincy thing reminds me.

00:50:53Have you ever hear parents like when you were a kid be like,

00:50:55I'm not worried about him getting kidnapped.

00:50:56Like he's so annoying.

00:50:57The kidnappers will return him or something like that could be Mincy.

00:51:00And like they'll bite Mincy.

00:51:02And then they'll be like, never mind.

00:51:04Turn him back and be like, I've heard enough about Hawks for the cause.

00:51:08So I'll say Nicky Smokes is worse.

00:51:10Nicky is functioning as an adult, though.

00:51:12Again, Ben couldn't open a box.

00:51:14Yeah, he does pay rent, though.

00:51:17Like, yes, Styrofoam defeated him, but not rent.

00:51:20That's positive for him, I guess.

00:51:23Fights?

00:51:24I think Mincy will be worse for the same reasons everyone's giving for Nicky.

00:51:29We're like, I think Mincy is going to want notoriety and attention out of it.

00:51:34I just think Nicky will fare better in the quest for that notoriety or attention.

00:51:40I think Mincy would be like, I want people to talk to me.

00:51:42And then he would try and go do something.

00:51:44And he would probably fall down the stairs.

00:51:46And the zombies would bite him while he was unconscious.

00:51:49He doesn't even get killed by a zombie.

00:51:50He's the only one on this list that just falls down the stairs and breaks his neck.

00:51:55Or gets bit by a rattlesnake or some shit.

00:51:58He dies in a natural apocalypse, amongst the apocalypse.

00:52:00Like, right off the get.

00:52:03I knew someone whose wife died on 9-11.

00:52:06But she didn't die in the plane crash, she just died on September 11, 2001.

00:52:10But he would say she died on 9-11, which would always confuse people.

00:52:14Wait, he shouldn't say that.

00:52:16This guy, by the way, since he died, he's also dead now.

00:52:20He died on December 7th.

00:52:22He would just say, oh yeah, she died on 9-11.

00:52:24And they'd be like, oh, that's so horrible.

00:52:26He'd be like, yeah, it was a car accident.

00:52:27People were always confused.

00:52:28I think that's an actual curb bit.

00:52:31It was a real thing that happened with a guy.

00:52:33That is definitely a bit, I think, on curb or something.

00:52:35I think curb, someone dies in a car accident uptown on 9-11.

00:52:38And they say she died on 9-11.

00:52:40Was it Norm Macdonald?

00:52:41And Larry David's like, no he doesn't.

00:52:43Was it Norm Macdonald?

00:52:45I don't remember that curb.

00:52:46I could just forget it.

00:52:48The guy who died, he had cancer.

00:52:50He didn't have a funny death story.

00:52:52Not that the car crash was a funny death story.

00:52:54As opposed to the funny car crash.

00:52:56It's a humorous anecdote.

00:52:58So now we have on the other side of the bracket,

00:53:00Glennie Balls versus Big Ev, who's less likely to make it?

00:53:02Danny.

00:53:05Less likely, I'm going to have to go with Big Ev.

00:53:07I think Glennie could have a couple people working for him,

00:53:10helping him out for the first week or so.

00:53:12He can finagle his way into surviving for longer.

00:53:16To counterpoint that, I would say,

00:53:18whenever I see Big Ev do the big speeches at the game day games,

00:53:21I'm like, oh, he's got me fired up.

00:53:23He could pump people up to go fight the zombies.

00:53:25Yes, I could see him being a good leader in the zombie apocalypse.

00:53:28Yes, I just think Glennie maybe already does that more a little.

00:53:32Like you were saying, his mom will just cook him dinner.

00:53:35I don't know.

00:53:36You definitely have a bigger...

00:53:37So one for Big Ev.

00:53:39KB.

00:53:41Yeah, I think Big Ev has some warrior heart in him.

00:53:45I just think Glennie just wouldn't be interested in competing.

00:53:48That's true.

00:53:50It's a DNP in the apocalypse.

00:53:52Nick?

00:53:53He gets euthanized.

00:53:55I think...

00:53:59I think Big Ev has some grit to him.

00:54:01I think he's more of a fighter than Glennie.

00:54:04Glennie may have...

00:54:07Glennie would be worse.

00:54:08Glennie would be worse.

00:54:09Two for Big Ev, one for Glennie.

00:54:11I think horniness is a negative in the apocalypse.

00:54:16Oh, yeah.

00:54:17A big negative.

00:54:18Whenever they have a movie where somebody has a baby post-apocalypse,

00:54:21I'm like, that's dumbest human alive.

00:54:25Two to one in favor of Big Ev.

00:54:28No, in favor of Glennie.

00:54:30Yeah, sorry, in favor of Glennie.

00:54:32I think Big Ev is craftier.

00:54:35He's craftier than people may know.

00:54:37I know.

00:54:38I do the show with him every day, and I see he actually does...

00:54:42He's more savvy than you may think.

00:54:45Yeah, he's a savvy guy.

00:54:46Yeah.

00:54:47Glennie, I don't know if he has the same kind of skillset.

00:54:49There's not an ounce of savagery in Glennie's repertoire.

00:54:52I don't think Glennie...

00:54:53No one's ever been like, Glennie Balls is one savvy dog.

00:54:56We have an embarrassing amount of people at this company and in this show

00:55:00that would be like, they're not as dumb as you.

00:55:03Yeah.

00:55:05Every single person would be like, look, they look...

00:55:07Present, stupid.

00:55:10This was before my time.

00:55:12Did Ev get hired off of a trick?

00:55:15A catfish.

00:55:16He got catfished.

00:55:17Somebody catfished him pretending that he was Dave

00:55:20and was like, come to the office for an interview,

00:55:22I love your videos, or something.

00:55:24So Big Ev showed up, and it turned out it was just the Michigan Viceroy

00:55:28pulling a prank on Big Ev.

00:55:30But he ended up getting hired, so he wins.

00:55:32Do you remember this?

00:55:33The first two weeks he was here, he didn't have a laptop,

00:55:35so he just sat at his desk like this.

00:55:37Yeah, that sounds familiar.

00:55:39One hand on top of the other.

00:55:41It was crazy.

00:55:43So we are all in favor of Glennie right now.

00:55:45Glennie has no chance here.

00:55:47No chance.

00:55:48No chance.

00:55:49Ev would fare better.

00:55:51Ev would fare better?

00:55:52Yes.

00:55:53Last fucking apocalypse, Ev locked in, lost like 150 pounds or whatever.

00:55:57That's a great point.

00:55:58Didn't stick.

00:55:59Ev's an apocalypse guy.

00:56:01Next time there's another apocalypse, probably Big Ev's going to lock in.

00:56:04Now if this contest was who could befriend more mediocre country singers,

00:56:09I would pick Glennie.

00:56:11But if it's survive zombie, a cop apocalypse.

00:56:14Can you teach Glennie savvy?

00:56:16Can you text him the word savvy so it'll be on his Instagram stories

00:56:19for like the next month?

00:56:20I'm going to text Glennie.

00:56:23I'll say, Glennie, would you say...

00:56:24It's always capitalized in his stories, and he'll use it out of play.

00:56:29I'm going to say, Glennie, would you describe yourself as a savvy guy?

00:56:32Tell him about the word.

00:56:33Tell him about the word savvy.

00:56:34Just send him a screenshot of the definition,

00:56:36and then it'll be on his Instagram stories.

00:56:39You got the pronunciation key?

00:56:41So Glennie's going to move on.

00:56:43On the other side, we have Frank the Tank versus Dante the Don.

00:56:46God, I love this guy.

00:56:47This is like the full on...

00:56:48Come on now.

00:56:49Come on now.

00:56:50You know what I mean?

00:56:52Wait, who is this?

00:56:53Dante the Don versus Frank the Tank.

00:56:56Oh, man.

00:56:57This is just the, will you shut the fuck up side of the bracket.

00:57:01I'm going to go with...

00:57:05This is tough.

00:57:06I guess I got to say it's going to be Frank who fares worse.

00:57:09He's got the attached guy, though.

00:57:10Don't forget.

00:57:11Yeah, but Dante keeps a gun in the passenger seat,

00:57:14so that's a pretty good...

00:57:16I got a ride from Dante once.

00:57:18This is when he was telling me it was too dangerous to walk home

00:57:20at like 8.30 p.m. in Chicago.

00:57:23So he gave me a ride and got in the ride,

00:57:25and there's just a gun sitting there.

00:57:26It was in a case, but I was like, what is this?

00:57:28It's my gun.

00:57:29Can you just fucking leave it out here like that?

00:57:32So he at least has weaponry and all that stuff.

00:57:35Again, I don't think he's going to do well,

00:57:37but I think he'll do better than Frank.

00:57:39One for Frank.

00:57:40Agreed for everything you just said.

00:57:42Clever.

00:57:43Yeah, you keep bringing up the fact that he has Janks with him,

00:57:45but Janks didn't help Frank clean Fight's apartment.

00:57:48It doesn't matter what Janks,

00:57:50because Frank is always going to be running the show.

00:57:53I don't think Frank lasts as long as Dante.

00:57:56So Frank.

00:57:57Another one for Frank.

00:57:58Nick.

00:58:01It's very obviously Frank.

00:58:05We're giving him the handicap of an extra guy.

00:58:07Just to keep that in mind.

00:58:09It's good of you to give him that.

00:58:11KB.

00:58:12Actually, while we're talking Frank,

00:58:14I have a question I posed on KFC Radio the other day.

00:58:16Is Frank almost fat?

00:58:18What do you mean?

00:58:19Is he almost where we can be like,

00:58:21what's up, fat boy?

00:58:22Oh, yeah.

00:58:25Wow, that's a really good question.

00:58:27No, you can't give it to someone on the way down.

00:58:29You can't say it to someone on the way down.

00:58:31He's kind of breaching into the territory now.

00:58:34We call Dana fat.

00:58:35We don't call the fat guys fat.

00:58:37We call Brandon Walker fat.

00:58:40If Frank was this size when you met him, yes.

00:58:43I think you can.

00:58:44But you can do it to someone on the way down.

00:58:47I don't think you can call someone obese fat.

00:58:50No, you can't.

00:58:51I agree, but you can't.

00:58:53It's weirdly a nice compliment.

00:58:55Frank has lost so much weight.

00:58:57It's now okay to call him fat.

00:58:59He's lost enough weight to where we're comfortable calling him fat.

00:59:03He's been working hard every single day for two years straight.

00:59:06Let him celebrate.

00:59:07Call him fat.

00:59:08He's a fat guy.

00:59:11Hey, congrats, you're fat.

00:59:14That's a great point.

00:59:18We're all Frank the Tank right now.

00:59:20KB?

00:59:21Yeah, I think the combat aspect would give Frank some fits.

00:59:25I'm trying to think of one thing Dante would do wrong.

00:59:28It'd be early stage misinformation would get him.

00:59:31That is my...

00:59:32I think he'd be perfect.

00:59:36Is your voice trembling?

00:59:38Are you horrified right now?

00:59:41Danny?

00:59:43Yeah, I got to go with Frank just because of how choosing Dante might affect my personal life.

00:59:49And by that, you mean you wouldn't be alive.

00:59:54No more cutting the line at Good Night, John Boy.

00:59:58So we are now Frank the Tank versus Glennie to go into the finals.

01:00:02Danny, you're up first.

01:00:05I'm going to go...

01:00:08You know, Frank...

01:00:10Jenks is...

01:00:11It's just like having an extra life in Mario.

01:00:14Jenks is Frank's mushroom.

01:00:16For that reason, I think I would have to go Glennie.

01:00:20He has a second line of defense.

01:00:22That's going to hold him off at least a day or two.

01:00:24He has bets to use his bait as well.

01:00:26Yes.

01:00:27Just send him to those dangerous...

01:00:29Just covering him in raw meat.

01:00:32KB?

01:00:34Yeah, he's right.

01:00:35Jenks trains and has the physique of a Mayan warrior.

01:00:39I think there's a lot of people who would sacrifice themselves for Frank.

01:00:45So I'm going to have to go Glennie again.

01:00:47Again, I don't think he'd care.

01:00:48I don't think he'd want to participate.

01:00:50He'd be like, get it over with.

01:00:51Yeah, Frank's got a bodyguard essentially during an apocalypse.

01:00:54Nick?

01:00:59This is tough, man.

01:01:02I mean...

01:01:03It's all about luck.

01:01:06And Glennie's a lucky ass dude.

01:01:08He is.

01:01:11I'm going Frank.

01:01:12You're going with Frank.

01:01:13We are 2-1 in favor of Glennie.

01:01:15I think if you gave Glennie a stack of Playboys, he'd be okay for a while.

01:01:19He would be entertained, he would be alright.

01:01:22Glennie doesn't want a fucking book, dude.

01:01:25Just the pictures, not reading interviews.

01:01:27And I think if you told Frank he couldn't do his cameos, he'd lose his fucking mind.

01:01:31So I think for that reason, I think Frank would somehow...

01:01:34Maybe even self-destructive in a way, he would destroy himself.

01:01:39So I think Frank wouldn't last as long as Glennie.

01:01:41Frank would, yeah.

01:01:43Frank is still getting his steps in during an apocalypse, too.

01:01:45That's true, right?

01:01:46It's a great point.

01:01:47He gets very antsy.

01:01:50So we are 2-2 right now, Frank versus Glennie.

01:01:52Yeah, those are good points by Klammer.

01:01:54I think Glennie could occupy himself.

01:01:58I mean, let me be the first to say, neither would do very well.

01:02:00No.

01:02:01But I guess I'll go with Frank.

01:02:043-2 in favor of Frank.

01:02:06Yeah, I think the two things that are most important in Apocalypse are self-reliance and the ability to work with others.

01:02:15And Frank gets an F- on both.

01:02:20Self-reliance, he could have done his own for a while. I don't think it's an F-.

01:02:24A lot of us live on our own.

01:02:26I'm not going to get it.

01:02:30That can't be the bar.

01:02:31Glennie doesn't.

01:02:32Is he capable of living alone?

01:02:34Glennie doesn't do that, though. He's up against Glennie.

01:02:37My 85-year-old grandma lived alone for a while.

01:02:39Once again, not going up against an 85-year-old grandma, he's going up against Glennie Balls who does not possess those skills.

01:02:45So you cannot give somebody else an F- when they are achieving more than the other person.

01:02:48But Glennie can work with others.

01:02:49True.

01:02:50You ever seen a movie where they breach the White House?

01:02:53Like, Olympus has fallen. X2 maybe saw it yesterday.

01:02:56And all the security guards are doing whatever they can while the president is essentially just getting dragged and dummied.

01:03:01Like, that's what you're doing with Frank. You're just trying to protect him. He's not doing much.

01:03:05You're doing all you can to protect him.

01:03:06And Glennie has said that he thinks he is business savvy and tech savvy.

01:03:14Savvy squared!

01:03:18I'm changing my vote to Frank.

01:03:19You're changing your vote to Frank?

01:03:20There's no way.

01:03:21Yeah, there's no chance.

01:03:22Yeah, Frank's going to win either way.

01:03:23So Frank the Tank vs. Nicky Smokes in the finals.

01:03:26Oh, Jesus!

01:03:27Two Miami Dolphins fans!

01:03:30I didn't realize it worked out that way.

01:03:32Danny, you're up first.

01:03:34Frank is going to be his own worst enemy.

01:03:36Like, he's not going to be able to hold in a scream and that's going to cause a bunch of attraction to him.

01:03:41He's going to risk going out in the middle of a battlefield just to get some steps in.

01:03:45So I'm going to have to say Frank.

01:03:47One for Frank the Tank.

01:03:49Yeah.

01:03:51It's Frank.

01:03:53The thought process I'm going to give this, though, just to put it out there, is that, like, who's the first to go, right?

01:03:59Yeah.

01:04:00And if that's the question, like, and we're saying Nicky Smokes is actively seeking combat, that makes me think he's going to be the first to go.

01:04:06Like, I think Janks will at least be able to hold that off for a bit.

01:04:09You know what I mean?

01:04:10Yeah.

01:04:11You know, plug it.

01:04:12Nicky Smokes saying, I wish a terrorist would try something like that.

01:04:15I wish an Al Qaeda would try it.

01:04:17Those dudes have bombs and guns.

01:04:18Yeah.

01:04:19I need to find the actual text.

01:04:20It was so funny.

01:04:21I think, like, one of the keys to longevity in an apocalypse like this is you only fight when you have to.

01:04:28And I think Nicky Smokes would do it off the rip and just get truly just destroyed, ripped into one trillion pieces.

01:04:39Yeah.

01:04:40Nicky's looking for trouble.

01:04:41Yeah.

01:04:42Frank is at least going to wait until the trouble finds him.

01:04:44Or he'll actively call the trouble towards him, not look to the trouble.

01:04:47Yeah.

01:04:48These motherfucking zombies.

01:04:50It's somehow Blooper's fault.

01:04:51The Scott Van Pelt zombie gets Frank.

01:04:54Oh, my God.

01:04:55Yes.

01:04:56The Jank zombie would get Frank the moment.

01:04:58Oh, yeah.

01:04:59That's true.

01:05:00He would sprint at Frank.

01:05:01He might pretend to be a zombie to do that.

01:05:06It's a good point, actually.

01:05:09Will Daniel Vogelback zombie with all these people that he's harmed come back and try to get him?

01:05:14Yes.

01:05:15Darren Ruff.

01:05:16Oh, the Darren Ruff zombies.

01:05:18Darren Ruff zombie.

01:05:19Maybe the Ruff family zombies.

01:05:21Like the Cohen zombie, I think, at this point is going after him.

01:05:23I know.

01:05:24There's a lot of people who would want a piece of Frank.

01:05:26I'm going Nicky Smokes.

01:05:27Yeah.

01:05:29Nicky Smokes.

01:05:30We're two to one in favor of Frank the Tank.

01:05:31I completely understand everything Nick says.

01:05:33And Nick makes a lot of really good points.

01:05:34But I just see it ending for Frank.

01:05:37Thank you so much.

01:05:38Very good points.

01:05:39Very well said, too.

01:05:40I just see Frank waiting for New Jersey Transit, screaming as the zombies rip him apart.

01:05:46And he blames his death and the fact that the train was like three minutes late.

01:05:49But I just see it.

01:05:51I don't know why I viscerally can see that.

01:05:53Even though Nicky Smokes probably would be the first to go.

01:05:55Weird.

01:05:56I know.

01:05:57And I hadn't had that image before we sat down today.

01:05:59But thankfully.

01:06:00That would be really weird.

01:06:01Yeah, I'm going to go.

01:06:02I think Frank, for some reason, that's how it goes.

01:06:04And it goes quick.

01:06:06Three to one in favor of Frank the Tank.

01:06:08I don't know.

01:06:09I think the points that Frank could hide out for a little bit.

01:06:12He could have the human shield and Jenks and Mikey Betts.

01:06:15Nicky Smokes is trying to find.

01:06:17The second he gets on the news, he's going zombie hunting.

01:06:19And he's dying immediately.

01:06:21So I'll go with Nicky Smokes.

01:06:22I saw something the other day where I think they're introducing a bill, some governor

01:06:26or whatever, senator.

01:06:27He's like, he wants to make letters of mark for the cartel.

01:06:30So you could go as a private citizen and hunt the cartel in countries and keep whatever

01:06:35plunder you get.

01:06:36Oh, my God.

01:06:37And when I saw that, I was like, Nicky Smokes is going to do that and get killed in the

01:06:42most horrifying way you've ever seen.

01:06:44But I was very worried about that, which makes me now worried about this, too.

01:06:47Fights.

01:06:48First of all, season four of Curb, Larry's rabbi's brother died in a bicycle accident

01:06:53uptown on that.

01:06:54Okay.

01:06:55This was a car accident.

01:06:56This gentleman, I think it was Richard.

01:06:58I did improv with him.

01:06:59He's an older guy.

01:07:00Terrible at improv.

01:07:01Horrible.

01:07:02Horrible.

01:07:03You seem to really hate this guy.

01:07:04I didn't like him.

01:07:05I didn't care for him.

01:07:06He was fine.

01:07:07He was a nice enough guy.

01:07:08I didn't really like him.

01:07:09He was kind of shitty.

01:07:10He did a play that my friend directed, and he didn't ruin any of the lines.

01:07:16And then when the play came, they had to replace him night of because he had a panic attack

01:07:20about it.

01:07:21And they had to have someone read a book on stage or ruin the guy's play.

01:07:23The guy worked really hard.

01:07:24I don't know.

01:07:25I'm kind of down.

01:07:26The guy's dead, though.

01:07:27Sounds like he's really been mourning his death.

01:07:28Yeah, I was fine.

01:07:29My wife's like, oh, so and so died.

01:07:30And she's kind of sick.

01:07:31We all did improv.

01:07:32I'm like, I'm a guy kind of shit.

01:07:33The play was October 2001.

01:07:34That's why he couldn't learn the lines.

01:07:35He was a nice enough guy, I guess.

01:07:36I'm also happy he's dead.

01:07:37All right, good.

01:07:38Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

01:07:39What are you going to do?

01:07:40I mean, we all die.

01:07:41But the answer to the question is, look, we can play the game all we want.

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