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00:00Worst Renaissance Fair Ever!
00:05Please let it go, Sheldon.
00:08It was rife with historical inaccuracies.
00:11For example, the tavern girl serving flagons of mead.
00:14Now, her costume was obviously Germanic, but in 1487,
00:18the Bavarian Purity Laws, or Rheinheitsgebot,
00:21severely limited the availability of mead.
00:23At best, they would have had some sort of spiced wine.
00:26You're nitpicking!
00:27Oh, really?
00:28Well, here's another nit for you.
00:30The flagons would not have been made of polypropylene.
00:33Renaissance fairs aren't about historical accuracy.
00:36They're about taking chubby girls who work at Kinko's
00:39and lacing them up in corsets so tight
00:41their bosom jumps out and says,
00:43Howdy.
00:45Bosoms would not have said,
00:46Howdy, in the 15th century.
00:48If anything, they would have said,
00:49Huzzah.
00:50I don't care what the bosoms say, Sheldon.
00:53I just want to be part of the conversation.
00:56Hi, guys.
00:57Looks like you've been to the Renaissance Fair.
00:59I'm hoping.
01:02Renaissance Fair?
01:03More of a medieval slash age of enlightenment
01:05slash any excuse to wear a codpiece fair.
01:09Okay, fine, whatever.
01:10Um, you guys, this is my friend Eric.
01:12Hello.
01:13Hi.
01:14Hey.
01:17So, yeah.
01:18Good to see you.
01:20Yeah.
01:21Yeah, it's good to see you, too.
01:24We should probably go.
01:25Yeah.
01:26Bye, guys.
01:27Like your hat.
01:30Thanks, my mom made it.
01:34Penny with a new guy,
01:36Trey Awkward.
01:39It wasn't awkward.
01:42It wasn't fun.
01:44Besides, what's the big deal?
01:45We dated, we stopped dating,
01:47and now we're both moving on.
01:49By moving on, do you mean
01:50she's going out with other men
01:51and you spend the afternoon
01:52making 15th century soap with Wolowitz?
01:56That was not 15th century soap.
01:58My God, those people need to learn
01:59you can't just put ye olde in front of anything you want
02:02and expect to get away with it.
02:04Can we please just go in?
02:05My chain mail's stuck in my underwear.
02:09You're wearing modern underwear.
02:12Relatively modern.
02:15Why, what are you wearing?
02:16I fashioned historically accurate undergarments
02:18out of linen.
02:21You went out and bought linen?
02:22Don't be silly.
02:23I borrowed one of your pillowcases.
02:28Borrowed?
02:38Captain, I'm getting an unusual reading.
02:42Yeah, that's great.
02:43You guys want corndogs?
02:46That's a temporal anomaly.
02:48Corndogs didn't come into existence
02:50until the first half of the 20th century.
02:53Hey, would you like to hear some songs I've rewritten
02:56to get children interested in the hard sciences?
02:58Sure.
02:59Really?
03:00Yeah.
03:01I like music.
03:02I like science.
03:03I like making fun of Sheldon Hiddink.
03:06There was a scientist who had a theory
03:08and James Clark Maxwell was his name-o.
03:10J-A-M-E-S-C-L-E-R-K space M-A-X-W-E-L-L
03:17and James Clark Maxwell was his name-o.
03:20There was a scientist who had a theory
03:22and James Clark Maxwell was his name-o.
03:24A-M-E-S-C-L-E-R-K
03:26Okay, okay, we get it.
03:28Perhaps you'd prefer this one.
03:30The itsy bitsy spider is not an insect at all
03:35because it has eight legs and two body parts.
03:41That's pretty cool, Sheldon.
03:43Do either of you know Beyonce?
03:45I'd love her to get behind it.
03:49It's the eye of the tiger.
03:52It's the ear of the bat.
03:54It's the whiskers of the catfish and the walrus.
04:00Hang on.
04:01Not that your song isn't terrible.
04:03It is.
04:05How do you mention bats and leave out sonar?
04:08You didn't let me finish.
04:10And also regarding the bat
04:14it has so non.
04:18Before I forget, I'd like your opinion
04:20on the menus I prepared for the Halloween party.
04:23The theme is food that goes bump in the night.
04:29Preacher from the black forest ham lagoon.
04:33On sesame seed bunzillas.
04:38Night of the living garlic bread.
04:42It's funny because bread sounds like dead.
04:47I'm sorry, but these are just ordinary foods
04:50with the names bent into tortured puns.
04:53The dishes themselves are in no way Halloween-y.
04:56Ooh, Halloween-y.
05:00That's a good one.
05:01They'll pair nicely with my Draculoni and cheese.
05:06How do I do it?
05:09That reminds me.
05:10I was thinking about wearing my NASA jumpsuit as a costume,
05:13but then I realized everyone would be like,
05:15where's your costume?
05:16Why are you wearing your work clothes, you nut?
05:19Leonard, where do you stand on the anthropic principle?
05:23Interesting question.
05:24On the one hand, I always thought...
05:25You don't even know what it is, do you?
05:28The anthropic principle states that if we wish to explain
05:32why our universe exists the way it does,
05:34the answer is that it must have qualities
05:37that allow intelligent creatures to arise
05:39who are capable of asking the question,
05:42as I am doing so eloquently right now.
05:46I know what the anthropic principle is.
05:48Of course, I just explained it to you.
05:52Now, where do you stand on it?
05:54Where do you stand on it?
05:55Strongly pro.
05:56That I believe that God created the world in six days
05:59and on the seventh he made you to annoy me.
06:06Hey, guys.
06:07Hey.
06:08Hey, guys.
06:09Where do you stand on the anthropic principle?
06:11I'm all for it.
06:12Get a boy.
06:13Hang on.
06:14Why do you believe that he knows what it is and I don't?
06:16Oh, Leonard, let's not take a saw
06:19to the branch we're sitting on, shall we?
06:22Hey, if you guys are free tonight,
06:24I heard about a spa where you soak your feet
06:26in a pool full of little fish
06:28that eat all the dead skin right off them.
06:31I don't need to tell you, in Los Angeles,
06:33sandal season is year-round.
06:37Actually, I'm hanging out with Penny.
06:39Oh, okay.
06:40Sounds like it's me and you, Sheldon.
06:42How about we stick some guppies on those puppies?
06:46As I've stated before on numerous occasions,
06:48the only sea creature I would even consider
06:50being eaten by is the kraken
06:52because the last words I would hear
06:54are release the kraken.
06:56That never gets old.
06:58Release the kraken.
07:00Oh, chills.
07:02Besides, I'm having dinner with Amy.
07:05Oh, okay.
07:06Go home and be alone, which is cool.
07:08I eat alone, I sleep alone, I cry alone, so...
07:12cool.
07:16Darn.
07:17If you weren't busy, I'd ask you to join us.
07:21Really? I can come? Thanks.
07:23Sheldon, are you sure you want to be
07:25bringing Raj on your date night with Amy?
07:27Oh, absolutely.
07:28I have a contractual obligation
07:31to provide Amy with conversation
07:33and casual physical contact,
07:35but nowhere is it specified that
07:37I can't outsource that to an Indian.
07:43Amy?
07:45Amy?
07:47Angry Amy?
07:51What?
07:52I've been thinking about what happened,
07:54and I hope this gift will make things better.
08:01Star Trek DVDs?
08:04Why would I want this?
08:06First of all, you're welcome.
08:08And furthermore, not being familiar
08:10with Wil Wheaton's body of work,
08:12there was no way for you to know
08:13you were being rude to a national treasure.
08:16Get ready for 130 hours if I told you so.
08:25Fine, I'll just tell you what happens.
08:28Episode one, encounter at Farpoint.
08:31Fade in.
08:32The new Enterprise heads out on its maiden voyage
08:35to contact the bandy people of Denip 4.
08:38Enter Wesley Crusher, played by my buddy...
08:45She's hooked.
08:48Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
08:51Welcome to Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun With Flags.
08:56Before we get started, I'd like to announce
08:58the winner of our Design Your Own Flag competition,
09:01but I can't.
09:03The only entry was from GameyGamer75,
09:06and I know that was a JPEG of your buttocks.
09:10Now this week, we have a very special episode
09:13where we explore the flags of the popular
09:15entertainment franchise, Star Trek.
09:17And to help me, I'm pleased to introduce
09:20internet personality, former star of Star Trek
09:23The Next Generation, and the only guy I know
09:26lucky enough to be immortalized in 1 16th scale,
09:30Set Phasers to Fun,
09:35for my friend, Will Wheaton.
09:39Hey Sheldon, thanks for having me. I'm happy to be here.
09:41Cut.
09:43What's wrong?
09:44Sorry Sheldon, you were brilliant as always.
09:47Will, that was a little wooden.
09:51Wooden?
09:52Don't worry, it wasn't terrible.
09:54Just this time, try to say it the way people sound.
09:58And action.
10:01My friend, Will Wheaton.
10:03Hi Sheldon, thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here.
10:05So Will, what do you have for us first?
10:08Well, this is an exciting one.
10:10This is the flag of the United Federation of Planets.
10:13Now, what's interesting about this flag...
10:14Cut.
10:16What was wrong with that?
10:18It's called fun with flags.
10:20They're not at half-mast, nobody died.
10:23Let's try and keep it upbeat.
10:25Um, no offense, but I've been acting since I was a kid.
10:29I think I can handle a web show without a lot of direction.
10:32Yeah, it's true.
10:33In 1982, Will played the voice of Martin the Mouse in The Secret of NIMH.
10:37You moved me.
10:40You'll have to forgive me.
10:42This is my first time directing, I just want it to be good.
10:45So do I.
10:46Great, so this time, let's try more real boy, less Pinocchio.
10:52And action.
10:53And cut.
10:55You realize that I'm doing this for free, right?
10:57Yes, and so far, we're still not getting our money's worth.
11:04Let's try it again.
11:06Everybody's having fun.
11:08And action.
11:10So, Will...
11:20What do you have for us first?
11:23Well, this is an exciting one.
11:26This is the flag of the United Federation of Planets.
11:30Cut.
11:32Problem? First time director?
11:35None that I could see.
11:36I saw a man who loved flags almost as much as I do.
11:39I got goosebumps.
11:41He was overacting on purpose.
11:43Really?
11:44That reminded me of a young William Shatner.
11:48Listen, Sheldon, I'm really happy to do this for you,
11:50but not if she's gonna be a huge pain in the ass the whole time.
11:54You're gonna let him speak to me like that?
11:57Well...
12:00You're my girlfriend, and I don't want you to be upset.
12:04Then again, Wil Wheaton's my friend, and I don't want him to be upset.
12:10This is a sticky wicket.
12:13What do you think?
12:15Can I speak to you for a second?
12:17I'll be right back.
12:19Feel free to play with yourself.
12:28I don't care for your friend.
12:30He's being rude to me.
12:31You need to ask him to leave.
12:33Amy, I can't just ask Wil Wheaton to leave.
12:36He's a minor celebrity.
12:38Why don't you explain who he is? Many people recognize him.
12:43Fine, then maybe I should go.
12:45Could you? That would solve everything.
12:49You are the best.
12:51I'll see you at dinner tonight?
12:53You sure you wouldn't rather have dinner with your friend Wil Wheaton?
12:55Come to think of it, I would.
12:59You, little lady, are on fire.
13:03All right, got his enemies list.
13:04Ooh, he updated the interface.
13:06You can search by first name, last name, or length of grudge.
13:11Is time on it?
13:12Let's see.
13:13Yep, right here, Tam Nguyen.
13:15Great, what did he do?
13:16Hold on, I have to agree to the terms of service.
13:21No, I'm not a robot.
13:24Okay, which of these are plants?
13:28And we're in.
13:30Wait, what does it say?
13:32He knows what he did.
13:33Oh, come on.
13:36Wait, wait, wait, if Tam knows what he did, we can just ask him.
13:39He's going to be on campus tomorrow showing his son around.
13:42That makes Sheldon mad.
13:43Everything makes Sheldon mad.
13:45Yeah, look at his list.
13:47Jim Henson for, quote,
13:48putting a terrifying giant yellow bird on television and in my nightmares.
13:56Isn't this nice?
13:58The pleasures of fellowship and camaraderie
14:00without having to tolerate your germy breath on my skin.
14:05I say we just take him to Tatooine and sell him to some Jawas.
14:09That's true, dude, write your own jokes.
14:14Oh, great.
14:17Hi, I'm Penny, I'll be your waitress.
14:19Why are you introducing yourself?
14:20I'd rather people not know I have any prior connection to you whatsoever.
14:25Can you tell me the specials this evening?
14:27Sheldon, I'm not waiting on you.
14:29Obviously, I don't even have water yet.
14:32Because you're not here.
14:34That's discrimination against the otherwise located.
14:38I'm going to have to go over your head.
14:42Manager? Manager?
14:46Oh, Lord, look who it is.
14:50Is that Steve Wozniak?
14:52I think it is.
14:53The great and powerful Woz.
14:57Penny, Steve Wozniak was one of the co-founders of Apple Computer.
15:00He and Steve Jobs started a-
15:01Yeah, I know who he is, I watch Dancing with the Stars.
15:04I must speak to him.
15:06Of course you must.
15:10You know, there's an olive garden down the street.
15:12You guys should try it sometime.
15:15Excuse me, Mr. Wozniak?
15:18Oh, hey, nice virtual presence device.
15:21Thank you, I just want to say I'm a big fan.
15:24You're my 15th favorite technological visionary.
15:28Only 15th?
15:30It's still six spots above me.
15:33I love Steve Jobs.
15:36I care neither for turtlenecks nor showmanship.
15:39Yeah, I never got that turtleneck thing.
15:42One of my proudest possessions is a vintage 1977 Apple II.
15:47Despite the file system limitations of Apple DOS 3.3,
15:51it was a pretty nifty little achievement.
15:53Thanks, we were shooting for nifty.
15:56You know, if you had it here, I'd autograph it for you.
16:00Don't move for 15 to 30 minutes, depending on how the buses are running.
16:07Nerds.
16:12I'm coming, Woz, I'm coming.
16:20Aww.
16:22Bernadette wants to get a prenup.
16:25Oh, that's a shame, he's going to be devastated.
16:27I never know what to do in these situations.
16:29Should I give him a heads up?
16:31Hmm.
16:32I'm going to give you the same advice I yell at the TV
16:34when The Bachelor's handing out roses.
16:38Follow your heart.
16:42Check it out.
16:43Look at the size of that Rice Krispie treat.
16:46Same price.
16:49Hey, Howard, I need to tell you something.
16:50I know, it's not on my wedding diet, I don't care.
16:54Listen, I heard that Bernadette's thinking about asking you for a prenup.
17:00A prenup?
17:03Wow.
17:05What are you going to do?
17:07I don't know.
17:10Follow your heart.
17:18You know what, it's not a big deal.
17:21She makes more money than me.
17:23She wants to protect her financial interests.
17:27It's completely reasonable.
17:28Good, that's a healthy attitude.
17:30Actually, it's good for both of us.
17:32I have assets to protect too.
17:34Like what?
17:36I've got some rare comic books.
17:38The Vespas almost paid off.
17:41And Ma and I have a primo double cemetery plot at Mount Sinai
17:44right near the guy who played Mr. Roper on Three's Company.
17:47Mr. Roper's dead?
17:51You can't just bring that on a guy.
17:56Huh.
17:57Forty-three.
18:00What the hell does that mean?
18:02I don't know.
18:03A solution to an equation?
18:05Maybe.
18:07It's a prime number.
18:09Encryption systems are built on prime numbers.
18:12What kind of secret is that?
18:14He's always been very cagey about what he puts in his egg salad
18:16to make it so tasty.
18:22It's paprika.
18:24Really?
18:26Okay, one mystery solved.
18:31Oh, this could be something.
18:33Forty-three is the number of calories
18:35in half a cup of fat-free yogurt.
18:37Why would you know that?
18:39I'm sorry.
18:40We can't all eat whatever we want and still stay thin.
18:47Wait.
18:48In The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,
18:50isn't 43 the answer to the question of life,
18:52the universe, and everything?
18:53That's 42, dumbass.
18:57Hey, hey.
18:58Forty-three is the number of calories
19:00in half a cup of fat-free yogurt.
19:02It's 42, dumbass.
19:06Hey, hey.
19:07Feelings.
19:10We should stop.
19:11I'm exhausted.
19:12Yeah, me too.
19:13We've got more important things to do.
19:15Who cares what stupid 43 means?
19:17Not me.
19:18Let's go home.
19:21Want to get something to eat?
19:23Sounds good.
19:27Put the balls in 43!
19:28I have to!
19:32I have to!
20:02One.
20:07One.
20:08Two.
20:09Three.
20:10Four.
20:11Five.
20:12Six.
20:13Seven.
20:14Eight.
20:15Drat.
20:19I'm never going to get to 43 again.
20:23One.
20:24Two.
20:25Three.
20:26Four.
20:27Hey.
20:28Hey.
20:29I didn't think you'd make it.
20:30Why not?
20:31Well, we assumed you'd have to stay home
20:33to lower the food down to her in the pit.
20:40For your information,
20:41Emily's working tonight.
20:43Yeah, one would assume
20:44I'm getting out of the pit.
20:48Okay, let's focus.
20:49The girls are gone.
20:50We have 48 hours.
20:51There are no distractions.
20:52Let's change the world.
20:53Thinking caps on.
20:54Here we go.
20:55Ooh, this is exciting.
20:56We're innovating.
20:57I feel like we're in the Facebook movie.
20:59Huh.
21:00I never saw that.
21:01Yeah, really?
21:02Ooh, it's wonderful.
21:03And I swear I'm not saying that
21:04because Justin Timberlake is in it.
21:08Yeah, I have it on Blu-ray.
21:10We should watch it.
21:11Oh, cool.
21:12I'll make the popcorn.
21:15Guys, in 30 seconds,
21:16we went from
21:17let's change the world
21:18to let's watch TV.
21:21I'm sorry, is that a no?
21:24Okay, no, Leonard's right.
21:25We're here to focus.
21:26Didn't we used to have a list
21:27of all our ideas?
21:28I think I still have it.
21:29I did not get a clear answer.
21:31I'm going to set this down now.
21:34Ah, here it is.
21:37I haven't looked at these in years.
21:39Robot girlfriend.
21:41That was mine.
21:44Robot prostitute.
21:47Also mine.
21:49Wait, I'm confused.
21:50Why would you need
21:51both a robot girlfriend
21:52and a robot prostitute?
21:53It's just some things
21:54you don't do
21:55with your robot girlfriend.
21:59Boy, when you met Bernadette,
22:01the field of robotics
22:02really took a hit.
22:04Okay, let's just skip
22:05all the inventions
22:06you can have sex with.
22:15Ah, no, here we go.
22:16Ergonomic heated seat cushion.
22:18It vibrates.
22:19Keep going.
22:23All right.
22:25Let me show you
22:26some of the features
22:27of the room.
22:28First, windows.
22:29Conventional.
22:30Open.
22:31Close.
22:32Open.
22:33Close.
22:34Halfway open
22:35or halfway closed
22:36depending on your
22:37philosophical bent.
22:39Over here is my
22:40comic book collection.
22:41Feel free to browse.
22:42There's a box of
22:43disposable reading gloves
22:44on the nightstand.
22:47Good to know.
22:48In here, you'll find
22:49emergency provisions,
22:51an eight-day supply
22:52of food and water,
22:53a crossbow,
22:54season two of Star Trek,
22:56the original series,
22:57on a high-density
22:58flash drive.
23:00What if there's a disaster
23:01that destroys
23:02all the USB ports?
23:03Then there's really
23:04no reason to live,
23:05is there?
23:06Can I ask you a question
23:07about your roommate?
23:08He's an odd duck,
23:10isn't he?
23:12What's his relationship status?
23:14Well, there was
23:15a misbegotten adventure
23:16with a waitress
23:17who lives across the hall.
23:19It ended as inexplicably
23:20as it began.
23:21They had very little
23:22in common
23:23except for carnal activity.
23:24That's why
23:25I acquired
23:26these noise-canceling
23:27headphones.
23:28If you decide
23:29to use them,
23:30please clean the
23:31earpieces afterwards
23:32with the wet wipes
23:33you'll find in the bathroom.
23:34They're in the drawer
23:35labeled wet wipes.
23:37Okay.
23:38Good.
23:39I'll leave you
23:40to your nighttime ablutions.
23:41I've emailed you
23:42the morning bathroom schedule.
23:43You'll also find
23:44a laminated copy
23:45in your welcome packet.
23:48It's on the back
23:49of the emergency
23:50escape route diagram.
23:51How thoughtful.
23:52Sleep well, my friend.
23:53You too.
23:55Oh, let me just get
23:56one thing.
23:59It's my backup
24:00emergency supply kit.
24:02The living room
24:03escape route doesn't
24:04pass through here.
24:05Now, good night.
24:06And if there's an apocalypse,
24:07good luck.
24:10Hey, Sheldon.
24:11Oh, Penny.
24:12Excellent.
24:13I have a question
24:14about these maxi pads.
24:17Are the wings
24:18truly functional
24:19or have I fallen victim
24:20to marketing hype?
24:22What?
24:23What are you doing?
24:25The stock boy
24:26at Walgreens
24:27was frustratingly
24:28uninformed on the subject.
24:29Sheldon,
24:30what are you doing
24:31with maxi pads?
24:32I have a lady friend
24:33who will be
24:34staying with me
24:35for a few days.
24:36Oh.
24:37What?
24:39I want her to feel at home.
24:40I also bought
24:41scented soaps,
24:42pantyhose,
24:43Midol,
24:44calcium chews,
24:45and what is apparently
24:46a yogurt
24:47specifically designed
24:48to regulate
24:49the female bowel.
24:52Wait.
24:53Hold on.
24:54Back up.
24:55You're having a woman
24:56stay with you?
24:57Yes.
24:58Why does that seem to
24:59flabbergast everybody?
25:00Oh.
25:01No, no, no.
25:02I'm not flabbergasted.
25:03I'm puzzled.
25:04Yeah.
25:05Let's go with puzzled.
25:07A word of warning.
25:08My guest
25:09is a noted physicist
25:10and a leading expert
25:11on quantum cosmology
25:12so please try to avoid
25:13wasting her time
25:14with female jibber-jabber.
25:17Female jibber-jabber.
25:19Shoe sales,
25:20hairstyles,
25:21mud masks,
25:22are these your friends
25:23Brad and Angelina?
25:26No.
25:27They're not my friends.
25:28I'm not surprised
25:29considering what you
25:30talk about them
25:31behind their backs.
25:34Ernie.
25:35Home.
25:38You have fun today?
25:39Yes.
25:40And I have a surprise
25:41for you.
25:43Please be Cinderella.
25:44Please be Cinderella.
25:47Well, hello
25:48Prince Charming.
25:53M'lady.
26:06Hey, how was your...
26:07What?
26:10I can explain.
26:11I played hooky
26:12with the girls
26:13then we all went to
26:14Disneyland and...
26:15What are you doing?
26:16Disneyland.
26:17Go on, I'm listening.
26:23Sheldon.
26:25All Snow White needs
26:26is one little kiss
26:27to wake up.
26:29Heard you the first time.
26:34Hey, isn't that the guy
26:35who won the MacArthur
26:36Genius Grant last year?
26:38No, not all at once.
26:41Then how?
26:42Leonard.
26:45Now Raj.
26:48Now Sheldon.
26:52I didn't get a good look.
26:53Can I go again?
26:54No.
26:55It's David Underhill.
26:56So what?
26:57So what?
26:58His observation
26:59of high energy positrons
27:00has provided the first
27:01conclusive evidence
27:02for the existence
27:03of galactic dark matter.
27:04I have two words for you.
27:05The first is big,
27:06the other is whoop.
27:08It is a big whoop.
27:09Made almost all the work
27:10you've done since you've been here
27:11completely useless.
27:12Did not.
27:13Did too.
27:14Did...
27:15Okay, maybe some of it, but...
27:17Look, the guy was just
27:18in the right place
27:19at the right time
27:20with the right paradigm
27:21and the right interpretation
27:22of the universe.
27:23He got lucky.
27:25In more ways than one,
27:27he's a very handsome man.
27:29Doesn't do anything for me.
27:30If I was going to go that way,
27:31I'm more of a
27:32Zac Efron kind of guy.
27:37Oh yeah, like you have a shot
27:38with Zac Efron.
27:41Lava serpent.
27:43Nest of snakes.
27:46Underworld guardian.
27:48Underworld guardian.
27:50We skirmish to the death.
27:57Invisibility spell.
27:59Luminescence spell.
28:00Water nymph.
28:01Fire demon.
28:02Two-headed tiger.
28:03Three-headed lion.
28:06Sulfur.
28:07Brimstone.
28:10Problem, Wil Wheaton?
28:15Hang on.
28:16You're holding two
28:17moderate spell cards,
28:18a small rock
28:19and a potion of Xancor,
28:20which will be about
28:21as much help
28:22as an air conditioner
28:23on the ice planet Hoth.
28:25Your only move
28:26is to play the potion,
28:27lose the skirmish,
28:28and two moves later,
28:29the game.
28:32I think he's got me.
28:33The year was 1995.
28:38The place,
28:39Jackson, Mississippi.
28:41Having spent ten hours
28:42on a bus
28:43during which I had to
28:44twice violate
28:45my personal rule
28:46against relieving myself
28:47on board a moving vehicle,
28:50I finally arrived
28:51at the fourth annual
28:52Dixie Trek convention,
28:54only to find
28:55that my idol,
28:56Wil Wheaton,
28:58decided he had
28:59better things to do
29:00than to show up
29:01and sign my action figure.
29:06What?
29:10You betrayed me,
29:11Wil Wheaton.
29:12Now,
29:14I have my revenge.
29:18You went to the
29:1995 Dixie Trek?
29:22Oh, dude.
29:24My grandmother
29:25had just died,
29:26and I had to go
29:27to her funeral.
29:31Your Meemaw died?
29:35That's terrible.
29:36Yeah, it was.
29:38But,
29:39I'm really sorry
29:40that I disappointed you.
29:42No, no,
29:43I understand.
29:44If anything happened
29:45to my Meemaw,
29:46I'd be one inconsolable
29:47Moon Pie.
29:50I should clarify
29:51that statement
29:52by explaining that
29:53she calls me Moon Pie.
29:55It's a special
29:56relationship, isn't it?
29:57Between a boy
29:58and his grandmother?
29:59Oh, yes.
30:00Okay, great.
30:01Everybody loves
30:02their grandmas.
30:03Now,
30:04come on, Sheldon.
30:05Finish him off.
30:07Yeah, it's okay, Sheldon.
30:08I let you down.
30:09I deserve it.
30:11Potion of Xancor.
30:12Potion of Xancor.
30:15What are you waiting for?
30:18Kill Wil Wheaton
30:19from Hell's Archdavidin!
30:26I can't.
30:27Sure you can.
30:28Do it, do it.
30:30No.
30:32I came here
30:33to defeat Wil Wheaton,
30:34the man who destroyed
30:35my dreams.
30:37But I can't defeat
30:38Wil Wheaton,
30:39the man who loved
30:40his Meemaw.
30:43No.
30:46Enchanted Bunny.
30:47No!
30:49Not Enchanted Bunny!
30:53I call my Meemaw Nana,
30:56and she's going to be
30:57very happy to hear
30:58that my small rock
30:59kills your Enchanted Bunny.
31:03Game over, Moon Pie.
31:10I don't understand.
31:12Your grandmother's alive?
31:14You catch on quick.
31:16Come on, Stewie.
31:17Let's get our prize money.
31:22That was fun.
31:31Wheaton!
31:35Wheaton!
31:38Wheaton!
31:43What kind of tea
31:44would you like?
31:45I think I'm going to try
31:47green tea mixed
31:48with lemon zinger.
31:50Two teabags in one cup?
31:53You're not at a rave.
31:59So, listen, Sheldon,
32:00I was thinking,
32:01since this is going to be
32:02our first Halloween party
32:03as boyfriend and girlfriend,
32:04I thought it might be fun
32:06for us to go in
32:07a couple's costume.
32:09I couldn't agree more.
32:11Really?
32:12I find that inconsistent
32:13with everything
32:14I know about you.
32:16On the contrary.
32:18Couples' costumes
32:19are one of the few benefits
32:20of being in a relationship.
32:22Now, imagine this.
32:25You and I
32:26entering Stewart's party
32:27and all eyes turn
32:28to see America's
32:29most beloved
32:30and glamorous couple.
32:32Yeah?
32:33R2-D2 and C-3PO.
32:38Dibs on 3PO.
32:41Sheldon,
32:42when I said
32:43couples' costume,
32:44I meant like
32:45Romeo and Juliet
32:46or Cinderella
32:47and Prince Charming.
32:48Not two robots
32:49from some silly movie
32:50I don't even like.
32:51Okay.
32:55Now I'm going to
32:56let that slide
32:57because I know you're
32:58hopped up on teabags.
33:02I make compromises
33:03for you all the time.
33:04Just this once,
33:06can't we find something
33:07that we're both happy with?
33:09Fine.
33:10How about
33:11one of the most
33:12beguiling
33:13and influential couples
33:14of the 20th century?
33:16Hewlett and Packard.
33:20Dibs on Hewlett.
33:23You want to be Hewlett?
33:26What if
33:27we were to go
33:28as dinner table favorites
33:29Salt and Pepper?
33:31You know salt
33:32makes me retain water
33:33and my cousin William
33:34was ground to death
33:35in a Pepper Factory accident.
33:39What about Raggedy Ann and Andy?
33:40I loved them growing up.
33:41No, I don't think so.
33:42Those dolls
33:43represent three things
33:44I do not care for.
33:45Clowns,
33:46children,
33:47and raggediness.
33:50I think it's a lost cause.
33:51No.
33:53There are certain things
33:54that say to the world
33:55I have a boyfriend
33:56and he's not made up.
33:59Matching costumes,
34:00hickeys,
34:01and sex tapes.
34:04Pick one.
34:06What's a hickey?
34:09Sheldon, get in here.
34:22I should have picked hickey.
34:25Hey, look at you guys.
34:27I'm Raggedy Ann
34:28and he's Raggedy C-3PO.
34:31It was a compromise.
34:33I lost.
34:38I'm Raggedy Ann
34:39and he's Raggedy C-3PO.