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00:00Oh, God, that feels so good.
00:03Oh.
00:07Yeah, that's the spot. Oh, baby.
00:11Howard, dinner's ready!
00:14I'll eat later. I'm busy!
00:18Oh, yeah, just like a real hand.
00:21Hmm.
00:30Hey, Howard, what's going on?
00:34What? Hold on, Howard, Howard, slow down.
00:37The robot hand is stuck on your what?
00:44You're not gonna believe this.
00:52You slipped and fell into a robot hand.
00:57Yes.
01:01Penis first.
01:05Yes. Now help me.
01:08I'd suggest a lubricant, but I have a feeling
01:10you fell on some of that as well.
01:13Not funny, Leonard.
01:15Really? A robot hand's got a death grip on your junk, dude.
01:18That's funny. Ask anyone.
01:20Wait, before my mother walks in, get this off me.
01:23Okay, let's see.
01:24No, no, don't touch. The program is paused.
01:26Well, then, let's unpause it.
01:27No, no, I loaded the wrong program.
01:29The hand thinks it's holding a screwdriver in outer space.
01:31If you continue the program, it's gonna start twisting.
01:39Okay, come on.
01:42Almost there.
01:45Don't tug. No tugging.
01:47Next time, take your own advice.
01:50Excuse me, could you help us out?
01:52My, my, my, what do we have here?
01:57I slipped and fell.
01:59Yeah, we get that a lot.
02:02What is this?
02:04It's a robot arm.
02:07Where's the rest of the robot?
02:09I only built the arm.
02:11Because that's all you needed, right?
02:15Can you please just help me?
02:17All right, all right, hang on.
02:19Stay calm.
02:22I need to orderly with a wheelchair.
02:24I got a robot hand grasping a man's penis out here.
02:29You think you could be a little more discreet?
02:31I'm sorry, we don't have a code
02:33for robot hand grasping a man's penis.
02:37Why is it hooked up to a computer?
02:39It's what controls the arm.
02:40But it's frozen.
02:42Did you try turning it off and back on again?
02:45No, you see, it's more complicated than that.
02:47No, wait!
02:55Winnie the Pooh is out of the honey tree.
02:59Winnie the Pooh is out of the honey tree.
03:17Greetings, friends.
03:20Greetings, whatever the hell you are.
03:23I am a mobile virtual presence device.
03:26Recent events have demonstrated to me
03:29that my body is too fragile
03:31to endure the vicissitudes of the world.
03:34Until such time as I am able to transfer my consciousness,
03:37I shall remain in a secure location
03:40and interact with the world in this manner.
03:44Really? That's your question?
03:46When did he put a ramp in?
03:54You're in my spot.
03:59I brought Amy here to show her some of the work I'm doing.
04:03It's very impressive for theoretical work.
04:07Do I detect a hint of condescension?
04:10I'm sorry, was I being too subtle?
04:13I meant, compared to the real-world applications
04:15of neurobiology, theoretical physics
04:17is what's the word I'm looking for.
04:19Hmm, cute.
04:20Oh!
04:22Are you suggesting the work of a neuroscientist?
04:26Are you suggesting the work of a neurobiologist
04:29like Babinski could ever rise
04:31to the significance of a physicist
04:33like Clark Maxwell or Dirac?
04:36I'm stating it outright.
04:38Babinski eats Dirac for breakfast
04:40and defecates Clark Maxwell.
04:45You take that back.
04:48Absolutely not.
04:50My colleagues and I are mapping the neurological substrates
04:52that subserve global information processing,
04:54which is required for all cognitive reasoning,
04:57including scientific inquiry,
04:59making my research ipso facto
05:01prior in the Ordo Cognoscendi.
05:03That means it's better than his research
05:05and by extension, of course, yours.
05:09I'm sorry, I'm still trying to work
05:12on defecating Clark Maxwell, so...
05:16Excuse me, but a grand unified theory
05:20insofar as it explains everything,
05:23can ipso facto explain neurobiology?
05:26Yes, but if I'm successful, I will be able to map
05:28and reproduce your thought processes
05:30in deriving a grand unified theory
05:32and therefore subsume your conclusions under my paradigm.
05:35That's the rankest psychologism.
05:38It was conclusively revealed as hogwash
05:40by Gottlieb Frege in the 1890s.
05:44We appear to have reached an impasse.
05:46I agree.
05:48I move our relationship terminate immediately.
05:51Seconded.
05:53There being no objections...
05:56The motion carries.
05:58Good day, Amy Farrah Fowler.
06:00Good day, Sheldon Cooper.
06:06Women, huh?
06:08And live with them can't successfully
06:10refute their hypotheses.
06:13Amen to that.
06:15What's that smell?
06:17Oh!
06:21Yes?
06:23What are you doing in there?
06:25I'm making hydrogen sulfide
06:27and ammonia gas.
06:29Just a little experiment in pest control.
06:32It's not gonna work, dude.
06:34I grew up in India, an entire subcontinent
06:36where cows walk in the street
06:38and nobody has ever had a solid bowel movement.
06:41Well, we'll just see how long you can hold out.
06:44Well, we'll just see how your noxious gas
06:47resists my cinnamon-apple-scented
06:49aromatherapy candles.
06:51Didn't you say you're making hydrogen sulfide gas?
06:54Yes.
06:56Isn't that flammable?
06:58Highly.
07:00Oh, dear.
07:09This is not over.
07:14It's nice to meet you, too, Sheldon.
07:16I honestly didn't believe Amy
07:18when she told me she had a boyfriend.
07:20I assure you, I am quite real.
07:23And I'm having regular intercourse with your daughter.
07:28What?
07:30Oh, yes. We are like wild animals in heat.
07:33It's a wonder neither of us has been hurt.
07:38Amy, what is he saying?
07:41You wanted me to have a boyfriend, Mother.
07:43Well, here he is.
07:46Have to sign off now.
07:49My hunger for Sheldon is stirring in my loins.
07:52Oh, yes.
07:54It's time for me to make love to your daughter's vagina.
08:02Thank you, Sheldon. That went very well.
08:04Agreed.
08:06Amy, I find myself wondering
08:08if we should actually engage in coitus
08:10at least one time in our relationship.
08:13Bazinga.
08:16Bedtime. Please show yourself out.
08:19Give me a minute.
08:23Sheldon.
08:25Hold on. I need to figure out how to get the bucket
08:28so I can carry the mud past the dragon.
08:30Sheldon, you need to work in the morning.
08:32I know.
08:34Well, then bed, mister.
08:36Five more minutes.
08:38Really? You're gonna risk getting sleepy
08:40in the middle of your thermodynamic fluctuation seminar?
08:43You know what happens when you yawn in public?
08:45Everyone will see my oddly-shaped uvula.
08:51You don't want that, do you?
08:53No.
08:55But it's a shame our society mocks the differently uvulated.
09:02Who was at the door?
09:04Uh, building manager.
09:06They have to fix a pipe,
09:08so the water will be off tomorrow from noon to two.
09:10That's unacceptable.
09:12We're supposed to be giving out gifts.
09:15We're supposed to be giving written notice.
09:17It doesn't matter. We'll be at work.
09:19What if I spill tomato soup on my shirt
09:21and have to come home to change
09:23only to find there's no water for an enzyme soak?
09:25Bye for tainted uvula, Sheldon.
09:28I'll have the chicken noodle. Good night.
09:34We're gonna have to be very quiet.
09:41I know how to get the bucket.
09:43You turn the axe around
09:45and use the handle to reach it.
09:47Let's see.
09:49Go north.
09:51You are in a forest.
09:53Go north.
09:55You are in a forest.
09:57Go north. You are in a forest.
09:59Oh, dear, I believe I'm lost.
10:01Well, I'll just have to get a fresh start tomorrow.
10:03No, no, no, no, no. You just need to map it out.
10:05Come on, I'll help you.
10:07So you stopped at the stream and you turned north three times?
10:10Yes.
10:12Are you going with Sheldon?
10:14No. I have no interest
10:16in model train stores that sell them
10:18nor their heartbreaking clientele.
10:22Oh. Well, I have some work to do, so...
10:25I can't imagine that would disturb me. Carry on.
10:30Okay.
10:32Wouldn't you be more comfortable at home?
10:38Not really, no.
10:42All righty, then.
10:44I guess I'll just get started.
10:46Leonard, please, I don't need the running commentary.
11:09Amy?
11:12You okay?
11:14Oh, sure.
11:18Thought you were reading.
11:20I was. Now I'm thinking about what I read.
11:36You all right, Leonard? You seem very uncomfortable.
11:39I'm fine.
11:42Should I go?
11:44I've been told sometimes I overstay my welcome.
11:47Well, who told you that?
11:50Well, most recently my gynecologist.
11:59Well, you stay as long as you'd like.
12:02I'm glad to hear you say that, because I'm having a wonderful time.
12:07I said the same thing to my gynecologist.
12:10One moment.
12:12I'm conducting an experiment.
12:14With Dungeons and Dragons dice?
12:17Yes.
12:19From here on in, I've decided to make all trivial decisions
12:22with a throw of the dice, thus freeing up my mind
12:25to do what it does best, enlighten and amaze.
12:30Page 14, item 7.
12:34So, what's for dinner?
12:36A side of corn succotash.
12:40Hmm. Interesting.
12:42Um, Howard, can I see you for a minute, please?
12:45I don't want to show any more of your friends how I can fit in the booster seats.
12:51Uh, no, that's not it. Just come with me, please.
12:55Let's see what I'll be washing that succotash down with.
13:01A pitcher of margaritas.
13:05Do you really want that?
13:07That's the great thing. It doesn't matter.
13:09My mind is freed up to think about more important things.
13:13What's it thinking about now?
13:15Hamburgers and lemonade.
13:20Mustache is looking good there, Sheldon.
13:26Don't thank me. Thank the dice.
13:28They told me what percentage of my face to shave.
13:31Why are you still doing this?
13:33Because it's working.
13:35In the past few weeks, unburdened by trivial decisions,
13:39I've co-authored two papers in notable peer-reviewed journals
13:42and I'm close to figuring out why the Large Hadron Collider
13:45has yet to isolate the Higgs boson particle.
13:48You left out gut-shaped testicles because you no longer wear underpants.
13:56The dice giveth and the dice taketh away.
13:59I see you guys have found my little treasure.
14:02Yeah. It's okay, I guess.
14:04Okay? It's magnificent.
14:06Ta-da!
14:09What do you want for it?
14:11Well, it's hard to put a price on something that's a copy
14:14of something that was on pay cable.
14:17For my friends, let's say 250.
14:19Oh, that's pretty steep.
14:21Well, it's a limited edition.
14:23They only made 8,000 of these bad boys.
14:26It's only 8,000? We're wasting precious time. Buy it.
14:30Hang on. Can you do any better?
14:33Are you kidding? I'm already giving you the friends and family discount.
14:36Oh, did you hear that? We're getting the friends and family discount.
14:39We are honored and we will take it.
14:41Slow down.
14:43200. What are you doing? 250's already the discounted price.
14:46Will you shut up?
14:48I'll tell you what, I'll go 235. Nope. Maybe another time.
14:51Okay, 225 is my final offer.
14:53Take it, take it.
14:56200. Man, you're killing me.
14:59Killing you? I can't breathe.
15:02210, and I'm losing money.
15:05Oh, no, we can't let him lose money, Leonard. I'm so sorry.
15:08210, and you throw in the Iron Man helmet.
15:11Are you crazy? That helmet's signed by Robert Downey Jr.
15:14So?
15:16Okay, if you're gonna question the importance of an actor's signature
15:19on a plastic helmet from a movie based on a comic book,
15:22then all of our lives have no meaning.
15:25Okay, fine. Just the sword. 210.
15:28Thank you. I can eat meat this week.
15:31See that? I just saved us 40 bucks.
15:34I've long said what you lack in academic knowledge, you make up for in street smarts.
15:38You want me to wrap it?
15:40No, it's okay. I'm gonna stab my friend in the chest.
15:43What's up?
15:45It just occurred to me that I never formally congratulated you
15:48on your pending nuptials.
15:50So I thought I'd give you a heads up.
15:52I never formally congratulated you on your pending nuptials.
15:55So I hopped on the first bus and high-tailed it down here to shake your hand.
15:59You put her there, you old so-and-so.
16:02Well, I'm gonna see you at work in 12 hours.
16:05Don't you think you could have waited until then?
16:08Holy smoke, why didn't I think of that?
16:11You're a better man than I, Howard Wolowitz.
16:14You put her there, you son of a gun.
16:17Whatever.
16:20Oh, my...
16:22It's...
16:24What? Oh, my God!
16:27Howie, what did you do?
16:29It was a harmless Halloween prank. Look.
16:31Howard has a heart condition. You know that?
16:34I thought he made that up.
16:36Isn't hypochondria a common idiosyncrasy of Jewish people?
16:44This is adrenaline. We're gonna have to inject it into his heart.
16:47We are? You are.
16:49I'm not strong enough to get it through his chest plate, and we've only got one shot.
16:53Oh, no. I can't.
16:56Hurry. We're running out of time.
16:59Okay. Just do it.
17:01Oh, God. One, two, three.
17:05Trick-or-treat. Bubble up.
17:08What?
17:10No.
17:12You mean this was all a ruse?
17:14How could I be so stupid?
17:17Your bird death ray is ready.
17:19It's not a death ray.
17:21It's just a little ultrasonic blast to scare him off.
17:24Trust me, if I had a death ray, I wouldn't be living here.
17:27I'd be in my lair, enjoying the money the people of Earth gave me
17:31for not using my death ray.
17:33All right. And in three, two, one...
17:44That is one tough birdie.
17:59This is ridiculous.
18:01I'm a grown man from Texas.
18:03This isn't a terrifying bird like a swan or a goose.
18:09It's just a blue jetty.
18:14That's a pretty big blue jetty.
18:36One, two, three.
18:40Go!
18:43Two, three.
18:47Bird in the apartment. Bird in the apartment.
18:50No!
18:52Pardon me.
18:54Pardon me. Excuse me.
18:56Hi, Stuart. Hi, Sheldon.
18:58Pardon me.
19:05Sheldon, what are you doing here?
19:07The thought of you sitting in a darkened theater
19:10with a character like Stuart is repellent.
19:15No offense, Stuart. None taken.
19:18Although, repellent's kind of a strong word.
19:25I'm sorry this causes you discomfort,
19:28but based on the currently established parameters of our relationship,
19:31I can put myself in any repellent situation I want.
19:34Um, again, Stuart, please, you're being rude.
19:40Anything else?
19:42I believe I would like to alter the paradigm of our relationship.
19:51I'm listening.
19:53With the understanding that nothing changes whatsoever,
19:57physical or otherwise,
19:59I would not object to us no longer characterizing you
20:04as not my girlfriend.
20:10Interesting.
20:12Now try it without the quadruple negative.
20:16You're being impossible.
20:19Hi, Stuart.
20:23Fine.
20:26Amy,
20:29will you be my girlfriend?
20:32Will you be my girlfriend?
20:42Yes.
20:43Oh, that's enough of that.
20:46Sorry to interrupt.
20:48You two enjoy your date.
20:50Here's a dollar for your troubles.
20:52Get yourself some Sour Patch Kids.
20:54We know his life will never be the same.
20:57Howard!
20:59Can you hear me?
21:01I can hear you without the phone!
21:05Don't be snippy.
21:07I'm just excited to talk to my baby.
21:10I'm excited to talk to you, too.
21:12So, what's this mischievous about you moving out
21:15to go live with the little Polish girl?
21:18How about calling her my wife?
21:21Wives don't take boys from their mothers.
21:24They do. That's why we marry them.
21:28I just hope I'm not dead from a broken heart
21:30before you get back.
21:32Ma, please.
21:33Everyone from NASA is listening to this phone call.
21:36Good.
21:37They should know what a horrible son you are.
21:40Okay, Ma.
21:41Great talking to you.
21:42Gotta go!
21:44Well,
21:46space is ruined.
21:58This insistence on hand-holding is preposterous.
22:02Well, I like it.
22:04Of course you do. You're a girl.
22:07You like all kinds of hippy-dippy things.
22:10Just watch the movie.
22:15It's not fair.
22:17Penny isn't making Leonard hold hands.
22:21There might be a reason for that.
22:23Sweaty?
22:25Unhygienic?
22:27Looks dumb? Take your pick.
22:30Penny said she's not sure
22:32she wants to be Leonard's girlfriend anymore.
22:38Wrong.
22:39She just took a sip from his diet Dr. Pepper.
22:42So?
22:44So if she wants to end her pair bond with Leonard,
22:46why on earth would she guzzle
22:48a witch's brew of his soda and spit?
22:51It's complicated.
22:53String theory is complicated.
22:56That's just yucky.
23:01Don't get any ideas.
23:06All right, for the sake of argument,
23:08let's say that's true.
23:10Why doesn't Penny just end the relationship?
23:12She's not sure how she feels.
23:14How can she not be sure how she feels?
23:17You know, when I asked her,
23:20You know, when I have a feeling, I know it.
23:23Trains? Love them.
23:26Swordfish? I love them, too.
23:29They're fish with a sword for a nose.
23:35Regardless, don't say anything to Leonard.
23:38Now you're asking me to keep a secret
23:41from my best friend, colleague, and roommate?
23:43Yes, please. Penny will kill me.
23:45Fine.
23:47FYI, secret-keeping? Hate it.
23:52Hand-holding? Not a fan.
23:55Hammerhead shark? I love that thing.
23:59Yeah, it's another fish with a tool on its head.
24:03Raisinette?
24:05Shh, we're trying to watch the movie.
24:09This is not working out with him.
24:12Round one. Here.
24:14Got it.
24:16Okay. Ready, set, go.
24:20Uh, box.
24:23Uh, window.
24:26Batman.
24:29Batman and Robin.
24:33Uh, Wonder Twins plus the monkey.
24:37Wonder Twins plus the monkey and Batman.
24:40Uh, gift. Uh, present!
24:42Present! Yeah!
24:45Leonard!
24:47How can you not get that?
24:50In what universe is that a present?
24:53It's not a present. It's the present.
24:56Look, there's you and me.
24:59There's Penny and Amy.
25:01We're playing Pictionary in the present.
25:09Oh, my God, we're gonna kill them.
25:11It's a quark-gluon plasma.
25:15No.
25:17It's asymptotically free partons inside a quark-gluon plasma.
25:21Nothing with quarks.
25:24It's an observational rebuttal of the Lambda CDM model of the universe.
25:29No.
25:31It's a chocolate chip cookie! Yes!
25:36How could you miss that?
25:38How could you miss that?
25:40Hey, if you want someone to guess chocolate chip cookie,
25:42you draw a glass of milk next to it.
25:45Penny got it?
25:47Yeah, only after I eliminated all the obvious answers.
25:50You're welcome.
25:55It's Stephen Hawking.
25:58Answer it. I want to hear.
26:02Professor Hawking, how nice of you to call.
26:06Hello. I really enjoyed our game, Dr. Cooper.
26:10Oh, me too.
26:13Or should I say Dr. Loser?
26:19Ha ha ha.
26:23Yes, congratulations.
26:25You won fair and square.
26:27Very impressive, sir.
26:29Do you like brain teasers?
26:31Oh, I love brain teasers.
26:33What does Sheldon Cooper and a black hole have in common?
26:39They both suck.
26:48Neener, neener.
26:50I'd like to have a conversation about girls.
26:54I had a feeling we'd have a talk like this sooner or later.
26:58Are you finally getting fuzz in weird places?
27:01Penny, please.
27:03I'm on the horns of a relationship dilemma.
27:06And for the record, I had a full pubis of hair by the time I was 19.
27:17You could have a Long Island iced tea.
27:23Would that calm my nerves?
27:26It's calmed the pants off me a couple times.
27:30Sold.
27:34So, the heart you got from the wizard giving you trouble?
27:39Trouble isn't with me, Penny. It's with your gender.
27:42And someday scientists will discover that second X chromosome contains nothing but nonsense and twaddle.
27:49Yeah, Amy told me what happened.
27:51Look, just apologize. It'll warm her twaddle.
27:55It's a band-aid at best.
27:57The core problem is that Amy and Will do not like each other.
28:00Which is baffling, because they're both crazy about me.
28:06Hank, you can't make people like each other.
28:08Not true. Leonard made me like you.
28:12Let me tell you, that was a hard row to hoe.
28:15Cheers, pal.
28:19Ooh.
28:21Boy, that is a treat that's hard to beat.
28:24Get the Mad Hatter on the horn. I'm having a tea party.
28:34You might want to pace yourself.
28:36I drink tea all the time. I think I know what I'm doing.
28:41Hard be it for me to criticize a man with a full pubis.
28:47Look, Sheldon, your problem is not Will Wheaton, okay?
28:49Your problem is the way you treated Amy.
28:51Problem is, I'm out of tea.
28:54Come on. Someone insulted your girlfriend and you just let them do it?
28:58I thought you Texas guys stood up for your woman folk.
29:01Penny, please.
29:03I think I've evolved beyond my simple rustic upbringing.
29:06Sorry.
29:08On the other hand, that low-down polk had done wrong my woman.
29:15Welcome to Long Island, Tex.
29:19Amy deserves better.
29:21You know, when we buy the Planters Deluxe Mix,
29:24she eats all the Brazil nuts so I don't have to look at them.
29:28She's a unique blend of saint and squirrel.
29:32Yep, that she is. Here you go.
29:35I'm a callous egomaniac. She's gonna leave me.
29:38No, she won't.
29:40No, she won't. I'm great.
29:53You