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00:00Uh, hey, guys, guys, you will really appreciate this.
00:03I read the best science joke on the internet.
00:05Alicia, you won't get it, but it's right up their alley.
00:08Anyway, so, this physicist goes into an ice cream parlor every week
00:11and orders an ice cream sundae for himself
00:13and then offers one to the empty stool sitting next to him.
00:16This goes on for a while until the owner finally asks him what he's doing.
00:19The man says, well, I'm a physicist, and quantum mechanics
00:24teaches us that it is possible for the matter above this stool
00:29to spontaneously turn into a beautiful woman
00:31who might accept my offer and fall in love with me.
00:34The owner then says, well, lots of single beautiful women come in here every day.
00:37Why don't you buy an ice cream for one of them and they might fall in love with you.
00:40And the physicist says, yeah, but what are the odds of that happening?
00:50It's a little insulting, don't you think?
00:53How would I know? I'm not even sure I get it.
00:5757, 58, 59, that's one minute.
01:05Long division. Long division. Go, go, go.
01:08Remember, show your work.
01:12I'm okay. I'm okay.
01:19Not okay.
01:21Get up. We can't lose in math.
01:2337!
01:24Yes!
01:27All right. Let us begin.
01:30Where's your notebook?
01:32Um, I don't have one.
01:34How are you going to take notes without a notebook?
01:36I have to take notes?
01:38How else are you going to study for the tests?
01:41There's going to be a test?
01:43Tests.
01:47Here. That's college ruled. I hope that's not too intimidating.
01:55You're welcome. Now, introduction to physics.
01:58What is physics?
02:01Physics comes from the ancient Greek word, physica.
02:07It's at this point that you'll want to start taking notes.
02:11Physica means the science of natural things,
02:15and it is there in ancient Greece that our story begins.
02:19Ancient Greece?
02:20Should you have questions, raise your hand.
02:23It's a warm summer evening, circa 600 BC.
02:27You've finished your shopping at the local market, or agora.
02:35And you look up at the night sky, and there,
02:38you notice some of the stars seem to move,
02:41so you name them planetes, or wanderer.
02:51Yes, Penny?
02:52Um, does this have anything to do with Leonard's work?
02:56This is the beginning of a 2600 year journey we're going to take together,
03:00from the ancient Greeks, through Isaac Newton,
03:05to Niels Bohr, to Erwin Schrodinger,
03:08to the Dutch researchers that Leonard is currently ripping off.
03:132600 years?
03:15Yeah, give or take. As I was saying,
03:17it's a warm summer evening in ancient Greece.
03:21Yes, Penny?
03:22I have to go to the bathroom.
03:24Can't you hold it?
03:25Not for 2600 years.
03:30There's a book under here.
03:31Oh, I'll get that.
03:32Hi, Daddy. Hi, Penny.
03:34Why do you have a history textbook?
03:36No, it's not a big deal.
03:38Just taking a class at the Pasadena Community College.
03:41That's great. I didn't know you wanted to go back to school.
03:44It's just one history class.
03:45Look, I didn't finish college, so I thought I would give it a try.
03:48Not to mention your acting career is going south like Sherman.
03:54Read about it in your book.
03:58Why would you be embarrassed to tell us?
04:00No, I'm not embarrassed. I just didn't want anyone to know
04:02because I haven't told Leonard yet.
04:04Why wouldn't you tell Leonard?
04:05Because it's me going back to school,
04:07and he's going to be all,
04:08you can do it, and how can I help,
04:09and I'm so proud of you.
04:14I just can't believe you could keep something like that from him.
04:17You guys have got to be the weirdest couple I know.
04:27Really?
04:30You can't think of anyone weirder?
04:34I can, but she's sitting right there.
04:41Spaghetti okay?
04:43It's crunchy.
04:45It's the way I like it.
04:48Yeah, I don't think the water was really boiling.
04:52It's great. I love it.
04:54Okay, listen, there's something I need to tell you.
04:57I've been thinking about going back to school for a while now,
05:00so a couple months ago,
05:01I started taking a history class at the community college.
05:04Oh, that's great. Great, great, great.
05:07Why wait so long to tell me?
05:09I just don't want you to make a big deal out of it.
05:11Why do you think I'd be like that?
05:13I get it. You're taking one class. It's nice.
05:15Maybe if it goes well, you take another. You enroll full-time.
05:17Ooh, be sure to keep an eye on which credits transfer to a four-year college.
05:21You're making a big deal.
05:23Sorry. Whatever. It's all good.
05:28Anyway, that's it. I just thought you should know.
05:31Am I allowed to ask how the class is going?
05:33It's really good.
05:34We've been talking about the origins of slavery.
05:36Turning my first paper tomorrow.
05:37Great topic. I can help with that.
05:39You know, there's lots of different perspectives you could take.
05:41Economic, sociological, political.
05:43Hey, this is my paper.
05:45And my perspective is that slavery is bad.
05:50Oh, my professor's black, so I'm pretty sure that's the right answer.
05:55Can I take a look?
05:56No, Leonard. This is my thing.
05:58Okay. I get it.
06:01It's like when I started doing chin-ups.
06:03I didn't want you to see until I could do one.
06:07FYI, I'm really close.
06:12Now, behave yourself and eat your dinner.
06:14And maybe later, if you're lucky, you get to sleep with a college girl.
06:17Really?
06:18Because I went to four years of college and five years of grad school.
06:20That never happened once.
06:41Please be good.
06:44Please be good.
06:49Uh-huh.
06:53Uh-huh.
06:56Okay.
06:58She writes like she cooks.
07:02Okay, what is going on?
07:03Well, ever since Amy started working with Howard, she hasn't been home.
07:06Didn't that just start this morning?
07:09And has she been home?
07:12You know, that would frustrate me.
07:15Does it frustrate you?
07:17It does.
07:18I get that.
07:19You know, it's okay to feel frustrated when things aren't going your way.
07:24I suppose.
07:25Maybe it's not that big a deal.
07:27No, no, no. Your feelings are valid.
07:29Now, why don't you go wash up and we'll call you when dinner's ready.
07:39Okay.
07:43What did you do? Are you a witch?
07:46I've been reading Bernadette's parenting book.
07:48It's like the answer key to the Sheldon test.
07:52That's amazing.
07:53I know, but it's only birth to five.
07:55What do we do when he turns six?
07:59Take him to the zoo and leave him there.
08:04Helium.
08:05Yes.
08:07Taylor Swift.
08:08Yes.
08:11Pi.
08:12Yes.
08:19Kardashian.
08:20More specific?
08:25Khloe?
08:26Yes!
08:27See, I remember because if it looks like him, it's Kim.
08:30If it looks kind of like him, it's Kourtney.
08:32If it looks nothing like him, it's Khloe.
08:35Oh, that's a Venn diagram.
08:37And I remember because I thought to myself,
08:39Venn, is he going to stop talking about this diagram?
08:43What are you guys doing?
08:44Oh, we decided to use our breakfast time to expand our respective knowledge bases.
08:49Oh, let me try.
08:53Atom of hydrogen, atom of maroon five, Mike drop.
08:59I'm sorry, who is Mike drop?
09:02Hey, Penny, do you want to go to the airport with me later to pick up my mother?
09:06Sure.
09:07Thanks.
09:08No problem.
09:09Hey, Penny, since we're already going to be at the airport, do I need to go?
09:13Why don't you want to get your mother from the airport?
09:15I can do without the 40 minute car ride where she criticizes every aspect of my life.
09:20She can cover it in a car ride?
09:23I can do 40 minutes on your posture alone.
09:27You really want me to pick up your mother all by myself?
09:29I just feel like it would be a good chance for you to bond.
09:32Or a way for you to avoid her?
09:35I don't know what he's putting on those cards, but you are smarter than ever.
09:39Fine, if you really want me to, I will pick your mom up.
09:42Seriously?
09:43Yeah, you know what? She is my mother-in-law and I'd like for us to have a good relationship.
09:47That is very mature of you, so I'm going to go ahead and say suck up.
09:53Alright, back to learning.
09:54Okay.
09:56Oh, easy, Bill Nye the science guy.
09:58Or as I know him.
10:00Creepy old dude from Dancing with the Stars.
10:01Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
10:03Step one, worms.
10:07Ew.
10:10Okay, right there.
10:11Ew is one of the things you're not going to want to say in front of your father-in-law.
10:15It's right up there with icky and get it away.
10:18Now pick one up.
10:20Really?
10:21You're going to have to do it when you're fishing.
10:23Okay.
10:29What are you waiting for?
10:30I don't know, for them to die of natural causes.
10:35Pick up a worm and put him on this hook.
10:39Fine.
10:52There.
10:54I'm no expert, but I think the hook has to go through the worm.
10:58Fine.
11:00Sorry, Mr. Worm.
11:02Sherm, Sherm the worm.
11:05Okay, don't name him, just jab a hook in his face.
11:10You got this, buddy?
11:11Yeah, come on, Howard, hook that worm.
11:12You can do it.
11:14That's great, cheerleading, way to man things up.
11:19Now let's assume by some miracle you actually catch a fish.
11:22You're going to have to know how to gut it.
11:23So what you're going to do is you're going to take your knife, slice him right up the belly.
11:33You want me to stop?
11:34No, I'm fine, keep going.
11:36Alright, now you don't want to cut too deep into his guts or the blood will just squirt all over your face.
11:44Oh my God, what is with you guys?
11:47It's not our fault, our dads never did anything like this with us.
11:51What, never?
11:52My dad was an anthropologist.
11:54The only father-son time he spent was with a 2,000-year-old skeleton of an Etruscan boy.
12:00I hated that kid.
12:03Mine just took me to his gynecology office.
12:06I got so bored I put vaginal lubricant at the bottom of my shoes and pretend I was ice skating.
12:16Yeah, well my quality father-son time was spending my adolescence looking out the window.
12:22Waiting for my dad to come back someday.
12:27Yeah, okay, Howard wins.
12:30You know, maybe we didn't have opportunities like this when we were growing up.
12:33But right now there's a dad that wants to take you on a fishing trip.
12:37You're right, I should do this.
12:40Great, here you go.
12:42What you're going to do is you're going to stick your thumb down his throat, grab the guts and pull.
12:48Here we go.
12:56Oh, look, it's a female, you can see all the eggs.
13:01What's up, my nerdizzles?
13:05Raj, Sheldon, I want you to meet my girlfriend, Bernadette.
13:08Hello.
13:09Leonard, Penny, you know my girlfriend, Bernadette.
13:11Bernadette, say fo' shizzle to my nerdizzles.
13:13Bernadette, say fo' shizzle to my nerdizzles.
13:17I don't think I can.
13:20I don't have Howard's street cred.
13:24I hope it's alright, I told my girlfriend Bernadette she could join us for dinner.
13:27Sure, the more the merrier.
13:28Wait, no, that's a false equivalency.
13:30More does not equal merry.
13:32If there were 2,000 people in this apartment right now, will we be celebrating?
13:35No, we'd be suffocating.
13:37Sheldon.
13:38No, Sheldon, me.
13:39We ordered for five people, not six.
13:40Oh, come on, it's fine.
13:41We'll just put it all on the table.
13:42You know, family style.
13:43Oh, sure.
13:44And while we're at it, why don't we put our hands behind our backs, have an old-fashioned eating contest.
13:49Relax, it'll be fine.
13:50Sit down, you guys.
13:54No!
13:55What?
13:57Oh, yeah, you can't sit there.
13:59Why not?
14:00That's where Sheldon sits.
14:02He can't sit somewhere else?
14:04Oh, no, no.
14:05You see, in the winter, that seat is close enough to the radiator so that he's warm,
14:09yet not so close that he sweats.
14:11In the summer, it's directly in the path of a cross breeze, created by opening windows there and there.
14:15It faces the television at an angle that isn't direct, so he can still talk to everybody,
14:19yet not so wide that the picture looks distorted.
14:26Perhaps there's hope for you after all.
14:30Consider this unlikely, but very plausible scenario.
14:33A young woman, alone in the big city.
14:36Her ridiculous dream of becoming an actress lies shattered about her.
14:41Hey, wait a minute.
14:42Hang on, let's see where he's going.
14:44Then it hits her.
14:45How is she going to survive?
14:47But she has no prospects, no marketable skills.
14:50And then one day, she meets a group of geniuses and their friend Howard.
14:59Hey, hi.
15:00Hang on, let's see where he's going.
15:02She befriends them, and then lies in wait until they reveal a marketable idea,
15:07which she steals and sells to the highest bidder.
15:11That is ridiculous.
15:12Oh, is it?
15:13Let's see you come up with an explanation as to why this woman hangs out with us all the time.
15:21Okay, you know what?
15:22I've already mooched dinner off you guys.
15:23I don't need to listen to this.
15:25Okay, as I put the egg on top,
15:30and the flame goes out, and the air pressure decreases in the flask,
15:38what do you think will happen?
15:40I think I know.
15:41It's going to get sucked in.
15:44It's going to get sucked in.
15:47Okay, I did it now.
15:53Yes!
15:56See, I'm not a scientist like them.
16:00I figured that out.
16:03Potato clock, do potato clock.
16:05What's that?
16:07I power a clock with a potato.
16:10Shut up, you can do that?
16:16I mean, wouldn't that solve the world's energy crisis?
16:23No.
16:26No, it wasn't my cat.
16:27It was an experiment designed by this guy named Schrodinger.
16:32From the Charlie Brown cartoons?
16:36No, he was some kind of scientist.
16:37Let me start again.
16:39Oh, hey, Leonard.
16:40Hello.
16:41Leslie.
16:42Hi.
16:47Okay, well, goodnight.
16:52Okay, well, goodnight.
16:53Okay, well, goodnight.
16:57That ain't going to make your point.
17:11Okay, okay, that's enough.
17:15Call me.
17:18Right.
17:21Okay, goodnight.
17:23What?
17:24Have a great time, ciao.
17:25So, how was work today?
17:27Alright, I guess.
17:28Had to hide like a cherry stem out of Sheldon.
17:32It's called Raj, right in the eye.
17:36You're kidding.
17:37No, Raj had to go to the nurse.
17:39How?
17:40Anything else?
17:42The nurse was a woman, so he couldn't talk to her.
17:46She had to bring him a Grover puppet so he could point at what hurt.
17:54Oh, is that it?
17:56Isn't that enough?
17:58You can have a weaponized fruit and a puppet.
17:59What more do you want?
18:02Oh, good, Leonard, you're here.
18:03Science news.
18:04This will interest you.
18:06And, uh, Penny, feel free to paint your nails.
18:10What do you got?
18:11I believe Alex may have unearthed the grade school science project
18:14that could be my ticket to the Nobel Prize.
18:17Behold.
18:19Magnets.
18:20What do they stick to?
18:23If the answer is metal, it's not exactly groundbreaking.
18:27The original title was a re-derivation of Maxwell's equations
18:30regarding electromagnetism.
18:32I dumbed it down because some of the more religious people in town
18:35were starting to say I was a witch.
18:39Sheldon thinks the approach in this paper might change the way
18:41we calculate ferromagnetic hysteresis.
18:44Oh, it's about time I hated the old way.
18:48Hi, I'm Penny.
18:49Alex, do you work with Dr. Hofstadter?
18:51In a way.
18:55We've kind of been involved in a five-year experiment.
18:59Oh, well, you're lucky.
19:00He seems very talented, and I'm sure a lot of people want to work with him.
19:04Oh, well, a lot of people can't.
19:10Where are we going?
19:11My limbic system wants to take your pants off.
19:17She seems nice.
19:18She seems nice.
19:20Notice people on your own time. We're working.
19:24Hey, you don't need Leonard and his app.
19:26You can make one with me.
19:28With you?
19:31Seriously, I have a great idea for one.
19:33Is it better than your idea to move to Los Angeles
19:35and become a famous actress?
19:39Okay, look.
19:40When you see someone wearing shoes you like,
19:42you just snap a picture of them,
19:43and the app goes on the internet to find out where you can buy them.
19:47That's your app idea?
19:48You don't like it?
19:49I didn't say that.
19:50But no, I don't.
19:55Okay, these are Uggs.
19:58These are Crocs.
20:00These are knock-off Manolo Blahniks.
20:02Bored.
20:05Look, you said it yourself.
20:06We have to create a database before you can write an alga thingy.
20:09Algorithm.
20:10You see, Penny, Alan Turing defines an algorithm.
20:13Bored.
20:15Okay, these are Steve Maddens.
20:17These are Nine West.
20:19These are Target.
20:20Oh, but don't they look like Chanel?
20:23These are Michael Kors.
20:26These are Roxy.
20:28These are Sashell.
20:31Oh, these are Betsy.
20:32You having fun with your new best buddy?
20:34Hey, it's your fault your dad likes me.
20:36You dated idiots your whole life.
20:39Well, he was right about one thing.
20:41I am married to a stud.
20:45Really?
20:46Yeah, I felt so bad about selling you out, I thought I would maybe make it up to you.
20:54Wait, wait, I can't.
20:56I mean, I want to, but I'm not supposed to for the next three days.
20:59Oh, that's right, I forgot.
21:02Alright, well, I guess I'll just read a little and then, I don't know, go to sleep.
21:08Really? That's what you're sleeping in?
21:10Oh, you want me to take it off?
21:12No!
21:14Alright, well then pipe down and let me read my comic book.
21:19Honey, I know what you're doing, just please stop.
21:22Ooh, listen to this.
21:24Bam. Pow. Take that, Batman.
21:37Oh.
21:40Hello.
21:43Time to do your laundry, huh?
21:46Saturday night. Saturday is laundry night.
21:49I know. Every Saturday at 8.15. Easy to anticipate.
21:59What are you implying?
22:00I'm implying that you're a creature of habit.
22:03And if something were to prevent you from doing your laundry on Saturday at 8.15,
22:08you might find it...unpleasant.
22:18Knuckle under, my ass.
22:27Oh, no. Are all the machines taken?
22:34What are you gonna do?
22:37No problem. I'll just do my laundry another night.
22:42Another night? Well, I guess you can try, but deep inside your heart,
22:47you'll know that laundry night is always Saturday night.
22:56Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.
23:00Yeah, well, your ken can kiss my Barbie.
23:08Having a little trouble catching your breath there?
23:12No, no. I'm good.
23:14If my PE teachers had told me this is what I was training for, I would have tried a lot harder.
23:21Do or do not, there is no try.
23:26Did you just quote Star Wars?
23:31I believe I quoted Empire Strikes Back.
23:37Oh, my God. I'm lying in bed with a beautiful woman who can quote Yoda.
23:48I love you, Penny.
23:56Oh.
24:05You're welcome.
24:08I just want to put that out there.
24:10Oh, yeah. No. I'm glad.
24:12Good. Glad is good.
24:14Yeah.
24:17No.
24:20So, it's getting pretty late. We should probably go to sleep.
24:25Yeah. Yeah. Probably.
24:28Okay. Good night, sweetie.
24:30Good night.
24:35Wait. It's not all pants. There's one shirt.
24:37Oh.
24:38Hey, that's my shirt.
24:40This one is, too.
24:41No, that's not mine. It has a big spot on it.
24:43Wait. So does this one.
24:45Maybe the spot's the clue.
24:50Sheldon spot. The clue is in your spot!
24:56Oh, that's clever.
24:58Hurry!
24:59Be there in a minute. I just have to pre-soak these.
25:08Stop her, Megan! Stop her!
25:12Stop it!
25:18Well, where the hell's the coin?
25:20Wasn't the answer Sheldon spot?
25:22Oh, yes, Leonard.
25:24Yes, it was.
25:27Where's the coin?
25:29Yes, exactly.
25:31Where is the coin?
25:33Why don't you look in your pockets?
25:37I slipped them in there earlier today.
25:42I don't get it.
25:44Don't you see?
25:46When we're all having fun together, we're already winners.
25:50Oh, look. See?
25:52Even I'm a winner.
25:56Are you kidding me?
25:59That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
26:03You suck.
26:05You suck.
26:06So hot.