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00:00And hold three, two, one.
00:11Very good.
00:14Now let's try warrior two.
00:18And hold.
00:23I've read that there are great yogis who have such mastery over their bodies, they can draw water in through their genitals.
00:39Yeah, well I don't think we're gonna get to do that today.
00:43Too bad.
00:45Seems like a good way to drink a milkshake without getting brain freeze.
00:51Oh, hey.
00:53Now we go to reverse warrior.
01:00How did she get you to do yoga?
01:02Well, to be honest, I thought she said Yoda.
01:08This is interesting. Apparently a key component in some forms of humor is the element of surprise.
01:16Well, that makes sense. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for planning and anticipation and patients with brain lesions...
01:23Brain lesions!
01:31Sheldon, you scared me. That wasn't funny.
01:34Maybe you have a stick up your prefrontal cortex.
01:38Okay, the notion that you can read a few books and come up with a definitive theory of comedy is absurd.
01:45Humor is a complex neurological...
01:53Okay, that's pretty good.
02:02Sheldon! It's not a great time. What do you want?
02:07Hello to you too.
02:10I'm sorry, but this is important.
02:13What is it?
02:14Back to the Future 2 was in the Back to the Future 3 case.
02:19And Back to the Future 3 was, get this, in the Back to the Future 2 case.
02:24So?
02:26So? Did you do that? Or am I in the house with an intruder?
02:32Sheldon, I gotta go inside. It's getting rough out here.
02:38You're dodging the question. I knew it was you.
02:45What was that?
02:46What was what?
02:48This isn't a very good connection, but it sounded like someone just released a Kraken.
02:54Okay, I'm hanging up now. You know there's no such thing as a Kraken!
03:02No!
03:05Penny! Penny! Penny!
03:10What's the matter?
03:12Um, well, I was worried that you might be missing Leonard.
03:18And that might be causing you to have bad dreams.
03:22Like the kind you'd get if you watched Clash of the Titans right before you went to bed.
03:27Sweetie, did you have a bad dream?
03:31To be honest, I did.
03:33Back to the Future 2 was in the Back to the Future 3 case.
03:38Leonard did it.
03:40Good night.
03:41No, wait. Perhaps I should sleep here, so you don't miss Leonard as much.
03:48Because you're being kind of a baby about it.
03:55You know what? That would make me feel better. Thank you.
03:59You're welcome.
04:04Good night.
04:07What are you working on?
04:08Can't talk. In the zone.
04:11Do you know what he's doing?
04:12Could be anything. Last time he was like this, he figured out electron transport and graphene.
04:16Time before that, he was making a list of who's allowed in his tree fort if he ever gets one.
04:22Still can't believe I didn't make the cut.
04:26Uh, Sheldon, you want to take a break? Your food's ready.
04:28What are you doing? He's both happy and quiet.
04:31It's like seeing a unicorn and Bigfoot at the same time.
04:36Sorry we're so late. Bernadette got stuck at work.
04:39Great news. A raccoon virus just crossed the species barrier and now can infect humans.
04:46Why is that great news?
04:48In the pharmaceutical business, we have a saying, mo' infections, mo' money.
04:54Maybe you want to wash your little raccoon hands first.
04:57Oh, calm down. If I had it, I'd be dead already.
05:02Oh, hey Sheldon.
05:04Hello.
05:12You okay?
05:14I'm on vacation. What do you think?
05:18Why are you sitting in the stairwell?
05:21Leonard told me to stay.
05:24Oh. Well, good boy.
05:29Where are you going?
05:30A ton of errands to run. I need to make copies of my headshot, send them off to agents, and sign up for a new acting class.
05:36Have fun.
05:37Okay.
05:45You want to come with me?
05:46Really?
05:48Come on, boy. Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
05:53When Obi-Wan came to Luke on this very spot, he gave him all sorts of helpful advice.
06:00So, um, what do you got for me?
06:06Um, always get a prenup.
06:17That's it?
06:19I thought there'd be more of a reason why you're here.
06:22Well, why do you think I'm here?
06:26I suppose it has something to do with your recent passing.
06:30Is this the first time you've lost, you know, someone close to you?
06:35Oh, no. No, I've already had to say goodbye to 11 Dr. Who's.
06:44Yeah, I've outlived a few of my doctors, too.
06:50What's wrong?
06:53I've made a horrible mistake.
06:55What are you talking about?
06:56This table. It's in square centimeters. I read it as square meters. You know what that means?
07:02That Americans can't handle the metric system?
07:07Amy, I was off by a factor of 10,000.
07:11But the Chinese team found the element.
07:13Yeah, well, they shouldn't have. My calculations were wrong. There must be some resonance between the elements I didn't know about.
07:19You just got lucky?
07:20Sheldon Cooper does not get lucky.
07:25You and me both, brother.
07:28It doesn't matter. The element was found because of you, and that's groundbreaking.
07:32What matters is the greatest scientific achievement of my life is based on a blunder.
07:37I'm not a genius. I'm a fraud.
07:41You know, Sheldon, in neuroscience, we're forever finding something in one part of the brain that we thought was someplace else.
07:46Oh, great. Now I'm worse than a fraud. I'm practically a biologist.
07:53Leonard, do you think I'm funny?
07:55No.
07:59Do you?
08:01I think I'm hysterical.
08:05I take it back. That was funny.
08:09The philosopher Henri Bergson says it's funny when a human being behaves like an object.
08:16I bet that bit killed at the Chuckle Hut.
08:20Oh, he didn't perform stand-up comedy. He was a philosopher.
08:26I think we're zeroing in on your problem.
08:30Perhaps I'll spend some time developing a unified theory of comedy, which will allow me to elicit laughter from anyone at any time.
08:38Unless they're German, because that's a tough crowd.
08:44Are you set on people laughing with you? Because if you're cool without you...
08:53I can't believe I read this table wrong. I blame you.
08:59Me? What did I do?
09:01You distract me. I've been distracted since the moment I met you.
09:07Sorry.
09:08Well, you should be. Because all I can think about is how much I want to kiss you.
09:16And not just on the cheek, but on the mouth.
09:22Like mommies and daddies do.
09:28Oh, Sheldon.
09:35Amy.
09:39Amy.
09:41Did you hear what I said?
09:42Can't talk in the zone.
09:47Isn't that Professor Proton?
09:49Oh, yeah.
09:55Look at him. Just standing in line like he wasn't moderately famous 30 years ago.
10:01Let's go say hello.
10:02Oh, maybe we shouldn't bother him.
10:04I'm not going to bother him. I'm going to talk to him.
10:08He thinks there's a difference.
10:11Arthur. Arthur, it's me, Sheldon Cooper.
10:15But you may not remember because of your advanced age.
10:19Trust me, I remember.
10:23This is my girlfriend, Amy.
10:25Amy, this is television legend Arthur Jeffries.
10:27His science show inspired millions of children.
10:31Hold on. You have a girlfriend?
10:37Yes, and I've heard so much about you.
10:39Hey, look. We're wearing the same orthopedic shoes.
10:44Can't believe I dress like a celebrity.
10:49Okay, I get it now.
10:52Dr. Jeffries, hello again. Leonard Hofstadter.
10:55Oh, right. I remember your girlfriend.
11:00Is she here?
11:04No, she's not.
11:06So what prescription are you getting filled?
11:08Sheldon.
11:09No, wait. I want to guess. Don't tell me.
11:11I wasn't going to tell you.
11:14Sheldon, come on.
11:15No, no, no. I'm really good at this.
11:17Leonard, does it involve difficulty initiating a stream of anything?
11:23Well, given my age, that's more than just a lucky guess.
11:28Hey, Sheldon, let's go mock the people buying homeopathic medicine.
11:31You love that.
11:33But I'm hanging out with my friend, and we're having fun.
11:36Look how happy he is.
11:40What's with all the yelling?
11:42Leonard disproved my element.
11:44Now all the attention is going to go away.
11:46You must be thrilled.
11:47That's it. I'm down to seven friends.
11:51That's counting hobbits and superheroes, right?
11:55When I thought the element was real, I didn't want it.
11:57But now that Leonard made it not exist, I want it more than anything in the world.
12:01The element never existed. I didn't take it away.
12:04Science took it away. Be mad at science.
12:06Don't you dare use science against me.
12:10Science is my best friend.
12:12Oh, good. I'm back up to eight.
12:15Can you tell him he's out of his mind?
12:17Actually, I get what he's saying.
12:18Yes! Nine! Welcome back, buddy.
12:23It's like if you're dating someone you're not that into,
12:25and then they break up with you, and then you want them more than ever.
12:27I have no idea what she's talking about.
12:29But we're ganging up on you, so I agree.
12:33Okay, Sheldon, what do you want me to do?
12:36Hide the information?
12:37If I don't publish it, it's just a matter of time before someone else does.
12:40No, of course you have to publish.
12:42That's your responsibility as a scientist.
12:44Otherwise, it would be unethical. You have no choice.
12:47Fine, I'll publish.
12:48Can you believe this guy?
12:50Come to me because you're my Obi-Wan.
12:56I'm not familiar with that.
13:00Is that an internet?
13:07Wow. You're dead, so I'm going to let that slide.
13:12Obi-Wan Kenobi is a character from Star Wars.
13:15After his physical demise, he comes to Luke Skywalker as his mentor in spirit form.
13:22Well, that clears that up.
13:27You must be here to give me advice.
13:36Oh, this is weird.
13:39Most of my robes open in the back.
13:46Those are your Jedi robes.
13:50Oh, what is this?
13:55Be careful with that.
13:58Whoa.
14:10How neat.
14:17I'm going to need a Band-Aid.
14:21But I made a video.
14:26I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper, and I'd like to tell you why I should be chosen to go to Mars.
14:36I'm exceedingly smart. I graduated college at 14.
14:40While my brother was getting an STD, I was getting a PhD.
14:46Penicillin can't take this away.
14:50Being in close quarters, cleanliness is important.
14:55My hygiene is impeccable.
14:57In fact, animals don't trust me because I smell like nothing.
15:03Literally nothing.
15:08During the seven-month space flight, I can keep up morale with my wacky sense of humor.
15:16Hey, Leonard, is there any peanut brittle left in that can?
15:20You mean this weirdly suspicious one?
15:23Yes. Open it and check.
15:31I don't get it. There's actually peanut brittle in here.
15:41Please go to Mars.
15:45But on a more serious note, the most important reason I want to go to Mars
15:49is that I believe, as a scientist, it's my duty to push the boundaries of human knowledge forward.
15:57Now, I know that life on Mars will be difficult.
16:00But life here on Earth is no picnic.
16:03Also, picnics are no picnic.
16:07Where should we go for lunch? Oh, I know, the ground.
16:11In conclusion, thank you for considering me for this journey of a lifetime.
16:18To Mars!
16:22This is an easy one. You love this guy.
16:25Me.
16:27Come on. He's an underappreciated genius.
16:31Still think it's me.
16:34It's not you. Now think. There's a car named after him.
16:38Of course there is. The Mini Cooper, because it's me.
16:43How about this? He's a poor man's Sheldon Cooper.
16:47Oh, Tesla.
16:50Hi. Hey, how'd it go?
16:52Not fun. The doctor shoved a camera up into my sinuses.
16:55Yeah, I watched. It was like the scary boat tunnel in Willy Wonka.
17:01Did they figure out what's wrong?
17:02Yeah, it's a deviated septum. The surgery to correct it is simple. He's going to do it next week.
17:06Why would you have surgery?
17:08Because I can't breathe. I snore. I get sinus infections.
17:12You're back off. He's all mine.
17:15But you don't have a life-threatening condition. Why would you take the risk of surgery?
17:19Sheldon, it's a routine procedure. I've heard you complain about his snoring.
17:23Yeah, that's for the first five or six years, but I've gotten used to it.
17:27It helps me sleep. He's like my mucus-powered white noise machine.
17:33Sheldon, I'm going to get the surgery. It's no big deal. End of story.
17:36Very well. I'm done talking about it. Thank you.
17:39I believe it was your turn in the game.
17:40Okay.
17:43Let's see. Oh, this person is most famous for never having gotten his nose mutilated with elective surgery
17:51and never living the rest of his life in the shadows as a hideous, disfigured freak.
17:57I think you could give a better clue.
17:59I don't. I'm not even sure if that's a person or a typo.
18:06Can you believe it's been five years since our first date?
18:10I know. Do you think I should start watching the Flash TV show?
18:21That's what you're thinking about?
18:23Well, one of the things.
18:26Are any of them me?
18:29Yes. I thought, I can't decide if I should watch the Flash TV show.
18:33I know. I'll ask Amy.
18:37Anyway.
18:40What are you doing?
18:42You're right. You did kind of kill the mood.
18:45I didn't kill anything. You did, talking about your stupid TV show.
18:50Excuse me? Starting to watch a television show that might run for years isn't a decision to take lightly.
18:56I'm wrestling with a big commitment issue here.
19:00Really? That's the commitment issue you're wrestling with?
19:05Sheldon, do you understand the irony of your fixation on a man with super speed
19:10while after five years all I can get out of you is a distracted make-out session on a couch?
19:16Irony's not really my strong suit.
19:20But I have been getting better with sarcasm if you want to give that a try.
19:24Oh, sure. I'd love to.
19:28Whenever you're ready.
19:36Boy, oh boy, that's a lot of pieces.
19:41You know what they all do, right?
19:44Yes, of course.
19:46What about this one?
19:48Well, how familiar are you with miniaturized integrated logic circuits?
19:53Not very.
19:54That right there is a miniaturized integrated logic circuit.
19:59So, can you get it working?
20:02As an MIT-trained engineer, I built components for the space station.
20:07I thought the zero-gravity toilet didn't work.
20:10It worked fine.
20:12It just wasn't designed for Russian cosmonauts and their potato-based diet.
20:17You think you've got problems?
20:19The Gibbon is the only member of the ape family not classified as a great ape.
20:26How is this helpful?
20:28All the non-human apes are classified as great apes except one.
20:32That means taxonomists created the entire category of lesser ape
20:36just to single out the poor Gibbon as the weird kid on the playground.
20:41Now, there's a hairy little fellow with a genuine beef.
20:45But the Gibbon doesn't know what it's categorized as.
20:48It doesn't even know it's called a Gibbon.
20:50True.
20:51Sorry, kids, you got it worse than a Gibbon.
20:54I've invented a science joke. Would you like to hear it?
20:57Sure.
20:58How many Edisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
21:02How many?
21:03Who cares? He stole the idea and doesn't deserve his own joke.
21:08Is that really true?
21:09Of course. That's how you know it's a good joke.
21:12It not only entertains, it informs.
21:16Hey, sorry to interrupt.
21:18Barry, how many Edisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
21:22Did you know Edison didn't actually invent the white bulb?
21:28What do you want, Barry?
21:30Just wanted to drop this off as a little thank you for Amy.
21:33What's this for?
21:35Your idea really helped me out.
21:37My white cone quantization paper's online already.
21:39The response has been amazing.
21:42Well, that's fascinating. I can't wait to read it.
21:44You don't know me as well.
21:46Please email it to sheldon at bazinga.biz.
21:50Why .biz? Because I just gave you the business.
21:53And also bazinga.com was taken.
21:56Would you like to hear some songs I've rewritten to get children interested in the hard sciences?
22:01Sure.
22:02Really?
22:03Yeah.
22:04I like music. I like science. I like making fun of Sheldon. Hit it.
22:08The itsy bitsy spider is not an insect at all
22:13because it has eight legs and two body parts.
22:18That's pretty cool, Sheldon.
22:21Do either of you know Beyonce? I'd love her to get behind this.
22:27It's the eye of the tiger. It's the ear of the bat.
22:31It's the whiskers of the catfish and the walrus.
22:37Hang on. Not that your song isn't terrible. It is.
22:42How do you mention bats and leave out sonar?
22:46Oh, you didn't let me finish.
22:48And also regarding the bat, it has sonar.
22:55Since we agree on the delivery system for the message, maybe we should talk about what the message could be.
23:00Well, I think we should show what earthlings look like.
23:03The plaque they sent up on the Pioneer probe had a drawing of a naked man and woman on it.
23:07Yeah, I never cared for that.
23:09It's advertising depredator races, just how soft and squishy we are.
23:14Squeeze yourself.
23:15Oh, don't be offended.
23:17You know of the four of us, you have the most veal-like consistency.
23:27Greetings from planet Earth.
23:31Just turn left at Alpha Centauri. You can't miss it.
23:36Delilah, turn the higher up.
23:41Come up and jack me.
23:45Buckle up, you're in for a cranky night.
23:49According to the codicil of the relationship agreement which you insisted upon, we're not allowed to pout or be moody on date night.
23:56You know I just put that in because of uterus stuff.
24:02Well, it applies to you too.
24:04I was afraid you might bring this up, so I have a workaround.
24:15There you go.
24:19Here are some topics that interest me.
24:21Quantum mechanics, trains, flags.
24:24No, no, it's about my acting career.
24:26Oh, I'm sorry, that's not on the list.
24:30How about we split the difference and discuss why Austria was an arch-duchy and not just a regular duchy.
24:38Okay, look, here's the thing.
24:39I like pharmaceutical sales, it's going great, but I have an audition for a movie and if I get it, it could screw everything up.
24:45Hmm, I know exactly what you should do.
24:48Unfortunately, I cannot tell you.
24:52Why?
24:53I'm attempting to turn over a new leaf.
24:56Earlier today it was pointed out to me that I tend to force my ideas on people.
25:01You're really not going to tell me?
25:03Nope, that train has left the station.
25:05Now, we can play this one of two ways.
25:07You can say, trains, tell me more, or you can just look at me like that and I'll start.
25:14If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone?
25:21So it would be today? Huh.
25:26Well, I suppose there's something satisfying about dying on my birthday.
25:31Today's your birthday?
25:32Yes.
25:33Well, that's always been a secret. Not even Amy knows.
25:38Well, I don't enjoy presents.
25:41And the thought of people jumping out and yelling surprise fills me with more dread than the words George Lucas director's cut.
25:50So, why'd you finally tell me?
25:53The point of the experiment is to be completely honest with each other.
25:57Thank you for sharing it with me. I won't tell anyone.
26:05Thank you for walking me home.
26:07Just want to make sure you get there safe.
26:11Well, this is me.
26:16It's been a very interesting evening.
26:18It really has.
26:20It's been a very interesting evening.
26:22It really has.
26:27Surprise!
26:32And that's where I let you be Gary.
26:37Hang on. Hang on. It's working. I did it.
26:39How do you do that?
26:40No idea, but I did it.
26:45You can't be flying it inside.
26:46No, I'm not flying it.
26:47Then who is?
26:48I don't know. Must be getting a Wi-Fi signal from somewhere else.
26:55Initiate landing sequence. Initiate landing sequence.
27:00Hey, the camera's working.
27:01Oh, look. It's me.
27:05Next board. Can I help you?
27:06Yes. It's a robot uprising. Call the police.
27:15So, you really think they liked it?
27:16Oh, sweetie. It was the best speech ever.
27:22Don't worry. Everyone in here is safe.
27:25Never have I ever put my foot in the ocean.
27:34Never have I ever honked if I liked anything.
27:39Oh, uh, never have I ever thrown, caught, or touched a Frisbee.
27:54Never have I ever put salt on my food without trying it first.
28:02Oh, never have I ever pushed all the buttons in an elevator.
28:15Well, we all have a past.
28:18Dear crazy future Sheldon, this is a thermostat.
28:24Dear crazy future Sheldon, this is a thermostat.
28:31It controls the temperature of the apartment.
28:34The ideal setting is 72 degrees.
28:37If you find this too cold, then put on a jacket.
28:40A straight jacket, because 72 is the best, and you're crazy.
28:45Now, this is your spot.
28:49You're very protective of it.
28:50When anyone else tries to sit here, you berate them relentlessly.
28:55It sounds mean, but somehow you make it adorable.
28:59People are also delighted by your love of pranks.
29:03For example, Leonard has no idea what I did to his coffee.
29:10It wasn't replaced with Folgers crystals, I'll tell you that much.
29:14Hey, can we please get back to work?
29:16This is Leonard. He's your best friend in the world.
29:20Just stop. This is ridiculous.
29:24Sometimes he gets cranky.
29:27But you can trust him with your life, and he does more things for you than I can even begin to list.
29:35Oh, no, he's drinking it.
29:39It's nice to get back to nature.
29:42Why don't I do this more often?
29:47What a beautiful forest.
29:52Hello, little butterfly.
29:56What's your name?
29:59What are you doing?
30:01I was enjoying some virtual reality.
30:04You ruined it with your actual face.
30:07What am I smelling?
30:09Oh, it's car air freshener. I was simulating the smell of the forest.
30:13It's not what the forest smells like.
30:16Well, how would I know?
30:20Why are you pretending to be outdoors? You hate it.
30:23Amy showed me a compelling study that demonstrated the cognitive benefit of spending time in the wilderness.
30:29Buddy, I am ready to drive you into the wilderness any time you want and leave you there.
30:33Seems we're at a stalemate.
30:36Not technically.
30:38In chess, a stalemate refers to a situation in which there are no remaining moves.
30:42You have plenty of moves available.
30:43You could beat us up and steal the money.
30:46You could kill us.
30:49Really, you're only limited by your imagination.
30:55All these years I've been using stalemate when I really mean impasse.
31:00I feel foolish.
31:04I don't think it matters if this is a stalemate or an impasse or a Mexican standoff.
31:10What are we going to do here?
31:11How can it be a Mexican standoff? Everybody knows you need three sides for that.
31:15Not necessarily.
31:17Many argue that the essence of a Mexican standoff is that no one can walk away from the conflict without incurring harm.
31:24I don't follow.
31:26Let me give you an example.
31:29Earlier today, I decoded the headers on your email and I know that your name is Kenneth Fitzgerald.
31:35From that I figured out where you live and where you work.
31:37Now, to make this a Mexican standoff, I would say something like,
31:41you give us the helium or I'll turn you into the authorities.
31:44Is that a threat?
31:46Yeah, exactly. See, you're getting it.
31:48Let me spot collectibles.
31:50I have many. My most treasured is an autographed napkin given to me by my very thoughtful friend Penny.
31:56That's her over there.
32:00Hi.
32:03Look at that. I'm in a movie. My shirt stayed on.
32:08Can we see the napkin?
32:10Of course. Excuse me. This will just take a moment.
32:24When did we get a wall safe?
32:28When there was no more room in the floor safe.
32:31When did we get a floor safe?
32:34When we got the security camera.
32:37Security camera?
32:40Aquaman, protecting your home since 2012.
32:45Oh my God, we've done things on that couch.
32:48Yeah, you don't have to tell me.
32:52Right this way, Uncle Harvey.
32:59Will you stop with that already?
33:02I am trying not to attract attention.
33:04And tipping his hat to the cleaning lady didn't do that?
33:07She's had buenos noches. What was he supposed to do?
33:11Start the experiment.
33:13Leonard, we should probably have our stories straight in case we get caught.
33:16We're not getting caught.
33:18You can't be sure of that. What if the helium dealer rats us out?
33:21What if Kripke asks where we got it?
33:23What if the university checks my family tree and finds out I don't have an Uncle Harvey?
33:27The dealer doesn't care. Kripke has no authority over us.
33:30And you being related to a metal container would explain a lot.
33:35Help me hook this up.
33:38Uh-oh.
33:39What?
33:40Look, did you see this sticker?
33:41What is it?
33:42It's partially torn off, but the segment that remains reads property of and the letter U.
33:47It's probably USC or UCLA.
33:49But what if it's property of U.S. government?
33:51There's a national helium reserve in Amarillo, Texas.
33:53If this was stolen from there, we're accessories to a federal crime.
33:56Let's not jump to conclusions. A lot of things start with U.
33:59That's true.
34:01U.S. Air Force, U.S. Department of Defense, U.S. Navy.
34:05You and I are going to jail.
34:07Listen, we can do the experiment as planned and beat the Swedish team to the punch,
34:12or we can kiss our dreams goodbye because we're too afraid to break a few rules.
34:20Amarillo, Texas.
34:22Ma'am?
34:25This may be the rum talking, but as long as the unpinning rate of the vortices is kept within 1.1 and 1.3,
34:32the magnus force issue should be negligible.
34:37Even drunk, he's still smarter than all of us.
34:41And stronger.
34:43Who wants to see me beat up the bartender?
34:47I'd enjoy that.
34:48Nah, she's a good kid.
34:52Now, Leonard, he says Sheldon's drunk and they're going to do karaoke if we want to join them.
34:58That sounds fun.
35:01Oh no, Sheldon's drunk texting me.
35:04What's it say?
35:06Would you like to sing karaoke with us?
35:08How's that a drunk text?
35:10Well, he used a period instead of a question mark. He's so wasted.
35:13You actually think it's 2003?
35:16No, just because I'm living my life like it was 12 years ago doesn't mean I'm delusional.
35:21And, since it is 2003, I don't know who you are.
35:25So, please exit the premises before I call the police on my stylish new flip phone.
35:32Hello, 2003.
35:37Hey, we brought you time...
35:41Where is everything?
35:43In my present, it's in the future.
35:45In your present, it's been crammed in the bedroom by an enterprising young man I met in the Home Depot parking lot.
35:52I know what you're doing. You're trying to get attention so we'll feel bad for you, but it's not happening.
35:57No, what I'm doing is trying to figure out how to live my life now that everyone is leaving me.
36:02Knock it off. We're across the hall.
36:04As the kids are saying today, talk to the hand.
36:08They're not saying that.
36:11They are in 2003.
36:13No, no, they're really not.
36:15Oh, there's a woman. I'll make her my girlfriend.
36:18Whoa, whoa.
36:20Walking up to a strange woman in a bar usually doesn't work.
36:24You're forgetting something.
36:26Ladies love jocks.
36:29How many sips of the beer did you have?
36:31Three.
36:32Oh, boy.
36:35Excuse me, I'm recovering from a recent breakup and I'm told asking out another woman might make me feel better.
36:43And, as Ash Ketchum said to Pikachu, I choose you.
36:46What?
36:48It's a Pokemon reference.
36:50I don't know what that means.
36:52Well, we gave it a shot.
36:55How about you?
36:57I'm married and I'm her grandmother.
37:01Ah, what might have been.
37:04And you, give my regards to Barnum and Bailey.
37:17Oh, great, this again.
37:21Arthur, what brings you back?
37:24That beats me. I just hope this isn't a sex dream.
37:31In the past, you've come to me when I'm struggling with a dilemma.
37:35And the one time where you were afraid and you needed me for a night light.
37:44What's troubling you?
37:47Well, my friends are telling me I shouldn't abandon my girlfriend on her birthday to see the new Star Wars movie.
37:56Sounds right.
38:00Can I get out of this moo-moo now?
38:05Those are the robes of the Jedi, the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy.
38:11And they don't wear underwear.
38:17So, you agree with my friends that I should skip the premiere?
38:24Do you love this girl?
38:27Yes, but she knows how important Star Wars is to me.
38:32Maybe you should show her how important she is to you.
38:37By seeing the movie she'd want me to see?
38:41Children, you can see this movie whenever you want.
38:44But you only have a limited number of days that you can be with this woman.
38:51Be with her.
38:55You're right.
38:57Great.
38:59Where are you going?
39:01I don't know, but hopefully somewhere I can wear pants.
39:06My entire point of emulating Spock was to rise above human emotion,
39:10My entire point of emulating Spock was to rise above human emotion,
39:14which I've spent a lifetime mastering.
39:16Oh.
39:19Excuse me?
39:21I'm sorry, I'm not here.
39:23No, you went, what does mean?
39:25Um.
39:27You did go.
39:29Okay, fine.
39:31Sheldon, I'm no expert, but aren't you completely missing the point of Spock?
39:34He liked to act like he had no emotions, but he was still half human.
39:37Just like you.
39:39I'm just saying, you pretend you don't, but you have feelings just like everybody else.
39:43Not true. No, look at me.
39:45I had an engagement ring to give a girl, and instead she rejected me.
39:49And am I emotional about that? No.
39:51No, I am sitting here on a couch, talking about my favorite TV character like nothing happened.
39:56Because I am just like him. All logical. All the time.
39:59Sweetie, you're yelling.
40:01Because when I speak at a regular volume, no one seems to believe me that I put this Amy nonsense behind me.
40:09This documentary is going to be awesome.
40:14There was a song I couldn't get out of my head.
40:17Eventually I realized the song was about you.
40:20And like that earworm, I can't get you out of my heart.
40:25So, what I'm trying to say is, you're my heartworm.
40:31The metaphorical kind, not the poodle killing kind.
40:36What?
40:38If I may, I believe what he's saying, in a charming and delightful way, is that he loves you and wants you back.
40:46Dave Gibbs, huge fan of your work. Don't mind me.
40:53I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were on a date.
40:56No, it's okay. Keep going.
40:59Amy, if you want to be my girlfriend again, I really want to be your boyfriend.
41:04I really want that too.
41:06Good. Because I love you.
41:11I love you too.
41:15Kiss her, you brilliant fool!
41:23Is there a reason I had to leave my own apartment?
41:26Well, I think they just want you to see it for the first time all decorated.
41:30But who's going to tell them they're doing it wrong?
41:32Well, I'm sure they'll ask you to give a speech, and that's when you just tear them a new one.
41:39I have to say, you do look good in that suit.
41:42Oh, thank you.
41:44Maybe later I'll get to see you in your birthday suit.
41:52This is my birthday suit.
41:56Are you having a stroke?
41:59Are you having a stroke?
42:02Because that's the kind of thing that just ruins a birthday party.
42:06Stipulated in the contract that your contributions to our invention are as valuable as my own.
42:11Are you saying that his contributions aren't as valuable as yours?
42:15No, I'm not saying that because I kept saying that this morning and Leonard said stop saying that.
42:23See, this is what happens every time we work together.
42:25You know, hang on. What if Sheldon had no choice but to be respectful?
42:30What, is there a switch on the back of his neck we don't know about?
42:34No, what I'm saying is you could add a clause to the contract that he can't make fun of Howard.
42:39How would you enforce it?
42:41Oh, please. Any contract I sign is enforced by my own personal code of ethics.
42:46And his obsessive-compulsive disorder.
42:48Yeah, that too.
42:50And scoot over. Part of your shadow's on my spot.
42:56Howard, what do you think?
42:59I'm on board. I'll add it right now. Oh, baby, it's addendum time.
43:06Happy birthday, buddy.
43:08Cheers.
43:10Thank you. That was wonderful.
43:13Oh, wait, wait, wait. Stuart didn't get to speak.
43:15Oh, oh, okay.
43:18Sheldon, I've spent most of my life feeling invisible, but having you and everyone...
43:23Hey, everybody, listen up.
43:26He nailed it.
43:29I've got someone who couldn't be here but really wanted to wish you a happy birthday.
43:35Hello, Sheldon.
43:37Professor Hawking.
43:39Happy birthday to you.
43:41Thank you so much. I can't believe it.
43:44Happy birthday to you.
43:46Oh, you're singing. I'm sorry.
43:48Happy birthday, dear Sheldon.
43:51Professor Hawking, if you just give us one second, we'll light the candles and we can all sing together.
43:56I wasn't rushing it, but all right.
44:00Okay, while they get the cake, Sheldon, I just want to say,
44:03I hope you didn't think you were going to get through tonight without a hug.
44:07You know, I used to hate these hugs.
44:12Now they're just extremely irritating.
44:20Happy birthday, Sheldon.