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00:00Excuse me, do you know anything about this stuff?
00:03I know everything about this stuff.
00:05Okay, I have my own wholesale flower business
00:08and I want to hook up my computer in the front entrance
00:11with the one in my refrigerated warehouse.
00:12Here, buy this one.
00:13Look, it's the one we're getting.
00:14See, happy guy.
00:15No, no, no, no, she doesn't want that.
00:17She needs a point-to-point peer network
00:19with a range extender.
00:22Which hard drive do I want?
00:24Firewire or USB?
00:26It depends on what bus you have available.
00:31I drive a Chevy Cavalier.
00:35Oh, dear Lord.
00:37Sheldon, we have to go.
00:38Not now, Penny, this poor man needs me.
00:40You hold on, I'll be right with you.
00:42What computer do you have?
00:44And please don't say a white one.
00:49Okay, we don't have that in stock.
00:52But I can special order it for you.
00:55Him.
00:58Excuse me, sir, you don't work here.
01:01Yes, well, apparently neither does anyone else.
01:05Sheldon, we have to go.
01:06Why?
01:07Well, for one thing, we're late for Leonard's birthday party,
01:09and for another, I told him to call security.
01:13Good luck.
01:17By the way, a six-year-old could hack your computer system.
01:19Keep walking.
01:20Yeah, one, two, three, four is not a secure password.
01:23Hey, her apartment's on the fourth floor,
01:25but the elevator's broken, so you're going to have to...
01:27Oh, you're just going to be done?
01:28Okay, cool, thanks.
01:31I guess we'll just bring it up ourselves.
01:33I hardly think so.
01:35Why not?
01:37Well, we don't have a dolly or lifting belts
01:40or any measurable upper body strength.
01:43We don't need strength, we're physicists.
01:46We are the intellectual descendants of Archimedes.
01:48Give me a fulcrum and a lever and I can move the earth.
01:50It's just a matter...
01:51I don't have this.
01:52I don't have this! I do not have this!
01:54Archimedes would be so proud.
02:03Do you have any ideas?
02:05Yes, but they all involve a green lantern and a power ring.
02:10Easy.
02:11Easy.
02:16Okay.
02:17Now we've got an inclined plane.
02:19The force required to lift is reduced
02:21by the sine of the angle of the stairs.
02:22Call it 30 degrees, so about half.
02:24Exactly half.
02:28Exactly half.
02:31Let's push.
02:34Okay.
02:36See, it's moving. This is easy.
02:38All the math.
02:40What's your formula for the corner?
02:42What?
02:46Oh.
02:47Okay.
02:48Uh...
02:49Okay, yeah, no problem.
02:50Just come up here and help me pull and turn.
02:57Ah, gravity.
02:58Thou art a heartless bitch.
03:02You do understand that our efforts here
03:04will in no way increase the odds
03:06of you having sexual congress with this woman?
03:09Men do things for women without expecting sex.
03:12Those would be men who just had sex.
03:16I'm doing this to be a good neighbor.
03:19In any case, there's no way it could lower the odds.
03:24Almost there.
03:26Almost there.
03:28Almost there.
03:29No, we're not.
03:30No, we're not.
03:33Watch your fingers.
03:34Watch your fingers.
03:35I've got my fingers.
03:37Next question.
03:38What is the quantum mechanical effect
03:40used to encode data on hard disk drives?
03:43Howard.
03:44And of course, the answer is giant magnetoresistance.
03:46Right.
03:47Yes.
03:48Hey, I buzzed in.
03:49And I answered.
03:50It's called teamwork.
03:53Don't you think I should answer the engineering questions?
03:56I am an engineer.
03:57By that logic, I should answer all the anthropology questions
04:00because I'm a mammal.
04:04Just ask another one.
04:06Okay.
04:07What artificial satellite has seen glimpses
04:09of Einstein's predicted frame dragging?
04:12And of course, it's gravity probe B.
04:15Sheldon.
04:16You have to let somebody else answer.
04:18Why?
04:19Because it's polite.
04:21What do manners have to do with it?
04:23This is war.
04:25Were the Romans polite when they salted the ground of Carthage
04:27to make sure nothing would ever grow again?
04:31Leonard, you said I only had to ask questions.
04:35The objective of the competition is to give correct answers.
04:38If I know them, why shouldn't I give them?
04:40Some of us might have the correct answers, too.
04:43Oh, please.
04:44You don't even have a PhD.
04:45All right, that's it.
04:46Howard, sit down.
04:47Okay.
04:48All right.
04:49I'm moving my infantry division,
04:51augmented by a battalion of orcs from Lord of the Rings.
04:54We flank the Tennessee Volunteers,
04:56and the North once again wins the Battle of Gettysburg.
05:00Not so fast.
05:01Remember, the South still has two infantry divisions,
05:03plus Superman and Godzilla.
05:06No, no, no, no.
05:07Orcs are magic.
05:08Superman is vulnerable to magic.
05:09Not to mention, you already lost Godzilla
05:11to the Illinois Cavalry and Hulk.
05:14Why don't you just have Robert E. Lee
05:16charge the line with Shiva and Ganesh?
05:18All right, you guys ready to order?
05:19Hang on, honey.
05:20Shiva and Ganesh?
05:21The Hindu gods against the entire Union army?
05:24And orcs.
05:26I'll be back.
05:27Excuse me.
05:28Ganesh is the remover of obstacles,
05:30and Shiva's the destroyer.
05:31When the smoke clears, Abraham Lincoln
05:33will be speaking Hindi and drinking mint juleps.
05:36All right, my boss says you have to either order or leave
05:38and never come back.
05:39Okay, first of all,
05:41what you call a gap was nearly three feet wide.
05:43I slipped and skinned my knee.
05:45Are you okay?
05:47Second of all, the door to the stairwell
05:48of the other building was locked,
05:49so I had to go down the fire escape,
05:51which ends on the third floor,
05:52forcing me to crawl through the window
05:54of a lovely Armenian family
05:55who insisted I stay for lunch.
05:59That doesn't sound too bad.
06:00It was eight courses of lamb,
06:01and they tried to fix me up with their son.
06:06Sorry.
06:07Not done.
06:08By the time I finally got to work,
06:09they'd given my shift away.
06:10Yeah, that's right.
06:11I'd lost an entire day's pay thanks to this.
06:13This...
06:14Time machine.
06:19The lights flash and the dish spins.
06:20You want to try it?
06:21No!
06:23I don't want to try it!
06:24My God, you are grown men!
06:26How can you waste your lives
06:28with these stupid toys and costumes
06:30and comic books and...
06:31And now that!
06:32That!
06:33Again, time machines.
06:37Oh, please.
06:38It's not a time machine.
06:39If anything, it looks like something
06:40Elton John would drive through the Everglades.
06:47I had a nice time.
06:48Yeah, me too.
06:51Well, um, goodnight.
06:53Goodnight.
06:55Leonard.
06:56Yeah?
06:58Was this supposed to be a date?
07:01This?
07:03No.
07:06Oh, of course not.
07:08This was just you and me
07:09hanging out with a bunch of guys
07:11who didn't show up
07:12because of work and a colonoscopy.
07:16Okay.
07:17I was just checking.
07:19When I take a girl on a date,
07:21and I do,
07:24she knows she's been dated.
07:28Capital D.
07:31Boldface.
07:32Underline.
07:33Dated.
07:35I think I might have a little concussion.
07:37I'm gonna go lay down for a while.
07:39Goodnight.
07:43So, how was your date?
07:46Awesome.
07:51Score one for liquor and poor judgment.
07:55Where's Christy?
07:56In the shower.
07:57Oh, by the way,
07:58where did you get that loofah mitt?
08:00Yours reaches places that mine just won't.
08:05You used my loofah?
08:08More precisely,
08:09we used your loofah.
08:11I exfoliated her brains out.
08:15You can keep that, too.
08:18Ah, well,
08:19then we'll probably need to talk
08:20about your stuffed bear collection.
08:23Howard?
08:24In here, m'lady.
08:27Mmm.
08:28There's my little engine that could.
08:31Chicka-chicka-chicka-chicka-chicka.
08:33Chicka-chicka-chicka-chicka-chicka.
08:37Oh, there's one beloved children's book
08:38I'll never read again.
08:39Would you agree that the primary way
08:41we would evaluate either the success
08:43or failure of the date
08:44would be based on the biochemical reaction
08:46during the goodnight kiss?
08:47Heart rate, pheromones, et cetera, yes.
08:50Well, why don't we just stipulate
08:51that the date goes well
08:52and move to the key variable?
08:54You mean kiss you now?
08:55Yes.
08:56Can you define the parameters of the kiss?
08:58Closed mouth but romantic.
08:59Mint?
09:09Shall I count down from three?
09:10No, I think it needs to be spontaneous.
09:20What do you think?
09:21You proposed the experiment.
09:22I think you should present your findings first.
09:25Fair enough.
09:27On the plus side, it was a good kiss.
09:29Reasonable technique.
09:30No extraneous spittle.
09:33And no arousal.
09:35None?
09:36None.
09:38Ah.
09:41Well, thank you for your time.
09:49None at all?
09:54Leonard, excellent.
09:55I want to show you something.
09:56Can it wait?
09:57I need to talk to you.
09:58Just look.
09:59I've designed the perfect uniforms for our team.
10:01The colors are based on Star Trek, the original series.
10:03The three of you will wear support red
10:05and I will wear command gold.
10:09Why do they say AA?
10:11Army ants.
10:14Isn't that confusing?
10:15AA might mean something else to certain people.
10:18Why would a physics bowl team be called anodized aluminum?
10:23No, I mean...
10:25Never mind.
10:27Check it out.
10:29I got you a Batman cookie jar.
10:32Oh, neat!
10:34What's the occasion?
10:35Well, you're a friend and you like Batman and cookies
10:39and you're off the team.
10:44What?
10:45Howard, Raj and I just had a team meeting.
10:47No, you didn't.
10:48Yes, we did.
10:49I just came from there.
10:50Okay, I don't know where you just came from
10:52but it couldn't have been a team meeting
10:54because I'm on the team and I wasn't there.
10:55Ergo, the team did not meet.
10:58Okay, let me try it this way.
11:01I was at a coffee clatch with a couple of friends
11:04and one thing led to another
11:05and it turns out you're off the team.
11:09Why?
11:10Because you're taking all the fun out of it.
11:12I'm sorry?
11:13Is the winner of the physics bowl the team that has the most fun?
11:16Okay, let me try it this way.
11:18You're annoying and no one wants to play with you anymore.
11:23Take him down!
11:24He's got you, Sheldon.
11:26Come on!
11:27Okay, guys, guys.
11:28Some of the other waitresses wanted me to ask you something.
11:31It's called trestling.
11:32It combines the physical strength of arm wrestling
11:34with the mental agility of Tetris into the ultimate sport.
11:38Yeah, that's terrific
11:39but what they wanted me to ask you is to cut it the hell out.
11:42All right, come on, guys.
11:43Come on.
11:44Happy birthday to you.
11:48We might as well stop.
11:49It's a stalemate.
11:50You're beating me in Tetris
11:51but you've got the upper body strength of a Keebler elf.
11:54Keebler elf?
11:55I got a Keebler elf right here.
12:02Okay, it's a stalemate.
12:03Guys, push.
12:04If I push any harder, I'm gonna give birth to my colon.
12:10Oh, hey, guys.
12:11Oh, hi, Penny.
12:15Take a break, guys.
12:18What are you doing?
12:19Oh, you know, just moving a time machine.
12:23Yeah, okay, neat.
12:24But I really gotta get to work, so...
12:25No problem.
12:33Hang on.
12:36But what about your time machine?
12:38Some things are more important than toys.
12:49I'm scared.
12:50Don't worry, baby, I've got you.
12:53Oh, Leonard.
13:14It's still my turn.
13:21This is amazing.
13:23Just sitting on a couch watching TV with a woman.
13:27Not being drunk or high
13:29or wondering if you're a dude down there.
13:34Leo, you are a very sweet, really funny guy.
13:38You're gonna do okay.
13:40One day at a time, Penny.
13:46One day at a time.
13:51One day at a time.
13:54How long is he going to stay here?
13:57He's a homeless drug addict, Leonard.
13:58Where is he going to go?
14:01Boy, you have a lot to learn about lying.
14:10Hey, Leslie.
14:11Careful, Leonard.
14:12Liquid nitrogen, 320 degrees below zero.
14:16Burn.
14:21Why are you smashing a flash-frozen banana?
14:24Because I got a bowl of Cheerios and I couldn't find a knife.
14:29So anyway...
14:31Hello.
14:35Uh, what are you doing?
14:37Just extending the intimacy.
14:39Hey, do you want to slip over to the radiation lab
14:42and share a decontamination shower?
14:45Okay, uh, what exactly do you think's going on between us?
14:50I'm not sure, but I think I'm about to discover how the banana felt.
14:58Listen, Leonard, neither of us are neuroscientists,
15:00but we both understand the biochemistry of sex.
15:02I mean, dopamine in our brains is released
15:04across synapses, causing pleasure.
15:06You stick electrodes in a rat's brain, give him an orgasm button,
15:08he'll push that thing until he stops breathing.
15:10Well, who wouldn't?
15:12Well, the only difference between us and the rat
15:14is that you can't stick an electrode in our hypothalamus.
15:16That's where you come in.
15:20Yeah, well, I'm just glad to be a part of it.
15:24So what happens now?
15:25Well, I don't know about your sex drive,
15:27but I'm probably good till New Year's.
15:31Oh.
15:32Okay.
15:34So, uh, what do you think's going on between us?
15:37Oh.
15:39Okay.
15:46You want to make plans for New Year's?
15:47Whoa, Leonard, please, you're smothering me.
15:50Okay, new contest.
15:51What are you doing?
15:52I am settling once and for all
15:54who is the smartest around here.
15:57Okay? Are you ready?
15:58Absolutely.
15:59Bring it on.
16:00Okay.
16:01Marsha, Jan, and Cindy were the three daughters
16:03in what TV family?
16:07Okay.
16:10The Brady Bunch.
16:12Okay.
16:14Sammy Hagar replaced David Lee Roth
16:16as the lead singer in what group?
16:22The Brady Bunch?
16:26Van Halen.
16:28All right.
16:29Madonna was married to this Ridgemont High alum.
16:32Oh, my God, Sean Penn!
16:35How do you know these things?
16:38I go outside and I talk to people.
16:42Okay, here.
16:43What actor holds the record for being named
16:45People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive?
16:48William Shatner.
16:52I don't think it's Shatner.
16:54Then it's got to be Patrick Stewart.
16:59No.
17:00No.
17:01Formal protest.
17:05All right, singer who sang
17:06Oops, I Did It Again?
17:12I'm doing everything for you
17:13because you're leading them on.
17:14So I let them do stuff for me.
17:16They're happy.
17:17I get stuff.
17:18Who cares?
17:19And how's it any different from what you do?
17:24Excuse me?
17:26I've seen you around them.
17:27Are you pretending like you don't do
17:29the exact same thing?
17:31Okay, lady.
17:32You are way out of line.
17:35Oh, I'm out of line?
17:37Yeah, you're out of line.
17:39Well, what are you going to do about it?
17:42Bitch.
17:47I like Green Lantern.
17:48I'm just saying it's pretty lame
17:50that he can be defeated by the color yellow.
17:53Only the modern Green Lantern
17:54is vulnerable to yellow.
17:56Golden Age Green Lantern was vulnerable to wood.
17:58Great.
17:59So I can take them both out
18:00with a number two pencil?
18:07Oh, my God!
18:09Girl fight!
18:12What are you doing?
18:13You're stupid enough to break it up.
18:17Wait.
18:18Is this your card or isn't it?
18:23Trust me.
18:24This is their card.
18:25I thought you were good at this.
18:28You're always talking about
18:29how you go to bars and meet women.
18:31I do.
18:32All the time.
18:33Well, what happened?
18:34I'm sitting here all night
18:35and the longest conversation
18:36you've had with a woman
18:37was when your mom called.
18:45Wow, you're just going to make me
18:46come out and say it, aren't you?
18:48Say what?
18:49You're weighing me down.
18:54I'm a falcon who hunts better solo.
18:57Fine.
18:58I'll sit here.
18:59You take flight and hunt.
19:02Don't be ridiculous.
19:03You can't just tell a falcon
19:04when to hunt.
19:06Actually, you can.
19:09There's a whole sport built around it.
19:13Falconry.
19:18Shut up.
19:20Let's just get Cthulhu and go.
19:28Lucky bastard.
19:33It's got to be that stupid accent of his.
19:38Hello, I'm Sanjay Walowitz from Bombay.
19:44Okay, I'm stumped.
19:45Everything has to do with sex.
19:47Hmm, testify.
19:50I'm not touching that.
19:53Leslie, you are way off base here.
19:55Hang on, Leonard.
19:56Well, I have no respect
19:57for Leslie as a scientist
19:58or a human being, for that matter.
20:01We have to concede
20:02her undeniable expertise
20:04in the interrelated fields
20:05of promiscuity
20:06and general sluttiness.
20:11My point is that Tinkerbell
20:12just needs to get her some.
20:14Some what?
20:15Oh, yes.
20:16Some sexual intercourse.
20:19I'll take the bullet.
20:21I'll take the bullet.
20:25Excuse me, this whole idea is insane.
20:27Enough debate.
20:28I'm going to take action.
20:30Excuse me.
20:32Are you currently involved
20:33in a sexual relationship?
20:37No.
20:38Would you like to be?
20:43Sure, why not?
20:45Sheldon?
20:46Pip-pip-pip-pip.
20:49Can I have your phone number?
20:53Uh, yeah.
20:56Yeah.
21:06There, problem solved.
21:11Dumbass.
21:14Oh, boy.
21:17What?
21:18I can't comment
21:19without violating our agreement
21:20that I not criticize your work.
21:23Then what was,
21:24oh, boy?
21:25Great restraint on my part.
21:29There's nothing wrong
21:30with the science here.
21:31Perhaps you mean
21:32a different thing than I do
21:33when you say science.
21:42Okay, how's that?
21:44You actually had it right
21:45in the first place.
21:48Once again, you've fallen
21:49for one of my classic pranks.
21:52Bazinga.
21:59Well, now, here's a peculiar e-mail.
22:01The president of the university
22:02wants me to meet him
22:03at his office tomorrow morning
22:04at 8 a.m.
22:05Why?
22:06Doesn't say.
22:07Must be an emergency.
22:08Everyone at the university
22:09knows I eat breakfast at 8
22:11and move my bowels at 8.20.
22:15Yes, how did we live
22:16before Twitter?
22:20I guess you'll find out
22:21what it is in the morning.
22:22Well, that's 14 hours away.
22:24And for the next 840 minutes,
22:26I'm effectively
22:27one of Heisenberg's particles.
22:28I know where I am,
22:29or I know how fast I'm going,
22:30but I can't know both.
22:32How am I supposed to carry on
22:33with this huge, annoying thing
22:34hovering over my head?
22:37Yeah, I know the feeling.
22:38Okay, I got a box,
22:39but there's no key in here,
22:40just letters.
22:41That's the wrong box.
22:42Put it back.
22:43Oh, Sheldon,
22:44are these letters
22:45from your grandmother?
22:46Don't read those letters.
22:47Oh, look,
22:48she calls you Moon Pie.
22:49That is so cute.
22:50Put down the letters!
22:56Hey, Penny, it's Leonard.
22:57Hey, Leonard,
22:58how's the train ride?
22:59Delightful.
23:01Listen, I don't know
23:02what you're doing right now,
23:03but there are little bubbles
23:04forming in the corner
23:05of Sheldon's mouth.
23:06Okay, yeah,
23:07I kind of crossed a line.
23:08Put him back on.
23:12I'm back.
23:13What up, Moon Pie?
23:16No one calls me Moon Pie
23:17but Meemaw.
23:21Hey, Penny, Leonard again.
23:24Okay, I found the box.
23:25Now what?
23:26You're holding
23:27a Japanese puzzle box
23:29which takes ten precise moves
23:31to open.
23:32First, locate the panel
23:34with the diamond pattern
23:35and slide the center portion
23:37one millimeter to the left.
23:39Then, on the opposite end
23:41of the box,
23:42slide the entire panel
23:43down two millimeters.
23:45You'll hear a slight click.
23:47Hang on, Sheldon,
23:48do you have any emotional
23:49attachment to this box?
23:51No, it's a novelty
23:52I ordered off the Internet.
23:53Did you hear the click?
23:54Not yet.
23:59There it is.
24:02Forget I told you about Moony
24:04not graduating
24:05from community college, okay?
24:06Forget?
24:07You want me to forget?
24:08This mind does not forget.
24:10I haven't forgotten
24:11a single thing
24:12since the day my mother
24:13stopped breastfeeding me.
24:16It was a drizzly Tuesday.
24:17Okay.
24:19Look, you promised me
24:20you would keep my secrets.
24:21You're just gonna have to
24:22figure out a way to do it.
24:25Leonard, I'm moving out.
24:38Who is it?
24:42Oh, hello, Penny.
24:43It's open. Come in.
24:48Sarcasm.
24:51Well, they're all still up there.
24:53You think I can't hear them?
24:54Listen to that.
24:55Stomp, stomp, stomp.
24:57It's Wolowitz
24:58and his stacked heels
24:59that fool no one.
25:02I don't even know why I care.
25:04I don't care.
25:06You know, Penny,
25:07there's something
25:08that occurs in beehives
25:09you might find interesting.
25:11Occasionally,
25:12a new queen will arrive
25:13while the old queen
25:14is still in power.
25:16When this happens,
25:17the old queen
25:18must either locate
25:19to a new hive
25:20or engage in a battle
25:22to the death
25:23until only one queen remains.
25:28What are you saying?
25:29That I'm threatened
25:30by Alicia?
25:31That I'm, like,
25:32the old queen of the hive
25:33and it's just time for me to go?
25:35I'm just talking about bees.
25:37They're on the Discovery Channel.
25:40What are you talking about?
25:44Bees?
25:46Leonard, could you pick me up
25:47a few comics for my nephew's birthday?
25:49Sure, what is he like?
25:50I don't know, he's 13.
25:51Just pick out anything.
25:52Just pick out anything?
25:55Or maybe at the same time
25:56we can pick out a new suit for him
25:57without knowing his size.
25:59Or pick out his career for him
26:00without knowing his aptitude.
26:01Or pick out a new breakfast cereal
26:02without knowing his fiber requirements.
26:07Or his feelings
26:08about little marshmallows.
26:12Spider-Man, get him Spider-Man.
26:14Amazing Spider-Man,
26:15Ultimate Spider-Man,
26:16Spectacular Spider-Man,
26:17The Marvelous Adventures of Spider-Man,
26:18Spider-Man 2099.
26:21Leonard?
26:22You know this can go on all night.
26:23Why don't you just come with us?
26:26That's what I was trying to avoid.
26:29Oh, I forgot
26:30Sensational Spider-Man.
26:36Aw, what a cute little store.
26:42Everybody's staring at me.
26:46Don't worry,
26:47they're more scared of you
26:48than you are of them.
26:50Unlikely.
26:55Here, what about this one
26:56for my nephew?
26:57A superb choice.
26:58Oh, great.
26:59Yeah, provided he has already read
27:00Infinite Crisis and 52
27:02and is familiar with
27:03the reestablishment
27:04of the DC multiverse.
27:07What's a multiverse?
27:09Get her out of here.
27:12Come on, I'll help you
27:13pick something.
27:16That's right.
27:17She's with us.
27:20Guys like that
27:21are so pathetic.
27:24Tell me about it.
27:26Ooh, look,
27:27a new Batman belt buckle.
27:29Okay, let me guess.
27:30Quesadilla with soy cheese
27:31for the lactose intolerant
27:32Leonard.
27:34Shrimp Caesar salad
27:35with no almonds
27:36for the highly allergic
27:37kosher-only-on-the-high-holidays
27:38Howard.
27:40And for our suddenly-back-on-
27:41the-Hindu-wagon Raj
27:42meat-lover's pizza,
27:43no meat.
27:46Coming right up.
27:48Wait, excuse me.
27:49You forgot my
27:50barbecue bacon cheeseburger.
27:51Barbecue sauce, bacon,
27:52and cheese on the side.
27:54Oh, I didn't tell you.
27:55You're banished
27:56from the Cheesecake Factory.
27:59Why?
28:00Well, you have three strikes.
28:03One coming in,
28:04two sitting down,
28:05and three,
28:06I don't like your attitude.
28:08You can't do that.
28:09Not only is it a violation
28:10of California state law,
28:11it flies directly in the face
28:12of Cheesecake Factory policy.
28:14Yeah, I know.
28:15There's a new policy.
28:16No shoes, no shirt,
28:17no Sheldon.
28:20I bet we could sell that sign
28:21all over Pasadena.
28:25Hmm.
28:27The problem appears
28:28to be unsolvable.
28:29Maybe we could run
28:30some computer simulations.
28:31There are too many variables
28:32that would take forever.
28:34We could be missing something.
28:36Let's start again.
28:37The movie is playing
28:38here at 720,
28:39here at 740,
28:41here at 810,
28:42and here at 845.
28:44All right, these theaters
28:45have to be eliminated.
28:46Why?
28:47They're state-of-the-art.
28:48Digital projection,
28:4920-channel surround sound.
28:50Yes, but they have
28:51no icy machines.
28:54Despite my aggressive
28:55letter-writing campaign,
28:56I might add.
28:58What about the multiplex here?
28:59The seats are terrific.
29:00They have Twizzlers
29:01instead of Red Vines.
29:02No amount of lumbar support
29:03can compensate for that.
29:05Well, it's gonna take
29:06at least an hour to eat,
29:07and I don't see
29:08a Sheldon-approved restaurant
29:09proximate to a
29:10Sheldon-approved theater.
29:12We could eat after the movie.
29:13Unacceptable.
29:14The delay would result
29:15in tomorrow morning's
29:16bowel movement
29:17occurring at work.
29:19Hang on, hang on.
29:20There's a 7-Eleven here.
29:22We smuggle Slurpees,
29:23which are essentially
29:24ICs, in under our coats
29:26after having a pleasant meal
29:27either here, here, or here.
29:31Wow.
29:33I don't see how we missed that.
29:34Excuse me,
29:35in what universe
29:36are Slurpees ICs?
29:40That's how we missed it.
29:42Sheldon,
29:43would you be prepared
29:44on a non-presidential basis
29:45to create an emergency
29:46ad hoc Slurpee IC
29:47equivalency?
29:48Oh, Leonard,
29:49you know I can't do that.
29:53Okay, I guess we
29:54only have one option.
29:55Yep, I don't see
29:56anywhere around it.
29:58Bye, Sheldon.
29:59See ya.
30:04They're right.
30:05It was the only option.
30:07Wanna get a little crazy?
30:09What are you thinking?
30:11Let's slide over to
30:12Sheldon's spot and make out.
30:17You are a dirty girl.
30:22Oh, God.
30:23How did he know?
30:25Hello?
30:27Hi, Howard.
30:28Am I interrupting?
30:30A little bit, yeah.
30:31A little bit, yeah.
30:33Guess I should have called.
30:34Yeah, maybe.
30:44Tonight's the night
30:45I usually go line dancing
30:46with Raj at the Palomino.
30:50Uh-huh.
30:52But he's working with Sheldon.
30:53Yes, we know.
30:55Want me to leave?
30:57You know, whatever.
30:59Okay, I guess I can
31:00hang for a little while.
31:02If you're hungry, Bernadette,
31:03we're going to
31:04a terrific restaurant.
31:05Oh, yeah.
31:06I'm starved.
31:07When you spend all day
31:08in a bio lab watching
31:09flesh-eating bacteria
31:10skeletonize small rodents,
31:11it really works up an appetite.
31:14Flesh-eating bacteria,
31:16and yet I still want
31:17to kiss this woman.
31:18What does that tell you?
31:19That you'd be willing
31:20to die a horrible death
31:21on the off chance
31:22you'd get to second base?
31:24We're way past second base.
31:26Right, Howard?
31:28Well, we kind of
31:29disagree about
31:30what the bases are.
31:33How's your work going, Penny?
31:34Any acting jobs?
31:36Well, the last big thing I did
31:37was this production
31:38of Diary of Anne Frank
31:39above a bowling alley.
31:41But I think things
31:42might be turning around
31:43pretty soon.
31:45Great. How come?
31:47Promise you won't make fun of me?
31:49Of course.
31:50I would never make fun of you.
31:52Okay, well,
31:53I went to this psychic
31:54who told me that
31:55if I cut my hair,
31:56I'm going to get
31:57a national commercial.
31:59What? Seriously?
32:01You're getting career advice
32:02from a psychic?
32:04Good job not making fun of her.
32:07She's not one of those phonies, okay?
32:09She wrote a book
32:10and has her own website.
32:11Oh, gee, why didn't you say so?
32:13They don't just let anyone
32:14have a website.
32:16Why are you being such a jerk?
32:18You're surprised
32:19your psychic didn't tell you
32:20I was going to be a jerk?
32:23Bite me.
32:25Come on, Penny.
32:26Why don't you kids
32:27go ahead and chat?
32:28We're going to make out back here.
32:34I'm sliding into third.
32:38Can you identify our cricket?
32:40Of course I can.
32:42I can identify
32:43every insect and arachnid
32:44on the planet.
32:46Not that that's going to keep me
32:47from having to move in
32:48with my daughter in Oxnard.
32:50And we're not talking
32:51Oxnard at the beach.
32:54No.
32:55We're talking Oxnard
32:56in the onion fields.
33:02Well, could you look at Toby?
33:04Toby?
33:07What a stupid name
33:08for a cricket.
33:11Told you.
33:13It's a field cricket.
33:14Yes.
33:15Now, wait.
33:16Dr. Crawley, are you sure?
33:17Young man,
33:18I've been studying insects
33:20since I was eight years old.
33:21You know what they used
33:22to call me in school?
33:24Creepy Crawley.
33:27Cruel as that may be,
33:28that is not in itself
33:29a credential.
33:32Let me show you something.
33:34See that?
33:35That's a Crawley's dung beetle.
33:37I discovered it
33:38after spending six months
33:39slogging through
33:40the Bornean rainforests
33:42while my wife was back home
33:44shacking up with
33:45a two-bit ornithologist
33:47who lives on a sailboat
33:49and likes to wear
33:50boot-cut jeans.
33:53So when I tell you
33:55that that's a common
33:57field cricket,
33:58you can take that
33:59to the damn bank
34:00because God knows I can't.
34:02That tramp took me
34:03for everything.
34:11Well, apparently I was wrong.
34:14Oh, hey.
34:15What did Sheldon say to you?
34:17Not a lot.
34:18Just that we always have
34:19the option of going back
34:20to being friends.
34:22Is that what you want?
34:24I don't know.
34:25I mean,
34:26you have to admit
34:27things seemed simpler
34:28when we were just friends.
34:30I guess.
34:32It would take the pressure off.
34:33It would.
34:34Wouldn't it?
34:36So we'll just be friends.
34:39Good.
34:40Good.
34:42Come here.
34:55Okey-dokey.
34:57I say this ring belongs
34:58to the last person
34:59who can hold on.
35:01Fine, but can't we go home
35:02and start this?
35:03Sure.
35:04Let go of the ring.
35:06All right, it starts now.
35:12You do realize
35:13there's a giant bug movie
35:14marathon tonight
35:15on the Sci-Fi Channel?
35:25Wait.
35:26My laptop.
35:38Yeah, there's a point
35:39when this becomes idiotic.
35:41And it wasn't when
35:42we were driving like this?
35:45If I'm wrong,
35:46prove it.
35:47I'm sorry.
35:48I'm sorry.
35:49I'm sorry.
35:50I'm sorry.
35:51I'm sorry.
35:52I'm sorry.
35:53If I'm wrong,
35:54prove it.
35:55Okay.
35:56Here's where we derive
35:57the mass of the
35:58dark matter particle.
35:59No, no, no.
36:00You've misstated the
36:01atomic weight of the target.
36:02Let me finish.
36:03You're defacing my work.
36:04I'm not defacing it.
36:05I'm fixing it.
36:06Give me the eraser.
36:07No.
36:08I said give it to me.
36:09Well, come and get it.
36:11Fine.
36:16Oh, Lord.
36:19Dr. Cooter-Pawley
36:20is your superior.
36:21I forbid you
36:22from riding on my board.
36:23You are not my superior.
36:24I am in every way.
36:25Oh, yeah?
36:27Can you do this?
36:33Nice working with you.
36:37I'm sorry.
36:38For you.
36:53We could always learn
36:54more about why people
36:55who believe in psychics
36:56are idiots, Leonard.
37:01Oh, we don't need
37:02to talk about that anymore.
37:03Leonard covered it
37:04pretty well in the car.
37:06I'm sorry,
37:07but facts are facts.
37:09Right, and if you
37:10can't understand it,
37:11it's not a fact.
37:12No.
37:13If it's not a fact,
37:14it's not a fact.
37:15Oh, got it.
37:16Thank you for educating me.
37:17You're welcome.
37:18You're welcome.
37:19How's your fish?
37:20Amazing.
37:21Would you like to try some?
37:22Yeah, sure.
37:23Well, the fact is,
37:24you can't.
37:26Come on.
37:27Howard, Bernadette,
37:28you're both scientists.
37:29Just help me out here.
37:30What do you think?
37:31Want to jump right in the middle
37:32of another couple's argument?
37:33Yeah, thank you.
37:37Maybe we should just
37:38stop talking about this.
37:39Maybe some of us
37:40should stop talking altogether.
37:44I'm sorry.
37:45I'm sorry.
37:46I'm sorry.
37:47I'm sorry.
37:49How's everything tonight?
37:50Really uncomfortable.
37:53Sometimes,
37:54when I feel stifled
37:55and want a change of scenery,
37:57I use my imagination.
38:00Oh, boy.
38:01One of my favorite places to visit
38:03is the two-dimensional world
38:04described in
38:05Edwin Abbott's
38:06mathematical fantasy,
38:07Flatland.
38:09I don't want to go to Flatland.
38:11You're only saying that
38:12because you haven't been there.
38:16I am now a hexagon.
38:18In two-dimensional space.
38:20And can only perceive
38:21the edges of other objects.
38:23Oh, boy.
38:26Is that you, Raj?
38:28I don't recognize your edge.
38:31Sheldon, I'm begging you.
38:32I want to go to this mixer
38:33and I don't want to go alone.
38:35Well, you're in luck.
38:37There's a mixer here in Flatland.
38:42Oh, look.
38:43There's a sexually attractive
38:44line segment.
38:46You should chat her up.
38:47What?
38:48Tell her you're a circle.
38:49Flatland gals
38:50are all hot for circles.
38:53We should have done this
38:54last night, you know?
38:55Have a little wine,
38:56take the edge off.
38:57Actually, ethyl alcohol
38:58inhibits electrical conduction
39:00in the nerve cells
39:01and stimulates
39:02reuptake receptors
39:03of inhibitory neurotransmitters
39:04like gamma-aminobutyric acid.
39:11Don't talk.
39:12Just drink.
39:16Mmm.
39:22What are we drinking now?
39:24Peppermint schnapps.
39:28Why would you buy
39:29peppermint schnapps?
39:30Because I like peppermint
39:32and it's fun to say schnapps.
39:38Hey, Leonard.
39:39What?
39:40Schnapps.
39:43Schnapps.
39:45What?
39:46You're right.
39:47His foot.
40:09Zzz.
40:11Zzz.
40:12Zzz.
40:15Zzz.
40:16Zzz.
40:17Zzz.
40:18Zzz.
40:19Zzz.
40:20Zzz.
40:21Zzz.
40:22Zzz.
40:23Zzz.
40:24Zzz.
40:25Zzz.
40:26Zzz.
40:27Zzz.
40:28Zzz.
40:29Zzz.
40:30Zzz.
40:31Zzz.
40:32Zzz.
40:33Zzz.
40:34Zzz.
40:35Zzz.
40:36Zzz.
40:37Zzz.
40:38Zzz.
40:39Zzz.
40:40Zzz.
40:41Zzz.
40:42Zzz.
40:43Zzz.
40:44Zzz.
40:45Zzz.
40:46Zzz.
40:47Zzz.
40:48Zzz.
40:49Zzz.
40:50What happened?
40:51You hit me.
40:52I'm bleeding.
40:53What was that?
40:55Sheldon tried to take the ring, and I punched him.
40:59That's my girl.
41:03So, Sheldon, how's it feel to get beaten up by a girl?
41:14You