Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00ZanGen's a fine company. They got a couple of good drugs, but we control 60% of the market.
00:05Hell, commissions on just our fungal creams will put you in a new Mercedes.
00:09Danny, Danny, look at me. Does this face sell fungal creams?
00:14No. This face is cholesterol drugs and above.
00:18Playing hard to get, huh?
00:20No one's ever accused me of that before.
00:23Look, why don't I just give you a number and see what you think?
00:26Ooh, are you gonna write it on a napkin and slide it over to me?
00:30No, I was just gonna say it.
00:33Aww.
00:34Do you want me to write it on a napkin and slide it over to you?
00:37Yeah.
00:38You got it.
00:42Danny, you rat bastard!
00:44What? I'm just making your friend an offer.
00:46Yeah, he's writing it on a napkin like in the movies.
00:51That's not an offer. Do you know how amazing this girl is?
00:54Oh, you think I'm amazing?
00:55Stay out of this.
00:58I'm serious. Not only is she a hell of a salesperson, she's the hardest worker I've ever seen.
01:02I know. That's why I'm trying to steal her from you.
01:04Well, then you're gonna have to do a lot better than this,
01:06because I promise you I'm not gonna let her go without a fight.
01:08You do not want that. She's a biter.
01:11Just think about it.
01:14You know, I don't have to. Thanks, but I'm happy where I am.
01:18Let's go.
01:21Can I just see what he wrote on the napkin?
01:23What napkin?
01:26Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.
01:33Nobody knows my sorrow.
01:42Whatcha doing? Trying to contact your home planet?
01:47I'm practicing my theremin.
01:50Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.
01:56Glory, hallelujah.
02:01Something got you down there, Sheldon?
02:04Leonard kicked me out of my own apartment. And his app team.
02:08Aw, honey, I'm sorry.
02:10He wouldn't drive me to work today. I had to wear my bus pants.
02:14Is that so?
02:15Yes. And they're still sticky.
02:17Aw.
02:18Probably gonna have to throw them away.
02:23Well, hey, you don't need Leonard and his app. You can make one with me.
02:27With you?
02:30Seriously, I have a great idea for one.
02:32Is it better than your idea to move to Los Angeles and become a famous actress?
02:38Okay, look, when you see someone wearing shoes you like, you just snap a picture of them,
02:42and the app goes on the internet to find out where you can buy them.
02:46That's your app idea?
02:48You don't like it?
02:49I didn't say that. But no, I don't.
02:54Okay, these are Uggs. These are Crocs.
03:00These are knockoff Manolo Blahniks.
03:02Bored.
03:04Well, look, you said it yourself. We have to create a database before you can write an alga thingy.
03:09Algorithm. You see, Penny, Alan Turing defines an algorithm.
03:13Bored.
03:15These are Steve Maddens. These are Nine West. These are Target.
03:20Oh, but don't they look like Chanel?
03:23These are Michael Kors.
03:26These are Blossy.
03:28These are Sashell.
03:30Oh, these are Betsy Johnson. They're so cute.
03:33And the absence of side effects means that Inflaminex can be taken in conjunction with other medications.
03:38It's a brand new day.
03:40Such a good tagline. I forgot, who came up with that?
03:43You did.
03:44That's right, I did.
03:46Okay, I know it's late. I've been working you guys really hard, so I have a little treat for you.
03:50We get to go home?
03:52No, you get to stay here and get vitamin B12 shots.
03:56Oh my god, you guys are still here?
03:59We're happy to be here. It's a brand new day.
04:02It's 1215. It's literally a brand new day.
04:07Everybody go home.
04:10Okay, fine, go. Get out of here. Go on.
04:14I think things are going pretty good.
04:17Are you aware that Dave's in the break room crying?
04:19Yeah, I told him if he's going to be a crybaby, go to the break room.
04:22I just really want to be prepared for this conference.
04:25You're going to do great.
04:26You really think so?
04:27Of course. They're scared of you, you're scared of me. The system works.
04:31Hey, you got a sec?
04:33Sure, what's up?
04:34Bad news. I spoke to my supervisor about heading up your sales team, and she said she just can't lose me right now.
04:40Do you want me to call her? I could rip her a new one.
04:43No, no. No ripping. Anyway, I don't want to leave her shorthanded, so I'm sorry.
04:49I respect that. That's what makes you a good employee.
04:52Oh, thank you.
04:53It's just such a bummer.
04:54I know. Just, ugh!
04:58You sure you don't want me to call her?
05:00Oh no, I'm sure. Definitely sure. Don't call her.
05:02But, you know, just, ugh, why?
05:07Hey, you wanted to see me?
05:08Yeah, come on in.
05:09Okay.
05:10Close the door.
05:13Okay.
05:16Have a seat.
05:18Do I have to?
05:19You really do.
05:20You really do.
05:24So, I talked to your supervisor, and she said that she never stopped you from working on my team because you never asked her.
05:32Really?
05:33Oh, you know, you should know, she's been taking our new antidepressant, and lying is one of the main side effects.
05:41Why don't you want to work with me? I know it can be tough, but that's just because I'm surrounded by useless idiots.
05:48No, it's not that.
05:50Then why?
05:51Honestly, I don't know if I'm up to it.
05:53You know, the last project I managed was my high school yearbook.
05:56And?
05:57And, that was the year we didn't have one.
06:01Apparently the printers won't make them without getting paid.
06:04What happened to the money?
06:05If I didn't know then, I'm not going to magically know now.
06:09I didn't go to college. I'd be in charge of people that are far more educated with more experience.
06:14What if they don't listen to me?
06:15Then you'd be really mean to them. Have I taught you nothing?
06:20Penny, everybody feels like you do, like they're not good enough, not smart enough.
06:24What, even you?
06:25Of course.
06:26Dr. Rostenkowski, you want to meet your-
06:27Hey, didn't I teach knocking at Stanford? Get out!
06:33I love that kid.
06:35Alright, now I'm sure some of you are wondering, who is this woman?
06:38How did she get to be in charge of the sales team?
06:41Is it because she's friends with Dr. Rostenkowski?
06:44Because she is.
06:46Is it because she was Miss Cornhusker 2001 and still fits in those very same jeans?
06:51Because she was, and she does, and they're actually a little baggy.
06:56Or is it because she's the best damn salesperson here?
06:59Because I am.
07:01Now that we're clear on that, here are the drug specs and marketing strategy for Inflaminex.
07:06Which, now that I say it out loud, might be a placeholder.
07:09By tomorrow I want everyone to have this committed to memory.
07:12Do you have it committed to memory?
07:14You want to have a contest, Karen?
07:16Winner gets a yogurt.
07:20No, boss.
07:21Alright, now we all know what we need to do, let's go do it.
07:25Right now, get out of here, go!
07:30That was really impressive.
07:32Damn right it was impressive.
07:33Okay, that tone doesn't work with me.
07:35Sorry, boss.
07:43Penny? Penny? Penny?
07:47Hey, Sheldon.
07:50It's 11am.
07:51I know, you're safe.
07:54This package came while you were at work.
07:56Oh, great, my rhinestones, thank you.
07:58Excuse me?
07:59What?
08:00You have to sign this.
08:02What is it?
08:03When I signed for the package, I was deputized by the United Parcel Service and entrusted with its final delivery.
08:08I now need you to acknowledge receipt of the package so that I'm fully indemnified and no longer liable.
08:14Sheldon, it's just a box of rhinestones.
08:16Well, the contents are irrelevant.
08:17A legal bailment has been created.
08:19Does that mean nothing to you?
08:22It means nothing to anybody.
08:25Come here, let me show you what I'm doing.
08:26Bailment describes a relationship in common law where a physical possession of personal property or chattels
08:33is transferred from one person, the bailer, to another person, the baby.
08:36Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:37Look, look, look, I started a business.
08:40Obviously not a cleaning business.
08:44No, I'm making flower barrettes.
08:46See?
08:47I call them penny blossoms.
08:48I made one for myself and then all the girls at work wanted one.
08:51Then I showed some to this lady who runs a shop in Old Town.
08:53She sells cards and homemade jewelry.
08:55She said she wanted to sell them.
08:56I said okay.
08:57And in one week, I made $156.
08:59Good for you.
09:01Sign here.
09:04Sheldon, don't you get it?
09:05If this takes off, I won't have to be a waitress anymore.
09:08But then who will bring me my cheeseburger on Tuesday nights?
09:12Another waitress?
09:13What's her name?
09:15I don't know.
09:16You're going to let her handle my food?
09:18Nancy.
09:19Her name is Nancy.
09:21I think you're just making that up.
09:23Sheldon, I'm sorry about your hamburger, okay?
09:25I just don't want to be a waitress for the rest of my life.
09:27Cheeseburger.
09:28I get a cheeseburger.
09:30Fine.
09:31Cheeseburger.
09:32Maybe I'd be better off with Nancy.
09:34So, what do you think?
09:35I mean, this could be a business, right?
09:39How many of these can you make a day?
09:41About 20.
09:42And how much profit do you make per penny blossom?
09:46I don't know.
09:47Like 50 cents?
09:48I'm not sure.
09:49No, of course you're not.
09:50All right.
09:52$10 a day times 5 days a week times 52 weeks a year is $2,600.
09:58That's all?
09:59Before taxes.
10:00Well, I'm going to have to pay taxes on this stuff.
10:03I believe the Internal Revenue Service would strongly disagree.
10:07But, if you took advantage of modern marketing techniques and you optimized your manufacturing process,
10:13you might be able to make this a viable business.
10:15And you know about that stuff?
10:17Penny.
10:22I'm a physicist.
10:24I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains.
10:31Who's Radiohead?
10:45I have a working knowledge of the important things in the universe.
10:49Good luck.
10:50Sheldon, hold on.
10:52Could you maybe show me how to make more money with this?
10:57Of course I could.
10:59But wait.
11:01Will you?
11:06Just to be clear here, you're asking for my assistance.
11:10Yes.
11:11And you understand that will involve me telling you what to do?
11:17I understand.
11:19And you're not allowed to be sarcastic or snide to me while I'm doing so.
11:24Okay.
11:25Okay.
11:27Good.
11:29Let's begin with the premise that everything you've done up to this point is wrong.
11:35Oh, imagine that.
11:37Sarcasm, goodbye.
11:38No, I'm sorry.
11:39Wait, please.
11:44Okay, it's just an audition.
11:47Why am I nervous?
11:48Maybe it's a good thing.
11:50Just means I want it.
11:52And I can have it.
11:53This feels right.
11:54Why did I ever give this up?
12:01I'm starting to remember.
12:06Penny?
12:07Oh, hey.
12:08Hey.
12:09I haven't seen you auditioning in a while.
12:11Yeah, I got a job as a pharmaceutical sales rep.
12:13You quit acting?
12:15Kind of, but now I get to act like inflamed heart is only a mild side effect.
12:20I heard you can make a money doing that.
12:22Yeah, it's going okay, but I do miss this sometimes.
12:26Really?
12:27Cause I gotta tell you, I am so sick of the humiliation of being treated like a piece of meat.
12:32Chelsea, wish me luck.
12:37They're gonna love you.
12:39I heard she's pushing 40 and everything's fake.
12:43Yeah, I started that rumor.
12:45I mean, the whole experience reminded me about how much I hated that world.
12:48You know, the anxiety, the depression, the negativity.
12:52I don't want to feel those things.
12:54I want to sell drugs to people who feel those things.
12:58I can't believe you got up and walked out of an audition for a big movie.
13:02I did.
13:04I mean, I walked in, read for the part, and then stunk up the place, but then I walked right out.
13:10I'm glad you have a new appreciation for your job.
13:13I'm glad you have a new appreciation for your job.
13:15I do. And you know, I don't think I've ever thanked you properly for helping me get it.
13:19Properly? At all? It's just words I've never heard.
13:24Well, thank you. You're a good friend and you changed my life.
13:27You're welcome.
13:29Hey, now that you're making some real money, maybe you could take your friend out for a nice thank you dinner.
13:34Sure.
13:35And you probably have to invite your other friend, cause she overheard you talking about it and it would be awkward to exclude her.
13:41Okay.
13:42How about now?
13:44Alright.
13:48Don't forget your wallet.
13:52So, why do you think you'd make a good pharmaceutical sales rep?
13:57Well, I'm a people person. People like me. Some of my favorite people are people.
14:04I feel like I'm saying people a lot. People, people, people. Okay, I'm done.
14:08You sure?
14:10People, yes.
14:13Good. So, how do you feel your previous job experience has prepared you for a career like this?
14:20Well, as a waitress, sales was a big part of my job. I mean, believe me, I convinced a lot of very large customers who should not be eating cheesecake to have more cheesecake.
14:30I mean, one of those chubsters even had an insulin pump.
14:33Uh-huh.
14:36I have an insulin pump.
14:42People.
14:45Alright, let's say a physician was prescribing one of our competitors drugs. How would you convince them to switch to ours?
14:56Um, any chance his car needs to be washed by a girl in a bikini?
15:04Ah.
15:06Okay, I'm really sorry for wasting your time.
15:09Don't worry about it. Thanks for stopping by.
15:12Okay, thanks.
15:15Um, I'm sorry. Listen, could you do me a favor and not tell Bernadette how badly I blew this interview?
15:21She'll get upset and honestly, I'm a little terrified of her.
15:28You're scared of Bernadette?
15:30Yeah, kinda.
15:31I thought it was just me.
15:36Everyone thinks she's so nice with a squeaky little voice.
15:41I know, but she's kind of a bully.
15:44She is. I didn't even want to meet you, but I was too scared to say no to her.
15:51Me too.
15:53One time, I had to tell her we were cutting the research funding for one of the drugs she was developing.
15:59What happened?
16:01She didn't do it. She's still working on it.
16:07Oh, we're not going to tell her about this, right?
16:10Oh my god, no.
16:12Hello. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
16:15Welcome to Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun With Flags.
16:22My apologies that this episode is coming late.
16:25I did shoot one last week in honor of Black History Month,
16:28but I was informed by my roommate that my spot-on portrayal of George Washington Carver could be considered wildly racist.
16:38My heart goes out to the members of the African American community who, like me, have been kept down by the man.
16:47Now, Fun With Flags is not just for the flag aficionado.
16:52It's also for the flag novice.
16:53So to help me with that, please welcome my friend, neighbor, and flag virgin, yet not a real virgin.
17:02She's had coitus many times.
17:06Sometimes within earshot of this flag enthusiast.
17:10Once while he was trying to watch The Incredibles.
17:14Penny.
17:17Hello.
17:19So Penny, I understand you would like to learn more about flags.
17:23Yeah, I can't tell you how many times I've been at a party where everyone's talking about flags and I just couldn't join in.
17:29Well, you came to the right place.
17:35I'm sorry, can we just pause for a minute?
17:39What's wrong?
17:41I just think it might look more natural if you talk to me instead of the camera.
17:45You know, like a real conversation. It's something we work on in my acting class.
17:49Interesting. A few people in the comments section have said that my delivery is robotic.
17:57Perhaps that isn't the compliment it sounds like.
18:01Let's try it again, and maybe this time you could work on your body language a bit.
18:05You know, when you're all hunched like that, you're shutting the audience out, but when you're relaxed and open, you're inviting them in.
18:12Right.
18:14And which one do I want?
18:18Let's try open.
18:20Our friend the flags taught me anything, it's to go where the wind takes you, as long as you remain firmly attached to a rigid pole.
18:28And action.
18:40So Penny, what sort of flag questions keep you awake at night?
18:49Um, well, I'm from Nebraska, so what can you tell me about the state flag?
18:55Gosh, Penny.
18:58What'd you have for breakfast? A big glass of good question juice?
19:03The Nebraska state flag is simply the state seal on a field of blue.
19:19Spread your legs, invite them in.
19:28Never been on this side of the table before. I feel powerful.
19:34Really? I feel like I'm selling candy so our team can get new uniforms.
19:39Okay, so it's $4.75 for a signed black and white, and $9.95 for a color.
19:44Alright, why not five and ten bucks?
19:45I brought my money maker, let me show you.
19:50Hey, that guy's looking over here.
19:52Oh, I think he's your first autograph.
19:54I know, I know, be cool, he's coming, he's coming.
19:56Hi!
19:58Hi, I love your movie.
20:00Oh, thanks.
20:02It has got to be one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life.
20:05Your love confuses me.
20:08Would you like an autograph?
20:10Sure.
20:12Okay, who do I make it out to?
20:13Daniel.
20:15I have to ask, were you trying to be that bad or are you just a terrible actress?
20:20That did not clear things up.
20:26That'll be $4.75. Keep the change.
20:29But I...
20:38Nothing about that was good.
20:39Nothing about that was good.
20:42Thank you so much for letting us pick your brain.
20:44Yeah, happy to help. So what's going on?
20:46Well, I'm having an impossible time getting my career off the ground.
20:49And I got offered a role in this crappy horror movie and I just don't know if I should take it.
20:53Well, I've certainly taken some jobs that I've been embarrassed by.
20:56I wouldn't exactly call Star Trek embarrassing.
21:01I wasn't.
21:05Me either.
21:07So what do you think? Is there a professional downside to doing it?
21:11Well, it's tricky. You want to take projects that you're excited about, but sometimes you also have to pay the bills.
21:18When you're on the set, working on something that you just know in your heart is bad, not Star Trek.
21:25Beam me up, I love it!
21:30Anyway, those jobs can be soul crushing.
21:33Those jobs can be soul crushing.
21:35That's what I'm afraid of.
21:37I was in Stand By Me when I was a kid and it was a huge success.
21:41The terrible movies I did came after that. Can you imagine how that feels?
21:45Sounds rough.
21:47I'm telling you, this business is brutal. To this day, I hate going on auditions.
21:52I walk in and I can just feel them thinking, he was such a cute kid, what happened to him?
22:00And then I don't get the job and I can never find out why.
22:06Honestly, I get so depressed there are entire weeks that I can't even get out of bed.
22:14Okay, this was helpful.
22:22How's that feel?
22:24Great. Not like regret at all.
22:30Penny?
22:32We're working again!
22:35Awesome!
22:38Hey, you guys ready to order?
22:40Since we come in every Tuesday night at 6 o'clock and order the same exact thing and it's now 6.08,
22:47I believe your question not only answers itself but also stands alongside such other nonsensical queries as
22:53who let the dogs out and how are they hanging?
22:57Okay, so the usual with extra spit on Sheldon's hamburger.
23:02Penny, a moment. Do you have plans this weekend?
23:05Oh, gee Amy, I'm sorry, I'm actually pretty busy this weekend.
23:08Probably serving food that was ordered today.
23:11That's too bad, I was hoping you could be my plus one at the Institute of Interdisciplinary Studies symposium
23:16on the impact of current scientific research on societal interactions.
23:21The what?
23:22The what?
23:24It's an annual science conference. We've all been invited to speak.
23:28Oh, okay. Well, you know, like I said, I have plans.
23:31Shame. Since you're my best friend, I thought it would be a good bonding opportunity.
23:36I'm your best friend?
23:38Don't you read my blog?
23:40Oh, don't feel bad. I never read Leonard's and I used to sleep with him.
23:44Do you know anybody else who'd appreciate an all-expense-paid spa weekend at a four-star resort in Big Sur?
23:49No, I'm sorry, free what? Sorry, what?
23:52I think her weekend just opened up.
23:54Wait, wait, just to be clear, when you guys say spa,
23:57does that mean the same thing as when regular people say it?
24:00Pretty much, except we keep our shirts on in the sauna.
24:04You know, it is going to be difficult, but I'm going to cancel my plans
24:08so I can do this for my best friend.
24:10But I'm going to cancel my plans so I can do this for my bestie.
24:14Please don't touch my breasts.
24:16I wasn't going to.
24:18Alright, I just want to establish boundaries.
24:20Boy, this is great. I haven't had a vacation in ages.
24:23In order to take a vacation, one first has to work.
24:27You know, for a smart guy, you really seem to have a hard time grasping the concept,
24:31don't piss off the people who handle the things you eat.
24:34That does seem to be a valid principle.
24:37I trust Penny will adhere to the official California restaurant worker's
24:41solemn oath of ethics and cleanliness.
24:43I don't believe there's any such thing.
24:47You lied to me?
24:49Let's go, ah, ooh, tonight.
24:57I have to go, ah, ooh, tonight.
25:03What the hell is that?
25:06I don't know, but if cats could sing, they'd hate it too.
25:17You want to prowl, be my night owl.
25:21Hey guys, hi, where are you going?
25:25What? We just had to mail some letters and throw away some chicken.
25:37What?
25:49You'll never guess what just happened.
25:51I give up.
25:53I don't guess. As a scientist, I reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation.
25:57Although as I'm saying this, it occurs to me you may have been employing a rhetorical device,
26:01rendering my response moot.
26:03What was that?
26:04Believe it or not, personal growth. What happened?
26:08Alright, remember when I auditioned for that workshop production of Rent,
26:11but I didn't get it and I couldn't figure out why?
26:13I have a conclusion based on an observation.
26:15No, you don't.
26:17No, he doesn't.
26:19Well, the girl they picked to play Mimi, she dropped out and they asked me to replace her.
26:22Oh, congratulations, what a lucky break.
26:24It's not a big deal, just a one night showcase,
26:26but they invite a lot of casting people and agents, so you never know.
26:29I think I know.
26:31No, you don't.
26:32No, he doesn't.
26:34It's this Friday at 8. Do you guys want to come?
26:36No.
26:38Because Friday we are attending a symposium on molecular positronium.
26:45I think that's a week from Tuesday at 6.
26:47No, it's this Friday. At 8.
26:50Oh, too bad. Well, I gotta get to rehearsal. See you guys.
26:53See ya.
26:55Let's go out tonight.
26:59You just lied to Penny.
27:00Yes, I did.
27:02And you did it so casually. No rapid breathing, no increase in perspiration.
27:06So?
27:08So lack of a physiological response while lying is characteristic of a violent sociopath.
27:12Sheldon, are you worried about your safety?
27:15No. I imagine if you were going to kill me, you'd have done it a long time ago.
27:19That's very true.
27:31I checked the app store. No one is doing handwriting recognition differential equation solving.
27:46Oh dear lord, shush.
27:48What?
27:50You have so few good ideas, Leonard.
27:53And you're just going to spill the beans in front of an outsider?
28:01Who, me?
28:03Sheldon, I don't think Penny cares about handwriting recognition based differential...
28:08The stars at night are big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas.
28:14She's not going to steal our idea.
28:16What idea?
28:18The prairie sky is wide and high, deep in the heart...
28:22Okay, stop, stop.
28:24Of Texas.
28:26Whatever your secret is, I'm sure it's boring, so I'm not interested.
28:28It's not boring at all.
28:31You see, in higher order mathematics, there are certain sets of equations...
28:34Bored.
28:36Satisfied?
28:38Hardly. Consider this unlikely, but very plausible scenario.
28:41A young woman, alone in the big city.
28:44Her ridiculous dream of becoming an actress lies shattered about her.
28:48Hey, wait a minute.
28:50Hang on, let's see where he's going.
28:52Then it hits her. How is she going to survive?
28:54How is she going to survive?
28:56But she has no prospects, no marketable skills.
28:59And then one day, she meets a group of geniuses and their friend Howard.
29:08Hang on, let's see where he's going.
29:12She befriends them and then lies in wait until they reveal a marketable idea,
29:17which she steals and sells to the highest bidder.
29:20That is ridiculous.
29:21Oh, is it? Let's see you come up with an explanation as to why this woman hangs out with us all the time.
29:30Okay, you know what? I've already mooched dinner off you guys. I don't need to listen to this.
29:34There's your answer, free food.
29:37Parsa doesn't have those kind of resources.
29:40No, and that's why he had Aaron Pace rewire.
29:43So proud of you.
29:45I haven't even gotten to my scene yet.
29:47I know, but you're going to be a TV star and you haven't left me yet. That takes guts.
29:50I don't know about you, but I'm very uncomfortable with all this.
29:53Why?
29:55I've never seen this show before, and now I'm starting with episode 246?
30:01It's unnatural.
30:04Just think of the first 245 as the prequel.
30:08All right.
30:10Okay, shh. Guys, guys, this is it.
30:12I guess it's you and me, kid.
30:15What are you doing?
30:17What are you doing?
30:19I'm trying to make peace.
30:21Good.
30:23Are you kidding me?
30:25What's wrong?
30:27Well, the diner scene. Where's my diner scene?
30:29Don't ask me until I see the prequel. I'm lost.
30:32No, there's supposed to be a big scene with me and Mark Harmon, but it's gone.
30:36What happened?
30:38They must have cut it.
30:40Oh, Penny.
30:42I'm sorry.
30:44That stinks.
30:46This doesn't make any sense to me.
30:48I thought I did a really good job.
30:53Excuse me.
31:00I've been studying how to make people laugh.
31:06They say that comedy is tragedy plus time.
31:12Let's tickle some ribs.
31:16Okay, let me guess.
31:18Quesadilla with soy cheese for the lactose intolerant Leonard.
31:23Shrimp Caesar salad with no almonds for the highly allergic, kosher-only-on-the-high-holidays Howard.
31:27And for our suddenly-back-on-the-Hindu-wagon Raj, meat-lover's pizza, no meat.
31:33Coming right up.
31:35Wait, excuse me.
31:37You forgot my barbecue bacon cheeseburger.
31:39Barbecue sauce, bacon, and cheese on the side.
31:41Oh, I didn't tell you?
31:43You're banished from the Cheesecake Factory.
31:46Why?
31:48Well, you have three strikes.
31:50One coming in, two sitting down, and three, I don't like your attitude.
31:55You can't do that.
31:57Not only is it a violation of California state law, it flies directly in the face of Cheesecake Factory policy.
32:02Yeah, I know, there's a new policy.
32:04No shoes, no shirt, no Sheldon.
32:07I bet we could sell that sign all over Pasadena.
32:13Oh, hey Sheldon.
32:14Hello.
32:22You okay?
32:24I'm on vacation, what do you think?
32:28Why are you sitting in the stairwell?
32:31Leonard told me to stay.
32:34Oh.
32:36Well, good boy.
32:39Where are you going?
32:40Oh, a ton of errands to run.
32:42I need to make copies of my head shots, send them off to agents, and sign up for a new acting class.
32:46Have fun.
32:48Okay.
32:55You want to come with me?
32:57Really?
32:59Come on boy, come on, let's go.
33:01Get in the car, come on.
33:03I can't believe I ditched work for Disneyland.
33:06What did you tell your boss?
33:08Oh, I was very clever, I did it in stages.
33:10At 7 last night, I called about a problem at the lab, and casually mentioned I was going out for seafood.
33:16At 9.30, I called and told him that one of my scallops tasted weird.
33:21At 11.30, I called and said I was throwing up like a fire hose.
33:25At 12.45, I called and made nothing but dry heaving sounds.
33:30And now I'm going to Disneyland.
33:34Penny, what did you say?
33:36I work at the Cheesecake Factory, I said bye.
33:41So what are we going to do first?
33:43I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to make a beeline for the place that gives you a princess makeover.
33:47Oh, that sounds like fun.
33:49You're kidding, right? We're not just going to get drunk and go on rides?
33:53Come on, do it with us.
33:55Alright, whatever. How does it work?
33:58Okay, so you pick your princess, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella, they give you hair, make up, the works.
34:04Guess it would be fun to be Cinderella.
34:07Oh, I want to be Cinderella too.
34:08Yeah.
34:10We can't all be Cinderella.
34:15Then how do we decide?
34:17Well, it's simple. This was my idea, I'm driving, I'm Cinderella.
34:21You bitches got a problem with that, we could stop the car right now.