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00:00Six two-inch dowels?
00:01Check.
00:02One package Phillips head screws?
00:04Check.
00:04You guys, seriously, I grew up on a farm.
00:06Okay, I rebuilt a tractor engine when I was like 12.
00:09I think I can put together a cheap Swedish media center.
00:11Oh, please, we insist. It's the least we can do, considering.
00:14We're considering what? How great this place looks?
00:19Oh boy, I was afraid of this.
00:21What?
00:22These instructions are a pictographic representation of the least imaginative way to assemble these components.
00:27This right here is why Sweden has no space program.
00:31Well, it looks pretty good in the store.
00:33It is an inefficient design. For example, Penny has a flat screen TV, which means all the space behind it is wasted.
00:38We can put her stereo back there.
00:40And control it how?
00:41Run an infrared repeater. Photocell here, emitter here, easy peasy.
00:46Good point. How are you going to cool it?
00:48Hey guys, I got this.
00:49Hang on, Penny. How about fans? Here and here.
00:53Also inefficient and might be loud.
00:55How about liquid cooling? Maybe a little aquarium pump here.
00:57Run some quarter inch PVC.
00:59Guys, this is actually really simple.
01:02Hold on, honey. Minute work.
01:06PVC comes down here. Maybe a little corrugated sheet metal as a radiator here.
01:10Really, show me where we put a drip tray, a sluice, and an overflow reservoir.
01:13If water's involved, we're going to have to ground the crap out of the thing.
01:17Guys, it's hot in here. I think I'll just take off all my clothes.
01:25Oh, I've got it.
01:27What about if we replace panels A, B, and F and crossbar H with aircraft-grade aluminum?
01:32Right, then the entire thing's one big heat sink.
01:34Perfect. Leonard, why don't you and Sheldon go down to the junkyard
01:36and pick up about six square meters of scrap aluminum.
01:38Raj and I will run down to my lab and get the oxyacetylene torch.
01:40Meet back here in an hour?
01:41Done.
01:42Got it.
01:46Okay, this place does look pretty good.
01:49I think the end result will be a measurable enhancement to Penny's quality of life.
01:53You know what? You convince me. Maybe tonight we should sneak in and shampoo her carpet.
01:58You don't think that crosses the line?
01:59Yes. For God's sake, Sheldon. Do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
02:06You have a sarcasm sign?
02:11No, I do not have a sarcasm sign.
02:14You came into my apartment last night while I was sleeping?
02:16Yes, but only to clean.
02:17I was sleeping.
02:19And snoring. And that's probably just a sinus infection.
02:22But it could be sleep apnea. You might want to see an otolaryngologist.
02:28The throat doctor.
02:31And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?
02:35Depending on the depth, that's either a proctologist or a general surgeon.
02:42Okay. Her apartment's on the fourth floor, but the elevator's broken, so you're going to have to...
02:46Oh, you're just going to be done? Okay, cool. Thanks.
02:50I guess we'll just bring it up ourselves.
02:52I hardly think so.
02:55Why not?
02:56Well, we don't have a dolly, or lifting belts, or any measurable upper body strength.
03:03We don't need strength. We're physicists.
03:05We are the intellectuals.
03:07We don't need strength. We're physicists.
03:10We are the intellectual descendants of Archimedes.
03:12Give me a fulcrum and a lever and I can move the earth.
03:14It's just a matter of... I don't have this. I don't have this! I do not have this!
03:19Archimedes would be so proud.
03:27Do you have any ideas?
03:29Yes, but they all involve a green lantern and a power ring.
03:34Easy.
03:36Easy.
03:40Okay.
03:42Now we've got an inclined plane.
03:44The force required to lift is reduced by the sine of the angle of the stairs.
03:47Call it 30 degrees, so about half.
03:49Exactly half.
03:53Exactly half.
03:55Let's push.
03:59Okay.
04:01See, this move dance is easy.
04:03It's all the math.
04:05What's your formula for the corner?
04:07What?
04:12Okay.
04:14Okay, yeah, no problem.
04:15Just come up here and help me pull and turn.
04:22Ah, gravity.
04:23Thou art a heartless bitch.
04:27You do understand that our efforts here
04:29will in no way increase the odds of you having sexual congress with this woman?
04:33Men do things for women without expecting sex.
04:36Yeah, those would be men who just had sex.
04:40I'm doing this to be a good neighbor.
04:43In any case, there's no way it could lower the odds.
04:47Ah, almost there.
04:50Almost there.
04:52Almost there.
04:53No, we're not. No, we're not. No, we're not.
04:57Watch your fingers. Watch your fingers.
04:59I've got my fingers.
05:03So, are the rest of the guys meeting this year?
05:05Oh, yeah. No.
05:08It turns out that Raj and Howard had to work
05:10and Sheldon had a colonoscopy
05:13and he hasn't quite bounced back yet.
05:17My uncle just had a colonoscopy.
05:19You're kidding.
05:20Well, then that's something we have in common.
05:24How?
05:26We both have people in our lives
05:28who want to nip intestinal polyps in the butt.
05:33Oh.
05:38So, what's new in the world of physics?
05:41Nothing.
05:44Really? Nothing?
05:45Well, with the exception of string theory,
05:48not much has happened since the 1930s
05:51and you can't prove string theory.
05:53At best, you can say,
05:54hey, look, my idea has an internal logical consistency.
06:00Uh...
06:01Hey, do you want to see something cool?
06:05I can make this olive go into this glass
06:07without touching it.
06:09How?
06:10Physics.
06:17Wow. Centrifugal force.
06:19Actually, it's centripetal force,
06:21which is an inward force
06:23generated by the glass acting on the olive.
06:27Excuse me.
06:28Now, if you were biting on the olive,
06:31you'd be in a non-inertial reference frame
06:33and would...
06:36Are you okay?
06:37Yeah, I'm okay.
06:40Did you spill ketchup?
06:42No.
06:43I'm not okay.
06:44How come you didn't go into work today?
06:47I'm taking a sabbatical
06:48because I won't kowtow to mediocre minds.
06:51So you got canned, huh?
06:53Theoretical physicists do not get canned.
06:57But yeah.
07:00Maybe it's all for the best.
07:01You know, I always say
07:02when one door closes, another one opens.
07:04No, it doesn't.
07:07Not unless the two doors are connected by relays
07:09or there are motion sensors involved.
07:11No, no, I meant that...
07:12The first door closing creates a change of air pressure
07:14that acts upon the second door.
07:17Never mind.
07:19Slow down.
07:20Slow down.
07:21Please, slow down.
07:23I'm trying!
07:24You're not leaving yourself enough space between cars.
07:26Oh, sure I am.
07:27No, no, let me do the math for you.
07:29This car weighs, let's say, 4,000 pounds.
07:31Now add 140 for me, 120 for you.
07:34120?
07:35Oh, I'm sorry.
07:36Did I insult you?
07:37Is your body mass somehow tied into your self-worth?
07:40Well, yeah.
07:42Interesting.
07:43Anyway, that gives us a total weight
07:45of, let's say, 4,400 pounds.
07:47Let's say 4,390.
07:49Fine.
07:51We're traveling forward
07:52at, good Lord, 51 miles an hour.
07:55Now let's assume that your brakes are new
07:57and the calipers are aligned.
07:58Still, by the time we come to a stop,
08:00we'll be occupying the same space
08:01as that Buick in front of us,
08:02an impossibility that nature will quickly resolve
08:05into death, mutilation...
08:06Oh, look!
08:07They built a new putt-putt course.
08:13This is great.
08:14Look at me.
08:15I'm in the real world of ordinary people
08:17just living their ordinary, colorless, workaday lives.
08:23No, thank you.
08:25Thank you, ordinary person.
08:29Hey, you want to hear an interesting thing about tomatoes?
08:32Uh, no, no, not really.
08:33Listen, didn't you say you needed some eggs?
08:36Yes, but anyone who knows anything
08:38about the dynamics of bacterial growth
08:40knows to pick up their refrigerated foods
08:41on the way out of the supermarket.
08:43Oh, okay.
08:44Well, maybe you should start heading on out then.
08:47No, this is fun.
08:49Oh, the thing about tomatoes,
08:50and I think you'll really enjoy this,
08:51is they're shelved with the vegetables,
08:53but they're technically a fruit.
08:55Oh, interesting.
08:56Isn't it?
08:57No, I mean what you find enjoyable.
09:04Oh, boy.
09:07What now?
09:09Well, there's some value to taking a multivitamin,
09:11but the human body can only absorb so much.
09:13What you're buying here are the ingredients
09:15for very expensive urine.
09:18Well, maybe that's what I was going for.
09:22Well, then you'll want some manganese.
09:30Well, that was fun.
09:32Maybe tomorrow we can go
09:33to one of those big warehouse stores.
09:35Oh, I don't know, Sheldon.
09:36It's going to take me a while
09:37to recover from all the fun I had today.
09:41Are you sure?
09:42There are a lot of advantages to buying in bulk.
09:44For example,
09:45I noticed that you purchase your tampons
09:47one month's supply at a time.
09:51What?
09:52Think about it.
09:53It's a product that doesn't spoil,
09:55and you're going to be needing them
09:56for at least the next 30 years.
09:59You want me to buy 30 years' worth of tampons?
10:02Well, 30, 35.
10:03When did your mother go into menopause?
10:05Okay.
10:16Yeah.
10:21Big boy.
10:46Someone touched my board.
10:52Oh, God.
10:53My board.
10:56Leonard.
10:58Leonard!
11:00Hey, what's the matter?
11:01My equations.
11:02Someone's tampered with my equations.
11:04Are you sure?
11:05Of course I'm sure.
11:06Look at the beta function
11:07of quantum chromodynamics.
11:08The sign's been changed.
11:11Oh, yeah.
11:12But doesn't that fix the problem
11:13you've been having?
11:14Are you insane?
11:15Are you out of your mind?
11:16Hey, look.
11:17That fixes the problem
11:18I've been having.
11:21You're welcome.
11:24You did this?
11:26Yeah.
11:27I noticed it when I got up
11:28to get a glass of water,
11:29so I fixed it,
11:30and now you can show that
11:31quarks are asymptotically
11:32free at high energies.
11:33Pretty cool, huh?
11:36Cool?
11:38Listen, I gotta get to the lab.
11:40Thanks for a great night.
11:45I'll see you at work.
11:46Hold on.
11:47Hold on.
11:49What?
11:50Who told you you could touch my board?
11:52No one.
11:53I don't come into your house
11:54and touch your board.
11:55There are no incorrect equations
11:56on my board.
12:01Oh, that is so, so...
12:06I'm sorry.
12:07I gotta run.
12:08If you come up with an adjective,
12:09text me.
12:11Inconsiderate.
12:12That is the adjective.
12:13All right.
12:14I'm moving my infantry division,
12:16augmented by a battalion of orcs
12:18from Lord of the Rings.
12:19We flank the Tennessee Volunteers,
12:21and the North once again
12:22wins the Battle of Gettysburg.
12:25Not so fast.
12:26Remember, the South still has
12:27two infantry divisions,
12:28plus Superman and Godzilla.
12:31No, no, no, no.
12:32Orcs are magic.
12:33Superman is vulnerable to magic.
12:35Not to mention,
12:36you already lost Godzilla
12:37to the Illinois Cavalry
12:38and Hulk.
12:40Why don't you just have
12:41Robert E. Lee charge the line
12:42with Shiva and Ganesh?
12:44Are you guys ready to order?
12:45Hang on, honey.
12:46Shiva and Ganesh?
12:47The Hindu gods
12:48against the entire Union army?
12:50And orcs.
12:52I'll be back.
12:54Excuse me.
12:55Ganesh is the remover of obstacles,
12:56and Shiva's the destroyer.
12:57When the smoke clears,
12:58Abraham Lincoln will be speaking Hindi
13:00and drinking mint juleps.
13:02All right, my boss says
13:03you have to either order or leave
13:04and never come back.
13:05You have to either order or leave
13:06and never come back.
13:09I'll get it!
13:26Oh, no!
13:29Oh, no!
13:31Make way for the fastest man alive!
13:35Oh!
13:36See, this is why I wanted
13:37to have a costume meeting.
13:39We all have other costumes.
13:40We can change.
13:42Or we could walk right behind
13:43each other all night.
13:44It'll look like one person
13:45going really fast.
13:54No, no, no.
13:55It's a boy-girl party.
13:57This flash runs solo.
14:00Okay, how about this?
14:01Nobody gets to be the flash.
14:02We all change.
14:03Agreed?
14:06Agreed.
14:09I call Frodo!
14:10Damn!
14:12Oh, no.
14:13What?
14:14That's Penny's ex-boyfriend.
14:16What do you suppose he's doing here?
14:18Besides disrupting
14:19the local gravity field.
14:22If he were any bigger,
14:23he'd have moons orbiting him.
14:25Oh, snap.
14:28So I guess we'll be leaving now.
14:30Why should we leave?
14:32For all we know,
14:33he crashed the party
14:34and Penny doesn't even want him here.
14:37You have a backup hypothesis?
14:40Maybe they just want to be friends.
14:42Or maybe she wants to be friends
14:44and he wants something more.
14:46Then he and I are on equal ground.
14:48Yes, but you're much closer to it
14:50than he is.
14:53Look, if this was 15,000 years ago,
14:55by virtue of his size and strength,
14:57Kurt would be entitled
14:58to his choice of female partners.
15:00And male partners,
15:01animal partners,
15:02large primordial eggplants,
15:03pretty much whatever tickled his fancy.
15:06Yes, but our society
15:07has undergone a paradigm shift.
15:09In the information age, Sheldon,
15:11you and I are the alpha males.
15:13We shouldn't have to back down.
15:15True.
15:16Why don't you text him that
15:17and see if he backs down?
15:20No.
15:23I'm going to assert
15:24my dominance face-to-face.
15:26Face-to-face?
15:27Are you going to wait
15:28for him to sit down
15:29or are you going to stand
15:30on the coffee table?
15:32Hello, Penny.
15:33Hello, Kurt.
15:34Oh, hey, guys.
15:35You having a good time?
15:36Huh?
15:37Given the reaction to my costume,
15:38this party is a scathing indictment
15:39of the American education system.
15:42I thought you were a zebra, right?
15:45You have another child left behind.
15:48What are you supposed to be, an elf?
15:50No, I'm a hobbit.
15:52What's the difference?
15:53A hobbit is a mortal,
15:55halfling inhabitant of Middle Earth,
15:57whereas an elf
15:58is an immortal tall warrior.
16:00So why the hell
16:01would you want to be a hobbit?
16:03Because he's neither tall
16:04nor immortal
16:05and none of us could be the Flash.
16:08Well, whatever.
16:09Why don't you go hop off on a quest?
16:11I'm talking to Penny here.
16:13I think we're all
16:14talking to Penny here.
16:15I'm not. No offense.
16:17Okay, maybe he didn't hear me.
16:19Go away.
16:20All right, Kurt, be nice.
16:21Oh, I am being nice.
16:24Right, little buddy?
16:25Kurt?
16:26Okay.
16:28I understand.
16:29I understand
16:30your impulse to try to
16:31physically intimidate me.
16:32I mean, you can't compete with me
16:33on an intellectual level
16:35and so you're driven
16:36to animalistic puffery.
16:38Call me a puffy animal?
16:40Of course not.
16:41No, he's not.
16:42You're not, right, Leonard?
16:45No, I said animalistic.
16:47I mean, of course,
16:48we're all animals,
16:49but some of us have climbed
16:50a little higher
16:51on the evolutionary tree.
16:52If he understands that,
16:53you're in trouble.
16:55So what?
16:56I'm unevolved?
16:57You're in trouble.
16:59You know, you use a lot
17:00of big words
17:01for such a little dwarf.
17:02Okay, Kurt, please.
17:04Honey, it's okay.
17:05I can handle this.
17:07I am not a dwarf.
17:09I'm a hobbit.
17:11A hobbit.
17:12Are misfiring neurons
17:13in your hippocampus
17:14preventing the conversion
17:15from short-term
17:16to long-term memory?
17:20Okay, now you're starting
17:21to make me mad.
17:23A homo habilis discovering
17:24his opposable thumb
17:25says what?
17:27What?
17:33I think I've made my point.
17:35Yeah?
17:36How about I make a point
17:37out of your pointy little head?
17:38Let me remind you,
17:39while my moral support
17:40is absolute,
17:41in a physical confrontation
17:42I will be less than useless.
17:44There's not going to be
17:45a confrontation.
17:46In fact,
17:47I doubt if he can even
17:48spell confrontation.
17:52C-O-N
17:55Frontation.
17:58Kurt, put him down
17:59this instant.
18:00He started it.
18:01I don't care.
18:02I'm finishing it.
18:03Put him down.
18:04Fine.
18:05Hey, Penny, come on in.
18:06Hey, guys.
18:08See a penny, pick her up,
18:09and all the day
18:10you'll have good luck.
18:14No, you won't.
18:16Can I hide out here
18:17for a while?
18:18Sure.
18:19What's going on?
18:20Well, there's this girl
18:21I know from back in Nebraska,
18:22Christy.
18:23She called me up,
18:24and she's like,
18:25hey, how's California?
18:26And I'm like, awesome,
18:27because, you know,
18:28it's not Nebraska.
18:29And the next thing I know,
18:30she's invited herself out here
18:31to stay with me.
18:328-0-8.
18:35Anyway, she got here today,
18:36and she's just been
18:37in my apartment
18:38yakety-yak
18:39and about every guy
18:40she slept with in Omaha,
18:41which is basically
18:42every guy in Omaha,
18:43and washing the sluttiest
18:44collection of underwear
18:45you have ever seen
18:46in my bathroom sink.
18:47Is she doing it
18:48one thong at a time,
18:49or does she throw it all in
18:50like some sort of erotic
18:51booyah base?
18:54He really needs
18:55to dial it down.
18:58So, if you don't
18:59like this Christy,
19:00why are you letting her stay?
19:01Well, she was engaged
19:02to my cousin
19:03while she was sleeping
19:04with my brother,
19:05so she's kind of family.
19:07Yeah, I apologize
19:08for my earlier outburst.
19:09Who needs Halo
19:10when we can be regaled
19:11with the delightfully
19:12folksy tale
19:13of the Whore of Omaha?
19:16Oh, I don't think
19:17she's a whore.
19:18No, yeah,
19:19she's definitely a whore.
19:20I mean, she has
19:21absolutely no standards.
19:22This one time,
19:23she was at...
19:25Where's Howard?
19:26Bonjour, mademoiselle.
19:27I understand
19:28you're new in town.
19:31Oh, good grief.
19:32I'm sorry,
19:33we cannot do this
19:34without Wolowitz.
19:35We can't order
19:36Chinese food
19:37without Wolowitz?
19:38Let me walk you through it.
19:39Our standard order is
19:41the steamed dumpling appetizer,
19:42General Tso's chicken,
19:43beef with broccoli,
19:44shrimp with lobster sauce,
19:45and vegetable lo mein.
19:47Do you see the problem?
19:48I see a problem.
19:50Our entire order
19:51is predicated on
19:52four dumplings
19:53and four entrees
19:54divided amongst
19:55four people.
19:59So we'll just
20:00order three entrees.
20:01Fine.
20:02What do you want to eliminate?
20:03And who gets
20:04the extra dumpling?
20:05We could cut it
20:06into thirds.
20:07Then it's no longer
20:08a dumpling.
20:09Once you cut it open,
20:10it is at best
20:11a very small
20:12open-faced sandwich.
20:13Oh, hi, fellas.
20:14Oh, was your
20:15annoying little friend
20:16who thinks
20:18he speaks Mandarin?
20:20He's putting his needs
20:21ahead of the collective good.
20:22Where he comes from,
20:23that's punishable by death.
20:26I come from Sacramento.
20:32Can we get
20:33an order of dumplings
20:34but with three instead of four?
20:35No substitutions.
20:37This isn't a substitution.
20:38It's a reduction.
20:39Okay.
20:40No reductions.
20:42Fine.
20:43Bring us three orders
20:44of dumplings.
20:45That's twelve.
20:46We'll each have four.
20:47That works.
20:48No.
20:49If we fill up on dumplings,
20:50we need to eliminate
20:51another entree.
20:52No eliminations.
20:53If we have extra,
20:54we'll just take
20:55the leftovers home.
20:56And divide it how?
20:57I'm telling you,
20:58we cannot do this
20:59without Wolowitz.
21:00Wolowitz is with
21:01his new girlfriend.
21:02If you had let me
21:03invite Penny,
21:04then you would have
21:05had your fourth.
21:06Have you seen Penny
21:07eat Chinese food?
21:08She uses a fork
21:09and she double-dips
21:10her egg rolls.
21:11We don't order egg rolls.
21:12Exactly.
21:13But we'd have to
21:14if she was here.
21:15If you're starving in India,
21:16there's an Indian
21:17starving right here.
21:20Here's an idea.
21:21Why don't we just go out
21:22for Indian food?
21:23No.
21:24Ugh.
21:25You are nice, boys.
21:26I'll tell you what
21:27I'm going to do.
21:28I'm going to bring you
21:29the four dumplings.
21:30When I'm walking
21:31over to the table,
21:32maybe I get bumped.
21:33One of the dumplings
21:34fall to the floor.
21:35No one has to know.
21:37I'll know.
21:40You're a gum-junk.
21:41He's yelling.
21:43How about soup?
21:44Yeah, we can always
21:45divide soup.
21:46What about the wontons?
21:48I'm just saying
21:49you can take the damn plastic
21:50off the couch
21:51once in a while.
21:52Why?
21:53So you and Howard
21:54can hump on it?
21:56Ladies, ladies,
21:57I'm sure there's
21:58a middle ground.
21:59Shut up, Howard!
22:01Guys, talk.
22:02I'm going to take
22:03my scooter out
22:04for a little spin.
22:05You happy?
22:06You drove your own son
22:07out of the house.
22:08Why don't you
22:09stop running in
22:10when you don't belong?
22:11It's Halo Night.
22:13He's not a man.
22:14He's a putz.
22:15And don't you take
22:16that tone with me,
22:17you gold digger.
22:18What did you call me?
22:19You heard me.
22:20And I'll tell you
22:21something else.
22:22You're barking up
22:23the wrong tree.
22:24Because as long as
22:25you're around,
22:26Howard is out of the will.
22:27You know what?
22:28I've got better offers.
22:29I'm out of here.
22:30That's right.
22:31Go back to Mabel
22:32on you, hooah.
22:36So Halo Night, huh?
22:38Okay, here you go, Leonard.
22:39One tequila sunrise.
22:42You know, this drink
22:43is a wonderful example
22:44of how liquids with
22:45different specific gravities
22:46interact in a cylindrical container.
22:53Okay, Raj, what'll it be?
22:57Whatever you recommend.
22:58Uh, how about a grasshopper?
23:00I make a mean grasshopper.
23:02Okay, good.
23:03Coming up.
23:04Sheldon, what are you gonna have?
23:05I'll have a Diet Coke.
23:08Okay, can you please
23:09order a cocktail?
23:10I need to practice mixing drinks.
23:11Fine.
23:12I'll have a virgin Cuba Libre.
23:17That's rum and Coke
23:18without the rum.
23:19Yes.
23:22So, Coke.
23:23Yes.
23:26And would you make it Diet?
23:33There's a can in the fridge.
23:35Cuba Libre traditionally
23:36comes in a tall glass
23:37with a lime wedge.
23:39Then swim to Cuba.
23:43Bartenders are supposed
23:44to have people skills.
23:47Okay.
23:48Raj, here you go.
23:50All right, who's next?
23:52I'd like to try a slippery nipple.
23:59Okay, you're cut off.
24:03Anybody need a refill?
24:05Where did my life go, Benny?
24:09One day I'm a carefree bachelor
24:10and the next I'm married
24:11and driving a minivan
24:12to peewee cricket matches
24:13in suburban New Delhi.
24:17Are you talking to me?
24:19Is there another Benny here?
24:23I had such plans.
24:24I had dreams.
24:25I was going to be
24:26the Indira Gandhi
24:27of particle astrophysics.
24:29But with a penis, of course.
24:33That's amazing.
24:34Ever since I was a little boy,
24:35my father wanted me
24:36to be a gynecologist
24:37like him.
24:39How can I be a gynecologist?
24:40I can barely look
24:41a woman in the eye.
24:46You know what?
24:47I'm not going to let
24:48my parents control
24:49my future any longer.
24:50It's time for a showdown.
24:52Somebody give me a computer
24:53with a webcam.
24:54Okay.
24:55Sweetie, I think
24:56that's the grasshopper talking.
24:58And it's about to tell
24:59my parents that I'm not
25:00riding an elephant
25:01down the aisle
25:02with Lalita Gupta.
25:04Okay, calm down.
25:06No one can make
25:07you get married.
25:08Why don't you just
25:09meet this girl
25:10and see what happens?
25:11Haven't you been
25:12listening to me?
25:13I cannot talk to women.
25:14Um, Raj...
25:15No, no, let's see
25:16how long it takes him.
25:18Raj, Benny,
25:19you say you can't
25:20talk to women,
25:21but you've been
25:22talking to me.
25:23And now we'll never know.
25:26Right.
25:27I...
25:29I am talking to you.
25:31Hello, Benny.
25:32How are you?
25:34I'm fine.
25:35Okay, now I just need
25:36to make sure
25:37I have a Lalita
25:38before I meet
25:39the grasshopper.
25:43It's a sweet,
25:44green miracle.
25:46Okay, if you're
25:47going to drink on this date,
25:48just promise me
25:49you won't overdo it.
25:50Overdo what?
25:51Happiness?
25:54Freedom?
25:55This warm glow
25:56inside of me
25:57that promises
25:58everything's going to be
25:59all hunky-dunky?
26:01Yeah, that.
26:02Why don't you bring her
26:03to my restaurant
26:04while I'm tending the bar
26:05so I can keep an eye on you?
26:06Okay.
26:08Wait a minute.
26:09What's the plan here?
26:10Let's say he meets her,
26:11he likes her,
26:12they get married.
26:13What's he going to do?
26:14Stay drunk
26:15for the rest of his life?
26:16Work for my parents.
26:18Sheldon,
26:19why is this letter
26:20in the trash?
26:21Well,
26:22there's always the possibility
26:23that a trash can
26:24spontaneously formed
26:25around the letter.
26:26But Occam's razor
26:27would suggest
26:28that someone threw it out.
26:30It's from the Institute
26:31for Experimental Physics.
26:32They want us to
26:33present our paper
26:34on the properties
26:35of super solids
26:36at the topical conference
26:37on Bose-Einstein condensates.
26:38I know.
26:39I read it
26:40before I threw it out.
26:42If I may drill down
26:43to the bedrock
26:44of my question,
26:45why did you throw it out?
26:46Because I have no interest
26:47in standing in the
26:48rose room of the
26:49Pasadena Marriott
26:50in front of a group
26:51of judgmental strangers
26:52who wouldn't recognize
26:53true genius
26:54if it were standing
26:55in front of them
26:56giving a speech.
26:57Would you buy me there?
26:58It would be.
27:00I don't know, Sheldon.
27:01Those topical conference
27:02on Bose-Einstein condensates
27:03parties are legendary.
27:05Forget the parties?
27:06Forget the parties?
27:07What a nerd.
27:10Are there any other
27:11honors I've gotten
27:12that I don't know about?
27:13Did UPS drop off
27:14a Nobel Prize
27:15with my name on it?
27:16Leonard, please don't
27:17take this the wrong way,
27:18but the day you win
27:19a Nobel Prize
27:20is the day I begin
27:21my research on the
27:22drag coefficient of tassels
27:23on flying carpets.
27:26The only thing
27:27missing from that
27:28is your mama.
27:30I got one.
27:31Hey, Leonard,
27:32your mama's research
27:33methodology is so flawed.
27:34Shut up, Howard.
27:36Sheldon, we have to do this.
27:37No, we don't.
27:38We have to take in
27:39nourishment,
27:40expel waste,
27:41and inhale enough oxygen
27:42to keep our cells from dying.
27:43Everything else is optional.
27:46Okay, let me put it this way.
27:47I'm doing it.
27:48You can't.
27:49I'm the lead author.
27:50Come on.
27:51The only reason
27:52you're the lead author
27:53is because we went
27:54alphabetically.
27:55I let you think
27:56we went alphabetically
27:57on the condition of
27:58dealing with the fact
27:59that it was my idea.
28:00Not to put too fine
28:01a point on it,
28:02but I was throwing you a bone.
28:03You're welcome.
28:05Excuse me?
28:06I designed the experiment
28:07to prove the hypothesis.
28:08It doesn't need proving.
28:10So the entire
28:11scientific community
28:12is just supposed
28:13to take your word?
28:14They're not supposed to,
28:15but they should.
28:17All right,
28:18I don't care what you say.
28:19I'm going to the conference
28:20and I'm presenting our findings.
28:21And I forbid it.
28:23You forbid it?
28:25If I'm not taking credit
28:26for my work,
28:27then nobody is.
28:28So you admit
28:29that it's our work?
28:30No.
28:31Once again,
28:32I'm throwing you a bone.
28:33And once again,
28:34you are welcome.
28:38Oh no, he didn't.