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FunTranscript
00:00Yes?
00:04I'm Leonard Hofstetter.
00:05I called you about the apartment.
00:06You said to come by...
00:07I know what I said.
00:08I know what you said.
00:09I know what my mother said on March 5th, 1992.
00:13What is the sixth noble gas?
00:15What?
00:16You said you're a scientist.
00:18What is the sixth noble gas?
00:20Radon?
00:21Are you asking me or telling me?
00:25Telling you.
00:26Telling you.
00:31Alright.
00:32Next question.
00:33Kirk or Picard?
00:35Oh, uh, well that's tricky.
00:39Original series over Next Generation, but Picard over Kirk.
00:43Correct.
00:46You've passed the first barrier to roommatehood.
00:49You may enter.
00:51Oh, this is pretty nice.
01:00Uh, the bedrooms are back there?
01:02That depends.
01:03I don't understand.
01:04Their existence is conditional?
01:06No, but your ability to perceive their existence is conditional on you passing the second and
01:11third barriers.
01:13There's three?
01:14Each more daunting than the last.
01:18Have a seat.
01:19Okay.
01:20No, that's where I sit.
01:24Combine these chemicals with ordinary dish soap, creating a little exothermic release
01:30of oxygen.
01:43For me, vengeance.
01:45Yes, exactly.
01:46This is brilliant, Sheldon.
01:48How are we going to deploy it in Kripke's office?
01:50Already taken care of.
01:52Observe.
01:54This is a live shot of Kripke's lab via a mini-webcam I was able to install thanks to
02:00a dollar bill discreetly placed in the night janitor's shirt pocket.
02:03At the same time, I also secured large quantities of these chemicals above the tiles in the drop
02:09ceiling.
02:10Sheldon, you remind me of a young Lex Luthor.
02:16You flatter me, sir.
02:18Let me guess, motion sensors?
02:20Yes.
02:21The reaction will be triggered when Kripke reaches the center of the room.
02:25Mwahaha.
02:29I gotta say, I am really impressed.
02:32This is truly the Sheldon Cooper way to get even.
02:41It may be low-tech, but I still maintain the whoopee cushion has comic validity.
02:47Here comes Kripke.
02:49Who is that with him?
02:50I believe that's the president of the university.
02:53And the board of directors.
02:54Abort! Abort!
02:55There is no abort.
02:56Well, how could you not put in an abort?
02:57I made a boo-boo, all right?
03:00I think the board will really appreciate how well we're using that NSA grant, President
03:04Sieber.
03:05Right here we have a micro-controlled plasma...
03:08Wow.
03:09Looks like the Ganges on Laundry Day.
03:14At least they don't know it was you.
03:17Hello, Kripke.
03:20This classic prank comes to you from the malevolent mind of Sheldon Cooper.
03:26If you'd like to see the look on your stupid face, this video is being instantly uploaded
03:31If you'd like to see the look on your stupid face, this video is being instantly uploaded
03:36to YouTube.
03:38Oh, and a hat tip to Leonard Hofstadter and Raj Koothrappali for their support and encouragement
03:44in this enterprise.
03:49Well, I'm going back to India.
03:50What's your plan?
03:52Wallowith is trying to outflank us.
03:53Let out some string at altitude and I'll go under and cut his line.
03:58Why wouldn't Penny want her friends to meet me?
04:00Focus, Leonard, focus.
04:01The heat of battle is upon us.
04:03The dogs of war are unleashed.
04:06Maybe Koothrappali's right.
04:07Maybe I embarrass her.
04:08You're embarrassing me right now.
04:10A grown man worrying about such nonsense?
04:12We're in the middle of flying kites.
04:16Sorry.
04:17Sorry won't bring their kites down.
04:19Oh!
04:20String worm!
04:21String worm!
04:24Oh, they think we're flanking.
04:26They're playing right into our hands.
04:28At the count of three, we execute the flying scissor.
04:31One, two, three.
04:33Whoa.
04:34You see that?
04:35See what?
04:36That chick.
04:37She smiled at me.
04:38No, she didn't.
04:39Yes, she did.
04:40Come on, scissors, scissors.
04:41Hold my line.
04:42What are you doing?
04:43I cut scissors by myself.
04:44I would come back.
04:46Victory!
04:48Son of a bitch.
04:51There wasn't ever going to be a winner.
04:53There was going to be a selfish, petty person with a ring and three people who used to be
04:57his friend.
04:58Is that really what you guys want?
04:59Because if it is, fine.
05:00I don't want anything to do with you.
05:03And I don't know what happened in that bathroom, but I am not cleaning it up.
05:23My precious.
05:28No.
05:40I knew it.
05:45Give us the precious.
05:46Never!
05:48Give it to me.
05:49Get off of me.
05:50Give me the ring.
05:51It's mine.
05:52You've got to go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.
05:54Give me the ring.
05:55Give me the ring.
05:56Give me the ring.
06:01It's ten o'clock.
06:02Where have you been?
06:03We stayed for the California Adventure Water Show.
06:06It was pure Disney magic.
06:09I was going to see that with him.
06:11How was I supposed to know that?
06:12It's all right.
06:13I'll see it again with you.
06:14And I have food here you said you were going to call.
06:17I know, I know.
06:18I can still eat.
06:19No, you already threw up once.
06:20Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth.
06:25Okay, but just don't fight.
06:27We're not fighting.
06:28Just go.
06:32Aren't you going to thank Penny for taking you to Disneyland?
06:34Thank you, Penny.
06:37You're watching football?
06:39There's no fooling you.
06:43Now, what is this SACS statistic they put up there?
06:46All I know about SACS is my mother shops there.
06:50SACS.
06:52SACS.
06:53It's football nomenclature for when a quarterback is tackled behind the line of scrimmage.
06:58Huh.
07:02Scrimmage.
07:05The line of scrimmage is the imaginary transverse line separating the offense from the defense.
07:11Oh.
07:13Sheldon knows football?
07:16Apparently.
07:17Apparently?
07:18I mean, Quidditch, sure, but football?
07:24Sheldon, how do you know this stuff?
07:26I grew up in Texas.
07:27Football is ubiquitous in Texas.
07:29Pro football, college football, high school football, peewee football.
07:33In fact, every form of football except the original, European football.
07:38Most Texans believe to be a commie plot.
07:43Unbelievable.
07:44If you're interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn't chicken as if it were chicken.
07:53So, you could teach me?
07:55Football or chicken fried meats?
07:59Football.
08:00I'm going to Penny's on Saturday to watch a game with her friends and I don't want to look like an idiot.
08:04I want to blend in.
08:05You want to blend in with Penny's friends?
08:07I think looking like an idiot would be the perfect camouflage.
08:11Come on, Sheldon, please teach me football. It'll be fun.
08:13That's exactly what my father said.
08:16Come to the games, watch the games, week in and week out from the time I was five until I went off to college.
08:22Longest seven years of my life.
08:26Please, I'm asking you as a friend.
08:30Are you making this a tier one friendship request?
08:34Yes.
08:37Fine.
08:38I really appreciate this.
08:39Yeah, yeah.
08:40All right, Poindexter, sit down, shut up and listen.
08:45I'm sorry?
08:46That's how my father always began our football conversations.
08:50And if you'd like, after the game, I'll take you outside and teach you how to shoot close enough to a raccoon that it craps itself.
09:03Thank you so much for opening up your home to me.
09:05Well, who wants to stay in a hotel?
09:08Windows that don't open, those crazy card-shaped keys.
09:11I'm so glad you understand.
09:13No, he doesn't understand. I understand.
09:17I understand, too.
09:18You're just misappropriating my understanding.
09:23I think any university would want you.
09:25Except, of course, any university that had already had you.
09:28Because they would have already wanted you before they, you know, got you.
09:34From the mind that brought you Hi-Lo.
09:39Let me show you to your room.
09:41All right. I guess I am tired. Good night, Leonard.
09:43Uh, sleep night.
09:45I mean, obviously, good night.
09:47I started to say sleep tight and then I changed my mind in the middle.
09:50I swear to God, I'm smart.
09:55Get it together, ma'am.
09:57Explain the couch.
09:58Uh, well, there were some people on the first floor moving out and they sold it to me for $100.
10:02Howard and Raj helped me bring it up.
10:04But what's wrong with the furniture we have?
10:07They're lawn chairs.
10:10And there was no place for company.
10:12Did it occur to you that was by design?
10:16According to the roommate agreement, I'm entitled to allocate 50% of the cubic footage of the common areas.
10:21But you didn't notify me by email, so this is still a breach.
10:25I did notify you.
10:27Oh, you did, did you?
10:37Drat.
10:41Hoisted by my own spam filter.
10:44What am I doing in your spam folder?
10:46I put you there after you forwarded me a picture of a cat playing the piano entitled,
10:49This is Funny.
11:06You