Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00If Amy's too busy, it gives the rest of you an opportunity to make my life easier.
00:04Thus assuring yourselves a footnote in my memoirs, tentatively entitled,
00:08You're Welcome, Mankind.
00:10All right, then.
00:11Just shout when you hear the task you want to undertake.
00:15Dentist.
00:20Okay, we can circle back to that one.
00:23Who wants to take me Wednesday morning to get new heels put on my dress shoes?
00:30Anyone?
00:32Oh, that one had hoot written all over it.
00:35All right, dermatologist.
00:41Allergist.
00:44Podiatrist.
00:47Supercuts?
00:49Okay, okay, here's a fun one.
00:51I need a new picture frame and I have a hankering for Swedish meatballs.
00:56Who wants to spend the day with me at Ikea?
01:00The meatballs are pretty good.
01:02What's that?
01:02Nothing, nothing.
01:03As soon as she gets here, so she knows I'm cool with it,
01:06I'm going to make a joke about her being deaf.
01:11I was thinking, hey, did you hear the one about,
01:15oh no, I bet you didn't.
01:19Maybe we should revisit your lonely fat guy plan.
01:23Oh, she's here.
01:26No joke.
01:30Oh, she says she's sorry she's late.
01:34Oh, tell her it doesn't matter.
01:36Tell her her eyes shimmer like opalescent lilies
01:38in the lake of the palace of the celestial maidens.
01:45Really?
01:45That's the first thing you want to say?
01:47I worked on it all night.
01:48Use it.
01:49Okay, I don't know the sign for opalescent.
01:52Spell it.
01:52I don't know how to spell it.
01:53But you're blowing this for me.
01:58He likes your eyes.
01:59You're making me sound like a caveman.
02:03She says thank you.
02:04You have nice eyes too.
02:05Really?
02:06Ask her how many children she wants,
02:08and whatever number she says, say me too.
02:10The dungeon is a moss-covered door.
02:12You managed to open it only to find yourself face to face
02:15with a hideous, foul-smelling, moss-covered ogre.
02:19What do you do?
02:21I say, hey, Ma, what's for dinner?
02:24Seventeen.
02:26The ogre is amused by your joke and allows you to pass.
02:30You by the by, I liked it too.
02:35Hey, how go the wedding plans, Howard?
02:37Great.
02:37Spent five hours last night at Macy's registering for gifts.
02:40Looks like I'm finally going to have that darling little earthenware asparagus dish
02:43I've always wanted.
02:45See, this is the good thing about having a girlfriend 9,000 miles away.
02:49I can spend my nights with her.
02:50I can spend my nights doing whatever I want.
02:54You mean like playing nerd games with us,
02:56and then taking a suspiciously long shower?
03:02Maybe.
03:06We enter the dungeon.
03:08You see a dragon.
03:11Really?
03:11So we're playing Dungeons and Dragons,
03:13and we walk into a dungeon and see a dragon?
03:17Not a little on the nose.
03:19When you play chutes and ladders,
03:21do you complain about all the chutes and all the ladders?
03:24Good, your power's out too.
03:25Why is that good?
03:27Because last month I sent the electric company a Starbucks gift card,
03:30an apology note, and a few snapshots of me in a bra.
03:35Power failure.
03:36Implementing power failure protocol.
03:40What happened to all your glow-in-the-dark emergency exit stuff you had painted on the floor?
03:44Oh, that was wildly carcinogenic.
03:46Anyway, too bad you're no longer entitled to the full benefits of my friendship,
03:51because I happen to be extremely prepared for such an emergency.
03:55Please try not to see anything by this light.
03:58It's not for you.
04:00It's just a blackout.
04:02I'm sure the power will be back on soon.
04:03And I'm sure some fool in the Donner party said the snow would stop any day now.
04:10I like to think they ate him first.
04:13Yeah, I got some candles in my apartment.
04:15Candles during a blackout?
04:16Are you mad?
04:17That's a fire hazard.
04:18No, Pasadena Water and Power recommends the far safer glow stick.
04:24You call that a glow stick?
04:31That is a glow stick.
04:34Come on, let's go.
04:35Before you go, consider this.
04:37Not only do I have a deep cycle marine battery power source,
04:41which is more than capable of running our entertainment system,
04:43I also have all 61 episodes of the BBC series Red Dwarf.
04:48And Fiddle Faddle.
04:52All yours if you're willing to reinstate the roommate agreement.
04:56I've got wine at my place and some bubble wrap we could pop.
05:04He'll be back.
05:06Wine and a girl in the dark.
05:07He's gonna be bored out of his mind.
05:09What difference does it make if Leonard goes to Wil Wheaton's party?
05:12Wil Wheaton is Sheldon's mortal enemy.
05:14Mortal enemy?
05:16Sheldon, I know you're a bit of a left-handed monkey wrench, but...
05:20You really have a mortal enemy?
05:22In fact, I have 61 of them.
05:26Would you like to see the list?
05:27Oh, say no, say no, say no, say no.
05:30You just got off the list.
05:31Would you like back on it?
05:35Because I'll just take a moment.
05:37It's on a five and a quarter inch floppy.
05:42A floppy disk?
05:43I started the list when I was nine.
05:47How did Wil Wheaton get on the list?
05:48Oh, cheesecake.
05:52You're just as good as a woman, even though I can't have sex with you.
05:57Try throwing it in the microwave for a few seconds.
06:04Should I use the restroom or wait until we get to the party?
06:06I'll use the restroom.
06:07I'll use the restroom.
06:08I'll use the restroom.
06:08I'll use the restroom.
06:09I'll use the restroom.
06:09I'll use the restroom.
06:10I'll use the restroom.
06:10I'll use the restroom.
06:11I'll use the restroom.
06:11I'll use the restroom.
06:12Oh, that's not what you want to see after three butter milks.
06:20Here you go, boys.
06:20I'll pick it up when you're ready.
06:23Thanks for dinner, buddy.
06:24Yeah.
06:24Real diggin' in, buddy.
06:26Hurry hurry hurry.
06:28Oh.
06:29And don't cheap out on the tip.
06:30We all know you're loaded now.
06:40Okay.
06:41Okay, I'm done.
06:43How'd you guys finish so fast?
06:45I don't know, there were a lot of pictures and one page only had the word
06:48BRACADOOM.
06:52Yeah, well I have street smarts.
06:56So what'd you guys think?
06:57Well, there was a lot of action.
07:00And the story moved along at a brisk pace.
07:03It was overall, what's the word I'm looking for?
07:06Stupid?
07:07So stupid.
07:09I don't know how Leonard can get so caught up in this.
07:11It's crazy, they spend hours arguing about things that don't even exist.
07:15What a waste of time.
07:16I know, a hammer so heavy that no one else can pick it up.
07:21I don't think it's heavy, I think it's some sort of magic so only Thor can lift it.
07:26That makes even less sense, I mean...
07:28No, no, no it doesn't.
07:32Thor is a god, the hammer is his, only he can use it.
07:36It's like Sheldon and his toothbrush.
07:40Or his thin, beckoning lips.
07:43Wait, hang on, what if Thor's hand is on the hammer?
07:46I mean, if he's touching it with his god magic, does that mean I could lift it?
07:50No.
07:51Yes.
07:52I can never believe what happened to me at work today.
07:54This old guy was choking on his food and I saved his life.
07:57You're kidding, did you Heimlich him?
07:59No, I said, oh my god, I think that old guy's choking and then one of the busboys Heimliched him.
08:06You're a hero.
08:08Yeah, that was the point of the story.
08:12Oh, speaking of work, do you know if you have Thursday night off?
08:14Uh, I think so, why?
08:16What do you mean why? It's Valentine's Day.
08:18Oh, right. Yeah, we can do something.
08:22You could be a little more into it.
08:23Oh, I'm into it, I'm into it.
08:25It's just there's so much pressure to make the night special and it never works out.
08:28Okay, well, this time it's going to be different because I am like a romance ninja.
08:34You don't see it coming and then bam, romance, watch out, hearts, kisses, love.
08:41You know, sometimes I think I've made you so much cooler than you used to be and then you go and do that.
08:46I am what's called an experimental physicist, which is super fun because I get to test theories and work with lasers.
08:54Yes?
08:55How did you decide to become a scientist?
08:57Oh, excellent question.
08:59I suppose I've always been into science.
09:02My mother and father are scientists, so I was kind of led in that direction.
09:06Pushed might be a better way to describe it.
09:09To be honest with you guys, when I was your age, I wanted to be a rap star.
09:14Like Snoop Dogg, but with a healthy respect for the police.
09:21I'm not sure you laugh.
09:22It's like my mother did.
09:26After I confided, I was derided and chided.
09:28My moms and I collided.
09:29She said my dreams were misguided.
09:33That's just a little freestyle.
09:40As I put the egg on top and the flame goes out and the air pressure decreases in the flask, what do you think will happen?
09:54I think I know.
09:55It's going to get sucked in.
09:57It's going to get sucked in.
10:00Okay, I did it now.
10:07Yes!
10:10See, I'm not a scientist like them.
10:13I figured that out.
10:17Potato clock. Do potato clock.
10:19What's that?
10:20I power a clock with a potato.
10:24Shut up! You can do that?
10:29I mean, wouldn't that solve the world's energy crisis?
10:36No.
10:38They've all been so wonderful to me.
10:40That's really nice to hear.
10:41Maybe next week we could all get together.
10:44Lucy, you don't have to answer that.
10:46Don't put her on the spot. She hates that.
10:48Am I right? Tell her what you hate being put on the spot.
10:50Go ahead. Tell her.
10:52Ignore him.
10:53He's a little nervous because he doesn't think I understand the severity of your social anxiety.
10:57Are you crazy?
10:58You can't talk about social anxiety to someone who has social anxiety.
11:01It makes them socially anxious.
11:04Excuse me, but I'm a neurobiologist.
11:06I think I'm a little more qualified than you to understand what's not working in your girlfriend's brain.
11:12Don't call her my girlfriend.
11:13We haven't discussed whether I'm her girlfriend or boyfriend yet.
11:17Now that it's out there.
11:21Are you my girlfriend?
11:23By the way, if you say no, I'll never be happy again.
11:28Not to put you on the spot.
11:32I think I have to go to the bathroom.
11:38You might as well go ahead and eat. She's not coming back anytime soon.
11:41What the hell are you doing?
11:44You said I'm not using my space, so I'm using it.
11:53Okay, you need to move now.
11:55No, I don't.
11:57You can't stay there forever.
11:59Actually, I have a plastic baggie strapped to my leg that says I can.
12:06Give up, Wolowitz.
12:07You've chosen to tangle with a superior intellect you can't defeat.
12:11There is nothing you could possibly do to...
12:22Those aren't going to help you, Sheldon.
12:24Oh, yes they are. I mean, Wyatt.
12:28I'm warning you, Sheldon.
12:29Your threats are empty. Nothing can move me.
12:34Stop that.
12:35Get out of my spot!
12:36No, that's it. I am calling campus security.
12:40You prepare for the scolding of your life.
12:43What are you idiots doing?
12:45He's trying to kill me, Leonard.
12:47Video games and rock music have desensitized him to violence.
12:51Would you please talk some sense into your lunatic roommate?
12:54You're both acting like lunatics. It's just a parking spot.
12:57It's not just a parking spot.
12:59He can't handle the fact that I'm a bigger deal than he is now.
13:02Yeah, oh, preposterous.
13:04I have been solely responsible for this university's six-loop quantum gravity calculations.
13:09I have changed the way we think about Bose-Einstein condensates.
13:12And I am also the one who got Nutter Butters in the cafeteria vending machine.
13:16And maybe you missed that news while you were floating around like a goof in outer space.
13:21Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.
13:25Can you believe this guy?
13:27What I don't believe is that you tried to run him over.
13:29Oh, like you've never thought of doing that.
13:32Don't hate me just because I lived the dream.
13:37Hey, sweet ride.
13:41Hey, sweet ride.
13:47What are you doing in there?
13:49Just breaking in your new car.
13:54Stop that. You stop that.
13:56You know what they say. Revenge is a dish best served nude.
14:01Hey, here are the makeup sponges you asked for.
14:03Oh, thanks. I thought I had more.
14:06Damn, you've got more makeup than I do.
14:09You've got better makeup than I do.
14:11Yeah, I'm borrowing this.
14:13Hey, hey, hey. This is my Comic-Con makeup.
14:16I love you, but there are some things a man doesn't share with his girlfriend.
14:20That's a wise policy.
14:22I once borrowed my sister's makeup for a costume contest.
14:25Got a terrible case of pink eye.
14:27Yeah, but luckily I was going as a zombie. I won second place.
14:30I feel like you guys just went to Comic-Con.
14:32That was San Diego Comic-Con. This is Bakersfield Comic-Con.
14:35Is that better?
14:37It's a lot smaller. It's more about the comic books,
14:39the way these conventions used to be before they went all Hollywood.
14:42So, did I answer your question?
14:44No, it's not better.
14:46Well, then why are you going?
14:48It's a comic book convention.
14:50It's like pizza or particle accelerators.
14:52Even the stinky ones are still pretty good.
14:54Yeah, I know.
14:56It's like pizza or particle accelerators.
14:58Even the stinky ones are still pretty good.
15:01All right, well, you guys have fun. I guess I'll see you Sunday night.
15:03Yeah.
15:04Okay.
15:05Hang on a second.
15:06Hold this.
15:13What was that for?
15:14To show people when they don't believe me.
15:16Um, I know she loves playing the harp.
15:18So, I found this beautiful music box that plays one of her favorite songs.
15:27Now, Amy already has a real harp.
15:30And it can play any song.
15:34What are you trying to pull here?
15:37No, I just thought it would be...
15:38Next.
15:41Okay.
15:42Um, I know she's a fan of the Canterbury Tales.
15:45So, I found this cool map that illustrates the character's journey through England.
15:52I thought we could put it in a really nice frame.
15:55But she's got Google Maps on her phone.
16:01I don't know how to respond to that.
16:05Well, I hope it's with a third good option.
16:07Because these first two...
16:12Okay.
16:13Well, luckily, I saved the best for last.
16:17Since Amy's a neuroscientist, I did some research and found out that Santiago Ramon y Cajal,
16:22the father of modern neuroscience, did lots of hand drawings of brain cells.
16:27And I managed to find this signed print.
16:33Wow.
16:35Oh, this is truly remarkable.
16:39I think I'll keep it for myself.
16:45What about your girlfriend?
16:46It's too late. I called dibs.
16:53Excuse me.
16:55I'm meeting a girl here. It's kind of a first date.
16:59In a library?
17:02She and I are both a little awkward in social situations.
17:05So, this seemed like a good idea.
17:08Ah.
17:09People say I'm a little awkward, too.
17:12May I join you?
17:15No, you can't join us.
17:18No, you can't join us.
17:20Just go climb back up whatever beanstalk you came down from.
17:30You can do better.
17:36Oh, we're eating here?
17:44We're having a texting date?
17:48Yeah.
17:51I love that.
17:56As you're reading, it will help you remember I have an adorable accent.
18:03Anything I can get for you?
18:04Some apple juice? Some Jell-O?
18:07No, no, thank you. But I do have a favorite to ask.
18:13Name it.
18:14Well, I'm booked to do a children's party tomorrow, and frankly, I don't feel up to it.
18:21No, you're not. You look awful.
18:31Anyway, I mean, you know my act better than anybody. I was hoping that maybe you'd fill in for me.
18:40Are you saying that you want me to be Professor Proton?
18:45Yeah.
18:46Oh, my. What an honor. Oh, this is like being asked to ascend Mount Olympus and dine with the gods.
18:56Or a Korean family in Alhambra.
19:01I'm so proud of you, Amy. Your first bikini wax.
19:03Yeah.
19:10So, how you doing?
19:11Oh, a little sensitive, but not bad. Does it always take that long?
19:15No, they don't usually have to go out and get more wax.
19:20Oh, yeah.
19:25Okay, now pull your car into this spot and let's get out of here.
19:28Wait, I'm leaving my car here?
19:30Yes, and be sure and put on the emergency brake. It really makes these things tough to budge.
19:34Before I park, come in the back seat. I want to show you something I had done today.
19:39All right. You color me intrigued.
19:47What do you think?
19:48I think you're high on paint fumes.
19:52And boy, that's a lot of Band-Aids.
19:55The first 43 parallel universes I've checked proved to be empty.
20:00I see no reason to suspect universe number 44 will be any different.
20:11Oh, my holy crap!
20:15Oh, my holy crap!
20:24Ow! It's hitting my face!
20:27It's hitting his face!
20:32Hi, Sheldon.
20:39He's in my spot. You're in my spot.
20:42He's in my spot.
20:43Leonard, make him stop being naked in my spot.
20:47Howard, what are you doing?
20:50He wasn't using it.
20:53And I needed a nice cool piece of leather to wiggle my naked ass on.
20:59Get off there.
21:00Give me back my Iron Man helmet.
21:02Give me back my parking space.
21:03You don't need a parking space. You don't have a car.
21:06If you don't need an Iron Man helmet, you're not Iron Man.
21:11Well, we appear to have reached an impasse.
21:14And I have to say, I thought you'd be more upset that your laptop is sitting on my junk.
21:22I didn't pick up on that. That's a nice touch.
21:26You guys need me to call someone? I'm guessing your mom's.
21:32Thanks, but we've got it covered.
21:34Okay, I just talked to my mom.
21:41She arranged for us to get a rental car.
21:43Great, we can still make it to Comic-Con.
21:45Are you kidding me? After all we've been through, I just want to go home.
21:49Don't be like that. Come on, Howard, talk to him.
21:52I'm with Leonard. I'm done.
21:55Fine. Then I guess it's two against two. How do we decide?
22:01Actually, it's three against one.
22:03What? Well, what about the mission? You said we were a real-life landing party.
22:07Yeah, well, we're not. We're an imaginary landing party.
22:12We have real-life garbage thrown at us by real-life strangers who think we're idiots.
22:17And to tell you the truth, I'm starting to feel like one.
22:21I want to go home now.
22:24Okay.
22:26Did we at least rent the car from Enterprise?
22:32Get it? Enterprise.
22:35Screw you, that's funny.
22:39Whatever you got me, you can return.
22:43No. No. After everything you didn't do for me tonight, I want you to have it.
22:50What's this? Read it.
22:53Sheldon Cooper, Caltech University, employee information.
22:56At the bottom.
22:58In case of emergency, please contact...
23:01Amy Farrah Fowler.
23:05And there's my phone number.
23:11This is the most beautiful gift you could have ever given me.
23:15Well, I thought if I have a stroke or a kidney stone, who would I want to share that with?
23:26And you picked me.
23:29But like you said, you're my girlfriend.
23:33Oh, Sheldon.
23:39Okay.
23:41Stop ruining Valentine's Day and order my pizza.
23:44I can't believe I ditched work for Disneyland.
23:47What did you tell your boss?
23:48Oh, I was very clever. I did it in stages.
23:51At 7 last night, I called about a problem at the lab and casually mentioned I was going out for seafood.
23:57At 9.30, I called and told him that one of my scallops tasted weird.
24:01At 11.30, I called and said I was throwing up like a fire hose.
24:06At 12.45, I called and made nothing but dry heaving sounds.
24:11And now I'm going to Disneyland.
24:15Penny, what did you say?
24:17I work at the Cheesecake Factory. I said bye.
24:22So what are we going to do first?
24:24I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to make a beeline for the place that gives you a princess makeover.
24:28Oh, that sounds like fun.
24:29You're kidding, right? We're not just going to get drunk and go on rides?
24:34Come on, do it with us.
24:36Alright, whatever. How does it work?
24:39Okay, so you pick your princess. Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella. They give you hair, make up, the works.
24:45I guess it would be fun to be Cinderella.
24:48Oh, I want to be Cinderella too.
24:50We can't all be Cinderella.
24:55Then how do we decide?
24:56Well, it's simple. This was my idea. I'm driving. I'm Cinderella.
25:01You bitches got a problem with that, we could stop the car right now.
25:05It's really you.
25:11Mr. Jeffers, I am so sorry. We should have told you about the broken elevator.
25:16I agree.
25:19Professor Proton, it's an honor to meet you.
25:22It's an honor to meet you.
25:25Just call me Arthur.
25:27Leonard!
25:30Did you hear that? Professor Proton said I should call him Arthur.
25:34That means we're friends.
25:37No, a friend would have told me about the elevator.
25:45Look at me.
25:47I can get as close to you as I want without my mom saying it's going to ruin my eyes.
25:55Is he dangerous?
25:59Actually, he's a genius.
26:02I am.
26:05That doesn't answer my question.
26:09Mr. Jeffers, I'm Leonard. This is my girlfriend Penny.
26:13Hi.
26:14Hello.
26:18Well, I hope I haven't kept the kids waiting too long for the show.
26:24Oh no, there are no kids. No, the show's for me.
26:28Come on. Aresha.
26:31Arthur.
26:37Is the blonde girl really your girlfriend?
26:41Yes, sir.
26:42You're the genius.
26:45You find yourselves in an overgrown old forest.
26:50Before you is a giant oak tree with a face on it that looks a lot like Nicolas Cage.
26:59He says, travel with caution.
27:04These woods are home to the bones of many a fallen hero.
27:13Honestly, Howard's just as good a dungeon master as I am.
27:19As good? You just got pantsed in the schoolyard, four eyes.
27:24Hey, come on guys, focus.
27:26Oh, mighty Nicolas Cage tree.
27:29We thank you for your warning, but we are brave warriors and nothing short of death will keep us from our goal.
27:37Oh, Lucy Street after all. See ya.
27:41Hey, hey, you can't leave. We just started.
27:44You're right. I should finish the game.
27:46I take my plus one long sword, stab myself in the face with it.
27:50I'm dead. I've got a date with a girl. Bye.
27:54We'll be fine. Watch.
27:56Suddenly, a spectral shape rises from Koothrappali's bloody corpse and says,
28:02Don't worry, buddies. Ghost Raj will help guide you through the forest.
28:09Well, I'm just a tree, but if I were you, I'd listen to your ghost friend.
28:15Would you like to hear a classic Sheldon Cooper factoid?
28:19What do you think?
28:21Great.
28:23I've been doing some reading about vehicular safety.
28:26Did you know that the highest number of drowning accidents happen on or around boats?
28:34Interesting that you would bring that up when I might go work on a boat.
28:38Well, that's the thing about factoids. They're interesting.
28:43I know what you're doing.
28:45You don't want me going on this research trip because you're afraid to be alone.
28:49Well, I'm not afraid to be alone. On land.
28:52Well, I'm not afraid to be alone. On land.
28:57On the sea, it would be terrifying.
29:02Because of all the drowning.
29:05Sheldon.
29:07Fine. No more drowning talk. I'll change the subject.
29:10Who do you think would win in a fight? You or a shark?
29:17Look, I appreciate your signature blend of concern for me and incredible selfishness,
29:23but if I get the chance to do this, there's nothing you can say that's going to stop me.
29:28Very well.
29:31Things between you and Penny have never been better.
29:35I hope four months apart doesn't change anything.
29:42I should have opened with that, huh?
29:44Why hasn't Stephen Hawking played a word?
29:48The guy's a genius. Maybe you weren't challenging enough for him.
29:52Not challenging. I was humiliating the man.
29:55I was thinking of writing a book called The Brief History of the Time I Made Stephen Hawking Cry Like a Little Girl.
30:02Here's the problem. You can't beat Hawking like that. He hates to lose.
30:07Everyone knows the guy's a big baby. Forget the wheelchair. He should be in a stroller.
30:15Really? One time when I was working with him, he said that Johnny Depp was in The Matrix.
30:22I told him he was wrong, but he kept insisting, so I looked it up online and showed him.
30:27Well, the next day, he had a pizza party, and everyone got invited but me.
30:35Then he was all, your invitation must have gotten lost in the Matrix.
30:45Good lord, what have I done?
30:48Good lord, what have I done?
30:54Terrible.
30:56Alright, hotshot, let's hear your Indian.
30:59I can't sit on that elephant. My ass is on fire from eating all this curry.
31:08Okay, yeah, that's pretty good.
31:15Why are they staring?
31:18Who cares? Just soak it in.
31:22Hello, boys.
31:25Oh, hey.
31:30Can you please stop staring? They're just girls. It's nothing you haven't seen in movies or in drawings.
31:37Hey, Stuart.
31:39What brings you guys here?
31:40We were looking for a recommendation about comic books.
31:43Oh, well, I recommend you don't open a store and sell them.
31:46No, we were just wondering why the guys like this stuff so much, so we thought we'd give it a try.
31:51Oh, okay. What do you think you might be into? Superhero, fantasy, graphic novels, manga?
31:56I swear I will turn a hose on you.
32:03What kind of comics do the guys like?
32:06What kind of comics do the guys like?
32:09Um, a little bit of everything. Mostly superhero stuff.
32:12Alright, well, who's the best superhero?
32:15You can't ask a question like that in here. Are you trying to start a rumble?
32:20Ernie, I'm home.
32:23Did you have fun today?
32:26Yes, and I have a surprise for you.
32:29Please be Cinderella. Please be Cinderella.
32:31Please be Cinderella.
32:34Well, hello, Prince Charming.
32:41M'lady.
32:54Hey, how was your... What?
32:57I can explain. I played hooky with the girls, then we all went to Disneyland and...
33:02What are you doing?
33:04Disneyland. Go on, I'm listening.
33:09Sheldon, all Snow White needs is one little kiss to wake up.
33:16Heard you the first time.
33:20We're all here tonight because we have no one to be with.
33:23We have no one to be with.
33:25But that doesn't make us mutants.
33:30The only mutants here are in these comic books.
33:35We gotta stop defining our self-worth by whether or not we're in a relationship.
33:42You know what I see when I look around?
33:45I see a room full of great people.
33:48So let's give ourselves a break.
33:51We are a community, and as long as we have each other, we're never truly alone.
34:05That was cool, what you said.
34:09You really think so?
34:11Yeah, I do.
34:18Would you like to get a cup of coffee?
34:23Okay.
34:30Later, losers!
34:36Let me say, if I have this straight.
34:39You two are physicists.
34:42And you want me to do a children's science show.
34:50Yes.
34:52And if there's time, take 12 pictures with us in seasonal clothing.
35:03You know, I'm a real scientist.
35:06I have a PhD from Cornell University.
35:09Yeah, that's great. Did you bring your puppet?
35:13No, no.
35:16I hate that puppet.
35:20Oh, no. How could anybody hate Geno the Neutrino?
35:27It's nice, huh? I got him for 20 bucks on eBay.
35:31Including his shipping!
35:36I'm awake, right?
35:40This is happening.
35:43Here we are.
35:45Yep.
35:47Really gonna miss you.
35:49Gonna miss you, too.
35:51Penny, we're in the red zone.
35:53You see, the white zone is for loading and unloading.
35:57We're breaking the law.
35:59Okay, there's no space in the white zone, so...
36:02Anyway, we can email, and I think the phone connections are pretty good.
36:06All right, you have to get out of the car right now. I'm not going to jail for you.
36:09Would you just relax?
36:11Oh, I see a space in the white zone. Quick, circle the airport.
36:15Did you bring enough inhalers?
36:18Yeah.
36:20And extra Dramamine? You remember what happened on It's a Small World?
36:23No, I'm covered.
36:25Oh, dear lord, a police officer's glancing in our direction. We've been made.
36:31Calm down, I'm getting out.
36:33Calm down, I'm getting out.
36:35I have something I want to give you.
36:37Oh, Leonard.
36:39All right, it's just a heart-shaped locket with a picture of Leonard's face in it.
36:41You got them all on clearance. Now move, move, move.
36:45I love you.
36:47I love you, too.
36:52Don't worry, officer. They just love each other. We're not smuggling drugs.
36:57This cushion experienced a nude revenge wiggle.
37:03What?
37:05A naked man sat on it.
37:08Now, here's my concern. His diet is rich in fatty deli meats.
37:14What test do you have to detect lipid residue?
37:18Lipid what?
37:21Lipid residue.
37:22Lipid what?
37:25Lipid residue. An anal autograph.
37:30A colon calling card, if you will.
37:36Tuesday okay?
37:39Don't rush it. We may be dealing with befoulment on a molecular level.
37:44Let me write you a ticket.
37:46I've never played Dungeons and Dragons with girls before.
37:49Oh, don't worry, sweetie. No one has.
37:53So, what do you say?
37:57I'll leave it up to the dungeon master.
38:01A satanic fungus that looks suspiciously like Al Pacino rises from the forest floor and says,
38:11You're playing D&D. You're playing D&D. This whole apartment is playing D&D.
38:23What are you doing in our dungeon? You shall die.
38:35Okay, literal goosebumps. Look.
38:38What do you do?
38:40I draw my broadsword.
38:42I ready my quarterstaff.
38:44I drink my potion.
38:47I say we attack the big one.
38:49You know what? Give me the dice. I want to roll.
38:50The dungeon master is supposed to roll.
38:52Yeah, well, I'm supposed to be in Vegas throwing up on a shrimp buffet. No, give it.
38:58Alright, what do I need?
39:00Fifteen or higher.
39:02Fifteen's the point. The point is fifteen. Give the little lady some room. Here it is, coming out.
39:07Sixteen!
39:11Elmo, please tell me we're playing for money.
39:14Oh, even better than money. You gained experience points.
39:18More potion, please.
39:20I am unlovable.
39:22That's just the booze talking.
39:25No, it's not. I haven't had a drink since last night.
39:38You're talking to me.
39:40I am.
39:43And I'm crying for a whole different reason.
39:45And I'm crying for a whole different reason.
39:51So, I guess what I'm saying is, I get where Lucy's coming from.
39:54That's great. Do you want some wine?
39:56No, water's fine.
39:58Anyhow, I've been thinking about it a lot, and I totally see why Lucy did what she did.
40:03I pushed too hard, but you know what? If I back off, give her enough space, maybe there's still a future for us.
40:08The funny thing about life is that, you know, sometimes...
40:12Does he ever shut up?
40:13Shut up.
40:15Then it turns good again, and that means it's better than if it had never been bad for a while.
40:19And now, yeah, yeah, now things aren't good.
40:22They are, in fact, very, very bad.
40:25But at least my heart is starting to heal.
40:27Slowly, but surely...
40:29How I cried, it was like a little...