Dave & Chuck the Freak talk to listeners about their experiences of self-pleasure gone wrong.
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00:00your worst jerkin mistake is what we're talking about mike's with us here on the dave and chuck
00:07lines at 1-855-954-6969 mike prepare to peg sir preparing to peg sir peg peg i love it so every
00:18year me and 30 other guys are roughly that on a golf trip and one of the main rules is no women
00:26so i mean we don't it's all guys well we get to where we play our first round and then we check
00:31into our hotel and i was under the impression that i was staying by myself in a room this year so i
00:35spread eagle on the bed as soon as i checked into my room and lo and behold somebody walked right in
00:41on me and there was a giant mirror they could see my reflection on the bed reflective masturbation
00:49yeah yeah within uh within five minutes word spread to the whole uh yeah that's it the whole
00:55crew and that was uh that was pretty much the most embarrassing moment of my life oh mike so he was
01:00one of the guys that was with you oh yeah yeah oh yeah oh so that poor guy that had to then room with
01:08you the red-handed jerker yeah i feel for him that's an awkward roomie uh someone said my buddy
01:15accidentally spanked it to his mom's bits he found a polaroid of some bits outside that was meant for
01:22the garbage oh no he had no idea until one day his mom found it in the bathroom and asked him where
01:30he got it from oh my god no no no no no how many times did he pleasure himself well like because it's
01:37his favorite you know like he found it so it's it's like one of his prized possessions so after that
01:42you just walk try to walk to the bottom of the ocean that's what you do you do try it's yeah you
01:47either become the joker or you walk to the bottom of the ocean yep with big heavy shoes on it you go
01:54right into a volcano yeah yep i don't want you to but it's one of those two things that's one or the
02:01other yep oh that is the word that's worse than your aunt that's worse than anything after that
02:07you're different i think so too i used to live with my grandma and i i remember it but this was
02:12like such a different time i can tell i'm dating myself because i i had to go so she's at bingo
02:18night right yeah big night for me bingo night was when i did most of my self-love yeah yep bingo night
02:26under the o yeah she was out and uh i went to this place called the lion's den and i had bought
02:32pornography yes purchased pornography from the lion's den uh dvds and uh magazines yep and uh
02:45thank you lion's den yeah i never got caught though but i i bingo night i was pretty busy usually
02:50because you knew she'd be gone for x amount of time i did yeah and you know you could hear i wonder if
02:56that place is still around no i bet lion's den yeah it's like a chain oh is it yeah oh
03:02that was where i bought that's it right that's it yep that would be it that's the same one that's
03:10the exact place yeah to go down memory you have a lion's den rewards card no no i did not i was
03:17very uncomfortable the more you buy the more i was like 18 or 19 and i was like i just i really got
03:23to relieve i would love to have you realize that oh andy oh wow you want to take uh take a glimpse
03:29inside i would love for you to realize that you have some reward points there still
03:34oh andy green yeah you still got 32 points yeah because i bet i remember i was like i got all brave
03:41and i was like look at that place huh just one dvd and one it's huge it's like a superstore
03:48you know though vagina sleeve like yeah
03:50oh no i got in my whole evening oh wow there it's bingo night it's gonna be a hell of a time
04:00wow uh this person said i once thought the lead singer of hansen was a girl not good
04:08that's an honest mistake right no
04:12no it's a big deal yeah yeah it's fine i can't remember hansen she's the prettiest this chick is hot
04:21this is the one here that he thought that's gotta be her yeah that's gotta be her that's gotta be her
04:29the lady of his dreams he's gorgeous oh that's oh that's really that's really bad guys i messed up
04:36this afternoon and confused myself sexually my god my god that chick from hansen's pretty hot
04:45don't you think yeah i can't even imagine no that's how you find out that you go to your
04:55buddies you're like guys i that chick from hansen what do you mean the chick from hansen
05:02is the lead singer it's so hot that chick is sweet it's three brothers
05:08he's talking about three brothers there's gotta be some kind of stuff there's a girl she's no
05:14the girl singer have a feminine look to him but there's three brothers
05:19so you love that's why they're called hansen they're the hansen brother yeah you love one of those
05:25and you think oh i did unspeakable things to myself i did all the things
05:31all the things
05:33there's no taking it back i did all the things you're on your own journey there fellow
05:40this girl is the one you did it to yeah that's your cute hot right that's uh that's a fellow
05:49fella there's no way that's a fella they're all fellas that's not a fella they're all fellas
05:56see that's a fella yeah that's your love the ugly guy's a fella but then that's his sister
06:03no sister's there trio of broach you got some questions you gotta answer for yourself
06:11i'll be honest i paused a video right here
06:15salada you're gonna be going through a strange journey
06:19you might want to talk to the counselor probably probably a smart idea you're mixed up
06:27that's his chick playing the keys that's not that's not that's a fella that's a man
06:31that's a that's a boy
06:33times are times are tough no i'm just gonna i'm gonna let you have today i'm gonna take
06:40my leg out and i'm gonna head home i understand i just you got some stuff to work through
06:46you really got thanks bud i'll be here for you on the other side no matter what you decide
06:53but uh you gotta figure that out it's no time probably should uh cancel my uh
07:00handsome fan club yeah you gotta get out of that that's uh you gotta put take those posters down
07:06i was always questioning those i was always questioning those i didn't know but you're my
07:11friend why did i put them on my ceiling you know i kind of put two and two together but i just didn't
07:16want to say anything i let you come out in your own time oh man you're sure yeah a hundred percent
07:25one thousand percent oh my god that's a dude that's a dude
07:30talk to you later then yep see you
07:36see you bud