Therapy Thursday: Graduation Divorce Decision
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Which therapist do you need?
00:01Therapy Thursday.
00:02Now on Wild 94.1.
00:03I understand therapy.
00:04Hi, everybody.
00:06Hi, Dr. Nick.
00:07Dr. Davi is here.
00:09Meredith MD is in the building.
00:11Orlando BGYN.
00:13And a bunch of folks out there that can help along as well.
00:16Therapy Thursday.
00:18We talk it out.
00:19Work it out.
00:20And we are not therapists, but we play one on the radio.
00:23888-429-0941.
00:26You can call us or you can shoot us a text.
00:28And pick what doctor.
00:29If you want everybody to freestyle it up, then you can just say, hey, you guys go at it.
00:33And we'll give you a 60-second session here.
00:36Let's see what we got.
00:37I got one for you.
00:37What is it?
00:38It's not for one specific person, but it does say, I'm single and on Bumble.
00:43I've seen a friend's husband on there a few times now.
00:46The first time about six months ago.
00:47And he said he was married and even showed a photo with her.
00:51I assumed maybe they were doing it together, even though his profile didn't state anything indicating that besides the photo.
00:57Now I can see that he's liked me on Bumble.
01:01His profile doesn't state anything, that he's married, no pictures.
01:05I feel some type of moral obligation to mention it to my friend.
01:09I would want to know, what should I do?
01:11Oh, I mean, morally, you said morally.
01:16If you're so close that it's attacking your morals, then, you know, and you feel like a moral, some sort of moral compass or whatever, then, yeah, you probably should.
01:26But I would tread lightly because you're dipping into somebody else's business.
01:30And that's going to make you like the prime witness.
01:33Yeah.
01:34You're going to be the person to bring that into the household.
01:38That's a lot of weight.
01:39Because you just screenshot it and then send it over.
01:41No, nothing.
01:42It all comes back to who your loyalty is.
01:44Right.
01:44That's how good a friend.
01:45Yeah.
01:46If that's your friend, you don't have any ties to the husband other than that's your friend's husband.
01:51I think you know what the right thing to do is.
01:53I'd want to know.
01:54Of course you could.
01:54Just screenshot it, send it.
01:56How close of a friend are you?
01:57That's the only question you need to ask.
01:59Yeah.
02:00If you're a close friend, then guess what?
02:03Go for it.
02:04Because that's your responsibility.
02:06If you're just an acquaintance, you're being nosy.
02:09That's what I will say.
02:10Okay.
02:10If you're just an acquaintance.
02:11You know how you can find out something about somebody and then you're like, oh, let me go look up at their page.
02:15Yes.
02:16Because you don't normally go to their page.
02:18Then y'all not that close.
02:19Being nosy.
02:20You're being nosy and using this as a way to get into the story.
02:24So if they're close to you and you owe that to them, go for it.
02:27If they're not, stay out of the business.
02:29Like, if I just know this person is married and I see them hollering, I don't know her like that, but I know.
02:35Right.
02:35And that ain't really your business.
02:37Like, let that live.
02:38Maybe they have something in their relationship where he's allowed to do that.
02:40Right.
02:41I don't know you like that.
02:42And you're not sure.
02:42Right.
02:43That's what I'm saying.
02:43Let it live.
02:44Exactly.
02:45All right.
02:45Let's see here.
02:46We got line one on the phone.
02:49Hello?
02:51Hey, you guys.
02:52How you doing?
02:52I'm getting there.
02:55You're getting there.
02:56Well, let's get you closer.
02:57Let's see.
02:57You got a specific doctor you want to holler at this morning?
03:01It's you, Orlando.
03:02Okay.
03:02Okay.
03:03What's the question?
03:04Well, first of all, I'm first time caller.
03:06Hey, first time caller.
03:08First time caller.
03:09Welcome to the freak show.
03:10Loving that.
03:10All right.
03:12So I know that, you know, there's that stereotype of baby mama drama, but that's my baby daddy.
03:19I have wanted nothing to do with him, and yet he keeps going like a stereotypical, what
03:25people think stereotypical baby mamas do.
03:27I don't know how to stop it.
03:29I don't know how to handle it.
03:30And it really is weighing emotionally on me.
03:32Like, I can't even get into a new relationship because of this.
03:35Okay.
03:36So you got a baby daddy who just won't let go?
03:40He, supposedly he doesn't want to let go, but supposedly he does.
03:45He don't want nothing to do with him, but still, he's doing the baby mama drama, just
03:51picking stuff, picking fights, and all I do is reply, if anything, with a thumbs up
03:56emoji.
03:57What do I do?
03:58Okay.
03:58So you're not dealing with each other, but back and forth when you communicate, he's
04:03treating you like you kind of like you the baby mama drama.
04:06You're crazy.
04:07Yeah, but he's doing it.
04:09Like, you'll see, like, him do paragraphs, and I'll respond, like, with a thumbs up because
04:14I don't want to hear it.
04:14Like, he's finding something, like, I'm not good enough, I'm a mom, and, you know.
04:20He's going psycho.
04:21Yeah.
04:21So, okay, so.
04:22He doesn't sound psycho.
04:23This is crazy.
04:24Well, I mean, here's the deal.
04:25First of all, you have to communicate with him, so keep that going because you never want
04:31to be the person who shuts down communication between you and the kids, between you and
04:35the kid's father.
04:36But all of that drama and all that smoke that you're getting means that, you know, he's trying
04:41to provoke you into a situation that you don't need to bite into.
04:44Like, that might be his unresolved feelings for you.
04:47You know what I'm saying?
04:48Like, the fact that he really is wanting to fight, wanting to engage because that's the
04:53only interaction y'all giving, and you're ignoring it with the thumbs up and trying not
04:57to buy into that smoke.
04:58So, I would say keep doing that and just keep, he's going to learn.
05:03It might take him a minute because if he's really, really into trying to charge up and
05:07fight against you or whatever, he's going to realize it at some point that he's fighting.
05:10You can't fight by yourself.
05:12And if you're not giving any action back, then, you know, that's at least the higher ground.
05:18I mean, and you don't feel anything for him.
05:21You also got to make sure you don't circle back anyway romantically because that's then going
05:27to add more fuel to the fire, too.
05:30So, don't make that stereotypical mistake because there's a lot of baby mamas out there
05:34falling back into bed with a mistake that happened in the past.
05:37Right.
05:38Manipulation as well, trying to control you.
05:39Yeah.
05:40That makes me want to vomit.
05:41Well, I mean, yeah, don't vomit.
05:43Don't vomit.
05:43But just keep reminding yourself of that anytime that that comes around because emotion is,
05:48you know, it's kind of an aphrodisiac, you know, when you got a history with somebody.
05:51So, don't be weak and, you know, keep strong.
05:55Don't keep a strong thumb representing your part of that conversation.
05:57I'm crying, though, by myself because it's like it just keeps coming.
06:01Well, I mean, wait now.
06:02Wait now.
06:02We're not.
06:03We know we're going to we're going to handle what we can handle and you're handling it
06:06right.
06:07And if you get emotional, that's fine, too.
06:09But, you know, just don't let your emotion carry you backwards.
06:12You got to deliver it from Egypt.
06:14So, don't go back to the sand.
06:15OK, thank you, guys.
06:18No problem at all.
06:18All right.
06:19Let's see here.
06:19Eight at eight four two nine zero ninety four one therapy Thursday.
06:22My husband had surgery last week, so I decided to go through his phone and saw a message
06:27telling his ex-wife that he still loves her.
06:31Oh, my God.
06:31The message is two years old, but we've been together for 21 years.
06:35Should I confront him?
06:37She went through his phone.
06:38That was two years ago, boy.
06:40Yeah.
06:41You found it.
06:42You did.
06:43OK.
06:44I'd want to know.
06:45I'd want to know.
06:46And I would damn sure bring it up.
06:48You found it.
06:49You know, you want to bring it up.
06:50If you went through someone's phone to find something and you dug two years into somebody's
06:55text messages, then it's it's probably best you bring it up because she's never going
06:59to stop checking his phone.
07:01I just think it's bad that I got to wake up from surgery to this.
07:05Like, why you picked this hat?
07:07Like, you know, I'm healing.
07:08Like, can I heal?
07:09He did.
07:10I'm going to wake up.
07:11You got an attitude face.
07:12Are you in still love with your ex-wife?
07:14That's the question.
07:15Yeah.
07:16You know what?
07:16We have a lot of love for each other.
07:18And I, you know, she was going through it.
07:20I don't know what it is.
07:21I'm just coming out of anesthesia.
07:23OK.
07:23All right.
07:23Like, I just.
07:24I'm.
07:25But you're awake.
07:26I see you.
07:27You want me to fight in the hospital bed?
07:29We'll get home first.
07:30Security.
07:31Can y'all remove her from my room?
07:32Dude.
07:33I mean, she went through it.
07:33She found it.
07:34Don't you think she's going to have to bring it up?
07:37It was a bad time.
07:39What?
07:39Are you making excuses for him?
07:41I'm not.
07:41I'm just saying it's a bad time to bring this up.
07:44Whoever's.
07:44If somebody's recovering from a surgery.
07:46He has nothing to do but lay there.
07:48Oh, OK.
07:50That's why it's not.
07:51I mean, people.
07:52I don't know what kind of surgery it is, but he's a week out.
07:54I think the text said I would definitely bring it up.
07:57Two years ago, I told somebody I love him.
08:00That's your ex, though.
08:01Ex-wife.
08:02Right.
08:02Whoa.
08:03Are they having an affair?
08:04What's going on?
08:05Did he delete other text messages?
08:07Why is this one safe?
08:08I don't.
08:09Oh, my God.
08:09I don't think he deletes anything.
08:10He left this.
08:11This bullet.
08:12Yeah, I guess that's smart.
08:14Yeah.
08:14And if he's not that smart, then ain't nothing he's hiding.
08:17Because if he got caught with this, is this enough to break up your family?
08:20Ask yourself that one question.
08:21And you can only answer that.
08:22We can't.
08:23So ask yourself that after all of this back and forth.
08:26Just say, you know what?
08:27Is that one isolated thing enough for me to unplug?
08:31If it is, then to thine own self be true.
08:33But if it's not, then you probably wouldn't let that go.
08:36Or not let it go, but just have the conversation later.
08:39Like, hey, so I saw something.
08:40Let's talk about it.
08:41Much different than you love this chick, blah, blah, blah.
08:44All the accusations.
08:45You know what I'm saying?
08:46Like, have a conversation.
08:47Yeah.
08:4821 years deserves a conversation.
08:49That's very smart.
08:50Don't come at him.
08:51Have a conversation about it.
08:52But the fact that he saved a message from two years ago.
08:55Meredith, stop stoking the fire.
08:56Sorry.
08:57All right.
08:57This says, it says anybody.
09:01After my daughter graduates this weekend, I literally have no reason to stay in my marriage.
09:07Emptiness with me and my husband is not something that I can take.
09:10I deserve to be happy, right?
09:15Sounds like the decision is already made.
09:17A lot of people do this.
09:18They stay together for the kids.
09:20You know, they want to make sure that there's a happy relationship there.
09:23Divorce is always hard no matter what age the kid is going through.
09:26I can't say right, though.
09:28I don't know.
09:28We don't know.
09:30Yeah, I mean, you want to be happy.
09:31You want to be happy.
09:32If you're not happy in your marriage at the end of the day, obviously, this isn't a quick decision.
09:36This isn't like, oh, he cheated.
09:37I'm leaving or anything like that.
09:38She's been thinking about this.
09:40But how about this?
09:41Without kids, and think about your relationship, because I was always told your relationship with your spouse or partner or however you want to word it, your relationship's got to be so 100 that when you introduce these little hellions called children, y'all are on the same page.
09:57Right.
09:58But y'all got these kids that have applied the empty nest syndrome because they've all gotten out.
10:03You probably don't know each other without the kids.
10:05You might like him without kids now.
10:08That's true.
10:09You know what I'm saying?
10:09It's very true.
10:10Give it some sort of period, some sort of time before you just, don't let them graduate this weekend and you packing a bag.
10:17Like, you ain't got to spend a lot of time.
10:20But get to know who this is without the kids in the way and who you are without the kids in the way.
10:26Y'all might end up liking each other.
10:28Y'all might end up going out to a couple dinners or, like, you know, doing something social because now y'all don't have kids hanging on your hip.
10:34Yeah, maybe do everything you can before making that last decision.
10:38It sounds like that's maybe the final one.
10:40Right.
10:40Like, you already ready to, like, you know, you've been thinking about it and everything else.
10:44I get it.
10:45Test the waters a little bit just to see how it is.
10:46Because you fell in love with them to begin with for some reason.
10:49Make sure, the same way you make sure who the person is when you move in, make sure who that person is when you're moving out.
10:56Yeah.
10:56And if this person is different now that y'all are free and empty nesters and he can walk around naked and y'all having fun and whatever,
11:03you might like this person more than you liked him with all of them little villains in the house.
11:07That's true.
11:08I'm just saying.
11:09It is true.
11:09Once the kids go away, you kind of reconnect really quickly.
11:11Get to know who you're leaving.
11:13All right?
11:13We got what?
11:14We got another.
11:15Phone calls.
11:15Phone calls.
11:16Let's see here.
11:18Line one.
11:19Hello.
11:20Hello.
11:21How you doing this morning?
11:23I'm okay.
11:24All right?
11:24I like okay.
11:26Okay?
11:26We can build on that.
11:27Which doc you want?
11:30Orlando, I guess.
11:31Okay.
11:31Well, I guess.
11:34Okay.
11:36So, I got history.
11:3815 years with my daughter's godfather.
11:42Your daughter's godfather you have history with.
11:45He adopted her after three years when dad disappeared.
11:49This man grinded for three years up my ass.
11:52Okay.
11:53I need that.
11:53Let me help you with this girl.
11:55Let me help you with this girl.
11:56I pushed him off.
11:57You know, I didn't know him well enough.
12:00But I'm in another situation.
12:02My husband passed a year ago.
12:04I got a five-year-old.
12:06This man flew in from Cali last weekend for Mother's Day.
12:11Been on my line ever since.
12:13I'm not ready for a relationship.
12:16If we do business over the weekend when he was in for Mother's Day, is there feelings there?
12:21Yeah, but I feel like he's trying to slide down here because he's a traveling nurse and he's taking a bid.
12:26How do I tell him, you can't take this bid.
12:28I don't want nothing more with you.
12:31But you had your fun with him.
12:32But you enjoyed it, but you just don't want to lock it down.
12:36Look, here's the thing.
12:38I will hate this man in a few months.
12:42You know what I mean?
12:42Because we'll get together.
12:43We'll have a blast.
12:44And I'll be like, I feel like there's some type of commitment.
12:48But then he'll go do his own thing.
12:50And I'm going to hate him when he does it.
12:52Okay.
12:52All right.
12:53Well, here's the deal.
12:54You're sending mixed signals.
12:55Yeah.
12:55You got it.
12:56You got it.
12:57You have to wait.
12:57All right.
12:58It's time for us to talk.
12:59We're going to hit the clock here.
13:01Okay.
13:01Here's the deal.
13:02You need to be honest with him from the jump before any moving happens.
13:06Be as honest as possible.
13:08You're being very brash, very loud.
13:10You shot out of a cannon this morning.
13:12And you need to give him that response.
13:14Just like, listen, we had a great time.
13:17And the reason it's great is because we allowed it to be and we let it go.
13:21Like, that's a great thing.
13:23I'm going through it.
13:24You know, my husband passed and all of the stuff that I got.
13:26You going through it because you're bouncing around all of this stuff.
13:29So we can't ruin what we got.
13:32Whatever bond and enjoyment we had,
13:35we can't ruin that by trying to make it something that it's not.
13:39I told him that.
13:40You need to tell him better.
13:42Then you need to tell him better.
13:43You need to tell him better.
13:45Because you being very strong with that message is going to let him know that he's not going to be able to come here,
13:52sweet talk you, fall into that situation, and be able to romance you off your square.
13:57Your square is your truth.
13:59You stand there with your own, too, and say, no, no, no.
14:03And then you've got to be strong enough not to get down on the flow, flow, flow.
14:07Don't you do nothing with that man.
14:09He's on my education right now.
14:11What?
14:11And my son's education.
14:13And that's what I want is a foundation.
14:15And then if it's in the five years, we might can do something.
14:19No, you want the gifts and not to give the gifts.
14:23You want him taking care of stuff, but you don't want to take care of stuff.
14:27That's bad.
14:28You can't have it both ways.
14:29Now, if he's taking care of stuff because he thinks that he's able to get in,
14:34then you can let him know that's not a possibility.
14:36If he chooses to continue, that's fine.
14:37But don't be messing up and getting all into a romantic situation.
14:42I'm just telling you right now, that's not going to be smart.
14:45All right?
14:45There you go.
14:46All right.
14:47There we go.
14:47We got one more.
14:49Yeah, one more person on the line.
14:50Hey, hello.
14:51How you doing?
14:52Hey.
14:53Hey.
14:54Well, which doc you want?
14:56Which advice?
14:57I got a Lego.
14:59Okay.
14:59All right.
15:00What you got?
15:01Okay.
15:02So, this Saturday was my baby's birthday.
15:05She turned five.
15:06Happy birthday.
15:09I'm a first-time caller, too.
15:11Hey, first-time caller, first-time caller.
15:13Welcome to the freak show.
15:14What we got?
15:14Oh, my baby daddy has been a deadbeat.
15:18He has been begging me to come get her, but he made false promises never fall through.
15:22He didn't call her or on her B-day.
15:25Should I start allowing him to come get her, even though it may be a false promise?
15:30Oh, man.
15:31That's tough.
15:31That sucks because you want to try and protect her.
15:34That's the main thing because you, I mean, you're consistent.
15:37You're there with her every day, so you are the protector, and that's something that's serious.
15:40But you also got to allow room for him to get better.
15:46And you don't know if that's going to be now with the empty promises or if he's going to wake up and grow up in the next year or two years or maybe 10 years.
15:56Maybe when she's, you know, a teenager, he might wake up.
15:58But you want to leave that opportunity for him to be able to do it because she's going to need a father.
16:04If he's ever going to step up, whenever he does, she's going to need it.
16:08He's going to have a lot of making up to do because she's going to grow up and learn that basically I couldn't depend on you.
16:14You weren't there for me and blow.
16:15And that's going to be his road to hold, not yours.
16:18Right now, you need to protect her, but also leave room for him to get better.
16:23If he ain't better now, protect her.
16:25That's your job.
16:26But if he does get better, weigh that consequence.
16:30It's not a hard no.
16:32Maybe it's not right now.
16:35Maybe it's that.
16:35But, you know, because he has to show you a little bit more responsibility.
16:39Don't play with my kid's emotions.
16:41Don't have her sitting waiting for you like you're going to come get her and things like that and making her heart break because my job is to protect her.
16:48So I'm going to protect her from that.
16:49If you can show me something a little better.
16:51Right.
16:51Like you can show up.
16:53Maybe you can spend a little time here with her.
16:55You're not going to take her with you.
16:56But show up consistently so I can trust you because I can't give my kid to just somebody who feels like they're not being responsible.
17:02So now if you step up, then the carte blanche because this is your child and she needs you as much as I need you to be there for her.
17:10And that hurts with the whole birthday thing.
17:11You can't let that go.
17:12Yeah.
17:12I mean, but I'm sure you made it.
17:14I'm sure you made it fabulous for her.
17:16Yep.
17:17But, but, but, but the empty promises hurt.
17:20So protect her from that and then protect him from himself.
17:24Hey, listen, if you want a relationship with her, you got it.
17:26But you got to do better.
17:27And I'm going to expect you to do better because you're not leaving this house with her until you show me you can.
17:31There you go.
17:32If he's serious about it, I think he would be all about that.
17:35Okay.
17:35Okay.
17:37You the gatekeeper.
17:38Protect her.
17:39Yes.
17:40All right, sweetie.
17:41Take care.
17:42844.
17:42That's a wrap right there.
17:44Yeah.
17:44That's what we call Therapy Thursday.
17:46We talk it out, work it out, give you some way to get it out and we get it done.