Therapy Thursday 7-30-20
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00:00Therapy Thursday. Now on Wild 94.1. I understand therapy. Hi everybody. Hi Dr. Nick. Alright Therapy Thursday. This is where we pretty much embrace the fact that we all need to talk to somebody. Alright. We give you 60 second sessions. And that is from Meredith MD. That is from Dr. Davi. That is from Orlando BGY. Alright. So whatever questions you got you can text us if you don't want people to notice your voice. Whatever. Yeah.
00:28If you got some parenting things we can't really help you because we just discussed it. But no we try and give you some help. Now of course if you want to get therapy there's no kind of stigma that should keep you out of that chair. So you should go in there but we're without the copay so that's always better. Yes. Alright. 888-429-0941. Who is first? I got one for you Orlando. Alright. What you got? We've been in lockdown since the pandemic started and it's definitely getting to us. It's the four of us. Me, my husband and two small kids.
00:58In a little house. Not seeing anyone except for immediate family. Everyone I see on Facebook is going on vacations. Going here and there. And I could really use a break or even go on a vacation myself. But I would feel so guilty. God forbid we got something. But for my sanity I feel we need a break. Should I book a vacation for us? Or stay locked inside? The stress is becoming too much sometimes.
01:20I've seen some people do vacations that were more like driving. Like they would go somewhere that's a staycation. I have my neighbor, you guys know neighbor Ken. They went to Lido Beach and spent the weekend there.
01:34You know, it's limiting because you don't want to get on planes or you don't want to do certain things that might expose your family.
01:40But you still got to have that family time. So whether it's you guys getting in the car and deciding to go to the mountains in Georgia or have a road trip, which kids will probably enjoy that just as far as seeing stuff on the road.
01:53It's it's not like a real relaxing thing for you. But it is once you get there and wear them out, let them go to bed and you guys can go out on the balcony and look around and, you know, whatever.
02:02It's not what you're used to if you're going to Vegas or New York or something like that. But it is ways that you can get out and get involved.
02:09Also, you know, local stuff going out to, you know, Shell Island and stuff like that and just doing stuff around here is a possibility as well.
02:19But get in the car and go drive. Go do that. I mean, that's that's that's kind of the way you could do it.
02:25And you're not taking off a lot of vacation. Yeah. So, you know, like if you got a vacation to spend and go ahead and burn about the experience.
02:32Yeah. But but I mean, it's better to be safe than sorry.
02:35And especially with school, getting ready to get back into a hectic rotation, do something like that.
02:40Get away. You know, I have family that went to Destin, you know, and they stayed up there for like a week, you know, so you could do that.
02:46Airbnb it and whatever. And take your cleaning stuff, too, because I know when I had to go to a hotel, I took a UV light.
02:53OK, well, you know, so you just make sure everything was good.
02:56Safe. Do that. We have one for Meredith. It says, Meredith, my wife, my wife caught me in another girl's DMs.
03:04Nothing too bad. I actually feel like she overreacted, but now she wants all my passwords.
03:09Should I give it to her? I'm done trying to talk to other women, I promise.
03:12But I feel like this is overbearing. No, you're not done.
03:18You just got caught because you would have kept doing it. So that's just how that is.
03:21Let's be real. Yeah, you can apologize all you want.
03:25But now, I mean, you've got to work back that trust.
03:27And if she's requesting those passwords, the fact that you're holding back on it is also another red flag.
03:33So I would, if it were me personally, I would just give give her everything, especially if you're saying it wasn't that bad.
03:39And I have to take you for your word, even though I honestly feel like you were doing something dirty.
03:44Yeah, you need to give up all your passwords until she feels like the relationship can be mended.
03:48And then she can trust you a little bit more.
03:51And then maybe she doesn't need to track your phone like she's probably thinking about doing right now.
03:56You got 20 more seconds.
03:57You want to have any of that?
03:58I mean, I think it is overbearing.
04:00I kind of thought you would think that way.
04:03Yeah, you're going to find something that you don't like.
04:06Maybe it's a like in a picture or something incredibly innocent.
04:10He says she overreacted.
04:12Why are you in her DMs?
04:13I kind of believe him.
04:15He said he didn't say anything bad.
04:17Maybe he was just complimenting her blouse.
04:20You know what's inside a blouse?
04:22I know somebody in this building who complimented somebody on a conversation that was very, like, normal.
04:28Yeah.
04:29Like, if you'd have looked at it, you'd have been like, what was the problem?
04:31But because it was in a girl's DM, his girl saw it and went crazy.
04:36Yeah, but in what he said here, if you could reverse it, it was, I won't do it again kind of thing.
04:41Right, because now that I know that, that is not allowed.
04:44I did not know that that wasn't allowed.
04:46Please.
04:46All right, let's see here.
04:47Davi, this is you.
04:49Therapy Thursday.
04:49The job I work for is only successful by us working on the fringe of being unethical and illegal.
04:57I make way more money than I could anywhere else, and I have three kids, so I can use it.
05:04If my job would get audited, we would be shut down, and we would all lose our licenses.
05:11Oh.
05:12How do I move?
05:13Um, well, you got to kind of evaluate how hard it is to get your license back.
05:20But I would say, honestly, ride it till the wheels fall off.
05:23If you know you're never going to get a better situation, remember, this is the job you work at.
05:28This isn't the job you own, so you have some kind of plausible deniability right there.
05:34You know you're not going to find a situation sweeter than this, so ride that thing out.
05:39But at the same time, have a plan B and a plan C, because something like this, when it goes away, it's going to go away so fast.
05:46It's going to go away when you least expect it.
05:48What would T.I. say expeditiously?
05:50Expeditiously.
05:51Your job is going to be gone.
05:53So have something waiting in the wings, whatever, a little possibility, a little feeler out there.
05:58But, yo, ride this thing out as long as possible.
06:01Stack your bread for you, for those babies, and don't tell too many people about this unethical practice that you're doing.
06:06Matter of fact, burn your phone that you just sent us that message on.
06:10Get rid of that message right there.
06:12Don't want to do that.
06:13That wouldn't stress you out at all.
06:15Tommy's like, get a go bag.
06:17Put all the money in the go bag, hide it in this chimney.
06:19All right.
06:20We got more coming up.
06:22Meredith, MD, you ready?
06:23Yes.
06:24All right.
06:24My son is 11 years old, and this past weekend, he caught me and the husband doing the hibbity-dibbity.
06:31Hey.
06:32I don't know how to approach the situation.
06:35He closed the door and ran to his room.
06:38We have not talked to him about it since because we don't know what to say.
06:44Can't look my son in the eye right now.
06:46Please help.
06:48We were just wrestling.
06:50I was pinning your mama down.
06:53Yeah.
06:54Give her the figure for her.
06:55I think this is a good time to have that talk, right?
06:59At 11?
07:00Oh, yeah.
07:01I mean, absolutely.
07:02Some people do it at a younger age, and he just walked in.
07:05You don't know what he saw.
07:06You better assume that he just saw everything.
07:09Yeah, exactly.
07:10So he probably has already had the conversation with his friends, and that's not where he needs
07:14to be getting that important information from to begin with.
07:17Hopefully, Daddy is there.
07:19That way, maybe you don't have to be there, too.
07:21If Mommy feels uncomfortable with it, that's one decision that she can make.
07:25Let Daddy sit down with him and explain what he walked in and saw, and that you could say
07:30that you were making love and just wrap it up in a bow and make it sound a little bit
07:35better.
07:35But also, it's a good time to break down what sex really is.
07:38Depend on which place Mama was facing.
07:42Making love is facing each other.
07:43Can I ask something?
07:44Because I was probably about 11 when I walked in on my bed.
07:48But they were all obvious.
07:49I told this story before.
07:50It was the middle of the kitchen.
07:52I was outside playing.
07:53I came in for a glass of water.
07:56And she said that he was giving her a massage.
08:00But now, thinking back all these years later, they didn't sit down, and they just left it
08:07at that.
08:08There was no further explanation.
08:10That was that.
08:10And honestly, I'm glad that they just left it at that.
08:13Did they ever have the sex talk with you?
08:15I don't remember the sex talk.
08:17I really don't.
08:18They had a massage talk.
08:18They had the massage talk.
08:20But the fact that it wasn't like, okay, Davi, let's talk about what you saw.
08:24The fact that that didn't happen.
08:25That would have made it weirder.
08:26It would have made it so much weirder.
08:27Plus, they had a new rule where from now on, you get water out of the spigot.
08:32Why don't you come in this house with no cup of water?
08:34You get water out like a good, respectable boy out of the hoes.
08:37Oh, man.
08:38Wow.
08:38I feel it's important to have that conversation with your kids, so I'm just going to put that
08:41out there.
08:42Honestly, I mean, yeah.
08:44That's a hard one.
08:46You might as well talk about it.
08:47Everybody saw it.
08:48You know what I mean?
08:49Yeah, the kids saw it all.
08:50You can't get around it.
08:53But you basically, we live in a room together.
08:55We're your parents.
08:56We can talk about where you came from, and now we'll talk about how that happens.
09:01So maybe the kid's like, are y'all trying to make another baby?
09:04No, because you don't always make a baby.
09:06You can have a conversation that way, but to ignore it just makes it feel dirty.
09:10And then your kids end up thinking bad about sex like it's a dirty thing if you don't address it.
09:16And then you turn into Davi.
09:18Dirty sex.
09:19Mr. I got condoms all over the house.
09:21I'm saying, he can't unsee it.
09:23He had a hors d'oeuvre jar.
09:24You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.
09:27You know?
09:27He already saw what he saw.
09:29Did he see the toothpaste?
09:30He saw it.
09:30He saw the toothpaste.
09:32And mommy was licking the toothpaste.
09:34All right.
09:34Okay.
09:35All right.
09:35Orlando.
09:35Yo.
09:36My wife and I have a six-year-old.
09:38Every time our son acts up and needs discipline, my wife gets frustrated and stressed out.
09:43Any suggestions on how to talk to her about it?
09:45Ooh, I've been there.
09:46Um, I mean, if you're getting frustrated and stuff, then you can't blame a six-year-old.
09:52They don't know the rules.
09:53So if it's anything, you have to make sure that you're talking with each other to make sure your game plan is shared.
10:00So there's no surprises.
10:01If you are losing it and your partner is there to check you and pull you back on the boat, that's the teamwork.
10:09Um, if your six-year-old is doing stuff, it's because they test in the waters and stuff.
10:13So you can't, you can't let the insane inmates run the asylum.
10:18You got to be in charge.
10:20And especially if it's only one of them.
10:21I mean, y'all outnumber them.
10:22So you and him or you and her versus the kid is always going to win unless you guys are divided.
10:30You let the kid divide you and now you're going to mess around and get whooped by a six-year-old.
10:34And that's just embarrassing.
10:35And everybody's going to never invite you over to their house ever again.
10:37What about good cop, bad cop?
10:38Does that work?
10:39Not when you're six.
10:40When you're six, it's like it's our way or the highway.
10:43And that kid don't know their way to the highway.
10:45So it's always going to come back around.
10:46Right.
10:46Okay.
10:47So just make sure that you guys are on the same level.
10:50Anything that you need to talk about should be able to be talked about because y'all are on the same team.
10:55Y'all haven't, you've just been in this parenting game for six years.
10:57So neither one of y'all are experts at it.
10:59So admit that to each other.
11:02And then that humbleness will make sure both of y'all can come to the table with something, you know, that you need to know.
11:08Work in progress.
11:09There you go.
11:09All right.
11:09Are y'all ready for the finale?
11:11The grand finale?
11:12This is it.
11:13Is it the last one?
11:15Are we sure?
11:16Okay.
11:17For Therapy Thursdays.
11:18So I have a 12-year-old.
11:19You got me nervous.
11:20You should be.
11:21So I have a 12-year-old son.
11:22I killed 12 people.
11:24No!
11:24You don't want to know.
11:25All right.
11:26I have a 12-year-old son.
11:27There are two prospective fathers.
11:29He has never known either one of them, but I really want him to know who the father is.
11:33But I don't want them to have visitation because neither of them are good people.
11:37They were really just hookups.
11:39A wild time in my life.
11:40My question is, should I file for child support and make them take a paternity test?
11:45Because neither one of them has taken it at this time.
11:48Any advice?
11:49And she doesn't know who the daddy is?
11:50No.
11:51There's two guys and her son is 12.
11:52So she's had a long time to think about it.
11:54You should know by now.
11:56You should have done this before.
11:57Well, what should she do now?
11:59Yeah.
12:00I would.
12:01Well, first of all, you want to take it?
12:03I don't even want to speak to her.
12:07What?
12:0812 years and now you want to know?
12:10Daddy should know.
12:12But they're bad guys.
12:13Right.
12:14Both of them are bad.
12:15So A, your picker is wrong.
12:17For sure.
12:17Okay.
12:17Okay.
12:18So that's off.
12:19And 12 years ago, you escaped from these two inmates.
12:23Right.
12:23So don't go unpacking it now.
12:26Like, make up something.
12:27But doesn't the kid deserve it?
12:28Yes.
12:28Your daddy was on a boat that went down in the Red Sea.
12:33And the last thing he said before he went under is, tell my son I love him.
12:36Like, make up a story.
12:38Build something up.
12:39Don't unfurl these people on, huh?
12:41She said, I really want to know who the father is.
12:44Right.
12:45That's great for your wants.
12:46You know what else you want?
12:47You want your child to grow up great.
12:48You want your child to have a...
12:50There's a lot of wants we have.
12:51We don't get everything we want.
12:53You...
12:53There's no reason for you to want to know who the father is.
12:56Why?
12:57No.
12:57There's no...
12:58There's no reason.
12:59You both of them are both bad options.
13:01But what about the kid, though?
13:02Doesn't he deserve to know?
13:03Yes, and he'll be mad at him.
13:04Your dad died in a boating accident in the Red Sea.
13:07At 18 years old, if this ever comes out, he or the kid is a son, right?
13:12Yeah.
13:12So he's going to be...
13:13He could be really upset with his mom for never telling him and then not talk to her for a little
13:16bit.
13:17Never telling you what?
13:17Mom didn't know.
13:19To create a rift in the relationship.
13:20But mom doesn't know.
13:21You...
13:21You...
13:21She is the adult.
13:23She makes the decision to try to find out who.
13:24You have plausible deniability.
13:25But she knows it's one of two people.
13:27So she could find out...
13:29So you want me as a mama to look at my 12-year-old son and say, listen, two people could be your
13:34daddy.
13:35Are y'all crazy?
13:37Like, mom...
13:37So now, I don't know my dad.
13:39Both of these options are bad guys.
13:41And the one woman who I love is now telling me that she was giving it away with like Scooby
13:46Snacks, come on.
13:47She's feeling guilty.
13:48No.
13:49What she's doing is wanting too much.
13:51That's idle hands.
13:52Don't be worried about what you can't control.
13:54You had two options and you picked the two worst ones and now they're out of the picture
13:58for 12 years.
14:00So they got whatever going on.
14:02If they was bad 12 years ago, they might be worse now.
14:05So don't go shaking your...
14:06But they might be better.
14:07Whatever the Terrence Howard said in that movie, don't go knocking on the devil's door
14:10because somebody might answer.
14:11Don't go knocking on the devil's door.
14:13Wouldn't you want to know if you had a child out there?
14:15Hell no.
14:15Wouldn't you know?
14:17If I was a bad dude that slept with somebody who was sleeping with everybody...
14:21Yeah.
14:22And I mean, not saying that you were...
14:24You know she's listening, right?
14:27I'm saying in his mind, I'm speaking as him.
14:30I'm not speaking as her.
14:31I'm not telling you to testimony who she is.
14:32I'm saying in his mind, he's like, I'm a bad dude.
14:35You gave it to me.
14:36And I know you was messing with Rollo.
14:38And blah, blah, blah.
14:39Rollo wasn't worth nothing.
14:41Still on me $50.
14:42Like, you know what I'm saying?
14:43That kind of dude, you don't know what's going on from that.
14:46You know what I'm saying?
14:47So you're in control of your house.
14:49You're in control of your house.
14:51You're in control of your relationship with your son.
14:53And you don't want to go shaking trees and letting whatever fall out fall out
14:58because you don't know what's going to happen.
14:59I see that perspective.
15:00Or it might be really, really bad.
15:03Are we in a financial situation where we need to put them on papers?
15:08It sounds like it.
15:09Because she said she just wants to know.
15:11And nobody will take the paternity.
15:13And she mentioned child support.
15:15It sounds like she wants a little bit of help right now.
15:16But she was saying because the son, she wasn't safe.
15:19She didn't make the email from what I saw of financial.
15:22The question is, should I file for child support to make them take a paternity test?
15:26Because neither of one of them has taken it at this time.
15:29Right, neither one has taken it.
15:30So she can't capsulize the story for the 12-year-old.
15:34I don't think it's financial.
15:35So now you don't need the money.
15:37You just want to have a story for the child.
15:40And it's like, I just think some people have been inspired by stories that may not have been true.
15:46And they were changed to protect the innocent.
15:49And the innocent right now is him.
15:51So create a better story.
15:54Where am I, Daddy?
15:55I always want to know about my Daddy.
15:56Give him a good story.
15:57Give him a good send-off.
15:58Go ahead.
15:59It's been 12 years.
16:00They ain't been here.
16:01They not coming.
16:01Okay, I have a question.
16:03Are you ever going to tell him?
16:04That's just my opinion.
16:04I'm not saying I'm right.
16:05I'm just saying that's my opinion.
16:06Are you ever going to tell the boy?
16:08The son?
16:09Tell the son about the daddy?
16:10Yeah, are you waiting until he's 18, 21, 25?
16:13I don't think.
16:14I think that taking a problem like this of not having a man stick around or not having the clarity of who it is.
16:21I think having a problem like that is something that you make the best of.
16:26And grazing a kid the best way you can and making sure that they get their way on it.
16:32That's great.
16:33That's taking lemons and making lemonade.
16:35Yeah.
16:36But to go back and try.
16:37You can't change somebody.
16:39If they left or you left, however that happened 12 years ago where you basically have told us that they both were bad guys.
16:4512 years ago, though.
16:46They don't even know.
16:47They could have changed for the better.
16:49They could have been wanting a kid.
16:50But they knew they had a kid.
16:52No, maybe they didn't.
16:53Because she said neither one of them would take it.
16:55So they knew it was an option.
16:57Both of them know they got an option of a kid and haven't come knocking.
17:00She said because neither one of them has taken it.
17:04Right.
17:04So neither one of them would take it.
17:06So they both know they had it.
17:07They just didn't come around.
17:09So I'm saying you just got to read between the lines.
17:11I mean, my training has taught me about evidence.
17:16And I will tell y'all the evidence says, keep it moving.
17:22No, I disagree.
17:23More than anything in the world, he wants a father.
17:26And then you don't want him to resent you.
17:28The only person that he has in his life, when he's 15 or 18 or whatever, finds out that
17:33his dad didn't die in the river.
17:35His dad lives 20 minutes down the street.
17:38Oh, well, we're going to resent me because I was out there doing something that I'm...
17:42Because you kept me from a potential relationship with somebody.
17:45I didn't know.
17:46Yes, you did.
17:47How did you not know which one was my daddy?
17:49Well, because I had relations with both of them.
17:51I want to have that conversation with my son.
17:54Well, no one does, but you got to put it out there and then we can both...
17:58You don't have to put it out there.
17:58We both can heal from it.
17:59He can have brothers and sisters out there, cousins that he's never going to meet, uncles
18:03that would love him, and a whole family that he's never going to have access to.
18:07Or we can have family members who now call us when they need bail money.
18:11There's another side of this.
18:12Y'all got the rosy side.
18:14With all these people ready to warm me.
18:16I think you're too cynical.
18:17These people ready to hug you.
18:18Right.
18:19A family member, a kid that you've never met that is now in the family, I think would
18:24be embraced with open arms.
18:25Unless it's a family of demons.
18:27Well, then you just hang up on them and don't associate with them, but you have to at least
18:30give them the opportunity.
18:31But now they know where you are.
18:33I'm just saying.
18:35It's another side of y'all.
18:36Y'all are on the rosy side.
18:37There's a thorny side that can be a possibility, too.
18:41If we're giving advice, you got to look at both.
18:42Right.
18:43That's all I'm saying.
18:43As is everything in life, but I think you at least owe it to them to get to explore.
18:47Either the rosy or the thorny, but that's his that's his.
18:50I agree with that.
18:50But remember, both those guys, she tried to take a paternity test before and they wouldn't
18:55do it.
18:56So so I'm just remember that if you like that could have been 12 years ago, they could
19:00have been be totally changed men by now.
19:02You know what I tell you, I told you that was thugs that I knew in school who was the
19:06bad guys.
19:07And now on Facebook and this Facebook thing of your class reunions, I now see people
19:12and I'm like, oh, my God, he a pastor.
19:13Oh, my God.
19:14You're like, people change.
19:16But a lot of them didn't.
19:17Right.
19:17We got a text in.
19:18It says I'm adopted and I could have gone without knowing the real story about my biological
19:22parents.
19:23Some people I'm just and I'm not saying that that tells us either way is right.
19:27Right.
19:28But I'm saying there are stories that aren't as rosy.
19:32Yeah.
19:32Like where you like, why did I even because now the person who what about if your dad
19:38left you 12 years ago?
19:39Remember that?
19:40Remember that Will Smith thing with Uncle Phil?
19:42Yeah.
19:43Why he don't want me?
19:44Everybody tears up everybody's heart.
19:45Imagine a father leaving you again.
19:50That's hard.
19:51And now you've left me again.
19:53And now I'm looking at my mama sideways because she told me some story about she was caught
19:57between and couldn't figure it out.
19:58Like, how can you not because a kid ain't going to be able to recognize that I love my
20:02mama and hold my mama up.
20:03Now you about to blemish your your your game to me and put me with some dude who don't
20:09even want me.
20:10And now I'm like, yo, now I'm just really.
20:12You don't know.
20:13Right.
20:13Yeah.
20:14And sometimes what you don't know is the best.
20:16Yeah.
20:16I'm just saying, listen, stop trying to go chase dreams.
20:20Don't go chasing waterfalls.
20:22There's a whole half of his DNA that he's never going to ever be able to get to know.
20:26If you don't play some damn TLC when we get back.
20:28Don't go chasing waterfalls.
20:30Orlando and the freak show.
20:32Man, we should never do three therapists on one session.
20:36Every Thursday is a wrap.
20:37888-429-0941.
20:39We still at it.