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00:00:00Manhood, brought to you in part by Solomon's Bespoke.
00:00:05Manhood, brought to you in part by Reboot Sports Drink.
00:00:13Welcome to another episode of Manhood.
00:00:16The topic today is mentorship and motivation.
00:00:20So with me to my right is Johanse Aoudike,
00:00:24Behavior Change Consultant.
00:00:25To his right, Luke Kwamina, Motivational Speaker.
00:00:29And to his right, the Vibes God himself, Niall McNish.
00:00:32So it's a big topic, powerful discussion as always.
00:00:35We are here as brothers having a discussion speaking to all persons,
00:00:40not just men, speaking to all persons.
00:00:43And as we love to say, we are not speaking on behalf of all men or persons,
00:00:48but we are a few men speaking to all persons.
00:00:51And I want to make sure we make that distinction
00:00:53because we get a lot of comments, you know, the viewers,
00:00:57is both male and female, which is very,
00:00:59let me take that back from male and female.
00:01:03You know, you're getting into trouble with that, right?
00:01:05Yeah, while I'm still at.
00:01:07So let me put the box there, yeah?
00:01:09Men and women.
00:01:10Men and women.
00:01:11Right, we get a lot of comments from men and women.
00:01:14Listen, if you say nothing, you can get in trouble for that too.
00:01:16So just men and women.
00:01:17No, no, no, the word female.
00:01:19The female is the problem.
00:01:20The female was, you know.
00:01:21Right, a party.
00:01:22So that's a whole other debate, a whole other discussion.
00:01:24But men and women, it's been very encouraging that, you know,
00:01:29persons who greet us wherever we go, speaking about manhood,
00:01:34some may have their own concerns, you know, and there's no,
00:01:37to me, feedback is feedback.
00:01:39There's no negative feedback.
00:01:40There's no positive feedback.
00:01:41It's just feedback as to how we progress and where they are in their lives
00:01:46at the time when they get that information,
00:01:49whether they like the information that's being put forward,
00:01:52whether it helps them win an argument in certain cases or not.
00:01:57But we're here to talk about mentorship and motivation.
00:02:01You know, there's that saying,
00:02:03everything you've ever wanted lies or sits on the other side of fear, right?
00:02:10As we talk about motivation and what is your why?
00:02:15I think Simon Sinek has that book, you know,
00:02:18to find that why that drives you.
00:02:20And I know I have my own experiences,
00:02:22but we're here really talk about mentorship and motivation
00:02:26and what that means to us.
00:02:27So let's start with that.
00:02:29All right.
00:02:29Let me say mentorship without having a dictionary meaning.
00:02:32A mentor is, I would look at a mentor as an older person, right?
00:02:37You don't have to be an elder, but somebody older than you,
00:02:40who you seek for guidance.
00:02:41And older doesn't necessarily mean age.
00:02:43So let's just say if you are, I'll give you an example, 25 years old
00:02:47and you have 10 years experience in business.
00:02:49And I am 30 years old and I have two years experience in business.
00:02:52In that case, you are an elder.
00:02:54I could learn from you because you have senior in that specific thing.
00:02:59That's my definition so far.
00:03:01All right.
00:03:02Well, first of all, let me just say thanks for the welcome to the hood.
00:03:06And what you guys are doing is anytime I see anything that is value-added,
00:03:12I want to be a part of it.
00:03:14And I think it has to align with purpose too.
00:03:18Mentorship, I'm trying to go back.
00:03:22It seemed to be a buzzword not all the time
00:03:25because when I was growing up, I'm 44 now.
00:03:28High school, never really heard mentorship.
00:03:30Grew up, I heard coach, you know, you play football or cricket.
00:03:35But the big word for me before mentorship was father.
00:03:40Somehow, like when I help out in a lot of these programs,
00:03:44I realize a lot of these programs are trying to do or fill the gap
00:03:49that daddy really should have filled.
00:03:52And I'm involved in a lot of these programs.
00:03:54So for me, I can't see mentorship outside of fathering
00:04:00because the two things he has done, well, my father always talked about him,
00:04:05is one, the aspect of a mentor seeing something in you
00:04:09that you can't see in yourself, right?
00:04:11Somehow, this person comes from a place of experience
00:04:15to help you discover things within.
00:04:17But then also, it's a path.
00:04:21It's like a guide.
00:04:23Someone who can, because of what you've discovered,
00:04:27kind of give you the rules.
00:04:29I don't mean to go straight back to Bible,
00:04:31but when Samson was, before he was born,
00:04:36his mother was given some rules.
00:04:37When he grew up, don't make him cut any of his hair.
00:04:41Don't make him drink anything from the vine.
00:04:44So I think when a mentor sees something in you,
00:04:47it's always tied to destiny.
00:04:48And they have to give you rules to get there.
00:04:51Because if you violate those rules somehow,
00:04:53you mess up the chance of getting there.
00:04:56So it helps you with discovery,
00:04:58but it also helps you with being a guide.
00:05:01And that person also lives exemplary
00:05:03because that's the reason I want to actually follow the advice.
00:05:06That is certainly preaching
00:05:09because he's put both into mentorship and motivation
00:05:13because the motivation to aspire or achieve
00:05:17what your mentor, the person you're aspiring to be,
00:05:19your father, is what motivates you and drives you.
00:05:22So it's a good correlation there
00:05:24that we'd like to explore a lot more.
00:05:26Well, for me, that was really good.
00:05:29I'm glad I didn't have to go after Luke.
00:05:32No, I'm very glib at what a mentor is
00:05:36because I would tell my dad,
00:05:38I was fortunate enough to have a father figure,
00:05:41still have a father figure in my life, right?
00:05:43But he was never a businessman.
00:05:46I would lean towards entrepreneurship.
00:05:50So I can't go to him for help in what I'm looking for.
00:05:53However, I find it difficult as a man now
00:05:58to go to another adult and be like,
00:06:00hey, sir, hey, hey, kind sir,
00:06:03can you see it fit to mentor me?
00:06:08It's so cringy.
00:06:10And I know that a lot.
00:06:11And I know that I'm doing myself an injustice,
00:06:13to be honest, right?
00:06:15I would say that the closest thing I'm a mentor is Rob
00:06:17because before production,
00:06:20before I got into this space,
00:06:21I didn't know really much about it.
00:06:22So I used to look.
00:06:23I never actually went and spoke to Robert at all
00:06:26and say, hey, Robert, can you mentor me in this?
00:06:28No, I would just sit down quietly
00:06:30and just look and observe.
00:06:32So for me, mentorship,
00:06:34to a person who don't have the bravery
00:06:37to ask a question and ask for mentorship,
00:06:39would just be looking at somebody
00:06:41and seeing who you want to emulate
00:06:45and then try to follow those steps.
00:06:48So there's an element of false pride in there then,
00:06:51would we say?
00:06:51Yeah, I would say so.
00:06:53I would say it would have a lot of ego in it.
00:06:54Again, I was never taught to seek out mentorship, right?
00:07:02It's just nothing ingrained.
00:07:03None of my friends, I believe, have mentors.
00:07:06Nobody, I do.
00:07:07Is it that they've not identified one specifically though?
00:07:10Because if someone said, you know, who's your mentor?
00:07:13Like you, you know, I think there's certain elements
00:07:15that I would have certainly turned to my father, right?
00:07:18And in other aspects, there are people that you look for,
00:07:21their attributes, there's certain other areas
00:07:25that you might say, hey, I don't envy or want to be that person,
00:07:29but I want to, I aspire to have certain skills
00:07:34or learn certain things from that person.
00:07:37So in essence, you are taking some mentorship
00:07:41from that person.
00:07:44And I like how you phrased it in terms of father being,
00:07:47because most people, their father would be their first mentor.
00:07:51So it does go hand in hand, but we take it outside of that.
00:07:55It's just someone that you look to or some, you know,
00:07:58an organization or something that allows you to get
00:08:02to where you aspire to be.
00:08:04So by that, that means they have anti-mentorship then.
00:08:08Then there's somebody I could look at and be like,
00:08:10I don't want to be like that person.
00:08:12Yeah.
00:08:13And use those lessons.
00:08:14In other words, that's where motivation and mentorship,
00:08:16almost, you know, the correlation is there
00:08:18because you're motivated not to be like that person.
00:08:22But that comes into, I mean, a whole other conversation
00:08:25that we have where we talk about weaknesses.
00:08:27And when you dislike something or dislike someone,
00:08:30most of the times, it's not you specifically dislike that person.
00:08:34It's things within that person that you either don't want to be
00:08:38or things, and I use this and I say it,
00:08:40if someone is fat, right,
00:08:43and you look at that person with disdain and dislike and disgust, right,
00:08:48and you might not even know the person.
00:08:50It's not so much that the person is overweight.
00:08:52It's you tell yourself, I'm afraid to become like that.
00:08:57Yeah.
00:08:57Okay.
00:08:58It represents something that you don't want.
00:09:00Right.
00:09:01I want to tie it back to, it's a story I always tell.
00:09:05People say, well, Luke, how did you get into speaking?
00:09:08I think I always talked.
00:09:10I used to see it in my report book.
00:09:12Luke is a good student.
00:09:13Talk too much.
00:09:14Wile up the class.
00:09:15Wile up everybody to go down to the intercal.
00:09:17You know, that type of stuff.
00:09:18Just, you're not thinking anything.
00:09:21You're just in high school.
00:09:21I get to college and I try to get a little job on campus and, you know,
00:09:29you're only making about $232 every two weeks because you can't work regular work.
00:09:33You know, student work.
00:09:35And so they brought these high school scouts to the university,
00:09:38Florida Memorial University, and they said, we need, you know,
00:09:42we need an international student to just share their experience,
00:09:45how you've had it at the university,
00:09:46so the high school scouts could recommend this university to their students.
00:09:51So I go up five minutes, do it.
00:09:53A scout walk up to me and say, would you come to my high school?
00:09:56I think you will inspire a lot of the young men to come to college.
00:10:00So I say, well, you know, we in Florida, how are we getting there to Georgia?
00:10:03He said, pay for a flight, pay for a hotel, I'll pay you.
00:10:05I say, so when do we leave?
00:10:08What was that?
00:10:10So the international student, I say, no, you can't leave the state like that.
00:10:14You got permission, whatever.
00:10:15Anyway, I go through that, fly down there, give the talk.
00:10:18And at that time, I think I remember, it was almost $60,000 to $80,000 degree,
00:10:23but these boys are getting scholarships, so they have tuition and everything covered.
00:10:27But they still don't want to come to college.
00:10:29I go down and speak for 40 minutes, and about 67 students sign up.
00:10:34So to me, he went and talked.
00:10:37Anyway, the guy gives me an envelope, and it was $1,100.
00:10:41I got to the next day to go back to the flyback.
00:10:43And when I reached back, I'm on the flight, and I said, like I heard a voice,
00:10:50and the voice says, that man sees something in you, going back to my first definition,
00:10:56that you don't see in yourself.
00:10:58I said, because I felt like he gave me too much.
00:11:02As soon as I landed, the admissions director said, we have tickets for an event.
00:11:07We only have one more in the Miami Airlines Arena, American Airlines Arena, to an event.
00:11:14What event it is?
00:11:15I don't know.
00:11:16Some speaker.
00:11:16Who it is?
00:11:17A man called Zig Ziglar.
00:11:20Zig is the number one motivational speaker in the world.
00:11:23I go, and I sit down there up.
00:11:26And when that man spoke, the reason why I come back to this definition,
00:11:32it's almost like you're a seed, and you're seeing somebody who's the harvest.
00:11:38That has to be somebody who can help me to grow into what I could become.
00:11:45Because seed is potential.
00:11:46When I saw a man on stage, everything inside of me just woke up.
00:11:51That was the beginning of this thing.
00:11:54Because before I was just talking, but now I realize you could use words to bring life,
00:12:02to inspire, to make people change, to make people move from giving up to getting up.
00:12:07I say, wait now, this thing, like words, is like a knife.
00:12:10Either you murder or you cut a birthday cake.
00:12:12It's how you want to use it, motive behind it.
00:12:14How you wield it.
00:12:15And I say, wait now, this man using his words so,
00:12:17I feel like this man was doing surgery on my mind.
00:12:20I say, but what trouble is it?
00:12:21How do you do that?
00:12:23And from that day, like what you said, I start listening to this man tapes.
00:12:28I never met him ever again.
00:12:31One encounter, I start feeding off of these tapes in the night.
00:12:35Because back then it was tapes, I was saying tapes, because it was really tapes, right?
00:12:39Tapes, CDs.
00:12:40You're antiquated related.
00:12:41So, no interaction.
00:12:43Mentor means you are the harvest.
00:12:47I'm the seed.
00:12:48And somehow I believe you are me in time.
00:12:52Okay.
00:12:55That's what the mentor, that's how I see.
00:12:58You are actually me in time if I do this.
00:13:03Gotcha.
00:13:03So, I think with that one, we could wrap up this.
00:13:07Because, I mean, you've put everything so simply, plainly, perfectly in context that I just feel.
00:13:18Well, I want to attest to that.
00:13:20Because when I started listening to the quote-unquote famous motivational speakers, right?
00:13:26So, let me say I'm Tony Robbins.
00:13:29But then I heard Jim Rohn and Les Brown.
00:13:32Then I realized they grew up here in this guy.
00:13:35So, I don't know the order, but let's say Tony Robbins grew up here in Jim Rohn.
00:13:39Jim Rohn grew up here in this one.
00:13:41Les Brown grew up here in this one.
00:13:43Eric Thomas here.
00:13:45If you understand, so it's a succession of mentorship, of seeing yourself in the future, seeing what you can do.
00:13:54When you listen to sportsmen, Ronaldo used to watch this one when he was younger.
00:13:59If you understand what I'm saying, footballers, runners, athletes, even if you don't think of people popular.
00:14:05Like, if you are a plumber, you saw somebody else doing plumbing that it looked attractive to you in some way.
00:14:12You see some kind of profession.
00:14:14So, mentorship, whether it is active or sometimes even passive, because as you say, you never actually met Zig Ziglar.
00:14:21Right.
00:14:21That he impacted you being a mentor and you chose.
00:14:27You didn't go and ask him like Nile was saying.
00:14:29You had to have a conversation with him.
00:14:30You saw something in him that you decided, this now is part of my purpose.
00:14:35Or at least it's in alignment with whatever my goals are.
00:14:39So, like the same way you have the chicken and the egg.
00:14:42Right.
00:14:43And, you know, egg makes chicken, chicken makes egg.
00:14:46And you go on.
00:14:47Seed, harvest, harvest, seed, seed, harvest.
00:14:49And you move on like that.
00:14:51So, at one point you are seed and that person is the harvest.
00:14:56But at some point you become the harvest.
00:14:58For somebody else to look at that man.
00:15:01Notice, I want to go a little bit deeper here because there's something I noticed about following someone.
00:15:07It can mess you up or it can set you up.
00:15:11And the aspect of it is competence attracts, but character keeps.
00:15:18Oof.
00:15:19Okay.
00:15:19I just feel like I need to get my pad out here.
00:15:22I just started to write stuff.
00:15:24You know what I'm saying?
00:15:25Say it again.
00:15:25Say it again for the people in the back.
00:15:26I want you to say it.
00:15:28This is your camera here.
00:15:29I want you to say it to that camera.
00:15:32Yeah.
00:15:32The competence is what I try.
00:15:34Say I want to be.
00:15:34I want to follow.
00:15:35I want to follow.
00:15:36But what have we seen in society when people are no longer followed?
00:15:40When it is that people are repelled and start saying, nah, that's not going to be a character.
00:15:44When you see the cracks in the character.
00:15:46It's a moral fear.
00:15:46So then I learn that I have to look past just skill and talent.
00:15:53Because when you say to someone, follow me, you know, like I asked my son on Father's Day.
00:16:00I'm just doing a little thing and I press record and he doesn't know I'm recording him.
00:16:04I say, what do you think it means to be a father?
00:16:07He's seven years old.
00:16:09And whatever he said was basically saying the things that he saw me do.
00:16:14So I realize his definition is my practice.
00:16:19So I can't just impress him with this fancy thing on Father's Day.
00:16:25What that did to me, this is just very, you know, just having a very pensive and introspecting a lot.
00:16:31Because my son is also seven.
00:16:34And, you know, again, you know, we talk about being very plain and open on this show.
00:16:39You know, you expose yourself when you do s***.
00:16:42You do s*** when you, if you give, if you could impart a positive message to someone, then do so.
00:16:47And if in you admitting your s*** is also a positive for someone else, then so be it.
00:16:53So my son brought home his report.
00:16:58And again, seven.
00:17:00And he gave me the report.
00:17:02But as soon as he gave it to me, he ran.
00:17:04Now I'm like, what are you running for?
00:17:05Because my son, he has no idea what licks and all those things are, right?
00:17:09I grew up on licks.
00:17:10I was licks banter.
00:17:11You know, licks for everything.
00:17:13Licks from the dean, principal.
00:17:15Your gom is licked, c***s again.
00:17:17You go by your grandmother's, c***s again, c***s.
00:17:19Right?
00:17:19But the depth of my voice, and I can understand sometimes when you say certain things, might intimidate in certain ways.
00:17:27But anyway, that being said, he comes home with the report and he has 94% out of 100.
00:17:35What I looked at was the placing in the class.
00:17:40And the place, because he was going for, if he came first, he said, okay, you have to give me this Apple Watch or whatever the case may be, right?
00:17:48And I'm like, you know, my Apple Watch cracked and broke and I don't go buy you an Apple Watch.
00:17:52You know, so the reason I'm saying this story is because how I showed up beat me up for the entire night.
00:18:05Because instead of me focusing on what was the positive at that point, this boy got 94% out of 100.
00:18:12And what I focused on was the placement in the class.
00:18:15Now a rising tide raises all ships, so everybody did well in the school.
00:18:18And so when I hear that, I have to constantly remind myself, because as fathers, you know, most of us don't have, yes, you have a father yourself.
00:18:30But there's no blueprint outside of that, how to make certain decisions or how to say certain things or how to respond.
00:18:37Because you're still human, you're still dealing with your own things.
00:18:40And part of my battle on a regular basis is how am I showing up for this young man?
00:18:45How am I shaping his life by things that I'm not even aware of, thinking, you know, he's just absorbing it like a sponge.
00:18:52And am I then going to be responsible for him either being a success in certain areas or failure?
00:18:57And that sucks because really and truly they tell you, your father is the only person in life who wants you to be better than he is.
00:19:04Right?
00:19:05And that's a real reminder to those when you lose your father.
00:19:09So have those conversations with your dad now.
00:19:11So, um, but I thank you for that because I, I want to do that.
00:19:17I almost want to leave this set now and go and ask my, my son that so, so that I have, you know, I, it's a temperature check.
00:19:23It's not too late to make changes, but it's a temperature check now to be able to say, okay, well, this is, this is, this is how he's seeing me.
00:19:31Yeah.
00:19:32Yeah.
00:19:32And that's why I focus a lot on, I think, character is the riches of a man, you know?
00:19:36Mm-hmm.
00:19:37It's not measured in his bank account.
00:19:39When you say a man of his word.
00:19:41Yeah, yeah.
00:19:42It's, it's truth.
00:19:44You know, I, I realize we stop saying good to the male after boy.
00:19:49We say good boy, but very few years really hear people talking about a good man.
00:19:54Good man.
00:19:55Somewhere in our teenage years, we get messed up.
00:19:59We, we're going in different directions.
00:20:00And the whole characteristic of being a good man from a good boy somehow doesn't develop for everyone.
00:20:08So character has to be a focus because if you go, like, I don't know about you all, back in high school, I hardly saw a fight with girls in school.
00:20:16I had one fight in all my high school.
00:20:18I went to presentation call.
00:20:19But we never saw a girl fight ever.
00:20:22Today when I see videos in our high school of girls actually carrying weapons in school.
00:20:27When I see that, I have to ask myself, what have the mentors emphasized on?
00:20:33Are we emphasizing on performance, the glimmer, the glatter, the glimmer and the glamour, sorry, and we're not emphasizing on the growth within?
00:20:45Because that to me is what really makes good citizens, is that they're bringing good value and good contribution, but they're also good people.
00:20:53When you say they make good citizens, right, which is, of course, an external, external factor, where the mentors make good citizens.
00:21:02And what you said there was a good point about, we would praise, let's call it praise, boys for being good boys.
00:21:10But when you reach a man, and tell me, your perspective is that a man is not praised for being a man, right?
00:21:18Because if you're doing it, if you're providing for family, you're supposed to do that.
00:21:21So it has nothing to tell you, well, good job or whatever it is.
00:21:24So coming into the motivation part of it now, because if I'm growing up and I'm doing things and I'm being praised as a good boy, I am encouraged to do it more, right?
00:21:34So again, we're talking about society, shaping, mentors, shaping, and a mentor would usually see something in you that you don't have.
00:21:41So we tell a good, good job, and I see it could speak, I see it could create, I see it could produce.
00:21:47I see it, so you're motivated, but maybe when you reach manhood, and it could be this society, I'm not saying all societies like this, you're not given that praise or that motivation anymore.
00:21:59So then what you grew up accustomed to, you no longer have.
00:22:03So then what are you doing now?
00:22:06Am I motivated to do it?
00:22:07Am I, no, I'm not saying you should always do things for people.
00:22:11But if you understand where you're coming from, in terms of where the gap may come.
00:22:15It's almost like when you're there in the nest, and you're being guided and nurtured, and all the rest of it, it's good boy, all these things happen, it's a mother and father figure.
00:22:27And it's almost as you are out the nest now, it's like, well, fly, go off and be a man.
00:22:33And you're like, well, what does that really mean?
00:22:36What does that really entail?
00:22:38Is it that I'm now supposed to be devoid of emotion?
00:22:40Is it that I'm supposed to all of a sudden be strong all the time?
00:22:46And we come back to why this show started in the first place.
00:22:50When we talk about manhood, that brotherhood really needs to come back to where people can turn to a brother and know that, you know, Johansi may call me, or I may call Johansi.
00:23:01And I don't have to say, hey, keep this between you and me, or vice versa, because I'm not going to then look to my wife and say, hey, you know, that man has so and so.
00:23:13And a lot of times in those situations, when you come back, you're just saying, you're listening, but the thought that goes through your mind is, I'm glad that's not me.
00:23:21I'm glad I am not going through that drama, as opposed to genuinely being there in the moment for your brother.
00:23:30And so I think we're all culpable of that, to be able to course correct that.
00:23:37So we can say, I mean, I know in England they say, good man, you know, good, good, good man, or good job, old boy, things like that.
00:23:45But even though I mightn't say, good man, I must, it could start with us.
00:23:53It could start with this message to allow for that, because a lot of times, like I'm saying about being a father, sometimes, you know, you do the deed, you become a father, but really and truly do you, you're not armed at all these things.
00:24:08You're trying to survive yourself.
00:24:09You're trying to figure out life.
00:24:10You know, people say you're 40, you're 50, whatever the age may be, that, you know, you should be figuring out life by now.
00:24:17But the truth is, you're figuring, it's like a book.
00:24:20You're figuring it out at different stages in your life, which is why even partnerships or marriages break up, because where we were at when we were 20 is not where I'm at now at 30 or where I'm at at 40.
00:24:31And so it's the same thing as I'm trying to figure out, I'm now trying to, you know, educate or build or build a young man in my seven-year-old when I ask myself, okay, well.
00:24:43Well, Robert, what you're saying there is, what you're saying there makes perfect sense.
00:24:48But, and you all could chime in, of course, I don't think that is our culture, right?
00:24:55I'm talking about Trinidad and Tobago now, right?
00:24:57Because when I was in university, I had a lot of students from African, different African countries, and leaning on your brother was part of the culture, right?
00:25:09I've had, even from, I remember one student from Russia, and going to your brother, you see how we were saying that you feel weird to go to somebody.
00:25:20Even I, we talk about this already in the show, you know you're done, but you feel it hard to go to your brother.
00:25:26But going to a brother was, is there a culture that's a normal thing now?
00:25:29It takes a village to raise a child, that's where it comes from.
00:25:32For us, and I think that's why, again, I'm grateful for man, grateful for guests like Luke.
00:25:37It's for us now breaking down the boundaries, because it's not working for us men.
00:25:42What we were doing before, definitely not working.
00:25:45So now we have to find something new to make sure it works.
00:25:49And I think, because it don't matter your age, there's something you know that I don't know.
00:25:54So you could mentor me there.
00:25:56Something you know I don't know, you could mentor me, and vice versa.
00:25:59So it's not even a, well, I better than you, or I smarter than you, or even I older than you.
00:26:05Versus there's something that we could teach each other.
00:26:08Or remind.
00:26:09So with that one, that's a great area to take a break.
00:26:17And we're talking about mentorship and motivation.
00:26:20So stay with us.
00:26:21Be motivated to stay with us.
00:26:23We could mentor you on something.
00:26:29Welcome back to Manhood.
00:26:38You know, conversation is warming up.
00:26:41Talking about mentorship and motivation.
00:26:45Something you just said there on the break about our culture, right?
00:26:48Sometimes cultures have certain weaknesses and strengths.
00:26:51As it relates to, you know, I'm coming back to probably a humility that is needed to say,
00:26:59I need help or I need guidance.
00:27:04How do you feel at least men in our culture relate to that?
00:27:08Because you brought up a point about ego that I think is very, very valuable to this discussion.
00:27:14Because we men, and I think I could speak for a lot of Trinidadian men who do this, we don't like to ask for help.
00:27:20For sure.
00:27:21There's a line from Voices song, Pre, where he says he knows his family is there to console him.
00:27:26But overthinking keeps him lonely.
00:27:29And a lot of times I know my brother's here to console me.
00:27:33My brother's here for support.
00:27:34But next thing, as you say, next thing he tells the secret.
00:27:39Next thing he thinks I'm talking to him too much.
00:27:42Next thing he thinks I'm burdening him.
00:27:43Next thing he thinks I'm weak.
00:27:44Next thing, next thing, next thing, next thing.
00:27:45And then you don't ever say anything.
00:27:48And you carry it alone.
00:27:50And I see that really is a, let's talk with Trinidad and Tobago.
00:27:53I see that here because even sometimes when men approach me, right?
00:27:58Sometimes I get messages from men because of the work I do.
00:28:01But I usually get it 3 o'clock in the morning, right?
00:28:074 o'clock in the morning.
00:28:08At the time of clarity, the best clarity is what I fix up your life around the world.
00:28:12Or somebody, it could be anywhere.
00:28:15This happened outside Pricemart.
00:28:17A man pulled me and said, hey, you know, I see you on TV.
00:28:19They didn't come.
00:28:20The man asked you a question now.
00:28:21And pulled away from his family to ask the question.
00:28:25And I could tell it took a lot.
00:28:28And I understand it too because it took a lot from me.
00:28:31To sometimes reach out for help.
00:28:33But it takes so much.
00:28:35And sometimes you wait so long that the issue exacerbates.
00:28:40It takes so long that it, I don't want to say beyond help.
00:28:43But if you got the help in the moment, it could have made things a lot easier.
00:28:48So I would say it's a culture thing.
00:28:51And now that we highlight in it, it's something that we could work on to improve.
00:28:54Let me just jump in a little bit with that.
00:28:57You mentioned with men not wanting to express themselves to their brothers was a lonely line of you worry about if they will talk the talk or, you know, share your secrets.
00:29:07But I feel like it's actually something a little bit more humbling.
00:29:11And I think it's more like when I have a burden to carry and I'm carrying this burden, I might not want to have you carry that burden with me.
00:29:22I try to protect my brothers, you know, a lot of the times I will keep my pain inside just so that the laughs could continue a little longer.
00:29:31I don't want to get the talk heavy.
00:29:35So a lot of the times in Israeli, we just want, we're doing it as a protection for everyone else.
00:29:41So I've written men as always incorrect to do.
00:29:45And as I say, I'm a testament to it.
00:29:48A lot of the times it's really because I really love my squad and I don't want to all it to feel what I'm feeling right now.
00:29:54So let us just smile rather than talk about my issues currently.
00:30:00That's part of it.
00:30:01And that's why people quote people like Johanse because they won't consider him a brother or like he's not part of his group.
00:30:09So just like, hey, you know, like go into, wait to say it easy analogy, right?
00:30:13Go into a prostitute, right?
00:30:15It's just some, no, no, but him.
00:30:18Let's go with that analogy.
00:30:19Let's keep it going.
00:30:20Let me clarify.
00:30:22Let me clarify, right?
00:30:23What would it be like you would men, like, you know, they may not want to do certain things with a significant other and they don't want any emotional attachment or anything.
00:30:32So that's why people go to strip clubs, et cetera, et cetera.
00:30:35I'm saying it to use Niles analogy rather than weight down the brother and bring that energy, that, that, that.
00:30:42It's like, listen, let me, let me go and give it to somebody who's not connected to me in any way.
00:30:47And it might leave me in Trinidad, might say that, you know, when I travel, I'm going to talk to somebody outside.
00:30:52Mm-hmm.
00:31:22But, you know, you're spilling something over the time where I should feel a particular way.
00:31:26We had that conversation, right?
00:31:28So I'm saying that, yes, the energy that, when you're talking to somebody naturally, as it releases from your body, it is going to bring, you know, they're taking on some sort of heaviness, right?
00:31:44But that's what brotherhood is because that person also knows that, you know what, I was there for my brother.
00:31:50So it could quickly dissipate in terms of that energy.
00:31:53You could dispel that very easily because you know you've done almost a good turn, right?
00:31:59I'm, so, but what, what also happens in certain cases, if you're not a Johansi who has, who's armed with that knowledge or you don't, or you're not guided or you're not influenced or God doesn't touch your tongue at that point to deliver the right message.
00:32:15What could also happen is somebody pulls, say, your side and says, hey, let me, let me, let me talk to you and says something.
00:32:23And your response mightn't be.
00:32:26It might be dismissive.
00:32:27Either dismissive or just not something that touches them in a particular way.
00:32:30And that person might go and say, feel even worse.
00:32:34Like, what kind of man are you, boy?
00:32:36Just go on.
00:32:37It would be like, why do it, why did I even say anything in this place?
00:32:40And it can work, it could work against in particular situations, which is why you must, if somebody, you know, you have to give them the time because you just don't know.
00:32:50And I know it's difficult, but if somebody takes that moment and really purges and reaches out to you, whether it be at that point or whether you put it in some sort of schedule.
00:33:00I think it takes a moment, a little bit of self-awareness to know when somebody reaching out to you, because a lot of the time, again, we don't use the words that we're supposed to use to get across our point.
00:33:10So someone might go to you and say, he's suffering from depression, right?
00:33:15And he's not going to say, hey, I'm feeling down today.
00:33:19You know, let's chat about it.
00:33:21Let me go through the issues.
00:33:22He might just make an offhanded comment about anything.
00:33:26Now, to a person who's not self-aware, it's easy to be dismissive in that situation.
00:33:32Be like, boy, why are you sad for, why are you going, you have everything you ever need in your life yet, you have nothing to worry about, boy.
00:33:40That's not motivation.
00:33:41That's not assisting the situation.
00:33:44Right.
00:33:45I don't know.
00:33:45Somehow I feel deeper, going back to some of my personal experience, even though I don't want to limit the conversation to that.
00:33:52But the way that you see yourself, there's a fear that if I see, they may see the truth that I am not this.
00:34:11Ooh.
00:34:12Hiding in plain sight.
00:34:13I'm not this person on stage.
00:34:16I'm not this person in the lights.
00:34:19I'm not this person on the show.
00:34:21And they get to see the real suffering that is taking place.
00:34:25I think sometimes we can get to the place that says, we're too good to be going through this.
00:34:31How did I end up in a situation like this?
00:34:34I always remember going through a broken engagement one month from the wedding.
00:34:37The reason I really didn't want to talk to my boys is they had so much high hopes that I was setting this example of how to do this thing.
00:34:50And I've publicly messed up.
00:34:56I've disappointed them.
00:34:57Sometimes we care more about the image than ourselves.
00:35:01We're trying to protect this thing that as a man, I'm not supposed to be in this position.
00:35:07And that is why a mentor is very important to teach you how to suffer to her.
00:35:13My father taught me how to suffer because there's a learning in suffering.
00:35:19He says, I know how to be a base and I know how to be a bond.
00:35:23That means my dad used to say, I don't know how to handle surplus, but I don't know how to handle famine.
00:35:28So he had a similar experience.
00:35:30So he showed me how to walk through this season of brokenness.
00:35:35Brokenness.
00:35:36And that is something you really need as a mentor because we think something is wrong when we are broken.
00:35:42But some of the greatest things can come out of that experience where you need somebody to show you how to suffer.
00:35:47To walk you through it.
00:35:48And as a husband, I'll tell you this, the quality of your inner communication.
00:35:54If you improve that, you'll improve your life.
00:35:57What do I mean?
00:35:58It's not what happens to you.
00:36:01It's what you say to yourself about how you think people are thinking about you when that thing happens.
00:36:08I want you to understand that.
00:36:09Let me say that again.
00:36:10One more time.
00:36:11And it's not what you say on repeat, right?
00:36:13Because we need to hear everything initially and it hits you so hard.
00:36:17It's the inner dialogue, right?
00:36:19That's self-talk.
00:36:20To yourself awareness.
00:36:21What you're telling yourself about what you think people will see, right?
00:36:25What you're telling yourself about what you think people will see, right?
00:36:26It's like Jesus said, who do men say at the time?
00:36:29The first man say, they say he is a prophet.
00:36:31Right now, Jesus has a chance to think, how do they say he is that man?
00:36:37And he's fighting with his own thoughts because Luke goes through a broken engagement.
00:36:43Luke is not thinking about how to recover.
00:36:45He's thinking about what are people saying about the fact that Luke went through.
00:36:51And I am fighting with him now, Rob, inside of me to deal with the voices.
00:36:57I ended up on sleep.
00:37:00I tried to overdose.
00:37:00We were talking about that before.
00:37:03I was suicidal.
00:37:04I just emptying this sleeping aid and I'm trying to not get up because every time I open my eyes, Rob,
00:37:11the reality that I'm in this problem with no answers and this thing is not working.
00:37:16I'm just trying to wipe out.
00:37:17You talk about strip clubs, I end up in strip clubs.
00:37:20As a Christian, why?
00:37:22Nobody bothered me there.
00:37:26I tell you all this straight.
00:37:29Nobody bothered me there.
00:37:30I am away from anybody who expect anything from me.
00:37:33Right.
00:37:34I just, in a land of love, I just want to separate myself.
00:37:37But what I couldn't deal with was me.
00:37:39I couldn't deal with the fact that my self-talk was asking me questions that I had no answers for.
00:37:45I was driving me insane.
00:37:46It felt like an engine running with no oil.
00:37:48I was trying to stop the engine.
00:37:50I was saying, stop from inside.
00:37:52It's the shame.
00:37:53I'm embarrassed.
00:37:55I have said this on this show and even communicated to my brothers on the show and outside.
00:38:01You know, that, you know, that, will the real Slim Shady, please stand up, you know, the whole imposter syndrome.
00:38:09So, even a conversation that we would have had in the break when we said, you know, let's see if we can get vibes cartel on the show.
00:38:16And you all looked at me and said, you know, I'm sure you could pull that off.
00:38:20And immediately my thing was, me?
00:38:22I, you know, I couldn't do that.
00:38:26And again, it's because you don't see what a lot of times other people see.
00:38:31And that comes with, whether it be insecurities or whatever the case may be, that doesn't allow that to happen.
00:38:40And, you know, it, it, it's crippling.
00:38:45It's crippling in many ways.
00:38:47And that ego, but I, I, I want to share that, that as we, as we go to the break, there's one thing, and I've always said I'm going to get the tattoo at some point.
00:38:56That when I was going through one of my darkest moments, which was in 2013, a brother of mine, Joshua Viscuna, I will never forget.
00:39:04And he told me something that I'd heard so many times, but when he said it, it was just, it was there.
00:39:08Okay, this too shall pass.
00:39:11And that is such a powerful, and when, when you, when you move past that, apart from this too shall pass in the biblical sense, but also to know that six o'clock in the morning, as I tell people, is coming.
00:39:24Six o'clock every morning is coming.
00:39:27How you show up is what makes the determination.
00:39:30You can either show up this way, or you could show up that way, but six o'clock in the morning is coming.
00:39:36And you have to, you have to move past certain things and, and, and dig yourself out of, of that rut and, and, and recognize, as you said about your brothers, picking your people.
00:39:50So that, within that, you're not questioning yourself about, boy, I don't know how to show up in front of them, or are going to be embarrassed, or they're not going to, they're not going to take on certain things.
00:40:01They can read into that.
00:40:04Mm-hmm.
00:40:04Mm-hmm.
00:40:05And, and, and, and I don't want to go, because, again, there's a whole other episode here, because, they have, they have a lot of emotion attached to, when you say certain things, even though you're saying it here, and it comes, it slips out, all of a sudden, a wash just came over me, that puts you right back.
00:40:19I can sit on your face.
00:40:20I sit on your face.
00:40:21Into, into that.
00:40:22No, but it's perfect, it's perfect that it happened here, because, I know we're going to our break, brotherhood, and I've learned, learned it more, maybe within the last four years, especially doing this kind of work, brotherhood could be a beautiful thing, you know, because, you, you know what it is to, I feeling weak, and know that I have, at least one, it don't have to be ten, but one man, that I could, could lay it on, that I'm not feeling bad, that he, he, he, I'll give you an example.
00:40:51Well, last night in, in the men's group that, that we have, last night, one of the brothers, going through one of his relatives, ill, right, and I knew it took, it was hard for him to send that voice, not saying, brothers, he in the hospital, it's not looking good, and he had tears in his voice, and before I could even answer, I just see messages coming, all right, we have you, all right, we have you in prayer, all right, we have this, all right, we have that, so, that burden he was carrying, now, somebody has come here, somebody has come here, and you wouldn't believe, thinking about it now,
00:41:21I was so happy, not for the situation, of course, but so happy, to, to, to, to support him, to support him, and it's like that movie 300, right, look how happy those men were, to, to share the burden, that's a culture, now, of course, what we're doing is building the culture, but even us, opening up, so, Luke said something,
00:41:43he was vulnerable there, which is strength, Rob, it's still something in you, which is, which is strength, and, and that's what we're doing, we're doing this thing, so, we're mentoring each other, right here, in this moment, and within the mentorship, we are being motivated, to do better, so, with that, we're going to the break.
00:42:02So, welcome back to Manhood, the conversation is mentorship, and motivation, I think we've extensively covered mentorship, for the purposes of this episode, anyway,
00:42:23because we can go on, speaking, there's so many other facets, and discussions, based on mentorship, but motivation is the one, that I, I want us to close off with,
00:42:33and, and lead you off with, those tools, to help you in those moments, mine being, this too shall pass,
00:42:39so, um, so I urge everyone, to look at Jamie Foxx's, um, Netflix, stand-up, special, that's what I'm looking for, I didn't want to date it, that's what I said, um, because, on there, he constantly says,
00:42:56I am, mother, boop, boop, boop, Jamie Foxx, right, that's what constantly went through his mind, when he was doing it, and it was a block,
00:43:04it was a barrier to his recovery, the question is the, the, what happened to me, how could this happen, and we, and, and the longer you take to, to reflect, and, and recognize, and accept,
00:43:20that this has happened, what are the next steps to come out of this, because the longer you stay in that, is the worse it becomes, in certain, certain situations,
00:43:30like, for example, in, physically, your muscles can atrophy, cells can die, and the more you stay in that zone of, how could this happen, rather than accepting that it has, and how do I progress, is the worse it could become,
00:43:43now, mentally, there are ways out of that, which I'm sure you guys can speak to, as we talk about the motivational factor, but it was impacting in so many ways, um, I was sharing this with Luke, where he mentioned, um,
00:43:55constantly mentioning, that he's Jamie Foxx, anybody's talking to him, it's like, I'm Jamie Foxx, this, this is, this is, this is, this is, I'm, I'm like, this is like a, you know, an outer body experience, that this is happening to me, um,
00:44:08and I think it was a nurse that said, well, I am so-and-so, you understand, and this is what you need to do, to shake him out of that, um,
00:44:17um, and we speak all the time about, you know, you mentioned, there are certain tools, and, and I, I, I, I would love to get it, and mention it in another episode,
00:44:27where, you know, they always say, be careful what, for what you pray for, because when you, you pray for something, um, and think, okay, well, God is going to grant you that,
00:44:38but what, what God grants you, indeed, is situations to get you that, so, for example, if you want bravery, you know, going to automatically, kaboom,
00:44:47become brave, you know, it puts you in a situation, that now forces you, to develop courage, yeah, you know, you want humility,
00:44:55he'll break you, to recognize that humility, and, and in Jamie Foxx, in, in the special, he mentions about, he was blessed with cars,
00:45:05he was blessed with women, he was blessed with wealth, and then he was blessed with a stroke, because it is in that moment,
00:45:11that all of these revelations, and all the rest of it, has come to the fact, that he's now, in this new chapter of his life,
00:45:19which is the chapter that, he would want to be in, or most of us would want to, to, to be in, so it was, it was powerful,
00:45:26so I urge persons to look at it, um, but it was also an aha moment, for other areas of my life,
00:45:33you know, in, in what I keep saying about, you know, this too shall pass, and where, where you are.
00:45:39Yeah, you know, motivation for me, if I, if I think about, sitting with anybody, coaching, or training,
00:45:47it always begins with understanding a little bit more about the person, because everyone has desires,
00:45:55you know, I think it's Stephen Covey that says, seek first to understand, then to be understood,
00:46:00understood, so I always look and discover, what in a person's life gets them ticking,
00:46:06because whatever gets rewarded, is what gets repeated, if I want somebody to get something
00:46:11done, or to motivate somebody, I dig inside to discover, what moves them, now motivation,
00:46:17the rule of motivation, is to get someone going, I always have to make that clear, remember going to
00:46:23speak at an insurance event, he said, I don't believe in motivational speakers, so I told the guy,
00:46:28I said, I don't believe in them either, he said, but how you cannot believe in them, you are one,
00:46:32I said, well, the rule of motivation is to get people going, but it is discipline that keeps you
00:46:37going, so for me, what, you have to ask yourself, what in your life really inspires you, what really
00:46:45gets the fire going, what really ignites you, and we have to create goals in one sense, goals is what
00:46:52really create movement, but I'll tell you in a man's life, the hood is what really tells you what
00:47:00is rewarded to me, and that has a very powerful impact, you will see groups of men getting together
00:47:07because of the types of car they have, you see groups of men getting together because of the hobby
00:47:10or the sport, men get together all over this country, but there's a common string that is tying all of
00:47:16them together, and I could tell you for a man, when it comes to motivation, ask yourself, who's the
00:47:22hood you're running with, what do they value, I realized very early when I got married, there were
00:47:30some men that didn't champion the things that I wanted for my marriage, so I had to redesign my hood
00:47:37because your hood has to carry the same amount, the same type of values that aligns with the vision
00:47:44that you have for yourself, otherwise there will be conflict, you understand what I mean?
00:47:49So when it comes to motivation and driving others, one of the things I will say to you if you're
00:47:54listening now, you talked about the five people you hang with the most, like for me, you may not be
00:48:01able to move me with money as much as you move me with experience to impact, that is a big driver
00:48:10for me, that's why I say yes here, or the date, the time, why? Because this is an opportunity for me to
00:48:16add value and stuff, you find that money will not be as big as a motivation for me, so if you understand
00:48:23that about me, it's very easy to know what will get me going, and I'm sure everybody else here,
00:48:29you know, you know what you're inspired by. Well, the thing is, your senior show, everybody else know what
00:48:36inspired by it, and many times I've encountered, no, because many men, including myself at different
00:48:43periods of my life, we lie, we lie to ourselves about exactly why we're doing something, we tell
00:48:49ourselves, well, this is what I'm supposed to be doing, or society tell me, or that's the right
00:48:54thing, or it will look good, or I see this on TV and everybody getting through with this, so I will do
00:49:00this, and many men, sometimes you have to peel back a lot of layers, you know, right, ask why, so you get
00:49:07married, why, okay, because why, why, why, and you keep going, there's a form of therapy I use called
00:49:15root cause analysis, right, where you ask five whys, and after the fifth why, you will now start to get
00:49:24to the root of the issue, and there's also something called self-inquiry, right, where every single
00:49:31thing is a practice, where every day, every single thing you do, especially a morning routine, ask
00:49:37yourself, well, why are you doing this, boy, and most times you realize, well, it's because that's what
00:49:41I grew up seeing, but is it still relevant to my life, so even to be motivated, and I'll give you a
00:49:47quick example, I remember when I was doing some mental toughness for a football team, and the
00:49:55the coach was saying that the team not performing as good as he think they could, and when I said,
00:50:01well, what, why he think it is, is because he said they're playing football for the wrong reason,
00:50:06so I was like, well, what is the right reason, he said, well, you know, they love the game,
00:50:09you have to represent the country, you have to represent the school, and in my mind, I said, well,
00:50:13that mightn't be the motivation of the boys, right, so when I went and speak to them, well,
00:50:17why are you playing football, sir, a good footballer does get plenty of girls, right,
00:50:22and I want plenty of girls, sir, I just want to be on TV, some say, sir, I want to represent the
00:50:27country, some say, sir, I want to represent the school, some say, I want to make my parents proud,
00:50:32and now that I understood the truth of them, come on, right, then you could find out, so they're not
00:50:38doing it for the coach reason, they're not doing it for the person down the street reason,
00:50:42they're doing it for their reason, and here the funny thing is, so I say, well, which kind of
00:50:46footballer does get the girls, sir, the best footballer, which kind of footballer does be
00:50:50on TV, sir, the best footballer, and all of them have the same, so how you just do that,
00:50:54everybody say, well, I need to listen to the coach, so if the coach had approached it differently,
00:51:00it would have come right back to everybody had listened to the coach, you know, but he was negating,
00:51:06that cannot be a why, that shouldn't be a why, so even connecting to their truth,
00:51:11that's good, they had difficulty with, and then a lot of us men don't be honest with ourselves
00:51:17exactly what motivates us, motivating us in that specific situation.
00:51:21Yeah, I could certainly be one who would say I didn't, I'll almost say I still don't believe
00:51:27in motivational speakers, right, I felt like, you know, I suffer from depression, I've said this many
00:51:33times, how can somebody else motivate me to do something, now I get teaching me skills to accomplish
00:51:42a task, but it didn't feel like someone could motivate me, so when I used to hear motivational
00:51:50speakers, to me that just, in my mind, I equate that, that's a teacher, right, you're providing tools
00:51:57for me to dig the hole that I want to dig, or whatever I want to do, right, but when I hit it
00:52:03with motivation, like, again, like, it has so many, and I'm happy that you brought up that example,
00:52:09Johan say, about having the coach cater to each person individually, right, that is, that to me is a
00:52:18better way of how I could see someone being motivated to do something, because motivation,
00:52:23real difficult to do, to actually, an object in rest tends to stay at rest, right, so
00:52:32the skill set that I think that a motivational person, I don't even want to say speaker,
00:52:37a motivational person, supposed to have for me, at least, would be to, all right, Niall,
00:52:44you suffer from depression, sometimes I don't want to get out of bed to brush my teeth,
00:52:47I don't, you know, you understand, like, they have levels that I could go in, that person's supposed
00:52:52to be able to meet me where I am, and guide me through, because I can't guide myself, because I
00:52:58remember, Robert, you mentioned something where, you know, you have to, you have to be able to get
00:53:02yourself out of it, and I'm like, but people don't know how to get, just get their self out of things,
00:53:07now, especially if I create a problem in my mind, I can't use the same mind to uncreate the problem,
00:53:14I can't even say solve it, but to uncreate it, you know?
00:53:17So, before Luke came here, and even at the break, what was the thing I asked you to speak to?
00:53:24Motivate, getting people out of a rut, right, procrastination, getting people out of a rut,
00:53:30when people listen to, or be part of, even this discussion, even myself, you know, I am,
00:53:38since I broke my foot, I've been trying to get back in, you know, most people know, next year,
00:53:43I'm planning to do a, you know, or walk again, another marathon, my why being to raise awareness
00:53:51for cancer, right? I asked a couple friends to do it, and they said, what is their why? Because when
00:53:59you reach that wall, and that pain, and that your body starts screaming, if you don't have your why,
00:54:05you're simply not going to do it, right? So, in everything, and I'm saying all that to say that
00:54:12I haven't started training as yet, and this is in a couple of months, because I'm in that rut,
00:54:19yet still, there are people around me, now you can be, you know that saying you can be alone in a
00:54:23crowded space, right? There are people around me who are exercising, and all the rest of it,
00:54:29but nobody's coming, remember what Luke said, the motivational speaker is to get you going,
00:54:36the discipline is what keeps you, it keeps you going, right? And so, what you don't have at the
00:54:43moment is that champion, so that person to motivate, it could be a motivational conversation,
00:54:50which makes that person, anyone, a motivational speaker, because they're speaking motivation to you,
00:54:56right? And you need to find whether it be your one, two, three, or five people in that environment,
00:55:05as we spoke about mentorship, you have to find your harvest, right? Right now, in his capacity,
00:55:13you're in that position that you're a seed, you're at a level that, and it's a blessing, you recognize
00:55:20these things in yourself, and that's the first step, you recognize them. So, nobody has to come and
00:55:25highlight that, you don't need a Johansi to point out X, Y, and Z to you, you recognize that. So,
00:55:30now you need to say, okay, well, what environment do I need to be in to get myself out of that rut?
00:55:37Yeah? Okay.
00:55:38To get, instead of just saying, I have depression, and just saying, okay, well, I'm just going to stay
00:55:45in that environment, recognize, okay, I have depression, but you know what, I know you don't
00:55:50want to be in that state of depression all the time. So, what do I need to do to do that? You
00:55:55need to locate your harvest, and the people, whether it be on this show, whether it be Luke, whether it
00:55:59be Johansi, myself, what needs to happen? What do we need to do in an environment to take you out of
00:56:06that? What puts you in that state of depression? What are some of the factors? Luke looking at me as
00:56:12as if he's saying, preach. Because it is living out a lot of what I have gone through, you know,
00:56:19there's a little formula, because really, what he's asking about is change. Personal change is not
00:56:24easy. Correct. But there are three things I tell you, because all change has resistance. You'll never
00:56:29meet change without resistance. There are three things I always say. I say, one, what are you
00:56:34dissatisfied about? A dissatisfaction with the status quo is always a very good start. Don't start with
00:56:41where you want to reach. Tell me, with what you don't know, what you no longer want to be a
00:56:46reality. Sometimes, you know, Tony Robbins talk about pain and pleasure. If pleasure don't drive
00:56:52you forward, let it be something you're running from. What I don't want to get up to anymore.
00:56:57Sometimes you got to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. You know, you mightn't be able to
00:57:01have the strength to dream of a new car, but watch the current car you're watching and say, listen,
00:57:06your days are numbered. You understand what I mean? And say, I want to grow out of this
00:57:10situation. The second thing is, it was a principle of going to the land of promise and bringing back
00:57:17some grapes. The people don't want to go there. It's a long distance. But if somehow you could get
00:57:23evidence that there is a future and it's real, get dissatisfied about what you want to change,
00:57:31but also get inspired about what could be. And I've done that with young men all the time.
00:57:38Do you know, they said in the program, when we had Empower, when some of the young men just come
00:57:42from Tobago and they go to a hotel, nice big pool, come to Trinidad. We take it for granted. They
00:57:49stand up like Alice in Wonderland. Wow. Be like, just try to do something to them. And sometimes we
00:57:57need that. A mentor, I would always say, encourage people to go to a place that they haven't gone before.
00:58:02Just treat yourself. Go get inspired. Go take a trip, whatever. Do something luxury. Sit on the
00:58:08front of the plane, whatever. Feel something you haven't felt before to say, this is possible,
00:58:12because your whole spirit cannot forget that experience. But then everybody need a few simple
00:58:20steps. It cannot be a big change. I get dissatisfied at the start of school. I find the possible future.
00:58:27But what are steps one and two we could do next week and measure ourselves? So as soon as you get
00:58:34up in the morning, what's the first thing you've always done? Thought about your situation, grab your
00:58:39phone, I want you to change that. First thing you get up in the morning, I want you to put a picture
00:58:43on your ceiling, a picture on your wall, a picture, and I want you to say this statement under the
00:58:48picture. And make a change and start resetting what you talk about, the ritual of what you have
00:58:55always done, which John Maxwell calls the rule of five. What are the five things I'm consistently
00:59:01doing that gets me towards my preferred future? And you also have to want it enough. Robert, first
00:59:09point, really good, because as everybody listening, it have no sometimes one size fits all. We're getting
00:59:15a lot of good techniques to try. And I would add one that helped me that also helped clients.
00:59:20No problem is that ask yourself what you really want, right? Or ask yourself what you don't want.
00:59:29Because sometimes the human brain, the brain gives a body energy when it could see a reward,
00:59:36right? So if you're feeling depressed, that means whatever you think will not happen,
00:59:40you don't think is a reward. So you can be honest about that. The truth is, I really don't like my job.
00:59:45The truth is, I don't like my marriage. The truth is, I don't like my house. It might be a hard truth,
00:59:52but that's the truth. So I, if you face that, I really don't like these things, then you could
00:59:58start to decide, just like I said with the car, decide what I really want when I wake up in the
01:00:03morning, what I really want, boy. And because all of us have that motivation. You see, once we could
01:00:10see a reward in an action, we will do it. I said this already on the show. If I tell you,
01:00:14you walk from here to San Fernando, you don't want to do that. But if I say that $500,000 in San
01:00:19Fernando to walk, you get up and you're gone, right? Even though you get tired, that $500,000,
01:00:25you're thinking about it. So all of us have that in us. So in closing, one, mentorship. We all as men
01:00:34and even women as people, we know something that someone else doesn't. So we could all be a mentor
01:00:40to each other. And I would say, even though it's difficult, don't be afraid to ask for help.
01:00:45And then also with motivation. For me, motivation, you need to be honest with yourself. You really
01:00:51need to be honest with yourself. If you're only going to the gym to impress women, be honest with
01:00:56that. Because that is what will make you get the body you want. If you're only in this job to get
01:01:00money because money, just see that though, come up with any special reason that you're trying to
01:01:06please people with. Your reason is your reason. And that is what will carry you forward. That's your
01:01:11motive and that motive in motivation that will take you forward.
01:01:18I'll keep mine a little brief. To motivation, my final word would be,
01:01:26do what you can with what you have, right? What I mean by that is, I love that analogy that
01:01:33you gave or that example of, you know, stick something in front over your bed. Because
01:01:38my opening, the first thing I do in the morning, check my phone. And I know that that's negative.
01:01:45That is actually, and the last thing I do is be on my phone, right? So I feel like making those
01:01:50small changes that you actually could do is paramount. And one thing that I actually want
01:01:58to actually say towards mentorship is that a lot of men, we discard what women say as mentorship a
01:02:04lot of the times, right? A lot of women are usually, especially a good woman is usually
01:02:11the mirror that a man has to see his flaws. When a woman arguing with you, it's your flaw,
01:02:17she pointing it out. Those are the things that you could be changing within yourself. But that's where
01:02:22the ego now gets involved. And we want to be like, right, a lot of the time. So my closing statement
01:02:28is, guys, for mentorship, they're also women who has the tools and the knowledge that could assist
01:02:35you, especially the ones that you're with currently. Strong. One closing statement, I'll just say a
01:02:42mentor, find one. Just in any area of your life that you want growth, find one, whether it's through a
01:02:49book, whether it's through audio. And for motivation, I want to encourage you, the action step is to get
01:02:55to a group like-minded, like-hearted, and the type of values that you want for yourself.
01:03:06Silence is golden. I mean, there's not a lot to be said. This was nothing short but perfect.
01:03:14I appreciate the dialogue. I appreciate all three of you. I appreciate those who are listening and our
01:03:20viewers. Even though you may think you're a seed, you are someone's harvest, whether you accept that
01:03:30or not. And to my motivation, my motivator is this too shall pass. Six o'clock in the morning is going to
01:03:37come. So shape up, show up, and be the best that you can be. This has been a very powerful statement,
01:03:45gents. Mentorship and motivation. This has been Manhood. Johanse, Luke, Niall. Put this on repeat.
01:03:56Manhood. Manhood. Brought to you in part by Reboot Sports Drink. Manhood. Brought to you in part by
01:04:08Solomon's Bespoke.