Murphy Brown Season 7 Episode 12 Brown In Toyland
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00:00Snowin' and blowin' up the streets of fun
00:04Now the party has just begun
00:09Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock
00:13Jingle bell charts and jingle bells time
00:18Dancing and prancing in jingle bells square
00:22In the frosty air
00:27I love the Christmas season
00:32It's an air of goodwill that seems to affect everyone
00:36Oh, tell me about it
00:37You know, this morning, I actually saw Bob Dole pass to Santa on the corner
00:43and drop a quarter in his kettle
00:44Sure, he asked the guy for change
00:47and told Santa to pull himself up by his big black bootstrap
00:50But you got a handker
00:51He gave him a girl
00:52And the best thing about Christmas
00:54Yes!
00:54Corky's delightful Christmas tree butter cookies
00:57Yes, yes, yes
00:58Oh, my
00:58Here
00:59Merry Christmas
01:01They look somehow different this year
01:06Well, no, Jim, actually, they're just...
01:12Burnt
01:13They're burnt
01:14Just say it, Frank
01:15Burnt
01:16I was in the middle of baking them
01:19When I had to go downstairs to the basement
01:21A stupid water pipe burst near my storage locker
01:24Oh, dear
01:25The water ruined all my Christmas presents
01:28Including the hand-carved nativity scene I bought for my mother
01:31By the time I got down there
01:32The only thing I had left were two wise men
01:35Baby Jesus had floated into the laundry room
01:38Circling around the drain
01:39And a poor fridge in a pear tree
01:45That's all the tricks that we'll do
01:49Deck the halls
01:50Happy holidays, everyone
01:51Whoa, whoa
01:52Did you say happy holidays, Murph?
01:55Yes, I did, Frank
01:56One of you
01:56Well, nothing
01:57We're just accustomed to associating you with good cheer
02:00Yeah, what happened?
02:00Did you get a scary midnight visit from the ghost of Christmas future?
02:04No, it's just that this is the first time I'm seeing Christmas through Avery's eyes
02:09And it's been a lot of fun
02:10We trimmed the tree, hung the stockings
02:12Last night, Peter came over and we watched the Barry Manilow Christmas special
02:16I think Avery's starting to get a little tired of old Barry
02:21Which means I've gotten my Christmas gift
02:23Oh, hello
02:26I'm Murphy Brown and you must be my new secretary
02:29Merry Christmas
02:30Yes, well, here are your phone messages
02:33I've reorganized your in-basket according to priority
02:37I've compiled your daily appointments on a separate list for your easy reference
02:41And if you don't mind, I did confirm your lunch reservation tomorrow at one with Representative Johnson
02:47Oh, thank you
02:50I think this is going to work out very nicely
02:52I hope so
02:53One more thing, Ms. Brown
02:55I recognize you
03:03Aren't you Bob Packwood's old secretary?
03:07How'd you go?
03:08Out
03:09Good morning, people
03:14I hope everybody's ready for the big FYI holiday bash tomorrow
03:19Hey, now, now, now
03:21I know we've had a few duds in the past
03:25But this year's party is going to be different
03:27We won't have the same red punch from the cafeteria
03:30The entertainment will not be provided by the singing accountants from the seventh floor
03:36And I have been assured that this year's Christmas tree is non-flammable
03:42Oh, and Miles, I think you should remind everyone
03:48Stealing off the supplies and wrapping them does not constitute an appropriate Secret Santa gift
03:54Oh, like you never used that stapler, friend
03:56While we're on the subject
03:59I haven't figured out who my Secret Santa is yet
04:02But I'm in autumn
04:03So stay away from pinks and grays
04:05And again, a Sony removable CD player goes with everything
04:10I'm just putting that out there
04:12I see if this package just came for you
04:15Oh, I hope it's where I think it is
04:17Yes
04:19Well, where do you go there, Slugger?
04:21This is the last of Avery's Christmas present
04:23You know, I thought that role it's better to give than receive thing was a crock
04:28Who knew it would be true?
04:29You mean you didn't get a warm, fuzzy feeling when you gave me that daily rep stack of legal pads last year?
04:35So what's Avery getting?
04:36Something that's supposed to provide hours of fun and enjoyment
04:40A wood block?
04:42It's not just a wood block
04:43It's Der Wunderblocken from Sweden
04:46$39.95?
04:49Oh, I get it
04:50You wonder why you paid 40 bucks for a stupid blocken?
04:53It's supposed to teach a child spatial relations, textures
04:58Okay, it looked a lot better in the catalog
05:00Look, if you want my two cents, you should get him a G.I. Joe
05:06Kids love them
05:07You know, I remember when I was growing up, my parents wouldn't get me one
05:10So I had to draw a beard and scars all over my sister's Barbie
05:14Every time my friends played Invasion of Normandy
05:19Mine was the only soldier who kept breaking a heel
05:21I had a G.I. Joe
05:25I swallowed one of his boots and they had to rush me to the hospital
05:27Guess me, there's nothing wrong with the old favorites
05:31I recall one year my father bought me a wood-burning kit
05:34Provided me with hours of joy and amusement
05:37Uh, the initials I could have seared into this block
05:40The firemen said they'd never seen flames jump from house to house
05:46So quickly
05:46Best gift I ever got was an easy-bake oven
05:51All you had to do was add two tablespoons of water to a prepackaged mix
05:56Poof!
05:57Out came the perfect little cookie
05:59Boy, those easy-bake people really set me up for a fall
06:03My cousin had an easy-bake oven
06:07I played with it once
06:08The ambulance driver let me wear his hat
06:10Well, thanks guys
06:13But I think Avery's going to be thrilled with the gifts I've already gotten him
06:17Now, there's only one thing left that we have to do
06:20And that is a visit to Santa
06:21Which will take place at Ribo's department store this afternoon
06:25At exactly 4.15
06:27Where are you going all the way across town, Murph?
06:30They've got a Santa at Linwood's
06:32And that's just a few blocks from your house
06:33Linwood's, Frank?
06:34I'm not going to Linwood's
06:36Well, why not?
06:37A Santa's a Santa
06:37A Santa is a Santa, Frank
06:39You are so naive
06:41I mean, do you have any idea what some stores are passing off as Santas today?
06:46Look at this
06:47Too thin, too short, too young
06:50And this guy, Robert Bork, had a better beard
06:53You went around taking pictures of Santas?
06:58Well, this is the first Santa Avery will remember
07:00And I want him to be perfect
07:02I thought about taking him to see the Santa in the Senate Commissary
07:05But the place was teeming with Republicans
07:07High-fiving each other
07:09And I figured that was no place for a child
07:11It left me with only one choice
07:14Look at him, Frank
07:15Real old, real fat, real beard
07:18Hey, this guy looks pretty good
07:19And look, he's got rosy cheeks
07:21Yeah, and that's real rosy, not blush
07:23Avery's going to love him
07:24Whoa
07:26Who's this guy?
07:30Oh, she's the Santa at the Sisterhood bookstore
07:32I wanted Avery to learn that there's no job a woman can't do
07:36But, I don't know
07:38A Santa with breasts
07:39How do you explain that to a two-year-old?
07:41Now, now Avery, don't forget to say thank you to the reindeer
07:48Thank you
07:50Looks like my hand-picked Kris Kringle is running about 15 minutes late
07:54That's okay
07:55He's probably in front of the mirror
07:57Making sure his eyes are a twinkle
07:58And his belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly
08:01Because he is that kind of Santa
08:03Well, Murph, just relax
08:04He's going to be here in a couple of minutes
08:05Why don't you enjoy all this other stuff?
08:07The decorations
08:08The trees
08:09The...
08:10Hey, who is that?
08:12An elf, Frank
08:14Didn't you already date an elf?
08:16She was a gnome
08:17And that was just for a cookie commercial
08:19Um, Murph, could you just go stand over there?
08:23I don't want her to think we're married
08:24Oh, well, it's about time
08:29Wait a minute
08:31I thought the Santa that was here yesterday
08:33That's a different Santa
08:35Oh, well, I am not going to let them get away with this
08:39Hey, excuse me
08:41But do you know where the Santa is that was here yesterday?
08:44I don't know
08:45I'm Blitzen
08:46They keep me out of the loop
08:47But you don't understand
08:50I brought my son specifically to see the Santa who was here yesterday
08:53The old, fat, jolly one
08:55Oh, him
08:56He had to go in for an angioplasty
08:59The guy was a walking time bomb
09:00Chip's filling in today
09:03Chip?
09:05Like it's first Santa and his name is Chip?
09:10And he's supposed to ho, ho, ho
09:12Not he, he, he
09:13You know, you need a license to get a dog
09:15But you can just waltz in off the street with a pillow over your stomach
09:19And bingo, you're Santa
09:20Look at that mouth, Frank
09:23This is Santa's village, not Club Med
09:27Come on
09:31If we hurry, we can still get the hex department store for my first runner-up
09:35Come on, Avery, honey
09:36Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa
09:40Oh, great
09:42Chip it is
09:44Oh, look, Avery
09:48Santa's been on a health and fitness program that's taken years off it
09:52Isn't that great?
09:54Do you want a picture of him with Santa?
09:56Oh, yeah, I sure do
09:57Can you just back up a little? You're in my life
10:00It's like, what do you want for Krispies, man?
10:02Oh, yeah, I know my kid or what?
10:12A bear
10:14Bear
10:14A truck
10:16A truck? I got it for his mom
10:19I don't know what you're gonna make
10:20Cool
10:21What did he say?
10:24Power Ninja Demon
10:25Power Ninja Demon? What's that, Frank?
10:28Well, what's the big deal, Murph?
10:30Well, it's not on my list
10:31I'm sure he's confused
10:34I think he meant to say
10:36Der Wunderblokken
10:37Don't you think that's what he meant to say, Santa?
10:40It sounded like Power Ninja Demon to me
10:42Power Ninja Demon
10:45And tell me, where do I go to get one of those?
10:48Go down L4
10:50Take a left
10:51Keep walking till you hit Taiwan
10:53I've been sold out of those things since August
10:55Check the halls with boughs of holly
11:05Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
11:07Well
11:15Miles seems to have worked his magic again this year
11:18Quickie, it's Christmas
11:22Your favorite time of year
11:24Oh, things can't be that bad
11:25Oh, yeah?
11:27I don't have any presents
11:28Half my Christmas cards came back for insufficient postage
11:32And the airline I was supposed to fly home on went bankrupt
11:35So, I'm going to be spending this Christmas alone
11:38In my condo
11:39Bread punch?
11:45Murphy, where have you been?
11:47You've missed half the party
11:49I've already given away my Secret Santa gift
11:51I gave Doug the cameraman an air ionizer
11:53Boy, was he surprised
11:55Good luck today, Miles
11:56I spent the last ten hours going from store to store
11:59Looking for a Power Ninja Demon
12:00And you know what kills me?
12:02You just know Michael Jackson has 500 of them
12:05Set up in battle scenes around his living
12:07I know
12:09I had to order the one I got for my nephew months ago
12:13What?
12:15You've got one?
12:16I've been looking all over town
12:18And you've been holding out on me?
12:20Oh, it's all yours, Murphy
12:21All you have to do is reach down the sewer grate in my basement
12:24And pull it out
12:25It'll be easy to find
12:27It's right next to the soggy door fun golf video
12:30Supposed to give my father
12:32You know, I think there's far too much emphasis placed on those high-priced toys today anyway
12:39Why, in my day, we had a piece of chalk and a slate
12:42There's your video game
12:44There's gotta be something I could do
12:46Some store I could check
12:48I'd even take the unpopular orange Ninja Demon Earl
12:51Whose catchphrase is
12:52Hey, fellas, stop hitting me
12:53Hope we're not working you too hard there, Phil
12:58Oh, are you kidding?
13:01This is nothing
13:02Now, the James Carver Mary Madeline party
13:05There was a fiasco
13:06The Democratic Santa giving away too many gifts
13:10The Republican Santa not giving away enough
13:13It was chaos
13:15And I thought not enough
13:18They tried to give me a copy of their damn book as a tip
13:21But, Scrabbs, that is
13:25You have somehow managed to top it
13:28Red punch again, Miles?
13:34Lansing slashed the party budget
13:35And, hey, this punch is strawberry, not cranberry
13:39There's a huge difference, Phil
13:40Hi, this is Murphy Brown from FYI
13:45We're doing a story on your Power Ninja Demon doll
13:48And what we need is an actual doll to use in our segment
13:51What?
13:53You gave the last one away to Jane Pauley?
13:56Oh, please
13:57You think she actually wants it for a story?
13:59She's just gonna give it to her
14:00Kid, you fell for the oldest trick in the...
14:03Hello?
14:04Wait, no
14:04No, I'll even take the orange one, Earl
14:07Damn
14:07Well, what have we here?
14:11This one has my name on it
14:13This one is just the perfect capper
14:15You get some really nice gift
14:17And I'm the stormy old on board
14:20Oh, well
14:20I'm sure this is nothing really...
14:22Ah, it's a plaque
14:24We don't swim in your toilet
14:26Please don't pee in our pool
14:28It's delightful
14:32And I'm sure if I had a pool
14:34I would display this prominently
14:35Oh, my God
14:39It's a plane ticket to New Orleans
14:42From Jeannie to travel
14:43With an upgrade to clipper class
14:45And two free beverage coupons
14:48Jeannie, where are you?
14:50You hate you
14:51Gee, looks like all the gifts have been given out
14:57Maybe my secret Santa forgot me
14:59Oh, right
15:00Here, Miles
15:05Hey, I just made some calls
15:11And I found out there is a delivery
15:12Of Power Ninja Demons
15:14Arriving at Brenneman's Toy Store
15:16Later tonight
15:16Well, what are we waiting for, Frank?
15:18Let's go
15:19Oh, come on
15:20I just got here
15:21So, is everybody ready to rock?
15:24Rockin'
15:25Go
15:26King
15:26With a
15:27Last
15:27Jack
15:28I want to
15:29Just be here
15:30Excuse me
15:41Pardon me
15:42Coming through
15:43Watch your back
15:45What?
15:46It's over there in order
15:47Excuse me
15:47I've got a reservation
15:48Excuse me, sir
15:52I didn't hear
15:53Oh, yes
15:55I understand you got a shipment of Power Ninja Demon toys in
15:58And I need one
15:59So, if you just give it to me
16:00What do you think we're all here for?
16:02Yeah, but you see
16:03My kid really, really wants one
16:05Back of the line
16:06Please
16:07Oh, no
16:08That's not fair
16:08Because unlike these people who procrastinated
16:11I just found out about this ninja thing recently
16:13You heard me
16:15Back of the line
16:16Oh, man
16:22I had a park a mile away
16:24Look at all these people
16:25Hey
16:26You don't suppose they're all here for the Power Ninja Demon, do you?
16:30No, Frank
16:30They're participating in that charity event Hands Across the Toy Store
16:34Of course
16:34You know, I almost forgot how much fun it is to help you with things
16:40But I want to just check out the rest of the store
16:43Oh, that's a good idea
16:44You know, sometimes a piece of merchandise will get hidden under something else
16:47So someone can come back later and pick it up when it's on sale
16:51Not that I have a piece of merchandise
16:52May I have your attention, please?
16:57I've got some good news and some bad news
17:00The good news is
17:01The delivery man is on his way
17:04The bad news is
17:07He only has 20 dolls
17:09So the rest of you are just wasting your time
17:13Thank you for shopping at Brenneman's Toy
17:16Your problems are solved
17:20You got a Power Ninja Demon?
17:22Even better
17:23Tough guy, man
17:26You see, he's tough
17:28And he's a guy
17:30And he looks almost exactly like a Power Ninja Demon
17:33Tough guy, man?
17:36Yeah, you see, you probably haven't heard about him
17:38Because, you know, they don't have the marketing dollars
17:40Tough guy, man!
17:41All right
17:42You know, we did a story on these toys a couple of weeks ago
17:50And it turns out that they're chock full of lead
17:54They couldn't have more light than them
17:57They're just little bundles of poison
17:59Is what they are, basically
18:01This time
18:04This time, I hit the jackpot
18:06It's a little bit different
18:08But I think he's gonna like it even more than a Power Ninja Demon
18:11This better be good, Frank
18:12Oh, it is
18:14Get ready
18:14Because you are about to get a visit from
18:17Mr. Big Thumb
18:19Yes, these things, they are hours of fun
18:25You can pretend you're hitchhiking
18:27Or you can pretend you get hit with a hammer
18:31Ow! Oh!
18:33Oh, yes, yes, he is really big
18:37He's not a finger, he's just
18:38I'll go put this back
18:39Um, attention, everyone
18:45I just noticed that the maximum occupancy of this room is 250 people
18:52Now, there are a lot more of you in here than that
18:56If you would just file out, in an orderly fashion, the front of the line first
19:02I'm not kidding, people
19:05We have a situation on our hands here
19:07Hey, Murph
19:09Murph
19:10What is it this time, Frank?
19:13Video games
19:14Video games?
19:16If he doesn't play video games
19:17No, no, these are from me
19:19I've been searching for them for weeks
19:21Can't you be happy for me for just one second?
19:27Oh, forget it, Frank
19:29It's just as well
19:30I mean, look at me
19:31What am I teaching, Avery?
19:33That you can't have a good Christmas unless you've got the right gift
19:36Come on, let's get out of here
19:37It's him!
19:39The delivery man!
19:40Here we go
19:51I knew it
19:54You find the right bulb, the whole thing lights up
19:57Yeah, whatever
19:59Hey, where's your holiday spirit?
20:03I left it at Brennerman's Toy Store
20:05Along with three buttons and a fistful of my hair
20:08You're lucky
20:11You know, when Eldon was little
20:13Me and the other mothers got into a kick fight
20:16Over the last Ed Kooky Burns grooming kid at Kresge
20:22I had blurred vision for a week
20:26I know
20:28It's just that it's his first Santa
20:31And his first Santa's gonna disappoint him
20:34I mean, he's gonna find out soon enough
20:36That he can't get a lot of what he wants in life
20:38I was hoping I could keep that from him
20:41At least until he got his second set of teeth
20:43Don't be so hard on yourself
20:45You did your best
20:46Besides, Avery's getting something
20:49Much better than a power ninja demon
20:52What did you get him?
20:54I'll buy it off you
20:55I'm talking about a mother who loves him enough to fight it out in a toy store
21:02Just to make his Christmas a little bit better
21:05If you ask me, that's the best present Avery could ever have
21:09Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa
21:14Avery, Merry Christmas
21:17Guess what, sweetie?
21:19Santa came and he brought a bunch of presents
21:24Here's one, your name is on it
21:28Avery, remember, sweetie
21:31Half of the joy of Christmas is unwrapping your presents
21:35Not necessarily what's in them
21:37Look, it's a Mr. Doodle Halloween
21:48Yes, you played to it in the catalog, remember?
21:52Not Ninja Demon
21:54Well, sweetie, Santa Claus has what's called a back order
22:00Which means that you'll get your ninja demon in two or three weeks
22:04Provided that the elf of the bad attitude took mommy's order correctly
22:10Oh, look, Avery, I think Santa hid a present right there for you
22:27I can see you
22:29Look, you had me sit through that whole speech
22:33About the best gift Avery could ever have
22:35And you had this the whole time
22:37I wish I could claim the credit
22:40But it wasn't me
22:43Look it
22:46Oh, Avery, it's an ninja demon
22:51Heard, these are big in the States
22:54Here in Spain, they can't give them away
22:57He thought the little guy might like one
23:06Love, Eldon
23:07Wow, he really seems to love it
23:12It was the night before Christmas
23:26When all through the house
23:28Not a Democrat was stirring
23:31Not even to Grouse
23:34Their suitcases packed in a mood of despair
23:39Knowing Newt and his cronies soon would be there
23:43Healthcare and Head Start were all put to bed
23:49While visions of school prayers danced in their head
23:53Out Rusty, out Foley, out Richards and Cuomo
23:59Now back in the closets, you soldiers who were well, you know
24:03From the top of the hill, they shout
24:11Will not fail
24:12To take back the White House
24:14With Sonny Bono and Quail
24:17Deck the halls with boughs of holly
24:25Ba, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
24:28Tis the season to be jolly
24:31Ba, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
24:33молü pedow in our gay apparel
24:36Ba, la, la, la, la, la, la la, la
24:39Go the ancient yulegai carol
24:42Ba, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la