Murphy Brown Season 7 Episode 14 Rumble In The Alley
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00:00hi I'm Murphy Brown and you are a friend a friend who could file these for me of course I could
00:17file these for you and I could take your messages or get your cup of coffee but that would be doing
00:24your work and how would that be helping you yeah but you are my secretary right well if you feel the
00:39need to apply these arbitrary labels okay I will be your secretary nothing will have changed because
00:53when all is ever done I'm still me and you're still you actually something will have changed
01:02because I'll still be working here and you'll be fired okay everybody here they are I've got your
01:13tickets for the Animal Welfare Federation annual bowl-a-thon now remember every pin you knock down
01:19will help maintain the stasis and biodiversity of our ecosystem now I'm not exactly sure what
01:26that means but my publicist tells me it's a really good thing here you go Jim these are for you and
01:31Corky there's yours I still don't get this Frank this is supposed to be a Valentine's Day event why
01:36is it in January apparently someone waited till the last minute to book the bowling alley I thought you
01:42were in charge of it hey I had a lot on my plate last night well at least it's better than last
01:49year's Monte Carlo night benefit Roger Mudd took his job as pit boss a little too seriously and had
01:55Doris thrown out of the hall for card counting meanwhile five aces drop out of Cronkite's sleeve and the
02:01man's applauded for his roguish disregard of the rules where's the justice in that I ask
02:05I just hate Valentine's Day so much pressure on single people yeah I know what you mean just
02:14because you're lucky enough to be in a relationship why should you get a holiday too I mean they might
02:18as well have people born with Beauty and Intelligence Day or people who eat all they want and don't get
02:23set day you don't have a date either do you no so you're gonna go I don't think so that's kind of weird
02:31not having a date yeah I know what you mean looks like it could have been fun yeah but if you don't
02:36have anyone to go with what's the point where would you find somewhere now that is if you even
02:39wanted to go and why would you want to if you don't have anyone to go oh god my ears are starting to
02:44bleed would you two just go together already wait a sec the two of us together hey that's not a bad idea
02:52don't you feel sorry for people who don't have anyone to go with yeah it's really sad
02:57listen since we're both on the committee what do you say you and Peter double with me and my date
03:06we make it a foursome um well actually Frank I'm not really sure that we're going to go to this thing
03:11what you're on the committee you have to go well I think that the endangered animals have a little
03:16more to worry about than whether I go to their stupid party or not and besides Peter's not really
03:21into this kind of you know that's what this is all about you know every time I ask you and Peter to
03:26do something with me you always come up with some lame excuse not to do it if you're talking about
03:30that Redskins game I swear to you Peter was in serious pain there oh come on the man crawled across
03:36the jungle once with a broken leg you're telling me he couldn't make it to a football game because
03:40of an ingrown hair if I'm not mistaken wasn't it an ingrown hair that killed President Garfield
03:48you want to know the truth whenever you and Peter get together there's always this
03:57uncomfortable tension tension there's no tension that's just two guys having fun
04:04you gave his name to the secret service and said you heard him threatening the president
04:08you never heard of something called an April Fool's joke in August Frank come on that's all water
04:17under the bridge now listen even though he did come in here and invade my turf steal away my best
04:24friend and I'm 99% sure he's the one responsible for that graffiti in the men's room incident I am
04:31pastel you really serious about this absolutely now listen Peter's in your life now I don't want
04:38to be in your life too I really think we should all get along I think this bowler night is a perfect
04:44opportunity to do that okay I'm not making any promises but I'll see what I can do great oh and
04:52Frank I don't want you blaming Peter for that graffiti in the men's room I'll have you know
04:57that drawing took me two hours
04:59hey Murphy oh hey I'll be ready in a second actually I don't think I'm gonna go bowling
05:12I think I'm coming down with that flute thing that's going around it
05:15it starts with a little a little tickle in the throat doesn't it really oh Peter that's too bad
05:22you must feel awful being involved with a woman who wouldn't buy that load of crap for a second
05:28okay let me try another load of crap
05:35look we've done this already Frank really wants to be your friend the least you can do is return the gesture
05:41besides if you don't I'm gonna spread the rumor that you wear bikini underwear with a big bullseye on them
05:47you gave them to me
05:50still you wore them and I'm willing to go public with that
05:53you wouldn't dare
05:55all right I'll go
05:58and when I give you the word we leave
06:00I'll tell everyone at that bowling alley that you regularly sell your hair to a wig maker
06:05not because you need the money but because you're just that cheap
06:08be my guest no one will believe you
06:12are you willing to take that chance
06:14you are a low hunt
06:17but you're my kind of love
06:20Frank we're just heading over to the bowling alley
06:28well have a good time
06:29what are you talking about
06:31my date cancelled
06:33she's got this flu thing that's going around
06:36apparently it starts with a little tickle in the throat
06:40hey hey
06:40you know if Frank's not going maybe we shouldn't go
06:44whoa whoa whoa whoa
06:45you have to go
06:46as event co-chairman you're gonna have to assume my duties
06:49what what duties
06:50it's not that much really
06:52all you're gonna have to do is spray the shoes and empty out the ashtrays
06:56and if the automatic pin setter gets stuck
07:00what you have to do the guy says is crawl under there
07:03give it a sharp kick and get the hell out of there
07:05because the thing comes down really fast
07:07oh yeah that'll happen
07:10besides Frank just because your date cancelled doesn't mean you can't go
07:13oh yeah I'm really gonna go to a valentine's day event alone
07:17well you know you never know what happens at these things
07:19maybe a couple will get into a fight and you'll meet someone that way
07:23listen Murph I've already made some calls there's no one available
07:27no one?
07:29apparently a last minute invite to a valentine's day bowling party
07:32doesn't thrill a woman the way it used to
07:34Frank's phone call it's a ball mall
07:36you know you really should be handling this all right
07:40I'll take it
07:41quick we gotta find someone for Frank to take
07:47why would I do that I don't even want to go to this thing
07:50look if you think it's gonna be me sliding under those pin setters pal
07:54you are sadly mistaken
07:55so get out that pathetic little black book
07:58that I know you have but you won't admit to
08:00and make Frank a match
08:01I don't think there would be anybody in that book
08:05that would be right for Frank
08:06if such a book existed
08:09and even if it did it would probably be filled with
08:13names of women that I went out with
08:15don't you think you might have a problem with that?
08:17yeah all right
08:18I'm really gonna be threatened by a woman whose name is followed by three stars
08:22and the word yahoo
08:23first of all
08:28I don't use stars
08:30I use a complicated system of checks and pluses
08:33and little smiley faces
08:35look
08:36it's bad enough I have to participate in a sport
08:39whose finest athletes train on a diet of cigarettes, beer and corn nuts
08:43the least you can do for me is this one little favor
08:46well I do have this friend Linda
08:49she might be free tonight
08:51Linda?
08:52hmm
08:52female name
08:54free tonight
08:54she sounds perfect
08:55call her
08:56listen Murph
08:58apparently there is a fungal virus going around
09:01so when you spray the shoes tonight
09:03make sure you really get up in the toes
09:05not so fast Frank
09:07you're still on shoe duty
09:09Peter has a friend who's perfect for you and he's calling her right now
09:12a blind date?
09:13I don't think so
09:14um but Frank
09:16would she be a totally blind date if I knew her?
09:18really?
09:19you know her?
09:21what's she like?
09:23Linda?
09:24oh she's great
09:25she's um
09:26she's fun
09:28intelligent
09:30yeah
09:32who?
09:32look
09:37I don't know
09:38Murph
09:39I mean really
09:40it just doesn't sound
09:41like
09:41yahoo?
09:45yahoo Frank
09:46hi guys
09:54hey
09:55a valentine's party
09:57and the two of you are together
09:58does this mean you're officially an item now?
10:01no we are not an item
10:03we are just here as friends
10:05because that is the way we want it
10:06right Corky?
10:07right
10:07friends
10:08unless you thought we were here as something other than friends
10:10no
10:11we're happy as friends
10:12really happy
10:12you are happy aren't you?
10:14oh very
10:14couldn't be happier
10:15I mean if you were
10:16me?
10:17I couldn't be happier
10:18oh god
10:18well there won't be
10:19it's like a bad episode of moonlighting
10:21hey Jim
10:25are you here alone?
10:27unfortunately yes
10:28George's allergy started acting up
10:31just as we were about to leave
10:32her mother called
10:33and that brought on a migraine
10:34and as we were going out
10:35she broke a heel
10:36she didn't want to come
10:37did she Jim?
10:37it's a bowling alley for god's sake
10:39wild horses couldn't drag her here
10:40I can't even bowl with that
10:43where's your date Frank?
10:45she's coming
10:45and frankly
10:46I'm getting a little tired
10:48of these insinuations
10:48because I have a date
10:50and let me tell you something
10:52she is coming
10:52she is definitely coming
10:54she's not coming
10:55is she?
10:56how many times do I have to say it
10:58Frank?
10:59Debbie will be here
11:00Debbie?
11:02I thought she said her name is Linda
11:03you're right
11:05her middle name is Debbie
11:07oh now I'm waiting for Debbie
11:09and what's her last name?
11:10Godot?
11:11now hold on a second
11:12I am on to your game
11:14you were desperate to get me here tonight
11:16so you wouldn't have to spray the shoes
11:18and you
11:18she made you go over
11:19and pretend to make a phone call
11:21and pretend to get me a date
11:23with this Debbie Linda person
11:24actually that's Linda Debbie
11:25just you know
11:27I came here tonight
11:29to bury the hatchet with you
11:30only to find it
11:31locked between my shoulder blades
11:33well thank you
11:34thank you very much
11:36Peter
11:36oh hi
11:37sorry I'm late
11:38traffic was terrible
11:39I'm Linda
11:41you must be Frank
11:43Peter's told me some great things about you
11:45oh hi
11:47you know
11:52this might sound shallow
11:53and unconvincing
11:54but I love you man
11:58alright
12:10I tell you
12:11you are a regular
12:13hey anybody know the name
12:15of a famous bowler?
12:17well
12:18anyway
12:18you're just doing great
12:20oh god
12:21I tell you
12:22I am really into this whole
12:23valentine's theme
12:24yeah
12:25love is in the air
12:26nice cutterball
12:27you stink
12:29no
12:31this Linda
12:32she's terrific
12:33tell me what you know about her
12:34I want to know everything
12:35Linda
12:36um
12:36well she's sort of
12:38she's
12:39to take the truth Frank
12:41I don't really know her
12:43oh
12:44she's complicated
12:47hard to pin down
12:48no I mean
12:51I really
12:52don't know her
12:53I never met her
12:54before tonight
12:55never
12:56you mean
12:58you let
12:59Peter set me up
13:00with someone
13:01you don't even know
13:02how could you do that
13:04oh man
13:05if I'd have known that
13:06there's no way
13:07I would have agreed
13:07to come here tonight
13:08what are you complaining about
13:10you're having a great time
13:11you don't get it
13:12this changes everything
13:13it doesn't change a thing
13:14when this bride
13:16he'd attract you
13:16look she just made
13:18a seven tenth split
13:19this is exactly my point
13:22a woman that attractive
13:23agreeing to go on a blind date
13:25at a bowling alley
13:26at the last minute
13:27there's something
13:28deeply deeply wrong here
13:30you said it yourself
13:33she's a good bowler
13:34maybe too good
13:37maybe she's a man
13:39you've been sniffing
13:43that shoe spray
13:44haven't you Frank
13:45is that an Adam's apple
13:48you're up Frank
13:51okay
13:52yes
13:59did you see that
14:01did you see that
14:03I got three
14:04one
14:05two
14:06three
14:07wow
14:08that's really great
14:09highest I got was two
14:11and that was in somebody else's lane
14:12oh Miles
14:14it's not as hard as it looks
14:16here let me show you
14:17first I put my foot
14:18right here on this spot
14:19like this
14:20oh no
14:21here let me show you
14:22like this
14:25then
14:27I grip the ball
14:29like this
14:30how does that feel
14:32that feels right
14:35really right
14:39wrong
14:40wrong
14:41wrong
14:41wrong
14:41wrong
14:42take out the stamina
14:43for a little bit
14:44all right
14:45all right
14:45hands up
14:48just
14:49now let's
14:51let's flex those knees
14:53shall we
14:54Peter
14:57I'm adding up your score
14:59that last one that wobbled
15:01it didn't go down did it
15:02okay so that all
15:04adds up to
15:05zero
15:06such an interesting relationship
15:11how did you get together
15:12oh we met at work
15:14and we started going out
15:15and we've been together
15:16ever since
15:16how did you meet Peter
15:18oh we met when we were
15:19in the peace corps together
15:20Peter was in the peace corps
15:22really I didn't know that
15:23sure three years
15:25anyway they sent us
15:26to this really remote
15:28part of Thailand
15:29the nearest doctor
15:30was like 60 miles away
15:32so you can imagine
15:32how scary it was
15:33when Peter got bitten
15:34by that snake
15:35and almost died
15:35Peter almost died
15:37from a snake bite
15:38I didn't know that
15:39yeah
15:40and on the way back
15:41he proposed to me
15:42at first I thought
15:44it was maybe
15:45the medication talking
15:46because just the minute
15:47before that
15:47he'd taken off all his clothes
15:48scrambled up a bandage
15:50oh could you just
15:51back up for a second
15:52you guys were married
15:54oh no no
15:56we never went through
15:57with it
15:57but we did live together
15:59for two years
16:00but I'm sure you know
16:02all about that
16:03oh yeah
16:04that I know about
16:05you're up Linda
16:09and remember
16:11you're working on a spare
16:12we can relax
16:17she's all woman
16:18she is that
16:20I was just talking
16:22to Peter
16:22and I tell you
16:23the guy
16:24honestly thought
16:25that she'd be perfect
16:26for me
16:27and you know
16:27he's right
16:28I mean
16:29what a set up
16:30she's attractive
16:32she's smart
16:33she lived with Peter
16:34for two years
16:35oh man
16:36what a set up
16:37I knew
16:38there was something
16:39wrong with her
16:40Peter dumps her
16:41then he feels guilty
16:42he tries to turn her
16:43off on me
16:43you know Frank
16:44thanks for nothing man
16:46what's with him
16:52oh he just found out
16:54that the blind date
16:55you set him up with
16:55used to be your roomie
16:57oh yeah
16:58we live together
16:58oh yeah
16:59you live together
17:00that's it
17:00like oh yeah
17:01they have nachos
17:02at the bar
17:03you tell me it bothers you
17:07no no I mean
17:07it doesn't bother me
17:09it's just that
17:10it would have been
17:10nice to know
17:11I mean
17:11we've been together
17:13for almost a year
17:13and I had no idea
17:14well I would have
17:15told you
17:16but we had this
17:16understanding
17:17from the beginning
17:18that this relationship
17:18was going to crash
17:19and burn right
17:20I mean we agreed
17:21that there was no point
17:22in cluttering things
17:23up with useless information
17:24you're right
17:25you're absolutely right
17:26besides it's not like
17:27I don't have a lot
17:28of stuff like that
17:28that I haven't
17:29bothered to tell you
17:30exactly
17:31great
17:31like uh
17:36like what
17:37like
17:39I was married once
17:41I know that
17:43you told me that
17:44oh
17:44well there's a lot
17:45of other stuff like that
17:47that I haven't told you
17:47about
17:48a lot
17:49of other stuff
17:50did you know
17:52about me
17:52and Jerry Gold
17:53that loud mouth
17:55I hate that guy
17:56what about you
17:57and him
17:57oh
17:59it's my turn
18:00hey man
18:03uh
18:04sorry about
18:05blowing up
18:06at you back then
18:07I really
18:08I don't know
18:08where that came from
18:09so uh
18:13Linda tell me
18:15she's the one
18:16who dumped you
18:17huh
18:17yep
18:19dumped you
18:20and dumped you
18:21good
18:22that really
18:24must have
18:24messed up
18:24your head
18:25huh
18:25I suppose
18:27so
18:27listen
18:28Murphy and Jerry
18:29Gold
18:29what was that
18:30all about
18:31and that
18:35friends
18:35is called
18:36slamming the
18:36pocket
18:37Corky
18:38I believe
18:39you're up next
18:39take my seat
18:41hey Corky
18:43have a ball
18:45I need to talk
18:54to you about
18:54something
18:54Miles
18:55I'm beginning
18:55to lose
18:55patience with you
18:56it's left
18:57right
18:57left
18:58right
18:58release
18:59no
19:00no
19:00no
19:01it's about
19:02something different
19:02something going
19:04on at the office
19:05and uh
19:05well I think
19:06we all know
19:06what that is
19:07yes
19:09go on
19:10you know
19:12sometimes
19:12people have
19:14these feelings
19:14and they keep
19:16them buried
19:16then time goes
19:18by and they
19:18wonder if they're
19:19not making
19:19the biggest mistake
19:21of their life
19:21they start
19:23wondering
19:23maybe they
19:25should be
19:25I don't know
19:26seizing the
19:27opportunity
19:28before it's
19:29gone forever
19:30well you listen
19:30to me
19:31and you listen
19:31good
19:32I don't know
19:32what lies
19:33you've heard
19:33about me
19:33and that
19:34raven haired
19:34receptionist
19:35but nothing
19:36happened
19:37in the
19:37Xerox room
19:38that day
19:38she had a
19:39paper lock
19:40and I helped
19:40to clear it
19:41that's the
19:41modern turn of it
19:42and if any of this
19:43gets back to Doris
19:44miles
19:45it's your turn
19:46okay
19:47Jim
19:56I need to talk
19:57to you about
19:58something
19:58something that's
20:00going on in the
20:00office
20:01oh good luck
20:03you're going down
20:06to seminary school
20:07for cheating
20:08wow
20:09Murphy's seen
20:15every James
20:16Bond movie
20:16twice
20:17yeah
20:18even
20:19Octopussy
20:19he speaks
20:22fluent
20:23Chinese
20:24Cantonese
20:25and Mandarin
20:25you should hear
20:27him order
20:27take out
20:28Murphy's fired
20:30a lot of
20:31secretaries
20:31how long have
20:35you guys been
20:35going out
20:36anyway listen
20:37Peter I think
20:38Linda and I
20:39are going to
20:39cut out of
20:39here
20:40hey Linda
20:42do you like
20:43to take off
20:44sure
20:45you guys
20:47don't mind
20:48you
20:48we'd like to
20:51get to know
20:51each other
20:51a little more
20:52yeah
20:53you know
20:54what that's
20:54like
20:54well
21:02that was
21:06fun
21:07huh
21:07yeah
21:08great time
21:09seemed like
21:10you and Linda
21:11were doing an
21:11awful lot of
21:12talking
21:13yeah
21:14you and Frank
21:17spent a lot
21:17of time together
21:18what'd you guys
21:20talk about
21:20oh you know
21:22just
21:22this stuff
21:24how about
21:27you and Linda
21:27same
21:29stuff
21:32wait on
21:38Frank sure
21:41seems to know
21:41an awful lot
21:42about you
21:42yeah
21:43and uh
21:45Linda seems
21:45to know a lot
21:46about you
21:46I guess if we
21:48had the kind
21:48of relationship
21:49where we
21:50called it a
21:51relationship
21:51I might know
21:52that kind of
21:53stuff about you
21:53too
21:54but
21:54you don't
21:55want that
21:56do you
21:56me no
21:57I'm happy
21:57with the way
21:58things are
21:58as long as
21:59you're happy
22:00with the way
22:00things
22:01you're happy
22:01aren't you
22:02oh
22:02absolutely
22:03I'm happy
22:05if you're happy
22:05no I'm happy
22:06if you are
22:06at least
22:08how I
22:08court you
22:09and Miles
22:09what are you
22:11what are we
22:11what are we doing
22:11what are we doing
22:11Peter
22:11I'm happy
22:13we're not doing
22:15the happy thing
22:16anymore
22:16are we
22:16look
22:19Murphy
22:20I don't know
22:22what's going on
22:22with us
22:23all I know
22:25is that I found
22:26out tonight
22:26that I'm involved
22:27with a woman
22:27that I hardly
22:28know
22:29yeah
22:30I know
22:31what you mean
22:31seminary school
22:34octopussy
22:36twice
22:37it's really
22:39not so bad
22:40once you get
22:40past the title
22:41you know
22:45what's getting
22:46to me
22:46I make my
22:47living
22:48asking questions
22:49and I know
22:50more about
22:51Yasser Arafat
22:52than I know
22:52about you
22:53well the man's
22:54an open book
22:54you know
22:58maybe we
22:59shouldn't blame
22:59ourselves
23:00we weren't even
23:01supposed to
23:01last this long
23:02I mean we
23:03were supposed
23:03to crash
23:04and burn
23:05long before
23:05we got to
23:06what's your
23:06favorite color
23:07yeah
23:08I was supposed
23:09to be feeding
23:10your pictures
23:11through a paper
23:11shredder by now
23:12I was supposed
23:14to be crossing
23:14out the smiley
23:15faces by your
23:16name in my
23:16little black
23:17book
23:17yeah
23:20yeah
23:22I don't want
23:25it to end
23:25yet
23:26I didn't
23:29either
23:30so what's
23:39your favorite
23:40color
23:40gray
23:45gray
23:46what the hell
23:48kind of color
23:49is gray
23:50I mean
23:50blue
23:51now there's a
23:52color
23:53oh blue
23:53that figures
23:54what's the matter
23:55with blue
23:55nothing
23:56it's just that
23:5690% of the
23:57population say blue
23:58but if that's
23:59okay with you
23:59then
24:00so who's your
24:00favorite writer
24:01Stephen King
24:02oh boy
24:03this is gonna
24:03be work
24:04oh
24:07Rena's probably
24:08asleep
24:08I'm just gonna
24:09go check on
24:09Avery
24:10you got a kid
24:11what's the matter
24:20yeah
24:22I'm just gonna
24:24tell us
24:25to
24:25you
24:27I'm just gonna
24:27wait
24:28I'm just gonna
24:28I'm just gonna
24:29I'm just gonna
24:29see you
24:30this is a
24:30other
24:31I'm just gonna
24:31see you
24:32I'm just gonna
24:32see you