Murphy Brown Season 7 Episode 17 Specific Overtures
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00:00The show in March will be pre-empted for a network driving special called Stop in the Name of Safety.
00:05Oh, there's worthwhile viewing. A whole hour devoted to what?
00:08Warning people to slow down in icy weather?
00:11Yeah.
00:11Like a really good driver needs to slow down in icy weather anyway.
00:15Well, I hope this special deals with the issue of inconsiderate driving.
00:19By just last week, some woman up ahead of me was ignoring a no left turn sign.
00:23I gingerly tapped my horn and bingo, up goes her middle finger in that universal gesture of contempt.
00:30Hey, Jim, I wouldn't exactly call a five-minute honk a tack.
00:34Like a really good driver needs to bother with no left turn signs anyway.
00:39Sir Miles, do they have a host yet?
00:41No. They wanted Letterman, but apparently his driver's license is suspended through May.
00:45Hey! What about me? I'd be perfect for it.
00:49I have high TVQ, great credibility, and I'm the only one I know who supplements their blinkers with hand signals just to be extra safe.
00:56Corky, let me guess. After the prom, when your friends were climbing out of their taffeta in the backseat of their boyfriend's cars,
01:03you volunteered to stack the folding chairs and take down the streamers, am I right?
01:09Maybe.
01:12Well, I, for one, think you would make a great host, Corky.
01:15People love to watch you, and unlike Murphy, you haven't been virtually uninsurable since 1971.
01:21I'm qualifying for insurance as a sign of a good driver anyway.
01:25And if it didn't mean you're having to go upstairs to talk to Tony Lucchese, I would say go for it.
01:29So I talked to Lucchese, so what?
01:31So the last time I spoke with the man, he threw his philofax at me.
01:35Fortunately, the leather was supple as butter.
01:37Practically caressed my cheek as it bounced off the entrance.
01:40Listen, Lucchese chose Sarah Purcell over Corky for that anti-alcohol special, Liver, Let Live.
01:47So I say he owns her this way.
01:50Yeah.
01:51Besides, I know exactly how to approach him.
01:54I'll just use a little Southern Charm, and he'll be eating right out of the palm of my hand.
01:59Oh, and wait till he finds out I know the speed limit for every driving situation.
02:06So do I.
02:07Drive as fast as I can without hitting the person in front of me.
02:10Hey, Frank, I'm running out of wall space.
02:18Which of these photos would you keep up?
02:20I know it's the Pope, but my hair's all pulled back.
02:25Hey, Corky, you were up there a long time.
02:27Did you get it?
02:28Oh, she must have.
02:30If Lucchese's assistant, Hans, doesn't kick you down the stairwell in the first five minutes, you're in like Flynn.
02:35Well, it went okay.
02:38It went okay?
02:39Yeah, I mean, he told me he wanted to talk over the final details tomorrow over breakfast.
02:43Well, that's great, so you got it.
02:45Hey, Corky, that's terrific.
02:48You'll do a great job.
02:49Hey, listen, if you can work it into the show, would you tell people that if they see a blonde in a white Porsche to treat it like an ambulance, just pull over and get the hell out of here.
02:58So, I'm having a breakfast meeting with Tony Lucchese.
03:09Don't you think that's weird?
03:11No.
03:12A breakfast meeting just the two of us?
03:14You don't think that's weird?
03:15Not really.
03:17A breakfast meeting just the two of us in his bed with me wearing his pajama top?
03:24Now, that is weird.
03:25What the hell went on up there?
03:27Well, he told me he liked my idea and that I should come up to his office later for drinks and we could sort of discuss everything.
03:36And then he said we should, uh, sleep on it together and, uh, tie up any loose ends over breakfast.
03:45Hold on.
03:46He said that stuff?
03:47Are you sure you didn't misunderstand him?
03:50Well, it's possible I was a little distracted at the time.
03:52Distracted by what?
03:54By his hand on my rear end.
03:57What are you doing?
03:59Looking for my brass knuckles.
04:03Not that there aren't other things that'll work in a pinch.
04:07A roll of quarters in a sock, for example.
04:11I don't think that's the best idea, Murphy.
04:13You're right.
04:17I've got a pair of jumper cables in my car.
04:19We'll put them to a power source, hit the switch, and he'll feel pain that'll make childbirth seem like a champagne brunch.
04:24Can we...
04:25I'm not sure what I want to do about this right now.
04:30Corky, this is the time when you should be deciding between slow and painful and quick and painful.
04:34The words whether and should I don't really come into play here.
04:38With all fairness to him, I did go up to his office.
04:41And I used my southern charm.
04:43I even did the hair thing.
04:45The hair thing?
04:46All right.
04:51Whenever a woman flips her hair like that, it means please feel free to grab my ass.
04:57This is not your fault, Corky.
04:59Come on, let's go see personnel.
05:00No!
05:01Murphy, I know exactly what will happen if I file a complaint.
05:06I'll tell my side of the story, he'll tell his.
05:09They'll ask if I have any witnesses, I'll say no.
05:12And then I'll end up moving to some small town in the Midwest and living under an assumed name
05:16because my reputation has been ruined by months of vicious office gossip.
05:21I've seen too many TV movies with Joanna Kearns not doing how these things turn out.
05:26So you're just gonna let him get away with us and do nothing?
05:29No, I'm not going to do nothing.
05:31I'm gonna go home, call my mama, make a nice cup of tea, forget this whole thing ever happened.
05:42For every panel.
06:01Hello, Sonny.
06:04Murphy, hi.
06:07Hope I'm not interrupting anything.
06:09Well, actually...
06:10Boy, uh, sure is dark in here.
06:16What, am I about to have a romantic liaison?
06:19This is an office, for God's sakes.
06:22Yeah, that's a lot better.
06:25So, uh, I have an appointment at 7 o'clock, so what can I do you for, Murphy?
06:31Oh, an appointment at 7 o'clock, you say?
06:33Well, it must be somebody pretty important.
06:35You're really pulling out all the stops.
06:38Soft music, drinks.
06:39What, all this?
06:41Well, this is all just for me.
06:43Oh, I thought you said you had an appointment.
06:45Yes, I do.
06:46An appointment with myself.
06:50To relax.
06:51I schedule one every day.
06:53Just ask Hans.
06:55By the way, where is Hans?
06:57He's usually right outside.
06:58Oh, well, if you've got an appointment with yourself, I guess I really better go.
07:02Yeah, she should.
07:03But next time, call ahead and we'll gab into the night like a couple of silly old girlfriends.
07:07Oh, say, that is one nice tie.
07:13Oh, you like it?
07:14It's hand-painted.
07:15But if you could be a little more careful, because once you get finger oils on a hand-painted...
07:19Oh, my son, little slug.
07:20I know what you did, Corky.
07:21You're lucky it wasn't me, because otherwise you'd be sipping that wine through a slow drip right now.
07:26Murphy, there must be some miscommunication here.
07:29Oh, Hans.
07:30Hans.
07:30Hans, forget Hans.
07:32Hans can't help you now.
07:34Let me explain something to you.
07:36Corky hasn't filed a complaint against you yet.
07:40In the meantime, my knee is poised inches from a sensitive spot.
07:44And if you don't swear not to hit on Corky or anyone else in this company again,
07:50you'll be coughing up things you ate as a child.
07:55Do we understand each other?
07:57Mm-hmm.
07:57You know, I can't even find the words to describe how you make me feel.
08:06Oh, by the way, maybe you better look for a new loyal assistant.
08:10Hans sold you out for 20 bucks and a half-eaten Butterfinger.
08:19Hi, I'm Murphy Brown, and you must be...
08:22Joanne, your new secretary, and I think you're going to be very happy with me.
08:28I type 80 words a minute, I know shorthand, and I'm told I have an excellent phone manner.
08:34Well, great. Welcome.
08:36Actually, before we start, I'd like to be upfront about my flaws,
08:40so that later on there won't be any surprises.
08:43Okay.
08:45First off, when I work through lunch, I tend to get a little irritable.
08:50Hey, who doesn't?
08:51And every now and then, something will disappear from the office.
08:55And yes, every now and then, I will be the one responsible.
09:01Occasionally, I'll vanish for days at a time,
09:03and no one will know where I am, not even me.
09:06And once in a while, I'll climb up on my desk
09:11and blame the government for my personal problems
09:13in a loud, piercing shriek.
09:17I've had worse.
09:19So, Murphy, looks like things weren't nearly as bad
09:27as you thought they were going to be.
09:28What are you talking about?
09:30That's job.
09:31Hey, well, quirky, that's great.
09:33Yeah.
09:34I ran into Tony Lucchese this morning.
09:36He yelled the good news to me from across the lobby.
09:39Then he practically knocked over the pastry wagon
09:42in what I can only assume was an effort
09:44to respect my personal space.
09:47So, you see, I didn't cause a big commotion.
09:50I handled it my way, and everything took care of itself.
09:54Well, I wouldn't exactly say that.
09:57What's this supposed to mean?
09:59Nothing.
10:00It's just that last night, I had a little check.
10:02Lucchese.
10:04Murphy, how could you?
10:06You knew I wanted to handle this my own way.
10:08How? By doing nothing?
10:09Quarky, your wife, Frank,
10:11I couldn't let him get away with that.
10:12Let who get away with what?
10:15Nothing, Frank, okay?
10:16Nothing.
10:17Oh, sure, I get it.
10:19Leave Frank out.
10:21Same as always.
10:23Just like the time you guys all decided
10:24to wear jeans to work and forgot to tell me.
10:30Frank, that was just a coincidence.
10:32Oh, sure, you stick to that story.
10:34Just forget it, Frank.
10:36It's just something with Tony Lucchese.
10:38Oh, Lucchese.
10:41Hey, listen, don't feel bad, Korky,
10:43because I'll tell you, whatever he did to you,
10:46I can guarantee he's done to me a hundred times.
10:50It's only worse.
10:52Really?
10:53Did he ever grab your behind
10:55and ask you to sleep with him?
10:58Not exactly.
11:00Tony, no?
11:01Jim, did you know that Tony Lucchese
11:05made a pass at Korky?
11:06Hi, Korky!
11:07What?
11:08You told me.
11:09I figured everyone else knew.
11:11Dear Lord,
11:12I always knew the man was a scoundrel.
11:15Anyone who makes cellular phone calls
11:16from a stall in the men's room
11:18is capable of anything.
11:18Korky, are you okay?
11:27Is there anything we can do?
11:28Yes, you can forget all about it.
11:30When you've gone this far,
11:31Murphy had stuck her pointy little nose into it.
11:33Hey, I was just trying to help.
11:35Anyway, everything worked out.
11:36You got the job, Lucchese's off your back,
11:38and none of this is gonna go beyond us.
11:40What is going on
11:41with this sexual harassment thing?
11:43What?
11:44How does Miles know?
11:45How could I not know?
11:46The whole building's talking about it.
11:48There are lawyers involved.
11:49Oh, my God!
11:51Why didn't you just whisper it to Connie Chung?
12:00I don't get it.
12:01What's wrong?
12:02What's Korky talking about?
12:03Lucchese, what are you talking about?
12:05The same.
12:06Lucchese and the sexual harassment
12:07suit he filed against Murphy.
12:09What?
12:10Maybe we're not talking about the same thing.
12:16And now...
12:17Sexual harassment.
12:19Me, I can't believe this garbage.
12:21This is so obviously a smokescreen.
12:23He's just trying to divert attention from himself.
12:25That jerk.
12:28Maybe he isn't aware that Korky and I
12:31have a very special on-again, off-again,
12:34friendship-ish, flirtation, dating-like thing going on.
12:38Well, maybe it's time someone straightened him out.
12:43You know, I try to handle this in a civilized manner
12:46by choking him, and he brings in lawyers.
12:49I should have killed him while I had the chance.
12:51This is what I get for being too damn nice.
12:53I don't care if they take away my executive parking space
12:57or my smiles-for-miles column in the monthly newsletter.
13:01Tony Lucchese, is that that man?
13:02Oh, man.
13:03You can't actually kill the guy.
13:05No, but he can kick around his lifeless body
13:07after I'm through with him.
13:08You know what?
13:11I am going up there right now.
13:14And don't you try and stop me.
13:21Well, I got here kind of quickly.
13:24Uh, that looks a little crowded, though.
13:26You guys go on ahead.
13:27Hey.
13:29We can make room.
13:30No, no.
13:31Come on.
13:32Come on.
13:32That's your next one.
13:46Don't try and stop it.
13:49And it really burns me
13:51that a man can accuse a woman of sexual harassment
13:53and anybody believes him for a minute.
13:55Listen, Murph, obviously Lucchese's making this whole thing up,
13:58but, you know, women do sexually harass men.
14:01Let me guess, Frank.
14:02You saw Disclosure, didn't you?
14:05Listen, it was an interesting movie
14:06that reflects something that does go on in our society.
14:09Oh, right.
14:10Women who look like Demi Moore
14:11are always going around
14:12forcing doughy middle-aged men to have sex with them.
14:17Look, whenever someone in a position of power
14:20makes a co-worker feel uncomfortable
14:22through conduct of a sexual nature,
14:25that's harassment.
14:26And how is it you know so much on the subject, Frank?
14:30Because...
14:31Well, I was harassed once.
14:35I was.
14:36Listen, last year,
14:38Carol, in the video library,
14:41she asked me to help her pick up some of those,
14:42you know, those heavy master tapes,
14:45and when I bent over to pick one up,
14:46she...
14:47Well, you know.
14:52No, Frank, we don't know.
14:53She was...
14:57She was staring at my...
15:01You know, my butt.
15:05And you felt your job might be on the line
15:07if you told her to stop staring?
15:10No, actually, I was kind of flattered by that.
15:12Well, Snugger,
15:15for what it's worth,
15:16I say nobody's going to believe
15:18those ridiculous charges.
15:19Well, unfortunately,
15:20it all comes down to Murphy's word
15:22against Lucchese's.
15:23Yeah, but the difference is
15:24I've got the truth on my side
15:26and I can prove it.
15:27Why don't I take one of those
15:28lie detector tests?
15:29You want to take a polygraph?
15:30Yeah, I'm sure the network would love it.
15:33They practically begged me
15:34to take one every time
15:35I'd turn in an expense report.
15:42Ready to go.
15:45Great.
15:46So you're not going to switch my brain
15:47with the flies or anything, are you?
15:50No, no, this machine can't do that.
15:56Okay, just ask me about Lucchese
15:58so we can get this over with.
15:59Actually, we need to ask you
16:01a few questions first
16:02to establish a baseline.
16:04Is your name Murphy Brown?
16:06Yes.
16:06Do you work at FYI?
16:09Yes.
16:09May I?
16:11Was it or was it not you
16:12who switched my chart
16:13at the company Physical
16:14so I ended up with that barium enema
16:15that was meant for Charlie Corralt?
16:18Just answer the question.
16:20No, no, it wasn't.
16:21She's lying.
16:22I knew it.
16:23I knew it.
16:24I wasn't the only one
16:25who suffered, you know.
16:26Corralt was treated for a stomach ulcer
16:28he didn't even have.
16:29As attorney for the network,
16:32perhaps it would be best
16:33for me to ask the questions.
16:35Okay.
16:35But Thibzone are after you.
16:39Now, Ms. Brown,
16:40I'm sure this won't take very long.
16:42I'm just going to ask you
16:43a few questions
16:43based on Mr. Lucchese's complaint,
16:45which you must answer
16:47with yes or no.
16:48It's all very simple.
16:49Do you understand?
16:50Yes.
16:50She's telling the truth.
16:52Well, you are.
16:54Did you meet Mr. Lucchese
16:55in his office last night?
16:57Yes.
16:58And once in his office,
16:59did you at any time
17:00touch Mr. Lucchese?
17:02No.
17:02Lying.
17:03So, did you touch him?
17:06Okay, I touched him,
17:07but not in any...
17:08So, did you also grab him
17:09and pull him toward you?
17:10Whoa, hold on a second.
17:12Please, answer yes or no.
17:14No.
17:14Bye.
17:16Okay, I grabbed him,
17:17but not in the way
17:18you're making it sound.
17:19Now, Mr. Lucchese claims
17:20you offered to touch
17:21a very sensitive part
17:22of his body.
17:24Is that true?
17:25Hold on, you are taking
17:26this completely out of context.
17:28Then you didn't say
17:28to Mr. Lucchese,
17:29I don't have the words
17:30to describe how
17:31you make me feel.
17:33No.
17:34She's lying.
17:35Listen, pal,
17:36one more word out of you
17:37and you're going to be
17:37giving your next polygraph
17:38to St. Peter.
17:40Oh, God,
17:42she's telling the truth.
17:45Look, my only interest
17:48in Tony Lucchese
17:49is seeing his puny head
17:50on a big stick.
17:51There was nothing sexual
17:53about our encounter
17:54and I am not now,
17:55nor have I ever been,
17:57guilty of sexual harassment.
17:59See?
17:59She's telling the truth.
18:01Now that I've proven
18:02my innocence,
18:03if you'll excuse me,
18:04I've got a big stick
18:05to sharpen.
18:05I'm sorry, but
18:06based on previous responses,
18:08I need to ask you
18:08a few more questions.
18:10What?
18:10Why?
18:11Well, we need to determine
18:12whether this was
18:12an isolated incident
18:13or part of a larger pattern
18:15of sexually intimidating behavior.
18:17Now, have you ever made
18:18advances towards
18:19co-workers in the past?
18:21No, and what does that
18:22have to do with anything?
18:23I can assure you
18:24that Murphy has never made
18:25advances toward any co-workers.
18:26What about Peter Hunt?
18:28Oh, well, fine,
18:29Peter Hunt,
18:30but that was a mutual thing.
18:30And Jerry Gold.
18:31Okay, Jerry Gold.
18:33Mitchell Baldwin.
18:34Oh, please,
18:34we didn't even...
18:35Yes.
18:38Oh, that's right,
18:38we did,
18:39but it wasn't that great.
18:40Have you ever made
18:43condescending references
18:44to your colleagues'
18:45private parts?
18:51No?
18:53Hey, I believe you.
18:55Have you ever touched
18:56a co-worker
18:57in a compromising fashion?
18:59Look,
18:59if you're implying
19:00I'm guilty of harassment
19:01because I dated
19:02a few co-workers
19:03or made some raunchy
19:05jokes in the office,
19:06then fine,
19:06guilty as charged.
19:07That's not even
19:08in the same universe
19:09as that sleazy past
19:10Lucchese made at Corky.
19:12And if you don't see
19:12the difference,
19:13then I'll prove it
19:14in court.
19:19Whoa.
19:19I've never had
19:20a polygraph
19:21like this before.
19:22And I did Paula Jones
19:23and Clarence Thomas.
19:32Hey, Yutz,
19:33which way
19:34to Murphy's office?
19:36Never mind,
19:37tough guy.
19:38What are you
19:43staring at?
19:44Do I amuse you?
19:46Am I a clown
19:47here for your amusement?
19:49Who needs a juggler,
19:50perhaps?
19:51Or possibly
19:51a comical dancing opera
19:53back?
19:54Hey, McKenzie,
19:55what did you
19:56slither down here for?
19:57To sue me
19:58for your receding hairline?
20:01Murphy.
20:02Hey,
20:03pencil neck,
20:04curtains closed,
20:05shows over,
20:06nose back
20:06to the grindstone.
20:12So,
20:13I hear you
20:14pulled the peduncio
20:15on the polygraph.
20:17You've got
20:1830 seconds
20:18to state
20:19why you're here,
20:20otherwise leash laws
20:21will be enforced.
20:22Leash laws,
20:23leash laws.
20:24Oh,
20:24now you want
20:25to tie me up.
20:26Well,
20:26this sexual harassment
20:27never ends.
20:29I'll tell you what.
20:33I'm in a generous mood today.
20:35I'll consider dropping
20:36my lawsuit
20:37if you can get Corky
20:38to forget the little
20:39misunderstanding
20:39that took place
20:40between us.
20:42Murphy?
20:43What's he doing here?
20:45Corky,
20:46we were just
20:46talking about you.
20:47You look lovely today.
20:50Lest there be
20:50any confusion,
20:51I meant that
20:52in the most
20:52benign way possible.
20:55Truth is,
20:55you look a little pasty.
20:58Tony was just
20:59saying that he would
21:00drop the charges
21:01against me
21:02if I could
21:02persuade you
21:03to not file
21:05a complaint
21:05against him.
21:06Oh.
21:07Well,
21:08too bad.
21:08I already filed one.
21:09You did?
21:10Yes,
21:10Murphy.
21:11I thought about
21:11what you said
21:12and decided
21:13it was the right
21:13thing to do.
21:14And besides,
21:15after the way
21:16you went up there
21:16for me
21:17and all the trouble
21:17you've gotten into.
21:19Hey.
21:20You're my friend.
21:21Oh,
21:21Murphy.
21:23I know.
21:24And that's why
21:24I wanted to do
21:25whatever I could
21:26to help you.
21:26Oh,
21:27boo-hoo-hoo
21:28and me without
21:28my hanky.
21:33Revised plan.
21:35She has a claim
21:35against me,
21:36I have a claim
21:37against you.
21:38What do you say
21:39everybody drops
21:40everything
21:41and we all
21:41walk away happy?
21:44Don't do it,
21:44Quarky.
21:45Don't give in to him.
21:45Did I mention
21:46that we've been
21:47thinking about
21:48making some changes
21:48on the evening news?
21:50I mean,
21:50Dan,
21:51Connie,
21:52two brunettes.
21:53Something's missing.
21:54Something...
21:55Blonde.
21:58Evening news?
22:00I would love
22:01to be on the evening news.
22:03I'd also love
22:04to be queen of England
22:05but not if it means
22:05dropping a suit.
22:08All right.
22:09I understand.
22:11I guess that leaves
22:12us with just
22:13one option.
22:16Please!
22:19You have to reconsider
22:21if not for my sake
22:22but for my family.
22:24Was what I did
22:25so bad?
22:26Okay, sure.
22:27It was bad
22:28but bad enough
22:29to ruin my career over.
22:30Okay, I'll tell you
22:33what.
22:34Why don't you slap me?
22:35Slap me silly.
22:37Go ahead.
22:37I want you to.
22:38Right here.
22:39I don't want to slap you.
22:41I'll slap you.
22:41Perfect.
22:44You gotta believe me.
22:46This is the one
22:47and only time
22:48I've ever done this.
22:49One time.
22:50One lousy time.
22:52Really?
22:53When I talked
22:54with the personnel,
22:54they said it was
22:55the fifth complaint
22:56they'd received
22:56about you.
22:58Five times!
22:59Five lousy times!
23:01Five times!
23:02I will regret
23:03until the day I die.
23:04Come on.
23:05Have some pity.
23:06My 11-year-old son
23:07has an astigmatism
23:08in his right eye.
23:12Astigmatism?
23:12Isn't that treatable?
23:13Yes, but the glasses
23:14are very thick
23:15and he gets a lot of teasing.
23:16I'm not going to give you
23:18the chance to do this
23:19to anybody else.
23:20Now get out.
23:25My brother
23:26sells appliances.
23:27Anything you want
23:28in the store,
23:2910%.
23:29No, 15% of them.
23:31Get out of here.
23:32You like shoes?
23:40Hey there.
23:42Well, I guess
23:43you got what you wanted.
23:44They kicked me out of here.
23:46Of course,
23:46my new job
23:47at E&R Records
23:48practically doubles
23:50my salary.
23:51Not to mention
23:51the free concert tickets
23:52and the hot new secretary.
23:54I'm happy for you,
23:55Tony.
23:56I really am.
23:57Things got a little
23:57out of hand between us
23:59and I'd like to start over.
24:00Yeah?
24:01Yeah.
24:02And now that you're
24:03no longer working here,
24:04I guess anything
24:04that happens between us
24:05wouldn't really be
24:06considered sexual harassment.
24:08Oh, yeah?
24:10What have you got in mind?
24:14Ow!
24:15Ow!
24:16Ow!
24:17Ow!
24:18Well, hey,
24:19I kind of like that.
24:20Ow!
24:24Ow!
24:25Ow!
24:26Ow!
24:27Ow!
24:28Ow!
24:28Ow!
24:29Ow!
24:29Ow!
24:30Ow!
24:30Ow!
24:31Ow!
24:31Ow!
24:32Ow!
24:32Ow!
24:33Ow!
24:34Ow!
24:34Ow!
24:35Ow!
24:35Ow!
24:36Ow!
24:36Ow!
24:37Ow!
24:37Ow!
24:38Ow!
24:38Ow!
24:39Ow!
24:39Ow!
24:40Ow!
24:41Ow!
24:41Ow!
24:42Ow!
24:42Ow!
24:43Ow!
24:43Ow!
24:44Ow!
24:44Ow!
24:45Ow!
24:45Ow!
24:46Ow!
24:47Ow!
24:48Ow!
24:49Ow!
24:50Ow!
24:51Ow!
24:52Ow!
24:53Ow!