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AmusantTranscription
00:00Thank you, good evening, wow, I'm not an ecologist but I think we could turn off a light at both of them here, right?
00:10No, I'm not eco-friendly, I'm not eco-friendly, I'm not very sensitive, not sensitive to global warming, I'm not, I don't like skiing already, so let's do skiing, up, down, up, down, I don't need to do a sport that reminds me that I'm bipolar.
00:28So, uh, no, and then I think that the eco-friendly side is something that can't be ordered, you either have it or you don't, it's like faith or AIDS.
00:45Anyway, I find that this job is becoming more and more difficult precisely when you don't have a cause like that, I have the impression that all the comedians who go on stage now have a cause, an identity to defend, something, and I have nothing, I don't have, I don't have anything specific.
00:58I don't have, I'm not eco-friendly, I'm not vegan, I'm not gay, I'm not trans, I'm not polyamorous, I'm not black, I'm not obese, I'm not, I'm not even Jewish, I'm nothing in fact, I have the impression, I'm a white, heterosexual woman, 41 years old, anxiolytic user, uh, it's not an identity, it's a coffin, do we agree?
01:28Not even all the time in fact, because you're not a woman all the time when you're a woman, you're not a woman all the time, it's true, me in the morning when I get up I'm not a woman, well we don't know each other but I assure you that in the morning when I get up I'm not a woman, I'm much closer to an Annie Gérardot, something like that, I'm not a woman in the morning.
01:47We are not a woman all the time when we are a woman, it is important to say that, on the other hand we know when we become a woman, yes, I know that I became a woman the day I slept with a married man, that is when I became a woman.
02:00No, because we tend to say that we become a woman when we have our period, not me at all, not at all, the day I had my period I especially realized that I was completely depressed, because I was told yes you'll see, we are sad during our periods and a little before, for me it doesn't change anything at all, so I think that...
02:17There's a problem, I'm even more gay during my period, so I really think there's a problem with my internal chemistry.
02:23But on the other hand, the day you get cheated on with a hand, with a wedding ring on it, then something happens, then the novel can really begin, then it's hello Anna Karenina, hello Emma Bovary, I finally have the certainty that my life is going to end badly, I am a woman, it's there, it's at that moment, it's the image of the guy's hand with the wedding ring on it,
02:43between your thighs, which makes you become a woman brutally, that's it, that's the reality.
02:49Moreover, it should be noted that it is not the finger that is ringed, which must, of course, I think that is why we put the wedding ring on the fourth finger,
02:57yes of course, because it's the only finger that has no chance of ending up in a pussy, that finger, because you don't do anything with that finger alone, you don't do anything,
03:05it's the unemployed finger, on your own you don't do anything with that finger, even swiping on a touch screen, you don't take that finger,
03:12unless you're a cabinetmaker and that's all there is left, then yes, because you don't have a choice, but otherwise, that's it, I think that's why,
03:21we put the wedding ring on the fourth finger, because on this finger, there is no risk of the wedding ring being soiled by mistress's wetness.
03:30So yes, I am a woman, I am a woman, but sometimes I say to myself, it's good, you're a woman, that's an identity,
03:40you just have to talk about that, about being a woman, women, women, women, and at the same time I say to myself, after a while,
03:48Don't feminist speeches get a bit annoying?
03:53It's true, because I am a feminist, I am deeply feminist, I will tell you how much I am a feminist,
03:58that for a very long time I had a portrait of Simone de Beauvoir on my bedside table,
04:02I took it off not long ago because I thought it scared men,
04:05that it was not right to do that, apparently it was not that, but I am deeply feminist,
04:13I'm a feminist, but it's true that last year, all the debates, I was a little bothered,
04:17because there was too much noise, we couldn't think anymore, too much noise, a while ago I stopped listening to everything,
04:21because, already I didn't read them, the tweets, balance your pig, because it excited me too much,
04:28Afterwards I couldn't work, there were still some who were...
04:33Friday evening, I hang around at work, not finishing my files, alone in the open space,
04:38my N plus 1 comes behind my back, whispers in my ear,
04:41you before the accounting balance sheet at the end of the second semester, I'll knock you over on the photocopier,
04:44Suddenly, there are two hands on my breasts, they pinch my heads...
04:47Oh, let's stop teasing people, it's true, there are people to whom nothing happens, I remind you anyway.
04:55But it was complicated, everyone was talking about nothing else, and we still had judgments,
04:59The story of consent is complex, we thought we could solve the whole problem with a formula,
05:05when it's no, it's no, but once you've said when it's no, it's no, you haven't said anything,
05:09because in reality, very often, when it's yes, it's also no.
05:13Well, I mean, if I had refused to sleep with someone every time I didn't want to,
05:20I would never have stayed with a guy for more than three months.
05:23We know that we women, once we are in a relationship with someone,
05:27Very often, we go down without wanting to.
05:30So, it wasn't a problem before, because before, there was an exchange, of course,
05:33before, you know, you fucked as often as the guy wanted,
05:37but in exchange, you had material security, there was comfort, there was something,
05:40I mean, in the middle of winter, he would go out and chop wood,
05:43he killed a deer to feed you and make clothes for you,
05:47and he came home, you sucked his cock, even if it smelled a little like beaver,
05:50but there was a win-win, there was something happening.
05:53But now, today, now that we are equal, there is no longer this exchange,
05:57there is no longer this exchange,
05:58you should sleep with him as often as he wants, like that,
06:04then after, listen to his problems,
06:06and then go to work.
06:10No, there is a feeling of unease, obviously there is a feeling of unease.
06:12I mean, there is something fundamentally good and pure
06:15in giving yourself completely like that to someone when you don't want to.
06:21But I mean, only saints or Mother Teresa do it without compensation.
06:25And the saints, well, the saints, they're not into sex, as if by chance.
06:28And Mother Teresa, she died.
06:31So what I propose is,
06:32What I propose is that, in order to restore balance and peace between men and women,
06:37is that, in the couple, the man pays a salary to the woman
06:42for all the sex we have without wanting to.
06:46That would be nice.
06:47I would do it even with strangers in need.
06:52If I was paid to do it, of course.
06:54Well, I don't want to steal anyone's job, that's not what I mean.
06:57But of course.
06:59That's why all these problems are complex.
07:02Maybe we can't...
07:04I feel sorry for men.
07:07I think it was a complicated year for men.
07:09And it has to be said a little bit.
07:11It can't be easy being a man.
07:12I sincerely think so.
07:14I wouldn't have wanted to be a man.
07:16Because still, when you think about it,
07:17the first challenge that faces man in his life as a man,
07:22It's still necessary to have an erection.
07:23His status as a virile man depends on a physical process
07:29that he cannot control by will.
07:32It's still a monstrous servitude when you think about it.
07:35Because we, at worst, the day we are not in it,
07:38a little drool and we remain feminine.
07:39Do we agree?
07:41The man, the man, must have an erection.
07:44And it's monstrous.
07:45But that's the origin of virility.
07:47You gotta rule your own dick.
07:49But what a monstrous challenge!
07:51You surprise me that once they got there,
07:52They think they have to rule the rest of the world.
07:54Guys, that must make you megalomaniacs, obviously.
07:56But what hell it must be.
07:58But this dick is a prison.
07:59It's a prison.
08:01The paranoia that must create having to get an erection.
08:04But I don't even dare to imagine.
08:05But I would bear it.
08:06I would commit suicide.
08:07I would kill myself, honestly.
08:08Unjustified paranoia, in fact, objectively.
08:12I want to reassure the men who will not be there tonight.
08:15That's not true.
08:16No woman is going to humiliate a guy who doesn't get hard in bed.
08:19We don't do that.
08:20The guy who says, excuse me, honey, I'm limp, sorry.
08:23Well, figure it out, get a shoehorn,
08:25but put it in me.
08:25No, that won't happen.
08:27It won't happen to you.
08:28Really.
08:29You can rest assured about that.
08:30It won't happen to you.
08:31But still.
08:33I think that from this point of view,
08:35It's still much simpler to be a woman.
08:37Especially since it's not even over once you get hard.
08:40Because virility requires erection followed by penetration.
08:45That's all the journey requires.
08:47No, but that's it.
08:48This is why, moreover, in a context of seduction,
08:51Men are in this urgency to conclude in bed.
08:53This is where it has to end.
08:54Because that's where the manly miracle really happens.
08:57While we, women in seduction,
09:00we don't need to go as far as fucking technically
09:03to be narcissistically reassured as women.
09:06We don't.
09:06We, in seduction,
09:08we just need to go that far
09:10where we feel in the guy's eyes
09:12that one could break his life.
09:15That's it.
09:16We feel like we could turn into a wimp.
09:18That's what we want to see.
09:19We want to see that sparkle in the fading eye.
09:21We want to see that.
09:22We want to see that we could shit in his heart every morning
09:25without him rebelling.
09:27That's what we want to see.
09:28But we don't need to fuck.
09:28We are not savages.
09:30You see what I mean?
09:31Of course.
09:33And it's complicated.
09:39I don't know it's complicated.
09:41And it's all the more complicated
09:42that it is not even to ensure the most laughing part of sex
09:46that all men have to do.
09:48Because we know that in sex,
09:50the most fun thing,
09:52It's about getting penetrated.
09:54It's not about penetrating.
09:56Even the straight men in the room know this.
10:00I know you don't talk about it much among yourselves.
10:03But we know.
10:06We know how it goes.
10:07We know that at the beginning of a relationship,
10:08one evening when we are a little bold
10:10and that we are approaching dangerously
10:12the little finger of your butt like that
10:14and what you do
10:14"Well no, are you sick or what?"
10:16What are you doing ? "
10:17And a few weeks later, it's
10:19"Okay, fine, but just a little bit."
10:21And that a year later, it's you who asks
10:24"Hey, you can redo the..."
10:26THANKS.
10:29THANKS.
10:30THANKS.
10:31THANKS.
10:32THANKS.
10:33THANKS.
10:34THANKS.
10:35THANKS.
10:36THANKS.
10:37THANKS.
10:38THANKS.
10:39THANKS.
10:40THANKS.